Thursday, May 28, 2015

WWE SD 5-28-15

Generic SD intro starts things off. Dean talks about trying to get out of his cell and being saved by WWE's Youtube channel. A Bieber joke was met with polite applause and since he's had so much experience with the cops, he got a police escort back to the arena. Great go-home promo here. Lucha Dragons vs. CK in a tag team lumberjack match. Not much before a break beyond New Day being heelish. SDS wins thanks to Kidd being distracted. Kane and Seth said words. R-TRUTH BEATS KING BARRETT. Can WWE please stop giving him on-paper pushes? Every time they do, they kill him dead. Sheamus kicks them and that's that.

Some chick preps Lana for an interview with Renee. Pink lipstick is a fantastic look for Lana. Rusev told her to rot. Rusev-Ryback, in red and white. Of Ryback's newer bad looks, this was the least-bad. Rusev gets backdropped to the floor and seems to hurt his leg off that. Ryback gets posted twice and that's a DQ - so it's apparently 1987 in the AWA. Paige (not Knight now) vs. Naomi (not Knight now) is up. Rampaige wins after a few minutes of action.

Owens cuts a promo on Cena with Cole and says that THE REAL CHAMP IS HERE. Dean and Roman face Seth and Kane. J and J cause a DQ after everyone hits their moves and the heels leave Dean laying. Twas a show.

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Monday, May 25, 2015

WWE Raw 5-25-15

The show starts off with an overly-produced "everyone says a different sentence" Memorial Day video. Eden introduced a 10 bell salute for the fallen - that was nice. Despite Cole saying during the "five minutes before Raw" bit on USA that Dean would start the show off, The Authority did. Seth asked for a tribute for Dean Ambro...? Can they either get to the point or just air that tribute video again? Seth exposited for a long time about things. Love Dean dancing along to the "Ambrose" chants. Everything about this can fuck off. Well, actually HHH's midnight blue suit is a good look for him. Ambrose got the Bieber deal going again. HHH's beard is greying. Dean was called a cockroach by Seth, and responded by saying he'd rather be a cockroach than the wrong end of the Authority's human there a right end to that? Roman comes down to help his little buddy Dean. WOOHOO - KANE IN THE MAIN EVENT! Pyro boom period incoming! Or it's right now.

 JBL honest to God just compared Roman to Barry Horrowitz. Guys did moves and Cole talked about this being the last WWE event in the Nassau Coliseum. Booker T is the one human being on Earth who just called WM 2 one of his favorite WMs. Well, I guess Bundy would say that as well. Seth locked on a chinlock. This is riveting. RAINMAKER by Dean! Superman punch after a blind tag sets up the diving elbow block for 2 from Dean. Dean beat Seth with a backslide - so he's losing. Poor guy. Renee meets with Her Guest at This Time Dean, who isn't given the contract, and beats up J and J for screwing with him. Dean knocks them into the camera guy and either the guy or Dean swears and Dean is visibly surprised by all this.  Awesome Owens hype vid.

Rusev came out in Bulgarian colors with a Bulgarian tron and is back to being "The Bulgarian Brute". Well, this came out of nowhere. Backstage, a limo came in with the Entourage guys having the show's theme play. Rusev's going to face (and seemingly destroy) Truth here. WOW! Rusev was so stunned by Truth's forearm that he fell before it hit him. Truth gets destroyed. Great guy to have in the chamber - far better than THE GUY WHO FLIES AROUND A TON AND DOES COOL THINGS in Neville. Rusev asks Lana come to down - he even says please.

This gets an ad break, and Rusev says words in some other language. "This man is speaking with his heart right now." He is literally speaking at least one other language, how would Booker T know this? "I came, now I'm waiting" Poor Rusev. Rusev said he forgives her for mishearing him say he quit and NOW IS NOT DA TIME FOR USA. Rusev is back to hating America and I think liking Russia again. After several more minutes of dramedy, they hugged. He wants her to say three magical words - I was wrong! HA! LANA WHERE YOU GOING!? RUSEV NEVER QUIT! She calls him a liar and quitter who can't even take responsibility for his own actions. Dolph saved her and Rusev cried. Dean met with HHH and Seth about the contract signing. Camera guy "presses charges" on Dean while Cop 2 literally reads him his rights off a script. I think actual cops would've done a better job acting than that. Goofy epic-in-theory video on the chamber.

Dean gets taken away and the goons (and the champ) fist bump. King Jobber faces...I'm gonna guess Ryback given tonight's pairings. Yup. Ryback gets the win with Shellshock after Barrett hits his few signature moves. Poor Barrett - every on-paper push he gets buries him deeper. HHH talks to someone about Dean going to central booking, so there's NO WAY HE CAN GET BACK BY THE END OF THE SHOW. Steph pals around with the stars of Entourage, because of course she does. These men are professional actors, right? Yikes are they bad here.


Emocore Tough Enough hype vid airs to plug the TE app. The star of Arrow was gobsmacked by Stardust. IT'S THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSATIONNEVILLE! THE ALTITUDE ERA HAS BEGUN! Neville could be like a huge star with the chamber, but instead, he'll face Bo on the show. NO ONE ON ANY PLANET IN ANY GALAXY THAT HAS EVER EXISTED CARES ABOUT STARDUST FEUDING WITH THE STAR OF ARROW! Neville beats Stardust. Bo attacks the knee, so if Neville wins, it will be a come from behind win against BO FUCKING DALLAS. The di-vas. Said words. With the. Entourage cast. Lana and Dolph are in theory saying words, but we can't hear them over Cole saying that he faces Sheamus again tonight.

BREAKING WWE NETWORK NEWS - season 3 of Total Divas is on the Network! Sheamus and Dolph have ever match they've ever had. I could really go for an Owens-Ryder squash now. Tilt a whirl on the floor! Okay, that's a bit new. Lana's out, then Rusev comes out and Sheamus kicks Dolph's head off with the kick. Riveting. Accolade while Dolph stares at Lana on the floor. Blah. YAY CENA'S NEXT!

Owens-Cena recap. Cena cuts a promo about hustle, loyalty, and respect and gets a "we want Lana" chant. He talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. The Entourage cast came out. Can Owens please kill these fuckers?! THE CAST OF ENTOURAGE INTRODUCED ZACK RYDER. C'mon Owens, destroy Ryder! Oh glory be to Jesus, they're going to be on commentary.

 Love them using #entouragemovie as the hashtag for this. And they're not on commentary - they're just in four chairs at ringside doing nothing. An Entourage guy comes into the ring and this isn't a DQ, instead, Zack gets 2 off a schoolboy. Broski Boot gets 2, ditto the Rough Ryder. Ryder dives off the top into a walking AA and loses. This was a thing. Owens jumps Cena in his new Fight Cena Fight shirt and black, silver, and white FIGHT shorts. More bad acting with the Authority backstage talking about Dean.

 Bellas are out for commentary on Paige-Tamina. AWESOME hype video for The New Day's tag title match in the chamber. Ryback faces Rusev for some reason on SD. Nikki defends against Paige and Naomi on EC. Brie thanked Steph for the therapy for her husband. Paige gets a shitty lariat after a shitty kneeling superkick, but holds onto her after the lariat to keep it going. Naomi distracts and Tamina hits a Samoan drop for a win to no reaction.

Recap of Rock outside a theater being immortalized. They're tired of being held back by being positive and bury the building they're in for being torn down - so Kane comes down. Kane made the New Day face every team they're facing on the PPV face them tonight in a 10-on-3 match. They're heels right? LOL at a DQ due to interference in a TEN ON THREE MATCH! Dragons dive on the pile, and the champs celebrate, but get beaten up by CK. Bryan doc gets a preview on the Network, and we get a preview of the preview. Boy is it amazing how poorly they've used him. They could've made a fucking mint with this guy if they hadn't buried him for the overwhelming majority of his run.

Miz TV returns with Daniel Bryan. Cell phone footage airs of Seth pushing the camera guy into Dean, and then JBL and Cole argue forever while the Authority comes out and Seth's promo is drowned out by more arguing. Steph rambles on about how great WWE is. So since Raw officially ends at 11, isn't it too late for him to come out? THE BIG DAWG comes out. Oh my God, they cannot actually be either making this a three-way or having him replace Dean. Roman gets beaten down and Dean drives into the building in his paddy wagon. Dean really is something else.

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Thursday, May 21, 2015

WWE SD 5-21-15

BIG DAWG comes out and talks. Dean says words. Kane says words. Roman tells him he beat him last week, and Dean faces Bray later. Lucha Dragons vs. CK vs. Matadores vs. Ascension - Dragons have new sleeveless shirts on. Great bit with an Ascension guy doing a tiger bomb and Xavier on commentary saying TI-GER like SF 2. Pop-up rana gets the win for Kalisto here. Dolph/Lana recap leads to Dolph talking to Renee and Lana saying she'll be watching. Dolph tells her that he knows her game - and he's fine with it. King Jobber lost to Dolph via the Zig Zag in every match they've ever had.
 Paige and Naomi exchange words, but before Paige can Rampaige Naomi, Nikki forearms her face in. Rack Attack. So basically, every woman is impossible to like on some level in WWE. Bray talked. Truth beat Stardust again. Hilarious promo with Ryback saying he has some great vegan recipes - THE BIG GUY'S QUITE THE COOK! Cena-Owens recap. Meta Powers are out Axel beats Slater with the usual Hogan comeback. Boy is he too skinny for this gimmick. Bo talks to Renee. Dean and Bray had a fun strike-heavy match before Seth came out, Roman prevented anything, and thanks to him Superman Punching Bray, Dean won with Dirty Deeds. Pretty nothing show, honestly.

WWE NXT 5-20-15 - Takeover - Unstoppable

I went on an NXT marathon today after work, and boy was that a bunch of uninspired TV. I dug Balor's stuff, but the work towards Itami-Breeze-Balor didn't really do much for me. Great stuff with the women though. Balor-Breeze was an okay little TV match. It was really just a showcase for more Balor intro stuff with a cape. Emma and Dana vs. Charlotte and Bayley was nothing special. Rhyno-Corbin was boring, and Corbin won. Glad to see Alexa turn heel with Blake and Murphy - they teased this before and paid it off here. 
 Sasha vs. Becky - Becky has a whole new entrance setup with smoke and a kick-ass tron. This is yet another top-level match. Love Byron being so offended over Sasha thinking she's better than Moolah - Sasha just being anything resembling a draw puts her above Moolah. Great straightjacket choke facemash. Nice arm work too with the apron armbreaker and then a sick armbar. Becky pulling off a Backlund lift was pretty cool too. Super divorce court led to the crossface and a win - this was excellent.

Owens going from a guy wearing Cena-influenced merch to WEARING CENA MERCH TO BUILD HIS CENA MATCH is something else. Super-fun intense match here. Zayn and Owens exchanged offense and they were intense. Nice mini-crowd brawl at one point and I loved Owens getting the pop-op powerbomb on the apron. Loved Regal trying to separate Owens from Zayn with a fishhook and eating a headbutt - I guess he's cleared to do stuff again after neck surgery. SAMOA JOE MAKING HIS WWE DEBUT ruled. His theme sucks, but they got the intro right - they can just fix up the actual theme later. He gets to keep Samoa Joe for a bit, but with Socal on his shirt, Socal Joe works well too. It looks like Joe-Owens is the next Takeover main event - awesome.

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Monday, May 18, 2015

WWE Raw 5-18-15

Payback was a thing, and TONIGHT MIGHT HAVE CENA VS. FINN BALOR! Generic Raw intro starts things off. Steph and HHH come out and Cole says this is their first time on Raw since WM. It sure doesn't feel like it. Cole called last night's main event A CLASSIC. Mid-ring, there's a stand with a velvet cover and what appears to be a belt with its own cover. HHH puts over Seth's win as a big deal last night. Well, it wasn't anywhere near say...Orton-Foley, but it sure...did give Seth a win. Steph says they'll present Seth Rollins: Architect of a Dream tonight. Steph says that Seth's foes will be able to bask in Seth's greatness and go to the BACK OF THA LINE! They give the IC title a mild drumroll and...boy did that not get a reaction.

Steph gets a yes chant and says that yes, he gave up the title - and he'd be seeing her now if he owned a TV instead of chopping wood or picking berries. Then she buries Bryan for his body not holding up. Thank God Steph is married to such a durable guy who would never miss a year for an injury. Chamber video with Cole doing a hype video for HHH inside the Chamber and how great HHH is in the Chamber. So after VACATING THE TITLE DUE TO INJURY, HHH puts over that now the IC Title will be decided in a match that will shorten careers.

Sheamus interrupts, apologizes for doing so, and gets a "you look stupid" chant. Sheamus puts himself over as the guy who ended Bryan's career on SD. Sheamus says they don't need a chamber, just give him the belt - leading to Ryback, who I guess feels he deserves a shot because he lost. Or he can just call Sheamus stupid and talk over Steph. Well, that bodes well for him. Ryback says Bryan ruined his body to become the IC Champion, which sure makes it seem like a waste of his time, and then he calls out Sheamus for a match tonight. Ryback now hates bullies, and he doesn't like Sheamus. HHH is a big fan of these two big guys grunting and he wants to leave the ring them do their thing.

Ryback pounds his chest and Sheamus leaves. Ryback bonks him into the buckle. Ryback gets whipped ribs-first into the barricade. He dominates more for a break. Outside-in clubbering to Ryback. Ryback counters the kick with a powerbomb. Spinebuster gets 2 for the Big Guy. JESUS FUCK poor Sheamus. Ryback picked him up and just chucked his knee right into the announce table. They fight for a while on the floor and Sheamus slaps the ribs to avoid the Shellshock, and then feigns an eye injury to get the ref to trap Ryback and kick his head off. Ryback loses two straight - so he's clearly being prepped for his IC Title run.

 Steph and HHH are backstage in front of their DVDs talking about strong men and then Kane walks in. He says Seth has grown up - cue Seth running in and partying. Dean walks in and says it only took four guys to help Seth win. Dean then says he wants a match with Seth for the title, and Kane says that Seth can decide his opponent. Dean says Kane used to be a monster and he wonders what Paul and Taker would think about him now being a glorified butler. Dean vs. Bray! I hope Dean loses to a Viewfinder tonight.

Renee is mid-ring and introduces THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSATIONNEVILLE in the most boring way possible. Neville is an ugly man - he really needs a mask. Anyway, after a minute of words, Bo comes out and calls him the Little Engine That Couldn't. Neville points out that he beat Bo to win the NXT Title, BUT Barrett's out too after they mute the audio for some reason. Anyway, they went to break after a few minutes of nothing beyond some amazing exchanges between Bo and Booker. "Oh Mr. T, come on!"

Barrett gets a post-break kneelock before Neville kicks away at him. Barrett hits a nice knee clip and gets 2. Neville goes for the slow-lifting German, but the knee gives out. He slips up top and eats a bull hammer. Boy howdy did this one but Bo, really. Bo went from doing nothing to this, while Barrett only won due to the injury, and Neville lost. Bo repeatedly attacks the knee of Neville to show him what he should do the next time someone tries to attack him. Cena-Rusev recap and we learn that the open challenge continues and Rusev's reaction is next.

NO ONE IN WWE OR ANY OF ITS FANS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD KNOW WHAT RUSEV SAID!? And then Cole says that WWE's translators know what he said. Rusev says there is no Lana and he knows how to say I Quit. Rusev said he beat Cena so badly that he passed out and then Lana quit. Lana comes out and Rusev tells her that he told her to not come out. Her accent is coming and going with every other word here. She says she cares for him and he says she's weak. She reveals that he said he quit in Bulgarian, so the crowd chanted "you quit" at him. Rusev orders her to leave because no one needs her and he just keeps yelling. This was fantastic. Loved him closing this by yelling RUSEV! They ran down the title match and really made it clear you don't need to see the show because it had very few highlights. Woods is banned from ringside for tonight's tag title rematch. Dean's out to face Bray.


Cole exposits about tonight's Dean-Seth story by literally naming every character and their role in this story. Boy is puke green not a flattering shirt color on Bray. Dean got the Pentagon Jr. arm snapper on, but he didn't do anything with it. The senton off the apron is shown. Bray gets the standing bodyblock and kicks the back on the mat. Bray clocks him during the suicide dive and suplexes him to the floor - nice. Bray gets a post-break chinlock. Crossbody during the break. Booker says Bray hasn't hit a gym for some reason. Double down off a double clothesline on the floor and they come in at 8. Mid-ring fisticuffs as the crowd chants for tables. Dean gets a series of punches and then the rope-trap dropkick. Suicide dive right after Booker talks about how Dean will do anything to kick ass...or rather ENTERTAIN THE WWE UNIVERSE!

They counter finishers and Bray counters the rebound lariat with the SHOTGUN LARIAT! This is a super-fun match. They exchange blows and Dean gets the rebound lariat for 2. Dean gets sent down off a superplex, but avoids eating a senton. J and J distract him and they shove him into Sister Abigail for the win. This match ruled! They announce Nikki-Naomi for the title tonight, and not the PPV. Tag title match is next! I got an ad for the Rumble-DC show and that should be something else.

Tough Enough vids. Love Cesaro's new #2swiss jacket. E and Kofi come out and clap and E talks about defending the tag titles against 5 teams and Kofi does E's old "cuz 3 ain't enough" bit. Cole says that two teams will start and the other teams will be locked inside the bods and released at "regularly-scheduled interviews". Delayed vertical to E from Cesaro. Kidd gets an apron rana that E tries to flip for before the break.

After the break, E has Cesaro in an abdominal stretch. Cole shows the finish from last night's match and Kidd gets a springboard elbow. Cole says that five men have been named for the IC Title match. Truth, Barrett, and Rusev are in the match with Sheamus and Ryback. Kidd gets the sharpshooter, but E saves him. New Day kicks too much chest in the corner and get DQed. Lucha Dragons fly in in new black and pink gear before Los Matadores run into the New Day. Ascension and PTPs come down too. Cole says that there are the teams in the chamber. PTPs lay out Woods. This was a cluster, but should make for a fun match. Austin-Heyman podcast is announced for TV.

ROMAN REIGNS RETURNS after an incredible one show absence on SD. Cena's out for the challenge - yay! Cena says they all have their differences, but they're all proud Americans! Cena as US Champ is just about the best thing they've done for a secondary title in 20 years. The WWE Title is THE title, but the US Title is OUR championship! I love this. IT'S KEVIN OWENS! He gets no reaction. In hindsight, airing an Owens highlight reel under the guise of doing it for the NXT special wouldn't have been the worst idea. Kevin Steen is on Raw as a champion to battle John Cena in a champion vs. champion match. So great.

Kevin says he hurt Sami before Cena could, and on Wednesday, he'll finish what he started. Owens tells Cena he can't give him advice because he's been around longer than him. Kevin says he's a prize fight - but he has one. HA! Kevin just used the challenge to talk shit - I love this. POP UP POWERBOMB TO CENA! Owens grabs the US Title belt, stomps on it, and says YOU CAN'T SEE ME. THIS RULED! If they do this on NXT or better yet, on the EC show, they've made him. IC Title Chamber guys are shown with a mystery man and Dolph comes out.

He's facing Stardust, and Cole comes back with "Hi guys - 1-2-3 WELCOME TO RAW!" and gets buried for it. Dolph squashes Stardust. YAYFUCKOFFSTARDUST! Dolph does a faux-freak bit due to the scar. Cole says the mystery man will be DOLPH ZIGGLER. Well by golly, what a shocker! Lana comes down, and of course, Rusev is in the IC Title chamber match too. This is hurt by them announcing that Rusev is already in the IC Title Chamber match before doing this. She gives Dolph a big kiss, so now Rusev can be jealous and make Dolph tap to the Accolade at the PPV. The crowd wants one more kiss and gets it. So she's now a face - or luring Dolph into a trap. Rusev comes down and LANA SLAPS HIM! Dolph zig zags him before he can hurt Lana! Not sure if Lana and Dolph are a good combo yet, but hey, they're trying something new - better give it some time to simmer and see what they do. Kane tells goobers to make the carpet sparkling and he's disgusted by Rose and Rosa making out.

Harper and Rowan are mid-ring to face Ryder and Fandango. Guess who wins this. Crowd is comatose. Harper gets the loosest Bossman slam ever and they KO Ryder with a chokeslam. Bellas are backstage and Steph talks to them and apologizes to Brie about Bryan. Steph has her go into counseling for her husband's health, but not for her alcohol addiction that is emblazoned across her chest.

Divas tag match from last night gets recapped. Nikki is of course, all smiles after her sister was wronged. They spend a long time either doing bad lockups or avoiding doing moves. This is like the play wrestling I did when I was 10. Nikki sends her to the floor and hits a suicide dive on both. Post-break chinlock by Naomi. Tamina superkicks Nikki to prevent the Rack Attack. Hell of a maine vent here. YAY PAIGE RETURNS! She lets Nikki get the belt and then hits her with Rampaige to a chorus of cheers! Cena-Owens recap! HHH makes Owens-Cena for...some show. Owens says that at Elimination Chamber, he'll fight Cena for the U.S. Title - nice! Love Steen fighting Cena - maybe he can wear a new Cena parody shirt in that match.

They plug the Entourage movie cast on Raw next week.That carpet isn't sparkling  - Mr. Kane isn't going to be pleased. Kane is clapping and not amused. Told you he was pissed about the carpet. Seth and the goons come down. HHH puts Seth over as an NXT Champion and now he's the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. HHH tells him that Seth reminds him of himself - and he loved the Pedigree. HHH demands more words from everyone. I like how much more fun this is thanks to Kane demanding sparkling carpets. Kane says they don't see eye to eye because he's over a foot taller than him. Kane shows a video for him. They recap the Shield's path of destruction and Seth ending it. The cinder block stuff is shown without the curb stomps. TREMENDOUS video for Seth.

Love Noble saying he's from the civilized West Virginia and then Joey gets choked up before DEAN COMES BACK! Dean wants his title shot. Steph tells Seth to get Dean, who gets jumped by the goons. Suplex to Seth on the floor. Seth takes a crazy bump over the announce table into the barricade and a camera guy. Dean pins Seth's head against cinder blocks...which are there for some reason. Steph says he'll get his match if he lets him go. Goons jump him and then he jumps on the pile. Hey, I'm all for Dean getting a main event push - even a surface-level one is better than being on the mid-card treadmill. Seth pedigrees him, so if Dean kicks out of that, it should get a big pop.

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Sunday, May 17, 2015

WWE Payback 2015

I honest to God forgot this show was tonight. I didn't even realize it was on until I got home from sales training (and passing my test - woohoo!) and I saw the Observer daily update on it. I was going to watch the Simpsons season finale with Harry Shearer's last episode (not counting holdovers), but that can wait  - BY GOLLY, IT'S MACHO MANDOW TIME. And boy does he have the worst Savage impression ever, in every way. During the pre-show, they talk about the Kane stip. Oh yeah - if Seth loses, Kane's out of a job - so he's not losing the belt tonight. Dolph says NOW IT'S PERSONAL. Why - dunno, it just is. Great Rusev-Cena hype vid. BI Bro comic plug from Booker. Bryan Raw recap. Bellas talk to Eden and Brie has improved to the point of almost being able to emote about her husband. TE vids. Truth is out for the kickoff. Why, I have no idea.

OH FUCK, it's Stardust vs. Truth part 2000. Tons and tons and tons of buffering. Things come back and Stardust is...thwacking Truth's back with a glove. Truth hits whatever his jumping flatliner and wins. From what I saw, that was an ice-cold opener. STONE COLD PODCAST WITH HEYMAN on June 1! Nice. Ryback-Bray video. Sheamus is mean to Tom. Sheamus, A FORMER WWE AND WORLD CHAMPION, considers this nothing match one of the biggest of his career. NXT ad. Ascension vs. the Meta Powers is up. Boy that fat guy in the Ascension's gut has gotten even bigger. Axel is now dressing like Hogan during his WWE '02 run - so this is a great way to kill Hogan's drawing power. Axel eats two punches and he's already Hulking Up. Christ. This is like a low-budget indy doing the lowest-budget impression of Hogan and Savage. Mandow jobs to the fall of man. THIS SUCKED. Great fatal 4 way hype vid.

AWESOME hype video to start this off has the 4 way guys against glass. Sheamus's incredible intro presentation are being wasted on an opening match guy. Dropkick sends Sheamus to the floor and Dolph dives on it. I would ask why Dolph has a patch design sewn into his ass, but why bother. JBL goes on and on about Dolph being a great kisser. Sheamus catches the superkick and elbows the knee - I love that move. JBL goes off on Cole for saying Dolph's being bullied. King sides with him as well. King and Cole talk about "backside" and "arse" for a while. JBL rambles on about how a good big man can beat a good little man any day of the week. 12 minutes in and JBL's already killed my interest in this show.


After some leg work, Dolph gets a surprisingly jumping DDT. Dolph gets Sheamus down in the corner and gives himself a wedgie to pay off LAST MONTH'S STIPULATION. Fameasser gets 2. Big headbutt splits Dolph open huge and he gets 2 off a superkick, but eats a Brogue kick for the loss. Dolph got about half a second to soak in a cheer. Kane then said words on the phone before Seth and the goons came in to say more words. I loved Kane chuckling at the goons bowing up to him.

WOOHOO, THE NEW DAY! They talked smack to an Oriole! Cesaro has now added a swank tight jacket and Sub-Zero face mask! The challengers are also now in purple and white gear and it looks great. Nice back and forth between Kofi and Kidd before Cesaro tags in and hits a lariat. BIG E-CESARO! Great bit with Cesaro gutwrenching Big E, then deadlift DVD-ing Kofi and double stomping each. Delayed suplex powerplex gets 2. Swing gets the first fall! Big E sends himself through the ropes, and he catches Kidd and overhead belly to belly suplexes him! X says he's the mastermind while E gets a bearhug on Kidd. BIG SPEAR TO THE FLOOR TO CESARO! Great bit with the crowd chanting "this is awesome" and X says "yes, WE ARE WELL AWARE!"  Big E mistimes the Big Ending/DDT and falls too early, but they win - so it's now 1-1.

UPPERCUTAMANIA'S RUNNIN WILD when Cesaro comes in. Cesaro goes for a delayed butterfly something, but he has to drop him. Big uppercut right after to Kofi gets 2. TILT A WHIRL DEMOLITION DECAPITATION GETS 2! Sharpshooter, and Cesaro sends E over the announce table. Great move where Cesaro balanced Kidd on his back on the apron leading to a pop-up uppercut. Xavier sneaks in and scores the win with a small package. "New Day wins because they all look alike."
Byron asks Ryback generic questions, and he responds with generic answers. Pre-show video package sets up Bray's intro. Ryback's out and Bray nails him with the crossbody pretty quickly. Bray sends him to the floor and hits a senton off the apron. He comes in at 9.5. DAMMIT, that countout tease didn't end this. Shotgun lariat on the floor by Bray. Ryback comes back and gets a superfall splash for 2. Bray avoids Shellshock and shoves Ryback into the exposed buckle to hit Abigail and get the win. This was some kind of not good.

Rusev comes out with Lana in white. Rusev tells Cena to quit now and he'll spare him the pain. Cena eats body shots and kicks, but refuses to quit. Rusev has Lana get the flag so he can parade it around. Fallaway slam - Cena still doesn't quit. Ryback chucks him into the steps, then brings them into the ring. Cena backdrops him and Cole calls this high drama. I beg to differ. Spinning sideslam into the steps for Rusev. AA on the steps...outta nowhere! Rusev avoids Cena tossing the steps, but Cena tosses him into the post. Cena threatens Rusev to quit or he'll put him THROUGH THE WALL. Rusev refuses to quit, so he does it. What a dick. Superkick on the floor leads to Cena saying the most bored "no" ever.

Cena gets put...kinda into a table, but no sells it. Cena whips him with some cable and he goes into hiding behind the re-set table. Cena gets Alabama Slammed through the table! Rusev goes into the pyro area, but eats an AA on the stage, which suddenly blows up. RUSEV REFUSES TO QUIT. Great character babyface here. Cena has an "old school barricade:...that we have in 2015 for some reason. Rusev gets chucked into the steps again, now with the barricade. Cena gets suplexed through the barricade.

Rusev gets the Accolade, but Cena shoves him into the buckle, and gets put in the move again. Cena passes out and Rusev celebrates. Rusev takes the ring connector off the post. Rusev gets a water bottle to revive him. Cena ducks and gets the STF with the rope against the nose. Lana runs in and quits for Rusev. Oh boy was this way too cute for its own good. Kickoff panel says words. Pre-show recap.

New Day is backstage celebrating - they're now the top 5 tag teams ever! They're role models and don't swear...until they found out about the tag title chamber match. Then it's all WHAT THE HELL! Bellas are out. Naomi and Tamina are out. Wait? This is a tag match!? Bellas have new gear that is pretty great - black with red stripes. Nikki eats SHECALLSITTHEREARVIEW for 2. Naomi slams Nikki off the top and...that gets a win. Really? This wasn't good. Swerved ad - this looks awful. Rusev is mad at Lana and kicks her out of the locker room.

ALL HAIL KING PISSBREAK! Neville should really win the IC Title with a 450 off the top of the chamber. Neville gets a schoolboy for 2. Barrett attacks the back with moves. After several more minutes of things happen, Barrett decides to take a walk of sorts and loses via countout. He attacks and puts his goofy stuff on. Well, that put each guy under.  Barrett eats a German, which...I guess makes up for this. Red Arrow hits. Eh. Recap of the Kane-Rollins saga. And also some other guys.

Kane's out first and then the challengers. They fight to the floor and Dean dives on the pile, then Roman does. After some stuff, Kane chucks Roman into the barricade. Seth stomps away at Dean. Kane strips and chokeslams Dean. Roman sliding kicks Kane. Orton blocks the buckle flatliner and hits an exploder for 2. Superplex. Buffering. VINTAGE SHIELD powerbomb to Orton through the announce table. Great bit with Seth going for the fist bump and getting beaten up. Dean and Roman powerbomb Kane on top of Seth. Crowd chants "one more time", they get it, and the table breaks!

Well, that was pretty fun. Dean and Roman say there's not much to do, so let's go buy some beers because it's time for a fight. Powerbomb gets 2. SUPERMAN PUNCH gets 2. SPEAR AFTER THE REBOUND LARIAT, but Seth saves it! Dirty Deeds hits to Seth, but Kane prevents the pin. Kane hits Roman with the steps. Chokeslam on the steps. RKO to the goons. Draping DDT to Seth! PEDIGREE HITS ORTON FOR THE WIN! I enjoyed this match quite a bit - wouldn't rewatch it, but I enjoyed it the first time around.Good buildup for HHH-Seth at Summerslam (hopefully).

Payback Kickoff screens -

Payback screens -