Friday, February 27, 2015

TNA Impact Wrestling 2-27-15

As boring as this gauntlet match was live, it's worse as a rerun. BEATING TOMMY DREAMER MAKES YOU NUMBER 3 IN THE RANKINGS!? Gauntlet recap starts the show. We go to a crowd shot of fat guys in Bro Mans shirts. Josh and his stupid sweater with the script are show while Kurt comes down in a button-down shirt. The crowd is packed with people and yet they're still all covered in darkness. Angle calls out Lashley...didn't this just happen a week ago? Lashley comes out in his new shirt with some track pants on slapping fans - so he's a face. He's been a prick lately.  Angle says he wants a title shot and Lashley says it's not his bite! Or fight. Angle blames Lashley for him losing the gauntlet and tonight, he'll do to Lashley what he did to him - ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. What in the hell. 

 Taz rightfully calls Kurt a sore loser and the BDC comes down. Joe says words, the crowd chants that he sold out and Lashley repeats it. They go back and forth saying words before Joe cuts one of his better promos in a while saying that MVP will beat Lashley down tonight by any means necessary and become the world champion. Love MVP saying the BDC stands in Manchester united. Taz and Josh talk and we get another shot of the script showing their ON CAM prompt. Tyrus shaving recap. EC3 and Tyrus are out and he's now got CORDLESS CLIPPERS! The heels face Spud and Ken Anderson. Joy.

Ad for TOO FAT TO FLY, exclusively on DA. Spud and Anderson came down. Anderson says ANDROCKSTARSPUD after Anderson, getting a huge Spud chant. Tyrus takes off the beanie and gets a YOU CAN'T WRESTLE chant. Ken's black, green, and gold gear looks great. Tyrus has a gigantic tattoo on his back now. Love Ken doing corner punches then tagging in so Spud can do it too. Spud jumps in for a crossbody, but eats a WSS. Earl takes the clippers away and Josh calls the brace a bandage, resulting in Taz giving him shit. Ken tags back in and Ken hits a flying clothesline. Weird spinning neckbreaker gets 2. Spud gets piefaced by Tyrus. EC3 comes in off a slam and tag and ges 2. The giant brace is a shockingly good look for EC3 and Taz brings up how odd it is that we've got all four guys obsessed with hair and that JB should have a mask on with no holes. Spud comes in with some running forearms and a shining wizard before hitting the Acid Drop called the Underdog. Ken low blows Tyrus and...gropes him...before a mic check leads to a Spud win. This was fun. Lashley-MVP hype video shows their history with Lashley turning on EY to join them. They put some weird video filter on this that made the footage look a lot worse. Lashley's title win in June is shown.

Tag match recap leads to EC3 yelling about how he's going to take Spud out. Taryn's out while Josh talks about how she's grown. Her boob window is quite distracting, as is her promo style. She's in a locker room. She respects. And that includes. Awesome Kong. If she wants. The title. She can come. To get it. Right now. Gail comes out and says everyone respects her, but Kong's the toughest woman in wrestling EVER. Blackout and Kong's mid-ring eating shots and taking her down with the Big Daddy belly bump and the Implant Buster. BDC talks strategy and kicks out the camera man when they see him. Riveting. Mountain Monsters: Bigfoot Edition looks like the fakest thing in human history.


They hype up a three way next week with EY facing Roode and Angle to determine a new number one contender. Oh thank God, we get a recap of Roode-Lashley III, which according to Roode, didn't happen. BDC breakup with Lashley from 1/21 is shown. Ki's double stomp to the back was great - they're doing a good job in theory of hyping this match up, I'll give them that. Aries in a glorious hat talks to a camera guy. DJZ's out with a goofy mask that Taz says makes him look like a Power Ranger, so hopefully Saban doesn't sue them. Everyone has selfie sticks! Brooke has a new wacky happy theme and a new cape-ish thing. Melendez gets a pretty big pop given the whole pro-US deal across the pond. Josh puts over Bully and Devon for training Chris. Taz plugs 3D's academy. Chris gets a big suplex and ROBBIE COWERS WHEN BROOKE COMES IN. Gloriouis. Robbie tags out, then in. Robbie pushes her down and gets armdragged before Love comes in. Love samoan drop gets 2. Brooke gets some forearms and kicks. Iffy flapjack hits. Robbie shoves Brooke off the top and wins AND DOES A CARTWHEEL! IN THE BEST THING EVER, they do an ussie with Brooke as she's down! EC3 goes to Spud's locker room with the clippers for a break.

 Ken runs backstage, slips, and saves Spud from EC3. Okay then. Recap of Kurt's promo leads to Gunner basically calling him a prick who needs to be motivated, so he slaps him. Aries comes down and gets a big Aries chant leading to him saying he's got a first name too, so he gets a bigger "Austin Aries" chant. He says everyone else is busy being distracted by power, which he doesn't have to do because he's got the case. Joe comes down to the rather catchy BDC theme. Joe says all he needs to do is snap his fingers to lead to an ass-kicking while Aries calls him MVP's lapdog. Joe says tonight, instead of snapping his fingers, he'll go in and snap Austin's neck.

Aries gets a neck snap on the ropes and hits the Eddie hilo for 2. Snapmare sets up a seated dropkick to the neck off the second rope for 2. They fight on the floor and Joe chucks Aries into the steps. Aries fights off his back mid-ring with belly punches. Kidney headbutt from Joe sets up a shortearm forearm from Joe. Atomic yakuza kick from Joe sets up the senton for 2. Bearhug is locked on while Taz puts him over as being fast for his size. Aries gets some punches, but eats an eye rake. Froggy double sledge after a low bridge. Aries can't get a brainbuster, but Joe can't get a dragon suplex either. Thank God - NO ONE TAKE A DRAGON SUPLEX. Christ, Balor took a bad one in WWE and he's at least on a track to success. Pair of discus elbows sets up a cradle and a last chancery. Kenny comes down, but Joe gets sent into the case and Aries takes him down with a crucifix driver and wins with a 450. Very good match here - best thing on the show easily. Joe chokes him out and the goons set up a table. Double stomp off the top from Ki doesn't break the table, so Joe hops up and sentons him through it - that was very impressive given Joe's age, injuries, and size. Someone talks to Lashley, now in a Future Legend shirt. MVP talks to EY about helping him take Lashley out tonight.

Some guy named Noam Dar from BBC S1 is in the ring to face Rampage Brown, also from the show. WE NEED VIDEOS ON THESE GUYS BEFORE THEY'RE IN ANGLES AND IN MATCHES. Bram interrupts these jobbers and destroys them. Impaler to Rampage and Noam. Bram's new devil horn-style beard is good. Grado comes down to interrupt. We get Taz on-camera taking up the whole PIP screen for some reason. Grado talks smack, which we can't hear before getting some Dusty shots and beaten up by Bram for doing goofy shit. Josh says Bram just took out half the second season cast with ease - well, I'd hope so. He's a star and they're not.

Wolves face the Revolution next week for the gold. MVP and the Clan come down while Taz talks about MVP talking about his tough childhood on his podcast. We get a pretty cool shit of Lashley with the belt in his intro against the set. Tieup starts, but MVP goes for a cheapshot and gets countered. Delayed vertical from Lashley hits, seated punt doesn't. Ki interferes and gets kicked out while MVP kicks Lashley. They come back in after a break and MVP gets 2. FPR-style knees to the gut to Lashley. Seated Blackout gets 2. Lashley punches and MVP counters with forearms and a European uppercut. Joe chokes Lashley. King kicks him on the floor. MVP gets 2. MVP gets a top wristlock while Taz talks about MVP's submission training. Double-down off a double clothesline. Nothing special so far. Lariat and back elbow hit from Lashley. Big spinebuster hits. Corner Yakuza kick hits thanks to a King distraction. Kobashi corner lariats into an exploder. Man is it a shame MVP isn't 10 years younger, because he's something special and he just can't go at full speed. Spear takes out the ref and MVP sets up an EY chair shot. Roode prevents a piledriver on a chair looking like a junior APA member with jeans and a sleeveless shirt. Lashley gets a swinging neckbreaker. Corner hop into the powerslam, but Kenny takes the ref out. Joe gets the corner kick, but Gunner comes down for him. Play of the Day hits Lashley. Galloway prevents an MVP chairshot with a sliding kick. Spear hits for Lash and he retains. Good-ish match until the clusterfuck finish.

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Thursday, February 26, 2015

Countdown to UFC 184

This is apparently a fantastic show, so since it's on FS1 tonight, let's cover it! The show starts off with a rundown of the Cat-Rousey TUF season we were going to have. They show her recovering from surgery with her then-husband shooting the video and then a little hint of what happened to him and showing her with her son. Holm is shown with clips to hype up the Pennington fight. They show Ronda training in her hotel over July 4th weekend. They weigh-in and Ronda says she'll retire undefeated. We get THE FACE and they cut from the fight to show a gym.

They say every champion has a night where they seem human and show GSP and Anderson Silva losing, but that hasn't happened to Ronda. We get the whole Davis fight complete with Phantom cam shots of the punches from the side mount. We go to Denver with Cat and her son in the car. She says when she met her husband, he said she'd be world champ. She planned to be a sign language interpeter and this was just her outlet. They show Strikeforce stuff and thank God, don't just blur half the sponsors. They're far worse than even WWE was with that. She's shown walking to the Octagon against Tate with highlights making her look fantastic. She gets the title shot and a TUF coaching role, but then things go awry.


She blew her knee out and we get footage of her in the hospital on the motion machine including a shot of her knee opened up. She was preparing to return in 2014, but her husband, her inspiration, killed himself. It's still a fresh wound for her and she says it's day to day, and grieving always is. "The forward motion will take me somewhere I'm not stuck." Simple, but true. She said she and her husband did it for fun, they had two gyms, a bond, and now it's all gone. She has to re-learn things and work hard to provide for her and her son. She and her son goof around before she fights Nunes and busts her up before becoming elated with the win.

Cat meets with a physical therapist about feeling 100%. She works with her strength and conditioning coach, who she credits with allowing her to peak properly. They rundown The Time is Now presser and how Cat saw Ronda up close for the first time. We go to CA with Ronda swimming - it's her only conditioning training. She talks about having surgery in July to clean her knee up. Edmond has her to shadow boxing on a crash pad to strengthen the legs up. She says now she can use her legs more than ever because she was basically fighting on one. She's preparing to fight the best version of Cat.

Ronda says that her gym is her constant and we get a shot of a "success is the best revenge" sign, which is quite true. Another saying is something she added - if it works, it's right. Her mother wrote the success one. Ronda says Cat's amazing and that makes her better. Edmond says that Ronda's better now than she's ever been and it takes 10 pro fights to really learn the environment. Cat's coach chimes in for a second and says it'll be exciting. We get another great Ronda face here.

We go to New Mexico with Holly Holm. Winkeljohn's been her trainer for 17 years. We see some boxing footage and she's hyped up as an 18-time champion. She left boxing in 2013 to be the best in MMA too. Some MMA clips are shown and she's hyped up as going 7-0 into the octagon. She's hyped as the best boxer, but she KOs with her feet and we get some Cro Cop-level high kick knockouts. Pennington clips from TUF are shown. Racuel's training is shown. The nasty bulldog choke finish from 181 is shown and Fiore says they're going to be the spoiler on Saturday.

Back in New Mexico, Holly does high kicks. She does some sprawling and says he's not here to just box - if she just wanted to do that, she'd have stayed in boxing. She wants to make everything think of her as a well-rounded fighter where they fear her clinch and wrestling game. Pennington says she won't be a Christmas tree that Holly can just light up! Great line there! Her coach says Holly will be just another patient who gets the same treatment. Raquel gets a kick-ass montage set to rock music while Ronda gets a bit of it and she'll fight in front of her hometown for the first time in the UFC. She isn't going to be just the best in the world, she'll be the best in any location. Cat says that Ronda should be credited for giving female fighters a path to follow...well, that's true, but it sure does short change what Gina did.

WWE SmackDown 2-26-15

Generic show open sets up the Fastlane rematch graphic. Bryan comes out and thanks the fans for giving him opportunity. He said that after 14years, he finally won the WWE World Title at WM...well yes, but he was World and WWE Champion before that. He won't main event WM, but he has BIG PLANS, BUT BARRETT HAS SOME BAD NEWS! He cuts a promo on Bryan being a loser before Dean comes down and the faces take Barrett out and re-take his title belt. Dean beats Miz, but the real story is that Barrett got his belt back. Nattie beats Naomi with a discus lariat. Lana and Rusev have a message from Putin in Russia, and SHE TRANSLATES INTO OUR PRIMITIVE LANGUAGE! Swagger is greatly offended that someone else like their own country, and comes down to take a beating.

Bryan and Barrett have Barrett's best match in ages. Loved Truth calling Byron "Coach". Great use of the new corner cam with Barrett readying the bull hammer, but eating the knee - I've got to do this match in WWE 2K14 later. Barrett's title is missing and he's sad. Barrett is great at being sad. Roman sez words with Byron. THE NEW AND IMPROVED FANDANGO has swank maroon pants. Truth and Dean are backstage and Truth gets the belt from Dean. Every single guy is now getting whatever good comes from being IC Champ just from having it on their shoulders and not being the actual champ. Standing falcon arrow from Fandango leads to a legdrop and a win over Axel.

Sandow cuts a commercial promo for a pill that will keep you straight. Miz steals the role. Sting video recap. Rose is going to turn WM into the ultimate party by winning the battle royal. Goldust beats Hollywood Rose while Cole talks about Stardust having space paint on. Stardust unsmasks as a rosebud and attacks. Bray says words about Taker. Main event six man gets about 10 minutes. This was better than the PPV match with the faces looking a lot stronger and Rybck winning after a Dolph superkick sets up the Shellshock AND A WIN OVER SETH.

Monday, February 23, 2015

WWE Raw 2-13-15


The pre-show hype on USA includes a notice that Brock is here live, as is Orton. Generic show opening starts things off - AJ's still in the intro. Monster pop for Orton as he comes out. Orton buries 20 minute monologues - this is amusing for exactly this show since they'll be back soon enough. Orton cuts to a clip of his brutal beating with a variety of curb stomps. Orton looks better dying the beard instead of keeping the grey in. Orton says Seth just gave himself a stay of execution - he wants to kick his ass tonight! HHH, Steph, Kane, and a suited Show come down. Love the old dude booing them as they come down. JBL gushes over Show and Kane because Vince loves him some big guys. Steph runs down how Orton blew up social media. So...Steph's a face for this promo? Steph wants him to rejoin and he says he'd rather kick ass than kiss it.


Show grabs a mic and he seems somewhat muted. YES! WE COULD GET ANOTHER BIG SHOW MAIN EVENT! Steph talks about how Orton doesn't do what he does for the fans, he does them for the rewards. Steph screeches about how her family has been victimized and SHE CAN'T EVEN SHOW THE FOOTAGE. If you didn't know the angle for WM 25, you'd think that there was some rapey shit going on with how Steph described that. Steph asked him to rejoin and the fans yelled no - good to have a crowd that's alive. Orton is invited to a conference later. RAW IS BUSINESS CONFERENCES! Orton will attend. Okay then.

Barrett comes out yelling about wanting his title - he faces Dolph next for some reason. Recap of the match in photo form followed by a Barrett promo for 20 seconds before Dolph comes out. Cole says DOLPH DID AN INTERRUPT, or interruption. Truth apparently did one on the app and he's on commentary. Barrett is clubbing away and Truth is being entertaining on commentary. Dropkick to the floor to Barrett for a break. We get a post-break chinlock because of course we do. Dolph jacks his jaw to escape.

Barrett gets an iffy powerbomb where he nearly lost him for 2. Cradle gets 2 for Dolph. Winds of Change gets 2. Give Truth a Chance's hashtag was the top trend while Dolph gets the Zig Zag for the win. Hilariously, JBL says Barrett's in a slump. Dean's got the title draped over his shoulder. I guess we're getting a 4-way IC Title program - gives guys a WM payday. Sting-HHH rundown next. RENT A PHONE FOR $30 A WEEK AT RENT-A-CENTER. Fucking hell - I've got a solid phone for $40! WWE Fast Lane on the WWE Network was a huge success for WWE and it's all thanks to you, the WWE Universe, who make WWE so great! Photo rundown for the Sting-HHH deal and we'll see a feature on Sting later. Authority meeting with Steph being a feminist and Orton being there too. I love a meeting to set up a meeting to set up a beating. Steph said words for a long time - okay, so Orton DIDN'T rejoin - SO WHY IS HE THERE!? He shakes Seth's hand and Steph makes Orton and Seth against Roman and Bryan. Even though it's clearly a setup, this still feels like a book missing several chapters. Oh, and that's the meeting.

Sheamus hype video. PTPs are mid-ring to face THE ASCENSION! Ascension cut a promo on the Bushwackers being inducted into the Hall of Fame - why not do this after the Bushwackers are actually announced via video? Cole is brow-beaten by JBL and says HE'S JUST TELLING A STORY! Ascension did clubs AND A CHINLOCK. Crowd died. Darren gets a fluke win on Viktor. PTPs ate the Fall of Man, so no one gained anything with that.

THE BIG DOG came down to cut a promo and PROVE THE CRITICS WRONG! He's out with his shirt and says HE WENT THROUGH 29 SUPERSTARS, but that wasn't enough - he had to beat Bryan too. Roman says "a lot of you were rooting for the other guy". OTH-ER GUY! OTH-ER GUY! came down. Booker's right - that was in fact one of the best main events at Fast Lane last night. Bryan talked about being the biggest Roman doubter. So Bryan is now officially the on-air representative of the Philly crowd at the Rumble. Bryan cut yet another passionate promo about people loving him and not liking Roman. Bryan talks and talks and says SIR, YOU BEAT ME! He congratulates Roman. Well, that's a great way to cut his balls off.


Heyman came down to put Roman over too. Heyman said his money would be on Roman against Bruno, Hogan, Austin, Rock, HHH, and Andre.  Christ himself could descend from the heavens to call Roman a big deal and it wouldn't work at this point. HOWEVER, while Roman could beat these men, HE CANNOT BEAT THE BEAST! Thank God they've still got Cena, because Roman's not the guy in this role. Now Roman with Heyman as his mouthpiece? He can be top heel...behind HHH. Anyway, ROMAN HAD REBELLIOUS WORDS for Paul Heyman. Cole plugged the Network's livestream being free for a day to celebrate the WWE Network's birthday. Brass Ring Club against the Usos next. #SaveUsBrassRingClub


Tag Title change got a few images. Cesaro in a generic black shirt is doing wonders for his presentation. Cesaro dominates for a bit before a double team on the floor gets the Usos an edge. JBL approves of Kidd using Nattie to hide behind, leading to Booker defending that and Cole saying JBL was married to Jillian before JBL corrects him. Double flapjack-ish thing to Kidd on the barricade and a backdrop to Cesaro. Usos get 2. Kick an Uso sets up a reverse uppercut to get 2. Swing-elbow gets 2. Electric chair into a splash leads to a cover and a springboard elbow for 2.5 despite CESARO BEING LEGAL. Naomi knocks Kidd's feet off the rope leading to Nattie causing a DQ and retaining the titles. Yet another match that helps no one. THE STREAK CONTINUES! Bray's out next.


Why do I need to see the Making of Dig? I've already seen a ton of burials tonight. Muscle and Fitness hype over MR MCMAHON'S LIFETIME OF LIVING A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE! Miz wants to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal because it will help the launch of The Marine 4 and allow him to get more roles. Mizdow announces he's got A COMMERCIAL, and Miz is so thankful. Recap of the Bray deal last night. AWESOME hype video on it though going through Taker's WWE career. Shame it's leading to a full Bray promo. Taker will find him. Okay then. OH FUCK OFF STARDUST!

We're getting Stardust-Swagger because DUSTY'S A REAL AMERICAN. Swagger wins via tapout thanks to Goldust coming down and pointing. Crowd chants CODY while Goldust points. We'll find out about Cena's future next. 2 hours in and nothing has really gotten this show out of first gear. Grandpa John moving pretty well here and gets a huge reaction - I'm really missing the days of him being THE MAN because Roman sure as shit isn't it. Cena put over the match with Rusev nicely, other than calling the Accolade "the Acolyte". Rusev looks so awesome with the U.S. Title and gear that matches it. IT'S RUSEV TIME NOW, and Cena AND THE REST OF AMERICA MAY TAKE A JAB, BUT THEY GET RIGHT UP! Cena's been great so far. HE'S FIGHTING FOR AMERICA AND HE'S GONNA TAKE THE UNITED STATES TITLE BACK FOR THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA! Rusev is so great - he's been around for barely a year on the main roster and feels like a main event guy who has really grown a ton and improved a lot too. And then there's Roman Reigns... Rusev refused Cena's request for a rematch, so they're drawing this out nicely.


Long recap of the business meeting. Goofy Orton-Seth backstage deal. THEFRANCHISETHEICONTHEVIGILANTE STING STUFF IS NEXT! But first, we get a divas tag with Paige! STING NEXT, BUT FIRST PAIGE. THEN A COACH, AND NOW STING! Cena said Sting made him a fan and why he was blonde with a flattop. AWESOME video of Sting showing him as the ultimate hero against the NWO. Bellas killed Paige and Emma by beating Emma with one move. Wow. When did Brie get a rack? WHO IS GOING INTO THE WWE HALL OF FAME CLASS OF 2015!? COULD IT BE THE BUSHWACKERS, WHO THEY SAID WERE GOING IN EARLIER!? Their video was both good and disgusting.


#Axelmania now has a shirt. Axel should either win or be the first out in the Andre battle royal. Ryback's gear look is regressing badly. He's got yellow, orange, black, green, and white on. Ryback tells him to TURN HIS UPPER MOUTH SOUTH and that WE'RE IN SMASHVILLE! Meathook and Shellshock ends it for AXELMANIA and his new AXELMANIA gear. Main event's next, so that was the semi-main! Fast Lane opener is the SD main event. Joy.

Jon Stewart recap video. Instead of getting a big reaction, Orton now gets no reaction. Great angle. That'll end soon, but wow - he should at least get boos. Reigns-Heyman recap. Bryan dominates with a surfboard and then Roman...smashes Seth's face into the mat. Orton's actually going through the motions of a match here. Heels stick together nicely too with a huddle on the floor. Roman comes back against Seth mid-ring. I don't give a single fuck about this. There we go - Show yelled at the faces for being cheaters. Nice corner cam shot of a buckle smash from Orton to Bryan. Bryan avoids a superplex and tags in THE BIG DOG THE POWERHOUSE who runs wild amid "you can't wrestle" chants. Fireman's carry flapjack hits. THE FIST IS COCKED and the Superman punch hits on Seth. Running knee to Seth and Bryan wins it. Seth gets up and he's in a punt position, but RKOs Noble before leaving Seth alone. They plugged A FREE DAY OF THE WWE NETWORK. No, actually it's just a day of the live stream. Holy shit. That was the show-closer.

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Sunday, February 22, 2015

WWE Fast Lane 2015

This Week in WWE is the filler programming before the pre-show. WWE canon now considers the fake Sting on Raw to be a real Sting as "Sting has only appeared on WWE TV three times." had that as a clip. HHH's interview with Cole is shown and they're definitely making this a WWE vs. WCW narrative with WCW DYING BEING A GOOD THING FOR THE FUTURE OF THE BUSINESS. During the HHH deal, the Network app crashed on the X1, and it just keeps giving me an error message. Luckily, I'm just missing stuff on the HOUR-LONG PRE-SHOW with no matches announced on it, so it's not a huge loss.

It's working a minute in and Renee's in a nice black dress. Booker, Corey Graves, and Byron are on the panel. Excuse me, THE VOICE OF SMACKDOWN Byron Saxton. Tons of buffering. Byron saying stuff. Renee sends it to Human Friend in the social media lounge, where the Usos will be interviewed later. Renee says that STING HAS MADE A HUGE IMPACT, and speaking of Impact, there are no people in the building yet.

HHH-Sting video puts HHH as a huge babyface out to defend his company from an evil WCW invader. I love WWE's Sting videos - they're full of cool things. Corey puts HHH over as THE GAME while Byron says it's WCW vs. WWE and WWE won. Seth-Jon Stewart recap. Jon Stewart cuts a good promo - I guess he'll be a manager for Orton at WM against Seth. Rowan, Ryback, and Dolph face The Authority tonight. Yippy. Team Dolph says words. THE AGENTS OF THE AUTHORITY WILL BE EXSPONGED TONIGHT. Rowan. Wow. BIG GUY OUT! Ryback ruled. Heyman on Miz TV gets a bit of hype.


AWESOME Ambrose video made him shine and put over his craziness. They cut to a Renee-Dean interview talking about what the IC Title means to him. It was the workhorse belt, he's a workhorse, and HE WANTS THE IC Title to mean something again. It used to be a stepping stone for the World title, and that's what he wants. Roman's his best friend, but he's been getting the glory and tonight, he wants it. "The guy makes the championship", which was true for Nakamura and Tanahashi and Dean says that being WWE Intercontinental Champion means a lot to him. WHY COULDN'T THIS BE ON RAW!? Granted, it's an interview done earlier tonight, but they could've done this on Raw too. Renee says that Booker helped make the IC Title he didn't. Recap of that fucking awful dinner skit. Booker talks about he and Stevie being tag champs 10 times and tonight KIDDCESARO COULD BE THE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS OF THE YEAR! Paige-Nikki feud recap. Nikki called Paige a glass of milk. Renee references TIA AND TAMARA MOWRY! Corey says that Paige became a woman in a, what?  Booker talks about wrecking balls and shucky ducky quack quack for some reason.

They should really be nixing every part of this "Cena is the past" angle. Cena-Rusev is the main event, so it's getting a finish. I see Cena winning this to nix the old man angle, and give Rusev a big win on WM as opposed to a loss on wrestling's grandest stage. Corey said he believed Lana's stuff, which Booker called the GEOPOLITICAL TI-RADES! AMAZING bit with the Usos backstage. They put over the tag titles, and they do make the copper belts look good, put over their dad in the HOF, dancing with him on Raw 999 and fighting for 29 years sharing shirts and underwear. THESE GUYS RULE. Eva Marie and Cameron are at the Oscars for E.

Miz TV time. Miz tells Mizdow to sit like a dog and he does. Miz says he chose to be at Fast Lane and has Dwayne Johnson filling in for him. Heyman drags out that Brock isn't there and says that Mizdow is distracting him. I'm distracted by a husky guy in a white t-shirt and Sting paint. Heyman puts Roman over as the badass of the baddest Samoan family on the baddest island in Samoa who went through 29 guys. Crowd chants Mizdow so Heyman STARTS OVER. Heyman put Roman over huge here, and oh yeah, he faces some guy named Daniel Bryan who got a minor yes chant. Well, it would certainly appear that Roman's winning the match tonight, or we get a fuck finish there and a real finish for Cena-Rusev. An amazing Brock hype video closed the show to set the stage for Roman-Bryan. Roman looked like a badass in this.


Great show-opening video shows off speeding cars, computerized stuff and runs down the major events tonight. Fired Big and Little Guys against the Authority starts the show. Dolph gets a nice pop. Rowan gets NO REACTION. Okay pop for Ryback but nothing special. Ryback's green and white gear is a bit awful. Oh lord, he's got red Under Armour shorts under it. Yikes. Heels all get separate intros too. Dolph and Seth start with some fast action and Dolph gets 2 for a sunset flip. They plug the Daily Show stuff. Dolph tags in Rowan. Fuck you, Dolph. Slow pumphandle backbreaker by Rowan to Seth. Seth tags in Kane. Fuck you, Seth. Legdrop hits from Rowan. Rowan's got a sheep face on his gear now. Rowan goes for the spin kick, but Show moves and his leg hits the post. Love Noble getting in EXACTLY ONE KICK to Rowan's leg before hiding behind Mercury.

JBL talks about people trying to find modern-day giants on Nat Geo. JBL talks about the Christmas Creature while Kane works over the vintner. Oh thank God, King has facts for us. Cross-legged Haas of pain is on while King says Show's mother had a C,D, E, and F section. Ugh. Feed Me More chant breaks out. Show took the slowest bump for a DDT ever. Rowan spin kicks Seth. Ryback comes in and runs down Seth. Meathook to Kane. DISTRACTION SCHOOLBOY GETS 2 for Seth.

Kneeling superkick hits for 2.9. Dolph runs wild on Kane for a bit. DOLPH FLIPS OUT OF A SIDESLAM AND SUPERKICKS HIM! Running jumping KO punch, so a Superman punch essentially, to Dolph during the corner punches gets the win. Dug the finish - wrong guy lost though. In a match with Rowan, Dolph jobbed. Ugh. Chain of curb stomps to the faces. ORTON MAKES THE SAVE! DIVING RKO via Mercury. So glad to see Orton back - he came off like a megastar here. Seth ran away and Orton tossed the case to the ramp - so they'll go at it for WM and presumably Orton has Stewart in his corner. Nice WM 32 hype video.

Rhodes Bros. implosion is up. This didn't even get a recap on the hour-long pre-show. Dusty meets with Goldust and says he never thought he'd be in this position. He tells him not to hurt Cody because they're still family. Goldust said that tonight, he's not fighting Cody - he's fighting Stardust and he needs to get Stardust out of Cody and get his brother back. Dustin was honest to God a better promo than Dusty here. With all of their issues, it's so great to see Goldust go out on big stage nationally with his father by his side. Stardust came out with new pants and no top, but with the paint and gloves. Weird look.

Goldust is down to 232 pounds - good for him. JBL says that Cody and Dustin are so far apart in age that they didn't grow up together, but became close later. This match is telling a nice story with Goldust not wanting to fight and using holds, but Cody is just dreadful with whatever he's trying to do here. Love Cody using the lariat-bulldog, but Goldy turning that into a backbreaker. Cody goes after the back on the apron. No heat for anything. King says that Cody now always wears the Stardust getup at home, while Dustin at least goes back to being Dustin. JBL buries Mil Mascaras for being in-character at all times. Cody gets 2 off a bodyscissors cradle. Cody asks...himself maybe, who's your favorite. A Cody chant breaks out, which is honestly amazing. Cody asked Dustin who his daddy was and hissed. This gimmick is pure death for Cody. This continues the downward trend of Stardust absolutely killing Cody's career. Cody in 2013 was someone they could have in a major feud on Raw. Now, he's just an annoying prelim guy. Goldust gets a flash crucifix win that was really a 2.9 count to end this. Even the finish got fucked up. These guys were just doomed tonight. They showed the finish and talked about the ref not hitting the mat 3 times, but since Cody's shoulders were still down, it's a win for Goldust.

Daily Show stuff. Interesting Rhodes stuff with Cody attacking Dustin and saying that Dusty killed Cody when he sent Goldust to team with him and then he hissed and Dusty yelled to get help. This had elements of really good stuff mixed in with Cody being annoying. Usos come out in blue and green to face the Brass Ring Club. Nattie's catsuit is something else.  THIS STUPID DINNER SKIT CAN FUCK OFF FOREVER! Usos double team Kidd to get a 2. Cesaro comes in for a brief exchange and Kidd tags back in for a leglock before tagging out and Cesaro hits a double stomp to the leg. One legged swing sets up a half crab. Uso comeback, but Cesaro crotches an Uso before tagging Kidd in. Cesaro plex into the flying elbow for 2. Pop up Samoan drop gives the Uso a 2. Kidd goes for the flash kick on the apron. HOLY SHIT. Snap Samoan drop into the barricade! Big babyface reaction for a Kidd kickout. "Kidd is awesome" chant breaks out. CREDENZA GETS THE WIN!

Sting-HHH stuff is up. HHH is back with his '02 jeans and jacket look toensure he gets a babyface pop. HHH says he stands here tonight in a WWE ring, as a WWE wrestler, in a WWE arena AND HE'S WAITING FOR STING! Fuck HHH for making himself the face in this. Sting still got a huge pop though. Sting black and red velvet jacket looks awesome. HHH says his legacy is ending Sting's legacy, and he'll let Sting walk away and do business together. He'll make sure the legacy lives on through DVDs, the Network, action figures and ensures he'll be bigger than ever before. HHH is saying way way way too much. He'll kick Sting's ass tonight and end his legacy. Sting gets to go over here, in the non-match, while HHH goes over at WM. HHH cheapshots him and Sting fights back. HHH lands some shots and goes for the hammer, but Sting HAS THE BAT! Sting uses the bat to get rid of the hammer and POINT TO THE WM sign while a yes chant breaks out.

Sting gets the better of HHH thanks to the bat and lays him out with the death drop! They're getting it mostly right so far.  Heyman on MizTV recap. Paige is out for the title match. Nikki dominates by working on the back and getting 2 off an Alabama Slam. Nikki gets 2 off a powerbomb and thrusts her ass right in the air for the cover. Nikki wins with a shitty schoolgirl "with the tights". Sting vs. HHH is formally announced and we get our first sign of the WM graphics - they're good.

Dean gets a great pop for the IC Title match. King talks about how there are no plagues before being corrected and after talking about Jerry Lee Lewis. Dean does the crossbody punches leading to Barrett leaving for a bit. Great boot from BNB to Dean as he was on the top - slow-mo made it look even better. Barrett attacks the back on the floor. Dean rebounds with a lariat and gets a tornado DDT in the ring. They go to an awesome shot of the orange lighting rig over the ring with them in it.

Ambrose gets a bulldog, and counters Winds of Change with a cradle for 2. Diving standing elbow gets 2. Nigel lariat leads to Wasteland and 2. Bullhammer is countered with a schoolboy for 2. Nigel larait! Barrett escapes during Dirty Deeds, but Dean dives onto him. Barrett is getting his best chance to shine in years and making the most of it. Barrett tries to leave through the crowd and Dean attacks there too! Dean kicks him in the corner. FUCKING DQ!? FUCK YOU! Dean grabs the belt, hits his finish - so Dean shines and Barrett looks like a goof. Dean steals the belt and JBL tells King to call people - he should know people, he was almost mayor!

THE DRUIDS! CHANTING! SMOKE AND FIRE! The druids bring a casket down, and I'm hoping at least one of them is Bray, or Bray's in the casket. Yup - it's Bray, and he's got a new leather vest. Bray says his mission is clear and he knows that Taker is listening. He doesn't fear Taker and he is pain, suffering, and the new face of fear. He said he'll claim the soul of the Undertaker. Well, already this is better than the build to Taker-Bray. He has the casket lid lowered and cackles. Yeah, let's not let this sink in. LET'S HEAR FROM THE KICKOFF PANEL! Cena-Rusev is up, so Bryan and Roman get the main event slot. Same video from the kickoff hypes this up.

 Eden calls this the YOU-nited states title match. Cole says the US Title was the first title Cena ever won in WWE and now he's back to win it. King brings up Cena walking up to challenge Kurt Angle on night one. Rusev nails a nice punt to the gut for 2. Flying spinkick hits for 2. Rusev sends Cena into the barricade. Cena comes in and sends him down with a dropkick for 2, while Cena gets one and a two count too. MASSIVE USA chant here. VINTAGE shitty ground and pound from Cena. Fallaway slam from Rusev gets 2. JBL talks about Mayweather-Madonna, I think he meant Maidana. Big chinlock to Cena. Cena fights out and gets a lariat for 2. AA countered into the DDT for 2. Nice corner charges from Rusev - he's shining here. I'm digging this - it's very similar to Cena-Umaga. "Duck and tackle" leads to a SUPERKICK TO CENA! Swinging uranage gets 2.9!

 Corner charge leads to a kick and TORNADO DDT BY CENA! 2.9! Back and forth punches mid-ring. Cena counters the uranage with a crossface! Rusev powers out and hits a falling Alabama slam! Yet another great nearfall here. Rusev kicks the spine a few times. Crush! countered into the STF, but he gets the ropes. I love the evolution of the submissions going from the crossface to the STF. Superkick misses AA HITS FOR 2.9! POWERBOMB COUNTER OUT OF THE FLYING LEGDROP LEADS TO THE ACCOLADE! CAN CENA OVERCOME THE ODDS!? Cena lifts him up, but Lana distracts leading to a low blow, face kick, and Accolade again. Charles Robinson calls it - RUSEV WINS! The final camel clutch here looked so awesome. I hope we get Cena and a partner against Rusev and Lana. Ronda Rousey would make sense as an American Olympian fighting to defend her country. Not gonna happen though. Concussion angle for Cena it would appear as he's dazed and walking around drunkenly.

Bryan-Reigns hype vid from the pre-show aired. THE BIG DOGGERNAUT came down. Bryan's got new gear - maroon and black with silver trim and the Brody boots. They've hurt both guys with this feud - not surprised the fans didn't pop huge for either guy. Roman shoves Bryan into the corner via a tie-up. Bryan gets a sideheadlock and hangs on. Nasty kidney shots from Roman. Roman gets a bad headlock and tackles him down to boos. O Connor roll from Bryan gets 2. The main event is starting really late, so they clearly don't trust Roman just yet even with Bryan in there with him.  Reigns awkwardly tosses him into the corner and stomps him. Bryan's comeback leads to a nice tilt a whirl slam by Roman, that I'll give him in 2K14 later.

Barricade and apron shots to the back from Roman. Bryan kicks the hamstrings a ton, drops a leg and gets a legbar. Roman PUNCHES his way out of it, of course. European uppercut and leg kicks from Bryan. Flapjack from Roman to the ropes and a Samoan drop hits. IF ROMAN WINS WE GO HOME AFTERWARDS sign. Love it. Big diving lariat gets a Jannetty sell from Bryan. Big pumphandle fallaway slam from Roman - another move I'll need to give him in 2K14. Rope draping dropkick hits. Kick to the gut counters the Superman punch. It's called a liver kick and they cite the hernia and it being a possible match-ender.

Tons of stomach kicks in the corner set up the corner dropkick chain. I love Bryan acting as Overeem here to Roman's Lesnar. Punches up top but Roman gets a superbomb for 2.9! Super back suplex hits for Bryan for 2. Boy should he not be taking those. Yes lock is on, but he gets the ropes. TWO SUICIDE DIVES to Roman. Third one is countered and Bryan avoids a stairs spear sending Roman into them. Bryan comes in at 7 and Roman gets in at 9.5. Bryan dives off the top into a thing resembling a Superman Punch for 2. Roman goes to the corner and gets a yes chant. OO-AH SPEAR leads to a small package for 2. High kick! FLYING KNEE HITS FOR 2.9!


Bryan is upset, but then looks more and more determined. Kneeling kicks to the chest! Roman grabs the hand but SUZUKI SLAPS counter that into a flying armbar into the Yes Lock! Roman powers out and lands some sick FPR-style elbows from the mount. I'm going to have fun doing this match in FPR. TRIANGLE! SITOUT RAMPAGE BOMB! I'm going to have fun doing this match in Fire Pro Returns later. Seated elbow and kick exchange is won by Bryan. Kick of death hits! Knee setup, BUT ROMAN HITS THE SPEAR AND WINS! Roman is doomed. He was gassed here with Bryan, and Brock's going to gas him in mere minutes.This is a good setup for a heel turn for Bryan though - I can see him doing a "can't beat the Authority, so I'll join them" deal and then face Reigns post-WM. Bryan tells Roman he'd better kick Brock's ass.


Main Show Part 1 -

Main Show Part 2 -