Monday, July 27, 2015

WWE Raw 7-27-15

 Brock-Taker recap video from SD airs, and it's still great. HHH is out with Steph and Seth for a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Likely Summerslam being a four hour show. Yup. Steph's hyping of Brock vs. Taker kills this match for me. She just sounds so annoying. They run down tonight's card and even get "in this very ring" in there for an Owens-Orton match while Steph hypes up the divas revolution. So to recap, for this segment, HHH and Steph are babyfaces. Cena came out and called Seth a jerk, but was fine with HHH and Steph. Doesn't Cena hate The Authority? Isn't he the US Champion because they won't allow people to have shots at the WWE Title? Why is he cool with them now?

Cena talks about tonight being a night of firsts and he wants Cena-Seth tonight. Steph shuts down the promo exchange between the two stars and then of course asks the fans if they want Seth vs. Cena for the WWE Title tongiht. and then she says NOOOOOOO, Cena needs to earn it. HHH makes Seth vs. Cena for the US Title. Okay then. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, BIG SHOW FACES DEAN...and it feels like every other match - so whatever. Stone Cold Podcast returns next Monday with Paige. Okay then.


Dean-Show recap from SD two weeks ago. They punch around for a bit, Dean's shirt gets torn up, he dives once and it works, but gets a gut shot for an ad break.  Show dominates, but Dean hits the wacky punch/chop combo. Rebound lariat is met with a chokeslam for 2. A second one sends Dean to the floor for an 8 count. Spear on the floor hits for 9, and Dean eats a KO punch doing a dive for the loss by countout. "We'll protect him with a countout loss"...where he gets his ass kicked for minutes on end and would've clearly lost by pinfall three different times. Show preps for a timekeeper area spear.  PRESS Y BIG SHOW! He pressed Y, but DEAN HIT RT AND COUNTERED! Neville's out for a match next.

Against Fandango. I'll predict a win via Red Arrow and/or Stardust talking about arrows after the match. Cole says that THIS IS A FIRST-EVER MATCH, and kills that whole idea. Gory special is locked on by Fandnago, but Neville counters. Red Arrow wins. God, Stardust has found a new thing to do to be annoying. Fuck off. Stardust quotes Dusty and talks about green-hooded heroes. Sweet mother of fuck can Stardust just fly to his own planet forever or something? Byron says that Stardust's thermostat is set to kooky, which got a laugh out of me.Matadores vs. Dragons is another first-time match tonight. If they were going to go with a theme to the show, shouldn't they have hyped it up before hand? What good are all of these "first-time ever matches" if 1 - matches themselves mean nothing 2 - you don't hype it up in advance to make people care?

Paige talks about how the WWE Universe on Facebook loves Charlotte and "old Becky Lynch". And they made sure to have Sasha thank Steph for making all of this possible. And now we get Cole talking about how Steph made this all happen because it was time for a revolution. Paige comes out and... Becky's main roster character is...what exactly? She's got green, gold, goggles on, and is stalking Paige while kneeling behind her. Sasha came out and man is her body language and movement on point - she is just IT! Sasha gets a hype video showing her kicking ass and being cocky...and of course Steph bringing her in. Long tie-up sends them both to the floor. We get some great arm work from Paige, including a rolling hammerlock. Loving this match so far - it's building up like a great match that happens to have women instead of "just a women's match". They talk about Total Divas, the BELLA DYNASTY, and hey there's a match going on. Paige dives onto Team Bad for an ad break.

During the break, everyone argued and was kicked out. Love Sasha stealing her THIS IS MY HOUSE bit. Sasha is treating this like she has exactly one match to get over on the main roster, so damn it, she's determined to do that - and she's doing her part in that. Double knees to the gut and face get 2. REGAL STRETCH BY PAIGE! SASHA GETS THE BACKSTABBER>BANK STATEMENT! YES! A STAR IS BORN...hopefully. Seth uses Cena Nuff in 2015 and we get the Terminator ad for 2K16.

Rusev is backstage with Summer, who looks like a MILF pornstar with this horrendous getup. Rusev gets her a puppy - hopefully named Puppy Rae. Nope - because he's neutered and has skinny legs, he's DOG ZIGGLER! He gave her a fish and said it was Lana, she came down, they argued, she shoved Summer's face in the fish and Summer made annoying noises.
The show-opening Taker-Brock video re-airs. Lucha Dragons are out to face the fake Mexicans. Guys do moves while Titus buries JBL and they all bury commentary tropes, Byron's commentary, Byron not doing commentary, Darren's commentary, and Darren's lines. New Day comes down with a sign calling Kofi the real dad of the year, which distracts a Matador for some reason and they lose via distraction.

The with a custom font that looks like fireflies. Goddammit, he's back to ranting about paradise, mommies, and daddies. Young Grandpa Simpson came out and talked about how things were back in his day, while not wearing an onion on his belt. He blathered on for a few more centuries before Harper talked about Bray showing him his path. Becky and Charlotte came out to face Alicia and a Bella. Becky's weird look down deal is odd. A long Network ad aired.

Becky's gear is bizarre, and she's a life enthusiast. Why that involves wearing wacky goggles, I have no idea. Charlotte is really bad at chops. After a lot of things to Charlotte, she tags in Becky, who gets a slick pumphandle suplex and wins with the armbar! Tough Enough elimination is shown, and even in clips, it drags on. Team Paige should just be called the Lass Kickers.

Not a whole lot to Owens-Orton, and Sheamus isn't adding much on commentary. Sheamus interfered, but Cesaro made the save in workout gear looking badass. Powerbomb to Cesaro, so maybe we'll get a tag match or a 4 way. Cena cuts a promo on Seth and tonight's match being his biggest US Title match yet. Becky-Nikki is made for SD and Cena comes out positioned as the underdog. Not much going on here before a break. After a post-break chinlock, things get good with Cena hitting the tornado DDT. Flying knee fucks up Cena's nose. Corner to corner buckle bomb hits for 2. SUPERPLEX INTO A FALCON ARROW gets 2 for Seth. JBL calls John a tough son of a bitch and he is. After that craziness, Cena avoids the Phoenix Splash from the Rumble, GETS THE STF AND WINS. The Summerslam WWE Title match gained a lot of steam tonight with the nose busting open.

Screens -

1 comment:

  1. Ever wanted to get free Twitter Re-tweets?
    Did you know you can get them AUTOMATICALLY & ABSOLUTELY FOR FREE by getting an account on Like 4 Like?