Tuesday, June 20, 2017

WWE SmackDown 6-20-17

Bryan meets with the MITB chicks before saying that he'll listen to them AFTER Ellsworth and Carmella. They yammer on forever before Bryan bickers with Charlotte backstage. Big E beats an Uso with the Big Ending. Nattie and Tamina yammer, before Naomi tells everyone to feel the glow, but gets interrupted by Lana. Randy cuts a robotic promo about hurting Jinder Mahal. Nakamura and Dolph have another match. The kinshasa to the back of the head sets up the kinshasa and the win. Sami is in a suit and chats with Bryan and Becky. This feels like them possibly teasing a Sami and Becky love storyline.

KO comes out for an open challenge, which AJ accepts. KO says AJ isn't from Dayton, BUT CHAD GABLE IS! Gable gets a dramatic 2 off a moonsault. KO necks him and wins with the powerbomb. Sami and Tye do a Sonic ad - each drink gets a 10. Bryan brings the women out to announce an MITB rematch for next week. Charlotte hits the Natural Selection on Carmella before Becky and her booty shorts lock on the disarmer. Jinder beats Harper with the cobra clutch slam. Orton and Jinder brawl and Randy hits a sloppy RKO to a diving Singh. Okay then.

Sunday, June 18, 2017

WWE Money in the Bank 2017

A giant Jinder video in the pre-show makes him actually seem like THE MAN. The Colons face the Hype Bros on the pre-show and lose a nothing match. The women's MITB match starts things off. Byron cannot say "Carmella" to save his life. It always sounds like Kamala. Everyone gets an intro and then everyone just stands around for a video package for some reason. This is about the women's revolution, which now includes Beth and Jacqueline. All righty. Charlotte runs wild with running boots in her Joker gear. I don't know how it's possible to take a bad bump off a Samoan drop, but Carmella found a way. Nattie and Becky fight over the ladder. Why fight over the ladder? Just let your opponent grab it and then beat the shit out of her. Ass-first bump on the ladder by Becky. Ouch.

Charlotte gets crotched on the ladder by Carmella and they fight up top. Tamina tosses them off onto the ropes. Well, that boot to Carmella was goofy - she sold that way too quickly. Charlotte hits a flip dive to the pile off the top rope to the floor. Becky climbs up, but Ellsworth dumps her. Ellsworth grabs the case for her. So logically, Shane the babyface comes out and nixes this, right? JBL is clearly being yelled at to say "what rule did he break!?" over and over.
Tag title match is up. USOS DOUBLE SUPLEX KOFI INTO THE POST! I demand that be in 2K19! Kofi gets a mushroom stomp! Kofi is locked in the sunrise, and a dive is caught by E for a belly to belly. Kofi gets a dragon clutch! BIG ENDING OUTTA NOWHERE for 2. Midnight Hour gets 2 and the Usos bail and lose by countout.

Bob Orton Jr and Sarge chat. Naomi vs Lana is up with them saying AFTER JINDER WINS THE TITLE, this could be the biggest upset of the century. Lana lands a pair of snap suplexes into the rope. Rear View gets 2, but she eats a high kick. Lana gets locked in whatever Naomi's submission is and loses. FASHION VICE!"It's a VHS tape! is it Coliseum!?"

MIKE AND MARIA KANELLIS ARE HERE! They're basically doing their TNA deal, only now it's with the power of love. Miss MITB recap leads to that awesome Jinder video since it's already time for that one. Baron, Larry Hennig, Greg Gagne, Sarge, Bob Orton, and Flair get their intro. Jinder's face being covered up really does give him an badass aura. They've got something with this.

Orton vs. Jinder is up. Jinder avoids an RKO, but the Orton stomp hits. Jinder gets tossed into the legends, so he attacks the knee and smashes it on the announce table. Jinder does the figure 4, then the spinning toehold of Dory, but Orton avoids the superplex to do his own. RKO, but the Singh brothers put his foot on the rope! They get tossed out, but go after Bob, so Randy makes a save. Randy once again murders them through a table.TABLE TO TABLE RKO! This allows Jinder to get the cobra clutch slam and win it. 

FASHION POLICE ARE OUT! And it's to face the Ascension. Yowza. Crowd dies. Fashion Police win. Everyone comes out, but Baron jumps Nak during his intro. Baron deep sixes Dolph on the floor. KO eats a nasty slam off the top into the ladder by Sami! Sami hits a sunset bomb off the ladder to Dolph! HALF AND HALF SUPLEX ON THE APRON. KO is nuts. AJ DIVES ONTO CORBIN, WHO CHOKESLAMS HIM ON A LADDER BRIDGE! KO pulls Sami off the ladder into a low blow. AA OFF THE APRON ONTO THE LADDER. Jesus. KO is going to kill himself. AJ hangs on the hook and falls, and thankfully lands face-first. Baron goes to climb, but Nak's theme hits. Baron is stopped by music for some reason.NAKAMURA-AJ STAREDOWN! They have a good back and forth exchange for a bit. Baron knocks them off the ladder and wins.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

WWE SD 6-13-17

New Day gets a big trumpet intro before the Usos interrupt and then the Fashion Police come down and then the Colons. We get an 8-man tag and New Day wins with the Up Up Down Down - the Demolition decapitation with a double stomp. Sami is annoying with both Nakamura and AJ, who he'll team with in the main event. Mojo chats about getting his chance against Jinder and he beat him before, but couldn't do it last week. Zack returns and they're buds against. Naomi beats Tamina, but gets beaten up by Lana afterwards and laid out with a hammerlock Sky High. Jinder cuts another intense promo - only now with a swank rug mid-ring. RKO outta nowhere takes out Jinder.

KO stirs things up with his partners. Nattie faces Charlotte, who is in awesome blue and white gear. Nattie gets 2 off a sitout powerbomb, but Natural Selection ends it. We get another amusing Fashion Files bit, showing off Fandango's many leg tats. Lana vows to become the first-ever ravishing SD Women's champion. AJ hits the forearm to setup the mafia kick to win it for the faces, while a brawl breaks out and Nakamura lays out Baron to climb the ladder and grab the case. Nothing show.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

WWE SD 6-6-17

The show starts off with a recap of the women's brawl last week leading to the MITB match. The new white and gold case looks nice. Charlotte brags about being superior while Ellsworth does his DUH bit. Lana comes out in a gown and says that she wants to be in the mix. Naomi says that she hasn't beaten anyone and then she leaves in a huff. Faces vs. Heel six person tag leads to Lana interfering and then Tamina beating Naomi with a nasty superkick. Great-looking finish at least.

Mojo says that winning the Andre battle royal hasn't done anything for him, and SD IS THE LAND OF OPPORTUNITY! He wants a shot in the MITB, but he'll have to beat Jinder. AJ beats Dolph in another short, sloppy match - so they're 50/50! Fashion Files showcase Fandango shirtless. New Day walks backstage with their cart before going black and white for this. They mock the Usos shirts for a bit. Mojo runs around mid-ring before the Singh Brothers introduce Jinder, who now covers his entire face and looks rather badass doing it. Jinder rakes the eyes and hits the cobra clutch slam.

Randy says that Jinder will hear him and New Day comes out and beat the Colons. Usos cut an intense promo on them. Sami cuts a neurotic promo on Nakamura before Baron beats him up and throws him into a bunch of ladders. Naomi tells Shane she wants a match with Lana at MITB and Shane just makes it. Okay then. Nakamura beats KO in an incredibly short match given the guys involved and then Baron beats him up. Great. So no one gets over!

Sunday, June 4, 2017

WWE Extreme Rules 2017

Pre-show is the usual recaps and bullshit. Hardys are in the SOCIAL MEDIA LOUNGE and Matt says the timing is right. Matt says that tonight, they will prove why they are the best tag team in time and space. Kalisto faces Apollo and gets a bit of an edge with a dragonrana senton to the floor. A standing SSP leads to Crew chatting, and then a Titus distraction leads to an SDS win. Riveting. Dean vs. Miz gets things off - so they're starting with one of two matches that feel important. Dean and Miz don't do much, but the crowd is hot.

Dean grabs a chair while Cole says LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT! Booker's ONE MONTH IC TITLE REIGN CRASHED THE GLASS CEILING AND PUT THE FIVE TIME WORLD CHAMPION ON THE MAP. And to think, nothing this company says has any meaning whatsoever.They trade figure fours after a dozen lifetimes and Miz tells Maryse to slap him - but the ref is actually smart and kicks her out. Miz tosses Dean into the ref, distracting him for a Finale win.

Robo Woman says. A lot. Of things. And Bayley. Buries Alexa's segment. Noam Dar and Fox are out to face Rich Swann and Sasha. Faces win. No one cares. Bliss vs. Bayley is up and the video package takes nine years. Bayley starts off being a moron by actually trusting the heel to just let her go grab the kendo stick. Bayley gets the stick, but Alexa steals it and hits her and then lands the DDT to end it. Wow.

 Tag title match time. The faces bonk the heels against the cage to DELETE chants.  Jeff takes a bump from far too high off the side of the cage given how banged up he is - making it 2 on 1. Jeff climbs again to save Matt, but gets sent down. Matt hits a twist. A super white noise leads to Jeff hitting a whisper in the wind off the top of the cage. This leads to Jeff...somehow being legal again, and due to that, Matt can't pull him out of the ring in time and the heels win.

Neville vs. Aries is up with another super-long video package. This is a fine match, I just can't care about any of it. The commentary undermines everything and they aren't doing enough to make this feel like a true blowoff match.They trade Rings of Saturns, but Neville tries to shove Aries into the ref. In a lame move, the Last Chancery is done OUTSIDE, but the ref says it doesn't count. Aries misses the dive, eats the Red Arrow and then taps to the Rings. Gotta be shitting me.

Main event time! Joe and Bray form an uneasy allaince and take out everyone before toying with Finn. Bray and Joe hit back to back sentons to Finn with a chair on Finn, but Roman makes a save. Well, sorta - he powerbombs Finn, but eventually goes after the heels. Roman eats a nasty uranage on the announce table, which doesn't budge.

Balor recovers and gets revenge on the chair usage by Bray and Joe by chairshotting them and then landing double stomps with the chair before landing a shotgun dropkick on the barricade. Choke is on Finn, but Roman spears them through the time keeper's area! Seth hits a HIGH FLY FLOW THROUGH THE TABLE ON BRAY! Roman and Seth slug it out and Seth hits a superkick and a high fly flow for 2. BUCKLE BOMB, BUT ROMAN RECOVERS AND SUPERMAN PUNCHES HIM. Shotgun kick to Roman and the slingblade hits, and the double stomp hits - BUT JOE CHOKES HIM OUT! YES - Joe faces Brock!

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

NXT 5-31-17

NXT has a new buttrock theme. Ciampa blames the fans for his injury and his attack on Johnny. He talks about being hurt before Takeover and the fans already looking for replacements for him. He isn't an afterthought, and they had something special with DIY - but the fans ruined it, and if he's going away for a while, then so is Johnny Wrestling. He's 32 and this ring isn't replaceable! Ohno and Strong face EY and Wolfe. Dunne faces Burch later.

Roode is driven around and is lit in a way that makes him look 45. Dunne and Burch have a nice armlock exchange, but Dunne stomps on the head. Burch lands a big headbutt for 2, but a snap Saito suplex gives Dunne an edge and the X Plex gets 2. Burnch hits a desperation spike DDT for 2. Bitter End beats Burch. Dunne says he's tired of watching a boy carry his title, and he issues a statement to "the United Kingdom brand". Okay. The Velveteen Dream says some words. Okay then.

Ellering narrates a cool AOP video package. Almas dominates Ceasar Bonane, but he gets cocky and loses via small package. The new mean girls do a video and Ember RUINS IT. After Takeover, Hideo destroys the locker room and cusses out Ohno, who actually looks slim in a suit. They shake hands outside the building today, and Itami faces Oney next week. Ohno has new Sixers-inspired checkerboard gear. The checkerboards don't flatter him, but the gear itself is baggy and a big improvement. Jose counteracts Damo and allows the faces to take control. A big discus elbow hits and the suplex/backbreaker beats EY.

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

WWE SD 5-30-17

KO's highlight reel starts things off with him bragging about how Jericho made MITB - but he'll do what Chris never did and actually win it. Promo parade time with Nakamura, Baron, and Sami and then a brawl breaks out. I smell a tag match. Baron is a fine bully in there with Sami, while Nakamura kicks away at KO. Kinshasa KOs Owens, to further their issue and either tease a US Title run for Nakamura, or maybe an MITB case win with KO knocking Nakamura off the ladder. Usos chat for a bit before NEW DAY RETURNS and talks about what goes in jail and then they quote the Booty Warrior about likesen 'em and doing it the easy way or the hard way. New Day faces them at MITB and we see Dolph prep backstage for his AJ main event. Dolph's jacket works for him - looks good.

Jinder celebration recap shows worldwide headlines making him come off like a huge star. The Fashion Files go film noir with Dango in a trenchcoat and now he and Breeze can hear each other's thoughts. Fatal five way never gets going due to a big brawl with Becky hitting a nasty exploder on the floor to Carmella. Charlotte powerbombs Nattie through the announce table - which seems like something you'd put on the PPV and not here. Everyone is out so Shane comes down and says that at MITB, they'll have the first female superstar MITB match for the SD Women's Title.

Breezango beats the Colons when they fight over a mop and so Dango gives it up, so the Unprettier wins. Orton says that Jinder has earned the right to receive an all-American Orton family ass-whipping and he'll regain his title at MITB. Jinder appears on the tron and says that Randy is like America - talking about a bygone era and he says Orton is living on his past. Well, he's not wrong. Dolph comes out and we see his cash-in against Alberto. Hey, he was a star! And that was almost HALF A DECADE AGO. AJ's out in his new, slick red and black gear. AJ has had some of the best gear in the business for the past decade. Dolph wins a shockingly short match with a superkick. Well by golly, Dolph actually feels somewhat reheated here.