Wednesday, April 27, 2016

WWE NXT 4-27-16

Not exactly the greatest card ever here. Nakamura vs. the drifter, Eva vs. Asuka, and Joe vs. Balor should be on the show as per Raw though. Generic intro leads to them talking about Joe beating Balor for the gold. MAYHEM IN MASSACHUSETTS will be shown later. Asuka comes out to face Eva. It's amazing how Asuka's whole act is to basically just be Kana with a different name, and it all just clicks perfectly in WWE. Eva comes down looking amazing while Corey tells Tom that everyone around the world is telling him to shut up during her intro.

Love Corey endlessly telling him to shut up when he talks - even while bragging about Eva's win. "Can I talk now?" 'Well, I wish you wouldn't!" Eva saunters around amid "you can't wrestle" chants - and Corey asks why they're saying that about Asuka since she's so good and the champion. Corey says that he worries about this evening for Eva. Eva gets circled wrestled around her and then kicked in the back. Eva elbows her down, but gets shoulderblocked before Asuka shimmies and attacks her with her ass, then shimmies more. Fujiawara armbar, but Eva gets to the ropes. Hip attack on the apron! Amazing sideboob on Eva here. Nia comes down to help protect Eva and we go to a break.

Eva corners her and shoulderblocks her. Running egg-cracking kick by Eva "hits". Senton gets 1, so she goes for a surfboard. Asuka butt-butts her way out of that, but Eva forearms her. Eva gets a snap suplex and then surfboards her again. Double armbar by Eva! Asuka's ass escape works again, but only briefly as she eats an elbow and a backslide for 2. Pop-up missile dropkick by Asuka! Eva lands some weak forearms before Asuka hits a hard running dropkick. Kicks aplenty, but Eva throws her down by her hair to avoid the spin kick. Ass attack and then the sliding knee gets 2. SPINKICK OF DOOM wins it.We get a Nia-Asuka tease.


Joe-Balor clips. EPIC shots of Joe here. They're in a big building and it looks amazing. Balor launches himself into the barricade landing leg-first, but Joe gets the Muscle Buster and wins it!  It's so odd to see fairly low-grade house show footage on WWE TV, but refreshing. They showed a ton of fan footage of it - also odd to see WWE encouraging that behavior. Joe says that Finn survived twice, but he couldn't survive here.


Dash and Dawson take on Parker and Lee, who get buried by Graves for going to a gym without a squat rack and for skipping leg day. Graves calls Parker Jamoke #1. Clubbering to Jamoke #1. Big double team gutbuster. Powerbomb Hart Attack hits, but he gets tossed into the corner to Matt Lee. Poor Jamoke #2 gets beaten up, and a "de-fense!" chant. Shatter Machine and a foot on the chest pin gets the win. THIS is the match the fucking Bullet Club needed on Raw. The bald guy talks about preaching a sermon on the tag team revolution.

Blake and Murphy face the Hype Bros next. NO ALEXA WITH BLAKE AND MURPHY!? WHAT!? Graves asks what's going on, and not that she's his favorite part about the team - but she is. The teams proceed to have a functional, rather boring match. Goofy bit where Mojo tosses Murphy's feet into Blake's face, and then the Hype Ryder wins it. Dash and Dawson beat them up. Carmella comes out with dots on her face for some reason. Carmella shakes her ass around and Graves says she's not carrying dead weight around. A super-happy theme hits for Aliyah - from Canada.


Mounted punches get 2 for Aliyah. Kneeling full nelson by her results in the crowd clapping for Carmella. Lotus lock by Aliyah as well. Aliyah gets 2 off a legdrop. Monkey flip into punches by Carmella. Thesz Press and a corner boot show off Carmella's flexibility. Bronco buster leads to a sloppy flatliner and the wacky headscissor dealie for the win. Some girl interviews Samson, who now has a bunch of $1 bills on his guitar. "I'm gonna show you that I'm THE Drifter and you never should've drifted into NXT!" Hilarious. Aries has a match next week.

Drifter comes out. Nakamura does his usual intro - but with even more panache than usual. As long as he maintains his flexibility, he can just do this for eons and be just fine. Nakamura gets 2 off a snapmare and a kneedrop - complete with Nakamura running his finger through his mouth during the fall. Swagsuke attacks in the corner, but eats a lariat. Tossing snap suplex gets 2 for Samson. Revolving door kick hits Samson. Fireman's carry knee leads to the inverted exploder and the Kinshasa!


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WWE NXT 4-20-16

Well, this took a bit longer than I expected - but it didn't seem too amazing, so I took my time with it. Card rundown starts things off before Team SAWFT comes out - they'll face American Alpha. New gear for AA. Lots of armwork and a break. Cass dominates Gable and Enzo gets chucked into him in the corner for 2. JJ comes in and tosses Enzo around like it's nothing. Amazing high-crotch capture suplex exploder. Enzo goes up for a flying DDT, but gets caught into a northern lights overhead throw. Angle straps go down, STRAPS GO UP MOTHERFUCKER leads to the double back suplex for the win!

Crews says it's the Age of Apollo, and seems a bit dickish. No Way Jose debuts tonight. Alexander Wolfe comes out to face Jose. His club theme rules. No Way Jose is his actual name, and he dances around to the ring. Using smooth dance moves to move around help him stand out, and he dances around to counter holds. BASEBALL chops lead to a bulldog dropping to a single knee - so that's a great way to kill your knees. Baseball swing punch KOs him. Okay then.

Aries talks about beating Baron, and just like with Team SAWFT, it's bizarre that guys get called up after losing on NXT. Nia squashes Deonna. Basic tie-ups start things off. Ad break and we come back to see Crews land a series of forearms. Joe hits the corner high kick. Crews corner splash hits and he sends him down with a lariat. Jumping high kick lands and a standing moonsault gets 2. Back and forth forearm exchange leads to a bicycle kick from Crews. Joe rolls through the powerbomb and hits the ST-Joe leads to the clutch and it's over. Very skippable show.

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Tuesday, April 26, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 4-26-16


 We get a very generic tribute graphic for Chyna to start things off and then Josh yammers on and then we hear Tyrus say "tick tock tick tock" - it is still 9:00 by the way. Tyrus says his name, then Spud says it and then Drew comes out. I think their match is up. Josh asks Pope if bruised ribs make it hard to breathe. Finally - the Pope is on the smart side of a two-man debate. Tummy claw doesn't do much. Drew gets a flying lariat off the top. Spud comes in and talks shit, resulting in Drew hoisting him up for a Brock-esque belly to belly across the ring. Claymore gets 2 - because TYRUS needs to be kicking out of finishers. Pope does an awful job calling a superplex - sounding like he's gargling glass. Future Shock wins it. Josh TALKS about the crazy stunts from the Matt vs. Jeff match before showing them. Bennett vs. EC3 is shown and we're told it will end via pinfall or submission - or as Dixie called it "pinball or submission". Maria talks to the KOs about her reign beginning tonight.

Backstage, Storm asks Roode which trunks he should wear - green or red. We get a bizarre deal with Maria's theme kinda playing while she talks mid-ring, and we see clips from the ladder match. This music is drowning out every single thing she says. Gail casually talks about how Maria was the reason she was TORTURED. Gail says she should kick her head in, but Maria says she can't since she's her boss. Maria makes Gail vs. Rosemary. Josh says that Gail is up shit's creek during a submission move on Gail. The Valley of Shadows match is now a Valley of Shadows - Shadows of Darkness match. Either Valley of Shadows or Shadows of Darkness would make a fine Castlevania game subtitle. They don't work as a name for a match stipulation. A Maria distraction leads to mist and an F5 for a Rosemary win. R
 Eli talks from "the red carpet" about his show. Jeff Hardy hobbles backstage. Eli is in the ring with a sleeveless tux and a $2 set before saying that the Impact Zone is full of dummies. He's here to name dummies. Jeff is a dummy. Drew is a dummy, yeah - yeah! He brings out the BroMans. Josh says he loves this show more than Huh. Josh would of course find a way to bury a ONE WEEK segment. Blah blah blah. This is stupid. EC3-Bennett rundown, and the tag title match is next.

Storm gets jumped and Pope says "Storm never even had a chance to take off his Championship Title". Pope talks about the Decay lighting effect here - where EVERYTHING IS EVEN DARKER THAN USUAL. Plunder spots aplenty. Blockbuster by Roode. Spinebuster gets 2. Abyss gets the barb wire board, but Steve eats a suplex through it. Mist misses Storm, so he beer mists her. Beer bottle to the head gets 2. Storm gets tossed off the top through a table, and Roode's Roode Bomb is stopped by a low blow and then a chokeslam to tacks - Decay wins it. Bram says he's taking EY's title tonight.

EY tells him to get his ugly, smelly ass out there now. Bram's shortened beard looks good. EY goes under the ring and gets a trashcan lid - but then Bram drags him and the can around. DDT gets 2 for EY. Dragon sleeper by EY. Impaler DDT off the apron through a table on the floor by Bram gets him the win and the KOTM Title. More "championship title" BS. YOU AREN'T IN WWE - STOP USING THEIR WORDS. Jeff hobbles down and talks about how hard it was to do what he did to Matt. He wants it to be a wakeup call for him. Reby and Spud, dressed in black jeans and a tiny black belly shirt, come out and talk shit. More yammering and Jeff gets cheapshotted, but Twists Spud. Okay then.

Main event time - with JB's intro now being drowned out by William Corgan's Impact theme. Chops on the floor by EC3. Problem 1 with the main event - Mike Bennett is in it. 2 - Mike Bennett is doing a long nerve hold in it. TKO gets 2 for EC3. Cutter by Bennett gets 2. Bennett chairshots him a ton in the back. One Percenter by EC3, but Maria breaks it up. EC3 flips him off, which we only hear about, and then EC3 chairshots Mike's back. EC3 goes for a cobra clutch, but Bennett runs up and does a sloppy Bret-Piper pin for the win.

Monday, April 25, 2016

WWE Raw 4-25-16


The show starts off with a graphic for Chyna, and then a recap of the AJ-Roman feud. It almost makes AJ-Roman seem like a big deal. AJ faces Sheamus tonight, while Roman faces ADR. Shane's doing his Red Shoes impersonation here. He glad hands with the fans for a bit. Steph comes out while he says it's time to have some fun. Steph says that this is his last night running Raw, and at Payback, Vince will decide who runs Raw. Okay then - that's out of nowhere. Shane threatens his sister with security. What a dick. TNA is watching Raw and hoping that each of these security guys is able to show up on an Impact taping soon. Shane sang the goodbye song badly, which the fans already did. Shane brings out AJ...boy would he be a good manager for AJ. Just him saying "THE PHENOMENAL AJ STYLES!" made him seem like a big deal.


And then he faced Sheamus. Sheamus with the bright red gear and giant bushy beard just looks bad. I like Cole saying that Sheamus uses the same style that Roman does - this match would make more sense if that was ANNOUNCED BEFORE THE MATCH, thus giving AJ a reason to want the match, but I'll take it. Loved that AJ basement dropkick on the apron to take the knee out - shame the moonsault didn't hit. Irish Curse gets 2, and Sheamus claps sarcastically. Giant bearhug by Sheamus - this is Sheamus's best match in quite a while. Phenomenal Forearm hits and it ONLY TAKES ONE OF THEM TO WIN!? Fantastic. Gallows and Anderson come out in slick new robe vests. "#GB4Life" on their gear - Guns and Bulletproof perhaps?

Roman turns his head unnaturally to the right to watch this, and then the Usos come in - they're gonna take care of the other Club guys. Also, Roman is now a colossal asshole to his family members, who are battling the great unknown to protect him. New Day comes out for a post-break bit. Post-break, they talk about the tourney being sponsored by Booty-Os. Just what the world wanted - a live Vaudevillains promo. Aiden says they'll party like it's 1899. 'Zo and Cass came out to a nice reaction and a crowd loving them. Karl and Gallows leave AJ's locker room - making it even more clear they're turning on him.

They show the Tweet by Cena saying he'll be back on Memorial Day. Outstanding theme and presentation for the Biz Cliz. Cole talks about how they were part of "a Club" in New Japan. Nice calf kick by Karl gets 2. Karl slugs away in the corner before tagging in Gallows. Gallows lariat with a RIKISHI SELL as it should be. Long holds here. Wow is this not getting over like it should be beyond "Bullet Club" chants. More long holds. Occasional dives by the Usos. END DAMMIT. Magic Killer FINALLY ends it. Jesus.Nice of Big Dog to wait for his theme to hit to save his family.

Outstanding filmed video package for WM makes it look gorgeous. AJ chats with Renee and we get a bit more with Gallows and Anderson. Owens-Sami recap video starts with...their Rumble stuff, and then it becomes great by focusing on their real-life relationship. We see photos of them when they were younger, Sami at Kevin's wedding, and Sami winning the NXT TItle - before being attacked by Owens. WWE should just build up feuds with video packages and not actually have the PPV-level wrestlers wrestle, because they look so much worse in matches than in video packages. Great bit where Owens says it's not personal with him - if anyone is making it personal, it's Sami. Great thing - and now Sami's out to face Rusev.

OH MY GOD, Lana's pleather skirt! JBL plugs the US Title DVD, which he is hosting because...he was US Champ briefly. Weird bit where JBL gets called out for a cheap plug and then he insults Byron for having a bald spot. Rusev dominates, but eats a barricade moonsault. Crossbody gets 2. Superkick from Rusev gets 2. Sami slipts out of an Accolade and beats him with a flash cradle. Good-ish story there I guess. Cute line by JBL saying that Lana turned heel when she threw her heels at him. Owens jumps Zayn, as he should. WWE has done an OUTSTANDING job of building up Sami vs. Owens. Shame it isn't for an IC Title that means something.

Renee talks about how Apollo has debuted in The New Era of WWE, and now he's happy to face Cody. Apollo thanks Dusty for helping him in NXT, including coming up with the name "Apollo". Well that's odd. "Comedy" with Titus and Dolph to end smoking? WHAT!? Crews beats him in a nothing match. "This kid has megastar written all over him!' - a surefire way he doesn't over as a megastar. Time for the Crackhead's Cabana with Dean Ambrose. Jericho comes out and says he wants him to apologize for insulting him and tells him to kiss his $1,500 boots - THAT'S $750 PER BOOT, YOU STUPID IDIOT! They brawl and Dean eats a Walls on the table, resulting in Jericho's ass crack being visible even with a belt.

Nattie's out to face EMMA! Nice matwork to start. Sliding dropkick gives Emma a 2. Emma gets locked in a sharpshooter and beaten. Short, but good. Chyna highlight video airs alongside a tribute graphic. Outstanding video package, and given the things she said about Triple H, it's a pleasant surprise that they would do it. Camp WWE ad. DAMIEN SANDOW GETS KIND OF AN INTRO. They recap Dolph being beaten up by Baron on SD, and sure enough, he does the same to Baron here. Ah, the good old WWE babyface mentality of "don't hold yourself to a higher level than the heel - lower yourself to his standard".

Puerto Rico has amazing drinks and hot women. Maryse's onesie and cleavage introduce Miz. Miz says the IC Title has been held by greats - like him, and Cesaro has never held it. Cesaro mocks Miz for his movie impressions and says he only belongs in Jackass. Cesaro prevents being jumped with the pop-up uppercut, teases a swing, but Maryse saves him. Glorious. Roman and AJ meet and AJ puts his cap on backwards. That certainly was a segment with two people saying words in one another's general direction.


Ryback vs. Kalisto is announced for the pre-show. So I guess now Ryback wins the title in the meaningless pre-show match. Roman's out, but first. LOOK AT ALL THE GOOD ROMAN DOES WITH MAKE A WISH KIDS. YOU SHOULD LOVE HIM AND THIS IS WHY. Alberto does holds. More holds. After a bunch of nothing, we get a Superman punch, and a Bullet Club distraction leads to a cradle for a nearfall - but the spear wins it. Superman punch to AJ, then Gallows, but the Phenomenal Forearm KOs Roman.

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