Wednesday, February 10, 2016

WWE NXT 2-10-16 - Bayley vs. Carmella

We get a Bayley-Carmella video package stating that BESTIES WILL GO HEAD TO HEAD FOR THE NXT WOMEN'S TITLE! They're hailing from the UCF Arena tonight, and Baron Von Sad Tummy is in the opener. I dig his vest. He's here to face JOHNNY GARGANO! This should be fun. Johnny lands some quick jabs while loud "Johnny Wrestling!" chants break out. Big chop by Johnny, but he's tossed into the corner by Baron. Johnny rains corner punches from the mount, but is felled by one big right hook. Baron runs wild with kicks in the corner. Big cobra clutch by Baron - I like it since he's so big and it looks more powerful with him doing it. Baron's hair situation looks truly dire during the sleeper hold spot. Johnny gets an apron-to-ring spear and gets 1! Deep Six/Back suplex into a Bossman slam hits. Baron eats a superkick and kicks out at 2.5. They brawl on the floor a bit, but Baron has time to recover and wins with the End of Days. This was really fun.
Triple threat recap video. Sami says he doesn't know what will happen when he faces Joe, but he's looking forward to their first-ever match. Super-sad Vaudevillains video rules. Hype Bros. come out to face Hollis and Skyler.  H and S actually get a surprising amount of offense, but Mojo runs wild and they hit the Hype Ryder for the win. Bayley says the only thing harder than winning the title is keeping it, but she's not ready to lose it yet. Eva and her shiny gold bodysuit in that Fastlane ad are just fine by me.
Alexa, Blake, and Murphy are out for a Bliss match. Holy God is Alexa's outfit great. I think her shorts are shorter. Bliss eliminated Cameron, leading to this match. We get a really long tie-up spot. Cameron "lands" a bad flying lariat that Alexa sells. Cameron "lands" a sliding kick that goes underneath Alexa. Jesus. Shotgun knees to the back actually hit. Alexa snaps the neck on the rope and gets some punches for 2. Great bit where Alexa stands on her like a surfboard and stomps her face into the mat a ton.

Alexa goes for, and gets high fives from the boys after that one. Alexa goes into the corner and eats a sloppy facebuster. Cameron gets 2 off a flipping neckbreaker. Bliss botches her backflip moonsault kneedrop deal. Sparkle Splash wins. This was about as hot a match as it was sloppy. Cool  hype video for NXT merch makes it seem like stuff you should want to own. They also have some pretty slick versions of logos that would work great as wallpapers if there wasn't an NXT bug in the top-right of the screen.

Enzo and Cass cut a promo on the Mechanics, with 'zo having a goofy hairdo. American Alpha says it's 2016, and it's their year. Then they have a wacky babyface convo about how each team was facing heels next week. THE DRIFTER comes out to kill the crowd. He faces Jesse Sorenson, and boy is it surprising to see him in NXT so much given his neck. He wins with his moves and we get some neat shots of him with his guitar after the match. Balor-Crews II recap, and somehow, him hitting ANOTHER MOVE AFTER THE COUP DE GRACE was a show of respect. Bayley vs. Carmella is next!
Carmella does her watered-down Enzo intro to light applause while THE CROWD LOVES BAYLEY! They won't stop chanting for her, and even Carmella is clapping for her. A spotlight falls on the competitors, and that's something they should do more of because it makes the main event seem more special. The match STARTS WITH A HUG. I love it. They exchange headlocks and Bayley gets an armbar and in a great bit, claps using Carmella's hand while the crowd claps. Blind dive armdrag hits, but Carmella gets an atomic drop and they mirror each other with dropkicks. The crowd chants "fuck her up Bayley, fuck her up!" Flying corner lariat by Bayley leads to a sliding lariat and a flying kneedrop.

After a break, Carmella gets a Thesz press and a sloppy rana out of the corner. Bayley recovers with corner elbows. Davey Boy powerslam out of the corner gets 2 for Bayley. Bayley gets shoved off the ropes onto the apron and then onto the floor. Ouch! Big suicide dive by Carmella to Bayley! Goofy distracting Network plugs air on the lower-thirds, and CARMELLA HITS A SECOND DIVE FOR 2. Bronco Buster hits and she gets the faceplant, but Bayley jackknifes her for 2. Carmella gets a tight sunset flip for 2, but Bayley reverses for 3! This was pretty good - a bit sloppy, but exciting. Bayley picks her up and they hug!

Eva and Nia attack Carmella and Nia headbutts Bayley down. Eva sets Carmella up for legdrop and lands bad kicks while a "you can't wrestle" chant breaks out, but then ASUKA COMES DOWN AND STARES! An "Asuka's Gonna Kill You!" chant breaks out and Eva leaves with Nia. Asuka GLARES AT BAYLEY and a giant "yes" chant breaks out. Asuka taps the title a couple of time and smiles. Joe cuts a promo on Zayn saying he'll beat him and be the next champion.

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Tuesday, February 9, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 2-9-16

We get a UK video package showing that the TNA roster is here to GRAB THE BRASS RING. Matt is out with his entourage while a fan holds up a MATT MAKES ME HARDY sign. Matt gets a "you sold out" chant and says he didn't need to - he was already filthy rich! Now there's a great comeback to that. "The Matt Hardy Brand is going to teach the Impact Wrestling Brand how to do business - THAT'S A FACT!" Tyrus and his giant gold headphones cut a promo on EC3 and how he only got where he is because of him. Reby and her gigantic lips yammer on a bit. MATT HARDY IS A TREND-SETTER AND HER BABY-DADDY! Matt points out that he broke no rules in the last man standing match - and he's right. Jeff, EC3, and Angle are all "vijjims!" of his and holy hell is his hairline gone in the back. "Matt Hardy is going to teach Dixie Carter how to run a wrestling company!" Matt demands that Dixie fire EC3. THE SUPERBEING LASHLEY is here to face Bram IN A HEAVYWEIGHT GALACTIC COLLISION!

A goofy Madison vs. Rebel ShopTNA ad aired. They're having an online competition to see who gets cream in the mouth. Whipped cream, on TNA. Nothing at all to see there. EY and Bram said that they're Gods now. Boy do these two not have any chemistry together. They're on different pages for schoolboys and even a standstill. Spear is countered with a bad spinkick. They do more stuff for a bit before EY hops up with his KOTM belt and says he wants to hurt Lashley. Spear to EY and another to Bram gets the win for Lashley. Well, this duo sure looks great - they take out a top guy and get beaten up by a guy in the opener. Evil Heel Meeting in the back with Tyrus hiring more security for Matt in case EC3 is here.

Kurt comes down while Josh talks about Angle-Drew II and how they MADE WRESTLING FANS SMILE. Kurt gets a lot of cheers and says that BOY THEY'RE MAKING IT HARD FOR HIM TO DO THIS FAREWELL TOUR in the most fake way possible. Kurt says he's been in TNA for 10 years while about 15 different chants go on at one time. This is rather bad, and then Maria calls him out on spouting fake bullshit. Bennett comes out in black slacks and a wacky white and black tourist shirt. Bennett brags about growing up in New England - the better England and studying Kurt. Mike said he told his mom he'd grow up and beat him. Kurt whips his ass and tells him he doesn't wrestle guys he doesn't respect. Sea Captain Drew Galloway comes down with his case. Beer Money skit. They walk backstage and go past a "Beer Money" door. It says pyro, but Roode says that's just not in the budget - but something is. THE BOOZER CRUISER! This was amusing.

Trevor Lee and THE GREATEST CRUISERWEIGHT OF ALL-TIME Shane Helms came down. Uno gets his rematch here. Lee shimmies to the floor, but eats a baseball slide and a flip dive. Josh says that Trevor doesn't want to be a Superstar, he wants to be a Wrestler! So then he's an anti-WWE babyface? Wacky lucha armbar by Uno. Lee does the forearm rake in the corner and then Josh buries Lee's look for not being GQ-ready. Helms picks the leg and God's Last Gift wins.

Beer Money comes out and wants a shot. Decay comes out and Rosemary FINALLY GETS A NAME. Decay faces Beer Money while Josh rattles off the dictionary definition of "decay". A nothing match goes on and ends with Abyss grabbing the ref. Abyss grabs Janice and Josh asks how this thing got through customs. Good point. He gets beaten up by the Wolves and demands a match with the Wolves next week and gets a monsters ball. Reby sucks up to Dixie saying he's just passionate. Jesus, this show won't end.

Knockouts match is next. BUT FIRST, here's Grado. The boo machine goes crazy for the news that Grado was fired and screwed by TNA. He says he has proof - but Eli comes down. Josh points out that JB just handed him a mic, while Pope says he's not sure why security is there with Drake when they should've stopped him from jumping the rail. I love it when the ANNOUNCERS tell you why the product doesn't make sense. Anyway, they chase him and Grado escapes. Drew says he's ready tonight. Jade vs. Madison in a battle of the short shorts. Josh says that Velvet was taken out - so the BPs are really just one person now. Rayne gets a wacky cradle for 2. Great line where Josh says Schitt's Creek is replayed after Impact, and Jade is up shit's creek now. Cool knee counters a reverse DDT from Rayne and Jade wins with the cradle piledriver. 3 on 1 beating, but Gail makes a save.

Billy Corgan says he loves the UK and Grado tells him he's been screwed and now he needs someone to watch his dog. Drew is out to face Kurt. Basic tie-up and holds lead to a double-down off a double lariat for an ad break. Lariat off the top is kinda-countered into an ankle lock. Drew escapes and gets 2 off the Future Shock. They battle on the floor after Drew lariats him over the top, with Drew landing chops against the barricade, but Kurt hitting an Angle slam on the steps. Mid-ring Angle slam gets 2. Reverse Alabama slam gets 2 for Drew. Super Celtic Cross off the top...and it gets 2. 2 Claymore kicks get 2.99...Come on now. Rolling Germans or as Pope calls it, SUPLEX BOULEVARD! Kurt gets a sloppy splash off the top for 2. A THIRD CLAYMORE gets an even worse 2.99 count. It busts up Kurt's mouth. Drew locks on a sick-looking crossface, which would sure make for a nice finish since NOTHING ELSE CAN BEAT KURT ANGLE and this move logically should. Angle escapes and locks on the ankle lock. Drew kicks the face and the knee before locking the crossface on again. KURT TAPS OUT. This was far better than the first match in some ways, and more of a non-stop signature/finisher match in others. Pope says he's speechless and then yammers on for a bit. Drew bows to Kurt. Pope calls it the biggest win of Drew's career - and in a way, it is.

Great bit with  Matt saying that MATT HARDY WILL NOT LIE! Dixie has a new, even worse theme. "Ya gotta HOLD THE HAND THAT FEEDS!" People in TNA went without pay, but they had enough money to fund the creation of this theme song. Matt logically points out that EC3 treated Dixie like trash, lost the title fairly and nearly put TNA out of business with the injunction. Matt tells her to fire EC3 AND NOT BE A FLAKY BIMBO! ROCKSTAR SPUD RETURNS in a bright red suit with a Pop logo on the back. "I'VE GOT THIS, MADAME!" Matt tells him to back him and Spud says yeah, EC3 did a lot of horrible things - most of them to him! Spud's Hogan-level tan is a bit nutty here. Spud says Matt's running like a little bitch before Tyrus attacks. Josh and Pope are totally okay with this since it's his job and all. Matt and Tyrus trap her in the corner before EC3 comes down. Love the fans chanting the "WOOAH WOAHHH" part of his song. EC3 beats up the goons and then goes after Tyrus! EC3 whoops his ass too! EC3 glares at Dixie and Spud for a second and then saunters up the ramp confidently. This was great - such a shame it's during this point in TNA's history.

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Monday, February 8, 2016

WWE Raw 2-8-16 - Danielson Retirement Show

We get a fantastic Danielson career video package showcasing him in TWA and WWE and then Steph comes out to yammer on a bit. Dean begs her to shut up so they can get this signing done. Brock's out in a blue-signed shirt, so they're tailoring it for local sports teams now. Roman eats a table and Dean takes an F5, but the contract is signed. Bryan on NXT video. Bryan looks 15 in this video from six years ago. Well, the beard does hide a ton of his face. And people say Owens doesn't exercise - he's doing a great job of excelling on the mid-card treadmill. They do stuff for a few minutes until an ad break. Owens gets a post-break chinlock, but eats a Fameasser off the apron. Cannonball misses and Dolph holds the ropes off a cradle to win. A surprise finish, which tells me that Dolph's either turning, or maybe they have plans for him.

New Day vs. Usos in a tables match is announced. Dudleys want to be in it, making it 4-on-3 with the faces getting the edge. Ryback gets new gear and a SHINY NEW PUSH. Dudleys heel turn is incoming. Charlotte vs. Alicia. Foxy's ass is looking quite amazing during this headscissors. Spear and figure 8 wins. Miz checks his teeth backstage after AJ destroyed them on SD. Recap of MizTV last week. AJ is a WWE pitbull - so he's on-par with Kid Kash and Jamie Noble. Jericho buries Miz TV and says that YOU PEOPLE DON'T WANNA SEE WWE TALK SHOW #38939393, YOU WANNA SEE WWE TALK SHOW 3939393! Highlight Reel stuff is put in place instantly - which is kind of impressive time-wise.  So does AJ get his own show called Redneck Rodeo next week? Byron's "That potted plant's over! amused me. Darn thing is more over than 90% of the talent. "I can't possibly look stupid - I'M NOT SHEAMUS!" is perhaps his best line ever. Jericho sings an Alvin and the Chipmunks song about teeth. Now who was a better band? Alvin and the Chipmunks or Fozzy? They banter and AJ comes out. AJ GETS HIS GLOVE POSE BACK! Recap of Bryan beating Show for the WHC. Bryan's 2012 look was probably his best ever.

Wyatts beating recap leads to Ryback in his trunks against Bray. This look is both amazing and bad, because he's all jacked up - so why not show it off, but it leads to even more Goldberg comparisons. Not much going on until Ryback goes for a BLIND DIVE CROSSBODY...and then changes his mind to go to the floor after the goons and eat a lariat. After the break, the Meathook his countered with Sister Abigail for the win. Wyatts beat him down. I can't wait for the Ryback-Braun match this will inevitably lead to. Bray sez words, words, words, words, and more words. One guy yelled HUSKY HARRIS at him. Team Hell No recap.
 New Day measures a table and plays with a level. Kofi with nerdy glasses amuses me. WWE should release a Big E album for fun - because he's actually good at singing and they can make a buck at it. Titus comes out. By my calculations, this should be Titus vs. Stardust's 59995th straight match on Raw. Or not. Adam Rose has the skinniest legs in WWE by far. Rose is now the Radical Mongoose. Bo says that best friends make best trends. Rose gets some offense that looks awful, including a Baba-level buzzsaw kick. Distraction schoolboy wins for Rose. Dean cuts a promo on Brock's genitals for a while. Dean eats a giant beating and another F5. So Dean winning at Fastlane!? Dean wants more, but Roman comes down. Dean hits Brock in the balls while Brock is looking at Roman. This deal really makes me want to have Brock vs. Dean in 2K16.

Lucha Dragons against ADR and Rusev. Sin Cara has the perfect old man luchador body now. Goofy double stomp wins. So, logically, why didn't Kalisto just DO WHAT HE DID BEFORE AND NOT HOLD HIS HANDS ON THE ROPES? Truth goes to the EMP Museum, but is met by Goldust acting goofy. So we're getting this Jimi Hendrix...homage... to reference 'Lil Jimmy. Well, that was God-awful. Occupy Raw recap - it was so ridiculously-forced with EVERYONE IN THE SAME SHIRT, but it was amusing visual. Sasha is out to do commentary. Becky is almost over now after they've buried her six feet under since the PPV. And boy is this Tamina mathc sure to do her a world of good. At the PPV, Becky and Sasha team up against Team Bad. Love Sasha wearing three Bayley bracelets on her wrist.

New Day and Henry faced Usos and the Dudleys and the Dudleys turn on the Usos. Not much to this. New amazing Bryan video recaps his career to music. Bryan came out with his cut hair full of emotion. He said NOTHING for eons. Great shot of him with tears welling up and then getting a big smile as the crowd went nuts and chanted his name. Danielson is such a special guy in wrestling, and tonight, everyone in wrestling realizes it. He says it's time to address the elephant in the room - the haircut, and he did it because it looked ridiculous with the giant beard. He cut his hair for Wigs for Kids - an organization for families of kids with cancer. Bryan's speech consisting of about 10 minutes of pure cheers and fan emotion, then Bryan crying, smiling, and going through so much. He said that he got three concussions within five months of wrestling, and he'd get one every year. Bryan says that he fought the "you can't wrestle" diagnosis because some tests showed he was "fine". And now we get to where you can tell that Bryan is clearly scared about his future. He says that a week and a half ago, tests were done that showed his brain isn't in as good a shape as he thought. A GIANT "that's what she said" chant breaks out when he says it's time to start a family. Bryan says he's gotten to do what he loved for 16 years. He talks about loving the Seahawks and feeling like Superman when he did the dive.

He says he has wrestled in the parking lots of gas stations, and in front of 70,000+ in New Orleans. He got to meet amazing people, like Kane. He got to meet Regal, and children that are stronger than anyone else - like Conor. Bryan is crying over thinking about much the fans love him, and damn if every single thing he says doesn't feel real. Bryan talks about the fans hijacking Raw two years ago, which was a pretty huge deal at the time. He is grateful for the fans doing that, because his dad was in the crowd that night and got to see it. He got to see his son get that kind of reaction. He tears up talking about his dad, and it was the last time his dead got to see him wrestle - and the fans made it special for his dad, Bryan, and their family. He talks about not being able to share this moment with his dad, but he can share it with his mom, sister, wife, family, and friends. He says tomorrow, he starts a new life. He won't be a wrestler - but that's tomorrow, and that isn't tomorrow.  Wow. This was amazing, and his time in the ring ends with him embracing his wife.

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Wednesday, February 3, 2016

NXT 2-3-16

Generic intro leads to the Vaudevillains and their evil theme playing. They're here to face THE HYPE BROS!? Oh lord. Mojo gets a crucifix and a crossbody. Corey compares him to Alf and then Slimer, begging someone to call Peter Venkman. Ryder comes in and English prevents a Broski Boot. Whirling Dervish hits for the win. Human Friend interviews Carmella and talks about her father being a WWE wrestler - and we see him as a jobber. Next week, she'll face Bayley at the CFE Arena and we see them as friends on Twitter and Breaking Ground. Carmella's accent sounds more British tonight than NYC. She'll face Emma tonight, and Balor-Crews is the main event. "The Mechanic" and "The Powder Keg" cut a promo on Enzo and Cass. They want another match with them, but the result will be the same - and they'll ask how they doin.

Carmella comes down to face Emma, in new and hotter blue and white gear. Great exchanges from Corey and Tom here. "She's dropped unceremoniously on her face!" "Is there a ceremonious way to be dropped on your face?" "No, it's just a turn of phrase." Carmella gets an awful monkey flip before Emma dominates more and Carmella jumps up for a shoulderblock before it hits. Backslide wins for Carmella. Replay of the finish last week. Joe scares an interview person.

Enzo and Cass come down to face jobbers. Singalong promo before an intense one about how if they had a dime for every time they stayed down, THEY'D HAVE ZERO DIMES. Tonight, they're standing tall with lint in their pockets cuz they got no change and they're hard bodied. The jobbers appear out of thin air here. Cass biels a red-trunked jobber to the floor and a Rocket launcher wins.

Crews is asked if he is prepared and he says that months ago, he could have been champ - and he knows he can be NXT Champion. Regal says that he's watched the finish over and over - and he'll make a rematch. He's interrupted by Baron, and says that Baron lost clearly - so he's out of any rematch. Zayn vs. Joe will be rematched and the winner faces Balor. ASUKA AND HER AMAZING ROBE COME DOWN! She's facing Santana Garrett - formerly TNA's Brittany, and easily the biggest indy star to act as a female jobber on NXT as she holds a billion women's titles.

They start with a collar and elbow before Garrett goes for FOREARMS. Bad move. A slap just pisses her off more, and when Garrett turns her back, she eats a hip attack. Big kicks to a kneeling Garrett. Garrett avoids a shining wizard and gets a cradle before getting 2 off a floatover Russian Legsweep. Wacky standing armbar out of Firepro Returns by Garrett before Asuka locks on an ankle lock. FLYING ARMBAR! Garrett avoids that, but the Asuka Lock is on and that's it. Super-short, but great match.
A very short man interviews Balor. Crews comes out to a polite applause. Finn debuts new black and white FINN FINN FINN trunks and kneepads. Not his best look. Not sure why it isn't just the Balor Club logo, which would at least be kinda cool. Since this is a battle of respect and not for the title, they bring up that Crews winning could still throw a wrench into the works for the title picture since he will have a clear victory over the champion. Basic wrestling to start, with Finn winning out with a side headlock on the mat.

Big dropkick gives Balor a slight edge for 1. Crews gets a Stinger splash and a big flying lariat on the apron! Finn sends him to the floor for a flip dive. Double stomp to the back of the head gets 2 for Balor. Fallaway Samoan drop gets 2 for Crews. Slingblade by Balor, but Crew boots him. Press slam into the moonsault gets 2.5. Shotgun dropkick after another Slingblade, the double stomp, and the BLOODY SUNDAY gets the win. It's a super-safe version of it, but it's over - so keep doing it as a finish. Pretty fun episode of the show with two good-to-great matches.

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