Wednesday, October 1, 2014

TNA Impact 10-1-14

LASHLEY DESTROYS THINGS AND PEOPLE in a recap video to start the show. Roode-Lashley match recap as well. Interview dude asks Bobby about his plans, and he'll tell the world later. They show the crowd in close up and THEN FROM AFAR. Holy God was that a mistake - it's like the '90 AWA tapings with the first two rows visible. The lighting looks fairly dark for an Impact show too. Aries is out and asks which champion they'd like to see him face - Gail (ha!), the Wolves, or Joe. Joe comes out to say he should face THE BEST CHAMPION IN THE COMPANY. Well no, actually Lashley beat you, so he's the best. Aries says he wants the X Title because it stands for everything good in wrestling, and the match is up. Aries armdrags Joe around, then eats a big back elbow. Joe gets the piston punches in the corner, corner elbow, and big kick too. Aries punches the knee to survive - nice, you don't see that often. Joe saunters out of the way of the missile dropkick. King King kneedrop misses, so Aries kicks the leg. Aries does the rope bounce on the knee badly, then locks on some kind of leglock, and doing a Sharpshooter grapevine leg snap - I liked that. Inside out double sledge to Joe while he was in a 619 position. Pendulum elbow gets 2 and it's ad break time. This has been a shockingly good match so far - not that they can't have a good one, but considering the crowd, I appreciate them busting their asses for them.

Aries avoids a powerbomb, but eats a snap powerslam for 2. Joe gets a sleeper and Aries does the zombie walk into a jawbreaker, a 2 off that, and the Last Chancery off of that. Aries wants the brainbuster, but he can't lift him and screams in pain due to the knee. Discus forearm from Aries leads to another brainbuster attempt that Joe counters with an inverted atomic drop and the big boot to the floor. Aries dives at Joe with a suicide dive and nails a missile dropkick mid-ring, the corner kick, and the brainbuster! 2.9! 9-to-5 knees set up the chancery again, but it's countered into the choke! Aries tries to escape, but rolls the wrong way and groggily taps out. This was the best X Title match in eons. Tthat greatly exceeded my expectations. EC3 in new blue and white gear met with Spud, in a Partridge Family bus suit.

Quick recap of the crazy No Surrender ladder match. Angle chatted with the Wolves, and they've picked the match type - Angle said it's the match of the year. Spud holds the mic for EC3, who asks him if he's his best friend. EC3 says his friends have trust funds, while Spud just doesn't quite fit in. He said the people weren't with Spud. I'm with Spud - and not only because he and my adorable cat have the same name. EC3 buried Spud's haircut, and Spud said that he only got it to look like him. Aww. Then EC3 tore his suit up! EC3 demanded that he cry for him. Oh this is great. EC3 laughs at him, and then EY comes out in Halloween gear. EY told him to stand up for himself, and EC3 jumped him. Ref rings the bell since they had a match planned for later anyway. EY hits a plancha on EC3. Thesz press punches from EY. Swinging suplex from EC3 gets 2. EC3 gets a chinlock and EY escapes. EY's tights now match his flesh tone. He's disgustingly orange. Flying forearm sets up the discus lariat and it's elbow time. Spud puts Ethan's foot on the rope to save him. EC3 gets shoved into Spud, but while it teased a piledriver, that just leads to a low blow, a high knee, and the headlock driver for the win. Great flip bump from EY on that. "Not too many guys can say they've beaten FORMER WORLD CHAMPION ERIC YOUNG!" Wow. Havok-Gail is next.

Well, not quite - recap of King-Melendez is up before that. Anderson and Melendez chatted. Melendez looks 8,000 years old in this backstage bit. The lighting makes it look like he has three chins. I think they're going to jump King or something. Havok recap. Gail gets jumped during her intro. Havok is looking quite chesty in this outfit. They're having a great brawl around ringside, using the rail as a post to kick Havok for Gail, who then ate a hot shot on it. Flying something off the apron is met with a kinda-spinebuster from Havok. Hammerlock bearhug slam on the floor! The ref waves the match off and they show replays that really don't look anymore devastating than the regular angle.

Havok-Gail brawl recap. Tag series hype vid - Jeff landed hard on his back doing the Whisper in the Wind to the ladder. The Wolves, the World Tag Team Champions of TNA, came out like low-end Wal-Mart shoppers. Eddie howled and good lord is Davey short. Before Davey can announce the match, Team 3D comes out. Since I've got camo shorts figured out in FPR, I should really update my CAW for Bully in that. Bully is greatly offended by...something. I have no idea what, that the Wolves apparently said. He said that the Wolves would never do what Team 3D has done, and will never equal them. Ugh. Bully tells them to tuck their heads and leave. Fuck you, Bully Ray. If his character was a heel, this would make sense, but he's not. Matt's got an HWA - Hardyz With Attitude - STRAIGHT OUTTA CAMERON shirt. Okay, that is great. Matt declared the Hardys to be Gods. Okay, so once again, THE TWO TEAMS FROM THE PAST AREN'T AS GOOD AS THE CURRENT TNA WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS, WHO HAVE BEATEN BOTH OF THESE TEAMS. Davey rightfully tells these fuckers to shut up, that they're the team of today, tomorrow, and have beaten these guys. Bully cheapshotted Davey, and I guess the legendary teams are heels now for some reason. How random. Angle came out to tell the Wolves they can name the match. The fans chanted TLC really loudly and a Full Metal Mayhem match was made. Should be great, but this thing took a big step back tonight. Anderson was annoying to King and MVP. I'm very disappointed in Chris Melendez for hanging around Ken Anderson. I think they've got a tag match or something. Nope, it's Ken-MVP, and we'll hear from Roode later.

Gail and the trainer did a thing, and Kurt came in and asked IF SHE SHOULD WRESTLE after getting the really bad-sounding diagnosis. Kurt of course, just lets her decide to wrestle. Does he have stock in a painkiller company now? The Revolution came out. Manik's new outfit sucks. He's out to face Shark Boy, who ate a lot of fish during his time off of TV.  Then again, he WON A LAWSUIT AGAINST DISNEY - enjoy the fruits of your labor. Shark Boy got winded during the corner mount punches, which they're bringing up on commentary blatantly. Taz and Tenay talked about the Pinto for a bit due to its gas tank. Taz buried Shark Boy's shirt for looking worn out. Manik did a suplex, then a back suplex. God, this just won't end. Manik kinda got Shark Boy up for the tiger gutbuster and nailed a frog splash to win. This was a God-awful showcase for Manik and Shark Boy looked old, slow, fat, and out of shape. Anderson faces MVP next in a 2007 SmackDown showdown.

TNA live event tour graphic. Wow - TNA has NOTHING after BFG until almost February. Bully cuts a promo on the Wolves for daring to challenge 3D and the Hardys to Full Metal Mayhem, a match that involves, TABLES, LADDERS, AND CHAIRS, and anything else. The Wolves are dealing with TAG TEAM GODS, not because they say it, but because the fans say it. And Team 3D is going into every HOF that pro wrestling has, and they want to be inducted into the HOF as 25-time tag champs. THOU SHALT NOT MESS WITH TEAM 3D! Ken did his usual intro, and sadly, Chris didn't beat his ass. Instead, he did the final ANDERSON bit. MVP's new black, purple, and white Artistra gear rules. The Smackdown midcarders from 2007 went through the motions of a mid-card Smackdown match from 2007, only with Melendez and King as cheerleaders. MVP lands one knee drop, but Ken moves out of the way of a second and lands some punches. Finlay roll gets 2 and he runs to do...something, stops, and then gets pinned via a distraction schoolboy thanks to King. Roode says words next.

Roode gets no intro, and is just mid-ring in black jeans and an untucked black button-down shirt. Is there an edict that theoretical top babyfaces have to look like schmucks? He talked about only being as good as his last match, and in his last match, he lost. He invited Lashley to come down, and hopefully not speak. Oh good, his crew is with him. Lashley should've kept his first TNA theme - this one has a good start, and that's it. Roode talked about kicking out of the spear and it startling Lashley like he's never been startled before in TNA. Roode, like Christian he was an annoying heel, wanted ONE. MORE. MATCH. He at least cited that Lashley, as a competitor, should do it. MVP was against it and stepped in Lashley's face and said NO. Roode rightfully said that he was TALKING TO THE CHAMP, NOT MVP. MVP leads the champ out, and you can see that Lashley wasn't happy there. Good tease here for something they don't seem to be able to pay off anytime soon. Gail Kim is just now getting taped up. What a stupid babyface.

Next week, it's Full Metal Mayhem for the tag titles! It's main event time at 10:52 - I like the women's title being in a main event position, even if it's not really been pushed as that. Gail cuts an awful promo on Havok. YOU WANT. THIS!? COME AND GET. THIS! Havok came down and beat the hell out of her shoulder. Bearhug slam in the corner. Gail goes for a flying headscissor, but eats a shoulderbreaker to the...good shoulder. Gail sells the bad one, and Taz and Tenay say Havok's trying to take both arms out. Very cleavagey Rings of Saturn here. Gail gets a brief edge and a ringpost figure 4!



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Okay so far.
 OH GOD

 Impact of Honor






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Monday, September 29, 2014

WWE Raw 9-29-14

Tonight's Raw should be the start of their annual Komen bullshit since they're selling the shirts now. Celebratory music played for Cena and Ambrose's stuff last week. This video is going on for a while. Steph and HHH are out - they've got one pink rope - the center rope. Cole shills the Komen deal and then loses his train of thought when the script ends and he's still on camera. A giant CM Punk chant starts when Steph grabs the mic. She handled it perfectly by saying "why do you all cheer quitters?". Cole before this said that Ambrose PIRATED THE CASE. What odd verbiage. HHH won't let anyone disrespect THE BUSINESS and now it's Heyman. He's angry over Seth trying to cash in, and Brock ordered Heyman to go to CHICAGO OF ALL PLACES and find out if it Brock has a problem that he needs to deal with involving Seth or HHH. How dare they threaten us with another Brock-HHH match. Seth's out with no case, since it was PIRATED. 8:09 and I'm already tired by this show. Seth said he acted alone with his actions. Seth told Paul he was an opportunist, like Paul, and he got a CM Punk chant before apologizing to Brock and Heyman if they were offended. Heyman gave him a pass this one time - and if it happens again, Brock will kill him. HHH raised his voice to Heyman for whatever reason. Seth cut a promo on Ambrose. It's 8:14. Good God! YAY THE LORD OF THE TITTIES HAS ARRIVED! He'll fight Seth for the case - all he has to do is come backstage. Before that can happen, Cena assaults Seth on the ramp. Okay, Steph doing "you can't see me" for Seth ruled.

A WWE Komen ad aired. The Authority met with Noble and Mercury to attack Ambrose. Noble wanted SLEDGEHAMMERS! Noble is still fantastic. IC 3-Way is up. Cole said that Miz should be ashamed for winning by pulling the tights, but Dolph dong it is okay because it was done to him first. Um, shouldn't faces hold themselves to a higher standard than heels? JBL buried Miz's Twitition. I'd just bury the term. They did some slingshot and cradle spots before a break. More cradle combos and exchanges set up a Dolph neckbreaker/DDT to the guys. VINTAGE NOVA! Figure 4 led to Miz being shoved into a Cesaro uppercut that the camera missed. Miz's testicles took a pounding and he ate a horrible figure four from Dolph. Cesaro double stomps Dolph to end that. Miz got the corner lariat on Cesaro after his corner uppercut missed. Miz jumps into an uppercut, and then Cesaro eats a superkick from Dolph, who pins Miz. This was pretty fun. Dolph celebrates. LOL at the fan in the Punk outfit! Miz and Mizdow sold the knee. Nobles and Mercury asked the rosebuds about Ambrose, Big E was told to not answer the question by Woods, and Khali did comedy.

ONCE AGAIN, IT'S THE THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR FOR THE KOMEN THING! And once again, they go through every single thing they do that shows you why they're so great...err...how WWE is helping fight breast cancer. Wyatt/Harper video aired - "YOU'RE DOOMED!" Noble and Mercury told them they failed, and Steph busted Noble's balls for having mustard on his face. Mizdow met with the Authority about how angry he is that he didn't get a one on one match. HHH chuckled. They're here to entertain him, and Mizdow faces Sheamus. And he then buried Miz for being a straight to DVD actor. WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS!? Is Miz going to get his revenge on Ray Bradstone?

Total Divas clips about Tyson and Nattie having issues. I'm missing nothing by not watching the show. This of course sets up Layla-Rosa, with Nattie and Tyson arguing. Tyson fucks off with this by playing games on his phone with his giant head cans. Rosa is out of position for walking. Oh my. Summer and Nattie brawl. Layout neckbreaker wins. This was dreadful, and JBL sums it up by saying "It's over, thank God!" Ambrose is backstage. Wasn't he there before?

Dean came out with Seth's case. It's full of STOLEN MECHANDISE, and since Dean admits to just taking it, he gives it away. His mannerisms are just wonderful. Goons are out and Dean leaves through the people to get Seth in the ring with the case. Seth opens it and bright green paint from the DX collection sprays him in the face. JBL references Kabuki's mist. A MASSIVE Ambrose chant breaks out. Wacky Authority meeting. They mocked Seth, he left to get the paint out of his eyes, and a vibration sound was heard. Everyone checked their phone until they did a long pan to Steph...and it was the case. IT WAS AN ELECTRIC RAZOR. Shocked they didn't reveal a pink vibrator to support breast cancer awareness. This was a fine payoff for Seth saying he had PERSONAL ITEMS in the case.

Henry cut a promo for a sentence before Bo came out. HENRY WHOOPS THAT ASS, but eats a Bodog! BO WINS! Renee interviews Bo, who gets his ass kicked by Henry. So Henry is still a bad motherfucker and you know this. They plugged the Network, the MNW show, and a 15 Years of SD...thing. Tag title recap. Stardust is still an annoying motherfucker. Goldust was tired of the bullshit and destroyed their props. Brie Brie Brie Mode is out and Cole once again plugged the Komen stuff. BRIE'S THEME KEPT PLAYING DURING THE BREAK?! Any reports of mass suicides in Chicago? Nikki's out to not wrestle. Instead, she's cutting a dreadful promo that further buries Bryan six feet under. Cameron and Eva are facing Brie. Wasn't Eva a face? Eva can't work a lick, but she's got a five star ass on her. Eva dominated Brie and Cameron comes in and gets 2 off a suplex. Big JBL chant breaks out. One for King happens, and then Cole gets one, and then Brie cradles Cameron and won. Brie got a yes chant going. Guarantee they give this song to Bryan when he comes back. Titus did an awesome tribute to his late grandmother.

Rose is out. He can fuck right off with Stardust. Slater Gator are out with a Mini Gator in Hornswoggle against the Matadores. Titus meets with FORMER RAW GUEST HOST Jesse Jackson. Gator and the bull did comedy, and Slater won by pulling a matador off the ropes. Titus hits an amazing impact to the bull! Mini gator did the gator roll, and the bunny hopped. And then Cole said that Jesse Jackson finally shut up. How very odd since he said zero words on this show. Ugh. That was indeed stuff. $9.99 ad. Henry-Bo II on Main Event. WOW, A REMATCH OF A 2 MINUTE MATCH!

Rusev's out. Clips of the Show-Rusev match from SD with the KO. Lana said words. Show came out to say words. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! was good. Show cued up a Show-Henry recap from Main Event. RUSEV SPOKE! "I WILL KICK YOU IN YOUR GROIN!" Then Show quoted Big Lebowski and said it was time to knock down a white Russian! Since the flag was already down, Show was mid-ring and TORE IT DOWN! Rusev ran in and got tossed right out. This ruled. Recap of tonight's case drama. Cena talked about loving Chicago and THE MAN WHOSE NAME THEY'VE BEEN CHANTING ALL NIGHT - AMBROSE! It of course led to a Punk chant. He asked Dean if he had anything to add, and he just calmly said nah - but after their match, Seth's ass is his. Cena said Seth was his, and Dean told him no takes food off his plate - not even him. Dean is so great and if they do this right, they'll wind up with three main event-level acts out of the Shield's breakup.

AJ came out and they plugged the tag match tonight. Paige's ass cut a promo on her. Alicia's facing AJ. Remember when Alicia was a huge deal for two weeks? AJ dove onto Alicia and Paige on the floor - it could've gone worse. Paige attacks AJ when she's nearly brought in, and it gives Alicia the win. This heel beatdown is brought to you by MTN DEW! Harper video airs again. Sheamus came out for a match with Mizdow. Miz is on commentary. They joked about the Fappening and JBL threatening to release nude photos of himself. Mizdow ate the Brogue kick and lost, after Sheamus clubbered him, mocked the moneymaker, and tossed him into Miz on the floor. King recited lines about Hogan, who is next.

Hogan came out in pink, why? Because as Cole said WWE HAS JOINED FORCES WITH THE SUSAN G. KOMEN CORPORATION FOR THE THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR. Already sick of the breast cancer awareness stuff and it's not even October. Hogan reiterated that it's in fact THE THIRD YEAR THAT WWE HAS TEAMED WITH SUSAN G KOMEN! Is there anyone on planet Earth who can't see through this shit? BUY THE GEAR AND FIGHT THE FIGHT! If you buy WWE merchandise, not only will the quarter look better, BUT YOU'LL BE FIGHTING CANCER. IF YOU HATE CANCER, BUY WWE MERCH! Kane and Orton bitched about Seth, and Steph told them to do their jobs. She stirred the pot by saying THE FANS SAID THINGS ABOUT THEM. They're heels - why would they care what the fans think? Cole shilled the Austin episode of MNW.

Roman Reigns interview next week, and Show faces Rusev too. Faces came out, then the heels, and Kane avoided an AA for a break.Cena eats a snap powerslam after the break. This match is so exciting we get multiple replays of paint flying in someone's face during it. Oh thank God, an Orton chinlock will solve this problem. Ambrose comes in, dives onto Kane, rebound lariats Orton and hits Dirty Deeds on Orton! But Seth attacks for a DQ. Ambrose came up way short on a dive to Kane due to his foot getting caught. It's 2-on-1, advantage babyfaces. Dean and Cena fought over who could cheapshot Seth. Dean goes to attack Seth with the case, but Orton RKOs him. Heels take control and Seth stomps Dean's head on the case. RKO to Cena! They're doing a fine job building up Cena-Orton...which we saw last week. Chokeslam to Cena. Cena eats the stomp on the case too. This will be fine in highlights, but like a lot of Raw, just dragged on way too long in real-time.


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Sunday, September 28, 2014

Family Guy - "The Simpsons Guy" Review

The show starts off with them referencing crossovers being creative and not at all smacking of desperation. Peter becomes a newspaper comic writer, leading to a misogynistic comic pissing off the town, so they have to leave. Okay then. Some of the lines about pissing off the internet were funny, and I loved the "photo of Spider-Man" being of a chick in a thong, and Peter talking about his superhero thong shot sub-reddit. Dumb and Dumber To ad - Jeff Bridges got really old.

They stop at a gas station and their car gets stolen, leading to them FINDING SPRINGFIELD. The shots of all of Springfield's locales really shows off how iconic the buildings are, and then Homer pays for their donuts at Kwik-E-Mart since their money was in the car and he just wants to help them. This ruled. BTW, with Family Guy's games being so terrible, they should just do a GTA-style game like the Simpsons had 10 years ago - it also has a ton of well-known locations and characters, and could work well.

Bart and Stewie get along with a prank call. Moe can't seem to find "Lee Keybum", but Bart doesn't find Stewie's rape joke funny. Lisa uplifts Meg's spirits to the point of only mild depression. Brian is just disgusted by Santa's Little Helper. Homer is overjoyed by Peter's job at the brewery. Loved the Bob's Burgers cameo during a cutaway. Nelson bullies Bart, so Stewie stands up for his pal and darts him!

Peter and Homer think like a car to find it - and drink tons of gas. Next is the stolen car wash gag that was seen in ads set to "Pour Some Sugar on Me". Lou wants them to arrest every car thief in town, but he wants to watch the show. Lisa helps Meg find her muse with the sax, AND IT WORKS! She's great - but too good for Lisa to tolerate. Stewie tortures Nelson and forces him to eat his shorts. Moleman hits Peter with their car, and they go to Moe's to celebrate. Peter presents Homer with some beer and SHIT GOES DOWN. Homer doesn't like it and finds it to be a knock-off of Duff - then he rips the label off and it's just Duff with a new label. Burns's Lawyer shows up to sue Peter since he's representing the company, and there's the setup for the second half of the special.

They went to court and had cameo city with Mayor West and Quimby getting along great, and going with a gag that called back to the pilot of FG with Kool-Aid Man. Fred Flintstone finds Duff to be the winners in the case, and Brian lucks out with SLH walking up. Meg slits her wrists with Lisa's name on it...yargh. She starts ranting and Lisa tells her to lovingly shut up. Stewie reveals a kidnapped Nelson, and Bart's offended by this and all the other people he kidnapped. Bart unties Nelson and gets a punch - but a muted haw haw due to the ball gag.

Homer gets a paper and feels guilty about the brewery closing. Homer and Peter fight and Peter is offended by the choking and calls him out for being a horrible father. The first masturbation joke in the history of a Simpsons-related thing is made at Chris's expense. They fight on the bus, go through the plant and Homer attacks with Emmys! They fall into a vat of nuclear goo and become super-powered versions of themselves. They brawl INTO SPACE and meet Kang, Kodos, and Roger from American Dad. The saucer flies down INTO THE GORGE and they fall down. This is so great. They knock each other out with a single huge punch before the brawl gets even crazier with a dick bite and a saucer falling on Homer. He lives, they make up, and Comic Book Guy calls it the worst chicken fight ever. Lois says the brewery's still open since they'll never actually come here to enforce the ruling. Stewie closes the show with a chalkboard gag. This was fantastic, and greatly exceeded my expectations.


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The Simpsons - "Clown in the Dumps" Review

It's the season...26, I think, premiere and SOMEBODY GONNA GET GOT! The couch gag was cute switching Homer around to old designs, and then became a mind screw. The Krusty roast was amusing. Loved Krusty being offended that he, THE KING OF OVALTINE, would be past his prime. The act break features Krusty asking his dad if he's funny, and his dad dying. They tease issues with Homer after the funeral. There's a great bit where Krusty says he's tired of the pre-recorded kids laughter, and it has I LIKE IKE at the end. Krusty retires, and he's buried for existing by Clive Meriwether. FXX is apparently doing EVERY SIMPSONS EVER weekly. Good lord.

Homer has sleep apnea, and Krusty is binge-watching his shows thanks to Bart. Krusty has a dream where his dad tells him to change his life, and then his life will go from "eh" to worthwhile. Lisa wraps Homer up in bubble wrap, leading to him being saved when Otto's bus hits him. Krusty is taken to temple by Bart, where he sees his dad's favorite rabbi stealing his bits. Krusty's dad loved his jokes after all - he just couldn't tell him. That was sweet, and the show ends with a dedication to Louis Castellanetta - Dan's father who died at 99 last week. This was a pretty funny episode, and it was good to see the show return to a more dramatic tone since it can pull it off very well.

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Friday, September 26, 2014

WWE SD 9-26-14

This is apparently a wrestling-heavy show and lean on promos - excellent! I had a few extractions done this morning and just woke up about 20 minutes before the show. I'm on strict orders to actually relax, so it will be nice to do that while also getting some work done too. Omen II is on before SD, and boy is it ever stupid to say "give me the daggers!" in a horror movie. Damien lets his aunt kill his uncle, then burns her alive and he just don't give no fucks. Damien's got swagger. SD opens with a Raw is Ambrose recap. Miz and Mizdow are mid-ring MARCHING STERNLY! Ambrose taking Miz out on ME is recapped. Ambrose is out to face Miz, and gets a nice pop. JBL ranted about Dean being mean to Miz and how Kimmel wouldn't have that on his show and he's not all that nice. Cole says he's a friend of WWE, so JBL just gives in. Plancha double axe/hybrid takes out Miz on the floor. Mizdow distracts leading to a big boot for an ad break. Goddammit - the anti-smoking ad features a guy yanking a tooth out!

They come back and Ambrose gets a crossbody and some punches, then a suicide dive. Miz gets a flash cradle for 2! Back elbow sets up a tornado DDT for 2. Missile dropkick is caught into a figure four from Miz! Ambrose gets the rope - Miz comes off really good being a semi-serious worker in there with Ambrose. Rebound lariat from Dean. Mr. MITB and Mr. Kane came out. Miz goes for the Finale, but it's countered into Dirty Deeds for the win! Ambrose brawls for a bit with these guys, and takes the case! Stardust can continue to fuck off - thank God Goldust agrees now. Usos aren't getting their belts. Rusev faces Show tonight. IC top contender battle royal is up after a break, with a sweet close-up of the belt used to hype it.

Cesaro gets an intro in the Buncho Geeks Battle Royal, as does Swagger. Woods, Kofi, and Big E's gear looks fantastic. Xavier's got Sting's weird boots tucked into the gear look going on - doesn't work for him either. JBL puts over that Cesaro won the Andre the Giant Memorial battle royal at WM - the absolute peak of his WWE pop-wise. JBL buries the masked bullfighters and Cole says he did that as Vampiro Americano. JBL points out IT WAS PAINT AND IT WAS DIFFERENT, Cole says it's the same. He's factually incorrect. Buncha geeks are gone. Cole points out that Kofi's always a highlight in these matches, while JBL points out that he never wins. Way to put him over. CESARO PRESSES BIG E! TITUS SAVES SLATER! Big E presses Cesaro, but CESARO PRESSES HIM AGAIN AND THROWS HIM OUT!

They came back and JBL buried Tom for being boring. JBL says Tom acts like he's going to a dentist. Love Slater asking Titus why he got eliminated. Then he got eliminated! "I'M A STUNT DOUBLE, AND I'M AWESOME!" And he's ganged up on and eliminated. Kofi beat Bo on ME and eliminated him here with a fulcrum kick. Swagger bomb to Cesaro. Swagger and Kofi go for...something and Kofi just gets all fucked up in the corner. Kofi gets tossed into Swagger on the apron, and they're both out! This was a showcase for Cesaro and Kofi. Cesaro's new kneeling pose is awesome! They added another graphic to the PPV burial deal. Good lord. They really make themselves look bad saying "hey, we're not worth $55 - in fact, IF YOU'RE PAYING MORE THAN $10 FOR OUR PRODUCT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" Usos was delightfully wacky with Renee - their title match is next.

Usos are out followed by the champs. Big match intro leads to them talking about one NoC rematch already led to a title change, and it could happen again tonight. Uso double dive sets up a break. Usos apparently ate a beating during the break. Stardust attacked the legal Uso next to the announce table and insults Cole too. Armbar codebreaker from Goldust! JBL's really hurting this by not knowing which Uso is which, or caring. Also, Goldust now apparently debuted at WM against Piper. HEAD AND ARM TIE SUPLEX TO STARDUST FROM JIMMY USO! Goldust's flip to the floor was caught by the Usos and he eats the barricade. Nestea Plunge from Stardust is now called the Falling Star. DOOMSDAY DEVICE WITH A FLIP BUMP TO STARDUST! Superfly dive gets 1, 2...GOLDUST WITH A BELT GETS A DQ! This was really good. Ambrose brawl from earlier is recapped. Kane and Seth argued. Seth wants his case back in the exact...heavily-damaged condition it was taken from him in, or else the cinder blocks will seem like child's play. Okay then.

Edge hyped up Haven. It's so good to see him finding success in another field. Nattie-Summer brawl from Total Divas re-re-re-aired. Summer Lay faces Nattie and Rosa. Cole called Tyson Kidd TJ. Summer and Nattie did stuff for a bit. JBL and Cole buried social medicine. JBL said that if Rosa comes in, the building will explode. Pinpoint basement dropkick from Layla to Nattie, while Summer hit a running...kick of sorts to the face. Nattie tries to slam her way out of a guillotine choke. "THE PLACE JUST ERUPTED!" with a canned pop. Cole dared to call her Latina Heat. Layla won with a dreadful schoolgirl with Rosa's shoulder up half the time. Thank God it's over - this was really bad. Henry recap from ME aired. Show talks about he and Henry having a strong bond - not sure how or why though. Show swore to knock Rusev's ass out. Reigns recap is coming after the break.

Same thing as always there. Cesaro-Dolph's up with Cesaro out first. Cole talks about how if Cesaro wins, there will have been three IC Champions since Sunday. JBL puts over the parity of this and how much it proves titles are important. Heartstopper elbows get 1. Cesaro takes him out on the floor. Cesaro lift from the floor to the ring. Big double stomp gets 1. Inverted camel clutch/armbar is locked on by Cesaro - that's unique. Cesaro gets an abdominal stretch and USES THE ROPES. Announcers don't care about that at all. Cole dreams about Cesaro-Finlay. Oh my that would've ruled. Elbow off the second rope from Cesaro! Fameasser is turned into a powerbomb setup, then a sunset flip, which gets the win, but Cesaro's got the rope clearly. Cole buries the ref for that. They went from the finish, to two replays, to Cesaro being upset, to the ref arguing with him, to Cole and JBL talking about it more within the span of about a minute. This was a good finish to keep things going, but they rushed the follow-up horribly. Lana insulted Renee for not knowing Russian, so she translated to the weak English language. Rusev-Show main event is next.

Florida Georgia Line plug. Rusev's out followed by Show. SHOW GETS A SUNSET FLIP FOR 2! Show chops him in the corner and shocks his system something fierce. Rusev clips the knee for the running bus spot. Rusev elbows the knee from behind and in front. Show gets 2 off a sideslam. Calf kick from Rusev gets 2. Chokeslam to Rusev! Lana is brought in, and Rusev attacks Show with the flag, so he loses via DQ. He's now UNPINNED AND UNTAPPED OUT! Show catches the foot and EATS THE KO PUNCH! This was a solid buildup for Rusev-Show in a bigger match, and was one of Rusev's better matches so far.

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Thursday, September 25, 2014

WWE NXT 9-25-14

Mojo runs out to start the show in a rematch with Bull. They brawled outside for a bit and Mojo hit some Velvet-level knees to the gut in the corner. Flying headbutts wins again for Bull. Renee got in a great line after Albert said that Bull's face is only one a mother could love, and she thought a mother would be scared. Tyler came down and was touched by Mojo, so he rammed him into the post. Poor Mojo. A Sin City-stylized hype video aired for Baron Corbin. They're going for some kind of emo biker character...I think. Good vid. Gabriel's new black, silver, and white gear would be really hard to make in FPR - although I think Tiger Mask's stuff could be a fine base. Tyler's legs look so skinny in this dark blue gear. Kneeling flatliner from Gabriel! STO sets up the springboard moonsault for 2. 450 is rolled out of, leading Gabriel to eat a supermodel kick and the Beauty Shot for the win!

Regal asked a PA to get a spot of white tea and some palleo treats for him. Nattie asked for another shot for Tyson, BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. Regal points out that HE WAS PINNED, but gives in for no real reason beyond it being his last chance. If he can't beat Neville, he can never face Neville again for the title - so Kidd beats the guy Adrian loses it to then. Ascension-Lucha Dragons is hyped up as the main event. Bayley faces Bliss next. Bliss comes out followed by IT'S BAYLEY. Jason Albert loves her theme and is so sad she didn't see him dancing! Bayley better keep the inflatable tube men if she gets to the main roster. Love her using little props to give to fans - adds a connection to her, and it costs nothing. Alexa gets 2 off a sunset flip. Flying spinning headscissors from Bliss. They high five! They botched a wonky small package thing. Standing moonsault is avoided, and an awful Bayley-to-Belly hits. Bliss barely left her feet for it. Someone drove 900 miles for Bayley. Wow. Bayley calls Charlotte out, and she wants another shot. Charlotte told her she gained her respect, but the second verse will be the same as the verse - she'll see her soon, kid! This ruled.

ENZO HAS A WU-TANG SHIRT ON IN 20141 Carmella demands to know why she's not in the ring right now. Enzo tells her she's hairdresser hot, but not diva hot, and that if you treat women like dirt, they'll stick like mud. Babyface. Cass tells him to not say that, Carmella shows off her body, and Enzo takes a bump off the exercise equipment - this ruled too. The Legeionaires and...their '70s porno theme hit. Louis's doing the wig deal, which Albert already gives away as being fake. Sing Along With the Guido time. They talked about pie for a bit, and math. They talk about Enzo's hair costing $500 a month, and Albert says he can do it for half that! Albert gives Louis advice - always use shaving cream, and use suntan lotion too - especially if you have a giant head like him. Louis's headgear comes off, he's shocked, and loses via schoolboy with the tights. Babyface. Kidd talks about Nattie's heart being in the right place, but he doesn't need her to get a shot for him - HE WANTS ALL THE POWER THE NXT TITLE POSSESSES! Kidd says he's beaten Neville in every match Neville's lost this year, and he's the next champ - FACT! Tag title match is next.

Zayn promo on the Kidd-Neville match. Both men are desperate, and he's gunning for the title. Lucha Dragons are out to Kalisto's theme, which isn't anywhere near as good as the Sin Cara theme. The in-shape member of the Ascension attacked Kalisto to start. Albert says the Dragons' offense is like a video game - X, X, SQUARE! Headlock gator roll from the fatter Ascension dude looks bizarre and only gets 2. Okay, so Konnor's the fat one and Viktor's in-shape, and comes in with a punch to the gut. Scoop slam gets 2. Chinlock. Bodyscissors. Woa boy is their offense just not good. They're doing way too many things they're not good at. The Road Warrior's didn't do MOVEZ - they just beat the shit out of dudes with power. Viktor gets a European uppercut and 2 for it. Sin Cara flips around to get the lead after a hot tag. Kalisto's back in, but Itami comes out! SDS hits and gets the win! Itami kicks the fuck out of Konnor on the ramp. Okay shot - but nothing essential tonight. The Enzo skit was probably the best overall thing, and maybe character-wise, having Zayn view Neville as desperate as Kidd.

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Wednesday, September 24, 2014

TNA Impact 9-24-14

The pre-show Cops features a guy being arrested for bringing cocaine into the country. ROBBIE E IS IN A 5-MAN TOURNAMENT FOR THE WORLD TITLE. 1 - Why is he in this? 2 - Since when do tournaments not have an even number of competitors? Roode-Lashley recap made that come off like a pretty great match - didn't show the over the top AA though. JB looks so fat right now, and his explanation of this NYC Gold Rush thing makes very little sense. Everyone faces...someone, and I don't think they face each other, but I don't know. An MVP hype video airs making him seem like a threat, which is impressive given how little he's worked in TNA. He starts the show in a match saying THERE AIN'T A BADDER MAN IN THE RING. Dun Dun Dun... It's MVP vs. Low Ki in a BATTLE OF THE BODY SUITS! Well, this should be MVP's best match in TNA by far. Ki cuts a damn good promo in this video talking up the X Title and how if you hold that title, you'd better be good enough to be worthy of that championship and the men who have held it before you.

Within MINUTE ONE they already have a better match than MVP has had so far by focusing on matwork. MVP gives a clean break until he elbows him right in the face - nice. Ki gets his kangaroo kick out of the corner, but MVP pulls him off the top and rains down some punches. Ki avoids the player kick and hits a corner forearm before eating some chops. MVP eats them with some strong style selling, undoes the top and tells him to bring it on. Now this is a good thing we never saw from MVP in WWE because it shows that he IS a competitor, and that's something you can use for a face turn down the line. He gets the edge with a spinning lariat, which I don't recall him doing before. Players kick sends Ki to the floor.

MVP's cross chop sets up the facebuster and BALLIN ELBOW! MVP mocks Low-Ki's poses. LOW KI COMES BACK BY HOPPING OFF OF MVP'S SHOULDERS AND MULE KICKING HIS BACK! This got a "that was cool!" chant, and it was! Buzzsaw kick gets 2! I'm definitely having this match in FPR later. Ki kicks MVP to the floor. DIVING SPRINGBOARD MISAWA ELBOW TO THE FLOOR! It gets "that was awesome!". MVP blocks the Krusher again, but eats a front Kawada kick. MVP avoids a koppo kick and gets the drive by for the win! THIS RULED! Robbie E chatted with the Bro Mans about being on the Amazing Race with Brooke and dating Velvet too...BUT KEEP IT A SECRET. Jessie tells him hey bro, I'M A REALITY TV STAR BRO, and cameras are everywhere on reality shows and right...over here...and then Robbie jets. This was so much funnier in execution than in theory. Ladder match 3-way highlights are coming up.

They had a really heartfelt tribute to Eric the Actor showing photos of him at an '02 show and then at a newer one with the Bro Mans backstage. This was really sweet, and didn't come off as something they wanted to do for publicity like with WWE's tribute. They had a really good highlight reel for the ladder match, but it was a bit too fast-paced. The orangest version of Robbie E ever came out. He cut a hilarious promo about being tougher than anyone in the world, bringing Tajiri out. Tajiri somehow looks a bit younger facially and doesn't have as much of a gut as his last appearance. Tajiri gets a minor lead and a "you still got it" chant, so Robbie E hits a super Hart Attack and yells I STILL GOT IT! Tajiri eats a DDT, but the ref goes down, so Tajiri mists Robbie, kicks him, and wins! Spud's asked about problems with EC3 - he says clearly the man just heard them on THE INTERNET!

Spud was very sad after talking to EC3. Poor Spud and his blue and flowery suit. Aries is out and Tenay says that Aries could realistically go for any title since he's held them all. Taz rightfully points out that he should go for the World title since he's won all three. Menagerie's out. Steve honks a horn now. Rebel's ass accompanied the group, and Aries checked her out as she entered the ring. KNUX DID A HANDSTAND, so Aries did a cartwheel. Taz invites Rebel to do that on the announce table. KNUX ROLLS THROUGH AND NIPS UP OUT OF AN ARM WRINGER! Dude's still got some agility! Crowd chants JUMP JUMP JUMP and Aries claps for him too. Knux booted Aries in the...face-ish area ideally to nix the suicide dive. KNUX HIT A DROPKICK! Aries mixed middle round kicks with forearms to wear him down. Hamstring kick sets up an ear clap. Aries dives, but Knux moves, so he hits the Freak and then Knux hot shots him on the apron. Sideslam gets 2, setting up an Avalanche and flying bear for 2. Aries counters a Sky High finish with a rana sending him into the buckle. Corner dropkick! Brainbuster doesn't work, so he hits some rolling elbows and the dropkick and gets the DELAYED BRAINBUSTER! This over-delivered, and was just about perfect for what it needed to be - Knux hasn't looked this good in TNA yet, and showed more agility here than he ever did in WWE. MVP, Tajiri, and Aries are in the Gold Rush so far. Roode-Lashley recap with exclusive footage airs next. Magnus's Gold Rush match is next.

He'll be facing Anderson, who gets interactive with the fans for his intro. Magnus does the Finlay spot with the ring skirt punches. Anderson wins a mid-ring punch exchange. Finlay roll gets 2. Mark of Excellence hits for 2 - would've been 3, but Ken gets a foot on the ropes. Anderson avoids it again, Mic check hits and gets the win! Abyss's match is next, while a Gail-HAVOK preview is coming as well. 20 seconds of a KO calendar cheesecake video airs.

Team 3D highlight video showed their history from ECW to now. It was a great setup for their HOF induction. They recapped the Gold Rush matches so far. Havok-Gail video made Havok seem like a killer, and Gail said she wouldn't quit. Abyss is out and his match is next. Well, that all killed some time. Abyss is out to face Shaw. Tenay recaps his issues with Christy. They do a bunch of nothing until a chokeslam. Shaw used a chair and the ref didn't see it. He ate the Black Hole Slam and...yeah, this was a thing. I liked Abyss's absence being explained by the monster's ball with Bram since it makes a match like that at least seem special in theory. Gold Rush is next.

Everyone got full intros to kill time. Taz said Tajiri's song is one of his favorites, Tenay called it a chart-topper, and Taz sang it. Okay then. It's a 5-way match with guys tagging in and out. This is theoretically very odd, but it makes sense since you can rest like a tag match and also forcibly tag in when things look like they're going your way. They talked about Tajiri might go for the X Title or pick Aries as his partner again to go after the tag titles, while Aries probably wouldn't do that and go for a singles title. This nicely set up their sequence, which was a friendly rivalry deal. Anderson comes in and gets some backbreakers, but Abyss comes in and eats some forearms. MVP forces his way in against Abyss. Tajiri kicks away at Abyss. Misty water to the face of Abyss during a chokeslam. Anderson comes in with a neckbreaker. Everyone does shit, MVP and Aries come in, MVP's drive by is countered into a jackknife pin and Aries becomes the "toughest man in NYC" with a rollup. Okay then. The first half of the show was largely good, but hour 2 wasn't so hot.

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