Friday, February 28, 2014

SD 2-28-14

Memorial graphic for Big Daddy V aired. Good to see them put that on here after not doing it for Raw despite even TNA having one for him on Impact over a week ago. Bryan and the Usos face the Outlaws and thanks. AJ-Cameron gets a rematch as well. Mid-life crisis Dave came down. Bootista's outfit is amazing - he looks like he's from the early 20th century, but in a tanktop and sneakers. Cole said the fans HAVEN'T BEEN KIND TO BATISTA. Nope. The fans of 2014 don't want Batista as the WWE Championship opponent of Randy Orton - they want Daniel Bryan. It's simple. Now if there was a world title and Batista was just challenging for that, sure - that'd get over just fine. Damn was Batista ever blown up on Raw. I love him saying he'll destroy anyone - he sure could. He put himself over Hogan and the Rock and knocked the lack of Attitude. Then he ripped on Daniel Bryan and they lost it. He took off his shirt to show how much better he was than "their heroes". EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM SCREAMS WWE WORLD CHAMPION. Or Wellness. Big Dave, as...Big Dave mocked people who shop at Hot Topic, and then basically said "screw you guys, I'm going home". Big Douche rules. Big Dave and his old man belly glared at Dolph. Dolph told him that he's a dinosaur...why even bother having Batista work? You just said he's old, you're bringing up that his face run isn't working - just save some money and him some wear and tear and cut him a check. Dolph, like a pussy, cheapshotted Batista and ran away. Up next, it's Henry and E against the Real Americans...yup, that'll be a match.

Big E-Cesaro was recapped. Big Mark destroyed Bigg Hoss. Cesaro countered Big E's power with a boot to the head THEN HIT THE DEADLIFT SUPERPLEX TO BIG E! It wasn't pretty, but holy shit! Blind tag off of brings Swagger in. Davey Boy powerslam from Henry. Cesaro and Big E have great chemistry together. Patriot lock, but Cesaro tags himself in off it. Crowd's chanting swing! Nope - NEUTRALIZER FOR THE WIN! This was a ton of fun. Vickie was in...I think Kane's set because his mask was in the background. Alberto was going to ask for a rematch against Batista, but by golly, he's already in one tonight. Then Sheamus came in because why not. He wants a fight with OLE BERTY FER OLD TIMES SAKE. Sheamus was a wise-ass to him and this is up next...sure why not.

Recap of the Sheamus-Christian issues. Sheamus's shirt really does look nearly identical to Frank Shamrock's logo. Sheamus is all sorts of bruised and beaten up. The black tape on Sheamus is different. Cole talked about Sheamus STEALING ALBERTO'S CAR AND FILLING IT WITH MEXICAN FOOD. And then he laughed. It was terrible then and hasn't aged well I'm sure. Dropkick sends Sheamus off the apron and here comes Christian looking kinda badass in a suit jacket, black shades and a black shirt. Christian's on commentary and doesn't care about losing friends. Clubbering! Nice superkick to the ribs from Alberto. Cloverleaf, but Christian comes in and takes Sheamus out. An Aiden English sign gets TV time. Brogue kick to thank God they had Alberto beat Batista. CHRISTIAN STOOD TALL in all this. Bryan's terrible promo against HHH on the app aired. Hogan recap is next. Show's nearly half-over and has that "it's an episode of SD..." vibe to it. They'd better do a little vid for NXT Arrival here as filler.

Hogan on the Today Show got a recap and they pimped the WWE Network on it. Lona and a podium were on stage. RUSEV CAME DOWN with his awesome theme. He ascended to the gold medal position and spoke. Recap of the Shield's issues led to Ambrose screaming and saying that they were left for dead, and they need to take action against the Wyatts on Raw and show them the teeth of the hounds of justice. IT'S WYATT-HUNTIN TIME! This was fun. Time for Batista to massacre Dolph.

They hyped up Lilian on Austin's show. Odd for them to keep hyping up the Unleashed shows and not the family-friendly ones. Batista's gear just looks ridiculous. According to Cole, Dolph cheapshotting Dave is showing ATTITUDE. Well, that's better than ATTITIUDINAL! Terrible ADR from Cole talked about it being Batista's first match on SD in four years. JBL said he was a dinosaur - A T-REX! Basic suplex from Batista. Dolph's attacking the knee and yelling like a goof. KILL THIS MAN BIG DAVE. These two just don't mesh well - Dolph's too fast and Batista's pace is best...kept glacial. SPINEBUSTER. Second one.   THIRD! #shakedem ropes and #pointdemthumbs leads to the Batista bomb for the win. Recap of the Cena-Wyatts deal from Raw.

Milwaukee, WE'RE HERE. At least they're mixing this up a bit. Bray cut a promo on men who work hard just to impress a woman, while women put makeup on as a mask that society demands that they wear...well, he's at least being honest here. Whose fault is it? THE MAN WHO PLAYS THE ROLE OF HERO, JOHN CENA! Bray rules. He promised to slay the dragon and whisper into his ear that it's time for the lie to end...SHIELD! They came down with Ambrose leading the charge. HHH came down and said he couldn't allow it to happen now - he has too much money invested in them and HE NEEDS TO PROMOTE THIS MATCH. Well, I agree. On Raw, it's the rematch! And of course, everyone just agreed with Hunter and didn't fight. This really undercut Bray's promo, although it did lead to a small brawl. A good Roman Reigns chant broke out since he's the one who wanted the fight. Divas title match is next.

They showed a hype video for Cameron being all wacky on Total Divas...using her real name. So why even keep her stage name if you're going to use the real one on SD too? She was also a crazy bitch. This was a fine S1 highlight reel. They did moves and Cameron screamed a lot. Then Tamina got ejected for shoving AJ out of the way of an attack. Cam got 2 for a crossbody off the top. Grounded Black Widow gets the win. Brock-Taker recap is next. "In Time" was used again to hype up a Taker match AND IT'S PERFECT! This included some of the stunning post-show shots of Taker on-stage and was great. The SD panel offered up some more filler. "Brock Lesnar is the man, IT DON'T MATTER IF IT'S HHH OR FRANK MIR!" Booker rules. Everyone picked SD, so now it's up to WWE to show that Brock can demolish him.

6-man tag is up. It's basically just getting going in-ring at 9:50, so it won't be given much time. Buncha nothing happens until a break, where they pimp the network. They talked about HHH cancelling the Cole interview to talk about NXT, which got no hype on this show. JBL said that HHH can't do everything given the network launch, but he could damn sure commentate. Kane's gear should be easy to make. JBL talked about Ryder-Taker at WM...I now need to do that match in the WM mode. Hell, if I could have Virgil beat him, Ryder should be able to. There's also a match going on too, although you'd never know it based on the commentary. Road Dogg is so great in this run - in TNA, he was decent at times, but he's crazy-motivated now and moves around so much better than expected. Double Uso dive to Kane and Dogg, while Bryan kicked out of the fameasser at 2. Running knee gets the win. I love how that got over instantly as a main event finisher.

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Thursday, February 27, 2014

TNA Impact 2-27-14

It was hard to turn away from NXT Arrival, but Steph's speech made that easier. Gunner yelled backstage about wanting to find James. DIXIE ISN'T IN ATTENDANCE TONIGHT, and gave matchmaking powers to the heel group. MVP's all-black suit looks awesome. MVP as the top face act in TNA is sure odd to see, but he's excellent in this role. MASSIVE Joe JOE JOE chant here. Joe came down and they recapped how he got a shot - he beat Magnus last month, which I'd forgotten. Magnus rambled on about how England's gone to hell since he left. MVP dared accuse Magnus of TRICKERY to defend his title. Magnus Rules won't be in effect at Lockdown, but Joe's Rules will be. It can only be won via pinfall or submission or KO. MORE. FUCKING. TALKING. Magnus said Joe's a dangerous animal, and he'll put him down. They tried to recreate the Joe-Angle build with the headbutt, but thankfully didn't do a full-on shot. They brawled and MVP told him to save it for the cage. Good stuff. Clips aired of the Wolves winning the tag belts. Roode met with the Bro Mans and said they weren't worthy of being in THE MOST IMPORTANT MATCH IN TNA HISTORY. Unless they won a 3 way tag with Bad Influence and the Wolves.

That 3 way is next. They didn't show intros, which gets around the issue of the Wolves not having the belts when this was taped. Plus, the long break allowed me to catch a nice Adrian Neville hype vid. Great double stretch spot from the Wolves onto BI - great gear on the Wolves too. NXT stream went back. Great dive from Eddie on the floor. Robbie gets the win off the Davey double stomp. EC3's saying words about being THE NEW FACE OF AMERICAN WRESTLING. The flag is a nice touch. Bobby and Aries talked about the title win being a fluke or not, while Roode tried to get him to join his team. This video was way too goddamn blurry. DOUG WILLIAMS came out to face EC3. Go He went from looking old to even older - awesome. EC3 got heat by saying SOCCERRRRRR! Nice shots from Doug, but the 1 percenter takes him out. Goddamn this kneebar is shitty. EC3, play a video game - ANY OF THEM. Please just copy the kneebar in that.

Storm came out and they showed clips of him...helping  Gunner before attacking him...yeah probably should've shown something other than that. Storm said that he planned to turn on him ever since Gunner turned on him in the pole match. Well, that's valid. He said the tag title case was like giving scraps to a dawg AND HE DON'T TAKE SCRAPS FROM NOBODY! Storm said Gunner used him, and never thanked him for it. Somewhat valid point there. Gunner said Storm can drink a beer at home CUZ OF HIM AND HIS PARTNERS IN THE MARINES. This rules. "Whether you lived or died, nobody gave a damn!" This rules! I love these guys as rivals so much more than as a team. Gunner and Storm - okay friends, much much much better enemies.

Rampage and Mo return to Bellator Big show. Gunner said there's only ONE WAY OUT OF THE BUILDING, AND STORM WILL HAVE TO COME THROUGH HIM! Storm should've made sure Gunner drank a ton or something so he'd have to go piss. Magnus cut a promo on Joe and put over Bad Bones. Joe murdered this dude. They hyped up Mo and Rampage, and Rampage 4 Real. MUSCLE BUSTER AND THE CHOKE. THIS RULED!

MVP, in his gear for whatever reason, met with Aries. Austin said he should run for Pres - Austin 2020! MVP wanted Aries on his side, but Aries said that he couldn't trust guys who didn't trust him - MVP made him the ref in his match with Roode tonight. That's a thing now apparently. TNA HOF ceremony for Kurt is up. JB got drowned out for an Angle chant. They had a really great video hyping him up as a game changer who came along once in a lifetime. Angle accepts his jeans. At least he's got a blazer and dress shirt on. They showed Kurt's Rolex. Not shown - the bill for the Rolex they'll take out of Kurt's pay. The TNA Hall of Fame isn't about Kurt Angle. OR EVEN ABOUT TNA WRESTLING. WHAT!? Kurt put himself over for getting clean and having great matches with Roode. He thanked his new wife and kids. IT'S A GREAT NIGHT TO BE KURT ANGLE, GOD BLESS! EC3 dared to interrupt him. THE SUIT ON EC3! Holy God! A glorious pop-up video aired for EC3. EC3's brown slacks clash terribly with everything else he's wearing. EC3 read a giant speech about Angle's career being over at his hands and then he did a wacky booboo face. Angle said he should've gone to him for info, while EC3 said the internet's all the time...well, 50% of the time. They did a little brawl and Angle said MVP gave him a match with ECE in the cage at Lockdown! EC3 was not happy with this...this felt like a step back for EC3 with him super-pussing out. It makes sense for his character, but if Kurt's nearing the end of his time in TNA, then he should be put over stronger here.

Going to Lockdown gets you a party with Spud and DJ Z! Madison and Velvet did the BP intro! According to Taz, through Sabin, ALPHA FEMALE IS THE QUASI MOM to Bad Bones. Alpha Female really needs more flattering gear. Wacky spot with Sabin getting beaten up by Velvet. Heels take out Madison. Big full nelson takes out Velvet. ODB! Sabin saved Alpha Female from the facebuster. Tigre Uno hype vid for Lockdown. Camera guy asks Samuel if last week was a mistake...he helped her. He would do anything to help her... AND HE'S GOING TO TELL EVERYONE WHY!

Shaw's theme is pretty awesome. "WATCHING YOU!" pretty perfect lyrics. He asked Christy to come into the ring, leading to a giant NO chant. He respects her space, but SOME MEN aren't. The fans want ONE THING, but he wants everything... Anderson came out in jeans and a shirt. Anderson's ready for the TNA HOF. Anderson tried to get "creepy bastard" over. Oh good, a mid-card WWE chant from 2002 gets over again! Shaw basically said that Christy was a whore who would be She slapped him and then he used her as a shield. OH NO, IT'S THE DREADED...PARTIAL HUG! A video for Willow the redneck junkie aired. WE LOVE. WE HATE. WE DIE! WILLOW'S WAY! Storm took off his shirt and got ready to fight Gunner outside...I'm sensing a flaw in this plan. Samuel Shaw should send Christy a gift basket from Adam and Eve just to ensure she isn't creeped out by him.

Gunner and Storm brawled in the back of a truck ala No Mercy and swore a bunch. Why the fuck is the injury-prone Storm taking bumps on the street? This was a lot of fun. AL SNOW'S JACKET returns. Gunner swore to God that at Lockdown that Storm was done and Storm replied by saying GOD WILL CUT YOU DOWN! That ruled. Recap of the Park-Abyss saga over the past few weeks. Oh yeah, that. EY SAID HE CALLED ABYSS A FEW TIMES. I hope he's in the phone book as Mr. Abyss. Aries came out in the world's tiniest briefs as the ref. They hyped up Roode possibly getting 10% of the company. Roode, A MAN MAIN EVENTING IMPACT RIGHT NOW, isn't happy with how things are in TNA. MVP got a partial intro.

MVP and Roode did basic holds to start. Taz gave MVP the edge over Roode for..some reason, despite Roode being the longest-reigning TNA World Champion history. Way to make TNA seem secondary. SD mid-card chinlock from Roode! Repeat clothesline in the corner from MVP. Cross chop led to the HHH facebuster and the BALLIN elbow! Perfect plex gets 2! Playmaker countered into a setup for the shining wizard, which led to the RR spinebuster. MVP elbows out of the Roode bomb and botches the Playmaker for 2. Elbow exchange straight out of FPR. Enzuiguri from Roode! Dropkick to the knee by MVP. Shining Wizard was setup perfectly, BUT ARIES HIT THE ROLLING ELBOW and then the Roode bomb hit for 3. Second heel turn via strike in as many weeks. Good elbow though. MVP HAS NO ONE LEFT AND THERE'S ONLY 10 DAYS TO GO UNTIL THE PPV!
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NXT Arrival

The pre-show featured some great stuff with Heyman and a fan taking a selfie, and a glorious bit with Nash resurrecting his Coach Nash character talking about inventing the 1080 moonbomb. The Emma-Paige hype vid ruled as did the pre-match interviews. The Zayn-Cesaro one was a fine recap, but was a bit too rushed. Cesaro-Zayn started the show off with Zayn in new gear with all of the nations' flags that he's competed in on it. The runthrough post DDT was countered with a European uppercut, after a few minutes of solid wrestling. REPEAT DRAGON SCREW! Haven't seen that since WWF No Mercy on the N64. Nice transition into the half-crab from Cesaro. Zayn's top rope slingblade moonsault was countered into a ... TILT A WHIRL SLAM ON THE RAMP. WOW! CORNER EXPLODER! This match rules! Blue thunder bomb gets 2 for Zayn. Regal's doing an amazing job putting over Cesaro and how Zayn SIMPLY CANNOT WIN THIS. Koji Clutch! COUNTERED INTO A STRETCH MUFFLER! GIANT SWING COUNTERED INTO A CRADLE FOR 2! Countered that into a really weird-looking swing - Zayn just kept moving. UPPERCUT! FACE DOUBLE STOMP FROM CEARO! 2!  SUPER RICOLA BOMB! NO! RANA! HELLUVA KICK IN THE CORNER GETS 2.999! Uppercut sends Zayn down - perfect Ricky Morton selling there. A THIRD UPPERCUT! Zayn = deader than dead. THIS IS SO GREAT! We're getting a standing 10 count. Holy shit. NOW HE'S TAKING THE SHOTS AND FIRING UP! ELBOWS. SNAP GERMAN! NEUTRALIZER, NO, COUNTERED INTO A CRADLE FOR 2! CODE RED! 2! ZAYN KICKS OUT AT 1! He's a "true warrior of the canvas wars!" RUNNING SPINNING UPPERCUT! NEUTRALIZER! 1-2-3...WOW. Cesaro gets the win, but I bet Zayn's got his respect now. THEY HUGGED! This ruled.

CJ Parker came out. Wacky hippy gimmick sucks. Mojo is hyped, but doesn't do things really well right now. The hyperdrive name works as a finisher - the flying ass plash being the finisher doesn't. EMMA HYPE VID. #bubblegun better trend. LOL. Wolves on jobber form. WWE bringing them in for a week was brilliant - now they've got their developmental tag champs in video form beating the TNA World Tag champs. Granted, that means nothing really, but it's kinda funny. They've got a whole line of NXT merch on WWE Shop now - great thing overall since the folks can get royalty payments and still be on NXT. THE ASCENSION IS LIKE THE LEGION OF DOOM. The fuck they are. "DO YOU REALIZE HOW FOOLISH I FEEL SAYING SEXAY!?" Regal is great. And Scotty is now bald. Wow. That is...definitely a finish. Not feeling this act at all. The opposite corner high-low attack looks way too fake and takes too much time to setup. Great Paige promo. Paige-Emma or Dixie Saying Words...STEPH SAYING WORDS. NO! Impact Time - I'll check out hour 2 of this after TNA.

Hour 2 had some issues anyway, so I lucked out just checking out TNA instead and checking this during breaks. Love this starting with  Paige Turner countered into a backslide. Nice use of Morgan's elbows by Paige, and some fast knee strikes when Emma was draped over the ropes. Tarantula gets a Tajiri chant. Emma sandwich bodyblock in the corner gets 2.  Love Regal mocking all of the Emma-based names and saying he's been married 17 times because of his wedding cake! Xavier's out to face Tyler BUT FIRST RUSEV MUST SMASH! And he did. Love his unique assortment of kicks and throws - makes me want to make him in FPR ASAP. Lona's quite cute. This Bo video package is glorious - I wish there was a ton of NXT on the network so I could see more of it, but this video gives you a solid idea of him being a smug little shit. Steve Keirn and Larry Zbysko were shown - Larry's always looked a bit old, but now he looks old.

The yellow and black caution tape on the ladders is really cheap-looking - like something TNA would do. The NXT Title now has the new network logo on it...and while they made a new belt, they still just kept that shitty design. Love HBK being all wacky and wanting an HB-Shizzle shirt. Love the Bocahantas chant and signs. Bo's smirk is so amazing - he'd be great at the DDP motivational speaker act. VINTAGE NASH corner elbow leads to a wristlock variant of them - almost like the Bull Hammer but with the back elbow shot and not the Misawa one. I love Bo tying Adrian's arm into the ring skirt to then grab ladders and try to win this thing. Well, he would've if he hadn't focused on doing more damage. Leaning ladder spot just led to Bo hitting the ropes, thankfully. Neville took a fantastic bump off the ropes when he had his ladder tilted on him. Nice tornado DDT using the ladder from Neville. Multiple corner clotheslines from Bo! Both he and MVP used those quite well. Bulldog into the ladder was turned into a buckle toss from Neville. Flair slam off the top ON THE APRON TO NEVILLE. Ouch! BUCKLE BOMB FROM BO! Front slam on the ladder from Neville! RED ARROW ON THE LADDER! Neville climbs up and grabs the belt before Bo can make it back in. Not a great match, but pretty fun at points. The smoke effects off the ceiling are a nice way to make things seem like a big deal without spending a ton.

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Monday, February 24, 2014

Raw 2-24-14

The pre-show VQ is fantastic. Sandow vs. Kofi is...sorta the first match ever shown live on the Network. They showed the finish and some no need to watch that really. Love Booker doing a goofy Jamaican accent. Oh thank Christ, Batista-Alberto again! YAY BORK LAZER RE-RE-RE-RE-RE-RETURNS! Maddox was interrupted by Christian yelling at someone, Sheamus - they'll have a match tonight. I demand Booker T get a podcast on Podcast One - he rules just saying shit endlessly. Hogan STARTED OFF RAW being awesome, but did screw up "WWE Network" at first. This was short, but sweet. Then JBL hyped up his own matches on the Network - name-dropping Angle. King's iPad again had no service. Batista-Alberto is next. Alberto's a bigger face now than he was a face...WOW THE BOOS FOR BOO-TISTA! BOO THIS! This is so great. Orange and blue trim is a good color combo for Batista's gear. ADR's getting a gut. Why on Earth is Batista taking a bump on the apron? They talked about Batista being booed and it being due to Bryan being so popular. So, how does taking his kneepad down HELP HIS KICK THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE THE KNEE AT ALL!? Wow, Batista lost his TV a really weak way. Orton just came down and Batista got beat by a theme song distraction. Even Axel gets to kick out of the distraction schoolboy finish. Orton brought up the fans booing Batista and then they had a hilarious exchange where Batista basically said he'd be nice to the fans cheering him and a dick to those who booed him. Big E vs. Cesaro in a match neither guy should lose.

Big E bust-up 1,083 coming soon! Big E's out. Odd to not show the spear in highlight form. LOL @ WWE giving NXT the credit for Cesaro. Good of them to hype up Arrival though. Big E tossed Cesaro around with suplexes. JBL and Cole buried themselves into talking about Big E and what the E stood for. Cole said it was Ettore, which JBL called Egor from Winnie the's Eeyore... Giant Steiner-esque catch into a tilt-a-whirl from Cesaro got 2 and no replays. Replay after the break along with the alternating European uppercuts. They talked up Swagger possibly being jealous and then had King talk about it too. CESARO LIFT got 2. "Sucked the jelly out of his donut" doesn't sound very PG. Clothesline sequence from Big E led to the Ultimate Splash for 2. VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUT got 2! ST-JOE counter from Big E demolished Cesaro. Only got 2. That was nasty. CESARO SWING, but Swagger locked on the ankle lock to cost him the win...that's about perfect. Neutralizer to Big E. Really nasty bump on that. Cena-Wyatts recap - HE SAYS WORDS NEXT!

Cena's out - RAW NUMBER 1,083 IS HISTORIC! Cena's promo has me not looking forward to Bray-Cena. Cena stands for illusions, while Bray stands for what is real. And if the future has to go through Cena, it will.  Bray said he'd put an end to Cena's era of lies. Group attack on Cena. Bryan, Punk, and/or the Shield would've all made fine saviors here. Cena has no friends. They came back and showed Cena being stretchered out. He did appear to hurt his knee during this, so he may not be doing anything until WM. Christian and Sheamus are having a fine little match here. JBL burying Winnie the Pooh is glorious. They're just doing moves. Cena's apparently got a bunch of knee swelling. Boring chant. Cloverleaf, but Christian got to the ropes. White Noise was countered into a sunset flip for 2. This is both really fun and "a bunch of moves". Flying whatever into the Brogue Kick. Fun match overall. Recap of Bryan-HHH on the app. So...are HHH and Steph faces or heels? HHH came off like a face here with Bryan just rambling on and yelling while he's all calm.

WWE Network hype. Black history month - TIME FOR THE MICHAEL HAYES VIDEO! Or Tony Atlas. And Rocky Johnson. Atlas with a goatee looked awesome. One of WWE's greatest duos...and not just that because they ran out of weeks for video packages. Ambrose said he was sick of Roman and Seth ganging up on him. ROMAN CHALLENGED BRAY ONE ON ONE TONIGHT! And Bray accepted - this is glorious. Booker and Flair talked, Flair did the YES bit to set up Bryan-Kane. Mr. Kane looks so low-rent in this sub-IRS getup. They did moves and went to a break. This isn't doing a thing for me. Diving headbutt into a chokeslam for 2! Running knee KOs Kane! Big win for Bryan there. Bryan talked about HHH hiding behind Steph's skirt...can't blame him for that. Summer Rae's backstage in a hot skirt for a match next.

A really wacky Batista graphic for SD was shown. Emma came out with...a minor polite reaction. Summer Rae using a shoot choke to transition pulling. OF COURSE! Santino looks old enough to be Emma's dad. JBL talked about Summer and Fandango doing THE BALLET AND THE MONGO! Hogan recap. Yay, Usos win the titles next! They recapped the Usos-Outlaws match in five seconds in screens. Outlaws got jobber intros here. So did the Usos...The Outlaws told the Usos to leave, so they did, and then they jumped the champs for the win. This was... something. Should've been for the belts to really do this, although this gives them a reason to have a title shot. Poor Usos - they're against legends who can't get boos.

Roman came down and has a really badass aura about him. I really want to see Roman-Brock at some point. WM XXX hype vid - it's 41 days away. TREMENDOUS shoulder tackle from Reigns to Bray, who took a nice bump. Cross chop to the throat led to a big boot from Bray and a ton of corner headbutts. Idiots chanted Husky Harris. Big clothesline on the floor from Reigns. Big senton after the break. Bigger JERRY chant. Falling headbutt led to a side headlock punch combo on the ground from Bray. Sidechoke from Bray. RANDY SAVAGE chant. Bodyblock got 2. Big Undertaker chant. Roman prepped for the Superman punch, but the Wyatt bit hit and they came down. Schoolboy distraction got 2. Neck snap on the rope led to the Superman punch! Ambrose ran in to cause the second DQ for a partner tonight. Ambrose does look pretty badass in a hoodie and jacket, unlike AJ. Paul begged Brock to not kill anyone. YES Movement merch ad aired - it's pretty great.

The star of Need For Speed is next week's guest star. YAY BROCK! And the ring is clad in black for whatever reason. Since Brock can't get a title shot at WM, he gets an open contract at WM...a consolation prize. So, again, are HHH and Steph heels or faces? Heyman put Brock over as the first man to go from WWE to UFC Champion and now he'll make history by conquering the WWE World Heavyweight Champion, but he can't! Even Brock is beneath HHH and Steph. Heyman said that since Brock can't get a title shot, they can keep their contract. YAY TAKER'S DONG HIT! It's Grand Daddy Deadman! The look on Brock's face is making this rule. He's just stunned. Taker's entrance is the one thing in WWE worthy of the Tokyo Dome. Taker STARED AT THE SIGN! Brock shook his head yes. OH NO HE DIDN'T JUST PUT A PEN TO TAKER'S CHEST! Shit's on now. Taker then grabbed the pen, STABBED HIS HAND WITH IT, and chokeslammed him through the table. This fucking ruled.Hand stabbing got a holy shit chant. Awesome.

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Friday, February 21, 2014

SD 2-21-14

Christian faces Sheamus and the Rhodes Bros. and Rey face the Wyatts! Should be fun! Bryan's starting against Swagger. JBL put over the EC PPV as being Swagger's event to win, as he won the Chamber match last year and could win the IC Title match on Sunday. Nice running knee to the gut by Bryan to Swagger. "The Chamber is hard enough to go into at 100%, LET ALONE DINGED UP LIKE BRYAN IS!" NO, HE'S BEEN DINGED UP! Maybe "you dinged up" can become a chant. Nice press slam from Swagger into the post - ditto the hammerlock belly to belly! Bryan hit the knee and got the win after a superplex counter. Then Vickie came down to make Bryan-Cesaro RIGHT NOW. YAY! Well, after the break. Less yay.

They hyped up Cesaro doing more damage to Bryan's shoulder setting things up really well for the Chamber. They plugged Zeb on Austin's podcast - it's now "Coulter". REVERSE CALF BRANDING TO THE SHOULDER. Awesome! Double stamp with a hammerlock. It is so weird to hear Cole put Bryan over as a fighting babyface after he buried him for years. Distraction from Zeb led to a Cesaro kick to the arm, before the ref chucked Zeb and Jack out. And that's the ad break spot. Dashing corner uppercut from Cesaro. ON THE APP, Swagger and Big E got into a brawl around a plastic dumpster. Nine million rep giant swing led to some great lines from JBL. Very European uppercut got 2. Another dashing uppercut, now to the shoulder, leading to hooks to it. Flash knee strike! Kane hit a chokeslam to end this. Kane then announced that Bryan won via DQ due to outside interference. 1/4 of the show has now involved Daniel Bryan. Neutralizer from Cesaro out of nowhere! Renee, in a cute black and yellow dress, met with "The Dangerous" Christian. Christian insulted the sloths at home eating chips, and if he wants ONE MORE MATCH, he needs to do things himself. He said he'd be WWE World champion IF IT'S THE LAST THING HE EVER DID IN WWE. So he'll be losing a title-career match at some point.

Bella network ad aired. Cole talked about what an amazing value the WWE Network is. Shield-Wyatts is now being called THE ARMAGEDDON! That's what they should've named a War Games-style Chamber match. Recap of their deal from Raw. Wyatts came down for their match. But first, Bray cut a promo. The Shield are nothing but dominoes in a line, and once they fall, the rest will follow. EC Kickoff match was mentioned. Lots and lots of filler here. Rey's got Iron Man gear on and is taking a clubbering from Harper. Nice fallaway slam by Rowan to Goldust. CODE RED to Harper by Goldust! Great running rana to Harper from Rey, which led to the 619 being countered with a big boot for 2. Sliding D to the back of Rey by Rowan. Crazy bearhug by Rowan looks sweet. Rey escaped Bray thanks to a drop toehold, which brought in Rowan until Goldust got in thanks to a hot tag. AA spinebuster! Blind dive bodypress! Kneeling uppercut sets up the 619! Powerslam got 2! Running rana off the apron led to Harper doing the Joe swinging bomb to the barricade! Goldust hit the kneeling bulldog on Rowan and tried to shatter his dreams, but Bray's bodyblock prevented that. Sheamus said he accidentally kicked Christian last week, BUT THIS WEEK, IT'LL BE ON PURPOSE. What a dick. Emma and Summer have a danceoff next.

Danceoff...they had this same thing for Emma's debut. Emma did the "advanced shopping trolley", which was...something. Then Summer Rae demanded her BABY BOOPSEY's music be played. THE NXT UNIVERSE loves Emma's dance. Santino air-humped while her theme played. Fandango tried to seduce Emma, so she shoved him over Santino...this was stupid. Santino was embarrassed by his cobra rising up with Emma nearby. JBL buried Cole in high school, leading to the Ron black history month video. Lana hyped up THE SUPER ATHLETE Alexander Rusev! Dolph got a jobber intro against Titus. D-Young showed off his Mr. No Days Off shirt. D-Young was really boring on commentary and WISHED THE BEST FOR TITUS. JBL pointed out how stupid this was. D-Young said "ya know what" a bunch. D-Young stole Titus's whistle, allowing Dolph to steal a win. Wow, what a win for Dolph...Looking forward to seeing Titus get his revenge on D-Young on Sunday. Jimmy Uso faces Road Dogg next.

RD got a jobber intro. Cole buried JBL for saying Shield-Wyatts is a tossup. He was great here. Basic match here, with Jimmy winning after a superkick - nice to see that used as a finish. Chamber hype vid. Main event time. Basic stuff before the break leading to a traditional post-break chinlock from Sheamus. The over the top diving uppercut spot was countered into clubbering, which Christian fought out of leading to Sheamus smashing him into the barricade. They put over the spot...and then Cole said it just stings because it's padded. Christian removed the padding to smash up Sheamus's shoulder into the barricade structure. Missile dropkick from Christian got 2. Killswitch was countered, leading to Christian flipping out of the back suplex attempt into an uppercut. VINTAGE FLAIR TOSS by Sheamus. JBL called Christian ugly, saying if he was the face of WWE and on a truck, it would case crashes. Tornado Armbar DDT for 2. Christian's neck snap on the rope was countered with the clubbering. Tornado DDT was countered into a string of Irish Curse backbreakers. White Noise hit and got the win. Really fun match. Loved Christian closing the show with a knockdown of Sheamus off the top instead of a wacky pose.

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Thursday, February 20, 2014

TNA Impact 2-20-14

A nice little graphic aired for Vis - surprisingly, they didn't have a photo up despite him working in TNA. The intro video focused on Magnus-Gunner. WHEN IT'S ALL YOU WANNA BE, THAT'S REAL. WHEN I GOT INTO THIS, I DIDN'T WANNA BE RICH - I WANTED TO BE A CHAMPION. Well, this was great. Then Magnus said to Dixie that "if you go down, I'm not going down with you." - so he's not down with old lady 69.  Tenay then rambled about some sort of deadline and Magnus called MVP out. MVP's dressed like a star, while the world champ looks like a fan in a jeans and t-shirt. "Nine years in jail would be nothing compared to nine minutes WITH THE CHAMP!" - good line. The deadline was for Lethal Lockdown, and I loved MVP's little banter mocking Magnus for constantly bragging about being the champion. Magnus said he'd be out of the Lockdown match so he could face Joe, leading to MVP mocking him for looking past Gunner. And then Magnus said he'd make MVP his bi-a-tch! MVP and Magnus have shockingly good chemistry together. Security held back the Wolves, barely visible for a second on-screen. MR INTENSITY GUNNER's generic theme hit and he made the save. Then the Wolves showed up, so taht security really sucked. They recapped Roode helping Dixie get her goals accomplished and getting screwed over. Then the shaky cam introduced Bobby into the building.

"YOU LITERALLY THREW ME TO THE WOLVES!" EC3 raises a valid point. Magnus's new black, white, and gold gear looks good. Joe cut a promo about how he doesn't want to wait until the PPV for a fight - HE WANTS ONE TONIGHT! YAY IT'S THE BRO-MANS! The look on Joe's face when he saw these little fuckers ruled. Nice moonsault to Joe from Zema, thankfully from a downed position. Joe pulled the Bro Mans into each other to eat Zema's dropkick leading to a big comeback. DDT/RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP COMBO - VINTAGE NOVA! Muscle buster and the choke took out Zema. This was fun. A tech guy replaced Christy's mic pack, leading to Samuel Shaw sneaking up like Solid Snake and choking him out and grabbing the mic pack. This was hilarious. Especially since he then BONKED HIM INTO A GIANT, LOUD METAL BOX. He'd get an exclamation point for that one.

Next week, it's Kurt's HOF induction. So Shaw's attempted murder didn't mean much - as Roode's just talking to Storm and they didn't cover it at all. Bobby made peace with Storm and apologized for the stuff he did to him, and loved him for the Beer Money stuff. Then the talked about how hard the business was and how much many parts of it sucked. Then they hugged - this ruled. MVP and Aries met in the yellow tape office. The X Title is so shitty it can't even sit upright. They showed the crew traveling by bus throughout the UK and talked about their sacrifices. This feels like a kayfabe-breaking bit they'd do on the Troops shows. Then Gail and Madison brawled and a street fight was started up...immediately. That was odd. This segment ended with Madison coming out.

Madison started this by jumping Gail with...a cookie sheet. That might've been funnier than the MGShaw attack. Fantastic Yakuza kick from Rayne that took Gail out to the floor. Tapa did the Andre bodyguard spot to prevent a dive from Madison, who then did a '60s Batman spot by kicking Gail while being spun around. The ref counted during the ringpost figure four - why, I have no idea. Big spear from Madison. Madison attacked Tapa, then got bonked with the belt by Gail. This was both good and bad. Gail's nose got all busted up here. They aired a little clip of Gunner in the Marines - I guess we'll get a full feature on him later. This was good, so that should be fantastic.

A Gunner hype video aired showing that he's always gone after what he wanted, and how he got into the Marines due to 9/11. This was so great - his dad cried over him getting a TNA contract, and them showing him with Flair made him seem like an even bigger deal. Holy hell - he's only 31. That was by far the best thing TNA's done all year. See, they really can make you care about someone - but like WWE, they just choose to not do that often. Roode's deal is next...

BUT FIRST, EC3's bragging about "ending Kurt's career." James and Gunner talked about the shot, and how James took full of the shot....Storm grabbed his tag title case to hold onto it as well. Bobby came down and did a retirement speech thanking the fans - getting a "please don't go" chant. He said he can't change what he's done in the past, but he can change the future... A giant NO chant broke out. Bobby thanked "each and every one of you" before Dixie came out. Dixie said "you don't get to decide when you leave - YOU HAVE A CONTRACT!". Given the Punk deal, that was quite the happy accident. "YOU'RE A WRESTLER, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!?" because they're all fools with no life skills, you see. YOU GET 10% OF THE COMPANY is right out of Al Bundy threatening to put his kids IN his will. She swore on a stack of Bibles...and he'll wind up with a bigger stack of bills. At least he gets to be Captain Roode. And if Dixie screws him over, he'll make her life hell!

Mr. Anderson and Christy did stuff on a phone, while Sam Shaw attacked him and kidnapped Christy. Also, some German Gut Check dude got a cameo. Bad Influence hyped up Roode and wanted to be on his team. They've got a match against THE WOLVES! Taz talked about how the Wolves would've fit into any generation - like the '80s with the Bulldogs. Tenay hyped up GAME OF ARMS, AN ARM WRESTLING SHOW on AMC. Wow. Daniels did a wacky reverse calf branding to Richards. Nice Yakuza kick from Eddie leading to the Kobashi chops in the corner, then the backpack stunner after a Sin Cara high kick for 2. Double stomp to the back from Eddie led to one to the gut from Davey for three. THIS RULED and should've been their debut match in the company.  Sam Shaw was shown grabbing Christy's arm and trying to take ring or wrist band. He tried to give "princess" a neck rub, but noticed the camera man. This angle is such crap. Wacky Magnus video is next.

An even dumber video for Willow aired. Magnus's video focused on him being a soccer star when he was young, but leaving the game because it was a team sport. They showed Magnus in a close-up and his hairline is ghastly. This wasn't all that good, but the build for Magnus-Gunner has over-delivered a ton. World title match is up next. MVP-Roode was made for next week...why next week and not the last show before the PPV, I have no idea. God, these black curtains look so cheap - at least bust out the BFG set that looked like the mid-90s WWF ones for this. Magnus's gear matching the title is a great touch. Even Taz, the heel, questioned Magnus's credibility as champion. This got a big match intro, and one guy in a Dolph shirt chanted for Gunner. I love how Magnus slowly raises the gold above his head. Also, "Magnus Rules" are now a thing. They're like Raven's Rules, but with fewer drug and thyroid problems. Tenay talked about Gunner being  TV and Tag champs before, but this being the biggest title match yet for him. Taz dissecting the psychology of being world champ is adding a lot to this - ditto it having a wrestling base. Lots of side headlocks and I love the use of the sliding hair-holding headlock escape attempt. Savage knee smash to the back from Magnus. Magnus called out goons, AND IT'S THE WOLVES AND STORM. WUT WOAH! Rampage4Real returns next week, with Rampage beating the shit out of Mayhem Miller.

They came back with suplex reversals and Magnus did a Camel Clutch. Knee to the gut from Magnus. Big flying elbow got 2. F5 teased, but it was countered by an eye rake. EC3 and the Bro Mans came down and they brawled with the faces. Big powerbomb by Gunner set up the diving headbutt. Spud tried to cost Gunner the match, so Storm ran down to make the save. Gunner bonked his head into the buckle and ton and Gunnered up. SLINGSHOT SUPLEX! Rock Bottom! Storm told Gunner to jump so he did - RIGHT INTO A SUPERKICK! This was a really fun match and probably Gunner's best singles effort yet.


Monday, February 17, 2014

Raw 2-17-14

A Last Monday graphic flashed on-screen for half a second with Cena-Orton shown in a freeze frame. It's NYYEEEOOONNN Cena! That same graphic was shown with footage during Cena's intro. The chamber is so brutal IT CAN END THE CAREER OF A WWE SUPERSTAR! THE WINNER OF THE CHAMBER WILL PUNCH THEIR TICKET TO HISTORY! Now the chamber is pushed as the ticket to the main event of WM - so it's like the Rumble, minus the history or feeling of importance. ODDS PROVE that we'll see a new WWE World Champion, which means that won't happen. YAY CESARO'S OUT. Looks like we'll get Cena-Cesaro tonight. He isn't just going to become the new face of WWE, HE'LL BE THE FACE OF AMERICA! According to signs, it's Happy Juggalo Day and AJ's a Spider Monkey. SHEAMUSSAYINGWORDSASFASTASHUMANLYPOSSIBLE! Oh yeah, he's facing Orton tonight. And hey Christian's out too. At least Orton is consistent with the Authority now - since the second half of his Raw promo, he's been thankful for them. Bryan has his new Che/Andre-inspired YES shirt on. Bryan buried everyone's catchphrases. "One more match" hasn't been a remotely okay catchphrase for Christian since 2011. Mr. Kane came down to say that everyone else well face people since Orton's facing Sheamus. Cesaro-Cena was made, and that would leave Bryan and Christian to do something. It'll be a singles match NOW. Could be good. YES. Roman gets a singles match against Henry, and they're doing a rematch from ME with the Matadores and Hunicara against the Wyatts. Christian jumped Bryan, so I guess he's a heel now. Might as well turn Christian heel now - he'll be just as un-over as a heel as he as a face. Christian's bitter over being "the only man in this gauntlet who hasn't been able to run the gauntlet!"

I love Christian demolishing the arm - it gives them a story to work with on the PPV too. MOUNTED PUNCHES TO THE SHOULDER led to a Calgary crab from that same position by Bryan - nice! Tornado armbar DDT by Christian. STANDING DIVING HEADBUTT CHAIN BY CHRISTIAN! They came back with Bryan on offense - he was able to nail him with the buzzsaw kick combo. Christian countered the diving headbutt with knees to the shoulder. Christian countered the dropkick chain with a boot to the face and then the flying European uppercut. Killswitch countered into the VINTAGE HBK WM XIX FINISH! Bryan won with a flash cradle and this match ruled! Kane congratulated him on "a hard fart victory" and said Bryan has one more match tonight - against him! THE PERFECT BACON BOWL! The product one on Earth needs! Kane is working in an undershirt. Looks bizarre. Kane did a bunch of arm stuff. Boring chants broke out for whatever reason. That ended the second Bryan got on offense. I like the ringpost crossface chickenwing - would rather see Ambrose use it - it led to a DQ. Kane said he knew he was DQed...and this just ate up time. That was boring, but this seems to be building up Bryan for a title win at the chamber. Recap of Roman's spear to Henry on Raw. Renee met with the Shield again. Hey babygirl. Ambrose took credit for demolishing Henry, leading to Reigns saying he know he can do better than Dean did. Dean said Wyatt was an illusion, and Roman said BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD!

Fandango's in the ring with a jobber intro. Good lord, it's another Santino-Fandango match. THEY FINALLY AIRED A HIGHLIGHT VIDEO FOR EMMA. Now, this gimmick kind of makes sense on WWE TV since you can see the fans going crazy for her and her doing moves. They hyped up Summer Rae being THE FIRST DIVA IN A WWE FILMS PRODUCTION. Emma airplane spun Summer on the floor leading to Santino flirting with her. Emma as Holly Flax is weird. And then Santino got beat. Henry's new Hall of Pain - admit one ticket shirt sucks. Henry was pissed. I hope this leads to Henry being a face with an edge again. TONIGHT, HE GONNA INDUCT ROMAN INTO THE HALL OF PAIN!

Reigns and Henry didn't do much until Reigns hit a super-smooth Samoan drop. Henry took a flip bump for a corner kick, ate the Superman punch, and the spear. So Reigns>Ambrose. Ambrose was pissed and attacked Henry. THEN BRAY SANG, cut a great promo, and Reigns called his bluff. Reigns takes no shit. Other than JBL saying they were in a "fast hurry" this ruled! Bray entered, then Reigns stepped up. The rest of the groups stood forward before the Wyatts left. PERFECT buildup here. Cena-Cesaro and Orton-Sheamus got graphics.

Rhodes Bros vs. Rybaxel is the pre-show match - an SD death slot match in any arena in the world. The Brothers Rhodes. then played with action figures. Then Bad News Barrett destroyed their playset leading to them talking about Taker and his bike flying. This started off sorta funny, then got stupid. I expect BNB segments during the summer involving the destruction of sand castles. Swagger's up for a death slot match against Kofi. Kofi, ONE MONTH AGO BEAT THE WORLD CHAMPION. Wheelbarrow German suplex by Swagger got 2. JBL got a chant. Then Punk did. I hope "go home" gets one soon. Kofi hit the pancake splash off the top to Swagger for 2. The shittiest SOS ever got 2. Cole referenced that move beating Orton a month ago. Patriot lock is on and he tapped out. So Kofi went from possible WWE World Title contender to beneath Swagger in the IC Title hunt in a month. Amazing. BIG E is in action next, but first, a little showdown between he and Swagger.

It's Big E against Jinder and Drew. Drew's got new leather trunks. Zeb's doing commentary. This is death. Zeb read stuff off his hand. The crowd came alive when he asked if Big E could beat Swagger. Belly to belly to each led to Drew nearly landing on Jinder's head, so he crawled over to do the double ultimate splash. Big Ending to both guys - sadly not at once. Nice tilt a whirl variant to Drew. This was a mediocre version of Ryback's 2-on-1 handicap matches. BIG E IS SUPER POWERFUL, yet didn't do any moves to both guys. Yet another Bacon Bowl ad.

So after the old white guy talked about owning Big E, here's the Black History Month vid. YAY BIG RON SIMMONS! It's amazing how much more important Ron's title win became with history than it was at the time. When does Michael Hayes get his black history month video? ELIMINATION CHAMBER IS ONE OF RON'S FAVORITE PPV EVENTS...for reasons that Cole won't get into. An awesome Chamber hype video aired. Cena said some words about the Chamber and Cesaro. No clips of Cesaro's win on SD. You could think it was just by DQ with how they've talked about it.Weird. Cena-Cesaro is up now.

The WWE Rewind focused on Cesaro's win and showed the whole finish - thank goodness. Cena will be on the Steve Austin show tomorrow! RON SIMMONS IS TRENDING WORLDWIDE. Cesaro's name is just Cesaro as a throwback...for some reason. Nice nip up into a water pump arm attack by Cesaro. VINTAGE RICK STEINER CATCH into the tilt a whirl backbreaker! They hyped up Cena as having the same workhorse attitude as Cesaro, AND THE SAME UPBRINGING IN WRESTLER. Yeah no. Cesaro dominated until he missed a corner charge and ate a promobomb and fist drop. AA countered into the very European uppercut for 2! GIANT SWING COUNTERED INTO A DDT. HOLY SHIT THAT RULED. Cena's got crazy core strength. EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TO CENA TOOK HIM OFF THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR. Holy shit. Cena's doing his best to get Cesaro over here. ELGIN DEADLIFT SUPERPLEX FOR 2! STF WAS COUNTERED INTO THE SWING! AA countered into a flip big boot, then a lariat from Cena! AA got the This was epic! HBK DVD hype. They picked a terrible time to release that WM DVD set since every match, and a missing one, will be on the network.

"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time" - perfect Abe quote on a wrestling show. Orton thanked HHH for all he and Steph did for him. Orton then thanked HHH for insulting him... Boy, Orton comes off like such a pussy here. Orton buried Big Dave. THEN BIG DAVE SHOWED UP. Orton isn't the face of WWE, HE'S THE ASS! Yup...that's a line. Everyone in this looks old. Renee added Titus-D-Young to the PPV. I hope that goes better than JTG-Shad did. They recapped the Titus-D-Young stuff from SD without the best stuff - Titus on commentary! Titus came to WWE to be a champion and how do ya spell champion? T-I-T-U-S! THE ENTIRE LOCKER ROOM WILL HAVE TO DO ONE THING, AND ONE THING ONLY - witness the rise of Titus 'O Neill. Great intensity there. Matadores came out. I like the revamped gear with a crucifix for Hunicara. Wyatts doing spots with the bull is a bit too wacky. Like Roman eliminating him - it's just too weird. Swanton missed into the spinning clothesline. Sister Abigail takes him out. Network hype - hard to believe it's only a week away.

 Outlaws are out with their face promo. It's them against the Usos. Or not. It's Billy-Jey. Usos-Outlaws will be on the PPV for the titles. YAY! Billy hit a clothesline and Jey did his dad's sell of it. Cole is laughing. I presume stuff is happening in the match. NICE corner punch from Billy. Schoolboy for the win...dammit. I was hoping for an Usos title win. Could still happen at WM. Then the Usos attacked the Outlaws. Goddammit, Sheamus is saying words. He can taste the WM main event. Yikes. Main event time - this is where Dixie and MVP discuss stock options, right?

They recapped the Shield's 6-man tag on SD, with Sheamus kicking Christian. They'll face off on SD, so I guess Christian is officially a heel again. Cole repeated the Batista line, but said backside. Really now. Backside. ORTON IS O AND FIVE, O AND FIVE IN CHAMBER MATCHES. CAN THE COMPANY'S TOP HEEL OVERCOME THESE ODDS!? A CM Punk starts this off immediately. Well, this match did lead to Fandango's chant becoming a big deal, and the whole post-WM Raw craziness. Orton worked on the shoulder. Headbutts. Superplex...Backdrop through the announce table. Well, that's different. Not sure why it isn't a DQ. The ref's counting Sheamus out - what a dick! Draping DDT was countered into apron clubbering. RKO countered into THREE IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKERS. Nice! Shield came in to cause a DQ, leading to Cena coming to make a save with Bryan. Then a giant clusterfuck with everyone in a major match at the PPV coming down and brawling. Wyatts and the Shield brawled a tad bit, but it was just part of a bigger cluster with this. And just ended.

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Friday, February 14, 2014

SD 2-14-14

The generic SD intro starts things off. TONIGHT, ORTON FACES CESARO. Boy does his graphic look odd with only the last name. Cole recapped Bryan being given the day off on Monday. YAY HE'S OUT FOR A SIX-MAN TAG! D-Bryan 4 World 6-Man Tag Champs. He'll be teaming with Christian and Sheamus against the Shield. This show already rules. Christian's black, red, and yellow gear is now so faded that the red is almost orange-ish. BUY NEW GEAR. Or maybe it is new gear and it's orange - either way, it looks awful. SHEAMUS AND REIGNS! THIS'LL BE FUN! VINTAGE SHEAMUS Finlay roll leads to a giant knee drop. Almost Brody-esque, only to the chest. Nice Bossman-style uppercut from Roman. Bryan tagged in to kick the hell out of Dean's knees. VINTAGE BRYAN COMEBACK! Kickout at 2 from a top rope rana led to the Yes Lock, a save, and a standoff! Eight minutes in and I'm loving this show, as opposed to Impact (or Raw), where the first 10 minutes were dreadfully slow. They came back with a Rollins chinlock, and the Orton-Sheamus match was hyped up for Raw. Sheamus's knee lift was now credited to HHH - of course it was. Outside-in clubbering from Sheamus to Rollins. FLYING Flatfooted kick to Sheamus! I demand that move be in the games - they've got that basic position in it anyway. JBL put him over as a guy who does stuff no one else does BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE CAN! Bossman Slam-style Irish Curse off a run from Roman - nice! Goofy spot with Rollins missing a senton on Sheamus by 900 miles. Christian and Ambrose have great chemistry in there - he's super-fired up in this! BRYAN'S KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF BOTH ROMAN AND ROLLINS! YES! PLANCHA TO REIGNS! Crazy dive from Rollins! Accidental Brogue Kick to Sheamus and the spear takes him out to give the Shield the win. It also furthered the deal with Roman doing the hard work and Ambrose getting the win. What a glorious 20 minutes this was. Zeb talked about SNEAKING IN to see Vickie and talk about Swagger getting a title shot. Zeb said he'll earn the shot, and Vickie made it an IC Title shot match against Rey, and Kofi, and Henry in a 4-way. Vickie. Said. Every. Thing. Like. This. Giant 8 man tag looks fun.

Nattie wished everyone a happy Valentine's day as the Queen of Harts. Nice Cesaro promo - shame the TONY jacket has a patch on it. Cesaro said that tonight he'll prove that he CAN become champion - HE WILL! A fan held up an ORTON HATES PUPPIES sign and talked about HHH announcing the HOF speech being shown in full on the Network. Lita HOF vid is pretty great - the rana off the top of the ladder onto the floor was crazy. It's hard to believe that an Attitude-era act is already in the HOF. Rey's got a powder blue and black getup on - looks solid. I'm finally used to him working in these tops. WWE is helping to make a playground for New Orleans kids during WM weekend - awesome! Big E, and only E came down to do commentary - his left shoulder looks messed up. Must've been from the Main Event matches. Nice seated sandwich dropkick spot to Henry from Rey and Kofi. Rey is moving super-gingerly on his knee running and just getting up and down. Rey and Kofi are doing great tag team spots. Love the wackiness of Swagger being thrown 3/4 of the way across the RING AND TO THE FLOOR from a headscissors. Rey did the seated senton off the apron to Kofi. Wacky dive tease from Henry was nixed by Swagger. Seated senton off the top rope to Swagger. Wheelbarrow bulldog gets 2. Nice hop onto the second rope into a blind dropkick from Kofi. Kofi took Rey down on the apron and Rey hit knee-first on it. POWERBOMB FROM HENRY to Swagger. Diving Steamboat chop from Kofi. Knee clip from Swagger led to the ankle lock. 619 TO THE GUT OF HENRY! TROUBLE IN PARADISE TO HENRY! A fan yelled DON'T LIKE HIM DO YA LIKE DAT! DOUBLE GERMAN SUPLEX FROM SWAGGER TO REY AND KOFI. This match rules. Rey went to 619 Swagger, but Kofi's kick took him out! Henry yanked Rey OUT OF THE RING TO THE FLOOR BY HIS LEG! Skin the cat from Kofi led to the ankle lock, it was countered into the kick, then another ankle lock. I'd have just kept it at the first one, but whatever - THIS RULED! They showed Rey injured on the floor for a sec, but didn't talk about it. Betty recap is up.

The Betty recap was quite silly, and Nattie's wacky exposition fit in perfectly with their clips of her show. The tea bit got TONS of coverage. They added in burping sound effects to Billy. At least the Usos' awesome splash got a ton of coverage. AN EL GENERICO OLE SHIRT got quite a bit of airtime here. BAD NEWS BARRETT has his third podium setup. It's a giant silver shaft with #BNB on it. He's got some BAD NEWS about Valentine's Day, everyone's going to get fat on chocolate! As the Orton gauntlet neared its end, they FINALLY got around to an awesome win-loss graphic for this whole deal. The JBL and Cole Show involves JBL's "nephew Clem". Goodie. 8-Man is up.

AJ buried Valentine's Day because she's evil. The Ex-Heyman Guys should be billed as We're Losing, Guys! Yet another recap of the Billy-Betty bit. I think the Outlaws are heels in this because they didn't cut a promo and Cole said the Outlaws said that the Usos didn't impress them enough for a shot. Billy working in a shirt looking 98% like the Billy of old means that Sting must be working in a full bodysuit. I wouldn't be opposed to him either teaming with or facing Goldust. Cody's right knee is all sorts of protected. He did Ted's misdirection lariat relatively well, but without the usual fire. Perfect running dropkick from Axel. JBL said that Axel's got the tools, but hasn't quite clicked...yup, pretty accurate. Also, HE'S 33 - "young man" doesn't quite fit him. They hyped up Ryback's Twitter. Ryback would've been a fun character in JCP in the '80s. I'd have loved a feud with him against Jimmy Valiant. JBL talked about how the Outlaws had been around for years, but hadn't clicked until the Outlaws. COLE REFERENCED ROCKABILLY! Maybe Axel can be Axel Rose and join 3MB. VINTAGE BILLY MISSING THE STINGER SPLASH. Billy facially doesn't look his age at all. Shame about the hair though. Great dead man's fall from Ryback off the Uso superkick. Bubba Bomb to Billy. Double assalanche from whichever Uso to the Outlaws. Cody, for some stupid reason, did a rope-to-to top rope double dive off the top to the floor. Meanwhile, Road Dogg took a double superkick, while one Uso dove over the top onto the pile and the other hit a big dive on Dogg for the win! Renee talked to Orton about being 1-2 in this series. Orton, after bitching about the Authority on Raw, and then defending them for whatever reason, loved the Authority for doing this gauntlet. He said Cesaro wasn't a real American. Well, given that he went AWOL on his country, I don't know how Orton can talk.

An anti-smoking ad with a chick RIPPING OFF HER FLESH was aired...that is really not appropriate for this show. Lana and her really hot accent hyped up RUSEV. The shot shifted from his giant beard to Sandow's. Poor fucker gets a jobber intro against DARREN YOUNG of all people. D-Young gets a new theme, and doesn't even get a full intro. Titus gave Cole some Tic-Tacs for Valentine's Day! Glorious. Titus said he came to WWE to be a champ, and he hadn't been one for 731 days thanks to D-Young. Titus put himself over for at least looking at Darren when he kicked his ass, and knocked Darren for not only tearing his $3,500 suit, but also having his five year old nephew cut his hair. But he may not be his nephew, he thinks he adopted him. Titus is beyond great on commentary.

The wacky Bellas WWE Network ad aired. I love them using the original PS3 design for this ad. Cole rattling of WWE NETWORK FACTS amused me. Cole just saying that you get it for $10 a month is deceptive - sure, they show it being with a 6-month commitment, but they should say it as well. Summer Rae, in a long...brown...unflattering dress came down. And it was for Fandango-Miz. OH MY GOD NO! First Titanfall's servers are down, now this! GREAT KHALI WISHING HAPPY VALENTINES DAYS ruled. Miz, a solid heel for...a month I think, has now added a bunch of crowd pointing to his act. Okay, so I think he's a face now. Miz adding wacky pointing to his...seemingly babyface act now, after being a heel for weeks on Raw, is weird. Also weird - a sign declaring Miz to be THE NATURE MAN! Both commentators talking about how each guy in this is trying to get back to their former glory is weird, it's just telling you they're goobers now. An Undertaker chant broke out. Miz really needs a haircut, he looks weird with his hair just flying everywhere. Miz hit the backbreaker>neckbreaker bit to...jawjack to the fans about how he should be on Raw. What!? Then Santino and Emma came down, Summer and Emma had a catfight, Fandango got the cobra, and Miz got the win. THIS SUCKED. Emma's silly faces are just a bit too much - she looks mentally off doing them. Bobo vid re-aired. It's a good vid, but hurt by the footage being from when he was old.

Cesaro's black and white gear/tracksuit ruled. I loved HHH putting Cesaro over...on the video. So odd to not put this stuff on Raw - really, every WWE show other than Raw features at least solid build-up to guys. Cole hyped up HHH making the gauntlet to make Orton grow...what a bizarre about-face for this angle. Nice scramble early-on - Cesaro got a fast 1 off a schoolboy cradle. Orton then did it to him to show that anything you can do, I can do better and got a shade closer to a 2 than Cesaro. I love this just having 1 counts. Without them, a 2 means nothing, and without a 2 meaning anything, a 3 count means less. Nice front chancery takedown after the corner uppercut to get a nearfall from Cesaro. Orton was losing the battle in the ring, but got the edge on the floor before an ad break.  A Radio Shack ad aired with some WWE footage. Toss onto the barricade to Cesaro. Cesaro is playing face here, and doing really well. VINTAGE CHINLOCK from Orton. VINTAGE BABYFACE ELBOWS TO THE BELLY to counter it. Love the uppercut>headbutt chain from Cesaro. ORTON THREW CESARO INTO THE BARRICADE, WHICH FIRED HIM UP AND LED TO A LARIAT ON THE FLOOR! Glorious. 18 REP GIANT SWING! Neutralizer counter into the powerslam fired Orton up. Cesaro is coming off like a megastar on the rise here. Draping DDT to Cesaro led to "HE'S LOOKING AT THE WRESTLEMANIA SIGN, AND THAT'S IMPORTANT!". Hilarious. RKO was countered into an uppercut to the neck, then the very European uppercut to the face for a 2.9! Bonk to Cesaro's head off the ring connector led to the superplex, but Cesaro countered INTO A SUNSET POWERBOMB, AN UPPERCUT, THE NEUTRALIZER AND THE WIN! Zeb and JBL put this over huge, and I clapped after the win. THIS RULED! JBL put it over as a win with no help, no interference, AND THEN CESARO WAVED GOODBYE AT ORTON! He can say goodbye to his title reign. THIS RULED THE WORLD! Seeing Cesaro go from working in a glorified tin toolshed in Manassas, VA to not only getting into WWE, but main eventing TV and BEATING THE WORLD CHAMPION ON Sometimes, wrestling can still be a ton of fun.

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Thursday, February 13, 2014

TNA Impact 2-13-14

That episode of Cops with the latino kid arguing with the cop about his mom and stepdad is on for the millionth time before the show. Poor Frankie. The credits hype vid focused on how Dixie Carter has destroyed TNA...The show-opening one focused on MVP's takeover. Rockstar Spud is dressed in banana yellow pants and a Philip Michael Thomas-esque black and blue polka-dotted jacket. Dixie is in the ring with the WORLD CHAMPION and is dominating the promo. Taz is sadly back. EC3 bragged about ending the career, in quotes, of Kurt Angle - not only an Olympian, but a model American. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THIS IS YOUR CHAMPION SPEAKING! Magnus rules. This was easily the peak of his reign so far. He hates Manchester and is NOT a  paper champion. Why the fuck is everything blue?! This deal kills Xplosion and further killed that ECW reunion PPV. It's marring Spud's fine wardrobe as well - a man doesn't wear that shade of yellow and want it to be covered up. Magnus talked for I believe 19 hours about things. MVP and Joe came out to SAY MORE WORDS! MVP said that Dixie's got a lot of mileage and wear and tear...yikes. MVP announced Joe-Magnus for the title on the PPV. Magnus just beat Joe on that Old School PPV as champ too. Gunner's out to threaten a match. He said he'd cash in NEXT WEEK on Impact. TNA has managed to really kill the briefcase gimmick, in every way. Even Money Inc. got it over as a vile weapon for goodness sake - TNA can't even make it an exciting way to make a title match. MVP called EC3 C3Pio. Fuck, this has only been going on for 11 minutes. MVP pitched a DOUBLE LADDER MATCH tonight for two cases. MVP's thought process reminds me of Robin's from the Batman Movie. IT'S A BALL-POINT BANANA!

That goddamned seizure-inducing ShopTNA ad aired. The opening match is the double briefcase ladder match...because of course it is. Why the fuck wouldn't you start a show with this? Nice dropkick off the apron to Gunner when he had the ladder - good stuff. BOY IT'S SURE BEEN INTERESTING TO FOLLOW DIXIE CARTER ON TWITTER, TAZ! Why is the babyface announcer plugging the lead heel's Twitter account? Powerbomb off the ladder by Gunner to EC3. Two minutes in Magnus came down to take Gunner out. Storm came out to help Gunner. I'm sensing a HOLLA HOLLA TAG MATCH in the force playa. So now, AFTER THE WINNER TAKES ALL CASE MATCH, it's a WINNER TAKES ALL CASE MATCH. Thank the lord above he clarified that. It's a tag match. Fuck this company.

The 1-800-BAD-DRUG ad is hilarious. They came back and it's a tag team ladder match, not just a basic tag match...okay then. Nice Superfly Dive from EC3 onto Gunner while he was lying on the ladder - dude does a purdy splash. Magnus did a big leg on Gunner, then EC3 dropped an elbow. Nice double team hip toss from GunStorm onto EC3 on the ladder. Iffy Cactus clothesline from Storm to Magnus. Nice uranage from Gunner while he was on the apron - it looked fake as shit, but was a good spot. Good-looking diving headbutt - this feels like a star-making moment for him. Gunner got the cases! Gunner carrying the cases around with his mouth looks awesome. This casket match graphic is about on par with 1990 AWA. Anderson cut a promo about family. Anderson's got cute kids. Good for him. Call Vince, apologize, volunteer for NXT, jury duty, latrine duty, whatever - JUST GET OUT OF TNA!

The BroMans group met with Rockstar Spud, who was busy splitting the room 50/50 in Dixie's favor as much as possible - like an I Love Lucy episode. MVP talked about how THE FANS WANT TO SEE WRESTLERS WRESTLE! MVP made the Wolves and a partner against the BroMans group. I think that involves Ion. I'm not sure. Recap of the monster's ball bit. DJ Zema and the Bro Mans came out. The Wolves came out - just as The Wolves, Dixie didn't even say their names. Davey's twitter name is stupid. Joe's the partner. The show could really just be an hour long - we'll have already seen Dixie, MVP, the top tag acts, the number 1 contender, the world champ, and a ladder match. Davey's giant tat on his left arm looks weird on him. Davey doesn't even feel like a star in this version of TNA, where there are no stars. Apparently, the casket match is the main event? Why? They blew it off a month ago in a mid-card match. Choke to Ion ended this. This was fun, even if it meant nothing. I can't wait for the Tokyo Bullets to make their TNA debut. Abyss walked backstage and choked a bitch. OH MY GOD THERE'S ANOTHER HOUR+ of this.

Velvet's cleavage asked Dixie's saggy skin to cancel her match with Sabin. Dixie is citing THIS, THIS OF ALL MATCHES as an example of having wrestlers wrestle. Spud called MVP washed-up, and said he's an Artful Dodger...MVP scheduled a match against Spud next. Because of course. Why the fuck BUILD UP ANYTHING!? A tremendous recap of the monster's ball aired. MVP's idea of NEXT is apparently after Abyss comes out. He had no mask and demanded the lights be kept dim. Giant blue lighting is not dim. He wants to conceal his identity, but instead of getting one of five billion Abyss masks. Whatever. EY and his erect nipples came down. EY said he helped find "his brother Abyss", which is quite true. EY sounds like such a badass with his scratchy voice. These two have some really good chemistry. Abyss cut a passionate promo about demolishing his own body, ending careers, and leaving carnage wherever he goes. THIS RULES. Abyss said, in his Joe Park voice, that he couldn't "be him" anymore. He needs help. Abyss needs his happy pills. He needs to go away, fix EY's mistake and find someone who understands him...perhaps JANICE! Tenay was speechless, and than said "MVP is up next" in the most disgusted voice ever.

Buy porno and sex toys at Adam and Eve for 50% off. HERE'S THE TNA LIVE TOUR EVENT SCHEDULE! Earlier, Samuel Shaw in his creepy murder gloves helped Christy load her stuff into a bus and then sniffed his hand. Spud's silver, black, and gold gear is five billion stars. BIG MOMENT BIG MOMENT. Yeah, it's gear coming out. HUGE MOMENT, HUGE MOMENT! No, it's not. Everyone in this stalled. MVP's got a gut and love handles now. Shining black got the win. Velvet-Sabin is up next. Roode came into the building and opened random doors.

A goofy video for WILLOW (not the wisp) aired. This is really stupid. Bobby Roode threw a trash can in the general area of Dixie. First thought after that Willow video "Son, get off the drugs." Maybe Coming to America is after Impact again this week. Thank God, INSTEAD OF VELVET'S ENTRANCE, we get a recap video. They showed a sign about letting the pigeons loose, but didn't actually show it. And instead of her doing it, we get Sabin doing Velvet's intro. Velvet is a stripper.  She might be wearing less, actually. Sabin called her a skannk. Sabin is a skinny motherfucker in this gear. Velvet kicked his knee, this his balls, he showed the cup, took it off, got hit with another low blow, and then the Alpha Female attacked doing the Chyna ragdoll bit with a full nelson instead of a bearhug. This was something. Bully went through Ken's stuff and found his passport, then called his wife to tell her he's going to kill her husband.

Yet another Adam and Eve ad. Roode talked to a guy about needing time and "it being over". "I don't remember when I last saw Bobby Roode that down in the dumps!" - I DO - WHEN HE GOT HIS PAYCHECK! Goofy Bully-Anderson recap vid. Bully the poet sucks, as does Anderson in indy geek gear - now it's pea soup green. Bully showed a Liverpool this is just pure comedy then. Anderson's in a shirt too. They brawled and went to a break.During the break, they did stuff with a chair, then they came back and Bully kicked it into Anderson's face during a corner charge. It's 10:50 and THERE'S MORE WITH DIXIE AND MVP!? Jesus Christ. Apparently, Dixie's offering him a buyout...out of nowhere. A table was used here in this casket match. Big superplex from Bully. I'm just numb to this. They did a casket tease spot that made everything look really cheap. Anderson hit a shot to the stomach sold as a low blow, powerbomb through the table from Bully. The crowd chanted "this is awesome" for some reason. Piledriver countered into a mic check into the casket for a win. This was nothing. Please let that be the of this feud.

MVP drank water backstage. Dixie said that EVER SINCE MVP came in, he's been getting involved in the wrestling aspect of things. EVER SINCE, a whole two weeks ago. Dixie said that wrestlers were terrible businessmen. Wow. MVP said he came to TNA not for the money (which is good), but to make it the best it can be. He throw the contract away via ballin! And he pitched Lethal Lockdown for the complete control of the company. "I WANT YOUR SHARES!" I want this show to end. MVP played checkmate with Dixie's flowers and the show ended with Dixie being pissed and looking at a wall. What. The. Fuck.

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Monday, February 10, 2014

Raw 2-10-14

Raw started off with Betty White coming out to a modified Kerwin White tron and THE BIG SHOW by her side. Then she said she's gonna KICK SOME ASS! Then the Authority came out and hugged her, because...they're faces. Steph's white and black outfit rules. Orton, called NOT A HAPPY CAMPER, by Lawler interrupted HHH's rambling promo about the Chamber. They talked about Orton being opposed by the Authority. Okay, so the Authority are heels when it comes to...the lead heel, and faces when it comes to faces. Wonderful. Steph's "ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DOING THIS AGAIN!?" ruled. Not so much her dressing down of Orton. The fans chanted Daniel Bryan and YES YES YES leading to a great bit where Steph talked about Orton caving into the pressure of facing Bryan. Orton said he wants to be the face of WWE OUTSIDE of the ring. IT TOOK SIX MONTHS FOR ORTON TO WANT TO BE ON TALK SHOWS!? Loved Cole putting over the Yes Movement on Youtube. "THEY'RE DOING IT IN HIGH SCHOOLS IN FAIRFAX, VA!" Steph then cut the nuts off of everyone saying that NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO INTERRUPT HER and Hunter. Bryan demanded a match with Kane, but Steph said he was on leave due to attacking him last week - AND HE'LL HAVE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER in his file. I bet Kane will have to write "I will not chokeslam people." 100 times on the chalkboard, too. Orton, who hates the Authority, put them over huge. VINTAGE TONIGHT IN THIS VERY RING from Hunter. They wanted to give Bryan the night off, so he revived the NO chant. Well, that sure accomplished fuck-all. Bryan won't have a match, and Orton both loves and hates the Authority, or something. 

John Cena is more liked than a rapist and an adulterer! On Facebook. Rey came out and they hyped up his poster in WWE Kids Magazine. Big E's pecs aren't WWE Kids Magazine-friendly. Cody's now wearing a giant knee brace after doing that moonsault off the cage. So that was a really goddamn stupid thing. Rey's under the bottom rope slide was turned into a splash thanks to Cody - THAT RULED! The Bellas don't stand for bullying. QUACK QUACK, BULLY, QUACK QUACK! Bray busted out a jumping Earthquake splash on the ropes before turning it into a punch combo - nice. Great finish with Cody doing dives, then everyone else does crazy shit and Rey does the job. They went to a break and came back with a ROMAN REIGNS RUMBLE HIGHLIGHT VIDEO! Renee to get a strongly-worded letter in her file about wearing Steph's colors tonight. Nice promo from the Shield here. Renee called out Ambrose for never defending his title, before Roman said he's not much of a champ, and then Dean made an open challenge. Betty White then met with the divas and the Outlaws, who wood her. Nattie explaining the premise of Betty's show was something else.

Oh thank heavens, we get a highlight video of Cena-Orton. Sheamus and Christian face the Real Americans later. Santino faces Fandango. Emma doing the powerwalk rules. The silly dance-off got a highlight video. JBL chants broke out right after Cole talked about them. Awesome. VINTAGE HOROWITZ sign.  Cole talked about Miz doing commentary because he's "Not figured into the show" because it's fake. Fandango won with the flying legdrop. Summer Rae's boohoo face afterwards ruled. They need to show Emma's dance and the fans doing it on NXT to get this over on Raw. Sheamus was joined at this time by Byron Saxton. Sheamus talked about being friends and enemies with Christian. I remember absolutely nothing Sheamus and Christian have done together. Okay, I'm done with Sheamus saying words again.

Christian got a jobber intro, then cut a meh inset promo. Christian looks a billion years old in this close-up. Zeb cut a promo on Sheamus sneaking back into WWE. MASSIVE pop for Cesaro, who then cut a nice promo. Nice ride from Cesaro leading to the Cesaro lift to Christian. Giant WE THE PEOPLE chant. Cesaro and Sheamus had a tremendous European uppercut exchange. I'm so doing a match between them in 2K14 later. They came back from a break with Cesaro taking the Irish Curse. I demand a best of nine million series between Cesaro and Sheamus. Very European Uppercut hits Christian and only gets 2! NO! A MIGHT ROAR from Cesaro after the flying double stomp to Christian. GLORIOUS giant swing from Cesaro there. CLUBBERIN to Swagger! Tremendous bit where Cesaro hit him with the uppercut when he was in the corner Brogue-ing. TORNADO DDT TO THE FLOOR ON CESARO FROM CHRISTIAN. Brogue kick FTW. THIS MATCH RULED! I approve of Sheamus and Christian being a team - they've got great chemistry together. Cena talked about THE PAST DECADE BEING DOMINATED BY CENA AND ORTON, and there being a great change - THE NETWORK COMING IN TWO WEEKS. Also, this match tonight is the most IMPORTANT PART OF THE TIMELINE, and it closes out their rivalry.

KFC HAS POT PIES! This fucker is way too impressed by a pot pie. Cole sang the "Hollywood" song terribly. Youtube highlights for the Batista Bomb aired. Dolph's out to face Alberto, and it led to them recapping the Alberto-Batista...rivalry thing. STOP SLAPPING THE MAT AFTER EVERY ELBOW, Del Rio. Alberto kicked out of THE ELBOWS THAT KILLED A MAN at 1. Big grounded kick got the win in no time. Wow. What in the fuck...Dolph really is too fast. STOP MOVING IN A THOUSAND DIRECTIONS! Alberto could barely do the armbar on him. Batista having a seemingly random pattern of athletic tape on him is amusing. Batista demolished Alberto. Batista bomb through the why bother with a match then? BATISTA HAS ONCE AGAIN GOTTEN HIS REVENGE! Batista then threatened him with a monitor...he's a heel right? A goofy video for the Network showed you how to turn stuff on. New HOF inductee!

WWE HAS 260 MILLION FOLLOWERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA! HHH met with Batista and told him to watch it. "This is a publicly traded company now" - as opposed to...when it was one DURING BATISTA'S ENTIRE CAREER! Oh, and we get Batista-Del Rio for whatever reason. Lita's got into the Hall...well, she deserves it for that shitty sendoff in '06. So who inducts her? Punk's gone, and dating AJ, while the Hardys are on the outs. I guess it could be Edge. Road Dogg drugged Betty White's tea. Road Dogg is trying to date rape a 92 year old? And then she did the old switcheroo. This will lead to...something. Whatever. YAY HENRY COMES BACK LATER! Maybe he'll accept Dean's challenge and do a unification with Big E.

Outlaws were out for commentary, but only shown after Cole explained the bit with Betty. So surely the Outlaws are onto what happened given that COLE JUST EXPLAINED IT, right? Loved the Road Dogg referencing the Samoan Swat Team, then Billy got buried by Cole. Randy Savage chant broke out. Oh, and Rybaxel are facing the Usos here. LOVED the Road Dogg saying there's ALMOST A MILLION great teams in WWE - but he's not good at math, so don't hold him to those numbers. Lots of hype for the Usos here. I'm all for Usos winning the tag titles from the Outlaws. Ryback did a flip over the ropes and I think fucked his hand up in the process.  Billy then held his ass a bunch. Ambrose's title match is next.

A terrible Psych ad aired. Thank God this show was cancelled. Ambrose came down and of course, it was Henry. Love Reigns bopping his shoulder like "you got 'im...". Henry's new black, white, and red gear rules - especially with the knee pad graphics on it. They did a bunch of nothing until an ad break. Chrisley throwing a son's phone in the water ruled - highlight of the segment so far. Shoulder-mount powerslam from Herny. WSS hit, but Rollins prevented a three count. BIG SPEAR from Reigns on the floor to Henry. WYATTS THING...complete with full "we're here" bit. They had a standoff, and Reigns was the first man over the barricade willing to fight. They did a glorious standoff bit that I had is recreated for the PPV, only with the Wyatts backing down. Then things got weird as Bray said "make your move" and they just did the break-in part and played an Orton-Cena highlight. Bobo Brazil got the black history month vid. In a way, he should've been first.  Clips of his HOF induction were shown - he looked damn good for his age.

Aksana is back! Naomi will be out for a few weeks due to Aksana. Nikki's ass is looking quite fine. The Bellas went for a terrible Poetry in Motion stinger splash, but Brie couldn't get more than naval-high. "In 2005, in Japan, JBL was attacked by an inflatable dinosaur!" - that was great. A Be a Star vid aired. This is the most amateur-hour video WWE has produced in ages. Nice tale of the tape for Cena - especially after JBL put over Stephan Bonnar being there. JOHN CENA GRANTED HIS 400TH WISH TODAY AND IS THE #1 WISH GRANTER IN HISTORY. WWE is so modest. God bless Cena, but this stuff is too much. Nice Rusev vid from SD replayed. Mr. No Days Off, Mr. Kane came out! He talked about being on leave, and admitted that his actions were ill-advised. Bryan came down and they brawled. Love Kane getting sent out in the Katie Vickie 4 HOF section of the crowd. So with the week off thing, this made no sense, but whatever. Cena-Orton is next!

Wacky 8-man tag on SD, and IT'S ORTON-CESARO! YES! THIS DE-FINES OUR FUTURE, TONIGHT! Yeah sure, Cena. Cena and Orton did all of their regular offense, although I dug Orton dragging Cena around by his arm band. Nice punch and kick exchange from them - good intensity. Great cocky heel stuff from  Orton listening to the crowd. Great AA counter into the backbreaker. AA countered into the RKO GOT 2! AA got 2! Super leg slice...was no-sold so the AA could be done and that got the win. THEIR RIVALRY IS OVER.. in this match with no stakes. And that will be renewed at the PPV.

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Friday, February 7, 2014

SD 2-7-14

Generic SD intro. Bryan came out to a huge YES chant. He then exposited about all of the storylines going on now. Cole exposited during clips, just recapping everything you were seeing on-screen. Then Kane came out to talk, and he apologized EXACTLY like he did with Punk. Bryan basically called him a pussy for apologizing. Bryan brought up Team Hell No, and Kane looked a billion years old in close-ups. Bryan is speaking FOR THE ENTIRE WWE UNIVERSE when he says he wants to get rid of Corporate Kane. I do love Kane saying he's traded in a bowel of Hell for a nice corner office. Kane said that a wise man said in this business, you can make friends, or you can make money. After a few eons, Kane made Bryan-Cesaro because they're both in the chamber. This s-l-ow-l-y ate up 13 minutes of TV time. They showed a graphic for the Chamber match, which made it seem more complicated than it needs to. ORTON CONTINUES TO RUN THE AUTHORITY is he a face, or what? Shield came down with Ambrose taking the lead by a billion feet, it's Reigns and Ambrose teaming against Dolph and Kofi - who are now a team for whatever reason. Kofi's win over Orton sure did a world of good for him.

On Raw, CENA FACES ORTON. And Betty White will be there too - I'm not sure which of those things seems more old. Then they re-ran the exact same video again. Jobber intro for the faces. THE ARCHITECT joined them on commentary. Sadly, he didn't have any blue prints. Recap of the Raw deal with Ambrose stealing the win. Seth talked about it, and then Cole just rattled off other words without responding to anything he said. AMBROSE HAS BEEN DESCRIBED AS THE LUNATIC FRINGE, and he did a little Michael Jackson shuffle to change direction for a stomp. Hearstropper elbow got 2. Power Drive elbow got 2 from Ambrose. Cole rattled off how Roman demolished three dudes at the Survivor Series, and 12 guys in the Rumble - including his other Shield brethren. Nice stun gun from Ambrose set up the flying apron dropkick from Reigns. Ad break. Kofi made a comeback and Dolph jumped around on the apron like an antsy child. Dolph tried to out-speed Masato Yoshino with a crossbody. SLOW. THE FUCK DOWN. Nine billion punches in the corner to Roman. Fameasser got countered into the Protobomb. Ambrose went for a blind tag again, but got pulled off the apron, leading to the leaping DDT for 2. Superman Punch to Dolph led to the big spear - he tagged Ambrose in for the win here. The Wyatts cut a promo on the tron - they went bugless for this, making it look even cooler. Bray cut a glorious subdued promo about the Shield trying to show their teeth, and they'll eventually see the monster behind his eyes. Sheamus-Ryback is next.

When the network launches, you'll be able to watch every WM in it's a good time to sell the WM Anthology set. Ryback got a jobber intro, and they recapped their promo exchanges on the app. Ryback said that Sheamus's boots were steel-toed - AWESOME. JBL saying "Axe l ook Sheamus to the limit" doesn't do Sheamus any favors. Sheamus was a bully and kicked Axel. I love JBL correcting Cole on the proper use of action versus actions. Ryback got a big splash for 2. That should just be Big E's move, because he does it way way way better. SUPERFLY DIVE BY RYBACK missed. Looked awesome too. Tilt a whirl powerslam led to the Brogue Kick, which was countered into a powerbomb for 2. That should've been a PPV match - actually, this should've been one. Meathook was countered into the Brogue Kick for the win. THIS RULED! Cole talked about Orton being forced into this it really a gauntlet? He gets plenty of time to prepare for them. The behind the neck shots of HHH in the clip of the Cole interview make it look gigantic. Cole then exposited to HHH about the Cena-Orton match being from the Staples Center on Raw this Monday...that was odd. "Before he faces Cena, ORTON HAS TO FACE AN OLD RIVAL!" - because Orton-Cena is so fresh.

Legends House hype vid - bunch of old dudes playing, who's the target market for this? IT WILL BE A LEGENDARY SERIES. SMILIN COLE talked about the WWE Network being an incredible value! Renee welcomed her guest at this time, Alberto. She started the interview showing clips...this format is so bizarre. I left to grab a drink and missed whatever he said. Oh well - I'll just assume it involved Batista being a perro and it being Alberto's destiny to beat him. YAY CESARO-BRYAN IS NEXT! But first, Henry hype! JBL said that Bryan looked like a puppy. I loved them bringing back the Benoit bridge>monkey flip spot. Cesaro did a low-legged lift into a spinebuster...God he's awesome. Bryan locked on a short-arm scissors - possibly the first one on WWE TV in 2014. BACKLUND LIFT FROM CESARO! JBL said that Cesaro was the greatest import since the Beatles, leading to Cole saying that he's said the same thing about Alberto. Yes Lock was countered into a super-fast tilt a whirl backbreaker for an ad break. Bryan's dive was countered, then Bryan got the lead with a flying dropkick...UNTIL THE VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUT nixed that plan. I'd have countered that particular move with a Giant Swing, but whatever - still cool. Giant Swing was teased, then turned into an iffy small package for 2 before Bryan debuted the La Mistica Yes Lock for the win! Mr. Kane then came down, so this match really didn't seem important. At least it led to Cesaro hitting the Neutralizer to Bryan. A fan held up a PHIL BROOKS sign, and another one held up a Punk 3:16 earlier. Chokeslam to Bryan. Renee interviewed Orton about what his thoughts were of facing everyone in the Chamber beforehand...I'm sure he's pleased as punch about it. Orton, the fiery babyface, vowed to defeat everyone the executives have put in front of him to try and end his title reign. AJ came down to face Nikki.

They hyped up Black History Month with a fancy video opening that wasn't on Raw, leading to the Ladd video replaying despite Cole saying it would be "the next legend". Whatever - the vid rules. The video got a nice reaction. A new Rusev video aired. THEN, after all of this, Nikki made her entrance. Brie refused to shut up on the floor, just yelling "COME ON, NIKKI! COME ON, NIKKI!" a  million times. Sleeper by AJ. SHUT UP, BRIE! Jesus. Snapmare facebuster to the knee from Nikki led to that ending thank God, only to be replaced by GOOD JOB, NIKKI! Nikki tossed AJ into Brie, which led to AJ kicking the rope into her face and winning with the Black Widow. AJ was really flexible here...PTPs breakup replay. Titus's attack had some flavor to it - all of that was lacking on Raw. This would be an okay deal if the brands were separate and he was just going to try and win the SD mid-card belt. Titus arrogantly interviewed Renee. Titus was glorious here being a cocky prick. OH, NATURE! Titus was attacked by Darren, like a coward. That part sucked - but there's something to Titus now, that sadly won't go where it could due to timing. He'd be a great B-level PPV main eventer with this act against Cena - like with the Truth push out of nowhere, but it's not going to work before Mania.

OH THANK GOD, MORE RECAPPING. At least this covered Cody's stupid cage moonsault where he did the move and then got beat. Honestly, it would've been better to just do it off the top rope and look like slightly less of an idiot. Goldust got a jobber intro against Bray. Goldust's Darth Dust paint rules. Wyatts teleported to the ring. Bray missed the corner bodyblock, but Bray did the spider walk bit before Goldust could strike - nice! Good falling headbutt from Bray to a fallen Goldust, NERVE HOLD done after that, but it fortunately didn't last too long. Corner elbow from Goldust hit nicely. JBL referenced Ozzy biting the head off a bat in Des Moines, while Cole buried it as the city where Cody was fired in September. Double A spinebuster from Goldust led to the flipping dive off the apron. It's now called Rolling Goldy. Sister Abigail hit for the win. Cody ran in to protect Goldust, and seemed a bit like Robin scampering to protect Batman. It made sense, sure, but he came off like such a dork. BAD-ASS MEN IN SWAT GEAR cut a promo on the Wyatts. Ambrose is doing a great job selling this as a big deal, and Seth was more intense than usual - citing them being taken out of a Chamber match due to them. Loved Ambrose's eyes staring a hole through Reigns when he said one of them would've become WWE World Champion. This ruled. Christian-Orton have their nine billionth match in two years next!

BUT FIRST, we get the third airing of the Orton-Cena hype video. Well, at least it's not twice in one break again.  Cole said Orton would LOVE a win tonight...why? Kofi got one and it seemed to hurt his career. Orton regained control and stomped Christian to bits. JBL said that Orton DID SOMETHING 50 YEARS IN THE MAKING by unifying the WWE and World the World Title has the NWA World Title's lineage this week. Christian got some offense - I dug the shot of his gear matching the WM XXX sign before the crossbody for 2. Flying elbow/uppercut deal got 2. Christian's clapping actually got a big reaction, but led to a powerslam. A nice shoulder ringpost toss led to the draping DDT being teased, which led to the jumping Bossman uppercut bit. Orton punched him in the gut for the draping DDT. RKO countered into the backslide, which led to the usual leap into the RKO that has seemingly ended 99% of their matches.

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