Sunday, May 31, 2015

WWE Elimination Chamber 2015

AN HOUR BEFORE THE PRE-SHOW, WWE announced that Rusev was out of the top chamber match. Watching This Week in is a guy taking off breakway pants to reveal a banana hammock athletic? WWE dubba wubstep introduces the kickoff. OH THANK GOD BYRON HAS FACTS! Booker reveals that the replacement will be a former World champion...Joe maybe? Human Friend is in the social media area for a Q and A with Lana later.Some woman - Okay, we're going to go a wide shot and then throw to the truck. Whoops. Kane met with the New Day, in new shiny purple and silver. Owens-Cena recap. Bo-Neville recap. Booker gets to plug his books, comic books, and his brother's legends deal. Fantastic. WE GET A BONUS MATCH - Ryder vs. Stardust. Recap of Ryder-Cena.

Stardust came out to an Absolute Zero reaction. The crowd is in darkness here. Dropkick off the apron from Ryder. JBL plugged The Arrow on The CW Network a few dozen times. Broski boot gets 2. Crossrhodes won, and it's now the Crossbow while a fan holds up a RUSEV LOVES ANAL sign. Lana-Rusev recap. She thinks Dolph is good-looking and he's funny. Lana likes the fans liking her and she was misled by Rusev or something.

Summer Rae now does Miz's intro. The Sound of Silence Starring the Miz, who is in some new outfit. Miz plugs their movie being at Redbox. Bryan came out and actually got a reaction from the crowd. They plug Bryan's book, but not the DVD. What is all of this? Beyond a waste of time, I mean. Bryan says he'll be presenting the title to the winner of the Chamber match. Also, his career isn't over. Bryan brings out the Meta Powers. Jesus. This is the worst Savage "parody" in history.  Mandow is in the absolute worst Savage gear ever. The goofs beat up Miz, and Cole talks about ratings. How does a Network special get ratings, Maggle!? Dean talks to Eden for a bit. Love him saying he'll hit J, J, and maybe HHH. THE BIG DAWG came down to tell Dean he got some brews for them. Okay then. JBL rambles on about The Chamber for a bit.

Awful buffering right as Byron does a British accent horribly. Is there anything he does well? Show-opening video hypes up Owens-Cena and Dean-Seth nicely. Cole hypes up the Chamber matches. Tag title chamber match starts things off. PTPs are out first. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, MORE THAN ONE MAN WILL BE LOCKED IN A POD! Hell of a selling point. PTPs got silence. Ditto the Matadores. CK's out. Nattie as a Fujiko Mine cosplayer rules. Cesaro has a new jacket. I love Torito being on top of the pod. LOL at Lilian saying "WWE...TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS!" Dragons are out. YES, LET'S START THE MATCH WITH THE ASCENSION! Dragons kick away at them. Sin Cara HITS HIS FINISHER and...poses? Oh, and HBK's return was now in the Chamber.  H bomb hits for the Ascension and Kalisto goes on top of the New Day pod and he's held down by them.

WHY IS KALISTO DOING HIS GOOFY SHIT WHILE STILL NEAR THE NEW DAY!? Love New Day doing the LU-CHA bit. CK in - Kidd's got Hart colors on again. 3D European uppercut gets 2. CESARO HAS HART COLORS TOO! CESAROPLEX off the top rope to Kalisto on the pod gets 2 thanks to Cara's save. Dominator by Bald Ascension Guy gets 2. RANA OFF THE POD BY THE BULL ONTO CESARO! Kalisto falls off the top of the chamber. Fucking hell, there went Kalisto's knees. Also, they showed the JoMo version of this RIGHT BEFORE THIS SHOW. BULL DIVES OFF ONTO ASCENSION and gets tossed. The Bull is killing himself to save this match. Ascension take the Matadores out. Cole blatantly lying about never seeing someone do a spot off the top of the chamber. Dragons out by the Ascension.

Horrid camera work as the PTPs came out of the chamber. Deathly silence here. PTPs beat the Ascension. Titus kicked everyone until Cesaro lariated him to death. Okada dropkick from Cesaro! GUTWRENCH TOWER OF DOOM as one guy chants "this is awesome" NICE spinebuster by Titus. It took for guys to suplex the champs. They toss Xavier into the pod and THEN KIDD IS BEATEN BY DY!? E went into the pod hard. E just lost 2 inches in height on that spot. Great intensity from Titus as he tossed E around.

D-Young hits the gutbuster, but it only gets 2. Cole was shocked that D-Young's finisher that never wins didn't win. Big overhead belly to belly to Young on the floor. Trouble in Paradise and a dogpile win beat Titus. THIS. MATCH SUCKED! THIS. MATCH SUCKED!  Dolph MITB video recap hypes up MITB in TWO WEEKS. Rusev injury clip. They teased doing back to back chamber matches. Dolph is backstage with a The Brian Kendrick jacket and Lana. Nikki's out, followed by Naomi in blue and Paige rocking out to her theme.

Wacky starting bit where Nikki catches Naomi's foot, throws it to Paige, and she forearms Naomi. Fallaway slam by Paige to Naomi gets 2. Cutter to the knee by Nikki to Paige gets 2. Nikki missed a Disaster kick by 20 miles. Naomi has the absolute perfect body type for using a legdrop as a big move. Tower of Doom double powerbomb by Nikki gets 2. Nikki gets Paige up for the Rack Attack as Paige talks to her and Nikki eats the rear view for 2. PTO is mafia kick'd out by Naomi. Nasty rewind rana by Naomi there. SO OF COURSE THAT IN THEORY GREAT MOVE GETS 2. Rack Attack wins. This was better than the tag chamber.


THE OFFSPRING in 2015.Wow. What a theme. Cena-Owens is up already. Owens comes out in his new shorts and red, white, and blue Fight Owens Fight shirt! Owens headlock is countered by a LOUDLY-CALLED Cena shoulderblock. King says he's faced Owens and he's as tough as they come. Great forearm strike from Owens takes Cena down hard. Cena eats a DDT off an AA counter. Great punch from Owens with Cena begging him to avoid a beating. Mounted punches from Owens. Back and forth boo/yay punches. Owens hits a fallaway slam>spinning White Noise for 2! Cannonball gets 2. Cena hops over the powerbomb and gets his comeback, literally called a momentum shift. POP-UP POWERBOMB HITS FOR 2!

Great slow-mo of Cena killing his elbows on that bump. MOONSAULT MISSES! AA GETS 2...and boy should they have maybe saved that for this match. AA getting 2 would mean more if it wasn't done in every US Title match but the Ryder one. Boo/Yay exchange leads to a superkick from Owens! YOU CAN'T SEE ME from Owens leads to an STF! AA BY OWENS GETS 2.9! Cena's tornado DDT gets 2. Ditto the second rope legdrop. PACKAGE...SIDESLAM...?! Gets 2. More back and forth punches. Springboard stunner gets 2.9. Steenbreaker counter to a superplex! SWANTON OFF THE TOP GETS 2.9! Cena lariat! SECOND POP-UP POWERBOMB GETS THE WIN! #RIPCenasElbows. Owens says he started a fight with Cena and finished it! Owens says Cena's time is up and THE CHAMP IS HERE!

Poor Neville and Bo - they're up. Neville moonsault off the top to the floor! Nice! JBL buries flyers for not having long careers. Lots of chinlocks. Neville caressing Bo's tits before the standing SSP. SU-PER DRA-GON guy chants LET'S GO NE-VILLE! After seemingly 20 years, Neville wins with the Red Arrow. Dean and Roman talk and HHH tells Roman he can't be at ringside. IC Chamber time here at 9:41. Bryan title vacating recap. Henry comes out to replace Rusev right away. Sheamus gets a reaction. Truth gets none. Ryback comes out and they talk about some Facebook video. Thank God WWE didn't have an hour of programming before this show to actually show the Facebook video they're talking about. Barrett and Dolph exchange holds for quick counts.

Dolph now has a knockoff Harley Davidson logo on his ass for some reason. Barrett talked smack to Henry and Sheamus while beating up Dolph. Ryback said he'd eat his ass alive. Not PG bro. Barrett immediately beats up Truth. Missile dropkick by Truth to Barrett. Axe kick hits. YET ANOTHER EXAMPLE OF A FINISHER BEING HIT AND A GUY DOING A TAUNT. Barrett puts Dolph through the pod of Henry, and Henry logically just comes in to kick ass. Ryback comes in after that little bit. TRUTH BEATS BARRETT! Sheamus gets stuck in the pod and everyone does cradles.

Boy is this offense against Henry looking shitty. Shellshock to Truth beats him. Delayed vertical to Dolph by Ryback gets a Goldberg chant. Meathook meets a superkick. Sheamus used his cross to pick the lock and get in. Sheamus tossed Dolph through the pod. Poor fucker. Brogue kick takes out Henry. Sheamus, A FORMER WORLD AND WWE CHAMPION, has the IC Title on his bucket list. Sheamus takes out Dolph. Sheamus gave Ryback the worst White Noise ever on the floor. Great bit where Ryback counters the Brogue into a powerbomb against the cage, then mid-ring before Shellshocking him for the win! The Big Ryback Push of 2012...right? FINALLY results in him winning a no reaction.


Kofi, Sheamus, Orton, Neville, Dolph, and Roman are already in MITB for...some reason. Cena-Owens II is set too. AWESOME hype video for Ambrose-Seth here with Dean talking about he and Seth being brothers. Seth's out first. Seth takes him down with a side headlock while JBL talks about how horrible things would be with Dean as champion. After a few MINUTES, we get interference. Seth gets the Warrior's Way double stomp for 2. King compares Dean to Austin. Double down off a double crossbody block.

Dean dives onto the pile over the announce table. Kneeling superkick gets 2 for Seth. Cactus clothesline by Dean. Barricade bomb by Seth. Curtain Call gets 2 for Seth. Seth countered the rebound lariat by lariating him first. Buckle bomb is no-sold for a lariat. Dean chooses to dive on the goons on the floor instead of the champion in the ring. Seth pushes the ref in the way of the diving elbow. Phoenix splash misses, Dirty Deeds...DEAN WINS! Wow! Shame they're doing this with Dean having so little momentum going into it. And then Dean gets a DQ win because of the ref shove. BOO-URNS!

Big Dog saves Dean - of course. Dean says he won the match, so he's taking the belt. Well, at least Dean gets the benefit of having the belt in his hands, getting photos, and not being booked like a chump.

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EC screens -

Friday, May 29, 2015

TNA Impact 5-29-15 - May Mayhem Rundown

I LOLed at EY getting a two camera shoot in his car. The brawl with Kurt was goofy, but short. Gail-Taryn wasn't much of a match, but I loved the post-match ring theft. X Title gauntlet was random, but I dug Spud regaining the gold. Loved the Mickie-Storm stuff - hopefully they keep them going as a heel duo because they have better chemistry than Mickie and Magnus. Wolves vs. Heels Match 2 was unreal. They did 8 billion things and 7.9 billion of them were great. Love-Velvet stuff was just awful. EC3 vs. Ken over-delivered, and EY vs. Kurt was nice too.

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Thursday, May 28, 2015

WWE SD 5-28-15

Generic SD intro starts things off. Dean talks about trying to get out of his cell and being saved by WWE's Youtube channel. A Bieber joke was met with polite applause and since he's had so much experience with the cops, he got a police escort back to the arena. Great go-home promo here. Lucha Dragons vs. CK in a tag team lumberjack match. Not much before a break beyond New Day being heelish. SDS wins thanks to Kidd being distracted. Kane and Seth said words. R-TRUTH BEATS KING BARRETT. Can WWE please stop giving him on-paper pushes? Every time they do, they kill him dead. Sheamus kicks them and that's that.

Some chick preps Lana for an interview with Renee. Pink lipstick is a fantastic look for Lana. Rusev told her to rot. Rusev-Ryback, in red and white. Of Ryback's newer bad looks, this was the least-bad. Rusev gets backdropped to the floor and seems to hurt his leg off that. Ryback gets posted twice and that's a DQ - so it's apparently 1987 in the AWA. Paige (not Knight now) vs. Naomi (not Knight now) is up. Rampaige wins after a few minutes of action.

Owens cuts a promo on Cena with Cole and says that THE REAL CHAMP IS HERE. Dean and Roman face Seth and Kane. J and J cause a DQ after everyone hits their moves and the heels leave Dean laying. Twas a show.

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Monday, May 25, 2015

WWE Raw 5-25-15

The show starts off with an overly-produced "everyone says a different sentence" Memorial Day video. Eden introduced a 10 bell salute for the fallen - that was nice. Despite Cole saying during the "five minutes before Raw" bit on USA that Dean would start the show off, The Authority did. Seth asked for a tribute for Dean Ambro...? Can they either get to the point or just air that tribute video again? Seth exposited for a long time about things. Love Dean dancing along to the "Ambrose" chants. Everything about this can fuck off. Well, actually HHH's midnight blue suit is a good look for him. Ambrose got the Bieber deal going again. HHH's beard is greying. Dean was called a cockroach by Seth, and responded by saying he'd rather be a cockroach than the wrong end of the Authority's human there a right end to that? Roman comes down to help his little buddy Dean. WOOHOO - KANE IN THE MAIN EVENT! Pyro boom period incoming! Or it's right now.

 JBL honest to God just compared Roman to Barry Horrowitz. Guys did moves and Cole talked about this being the last WWE event in the Nassau Coliseum. Booker T is the one human being on Earth who just called WM 2 one of his favorite WMs. Well, I guess Bundy would say that as well. Seth locked on a chinlock. This is riveting. RAINMAKER by Dean! Superman punch after a blind tag sets up the diving elbow block for 2 from Dean. Dean beat Seth with a backslide - so he's losing. Poor guy. Renee meets with Her Guest at This Time Dean, who isn't given the contract, and beats up J and J for screwing with him. Dean knocks them into the camera guy and either the guy or Dean swears and Dean is visibly surprised by all this.  Awesome Owens hype vid.

Rusev came out in Bulgarian colors with a Bulgarian tron and is back to being "The Bulgarian Brute". Well, this came out of nowhere. Backstage, a limo came in with the Entourage guys having the show's theme play. Rusev's going to face (and seemingly destroy) Truth here. WOW! Rusev was so stunned by Truth's forearm that he fell before it hit him. Truth gets destroyed. Great guy to have in the chamber - far better than THE GUY WHO FLIES AROUND A TON AND DOES COOL THINGS in Neville. Rusev asks Lana come to down - he even says please.

This gets an ad break, and Rusev says words in some other language. "This man is speaking with his heart right now." He is literally speaking at least one other language, how would Booker T know this? "I came, now I'm waiting" Poor Rusev. Rusev said he forgives her for mishearing him say he quit and NOW IS NOT DA TIME FOR USA. Rusev is back to hating America and I think liking Russia again. After several more minutes of dramedy, they hugged. He wants her to say three magical words - I was wrong! HA! LANA WHERE YOU GOING!? RUSEV NEVER QUIT! She calls him a liar and quitter who can't even take responsibility for his own actions. Dolph saved her and Rusev cried. Dean met with HHH and Seth about the contract signing. Camera guy "presses charges" on Dean while Cop 2 literally reads him his rights off a script. I think actual cops would've done a better job acting than that. Goofy epic-in-theory video on the chamber.

Dean gets taken away and the goons (and the champ) fist bump. King Jobber faces...I'm gonna guess Ryback given tonight's pairings. Yup. Ryback gets the win with Shellshock after Barrett hits his few signature moves. Poor Barrett - every on-paper push he gets buries him deeper. HHH talks to someone about Dean going to central booking, so there's NO WAY HE CAN GET BACK BY THE END OF THE SHOW. Steph pals around with the stars of Entourage, because of course she does. These men are professional actors, right? Yikes are they bad here.


Emocore Tough Enough hype vid airs to plug the TE app. The star of Arrow was gobsmacked by Stardust. IT'S THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSATIONNEVILLE! THE ALTITUDE ERA HAS BEGUN! Neville could be like a huge star with the chamber, but instead, he'll face Bo on the show. NO ONE ON ANY PLANET IN ANY GALAXY THAT HAS EVER EXISTED CARES ABOUT STARDUST FEUDING WITH THE STAR OF ARROW! Neville beats Stardust. Bo attacks the knee, so if Neville wins, it will be a come from behind win against BO FUCKING DALLAS. The di-vas. Said words. With the. Entourage cast. Lana and Dolph are in theory saying words, but we can't hear them over Cole saying that he faces Sheamus again tonight.

BREAKING WWE NETWORK NEWS - season 3 of Total Divas is on the Network! Sheamus and Dolph have ever match they've ever had. I could really go for an Owens-Ryder squash now. Tilt a whirl on the floor! Okay, that's a bit new. Lana's out, then Rusev comes out and Sheamus kicks Dolph's head off with the kick. Riveting. Accolade while Dolph stares at Lana on the floor. Blah. YAY CENA'S NEXT!

Owens-Cena recap. Cena cuts a promo about hustle, loyalty, and respect and gets a "we want Lana" chant. He talked and talked and talked and talked and talked. The Entourage cast came out. Can Owens please kill these fuckers?! THE CAST OF ENTOURAGE INTRODUCED ZACK RYDER. C'mon Owens, destroy Ryder! Oh glory be to Jesus, they're going to be on commentary.

 Love them using #entouragemovie as the hashtag for this. And they're not on commentary - they're just in four chairs at ringside doing nothing. An Entourage guy comes into the ring and this isn't a DQ, instead, Zack gets 2 off a schoolboy. Broski Boot gets 2, ditto the Rough Ryder. Ryder dives off the top into a walking AA and loses. This was a thing. Owens jumps Cena in his new Fight Cena Fight shirt and black, silver, and white FIGHT shorts. More bad acting with the Authority backstage talking about Dean.

 Bellas are out for commentary on Paige-Tamina. AWESOME hype video for The New Day's tag title match in the chamber. Ryback faces Rusev for some reason on SD. Nikki defends against Paige and Naomi on EC. Brie thanked Steph for the therapy for her husband. Paige gets a shitty lariat after a shitty kneeling superkick, but holds onto her after the lariat to keep it going. Naomi distracts and Tamina hits a Samoan drop for a win to no reaction.

Recap of Rock outside a theater being immortalized. They're tired of being held back by being positive and bury the building they're in for being torn down - so Kane comes down. Kane made the New Day face every team they're facing on the PPV face them tonight in a 10-on-3 match. They're heels right? LOL at a DQ due to interference in a TEN ON THREE MATCH! Dragons dive on the pile, and the champs celebrate, but get beaten up by CK. Bryan doc gets a preview on the Network, and we get a preview of the preview. Boy is it amazing how poorly they've used him. They could've made a fucking mint with this guy if they hadn't buried him for the overwhelming majority of his run.

Miz TV returns with Daniel Bryan. Cell phone footage airs of Seth pushing the camera guy into Dean, and then JBL and Cole argue forever while the Authority comes out and Seth's promo is drowned out by more arguing. Steph rambles on about how great WWE is. So since Raw officially ends at 11, isn't it too late for him to come out? THE BIG DAWG comes out. Oh my God, they cannot actually be either making this a three-way or having him replace Dean. Roman gets beaten down and Dean drives into the building in his paddy wagon. Dean really is something else.

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Thursday, May 21, 2015

WWE SD 5-21-15

BIG DAWG comes out and talks. Dean says words. Kane says words. Roman tells him he beat him last week, and Dean faces Bray later. Lucha Dragons vs. CK vs. Matadores vs. Ascension - Dragons have new sleeveless shirts on. Great bit with an Ascension guy doing a tiger bomb and Xavier on commentary saying TI-GER like SF 2. Pop-up rana gets the win for Kalisto here. Dolph/Lana recap leads to Dolph talking to Renee and Lana saying she'll be watching. Dolph tells her that he knows her game - and he's fine with it. King Jobber lost to Dolph via the Zig Zag in every match they've ever had.
 Paige and Naomi exchange words, but before Paige can Rampaige Naomi, Nikki forearms her face in. Rack Attack. So basically, every woman is impossible to like on some level in WWE. Bray talked. Truth beat Stardust again. Hilarious promo with Ryback saying he has some great vegan recipes - THE BIG GUY'S QUITE THE COOK! Cena-Owens recap. Meta Powers are out Axel beats Slater with the usual Hogan comeback. Boy is he too skinny for this gimmick. Bo talks to Renee. Dean and Bray had a fun strike-heavy match before Seth came out, Roman prevented anything, and thanks to him Superman Punching Bray, Dean won with Dirty Deeds. Pretty nothing show, honestly.

WWE NXT 5-20-15 - Takeover - Unstoppable

I went on an NXT marathon today after work, and boy was that a bunch of uninspired TV. I dug Balor's stuff, but the work towards Itami-Breeze-Balor didn't really do much for me. Great stuff with the women though. Balor-Breeze was an okay little TV match. It was really just a showcase for more Balor intro stuff with a cape. Emma and Dana vs. Charlotte and Bayley was nothing special. Rhyno-Corbin was boring, and Corbin won. Glad to see Alexa turn heel with Blake and Murphy - they teased this before and paid it off here. 
 Sasha vs. Becky - Becky has a whole new entrance setup with smoke and a kick-ass tron. This is yet another top-level match. Love Byron being so offended over Sasha thinking she's better than Moolah - Sasha just being anything resembling a draw puts her above Moolah. Great straightjacket choke facemash. Nice arm work too with the apron armbreaker and then a sick armbar. Becky pulling off a Backlund lift was pretty cool too. Super divorce court led to the crossface and a win - this was excellent.

Owens going from a guy wearing Cena-influenced merch to WEARING CENA MERCH TO BUILD HIS CENA MATCH is something else. Super-fun intense match here. Zayn and Owens exchanged offense and they were intense. Nice mini-crowd brawl at one point and I loved Owens getting the pop-op powerbomb on the apron. Loved Regal trying to separate Owens from Zayn with a fishhook and eating a headbutt - I guess he's cleared to do stuff again after neck surgery. SAMOA JOE MAKING HIS WWE DEBUT ruled. His theme sucks, but they got the intro right - they can just fix up the actual theme later. He gets to keep Samoa Joe for a bit, but with Socal on his shirt, Socal Joe works well too. It looks like Joe-Owens is the next Takeover main event - awesome.

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Monday, May 18, 2015

WWE Raw 5-18-15

Payback was a thing, and TONIGHT MIGHT HAVE CENA VS. FINN BALOR! Generic Raw intro starts things off. Steph and HHH come out and Cole says this is their first time on Raw since WM. It sure doesn't feel like it. Cole called last night's main event A CLASSIC. Mid-ring, there's a stand with a velvet cover and what appears to be a belt with its own cover. HHH puts over Seth's win as a big deal last night. Well, it wasn't anywhere near say...Orton-Foley, but it sure...did give Seth a win. Steph says they'll present Seth Rollins: Architect of a Dream tonight. Steph says that Seth's foes will be able to bask in Seth's greatness and go to the BACK OF THA LINE! They give the IC title a mild drumroll and...boy did that not get a reaction.

Steph gets a yes chant and says that yes, he gave up the title - and he'd be seeing her now if he owned a TV instead of chopping wood or picking berries. Then she buries Bryan for his body not holding up. Thank God Steph is married to such a durable guy who would never miss a year for an injury. Chamber video with Cole doing a hype video for HHH inside the Chamber and how great HHH is in the Chamber. So after VACATING THE TITLE DUE TO INJURY, HHH puts over that now the IC Title will be decided in a match that will shorten careers.

Sheamus interrupts, apologizes for doing so, and gets a "you look stupid" chant. Sheamus puts himself over as the guy who ended Bryan's career on SD. Sheamus says they don't need a chamber, just give him the belt - leading to Ryback, who I guess feels he deserves a shot because he lost. Or he can just call Sheamus stupid and talk over Steph. Well, that bodes well for him. Ryback says Bryan ruined his body to become the IC Champion, which sure makes it seem like a waste of his time, and then he calls out Sheamus for a match tonight. Ryback now hates bullies, and he doesn't like Sheamus. HHH is a big fan of these two big guys grunting and he wants to leave the ring them do their thing.

Ryback pounds his chest and Sheamus leaves. Ryback bonks him into the buckle. Ryback gets whipped ribs-first into the barricade. He dominates more for a break. Outside-in clubbering to Ryback. Ryback counters the kick with a powerbomb. Spinebuster gets 2 for the Big Guy. JESUS FUCK poor Sheamus. Ryback picked him up and just chucked his knee right into the announce table. They fight for a while on the floor and Sheamus slaps the ribs to avoid the Shellshock, and then feigns an eye injury to get the ref to trap Ryback and kick his head off. Ryback loses two straight - so he's clearly being prepped for his IC Title run.

 Steph and HHH are backstage in front of their DVDs talking about strong men and then Kane walks in. He says Seth has grown up - cue Seth running in and partying. Dean walks in and says it only took four guys to help Seth win. Dean then says he wants a match with Seth for the title, and Kane says that Seth can decide his opponent. Dean says Kane used to be a monster and he wonders what Paul and Taker would think about him now being a glorified butler. Dean vs. Bray! I hope Dean loses to a Viewfinder tonight.

Renee is mid-ring and introduces THEMANTHATGRAVITYFORGOTTHENEWSENSATIONNEVILLE in the most boring way possible. Neville is an ugly man - he really needs a mask. Anyway, after a minute of words, Bo comes out and calls him the Little Engine That Couldn't. Neville points out that he beat Bo to win the NXT Title, BUT Barrett's out too after they mute the audio for some reason. Anyway, they went to break after a few minutes of nothing beyond some amazing exchanges between Bo and Booker. "Oh Mr. T, come on!"

Barrett gets a post-break kneelock before Neville kicks away at him. Barrett hits a nice knee clip and gets 2. Neville goes for the slow-lifting German, but the knee gives out. He slips up top and eats a bull hammer. Boy howdy did this one but Bo, really. Bo went from doing nothing to this, while Barrett only won due to the injury, and Neville lost. Bo repeatedly attacks the knee of Neville to show him what he should do the next time someone tries to attack him. Cena-Rusev recap and we learn that the open challenge continues and Rusev's reaction is next.

NO ONE IN WWE OR ANY OF ITS FANS THROUGHOUT THE WORLD KNOW WHAT RUSEV SAID!? And then Cole says that WWE's translators know what he said. Rusev says there is no Lana and he knows how to say I Quit. Rusev said he beat Cena so badly that he passed out and then Lana quit. Lana comes out and Rusev tells her that he told her to not come out. Her accent is coming and going with every other word here. She says she cares for him and he says she's weak. She reveals that he said he quit in Bulgarian, so the crowd chanted "you quit" at him. Rusev orders her to leave because no one needs her and he just keeps yelling. This was fantastic. Loved him closing this by yelling RUSEV! They ran down the title match and really made it clear you don't need to see the show because it had very few highlights. Woods is banned from ringside for tonight's tag title rematch. Dean's out to face Bray.


Cole exposits about tonight's Dean-Seth story by literally naming every character and their role in this story. Boy is puke green not a flattering shirt color on Bray. Dean got the Pentagon Jr. arm snapper on, but he didn't do anything with it. The senton off the apron is shown. Bray gets the standing bodyblock and kicks the back on the mat. Bray clocks him during the suicide dive and suplexes him to the floor - nice. Bray gets a post-break chinlock. Crossbody during the break. Booker says Bray hasn't hit a gym for some reason. Double down off a double clothesline on the floor and they come in at 8. Mid-ring fisticuffs as the crowd chants for tables. Dean gets a series of punches and then the rope-trap dropkick. Suicide dive right after Booker talks about how Dean will do anything to kick ass...or rather ENTERTAIN THE WWE UNIVERSE!

They counter finishers and Bray counters the rebound lariat with the SHOTGUN LARIAT! This is a super-fun match. They exchange blows and Dean gets the rebound lariat for 2. Dean gets sent down off a superplex, but avoids eating a senton. J and J distract him and they shove him into Sister Abigail for the win. This match ruled! They announce Nikki-Naomi for the title tonight, and not the PPV. Tag title match is next! I got an ad for the Rumble-DC show and that should be something else.

Tough Enough vids. Love Cesaro's new #2swiss jacket. E and Kofi come out and clap and E talks about defending the tag titles against 5 teams and Kofi does E's old "cuz 3 ain't enough" bit. Cole says that two teams will start and the other teams will be locked inside the bods and released at "regularly-scheduled interviews". Delayed vertical to E from Cesaro. Kidd gets an apron rana that E tries to flip for before the break.

After the break, E has Cesaro in an abdominal stretch. Cole shows the finish from last night's match and Kidd gets a springboard elbow. Cole says that five men have been named for the IC Title match. Truth, Barrett, and Rusev are in the match with Sheamus and Ryback. Kidd gets the sharpshooter, but E saves him. New Day kicks too much chest in the corner and get DQed. Lucha Dragons fly in in new black and pink gear before Los Matadores run into the New Day. Ascension and PTPs come down too. Cole says that there are the teams in the chamber. PTPs lay out Woods. This was a cluster, but should make for a fun match. Austin-Heyman podcast is announced for TV.

ROMAN REIGNS RETURNS after an incredible one show absence on SD. Cena's out for the challenge - yay! Cena says they all have their differences, but they're all proud Americans! Cena as US Champ is just about the best thing they've done for a secondary title in 20 years. The WWE Title is THE title, but the US Title is OUR championship! I love this. IT'S KEVIN OWENS! He gets no reaction. In hindsight, airing an Owens highlight reel under the guise of doing it for the NXT special wouldn't have been the worst idea. Kevin Steen is on Raw as a champion to battle John Cena in a champion vs. champion match. So great.

Kevin says he hurt Sami before Cena could, and on Wednesday, he'll finish what he started. Owens tells Cena he can't give him advice because he's been around longer than him. Kevin says he's a prize fight - but he has one. HA! Kevin just used the challenge to talk shit - I love this. POP UP POWERBOMB TO CENA! Owens grabs the US Title belt, stomps on it, and says YOU CAN'T SEE ME. THIS RULED! If they do this on NXT or better yet, on the EC show, they've made him. IC Title Chamber guys are shown with a mystery man and Dolph comes out.

He's facing Stardust, and Cole comes back with "Hi guys - 1-2-3 WELCOME TO RAW!" and gets buried for it. Dolph squashes Stardust. YAYFUCKOFFSTARDUST! Dolph does a faux-freak bit due to the scar. Cole says the mystery man will be DOLPH ZIGGLER. Well by golly, what a shocker! Lana comes down, and of course, Rusev is in the IC Title chamber match too. This is hurt by them announcing that Rusev is already in the IC Title Chamber match before doing this. She gives Dolph a big kiss, so now Rusev can be jealous and make Dolph tap to the Accolade at the PPV. The crowd wants one more kiss and gets it. So she's now a face - or luring Dolph into a trap. Rusev comes down and LANA SLAPS HIM! Dolph zig zags him before he can hurt Lana! Not sure if Lana and Dolph are a good combo yet, but hey, they're trying something new - better give it some time to simmer and see what they do. Kane tells goobers to make the carpet sparkling and he's disgusted by Rose and Rosa making out.

Harper and Rowan are mid-ring to face Ryder and Fandango. Guess who wins this. Crowd is comatose. Harper gets the loosest Bossman slam ever and they KO Ryder with a chokeslam. Bellas are backstage and Steph talks to them and apologizes to Brie about Bryan. Steph has her go into counseling for her husband's health, but not for her alcohol addiction that is emblazoned across her chest.

Divas tag match from last night gets recapped. Nikki is of course, all smiles after her sister was wronged. They spend a long time either doing bad lockups or avoiding doing moves. This is like the play wrestling I did when I was 10. Nikki sends her to the floor and hits a suicide dive on both. Post-break chinlock by Naomi. Tamina superkicks Nikki to prevent the Rack Attack. Hell of a maine vent here. YAY PAIGE RETURNS! She lets Nikki get the belt and then hits her with Rampaige to a chorus of cheers! Cena-Owens recap! HHH makes Owens-Cena for...some show. Owens says that at Elimination Chamber, he'll fight Cena for the U.S. Title - nice! Love Steen fighting Cena - maybe he can wear a new Cena parody shirt in that match.

They plug the Entourage movie cast on Raw next week.That carpet isn't sparkling  - Mr. Kane isn't going to be pleased. Kane is clapping and not amused. Told you he was pissed about the carpet. Seth and the goons come down. HHH puts Seth over as an NXT Champion and now he's the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. HHH tells him that Seth reminds him of himself - and he loved the Pedigree. HHH demands more words from everyone. I like how much more fun this is thanks to Kane demanding sparkling carpets. Kane says they don't see eye to eye because he's over a foot taller than him. Kane shows a video for him. They recap the Shield's path of destruction and Seth ending it. The cinder block stuff is shown without the curb stomps. TREMENDOUS video for Seth.

Love Noble saying he's from the civilized West Virginia and then Joey gets choked up before DEAN COMES BACK! Dean wants his title shot. Steph tells Seth to get Dean, who gets jumped by the goons. Suplex to Seth on the floor. Seth takes a crazy bump over the announce table into the barricade and a camera guy. Dean pins Seth's head against cinder blocks...which are there for some reason. Steph says he'll get his match if he lets him go. Goons jump him and then he jumps on the pile. Hey, I'm all for Dean getting a main event push - even a surface-level one is better than being on the mid-card treadmill. Seth pedigrees him, so if Dean kicks out of that, it should get a big pop.

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