Sunday, October 8, 2017

WWE Hell in a Cell 2017

David Otunga has a new hat and we have a new interview robot. Tye meets with Bryan and does vaudeville bits with him over yes and 10. Also, Tye wants to be in the US Title match and I think he's in it and it's a triple thread. Nakamura vs. Jinder feels like maybe a World TV Title-level feud. Aiden sings. WWE's last run of WWE Shop ads was all about being an individual and finding your style - now it's all about joining the crowd to fit in. Shelton's got his best gear ever - he finally looks like a star. Gable and Benjamin's finish is right out of Day of Reckoning 2 - awesome. They win and they can't split the Hype bros up fast enough. JINDER MAHAL is the toughest challenge of Nakamura's career. Jinder Mahal. What in the fuck.

New Day vs. Usos starts the show. Well, the rest of this show may warrant watching after the fact. New Day comes down and chats about the Cell. Cane usage goes the way of the faces, with Kofi outside. Woods wraps a chain around his fist and E wheelbarrows him for a fistdropfor 2. E eats the steel and then Jimmy dives onto Woods into the cell too. BIG E MISSES THE SPEAR INTO THE CELL!  Trombone to the balls, then a cowbell to the balls. Now a gong. Uso superkick gets 2. E eats some cane shots. Canechairto. E TOSSES GUYS AROUND. E does a uranage off the apron and Xavier tries to do a backstabber too - so that just never needs to be done again. Midnight Hour gets 2.5. thanks to a save. Double team cane shots with the rainbow-colored cane. THEY TRAP HIM IN THE CELL WITH THE CANES! This is brilliant. DOOMSDAY DEVICE SUICIDE DIVE ONTO E INTO THE CELL! Goddamn, this is a crazy video game match. Uso double dive gets 2.9!

Usos gets some cuffs and E is cuffed to the ropes. Woods gets cuffed on the post and beaten with a cane. Well, this is definitely uncomfortable. Then they beat the fuck out of him with dozens of cane shots! E BREAKS THE CUFFS! BELLY TO BELLY! TACKLE INTO THE CELL! CORNER TO CORNER AGAIN. BIG ENDING HITS FOR 2. Stretch muffler leads to a SUPERKICK PARTY! DOUBLE DIVE GETS 2.9 THANKS TO WOODS! Woods eats more cane shots, but headbutts his way free briefly before EATING MORE CANE SHOTS. DOUBLE DIVE TO THE CHAIR ENDS IT! Goddamn this WAS nuts!
Tye vs. AJ vs. Baron has to follow that...even AJ isn't good enough for that. Nope, just an AJ promo. RUSEV HAS TO FOLLOW THIS!? Yikes. Why the fuck isn't Rusev just jumping Orton during his intro? Rusev kicks his ass and stomps a mudhole into him. RUSEV HAS HIM LOCKED IN A CHINLOCK. Machka of the year! Rusev avoids an RKO and eats a powerslam. RKO ends it. Okay.TLC ad...BUT WILL THERE BE A STAIRS MATCH!? Heath and Kurt do a chicken ad.
Shane stares into the distance backstage. Tye is out with his gooy gear. Faces team up on the heel. AJ gets tossed around. AJ eats a hook off a forearm, but lands a sliding apron knee to Baron. Inside out forearm dive by AJ. Baron grabs him off a forearm and hits the chokeslam backbreaker for 2. AJ hits the forearm to Tye and Baron takes AJ out to steal the win and get the title. A Hart vs. Flairs video airs. Nattie and Charlotte fumble around for a while. Nattie gets 2 off a corner Ligerbomb. Nattie chairshots her for a DQ. The Fashion Files returns with a wacky sitcom intro and Tuesday will have Pulp Fashion for their new case.

WWE Title is up. The goons wearing shirts that match Jinder's gear is a nice touch. Jinder's blue, red, and gold gear is very Superman-esque - only Supes was never this ripped. Nakamura hits the PRIDE knees. Jinder goes for his finish, but Nak turns it into a cradle. Super Kinshasa hits and the goons get involved. Charles Robinson kicks them out. Jinder avoids the corner knee and hits the kolass to win. Wow was this nothing.

Owens does a backstage promo with a new shirt that looks slick - it's a big generic, but the vertical stripe is slimming. Roode comes down in his slick white and black robe. Roode having this gimmick is great because he can just do an indy version of it for eons and get paid. Dolph's "greatest entrance ever" has no lighting or flash - so it's a bit like Batista in 2010, but with no heat. So it's like Dolph with jet black hair. Long chinlocks. Roode sidesteps a superkick with a spinebuster. They do  moon spots of an O'Connor roll and Roode eats a zig zag. Well, that helped zero people. A five hour long video hypes up the main event.

FINALLY, THE CAGE LOWERS. I'd rather be in actual literal hell. Shane hits his flurry to start. "Such a diverse MMA background from Shane McMahon!" Shane gets tossed down and is somehow up doing offense first. What in the fuck.Shane takes some solid bumps into the cell. Shane eats a beating and gets mocked in front of his kids before eating a cannonball. DDT hits KO after a flurry of punches."You still got it!" after a DDT - which even a 60 year old Jake Roberts could do. Shooting star misses and a KO frog splash hits. They put over Shane missing moves, because of course. Shane avoids the powerbomb with a triangle. Rampage powerbomb to the steps on the floor. KO goes for a cannonball through the table, but Shane moves. Shane goes for the coast to coast dropkick with the can. It hits and gets 2 due to the rope break. Shane looks up and the fans pop.

Shane demands that he gets the cage opened, so he gets and struggles with bolt cutters. Thank God Shane has balls of steel and barely had to sell a low blow to set up that DDT. Like anyone would believe a mere mortal like Owens could hit a move on a real-life McMahon. Atomic whip into the door - now that'll hurt the balls. Shane eats a monitor and KO reveals the announce table. Big headbutt to Shane sends him onto the table. He teases a frog splash off the barricade, but stares at the cell. He climbs up - but won't jump. Shane climbs up far slower than KO did. Frye-Takayama spot on the cell. Shane lands a Russian legsweep on the cell. Shane hits a big suplex, and they're really getting the most out of every move up there. SUPERKICK AND A SENTON UP TOP!
Owens sets up a powerbomb up top, but Shane backdrops him. POP-UP POWEBROMB ON TOP OF THE CELL! Well, that was absolutely terrifying. KO goes to toss him off the cell and Shane stops short. They do some awkward running into each other stuff before KO climbs down. BUT SHANE GRABS HIM. They fight on the side and Shane knocks him down through the table - which they almost miss! Shane glances at him to pin him - but looks up. He moves stuff off the main table and sets Owens up. Shane headbutts him to wrap up that story and HE GOES FOR THE ELBOW AND MISSES. SAMI PULLED OWENS OFF THE TABLE! This is fantastic! Sami puts KO on him and makes the ref count - so he has saved his best friend and their story keeps going, now as friends. Crazy finish, but I love the story of Sami really just doing what he could to save his friend - who like him, wasn't given the chances he was promised by Shane.

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

WWE SmackDown 9-26-17

This will be a rare actual live SD viewing since I'm on the go and might as well watch it live on USA before 205 Live. Rusev will get a Pride of Bulgaria celebration and KO and Shane will be here live. KO's attack of Vince is shown and we see Shane's promo from last week. Shane saying I CONDEMN YOU TO A BEATING AT THESE HANDS remains hilarious. I love Kevin blaming Shane for the attack on Vince. KO comes out and basically calls Shane someone is all bark and no bite. He gets in a great line about liking and respecting Vince - which isn't the case for Shane, so imagine what he'll do to him. Sami comes down with a new pretty awesome shirt. Between this shit and The Bar's shirt, they're on a mini roll with these.

Sami tells him that he's snapped and it never ends well. He headbutted Vine and figured that he snapped once again. Kevin says he's not here to talk sense into him - he's just jealous. He says Sami signed two and a half years earlier, but KO has been IC Champion twice, was US Champion, and was Universal Champion. KO announces that his match will be the official main event and what he's done so far is just the beginning. He says nothing Sami has done has had the impact his skull had on Vince's. Sami says he's not wrong - but he's done everything it took to get there, but his day will come and he can at least look at himself in the mirror.

Bryan comes down and says that Shane may not be here - but he knows someone who wants to fight him, so we'll see KO vs. Sami tonight. Well, if they're going to do non-stop rematches, at least they provided some actual context for it. Tye also faces Baron next. Baron's new theme is pretty great - even if I do prefer his original tron presentation. Tye comes down and they quickly cut away from a Bullet Club-shirted fan to show some other ones. AJ comes down to watch the math and gets a full intro. I love his American flag-colored gear. Tye jumps Baron and lariats him over the top to lead to an ad break so he can sell during the PIP ads.

Baron runs in and eats forearms in the corner, but fights back with knees before eating a Thesz press. Baron goes for a suplex, but gets inside cradled for 2. Baron gets the chokeslam backbreaker and AJ tells Baron to stop pointing at him. Tye goes for the Tye breaker, but Baron uses his size to drop him. He throws water on AJ and tosses Tye into AJ to win via countout. Um, shouldn't this be a DQ against Corbin? Corbin beats him up and does the TEN deal. Okay, that was great. Baron thanks AJ for helping Tye out so much and he won't take any shortcuts at HIAC to get the US Title.

Jinder and the Singhs are backstage and will be out to talk about the promo from last week. After the break, AJ vs. Baron is made official. Jinder and his goons come down. He says taht he went too far last week and apologizes. He says he respects him - he's a worthy foe and he'll compliment him tonight. We get more tron comedy, which is all this rivalry has been since Summerslam. This stuff doesn't help either guy - it's low hanging fruit, and Jinder's not even all that good at it. They mock his pose only to reveal that it isn't a photo - he's there and gets a huge chant. He cuts a brief promo before coming out and getting his epic intro. The sing-a-long stuff for his theme remains great. Nakamura beats up the goons, but Jinder posts him. Jinder eats a kick and then the goons eat knees and punches before Jinder goes for the cobra clutch slam. Jinder avoids that, but eats a Kinshasa and covers his face up as soon as possible.

Sami vs. KO is hyped up as a first time ever match on SD, while the Usos face the Hype Bros next. New Day comes out and we get some shots of folks in Marty Scurll shirts. New Day has snacks and will watch from ringside. Hype Bros. get a jobber intro while the New Day vs. Usos mathc is hyped as the culmination of a great rivalry. The Hype Bros are now not in matching gear - with Zack in black and purple.Big E has binoculars to watch the action. Usos dominate and New Day chants for Mojo. Zack gets a semi-hot tag and flapjacks Jey before hitting a neckbreaker. Mojo blind tags himself in and gets knocked into Zack. This sends Zack down and Mojo eats a superkick and a superfly dive. Usos tell New Day to stay in the sidelines wit the fans and tells them to take notes on what a real tag team looks like. Kofi has a box of Booty Os behind his belt, which is hilarious. Kofi says they talk a big game for guys who lost the titles, and E is curious about why they talk about the Uso penitentiary a lot - they want a hell in a cell match.

Rusev's celebration is recapped and Miz's beating of Roman is shown. Ultima Luha Tres gets an ad - so it looks like El Rey is spending some good money on the show to some degree. Aiden English sings for Rusev's introduction. He introduces the mayor and his gigantic key before singing the Bulgarian nationa lanthem and bringing Rusev out looking downright dapper. Rusev stands atop a giant Bulgarian flag platform and the mayor says some stuff and declares it Rusev Day. Rusev raises the giant key with pride. Rusev shows his victory over Orton and says that Orton was the legend killer and the apex predator, but now, he is the predator. Aiden sings a song somewhat to the tune of "Voices" about how Ruev is the better man. RKO hits Aiden before Rusev hops off his platform and eats an RKO. Corey and Tom were fantastic throughout this.

Bryan gets off the phone with Shane, who got off the plane and will come after KO tonight. Sami doesn't want this and says he wants his own shot at KO tonight. Charlotte faces Carmella next. Randy asks Renee for a favor and to tell Rusev he wants him at Hell in a Cell, before wishing her a Happy Rusev Day. Charlotte comes out and they plug Connor's Cure stuff - including Charlotte's gold kneepads. Carmella comes down with Ellsworth o his leash, which is now on the post.  Tom asks Corey for an explanation as to why a grown man is in a dog collar, and perhaps that is something best unexplained. Carmella gets Trish's corner rana before a PIP ad break. Charlotte gets tripped on the apron thanks to an Ellsworth distraction. Carmella saps her and gets 2 before a chinlock. A crossbody off the top gets a pair of 2 counts before kicking her into the buckle. A revers eDDT gets 2 as well. Charlotte gets 2 off an O' Connor roll and pins her with a yakuza kick.

Nattie comes down and says she's glad to see that Ric is healthy- because he'll see her lose at HIAC. Angle-Cena from SD in '02 is shown for the Snickers moment of the week. Fashion Files return next week! Dolphertaker comes down and Tom is fooled, espite this guy wearing sneakers being a foot shorter, and actually moving quickly. Dolph eating a chokeslam from Taker after all this crap would be pretty fun. GLORIOUS finally hits and Bobby Roode gets a nice ovation. It's amazing how well he works as a babyface just hopping around. Roode calls Dolph one of hte best ever, and wants him to back it up against him at HIAC. Dolph buries Roode's intro for being flashy and involving hte fans, making him everything that's wrong with WWE. He goes for a rest in peace bit before Roode stops him to say it will be glorious.

Enzo's dickishness on Raw is shown before they hype up 205 Live. Sami gets his intro A Frye-Takyama spot starts things off before KO kicks his spine before landing the cannonball. Shane enters the building to walk to the ring. Sami lands an apron brainbuster, but eats a massive superkick for 2.5. Sami avoids the pop-up powerbomb and gets 2 off the blue thunder bomb. He goes for the corner kick, but KO rolls out and eats a flip dive. Sami goes for the torpedo DDT, but eat a superkick. APRON POWERBOMB! That ends it because Sami can't continue, which I like - he didn't lose, KO just mauled him with something that no one can withstand. It also gets over that you can get KOs in wrestling again - which hasn't really been done since Brock's first big push in '02.

Sami is carried out while Kevin calmly sits on the announce table in a trance - it's almost a bit like Bubba in 2000. He jumps Sami and attacks him until Corey says that SOMEONE NEEDS TO STOP KEVIN OWENS. He goes to use a chair on Sami's throat before Shane comes down. Shane gets muted and Sami is tossed into Shane before KO just runs away. This was a great angle and a very good overall show - which SmackDown has sorely needed. I loved Kevin waving goodbye, and it looks like Shane's lip was split by the chair when Sami was shoved into him.

Sunday, September 24, 2017

WWE No Mercy 2017

Asuka debuts at TLC and Alexa gets a proposal from a fan. Elias actually got Apollo over by insulting him in his song. Apollo does a bunch of flips, but eats Drift Away that ends it. They brought Brock up at THE perfect time to wind up with footage of him beating legends like Flair and Hogan. Heyman frames Brock as the underdog here, it's great. The show itself gets a good vs. evil hype video. Miz is out.  If anyone is going to resurrect X-Pac Heat, it's Jason Jordan. Right now, he's just got nothing. Jordan gets no chant and Miz and his unborn kid are more over. Jordan nearly drops Bo on his head off a suplex, but almost gets the win off a crossface. Miz's goons help him win. Okay, so logically, shouldn't Kurt order a restart given the cheating? Renee interviews Jordan to a sea of boos.

FINALLY, THE MAN VERSUS MAN MATCH IS HERE.Bray, logically beats up Balor for taking five million years to do his intro. Good. Finally, some logic on this show. NOT A URANAGE, NO! NOT THE MOVE THAT ALWAYS GETS A 2 COUNT! And now they're playing it off like an injury angle. Finn takes off his jacket and NOW BRAY IS EXCITED! Finn gets the shotgun dropkick on the barricade. They do some weird staredown spot that is pure comedy. Bray is great just tossing his around and the shotgun lariat is great. However, Bray gets the win anyway - so really, no one won here.

The Bar is backstage and THEY HAVE A SHIRT! Dean takes a bad fall on his wrist and Dean keeps going. Sheamus's chain'o backbrackers is a great spot. Cesaro posts himself and loses his front teeth. Jesus guys. Double crucifix gets 2. Cesaro is still going, which is crazy. WHITE NOISE AND THEN A SUPER RICOLA BOMB GETS 2! Raintrigger and the DDT end it!
Bayley gets the "let's plug Hulu" intro. Yikes. Cole gives Steph credit for the women's revolution. Nia flings folks around carelessly for a bit. Nia splats off of a tower of doom on the floor. Ouch, she just went splat. Bayley eats the DDT and jobs. Holy shit is she done. Usos vs. New Day is being put over as this all-time great rivalry here...neat! It's time for Cena vs. Roman, and they're giving it plenty of time starting before 10 PM. Giant Cena chant - so all it took to make folks appreciate Cena was to give them Roman as his successor. IS IT ROMAN REIGNS'S TIME TO RULE WWE!? He is a multiple-time WWE Champion. Also, Roman has a new vest design with more subtle trim and the Superman punch in the middle of the Not Spider-Man Logo.
They go back and forth and get a CM Punk chant. Superman punch avoided and turned into an STF! LOOK AT THIS STREENNNNGTTTTHHHHH! leads to a powerbomb. Superman punch gets 2. Avalanche AA gets 2. Cena clears the tables, but Roman spears him through one and lands on his head! CHAIN OF AAs gets 2! Superman punch and the spear end it! They're milking the loss big-time. This feels like the end of WM 6 - Roman won the match, but Cena won the crowd. Miz annoys Kurt and gets MizTV to start off Raw. No punishment for cheating - he instead gets rewarded. Enzo comes out looking like a complete goof.
Enzo botches a lockup. Neville kicks his ass and Enzo gets a "this is boring" chant. Neville teases a red arrow and opts to go for a phoenix splash, which misses. DDG hits! Enzo grabs the belt to distract the ref so he can STEAL YANO'S FINISH AND LOW BLOW AND CRADLE NEVILLE TO WIN! Braun comes out looking amazing and Heyman gives Brock an epic intro. GERMAN! CHOKESLAM AND THE POWERSLAM GET 2! Brock recovers and gets the Kimura and delivers Germans! A single F5 hits and ends it!

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

WWE SD 9-19-17

The Vince-KO promo is recapped before Shane comes out and promises vengeance. Aiden English has a back and forth match with five billion time World Champion Randy Orton. RKO ends it. Rusev wants a rematch from Summerslam, and a superkick ends it. Jinder says words and Nakamura says he'll be champion. Don't care. AJ is out to face Corbin, but Tye beats up Baron. AJ locks on the calf killer and maybe that was a match. We get some terrible skit with Charlotte, Tamina, Noami, Nattie, and Becky and Bryan says that the winner of a match tonight faces Nattie at HIAC. New Day beat the Hype Bros. Dolph does more intros of other, bigger stars and Owens is pissed VIA SATELLITE. Charlotte wins this and will hopefully win the title - it matches her gear.

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

WWE SD 9-12-17

KO comes out to insult Shane, WWE, the clones, before Dolph comes out as Shane. Bryan comes out and tells him that Vince will be here later. Tye gets beaten by AJ in a pretty good little match. Baron jumps AJ and will seemingly face him at HIAC. Rusev talks about going home to be with those who love him - but he wasn't greeted with open arms. Jinder comes out for Photoshop comedy with Nakamura. Jinder says he looks constipated and then they mock his mannerisms. Well, that killed time. KO tells Sami he'll kick him off his show.

New Day beats Usos in a pretty damn fun street fight. Usos really shined brightly here, and New Day gets yet another tag title run. Nattie beats Naomi, and KO tells Aiden he likes his singing and he'll need an intro for the Kevin Owens Show. Dolph does Bayley's and Warriors intros. Shelton is out in new black, gold, and white gear that looks awesome with Gable. They beat the Hype Bros. in impressive fashion. Vince comes out and makes KO a made man just being in the ring with him. Then he lets KO shoot headbutt him, resulting in a giant bruise on KO's head and Vince being split open. In a post-Shibata world, this is just stupid. Vince gets superkicked, frog splashed, and Steph makes her TV return telling KO to leave. This was just out of this world on several levels.

Mae Young Classic 2017 Finals

Shayna is hyped up a ton in the pre-show video package, which is a bit surprising. HHH and Steph hype up the MYC before the red carpet stuff. KHARMA RETURNS TO WWE TV...thanks to GLOW. Wrestling is weird. Lita and JR are here live and we get a long hype video for Shayna before one for Kairi. Kairi is so great.
Shayna slaps hands off a handshake attempt, but gives her a clean break in the ropes. Kairi gets grounded and pounded, but turns both an armbar and RNC into cradles for 2. Love Shayna tripping her up off a bridge to kick her spine. WHY ARE THEY TURNING THE LIGHTS OFF ON THE CROWD FOR THIS!? Of all things to retain from the MYC presentation, that isn't one they need to keep. Shayna kicks the shit out of her arm and Kairi sells it like she just can't move it. Shayna hits a big running knee after mangling the arm on the mat.

Kairi recovers and gets her in the corner, but she misses the walk the plank sliding elbow. Shayna locks on the rear naked SLEEPER because it can't be a choke, and Kairi attacks the ribs. Shayna eats a backfist and goes up for the Insane Elbow, but Shayna mafia kicks her down. KIMURA UP TOP! HEADBUTT AND AN ALBERTO DOUBLE STOMP TO SHAYNA GETS 2. Sliding forearm to the ribs hits and the INSANE ELBOW WINS IT!

They hug while Lita talks about this being A MOMENT. Steph, HHH, and Sara Amato present Kairi with flowers and the trophy. HHH puts her over and why not just have him be a face? Babyface NXT HHH is great - megalomaniac heel HHH is done.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Mae Young Classic Episode 8 Recap

Tonight features the semi-finals of the tournament, with Kairi Sane facing Toni Storm and Shayna facing Mercedes Martinez. Shayna talks about exploiting weaknesses while Mercedes says she'll teach her a lesson. Mercedes hits a nasty corner chop and dominates before eating a corner knee. Shayna eats a pair of nasty Saito suplexes and Mercedes goes for the buster, but Shayna gets the falcon arrow RNC! Shayna gets flowers from Steph, because of course she has to be in this.

Kairi and Toni feel each other out while Shayna watches backstage. KAIRI HITS A CRAZY CROSSBODY OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR AND BONKS THE STEEL! Hip attacks by Toni, BUT KAIRI SPEARS HER! Toni counters the flying elbow by catching her up top and hits a fisherman buster for 2. Ciampa's armbar is locked on by Toni, but Kairi escapes. Legdrop off the top to the back hurts them both. Kairi locks on a wacky scorpion and then elbows the spine. KAIRI HITS THE ELBOW AND WINS IT! Kairi faces Shayna in the finals. Steph and HHH put Kairi over and she stares down Shayna.