Sunday, September 21, 2014

WWE Night of Champions 2014

Big Show is on the pre-show panel, so I guess we're not getting Show-Wyatt despite it being kinda built up. I liked the IC Title history bit - like with the U.S. Title one done later, it took up next to no time, but made the secondary title matches seem important. It's amazing how little effort and time it takes to make a secondary title match seem important. They also did this for the tag titles, and there's no reason to avoid doing this on TV. BOOKDUST REUNION! Loving the flaming gold paint on Goldust here. Stardust came in and just sucked all the life out of this. Stardust found a way to kill BookDust. FUCK THIS GIMMICK. AN AWESOME HYPE VIDEO FOR PAIGE AIRED. She has dominated every diva. So glad to see them hyped up the secondary title matches now, half an hour before the PPV. I love Paige being disgusted by Nikki's actions, and saying it's not a Total Divas episode, but she'll get a big dose of reality - THE RING IS HER HOME! Why on Earth wasn't any of this video, or the quick title history montages that literally took second on ONE TV SHOW BEFORE THE PPV!? Between them all, you're looking at maybe 5 total minutes of airtime used up. Loved AJ's line about Nikki barking, and her biting.

Roman Reigns surgery recap, complete with Tweets! Tom Phillips did a $9.99 soundboard plug with Riley. Riley talked about having a hernia, and Roman's being much worse with small intestine tissue poking through. Show calls Roman a Raw Dog, which I like as a moniker for him. Brock-Cena hype. Christian, who is nearing retirement due to injuries, was called a young man by both Cole and King. Commentary table now has the WWE Network on it. Christian looks better here than he did on one of the NXT panels, where he just looked old. Jericho might be more pale than Sheamus right now. Jericho and Christian did wacky comedy about their short-lived tag team name for TWELVE YEARS AGO. They debated about the team name, FROM 12 YEARS AGO. Christ, a promo about their short-lived tag team from 12 years ago. Vitamin C vs. The Sexy Beasts. Jericho-Orton recap. "Sorry Chris, IT'S THE SEASON PREMIERE!" What a ridiculous thing to start a feud with on every level. They've talked about a punt from years ago - SHOW THAT. Now Orton's here to add life, and he's referencing Terrance and Phillip. He said that Christian is out of action due to what he did, and that's why he can't compete, because of what he did. Jericho redid his bad snake puns from SD word for word. This was so so so bad. Show's up, so they aired the same Cena-Brock video twice.

PPV got going at 8:01 after a lot of Main Event and Raw stuff. The opening hype video showed the creation of the WWE Title in various forms, with clips showing historic champions. It's so very odd that on THE NIGHT OF THE SHOW, that aspect of things matters. Marked out for all the championship porn here. Usos have black as their main color, with white, yellow, and purple thrown about. It's a bit odd, but looks good together. An Uso hit a sliding D after a slam to Stardust. JBL and Cole debated over the World and WWE Tag Team titles, and Goldust POWERSLAMMED AN USO ON THE FLOOR! Cole and JBL joked about Tweets coming back to haunt people. Good back and forth between the Uso and Goldust here. Hot tag to the other Uso brings in Stardust for goofy offense. Knee work to Stardust leads to a dive to Goldust from the other one at the same time. Landing looked rough for Jimmy on the dive - hit his head right on the barricade. SAMOAN SUPERKICK PARTY. Dark Matter gets 2.9! Stardust tied him up and SLAPPED HIM WITH HIS GLOVE! Distraction schoolboy got a 2. Goldust's flip off the apron was topped with an Uso dive. Knees up for the dive gets a schoolboy win for the second time this week. It's a real shame these belts aren't gold - copper's going to look weird with them, and the gold version graphic used for the titles looked good. This was a pretty good match, but wouldn't have been an amazing TV match or anything. Goldust is so so so so so happy for Cody here.

Byron plugged Mountain Dew, before the Zigglers came in with Mountain Dew. SHIZOW IZOFF. Hey, Truth gets a payday - good for him. US Title is up - they're redoing the title history stuff before the matches, which is good. WHY THEY DIDN'T DO THAT WITH A BILLION HOURS OF TV, I HAVE NO IDEA. "Just as a reminder to those watching on PPV, YOU'RE PAYING $55!" What a strange thing to point out. HEY, IF YOU'RE NOT PAYING $10 FOR THIS, YOU'RE A MORON. FUCK YOU FOR SPENDING $55 INSTEAD OF $10. King actually called wrestling moves for a change. Cole recited WWE Facts™. Cesaro's got new different materialed black gear from the base and the beltline portion, with white CESARO text. JBL said they were blocking everything with their faces, and name-dropped Finlay for being stiff. Sheamus got the outside-in shoulderblock, but ate an uppercut going for the one off the top while standing on the buckle. King said that Cesaro doesn't look like a Superman, but he is. What an odd way to say that a guy is deceptively strong. Chinlock from Cesaro. Big clothesline from Cesaro brought about a WE WANT WRESTLING chant. 

BACK TO BACK IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKERS from Sheamus. Cesaro ate some chest clubs, but counted midway, elbowed him, and hit a big boot on the apron! Loved that. Sheamus did an uppercut to Cesaro up top and HIT AN ICONOCLASM FOR 2. Brogue ducked into a VE Uppercut for 2.9! High knee sets up a tilt a whirl slam for 2 from Sheamus. Brogue countered into a schoolboy for 2, then he got a deadlift Tiger Driver for 2! BROGUE COUNTERED INTO THE ALPAMARE WATERSLIDE FOR THIS! These guys got things really clicking after the Iconoclasm. Cesaro slapped him a bunch for kicking out, so Sheamus countered with punches! Cesaro hits a Helluva kick, but eats a Brogue! This started off technically fine, but not exciting, and then got really good as it went on - kind of like the Takeover 4-way.

Show hyped Henry up for the Rusev match. HE'S FIGHTIN' FOR 'MERICA! Show gave him a singlet with the American flag colors and flag on it. And he's got a new rally towel! This ruled! Florida Georgia Line are out...for some reason. Cole said this was ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTS OF NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS. This thing that wasn't announced. They're doing Tribute to the Troops, or "we're doing the honor the troops thing" as they said. Wow. IC Title is up. We were invited to check out WWE Slam City, which JBL groaned out. King told the singers that if someone goes outside, they throw them back in. Oh God I hope he just said that and the guys have NO CLUE WHO THEY ARE, so they just take them down. They talked about Dale Jr and Brad Pitt for some reason. I think one of them just gave away that Dolph's losing. This is a perfectly fine match, but the premise is killing it, and each word the commentators say puts another scoop of dirt on the grave. JBL explained the Spanish announce team joke in case the country guys got scared, or ever took things seriously for one second. Mizdow got pushed by the glam country guys. Dolph superkick gets 2. THE FUCKING HAIR ON...well, both of them really, but that pompadour is just ridiculous. Miz gets a figure four. Miz wins with a distraction O'Connor roll, which isn't any better than a distraction schoolboy, and Dolph does a moon spot with Miz pulling the trunks. THIS WAS HISTORY BEING MADE. Yikes.

Reigns recap. Seth's out and King IMMEDIATELY SAYS SETH COULD CASH IN TONIGHT! Seth's out to just talk. God no please. Seth should take credit for this with the buckle bomb. Loved him saying that emergency surgery wasn't an excuse to avoid showing up in Memphis. Seth wins by forfeit. Many words set up an open challenge. Ambrose came in via a cab, because he's a man goddammit! Dean got a massive pop for a double-leg and punches. JBL pointed out that Dean didn't pay his cabfare. Authority brought out goons, Dean beat them up, dove onto the stage and avoided them to keep fighting! Ambrose is so the man - I'd have made this a case match, give Dean the case and the title tonight. It's time. HALF A DOZEN MEN TOOK DEAN DOWN! A GODDAMN MOUNTAIN DEW AD AFTER THAT GREATNESS! Well, it definitely brought me down. This was a main event star-making bit for Dean. Panel talking.

Henry's out in his new awesome singlet. Lilian sang the national anthem, which had Henry in tears. Loving everything about this match's buildup so far. Lana in all-black to mourn America's demise here. THEY START WITH CLUBBERIN! Henry gets a lead, so Rusev stalls. Cole said the medal was given to Rusev by Putin. No, it was on Raw. Okay. A CHINLOCK WAS NOT THE WAY TO RETAIN THE MOMENTUM THIS HAD AT THE START. Henry counters the Accolade, but can't cover after the World's Strongest Slam due to the back injury sustained from an early ram into the steps. Running thrust kick from Rusev sets up the Accolade and the win. That was...underwhelming. Cole asked who could stop Rusev, which is a good setup for Cena. The Cell PPV is next in five weeks, and I think you've got to do Seth-Dean in a cell for the case. It's the only way to have a match that LOGICALLY NEEDS THE CELL STIP and fits the timeline of things.

Jericho came out to no reaction and his FINAL MATCH IN WWE NOW was so important that they just used it to plug WM travel packages. Cole talked about the Jericho-Orton bit earlier and censored "jackass" by saying "jack" nothing, leading to JBL saying A double crooked letter. Holy Christ how lame. Orton's got black, white, and bronze gear on. Baseball slide from Jericho led to an OH SHIT from Orton getting muted. They plugged the Network a ton. Cole rattled off WWE History for centuries. Cole reminded JBL about cage matches. Superplex from Orton.  Chinlock. Mountain Dew is more important than this match. Ditto JBL's hat and papers being ruined by said Mountain Dew. Backdrop on the table sets up, of course, ANOTHER CHINLOCK! King and Cole saved their Diet Mountain Dews, thank God. NOTHING QUENCHES YOUR THIRST LIKE DIET MOUNTAIN DEW. I'm watching a parody. This has to be a joke. Jericho got the facebuster and double sledge, but eats the 3.0. Orton teased the punt by GOING TO THAT PLACE. Home Depot? Taco Bell, where they have MOUNTAIN DEW BAJA BLAST!? Jericho gets the walls after avoiding the punt. Draping DEW-DT! After a long time, Orton spun into the RKO setup. Codebreaker gets 2. After several centuries, Jericho jumped off the top into an RKO for the loss. Orton did a kneeling pose to a minor reaction.

Divas title match is up next, with the Total Divas theme playing. Paige's video from earlier airs here. Brie acted. With Byron. SOMEONE PLEASE SEND BRIE TO AN ACTING CLASS. ANY ACTING CLASS. If Brazzers has an eco-friendly one, have them do it. Jesus! Nikki's a lot like karma, they're both a bitch! Divas title history. It's now got the women's title lineage thrown in. LOLed at the tag title being used for that video. Nikki locked on the armbar since Alberto's gone. AJ rejected Paige's embrace, so she kicked her and screamed WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME before the headbutts. Hammerlock slam from Nikki - nice move, WOULD'VE BEEN SMART TO DO IT BEFORE THE ARMBAR THOUGH. Nikki was put in the Black Widow, but Paige yakuza kicked them both. Paige asked AJ if she was ready before Nikki powerbombed Paige into a suplex. Nikki gets the rack attack on Paige for 2. AJ bealed Nikki off the apron to the floor. CHRIST the thud that Nikki made there. AJ GETS THE BLACK WIDOW, but Paige tries to counter...BUT CAN'T. PAIGE TAPS THAT ASS TO WIN! Love Lesnar-Cena getting a NUMBERS vid. Would've been great on Raw though. Cena's out with white and grey camo. I think Brock's theme got an more badass opening. Cole pointed out that in 2014, Brock had three matches - he dominated Show, dominated Taker at WM, and dominated Cena at Summerslam. The giant belt looks good on Brock, but it's a bit gimmicky for a guy like Brock.

They charge like bulls and Brock pushes him to the corner and nails shoulder blocks. Cena blocks a German and hits a pair of lariats to send him down. AA GETS 1! KIMURA! Kinda don't like both of Brock's finishers being used as starter moves in the past month...but I enjoy replicating it in 2K14. Cena gets to the ropes, and eats some knees and back clubs. German suplex! Brock gets the standing kimura in the ropes, but breaks at 4 to still do damage. Grounded Kimura, but Cena gets the ropes. Cena goes for another lariat, BUT BROCK COUNTERS INTO ANOTHER GERMAN FOR 2! TRIPLE VERTICALS FROM BROCK get an Eddie chant, and the ref wouldn't count after a floatover - hurting the flow. Brock attacks with bodyshots in the ropes and hits a clothesline. JBL said that Brock became undisputed champion at UFC 100...against Shane Carwin. Well, he's half-right. JBL mixing up Brock's MMA history - but plugging UFC 100 nicely, available on UFC Fight Pass for only $9.99. Brock gets an overhead belly to belly for 2.

Cena fights with a weak knee to the gut and weak punches, so Brock sends him into the corner with the power of the Brock Cock. Cena kicked Brock off a corner charge and fought back with back elbows and forearms. GERMAN counter to the AA. Loved Cena's elbows there - they looked great. Cena's back is all bruised up from the knees to the back. Brock takes the gloves off - BROCK'S BARE KNUCKLE BABY! Brock then...uses shoulder charges. Brock charges in mid-ring and eats an AA for 2. F5 countered into the STF. Brock counters into the Kimura! Cena lifts him up and runs him into the buckle. AA INTO THE STF! YET ANOTHER AA, BUT SETH RUNS IN FOR A DQ! SETH TAKES OUT CENA AND CURB STOMPS BROCK! They announced the cash-in, but Cena hit him with weak punches, and then Brock hits the F5!

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Friday, September 19, 2014

WWE SD 9-19-14

No video package to start, but Roman Reigns faces Rusev for some reason tonight. Usos are out, with Jimmy facing either Gold or Stardust. Feud recap with the Dust Bros. Cole welcomes JBL to the show since he hasn't been heard once by the 8:03 mark. Stardust humps the tron before combat. Gold and Stardust cut an annoying inset promo. This Stardust character sucks. JBL says they're weirder than the Headshrinkers. They do some moves, fake out the superkick a ton, it finally hits and wins. This sure was nothing. Goldust eats a pair of superkicks.

HOLY CHRIST IT'S ANOTHER MIZDOW AND MIZ TAG AGAINST R-ZIGGLER AND DOLPH. Now it's a 6-man with Cesaro and Sheamus. JBL talks about some cowboy actor who NO ONE ELSE ON PLANET EARTH HAS HEARD OF, so Cole buries him, and then JBL buries Tom. Actually, it's Miz and Cesaro against Dolph and Sheamus. Okay then. Cesaro counters a sunset flip with a tree slam lift up into a press slam, but of course that gets countered into a dropkick. Stinger splash gets countered into a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Love Miz tossing his shades to Mizdow, who is now wearing both pairs! Cole talked about Miz being embarrassed in front of all the other A listers. Isn't the idea that he ISN'T one? WHY IS THE BABYFACE ANNOUNCER REAFFIRMING THE HEEL'S LIES!? Dolph gets a 2 off a neckbreaker to set up a break.

Miz's corner lariat sets up BREAKING NEWS FROM COLE - JBL was wrong. Miz's dog's name isn't Fluffy, it's Mocha. JBL says the stunt double's name is Fluffy - good save. Cesaro chucked Dolph up high into the flying Dolph DDT, leading to an almost RVD-esque head landing on it. Shame each guy is programmed for the other secondary title, because they'd be a lot of fun right now. Chest clubs to Miz, who later eats the Irish Curse. Cesaro lands nastily on the floor - could've twisted the ankle there. Goofy shit on the floor set up a distraction schoolboy for 2, and a kneeling GOODNIGHT DDT for 2.5. Truth distracts Miz, leading to Dolph hitting a superkick and Sheamus hitting the Brogue for the win. WHAT A BUNCH OF CHEATERS! Total Divas ad.

Adam Rose is out AND THANK GOD MICHAEL COLE THINKS HE'S COOL.Bunnygate recap. JBL got in a nice line about the bunny doing a hop-in. Rose is facing Heath, so it should at least be fun. JBL and Cole argued over JBL being beaten up by a Godzilla balloon during an SD in Japan show over a decade ago. JBL and Cole sang Peter Cottontail. Mesmerizing show here. Heath does a leap into Rose's foot and gets cradled for 2. Heath gets Booker T's sidekick for 2! Bunny does a plancha on Titus. Party Foul wins. Cole talked about dancing, how JBL should dance, and tried to get Bunny Mania and Bunny Power over as things. JBL rightly buried him for this idiocy. Henry-Rusev on Raw recap. Renee talked to Lana and Rusev - RUSEV CRUSH. Show and Los Matadores face the Wyatt Family next.

Cole and his checkered suit, and the other guys, plugged THE DUBYA DUBYA E NETWORK FER ONLY NINE NINETY NINE! Loved Big Show doing the bull run bit to start. What the hell - if you're him and you're in this nothing match, might as well have fun with it. Loved them doing the full bull lift intro, Show teasing it, and then laughing it off. I like them at least trying to make this worthless match worthwhile somehow. Rowan just stops because the matador says. What a stupid spot for mid-carders, let alone theoretically bigger acts like the Wyatts. Bray comes in and beats him up before tagging out to Harper. Harper steps on his face before tagging Rowan back in. LOLed at JBL's hard sell about Show being so excited to be on SD! Show runs wild on Rowan. Rowan clips the knee to stop the running bus bit. Bray dominates and gets a kneeling DDT for 2. Harper's in to keep the attack going. Gator Roll rules on Show, who busts out THE TEARDROP SUPLEX to make a comeback. Vader bomb misses from Show. Bray comes in to get a chinlock. Sideslam counter saves him. DIEGO RUNS WILD ON BRAY WYATT, who once beat John Cena. Diego eats the bodypress. Show shoves Rowan all wackily into the barricade. Harper superkicks him. Diego flies into Abigail for the loss - this was a really fun match. A fan held up a Keep Calm and Follow the Buzzards sign, which wouldn't be the worst idea for a shirt. Seth-Roman recap from Raw. Renee's with Roman, oh lord. Roman doesn't care if his opponents are Russian, American, or little green men from Mars - he doesn't discriminate. He'll bring the fight on Sunday. Believe that. He's doomed with these promos.

Divas tag recap. AJ's out on commentary, while Paige faces Nikki. Nikki hits a blind leap into a shining wizard-ish thing for 2. AJ takes a shot at Nikki saying she's natural. I liked AJ going on with little bits of innuendo - like saying she just wants to get Paige on her back on Sunday. Paige took a weird bump for a backdrop. Yakuza kick from Paige sets up the Paige Turner for the win. This was a pretty good little match. AJ rocked the belt like it was a baby. They had a tug of war until Nikki stole it and beat them up with it. Swagger-Bo happens again next.

Swagger gets a jobber intro. JBL and Cole do the We the People bit badly, which they bring up. JBL says Jack needs to get back on track, and Cole points out that HE MADE BO SUBMIT ON RAW. Bo gets taken out hard on the floor. Bo runs around, gets into the apron area and cheap shots Swagger to hit the Bodog for the win. This sucked. Bo buried Zeb, who STOLE THREE PACKETS OF SUGAR and he's a terrible tipper too. Jack attacked. So this was a thing.

Cena-Brock recap, with the Raw stuff eating up a ton of time, aired. Henry talked about being beaten by a Russian at the Olympics, but on Sunday, he can right that wrong and WIN FOR THE FANS! AND THE COUNTRY. MARK HENRY CRUSH RUSEV! Roman's out, and WWE REALLY LOVES ITS FANS, REALLY! Reigns is still walking around the ring at 9:45, so this will be another sub-15 minute main event on SD. They start with a collar and elbow tieup and Rusev dominates. Roman fights back on the floor. Roman hits a God-awful kneelift, leading to a big kick from Rusev.
Rusev, for what this character is, works just about perfectly for it now. He's nixed the flying kicks and is mainly all ground-based now. Like Henry now, his matches are as good as they should be given the style he's working. Rusev takes over and spins around for an ad break. Rusev dominated after it with a reverse bearhug on the ground. Reigns misses some stuff, gets a clothesline, and Rollins comes in with the case. Superman punch to Rusev, and Roman and Seth brawl in the crowd. Rusev stands tall mid-ring and the American flag comes down, much to the Russians' chagrin. How very odd to have this feud close out the show on both Raw and SD, but I do like it appearing to raise Henry and Rusev up the card. THEY ROARED and Henry got the slam. I demand we get that spot on the PPV. HENRY STANDS TALL FOR 'MERICA!

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Thursday, September 18, 2014

NXT 9-18-14

Takeover: Fatal 4 Way recap was pretty good - KENTA's debut was showcased perfectly. Titus came out and said it's a real honor for...everyone to be in his presence. NXT will now be N-X-T-I-T-U-S! SAY IT WIT ME NOW! Zayn mocks him for being beaten up by a bunny. Neville's out. I would absolutely buy Neville's shirt if it was in yellow. Neville tells him that HE will defend NXT. This is very Steamboat-Flair in '94 where each guy is acting in a believable manner. After MORE TALKING, Regal came out to say that this is a fighting show and made a holla holla tag between the pseudo-faces and the definite heels. This ate up about 10 minutes of time on a 45 minute-long show. MICHAEL CLONE HAS A NAME - Rich Brennan! Itami's debut is recapped, and he faces Gabriel later.

Ad break focuses on NoC. Charlotte's out to face Emma, who barely gets a pop, but still has some fans in the crowd. Real shame that her WWE main roster run hurt her so badly. Riley CONSTANTLY calls Charlotte a veteran. Emma got some running...something or other strikes that look terrible. Emma Sandwich. Emma gets 2 off a crossbody off the top, but eats a neckbreaker and the Natural Selection to lose. Total Divas ad.

Renee is so hyped when Gabriel comes out - she calls him a bad-ass man. Crowd's chanting HIDEO and they've already got his theme on iTunes. Renee put over Itami being trained by Kobashi. Big kick to Itami's jaw. Gabriel kicks Itami in the back to show that he can kick too. Gabriel's gear is so good - some of the best in the company. Butterfly suplex works for Gabriel, but a second is countered by KICKS and a roaring elbow. Yakuza kick! APRON HIGH KICK! SPRINGBOARD KNEE! Hesitation dropkick to a seated Gabriel in the corner. Warrior's Way wins! Ascension comes in to beat him down, and does so with a reverse powerbomb and the Fall of Man. Hornswoggle movie ad.

CJ Parker's out. I wonder how much electricity his LED signs on the tron take up. Corbin's out to kill him again. I like his motorcycle tron - reminds me of Road Rash. End of Days Uranage/Flatliner wins Enzo Takeover thing gets recapped. Carmella comes in with Enzo and Cass training since she lost her job due to them. She beats up Enzo. Lucha Dragons face the Ascension next week.  Kidd's out and is so perfect as the smug heel. Everyone else is out now, and Neville and Kidd start off with some fast offense. Zayn gets 2 off a standing moonsault. Crowd's chanting "Better Than Neville!" STANDING CORKSCREW SSP gets 2 from Neville. Renee talked about a Buzzfeed article on NXT. Zayn dives to steal some of Neville's thunder. A really goofy Sheamus ad for Be a Star airs. Titus tosses Zayn around and locks on an abdominal stretch. Kidd comes in and attacks with a tree of woe choke. Kidd misses a slingshot legdrop to the apron - OUCH! Sami's such a great face in peril here with Titus. Kidd comes back in and gets a snapmare and big kick to the back. Titus is back in to hit a legdrop to the neck. Neville gets a tag and flies in with kicks aplenty. Titus shoves Neville off the top into Kidd's knees for the win. Well, I like the idea of Kidd beating Neville, but he only took one sorta-move! Fine show, but not amazing.

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

TNA Impact Wrestling 9-17-14

The pre-show Cops features a guy sleeping in front a building, having a cop called on him, and waking up with a cop and his cocaine falling onto his lap. Well, that's bad timing. And it's HIS GIRLFRIEND'S CAR. Yup. This guy is just out of it, and there's so much that he might be charged with trafficking. He took half a tablet of oxycontin with beer and cocaine. Wow.  He's got 14 bags of coke! The guy is fading in and out and the cop is really hoping he doesn't have to call in  medics. He warns him that right now, it's just a cocaine possession charge, but it could be bumped up. The cop gets rescue out here for him, and tells him he knows he's sorry, but this is his day to start anew. This guy rules! The cop told him that going to jail could help him - he didn't hurt anyone but himself today, and he can get the help he needs. The world needs more cops like this.

Tag title series is the focus on the pre-show hype video. Matt says the Wolves a million moves, while the Wolves are fighting the Hardys, Team 3D, and their combined legacies. Tonight, we get the ladder match between the teams, Joe-Cide for the X Title, and Lashley-Roode. The opener is the KOs battle royal. Taryn's hot ass and boob window are out first, followed by Madison. BPs are out. Rebel's out and they bring up her background in cheerleading. Brittany's theme sucks and she got zero reaction. I loved them showing a shot of her cleavage and Taz saying he thinks he's found her alley. LEANING DOUBLE ARM CHOKE FROM HAVOK. God, she just comes off like a monster - and a far better one than Tapa in every way. She's got presence, size, and has a terrifying look. Tapa looked tentative with EVERYTHING - even if it was just holding Gail's belt up. Havok called on everyone to attack, they did, and it did no good! Madison's out via a shoulder block. Taryn gets tossed to the apron and elbowed out. Brittany goes for sub-Velvet forearm blasts. Taz pimped Flex with Gail in it. Forearm shot takes Brittany out. Rebel low-bridges Love to take her out. Rebel got tossed OFF THE TOP ONTO THE STEPS and pinned her arm between her body and the steps. She's immediately clutching her wrist, so that's where the break happened. Velvet gets dumped out. 

Gunner told the once-crazed Samuel Shaw to see his therapist. I thought he was? Didn't he tell Brittany he was? Now he wants Shaw to tap that, but Shaw's fixated with someone else. MVP, who looks and acts like a star, it out with Kenny King, who doesn't do any of those things. MVP cuts a fine promo on Roode, and talks smack about Melendez. MVP says he's a real hero, but he wants him to join the crew since they're real killers - like him. King offers a role as a bag-carrier. He makes a bad boot camp joke, and asks if Chris thinks he's better than him. Well, he is. MVP attacks Chris to set up the match. BFG ad. Show's back and King's laying in some corner chops. Chris fought off his knees to attack King, and boy does he ever have "it". Taz was sickened by the mockery of Melendez - I love a heel being outraged by another heel's actions. Chris countered a torture rack with a really fast sunset flip and won - he can't move the fake leg over a shoulder quickly though. Royal Flush hits after the match. Kenny goes to take the leg off, but Anderson comes out and Taz calls King a rotten son of a bitch. This wasn't much going into it, but hey, they got me hooked on this afterwards. An awesome hype video for Roode-Lashley aired. It was full of Lashley working out, punching dudes, spearing dudes, and then set up Roode with workout footage and showing him as the most dominant and longest-reigning champion in company history. Just perfect stuff here.

Anderson and Chris had a chat, and it's X Title time. Love the guy in the front row dancing to 'Cide's theme. Now the Savage Fan is doing it too! I love Tenay talking about Joe and Homicide's history in TNA - it dates back to '09, which is also the last time Homicide was X Champion. A standing forearm exchange sets up a big Joe knee for 2. Homicide gets the somersault suicide dive on the floor. Corner suplex gets 2 for Joe. Joe sets up the buster, but Cide counters into a flying DDT for 2. Homicide's speed is impressive given his age and mileage. Cutter gets 2 for Homicide. Joe turns a second cutter into the choke for the win! This was short and fun. Storm and Sanada attacked Joe and Cide defended his former friend. Sanada hit the kneeling superkick and now Manik's out with a dark blue and lighter blue sleeveless version of the old outfit, but with a white and gold mask. Tag title series match is apparently next. What a loaded show this truly is. Their promo was fine, but nothing amazing.

BFG ad. EY annoyed Bobby, who was trying to enjoy the calm before the storm. Hardys are out, with Matt in black and silver, and Jeff in black and green. Wolves need to win to keep the series alive, or else they lose to whichever other team wins. Double dive to duos from the tag champs starts this off. WHISPER IN THE WIND TO THE WOLVES AS THEY HOLD needlessly dangerous in every way. Looked cool though. Bully does the stupid Terry Funk ladder spin. It was stupid in '97, and it's dumber now in the era of concussion awareness. WASSUP TO DAVEY OFF THE LADDER! Devon wanted to get the tables, but Matt hits 3D with a ladder to take them out. Eddie and Matt climb up, but Devon takes them down to the ropes. They come back and Bully powerbombs Jeffs onto the ladder, hitting Eddie and Matt! Wolves hits a double powerbomb to Bully to take him off the ladder! Matt Twists Eddie off the ladder! SUPERPLEX OFF THE LADDER TO HARDY! Hardy's feet hit the belts on the way down, which was an excellent visual. Height-wise, this was around the level of the top rope. Doomsday device setup hits Davey. Double Twist to the Wolves, and then they do a moonsault/swanton to 3D! Air Hardy in the corner! Big splash off the top from Jeff to a Wolf on a ladder. 3D tries to use tables, but the Wolves fight back with chairs! DAVEY DOUBLE FOOTSTOMPS MATT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE FLOOR! They pull a ladder out from under Jeff and he just guts himself on the ladder, while Eddie grabs the belts. This was an insane video game match - super-fun to watch.

They recapped the ladder match - so they're at least getting some mileage out of the guys killing themselves. Bram faces Gunner for some reason. Gunner "lands badly" on the injured ankle, and Brams snaps the leg on the steps in some unique ways. Shaw yells annoyingly. Goofy bullshit happens and Shaw costs Gunner the match as a result. Battle royal recap leads to Gail talking about not having a problem with Havok winning, but having a problem with someone who outright tries to injure her and her friends. Not her best promo. Roode comes out, followed by Lashley. Taz puts over the Bellator fight some more. JB's big-fight intros add a lot - hopefully, he can find a job that pays him what he deserves for all the work he's done in TNA once the company's done. Lashley powers out of armbar attempts. King distracts Roode allowing Lashley to do some more damage. MVP pulls the leg too, and the ref ejects MVP, but didn't see the King deal, so he's allowed to stay.

Roode goes a fisherman's suplex, but his back gives out. EY comes out to send King to the back. Lashley gets the spear, but a lazy cover gets 2! Roode Bomb gets 2! Spinebuster gets 2, running powerslam gets 2... Roode counters Shock Treatment and tries for the the Bomb - he dumps Lashley over the top! Lashley took a super-smooth bump for that. It was a thing of beauty, and I'm amazed at what Lashley can do for his age. I loved the ending sequence where Lashley went for a spear again, but Roode did a leapfrog, hurt his knee, couldn't do the Bomb, and ate a big spear for the loss. This wasn't a very good match for a while, but got very good by the end.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2014

WWE Main Event 9-15-14

After a day with the Forza Horizon 2 demo, it should be fun to watch Main Event. OH MY GOD IT'S DOLPH AND R-ZIGGLER AGAIN! Cole calls this a rematch from Raw. Yup. And SD - and it wasn't amazing at any point. Dolph won last night, so I guess either he or Truth lose tonight to go with the 50/50 booking since the SD match apparently doesn't count. Mizdow appears to be rather hefty and pasty compared to Miz. Moves. Nothing really interesting going on here. Mizdow gets the edge off a missed Stinger splash and clubs away for a break. Truth gets the lead and does stuff after the break. Big DDT from Truth hits, but only gets 2 on Miz. Truth and Mizdow fuck up a Zig Zag to an amazing degree, and Miz hits the finale for the win. This was a bunch of nothing. Seth faces Big E to prove he can beat Roman, and now Seth's talking with Renee. Seth's MITB case has been updated with the new logo, but it's still all dented up. She called the loss a setback, and he went on and on about how it wasn't. Okay then.

Total Divas clip looks awful - thank God the PPV will be airing during it. They once again had the SD HAS BEEN THE NUMBER 1 SHOW ON FRIDAYS ALL SUMMER! Brieeeeee Moooddeeee. No. To set up this match, we get a promo from...Nikki talking to Renee. Nikki and her wacky spiky hat said it all ended on Sunday, when she wins the title. Everyone will then be kissing her "voluptuous derriere". Okie dokie. Cameron needs to clean her little mirror - it's covered in fingerprints. They did crap for a while until Brie got a half-crab. Cameron slapped the mat a ton to get to the ropes, and then no-sold the move. Split legdrop gets 1 before Cameron locks on the wacky surfboard. BRIE MODE missile dropkick gets 2. Brie gets an X Factor for 3, leading to her stupid theme playing. I demand a losing streak so her theme can only be heard once a show. Brock-Cena recap next.

This was edited to make Cena look like even more of a jerk and just showed him bully Paul. Brock's bumps to the floor are incredibly smooth, and it's remarkable that he's still so athletic despite being 37 and having some major injuries - I guess his joints are holding up nicely though. Brock interview LIVE ON THEWWE.COM, why not the Network? Byron implied it would be full of swears. Big E's out with no entourage. The Sting DVD ad is fantastic - shame that they didn't even use his body at any point for the ad. It's just bizarre for a body double to be featured on the DVD cover - it's not like they wouldn't own some great Crow Sting photos. Seth and CAW Theme 5 came out. Seth and Big E exchange stuff and Seth gets the edge with a suicide dive. They come back and Big E got the big spear to the floor, a side belly to belly then a big overhead one, but he misses a shoulder charge and nails a curb stomp. What a nothing show. This didn't even have anything worth skimming a torrent for.

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Monday, September 15, 2014

WWE Raw 9-15-14

Raw opens with Paul Heyman mid-ring to cut a promo. He says he's got a preview for the PPV and STARTS SINGING CENA'S THEME. Comes out in black shorts. Cena's whole intro took longer than Heyman's promo to that point. Cena asked where Brock was, and he said that would depend on the LEGAL DEFINITION OF WHERE, BECAUSE HIS FATHER, YOU SEE WAS A LAWYER! Heyman says he wants the people to pay $9.99 for the Network to see a fight, but if JOHN WANTS TO GIVE IT AWAY FOR FREE, FINE. ON MONDAY NIGHT SEPTEMBER 15, 2014, IT WILL BE JOHN CENA VERSUS THE CONQUERER! Heyman said that Brock wasn't here - he doesn't like people, so he flies private planes, and it hasn't arrived yet. Cena threatens the near-50 year old manager. CENA IS TIRED OF WAITING, but he'll wait 80 more minutes. Okay then. OH MY GOD, IT'S ONLY 8:08. Jesus is this dragging. Seth-Roman happens later tonight, despite already being announced for the PPV. Jericho came out and King said he's not sure if Raw could start any better than with Cena putting Heyman in a headlock, and Jericho's facing Kane. Holy 1999.

In a WWE APP EXCLUSIVE, John Cena forced Heyman into his locker room, while having Khali stand guard. JBL put over THE ACTION NEVER STOPS. It's 8:16 - the action is just now beginning. Jericho did the triangle dropkick and then DOVE OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR, so I guess his knee's fine and dandy. Then after this, THEY DID HOLDS. Long, boring holds. Kane did a sideslam, and they went to a break. I think I need to start doing some vacuuming or something. Maybe dust a bit. JBL said that KANE DOMINATED ON THE BREAK. Further proof that the action does indeed stop. Kane got 2 off a sideslam and went for a flying something off the top, but Jericho countered with a dropkick. More nothing moves. Crowd's dead. Jericho's bloody, so the ref tried to check it with gloves, but didn't have time while Kane took the pad off the buckle. Ref sees the pad is undone, does...nothing other than point at it. Jericho counters a chokeslam with a DDT and got 2. Big boot gets 2. END. THIS. FUCKING. MATCH. Lionsault, but Kane catches him for a chokeslam. Jericho shoves him into the exposed buckle and gets a schoolboy for 3. If Jericho says he had the best match of the night here, ever, he's full of shit. Heyman, who has a camera man in there since I guess Khali let him him, couldn't get ahold of Brock. That stupid $9.99 ad aired.

An ad hyping up SD aired. CAN THEY STAY THE COURSE!? ON SMACKDOWN!? Shouldn't be a problem. Cole said that SD was #1 for 15 weeks - IT WAS #1 ALL SUMMER! SD's arm wrestling bit was recapped to set up the NoC match some more. Mark Henry is going to rally America on Raw tonight. They showed a high-jumper talking about this since he's a former Olympian. I hope Kurt Angle sent in one of these videos. Renee met with Roman and asked him to view footage of himself being attacked by Rollins and Orton. "I started in WWE two years ago with two brothers. Now I stand alone. One versus all. My plan is simple. Ball up this fist and hit him as much as I can until my knuckles bleed." This was better than usual, but not good. Swagger's facing Bo tonight? IS ANYTHING ACTUALLY BEING SAVED FOR THE PPV!? Cole plugged the Austin podcast at "podcastdotcom". Amazing plug.

Match started with Swagger shoving Bo in the corner, and then the feed went bad for a sec. WE THE PEOPLE/WE BOLIEVE chant broke out. They did moves. Bo got a neckbreaker and 2. Bo got some 9 to 5 knees to the face, which I need to give him in FPR. Bo missed a flying something. Bo went for a bo-dog, badly, and it was countered after some goofy stuff into an ankle lock for the win. If you buy the Network now, YOU CAN GET ALL 13 EPISODES OF WWE SLAM CITY! IN A MARATHON EVEN. Holy Christ. Divas tag is next, BUT FIRST A SPRINGER RECAP! Hour 1 is nearly over - thank God.

Divas tag is up. The divas title in just black and pink looks shockingly decent. "BRIE MODE! YEAH BRIE!" What a song. Chicks did moves for a bit. Things got great when Paige came in and grabbed Brie's hand to mock a tag to AJ, then she blew a kiss with it. Paige beat Brie with the Rampaige. Paige's ass was the highlight of this match by far. Nikki hit the rack attack on Brie after the match. SD 8 man tag recap led to Bray talking. He faces Don't try this at home ad.

Heyman talked to Mr. Khali and begged him to allow him to make a call. A terrible bit followed wit Khali destroying Paul's clearly fake phone that had the printed-on screen visible at all time. Well, no wonder it didn't get reception! Bray ate a ton of bodyblows, but ht the knee to get an edge. Bray did a chinlock and some morons chanted Husky Harris. Bray hit the bodyblock. Show got the Final Cut, but the Family attacked for a DQ. How satisfying. This DQ didn't do much to breathe life into the show. Screwjob gets covered in the Monday Night War tomorrow.

Dust Bros attack recap. Usos team with Sheamus agaiinst Cesaro and the Dust Bros. They've got some goofy Be a Star anti-bullying app. JBL says he watches the Network during the show, and then Stardust meowed. They also called him Cody here. Cesaro did Sheamus's clubbering bit to an Uso. Cesaro fakes out a swing and gets a double stomp and a Cesaro lift for 2. Stardust scratched the Uso's chest...despite him wearing gloves and the Uso wearing a shirt. JBL gave birthday wishes to Tafty and Teddy Long. Sheamus comes in and dives on the pile on the floor. Cesaro got 2 off the Neutralizer due to a save, but got beat by the Usos. Well, at least Cesaro's winning the title. Rollins attacking Dean recap.

The PPV pre-show will have the Peep Show with Jericho. Henry clips aired, and Lana's tweet about Henry aired. OH GOD MORE TALKING. With Renee and Randy too. Clips of the beating last week aired, and he promised to deliver the beating. Of his life. Orton was called The Liper by Cole. Cena bulled Heyman and dragged him to the ring. Cena threatened to beat Heyman's teeth out of his head. Heyman said this was the Cena he wanted to see. Heyman said CENA COULDN'T BE A BULLY, despite him being one all night. Heyman said he wanted Cena to be a Paul Heyman guy. They kept going on about Cena hating Heyman, why? All he's done is manage a guy who opposes Cena. Heyman talked about Cena's mom wanting a boy, with testicles, and Heyman got hit. Brock hopped out belt in tow! Brock walked around and eventually came in. Cena, the face, jumping Brock. Brock Germaned him, just like at Summerslam. Cena jumped him again and got an edge. Cena fighting...kind of like a little sister, going for anything that might remotely hurt. Cole said DO YOU BELIEVE IN JOHN CENA NOW!? A Network ad hyped up the PPVs with historical clips, and reality TV stuff.

A Steph in Shape Magazine feature aired. Cameron faces Naomi, and they each got jobber intros. It's so bizarre to act like the events of Total Divas happened last night. This started with the world's worst Frye-Takayama deal. Cameron went for a pin without the shoulders on the mat. Cameron's leading the match here. Why, I have no idea. A JBL chant broke out. She locked on a seated surfboard variant for a century or two. Cameron kicked her right in the cookie to counter a corner jumping thing. OH GOD A CHINLOCK. Naomi countered a sunset flip with some sort of wacky head and arm lock before the full headscissors part was on.

Miz and Mizdow came out to once again face Dolph and R-Ziggler. King is suddenly a fan of Miz and hates Dolph, which Cole points out makes no sense and is coming out of nowhere. Dolph beat Mizdow with the Zig Zag after eons of heel commentary from King. Rollins cut a bad promo and impersonated a monkey. Possible future WWE Champion. Their match is apparently next, despite the Henry thing still coming and it only being 10:35.

Roman's out first, followed by Seth. Roman just did moves until tossing him over the announce table. Superman punch, Seth gets a cradle, but turns it into the kneeling superkick for 2. Super Samoan drop turned into a RUNNING CORNER TO CORNER BUCKLE the small guy to the giant dude. Roman hit a spear after avoiding the curb stomp and won. Cole said rumor has it, the win was dedicated to Dean. How could that be a rumor? Shouldn't that be fairly easy information to find out just by asking Roman?

Henry came out, got whatted despite them planting flags in the crowd, cut a generic promo after being asked stupid questions, and Rusev came down with Lana. Lana buried Obama, and buried Henry for failing at the '92 Olympics while Russia won. THEY SHOWED THE 1992 RUSSIAN WINNER. Oh my God. So sad she also didn't hype up Fedor and Karelin Loved Henry chucking Rusev for a bit. Loved Henry powering out of the Accolade. This was okay, but didn't need to close the show.

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Total Divas 9-14-14

The show opens with a recap of last week's egg-ralted wackiness. Nikki wears double-sided tape around the house when she's confronted by Cena about the egg-freezing. CENA THOUGHT THEY WERE ILLEGAL DRUGS! "Any other guy would start asking 100 questions, but I KNOW MY JOHN!" Oh the comedy! Brie and Bryan are packing, and he unloads kickpads. "YOU'RE LIKE A KICKPAD WHORE!" "What, like I have sex for kickpads?" Brie says that for every pair of kickpads, they have to have sex once, and it winds up with 6 possibilities for pregnancies. She's excited because she wants "two babies out of my vagina by 35". How clinical. Nikki, Eva, and Nattie have dinner. Nikki and Eva recapped their storylines. Raw time - a truck has Alex Riley on it. Rosa and Sandra discuss gear. Bryan's right shoulder is hurting, dun dun dun! According to Brie, he's wrestling 20-40 minutes a night, 250 days a year. Mark meets with the dactyls, with them discussing a split. Naomi talks about BAD NEWS BARRETT delivering the news. Cameron's upset, but Naomi tells her she's about where she should be. Cameron meets with Eva and Nattie about this issue. They show clips of Cameron being bad in the ring to justify the move. Cameron's upset, but Nattie tells her to think things out.

Bryan and Brie are picking up the keys to their new house. They go to...a very plain-looking house with a white fence. Bryan and Brie talk to the contractor about fixes. He wants some more "green" features, which Brie agrees with, except that she wants it how she wants it. Brie is angry over Bryan not giving in because IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S REDOING A MANSION. WHAT. AN UNGRATEFUL. BITCH! Bryan gets bad neck news later. The Bellas go furniture shopping. Brie is angry over being given a budget. Brie's upset about a budget SINCE BRYAN IS GETTING LIKE 10 SOLAR PANELS! Nikki gets Bryan's knock at her repeated by Brie, who said it totally grossed her out. Wow - poor Nikki. Nikki and John go for lunch, with her making bad jokes about his ass. John sees a toothpick and asks Nikki what it's like to stick yourself with a needle. Oh, the comedy. John has a heart to heart with NICOLE! Yada yada, they're buds again on the same page.

Cameron is upset, so she goes to record a song about WWE, as someone would logically do. Cameron expresses sadness to Vinnie and the rest of her crew, or whoever these people are. The producer has no tolerance for this emotional shit. She and Vinnie leave to go eat. What a recording session! Girls tell the Bellas they're beautiful and a kid goes Yes. Nikki tells her she's been working out despite the doctor's warning, and she's not freezing her eggs now after talking to John. Well, that storyline resolved quickly. Brie tells her to not give into John and keep doing it because John's being selfish. They argue for a bit. A long time. Wow this is dragging. Nikki says since they're not pregnant, they should go drink.

Jimmy enjoys being tag champ, while Naomi goes OUCH BABY when he calls her divas champ. Naomi FEELS AN ALLEGIANCE TO THE FUNKADACTYLS! Jimmy, a tag champ, says solo's the way to go. Jimmy tells her to change things up, while she points out the Usos' intro being the same for eons. Bryan's reading at home, and they blur the book. Bryan's MRI came back and he'll need surgery. Bryan needs EMERGENCY NECK SURGERY. The timing's bad, and he's not sure if they'll take the titles off him. Nikki sees her nieces and nephews, and RIGHT AFTER SHE STOPPED THE THERAPY TOO. What a teaser.

Kiddy deal went well for Nikki. Bryan has to go for surgery on a day where Brie can't be there due to a prior commitment. Bryan announces the surgery. Brie talks to Bryan on the day he has surgery. Brie loves the little video he sent her of him getting ready for surgery. She talks about being selfish. The Bellas have an E shoot where Nikki's asked about what parts from Brie she'd want. Bryan gets more bad health news for the coming up bit. Bryan tells Brie the surgery went well, and Nikki and John go for a workout, and she's decided to freeze her eggs. Naomi pins Paige on Main Event, but Cameron knows it's not what she wants.

WWE doctor guy talks to Bryan, and while the surgery went well, he's got bad news. Dr. Amann gets a graphic after the break, and due to more nerve damage, Bryan won't be able to return for a longer period of time. Brie says IF THEY'RE NOT WORKING SHOWS, THEY'RE NOT GETTING PAID. What a needless bold-faced lie, and it doesn't really paint WWE in a good light either. Cameron and Mark meat at the TALENT RELATIONS ONLY printer area. Cameron says she needs to go to NXT to train. Mark says doing this COULD BE A DISASTER FOR HER and GOING TO NXT TO TRAIN WOULD MAKE HER NOT A DIVA ANYMORE. This made no logical sense. They showed basically the whole bit after the break in the "coming up" portion. Jimmy dances around the divas, and Cameron tells the girls about her plans. Naomi is upset for God knows what reason. Naomi's upset because she didn't consult her, in this decision that would SPLIT UP THEIR TEAM, that has now ended. She just went on and on and on and on.

John and Nikki have a wacky house meeting with him joking about pooping. They have a nice rooftop meeting about taking 10 days off of working, needing surgery. He volunteers to be her driver and her maid. He'll even wear a maid's outfit. Okey dokey. Next week, Summer returns and I think we get the Bryan-Brie wedding. This wasn't a bad show, but it had portions that went on way too long.

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