Saturday, November 18, 2017

NXT Takeover War Games

The pre-show features an awesome video on the War Games hype. Ellering beinig with AOP pays off wonderfully here with him talking about how hard the first one was. A historical war video package sets off the show. Mauro, Nigel, and Percy call the action. Kassius Ohno comes out in a great-looking blue and black getup. Lars Sullivan gets this new Kane-esque intro bathing him in red. Lars eats a corner elbow but FEELS NOTHING! Knocks him down off a huge shoulderblock! Another one off the apron sends Ohno down, and a giant lariat off a nip up makes Lars look even more like a monster. Lars nails him with a pop-up powerslam and goes up top and the diving headbutt misses. Rabbit elbows hit for Ohno before a cyclone kick gets 2. Lars eats some kicks and WANTS MORE! Sullivan eats a discus elbow, but he hits the Freak Accident to win it! This ruled!

Undisputed Era meets backstage and we get a recap of the Velveteen Dream vs. Black rivalry. Black's intro is candle-filled and perfect, while Velveteen is still missing something. Rude-esque tights for Velveteen tonight as they're airbrushed with he and his opponent on them. This match started with Black as the face, but Dream turned face throughout it due to the size difference and due to him really just being a likeable asshole. We get a great spot of the Indian style sit and then a faceoff. Dream puts him in the rope and demands he say his name, but Dream still can't get what he wants.

 Quebrada gets 2 for Black, but the CARTWHEEL DEATH VALLEY DRIVER GETS 2 AFTER HE EATS A KICK! This is an awesome showcase for Dream! Black hits a giant knee, but Dream HITS A SPIKE DDT FOR 2.9! This is being given a chance and fucking MAKING THE MOST OF IT. Velveteen Dream's gimmick isn't five stars, but this match sure as shit is. Purple Rainmaker is countered with a boot and he gets knocked into the Andre position he used on Black. BLACK ATTACKS, BUT EATS A SUPERKICK, AND THEN A KNEE STRIKE HITS! BLACK MASS ENDS IT! Holy shit this ruled! Black wins it and gives Dream what he wanted - he said his name!


Asuka, Balor, and Funaki are at ringside. Well, that's just odd. NXT women's title match is up. KAIRI HAS A REVAMPED THEME. BOO-URNS! Ember hits a weird headscissors takeover. Sloppy kicks and a neckbreaker get 2 for Peyton and then Kairi. Ember and Nikki hit a pair of huge telegraphed shots and then Ember takes her out with a powerbomb on the floor. Sane hits the big elbow on Royce, but covers Nikki and Ember makes a save for 2. DOUBLE ECLIPSE TO THE HEELS AND EMBER WINS IT! Asuka was the best - and now Ember is the Best of the Rest Champion. Asuka and Regal put Ember over as champion, with Asuka stealing the show with her body language.  Ember still feels like a Best of What's Left champion.
Joe and Owens are in the crowd and we get a Drew-Almas hype video. Zelina comes off so great in video packages - not so much in live promos though. Almas's theme is awesome! Drew comes down in a kilt, which looks cool. The theme is still not great though. Mauro just compared Drew to Super Mario Odyssey somehow. Almas steps to Drew before standing behind Vega. Ha! Almas gets 1 off a neckbreaker/Nightmare on Helms Street thing. Drew gets 2 off the celtic cross while a "3MB" chant hits. Rewind reana is met with an INVERTED ALABAMA SLAM! Drew goes up for a lariat, but eats a springing dropkick. Drew goes for a powerbomb on the post, but Zelina prevents it and ranas him into the post. A BIG MOONSAULT HITS AND GETS 2.5! Future Shock hits for 2, and a shotgun knee gets 2 for Almas. ZELINA HITS A SPIKE RANA! HAMMERLOCK DDT HITS FOR 2.9! Almas flips off the Claymore before Vega...sorta puts the foot on the rope but not really for 2. Claymore misses by nine miles. SPIKE HAMMERLOCK DDT ENDS IT! ALMAS WINS THE TITLE!

Mauo puts War Games over as the brainchild of Dusty Rhodes. Dustin and Arn are at ringside. The rules are recapped and it's a shame they have changed the time limits by letting two people in at once, but I guess it does streamline things. EY plays the role of Eaton to start things off - as it should. He can be the glue throughout it all. I like the shark cages being at the entranceway, even if it was a bit odd for guys to just agree to stand in those. Era guys mock Sanity in the cages. Adam Cole starts things off for his team.ADAM COLE BAYBAY would be so cool if they could've lined up those signs perfectly behind him.

Strong is in AOP cosplay gear. Okay, they need to nix this "one night partners do cosplay" deal. Strong starts things off and takes the vest off. Strong plays a face in peril and does this even more when the Era comes in after the first five minute period. Strong eats a ton more offense before AOP runs down! BIEL FROM RING 1 TO RING 2 TO COLE BAYBAY! AOP RUN WILD! SANITY RUNS IN. Wolfe brings in a billy club, so Daine brings in more weapons. Daine hits a big dive and gets 2. Damo hits a big Michinoku driver for 2 and then a Samoan drop/fallaway slam before Akam hits a giant powerslam for 2. FLYING ELBOW! DEATH VALLEY DRIVER ON AKAM FROM EY! RING TO RING SUPER COLLIDER!

DOUBLE TOWERS OF DOOM! And Cole stands on his perch!  Cole goes to leave, but AOP stops him and crotches him before setting up the table. DAINE GOES COAST TO COAST! Strong and Cole are up top and tease a superplex to a "please don't die" chant. SUPERPLEX TO THE PILE MID-RING! LAST CHAPTER ON THE MID-RING STEEL! Cole beats EY to win this craziness,

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

SD Live 11-14-17

Shane delivers a sermon to the roster and says they won't be the B show - they'll be THE SHOW. We get a goofy SMACK-DOWN LIVE singalong. Bryan talks about how they love to treat their champions right, and how Raw's CHAMPION OF THE UNIVERSE has his own advocate - so he offers AJ his own personal advocate too. AJ cuts an intense promo and New Day faces Sami and KO. Baron beats Sin Cara to face Miz at the PPV. HHH's burial of Jordan is shown. Charlotte comes out to face Nattie. Nattie locks on a great surfboard, but Charlotte uses his legs to power out and chop away. Charlotte gets a deep crotch lifting suplex into the corner...sorta. Charlotte goes for a moonsault on the floor, but Nattie powerbombs her on the post. Nattie gets the sharpshooter, but Charlotte counters and wins with the Figure 8 before celebrating with Ric! That ruled! They played his theme and she either had no idea, or is a damn fine actor. This would have been a great ending to the 30 for 30.

They strutted together and for one night, Charlotte was Flair country - only now it's Charlotte Flair country. Bludgeon Brothers do a wacky promo. Usos say that the mouthpiece won't protect Cesaro from a superkick. We get a rundown of all the teams they've locked down and we get a great Jimmy vs. Gable match with an apron PK and superkick ending it. New Day and Sami/KO have a fine match until Raw invades. The Shield comes down with half-Raw and half-Shield shirts. We get a repeat of the Under Siege stuff, only with Raw as the aggressors. Shane eats the Shield bomb twice. And also, Roman and Braun are now united for BRAND LOYALTY.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

WWF Summerslam 1991

This was one of the first VHS tapes I ever got in '93 when I became a fan, and I could watch this show for ages. With the passing of Bobby Heenan, and the wayback playback on this show, I might as well enjoy it once again. Vince's narration gives us a peek into Mr. McMahon and we go to Piper, Gorilla, and Bobby Heenan. The Dragon, the Texas Tornado, and the British Bulldog are out with Ricky doing the fire stuff. Slick leads his team of Warlord and Power and Glory down. Davey is absolutely enormous here. Ditto Warlord, Roma, and Herc. Herc is pale with a giant roid gut, but his arms are massive.

Ricky gets a nice middle-rope armdrag on Roma. Roma gets a nice back elbow and slugs away in the corner. Power and Glory's gear is fine and Roma in long tights works better for him. Kerry runs wild on Herc for a bit. Davey and Warlord charge into each other before Ricky hits a diving chop. Ricky goes for a corner monkey flip, but Warlord hangs on and Ricky bonks his head. Roma hits a big lariat on Ricky before getting the triple backbreaker. Herc slams him and then Warlord slams him before being a great bully before Herc stun guns him. Warlord attacks him and we get some classic work with Ricky begging on his knees and then getting a few shots in. Warlord misses a flying nothing off the second rope. Davey comes in and Kerry hits a tornado punch on Warlord. Crossbody off the top wins it and gets a huge pop.

Sean Mooney interviews Perfect and "Coach" John Tolos. Perfect looks young, while John Tolos looks like a young 70 year old. Well, it's a payday for him I guess. Shockingly, just having Tolos be "wrestling legend John Tolos" and put him over would have been better. Helen, Stu, and Bruce are in the crowd. Tolos catches the towel, and Hennig actually jumps over the top rope despite being in a lot of pain. Tieup starts things off before Hennig eats a crossbody. Hart lands some big punches in the corner and slams him down. Big flip bump to the floor off a lariat. Yeah, he's all painkillered up. Hennig punts the ribs and knocks Bret into a photographer who no-sells it.

They brawl on te floor for a bit and Curt climbs up top for some reason and punches Bret down into  a skewer. NICE swing into a sleeper by Curt and a crucifix is countered into a Samoan drop by Hennig. Curt is sent into the post leg-first and eats a suplex. Small package gets 2. RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP! Rolling cradle gets 2 and Hennig takes a big bump to the floor. Well, he knows he's done and really this is his final truly great classic. Coach eats a bump on the apron and Bret gets crotched with a rope kick. Curt kicks the gut before going for a legdrop, which works, and then gets countered into a sharpshooter to crank it. Curt attacks and Bret takes the singlet off.

Bret hugs the family and Stu says...something. An ad airs for a Hot Ticket - which wasn't on the VHS. It's a Hogan documentary of some sort. Bushwackers are with Andre and we see Earthquake take his knee out. The Bushwackers are just terrible, but hey, they got paid for a long time off this. The faces run wiild and march. Typhoon locks Butch in an overhead backbreaker and then Quake does a bearhug with no tag. Misue leads to Quake hitting Typhoon. One of the whackers gets sandwiched and squashed by Quake. LOD comes down to help Andre, and get a huge pop too. 

Ted and Sherri are awesome evil-doers. Now we get a slave video. Virgil gets kissed by Piper and pulls Ted's tights down before beating him up in the corner. Virgil sends him outside a bunch to get some pops. Virgil misses pescado and takes a great bump for it. Virgil is down for a long time, and it's amazing to see something sold in a wrestling match. Virgil eats the steps and makes a great face in peril. This is a great story of the rookie in the story getting an edge, but the cagey veteran knowing the tricks. Ted's fistdrop is so perfect. Ted hits a double sledge. Virgil gets the million dollar dream so Sherri hits him with her purse to make it a DQ so Ted can retain. HOWEVER, the ref will just eject her and allow it to continue! Piper is just great here as the ultimate hype man for Virgil. Ten shots in the corner works for Virgil.
Corner mount punches work perfectly too. Ref gets do-see-doe bumped in the corner. Ted talks shit to Piper, which gets him livid. Big suplex hits for Ted. Another big ones hits. The piledriver gets Ted a visual pin. Ted slaps the ref and teases one more - but first, he stalls and takes the pad off the buckle. Ted talks shit, but Virgil smashes him into the buckle twice and we get a double down. Virgil gets the win! We get a recap of the Mountie-Bossman feud with Mountie backstage with the cops. Mountie is just such a perfect ham - it's great. Bossman cuts a great promo on Mountie for insulting cops and reminds him that he's the law and order of the WWF.
Mountie has this really serene theme that is great. Bossman runs down and comes in to kick ass. We've got two men with black slacks with a yellow stripe and one in powder blue against red. Jimmy Hart's airbrushed jacket is perfectly '91. Bossman punches him out and does the rope avalanche. Bossman catches him, carries him around and does a constant thumbs down before dropping him. Now that's awesome too. Mountie hits a jumping back elbow. Mountie gets a jumping elbow for 2. Mountie hits a dropkick and elbows his jaw. Mountie hits a slow piledriver. Mountie goes to shock him, but Bossman uppercuts him and the stick goes flying. Double leapfrog by Mountie leads to a Bossman uppercut and the Bossman slam gets 2! This is shocking and it gets a huge pop. Mountie trips him. Mountie goes for another piledriver, but AN ALABAMA SLAM ENDS IT! The cops take him back and Bossman drags him around. Mountie is chewing the scenery up and it's glorious. I'M THA MOUNTIE! We get a multi-camera shoot for him leaving and it's all done perfectly.
Piper has a great line about finally liking the sound of sirens. Ted and Sherri lose their minds over the title loss. Sean Mooney chats with Bret and Jimmy Hart goes to Gene with the Disasters and is BACK IN HIS GETUP FOR THEM while Quake has taken his top down. He should never have done that. John Tenta IS ONLY 28 HERE and looks 45. Bossman says that JAILBIRDS CAN'T FLY. Savage is with Gene in his form white and gold wedding tights, as ya do. They hype up the wedding and run down what we have to go. Bobby teases a heel turn by Sid because they haven't heard from him tonight.

Mountie arrives at the jail and Mountie is still complaining before getting loaded into jail for step one of things. This is a great show-long angle. Nasty Boys are angry about LOD and Tunney COAGULATING for the rules.  WE GO BACK TO THE JAIL where they act like the Bossman is there to get him to show his face for his photo. Oh this is tremendous. Jimmy says this is an invasion of privacy and we go to the LOD hyping things up. There is a TON of filler here, but it's all actually building to things so it doesn't feel like it. Hawk cuts a great coked-up promo with his usual WELLLL to start it off. Mountie is having his prints taken, they ask for the finger and he gives them the finger. Awesome stuff and pretty edgy for a '91 show.

Sean interviews the evil Sgt. Slaughter group. Sid is in a ref tanktop next to Gene all roided up. We get footage of him talking to the Iraqis and he says he promised them nothing. Nasties are out to face the LOD. LOD jumps them with the spikes on and sends them packing. Kneeling powerbomb by Animal STARTS THINGS OFF for 2. Hawk and Sags stagger around before an enzuiguri. Tray of drinks to the back of Hawk. Hawk sells and sells and the crowd dies. Animal tags in and runs wild and powerslams Knobbs. Nasties use the helmet, so Hawk grabs it and bonks everyone before the Doomsday Device ends it. These are the deep gold versions of the belts too. Back at the jail, Mountie tries to leave before getting thrown into his cell.
IRS is mid-ring to face Greg Valentine. Now this should be at a glacial pace, but if we're lucky, it'll move up to slow and plodding. Greg stands around while Gorilla recaps the entire event. Greg FIRES PU with a slow lariat. IRS's mullet is something else. Greg is actually slim here. Abdominal stretch with the ropes! IRS goes up, but Greg sends him down. IRS jams his knee into the buckle and sets up the figure four. Big elbow hits and the figure four is locked on, but he gets the ropes. Greg pulls him off the rope and lands a shin breaker. IRS headbutts the balls and cradles him to win. Hogan cuts this amazing promo about being WWF Champion in '84 and winning it in MSG. Oh, and hey, there's Warrior too! He gets to talk about Warrior Wildness. That sounds like a disease.
Sid comes down and does the Brock jump to the apron. Adnan had an incredible story that Jim Valley talks about where he was Saddam's cousin and Adnan wrestled in state-funded shows to beat guys like Andre before leaving as soon as possible. VLAD MARKS OUT OVER SEEING HOGAN! This has become an iconic Hogan intro due to how much it's been repeated, and the hulkster bandanna is great. Gorilla puts Hogan as the biggest WWF Champion of all-time. Well fuck you Warrior. Hogan and Sarge goes through the motions. Hogan hits a double sledge off the second rope. We get a double down and Sid counts. Warrior chases the goons to the back and Hogan tosses powder in Sarge's face and drops the leg to win.
Sid gets the call to pose with Hogan and makes some hilarious faces the whole time. Hogan strips his tanktop off to show off his body. They do the posing and Hogan puts him over huge with all of this. Sid is THE MAN here and he's made. We go back to the Mountie, with his cellmate who "really loves the way leather feels against his body". Now to be fair, Mountie was warned by the cellmate's bitch to be quiet or he'd make him mad - so yeah, this was odd to see in 2017. We see the wedding setup. The super-sappy wedding song is changed out because they don't own the rights. Well that sucks.

The slow-mo shot of Honky stopping to avoid hitting Savage with a guitar is hilarious since his rolls are jiggling. Savage's giant feather is great and there's even a fountain mid-ring. A wrestling wedding is headlining a PPV, which is amazing. The wedding is done and they don't show the Coliseum Video of the Jake and Taker attack. Well that's a shame.

Sunday, October 22, 2017

WWE TLC 2017

Miz cuts a great promo on Kurt Angle, and that really should be a singles match they do and give Kurt one last IC Title run. Kurt meets with Elias, who wants a performance tonight. JJ stands up for Kurt, so we're getting that later. Drew Gulak comes in to hype up his Powerpoint Presentation, BUT HE HAS BEEN CUT FOR TIME. He then cuts an entertainingly dull promo about it. SURVIVOR SERIES IS THE ONLY NIGHT OF THE YEAR WHERE RAW TALENT FACES SMACKDOWN TALENT... Well, expect for tonight. Sasha and Fox have a sloppy match. Sasha gets some terrible soft style mounted punches. This is incredibly bad on every level, and the commentators are making it even worse. Backstabber into the Bank Statement ends it and Booker calls it a great match. Seth and Dean cut a great promo on the main event.

The show-opener is incredible. Goddamn this video is great - imagine if they could just...put guys over and make them feel important all the time. Angle, Mickie, and Asuka came off as the best in the world here. Emma's red booty shorts are great, but ASUKA IS THE MAN. Emma gets a surprising amount of offense here, and it's her first WWE PPV match ever. Emma's tree of woe kick combo is great - good to see some new stuff from her. Emma eats the ankle lock and German before the chikenwing ends it. Great little match.

And now we get a parade of This is My Character promos with the main event's heels. I was more excited about the main event before that WWE Words promo. Elias is singing and Jason Jordan is mean to him and throws produce on him. Kendrick comes out for his tag match. Gallagher gets a new evil theme. The cruiserweight tag, as it does on Raw, kills the crowd absolutely dead. Small guys doing WWE Style in a WWE-style tag match. THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE WANTED WHEN THEY WANTED A SHOW FOR THE CRUISERWEIGHTS, RIGHT!?  Cedric Lumbar Checks Kendrick and ends it to a mild friendly applause. Bliss has some of the best modern-looking nerd culture merch out there.
Cole says that Mickie is approaching legendary status already. Wow. Alexa should've dedicated the match to Larry Steve in her pre-match promo. A slapfight leads to a double kick double-down. Sunset bomb gets 2 for Alexa. Mickie gets crotched up top and lands on the shoulder before "hitting" a dropkick off the top for 2. Mickie gets posted and Alexa wins with the snap DDT - this was quite good. Dean and Seth give Kurt some Shield vest cosplay. Great!
Cruiserweight title recap leads to Enzo coming out. There are pimps watching Enzo and going "damn bro, tone that shit down!" He has also lost his voice and is still the best talker on the show. Enzo eats a beating, pokes him in the eye, and wins with the Jawdunzo. AJ using the hood pop on an actual hoodie is a great way to market the merch. Love them showing ONE GUY holding his phone in landscape mode for the Demon intro.What's up with the demon having a wacky belt on like he's the fucking Voodoo Queen in TNA?"The NOTORIOUS CLUB that he started in Japan".

These two just have the best match possible given the circumstances. AJ had to be super jet-lagged, but didn't lose a step and had his best match in months. AJ HITS THE USHIGOROSHI! Balor avoids the Clash, but AJ sends him down face-first with a facebuster anyway and gets 2. Calf slicer is on! Balor escapes and avoids a forearm before landing an apron PK. SHOTGUN DROPKICK AGAINST THE BARRICADE! AJ picks him up and hoists him INTO THE GERMAN ANNOUNCE TABLE! Double down off a crossbody crossup. AJ eats a Pele kick! Inverted 1916 gets 2.5. Balor goes up, BUT AJ HITS THE PELE! Super rana gets 2.5! JESUS that bump off the shotgun dropkick was perfect! Coup de grace ends it! This was easily better than anything at Mania and then we get a TOO SWEET!

Elias sings again. He faces Jordan and stiffs him on a knee before a cradle ends it. A replay shows the right shoulder up at 2.5 and Cole agrees with Booker. DAMMIT, NOW WE NEED A REMATCH ON RAW. The hype video for the main event is incredible - one of the best of the year. Cesaro has an actual chance to breakthrough here in a legit PPV main event. Kurt in this getup is as hilarious as it seemed in theory.
Chairs aplenty to start things off, and Kurt is definitely rusty. SHIELD DOUBLE DIVE TO THE FLOOR ON THE BAR! Sheamus clubs them off the steps, and then gets chucked into them while Cesaro gets crotched. Booker is actively destroying Kurt here by pointing out all of his flaws. Thanks, Book! They set up the heels on the announce tables and they set up ladders and DIVE THROUGH THEM!
The Bar beats up Kurt in the corner and Seth's knee is seemingly out because he landed badly on the table. They tease a Shield powerbomb to Kurt, but the Shield saves him. ROLLING GERMANS TO MIZ! SHEAMUS AND CESARO EAT IT TOO! ANKLE LOCK TO KANE! BRAUN POWERSLAMS KURT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE FLOOR. This is a riot. The heels run wild with chairs.

Things get glacial and the faces kind of fight back. Kane accidentally hits Braun, and that will definitely play into things later. Double crucifix is horrible-looking and couldn't even break a table. Miz gets a trash truck backed into the ramp and they go to through the faces into it. They recover and dive onto the heels. Braun saves Kane from a double suplex through a table on the ramp. Then KANE AND BRAUN BRAWL. KANE CHOKESLAMS HIM OFF THE STAGE THROUGH A PART OF THE STAGE! Kane pulls a column of chairs down ONTO BRAUN...or you know, around him in the pit. CHAIRS TO THE SURFACE AREA AROUND BRAUN. OH THE HUMANITY!
Kane double chokeslams Seth and Dean and poor Dean once again doesn't have a table break on him. Braun gets up and scares Kane to death. BRAUN DESTROYS MIZ AND SHEAMUS AND CESARO! BELTY THE STROWMAN! They beat up Braun and toss him in the truck! AND THEN THEY CRUSH BRAUN. The heels beat down Seth, but DEAN MAKES A SAVE! KURT COMES BACK AND ANGLE SLAMS EVERYONE! YES! Shield spears the Bar through the barricade and Miz hits the finale, BUT KURT KICKS OUT! KURT LOCKS ON THE ANKLE LOCK AND MIZ SENDS HIM OUT. MIZ GETS SURROUNDED! RIPCORD KNEE, DIRTY DEEDS AND THE ANGLE SLAM HIT! TRIPLE POWERBOMB ENDS IT! This was an awesome clusterfuck.

Sunday, October 8, 2017

WWE Hell in a Cell 2017

David Otunga has a new hat and we have a new interview robot. Tye meets with Bryan and does vaudeville bits with him over yes and 10. Also, Tye wants to be in the US Title match and I think he's in it and it's a triple thread. Nakamura vs. Jinder feels like maybe a World TV Title-level feud. Aiden sings. WWE's last run of WWE Shop ads was all about being an individual and finding your style - now it's all about joining the crowd to fit in. Shelton's got his best gear ever - he finally looks like a star. Gable and Benjamin's finish is right out of Day of Reckoning 2 - awesome. They win and they can't split the Hype bros up fast enough. JINDER MAHAL is the toughest challenge of Nakamura's career. Jinder Mahal. What in the fuck.

New Day vs. Usos starts the show. Well, the rest of this show may warrant watching after the fact. New Day comes down and chats about the Cell. Cane usage goes the way of the faces, with Kofi outside. Woods wraps a chain around his fist and E wheelbarrows him for a fistdropfor 2. E eats the steel and then Jimmy dives onto Woods into the cell too. BIG E MISSES THE SPEAR INTO THE CELL!  Trombone to the balls, then a cowbell to the balls. Now a gong. Uso superkick gets 2. E eats some cane shots. Canechairto. E TOSSES GUYS AROUND. E does a uranage off the apron and Xavier tries to do a backstabber too - so that just never needs to be done again. Midnight Hour gets 2.5. thanks to a save. Double team cane shots with the rainbow-colored cane. THEY TRAP HIM IN THE CELL WITH THE CANES! This is brilliant. DOOMSDAY DEVICE SUICIDE DIVE ONTO E INTO THE CELL! Goddamn, this is a crazy video game match. Uso double dive gets 2.9!

Usos gets some cuffs and E is cuffed to the ropes. Woods gets cuffed on the post and beaten with a cane. Well, this is definitely uncomfortable. Then they beat the fuck out of him with dozens of cane shots! E BREAKS THE CUFFS! BELLY TO BELLY! TACKLE INTO THE CELL! CORNER TO CORNER AGAIN. BIG ENDING HITS FOR 2. Stretch muffler leads to a SUPERKICK PARTY! DOUBLE DIVE GETS 2.9 THANKS TO WOODS! Woods eats more cane shots, but headbutts his way free briefly before EATING MORE CANE SHOTS. DOUBLE DIVE TO THE CHAIR ENDS IT! Goddamn this WAS nuts!
Tye vs. AJ vs. Baron has to follow that...even AJ isn't good enough for that. Nope, just an AJ promo. RUSEV HAS TO FOLLOW THIS!? Yikes. Why the fuck isn't Rusev just jumping Orton during his intro? Rusev kicks his ass and stomps a mudhole into him. RUSEV HAS HIM LOCKED IN A CHINLOCK. Machka of the year! Rusev avoids an RKO and eats a powerslam. RKO ends it. Okay.TLC ad...BUT WILL THERE BE A STAIRS MATCH!? Heath and Kurt do a chicken ad.
Shane stares into the distance backstage. Tye is out with his gooy gear. Faces team up on the heel. AJ gets tossed around. AJ eats a hook off a forearm, but lands a sliding apron knee to Baron. Inside out forearm dive by AJ. Baron grabs him off a forearm and hits the chokeslam backbreaker for 2. AJ hits the forearm to Tye and Baron takes AJ out to steal the win and get the title. A Hart vs. Flairs video airs. Nattie and Charlotte fumble around for a while. Nattie gets 2 off a corner Ligerbomb. Nattie chairshots her for a DQ. The Fashion Files returns with a wacky sitcom intro and Tuesday will have Pulp Fashion for their new case.

WWE Title is up. The goons wearing shirts that match Jinder's gear is a nice touch. Jinder's blue, red, and gold gear is very Superman-esque - only Supes was never this ripped. Nakamura hits the PRIDE knees. Jinder goes for his finish, but Nak turns it into a cradle. Super Kinshasa hits and the goons get involved. Charles Robinson kicks them out. Jinder avoids the corner knee and hits the kolass to win. Wow was this nothing.

Owens does a backstage promo with a new shirt that looks slick - it's a big generic, but the vertical stripe is slimming. Roode comes down in his slick white and black robe. Roode having this gimmick is great because he can just do an indy version of it for eons and get paid. Dolph's "greatest entrance ever" has no lighting or flash - so it's a bit like Batista in 2010, but with no heat. So it's like Dolph with jet black hair. Long chinlocks. Roode sidesteps a superkick with a spinebuster. They do  moon spots of an O'Connor roll and Roode eats a zig zag. Well, that helped zero people. A five hour long video hypes up the main event.

FINALLY, THE CAGE LOWERS. I'd rather be in actual literal hell. Shane hits his flurry to start. "Such a diverse MMA background from Shane McMahon!" Shane gets tossed down and is somehow up doing offense first. What in the fuck.Shane takes some solid bumps into the cell. Shane eats a beating and gets mocked in front of his kids before eating a cannonball. DDT hits KO after a flurry of punches."You still got it!" after a DDT - which even a 60 year old Jake Roberts could do. Shooting star misses and a KO frog splash hits. They put over Shane missing moves, because of course. Shane avoids the powerbomb with a triangle. Rampage powerbomb to the steps on the floor. KO goes for a cannonball through the table, but Shane moves. Shane goes for the coast to coast dropkick with the can. It hits and gets 2 due to the rope break. Shane looks up and the fans pop.

Shane demands that he gets the cage opened, so he gets and struggles with bolt cutters. Thank God Shane has balls of steel and barely had to sell a low blow to set up that DDT. Like anyone would believe a mere mortal like Owens could hit a move on a real-life McMahon. Atomic whip into the door - now that'll hurt the balls. Shane eats a monitor and KO reveals the announce table. Big headbutt to Shane sends him onto the table. He teases a frog splash off the barricade, but stares at the cell. He climbs up - but won't jump. Shane climbs up far slower than KO did. Frye-Takayama spot on the cell. Shane lands a Russian legsweep on the cell. Shane hits a big suplex, and they're really getting the most out of every move up there. SUPERKICK AND A SENTON UP TOP!
Owens sets up a powerbomb up top, but Shane backdrops him. POP-UP POWEBROMB ON TOP OF THE CELL! Well, that was absolutely terrifying. KO goes to toss him off the cell and Shane stops short. They do some awkward running into each other stuff before KO climbs down. BUT SHANE GRABS HIM. They fight on the side and Shane knocks him down through the table - which they almost miss! Shane glances at him to pin him - but looks up. He moves stuff off the main table and sets Owens up. Shane headbutts him to wrap up that story and HE GOES FOR THE ELBOW AND MISSES. SAMI PULLED OWENS OFF THE TABLE! This is fantastic! Sami puts KO on him and makes the ref count - so he has saved his best friend and their story keeps going, now as friends. Crazy finish, but I love the story of Sami really just doing what he could to save his friend - who like him, wasn't given the chances he was promised by Shane.