TNA Impact 11-21-13 - THE DEBUT OF DIXIELAND!

It's the first show at the new Universal studio, and it's also Turning Point. Impact 365 starts things off with the Roode-Storm brawl, thankfully being shot with a full HD camera instead of a fucking phone. The WHEEL OF DIXIE world title tourney got a crazy epic video package. Dixie met with Joe and told him that she rewatched Impact last week and felt like she was amazing, and he wasn't - and if he isn't careful, he'll wind up like AJ - wrestling in third-world countries for pesos. Way to fucking bury AAA there. Tie-dye grandma...or grandpa is distracting. Loved Dixie putting over the SI site piece on her - makes TNA seem major league. Love her claiming that the fans are booing AJ. Dixie's going to guarantee that no company makes money with her talent. Starting with TNA. Storm's out and has thankfully dyed his beard to not look 45. Storm demanded MORE STIPS for his bullrope match. Wouldn't be a TNA show without last second stips added to a stip match. Did TNA steal Wade Keller's audio equipment? It's way too hard to hear Storm. I loved him saying that he'd call the cops on Roode if he didn't get his way since he wants to kick some ass...on his terms. Storm's got his main event fire back - that's one great thing about this tourney, it brings guys back into the main event mix who've been out of it for way too long. Loved her saying that she'd agree if she told everyone things were perfect since even on-air Dixie has her head in the sand. Park-Abyss and Bully-Anderson were hyped up. Christy's boobs introduced Magnus for the falls count anywhere match. Joe cut a promo about how he didn't come here to talk, he wants to fight. SO GO OUT AND FIGHT THE GUY. Pussy.

They came back and showed clips of them breaking shit during the break. That's dumb enough to do on the WWE app, but at least it gets focused on later. Here, it was just stuff that happened. And then a minute later, they're just out at ringside otherwise, so why the fuck start backstage then? Flying elbow got 2. Taz strangely corrected himself saying that the tricep hit and not the bone of the elbow...so way to make the move seem less damaging. Magnus looked for something under the ring, but couldn't find what he needed, so he moved around and found a chair. The chair wedge led to Joe basically walking into the chair head-first because his momentum completely stopped. Nothing about this worked. Oh yeah - the main event is no DQ...just like the opener.

Bad Influence is out and Daniels is in a brown and black suit combo that works far better than it should. Pretty nothing promo - they're just interested in Park-Abyss. Park said he's been around for 18 months, which seems impossible. Nearly 2 years with this gimmick. Wow. Christy's hot dress introduced Abyss didn't come out, so Daniels insulted Park a lot. They dunked fake blood on him that looked more real than the usual fake blood to make Abyss come out of him. Tenay played this up like it's weird that the blood didn't set him off - why, IT ALWAYS HAD TO BE HIM BLEEDING that led to Abyss coming out. This was really stupid and the first 40 minutes has been lackluster outside of Storm's promo.

Gail's challenge was met by Candace Larea. Candice hit a nice double-jump rana - kind of like Layla's crossbody spot, but with a rana. Wacky sunset flip got 2. Eat Defeat got the win a few minutes in. This was sure a lot less of a deal than I expected. Friends of AJ video showed him in Japan. Holy shit. This is like a cell phone video killed by Youtube's encoding. This sucked. Anderson said the Aces were DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE. I hate this act. Mr. Intensity, the Modern Day Viking Gunner Manchild met with Storm to say he doesn't need to use weapons to beat Roode. Outstanding recap of Beer Money and their great '11-'12 feud. The worst part about this AJ deal is I like the idea of that feud FINALLY being over the world title again than I do AJ recreating Punk's angle. Roode came out and got jumped by Storm in a cane. Because babyfaces should always lower themselves to the heel's level.

They did shit with weapons. Foley knee bump from Roode on the steps. Please don't take that bump in TNA. Just do that in WWE. They're basically recreating their BFG '12 match only without Mo. Great Flair flop off the trash can shot. Roode is so damn good. Shame he's not in WWE because he's so good in every way and deserves to be in WWE. Wacky back and forth can lid shots. This is like a Smackdown game match from a decade ago. VINTAGE bottle to the head from Roode. Okay, now it's feeling even more like a greatest hits show. Death Valley Driver through two chairs from Roode. Roode BROUGHT OUT A BARB WIRE BOARD. Why not save that for Bully's match since it got ECW chants? Gunner threw in the towel...and that was indeed a finish. AN HOUR AND 15 MINUTES IN and the best thing is still Storm's promo.

They came back and Storm was pissed at Gunner for throwing in the towel. If this is leading towards Storm being a heel - boo...unless it leads to Beer Money reforming. Which reminds me, where are the tag champs? Wacky Samuel Shaw bit. Why the fuck is Cena being shown on TNA TV in a wrestler's artbook? Loved him macking on Christy and getting her number...and he's rearranging everything she touched. So now he's an OCD stalker? EC3 met with Fernum and Barnes, one of them was dressed like Waldo and the other looked like Dante Hicks. He's facing a TNA Legend. Okay, so that's where Shark Boy comes back. Bully cut a good promo about saving Anderson's career after TNA killed it.

TNA is shooting five billion things at the new Impact Zone in the new few weeks. Angle was in a light blue Impact Wrestling shirt that looks okay, but generic. EC3 intro helps him out a ton - he comes off like a star with it. I love Shark Boy basically using the FPR version of Austin's theme. Tenay hyped up Angle being a part of a One Direction show. They hyped up Genesis coming to Spike in January, then Sharky fucked up a facebuster spot and the 1%er wins. Bully-Anderson is up next. OH THANK GOD! Aces recap video. No thank you. Hey, it actually showed Sabin being world champ! Oh and Anderson piledrove Garett on the ramp last week - they should've recapped that before this. This video didn't do a good job of either setting up the end of Anderson's TNA career or the end of the Aces. Show's nearly over and there haven't been any ads for sex toys yet. Amazing!

Angle and Roode are going to spin THE WHEEL OF DIXIE! Thanksgiving's all about family, turkey, AND IMPACT WRESTLING! Nope, no wheel of Dixie - it's just a Survivor Series tag match with them as captains. Well, that should be pretty good. BROOKE IS IN JEANS! NO! Anderson debuted long tights - so he can work in a shirt, but at least still appear to give a fuck. Then music played for some reason. Dudes came out. Anderson's dressed EXACTLY like Shane Douglas from his 2010 TNA run. Bully used Brooke as a shield, and it sent her low rise jeans a tad too low. I'm now fine with these jeans. Anderson had his shirt ripped off and chopped. He really doesn't need the shirt. A fan had a wacky hairdo with dye and an Anderson shirt. The A on the left side of Anderson's gear looks like the Star Trek logo. They teased a piledriver on the concrete for many one billionth of a second before Anderson backdropped him. Anderson pulled the mats...so he could piledriver Knux on them. Finlay roll led to them fucking things up a bit being on different pages before Bully did a spear through a table and they called some spots. Angle and Joe bullied Taz to make him give up his cut. Well, given that Taz said the club sucked, it shouldn't have been too big a deal. Oh, and next week, Anderson hosts the funeral for the Aces. Maybe it was Sylvia Brown's last prediction before her death and she told the TNA production crew.

Screens -

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Raw 11-18-13

Last week's silly power struggle comedy skit took up way too much time in the intro video. Big E gets an IC Title shot tonight and the awesome 16-man tag that was seemingly set up for Survivor Series will be TONIGHT'S main event. The Authority is out to say words. HHH saying chaos a ton means I can't wait for KAOS to debut against the Authority. Or maybe CONTROL will come in. Randy came out to a nice pop and cut a promo about the Authority screwing him over. He's a face, right? Vickie and Brad came out. Brad said that as a man, he takes responsibility - and it was all Vickie's fault. Steph made Vickie-AJ, while HHH made Brad face Orton. I like the social media stuff all over the Raw announce table. Maddox on offense against Orton. And that ends quickly with Orton massacring him. Ref rang for the bell after Orton beat him to death with the mic, so I guess that's a win via stoppage since it was made no DQ. Show faces Ryback later.

Survivor Series Kickoff will be...focused on Bret, Foley, and Booker's panel. Maddox was carted off as comedy for Vickie to look at and stare. Big E's theme has been remixed and greatly improved. In a nice change of pace, this IC Title match got the big match intro. Cole rattled off WWE Facts about the IC Title and its importance. Nice mounted crazy punches from Axel. THE PRESTIGIOUS IC TITLE match went to a break after them. Giant bodyblack and the Big Ending give him the win. Huge pop for that and this was played up as a big deal for him. Good for Big E - he's outstanding given his experience.

WE ARE SET FOR DIVAS MUSICAL CHAIRS! It's Total Divas vs. non Total Divas, and "Cruise" will be the song. No one moved. Nattie lost. WE WANT FLAIR! WE WANT FLAIR! JBL buried this. Good God this was terrible. So many Daisy Dukes and no Mickie James either. 5,000th clip of "Cruise" for five seconds aired. Cole said goofy shit about Ryback, then immediately transitioned into talking about Raw Country trending. EVERY FUCKING THING COLE SAYS SOUNDS FAKE! Show-Ryback's up. A ton of collar and elbows, some front facelocks with spot calling. This match is going to get its own section in EVERYONE TALKS TOO MUCH! Ryback actually hit the Shellshock on Show, but it only got 2. That right there might've saved Ryback because it was awesome.  KO punch hits for 3. Sneak attack from Orton was met with a spear. Ryder met with the country guys before 3MB got involved as THE RHINESTONE COWBOYS! TREMENDOUS video on the History of WWE DVD.

Orton got mad at the Authority and the Shield backstage before saying a bad word. Real Americans are in the ring. GIANT We the People reaction. Kofi's new shirt and doo rag look decent. Real Americans face the tag chaps on SD. Miz is teaming with Kofi here, so I guess this will be his TV turn. The traditional Survivor Series match was finally recapped, as "one of those traditional Survivor Series matches" - don't put over too big there Cole. I like Kofi's Best Buy gear getting a matching doo rag and shirt - makes it look a lot better. Miz got all wacky by stomping around then denying the tag and making a wacky invisible wall. Tons of Cesaro Section signs were visible. Nice plug for the Pistol Annies. Vickie was exposed as faking, and wheeled to the ring on the gurney. This came off as a cruel AJ bit. They did some stalling stuff before a Black Widow, complete with ass tap. PPV divas tag was made with the Total Divas girls against the non-Total Divas. HHH made a broadway brawl between Dolph and Sandow for some fucking reason. A crazy-creepy Wyatts vid aired.

Otunga's Muscle and Fitness mag was plugged. The Broadway Brawl was hyped up with goofy country instruments all around. They did stuff with instruments, then moves. Good God this is so flat. More instrument destruction was done ON THE APP! Cue M. Bison OF COURSE! JBL then sang the Beverly Hillbillies theme. JBL asked if Double J left them all of these guitars. Well, that's the highlight of the show so far. He really should've said that's where they got the cello from. Sandow went into it head-first. Shitty schoolboy from Dolph got 2. Snare drum to the head. VINTAGE JARRETT STRUT and a guitar shot got the win. Odd to see Jeff Jarrett being paid homage on Raw. Granted, in a shitty match on a bad show, but still. Orton met with Hunter and Steph in a WWE '12 hoodie and no shirt. Cena had his arm in a sling and met wit the country guys.

Cena came out and they recapped Alberto's attack on Raw and SD. He's injured AND NEEDS ODDS TO OVERCOME! A CHAMPION IS MADE OF TOUGHNESS - NOT CHEAP SHOTS AND PARLOR TRICKS! Cena said that at the PPV, he has the honor of competing in front of his family in his hometown - which they should've hyped up before. Basic stuff with Cena and Alberto trading barbs. Champ's here and such. Michael Strahan hosts Raw next week and was shown in a bit with Cena before with belts. BOY I SURE LIKE ALBERTO'S ODDS!

THE WWE REWIND was brought to us by Xbox One and showed 3MB's UK makeover. Truth and XAVIER WOODS came out. Kudos to Woods for finally making it on WWE TV. Truth and Consequences reunite! Nice fire from Woods, who was cut off by a sliding kick by Drew. IT'S MORPHIN TIME leads to the Konnan clothesline and Eat Defeat. This was fun. The Authority told Orton he'd get no help at the PPV. Performance is up next. Pyro hit at various points. Whoopdee doo. Bryan came out in a new goat beard shirt. Holy shit is this shirt a fail. After white-washing the Shield/Wyatt deal from last week, they referenced it here. Goldust got a huge chant and mixed up mounted punches by mounting the buckle with Rollins splayed across both ropes - great bit there. Cole talked about the Shield keeping themselves in and excluding the Wyatts. DUN DUN DUN! Bryan got a tag and got a massive pop for that. Huge dropkick to Harper's neck. Crazy redneck Batista bomb got 2 for Harper. On the app, Rollins took a Foley bump on and the steps. Punk got in and hit Shining Wizards to Rollins and Ambrose on opposite corners. These kinds of matches are a great way to have him main event and save his body. Nice high kick by Punk on Bray. Shitty-looking headlock driver hit Punk. Spear to Goldust from Reigns led to the Cross Rhodes. Disaster Kick into the buckle bomb. HART ATTACK by Punk and Bryan, leading to the suicide dive by Bryan. GTS hits Ambrose for the win. TREMENDOUS main event. This made watching the show seem like a productive endeavor. Nice Real Americans beatdown after the match on everyone. REY RETURNED and he'll be in the Survivor Series tag match. 619 to Harper led to the GTS and knee strike. The last 30+ minutes of Raw ruled. Nothing on the show but that was really worth checking out though - at least in full. Big E and the shellshock are just fine in clip form.

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TNA Impact 11-14-13

Great little recap of the whole world title situation, tonight's Aries-Angle match and the Sabin-Hardy deal last week. Brooke came out shaking her ass in some nice black lingerie. The club ain't about quantity - it's about quality. Bully said he'd piledriver Ken through the stage, so I guess next week's match ends with Ken winning via piledriver. Ken came out and said words annoyingly. Ken said his wife's at home pregnant with twins, and if he loses, he'll leave TNA to just be a dad. So TNA doesn't pay well enough to make it worth his time to provide his kids with a better life. Bully said he'd love to piledriver his pregnant wife and Ken responded by saying he's FEELING FRISKY for a fight. Ken-Knux was made next. The show is not lighting my world on fire. Ken's working in a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. I feel like I'm watching two guys working in front of 50 people in an armory, only in HD. Punches. Mongolian chops from Knux. Mic Check gets a win. Joseph Park said that having an appletini thrown in his face was DOWNRIGHT WRONG! He wants Daniels one-on-one - HE'LL FIX HIS LITTLE RED WAGON! What in the fuck is up with these backstage videos? Did they downgrade from a pro HD camera to an iPhone? Ah - there's an Impact365 graphic...yeah use this shit for Youtube, not national TV. Roode came in as well, so...they're at the arena and not shooting in full HD quality why?

Wheel of Dixie recap. Aries said that he liked submission matches because you don't need to be the biggest. Nice bit from Angle talking about Thesz and Shamrock being submission experts, and it led to Malice tapping from Ken's ankle lock.Well, this ruled. Daniels is out with his silly shades for a comedy match with Park. Tenay JUST LOVES IMPACT365! I dig it on Youtube, but it doesn't hold up on TV. Chinlock by Daniels. Taz insulting DW. Suplex by Park. Low blow and a cradle win for Daniels. This was a waste of his talent. EC3 is up next.

Knux was pissed about losing, but Bully didn't give a shit because he's going to beat his ass next week. Bully and the boys went to a strip club and swore they wouldn't tell Brooke. Hopefully she doesn't watch the show. EC3's up to 7-0 - next Goldberg up in here. The tag team of Barnes and Vernum are his opposition. They sound like they should be partners at Park, Park, and Park. God, these fuckers are '90 AWA-level. At least you can tell the difference between the stars and the jobbers in TNA. For now. Tenay hyped up the PS4 launch show after Impact. Vernum hit the worst tornado DDT in human history for a 2. 1%er kills both of these dudes. Double pin, so he's 9-0. Never use these jobbers again. Spend $20 more and get Delaney and Shark Boy.

New friends of AJ vid showed three more moves in his match with Mesias...and then raising each other's hands later. That was odd. Nice backstage bit with Hardy saying he busted his teeth up in the match with Sabin, but it's worth it for a shot at the gold. Good Aries vid recapping his world title win. Dixie ranted at Big John. Dixie's out cutting a really bad promo about KICKING THAT REDNECK OFF HER ROSTER! Ya know, I can actually see this angle driving up AJ's price when his contract comes up. Thank God, this show's halfway over. She said AJ's defending her title...and then said he isn't the world champ. So which is it? She brought out Roode, Storm, Joe, and Magnus. Joe looks like a schmuck in jeans and his shirt. Joe buried her. Recap of Angle's 06 debut and '07 world title win. Hannah Blossom came out, strangely with her being talked about as not being on the roster...despite being on TV before. Okay match – the highlight was probably Gail on all fours. Main event is up. Good lord it feels like nothing has happened tonight. 

 Park's out to continue this whole vibe by recapping his year and a half in the company. He called Abyss a legend and future TNA Hall of Famer. Park brought up Abyss being missing - how's he supposed to know? Abyss is bonkers! He offered to face Abyss to prove that he's not Abyss, or something. Yet another recap of next week's card. I think it now has more matches on it than Survivor Series. Updated graphics for the tourney killed more time. Aries looks super-sleazy with the full beard. Angle's got his MEM shirt on. Instead of the full intro, we get Anderson screeching to Garett and walking around with him in a fireman's carry. Fucking hell. 

Yet another recap of TP's card - it'll be the first show from their new Orlando soundstage. Nice matwork to start leading to some snap armdrags from Aries. Sub-Bella rolling half crab from Aries. Roode's out to watch on the ramp. At least he's in a suit and looks like a star again. They really should've recapped that feud here. TOP ROPE AXEHANDLE FROM ARIES COUNTERED INTO A BELLY TO BELLY ON THE FLOOR. Awesome. Yet another WWE 2K14 ad - Hogan's been on the show more tonight in this ad than he was as part of the roster. ShopTNA ad for Black November. Giant pendulum elbow from Aries. Aries boxed the ears and was met with a giant lariat. PS4 hype along with Rampage's Bellator debut. Boy are they not getting jack shit out of that with so little hype being done for it. TREMENDOUS rolling elbow by Aries. Flying axehandle finally hit Kurt after it failed before. Dropkick countered into the ankle lock! Brainbuster hits perfectly leading to the Last Chancery. Angle got out of it and did the rolling Germans. This feels like a really good technical-based video game match, but they're just going from move to move to move. Run-up German countered before taking nine hours to do a 450, it missed and they teased an ankle injury. Aries gets sent into the buckle - crossface from Angle gets the tapout to further set up a Roode match. That was a pretty good match, but wasn't quite worth watching the whole show for. Anderson's theme hit so they could do the show-closing angle with he and Garett. Nice piledriver on the ramp to send Garett out of the company. 

Screens -

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Raw 11-11-13

Cena's VO for the Veteran's day video package was nice. The same Show beatdown vid from SD aired here. Great shot of the crowd - looks like a full house. The Authority is on vacation, SO WHO IS IN CHARGE!? Um, the GM? They've got some nice lights around the edges of the entire ramp and entrance area that looks awesome. Orton, as WWE Champion, is in charge. Maddox came out to a fairly big face pop. Libertarian Kane is out as the director of operations, which makes him the guy in charge. His hair is really spotty. Maddox nutted up to him and made Orton-Cody tonight. Kane made Orton-Goldust. Vickie, the SD GM who should have no power on this show, came out. AS A FORMER RAW GM, and SD one now, she's claiming power. It's impossible to hear Vickie over the crowd - she made Orton vs. the tag champs. VINTAGE DX with the tag champs facing one guy. WWE 2K14 ad - I hope they hype up the NWO DLC coming tomorrow. Big RANDY'S BORING chant. Followed up by a JBL one. Jerry chant. Great bit with JBL saying he's the king and was almost mayor. Break. Not a whole lot happening so far. Moonsault from Cody got 2 - visible Triforce on the boots. Orton got counted out intentionally. 

Well, this was okay, but not as good as I hoped it would be. Show's out and barely mobile. The opening of Raw in 2013 has wacky stuff with the steps and announce table - VINTAGE ATTITUDE ERA! Chokeslam through the table off the steps...that are level with the table - perfectly level. That seemed like something you'd save for the end of the show. Multiple replays of the chokeslam and they're teasing an injury. Well, that explains why they did it to start things off. Show got into a cab to go get drunk. Los Matadores came out. Santino's out with them with bull horns. 3MB's out as the Union Jacks, with themed gear and a punk theme. Tremendous! Somersault dive off the top to the floor from the bull. COBRA WITH HORNS for the win. This was fun. This was a new way to have a hometown guy job. Orton bitched to everyone, leading to Kane already teasing an issue with the group one week in. Dolph faces Axel. Goddamn has Dolph fallen off a cliff.

 Sandow's in the ring with his shirt in tanktop form - good look. Makes him seem tougher. He's going to face Kofi, in his Best Buy gear. The hot crowd died to the point where you can hear each person chanting. Sandow, the wise man, did a bunch of headbutts in the corner. Take down with some punches from Kofi. Still no reaction. Full nelson slam wins. Axel-Dolph is the hour 1 "main event". Raw Country will be next week's theme. Oh boy. 3MB as country singers should be funny. Clips from last week's Dolph-Axel match. Holy shit, I had absolutely no recollection about that match. Crowd's hot for Dolph. Cole rattled off some WWE Facts about the IC Title. Heartstopper elbows by Dolph led to JBL telling him to not get hot about it. Cole talking about how important the IC Title has been. Dolph took an insane over the top bump - it was almost like AJ's fosburry flop, but more out of control. Cole said that Axel, a 34 year old, has potential. Well, if 30's the new 20, I guess that's not too worrisome. Axel's hairline is Flair-esque right now. Nice slingshot from Axel that led to an even better schoolboy cradle - this led to Dolph recovering and hitting a famouser. SUPER X FACTOR got 2. Whattamaneuver gets the win. This match was so important it didn't get a replay. Instead, we got comedy bickering with Maddox and Kane. Maddox made the Real Americans against Cena. Good lord, way to buy a sorta-thriving tag division. The Shield also faces Bryan and Punk. YAY! Ad for Miz's movie. I'll watch it if it ever gets skewered on TGWTG.

Ryder's got a goatee and is doing a WWEShop ad. He's talking a mile a minute. Goofball. Tamini-Nikki is up. Kharma got a plug thanks to a WWE site poll. They're doing some moves. Crowd gives no fucks. WM 30 is the 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF WRESTLEMANIA! Hilarious flying headscissors by Nikki. Nikki hit a...thing that involved her hand flying through Tamina's hair and Tamina selling. Kick of fear set up the Superfly dive. Brie came in after a largely fair victory and attacked AJ. What a bitch. Cena vs. the Real Americans got a graphic - I hope this is leading to him facing Cesaro in a PPV semi-main. Nice hype vid for Cena-Alberto at the PPV. "Goddamn undercover cop". This movie ad isn't very PG. WWE 2K14 hype. They'll be showing custom characters on SD. Orton met with a trainer doing the exact same test as the trainer before the Shield met with them. They said they don't work for Vickie, Kane, or Maddox, so they didn't have to help. They should have said they fell asleep when he started talking. Fandango got a huge pop when his theme hit, the fans did the deal, Summer Rae looked hot, and Fandango's got Union Jack gear. THIS RULED. 

They showed clips from Total Divas soon with EVERYONE TRAINING IN THE RING BECAUSE IT'S ALL FAKE. Tyson's his opponent per the clip, and has a new pretty kick-ass theme. Super-fast action to start. This would be a perfect modern-day X division match. Crazy bump over the top from Kidd. Rana into the buckle from Kidd. Less great rana from the apron from Kidd. Fandango wins with the Bret-Bulldog finish! Cena's handicap match is next. A nice Hire Heroes ad aired - House of Hardcore really ripped off their logo something fierce. Zeb's British accent rules. Zeb buried Mr. Bean. A surprisingly high amount of people cheered for the guys wanting them to pay respect to "a superior nation.". Cesaro destroying Cena on the outside led to a break. Swiss uppercut brought it back from the break. Big OLE OLE OLE chant. THEY CUT AWAY FROM THE CESARO LIFT to show Alberto relaxing in a chair. Two Swagger bombs hit Cena nicely. Cesaro swing teased, but it led to an STF. Swagger tags in and gets the Patriot Lock...sorta in kinda. Tag to Cesaro, crossbody off the top into the AA - saved by a knee clilp. Cesaro teases the Neutralizer. Cena's giving him a ton. AA countered into the ankle lock. Throw off into an AA. Cesaro got to make the save. KNEELING POWERBOMB from Cena to Cesaro got 2. Cena and Cesaro exchanged shots before Cesaro sent Cena into orbit for the uppercut. Flying uppercut into the corner from Cesaro.  He and Cena have incredible chemistry. Tag, STF to Swagger gives Cena the win. Cesaro got some post-match stuff in before being sent out and Alberto beat him with a chair and used the armbar. Why waste a chairshot on this feud? Armbar with the chair...which does more damage somehow. Big E saved Cena. Maybe Langston can join the Real African Americans and be managed by Hayes. I think we got a Big E Langston chant. He's definitely great as the third guy in a six-man trio since he's got something, but not quite main event-anything. 

AJ faces Nattie for the Divas title on Main Event. Maybe. They showed clips of Nattie beating her with the sharpshooter on SD 2 weeks ago to set it up. Alberto met with the authority figures and they made Alberto-Kane for later, I think. Ryback came out with some sweet black and smoke grey gear. Truth's out. Now Truth's burying Ryback in rap form. That's a great little addition to the act. Cole read a tweet from Ryback where he said he was born 30 years ago and spoke in full sentences. JBL buried him and said that he's regressed. Wow. This is like a burial you'd give a guy going to TNA in '05. JBL talked about Big Daddy's nephew showing he and Cole around town. Press slam>powerslam to Truth. JBL said that Truth, THE FORMER WWE TITLE CONTENDER AND PPV MAIN EVENTER, he'd need to get lucky to win. Reverse bearhug from Ryback. This started with some heat, then it just died. Meathook missed and Truth won via schoolboy. Wow. The burial continues. 

Recap of the opening of the show. Alberto's got his silver and black gear on. Crowd is dead for this. Fans amused themselves doing the wave. They went up for the wave as Big E did the giant splash. Crowd's chanting WE ARE AWESOME. Big E tapped to the armbar. This was a match. Veteran's day vid re-aired.  They hyped up an ARM WRESTLING CONTEST for SD. Heyman's in the ring with a neck brace and in a wheelchair with Axel by his side. Heyman called Ryback a BIG UGLY DUMMY! I pray they're turning him face. Heyman's teeth look completely disgusting, but the greying beard makes him seem even sleazier. He promised to return and hover over Punk like the sword of Damacles and drive the blade through his heart. Axel and Punk brawled. Punk of course won. Punk spun him around, then dumped him...before caning his back brace. Cole called this unhyped deal "the final retribution". Punk-Harper recap from last week. Cole said the Shield's only been around less than a year, and JBL said they've had a bigger impact in a year than anyone. Well, that's quite true. Can't wait for a Best of Shield 12 disc set in about a year at the rate they're at.

JBL was buried by both guys for abandoning Ron Simmons. JBL rattled off all the halls of fame Simmons is in. Gorgeous super-rana from Bryan to Rollins. Running Yakuza kick to Ambrose allows Rollins to hit him with an enzuiguri. Raven-esque finger-bending spot from Rollins to Bryan. He's such a hybrid of the best of Raven and Roberts, but a better worker than either of them. JBL compared Reigns to Terry Gordy in the Freebirds. Punk came in and got the knee in the corner with a clothesline and flying elbow. Suicide dive to Rollins, but Reigns took him out. Punk took Reigns out and Ambrose got hit with the head kick. GTS to Ambrose was avoided, but it hit Reigns. Roll into the vice was interrupted by the Wyatt break-in. Harper argued with Rollins. They teased a brawl between the groups and they actually did it! Reigns told Wyatt they'd take their asses out, so then they brawled. The crowd is going batshit crazy for all of this. Now the face team is surrounded by both factions. Usos and the Rhodes Bros. are out. Oh yes! Faces clear the ring of evil. THIS RULED!


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WWE SD 11-8-13

The show opened with THE WYATT CLAN in creepy singing video form. This should air on Raw too, because they came off as a destructive force. Love Punk saying he's squashed the biggest rat WWE has ever seen...Heyman! Axel calling Heyman his father figure made me a bit sad. This wasn't an awful promo - probably one of his best. Axel demanded a match with Punk, got one, and him getting his ass kicked led to an ad break. Show's beatdown was shown in a Raw ad. No Libertarian Kane, sadly. Axel regained control ON THE APP, and was nearly GTSed when the show got back from the break. Cole said indeed and JBL said he sounded like Funaki. Axel got some offense that showed off his bald spot. This poor fucker can't get a break. He's only 33 but has looked in his late '30s forever. Nice crossface from Axel. The Wyatt tron effect broke in...because it's fake you see, like on Raw when Bryan was attacked. Perfectplex gets 2. That move isn't even in WWE 2K14 by default - but it should be in when Hennig becomes DLC next week. Axel's WHATTAMANEUVER was countered into the GTS for the win. Wyatt's laugh broke in, then ended, then the video hit again and he blew out the lantern. This made WSX seem plausible.

3MB's out and JBL compared them to the Spirit Squad if they were at a karaoke bar. Usos are out to face them, so they should at least get a TV win. They're teaming with Truth. I love JBL playing sing-along with their themes. Cole went into way too much detail explaining the origins of this worthless match, although I appreciate the effort. I love Drew going batshit crazy on the apron, and JBL saying that the guy's impossible to understand backstage and he wishes he could have Rosetta Stone - but then nixed that because he'd have to talk to him. Double Uso dive let Truth pin Jinder. Good for him. LOLed at JBL calling him a young man. I think he's five years younger than JBL.

Funkadactyls are out to face AJ and Tamina. AJ plugged and buried the Total Divas show, which is basically saving WWE's entire quarter right now. Cole recapped season 1's big wedding. JBL buried Kidd's kissing skills AGAIN. Naomi did some flips to...avoid coming into any contact with Tamina. JBL said he's glad Flair didn't get the date of his title wins tattooed on his neck like AJ. Fucking hell - God forbid anyone actually give a fuck about a championship win in 2013. If the wrestler doesn't care, why should fans? AJ has the hottest Gulliotine choke ever. Cameron did Rey's wheelbarrow bulldog spot. Cameron went for a rana, but got caught, yelled loudly, and got hit with thepowerbomb.com gloriously. Stiff forearm from Naomi, and AJ tapped her with the Black Widow. They shot Cameron in a way to show off her gut a lot. Ass-tapping returned.

Alberto's out. JBL recapped everyone being a perro gringo on Raw and that his strategy would be to attack the arm...just like it was before...when it failed. Alberto is proud to be a world-class MEXICAN athlete because it makes him better than the gringos. Alberto played Tito Ortiz and talked about having 5,000 injuries after the fact. If he was American, he'd have called in sick, but as a Mexican, he has pride. Cena came out, unhyped, with a new Even Stronger shirt that appeared to take 5 minutes for an intern to design in photoshop. He told Cole to jot down some notes - get him a good, not great edible arrangement. Also, get him a card that plays his theme. And be sure to watch the JBL and Cole show on Youtube. Alberto said he was acting like a child. Cena said we should make it a championship edition of SD and have the rematch tonight - Alberto agreed, and wanted a doctor along with a referee because he was going to break his arm. Vickie came out and said SHE WAS A CHARGE, and the rematch won't happen here. Cena bullied Vickie. Be a Star, John. He was a real dick here. Alberto...agreed and then he and Cena did a little comedy bit. What in the fuck. Vickie made Cena-Ryback - once a PPV main event, now a random SD main event. And Alberto will face A DIFFERENT MONSTER...Khali. Oh this poor fucker. Khali can barely walk to the ring. Hogan moves around faster.

Nice superkick to the leg of Khali by Alberto. Alberto's doing as much as he can possibly do that involves varying up offense to a man who cannot move. Khali's doing Baba-level offense standing in the ropes. Over the rope Tarantula-style armbar to Khali was terrifying as Alberto landed RIGHT ON HIS ARM on the apron for the powerbomb-style counter. He got the armbar afterwards and won. This was better than it should have been. Bryan-Harper is next. They showed some clips from the new game and hyped it up as ONE OF THE HOTTEST GAMES ON THE ENTIRE PLANET. Hashtags and at symbols sound ridiculous being spoken aloud.

Recap of the Wyatt stuff over the past few weeks, complete with wacky exposition from Cole. Suicide dive hit Harper, but Bryan held his shoulder - TREMENDOUS facial expression from Bray after that. This guy needs to be an actor - there's no reason he can't at least get some work on SyFy stuff. Harper has great chemistry with Bryan. They're just hitting each other hard and then doing some holds as well. THE INDIAN DEATHLOCK ELBOWS RETURNED. I demand that be in 2K14 as DLC. Great sitout powerbomb counter to the buzzsaw kick. Rowan gets in to cause a DQ during the Yes Lock - this was by far Harper's best match on WWE TV. Punk came down to prevent a beat-down. I cannot wait for Team ROH against the Wyatts. Raw Rebound focused on the show-closing angle, summing it up just fine in like two minutes.

The Bellas shilled merch. WWE makes an ungodly amount of random stuff. They zoomed in on Nikki's tits shamelessly here. I love the SurSer graphics. Brief clip of the HHH-Cole interview talking about Kane's new role as Director of Operations. I love HHH saying "you will see..." regarding just what that job entails. CORPORATE KANE was trending on twitter. Kane is #vigilante. HASHTAGMORETHANMEETSTHEEYE. Enough with actually saying "hashtag". Cena came out, got a reaction, then came back out to get a better one and said "It must be Snoozeday!". What an odd thing to say on a show they pretend is made on Fridays. JBL buried Lilian for not calling him the champion. They recapped the Cena-Ortiz thing. SIDE HEADLOCK TAKEOVER by Ryback. Wow. Remember when facing Ryback was a career-threatening thing three months ago? Well, now Cole's just concerned that he might "ding up" Cena. Cole then recapped that Cena might break Flair's record, and that he's an 11-time WWE Champion. He said that DESPITE THE FACT CENA COULD BREAK FLAIR'S RECORD, he's at best top-5 of all time. Well, that sure makes all those world title wins seem a bit less important - they do come and go though. Ultimate press slam by Ryback, dropping Cena right on his injured arm. VINTAGE WARRIOR!

Boston Crab brought us back from a back with an immediate counter - why waste that on the app? At least have it take 30 seconds on TV. JBL talked about steam engines - I was hoping he'd bring up Steam Machines instead to seem a bit more current. Nice front chancery from Ryback. Good bearhug too. This has become easily their best TV match together. Five knuckle shuffle countered into a spinebuster. Shellshock countered into a DDT. JACKHAMMER gets 2 and they bring up Goldberg again. Meathook was countered into a drop toehold>STF. SPEAR by Ryback gets 2. Ryback called for a powerbomb, which JBL said was stupid - Cena countered with a full nelson into a neckbreaker. JBL put this over as Cena learning. Yup. One new move. AA teased, but countered into a spinning powerslam. This match rules. It's now better than any of their PPV matches, and without any gimmicks. Meathook hits. Shellshock turned into the AA for a win. THIS MATCH RULED! Post-match beating by Alberto to the arm. Everything in the last half-hour of the show should've been on Raw, because it was great.

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TNA Impact 11-7-13

TNA's brought back Pacman Jones...via Youtube...why couldn't they just leave him alone? Hardy-Sabin in Full Metal Mayhem was hyped in the pre-show video during the credits of Hulk - I forgot about that due to Pacman. Dixie's with Pacman in an orange top and skinny jeans. Mr. Anderson looks fucking homeless. "Ken, Pac - PAC-KEN!" I love Dixie. Show-opening vid recaps AJ leaving the company with the belt. Pacman's in the crowd shown as a Bengal, which means he thankfully won't become a champion tonight. Holy shit, it's the Main Event Mafia! I forgot that was a thing. Sting cut a promo, I think announcing the Aces and 8s are dead. Also, that the MEM is back on the shelf. Sting said that Angle, Joe, and Magnus will become world champs. Crowd cared about Joe and Angle - not so much with Magnus. And Sting's going to deal with entitlement! So I guess Sting's going to face EC3. Sting hugged Angle, Joe, and Magnus while crying. So is he retiring or what? Joe cut a good promo about getting his title back, even if he has to go through Magnus and Angle to do it. Magnus cut a promo on Angle. And are these guys facing off in the brackets - if so, why isn't a graphic on-screen? MASSIVE Angle chant here. Holy shit. Angle said he'd win the world title and if he did, accept the HOF nomination. Did a blind man dress Bobby Roode? He's got blue jeans, an untucked maroon dress shirt, and a black blazer. I demand these two face off at Turning Point in the tourney finals. Nice brawl here. These two have tremendous chemistry.

Another sit-in? The last time I remember caring about this was when Savage did it in like '96. Angle DEMANDS that Roode get his frickin as out here! This sit-in lasted about 30 seconds before Roode came down for another brawl. Now Roode's just in a wifebeater. DRESS LIKE A FUCKING STAR, MAN! More separation>brawling. Simon has a shoe problem - they're bright yellow/green and he's in all blue. I love Kaz and Daniels holding Roode back. I hope EGO doesn't split up - they just got new shirts. Taz has his cut on, so maybe the Aces are alive or something. More hype for Roode-Angle being the possible finals. I wouldn't mind a disputed finish for the title leading to an undisputed champion being crowned in a three-way between Angle-AJ-Roode. Bad Influence are talking shit to the Bengals. They jumped the rail and slammed them. Pacman did his first wrestling move! Pacman's theme hits - because that's what you'd do for a fan who hits the ring. Hardy walked backstage while Sabin showed off his toy X belt. Velvet-ODB-Brooke is up next to determine a contender for Gail. ARE THERE ANY FACES IN THIS DIVISION OTHER THAN ODB?

Anderson talked with Bisch and Knux about leaving the club. Velvet's out in a super-short skirt and no stockings. Wow. Brooke looks great and Christy's in one of her cleavagey outfits. Velvet and Brooke started this match with an ass shake-off, when ODB smashed them with her tits. Bunch of stuff happened. Nice flying elbow off the top from Brooke - way better than Punk's. Gail and Tapa are out for an ad break. They came back and the faces did a double crab to Brooke. Gail interferes during the In Yo Face. Tapa demolished Brooke. Tapa and ODB square off - holy hell, Tapa towers over her. TKO with a stunner ending to ODB, who basically does that as her finisher only with a cutter. Gail issued an open challenge to anyone outside of TNA. Maybe that could lead to Mickie coming back. Or Kong, or maybe Ivie.

A Friends of AJ Styles promotional video aired out of nowhere to show clips from TNA TV and of AJ beating Mesias in AAA for the TNA Title. They'd better replay that thing because they spent NO TIME AT ALL on that. You could take a piss break and have no idea what happened. Recap of Hardy winning the title at BFG 2012. The Aces met and argued. Knux nutted up, stood up to Bully and demanded a vote with EVERYONE (and Taz). "I DO NOT CARE ABOUT ADVERTISERS!" - I love Dixie. Nice way to address the AJ bit being a bit wacky logic-wise without saying it'll end. EC3 said his streak could end tonight. Garett's in the ring cutting a promo looking like a glorious douchebag. Taz is in his...biker leather shorts. Nice upshirt of him. Nothing about his outfit is flattering. Anderson came out in his thrift store getup. "I'm just here to watch this implode - carry on." - PERFECT delivery there. Knux hung up his cut too. Bully looks so thin next to Taz. Bully was a dickhead to Taz. Taz as the mouthpiece for a Garett-Knux team could work. Taz is bringing it on the mic tonight. Shame they're building up Taz-Bully.  Can they please do a sim match for Taz-Bully in Fire Pro Wrestling Returns to pay off this build? Nope - instead they'll do Anderson-Bully. Nice hype job by Anderson. Bully said that for a guy who respected Stone Cold so much, he couldn't believe he forgot the first rule - DTA. Garett and Knux jumped him. '98 WWF being used to build up a TNA match in 2013. Goddammit, this was going somewhere possibly good with Taz being a mouthpiece for a tag team that needs one and now it's just...this...

More focus on Hardy-Sabin. This hasn't been a perfect show, but I do like the focus on one match. Oh, and Taz is back to being a heel with the Aces. Roode's out and pissed. This roster feels like it's got 10 guys on it. EC3's out for his match. Dewey Barnes is out. I hope this builds to Shark Boy getting a one-shot. EC3's gear is wacky, but looks star-level. EC3 demolished this poor fucker's shoulder with a Hook and Ladder facebuster drop. Dewey's skin is like fish meat. The headlock driver is called the 1-percenter. That was one shitty name, although I dig the finger gun to the head before it. Joseph Park hunted through a candy bucket but was bullied by Bad Influence. They said he's eaten too much candy corn, but Park said it's okay - candy corn's a vegetable. Tremendous. EY came in and said he was a scientist, then challenged them to a match.

Third ad for WWE 2K14. Actually, I wonder if that Dixie promo backstage could also be about these airing on her TV time. Bad Influence vs. the comedy geeks is match 3 at 10:30, which means this had better end soon because I want the main event to be given time. Taz now mocking Park for having no-budget gear. FLAIR FLIP by EY, complete with a strut. Tenay hyped up the Tourney of Champions show ONLY ON PPV. Or Youtube, which they tell you about on Facebook.  Taz made a reference about avoid pronouns because they're a bad habit. Daniels threatened to use a hammer on EY here in this comedy match. Appletini to the face beat Park. Sabin's walking backstage ready for battle.

They hyped up the Black November sale and Hardy's album - the songs sound terrible from the preview here, but I like the lithographs. Angle's out at 10:40. Dammit - GET TO THE LADDER MATCH! Angle wants Roode, but Aries is out to say that they're facing off in a match next week. Bout time we get some kind of time table on this tournament. Austin's beard looks weird without it being consistent with his hair. THE WHEEL OF DIXIE made it a submission match. Aries and Roode are brawling. Dixie looked so awkward backstage, it was hilarious. Match intros begin at 10:45. Hardy's got a new theme. It's worse than his other ones, and they cut down Hardy's intro for an ad break. What. The. Fuck.

Taz started this by saying that Hardy was X division before there was one, as was Sabu - and the modern-era guys were just following in their footsteps. Way to fucking bury the entire X division in one shot there. Nice Goldust Final Cut neckbreaker off the ropes to Hardy on the ladder - makes me want to download a Sabin CAW for 2K14 and give him that move. Backdrop to the ladder onto Sabin. DON'T TAKE BUMPS ON A FUCKING LADDER IN A TEN MINUTE TV MATCH! Table hinge broke so Hardy had to go around and get another one. Alley Oop into a corner table was turned into a rana by Sabin. Good, I hate that move - you can hit the guy with a powerbomb - JUST DO THAT! Hesitation dropkick with a chair led to the yambag stomp, which Hardy escaped by hitting him with a chair. Well, that's a unique way to get out of it. This ends via pin, right? Because there's nothing above the ring, but they've never said how you win one despite implying it's a TLC match. Hardy missed a splash through the table on the floor, despite Sabin leaving the table before Hardy dove. They're seemingly going to an overrun because it's 10:59 and it feels like they've got at least five minutes worth of spots to work in. Sabin went for a splash through the table, but Hardy got his knees up and the table shattered anyway. So...what good did getting the knees up actually do there? Twist hits. LEAPFROG SWANTON OVER THE LADDER WINS. Holy shit what an awesome finish. Velvet came in with the doctors to check on Sabin.



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Raw 11-4-13

This week's Raw has just about zero hype behind it. BIG SHOW HAS BEEN BANNED FOR LIFE according to the pre-show cut-in. That must be why they keep using his WWE-owned name and likeness all over the place. Punk's out to start in his Bret gear. Wyatt attack recap. Punk-Harper is the match. More clips, now showing the Bryan attack from Raw. Punk's got Eddie Munster hair now. Gator roll. Crowd died quickly. Suicide dive from Punk led to a really safe bump from Harper and the crowd coming alive. I love Cole standing up for himself against JBL. Don't so much like his call of the SPINNING TORNADO DDT! Instead of hitting the elbow on Harper, he dove onto Rowan. Springboard turned into a big boot - PERFECT landing there. Super-tight O'Connor Roll got the win. Wyatts attack, Bryan saves. YES chant. This will all make for a fine video package. Cole hyped up his site talks with HHH. Now the suit is only for one million dollars. This feels like SD - tons and tons of clips. Wacky wind sound effects have been added to HHH's bump. Orton faces an opponent CHOSEN ON THE APP. Poor Miz. Sandow teams with the Real Americans to face the tag champs and Cena - should be awesome. MORE CESARO-CENA!

Phone interview with Heyman. The graphic for his face is disturbing. Poor guy has all sorts of injuries caused by CM Punk. The poor non-athlete and father of two small children. His big beautiful Ryback's out for a Khali match caused by BULLYING HORNSWOGGLE! JBL pimped Santino's gym by name - good for him. Get a payday and get his gym plugged without working a match. After nine hours, the Meathook got the win. Post-match beating from Ryback. Recap of Show again. OH MY GOD, the show is only 35 minutes old. Kofi's out in blue, yellow, and white gear with a match headband. He faces Alberto next. Best of 9,000 series!

According to Cole, Alberto is perhaps upset about not being champ. PERHAPS upset he's no longer world champ!? Well, titles do come and go. I love Alberto's new silver, black, and gold gear. Running kick of death to the arm in the corner after a snap German from ADR. Side headlock-style chinlock. Splash/bodyblock thing from Kofi got 2. Blind springboard crossbody got 2 from Kofi. Wacky cradle from Kofi got 2. Armbar wins. Alberto swings a flag like you'd row a boat. Otunga recap, complete with clips. I sure hope Otunga got permission to use these clips that defame WWE...on their own show. Really good video package. THE WWE APP GIVES YOU, THE FAN, THE POWER! You can use the app to look at Kofi's past - when he was a success. Orton app results are next. I hope there's an Orton chinlock montage on the app!

Recap of Ortiz and the WWE Title. Holy crap. Orton's an EIGHT TIME WWE Champion. I remember the '09 reign due to Mania. Orton cut a promo about women wanting him, and having a bigger dick than every other man in the building. Orton's cock is so big he can please all three of his on-air wives at once. Big E won the vote by a ton. Big E's past as the NXT Champ was brought up. NEW GEAR for Randy. Digging the maroon and silver trim. Barricade toss gave Big E the edge before a break. Giant splash got 2 for Big E. Draping DDT. Bodyblock after an RKO counter. Big Ending countered into an RKO. Great showcase for Big E that didn't hurt him at all. OH THANK GOD ANOTHER SHOW RECAP IS COMING! Cena-Rock WK14 game recap. YAY SUMMER RAE! Summer's cleavage is on display for a mixed tag.

KIDD'S BACK teaming with Nattie. He's got sweet long gear now. Five trillion star spin bump from Fandango for Kidd's running dropkick. Summer Rae managed to fall right onto her ass doing a clothesline. Twitter crawl shows that Zeb HIGHLY DISAPPROVES of border hopping. Kidd is so incredible here. Running big kick to the face on the apron. Summer Rae isn't just a WW II buff, she's also great at words with friends. Kidd's sharpshooter gets the win. Tremendous! Kidd looked better here than he has so far on Raw. Renee and her emerald green earrings interviewed Sandow. Zeb talked about admiring Sandow. HOLLA HOLLA 6 MAN TAG is next.

BUT FIRST, more clips of the Show drama. And a Cena promo. Less talking, more Goldust doing stuff. kthx Cena's congratulating the Komen foundation. WWE IS BEING SO GENEROUS, THEY'LL KEEP SELLING YOU THEIR MERCH ALL YEAR, and give an unnamed percentage of proceeds, to Komen. Cancer survivors and their families were shown in the crowd for a few seconds. Big E-Axel on Main Event. Zeb and Alberto are on commentary - on opposite sides. Love them still hating each other. Sandow looks like a total jobber in all-black gear. Alberto ordered Cole to "shet up". Cole hyped up Cena's 14th world title reign - putting him right before Flair. THE POWER OF TOTAL DIVAS allowed Tyson Kidd to trend worldwide. JBL buried Kidd's kiss once again. I love Zeb and Alberto bitching, but it's distracting. A nine-hour ad for CoD: Ghosts aired. VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUT gets 2 after a break. Between "shet up" and "fucusing", Alberto's commentary isn't very PG. Alberto and King getting buried here. Cena took that full nelson slam terribly. JBL counted the Cesaro swing IN SPANISH! Cesaro was shoved into Zeb, who took a great bump on the floor. Cena's flying crossbody led to the Final Cut - now the suplex/swinging neckbreaker combo, for the win. It's nearly 2014 and Dutch Mantel is taking bumps on the floor. RE-RE-RE-RE-RECAP of the Show deal. Big Show met with the PTPs and said it's all good.

Vickie alerted HHH that Show was here. Instead of watching his own show, he must be checking out the app. Love the HHH mag in the background. The top of Steph's hair looks odd. Steph said she didn't have a chance to alert HER HUSBAND. No time to call. Or text, apparently. I'd like to be paid $250 an hour by WWE to hear all this legal stuff. MITB DVD hype vid. Dolph's out to job. Maybe not - he's facing Axel. ZERO reaction to him. Angle-esque knee to the back camel clutch from Axel. Oh thank God. Axel gets no reaction and decides to use chinlocks. Legalese and chinlocks. Riveting. Dolph actually beat Axel. This match didn't help anyone. MORE RECAPS. Now for the Bryan/Punk deal from the start of the show. Usos are out and their US-O got a nice reaction. They're facing 3MB. Canadian politics now getting discussed during Raw. JBL called Torito Mr. Ed's nephew, which confused everyone else. Usos won, and a cow in Arkansas gave birth to triplets. Renee met with Los Matadores and showed highlights that all involved 3MB. And now the bullfighters have Mickey Mouse masks. And the bull is HORNY - HE MIGHT HORN YOU IN THE KNEES! Eva Marie's got black gear and red hair, while the Bellas have red gear and black hair. King said this would be good. I doubt it. Nice shot of Eva's ass. Kane recap from last week. "The monster is yours to unleash! OH MY GOD!" Still funny. It's Tamina, AJ, and Aksana against the faces. Aksana tagged in to rub her ass and stomp a mudhole into a Bella. BRIEEEE MOODEEE led to a bicep pose a missile dropkick. Eva stole the pin with a cradle. Now the Bellas can be angry that they won a tag match. Steph and HHH are coming out. MAIN EVENT TALKING!

Show said he wanted a broom so Steph could fly away. Love HHH saying he can trade immature insults too. Show demanded to be the face of the company, which set Steph off. Show used Bryan's YES chant, then the Shield came down for an ad break at 10:55 - bad timing there. He wanted a title match, but Hunter didn't want to give it to him, so Show said okey dokey - he'll just call his attorney own them all tomorrow. Tremendous. Show is the best part about this whole deal. Dean Ambrose is so getting that I'm a Dean Ambrose Girl later. HHH making the main event at 11:04 PM - Show vs. Shield/Orton. Spear takes out Show. Show's clothes are all torn up here. LIBERTARIAN KANE DEBUTED! RKO. I demand that Kane's theme be remixed into something more fitting an office setting. The world needs a muzak version of it. Triple powerbomb through the announce table hit.

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