Wednesday, November 30, 2016

WWE SmackDown Live 11-29-16

Alexa comes down in a nice pants suit for the contract signing with Becky. She blames the Glasgow loss on dumb Irish luck. Alexa does NOT like being compared to Becky's cousin - who acts like Alexa and is immature, but is only 4. A BRAWL ERUPTS AT A CONTRACT SIGNING! Becky gets shoved off the top and through a table - so I guess it's a tables match. Dolph and Kalisto team up against Miz and Baron. Maryse knocks a ladder onto Dolph and and Baron chairshots Kalisto to hype up the DREADED CHAIRS MATCH.

American Alpha chat while Randy and Bray talk about being the best. Carmella and Nikki brawl. Dean chats with Ellsworth before AJ comes out. JBL calls AJ a top-tier WWE Champion on par with himself. The new blue P1 shirt is great - whatever AJ paid for that logo has paid off, because it's led to great merch in 3 companies. AJ beats them up and Ellsworth is carted off. Kane beats Luke Harper with a chokeslam. American Alpha has a very good match with Bray and Orton - but Chad eats an RKO perfectly and then a corner spear misses and Sister Abigail hits and the Family wins. Good stuff - Orton and Bray work quite well together. RHYNO HAS SHAVED and gets insulted by AJ, before Dean jumps AJ.

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Sunday, November 27, 2016

Saturday Night's Main Event 11-2-85

 I re-upped to the Torch with the Black Friday deal, and now it's time for the Wayback Playback! Heenan bobs for apples dressed as Davey Crockett and Gene is the Great Pumpkin. Wacky SNME intros show Super Piper and Jesse...just dressing like Jesse. Terry Funk with Jimmy Hart is quite the pairing. The SNME replacement theme is solid. Terry is shown beating the tar out of Mel Phillips. Well, good for Terry! We see Terry beat up JYD with the branding iron at MSG. Pat talks about Terry leaving the WWF because working for JYD was just too much for him - even then, JYD couldn't do a thing.
JYD throws Terry's poncho over his face for some hockey punches before Terry climbs over the top rope and gets crotched and sells in the most wacky manner ever. Terry is just amazing at everything involving wrestling. Funk slams him. JYD slams him twice and Terry is tossed out and is so confused he hugs and then nearly slugs Hart. JYD slams him and hits the headbutts that Terry innovated. Terry goes outside and jawjacks with fans instead of facing JYD.

JYD grabs Jimmy and slugs him. Terry lands his series of punches and gets 2. We get some TNA-like lighting at points here. Back and forth sleepers. JYD hits Jimmy, but Terry grabs the megaphone and KOs JYD to win. JYD sends Terry ass over teakettle over the rope and onto a table, that he slides down and then JYD pulls Jimmy's pants down and "brands" him with the baby powdered branding iron. Terry pulls him out and gives him a wedgie in the process.This was pure cornball comedy, but it kinda worked.
Halloween pie eating contest goes on. Batman Shieky and Robin Volkoff rule. Liz as Jane is quite hot. Bundy and Albano covered in pie is absolutely disgusting. Piper's Pit is up with the Hillbillies. Joy. We get the Uncle Elmer wedding and see the slapdash announce area for Vince and Jesse. Piper insults the rednecks and Jesse chats to them too. Wow is this bad. Liz's ass looks great in this getup. JYD is a mummy for some reason. The chains and white linen are not a good mix here... Heenan cheats while bobbing for apples with Cousin Junior.

Bundy and Studd are with Heenan on the interview stage talking about their tag match against Andre and Hogan. Andre's giant rack and gut are sad to see. A WWF Big Man Match occurs with choking, punches, and slow action. HOGAN the second rope with a sledge! Andre chops away on Studd, who takes a wacky tree fall bump. ANDRE GETS TIED IN THE ROPES! At least here, he's hung facing the outside - so it's a bit different. IT'S BEDLAM AND IT'S A DQ. Andre wants more of Studd. Please God no.

Tito is IC Champ here and Savage in his gorgeous black and orange sequin robe. Savage and Tito are in their primes and have a really fast-paced match - especially by the standards of the company and especially this show. The Macho Man tights getup didn't do much for me - but it wound up being iconic for him even though he really stopped using it in the late '80s. Savage goes for the double sledge and sells eating a gut punch PERFECTLY. Punch combo by Tito leads to a Bolo punch sending him down. They brawl on the floor for a double countout.


 Mr. Fuji makes vaguely weird noises while tightening imaginary bolts in the side of his head to prepare for a martial arts battle. As ya do. We go to "Roddy's house", which is just Vince's with a couple of Piper things on the doorstep. Roddy prepares bowling balls on a stick. Roddy goes into a horribly racist bit about "natives" when Vince mentions "your native Scotland". Jesus. Piper prepares "chocolate bars" made of bricks. Kids come by and we see Steph as Cleopatra and some kid is Hogan. Pat talks about a photo going viral of a kid dressing as Ax for Halloween and the parents clearly being very understanding for their son going out in S&M gear. Piper gets some chocolate-covered peppers.

Vince and Hogan talk about the kung fu challenge. Fuji breaks boards and Gene talks about how this is PERHAPS the most important match in Steamboat's career. We see Fuji and Don hanging him. Wow. Muraco's shirt has actually aged quite nicely. Hearing Vince do play by play for "kung fu" is something else. Fuji gets hit in the back of the head with a kick and takes a back bump. Steamboat kicks the legs and chops away while Vince talks about "full contact" - kinda odd to hear that referenced for such light shots. And wouldn't all shots be full contact if this was real? Steamboat is selling like the pro he is. Fuji goes for a suplex and Steamboat reverses here in this KUNG FU MATCH. Steamboat goes up top for the flying single-leg martial arts kick that Nakamura would later do. Fuji uses the mist and Muraco puts the loafers to him. 
Gene does the pumpkin pass with Liz. That ain't gonna end well for him. We get a recap of all the Halloween contests so far. Jesse and Super Piper accuse the hillbillies of cheating before Lou seizes and drops the pumpkin. The faces get 5 passes and I guess the winners get a coke party after this or something. Jesse calls Roddy SUPER ROD. The heels all use their capes to cheat and we get a fine shot of Liz's ass. The heels cheated AND STILL LOSE! 
Jesse says that he and Piper want to face the Hillbillies on the next SNME. Well, that sounds absolutely amazing. THE SHOW CONTINUES for no reason. Recap of the show. We get credits - which I never remember the WWF doing, but loved seeing WCW do for PPVs. Closing shot of the hillbillies...why?

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

WWE SmackDown 11-22-16

Shane starts the show being okay. Because of course. Shane gets a "you still got it" chant and thanks Orton and Bray for winning as a team. He bitches out Dean and AJ, leading to Dean coming down and Ellsworth getting a contract offer. AJ is offended, but says that if James can beat him in a ladder match, he'll earn that contract. Miz and Maryse do a photoshoot before Bryan interrupts and makes Miz vs. Kalisto because Baron ruined the CW match. Holy Jesus does Kalisto botch a cradle horribly for 2. Baron interferes and Miz wins with the finale, greatly offending Otunga. Baron beats up Kalisto, and Dolph jumps Miz on the ramp. Pussy.

Alexa wants a rematch with Becky and will get it at TLC. Coach Nattie and her whistle annoy everyone before blaming Becky for the attack on Nikki. Shane says there's no proof of who attacked Nikki, and then Nattie quotes the song from Titan 19 YEARS AGO. Dean eats some pizza. Tag team turmoil has the entire division go at it in another match that showcases how horrible these divisions are. Alpha wins it with a nice mini-match against the Usos before Bray says words.

Dean shows up as the Mountie and asks Shane if he wants to know why he's dressed like it. Dean says he'll tell him next week. He's the Mountie and he'll always get his man. Becky taps Nattie before Alexa jumps Becky. Hype Bros. shill merch before Miz says he'll write the final chapter of his rivalry with Bryan. Carmella and Nikki engage in some sub-porno acting. "What. Am I!? TALKING ABOUT!? YOU. TOOK ME OUT! OF THE SURVIVOR SERIES! MATCH!" Nikki says that at TLC, she'll face Carmella in a no DQ match. K. Kane faces Baron until Kalisto runs down with a chair. Riveting. AJ vs. Ellsworth has AJ bullying him before Dean comes out in a hockey getup to give James the win. AJ takes him down, but gets sent to the floor over the top off a ladder bump. Ellsworth wins! He'll also get a shot at the title!

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Sunday, November 20, 2016

WWE Survivor Series 2016

Steenericho steals the show on the pre-show.
"He can't stick his chin in to this..."
"Because he doesn't have a chin..."
"You're a bully! BE A STAR, PHIL!"
"@CapriMarie?! WHAT ARE YOU, A JUICE BOX!?"
Jeri-KO for non-performers of the year!
Six person CW action. Goddammit. That Bret fan is going to try and get over on Twitter now. ZERO reaction to every single person in this. Great job with this division. TJP hits a spinkick...kinda and gets a partial Three Amigos, which gets an Eddie chant. At least someone's getting a chant here. Some wires get crossed as we he hear Renee say that she can hear them. Kneebar is escaped and everyone bickers for an ad break. Swann wins with the standing 450. Charly meets with Kalisto 9 minutes after her time cue was spoken and he talks about SMACKDOWN BLUE RUNNING THROUGH HIS VEINS! Kendrick thankfully saves us from more Bad Lucha Words and cuts a great sinister promo. Kane vs. Harper is next. Yikes.

This countdown clock in the corner seems like a good timetable for when to start drinking. Harper gets a superkick and a dropkick results in a weird fall forward roll from Kane. Chokeslam and Kane wins. "Better than ever!" JBL says. "I didn't think that my ex-husband was gonna be able to pull that off!" Lita just justified her employment AND that match happening! Booker's bowtie is something else. Booker's favorite Survivor Series moment was a tag match with Austin. I hope Lita's favorite moment was leaving the company and having Cryme Tyme sell her vibrator to a fan. Classy stuff. This Brock-Goldberg hype video is outstanding!

LOL @ the game being used within the hype video for the show. Women's match starts things off. EVERY ANNOUNCE TEAM IS HERE. Joy. Naomi's LED window shades are fantastic. Black and blue work as Alexa's colors. "Nikki, where's it hurt?!" SHE'S HOLDING HER FUCKING NECK YOU MORON! Can't wait for Nattie to be revealed as the attacker in #SDDrama Everyone brawls. Roar spot on Nia. Carmella hits some awful punches and the bronco buster before getting taken out by an axe kick that misses by a mile. Twisted Bliss takes out Foxy.

Naomi's giant dive leads to her being tossed by Nia and counted counted out.  This sandwich knee spot is already dumb with one person, and it's pure comedy with two. NATTIE SCHOOLGIRLS SASHA TO BEAT HER! Charlotte boots Nattie to take her out. Nia suplexes Becky and Alexa. Nia taps to the disarmer and Bliss is beaten. It's Charlotte and Bayley vs. Becky! Bayley and Becky have some awesome sequences on the mat. BAYLEY TO BELLY WINS IT reaction. Great job! Bayley got under with the win. Wow. Charlotte beats her up afterwards for winning.
The Club bullies Ellsworth. "ELLSWORTH, YER A REAL NERD!" Mick saves him and asks him if he'd like to come to Raw. Braun asks James if he knows him. K. Now we're alternating teams with Cole joining and it's time for Miz vs. Sami. So ON THE RAW VS. SD SHOW, Cole decides "yeah, now's the time to be buddy-buddy with SD". BEAUTIFUL snap DDT there by Miz! Corner dropkicks. Miz would be helped by at least starting the dropkick less than two feet from the opponent so it will connect better. Corner exploder hits, but the kick doesn't and Miz locks in the figure four! Miz's face in this is hilarious, and it's almost as funny when the move is reversed. YES kicks hit, but Zayn locks on a rather shitty figure four. Maryse rings the bell, but Miz schoolboys and him wins. Cole, like a moron, wonders what happened. And now Cole, who seconds ago didn't know what happened, explains this kindergarten-level angle like it's the fucking Zapruder film.
Dean and AJ bicker. Dean is with Renee and we're supposed to believe that he dreams about AJ Styles? Hulu and Kay Jewelers ads lead to the midcarder Raw vs. SD tag. Enzo's white overalls rule. Love the wacky sayings on it. They've added a stip where if one member of a tag team is gone, the whole team is gone. Great - that should shorten this up a bit. New Day yammers on for a while. AA's new, generic singlets are sure to help them get over. Mojo now wrestles in Zubaz shorts, too. New Day and Breezango are gone super-fast. Wow. LOL @ the Shining Stars lasting longer than the tag champs.STEINER BROS BULLDOG BY AMERICAN ALPHA! Magic Killer takes JJ out. Sneak attack and the Sunrase on Cesaro, but he survives and locks on the sharpshooter to win! Bret Fan justifies life with Cesaro celebration! Steph and Mick have a wacky evil Anti-SD meeting.

Kalisto vs. Kendrick is up. Kendrick cuts a nice promo via a video package. Blah Cruiser Things in this match. Kendrick fakes an injury and he schoolboys Kalisto into the buckle - I like it. Even better - he pins him between the post and the steps and kicks the steps! SPANISH FLY FROM THE APRON gets a holy shit chant. Super inverted headlock takeover! Captain's hook is on, and then again - but Kalisto gets to the rope. Super inverted Thesz press facebuster hits and then the snap rana hits before the SDS gets 2 due to the rope! Corbin takes out Kendrick before baiting up Kalisto.Well, that was a great way to get out of putting the division over - BURY IT WITH BARON!
Bryan asks Baron why he cost SD the division and he calls them pests and then my Network just gets an error message. Roadblock is hyped up with a weird little video. Team Raw vs. Team SD is up. AJ's rocking some new slick blue and white gear. Yeah Seth, wear the half Raw/half SETH FREAKING ROLLINS shirt. Don't want to seem like a dork or anything. Seth vs. AJ is teased, but AJ tags in Dean. SHOOTER SHANE RUNS WILD ON JERICHO! Shane outwrestles the First Undisputed Champion in WWE History with a series of day one armdrags. Jericho stiffs the shit out of him with a missile dropkick and Roman and Seth double-team Shane. KO throws himself off the top into a pile of men on the floor before Braun attacks Shane and tosses him off the top with the safest bump off the top ever. He took it foot-first and then fell back.

Braun powerslams Dean to take him out. SHOOTER SHANE GOES AFTER BRAUN! P1 Forearm is counted by a Biel over the top by Braun. Well, that's terrifying. Braun hits a running kinda dropkick to Bray sending him outside. RKO ON THE TABLE TO BRAUN ON THE FLOOR! Bray and Orton attack Braun and put him on the table. Shane goes up top and puts Braun through it. So...shouldn't the elbow through the table be a DQ on Shane? Table spot was a minute ago. NOW THE REF COUNTS AND IS AT 2. Braun is counted out thanks to Ellsworth holding his foot. Braun tosses him off the stage and through a table. Great bump by Ellsworth. Shame that kind of spot has been done to death over the last 20 years.

Shane and Jericho go at it some more. KO uses the List on AJ and is DQed. So using a list is a DQ, but not an announce table? RKO takes him out. Roman beats up AJ before Shane comes in and hits a floatover DDT. Roman spears him in mid-air, but SHANE GETS THE SHOULDER UP. Of-fucking-course he does...or not. That's it. Shane probably got a concussion from that given that he forgot the finish. Seth and AJ go at it while Roman gets a "Roman's sleeping" chant. Dean jumps AJ - so he's a dick. Shield reunites to Shield powerbomb AJ through the announce table. "What a moment" might have meant something without everyone else just yelling constantly. AJ is taken out. Harper runs down and an RKO takes out Seth. It's now Roman vs. Randy and Bray. "I gotta give it to Roman Reigns..." STOP DOING THAT, IT'S KILLING HIM! Orton eats the Spear for Bray and Bray hits Abigail to win. JBL says "RAW WINS!" before saying "RAW WINS IS WHAT EVERYONE WANTED TO SAY!".

Brock's out and GODDAMN IS GOLDBERG'S ENTRANCE GREAT! Brock bullies Goldberg into the corner, BUT GOLDBERG SHOVES HIM! SPEAR! A SECOND ONE! THE JACKHAMMER ENDS IT! WOW! Outstanding. They did everything right for Goldberg now. Odd to do it when he's 50 instead of when he was close to his prime , but whatever - at least they put Goldberg in a money-drawing position.

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Saturday, November 19, 2016

NXT Takeover: Toronto 11-19-16

I've missed the past few weeks of NXT and have zero desire to even skim through them - so the pre-show will come in handy. Generic brunette human yaps with fans for a bit. A highlight reel of Asuka DESTROYING PEOPLE rules. Minoru Suzuki and Pancrase put over by Mauro. I love him so much. Generic Brunette Woman at the desk is very patronizing asking for folks to sign up for the network for free. Ellering will be in a "crash cage" during the TM61-AOP finals. The DIY-Revival match feels like what a true final match should be for the Dusty classic - at least it's for the tag title. The recap of Tye's initial failure in WWE was great - it told his story of redemption wonderfully. Tye's wacky outfit is something else.


Toronto as a city is put over huge to start the show. A CHOIR SINGS BOBBY ROODE TO THE RING! This weekend may have peaked. Holy shit! They staredown to start, but Tye dominates. They engage in some comedy before a chopfest. Best atomic drop sell since Rick Rude by Bobby Roode there. GloriousPlex hits for Roode! Roode exposes his knee, but Tye avoids the Tye breaker and Roode tries to cheat to win using the ropes. A superkick gets 2 for Tye! They engage in a big slugfest and Tye wants more! FOREARMS AND NOW A SHARPSHOOTER BY TYE!  Back and forth small packages get 2. Tye eats the post and the impaler DDT gets the win! Tye really came off great in defeat - an excellent example of how to be put over with a loss. He got a standing ovation from the crowd.

Nice of WWE to license the use of Create a Wrestler Theme 5 for the Authors of Pain. The "crash cage" is just the shark cage with a new name so they can market it as a toy. TM61's theme would be fine for a mid-card theme in the Tokyo Dome. LOL @ fans checking their phones while TM61 points to them. The cage gets dramatic music and a platform at ringside - so there's really no element of danger here. Everything is all pretty and gussied up. AOP dominates, but gets sent to the floor and dived upon.

Dusty Classic tournament final is next. Regal narrating the video is fantastic. RAZAR AND THORNE CLIMB UP THE CAGE STRUCTURE AND THORNE FLIP DIVES OFF IT. A HIGHLIGHT IN A TM61 MATCH! A HIGHLIGHT IN A TM61 MATCH! And... then everything is just back to jobber '80s tag stuff. Moonsault gets 2 from Miller. Sandwich bomb into a rana whoopsiedaisy! AOP win it. Okay then. Angry Grandpa Paul Ellering is fantastic. So HHH won't show up on Raw for the WORLD TITLE PROGRAM, but the Authors of Pain wins a tournament? Sure! Dustin and HHH are here for Dusty. AOP continuing the Dusty tradition of fat guys getting a push they don't deserve.


205 Live video leads to the DIY-Revival match. Gargano's story of redemption is going to be fantastic. Outstanding start with a flash cradle from Johnny getting 2. Love the Revival wearing gear that pays homage to Bret. SHATTERMACHINEOUTTANOWHERE gets the first fall! Johnny's redemption story is going to get SUCH a huge pop here! The heels use a misdirect to lead to a fake tag for the faces, while a Hart Attack gets 2 for the Revival! ROLLING GERMANS ASND A KNEE HIT DAWSON and only gets 2! SANDWICH KNEE AND SUPERKICK GET A FALL FOR DIY!

Slingshot DDT gets 2 for Johnny! Every single nearfall here has the crowd losing their minds! JOHNNY GETS A SERIES OF FOREARMS AND KICKS OFF DASH TO CRADLE DAWSON FOR 2.5! Dawson grabs the belt and hits the leg while the ref is distracted! TRAILER HITCH IS LOCKED ON! Dawson gets cut! They go for DIY's finish, but Dawson gets superkicked and a A SHATTER MACHINE GETS 2.5 ON DASH! TOTAL NONSTOP CRADLE COUNTERS! IRON MAIDEN LOCKED ON BY JOHNNY WHILE CIAMPA HAS THE DOUBLE ARMBAR. THE REVIVAL HOLD ON TO EACH OTHER'S HANDS TO PREVENT A TAP BUT IT DOESN'T WORK! DIY WINS IT! That is by far the best tag team match of the year and possibly the best match of the year!


Asuka vs. Mickie is up. Goddamn Thickie James is looking good! Long collar and elbow work to start - I dig it. Mickie lets her into the ring and looks hot doing it before a kick exchange leads to Asuka doing the same and using it as a way to cheapshot her! MICK KICK ON THE FLOOR LEADS TO THE ANKLE LOCK AND GERMAN ON THE FLOOR! JESUS!

A Trish's love chant thankfully dies out before Mickie eats a ton of kicks AND WANTS MORE. GODDAMN Mickie came to play tonight! HALF CRAB BY MICKIE! MUTA LOCK ON ASUKA! FOREARM/SLAP EXCHANGES! Mickie hits her hard and NOW ASUKA'S PISSED AND TAKES A NECKBREAKER AND SERIES OF LARIATS! Flying Thesz press gets 2! Cross armbar by Asuka, but Mickie gets the rope! Rolling Asuka lock leads to them rolling around a bit and Mickie getting 2 off a makeshift cradle. Asuka locks it in and wins! Another outstanding match!


Joe comes out somber while Nakamura gets a slew of violinists and rocks out to his theme! THEN THE VIOLINISTS GETS INTO THE ACT! They fight hard and fast with knees and punches before brawling into the crowd. Joe attacks the knee and locks on a rolling kneebar. Joe is shockingly fast for a guy his age, with his size and knee and back injuries. TORTURE CRAB BY JOE! TOPE SUICIDA BY JOE! Nakamura recovers and hits the running corner knee for 2. Powerbomb and the modified crab are on! MIDDLE ROPE KINSHASA HITS! KINSHASA HITS, but he's too hurt! Joe counters a second one with a coquina choke, but the fans SING NAKAMURA'S THEME TO FIRE HIM UP! CHIMERAPLEX COMBO HITS! JOE HIT WITH A KINSHASA TO THE BACK OF THE HEAD AND IT SENDS HIM OUTSIDE! Joe kicks Nak in the balls, uranages him on the steps and hits the msucle buster to win! This ruled...and then wacky happy music plays after Joe wins before his theme plays.

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