Shield-Punk was brilliant. Love the continued tease towards Reigns-Ambrose, likely with Reigns winning the belt from him - or just taking it off Ambrose so Reigns isn't saddled with it - unless they try to make him the undisputed secondary champ. AJ-Nattie was well-worked. Loved them acting like a grab of the hair was the biggest deal in the world. Sandow's new I>U shirt is rather terrible. Kofi and Miz, in a barber shop red-striped suit, brawling on the pre-show was shown. Big Show, a month after being the lead face, is just a dude in a 4-way tag team title match. Rey's gold and blue motif just looks weird. Ryback got beat with a schoolboy. Poor fucker. The commentators downplayed the WE THE PEOPLE response. BIGG HOSS got a 2 on Goldust. Goldust hit the rana off the top onto Cesaro. VINTAGE RIKISHI BUMP from Cesaro off the shoulder block from Show. Dive into a KO punch - Cesaro's out, but that was fun. Rey took the best bump ever for the disaster kick. Cross Rhodes beats Rey. Goofy bullshit with Brawlin Buddies. Brodus had a match with Truth. Brodus is a heel officially, and has no allies. Schoolboy beats him. Kofi in green zebra and yellow gear that's hideous faced Miz. Kofi won after throwing Miz into the exposed buckle. Sure, Miz used it, but Kofi's a bit of a dick.
Bryan-Wyatts was fun. I loved Wyatt busting out some ground and pound elbows and then finishing him off with Sister Abigail. Both handicap matches were pretty good, so while the stips led to matches that were worse than a regular TV match involving either setup of guys, at least the PPV results were decent. Cena-Orton had THE BIGGEST MATCH IN WWE HISTORY...with a one month build. I liked the spot with Cena holding a belt and being thwacked with a chair. Dude shouldn't be in a TLC match right now though, and no part of their feud...or whatever this is, requires any of these items. Cena got handcuffed to the rope, SO HE PULLED THE BOTTOM ROPE OFF, he used the as Cole called it STEEL METAL on the buckle to bonk Orton. Orton pulled him off the ladder and he hit the table, so Orton won. He's the WWE World Heavyweight Champion. Eh.
Monday, December 16, 2013
Friday, December 13, 2013
WWE SD 12-13-13
Show opened with a recap of the awesome Raw brawl that ended that show. The stage is covered in tables, ladders, and chairs and they've got the belts hung up. So Raw wasn't the HISTORIC LAST TIME BOTH TITLES WOULD BE SEEN. Bryan came out while a Sting vs. Streak sign was shown in the background. He's facing Rowan...again...poor Bryan. They did stuff until Bray tripped Bryan and led to a DQ. Great running knee to Bray takes him out of the chair. Cody and his dopey smile team with Goldust to face the Real Americans - YAY! The Real Americans' gear and tracksuits matching perfectly is so great. Zeb doesn't approve of Mexican Santa Clauses asking for money. "I don't approve of people sneaking across our border FROM THE NORTH POLE!" Zeb rules. Nice double A spinebuster from Goldust - don't recall him doing that before. Nice shortarm clothesline from Cesaro takes Goldust out on the floor for the break. Second rope leaping blind head bonk from Goldust led to a hot tag. It's a shame that Goldust can't just team with himself, because he's great in both the Morton and Gibson roles. GOLDUST ACTUALLY GOT BOOD for preventing the swing. Cody sends the heels packing with a backdrop over the top, then hits a springboard crossbody to both of them on the floor. Cody went up top, but got pulled down into basically a Rainmaker European Uppercut for the win. I loved this. WE THE PEOPLE pledge got one frame before they went to the Champion of Champions video. That segued into a video showcasing both Orton and Cena's careers from the beginning until now. Benoit was surprisingly shown in the Orton video for the first world title win. CENA WILL TALK ABOUT THE CHAMPION OF CHAMPIONS MATCH LATER!
Bad News Barrett and his stupid podium - everyone in the crowd is a loser. Henry came out to whoop Sandow, and pretty much did until Sandow left and got counted out on purpose. Hell of a build to the IC Title match. Henry threw Sandow into Big E, taking him off of the apron...which I don't think was supposed to happen since it was never mentioned and didn't lead to any annoyance from Big E. AJ and Tamina face the Bellas. Nattie's on commentary, and she's not very good. Nattie called Nikki Nicole. I'm not sure if Nikki's Tough Tatas socks are appropriate for WWE TV or not. I guess it's a bit classier than the TNA Save the Tatas shirts. Brie taps to the Black Widow, and still looks scary thin. Cena cut a nice promo about Orton being a pussy who's going to be forced to man up on Sunday. Cena saying that he wouldn't know how to react in a TLC match was odd given that Orton himself hyped up DESTROYING FOLEY IN A HARDCORE MATCH on Raw, but whatever.
Ambrose and the Shield's Slammy did commentary. The Shield graphic for the PPV is really old - Reigns still has his partial tattoo, and he's had the whole sleeve for a long time. Reigns and Rollins face the Usos. Ambrose said that them leaving on Raw was due to their passion - they're like brothers and sometimes things happen. Reigns has added Ambrose's little finger gun point - nice touch there. Ambrose put over the big toss into the Samoan Drop - I love him doing that. Big dive from an Uso to the floor off the top. These guys are such great workers. BIG SPEAR ON THA FLOOR FROM THA BIG MAN! "You can swim for a while, but when you're in the ring with the Shield, we'll take you to deep waters AND DROWN YOU!" Great stuff. BIG SPEAR gets the win. Punk cut a Shield-esque promo backstage - BELIEVE IN THE BEST IN THE WORLD. Twas fine.
Show's facing Ryback to build up the 4-way tag title match the PPV. Show and Rey face Rybaxel, and the teams in the opener. Sucks to be the Usos, and no Shield in it seems a tad odd too. This almost feels like a tag division now. Nice spinebuster from Ryback. Chokeslam gets the win. Sucks to be Ryback. Axel and his new Better Than Perfect shirt got knocked out with a 619>Punch combo. Also sucks to be Axel. Bray gave Bryan advice and sang a song that he sings before he puts all of his pets down. Alberto was going to face Kofi, but Kofi got destroyed by Miz beforehand. HHH and Cole's thing covered HHH demanding an apology from Orton. Why should Orton apologize? He was shoved into Steph. They talked and talked. Clips played from Raw. They talked, and stared. This was a waste of time.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/wmdjxnm225nn3ydo7h7lijzlqn1acm08
Bad News Barrett and his stupid podium - everyone in the crowd is a loser. Henry came out to whoop Sandow, and pretty much did until Sandow left and got counted out on purpose. Hell of a build to the IC Title match. Henry threw Sandow into Big E, taking him off of the apron...which I don't think was supposed to happen since it was never mentioned and didn't lead to any annoyance from Big E. AJ and Tamina face the Bellas. Nattie's on commentary, and she's not very good. Nattie called Nikki Nicole. I'm not sure if Nikki's Tough Tatas socks are appropriate for WWE TV or not. I guess it's a bit classier than the TNA Save the Tatas shirts. Brie taps to the Black Widow, and still looks scary thin. Cena cut a nice promo about Orton being a pussy who's going to be forced to man up on Sunday. Cena saying that he wouldn't know how to react in a TLC match was odd given that Orton himself hyped up DESTROYING FOLEY IN A HARDCORE MATCH on Raw, but whatever.
Ambrose and the Shield's Slammy did commentary. The Shield graphic for the PPV is really old - Reigns still has his partial tattoo, and he's had the whole sleeve for a long time. Reigns and Rollins face the Usos. Ambrose said that them leaving on Raw was due to their passion - they're like brothers and sometimes things happen. Reigns has added Ambrose's little finger gun point - nice touch there. Ambrose put over the big toss into the Samoan Drop - I love him doing that. Big dive from an Uso to the floor off the top. These guys are such great workers. BIG SPEAR ON THA FLOOR FROM THA BIG MAN! "You can swim for a while, but when you're in the ring with the Shield, we'll take you to deep waters AND DROWN YOU!" Great stuff. BIG SPEAR gets the win. Punk cut a Shield-esque promo backstage - BELIEVE IN THE BEST IN THE WORLD. Twas fine.
Show's facing Ryback to build up the 4-way tag title match the PPV. Show and Rey face Rybaxel, and the teams in the opener. Sucks to be the Usos, and no Shield in it seems a tad odd too. This almost feels like a tag division now. Nice spinebuster from Ryback. Chokeslam gets the win. Sucks to be Ryback. Axel and his new Better Than Perfect shirt got knocked out with a 619>Punch combo. Also sucks to be Axel. Bray gave Bryan advice and sang a song that he sings before he puts all of his pets down. Alberto was going to face Kofi, but Kofi got destroyed by Miz beforehand. HHH and Cole's thing covered HHH demanding an apology from Orton. Why should Orton apologize? He was shoved into Steph. They talked and talked. Clips played from Raw. They talked, and stared. This was a waste of time.
Screens -
Thursday, December 12, 2013
TNA Impact 12-12-13 - Feast or Fired
For some reason, a Friends of AJ Styles-style video opened Impact. Boy, with AJ actually being gone and them taping so much TV at once, this whole angle seems even dumber since they're giving him prime time global exposure for the indy scene. Rockstar Spud is in Gainesville, GA to find AJ - while wearing a rainbow-bow tie. JB said stuff about Feast or Fired, leading to Angle coming out and yelling at him. There's way too goddamn much happening by 9:03. He tossed around the Wheel of Dixie, then called Roode out. THANK GOD ROODE IS WALKING SLOWLY, it's possible to digest this. Roode rightly pointed out that he was eliminated from a world title tourney due to slipping and falling through a table, while he's broken Kurt down ever since he turned down his HoF induction, and so they'll fight on his terms - not Kurt's. Roode said he could beat him twice in one night, leading to perfect build for a 2/3 falls match. They did another brawl>geeks>brawl deal before Roode kicked him in the balls. Al Snow's sneakers should trend worldwide. Roode made the 2/3 falls match for Final Resolution, which should be really good. Tremendous Park/EY vs. Bad Influence video - they put a red TRON filter on stuff and it was so weird and awesome. EY then cut a great promo on Park telling him to man up and beat the shit out of Bad Influence. This ruled.
Bad Influence came out and Kaz had more pep in his step than usual. They hyped up Feast or Fired, with Taz burying it as a former competitor. Kaz went a billion feet in the air for a backdrop, which ruled. Tenay hyped up Dixie's Twitter feed - that just seems weird since he's a face and she's a heel. There should at least be a hint of sarcasm to it or something like "I've been advised to...". Taz discussed sea lions for some reason. EY told Park to man up, but he wouldn't, so EY gave him a headlock and punches after apologizing to get the monster out of him. Chokeslam, corner avalanche AND SHOCK TREATMENT! Black Hole Slam gets the win. This was a ton of fun. Then EY said that the reason Park couldn't find Abyss was because he was him - this led to a great YOU'RE A-BYSS chant. And EC3 got a massage because he needs it.
EC3's out and Taz says he loves what he did to Earl since he doesn't like him anyway. Dude's getting a SHUT YOUR MOUTH chant after one sentence, so this is clicking to at least some degree. EC3 said social media would play up with his match against JB! Sting came down to stand up for JB. Sting cut an awesome promo on the guy and by God, he's making Feast or Fired seem important because at least those guys are taking a chance. He said either get in that match, or face Sting now. Huge YES chant. Sure, it's a WWE chant, but hell, the fans are digging this. EC3 said YOU'RE ON...and then left to compete in feast or fired. This was perfect. Spud then went to a gas station for directions while fumbling with a comedically-large map and annoying a gas station clerk. Shockingly, the guy actually knew of AJ - so at least the guy's presented as a star in his hometown. This role is perfect for Spud.
Gail's out for the open challenge. ODB came out, and Gail said she wanted BETTER competition while the announcers talked about her being in the company and thus ineligible for it. ODB and her wacky spiked mohawk bonked Tapa with the mic, leading to a little brawl. Madison Rayne returned to beat the shit out of Gail, while she and ODB teamed up to take out Tapa. This was great stuff and I dig Madison using her cocky wave for good, or at least against evil. Spud and his goofy tie went to "an American pub", his hick accept was hilarious. Spud asked for a "Mister Allen Jones", while the bartender's tits were distracting, and he asked for a Ladyboy Chaser. He got a beer, but no info.
They came back to the bar after the break and he asked for Allen Jones again, also known as AJ Styles. The folks demanded that he sing. He obliged SINCE HE'S A ROCKSTAR! Spud yelled about the queen while struggling with the lights...and then got himself and his '80s shirt tossed out. This sucked. Feast or Fired case recap video showed off Curry Man being fired before...and he's in tonight's match too. Gunner apologized to Storm, who accepted the apology while also bringing up everything he did wrong and saying he'd be winning the world title shot while Gunner could get the tag title shot. Storm was a great cocky prick here, and it's a shame he's so broken down now, because he could've been something special. And this team breaking up means nothing since they came together for no real reason and don't come close to either of Storm's prior teams in TNA. Oh yeah, there's a world title tourney going on and Hardy and Magnus meet mid-ring next to talk about their title match next week. That has really been a total afterthought.
MORE WITH SPUD. He got a dinky flashlight and ran down a road. I didn't need to see that, and they're doing way too many of these things. Dixie bitched about Angle destroying the wheel of Dixie, and made Roode-Angle 2/3 falls CUZ SHE'S THE ONE WHO MAKES THA MATCHES. More bitching about AJ, YA SENDING ME THAT TOY BELT ARE YA SERIOUS! Dixie was happy about getting HER new world champion next week. She got a giant smile on her face while bringing Magnus out. He's in a T-shirt and jeans - basically what Hardy's in as well. T-shirt and jeans world title match. Yargh. At least Hardy's hoodie looks nice. Hardy ran down how great 2012 was for him - shame it's nearly 2014. Magnus said that he's young, but he knows the fans are Hardy's creatures - and he's earned them. Magnus thanked him for putting food on his table - thank God he's basically a heel, because this as a face act would be utter death. Dixie said that the wheel of Dixie may be gone, BUT ITS LEGACY LIVES ON in the Dixieland match.
Then a really stupid awkward cut from Tenay led to a Dixieland video package. It starts as a cage, then, there's a race to a ladder to get the title on top of the ramp. This match reeks of that stupid reverse ladder match thing, where's it's needlessly complicated for the sake of being needlessly complicated. Oh, and the winner gets to fly around the world with Dixie. Dixie gave Magnus a look. Velvet and a hot blue dress met with Sabin - I love the dress matching the belt. He's got a title match with Aries next...for some reason. Spud attempted to break into AJ's house, but the door was unlocked. AJ came down after he found the belt, and AJ said he was tipped off. AJ's house appears to be just like anyone else's house, only filled with goofy stuff like a deer head in a chair. No one came off great here. Cena's house has an elevator, the TNA World Champion's has a deer head in a chair in his living room.
Ken Anderson walked backstage and looked at least 45 with the lighting on him. He threatened to get back in the world title hunt. Aries is out to become a four-time X Champion, after this beyond nothing 3rd title reign. The close-up shot of the X Title is not complimentary of it. Taz said that Sabin and Aries were carbon copies of each other. I call bullshit on that. Loved Sabin hugging Velvet to prevent himself from getting hit with a spring-loaded double axehandle off the top to the floor. It led to a fantastic clothesline to the knees that Aries took a great bump on the apron for. Missile dropkick from Aries missed, leading to Sabin doing a whirlybird facebuster/gutbuster thing. TNA Genesis debuts on Spike on 1/14. Abdominal stretch from Sabin led to him doing the gordbuster on the ropes - seems like that order should've been reversed, but whatever. Discus forearm takes Sabin up the ramp. Springing axehandle finally hits, and he looked a lot like Savinge doing it with his full beard now. Big Aries chant after that, and it leads to the missile dropkick finally hitting. This match was built up with nothing, but feels somewhat important thanks to the action and the crowd being hot for it. JAPANESE ARMDRAG INTO THE BUCKLES FROM ARIES. Holy crap that ruled. Corner facekiller dropkick from Aries led an on O Conner rollup reversal, Sabin stopping short, and getting hit with a brainbuster for the win. Velvet apologized and said she's sorry. Feast or Fired is next. It's 10:26, so I hope there's at least something after that because no part of that match going long seems good.
Sabin bitched at Aries for DARING TO PUT HIS LITTLE SUNFLOWER in danger, and then entered himself into Feast or Fired. Aries did the same. This roster seems so lean and overworked. Magnus cut a promo in a room with picnic furniture about the title match. Recap of Roode-Angle and the Magnus-Hardy deal from before. This video was perfectly fine, but didn't do anything really well. Gail and Tapa face Rayne and ODB. This goofy thing was just hype for the Final Resoution show...wow that was bad. Christy, also in a blue dress, introduced the Feast or Fired guys. VINTAGE MIC DROP for Anderson. Bully jumped Anderson and hit him with a piledriver on the ramp. Epic music played while Bully cut a promo about good overcoming the evil of man's sins, while evil stands strong in hell. I'm digging Biblical Ray. And then he said Anderson raped him of his future, referenced Ken's pregnant wife and future twins...and that got a bit weird. It's now 10:38 and the match hasn't begun.
ShopTNA hype ad led to a Bully/Anderson recap. A graphic for the Hardy-Magnus match was shown, then they further recapped FR - so why do that awful video earlier? Joe came down, and a bunch of the jobbers were already in the ring. GunStorm came down. EC3 got his full intro - now adding a slow backwards walk. They're getting at least this intro over like a million bucks. Taz said that EC3's already beaten three of the guys in this match, so he shouldn't be taken lightly. Ion's in this. Curry Man just left - Tenay said it was because he realized he could be fired...like he was before. Curry Man leaving both makes sense because he was fired before in this match, and makes no sense because HE WAS FIRED IN THIS MATCH BEFORE and is back. Storm took a funky dive over the top via a backdrop from Gunner. Barnes and Fernum took guys out, while Joe then took them out. EC3 took advantage of this and grabbed the third case.
Final Resolution DIXIELAND hype vid. Tenay hyped up this being the fourth FoF match in company history, and the first in four years. Sabin and Joe had a fun exchange. THE NERD, and Ion, tossed Joe out. Ion tossed them off the second case's pole. Taz did the airhorn noise. Big blind crossbody off the top from Aries onto Supermex and Storm - nice spot. Aries set up a double stack of Mexicans and GunStorm in the corners, then dropkicked them - good stuff. Then he bonked the nerds into each other and tried to dropkick them too. He eventually hit the 450 on both of them. Aries is the MVP of the show so far. Sabin took Aries down trying to grab a case. Joe and Chavo brawled, and Hernandez tossed Chavo...scarily...onto the pole to get the case. Gunner hit Hernandez with a combo corner avalanche/clothesline - does everyone in the company do that spot now? TOWER OF DOOM with the nerds superplexing Hernandez. Storm went to grab the case, but Gunner attacked him...so I guess he's turning heel. Gunner's uber-generic theme hit. Dude needs a better theme. Hardy met with Dixie and gave him win. BAD MOVE DIXIE!
Screens -
BIGFOOT'S BEEN FOUND!
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/axoup5jnh8tgxddmald0xk5656aappzz
Bad Influence came out and Kaz had more pep in his step than usual. They hyped up Feast or Fired, with Taz burying it as a former competitor. Kaz went a billion feet in the air for a backdrop, which ruled. Tenay hyped up Dixie's Twitter feed - that just seems weird since he's a face and she's a heel. There should at least be a hint of sarcasm to it or something like "I've been advised to...". Taz discussed sea lions for some reason. EY told Park to man up, but he wouldn't, so EY gave him a headlock and punches after apologizing to get the monster out of him. Chokeslam, corner avalanche AND SHOCK TREATMENT! Black Hole Slam gets the win. This was a ton of fun. Then EY said that the reason Park couldn't find Abyss was because he was him - this led to a great YOU'RE A-BYSS chant. And EC3 got a massage because he needs it.
EC3's out and Taz says he loves what he did to Earl since he doesn't like him anyway. Dude's getting a SHUT YOUR MOUTH chant after one sentence, so this is clicking to at least some degree. EC3 said social media would play up with his match against JB! Sting came down to stand up for JB. Sting cut an awesome promo on the guy and by God, he's making Feast or Fired seem important because at least those guys are taking a chance. He said either get in that match, or face Sting now. Huge YES chant. Sure, it's a WWE chant, but hell, the fans are digging this. EC3 said YOU'RE ON...and then left to compete in feast or fired. This was perfect. Spud then went to a gas station for directions while fumbling with a comedically-large map and annoying a gas station clerk. Shockingly, the guy actually knew of AJ - so at least the guy's presented as a star in his hometown. This role is perfect for Spud.
Gail's out for the open challenge. ODB came out, and Gail said she wanted BETTER competition while the announcers talked about her being in the company and thus ineligible for it. ODB and her wacky spiked mohawk bonked Tapa with the mic, leading to a little brawl. Madison Rayne returned to beat the shit out of Gail, while she and ODB teamed up to take out Tapa. This was great stuff and I dig Madison using her cocky wave for good, or at least against evil. Spud and his goofy tie went to "an American pub", his hick accept was hilarious. Spud asked for a "Mister Allen Jones", while the bartender's tits were distracting, and he asked for a Ladyboy Chaser. He got a beer, but no info.
They came back to the bar after the break and he asked for Allen Jones again, also known as AJ Styles. The folks demanded that he sing. He obliged SINCE HE'S A ROCKSTAR! Spud yelled about the queen while struggling with the lights...and then got himself and his '80s shirt tossed out. This sucked. Feast or Fired case recap video showed off Curry Man being fired before...and he's in tonight's match too. Gunner apologized to Storm, who accepted the apology while also bringing up everything he did wrong and saying he'd be winning the world title shot while Gunner could get the tag title shot. Storm was a great cocky prick here, and it's a shame he's so broken down now, because he could've been something special. And this team breaking up means nothing since they came together for no real reason and don't come close to either of Storm's prior teams in TNA. Oh yeah, there's a world title tourney going on and Hardy and Magnus meet mid-ring next to talk about their title match next week. That has really been a total afterthought.
MORE WITH SPUD. He got a dinky flashlight and ran down a road. I didn't need to see that, and they're doing way too many of these things. Dixie bitched about Angle destroying the wheel of Dixie, and made Roode-Angle 2/3 falls CUZ SHE'S THE ONE WHO MAKES THA MATCHES. More bitching about AJ, YA SENDING ME THAT TOY BELT ARE YA SERIOUS! Dixie was happy about getting HER new world champion next week. She got a giant smile on her face while bringing Magnus out. He's in a T-shirt and jeans - basically what Hardy's in as well. T-shirt and jeans world title match. Yargh. At least Hardy's hoodie looks nice. Hardy ran down how great 2012 was for him - shame it's nearly 2014. Magnus said that he's young, but he knows the fans are Hardy's creatures - and he's earned them. Magnus thanked him for putting food on his table - thank God he's basically a heel, because this as a face act would be utter death. Dixie said that the wheel of Dixie may be gone, BUT ITS LEGACY LIVES ON in the Dixieland match.
Then a really stupid awkward cut from Tenay led to a Dixieland video package. It starts as a cage, then, there's a race to a ladder to get the title on top of the ramp. This match reeks of that stupid reverse ladder match thing, where's it's needlessly complicated for the sake of being needlessly complicated. Oh, and the winner gets to fly around the world with Dixie. Dixie gave Magnus a look. Velvet and a hot blue dress met with Sabin - I love the dress matching the belt. He's got a title match with Aries next...for some reason. Spud attempted to break into AJ's house, but the door was unlocked. AJ came down after he found the belt, and AJ said he was tipped off. AJ's house appears to be just like anyone else's house, only filled with goofy stuff like a deer head in a chair. No one came off great here. Cena's house has an elevator, the TNA World Champion's has a deer head in a chair in his living room.
Ken Anderson walked backstage and looked at least 45 with the lighting on him. He threatened to get back in the world title hunt. Aries is out to become a four-time X Champion, after this beyond nothing 3rd title reign. The close-up shot of the X Title is not complimentary of it. Taz said that Sabin and Aries were carbon copies of each other. I call bullshit on that. Loved Sabin hugging Velvet to prevent himself from getting hit with a spring-loaded double axehandle off the top to the floor. It led to a fantastic clothesline to the knees that Aries took a great bump on the apron for. Missile dropkick from Aries missed, leading to Sabin doing a whirlybird facebuster/gutbuster thing. TNA Genesis debuts on Spike on 1/14. Abdominal stretch from Sabin led to him doing the gordbuster on the ropes - seems like that order should've been reversed, but whatever. Discus forearm takes Sabin up the ramp. Springing axehandle finally hits, and he looked a lot like Savinge doing it with his full beard now. Big Aries chant after that, and it leads to the missile dropkick finally hitting. This match was built up with nothing, but feels somewhat important thanks to the action and the crowd being hot for it. JAPANESE ARMDRAG INTO THE BUCKLES FROM ARIES. Holy crap that ruled. Corner facekiller dropkick from Aries led an on O Conner rollup reversal, Sabin stopping short, and getting hit with a brainbuster for the win. Velvet apologized and said she's sorry. Feast or Fired is next. It's 10:26, so I hope there's at least something after that because no part of that match going long seems good.
Sabin bitched at Aries for DARING TO PUT HIS LITTLE SUNFLOWER in danger, and then entered himself into Feast or Fired. Aries did the same. This roster seems so lean and overworked. Magnus cut a promo in a room with picnic furniture about the title match. Recap of Roode-Angle and the Magnus-Hardy deal from before. This video was perfectly fine, but didn't do anything really well. Gail and Tapa face Rayne and ODB. This goofy thing was just hype for the Final Resoution show...wow that was bad. Christy, also in a blue dress, introduced the Feast or Fired guys. VINTAGE MIC DROP for Anderson. Bully jumped Anderson and hit him with a piledriver on the ramp. Epic music played while Bully cut a promo about good overcoming the evil of man's sins, while evil stands strong in hell. I'm digging Biblical Ray. And then he said Anderson raped him of his future, referenced Ken's pregnant wife and future twins...and that got a bit weird. It's now 10:38 and the match hasn't begun.
ShopTNA hype ad led to a Bully/Anderson recap. A graphic for the Hardy-Magnus match was shown, then they further recapped FR - so why do that awful video earlier? Joe came down, and a bunch of the jobbers were already in the ring. GunStorm came down. EC3 got his full intro - now adding a slow backwards walk. They're getting at least this intro over like a million bucks. Taz said that EC3's already beaten three of the guys in this match, so he shouldn't be taken lightly. Ion's in this. Curry Man just left - Tenay said it was because he realized he could be fired...like he was before. Curry Man leaving both makes sense because he was fired before in this match, and makes no sense because HE WAS FIRED IN THIS MATCH BEFORE and is back. Storm took a funky dive over the top via a backdrop from Gunner. Barnes and Fernum took guys out, while Joe then took them out. EC3 took advantage of this and grabbed the third case.
Final Resolution DIXIELAND hype vid. Tenay hyped up this being the fourth FoF match in company history, and the first in four years. Sabin and Joe had a fun exchange. THE NERD, and Ion, tossed Joe out. Ion tossed them off the second case's pole. Taz did the airhorn noise. Big blind crossbody off the top from Aries onto Supermex and Storm - nice spot. Aries set up a double stack of Mexicans and GunStorm in the corners, then dropkicked them - good stuff. Then he bonked the nerds into each other and tried to dropkick them too. He eventually hit the 450 on both of them. Aries is the MVP of the show so far. Sabin took Aries down trying to grab a case. Joe and Chavo brawled, and Hernandez tossed Chavo...scarily...onto the pole to get the case. Gunner hit Hernandez with a combo corner avalanche/clothesline - does everyone in the company do that spot now? TOWER OF DOOM with the nerds superplexing Hernandez. Storm went to grab the case, but Gunner attacked him...so I guess he's turning heel. Gunner's uber-generic theme hit. Dude needs a better theme. Hardy met with Dixie and gave him win. BAD MOVE DIXIE!
Screens -
BIGFOOT'S BEEN FOUND!
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/axoup5jnh8tgxddmald0xk5656aappzz
Monday, December 9, 2013
Raw 12-9-13 - Slammys
Show starts with wacky starring credits and an app tutorial! Bryan comes out and Cole says they'll get to the Slammys once they get this match out of the way. He faces Fandango, who now has a purple puffy silk shirt - AWESOME. Bryan is kicking the fuck out of Fandango here. Big kick combo got a big YES chant, but the buzzsaw missed terribly - but was still sold. Falcon arrow from Fandango gets 2! Running knee gets the win. Tremendous promo from Bray ending with him begging him to join, and the fans saying NO NO NO. Booker and King hosted the show with bad forced comedy. Outlaws showed up in Dumb and Dumber suits. How dare they steal Bad Influence's deal. LOL moments were stupid, and gave them an excuse to re-air the puking bit again. I hope they're paying Vickie well, because she was at the expense of two of these bits. Boy, this is weird. Match, ANNOUNCEMENT OF AN AWARD...and then another match to lead to the actual winner. They're dragging things out as long as possible.
They're back to the ring with Sandow...and the match will start once the LOL moment is done. Vickie accepts and...that was nothing. Big E's tremendous on commentary - stating that he's unbeaten since becoming champ and putting Sandow over. Sandow won with the full nelson slam and did a staredown with Big E. Sweet suits for the Shield. They've won 2 Slammys on the pre-show...which was apparently a thing. Ambrose interrupted Reigns. Kofi's out for a match. Kofi-Miz - why not just put this on the pre-show? HBK and his greying beard won - he was bitter about it taking this long to win double cross of the year. Miz got a jobber intro, and is dressed like a grape. They did moves, then Miz won with a schoolboy holding the tights. Kofi kicked Miz after the match - what a sore loser. Eve, ONE OF THE GREATEST DIVAS CHAMPIONS OF ALL-TIME, presented the diva of the year. All of the Total Divas chicks, and AJ, got nominations. Rey's tron was shown, setting up him coming out for an 8-man tag.
THE CHAMPIONSHIP ASCENSION CEREMONY will be tonight's main event angle, with 20 legends. "It's the last time you'll ever see both titles." Bellas won, and got booed. Bellas didn't play to it, but were sarcastic. So that was weird. Rey, Show, and the tag champs face Rybaxel and the Real Americans. Ryback's blue, black, and white singlet is great - but also similar to Show's. Goldust got the hot tag, did 2 moves...and they went to a break. Rey's Mexican flag gear rules - it's my favorite outfit of his yet with this top+bottom setup. JBL, after saying that Rybaxel was a great name because he came up with it, buried it. Real Americans teased a double spinebuster, but Goldust turned it into a double DDT. THE RUNNING BUS SPEAR hit Ryback, then the Real Americans on the floor. 619 and the big splash got the win. Another app tutorial. God, the King-Booker stuff is terrible. HBK's out to present the Superstar of the Year award. Instead of Superstar of the Year, IT SHOULD BE HB-SHIZZLE! Brock murdering dudes was showcased. Hunicara's out to face and lose to Alberto after the Slammy is awarded.
An in memoriam graphic for Nelson Mandela aired...that sure was random placement at 9:15. Cole exposited about the HBK and Bryan deal. "Sin Cara is the real deal." They did some moves before teasing a finish, and a dive, before Alberto just left the ring for an ad break. Eminem's CoD Ghosts song is awesome. They came back, did moves, and the double arm DT led to an Angle (Anglo) slam from Cara. JBL ASKED IF KING WAS EVEN HERE. King is hosting. Good lord. Alberto's neck was mangled off a powerbomb, and Sin Cara won again with the swanton. Well, they're definitely going all-in (relatively) with this - good. PTPs are out in suits. DYoung's white and black suit is great. Titus is struggling to recite this crap he's been given. Bryan won for chant of the year. New vid for the Champion of Champions match - BROUGHT TO US BY THE BRAWLING BUDDIES! Brodus is out to face Xavier, who gets no intro. Brodus hit a big splash off the second rope in no time to kill him. Poor Xavier. Brodus snapped and splashed him afterwards. Miz presented insult of the year - AJ's "sucked...up" line made it in. Punk's out for a match with Ambrose. Steph's insulting of Show won. Steph taking the fist pump away from Ryder.
An IT'S BURYING TIME made air when she left. Punk hit a springboard crossbody on Ambrose, but it was countered with a knee to the gut. They got over The Champion of Champions moniker again - so they've gone with something that wasn't even an option for the app vote last week. Reigns shook his head clearly when Ambrose missed a shoulder charge. Ambrose and Punk are having easily the match of the night so far. Floatover butterfly suplex got 2 from Ambrose. There's a mohawked fan in the front row on the corner dasher board side by the announcers losing his shit with Punk prone for a super butterfly suplex. He's slapping the barricade going NO NO NO! Rollins and Reigns teased an attack, but Ambrose told them no, so they left. Punk won with the GTS. It seems like the end of the Shield is coming very, very soon. Big spear from Reigns to set up him saving Ambrose here. An outstanding hype video for the the WWE and World titles with tons of clips that made the PPV match seem more important...and then it was BACK TO THE SLAMMYS. Y2J chant broke out due to him being left out of the video. Terrible audio for King here, and it cut in right when he talked about dying on-air. Foley's out for the extreme moment of the year. Foley put over Punk and Ambrose on the mic here. A fan held up a Get Well, Dynamite Kid sign. Usos are out for a tag match.
Punk won for beating Heyman up. Usos face Harper and Rowan. Harper's big spinning lariat won. Booker introduced BRET HUT! Great videos for Punk-Taker, the Battleground tag, and HHH-Brock. It took a sledgehammer, cage, and manager for Brock Lesnar to beat HHH! I'm astonished a tank wasn't used as well. Rock-Cena's video was okay. Nattie got to hug Bret out on the ramp - that was sweet. Rock and Cena won, drawing some boos. Nattie's facing Tamina in the death spot main event, which really makes the in-ring action seem even less important than it has so far. Nattie won with the sharpshooter. Up next, THE LAST TIME WE'LL SEE THE WWE AND WORLD TITLES IN THE RING AT THE SAME TIME. Yup - two whole hours of hype.
SD vid centered around Bryan and the Wyatts. Henry's pink suit returned. Swagger's in the ring here, and Christian's suit is something else. HHH being shut up by Daniel Bryan chants is amazing. Love HBK telling them to keep it down. Orton said stuff and the fans chanted boring at him. I love this crowd. Orton, the face of WWE, bragged about taking years off of Mick's life. That was ab it much. Cena wisely stood next to Bryan to cut his promo and put him over and avoid getting booed. Cena's ruling it here, saying that Orton had it easy, while Bryan earned everything. Cena put himself over for giving Dolph a shot, giving Punk a shot when he was going to leave, and giving Bryan the only fair shot at the title he had. Cena said if he won, Bryan would get a rematch. Loved the shot of Orton and Cena standing apart, with the titles behind them, and Bret and Shawn standing side by side behind them. Cheap shot from Orton as the belts were raised, so Punk attacked him only to be thrown down like a jobber by Hunter. Punk got Superkicked, then HBK got kneed, then Steph fell during an RKO leading to HHH pedigreeing him...what the fuck!? Cena helped Steph up and stood next to the Authority...well, that was odd.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/9p5ikuex6hsgl7crv4ew286nxlnvsjo1
They're back to the ring with Sandow...and the match will start once the LOL moment is done. Vickie accepts and...that was nothing. Big E's tremendous on commentary - stating that he's unbeaten since becoming champ and putting Sandow over. Sandow won with the full nelson slam and did a staredown with Big E. Sweet suits for the Shield. They've won 2 Slammys on the pre-show...which was apparently a thing. Ambrose interrupted Reigns. Kofi's out for a match. Kofi-Miz - why not just put this on the pre-show? HBK and his greying beard won - he was bitter about it taking this long to win double cross of the year. Miz got a jobber intro, and is dressed like a grape. They did moves, then Miz won with a schoolboy holding the tights. Kofi kicked Miz after the match - what a sore loser. Eve, ONE OF THE GREATEST DIVAS CHAMPIONS OF ALL-TIME, presented the diva of the year. All of the Total Divas chicks, and AJ, got nominations. Rey's tron was shown, setting up him coming out for an 8-man tag.
THE CHAMPIONSHIP ASCENSION CEREMONY will be tonight's main event angle, with 20 legends. "It's the last time you'll ever see both titles." Bellas won, and got booed. Bellas didn't play to it, but were sarcastic. So that was weird. Rey, Show, and the tag champs face Rybaxel and the Real Americans. Ryback's blue, black, and white singlet is great - but also similar to Show's. Goldust got the hot tag, did 2 moves...and they went to a break. Rey's Mexican flag gear rules - it's my favorite outfit of his yet with this top+bottom setup. JBL, after saying that Rybaxel was a great name because he came up with it, buried it. Real Americans teased a double spinebuster, but Goldust turned it into a double DDT. THE RUNNING BUS SPEAR hit Ryback, then the Real Americans on the floor. 619 and the big splash got the win. Another app tutorial. God, the King-Booker stuff is terrible. HBK's out to present the Superstar of the Year award. Instead of Superstar of the Year, IT SHOULD BE HB-SHIZZLE! Brock murdering dudes was showcased. Hunicara's out to face and lose to Alberto after the Slammy is awarded.
An in memoriam graphic for Nelson Mandela aired...that sure was random placement at 9:15. Cole exposited about the HBK and Bryan deal. "Sin Cara is the real deal." They did some moves before teasing a finish, and a dive, before Alberto just left the ring for an ad break. Eminem's CoD Ghosts song is awesome. They came back, did moves, and the double arm DT led to an Angle (Anglo) slam from Cara. JBL ASKED IF KING WAS EVEN HERE. King is hosting. Good lord. Alberto's neck was mangled off a powerbomb, and Sin Cara won again with the swanton. Well, they're definitely going all-in (relatively) with this - good. PTPs are out in suits. DYoung's white and black suit is great. Titus is struggling to recite this crap he's been given. Bryan won for chant of the year. New vid for the Champion of Champions match - BROUGHT TO US BY THE BRAWLING BUDDIES! Brodus is out to face Xavier, who gets no intro. Brodus hit a big splash off the second rope in no time to kill him. Poor Xavier. Brodus snapped and splashed him afterwards. Miz presented insult of the year - AJ's "sucked...up" line made it in. Punk's out for a match with Ambrose. Steph's insulting of Show won. Steph taking the fist pump away from Ryder.
An IT'S BURYING TIME made air when she left. Punk hit a springboard crossbody on Ambrose, but it was countered with a knee to the gut. They got over The Champion of Champions moniker again - so they've gone with something that wasn't even an option for the app vote last week. Reigns shook his head clearly when Ambrose missed a shoulder charge. Ambrose and Punk are having easily the match of the night so far. Floatover butterfly suplex got 2 from Ambrose. There's a mohawked fan in the front row on the corner dasher board side by the announcers losing his shit with Punk prone for a super butterfly suplex. He's slapping the barricade going NO NO NO! Rollins and Reigns teased an attack, but Ambrose told them no, so they left. Punk won with the GTS. It seems like the end of the Shield is coming very, very soon. Big spear from Reigns to set up him saving Ambrose here. An outstanding hype video for the the WWE and World titles with tons of clips that made the PPV match seem more important...and then it was BACK TO THE SLAMMYS. Y2J chant broke out due to him being left out of the video. Terrible audio for King here, and it cut in right when he talked about dying on-air. Foley's out for the extreme moment of the year. Foley put over Punk and Ambrose on the mic here. A fan held up a Get Well, Dynamite Kid sign. Usos are out for a tag match.
Punk won for beating Heyman up. Usos face Harper and Rowan. Harper's big spinning lariat won. Booker introduced BRET HUT! Great videos for Punk-Taker, the Battleground tag, and HHH-Brock. It took a sledgehammer, cage, and manager for Brock Lesnar to beat HHH! I'm astonished a tank wasn't used as well. Rock-Cena's video was okay. Nattie got to hug Bret out on the ramp - that was sweet. Rock and Cena won, drawing some boos. Nattie's facing Tamina in the death spot main event, which really makes the in-ring action seem even less important than it has so far. Nattie won with the sharpshooter. Up next, THE LAST TIME WE'LL SEE THE WWE AND WORLD TITLES IN THE RING AT THE SAME TIME. Yup - two whole hours of hype.
SD vid centered around Bryan and the Wyatts. Henry's pink suit returned. Swagger's in the ring here, and Christian's suit is something else. HHH being shut up by Daniel Bryan chants is amazing. Love HBK telling them to keep it down. Orton said stuff and the fans chanted boring at him. I love this crowd. Orton, the face of WWE, bragged about taking years off of Mick's life. That was ab it much. Cena wisely stood next to Bryan to cut his promo and put him over and avoid getting booed. Cena's ruling it here, saying that Orton had it easy, while Bryan earned everything. Cena put himself over for giving Dolph a shot, giving Punk a shot when he was going to leave, and giving Bryan the only fair shot at the title he had. Cena said if he won, Bryan would get a rematch. Loved the shot of Orton and Cena standing apart, with the titles behind them, and Bret and Shawn standing side by side behind them. Cheap shot from Orton as the belts were raised, so Punk attacked him only to be thrown down like a jobber by Hunter. Punk got Superkicked, then HBK got kneed, then Steph fell during an RKO leading to HHH pedigreeing him...what the fuck!? Cena helped Steph up and stood next to the Authority...well, that was odd.
Screens -
Friday, December 6, 2013
WWE SD 12-6-13
Show starts off with Fandango in the ring to face Big E. Sandow's on commentary since he's now the number 1 contender. "We've been talking all night about the Slammy Awards." sure was a natural-sounding line a couple of minutes into the show. Basic match. Big E body block in the corner led to the Big Ending for the win. Sandow got in, but ran off. Orton cut a promo about what happened on Raw and perhaps not appreciating everything The Authority did for him. Daniel Bryan interrupted the bitching, HE'S ANOTHER SLAMMY NOMINEE FOR SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR. Bryan threw himself right back into the main event mix here by saying he's just pre-occupied with the Wyatts - he still wants the WWE Title when he's done with them. Bryan wanted to face Orton tonight, and just might IF THE WWE UNIVERSE SWAYS VICKIE. Brothers Rhodes face Rybaxel, due to Main Event shenanigans. Love JBL saying things haven't gone well for Ryback lately, then Cole saying they're riding a wave of momentum after a win over Miz and Kofi. So yeah, they beat a team whose partners couldn't get along weeks before, or on Raw. Tremendous disaster kick off the announce table led to a cradle win for Axel - it was played off as a fluke, but really, NOTHING damaged Cody, he just lost to a cradle clean as a sheet.
Bad News Barrett and his goofy, fake-looking podium cut a promo about the people being cowardly sheep. He's got great delivery, fantastic facial expressions, and still has nothing to work with due to this presentation. I'm not sure if this is better or worse than being an IC Champ who jobs a lot, but it's not doing him any favors. Alberto demolished Kofi to make up for the Sin Cara loss. "Nobody deserves this" - I feel the same way about most Alberto pushes. The Shield cut a promo on Punk and Reigns said it would take the baddest man in the Shield to take him out...leading to Ambrose finishing his sentence and taking the match. Roman's face turn is going perfectly right now. Cole explained Punk not having his ribs taped because the Shield already knows they're hurt so why bother. "WE MENTIONED THE SHIELD WILL BE THE PRESENTERS OF THE DOUBLE CROSS OF THE YEAR AWARD!", no, you didn't - you're just delivering exposition badly. HHH pedigreeing Bryan at Summerslam is up, so it's either that or HBK to keep this in there with the Authority. Seems odd to have Henry's attack on Cena thrown in there since he's now a face, and just became one a month ago. Nice boomerang neck snap from Ambrose. Got 2. Nice crossface chickenwing from Ambrose. Giant flying elbow from Ambrose missed. Punk turns a sleeper into the vise, but Ambrose got to the rope. Nice Fujiwara armbar from Ambrose was escaped via the rope by Punk. O Connor roll got 2 from Punk. Headlock Driver was countered into a kick and GTS for the win. This match ruled!
Renee met with Rey to talk about the undisputed title since he's been both WHC and WWE Title. Rey's promo was fairly bad, but he got over the new Champion of Champions name for the unified title holder. YAY ZEB. Bigg Hoss and Toni's tracksuits are great. Zeb said that the title wins should be taken from Rey, IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME! Rey insulted them, and Swagger...mouthed a promo but didn't actually say anything. That was bizarre. Rey and a partner face the Real Americans - YAY REY-CESARO! Nattie beat Tamina in a nothing match with a goofy finish. Tamina missed the splash and instead of that being enough, Nattie just kinda shoved her down for the win. Big Show's teaming with Rey, who is in the most unflattering outfit ever. It's UPS brown with bright pink and yellow on the side. With the singlet look, it's terrible. I'm finally used to Rey being in a top, and the singlet top just looks weird - even if it does show off more of his tattoos. COLE REFERENCED THE GODDAMN PUKING THING AGAIN. Cesaro tagged in and hit a bodyblock on the dasher boards on Rey. Rey made the tag to Show who hit THE RUNNING BUS spear on Cesaro. Giant chokeslam led to Rey and Show doing a shoulder-topped splash for the win. Zeb's facial expressions while he knew doom was coming were tremendous.
More Bad News Barrett stuff getting over the Champion of Champions name. Three years ago, he was in the WWE Title picture and was a strong candidate to actually win the thing...and now he's doing this. While the winner of the match will be the Champion of Champions, HE WILL BE HUNTED LIKE A RABID WOLF! Only SuperCena can overcome such odds! Orton and Bryan got going with some moves. Kicks to the leg against the ropes were a nice bit from Bryan. Basic Bryan comeback in-ring led to the plancha. This feels like a basic house show match on TV instead of a PPV main event rematch. Wyatts distract Bryan and Orton gets the RKO. This was underwhelming. Bray cut a creepy promo about recruiting Bryan into the family.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/lsb9thkjy7s7y39jl79725idtxmzfh10
Bad News Barrett and his goofy, fake-looking podium cut a promo about the people being cowardly sheep. He's got great delivery, fantastic facial expressions, and still has nothing to work with due to this presentation. I'm not sure if this is better or worse than being an IC Champ who jobs a lot, but it's not doing him any favors. Alberto demolished Kofi to make up for the Sin Cara loss. "Nobody deserves this" - I feel the same way about most Alberto pushes. The Shield cut a promo on Punk and Reigns said it would take the baddest man in the Shield to take him out...leading to Ambrose finishing his sentence and taking the match. Roman's face turn is going perfectly right now. Cole explained Punk not having his ribs taped because the Shield already knows they're hurt so why bother. "WE MENTIONED THE SHIELD WILL BE THE PRESENTERS OF THE DOUBLE CROSS OF THE YEAR AWARD!", no, you didn't - you're just delivering exposition badly. HHH pedigreeing Bryan at Summerslam is up, so it's either that or HBK to keep this in there with the Authority. Seems odd to have Henry's attack on Cena thrown in there since he's now a face, and just became one a month ago. Nice boomerang neck snap from Ambrose. Got 2. Nice crossface chickenwing from Ambrose. Giant flying elbow from Ambrose missed. Punk turns a sleeper into the vise, but Ambrose got to the rope. Nice Fujiwara armbar from Ambrose was escaped via the rope by Punk. O Connor roll got 2 from Punk. Headlock Driver was countered into a kick and GTS for the win. This match ruled!
Renee met with Rey to talk about the undisputed title since he's been both WHC and WWE Title. Rey's promo was fairly bad, but he got over the new Champion of Champions name for the unified title holder. YAY ZEB. Bigg Hoss and Toni's tracksuits are great. Zeb said that the title wins should be taken from Rey, IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME! Rey insulted them, and Swagger...mouthed a promo but didn't actually say anything. That was bizarre. Rey and a partner face the Real Americans - YAY REY-CESARO! Nattie beat Tamina in a nothing match with a goofy finish. Tamina missed the splash and instead of that being enough, Nattie just kinda shoved her down for the win. Big Show's teaming with Rey, who is in the most unflattering outfit ever. It's UPS brown with bright pink and yellow on the side. With the singlet look, it's terrible. I'm finally used to Rey being in a top, and the singlet top just looks weird - even if it does show off more of his tattoos. COLE REFERENCED THE GODDAMN PUKING THING AGAIN. Cesaro tagged in and hit a bodyblock on the dasher boards on Rey. Rey made the tag to Show who hit THE RUNNING BUS spear on Cesaro. Giant chokeslam led to Rey and Show doing a shoulder-topped splash for the win. Zeb's facial expressions while he knew doom was coming were tremendous.
More Bad News Barrett stuff getting over the Champion of Champions name. Three years ago, he was in the WWE Title picture and was a strong candidate to actually win the thing...and now he's doing this. While the winner of the match will be the Champion of Champions, HE WILL BE HUNTED LIKE A RABID WOLF! Only SuperCena can overcome such odds! Orton and Bryan got going with some moves. Kicks to the leg against the ropes were a nice bit from Bryan. Basic Bryan comeback in-ring led to the plancha. This feels like a basic house show match on TV instead of a PPV main event rematch. Wyatts distract Bryan and Orton gets the RKO. This was underwhelming. Bray cut a creepy promo about recruiting Bryan into the family.
Screens -
Thursday, December 5, 2013
TNA Impact 12-5-13
Big, epic video package starts off. FOUR MEN HAVE SURVIVED THE HEAVYWEIGHT APOCALYPSE! Tenay started the broadcast off with an off-screen welcome, so that transition was pretty smooth. Kurt's cutting an okay promo. Dude looks so broken down with the knee brace. He wanted Magnus to come out, and they replayed the knee injury bit with Taz saying Magnus abandoned him - great setup to the turn there. Angle bitched him out for leaving him...um...HE WAS HURT. Dickhead. Magnus said he was beaten up before, but still did the tag match for Kurt. He had to decide in the heat of battle to leave, but Kurt said that he wouldn't have done that. Well, all that proves is Kurt's crazy and Magnus thinks logically. These closeups of Magnus make him look much older than he is given his receding hairline. Roode came out in his Terry Taylor robe. Okay, that looks ridiculous for a promo, and he should really have a new robe - he's had this one robe for seven years now. At least he's gotten his money's worth out of it. Roode said he's got killer instinct - I do too - it's a great little game on the Xbox One. The original's not worth $20 more though. Ah - Roode's match is up next, which explains the robe. The robe really does pop in HD in closeups. Hardy's new shitty theme needs to go - it has no rhythm to it at all. Nice silly promo from him just shouting his name over and over. This was basically 10 minutes of stuff, but not bad, just stuff.
The match starts off with a big HARDY chant, so at least the cheap heat worked. Taz said he was rooting for Roode, but he's also bias. Or biased. Tenay hyped up their Second Screen Experience - it's got a live Q and A with Bad Influence. Taz said that "Roode might win this if he puts Hardy through the table" - isn't that how you win a table match? They both went through it, leading to a photo finish for the ad break. The match continued after the break, and then after that, they showed why. Well, that's backwards. Swanton OVER THE TABLE...really just to mid-ring to Roode. Cool visual though. Superplex counter from Roode led to a Hardy straddling the rope. "That'll split some hairs." Thanks for the visual, Taz. Wacky spin kick from Hardy on the apron puts Roode through the table on the floor. Ouch. This did a better job to build up WWE's TLC PPV well. The Final Resolution graphics have some weird fake scanlines on them. Ugly. EC3 talked on Impact365 about facing another TNA legend. Tatanka? He is undefeated in TNA.
A super-hot KOs ad showed them all looking great in simpy angel outfits. Dixie showed up in a librarian outfit and was excited about getting an e-mail with a Fed-Ex tracking number with her belt. Why is AJ just conceding to the demands of the heel? Or did she just grab a perfect replica and that will be part of the story later? EC3's out saying he'lll be facing a man who faced Andre, Hogan, and Bret. Odd to mention Hogan since he's no longer there. His hand-picked foe is Earl Hebner. Okay, this is going to be a waste of time. EC3's gear looks outstanding - dude still needs a ring jacket or entrance outfit or something. Rockstar Spud and his blue suit ordered Earl's kid to referee it. This is taking up way too much time. Earl refused, then EC3 bullied him, put a finger on the chest and EC3 counted E-C-3 along with the count. I like that part of this. I also dug him having Brian roll his dad out so he could kick imaginary dirt on him.
Recap of the Park/Bad Influence saga - they're going to tell the truth about Park later. Shaw took Christy on a date and threatened TO MURDER the waiter for apparently looking at Christy. Of course no cops were called. Dixie was on the phone with Jason, and she got flowers - she was pissed since it wasn't her belt. GOOD LORD! GET SPUD ON THA PHONE! Sting walked to the building with his shirt on, and the Park thing is next. This was ten more minutes of stuff.
Dixie met with the Feast or Fired guys - it's next week. Bad Influence came out for the Park reveal. He ripped up their envelope, which led to video revealing that the law firm closed down 13 years ago, and Kaz closed the skit with the strip mall chick by saying "GO BACK TO MYSPACE!". They beat up Park after he said maybe they were right...he didn't belong in TNA. EY made the save and made a tag match after saying you shouldn't knock on the devil's door, because he just might answer. TREMENDOUS line there. Sting met with Magnus and gave him a pep talk until things got awkward with the whole "entitlement" deal. They talked about the Impact world tour and put himself over.
Spud bullied a PA and Ion did the DJ deal. "Remember their names ladies - YOU'LL BE SCREAMING THEM LATER!" This act is great. GunStorm vs. the Bro Mans. I think they're the only teams left. Loved Taz saying the BroMans act reminded him of Studio 54, complete with Tenay mocking him. Guys did moves until Gunner snapped and cost his team the match. Sting met with Spud, who introduced himself and defended his job while reminding Sting that he failed to get a title shot in the tourney. Sting responded by doing an uber-gay British voice. Sting's silly faces have been the show highlight thus far. Gail's 365 video showed her kissing her husband, who looks like Batista if he was 50, with greying hair.
SABIN'S LOG delivered an emotional report in a Wal-Mart dress shirt and slacks combo. He said that YOU GAVE ME BELIEF IN MYSELF with Velvet there. He meant the belt. This was a thing. Sabin faces Aries for the belt next week. Christy's cleavagey dress introduced Gail. Laura Dennis faced Gail. She looked like any generic indy worker. "Timing's everything in Mike, life". Wisdom from Taz. There's a fan with a goofy rooster mohawk wig on in the front row. Sliding D cup from Dennis looked terrible. Eat Defeat gets the win. Tapa picked her up for a second ED. ODB came down to make a save. It's a shame ODB's older, because she's really good as a brawler type. It took ages for Tapa to take the over the top fall to the floor on a clothesline. ODB rules. Angle's last man standing match with Magnus is next.
Nice Final Resolution hype video - it's coming on 12/19. Dixie "talked with Spud". Um...shouldn't the phone be on a screen other than the home screen? They should've just had that over a video or something because this was stupid. Christy's cleavage brought out Magnus. I like Magnus and Angle having matching gear in this. Nice rebound lariat from Magnus to Kurt. A fan held up an Angle sucks sign. BOO! Double clothesline spot took them both down for an ad break. The show came back...with Spud meeting with Dixie. So fuck the main event match then. And then they cut away from that to show the match...awkward. Then Taz and Tenay read a prepared statement about the title being revealed after this match. I guess on this show. Maybe online - they didn't specify. A billion German Suplex took Magnus down for a 7 count. He got up and got hit with a shoulder tackle/spear through the ropes. Edge retired after doing a ton of spears, so this was a brilliant move. Magnus countered a German off the apron and they did the Foley elbow camera shot telegraphing the elbow from Magnus - which he hit EXACTLY like his top rope version, so it was beautiful. Snap suplex "THIS IS WHERE KURT GOES INTO THAT BERSERK TANK!" - I have no idea what that is , but it sounds bad. Moonsault missed. HOLY FUCK. Giant uranage from Magnus leads to the flying elbow. Ref bump, so the Angle slam didn't get a count. Roode came in and hit the rabbit lariat, his old finisher, while Magnus had his head turned. Spinebuster as well. Magnus turned around on the ground slightly, but never had a chance to see any of it. Magnus having plausible deniability for everything is so great. Magnus won thanks to Roode. This felt like the beginning and ending of a great match, but with very little middle. Hardy came down to save Angle. Hardy-Magnus is the Final Resolution main event in 2 weeks. Dixie met with Spud for the real ending of the show. AJ shipped her a paper Legends belt. The fucking acting in this. The Friends of AJ paid for a show-closing segment to talk about the paper champ she's crowning. This looked better than his usual cell phone shit but wow was this all eye-rolling.
Screens
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/gfx7l6uycayfk4t1quh6oafe8gcwu8mb
The match starts off with a big HARDY chant, so at least the cheap heat worked. Taz said he was rooting for Roode, but he's also bias. Or biased. Tenay hyped up their Second Screen Experience - it's got a live Q and A with Bad Influence. Taz said that "Roode might win this if he puts Hardy through the table" - isn't that how you win a table match? They both went through it, leading to a photo finish for the ad break. The match continued after the break, and then after that, they showed why. Well, that's backwards. Swanton OVER THE TABLE...really just to mid-ring to Roode. Cool visual though. Superplex counter from Roode led to a Hardy straddling the rope. "That'll split some hairs." Thanks for the visual, Taz. Wacky spin kick from Hardy on the apron puts Roode through the table on the floor. Ouch. This did a better job to build up WWE's TLC PPV well. The Final Resolution graphics have some weird fake scanlines on them. Ugly. EC3 talked on Impact365 about facing another TNA legend. Tatanka? He is undefeated in TNA.
A super-hot KOs ad showed them all looking great in simpy angel outfits. Dixie showed up in a librarian outfit and was excited about getting an e-mail with a Fed-Ex tracking number with her belt. Why is AJ just conceding to the demands of the heel? Or did she just grab a perfect replica and that will be part of the story later? EC3's out saying he'lll be facing a man who faced Andre, Hogan, and Bret. Odd to mention Hogan since he's no longer there. His hand-picked foe is Earl Hebner. Okay, this is going to be a waste of time. EC3's gear looks outstanding - dude still needs a ring jacket or entrance outfit or something. Rockstar Spud and his blue suit ordered Earl's kid to referee it. This is taking up way too much time. Earl refused, then EC3 bullied him, put a finger on the chest and EC3 counted E-C-3 along with the count. I like that part of this. I also dug him having Brian roll his dad out so he could kick imaginary dirt on him.
Recap of the Park/Bad Influence saga - they're going to tell the truth about Park later. Shaw took Christy on a date and threatened TO MURDER the waiter for apparently looking at Christy. Of course no cops were called. Dixie was on the phone with Jason, and she got flowers - she was pissed since it wasn't her belt. GOOD LORD! GET SPUD ON THA PHONE! Sting walked to the building with his shirt on, and the Park thing is next. This was ten more minutes of stuff.
Dixie met with the Feast or Fired guys - it's next week. Bad Influence came out for the Park reveal. He ripped up their envelope, which led to video revealing that the law firm closed down 13 years ago, and Kaz closed the skit with the strip mall chick by saying "GO BACK TO MYSPACE!". They beat up Park after he said maybe they were right...he didn't belong in TNA. EY made the save and made a tag match after saying you shouldn't knock on the devil's door, because he just might answer. TREMENDOUS line there. Sting met with Magnus and gave him a pep talk until things got awkward with the whole "entitlement" deal. They talked about the Impact world tour and put himself over.
Spud bullied a PA and Ion did the DJ deal. "Remember their names ladies - YOU'LL BE SCREAMING THEM LATER!" This act is great. GunStorm vs. the Bro Mans. I think they're the only teams left. Loved Taz saying the BroMans act reminded him of Studio 54, complete with Tenay mocking him. Guys did moves until Gunner snapped and cost his team the match. Sting met with Spud, who introduced himself and defended his job while reminding Sting that he failed to get a title shot in the tourney. Sting responded by doing an uber-gay British voice. Sting's silly faces have been the show highlight thus far. Gail's 365 video showed her kissing her husband, who looks like Batista if he was 50, with greying hair.
SABIN'S LOG delivered an emotional report in a Wal-Mart dress shirt and slacks combo. He said that YOU GAVE ME BELIEF IN MYSELF with Velvet there. He meant the belt. This was a thing. Sabin faces Aries for the belt next week. Christy's cleavagey dress introduced Gail. Laura Dennis faced Gail. She looked like any generic indy worker. "Timing's everything in Mike, life". Wisdom from Taz. There's a fan with a goofy rooster mohawk wig on in the front row. Sliding D cup from Dennis looked terrible. Eat Defeat gets the win. Tapa picked her up for a second ED. ODB came down to make a save. It's a shame ODB's older, because she's really good as a brawler type. It took ages for Tapa to take the over the top fall to the floor on a clothesline. ODB rules. Angle's last man standing match with Magnus is next.
Nice Final Resolution hype video - it's coming on 12/19. Dixie "talked with Spud". Um...shouldn't the phone be on a screen other than the home screen? They should've just had that over a video or something because this was stupid. Christy's cleavage brought out Magnus. I like Magnus and Angle having matching gear in this. Nice rebound lariat from Magnus to Kurt. A fan held up an Angle sucks sign. BOO! Double clothesline spot took them both down for an ad break. The show came back...with Spud meeting with Dixie. So fuck the main event match then. And then they cut away from that to show the match...awkward. Then Taz and Tenay read a prepared statement about the title being revealed after this match. I guess on this show. Maybe online - they didn't specify. A billion German Suplex took Magnus down for a 7 count. He got up and got hit with a shoulder tackle/spear through the ropes. Edge retired after doing a ton of spears, so this was a brilliant move. Magnus countered a German off the apron and they did the Foley elbow camera shot telegraphing the elbow from Magnus - which he hit EXACTLY like his top rope version, so it was beautiful. Snap suplex "THIS IS WHERE KURT GOES INTO THAT BERSERK TANK!" - I have no idea what that is , but it sounds bad. Moonsault missed. HOLY FUCK. Giant uranage from Magnus leads to the flying elbow. Ref bump, so the Angle slam didn't get a count. Roode came in and hit the rabbit lariat, his old finisher, while Magnus had his head turned. Spinebuster as well. Magnus turned around on the ground slightly, but never had a chance to see any of it. Magnus having plausible deniability for everything is so great. Magnus won thanks to Roode. This felt like the beginning and ending of a great match, but with very little middle. Hardy came down to save Angle. Hardy-Magnus is the Final Resolution main event in 2 weeks. Dixie met with Spud for the real ending of the show. AJ shipped her a paper Legends belt. The fucking acting in this. The Friends of AJ paid for a show-closing segment to talk about the paper champ she's crowning. This looked better than his usual cell phone shit but wow was this all eye-rolling.
Screens
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/gfx7l6uycayfk4t1quh6oafe8gcwu8mb
Monday, December 2, 2013
Raw 12-2-13
Pre-show hype for the UNDISPUTED/UNIFIED Title match at the PPV starts off 5 mins before the show. IN TWO WEEKS, ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MATCHES IN WWE HISTORY will happen. Punk looks like he's 180 pounds in this all-black getup. Punk said after a week, he realizes he knows he's in denial - and got a cheap pop in the process. Punk said he apparently made some comment about HHH on Raw last week, which I completely forgot. He also said he's ONE OF THE BIGGEST ANTI-AUTHORITY FIGURES IN WWE HISTORY! Hey, can I try on your blazer? Steph's out to welcome him to the queendom. Love Punk saying YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY THANKSGIVING! Steph saying words...I think this exchange will wind up peaking with YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY THANKSGIVING! Kane's reading a whole bunch of scripted stuff that would be far more entertaining if he took a breath with each word. Kane with his hair grown out looks a good 5 years younger now.
The Shield came down. Steph told them to back down. This has only been going on for ten minutes. Kane made Punk-Shield for the PPV. BOO! That match seems far worse than Punk and the BROTHERS RHODES against the Shield. Cole read a quote that ONE MAN WILL LEAVE TLC AS ONE CHAMPION. So there's their out for a fuck finish. On the app, you can pick which goofy name the unified champion is called. Also, after weeks of gimmick matches, Dolph and Sandow compete in a regular rules match to determine number 1 contender to the IC Title. Because now they're going after that title for some reason. Oh yeah, the Slammys are next week.
Sandow's promo got like three sentences due to this ad. Big E read off WWE Facts about the IC Title being held by Austin and the Rock before. Loved him saying he'd like to face Dolph since they played Skip It. I demand a skit of Big E and Dolph playing Skip It. Second rope moonsault from Sandow missed by 20 miles - Dolph didn't even have to try and move out of the way. Holy shit - Sandow won clean with the full nelson slam. Poor Dolph Rejobb. They showed a Cena-Orton face off title graphic. Orton really doesn't feel like an 11-time world champion.
It's Total Divas vs. The True Divas with Nattie and the Bellas against Summer, AJ, and Tamina.
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/fgqnfgy40h9cy2khx1rwzpslmcw9yv8e
The Shield came down. Steph told them to back down. This has only been going on for ten minutes. Kane made Punk-Shield for the PPV. BOO! That match seems far worse than Punk and the BROTHERS RHODES against the Shield. Cole read a quote that ONE MAN WILL LEAVE TLC AS ONE CHAMPION. So there's their out for a fuck finish. On the app, you can pick which goofy name the unified champion is called. Also, after weeks of gimmick matches, Dolph and Sandow compete in a regular rules match to determine number 1 contender to the IC Title. Because now they're going after that title for some reason. Oh yeah, the Slammys are next week.
Sandow's promo got like three sentences due to this ad. Big E read off WWE Facts about the IC Title being held by Austin and the Rock before. Loved him saying he'd like to face Dolph since they played Skip It. I demand a skit of Big E and Dolph playing Skip It. Second rope moonsault from Sandow missed by 20 miles - Dolph didn't even have to try and move out of the way. Holy shit - Sandow won clean with the full nelson slam. Poor Dolph Rejobb. They showed a Cena-Orton face off title graphic. Orton really doesn't feel like an 11-time world champion.
It's Total Divas vs. The True Divas with Nattie and the Bellas against Summer, AJ, and Tamina.
You know what? Tamina would make for a fine reality show character. She's had a pretty fascinating life in some ways. Hilarious bit with them talking about Skip It while AJ skipped around. I guarantee Skip It trends worldwide tonight. Summer choked a Bella with a ballet pose, then bonked her with her ass. AJ's still skipping. Brie almost selling a foot choke there. DDT faceplant by Summer - nice move. Got 2. Summer begged for a tag, got it form AJ, who was nearly locked in the sharpshooter. Twin Magic is now the name for their double dropkick-ish looking thing. Nattie got a cradle to win. This fell apart at the end. A graphic with Bryan being kidnapped was shown - he faces Rowan tonight. Ad for Miz's Christmas movie aired because it'll be on DVD and Blu-Ray tomorrow. That Grudge Match ad made me sad. Very sad.
#BadNewsBarrett debuted with a podium. He just cut a cheap heat promo against OKC. That sure was a...gimmick debut. Orton told Brad to tell everyone that Orton is bigger THAN WWE ITSELF. They plugged a Daniel Bryan interview on the Steve Austin Show - a bit surprised to see them plug that show on WWE TV given that it's rarely PG, but good for them to do so. Bryan just came down and did his deal. Bryan should've at least cut a promo about BEING KIDNAPPED. Hype vid for Dolph, who just lost, being on SD. They replayed a bit of Bray's promo from SD. "He will be safe with us" - wasn't he found Monday night after the show in a parking lot? JBL said that Bryan looks like a Wyatt family member, or an Oklahoman, since he has a beard. I think the booking is driving JBL insane, because he's just rambling. Rowan did some clubbering and hit a knee drop that looked terrible. Ad break.
JBL lost his mind again with Edward R. Morrow calling him J. Morrow. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN. This commentary. Second "you can't coach size" mention so far. King rightfully burying JBL for is commentary tonight. Backbreaker from Rowan led to a big splash that missed. Daniel Bryan got a fluke win over Rowan via schoolboy. Fucking hell. Wyatt thing hit, then Wyatt appeared on the tron to tell the guys to stand down. Bray is legit the best creepy promo since Jake Roberts. He talked about seeing Bryan "chasing his little girly friend on TV with diamonds". Then he just said a bunch of stuff. Hype vid for the unified title match, which is a unified title match (and a TLC match for that matter) for some reason. Why? Logically, nothing either guy has done to each other (yet) warrants it, and Cena's just coming back from injury.
Bryan bumped into Kane backstage. I'm mildly disappointed that Kane doesn't have a red phone cover now. Kane made Bryan-Wyatts at the PPV. THEN HE DID THE YES BIT WITH HIS INDEX FINGERS. Highlight of the show so far. Replay of the Woods-Clay drama. Why not just used Xavier's NXT theme? It's pretty awesome. Cole said that Brodus looked like a VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL GOING DOWN THE RUNWAY. What in the fuck? Are there illegal substances in the water tonight? Brodus's gear having scales on it looks so stupid. Truth's white and black getup is awesome. VINTAGE HEART PUNCH from Brodus. Honor Roll clothesline got 2 before Brodus head bonked him. Big splash off the second rope missed, and then Woods tried to hit a la majistral but Brodus wouldn't go over, so he wound up covering Woods briefly before just flipping for him. I honestly hope that was it for Brodus. There's no movement for him at all and they've killed him on commentary. Brothers Rhodes and Show face the Shield tonight in an unannounced match. So tonight's unannounced six-man is better than anything on the PPV.
The double cross of the year is now a category. SIN CARA'S BACK with a goofy arm tattoo. Okay, in close-up, it looks neat. And he's also appeared to gain a completely new skin color and gained about 20 pounds. ALBERTO-SIN CARA in another best of 9,000 series. Alberto said he'd send Sin Cara across the border via INS. So now he's Zeb or something. Vickie apparently made AJ-Nattie for the PPV based on Nattie's win tonight. So why can the SD GM make a divas tag title match based on a Raw victory? JBL referenced Boyd Pierce and Cole talked about Reiser Bowden. Sin Cara fucked up an Asai Moonsault. LOLed at King asking if Alberto would ever want to wear a mask. Flying headbutt done differently. Seems like it's Hunico under the mask again. Top rope enzuguri missed and the Swanton got the win. Wherever this leads to be will probably be more interesting than this was. They replayed the clip of Orton punting Cena's dad in '07 to make their current match seem important.
Korn's supplying the TLC theme. Am I in high school again? Cena cut a wacky promo about the world and WWE championships. Now the titles are a south-north war, and the world title's lineage is connected to the WCW and possibly the NWA Title again. PEOPLE ARE STILL DEBATING WHICH TITLE IS MORE IMPORTANT. One has opened tons of PPVs, the other hasn't - no one's debating it. Shield said they'd kick Punk's ass. Oh yeah, Show had a concussion last week. Totally forgot about that. And he's fine now for some reason. Awesome hype vid for the Raw 20th anniversary set. Ambrose sold Show's chop beautifully. Great bit with JBL saying he likes King since they've got a birthday together...and JBL was charged admission to King's free museum. IT'S REIGNS-SHOW! SWEET CHRIST the sound of that chop to Reigns. Cody's now got silver to his gear with a black base, so it at least looks better with Goldust - although it's still got winter green in it. They referenced Show helping the Brothers Rhodes win the titles, which they should've hyped up before since it wouldn't made this seem more important and less random.
Nakamura knee from Cody got 2. Cody played face in peril, which led to the crowd caring less. If only Goldust could play both the face in peril and the guy receiving the hot tag. Seth bonked his head on the buckle during a Stinger splash attempt. Show got the tag and ran wild. Show's run was amusing there, and a bit sad. The low bridge took forever too. Seth's flying knee took Show down and he took him down more with those "take a bump and get up" kicks. Muta elbow from Ambrose led to a sleeper attempt and a back suplex from Show. Ambrose and Rollins set up for the powerslam/neckbreaker combo that some other team did, but Show prevented it. Reigns speared Show, and Cody took him out. Superplex onto Ambrose was teased onto Rollins, but he moved and cradled Goldust for the win. THIS RULED! It was a half-hour of greatness. Oh, and what will Punk do at the PPV? I don't know - but he should watch this match again and again. Punk addresses the Shield next...why? Clips from Breaking Point aired. "Orton-Cena...absolute torture..." Yup. So if Orton wants to win, he should just tie Cena up again in cuffs, right?
Punk cut a wacky happy promo about FEELING PRETTY! Then he sang that he felt PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND GAYYYYY! Well, if you're going to be in a stupid angle, you might as well have fun with it. OH FUCKING HELL IT'S BARRETT AGAIN! Everyone's constipated. Well, that's a pleasant visual. Miz and Kofi are teaming again for some reason. And they re-showed the Orton-Cena graphic where Orton has multiple left arms. Goldust faces Ryback on Main Event, to in theory set up a match with the champs against the Ex-Heyman Guys. They're facing Miz and Truth. JBL talked about his buddy inventing THE YOUTUBE! JBL then rattled off history. His salary is dropping by the minute. Every wrestler before 1960 had the nickname of "the Great" according to Cole. Delayed No Burial Suplex got 2. Miz isn't working like a face or heel - he's working like a jobber. So Miz didn't take in BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIM. So now they're a team again. Shellshock got the win. Rybaxel/Axelback got the win. Miz re-turned heel two weeks after turning heel. The bull fighters sold merch. THE BULL ABSOLUTELY LOST HIS SHIT AT THE REY DOLL and the title belts. THE BULL HAS A PHONE! This is glorious.
The LOL moment of the year can be voted on. Summer danced in a hot dress before Henry came down. JBL's like a dancing version of Frank Gotch...Henry danced. His black and yellow/gold gear is awesome. Kneeling DDT from Fandango got 2 - I'm so giving him that tomorrow when his 2K14 DLC hits. After saying Summer's stupid, JBL talked about her being a big WW II buff. Big Slam won. Henry gyrated. NOT EVERYTHING INVOLVING A GYRATION IS A TWERK! Goddammit, they're replaying the vomiting bit. Cole at least looks absolutely disgusted to the idea of seeing this again. Well, Vince just spent thousands to have that edited into a video package for his own amusement at a dinner party.
PTPs are in the ring for a tag match after that. Punk faces...A MEMBER OF THE SHIELD on SD. Swagger and Cesaro have an awesome new track jacket. I want this track jacket now! Titus is a babyface for puking in Zeb's hair - and PTPs now stand for Prime Time Pukers. Digging the new black/white/grey camo gear for Swagger. This whole look works for him - except for the iffy fake tan. Fairly big WE THE PEOPLE chant. Swagger bomb/WE THE PEOPLE double stomp led to a sick tease. In a week, Titus went from being on-screen with Strahan and getting some national TV coverage to being the guy who pukes. King, a 60+ year old man, didn't know that crackers and ginger ale can aid an upset stomach. Swing tease. So if DY doesn't want it to happen, why doesn't he just get in the ring and stop him? Very European uppercut counter to a diving whatever from DY got the win for Cesaro. THE APP RESULTS are next...like they really matter - they'll just call it whatever after a week. And this was the main event match because the signing is next. But first, an annoying Total Divas ad.
The TLC match is now going to be called THE GREATEST MATCH IN HISTORY, and the app vote of "The Unified Champion" will now be taken under consideration, so they don't have to adhere to it. HHH said there would be one champion after the PPV, and Steph said the same thing just to say words. It's 11 and the intros are just now done. I liked that they waited until now to fill the arena with a clusterfuck of props. Even in sentence fragment form, Steph's impossible to listen to. HHH put over the lineage of the WWE Title and had Steph put him over instead of himself - so he's humble you see. HHH said the WHC went back to O'Connor, Race, Flair, Dusty, Taker, HBK, and as Steph said, THE GAME HHH. HHH rambled on for seemingly ever about legacies. Cena put his title on the table proudly, while Orton just kinda threw his down onto it. The contract was signed, and Steph cut a promo letting both men know they could cut a promo. Thank God Steph gave THE WORLD CHAMPIONS OF THE COMPANY permission to speak. Orton said he's better than everyone - including HHH, and that's why he was chosen to be the face of the company. Cena said Orton was an underachiever, while Cena said that Orton was the most gifted superstar ever. They basically brought up him being dumped in the mid-card for a while off and on due to getting complacent. At 11:08, Cena said it was time to cut to the chase. HE ISN'T AN APEX PREDATOR, he's just John Cena - and he's referring to himself in the first person. Cena cut a promo about using tables, ladders, and chairs tonight - instead of just using them. After Orton tried to attack, Cena fought back with weapons - the usual one shot with each thing to set up a TLC match. Cena mugged before slamming Orton into the steps. Cena gave a kid his shirt. Cena got hit with a ladder. They're now using the props way too much for free TV. IT'LL BE A MATCH FOR THE UNDISPUTED UNITED CHAMPION! Toss through the table for Cena. I'm now numb to these things being used. AA through the table. This went on for-fucking-ever, but was decent at times.
Screens -
8 Title wins - 2 left arms
#BadNewsBarrett debuted with a podium. He just cut a cheap heat promo against OKC. That sure was a...gimmick debut. Orton told Brad to tell everyone that Orton is bigger THAN WWE ITSELF. They plugged a Daniel Bryan interview on the Steve Austin Show - a bit surprised to see them plug that show on WWE TV given that it's rarely PG, but good for them to do so. Bryan just came down and did his deal. Bryan should've at least cut a promo about BEING KIDNAPPED. Hype vid for Dolph, who just lost, being on SD. They replayed a bit of Bray's promo from SD. "He will be safe with us" - wasn't he found Monday night after the show in a parking lot? JBL said that Bryan looks like a Wyatt family member, or an Oklahoman, since he has a beard. I think the booking is driving JBL insane, because he's just rambling. Rowan did some clubbering and hit a knee drop that looked terrible. Ad break.
JBL lost his mind again with Edward R. Morrow calling him J. Morrow. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN. This commentary. Second "you can't coach size" mention so far. King rightfully burying JBL for is commentary tonight. Backbreaker from Rowan led to a big splash that missed. Daniel Bryan got a fluke win over Rowan via schoolboy. Fucking hell. Wyatt thing hit, then Wyatt appeared on the tron to tell the guys to stand down. Bray is legit the best creepy promo since Jake Roberts. He talked about seeing Bryan "chasing his little girly friend on TV with diamonds". Then he just said a bunch of stuff. Hype vid for the unified title match, which is a unified title match (and a TLC match for that matter) for some reason. Why? Logically, nothing either guy has done to each other (yet) warrants it, and Cena's just coming back from injury.
Bryan bumped into Kane backstage. I'm mildly disappointed that Kane doesn't have a red phone cover now. Kane made Bryan-Wyatts at the PPV. THEN HE DID THE YES BIT WITH HIS INDEX FINGERS. Highlight of the show so far. Replay of the Woods-Clay drama. Why not just used Xavier's NXT theme? It's pretty awesome. Cole said that Brodus looked like a VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL GOING DOWN THE RUNWAY. What in the fuck? Are there illegal substances in the water tonight? Brodus's gear having scales on it looks so stupid. Truth's white and black getup is awesome. VINTAGE HEART PUNCH from Brodus. Honor Roll clothesline got 2 before Brodus head bonked him. Big splash off the second rope missed, and then Woods tried to hit a la majistral but Brodus wouldn't go over, so he wound up covering Woods briefly before just flipping for him. I honestly hope that was it for Brodus. There's no movement for him at all and they've killed him on commentary. Brothers Rhodes and Show face the Shield tonight in an unannounced match. So tonight's unannounced six-man is better than anything on the PPV.
The double cross of the year is now a category. SIN CARA'S BACK with a goofy arm tattoo. Okay, in close-up, it looks neat. And he's also appeared to gain a completely new skin color and gained about 20 pounds. ALBERTO-SIN CARA in another best of 9,000 series. Alberto said he'd send Sin Cara across the border via INS. So now he's Zeb or something. Vickie apparently made AJ-Nattie for the PPV based on Nattie's win tonight. So why can the SD GM make a divas tag title match based on a Raw victory? JBL referenced Boyd Pierce and Cole talked about Reiser Bowden. Sin Cara fucked up an Asai Moonsault. LOLed at King asking if Alberto would ever want to wear a mask. Flying headbutt done differently. Seems like it's Hunico under the mask again. Top rope enzuguri missed and the Swanton got the win. Wherever this leads to be will probably be more interesting than this was. They replayed the clip of Orton punting Cena's dad in '07 to make their current match seem important.
Korn's supplying the TLC theme. Am I in high school again? Cena cut a wacky promo about the world and WWE championships. Now the titles are a south-north war, and the world title's lineage is connected to the WCW and possibly the NWA Title again. PEOPLE ARE STILL DEBATING WHICH TITLE IS MORE IMPORTANT. One has opened tons of PPVs, the other hasn't - no one's debating it. Shield said they'd kick Punk's ass. Oh yeah, Show had a concussion last week. Totally forgot about that. And he's fine now for some reason. Awesome hype vid for the Raw 20th anniversary set. Ambrose sold Show's chop beautifully. Great bit with JBL saying he likes King since they've got a birthday together...and JBL was charged admission to King's free museum. IT'S REIGNS-SHOW! SWEET CHRIST the sound of that chop to Reigns. Cody's now got silver to his gear with a black base, so it at least looks better with Goldust - although it's still got winter green in it. They referenced Show helping the Brothers Rhodes win the titles, which they should've hyped up before since it wouldn't made this seem more important and less random.
Nakamura knee from Cody got 2. Cody played face in peril, which led to the crowd caring less. If only Goldust could play both the face in peril and the guy receiving the hot tag. Seth bonked his head on the buckle during a Stinger splash attempt. Show got the tag and ran wild. Show's run was amusing there, and a bit sad. The low bridge took forever too. Seth's flying knee took Show down and he took him down more with those "take a bump and get up" kicks. Muta elbow from Ambrose led to a sleeper attempt and a back suplex from Show. Ambrose and Rollins set up for the powerslam/neckbreaker combo that some other team did, but Show prevented it. Reigns speared Show, and Cody took him out. Superplex onto Ambrose was teased onto Rollins, but he moved and cradled Goldust for the win. THIS RULED! It was a half-hour of greatness. Oh, and what will Punk do at the PPV? I don't know - but he should watch this match again and again. Punk addresses the Shield next...why? Clips from Breaking Point aired. "Orton-Cena...absolute torture..." Yup. So if Orton wants to win, he should just tie Cena up again in cuffs, right?
Punk cut a wacky happy promo about FEELING PRETTY! Then he sang that he felt PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND GAYYYYY! Well, if you're going to be in a stupid angle, you might as well have fun with it. OH FUCKING HELL IT'S BARRETT AGAIN! Everyone's constipated. Well, that's a pleasant visual. Miz and Kofi are teaming again for some reason. And they re-showed the Orton-Cena graphic where Orton has multiple left arms. Goldust faces Ryback on Main Event, to in theory set up a match with the champs against the Ex-Heyman Guys. They're facing Miz and Truth. JBL talked about his buddy inventing THE YOUTUBE! JBL then rattled off history. His salary is dropping by the minute. Every wrestler before 1960 had the nickname of "the Great" according to Cole. Delayed No Burial Suplex got 2. Miz isn't working like a face or heel - he's working like a jobber. So Miz didn't take in BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIM. So now they're a team again. Shellshock got the win. Rybaxel/Axelback got the win. Miz re-turned heel two weeks after turning heel. The bull fighters sold merch. THE BULL ABSOLUTELY LOST HIS SHIT AT THE REY DOLL and the title belts. THE BULL HAS A PHONE! This is glorious.
The LOL moment of the year can be voted on. Summer danced in a hot dress before Henry came down. JBL's like a dancing version of Frank Gotch...Henry danced. His black and yellow/gold gear is awesome. Kneeling DDT from Fandango got 2 - I'm so giving him that tomorrow when his 2K14 DLC hits. After saying Summer's stupid, JBL talked about her being a big WW II buff. Big Slam won. Henry gyrated. NOT EVERYTHING INVOLVING A GYRATION IS A TWERK! Goddammit, they're replaying the vomiting bit. Cole at least looks absolutely disgusted to the idea of seeing this again. Well, Vince just spent thousands to have that edited into a video package for his own amusement at a dinner party.
PTPs are in the ring for a tag match after that. Punk faces...A MEMBER OF THE SHIELD on SD. Swagger and Cesaro have an awesome new track jacket. I want this track jacket now! Titus is a babyface for puking in Zeb's hair - and PTPs now stand for Prime Time Pukers. Digging the new black/white/grey camo gear for Swagger. This whole look works for him - except for the iffy fake tan. Fairly big WE THE PEOPLE chant. Swagger bomb/WE THE PEOPLE double stomp led to a sick tease. In a week, Titus went from being on-screen with Strahan and getting some national TV coverage to being the guy who pukes. King, a 60+ year old man, didn't know that crackers and ginger ale can aid an upset stomach. Swing tease. So if DY doesn't want it to happen, why doesn't he just get in the ring and stop him? Very European uppercut counter to a diving whatever from DY got the win for Cesaro. THE APP RESULTS are next...like they really matter - they'll just call it whatever after a week. And this was the main event match because the signing is next. But first, an annoying Total Divas ad.
The TLC match is now going to be called THE GREATEST MATCH IN HISTORY, and the app vote of "The Unified Champion" will now be taken under consideration, so they don't have to adhere to it. HHH said there would be one champion after the PPV, and Steph said the same thing just to say words. It's 11 and the intros are just now done. I liked that they waited until now to fill the arena with a clusterfuck of props. Even in sentence fragment form, Steph's impossible to listen to. HHH put over the lineage of the WWE Title and had Steph put him over instead of himself - so he's humble you see. HHH said the WHC went back to O'Connor, Race, Flair, Dusty, Taker, HBK, and as Steph said, THE GAME HHH. HHH rambled on for seemingly ever about legacies. Cena put his title on the table proudly, while Orton just kinda threw his down onto it. The contract was signed, and Steph cut a promo letting both men know they could cut a promo. Thank God Steph gave THE WORLD CHAMPIONS OF THE COMPANY permission to speak. Orton said he's better than everyone - including HHH, and that's why he was chosen to be the face of the company. Cena said Orton was an underachiever, while Cena said that Orton was the most gifted superstar ever. They basically brought up him being dumped in the mid-card for a while off and on due to getting complacent. At 11:08, Cena said it was time to cut to the chase. HE ISN'T AN APEX PREDATOR, he's just John Cena - and he's referring to himself in the first person. Cena cut a promo about using tables, ladders, and chairs tonight - instead of just using them. After Orton tried to attack, Cena fought back with weapons - the usual one shot with each thing to set up a TLC match. Cena mugged before slamming Orton into the steps. Cena gave a kid his shirt. Cena got hit with a ladder. They're now using the props way too much for free TV. IT'LL BE A MATCH FOR THE UNDISPUTED UNITED CHAMPION! Toss through the table for Cena. I'm now numb to these things being used. AA through the table. This went on for-fucking-ever, but was decent at times.
Screens -
8 Title wins - 2 left arms
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