WWE Raw 8-3-26 - MYSTERY VORTEX

 

Raw has nothing announced so it's a mystery show, which is pretty neat in a way. We get SHIELD LORE to start off. Roman gets his belt and walks out and after NINE MINUTES, Roman hits the ring and yells IOWA ACKNOWLEDGE ME! Anyway, LA Knight is out and wants Roman TONIGHT or whenever. Cell recap. Folks walk in and it's time for JeVon against Ethan Page and they have a match in PIP before Jevon gets the OG Cutter to win. AND BIG CASS KICKS HIS ASS. Lordy this company.

Roman tells Jacob to not trust Royce and he'll take out LA. We get Trumpian propaganda with the Presidential fitness stuff and Royce tells Fatu he's family and they argue and they face off in a street fight. Okay then. Judgment Day is out and Liv is annoying. Roxy faces Sol and Sol gets a surfboard. Boo/yay strikes and Ruca avoids the code red and an X Factor hits for Ruca. Liv gets involved for a DQ. Tremendous. AND THEN SOL EATS EVERYONE'S FINISH. Okay well that's stupid. Becky is back as a face it would seem and she wants Liv's belt and Stephanie Vaquer is back to go for it too I guess. 

The "I STAND ALONE" video airs for Brock and Oba talks to Heyman about thanking Brock. Oba said Brock came back to make sure he was the right man and The Vision interrupts him as he leaves. Okay so why not have Brock and Oba win the tag belts. Breakker kills Hendry, who gets no intro. Welp I'd avoid picking up my phone during cuts week. TOZAWA makes the same for Hendry. Yikes. Cass says he's back after 8 years at rock bottom and it's nothing personal with Je'Von, but he's here to stack bodies. 

Gable says it's been 10 years...wow that's a year less than Bret's whole WWF run. Penta gives him his flowers and Dom is out and I guess Penta beats him for the Mega title at a TripleMania. But first HOLLA HOLLA TAG MATCH. Really not much to this beyond Gable being the face in peril. Penta driver got 2 thanks to JD and Gable wins with the Chaos Theory. Bron threatens Heyman over Oba. We get Keys-Fatu lore about them being buddies and making no money and sleeping on each others' couches getting into wrestling and we start with HOLDS. Keys trucks him. Keys tackles him through the barricade during the DIGIORNO BREAK. Kendo sticks and chairs. Fatu gets the implant DDT for 2 AND THAT'S A GANGREL HOMAGE - now it makes sense. Avalanche powerslam through chairs for 2.9! Tongan death grip wins it via passout.

Jacob beats him up more with the assalanche and another and then he just dances around. BUT ROMAN IS HERE. 

WWE SummerSlam 2026 Night Two - 8-2-26

 

Darius Rucker sings and Balor and Zayn start the show off. Balor is just ungodly shredded and Sami is still hugely over. Aldis is out and says yeah I'm GM again and FOR FAIRNESS, he's adding Gunther to the mix - which is some solid Mid-South logic here. AND ALSO KO IS HERE TO FOREVER FUCK WITH SAMI! It's a pretty short match overall given that it's a 4 way. Balor got a double stomp, Gunther got an RNC, but KO beats Sami with a stunner. 

Trick vs. Corbin is up but first ads! Trick gets a Luger GAB '89-style entrance that is much worse and yet also more expensive. Trick avoids end of days and gets a boot after Yachty breaks a Trick stick. Corbin sends Yachty through the table and END OF DAYS WINS IT!? Okay well yeah that's weird. Women's interim ladder match is up and Jade has cool Prince gear. 

Tiffy and Chelsea do goofy stuff before CG misses a dropkick badly. Charlotte falls into Lash and Jade before getting thrown into a corner ladder and Chelsea sends Tiffy out to the floor onto the pile in a swanton. The baddies cost Chelsea before Charlotte comes in to try and win it. Everyone takes each other out and Chelsea chin ups to win! Danhausen vs. Dom is up and Danhausen is in Bret gear. We get some punches and then a Danhausen death drop and then the taker situp 2 minutes in. TORITOHAUSEN TAKES OUT JD! Hendry saves and then a curse and Danhausen wins. Okay well this was stupid and there's like 2 matches left and we're AN HOUR AND A HALF IN! 

Killer Bees, Martel, Molly Holly, and Greg Gagne are shown to honor MN wrestling history. DECADE SIX OF THE KILLER BEES being like...around. Gable's out in Vikings colors and Penta is the coolest. Suplex City gets 2 for Gable. Gable runs him down with a clothesline and Gable...I think was supposed to miss a moonsault but it hits and Penta sells it before going for a cover for 2. Flip dive by Penta before a corner belly to belly by Gable. Penta catches him off the diving headbutt into a Sacrifice. APRON GERMAN BY GABLE! Diving headbutt gets 2. APRON DESTROYER! Ankle lock with a kneebar wins it. Good video game match - not a great match itself.

Seth is in the dumbest gear in history. Lockup. Boring stuff. Chanting. Drive-by at half-speed. ONE-MAN SHIELD BOMB THROUGH AN ANNOUNCE TABLE. Stomp misses, but a superman punch doesn't. AA setup to the corner and Seth gets a superplex, but gets locked in a front choke during the Falcon Arrow attempt. Seth gets a buckle bomb but the Stomp misses. Roman gets a buckle bomb and the Stomp gets 2.9 for him! WACKY LINE FROM SETH! REIGNS GETS THE DIRTY DEEDS! FOREARM SHIVERS after they avoid chairshots. Seth superkick, Roman slow-mo Superman punch and the spear>pedigree hits. Stomp hits and A SUPER STOMP but no spear! THREE SPEARS win it. Okay then.

Well, neither night of Summerslam really felt like an epic show - night 1 felt bigger with Brock and Oba, and this might technically be the better card in the end since nothing was as bad as the women's tag. Cole has THE BOOK THE CHAPTER THE ENDING THE FINALITY THE whatever shut up and end this show Jesus! Okay, for free, I got two nights of good-ish action but...yeah wow if I'd spent $30 on this...nah.

WWE Summerslam Saturday 2026 - 8-1-26

 

13 years ago, it was TNA's August 1 Warning with Tito Ortiz and now we've got A MONSTER set for Summerslam here. Liv and Iyo have a good-ish match before the Oblivion wins. WACKY SOLO out to PEW PEW PEW and THEN HE DEMANDS YEETING! BABYFACE SOLO RULES! Keys hits a sky high that Cole calls a pop up powerbomb and then UNLOADS RIGHT HANDS THAT COLE SAYS ARE FROM THE SOUTHPAW! Uso splash hits and Knight kicks out at 2. BFT to Jey wins it!

Aldis vs. Gunther is up and Aldis GETS OASIS AND HAS HIS AMAZON JACKET that I bought before he used it on TV and he blocked me for pointing out. Aldis is quick and nimble for up and down sequences and goes up for the elbow and eats a chop. Sleeper by Gunther and he rams him into the buckle before a Gunther lariat sends him down before an Aldis superplex! Aldis gets a "you still got it" chant and Cole calls it a "you still have it". Lordy. Davey Boy powerslam gets 2 for Aldis. Aldis goes up for Aldis PIP and THE CLOVERLEAF IS ON and Gunther gets the rope! 

Doomsday Saito and powerbomb get 2! RNC is on by Gunther but Nick fires up! And he quits - JUST LIKE JOHN CENA! He gets to celebrate with his son, Mickie James and "Morning Glory" blaring - so he got a great sendoff if that's his last match. Busted Open crew is shown. Paige and WWE ICONS WWE HALL OF FAMERS THE BELLAS are out with separate intros to face Fatal Influence.

Brie is not good, but eats a stomp on the steps by Laney. Jacey sentons Brie and they play it up like that they're 20 minutes in 2 minutes in. Reed takes down Paige on the apron and SHE WANTS NIKKI. Nikki gets 2 on an X factor to Reed. A GENERATIONAL GREAT Barrett calls Nikki. TKO on Laney gets 2 when Jacy saves. Double flippy fisherman buster thing to Nikki gets 2 before Paige saves. Jayne beats Paige with the rolling encore.

Bellas turn on Paige and I think Brie blew her right shoulder out. Marks paid a bunch of money to have their name on the canvas and the WWE Title is up for the mid-card tentpole match. Cody is out a s the biggest dark ever as Guile WITH HIS THEME! Punk is out and does his kneel and then the theme kicks on with IT'S CLOBBERIN TIME. 

Punk is out in North Stars colors and Cole explains for like 5 minutes what they are and how old a reference it is while getting Punk's 20 on the jacket wrong. Cody and Punk have finishers turned on and avoid a bunch before a side headlock. Long nothings on the arm from Cody. Long figure four by Cody and a twirly Alabama slam is avoided by Punk. Punk misses a dreadful moonsault and lordy this is terrible. Punk misses the flying elbow to the announce table. RKO to CODY! But Punk didn't see anything! GTS WINS IT! 

We get a preview of Radio WWE with Booker and Vic and the audio quality is worse than Bryan's home studio.  UFC MAGA Crypto bullshit ad before Oba and Brock is hyped up for the main event. Oba gets a killer intro and we've probably got Brock's final main event coming up. Brock's out with giant elbow wraps, so maybe we'll get some stuff on top of the cell. 

Epic intro from Heyman for Brock. Uppercut and bodyshots to start for Oba! Corner uppercut misses AND GERMANS HIT! A third hits and he just pops up and sends Brock out - and his body control over the top is unreal at his age. He's as old now as Hogan was as Hollywood. It's weird that we'll have a PPV that ends probably by 9:30 when AEW and its post show for Forbidden Door ended at like 2AM. TABLE FOR BROCK! STEPS TO THE HEAD FROM BROCK! Chairs and more Germans! Oba gets a chain of body shots via gut punches! Chokeslam and the atomic toss by Oba!  Fall From Grace hits for 2.5 and THREE F5S IN A ROW hit for 2.9! 

Brock shatters a chair over Oba's back! BROCK EXPOSES THE BOARDS! VINTAGE BULLY RAY! A TOMBSTONE ON THE EXPOSED BOARDS GETS 2.9! FALL FROM GRACE WINS IT! Goddamn what a spectacle! Cole out of nowhere brings up Brock's finale so...well if that's it, it was perfect. 

Brock did that without kneepads, which sure feels odd. Maybe Brock just had the arm  guards to hand them over to Oba. He throws them off and says Oba's the future and he's smart in saying he's the past and still THIS GOOD. Smart move to not announce his retirement but basically give Oba his spot - so there's a future there down the road with them as a team.