Monday, February 25, 2013

Raw 2-25-13

The show-opening vid focused a ton on the Vince-Heyman deal, with a bit of the Punk-Cena no. 1 contender's match thrown in. Vince came out doing the most animated crutch-walk in human history. He called Heyman the ultimate fighter, and he said he's been positioned on TV as weak and "the biggest puss in the universe", then attacked the old man with a crutch. The old man fight led to an ECW chant - that ruled. Vince hit Heyman and Brock came out to be Brock. THROW HIM OUT LIKE A SOFA, BROCK! HHH came out and took nine years to save his father in law from the guy who crippled him and snapped his own arm twice. HHH finally did something resembling running into Brock so he could be lifted into a Thesz press. Brock bled a ton by modern standards for this and I loved how sick his fireman's carry slam/F5 of HHH into the table was - he didn't take the time to carefully remove shit - HE JUST THREW HIM! HHH made the save with a chair - this was way more satisfying than their Summerslam match. Poor Ryback has to try and follow Vince, Heyman, HHH, and Brock.

They hyped up Tout and TOUTING IT OUT about Lesnar-HHH - loved King pointing to the wacky graphic. Dolph's Ryback's opponent in this nothing match. God, they both seem like just dudes right now. They did stuff, including the laziest Oklahoma Stampede ever, Ryback was called Goldberg by the fans, and they went to break. They came back to the middle of a giant stalling suplex - that ruled. After talking about Touting it out, they ran more Twitter crawls on the screen...and SD is somehow going to be more overbearing with this stuff. Ryback hit Big E with the meathook on the apron, then won after the Shell Shock. This was every match they've ever had and came off like a waste for Dolph, but Ryback needed a win...that somehow couldn't be gotten against anyone else. They just TO THE BACK'd this for a movie trailer. Punk came out for a promo...after the ad break. First, we have to see a recap of the Punk-Cena stuff from last week that they already recapped for the show-opening vid. Punk just rambled on forever to get to the point of his promo - himself. He's the best, greatest, and now God. He was great at playing Jesus, so why not? Him saying that he's done it all was a nice setup for a Taker match later, so we've got God vs. Satan. New HOF logo being used since they announced Trump for it earlier. Fine vid for him too. The new logo made me think that WWE's logo would look more modern with a blue and gold color scheme - it'd make the new WWE Title belt look better too. HENRY-KHALI IN A BATTLE OF LEVIATHANS IS UP NEXT.

Henry got less of a jobber intro than Khali. Cole talked like his WWE '13 counterpart and Henry kicked Khali's ass in a minute. THAT'S WHAT HE DO! JESUS ANOTHER TRAILER, now for Marine 3 - super-generic trailer, which is kind of fitting since both Miz and the guy he fought looked the same. And wouldn't ya know it, it's time for Miz TV with Alberto and the Real Americans (with JRPG theme music). God of War Ascension commercial is buys.  Mr. Dongo has a new video. Still no debut date. Odd that only the host got an intro. Really made everyone else seem like a goober. Zeb cut a fine promo before Miz interrupted him and called him ZEBBIE. Kill this man, Zeb. Zeb talked about Mexicans taking medical services, jobs, and talked about it taking 10 years to become a citizen of Mexico, where you then won't even be able to own property. Alberto responded by telling him to shut up. This reminded me of the Nowinski-Steiner deal where the heel got to make great points and the face really didn't. Alberto was fine, but he wasn't given much material to work with. And Swagger said We the People. I'm not quite sure what this was - they're kind of all over the place with this. Zeb was against all foreigners on SD, but here, he's just against Mexicans, that country's practices, and ILLEGALS!

Old School Raw II is back next week. Zeb insulted Miz during WWE ACTIVE ON THE WWE APP, leading to a Swagger attack and match at some point. Hopefully it also takes him out of Main Event's color commentary position. Loved King fucking up "cajones" royally. Not digging Cesaro-Orton as a nothing match. Loved Cole hyping up Cesaro as being such a long-reigning US Champion - I hope next week's Raw allows for a WCW US-styled belt for him. HHH IS NOW PLAYING THE TWITTER GAME, HASHTAG RAW. OMG. Orton won in a few minutes with an RKO in mid-air. Fine finish. I wish it had gone longer, but I liked that they played this up as a big win for Orton. Bryan and Kane argued and made bets with each other. Bryan said he could beat the PTPs with a blindfold on, while Kane could beat them with one arm tied behind his back. Brickie came out to be really annoying. Bryan's WHAT, I WON'T BE ABLE TO SEE! saved this. Cole shoe-horned a clip from the WM 21 parody of "A Few Good Men" that must have been bizarre for anyone who hadn't seen it. I can see kids asking who the Bashams and Orlando Jordan are. JBL's promo for this was really great though. This was all done to set up...Sheamus talking about the Oscars. What in the fuck!? This had better be better than Booker's At the Movies bit.

Miz-Swagger is up later, and they recapped the HHH-Brock deal and demanded more Touting. King talked about his girlfriend's five year old son sending out a Tout. Sheamus came out for his segment in a rather swank suit. Then he buried Wade for being in that movie. Oh fuck this. It's so stupid to even put the idea in fans' heads that WWE guys can't act...while pushing Miz in The Marine 3. YOU ARE IN FUCKING K-MART AND ACTION FIGURE ADS, WHAT GROUND DOES SHEAMUS HAVE TO STAND ON HERE!? Barrett came out to defend himself and say that he's in A MAJOR HOLLYWODO BLOCKBUSTER. Then Sheamus buried Wade's nose. Well, he at least looks like the badass they want you to think Sheamus is. Cole compared Sheamus to Ebert, which is wrong on so many levels. This was really annoying, but I'm glad the IC Title will be in another match at WM.

Fittingly, Cody's up next and he's going to face Truth. Sandow's out to do commentary, so I'm guessing it'll be the Rhodes Scholars against Team Black Guys at WM. I'd prefer RS-NAO, but whatever. Sandow was so tremendous on commentary, citing camera problems showing the mic attack and saying that Truth ASSAILED THE CASTLE THAT IS HIS BODY! Loved how Cody flew into the Little Jimmy. Truth appears to have even more tattoos now. They showed a Real Americans video on jobs. Bryan/Kane comedy match is up. Bryan and Kane being tied up and blindfolded adds a disturbing layer to their relationship. Loved Bryan bowing to the ref after accidentally nearly attacking him. The crowd yessed and nood based on how close he was to guys - this ruled, and then Cole messed up his WWE App plug. This was the best blindfold/arm tied match ever. I wonder if Kane coming from Hell to America makes him an immigrant. They showed clips of the Shield kicking ass on Raw to hype up their promo.

They replayed the show-opening brawl, complete with Cole talking about Vince being an underdog frustrated for years with Heyman. Vince, the world's richest, most arrogant underdog ever. The Shield came out and they...hyped up their theme song being available on iTunes. There are some acts you shouldn't do that with, and they're one of them. Ambrose ruled. Reigns I think just got done watching the Abrams UWF on ESPN Classic because he quoted the Billy Jack Haynes promo from its intro verbatim. Sheamus came out to accept their challenge, but he just served as a distraction so Orton could RKO Rollins. Odd - they're building up Sheamus for two feuds at WM, and he's serious in one and a joke in the other - making it hard to take him seriously at all. It's like TNA circa '07 with the tonal shift with him.

Miz-Swagger is up. They hyped up Old School Raw with Flair and Dusty clips and made fun of an old guy who dressed like a disco parody. Sadly, he wasn't portrayed by Glenn Gilberti, who'd be a fine manager for Fandango, who is going to need some help and Disco's a good promo and could help him find a niche in the midcard.They recapped the Shield bit. Swagger's punishment for being an idiot was getting a jobber intro. No theme plug for Swagger - BOO. I want to buy that theme. I like Miz's grey, white, and red gear - very easy to recreate in WWF No Mercy. Cole awkwardly plugged Zeb's Youtube channel by saying he's frightened by it because...he expresses his right to free speech. Miz's leg's...lightly grazed the ropes causing Miz to cry in agony in a way that would make RVD cringe. Swagger won. YAY GO SWAGS! This led to an absolutely terrible plug for Sonic food because Zeb's opinions made Cole hot and they gave King, THE HEART ATTACK VICTIM, a bunch of fast food. I'm sure Sonic is going to be thrilled with that.

HHH Touted that the ASS KICKER'S BACK! It took 18 staples to close the wound on Brock's head, WHICH YOU CAN VIEW ON THE WWE APP! TOUTS FROM THE UNIVERSE! #guywithdogforthewin Cena buried Punk for saying Cena doesn't win the big one...after Cena himself said that and his angle over the past few months has been his shitty 2012 and then he cut a parody of what a good promo should be. Cena was really annoying here. Then they plugged Robot Combat League - I see no reason to watch this show.

They talked about electroshitty at WWE house shows, then showed 'Taker's Tout return. That was...kinda stupid to do if they're going to involve him in the finish here. Cole talking about how sometimes they overhype things, but THIS MATCH REALLY WAS A HUGE DEAL reminded me of Lance Russell doing that before the debut video of the New Generation. Loved Cena lifting up Punk during a triangle choke - shame Cole ruined it by calling Punk "Brock". I love how wacky the Tomb Raider commercial is, even though it doesn't seem to fit the serious tone of the game at all. Loved the sick look on Punk's face after Cena flew to the floor. Great Vise>STF chain sequence led to a nearfall. Cole talking about "THE STORY OF THE MATCH" and "AN EXHAUSTIVE PERFORMANCE" was annoying. Punk's got (dangerous) legs, and knows how to use them - didn't prevent Cena from ducking the high kick though.

This felt like a video game match at points with all the finisher counters. Cena changed his down and A groggy move from a DDT to the Batista bomb for a nearfall. Tremendous nearfall of the flying legdrop - easily the best one yet for that move. AA FT---NEARFALL! Holy shit. Great stuff here. Cena took a strange bump off the ringpost - he just kinda fell down off it. GTS hitting meant less due to the AA kickout since you could predict that it was Cena's turn to kick out of his finish. Cena's poor arm positioning killed the STF finish tease here. Punk broke out a piledriver for the first time in WWE and got a hell of a two count for it. Cena got a rana powerbombing himself and won with the AA. Holy shit this ruled. Then Cole talked about how great it was in the most ham-fisted way possible. They hyped up Cena-Rock II with the new belt graphic and Rock tweeted for him to just bring it. Tremendous stuff here overall.

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Thursday, February 21, 2013

TNA Impact 2-21-13

So weird to see the Impact Zone in the pre-show video - hard to believe the last Impact thing shot there will be Hardy's attack from the Aces. Loved the recap of last week's show - made it seem more dramatic, and made a bigger deal out of the Brooke-Bully deal. The crowd shot this week showed a fan in a giant '89 Batman logo shirt. Hogan limped down to ringside slowly to start the show. Hogan cut a promo mentioning Jeff Hardy, THE WORLD CHAMP WHO ISN'T THERE, a billion times. Might as well go with a "fuck you" on the last night before saying Bully's the top contender now because he's "head and tails" above everyone. I'm not quite sure what that means, but I like Taz bringing up Bully not even being in the matches to determine a top contender. Loved Bully giving Hogan a YOU along with the fans to get him into the match. Roode and Aries met with Daniels and Kaz because they've got an 8-man tag. Daniels, the ring general who earned his medals, ruled. They'll team up to face the Mexicans, Storm, and Joseph Park. My word is Storm ever lost in the shuffle.

A new Road to Lockdown ShopTNA ad hyped up being able to hype up ACES AND 8S gear. That seems counterproductive. Digging the tie-dye style shirts though - Sting's would fit Brock's gear perfectly. Hemme didn't say "Aries" and Taz called Bully the gimp of his team - that amused me. Taz was pissed about Storm's fans blowing up his Twitter, and he hates them, himself, and shocked they even own mobile devices. Heel Taz is great. Loved the partners from the corners into each other was changed up with Joseph accidentally elbowing guys, then Chavo congratulating him and Joseph being scared because he thought he did something wrong. They hyped up King Mo since he's fighting on Bellator tonight. Park's wrestling camp training was put to good use with a double clothesline out of the corner. Tag champs left Bad Influence on their own, and Aries mocked Kaz's handsign. Loved Daniels taking like three bumps off a backstabber, then getting Pounced by Hernandez and frog splashed by Chavo. Loved Storm and Hernandez helping Park balance up on the second rope before he won with a splash. Fun little deal here - especially when Chavo hopped onto his back in celebration.

They showed Hogan and Bully's deal from earlier and a graphic for the main event - so weird to see Hogan in a match graphic.Rockstar Spud put over British Bootcamp as life-changing since it got him a contract and he's not recognized wherever he goes. And better yet, they recapped "Bigger Rob" holding back Robbie E, who is facing Rockstar Spud tonight. Taz threatened to stab Todd THROUGH THE HAND WITH A PENCIL if he didn't shut up. Thanks to Bigger Rob distracting Big Rob, Spud won this. Fine little match here. Robbie E and T had a spat that led to a Dixie Owns Vince sign being on TV. E slapped T, who threw down The List, Bro and threw his XXXXXl Cardigan before Robbie E got stuck in the ropes in the funniest way possible. KO 4 way is up next.

They replayed Velvet beating Tara 3 weeks ago, then they showed Gail winning last week, and Tess winning two weeks ago to show why all were contenders. Great - a nice, logical reason for this match to happen. Brooke Hogan came out in a see through black dress - odd, but hot attire for an exec. Taz saying that Hulk's trying to "keep in the family" made me chuckle. Velvet making sure her ass pointed right at the camera when she tried to grab Tara ruled. Velvet hit her finisher on Tara and Gail stole the pin - ensuring a new KO champ here. I love it when that's done. Oddly, they referenced Taryn being on Bellator LIVE later, which not only exposed this as being taped, but WHAT THE HELL IS TARYN TERRELL DOING ON BELLATOR!? Looking forward to a live Tiffany promo though. Loved Gail arguing with Taryn and it costing Gail big-time since it led to the In Yo Face and the title win for Velvet. She won with an ass-up cover and the camera zoomed in on Brooke's cleavage. Quick recap of Bullfy 'dad' making their match.

AJ's shitty 2012 was recapped, and they'll have an update on him next week. Garett-Joe is happening next...after not being brought up at all before this. Good recap vid though. Garett as a badass biker is an amusing visual. The Smone Smission Mashin came out to kick some ass. Joe and Garett had a fun match until Wes came out. Loved Joe doing Devon's last rights bit before a big corner chop. Angle made the save. Loved him making himself-Wes in a cage. Kenny King faces RVD for the X Title next in an unhyped match.

Todd saying that King would be perfect for the Aces amused me since they do love strippers. They did moves, RVD look the worst Royal Flush ever. Five star won for RVD. Brooke attempted to emote while talking to her dad, she failed. Hulk also called Sting THE GREATEST WRESTLER WHO EVER LIVED! They recapped Hardy's injury deal. They got Hardy's thoughts on Bully as his contender - he promised POSSIBLY THE GREATEST CAGE MATCH EVER. Well, after he promised to have one of the best Tokyo Dome matches ever, I wouldn't put too much faith in that statement. Anderson's working in blue jeans and a white T-shirt, and looks like a cheaper, skinnier version of the Sandman. Sting came out, then Bully, and Hogan's entrance was teased, but he was shockingly injured preventing it. Bully and Sting got the better of the Aces despite being one man the Aces are really quite incompetent. They can't beat a one-legged man and a 50+ year old. Loved Doc and Bully exchanging shots in the corner. I wouldn't mind a one-on-one match for them after Bully wins the title. The Aces dragged the Hogans out and made sure to zoom in on Brooke's ass. Doc pinned Sting after a big boot to the face - it didn't quite make sense since Anderson was in the scorpion, but since it led to a pin, I'm fine with him waiting for a proper running boot. This was fun stuff and made the Aces look like badasses again.

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Monday, February 18, 2013

Raw 2-18-13

Great EC PPV recap vid. JYYYOHHNNN  CEENAA's out to cut a promo. Before he can say one word, he remembers to point at the sign. I liked Cena talking about Swagger-Alberto because it made that title at least seem important for a brief moment. Punk came out and they blathered on for a bit leading to Cena making Punk-Cena for the title shot because he's an honorable guy. Cena wanted the match this week, but Punk said we'll do it next week and Cena let him so he'll have no excuses. They put over Henry killing dudes with a graphic and said he'll wrestle next. YAY! They hyped up Presidents' Day and then Sheamus called Ryback a mindless neanderthal. This rightly pissed Ryback off and it took Jericho to settle them down. He said that THEY HAVE TO SAVE WWE, which is odd since the Shield hasn't really tried to kill it in anyway. He made Jericho, Ryback, and Sheamus against the Shield tonight. Sin Cara's out to be killed by Henry. Henry looked angry, so he either breathing Henry's air, or doing so while not paying his air bill. WSS won, and then Henry held him up for a second one but Khali came down...and for some reason, Henry didn't just slam him in the nine years it took Khali to come out. Henry shoved Cara down, THEN HENRY DID THE KHALI DANCE!

Last night's DQ in the US Title match was shown instead of just showing stills, the thing was shown. No DQ match is up next between them and the Shield match is official. Cesaro beat him up with a stick, kneed him in the corner, but eventually hit his knee on the chair he wedged in the corner while teasing a shattered reams spot, and then he got sickly drop toeholded onto it throat-first and lost via figure four. Non-title match though, thank God. Then Cole shilled Zeb's Youtube page WHERE THINGS ARE LEAKED...and then shown on global TV. This is glorious. Swagger's bangs and beard make him look threatening. Dutch is so damned awesome in this role.

Bryan bickered with Kane, and he requested a match with Swagger - Bryan-Swag should rule. Kane now doesn't like snakes, which led to Orton showing up directly next to him and saying he's a pussy now. Orton said he was like Barney the Dinosaur, and then Vickie acted poorly on the phone. Heyman didn't like her since she mocked him for Punk losing. Vickie said she had an announcement that wouldn't affect his life, but would affect his career...IN WHAT WAY WOULD THAT NOT AFFECT HIS LIFE?! Ziggler's out to face someone...oh, it's just THE WORLD CHAMPION. No build to this here, although I guess it'll be based around their ME match, which also occured for no reason. Throughout this, Cole was scolded for saying Vickie used Weight Watchers and he changed it to Heyman.

Ricardo gave Alberto the longest "ALBBERRRRTOOOOO" intro yet. They showed a three-shot graphic of the WHC match last night, and these graphics have really been helpful since TLC when they started using them. I always chuckle when Cole calls Alberto THE PRIDE OF MEXICO given his loss to Cro Cop. Highlight of the pre-break part was the enzuigiri on the apron. They came back and talked about AJ's best kissers piece on WWE's site - this led to King squickily asking if he was on the list. HE IS THREE TIMES HER AGE! Dolph tapped after the armbar for the second time in a week. Match was fine, basically a shorter version of their ME one. Big E hit his finish on Alberto and  Dolph was going to cash his contract, but Ricardo stole it. AJ got it back, but the enzuigiri prevented a cash-in. The visual of Big E chasing Ricardo ruled. The Kane-Orton graphic showed that Orton is on Tout.

Barrett, who I'd forgotten was IC Champ, came out to shill the movie he's in. THE BARRETT BARRAGE IS GOING TO CONQUER HOLLYWOOD. Dead Man Down does look pretty great. Sheamus acted like a dick and insulted him for being in the movie, and then didn't give Barrett a chance to respond by "running out of time" so they could shil the figures. New Colons got new music - really good dance tune. Sweet T and Tensai are teaming with Naomi to face the Rosa and the Colons. Naomi did a bunch of awesome athletic stuff including a sweet springboard crossbody and then the Fat Guys beat the Colons with the CALL YO MAMA double splash. They showed some of the WM XXX press conference - digging the purple and gold logo. VINTAGE WCW! Zeb and Jack's state of the union address is next. YES!

Zeb ruled this, and Swagger...yelled WE THE PEOPLE a bunch. Zeb got through about two weeks of TV by talking about it being a U.S vs. Mexico deal to reclaim a nation. Loved JR pimping Mid-South during his tweet about WM XXX being in New Orleans. Loved the double leg takedown after the kick combo. Bryan actually got the No Lock on, but Swagger put his leg on the rope to break it. They stuck with the Patriot Lock name for the ankle lock from last night - huge improvement over the Patriot Act name they were using, and Swagger won decisively here. Fun match. They finally hyped up the six-man tag being the Shield's first match on Raw. The Heyman-Vickie deal is next.

Vickie announced her name and said she'd announce her new assistant - Broad Maddox! He and Vickie had a Dwight-Jim argument about assistant/assistant to the from the Office seven years ago. Vince cut a promo VIA SATELLITE talking about Heyman's EC stip. He said he'll walk to the ring next week and fight Heyman, basically making this show seem secondary to next week's show. Shield's tag match is next, after a Cena-Punk recap from earlier.  Jericho came out and Cole shilled his appearance on THE WWE APP comparing the Shield to the Nexus and he did earlier tonight. Chuckled at fans using the Shield's entrance to wave to peolple. Loved Sheamus hitting the kick on Ambrose on the apron, who then fell and did a sideways walk into the barricade. Loved Ambrose doing a running back-bump dropkick to Sheamus in the ropes before Rollins could run in with the Strong kick.

Crowd came back from the dead thanks to Ryback's FEED ME MORE lariat setup. They redid the finish from last night, but it didn't lead to a fall since the cover was delayed - great way to help Ryback there since it showed you that he COULD have kicked out if Rollins hadn't just fallen on him. Reigns crotched himself gloriously and cried loudly as a result. Loved Jericho running wild on Ambrose and then doing the triangle dropkick to Rollins on the apron. Jericho's work has been far more impressive this year than it was last. Ambrose's selling of the Walls was amzaing. Rollins's flying knee from the top during it gave the Shield the win, so now this team effort has pissed off both Ryback and Jericho. Sheamus hates the Shield, but also has his deal with Barrett going on. Really good match and basically perfect for a TV match that stands up nicely next to their PPV ones.

I got a Cougar Life ad...yeah. Kofi's out to face Sandow, whose great grandfather OSIRUS P SANDOW created the new deal. Sandow killed Kofi. Kofi's former partner in the legendary Team Black Guys came back to save Sandow. Two of Rock's co-stars in the GI Joe movie are out here again. Blonde chick looks hot. Orton came out to face Kane. They did next to nothing for a few minutes before a break. They came back and did more nothing. The crowd chanted for Daniel Bryan a ton during this. Bryan distracted Kane leading to an RKO win. This was boring. Rock's celebration is next, so that was the theoretical main event...yikes. An awesome Sheamus hype vid aired to plug SD. A school marching band did a song for the Rock. Then the drummers did some of Rock's theme. That part ruled. Rock paraded around the ring with a red velvet bag on a table in the center. Please have a new belt, please have a new belt... YES. He talked about the spinner working...8 years ago. The new belt is just the giant WWE logo belt with the Rock's brahma bulls on the side. So I guess they decided to scrap that design for the long-term and just use it short-term for the Rock. I'm guessing we'll get a new one after WM. Punk attacked and grabbed the spinner and tossed it next to him before saying he wanted the new one, staring down the Rock, and leaving. Ending was kind of hollow and the new belt is terrible.

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Thursday, February 14, 2013

TNA Impact 2-14-13

Spike pre-show hype is talking about an 8-man tourney for a world title shot. The recap vid talked about Garett and Wes turning against Angle and Hawk Hogan, and made the tag titles seem important by showing Aries and Roode winning the gold as well as showing Taz joining the Aces and reinstating Bully while showing clips of the table match from last week. Hell of an efficient two minute deal. New crowd shots for this show, including a nice showcase for the KILL STEEN KILL Cena-style shirt. They had THE greatest shot of the crowd yet when Hogan came out - made it look like there were 50,000 in the joint. Loved Hogan calling Daniels a man who thinks he's a superhero and putting Magnus over huge. Loved the logic of pitting the tag champs against each other because they were the last two world champs. Sting's white, black, red, and blue paint setup looks good. Sting promising to TEAR HEADS OFF is amusing. Magnus-Daniels is next - megapop anticipated.

Taz bringing up "be a star" constantly during Magnus-Daniels was amusing. Him praising Daniels for the best moonsault attempt ever was funny too. Loved Taz insulting the ref for tossing out Kaz's $20 managers license, then Kaz got punched and took a HYUUUGE bump on the ramp. Magnus hit a great lariat on Daniels leading to the flying elbow for the win. Magnus does the best flying elbow in the business and it got a lot of replays. Great visual with Mangus's name in lights above the ring after his win. Bully gave Brooke a bunch of exposition about the storyline in case she forgot it while at the same time saying it's Valentine's Day and they're going out on the town in London! Once Bully puts his ring on - he forgot it in the bathroom sink at the hotel...DUN DUN DUN!

Magnus cut a fine promo on the Aces for shattering his dreams for months. Not sure I agree with him saying he has what it takes to be World champ - I'd have set my sights clearly on the TV Title given the Aces storyline. Joe's gear is now like his old gear but with the boxing style - looks awful, like Brock's generic gear in WWE '13. Then they played some terrible-sounding audio of Angle talking about the IOC's decision to eliminate wrestling. Taz agreed with  Kurt that it was insane, and Tenay agreed with him - I liked Tenay and Taz being able to not just blindly hate each other. Having at least some common ground makes things seem more believable. Angle came out in longer tights and thigh tape. VINTAGE SAKU! They went through their usual stuff for a few minutes before a break. They recapped Impact on the Road during the break. Could've done without saying that the Aces were texting him a bunch of LOLs when word of Bully's quad injury got out. Made them sound like a bunch of teenagers. I LOLed when Joe no-sold the Angle slam, leading to a choke, then the ankle lock. Garett and Wes came out to destroy them both after they'd already hit each other with finishers...but got their asses kicked anyway. That was hilarious. Dixie gave the most boring pep talk in human history to the Blossom Twins and some guy who wasn't named while wearing a blue table cloth. Put some fucking graphics up for these peoples' names for goodness sake

The dude is Party Marty, whose name and look scream opening match guy. Blossom twins look good. They'll face Gail, Tara, and Jessie. Could be quite fun...although four of the people have very little experience. Party Marty running into Jessie in the corner, slapping him, then cheering for himself made me wish Jessie would just destroy him. Tenay talked about Billy Robinson to tie the UK show into Bellator. Marty hit a missile dropkick, but overshot a suicide dive by a billion miles and crashed with the metal railing. Gail beat a Blossom with the Eat Defeat. Gail bragged, then insulted Taryn whose tits were focused on extensively, and demanded a match with Tara. Brooke came out and made a 4-way with herself at ringside to ensure that no bullshit happened. Neat. They replayed Dixie's awkward announcement from Bellator last week. Should've just shown the dates instead. They recapped the two title qualifiers from earlier. Then Aries and Roode argued over which titles they were going to go after - could've done without Aries saying he didn't want the X title, but otherwise, this was fine.

Storm-RVD is up. Tenay and Kennely talked about Storm having his last shot taken from him by Roode, and thankfully left out much of his history of failure. Wouldn't play up well for this match since it's setting him up for more failure. Tenay talked about the history of RVD and Storm's matches, citing their Lockdown '10 match and their battle in the BFG series while Kennely put RVD over as a former world champ who held two world titles at once. Really made this seem like a more important match as a result. LOVED RVD selling the Closing Time like his chest was caved in. Let's Go Cowboy/RVD dueling chant helped it too. RVD going for the chairless Van Terminator for the first time in years was a great way to make this seem important - he seems way more 'on' here than usual. Superkick got the win for Storm - this was a pretty good match - way better than RVD's X division matches. Storm beat a current champion in this, so that should really count more than anything else. Joseph Park asked Hulk Hogan for a shot against Jeff Hardy - he's made Vote For Park buttons and posters to politic properly! This was tremendous and made me forget all about Taz's horrible "if my aunt had nuts, she'd be my uncle" statement earlier.

Brooke asked for her husband to get the title shot, then said they'd only been in the UK for three days...kinda odd for three weeks of TV. Liked Hulk saying he had be objective and be fair to everyone on the roster. Roode and Aries came out for the main event - Roode got booed but Aries got a huge ovation. Roode cut the usual heel promo about titles - they all mean nothing and need to be brought back to a state of prominence. Loved Aries thanking the fans for stating his name - but he already knows it! They went for a double fingerpoke of doom, eliciting a POKE POKE POKE chant. I loved them getting mad due to them being unable to agree on who would throw the fight...this rules! Angle will be live on Bellator from NC, exposing that Impact was taped. Eh, hardly a big deal. Loved each guy trying to out-cheat the other. Aries nearly being dropped to the floor during a superplex was scary. LOLed at Roode stealing Eddie's fake chairshot spot, then Aries re-stole it. Hernandez and Chavo came out in Aries and Roode's shirts on the ramp, and then they scrambled around trying to prevent the other from getting in to break the count. This ruled. Hogan and Sting had a meeting and then Sting gave Hogan directions to the ring...while exposing that Wembley's backstage area looks like the most cramped cruise ship ever. Hogan came out to name the contender, but was interrupted by the Aces, who couldn't attack him thanks to Bully and Sting ARMED WITH A CRICKET BAT. This was a thing. Great show overall.

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Wednesday, February 13, 2013

WWE Main Event 2-13-13

I love the now-weekly running gag of Miz being taken out of Main Event on commentary due to injury. Also loved this meaning Miz couldn't be out for the Highlight Reel, and Jericho buried Miz saying Alberto is a much bigger star than him - and he allowed Ricardo to gloriously introduce Alberto. He actually gave the fan his scarf just for this bit. Their Spanish-off was amusing...and then Ricardo damn near had a heart attack from talking so fast. Jericho's name-calling of Big E was something, but at least led to Alberto-Dolph in a TITLE-FREE MATCH. I fucking hate that moniker.

Pretty by the numbers match. Loved JBL saying that Jericho's the only WWE superstar to go on DWTS and not date George Clooney. Things got going after Del Rio was tossed over the top rope and landed face-first on the steps, then he did a REVERSE SUPERPLEX on Dolph. Tremendous spot.Loved the SLEEPER WHILE ALBERTO WAS ON THE TOP ROPE. Crowd really got into the match with Alberto's fiery mannerisms. Dolph took THE best fall I've seen for Alberto's corner enzuigiri. Loved Ricardo bonking E with the bucket and getting chased to the back as a result. This led to the armbar and a great overall match. It's worth watching this show for the match.

Cole's green shirt and tie combo is amazing. Fine recap of the Punk/Rock deal from Raw. They announced Brodus and Tensai against TRC. JBL called them the Future Endeavors. Guess he's paid attention to their win/loss records since breaking up. Loved Heyman basically intereviewing himself. Seemed kinda weird to end the show with a recap video on the Shield match on Sunday instead of original content.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

TNA Impact 2-7-13

I loved the Bar Rescue ad - I wonder if they'll commission a Wrestling Rescue show and focus on TNA. Great recap of the Bully/Hogan deal - Bully's face last week when he got reinstated was amazing. Angle being turned on getting wacky chanting music was amusing. Wes looks like a badass in the biker getup. Pretty sure they're using the same crowd shot as last week to open the show - I remember the Austin 3:16 guy and the fan with the neon yellow Hogan sign, brotha. Loved Garett doing Eric's fake chest pound/I love you! bit when he came out. According to Taz, the Aces are RULING PRO WRESTLING. Anderson lost last week, as did Devon. Devon cut a promo and was awkwardly interrupted by a cutaway to Angle being demolished by the Aces - that looked terrible. Couldn't they put that in at any other point? WWE does that and sets it up better - this was awful. Garett cut a fine promo while Wes just seemed nervous and called Hogan 'Hawk Hogan'. Tara and Jessie talked about George and Jessie talked about Myspace, which was great. Then Brooke Hogan was all annoying with them.

The first ad break for Impact involves Extenze and new EXTENZE LUBRICANT. They should've followed that up with the lingerie ShopTNA ad. RVD's defending out X Title against King and Ion. Taz talking about the X Title made me wonder why the Aces haven't tried to get it yet - they made the WORLD TV TITLE their top priority, and while they took out Hardy, I'm not sure who in the group is up to the task of being a remotely viable contender for it. This was fun when RVD wasn't involved. He is just too slow to attempt to keep up with these guys, and it isn't exactly like they're super-fast DGUSA guys either. I liked the five star onto King during a Northern Lights - great finish, best part of the match by far. Aries and Roode bickered marvelously about being former world champs and winning tag gold later.

British Bootcamp vid made me hope that they eventually throw that onto Youtube. This was a great way to introduce the cast onto US TV. Rockstar Spud is such a tremendous-looking douchebag. Bruce Prichard and D'Lo, in horizontal stripes, talked about Wes and Garett joining the Aces. D'Lo shouldn't have worn that - looked awful. Jessie came out to offer the folks a Pectacular photo op - Storm took offense to this. Sad to see Storm in the 'random match against geek' slot when he should've been world champ 10 months ago...and three months ago. Match was fine - Jessie is quite good in his role. Storm turning Jessie into a ventriloquist dummy ruled. Tag titles are on the line next. An ADT ad buried Comcast's new home security service because they're mainly a cable company known for shit service - valid issue.

Loved Taz calling Tenay A FREEEAAAK of nature for knowing so much about Chavo and Hernandez's title reign, and him agreeing with his fellow heels saying the tag titles would be the easiest to win, and his bickering with Tenay ruled. Roode going OW, WHAT ARE YOU DOING after Aries' accidental dive onto him was tremendous. Hernandez hoisting Aries up during a headlock and putting him onto the buckle so he could do a cocky point was amusing.  Loved Kennely using the UK taping as a way to say that Tenay loved to eat spotted dick and Tenay saying that if Aries wins, he'll be a triple crown champ in TNA. YAY ARIES! Loved Roode and Aries bringing back the hand clap phantom tag here. Taz saying that Bully being reinstated was HOGWASH amused me greatly. Loved Aries already starting to bump for the shoulderblock before Hernandez could even touch him.

Watching Hernandez do impressive shit here made me think that he's basically exactly what WWE wants Ryback to be, minus the habit of dropping dudes on their heads. Loved the sequence with Roode leaving, then coming back to rotate finishers with Aries before the 450 won. Chavo's teeth were re-killed by the corner dropkick. This wasn't the greatest tag match I've ever seen, but damn it was a lot of fun. Sting, Bully and Brooke met in the back, where they gave away the building's WiFi password Sting reversed the "get the tables bit" on Bully, then Hogan came in and cut a promo saying THIS WAS THE END of the Aces and calling Bully a good guy, resulting in Bully saying he isn't a good guy - he's just good to Brooke and hasn't forgotten being wronged by the Aces. In fact, HE'S A VERY BAD GUY. This ruled, and then he called Hogan 'dad' angrily.

AJ's shitty year was recapped. What's Cena bitching about having a bad year? At least he wasn't accused of having a baby with a crackhead. Tess came out for her match with Tara. Tenay brought up them being former KO tag champs, titles I'd forgotten about before that. Tara did a hair grab that existed only to show off her ass and Tess's crotch while Tenay talked about Lord Alfred Hayes and then Taz talked about how he and other British legends would do in the Aces. Tara did the booty pop stinkface to Tess mid-ring. That was something else. Then Kennely channeled Hayes with the 'promotional considering paid for by the following' bit. Brooke's facebuster is now called the Tess Shot. Fine move name, this was okay.

JB introduced Rockstar Spud, who looks more like a star than anyone in ROH even though he looks like a British MCMG member. Love Robbie E being too big of a douche bag for big RT to tolerate. I loved Bigger Rob having plausible deniability for allowing the punch since he dropped the clipboard. Spud making Rob Terry dance WITH THE DEVIL HORN HAND SIGN ruled. This was an absolute blast. I'll miss Dos Robbies, but the Rockstars Spud and Terry should be fun too. Yup - TNA got more out of their UK-only show by doing the video earlier and this than WWE got out of everything with TE. Maybe they should've had Hogan beat him up and never let Spud got any offense on him. Sting and Bully had a bit that peaked with Brooke going IT'S SHOWTIMEOMIGOSH!

Bully looked awesome with the warpaint and the lighting. Loved Bully doing the Stinger Splash so well he sent himself over the top rope - five star Stinger Splash there, then he let Sting do it before a double stack Stinger splash. Bully doing Devon's part in the WAZZZUPPP headbutt was him taking Devon's spot with the table grabbing spot. Goddamn this rules. The crowd was unbelievably hot for this - Sting should just retire except for the UK tour and BFG because he comes off as the icon they sell him as here. Very surprised to see Sting even tease a superplex, let alone do one. Knox is now THE MONSTER OF THE ACES AND EIGHTS! They should've just called him Doc and given Doc his Ring Ka King Isaiah Cash name. BULLY HULKED UP ON DEVON. Loved Taz telling Devon to hit him harder and it not working. Bully put Devon through the table. This was tremendous fun. This show was a blast - not the greatest show or biggest, but a lot of fun from start to finish.

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Monday, February 4, 2013

Raw 2-4-13

The opening video set up The Shield vs. Cena/Sheamus/Ryback nicely for the Chamber and recapped the Heyman deal. Punk came out and gave the GTS to a fan's IT'S MY BIRTHDAY sign. YES! Loved Punk saying that it wasn't Heyman, but it was CGI and that Vince would doctor footage on his TV show. Booker came out to shut him up. Booker said he was out here at the behest of the managing manager of general, Vickie Guerrero to name Punk's opponent for tonight - a former WM foe...and he'll let the Universe decide who it is. So Vickie apparently sent Booker out to do this...for some reason, and has no problem with him letting the fans decide his opponent ONLY ON THE WWE APP. IF YOU AREN'T ONE OF THE 3.8 MILLION WHO HAVE THE WWE APP, here's a tutorial video to show you I guess he knew about this beforehand, or just randomly made a WWE app tutorial. This makes Nintendo putting video walkthroughs of games seem necessary by comparison. They hyped up Bruno's EPIC INDUCTION without mentioning him, but plugging ESPN's site so you could figure it out.

They showed a boring Orton promo about facing Punk. Loved Cole saying that Cesaro hasn't eaten desert in three years and chooses to workout on his birthday instead of eating cake and ice cream. He also enjoys MAGICAL HERBS.They came back from a break to have Cole alert us that it's a TITLE-FREE MATCH. Non-title is on the naughty list I guess. I love how many matches they're giving Cesaro with Ryback - they're not the greatest matches, but it shows they have a ton of faith in him and gave him a near-fall via countout here. After being thrown back in after an attempted escape through the crowd, Cesaro hit a yakuza kick, went for it again and got powerbombed for his efforts. Great spot. Shellshock gave Ryback a win - great stuff here. Loved the camera shot of Ryback's face next to a SHIELD IS GOING DOWN sign. Cole called Ryback ONE OF THE MOST UNIQUE SUPERSTARS IN HISTORY. Wow. I'd go with most powerful there. Cena recap vid from last week's Raw. Shield recap vid is coming up after the break.

Chilli was there...and WWE acted like this was a huge deal. Rey cut a good promo on his history with Punk and how he took his hair and mentioned being a WWE Champion in the past as well. Great stuff there. Shield vid was the same one from SD. John Cena reacted to it by...making a face. Vickie convered with him in a swank red and black Sinister Minister suit. Trish's tits HOF vid re-aired. Striker remains the only bad part about it. During the break, Jericho cut a promo on WWE ACTIVE ON THE WWE APP! Santino came out and Booker joined the commentary team...oh lord. Booker thanked the WWWE Universe and Cole called Swagger "the Real American". If that was his theme, he'd at least get a pop. Booker said that Rey's got a country behind him - DAT'S A BUYRATE, DAT'S RATINGS. Swagger killed him quickly with the Patriot Act ankle lock. What a stupid fucking name that is. Not as bad as the Souvenir, but still bad. Swagger demanded that Booker be impressed, which at least explained to some degree why Booker was out there. King begged everyone to vote because the Punk match is next. Great ME hype vid aired.

Cole apologized for the app being down, leading to them delaying the match and putting voting on the site. Alberto came out for the hour one main event...that hasn't been announced yet. They showed the Show-Alberto brawl. Cody gets to be the victim tonight. This should be quite good if it's given time. They sadly continued the breakup for the Rhodes Scholars and Cody's new terrible mustcahe shirt. Alberto came off as just another guy here due to the crowd being dead. Nothing they've done with him on Raw since winning the title has really done much for me, but on SD, they're doing a lot of good with him. This went like three minutes. I think they've spent more time hyping the app tonight than anything involving the world champ. Alberto's promo got Whatted terribly until he praised them and yelled a bunch. Then Show calmy explained that he wasn't afraid of Alberto and that he was in a hotel for Alberto's safety, not his. I loved his calm tone here - very different from the norm.  King awkwardly talked about the app voting, which Jericho won by a landslide.

Kane and Bryan argued about their loss and Bryan demanded that Kane stay backstage so he doesn't lose tonight. Cole seemed confused by this and said he'd explain about it in a moment, which I guess will be after he's shouted what he should say. Cole explained the chamber qualifiers to impress Booker, which would be a lot easier to understand if they were actually just qualifiers and not just vague "impress Booker" matches. YAY, REY-BRYAN! Rey's got his better-looking Rumble singlet top on here which looks way better than his sleeveless shirt. Bryan hit a tremendous tilt a whirl into an upside-down Codebreaker. I demand that be creatable in WWE '13. Loved the sinister face Bryan made during his arms to side bit - didn't so much dig King's Just For Goats joke. Bryan got the No Lock, which Rey countered into a cradle nearfull. Dug that. Splash from Rey missed and THAT allowed him to get the No Lock and the win. Super-fun match. MARK HENRY RETURNED to kick Bryan's ass, then came in and beat up Rey, who was still down due to the No Lock with a new running spinebuster. Tremendous return. Sin Cara came out with new sweet half-Mistico/half-Sin Cara gear and springboarded into a WSS, which he then did to Rey and hit him with a Vader bomb. THAT return was about twenty billion times better than Swagger and had a car in the background of the building for some reason. Mayble Alberto parked it there. Goddamn this ruled. Jericho-Punk was hyped up awkwardly with WWE ACTIVE ON THE WWE APP!

Bryan and Kane argued again, which led to a glorious calm Kane mini-speech. Then they re-aired the Vince-Heyman deal. Show got room service from the burliest hotel worker in human history. Sheamus came out for a match that Cole ABSOLUTELY COULDN'T WAIT FOR...then why wasn't it announced beforehand? It's against Kane...which sure sounds like a match I could wait for. Hype vid for THE INCREDIBLY MEXICAN WORLD CHAMPION FROM MEXICO also brought up SD too.

For some reason, a Shield/Cena vid aired in the middle of the ad break. Rey, Bryan, and Orton are now in the Chamber. Sheamus got Kane up for the Irish Curse. Crowd remained dead despite it. A loud BORING chant went up. Bryan distracted Kane and cost him the match. Goddammit, another team's breaking up. MizTV with Heyman is next. Miz's grey and black checkerboard suit was terrible and I was so glad that Heyman begged him to shut up. Miz was God-awful here compared to Heyman. Heyman outclassed him in a few seconds here. They blathered on for a bit before Vickie screeched her way to the ring and said that she re-hired Brock because he was a free agent. And like all free agents, they made a DVD on him while he was outside the company. Vickie's acting here was sub-Miz. Heyman was so great consoling Vickie when she broke into tears. Miz called them both fat, which led to Heyman making a great face and Brock coming out. He looked so out of place with the wacky MizTV set. Brock killed Miz after a shove, then tossed around the sofas like they were nothing, then F5ed Miz. The best part about this was Heyman apologizing on behalf of the destroyed Miz.

Orton came out to face Barrett, and Bo Dallas cut a terrible inset promo. Cole talked about the history between Orton and Barrett, which I've completely forgotten. Cole then brought up Barrett breaking his nose over a dozen times in "bare fighting". Cole talking about Barrett's scar was more interesting than the match. Orton won after countering the Wasteland with elbows, having the RKO shoved out of, then backing into another one - that was nice, the match was boring. IC Title feels like such a nothing title right now. Punk-Jericho is next. A tremendous "I'll Do Anything For Love" M&M ad aired as did a FANDANGO promo. FAN-DAN-GO!  Loved Punk countering the springboard dropkick with a neck snap smoothly. Cole hyped upp Cena calling out the Shield, which I'd forgotten about. Still no Bruno video either. Sweet high kick hit perfectly and got 2 while the vise was escaped via a long trek to the ropes. GTS countered into the Walls to a huge pop. Punk made it to the ropes, but couldn't get the GTS due to the Walls. Nailed it after weakening Jericho with the buckle. It started as a fun match, then got really good. I was more impressed by Bryan-Rey though. Bruno's HOF vid was tremendous. MIKE TYSON talked about being inspired by him. Huge ovation by the crowd for this. So glad to see this deal get worked out.

I loved Punk saying that Rock has the physical belt - he has the title of champion. Great hype vid involving the Rock's title win getting a bunch of media, then Cena cut the happiest angry-sounding promo ever. Show talked with Booker on the phone while the second-most jacked hotel worker came in. Show doesn't do birthday tweets or autographs - tremendous. Alberto then attacked Show when he wasn't expecting it. Alberto then blinded him and hit him with a fire extinguisher and told people that his friend ate bad Mexican food...haha...Mr. Mad-ox came out at 11:05 to say that Heyman preyed on his desire to be an UP AND COMING SUPERSTAR. LOVED him calling out the Shield so Cena couldn't - he was tremendous here. Then Ambrose cut a tremendous promo on him and they destroyed him. Cena entered through the crowd with Ryback and Sheamus. Not sure why they didn't see the Shield up there. They were in the crowd and Shield's other victims crowded the ramp. JUSTICE CENA STYLE involves having a massive numbers edge...just like his enemies. A very minor beatdown ensued to set up the chamber match, which really should've been announced here. Maybe they'll save that for either ME or SD.

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Friday, February 1, 2013

SD 2-1-13

Loved Brock's stuff in the opening vid - great recap of Alberto's week. The Raw segment was worlds better being summed up in 20 seconds than it came off live. I'm shocked Alberto's street fight gear doesn't involve the Mexican flag. I like the idea of Booker letting former world champs earn another world title in the chamber. Not quite digging Swagger's promo. Love Booker making a HOLLA HOLLA TAG MATCH PLAYA with the tag champs against Rey and Sin Cara. Christy almighty, Rey could barely hobble to do his pyro pointing deal. Sin Cara's green zebra-striped gear looked way better than it should've since it's basically Badd Company's old getup, but the gold trim helped it a lot. According to JBL, Rey met Sin Cara WHILE THEY WERE BOTH IN in AAA...where Sin Cara never worked, and wasn't even in a wrestler, or training to be one when Rey was last there. Rey's bright red top made him look like a Christmas-themed luchador. Match went a few minutes before an ad break.

Loved the missile dropkick from Bryan after the backflip from Sin Cara. It frightens me that Bryan's already got both knees taped up heavily. Loved the champs' surfboard/basement dropkick combo. WWE Kids mag has a Ryback poster - I'm astonished they're still printing that. Loved Rey getting the hot tag and going crazy on both Bryan and Kane with stuff. Chokeslam into the rana from Rey ruled, and led to a No Lock I'm shocked didn't get the win so Rey would lose in his hometown. Holy crap - Rey actually won. Sweet - hopefully that leads to a tag title shot at the PPV. Rey hopping on Cara's shoulders was fun - I like it when faces are just happy for winning. Truncated clips of the Rumble World title match basically just showed the same stuff as the show-opening vid, ditto the Raw attack, which at least showed Ricardo taking a beating. Disappointed that Alberto didn't beat Striker with his stick for asking a stupid question.

Khali's out to face, VINTAGE JINDER feud here. Sadly, Jinder didn't work this in his hilarious skinny jeans. TREMENDOUS chop from Khali on Jinder. Drew basically telling Nattie to suck his cock was surprising for an SD bit. Khali won with the chop. Booker and Teddy delivered the funniest exposition in a while - it was so blatant, and I loved Teddy just calling khali "it". THE RHODES SCHOLARS BROKE UP. WHAT. IN THE FUCK. JUST WALK BESIDE ME AND BE MY FRIEND! I heart Sandow. Not sure why the hell they needed to be broken up since they were doing singles matches anyway during the team - INCLUDING ON RAW. I think they just did the breakup for the Rhodes Scholars to ROADKILL joke. A more thorough vid on the Vince-Heyman bit aired, because SD needs filler. Loved the drums during the Brock-Vince stuff, also, Steph's enormous boobs during the backstage bit. Also, according to JBL, Brock was a two-time UFC Champion. Heyman will be on MizTV on Raw - I deamnd that Brock kill him and we get the return of the Danger Zone. This ate up over five minutes of airtime.

Alberto was shown pacing again to kill more time. This show's starting to feel like Main Event...GOD, ANOTHER RECAP VID. At least this is for the Rumble match, which hasn't been recapped before, and featured some of Cena's promo, thankfully not the part burying the world title, and the Shield's attack, which is good since I completely forgot about it.  Sheamus came out for his match with Sandow, and was of course, completely fine after a brawl with the Shield. He wasn't attacked too much or hit with their finisher, but it always annoys me to see their attacks basically no-sold by the next show. This was put over as the start of a new era for Sandow...jobber to the main event starts in unhyped singles matches. Not much of a new era. Loved Sandow busting out a Finlay-esque headbutt to the stomach as a corner. Loved the Shield's interference ending this since they shouldn't have Sandow lose right now. Loved the bump Rollings took for the kick and Ambrose trapping the legs to ensure a beatdown on him from Reigns with one man down. I know what JBL meant by complimenting them for being "well-oiled guys", but it led me to having Vince WBF flashbacks.

EAT FRUITY PEBBLES AND GET A BODY LIKE JOHN CENA! Josh has apparently lost his voice. Good - more JBL, and it'll lead to JBL burying him for months like he did when Cole blew out his voice at Armageddon '06. Orton came out to have a match while looking bored. Please turn this man heel so he'll appear to care again. RANDY ORTON ENTERED THE RUMBLE AT 26 AND LASTED TEN MINUTES...this was supposed to be impressive. Yay, Barrett! I think Barrett is now above Orton on the pecking order since he got clips of what he did before this match and Orton didn't. Bo Dallas is now trending in WWE - I have no idea what that's supposed to mean. Orton's going to THAT PLACE - is it anywhere near a doghouse? Bull Hammer attempt against the post missed - I always love that kind of spot. Loved JBL burying Josh for doing the THAT PLACE bit, then doing it. Orton won with an RKO. This was fine, but nothing amazing - I did like it coming off like Barrett cost himself the match due to the elbow missing than Barrett being inferior to Orton. Great shot of Orton doing his post next to an RKO sign in the background after the match.

I was hoping Barrett would attack Striker for being an idiot - instead, he attacked Bo Dallas. Loved JBL putting over Swagger's amateur credentials. Swagger looks NEWBORN to Swagger, or reborn. Swagger prepared for a future series with Kofi on SMS with a bunch of arm holds. I liked JBL talking about all the titles Swagger won - made him seem like a bigger deal than the match itself did. Great giant front dropkick on the ropes from Kofi that sent Swagger to the floor. Kofi's use of the steps to hop over them, then hop on them to attack Swagger ruled. TIP kick missing on the table was great, but a bit too similar to the last match with the elbow. It did set up the ankle lock well though. Latter portion of this was quite good, the rest was just there. A bunch of dudes begged Alberto to put the pipe down, but Show's bus came rolling in at 9:30. Why, I'm not sure, since he wasn't set to have a match, and IT'S AN HOUR AND A HALF INTO A TWO HOUR SHOW. Show ROLLING OVER THE HOOD OF THE CAR ruled. Alberto having his gear on under his pants looked weird. Show taking a bump on a car was scary. Show stole a Ford and got away. This was fine, but lacked a spark to it.

They've added a new DON'T CHANGE THE CHANNEL bit to the WWE app ad, so now it should only upset advertisers and not just the networks. Rock-Punk recap ate up more time on the show. Dolph came out, despite having the SD MITB case and the roster split being dead, he's got a Raw graphic. Comcast ad hypes up the company giving you a search engine on their Minor straw-grasping there. Rock and Brock will be on the 4/1 Raw in DC and tix go on sale tomorrow...very tempted to get some. THE VERY MEXICAN WORLD CHAMPION, ALBERTO DEL RIO, FROM MEXICO, met with his friend Ricardo and begged him to not come out due to his injuries. I'm sad that he didn't have the Mexican flag bowtie on over the neckbrace ala Gertner. A sign says VIVA DL RIO! Whoops. I liked JBL making a valid point that Alberto just got what he had coming since Alberto and Ricardo attacked Show while he was tied up before. The fan kept holding up his DL RIO sign. I'd laugh if he changed it to say DL SD. Dolph's jumping DDT looked terrible. JBL brought up that Dolph could cash in the case tonight, which I hadn't though about before, and would make sense if Dolph just had Big E attack Alberto. Big E got ejected - BOO! I love how much mileage WWE's gotten out of the Yes stuff to the point where it's now getting over other acts in a big way. Loved the draping backstabber from Alberto. Alberto made Dolph tap to the, if WWE hadn't made matches seem so meaningless, this would bother me. I enjoyed the match quite a bit - a tad sloppy at points, but really good on the whole. Show threatened Ricardo...okay, so the actual match result wasn't needed and won't mean a thing on Monday. TREMENDOUS KO punch from Ricardo. They should just do a highlight reel of him doing that to Ricardo. The acting by everyone who wasn't Ricardo and Alberto was Brooke Hogan-level.

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