Monday, May 30, 2016

Raw 5-30-16 - Memorial Day Show

 To WWE's credit, they start the show off with a ten bell salute to the fallen soldiers who sacrificed their lives. We get clips of a Reagan speech, with Reigns, Miz, and Steph reciting it. Holy shit do they not have the skill of the Gipper. Shane is actually almost dressing like an adult tonight - good for him. Steph comes out in tiny shorts, while Cole talks about how big a week it's been. If you just watched Raw, you would have no idea why. Shane tells her to be quiet and then Steph calls him Miz and he goes for a Foley cheap pop.

Shane says it's TIME TO SHAKE THINGS UP and the NEW ERA IS CHANGING THINGS. On July 19, SD will be live on USA. Somehow, THE SHOW BEING LIVE WILL MAKE THE MATCHES AND ROSTER BETTER. So SOMEHOW, the show being live will result in it being good. That is literally the only thing they said there. Ugh. New Day comes out  and they talk about THE NEW ERA and the brand extension. They joke and call Kofi old for being around 8 years. New Day wants to know where they'll be going - and they should be using this to announce the draft date.

They ask when the draft will be and we're told nothing is known yet. WWE's biggest change is in-canon being come up with on the fly out of nowhere. New Day challenges them to a dance off. "So then the future leaders of WWE twerked to the New Day's theme". Even more surreal - the Vaudevillains showing up to interrupt Raw's opening segment IMPROVED IT TREMENDOUSLY. So no Steph twerking though - so that sucked. They got a great shot of the crowd before the break as THE ENTIRE FRONT ROW looked down to check their phones.
JBL talks about gloryholes. New Day eats offense, but gains a bit of an edge before a break. Gallows attack Woods. Great. Now, the Bullet Club is aligned with THE VAUDEVILLAINS. The Club talks about how they're showing they can run wild without AJ, and THEY HAVE ARRIVED. Crews works out and Show comes up. Crews says YOU INTIMIDATED BY THE NEW ERA!? Ugh. Show says the eras don't matter to him anyway. Show tells him he likes him - not "eat all the food on my bus" likes him, but "let's watch a marathon of Ride Along". Show and Crews could be a fun little mid-card tag team. Goldust comes out to intro the Golden Truth. Goldust has great rhythm.

Wacky Kane video for the Warcraft movie. Goldust and Truth are out for...commentary? Usos are out to face I guess Tyler Breeze and Fandango. Their theme is great though. Commentators put the faces over by talking about how they're nothing but losers. Usos win and Golden Truth brags while Truth calls Byron Coach and JBL says no, Coach has talent. Cole says THE WORLD IS STILL BUZZING AFTER EXTREME RULES. I literally forgot all about that show thanks to the brand extension stuff.

YES. THE MEGASTAR ROMAN REIGNS! With Big Dave on the outs, just think of how great he could be playing 2010 heel Batista. He's not a good guy, or a bad guy - HE'S THE GUY got so much older, so much faster than I'M NOT A MAN, I'M A MACHINE for Cage. Seth comes out to cheers and grabs a mic to not talk into it and fakeout Roman. Riveting. If Roman wants to kick his ass, GO OUT THERE AND CHASE THE LITTLE FUCKER DOWN.

Lana's giant rack is out. Rusev-Zack is up. LOL at Zack's NEW ERA gear. Rusev kills NEW ERA. Rusev talks shit and then Titus comes out and defends America. Riveting. Green screen video for the Shining Stars. Recap of the Flair drama is next. Fine video package here that really showcased history. There we go - Charlotte's giant rack in an "earlier today" video. And then OF FUCKING COURSE, STEPH INSULTS HER AND BELITTLES HER and Charlotte just takes it.

Collections are hyped up on the Network and they talk about Cena's new one. ENZO ON SPORTSCENTER. Dude is gonna be a fucking megastar. Enzo sounds like a badass calling the Dudleys cheese doodles. They're in against the Dudleys. After several centuries of nothing, the rocket launcher ends it. Sami, Cesaro, and Dean have a wacky babyface meeting where Dean warns everyone of the dangerous Canadians Owens and Jericho and Sami points out that he too is Canadian. Seth doc hype video. Could WWE please stop putting new Network content up right after Raw? After 3 hours of WWE, the last thing I want is more WWE.


Cena hype video leads to him returning in those awful Ellen shorts. He cuts a promo on anyone who hates America that America will always support those who love LIBERTY. Cena talks about how fans feel his days are numbered and the new era will take over his era. Holy shit - we're getting Cena/AJ! A huge AJ Styles/Let's Go Cena chant breaks out. JBL hypes AJ up as THE WUNDERKIND OF JAPAN AND THE INDIES. He's Cena's age.

AJ says he's always heard Cena was the first to get to the building and the last to leave - and says that now, they're here together. They shake hands and The Club comes out. Karl says they're not here to kiss ass, they're here to kick it - AJ's included. But AJ turns on Cena! The Club is reunited after a week...and gets a lot of heat. So John gets to beat Gallows and Karl before maybe losing to AJ at the PPV. Loved AJ leaving and just constantly running back to kick his ass.


Charlotte and Dana beat up Nattie. Becky's theme hits and she's seen about enough now so she makes a save. Horrible beating...HERE'S SMILIN' JOJO! Dolph says he has 1,005 moves and brings up the ARM-BAR. Dolph cribbing a mid-card comedy bit from Jericho 18 years ago DOES NOT MAKE IT AS GOOD AS IT. Dolph comes out in a Kent State Wrestling hoodie and wrestling headgear...while also doing the wacky '80s bullshit color scheme tron. So weird. Dolph goes all serious and then just ball shots him. Miz and Maryse video on MARINE 5 BATTLEGROUND! Miz holding the IC Title hostage is great - they could get a modern-day HTM thing going with him if they want. Even better, they can have him pin extras and "defend" it on-set. Jericho, Owens, and ADR bicker. ADR has a giant tat on his left ribcage. ADR looks so much more jacked next to Jericho and Owens - it's a great way to make him stand out.

Time for the match. Basic Raw 6-man tag...only it's the main event. Dirty Deeds on Owens ends it. Nothing show outside of the Cena stuff, really.

Screens -

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