Monday, August 31, 2015

WWE Raw 8-31-15

The hilarious Seth-HHH video led to Sting's return to Raw. He cut a promo about how he...respects HHH for shaking his hand, how he was beaten by HHH, and how Seth isn't half the man HHH is. Boy does this make the champ look great! Then Steph and Seth have a chat, where Steph confirms that Seth isn't half the man HHH is. This was an abject failure on every front. They made the champion out to be a complete loser, while Sting just put HHH over like he was a sad ex-high school boyfriend.

Dolph's out for another Rusev match. They "tell the story" of this feud, and it's pretty boring to hear about. Rusev lays him out for an ad break before Dolph gets a comeback minutes into the post-break portion. RUSEV HOP! RUSEV CRUSH TEETH! Spinkick only gets 2 , sadly. They tease another double countout, but Dolph comes in at the last second. Summer breaks up a Zig Zag cover, and we get a nice upskirt of Lana.

Dolph chatted with Renee, who ran down the card while Summer "snuck into" the shower. The beat the clock thing is just PCB vs. Team Bellas. This beat the clock thing is completely unfair to Team BAD. Nikki's saying words. THE BELLA TRON is a .0001 on the Honk-o-meter. Becky cut a promo on Foxy implying the word bitch. Wowzers. After 3 minutes of nothing, Foxy taps the disarmer. This thing is like when they did the 3 minute warning deal and everyone joked that it would at least give guys 3 minute matches instead of 1.

Fat Michael Clone interviewed Ryback. Boy howdy, let's follow up this Becky-Fox match with Ryback vs. Big Show and then Summer ran out of Dolph's locker room while Dolph covered himself up with a towel. And then Cole just moved on. Just keep in mind that this whole Summer-Dolph thing has been blatantly obvious and is WWE's idea of subtle since they didn't call attention to it at first. Show's out, then Rybck. CAN RYBACK RETAIN, OR CAN BIG SHOW WIN...who could care? I doubt either of the guys involved in this do, so why should I?

Dudleys clips from SD. SMACKDOWN GETS BROUGHT UP AND SHOWN ON RAW. #SDRevolution After several boring minutes, Byron says that Ryback has a swollen knee still. He's got a lot of swollen things. They kick out of finishers while Miz rambles on a bit. Show counters the lariat with a spear for 2. This is a fun by-the-numbers video game match - not a great TV match though. Miz distracts for a second and Ryback gets a second Shellshock for a win. Okay then.

#loldivasrevolution continues with Brie against Charlotte. Charlotte cheapens some of her dads promos with a horrid impression. Charlotte wins with 1:41 left. Cole talks about Paige for a second before hyping up last week and the return of THE DUDLEYS! Bubba says they're now nine time champs looking for 10. WWE, like Hogan, doesn't care about the Dudleys and their fake, kayfabe title reigns. Cesaro-Owens is up next with no build.

They have a good little match. Big running uppercut on the floor sends Owens down. Hercules cutter gets 2 and an ad break for Owens. They have an excellent post-break exchange with uppercuts and punches. A rib shot into the announce table hurts Cesaro, who falls to the pop-up powerbomb.

I think we've missed several parts of this Lana-Dolph story, as Lana is now angry at Dolph for being victimized by Summer due to her sneaking into his shower. Braun cut a promo with Bray and looked creepy and yet funny too. He sold random body parts as Dean punches his jaw, and Roman's punch gave him a DQ win. Paige couldn't beat Sasha, who has IT in spades. She got the Rampaige, but Naomi and Tamina pulled her out. This wasn't a DQ for some reason. This revolution is so dead.

After the break, we hear from Renee, who talks to Lana about a Summer interview during the break that we haven't seen yet. OF COURSE. She rambles on about bullshit and says he doesn't have tanlines, even though we saw he does. Anyway, IT'S TIME FOR NEW DAY! CLAP NATION, PIPE DOWN FOR YA BOY! New Day talked about the greatness of tables - for meals, for pool, and for THE ELEMENTS. New Day has turned math and chemistry babyface! Can they please mute D-Young's mic? Can I spend $15.00 a month on the Network to make that happen? The state of this commentary is more dreadful than usual, and it's drowning out Xavier's rantings! Dudleys win a fun match, outside of the commentary, with a 3D. So SD is back to not counting, as JBL called this their first match back.

Cole recaps the Sting-Seth deal, which sounds basically like a kid asking daddy to get his Frisbee off the mean old neighbor's roof - only it's the WWE CHAMPION for fuck's sake. MizTV has Lana and Dolph. Lana and Dolph on MizTV - another reason to not watch SD, which I haven't done in a month. Seth says he had no issue with Sting until last week. Why wouldn't Seth have a problem with Sting? Sting is the guy who DESTROYED THE AUTHORITY A YEAR AGO.YES, time for Steph to re-cut his balls off! Mommy orders Seth to stop talking bad about Daddy. He works hard and it's ONLY DUE TO HIS HARD WORK THAT YOU HAVE ANYTHING.

Cena comes down and says Seth's talented, but conceited and AN IDIOT. Why is Cena seemingly siding with the lead heel faction here? He's ranting about how they're not Seth's friends, and Cena says that the Authority says that EVERY TITLE is on the line and he has a US Title rematch. So I hope what they do is start the show with Cena-Seth, or maybe put it in the middle, and then actually put the Sting match in the main event. Steph reluctantly makes the match. And then Sting comes down as Cena is on the ramp.

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Thursday, August 27, 2015

TNA Impact 8-26-15 Rundown

Hardys-EC3 stuff sucked at the beginning and then the ERIC YOUNG THE BADASS video didn't exactly help matters. EY-Melendez sucked. Uno did what he does best - have a match that made no waves or memorable impression on the audience while retaining a title no one cares about. Tag title match wasn't much - although everything with Manik was good. Brooke vs. Velvet was okay, I guess. Lots of Brooke's ass. Can't go wrong with the cheesecake video either, and Rebel joining the Dollhouse is a good move. She still gets to be on TV, and Crazzy Steve doesn't.

The main event talking segment was something else. We got Dixie Carter giving a lecture on running a successful business, Jeff Jarrett saying that hard work made TNA successful in the past (but not the present), DETECTIVE DREW GALLOWAY using his criminology degree to logically solve a case in pro wrestling, and then the GFW roster beating down TNA's roster of goobers to close the show.
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The T&A of TNA






Monday, August 24, 2015

WWE Raw 8-24-15

After an amazing Summerslam main event, WWE is in the tough spot of reconfiguring the more regular act Brock after losing to the super-part timer Taker. HHH talked in an echo chamber - we see that it's in WWE HQ. Seth is wearing the US Title on his waist and the WWE Title on his shoulder. HHH talks about his statue and Seth being the man now. Tyler Black is THE MAN in WWE. Amazing world we live in. Summerslam rematch for Shield-Wyatts- woohoo - 50/50 booking! Jon screwed John graphic is great. Brock and Heyman come to the ring and Brock's face is all sorts of messed up. Heyman is so perfectly pissed. The timekeeper looks like Gabe from the Office, and HEYMAN BRINGS UP TAKER COLLAPSING. Wow. Heyman told Taker that Brock told him to GFY.. GFY is going to be a new chant - guaranteed. Heyman wants Taker-Brock TONIGHT. Yuppers...

Bo's out. I Bo-lieve that he's doomed. Bo eats 4 Germans! Brock leaves, but Heyman asks for one more and gets it. Heyman wants an F5 as a personal favor and gets it - and Heyman even does Bo-Lieve! New peak of Bo's career. Team PCB will be on MizTV...revolution...NEW DAY IS NEXT! They face the Dragons. NEW DAY CAME OUT AND XAVIER HAS A TROMBONE and they're all singing. This is glorious. MID-MATCH TROMBONE! Xavier is amazing. Kalisto recovers from botching a Code Red. XAVIER PLAYS TAPS DURING THEIR FINISH. Billion star match! DUDLEYS! Bet Bubba wishes he kept himself in better shape this year. The Dudleys run wild and Xavier eats a 3D through the table - so the division just got a big legendary team in it. Good.


WWE/Cena hype video for Cena's Make a Wish stuff this weekend. This was pretty awesome. THE STATUE REVEAL IS BACKSTAGE!? Ugh. And the US Title looks awful. Ah well - still fun. BIG DOG TIME.Things go fast and furious for a bit until a break. After it, the Wyatts and in control. TOPE CON HILO FROM HARPER! Roman just used Becky's finisher as a transitional move. This Boo guy is very over now. Harper gets a superkick and JBL calls it a superkick party. Bucks better trademark that quick. Lights go out and a new Wyatt debuts. It's Braun Stowman - who has only done a few NXT matches - BUT HE'S HUGE! It only took two years, but Bray the evil cult leader convinced A THIRD PERSON to join him.
They recap the Wyatt stuff and it's TIME FOR MIZ TV... Awful dialog here. Charlotte says that her dad led THE GREATEST FACTION IN WWE HISTORY...THE FOUR HORSEMEN...who were never in WWE. Becky talks about cyborg android dinosaurs. Then they just talk and talk and talk about shit before Team Bella comes out to save this. Then PCB was annoying by being bitches. After burying whoever beats who, we get Nikki burying the concept of wins and losses. Thank you Miz for shutting them up. After this horrible thing, we're getting a six-woman tag. Okay then.

Not much beyond bland wrestling and bad commentary - also, a Blue Pants chant. Then the fan just starts to chant for themselves. After a lot of nothing, Team Bella wins for some 50/50 booking. Giant wacky 8-man tag later. Barrett and Stardust come out, but STARDUST ATTACKS BARRETT. THE JOBBER POWERS EXPLODE! A big Cody chant comes of course, we just get Neville, who beats up Stardust. Stewart's out next. Dudley return recap - they'll be on SD.


Jon Stewart is out, and he turned on Cena to retain Flair's record. Then Flair comes out and says now before Cena comes down. John Cena is dressed like a giant bottle of orange juice - it's kinda hard to take him seriously. So Cena's okay with losing the US Title and not winning the WWE Title...unreal. NOW The Authority is back to being just about best for business? Weren't they just about the fans last week? Stewart ate an AA and his pants fell down, so we got some plumber's crack.


Dolph in long gear!? Wacky 8-man tag is up. They did some moves until a break, then Show talked tons of shit while doing moves. Irish curse to Dolph for another break. UPPERCUT TRAIN TO OWENS and Rusev eats the swing! Great exchange between Ryback and Owens with some forearms - they should do an IC program. Show accidentally punches Sheamus and it sends him into an RKO so Orton could get his win back. The heels bully Big Show, attack him and then THE FACES ATTACK HIM with a superkick and Ryback/Cesaro press into an RKO. Sloppy one though. They show the Taker-Brock finish, but pixellate the finger.

Bray cuts a promo with his family. Braun keeps his name. Steph and HHH meet with Cena. STEPH TALKING ABOUT STEALING SOMEONE'S SPOTLIGHT. Oh the comedy. The statue is taken to the ring and at nearly 11, the Authority comes down. Steph says that it's a big night - AND SHE'LL GET IN TROUBLE, but Steph of course takes the attention away from THE CHAMPION AND THE TOP ANGLE IN THE COMPANY to wish her father a happy birthday. Everyone sings happy birthday to Vince horribly AND HHH rambles about the trouble they'll get into. Seth came down to ramble a bit. The veil goes up and IT'S STING! Sting has de-aged a decade facially since WM - awesome! He's moving around great and dominates Seth. Sting holds the WWE Title high - I wouldn't mind him getting the U.S. Title.

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Sunday, August 23, 2015

WWE Summerslam 2015 - Live From Brooklyn

Kickoff has a fun skit with Jon Stewart and Cena and some generic talking amid an awesome Taker-Brock video. They show the most pandering Cena in NYC video humanly possible to TRY and get him cheered. HHH and Steph are now, in storyline, the parental figures Seth whose approval Seth needs to be validated. Because of course they are. We see Stephanie brag about how WWE is all about NYC and how good a company they are and get some charity stuff. DON'T FORGET HOW AMAZING WWE IS AND DON'T FORGET TO BE GRATEFUL FOR EVERYTHING WWE DOES FOR YOU! Then Owens-Cesaro got hyped with a great bit where Booker says it could go anywhere, so Owens was pissed and says YOU DIG THAT!?
Divas "revolution" video airs. This horrendous video is everything wrong with the "revolution". Renee say that if we're lucky, we'll hear from Stephanie soon. YES PLEASE WE NEED TO HEAR MORE FROM OUR LORD STEPHANIE MCMAHON! Sheamus vs. Orton stuff is hyped up and we get a Sheamus promo. Then, Steph talks about how SHE brought all of these divas to Raw and it's led to a revolution. Steph says that to the winner goes the spoils. So the implication is the winner gets a title then Nikki gets to avoid a defense by winning, right? Ungodly bad promo with Neville and Amell. Neville tries to keep kayfabe and then Amell kills it before Neville kills it more. A HUNDRED POUNDS SHORTER THAN ANYONE IN HIS WEIGHT CLASS!? The pre-show ends with a great video on the Taker-Brock match.

Stewart looks like he just rolled out of bed after binging on early '80s mid-card yelling promos. The WWE Performers are here to respect their audience! So then Taker is just another actor then. Great. Did they give this show a 4 hour window so Mick could take 1 to come down? Mick's out in sweats and actually moving reasonably well. Could they please just show Liger-Breeze instead of this horrid skit? That actually got a show starting off on a fun note. THIS! SKIT SUCKS! They talk about Taker-Foley in the cell. Boy, just imagine how horrible Taker-Mankind would've been if JR said that "this is a great performance!" And then this just ended.


The opening video was beautiful, but focused on just telling "the stories". Orton vs. Sheamus is the opener - so maybe Sheamus is winning the title to close the show. Sheamus takes a break from fighting to tell the fans they look stupid. He eats a back suplex on the table for that. Sheamus takes him down and gets 2 off a flying knee. HOW YOU DOIN!? So Enzo will be brought to Raw to job to Sheamus in a squash. Ole chants - thank God Sami's hurt. Exploder over the top! Wow - crazy bump there. Sheamus busts out the Edgecutator, called the cloverleaf. Outside-in shoulderblock leads to an RKO, but he goes to the floor. Brogue kick hits into the corner and he nails a second one for the win!

DraftKings is The OFFICIAL DAILY FANTASY DRAFT GAME SPONSOR of WWE. Horrendous fan video here. NEW! DAY ROCKS! Especially in their new white and gold gear. New Day tries to pin one another, and the Lucha Dragons do a one on the other monkey flip splash for 2. Big E KILLS DY with a splash to the back on the apron. DY's offense is a bad idea even in theory - chopping Big E's titties is like hitting a fat guy in the gut. CHIN-LOCKS-ROCK for Kofi and Titus tosses fuckers! Xavier celebrates beating up a dwarf bull like he won a title - love it. E spears DY out of the ring! NEW CHAMPS OFF A Clash and a kick! I've got to give Big E Alex Wright's dance moves in NM. Oh my God he's great! More wackiness with Stewart - now with The Arrows.

Rusev vs. Dolph recap sets upt he match and Lana has a new look - a bra with a small faded denim skirt and jacket. Lana now looks like mall trash. JBL buries Dolph for being small, leading to Cole burying JBL for losing a ton to Rey and being a former WWE and World champ. Well, returning to WWE wouldn't be the worst thing for Rey now. Slick press slam from Rusev into a DDT counter by Dolph gets 2. Buffering. Saito suplex from Rusev leads to a somersault senton for 2 from Rusev! Sleeper locked in on Rusev, but he gets the ropes and...the ref doesn't break. Rusev flapjack leads to the superkick. Accolade is interrupted by Lana distracting him by attacking HOT SUMMER.  Superkick sends Rusev into the table, but we they both get counted out. Well, that sucked. Between Summer in the dress and Lana in Dolph's getup, the women's revolution appears to have exploded in both an '80s boardroom and low-rent strip mall.

Wacky comic ad for the Arrow tag. Just what Barrett needed - gear that makes him look like Meat. Neville's got new maroon and black gear while Amell's in a black leather hoodie and black shorts. Within a couple of minutes, we already get the Amell-Stardust confrontation. Amell got an enzuiguri and Neville ran wild. Amell does a crossbody onto the pile off the top and the Red Arrow hits Barrett to...get a win that isn't very satisfying. Good showing for Amell though. Summerslam week video airs again.

This should feel really fresh - SHOW HAS NEW VERTICAL RED STRIPES ON HIS GEAR! Got some Network issues. The ice age took less time than Show did to move for a flying elbow. Shellshock on Show leads to the Finale on Ryback for a pair of 2s! Show KOs Miz and Ryback takes him out to steal the pin. Well, this was short and good-ish I guess. Heyman and Stewart have a meeting of the Hebrew minds...and more buffering. Stewart takes offense for fans for the streak ending, so Heyman sings his Brock song again and rants to an off-screen Beast.

 Computer crash nixes things for a bit. Wyatts run wild, but the Shield gets some highlights with a diving elbow off the barricade by Dean. DOOMSDAY DEVICE WITH THE FLYING ELBOW and the DOUBLE POWERBOMB hit. Dirty Deeds hits and THE BIG DAWG comes in to boos and gets the win. Cena-Rollins is up, so Owens-Cesaro is in the death slot. Cena comes out to boos - DIDN'T THEY HEAR HOW MUCH HE LOVED NY earlier? Seth's out in white and gold looking like Mistico.
The web crashes because it's Comcastic. Chinlock when it comes back. Cena eats a buckle and a blockbuster. YOU CAN'T SEE ME WARRIOR'S WAY GETS 2! AA gets 2, shockingly. AA flipout is telegraphed with Seth putting his arm behind Cena's neck to lift off it. Tana-style frog splash by Eddie hits and then Cena gets hit with the AA AFTER A HOIST UP FOR 2. Cena avoids the Phoenix splash and gets the STF. Cena gets the figure 4, but it's reversed. FALCON ARROW BY SETH FOR 2. AA hits but the ref's out. KNEE TO THE NOSE! And then Jon Stewart comes in to hit Cena with a chair setting up a pedigree on it for the win. STUPID FINISH.

Network hype video reveals the Brock MSG show will be on the Network, as expected. STEPH IS AMAZING and oh yeah some chicks video package. PCB graphic is nearly impossible to read. They talk about the revolution - Paige couldn't do it, but THANKS TO STEPHANIE MCMAHON things got done right. Buffering issues after a JBL-Cole argument...I'm fine with that. Double dive from Naomi and Sasha sorta hits for Sasha. Double dive from the Bellas is the new twin magic apparently. Somersault senton off the top to the pile from Paige. More Network issues. Team BAD is gone and Paige is being attacked by Alicia. She gets a hot tag to Charlotte. Becky beats Brie with...the bumphandle? Well that fell flat. Pumphandle uranage is a finisher now? Wouldn't you at least finish ONE match with that before using it as a finish on a big show?
Cesaro comes down after some awful MTN Dew product placement. Cole says he sips his so he, unlike Booker, won't have to leave. That happened FOUR YEARS AGO for goodness sake. Owens-Balor ladder match recap. They had a good SmackDown match for a while. Hercules cutter by Owens hits for 2. DELAYED super gutwrench hits for 2. Super corkscrew fisherman buster off the top and the powerbomb hit for the win.


Brock-Taker hype vid airs and Brock is out first. Taker gets a big light show for his intro. Brock jumps Taker, who fights back and sends Brock ass over teakettle with a lariat. Brock gets a takedown, but Taker fights back with rabbit punches off his back. Taker gets sent to Suplex City via a belly to belly. GERMAN WITH A FLIP. SUPLEX CITY BITCH! Taker ducks down to send Brock into the buckle to avoid another one. Taker hits the apron legdrop - this is so much better than their WM match.

ANOTHER GERMAN TO TAKER. THEN ANOTHER! Fucking hell - F5 THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! Brock tells him he'll kill him and Taker repeats the "you'll have to" line, kicks him, chokeslams him, but only gets 2 off the tombstone! BROCK SITS UP AND LAUGHS, SO DOES TAKER! Punchfest! This is amazing! Corner Kimura leads to a Last Ride for 2! Second F5 HITS FOR 2. Third F5 hits, but it doesn't get the win this time!
Hell's Gate is on, but Brock gets the Kimura out of it. A 1 count is tolled and THE BELL RINGS! Lil Naitch is pissed, but distracted and Taker gets a low blow and the Hell's Gate! Brock laughs, flips him off, but Brock passes out! It's over, and they had a fantastic match here. Wow. In a great bit, they replay the finish and then Taker tapping, so Heyman rings the bell a ton and declares Brock the winner.

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