Friday, March 29, 2013

WWE SD 3-29-13

Not really hyped up for the show at all due to Reid Flair's death, and it isn't like SD has been so good that you just know there will be at least some good stuff on it to raise your spirits. Fine vid for Rock and the Shield to start the show. Cole brought up INTERESTING STATISTICS when Rock came out, which JBL thankfully ignored. Rock's giant smirk with a Hershey bar ruled, as did him facing some fun at his own expense with how he looked at 15. The Rock told a story about trying to find candy and made it great. Loved JBL marking out over BIG JOHNNY after burying him a ton on commentary in '06 and '07. Big Johnny's Rock impersonation ruled, as did him CONSTANTLY smiling while Rock refused to let go of him. JBL asking what Rock has against PB ruled too. Loved the WELP face on Johnny's face during the spinebuster. This was a blast. Team Random Babyfaces face TRS and Cesaro and they hyped up the bench press deal. Jericho-Barrett is up next.

They've given Fandango credit for Jericho's black eye. Somehow, the kick to the right side of Jericho's head caused his left eye to get messed up - goofy, but they're making Fandango seem like a threat, so that's cool. Goddammit - Miz is on commentary and within SECONDS declares that his match is once again THE MOST MUST-SEE MATCH IN THE HISTORY OF WM. Then he asked the heel in JBL to back him up that all he did was take advantage of a situation when he won thanks to HHH. This went a few minutes before a break setup by an awesome boot to the face from Barrett while Jericho was on the apron. Loved the evil eye Miz and JBL gave each other when Miz first sat down. Nice counter from the Wasteland into the Walls.

Cole cited Fandango's SAY MY NAME bit from Ali, and JBL said all he did was take it from his Twitter page. Then Miz bragged about beating both the US and IC Champs, but got confused on the shows. Can't blame him there. Miz cost Barrett the match by distracting him. Loved Jericho putting over his win over the champ to make it seem important and then referencing Queen and Funaki while trying to say Fandango's name. JBL saying Fandango is like Barishnakov crossed with Ken Shamrock was amazing. Fandango's really won me over the past two weeks - or whenever it was he started being an ass-kicker who happened to dance and dress wackily. HHH-Brock preview and a Heyman promo are next.

THE WRESTLEMANIA DVD SOLD MORE THAN THE SUPER BOWL'S! Great recap of the HHH-Brock deal - this build is a lot better than the Summerslam one, minus the HHH-Heyman beating. That did at least make me chuckle because it started with a high school-level insult of HHH's wife. Josh interviewing Heyman was...quite the quantum leap of quality between the two guys on-screen. Loved Heyman saying that wrestlers will be UNDER HHH'S EMPLOY - kinda surprised they didn't retake that line. Heyman was so awesome here saying that Brock will destroy HHH and ruin his executive career by making him resent the roster that can wrestle while he can't. Maybe that's why Hogan's sabotaged guys in TNA.

Booker and Teddy are out to explain what a bench press contest is, or a BITCHPRESS CONTEST as Booker seemed to call it. JBL hyping this up as being like Arcedi vs. Kazmier in their primes was hilarious. It probably would make a better bench press contest than a match, but I doubt the contest would be as amusing. Booker breaking in with an FYI on weightlifting records was hilarious. Booker seems so gloriously out of place in some situations. Henry lifted a weight a bunch - it was exactly as exciting as it sounds, but got great when he finished with THAT'S WHAT I DO! In theory, I liked the idea of Henry dropping the weights on Ryback's throat, but the execution was a bit too corny. They aired a video where Cena blamed everyone but himself for his life going to shit after losing to Rock. Henry-Ryback deal got a recap. Loved Booker getting other people involved to get Henry out of there instead of doing something himself. Love AJ sitting on the ropes like it's a swing for her mixed tag with Kaitlyn and Bryan. Kaitlyn and AJ's gear rules and AJ's bumping and selling of everything is great. AJ's ass looked great when she jumped on Bryan on the floor. Kaitlyn won with a killer spear - this was a lot of fun. Tremendous Shield promo - Ambrose is incredible, while Reigns has really blossomed and Rollins is...fine.

Zeb Colter hates Khali because CUSTOMER SERVICE LINES HAVE INDIANS ON THEM. Khali-Swagger was a great use of Khali - they did quite a bit of stuff given that Khali was involved, and focused on the leg as much as possible before having Swagger destroy Khali to send a message. DO NOT HIRE INDIANS FOR CUSTOMER SERVICE LINES. Seeing Dutch Mantell and Hornswoggle on the screen at the same time was something else. Ricardo waiting until after Hornswoggle got hurt before trying to help was a tad odd. Loved the use of the crutch on Zeb and sending the heels packing with it. This was really good stuff and probably the best overall thing they've done with the program in a while - easily the most exciting thing. Fine Punk-Taker recap vid made Raw's angle not awful. Renee Young, the annoying chick who interrupts classic Raws with Striker on 24/7, did a generic interview with Team Random Babyfaces to show some clips while Orton NOT IN HIS OWN SHIRT rallied the troops together and Sheamus and Show did some comedy. They were great - I'd be all for them being a wacky team in 2013.

Sandow's ho-yay bits with Cody made me think that instead of being the sexual intellectual like Gertner, his nickname should be the bisexual intellectual. Cesaro's yodeling getting a YOU'RE WELCOME was amusing. I have no idea what possessed them to give him that gimmick, or if it was his idea, but it really doesn't fit the character and comes off as more of a HEY SWISS PEOPLE DO THIS SO HE SHOULD DO THIS deal. I so love seeing Cesaro as a main event act on SD, and how Show BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF CODY WITH CHOPS, then nailing Cesaro with one, before Sandow avoided them made for an ad break. Cesaro's selling of the KO punch was amazing. Just fell like a tree. Show yelling for the brogue kick was great and I'm so glad that Show has seamless transitioned into this face role and that Cesaro didn't do the job here. Loved the face team coming up to whoop them some ass. Great build of largely undercard stuff for WM, and the world title match, which is technically a main event-level deal I suppose. This made me wish crowd brawling was in WWE's games again. This was the most realistic portrayal of crowd or arena brawling on WWE TV in ages too.

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Thursday, March 28, 2013

TNA Impact 3-28-13

Pre-show vid hypes up it being OFN with TNA vs. the Aces - this feels like something that should be saved for a big show, instead of the monthly show they call big but don't really treat as big. Great vid of the Aces beatdown of the roster to hype it up, and a recap of the four way from last week. Hardy's out to start the show and good lord is he over. Huge HARDY chant to start. I love Tenay saying Hardy might challenge Taz. He said that he wasn't 100% last week and...isn't this week, so yeah, he was able to beat the top three guys hurt. Doesn't really make them look too good. Bully had enough of his blah blah blah. Love the fan in the Paparazzi Productions shirt when Bully came out. Anderson interrupted him in an annoying manner - I was hoping Bully would kill him with death for doing that. CHRIST ALMIGHTY HE JUST REFUSED TO SHUT UP. The calvalry four guys, including EY made the save. Kinda stupid to have the bikers run from the mentally challenged dude. This only took 10 minutes, but felt longer, and set up Anderson-Hardy. Yarg. They recapped the tag thing with Bad Influence last week with the Mexicans, and they're going to challenge BI because it's OFN. Great, now we're gonna get a Chavo promo.

They came out with matching gear while Kenely pondered just who they'd call out. ODELAY JONESBORO! Well, at least he didn't throw in VIVA LA RAZA. He did throw in "holmes" though, oh and this match is now a no. 1 contender's match. Jesus this promo was bad. Thank God Daniels and Kaz saved this by wearing wacky shirts UNDERNEATH THEIR OTHER SHIRTS. Keneley hilariously said THAT IF YOU'RE NOT FOLLOWING DIXIE ON TWITTER, YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON ALL THE BIG NEWS! I like the Mexicans' bow and arrow from Hernandez leading to a rolling senton from Chavito. Daniels bashed his brains in on the steps. LOVED the double Air Mexico dive - makes Chavo look more agile than he is. Hernandez hit a tremendous double train wreck - one guy one each arm. Looked awesome. Mexicans had the win, but Chavo took nine hours to do it, so he got shoved, then Hernandez POUNCED KAZ OFF THE RAMP. Holy shit. Chavo won with the frog splash. This was a lot of fun and Hernandez as basically a video game character who does a whole bunch of cool shit that doesn't seem possible is great. They showed Taryn putting her top on for OFN. The trailer for Scary MoVie is worse than either Chavo or Anderson's promo.

They replayed Brooke firing Taryn as a ref and hiring her as a wrestler. This has really been shockingly well-built given that it's a women's angle and those seem secondary in WWE. Taryn's gear is basically a bikini - buys! Her entrance video actually calls her a hot mess. Taryn's tits bounced around while she said some words. Gail's theme rules, but my goodness is her tron about the most racist thing in the company in ages. I loved Gail saying that she won't fight her, but she'll let Tara do it - great way to get around giving Gail-Taryn away right now. Then Velvet came out to make it a holler holler tag match. Or not - they just brawled and no match happened. Taryn and Velvet is Team Cleavage.The hot brawl continued in the back, where the film filter really made hte hotness pop off the sreen even more. They hyped up the Gut Check for next week by making GC itself seem like a huge epic deal. Adam Pearce faces Magno next week. They've given that match more hype than WWE gives its main events on Raw. Magno's gear looks really awesome in HD. Sting yelled at an Atlas security guy, and they went to an ad for GI with the weird to see the Rock during an Impact show.

Hogan cut a promo with Hardy telling him he'll get a title shot in Corpus Cristi, which they already announced. Hardy gets to name his stip, but Hogan cut him off because Sting's music is playing. Christ, they've been feuding in some form since 1996. Sting called him out for OFN so they Hogan whined a bunch about stuff and blamed Sting instead of himself for decisions he made. Sting basically told him to fuck off, man up, and take responsibility for what he's done. Hogan told him to get out of HIS ring, and Sting told him MAKE ME...well, that's definitely a trump card now. Wow. They're theoretically building to Hogan-Sting AND Hogan-Bully in 2013 when Hogan can't work a thing called a match. Wonderful. This was really sad.

They recapped the two old guys arguing. Morgan showed up and slow-clapped Sting while in his Wal-Mart shirt and pants with...some sort of product in his hair making it look wacky. AJ vid played up him not getting a title shot until BFG 2013 more than usual. Storm came out, which reminded me that it's been a year since he was supposed to win the title again. God, it's a shame only one guy can win the gold at BFG between the two, because Storm should've been champ again by now. Loved Taz saying AJ might be at a bar, then Kenely saying it's a dry county, which will probably piss Storm off too. AJ was in the...not rafters, but THE CROWD sulking. Loved Storm saying that he's up for either drinking with AJ or kicking some ass - great stuff. AJ didn't come down, and just left him to get beaten by the Aces before EY saved him...That was an abrupt shift in tone, even with him in gear and not goofball shorts. Angle made the save for them, so they made a 3-way. Well, after two matches being teased and not delivered, this is good. Angle's new, super-generic singlet sucks. They recapped last week's Bully vids. Angle looks super-weird in that singlet and no knee pads. It was based on an early WWF one for him, but there's a reason they got changed a lot - this one looked bland. They did moves for a while before a break, but nothing big.

They came back to a hot crowd during a headlock. It was hilarious to hear Taz put over Garett's good looks, amazing toughness, and in-ring skills - it was like he was just rattling off stuff Eric was reciting. Doc was great hear with his fast shots to the gut and suplexes. Made me think he should be TV Champ instead of Devon since he can actually have exciting matches. All the heels came in and Angle did his Dusty spot of everyone walking in his moves. Loved Kenely's line about it being chain wrestling when Angle countered the chain with the ankle lock. Fun match but nothing amazing about it. Brisco beat Angle via some cheating - didn't really do much good for him though. Wes looked like a psychopath with the other guys. Good visual for him. Bully and Devon fired up Anderson, who bashed shit up with a hammer. So now he's a pastiche of Austin and HHH.

They recapped the X DIVISION EVOLUTION with the weight limit being back and 3-ways being mandatory. They're definitely making this the Kenny King division, so at least his gamble with ROH is starting to pay off. They hyped up the X division PPV and said that Sonjay will face Mason Andrews and Petey on Impact to determine who faces King on Impact. FINALLY, they said that the world title match would be on Impact in two weeks. They kept saying AT CORPUS CRISTI, and showed the taping dates, but never hyped up TITLE MATCH ON DATE X. I have no idea what kind of music they played for the Hardy-Bully hype vid, but it was bizarre. Kind of like stuff out of Patapon, but not quite as intense. After that, they recapped the earlier Aces/TNA brawl for the millionth time. Anderson came out with a water bottle to further the HHH deal. Seeing Anderson go in the ring wearing a commercially-made ACES AND 8S SUPPORT t-shirt that any fan could buy really made him look minor league. Adam Pearce looks like more of a star than him.

Loved the backdrop from Hardy into the ring from the ramp. They came back from a break and Tenay talked this up as being a PPV QUALITY MAIN EVENT because Hardy beat Anderson at BFG 2010 to win the title - so it's technically true, but not exactly up to snuff from a quality standpoint. They had a "they did moves" match with nothing really feeling too connected. Lots of use of one armbar from Anderson here led to Kenely calling him A GREAT COUNTER WRESTLER! Garett gave him HIS HAMMER, which Hardy hit him with and even after a hammer shot to the stomach and "stunning twisto", Anderson didn't go down. Well, at least they named the stunner Twist of Fate deal. Hardy got DQed due to holding the hammer, so Hardy got a chair and...did Poetry in Motion instead of beating the fuck out of him. Hardy brought out a chair and table, so it looks like Hardy-Bully will be a Full Metal Mayhem match. Taz brought up how weird it was that the Aces didn't come out, leading to Bully barely making a save for Anderson before Hardy dove off a ladder though a table with him. I guess he'd seen just about enough of the beating. Yup, TLC AND STAIRS so WWE can't get upset - Full Metal Mayhem.

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Hot mess indeed.

Monday, March 25, 2013

Raw 3-25-13

CENA AND ROCK ARE HERE TONIGHT! Thanks, opening video. Punk's starting the show with Paul Heyman bearing the urn. Sorry, THE SACRED TALISMAN THAT HE ABSCONDED WITH! What a ridiculous thing to say. Punk's constant THEY mentions reminds me of Immortal. He was also really offended by Taker pointing to the WM sign. Loved Punk saying "speaking of dead" after the ECW chant since they're in Philly. Then he dropped the urn because it doesn't matter to him, but it matters to Taker. There's also NO ONE IN THE WORLD WHO WILL BEAT HIM AT WM. HE IS THE 1 IN 20 AND 1. Wonderful. Then after what felt like nine hours, the lights went out, came back on, and Taker whooped some ass. Rock and Cena will be in a Q AND A SESSION WITH HALL OF FAMERS...they do have ideas for this right? The Taker-Punk deal only took up 10 minutes. Impossible to believe.

FANDANGO IS NEXT. Cole said, AND I QUOTE, that the feud with Jericho was over Fandango's name being spoken incorrectly. Boy, hearing that aloud it seems about as stupid as the Edge-Booker feud over shampoo, or Kane-Jericho over coffee. Before the match could happen, Jericho ran down and kicked his ass. Apparently, Jericho was going to face Dolph later, which we weren't told before. Dolph came out and this amazed Cole since THIS MATCH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW! So...why should I care that this match that wasn't announced before is happening now instead of later? Taker and Heyman are trending on Twitter - something seems wrong with Taker's name even being on Twitter.

They had a good little match until Jericho hit the Lionatamer and won. Then he got hit with Big E's move. Fandango and his chick danced over his fallen body before attacking him. Loved him shouting WHAT'S MY NAME, SAY MY NAME...while the crowd chanted you can't wrestle. Great save for King for that by saying that they're chanting that, but he sure can fight. He hit the flying legdrop afterwards. This accomplished the same thing that the SD bit did, so a replay would've sufficed in theory, but given that he's new, I'm fine with them redoing it. They've done a nice job of establishing that he's got a sinister side beyond the facade. THE KING OF KINGS SPEAKS. Yup, HHH.

Striker hilariously asked Sheamus to look at like five minutes of footage from SD. This led to an ass-kicking from the Shield before Orton came in and THE HOUNDS OF JUSTICE took over, before Show saved them. Henry's coming out to face two guys...after the break. Usos gonna get their ass kicked...after a token Superfly dive. Killed one with the slam for the win, then killed other one, and the first one again. NOBODY SPLASHES ME! Take note, pool patrons. Loved Henry's eyeline going towards the TRENDING ON TWITTER graphic - trending - IT'S WHAT HE DO! Alberto faces...CESARO!? next. Why? Cesaro lost to Miz and somehow earned a match with the world champ. Non-title, sure, but still - a match with the top champ on SD.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE WWE APP, THEN YOU MISSED VICKIE ANNOUNCING RYBACK-3MB later. Ricardo came out on crutches to introduce Alberto. Cesaro looks like such a jobber just carrying the belt and wearing his shirt. At least they gave this a champ vs. champ graphic. Cole talked about Alberto and Ricardo's long relationship...adding to the ho-yay aspect of their tandem. Then King brought up taking and giving after the reverse superplex. Swagger attacked Ricardo again, which led to a brawl giving Cesaro a win by countout. I'm fine with that. Nice shirt on Swagger too. Alberto then acted like an asshole by attacking Cesaro for celebrating his victory. Ugh. Okay, that part I didn't like. Loved King saying "he's got some protection, but he's still in a lot of pain". He was hilarious here. This led to a recap of the Punk-Taker stuff from earlier. Bryan and Kane come out to do something next.

Rock's Kid's Choice Awards stuff was recapped, and the PTPs are in the ring to get beaten. Nice overhead belly to belly by DY. They brought up the washrag bit again and Cole called King Mr. 6 Days Off. Ouch. Chokeslam won for the champs. For the first time so far, they mention that THE SHIELD WILL BE COMPETING TONIGHT. They replayed the HHH-Brock vid from SD, then HHH got his full intro and they talked about all HHH has done for the business without citing anything, and making it seem like a bad thing that we COULD BE SEEING HHH'S LAST  MATCH!
HHH said that if you go against Brock and don't think your career could be over, you've already lost and rambled on about wrestling for 20 years like his life depended on it. Then they kinda redid the deal from before where a guy comes out apparently out for a match, but it can't happen. Now due to HHH cheapshotting Barrett. This didn't do a thing for me.

Miz is out to face Barrett. Wow, what a great way to earn a title shot for a face - another face did all the work for him. Inverted atomic drop starts the match, and Cole AS THE MATCH BEGINS considers this a break. Other than that, they just had a generic match. Cole called this a doozy. I call this a terrible way to preview a possible WM match.  Barrett took control ON THE WWE APP. Barrett got on offense and a boring chant broke out. Miz won after the figure four when Barrett crotched himself on the ropes - this got pretty good towards the end. Well, I guess if they're doing Miz-Barrett at WM, Miz is losing. Tag champs bickered over AJ and Kaitlyn told them to get a grip. I love AJ being on-screen, but no one actually seeing her. Cole said it would now be 4 HOFers for the Cena-Rock deal, but didn't elaborate, and the Shield wrestles next.

They hyped up the Charity Buzz thing they're doing. You could GET ON THE SET OF A WWE FILM, or pitch an idea to Mark Cuban - I'd go with that one. Khali, Ryder, and Gabriel face Shield. While they came down, a fan held up a STEPH, RESIGN FROM CREATIVE sign. Ambrose ruled it with his punches and other strikes that he makes his with his body language and facial expressions. Nice bow and arrow from Ambrose before Rollins won with the flying knee. Through a miracle, they hit the triple powerbomb. For some reason, the faces came out now instead of BEFORE THE POWERBOMB to make the save. They attacked Rollins and did a fine go-home deal here...13 days before the PPV. Great bored facial expression on a fat guy in a blue polo shirt when the Shield was in the crowd.

Recap of the Jericho-Ziggler deal and the attack from Fandango. Cole called Fandango A BALLROOM DANCER TURNED BARROOM BRAWLER. I'd love a skit where he fights in a bar dressed like that. Jericho met with Vickie off-screen and got a match with FAN-DONG-GO at WM. Sandow came out and cut a great promo on Philly being known for greasy sandwiches and ARENA WITH A PRISON IN IT. They hyped the Bellas, and TRS is up to face the Dancing Bears. They aired a kick-ass montage to save Punk-Taker. The chicks brawled, while TRS won after the disaster kick and Naomi hiked her shorts up for some reason. WE, THE WWE UNIVERSE, got to see a clip of the GI Joe movie. Ryback walked backstage in a Spidey-style netting singlet.

Ryback debuted a giant splash that looked pretty good. Weird of the fans to confuse Ryback for the Rock's accountant Ira Goldberg. So after earlier stating that Ryback had done his finisher to two guys before, King said THIS WAS IMPOSSIBLE when he did it here. Ryback and Henry are having...a weightlifting competition on SD. Wow. I hope Jesse Ventura comes out to give Henry a 2 pound edge. AJ faces Kaitlyn next. They showed an old photo of Arnie and Bruno to hype up Bruno's HOF induction. Kaitlyn missed a spear and it gave AJ a win via countout after some really nice brawling from the two. They hyped up WWE '13 being back in stores thanks to 2K Games. Smart way to ease the transition from THQ to 2K and get some more sales out of it.

Rock returns to SD on Friday. Shield 6-man was made for WM. King said the HOF panel will now have superstars...with Booker on the panel. Given that he's a future HOFer, I've got no problem with that. Same with Foley, who got a mini-HOF vid when he came out. Dusty and Bret were the last two. Dusty looked great, and I loved the fans in both a winged eagle belt and a Monday Night Jericho shirt.  Bret looks to have aged a decade since the Rumble. Loved "Midnight Rider" playing in an ad after a Dusty segment. Rock came out to a huge ovation, while Cena got a mixed reaction. Mick said he was a Cena support and took a lot of flack, so he asked him if he was prepared to lose again.

Cena talked about Donovan McNabb and HOW THE WWE UNIVERSE ONLY SUPPORTS THOSE WHO WIN THE BIG ONE! Cena said he could handle failure, but that DWAYNE never experienced it. Then Rock fucking owned him by saying he got a mattress from an hourly rates motel, got a big break, nearly fired after blowing his knee out and asked for one thing - a mic. Then he ruled the world with more stuff. Bret played the part of Wade Keller by asking why they didn't focus on tearing each other down this year.  Then Cena...put Rock over a ton, which was weird. Booker said he's the only guy who's faced both guys and asked why Cena had to beat Rock, then Cena said...cuz I have to.

Rock buried him for this shit and Cena basically pouted and made excuses for losing because "he went for Rock's stupid move", then he acted like a cocky asshole. Rock quoted Flair because Cena can't beat the man cuz Cena isn't the man. Then he plugged the bionic elbow as being the original people's elbow and Dusty put the match over as being about winning and losing. Dusty cut his best Dusty promo in ages, easily better than anything Cena's done tonight and asked what each guy wanted. Then Cena was a dick again and said he wanted to haunt Rock for the rest of his life. Rock said he'd wake up the day after WM with the belt, while Cena will stuff his face with Fruity Pebbles. Rock earned his WM payday tonight trying to save the show. They did a little mini-brawl with Cena going for the AA and getting Rock Bottomed while the legends looked on in amazement. Rock stood tall and Cena looked on sad - good, Rock ruled this and it's a shame he probably won't be champ after WM, because he's been incredible.

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Friday, March 22, 2013

WWE SD 3-22-13

Nice recap of Swagger taking out Ricardo and the Shield-Orton/Sheamus/Show feud to open the show. Orton looks so out of place on the MizTV set. I just noticed this, but Orton's shirt has a shield on it. Loved Booker coming out and making a mystery HOLLA HOLLA SIX MAN TAG PLAYA. Swagger-Jericho gets a rematch, but first, Henry has to murder Ryder. Fine build for Ryback-Henry here. Just show each guy beating dudes for a couple of weeks and you're set. Great shots of Ryback and Henry squaring off after Ryback came down to prevent more damage to Ryder, and all they did here was a clothesline spot. Well, given that it's not known if he can get Henry up for the Shellshock and that's his B finisher, maybe they shouldn't have done it, but I didn't mind it. Odd to have Teddy say he made Henry-Ryback after announcing it before the Henry match, and building up some distrust between he and Booker. It did serve as a segue to the Booker HOF vid though.

I loved the best of nine trillion series continuing between Dolph and Kofi, and AJ sitting on the announce table to do commentary. AJ saying she'll take the black widow moniker as a compliment due to the comic book character was awesome - nice shred of her face character being intact. Glad to see Kofi getting revenge on Big E for Raw by diving on him, so there's actually a reason to have this match again and it got paid off here. Fameasser on the floor was sweet too. AJ's "LATA NERDS!" after the win ruled. Really fun stuff here and Big E's post-match attacks are a great way to get him over as a threat before 'Mania. Jericho/Fandango and Punk/Taker filler from Raw killed some time. I love the idea of Orton of all people being the voice of reason for his team - maybe that's one of the voices he hears in his head.

Another recap of the Swagger beating on Raw set the stage for Swagger-Jericho nicely. Dutch saying REEECARRRDDOOO is amusing. The match was about as good as last week's because it felt like a direct retread of it, only with FAN-DAN-GO interrupting. JBL saying he's "Fandangoing" amused me. The Sin Cara-like high kick from Fandango leading to the win from Swagger after the Swagger bomb splash was a good way to get him over as some kind of physical threat. Gorgeous flying legdrop off the top here too, so they got two big moves over for him in one shot. After this, I'm really looking forward to Jericho-Fandango, even if it does seem like an odd match for Jericho to have in a starpower sense. However, if Fandango makes it, a large part of the credit can go to Jericho if that works out well, and it's at least a chance to use a veteran talent to really get a new guy over. Rock-Cena vid replayed for the 90th time in two weeks - Friday Night filler continues. Damien reintroducing the Bellas and their brand new massive cleavage was fine. JBL and Cole ribbing JR by comparing him to Tensai and the raccoon hat was funny. This was... a thing. Tensai looks weird in the singlet - he should stick to the singlet top and leather pants.

Cesaro got a slightly-above jobber intro while Miz, who he's beaten numerous times, got a full intro and Barrett's on commentary. Ugh. I hate seeing the US Title and its best holder in eons used as pawns. Loved the running double stomp to Miz resulting in him almost surfing down his chest. I don't like Cesaro losing, but having it be due to missing a high knee in the corner, getting dropkicked and figure four leglocked is at least a good way to do it. WHAT THE FUCK DID CESARO DO TO DESERVE HAVING THE MOVE BEING DONE TO HIM AGAIN!? Miz is a prick and why is Barrett just in jeans and a shirt? He's supposed to be a suave ass-kicker, not a fan. The HHH-Heyman bit was condensed nicely into a video package so it didn't take nine years to get through. The big mystery team was 3MB, who at least have some swank gear thanks to Slater's nice vest and bandana armband. The match was exactly what you'd expect it to be, only with an awesome running big boot to Show from Drew that knocked him into a tag from Sheamus, and Show KOed Drew before Sheamus pinned Jinder with the kick. The Shield came out and didn't get into a fight - and one wasn't really needed since the faces were already fighting amongst themselves. Okay stuff, but a bit anti-climactic.

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Monday, March 18, 2013

Raw 3-18-13

Brock and HHH have a contract signing tonight. I demand a table be at least thrown by Brock during it. YAY, the Impact-style opening recap is back and did a wonderful job at explaining the newest parts of the Brock-HHH feud. Nice recap of the Punk-Taker deal too - Taker's bow looked so much better without logos all over it. Cena's out with A NEW SHIRT. It's basically his existing one but with yellow and blue instead of blue and yellow - looks better that way. They showed what appeared to be a giant Fandango light outline above Cena and a  PART-TIME CHAMP IS A CROCK sign behind Cena when he was showing off his BRAND NEW SHIRT AVAILABLE NOW ON WWESHOP.COM. Then they showed a Cena Nuff sign while he looked bewildered - great stuff. Cena gave a shitty drill instructor speech about the Cenation. PTPs came out with Titus dressed like an afro-clad janitor and talking like Uncle Ruckus. This went from hot to cold, but got great when Titus talked about DY being on the cover of Cocoa Pebbles and the name being changed to PRIME TIME PEBBLES! Pancake Patterson offered to fight Cena, but his gout flared up something fierce, and it's bingo night Friday, so it's up to D-Young to battle Cena.

DY got killed after a few minutes. The skit was way better and more memorable than the match.They recapped the Shield-Henry-Ryback stuff from SD. Ryback's coming out to kill Otunga. He did so, then cut a promo about it being FEEDING TIME on Mark Henry...while still talking about the Shield deal, which they changed up on their site earlier. Henry came down and Vickie and Teddy came down for some reason. Vickie took Ryback out of the Shield match and put him against Henry...Well, that was a clunky way to change the card up. King's theme played over the Brock-HHH contract signing graphic, so I guess he'll be in the ring for that and possibly take a beating from Brock.

SD was the most socially active show on a dead TV night. Fandango's set on the ramp looks great. I guess they figured they'd better just kill the pronunciation deal before it murders the gimmick. And then Cole buried the light-up Fandango deal as just being a Lite Brite. This match is being made because Fandango was so offended by Khali on SD, which they showed - largely the DONG stuff. Instead of Ryback Fears Clayton, the sign should read Ryback Fears Dr. Black. Loved Nattie's "FAN-DANGOGETTIMKHALINOW!" bit. Fandango refused to wrestle again, and got YOU CAN'T WRESTLE chants instead of Khali. 42 minutes have passed and next to nothing has actually happened, but it's been a great trainwreck.

They showed Brock in Muscle and Fitness. Loved Truth's white and gold look again, and he's facing Mr. Sandow - yes! Sandow is now a Kentucky Colonel AND HIS FAMILY CONSULTS FOR THE CURRENT PRESIDENT. Good lord. I loved King referencing Teo when talking about Little Jimmy. This was a nothing match, so Sandow left it. Wow. Cody was with the Bellas, and Kaitlyn was all jealous. That was indeed something and somehow led to a Taker return next. This has been the strangest first hour to Raw in ages.

Taker came out and promised to hurt Punk, and hurt him bad. YES! Without the beard, and some grey in what's left, Taker looks nine billion. Punk then did an impersonation of Bearer while holding the urn and talking to him. Punk cut a great promo about not being supernatural while standing next to a forklift and for some reason, not being dressed like Ryo Hazuki. He played with the urn, dropped it, went "oh shit" and was generally a cocky shithead here.

A new HOFer is going in later and the tag champs are out to face Primo and Epico. I loved Bryan mixing up low right and mid-left kicks in the corner. Cole calling the urn a talisman annoys me, as does him talking about its epic legend. Enough explaining, it's the urn, and it's Taker. Cole talked about it being hard to tell Kane's expression because he wears a mask. Yes, one that covers maybe a third of his face and none of his mouth. Cole talked about Bryan measuring his beard - it's 6 inches now. Crowd was pretty much dead during this. AJ came out in her Harley Quinn pants to distract Kane, who still managed to win. Looks like Dolph and Big E against the tag champs at WM, in a match made in part due to water being splashed on AJ. And then they just cut backstage to Jericho with Josh, who were interrupted by Fahn-don-go! Or Fandumbo, Fandunghole, Fandangler, FanDodgeDurango, FANBINGOWASHISNAMEOO! And now we've got a WM match over pronunciation. Loved the bit him calling him by his get movie tickets.

They replayed the SD filler video of Nattie and Alicia Fox in Africa. Cody needs to get his cape/vest thing to match his gear - he's only got the purple trim one. The very Mexican WORLD CHAMPION FROM MEXICO, WITH HIS MEXICAN FRIEND, ALSO FROM MEXICO came out to face Cody. Loving the new theme - far more celebratory and less rich-folk sounding. They showed Alberto facing Show on ME in a match so important it wasn't even brought up on SD. I love Alberto' running rana and la majistral cradle. Nice punt kick from Alberto to the arm, sold as to the head by Cole until King corrected him and they turned it into a build for the armbar. 

Tremendous super gord(ita) buster by Alberto as a counter. It was weird, but refreshing to hear Cole talk about each guys' amateur skills and how a win for Cody would catapult him to a future title shot. Armbar won for Alberto - really good match overall, it did some good for Cody since he looked pretty strong in defeat. Swagger attacked after the match and threw out Ricardo, who took a glorious bump to the floor. LOVED the look Alberto gave Zeb, and then how Zeb tried to beg off. LOLed at the giant USA USA chant after Swagger said "WELCOME TO JACK SWAGGER'S AMERICA!". They did the fake snapped ankle bit for Ricardo after ht ankle lock. Well, if there was a character to do that to, he's it.

THE WWE APP showed Ricardo being loaded onto a stretcher. It's a shame Zeb and Swagger didn't make the EMT cross a border to get to Ricardo. Booker's going into the HOF! GO BOOK! Definitely wasn't expecting this. Great video too, including some GWF stuff and some of his best kits. I demand a Blu Ray of just his skits. They showed WE COMIN FOR YOU without the N at the end - tremendous. Huge cheers for Booker here. Congrats to him for this - he's earned this and it's great way to cap off his wrestling career. Between this and his book, it's been a tremendous year or so for Booker T. It's like a time of great redemption for him after years of blah in TNA put a hurting on his legacy.

Orton and Sheamus came out to face the 3MB, and they re-replayed the attack on Ricardo - good, they desperately need to make that match seem important. 3MB got squashed. Show came out to save them from an attack by the Shield - this look a lot longer than it really should've. Best part about it was Show hustling to get down to the ring. After weeks of trailers, we get more - now for the GI Joe movie. Well, at least it stars the WWE Champ and is a big film. This "exclusive trailer" showed stuntwork being done, which seems a tad odd. 

Kofi's out to face Dolph and continue their best of nine billion series. Kofi hit a really nice springboard off the middle rope on the inside for a splash on Dolph, then nailed the boom drop and the fulcrum kick before getting his legs clipped by Big E during a dive attempt. Dolph won with the Zig Zag and then the tag champs came out to make a WM match. AJ accepted for HER BOYFRIEND BIG E AND BIG E...yeah...Loved the return of YES YES YES to accept the challenge. Loved the ZIGGY AND BIG E name King gave them. TOUTS will be up after a Rock-Cena vid.

They recapped the Punk-Taker stuff tonight then replayed the Rock-Cena vid from last week. Kinda lazy, but still a great vid. IC Triple Threat is up as the main event match with Miz coming out - this all took up 8 minutes of TV time with about 7 1/2 of that being a replay.  They brought up Honky here because Jericho could make the claim of being the greatest IC Champion, and seemingly build the Fandango-Jericho match with Honky as Fandango's manager. Match with a few minutes before hitting a break after a tower of doom powerbomb spot. Loved the Lionsault to break up the figure 4. Cole hyped this up as a battle between whose movie was better with Wade and Miz. Oh and it's for this belt-thing too. Crowd popped huge for the Codebreaker. Wade took a great bump into the barricade for Jericho here. According to the Twitter crawl, someone thinks the 6-man tag is a triple threat. I'm not quite sure how that could even be remotely true. Barrett stole the pin after Miz hit the Finale. Really fun match, but more of a collection of things happening than an actual match.

They showed clips of the WORLD PREMIERE PARTY FOR THE CALL! Otunga looks like a totally different person without the goatee. TOUT TIME! A bald guy in a grey sweatshirt wants falls count anyhwere, TOUT GIRL wants to be the ref, a black guy wants it to be a Three Stages of Hell match, and a dude in a blue shirt wanted POSSIBLY AN AMBULANCE MATCH. HHH came out at 11 PM to do this while Cole hyped up THAT IS THE TABLE THAT WILL BE POSSIBLY USED TO SIGN THE CONTRACT when they showed it. Tremendous comedy there. They went on for a bit before HHH lost it when Heyman mentioned that the LOSER SHOULD GET STEPHANIE! Loved Heyman having blue socks on and Brock's t-shirt underneath his button-down shirt. HHH bullied Heyman, ripped his shirts off, slapped his bare chest, and choked him before throwing a chair on him. HHH was a huge asshole here. Brock saved this by murdering a steel chair and HHH holding him off with a hammer. They capped things off by announcing a NO HOLDS BARRED match and HHH's career is on the line, oh yeah, he's winning. That got no reaction.

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Have you seen any black cars?

Friday, March 15, 2013

WWE SD 3-15-13

They played RCL before the show, so I watched the last few minutes. Holy crap what an annoying show. I could see the 10 year old version of me digging it though, so maybe they should've put it on as Saturday morning kids programming or something. It seems like it would've been awesome back-to-back with WMAC Masters. I approve of SD beginning with a match instead of a revolving door promo exchange. Tremendous flip bump from Ambrose off the apron during THE WWE APP bit on Raw - love how they're getting over Rollins' flying knee as a killer move too. ACCORDING TO TWITTER, the team of Orton and Sheamus is the #Celtic Vipers. Fucking terrible name and they have no chemistry together as partners. I loved Cody declaring that the fans didn't deserve to hear Sandow's story, although I completely forgot about these two doing anything during Raw. LOVED the Disaster kick off the table. It's so great that Cody has figured out a way to make that move seem deadly by having it come out of nowhere. It's kind of like Morrison's parkour gimmick, but minus the laughable skits running around the building like a video game character. He comes off like a smart guy using his environment to his advantage - kinda like Finlay. Shocked to see Orton make the match stand out by changing up his usual offense by adding an exploder to his arsenal. RKO on Cody won - this was a bunch of fun. THE #CELTICVIPERS WON. Loved the Shield's promo. It's a shame that they had Big Show work "two days later" on Main Event - didn't even bother trying to make the triple powerbomb seem deadly by doing that. Loved the heels making a challenge for a match - nice to see heels who aren't cowards. Jon Moxley and Tyler Black are going to WrestleMania! They announced Swagger-Jericho as the main event reasons being given for this match being made, but it should be quite good.

Yay, more stuff on The Call. Might Redbox it at some point. Probably won't though unless it's half off or free. They replayed the Kane skit - Kane with a smart phone is still amusing. Mr. Dongo is still coming. 110,000 books were read during the WM Reading Challenge, which was a natural segue to Brock killing the Outlaws on Raw. I'm disappointed that Brad actually wore a suit and wasn't dressed like a hipster. Show's shaved but still visible beard looks weird. Sheamus and Orton were kind of dicks to lead Show on like they did if they were just going to pick Ryback. Also, side by side, Ryback looks as old as Show. Kaitlyn's new theme sucks. Her last one was at least amusingly bad. Layla looks hotter with the lighter hair color. Tamina and Aksana look strange as a team. They got the worst camera angle ever for Kaitlyn leaning over the ropes to encourage Layla. Aksana has THE hottest body language in wrestling now. Nice flying shoulder block from Kaitlyn. Loved her knocking herself Loopy off the spear and then Layla sneakily stealing the win. Her heel turn is being built up well. The Funkadactyls GREW UP WATCHING THE BELLAS, holy hell that was funny, then Naomi made a brake sound and was all offended at being called a hoochie mama. This ruled.

Raw Rebound focused on the Punk-Taker deal - I've got a really good feeling about that feud now, and it seems very odd to type that given that it involves a man actually dying. Unlike the Brock vid, this segued nicely into Kane coming to the ring for a match. Seems to be againt Dolph for some reason. Again, a main event-level match being made with no reason for it. The Sandals commercial now featuring autotune is hilarious, as is them bragging about people having an all-inclusive vacation. Turns out the match is being made due to Bryan's comments about AJ and Dolph and their match on Raw. Fine reason - would've been great if they explained that before the break. Loved Maddox talking about being strong, but that Big E is even stronger than he is. This was a really fun match. Loved the sick bump Bryan took from the beal from Big E, and Dolph winning more or less clean here. Loved Big E laying out Kane with his move. Excellent stuff here overall.

Good God are these Alberto parody videos terrible. For one thing, they expose the Zeb ones as fake by using the same background. For another, they aren't funny, and they look cheap with the outfits, which is absurd given that Alberto's apparently a bajillionaire. LOVED Truth and Jericho being pals backstage, and his white and gold getup. Looks really slick. Swagger being offended that Jericho SNUCK OVER THE BORDER AT BIRTH was great. Shame that Jericho and Dutch didn't have more screen time together. None of Jericho's tattoos look good on him at all. Mr. Dongo is still coming. JBL Touted from Mt. Death - JBL is awesome. Fandango's new black and red getup looks awesome, but this whole gimmick gives off a big Disco Inferno vibe to me. I do love him burying Khali's dancing and English though. YOU FANDANGO! This was by far the best thing that Fandango's done - it's all about the DOOONNGGGG. This was remarkable - they should've started with this one.

JOHN CENA HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN ANYONE IN THE UFC! This led to them replaying Raw's Rock-Cena vid. Striker talked with Sheamus and Orton leading to a fine Shield beating because Ryback was busy preparing for his match with Henry. Rollins throwing plasticware onto Sheamus was amusing. They came back and Teddy gave Ryback all the exposition about what happened to his partners and Booker told him to not lose his focus. According to Josh, Ryback is a MENTAL MACHINE AND A PSYCHO FOR SUCCESS. I cannot even begin to imagine Ryback's character thinking of those. Loved them just doing a collar and elbow before the hield's theme hit, they came out and distracted Ryback, who LOST HIS FOCUS and got murderkilled by Henry as a result since Henry left him alone with them numerous times and he chose to fight them and not him, so he destroyed him with four slams. This was absolutely perfect, and the booking of everyone in this is great. Loved the massive blurring on the fat fan flipping off the Shield as they came out. YOU WILL NOT RUN THROUGH ME! Viva Mark Henry! He should be King of the Ring so he can be WWE's King Henry I.

They talked about the Highlight Reel from Monday, then showed Swagger attacking Sin Cara after the match to hype up the main event. After they set this match up, they had Josh talk about how Swagger won the MITB case and actually cashed it in 3 years ago against Jericho. WHY IN THE HELL WOULDN'T YOU MENTION THAT BEFORE!? They did a clothesline spot that looked weird, but was seemingly covered up with a knee to the gut from Jericho. Jericho looked so good here, and this run is going far better than his last one did. I think part of it might be expectations - they built the last one up huge and it wasn't all that great. It wasn't bad, but fell short of his '08 run. This one wasn't hyped up at all and was the first time they did a return for him without hyping it up, so it also felt different than the other ones. His work has been better here than it was just a year ago too. There, it almost seemed like he was in indy show mode on WWE TV, whereas now, he's having good to great matches constantly. Loved them doing the Angle-Eddie WM XX finish minus the boot removal for a nearfall. Odd to have it go through so many breaks but only have a few minutes of action each time. Nice ankle lock>Walls countering exchange. Jericho's sweet double axe handle AND crossbody off the top ruled. Loved the finish with Jericho bonking his head off the buckle and then getting hit with the Doctor bomb. This was my favorite Jericho TV match since his comeback and Swagger's best match in a long time. If they'd put this on Raw instead of the Sin Cara deal, it would have done a world of good for him.

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Thursday, March 14, 2013

TNA Impact 3-14-13

Loved them starting with the good parts of the Hogan/Bully promo - made the world title match clips seem like a bigger deal. They also pretty much aired all the important parts of the post-match promo too. It really made it seem like you missed a big event on Sunday. Crowd shot of the arena was quite impressive. They showed a hilarious shot of Brooke attempting to act while hyping up us getting her reaction later - I don't know why, nothing can top that. Tag title match starts the show. So much for that - the Aces killed the Mexicans. I don't know many Xes are in D'Lo's shirt size, but more are needed because his gut was still getting exposed here.

Bully came out with a guy looking like Santa turning his back to him - sadly, his theme is gone, but a remixed Aces theme rules. Loved seeing Taz hug Bully since it was 14 years ago when they would have world title matches with Bully as a placeholder guy, and here they are with him as the world champ. This was great until Garett held the gold. Bully got a lot of cheers saying he screwed Brooke. Bully said they did in one night what the NWO never could do...and didn't specify it. Shame they couldn't just call this group the Biker World Order. Velvet and Mickie face Gail and Tara next.

They recapped the Gail-Taryn deal and did an INSET PROMO for Gail - nice to see them do those. Tara came out in Punk-like Chicago flag stuff. They said he's from it...but he's billed from CA. Crowd is super-hot for everything tonight, which is a great start for Impact on the road. Velvet took a bump and then adjusted her hair, which was hilarious. Then she did an RVD pointless roll into an armdrag. This went like two minutes before an ad break. Great tarantula from Tara after the break. Taryn got pie-faced, then slapped Gail leading to a Thesz press from Mickie, a slick Widow's Peak from Tara, and Velvet won with her finisher. Lotsa booty in this one. They recapped the earlier bit with the Aces. Their new clubhouse in the boiler room with Sears Center chairs. I think Bully's phone cost about 10 times more than the set.

They came back with a rematch of the Robbies. Christy's cleavage was impressive and Taz talked about the boys needing him on their side. Well, I guess they could use a supplier of steroids. Freakbuster won in like a minute and got a big FEED ME MORE chant. Sting was sad and went into Hogan's office. The Aces read through the merch and were upset over the lack of Ace merch there, then picked a guy whose ass to kick from a catalog. Sorta VINTAGE LAURINITIS! Hogan was all pissy at Sting for what happened, examined the storyline thoroughly, and said he was dying. They recapped AJ being an emo biker now and showed that hilarious face of his from two weeks ago both in the vid and in his hype graphic.

Great shot of Chicago itself to make this seem like a big deal. Sting walked past some basketball hoops while Roode and Aries came by in DIRTY HEELS shirts. Loved them blaming Sting for everything just like Hogan. Aries wasn't happy about not being able to defend the titles against "the Mexicans". Sting got all pied off at them and said he wanted a fight, so Roode left and Sting finger boinked him. This ruled. AJ didn't come out, but Bad Influence did as the LOD! Daniels had painted-on Hawk hair. Amazing. All hail the Legion of Boom! This led to Storm-Daniels, which is a shame - I'd have loved LOB vs. The Beer Warriors. Kaz should have a Wall Street Journal with him if he's going to be a manager. Storm won after his moves, and got over huge. They really should have him win the TV Title at Slammiversary and win the world title at BFG. AJ came down to save Storm by hitting Kaz and a fan held up a giant BRING BACK IVELISE sign, then he hit Storm. So he sorta turned heel, but kinda didn't. Neat. They aired a Brico-Angle video with some terrible audio mixing. The commentary was either too loud or hard to hear. The Aces beat up Angle backstage and someone there snickered like Muttley. 

Joseph Park, the hometown boy, came out and was super-excited to be in his hometown! Loved his attempt at a cheap pop not working one time, so he went with something else and it worked. Then Morgan came out looking like a jacked Home Depot shopper in a tanktop and jeans. He dared to insult Park and man did he not look big next to Park. Park could stand with being insulted, BUT DON'T YOU DARE INSULT CHICAGO! Morgan hit a cheap boot on Park, then blew his nose on the crowd. And he's going to face Park next week. Why he'd give him a week to recover, I have no idea.

Bully cut a promo challenging Hogan and saying that they've taken out Chavo, Hernandez, and Angle, and they'll come to Hogan if he doesn't come to them. Brooke's video showed her knocking PIZZA BOXES OFF A TABLE, and call him a fucking asshole, with half of that being beeped and it showed off the crowd throwing shit into the ring which really helped sell that as a big deal. Loved Taz saying Roode and Aries need to wash their feet because their shirts say dirty heels. Crowd popped so loud for Sting that you couldn't hear the commentators - fun to see him get a Road Warrior pop in Chicago.

Huge dueling chant between Sting and Aries fans. Aries did an awesome job creating movement for Sting, who actually hit the guardrail stinger splash for the first time in eons. They went to a break with a loud crowd going nuts for everything. Loved Aries doing his cocky pose in the corner, then Sting lifting him up from a headlock into it again before kicking him out of it. Loved Roode getting ejected and spinning around every time the ref pointed at him to leave.Someone called Aries the fucking man, unbleeped, after a suicide dive. Taz said that Kenely was rubbing off on him and he was getting good...pretty sure he meant the opposite of what he said there. Loved Aries not being able to do the scorpion deathlock, then yelling at Sting for instructions. Missile dropkick got no-sold, which Aries didn't know while he was doing the howl. Big gorilla press slam from Sting made Sting look like the Sting of old for a bit. Great corner dropkick from Aries leading to his own Stinger splash. Sting countered the brainbuster into the deathdrop and got a 2.9. Tremendous nearfall that lived up to this THIS IS AWESOME chant before it. Scorpion deathlock was locked up but the Aces prevented the win. This was tremendous - easily Sting's best match since that TV match with Roode a year or so ago. They cut away awkwardly while Bully called out Hogan. He came out and said that the TNA roster can do whatever they want to the Aces, so a giant brawl broke out between the united TNA roster and the Aces and 8s. A bit odd to see this right after the ROH angle doing the same thing, but it worked well. Well, except for when Joe just stood behind an Ace guy doing nothing while another TNA guy got beaten up. Aces eventually won this war thanks to weapons. I hope TNA is saved by the mysterious El Kabong with a guitar.

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Monday, March 11, 2013

WWE Raw 3-11-13

They cut live to Roberts announcing the tribute video for Paul Bearer - great vid. He had some of the best facial expressions ever for a manager. The vid got a nice standing ovation from the crowd then Taker came out. This made me think that they should make I'm a Paul Bearer Guy shirts to play off Punk, not bring them up on-air, but just have them and give the family some extra royalty money. Taker came in and stared at the urn one last time before doing the pose to it while his graphic was on the tron. This was incredible AND THEN PUNK CAME OUT to make it even better. This could be argued as being classless, but I didn't mind it - it fueled the Mania angle and they gave Paul five minutes of a tribute on Raw before doing it. Show is facing Rollins in the first one on one Shield match yet next. THE WWE APP showed that Kane kicked Punk's ass for insulting his father. It seemed a bit odd to have Cole say that Bearer was Kane's father given that they showed the graphic with his real name earlier, but it's a minor point.

Show-Rollins went a minute before the Shield attacked and redid the triple powerbomb spot...that they aired before from last week. This was...not bad but didn't do much for me. Punk met with Vickie, who was incredibly offended by what he said about Paul, so he's facing Kane in a no DQ match later. Bryan came out and they showed a fan in an awesome I'M THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS shirt. Cole spouted off a bunch of stuff, and was annoying here - not as much as him saying that the Shield was either a pack of dogs, a shield of justice, or a swarm of hornets. They came back with the first of what will likely be many clips of Paul Bearer's career. Dolph's facing Bryan and got a jobber intro. King said he was hoping AJ was wearing a white T-shirt out here. They did stuff for a few minutes before Langston stood on the apron to prevent a dive and lead to an ad break. They came back and really got rolling after a minor fuck-up after an O'Conner roll. Big E's face of agony when Dolph got crotched ruled. Tremendous hot shot into the fameasser too - it seemed like it could be a finish too since that won last week for Billy. Bryan had the win with the No Lock, but Big E saved him, a schoolboy led to another one which was rolled out of and Zig Zag won. Very good match here.After the win, Big E hit Bryan with his move - good stuff to build up a tag title match on TV at some point. Cole then read the script to see all the terms he was supposed to use to describe HHH-Brock's history. Tremendous video recapped the feud and thankfully left out much of the pre-Summerslam stuff.

Sweet T's going to face Fandango, but his name was said wrong by T, so yeah, that ain't happening. This went on for nine years before Mr. Dongo begged Naomi to join him. Cole informed us that he bought tickets for GI Joe during the break AND HERE'S A PREVIEW FOR THE WWE UNIVERSE. I'm shocked he didn't also check out the WWE app while doing that. Outlaws face the Rhodes Scholar next. WM XX clip aired for Paul Bearer. Sandow and Cody's parody of the NAO intro was glorious. BG dedicated the match to Paul Bearer, so I'm guessing they're winning. This went maybe a minute before Brock came out and demolished the Outlaws. This was set up nicely by Cole saying that HHH reunited with them last week. Heyman delivered a marvelous promo about Brock and HHH and said that HHH had to sign the contract to make the match, then Brock will name the stips, and concluded if you ain't down with that, he's got two words for ya - BROCK LENAR! He is amazing with Brock and in a different way than he was with Punk.

Kofi was in the ring to be killed by Mark Henry. Henry kicked him to the floor from mid-ring...via a kick to the arm that was supposed to be to the face.Kofi got some decent offense before being an idiot and trying to do a crossbody block off the top into the WSS. Cody met with Kaitlyn, but was interrupted by HIS BEST FRIEND, DAMIEN SANDOW! Sandow brought hte Bellas and their brand new boobs back. Vickie made TRC againt Sheamus and Orton, then Ryback came out - he's facing Slater once again. Slater started off with some sweet right punches. Ryback killed him in a minute after those. Henry came out to stare and possibly warn him againt breathing some of his air without paying rent. Ryback killed Drew,leading to Henry showing that he could do it to, and then he re-killed him. Loving this build so far. Alberto's coming out to face Cesaro in a champ vs. champ match they've never brought up once. 

They came back and talked about THE STRING OF WWE FILMS before showing a long trailer for The Call. Cesaro got a jobber intro, but with his swank new shirt. Cole said that Cesaro has competed in Mexico, so he feel he has a leg up here...against a man who has wrestled in Mexico hundreds if not thousands of times.Alberto's inset promo said he was born in Mexico, but made in America - that's nice and vague. Picture-perfect European uppercut off of a cross body was the highlight. Cesaro tapped to the armbar after about five minutes or so. Josh talked to Kane, who held the urn in his hands. Kane couldn't speak, and an idiot screamed SAY SOMETHING!

Another vid on Paul aired showcasing Kane's debut. They aired a sappy Cena-Rock video set to "Letters From the Sky". Really awesome video despite the sappy qualities to it though. Kinda funny to see some un-PG stuff in the TMZ screenshot used for it. Orton came out for the tag match before an ad break.  They came back and Cole said THE WWE APP NEVER GOES AWAY. Orton did his every match offense with exactly the same minor intensity a ever. Sheamus beat Sandow with the kick while the RKO took out Cody. Highlight Reel is announced for the first time tonight - it'll have Miz and Barrett...oh lord. They're just going to debate which guy's failed movie is better.

The WWE APP truly never does end - the Shield attacked Orton and Sheamus during the break. The Tout vids began with a chick loving the Edge skits, while a Brit loved his promo forming the Ministry, and another guy liked his WM XX return and did the OH YESSS bit really well. Jericho came out in his gear and we got another trailer for Marine 3. Jericho called it an awesome movie, then said it blew away studio projections. This offended Barrett, who bragged about DMD being in the top 5 of the box office. Miz did a terrible British accent, while Barrett said he could do SHOOTOUTS TO SHAKESPEARE! and he'd do more movies, BUT HE'S TOO BUSY BEING WADE BARRETT! Jericho did...I think a Woody Woodpecker impression with the really stuff. Jericho brought up him helping Barrett get into WWE, and that while he's a 2-time IC champ, Jericho's a NINE TIME IC CHAMP. Brad Maddox, THE HIGH RANKING EXECUTIVE OF THE SUPERHERO TEAM BRICKIE came out to announce that Barrett will face the winner of Jericho-Miz for the title next week. This was bad, but intended to be bad, but wasn't quite so bad, it's funny. I think Vince sold the Jeritron and the furniture for some cocaine.

They came back for the match and Cole talked about what happened during the break on the app, then said if you had it, you wouldn't have to hear them repeat bad jokes on TV. This was super-truncated as within two minutes, they were avoiding finishers and at three, Jericho hit the walls. Miz was thrown into Barrett, pissing him off and resulting in a DQ and then the faces hit the Finale and Codebreaker respectively to take Wade out. No one really gained a damn thing from this stuff. Speaking of which, they re-aired the Ricardo/Alberto "comedy" from SD.Good lord, there's like 30 minute of this show left. Swagger walked backstage to prepare to kick a for his a death timeslot on the show. New Paul clip involved him wearing a dress for a WM XI skit. Swagger faces ONE OF THOSE MEXICANS Sin Cara. YAY Swagger's theme is on iTunes! Zeb booed Sin Cara for not speaking English. Zeb rambled on FOR-FUCKING-EVER about stuff. This was the worst thing yet involving Zeb, and it got a boring chant as a result. Between this stuff and the Alberto parody, tonight felt like a very special jump the shark edition of Raw for this feud. Miz-Jericho-Barrett for the gold next week. It's a shame the promo killed its heat, because this match was quite good for the few minutes it lasted. Alberto came out to defend Sin Cara after the ankle lock, but he was locked in the armbar and saved by Zeb. Halle Berry was interviewed and got interrupted by Otunga. YAY! And then Kane had a conversation with Halle This was wacky, but funny - and out of place since Kane's in a serious match next.

They announced Ryback-Henry on SD, and the main event got started at 10:58 for the intro, with the match beginning at 11. Cole explained the urn...kinda poorly...for those who'd never seen it before. LOLed at the fan yelling SET HIM ON FIRE! Well why not? It's no DQ. Kane threw him over the top to the floor in a scary moment at 11:05. They're so desperate for Robot Combat League to work that they're airing it on USA next. Loved Punk doing 'Taker's throat slash only to get goozled, then counter with a high kick. He was going to hit the GTS, but the bell tolled, he got scared and chokeslammed. King said it was SWEET LIKE SWEET HOME ALABAMA...which they should've explained was where Moody was from. Kane and Taker closed the show bowing to Paul - I'd be fine if this was the last thing they eer did together. And then Punk bonked Kane with the urn and ran away before Taker could catch him. I dug that, although I think I'm just giving them a pass for this stuff since they're paying nice tributes to him that are clearly heartfelt while doing this stuff.

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Thursday, March 7, 2013

TNA Impact Wrestling 3-7-13

The pre-show vid hypes up a best 2/3 series between Team TNA and the Aces for Lethal Lockdown. They had a graphic for Paul Bearer that was shockingly low-res. The opening vid hyped up Angle attacking the Aces, and he...for some reason decided to wait until later in the show to reveal who it is. Also, THIS ISN'T JUST AN IMPACT ZONE PROBLEM! Good of him to clarify that since no ever said anything about it being one. Aries is out to start the show as one half of the should-be-named Greatest Tag Team That Ever Lived and talked while some guy held up a giant I THREW OUT A CHALLENGE ON FACEBOOK sign. Aries was upset at Bully and Hardy for not being nice to him, so he called out Hardy for a match now. Todd hyped up HARDY-ARIES IV, which seems odd because there's not much point in doing the numbering bit if you're doing it so quickly. I have zero problem with the show starting with this though - and neither does Tenay, who puts this over as the main event of last year's biggest show. Aries chucked Hardy over on a headscissors attempt and Hardy had a sick landing on the floor.

They came back and hyped up THE BELLATOR APP! Then Tenay hyped up that Aries is only the fifth guy in company history to be a triple crown champs. Aries did Hardy's wacky poses before going for a frog splash. Twisto Stunner>Fate combo hit but before Hardy could cover, Morgan KOed him with his pump kick. Bully made the save before Morgan could crush Hardy's skull with the kick against the post. Sting cut a wacky yelling happy promo to encourage the troops then yelled like he was battling constipation. Angle's coming out to reveal the identity of the VP. Why the Aces haven't jumped him or bribed a camera guy to find out where he is, I have no idea.

Morgan cut a promo continuing his deal about kicking ass until he got a title shot. I thought they dropped that...and they're setting up Morgan for a world title-level deal. Yikes. Angle-Brisco video package aired. They've got a cage match on the PPV that I'd forgotten about. Real good video though - loved the vocal clips of Angle being a lunatic. Wes came out and cut a really stilted promo about his feud with Kurt and how somehow, both Jack and Gerry were "one of the greatest wrestlers ever". LOLed at Kurt saying he made a mistake trusting Wes since he's willing to bring up that mistake, but not ya know, driving drunk a few times. D'Lo tried to separate Wes and Angle but got B'Lown up quickly. Still helped Wes out though. It is mind-boggling to think of D'Lo Brown being a big reveal in 2013. The last time he was a thing nationally was in TNA, so yeah.

D'Lo at least cut a really good, intense promo after the break. I liked him saying that one of Sting's guys could be against him at the PPV. This was the first time they brought up the man advantage series on the show itself. Sting-Devon is up. Great LET'S GO STING chant here. Sting and Devon had an okay little paint by numbers match here. I can't help but think of the WWE '12/'13 comeback bits during Sting's stinger splash setup. Sting got blinded by a "fan's" drink, then posted, big booted,  and pinned by Devon. Gut Check is coming up next.

The most bored interviewer ever asked Velvet what it was like to be champ, then Gail came in and was all pissy. Danny Davis is replacing Taz as a Gut Check judge. Live, Al had a bright red velvet sports coat. Maybe he borrowed it from Jeff Jarrett's WEALTHY AMERICAN BUSINESSMAN collection. They just did this backstage, with no promo or anything from either and Tapa won. Well, she had something, but I'd have gone with Ivelise. Chavo and Hernandez came out with Velvet for a wacky 6-person tag. Digging Chavo's brigh yellow, purple, and gold gear. Bad Influence is teaming with Gail here. Chavo and Hernandez have been working on some moves together - good. The bad is that they take forever to set up and don't appear to do much damage. Gail won with Eat Defeat. Fine match, nothing really memorable about it though. They replayed D'Lo as the big reveal in TNA's lead heel stable. Sting was in the back yelling and screaming while beating up chairs with the bat with blood pouring down his face. This ruled. Sting's face on his shirt was covered in blood. Wow.  They hyped another AJ vid with a ridiculous graphic showing his wacky look last week. YES!

The AJ bit was just him getting pissed at a guy for invading his privacy. Joe and Magnus came out to face Doc and Garett. I liked Taz bringing up issues between Sting's members here, and Tenay brought up MAGNUS ATTACKING JOE WITH A WRENCH BEFORE. Hmmm...Sting's kind of a dipshit for putting them on his team, isn't he? Garett threw some shitty elbows to Magnus leading to a loud YOU CAN'T WRESTLE chant. They showed AJ's tweet hyping up his return to Impact next week. Garett looks so damn skinny in the ring with these guys. VINTAGE JOE/MAGNUS finisher beat Doc. Tapa's coming out for her GC evaluation...what? Okay, so I guess the first thing was Velez's evaluation...but why was Tapa out there for that then?

Kenny King, with the X division X cut into his hair, cut a promo about being champ - he's taking on all comers at the PPV. I think. EY cut a great intense promo about the Aces, saying he's been in a lot of wars, and he's always met battles head on. Sting looked even more battered than before. This was great. Now it's time for the Gut what was the first thing then? Loved Taz burying Snow for looking like an idiot. So it looks like Ivellese really got the short end of the stick here since she was just whisked away in a backstage bit. The crowd gave her a huge NO NO NO chant. She reacted well to the NO NO NO chant. Bruce took this opportunity to say goodbye to Paul Bearer, getting a loud REST IN PEACE chant. Then he voted no, so she had to kick out and convince Al that she's worth hiring - she basically cut the same promo she did before. Al was convinced. BOO. This was bizarre, both due to the multiple references to Bearer coming out of nowhere and them not even letting Ivellise be out here for the Gut Check bit.

Robbie E cut a promo on Robbie T - they've got a PPV match. Terrible job actually showcasing the card tonight. Anderson is now dressed exactly like Garett Bischoff. White t-shirt underneath the vest. So jobber-riffic. Tenay went to BFG Series stats to point out Storm's superiority over Anderson. Anderson won a nothing match with the Mic Check after the Aces came out and were headed off by Sting's team. Main event ended at 10:45, and I'd forgotten about the Bully/Hardy debate. They FINALLY ran down the card for the PPV at 9:51. They tried a kinda-hard sell for Bully-Hardy during the graphics rundown, but I'm really not feeling this match at all. I dig that it could result in Bully being a world champ for the first time, and that's something that should excite me, but they haven't really done much with Hardy as champ since giving him the gold, or done anything to build this match up. Bully said he and Jeff have made history, and they'll do it again, and he wants to tell him how proud he is to see him as champion after conquering his demons. Hardy said he was proud of Bully, and Bully said he's never really been proud of himself, but he will be after he wins the title not by going over a cage or through a door, BUT BY WINNING WITH HIS BIG MOVE! Hogan cut a rambling promo about TNA being a small company and needing a leader. Digging his new shirt - it's quite slimming for him. Then the Aces came out for a brawl. Hardy was in the brightest red sneakers you've ever seen.

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