Warrior Week - The Ultimate Legend Documentary

WWE's out to prove they can make great documentaries in next to no time once again.  Now they're tasked with telling a man's story that is quite complex and who they as a company have had issues with for over two decades. Warrior is shown coming back to WWE HQ on March 14. Wrestlefest clips and stuff from a Slim Jim ad were shown. Cena talked about Warrior being so eye-catching. Sting is now a talking head, and looks quite old without the makeup. Warrior is shown talking to WWE folks about The Ultimate Warrior being to him what Mickey Mouse was to Walt Disney, and they showed tons of merch ideas for him. Warrior is shown being so happy in these interviews. Sting talked about Rick Bassman and Warrior. Thank God Sting left TNA so this could be done. Zeb talked about being their manager in Memphis to help coach them, so now he's  Dutch as well. Mid-South/UWF clips of the team are shown. Boy was that mascara look something else. Dingo Warrior sounds like a stupid name, but it actually works well for chants. Warrior at WM XXX weekend talking about how things back in the days of the "WW-Letter After E". They did a rehearsal for the HOF bit at WM XXX. Cllips of the Terry Gibb debut squash were shown - the rough draft Warrior became the final draft with so many minor, but big changes. Nice bit with Warrior in a current clip being shaved - he looked better that way.

Warrior talks about veterans telling him to knock some shit off, but he'd just keep doing it and say he forgot since Vince liked it. Dolph talked about loving the HTM-Warrior squash at Summerslam. I just noticed that Warrior knocks Fink off the apron running around. Warrior said that the fans were so hyped they shook his car to the side. The origins of Hogan-Warrior, including a photo of Vince in a bright neon green workout shirt, were shown. Cesaro's talking heads in a swank suit ruled. Ambrose looks sleazy even in a talking head. Hogan's post-match selling of the agony of defeat to the blind man outside the building was amazing. These high quality photos of the event rule - they're perfect for the HD era. Warrior was as old in the WM VI match as I am now...wow. Looking at his post WM-VI clips, one of the things he did to change it up was go with three colors on the paint, tights, and tassles instead of just two - it's a small thing, but it makes the look more complex. Sarge met with Warrior before the HOF showing him something from their last match. Warrior's arms look much smaller than they did in his comeback match. Warrior's red, white, and blue gear was beautiful. Warrior thanked Randy for letting the finish be with a foot on the chest. They talked about the Summerslam '91 deal. Warrior didn't know it would be his last match. Vince talked about the importance of "promoting the Ultimate Warrior brand" at that time. Warrior's WM VIII return was shown, with him looking soft and much smaller. He cut a wacky promo at a press conference in a blue hoodie. Warrior talked about being the champion again in '92. It was weird seeing him subdued at this thing.

Warrior talked about the return being hurt by the steroid testing. Vince talked about Warrior and Davey using HGH and how they didn't quite break the rules. Vince said Warrior was offended by him being opposed to this. Yes, Warrior somehow opposed VINCE BEING AGAINST STEROID USE. Warrior said that for his '96 return, Vince talked about him missing the fame. Warrior said sure, he did, but he always just did new stuff. Hall and Warrior talked about Bischoff getting pissed during the NWO era. Warrior said the key to the WCW run would have to be a good idea and a good paycheck. They added some weird translucent WCW bug to the Nitro debut. Kinda surprised Warrior would say "ultimate" in his WCW debut promo. Cesaro buried the mirror. Warrior buried the company's politics, as did Sting. Warrior said there was no Vince there to run the show. "They used Ted Turner's paycheck to pay me to lose to Hulk." summed it up nicely. Hogan said the Havoc match was one of the worst he ever had. Yup. It was quite a bit worse than his Sting match in 2011, which seems impossible. Warrior said if he knew it would be that bad, he'd have never come back.

THE SELF-DESTRUCTION OF THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR was talked about by Hall and Warrior, which Warrior buried it. They showed Bruce Prichard from the DVD, of course, since he's not with the company anymore. Warrior basically buried this thing for burying a money-making brand in his character. Warrior said he was asked to go into the Hall in Arizona, but he couldn't do it due to the DVD. I like that - he had his code and he didn't want to violate it. Stuff was shown from their 2007 lawsuit over the use of the Ultimate Warrior character and hurting its value. Hogan on the original DVD that he'd break his legs, and in '09, it led to a legal issue. Clips of Hogan in the '09 court deal were shown. Warrior dead-weighted Vince on a handshake then since he'd been disrespected enough by him. Warrior comes off great here - if you fuck him over, he won't blow smoke up your ass. He'll just let you know you're a prick and move on. I'm surprised to here his candid comments about the settlement. "The settlement was all shit" was uncensored here.  Warrior marked out over HHH's WM XXX crown gimmick. HHH actually has the world title in his office. HHH showed him the performance center setup so he can watch stuff whenever he wants.

Warrior showed up and said the HOF is where the broken down and disabled come. After Warrior buried Vince for his "heya buddy!" bit before, HE USED IT ON VINCE! Then he said that Vince was the only guy not aging, and it must be that wellness center. Steph was perplexed by Linda inducting Warrior, and Steph said he was their babysitter and Shane would tackle him constantly. Warrior wanted Linda to induct him because she and he were friends - Warrior would stay in their house. Warrior signed Vince's favorite book "The Little Engine that Could!" THEN WARRIOR READ THE LITTLE ENGINE THAT COULD! Vince teared up at the idea that Warrior remembered his love of it. HHH teared up talking about Warrior being with his daughters and that the HOF with them made all the bullshit worth it. Vince was shown reading the book while talking on the headset. Warrior and Vince talked after the HOF, with Vince holding the book like Flair did a title. HHH asked Hogan to not talk to Warrior after the HOF as a personal favor to him. Hogan and Warrior talked at WM about starting over. Warrior accepted Hogan's apology. Hogan's eyes are scarily bloodshot in this talking head. Warrior was shown in a rolled-up shirt with jacked up arm veins.

Steph talked about Warrior wanting to be the Ultimate Warrior one more time on Raw. His wife and kids were shown in the crowd...this is gonna be tough. Now his younger daughter is talking about how great her dad was after Raw. Steph took the Vince/Warrior pic and Warrior said he always thought of Vince like a father. Vince cried thinking about that being the last photo of them together. Warrior walked backstage with his kids. HHH talked about it being so great to see Warrior's non-stop smile the whole week. News clips of his passing were shown. HHH found out through his assistant that Warrior died via a text from Dana. They played a piano rendition of Warrior's theme while HHH talked about Warrior viewing Vince as the father he never had. Sting said it was surreal to hear his final promo about a heart beating its final beat and that happening to him. Sting said all this great stuff happened for him and then poof, he's gone. Vince said Warrior would want everyone to celebrate Warrior. This was fantastic!

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TNA Impact 4-17-14

TNA should make "TNA Originals House" to cash in on Legends House. Well, "house" is a bit much. It's really just an apartment inside and they use establishing shots of a much better dwelling for the show. It'll be sponsored by Wonder Bread since that's all the roster can afford, and by getting it to the guys for free, morale should increase ten-fold to just be clinically-depressed. Season two will be sponsored by Prozac. Anyway, an EY recap starts off the show with a promo video. "For 17 years, I've thought about this day. And it's more perfect than I thought!" And then he came out to his comedy tron. EY came out in jeans, a grey shirt, and basic hoodie - looking like he just got a night thrift store haul. The paper champion-era is over! Dixie came out and was called by Tenay "One of the people who has the power to do so" - I demand a graphic for the chain of command for promo interruption. Dixie talked about the "Don't Fire Eric" movement EIGHT YEARS AGO, and Dixie INVENTED THE BEARD!

She demanded royalty checks...fucking hell how second-rate. I'm trying to figure out what Dixie's dress is supposed to look like. It's kind of like a blue and purple piano, mixed with a hot dog shape. EY got a Yes chant, slightly. "I'm gonna do the same thing to you that I do to everything to crap - I FLUSH IT!" Smooth. EY promising to run her over with the General Lee ruled. Could've done without her explaining the reference. And now she's going to give him a corporate makeover. Can't wait for three months from now, or weeks, when we get the fake cop angle. OH MY GOD, THIS HAS ONLY GONE ON 10 MINUTES. Bully's out talking about guys being held down by a loser boss. Bully talked about the table bit last week. This whole Dixie - Wrestling Historian bit is much funnier if you imagine it as a rib on Eva Marie. Bully in his Wal-Mart MMA shirt endorsed EY as champ. This sucked. KOs street fight is up next.

It's Velvet-Rayne, and Velvet prepared for Rayne by getting ready to batter up for the intro...so Rayne came out from behind her. Velvet's tits look absolutely gigantic in this outfit. Madison somehow POWERED BOTH VELVET AND ANGELINA UP TO THE APRON WITH ONE HAND EACH...well actually, Angelina's only 100 pounds, so that could be possible. Velvet gave Madison a wedgie getting into the ring. Madison, WHO WAS ABLE TO LIFT TWO PEOPLE UP, struggled to hold a garbage can overhead and hit Velvet with some terrible shots. Spear from Rayne got the win. They hyped up Angelina-Rayne for the PPV IN TEN DAYS! Abyss cut a promo on EY after Bully left. Abyss talked about cashing in a title shot. I can't wait for TNA to launch the Piggy Bank ladder match. They played music over 90% of this promo, so it was hard to hear.

Spud in his gear talked to EC3. BOO, HE'S NO LONGER GOT A WHEELCHAIR. He's scared of animals, and girls, BUT NOT WILLOW! EC3 hyped him up as the man who could end Willow. HE'S A LION! These two have amazing chemistry together. MVP cut a promo with no intro. He talked about Joe not being there. MVP with the business goatee rules. MVP got pissed at Joe for not calling or texting him, or for not returning his calls. Aries came out in a shiny shirt, and said he's now the most disgruntled man who ever lived. Loved him getting to cut a promo. Shame he's in the doghouse. He took offense to not being in the gauntlet, and MVP told him he hasn't been used since he turned his back on him. Aries and MVP are pretty good together. A pseudo-epic EY video aired that basically put EY in Bryan's role in every way, minus the comedy part. I'll give TNA some credit - they're at least going through the motions of making this win seem important, which is more than they did for Sabin. He held it and it went from being a mian event title to being an hour 1 main event title due to their shitty booking.

 Wolves-BroMans are up the for the tag titles. It's never been brought up before right now. Davey's hair is just terrible. Nice double dive from the Wolves. God, a Wolves and Bryan vs. The Shield match would've been fun. Robbie being around for about five years now is amazing given how badly the Shore bombed on week one. Taz called a move of the Champs' the Double Boom, leading to Tenay noting he'll mark it down next to the Bro Down. Nice Warriors Way from Eddie led to the double stomp from Davey, and a DQ win for the Wolves due to DJ Z getting involved. Looking forward to the PPV win for them. Willow cut a promo about EC3 and Spud dreaming of handicapping Willooowwww! Fuck this is stupid.

An EY video had a promo from EY cut in with the audio of JB talking and Madison's theme, so it was impossible to hear. Parts of this were used in the opening and could actually be heard. EC3 and Spud did EC3's intro, which annoyed EC3. Taz talked about how amazing the Willow umbrella is, leading to Tenay plugging ShopTNA. Well, if you're going to make goofy merch, you might as well push it on TV. Taz talked about his alter ego being six foot, nine - and that's it. Glorious! Twisto on Spud gets the win, leading to EC3 taking the leg out. It never once occurred to me that all of this was being done to build up EC3-Willow...and it's not. ANGLE'S BACK! EC3 unhinged his jaw at the sight of him and ate a suplex. This was great.

Angle cut a rambling promo about facing EC3 "soon", so maybe he forgot the PPV name. And Angle-EC3 won't end until EC3's taken out in a body bag. An awesome video on Sanada showed him waking up at 4:30 to train an talking about  how good Uno is. NOW they're hype up the Sanada-Tigre series... This is pretty awesome though. Kenny King came out looking slick. Nice back and forth fast offense from both guys. Great TKO from Sanada. Uno hit the HOLYFUCKBALLSNO Capture Suplex doing a head and arm tie with the captured leg right against the head...Okay, that capture suplex needs to never be used again. Uno wins with a flippy do. Bully cut a promo to someone looking rather slim in that shirt about the table deal.

Roode's challenge was met by MR.  INTENSITY, THE MDV, GUNNER! These two had a pretty good little match. Big running flying knee from Gunner. After setting Roode up on a table, Gunner..slammed his head into the buckle and allowing Roode to toss Gunner into but not quite through the able. Roode Bomb through the table remedied that screwup nicely and actually helped since Roode got the win with his finisher and not just via the help. Bully made the save for Gunner. Madison cut a promo on a windy day outside on EY. EC3 said that he didn't deserve it. Willow the Drug Addict said EY was the greatest world champion TNA has ever seen. EY bonked stuff with a kendo stick and a trash can... Boy would this monster's ball deal be a better on a show that didn't have a women's street fight gimmick hardcore as the opener.

Abyss came out for his world title match...weren't his matches only due to Magnus or something? Did Magnus sign off on Abyss getting a shot before him, and if so, why would he do that? Sure, Abyss can soften him up - but he could also wind up facing Abyss, and it was made clear before that Magnus doesn't want that. Just like the opener, this had stupid cane and trash can shots. Not Bryan did a suicide dive and got bonked with a can for an ad break.Nasty slingshot spot with a chair where EY got stuck in between the second and top ropes and the chair. Cheese grater claw to the balls from EY. EY teased a piledriver to the tacks, so he could puncture his ass, legs, and possibly back with them. Abyss tried to impale EY with the board, but it got stuck in the buckle, so EY kicked him in the balls. Abyss countered a Janice shot attempt from EY with a chokeslam onto the tacks! EY had a ton of wounds on him from that, so in a sense, this was a good match to do for his first world title match since he comes off as tougher due to it - not to the level of Foley-Orton though. EY dropkicked him onto a barbwire board, hit the elbow, and won. This overdelivered.


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WWE Network Live Craziness for 4-15-14

It's tax day...yay...I missed the Cena-Wyatt deal to get some work done, but caught it in time for a Piper-Sammartino deal with Piper calling him a "stupid wop" without any bleeping. A longer Legends House ad has the guys handing out fruitcakes to neighbors...A LOS GUERREROS SKIT! The graphic is largely cut off by the HD cropping though. THEY'RE MEN! MEN ON A MISSION! I demand that Scorpio's video air as filler. The Story of Edge airs on Saturday.


WWE Main Event

Los Matadores came out to face 3MB. It's now a best of nine trillion series. Jinder countered Torito with HORNSWOGGLE THE HARD ROCKER! THIS IS BY A WIDE MARGIN THE GREATEST THING HORNSWOGGLE HAS EVER DONE! They said this was due to Torito and Hornswoggle doing stuff at the HOF. This should really be a 2.5 vs. 2.5 man tag - I'm tired  of the basic tag, but could go for a wacky comedy match. A little brawl broke out causing a DQ. EVERYONE GOT HIT IN THE BALLS, THEN DWARVES BRAWLED! This was everything I wanted! A new Warrior graphic aired to hype up the network special later.

Hunicara came out in a swank yellow, black, red, and white getup. A super cocky BAD NEWS BARRETT came out. I love that he's got his swagger back with this. After that comedy, Barrett had the nerve to say THIS IS REAL LIFE - NOT A CARTOON. IC Tourney graphic got profile shots for it. FLIP BUMP FROM BARRETT for a suicide dive. Nice. Love BNB trying to get The Clap back over - now with "BAD-news!" This was a ton of fun. Barrett either whooped ass or took great bumps for Cara, then got the win with the Bull Hammer after the Winds of Change.

A Warrior tribute recap aired. Lilian awkwardly introduced a battle. Royale. For the. Divas title. At Extreme Rules. FOXAKSANA EXPLODES! Emma was eliminated by her own clumsiness, and an errant kick from Nikki. Layla missed LOL badly. Naomi took a crazy bump to the floor off the apron. Nikki with a shot right to the fox box during a split on the top. Tamina gets the win with a superkick. The crowd reacts with zero reaction. Evolution recap is next. The recap of the Shield-main event thing was no less goofy. Swagger-Show's actually in the main event spot. I heart Zeb's signs. They were great in SMW and they're fantastic now. Zeb cut a promo on Cesaro. Zeb being back to a wacky racist character kinda sucks. Boy are Show and Swagger's singlets similar. I like Swagger focusing on leg destruction here. Remember when the long ankle lock was a big spot in HBK-Angle? Now it's just a C-show main event spot in a nothing match. It led to the KO punch. This was a fun show.

WrestleMania XIX - Jericho-HBK

This should be a good special - they've already got HD-ready footage for it thanks to WM XIX also being shot on film for the Mania of WrestleMania movie. So now, for this special, that Jericho title win over HHH counted!  HBK-HHH is covered. God, the cropping is murdering these clips. The backbreaker and elbow were barely visible. Bill Apter - SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT JOURNALIST chimed in. The match itself has held up quite nicely, but the special itself wasn't too special.

Xavier Woods on the inbox was filler. The Warrior stuff appears to "just" be some of the matches from his new DVD set. Shawn recorded a clip via his phone that is new thanking Warrior for his contributions to wrestling. It's amazing how similar, yet different, the early Ultimate Warrior gimmick looks like compared to what it would be. Warrior beat Barry Horrowitz with a... weird cover. Nice of Ricky to bust out his old VHS camcorder for this. Steamboat broke into tears here. STING MAKES HIS WWE DEBUT! Warrior-HTM is up. Batista talked about loving Warrior, and looking at least 50. Jericho cut a promo with his phone and his Mac. Jericho singing his theme is glorious.

Andre-Warrior at SNME for the IC Title is up. I've never seen this match, but I've seen other matches between them...so I doubt it'll be too different. Andre going for the secondary title is weird, but man does the idea of Warrior not only taking out Andre, but doing so super-quickly really work to set up Hogan-Warrior in the back of your mind. They did a weird cut when Warrior starting choking Andre with the singlet. God, Andre looks a decade older here than he did at WM 3. Vince of course talks about THE VASCULARITY of Warrior. Andre chokes him with the rope. So rope chokes are fine, but not singlet chokes. I love Jesse calling a spade a spade to not 100% fully back a heel when Heenan says Warrior's using the tights for the bearhug and he disagrees. Andre gets a bearhug and leaves his head exposed. Network goes wonky during some corner chops. It came back and rewound things a bit. OF ALL MATCHES TO SEE PARTS OF AGAIN! Heenan got Andre DQed with interference. This was dreadful.

"Razor Ramon" on the graphic with @ScottHallNWO on his shirt cut a promo looking a decade older than he did at the HOF. An ESPN anchor named Robert Flores  hyped up seeing Warrior in Mid-South and IN THE TOKYO DOME! Or the Egg Dome, as it's known. I remember loving this match on World Tour '90. Amazing that Ted went from being a big deal in All Japan to just being squashed in this. God, these bumps sound rough. This match might've taken years off of Ted's career. This is a lot longer than I remember - maybe the CV version was edited heavily. Ted's piledriver got 2. CJ Parker cut a promo in the trees talking about Warrior. Sami Zayn cut a promo about Warrior being his favorite when he took over for Hogan, due to his high energy act. Warrior and his powder blue belt cut a promo on Rude. The white one used in the Ted match is better.

Rude always had THE greatest sell for an atomic drop ever. Rude bonks him with the belt. A DASTARDLY TACTIC! Marella lifted THE LEG UP for a sleeper since the arm wasn't available. Heenan caused a DQ. Cena cut a promo, fittingly in neon, putting over Warrior's hard work ethic. Hogan said Warrior was everything the business should be. Warrior Man cut a fantastic promo. A Miz Main Event hype video aired. Big E's "I Need Five" bit got used to hype up his daily WWE Network intake.

Raw 4-14-14

It's hard to believe it's only been a week since last week's Raw - it seems like both it and WM were months ago. Holly-Snow in the river is the pre-pre-show match. The pre-show starts with Booker saying that Warrior was too outspoken at times, with Slaughter and Riley also on the panel. Slaughter looks absolutely ancient. YAY "Monster" is playing! Recap of the Shield/Bryan-Authority stuff from Raw. Big E beats Titus on Superstars. They announced the IC Title shot tourney and said was due to Christian being injured. Legends House clip. Just who is the target market for senior citizens re-enacting a scene from The Full Monty? They recapped Cena-Wyatt with them going too far into "the dark side" stuff. Los Matadores came out to face 3MB in another of their best of nine million series. Paige and Renee talked. Time for Rene-aige shipping! It's Warrior Week EXCLUSIVELY ON THE WWE NETWORK. Well, this seems...slightly exploitative. I'm all for them taking care of Cesaro-Swagger in the tourney and then giving Cesaro the title.

Raw opened with the crew on the ramp and they played an amazing video for him. His final promo will go down as a classic, and this whole deal was both hearbreaking when they showed his family and sweet because it was all about him having a goodbye to wrestling and he got it. Plus, his family will make a mint off of the merch, which doesn't replace losing him, but is a help. I'd have been fine with a commercial break instead of anything current after all that. Instead, they talked about the tag champs facing Orton and Batista, and hyped up the tourney. RVD-ADR is after the break.

They talked about ADR never holding the IC Title and that being THE ONE FEATHER he's never had. Or the U.S. Title, or the tag titles. Nice bump to the dasher board from RVD. They had a nothing match and RVD actually won with the splash! Boy did Alberto beating Big E and Batista mean a lot. This should set up RVD-Cesaro though, which will be fun to see. Bryan's on his honeymoon, so we get a recap of last week's events. Bryan and Brie are off making little Rock babies after WM. Evolution talked but couldn't be heard. Summerslam Warrior-HTM recap. Vince investing so much in production 25 years ago really paid off - this '88 footage looks better than ROH now. A wacky WWE TRU ad aired. 

Evolution talked and now we could hear it...no thanks. They're saying the Shield won't allow Orton and Batista near the title...so they can't ban them from a building now? Rhodes Bros. face Rybaxel. JBL kept burying Bryan calling him a farm animal. HE'S THE WORLD CHAMPION, KNOCK THAT OFF. Guys did moves. I'm wishing for some housework to do. Cole talked about it being a big match. Yup. The winner gets to get destroyed by Evolution. Loser gets to do it first! Meathook in mid-air won! I love that being a flash finisher. They hyped up the WWE Network getting a free week again, and it allowing you to watch WM.

Bo hype. I can't wait for the inevitable "bo-lieve in the Shield" promo and beatdown. Paige faces Alicia here. JBL's losing his shit for...some reason. Alicia did stuff, including a nice tilt a whirl. Crowd died until a nice superkick to the gut from Paige. Usos face Evolution tonight, but it's non-title, so they'll likely be destroyed. They recapped the initial beating. Wow. Batista looks so much shorter than Orton now. Batista's got new black and white gear on. King is...I think making some kind of point about the Usos looking up to Warrior as a kid. He's having an off night - he must still be upset about Warrior wearing a hat on TV 18 years ago. Moves moves moves. Nice Samoan drop from an Uso to Batista. "The Viper's coming out of Orton" that's not very PG. Shield attacks the heels for a DQ. Reigns took Batista out with the Superman punch - I can't wait for Reigns-Batista. Batista's selling of the punch was glorious. Ultimate Challenge clips, and Cesaro-Henry's after the break!

Heyman came out and put over Brock CONQUERING THE STREAK. An outstanding slideshow of Brock-Taker was shown. I could really go for Cesaro-Taker at Summerslam. Heyman said Brock made Taker famous, and that when Brock's advocate speaks, you listen AND HIS NEW CLIENT IS THE KING OF SWING, CESARO! Cesaro and his shiny jacket with a new towel and no theme came down. Mark Henry is shockingly great at playing face in peril. It reminds me of Typhoon doing that at Summerslam '92, but better. Uppercuts to the face, neck, and off the top set up the Neutralizer for the win!

LANA GETS A THEME! Time for Rusev to kill someone. JBL's already hitting on her like he did when Maryse debuted and he wanted to instantly learn French. Truth came down to make the save after Rusev destroyed Woods and got killed too. Lana is amazing. Rusev's look and moveset is unique. They hyped up the WWE Network and the Warrior stuff. Okay, now they're officially using his death for network buys. Then they showed some clips of the Bryan doc. Swagger-Sheamus is up, which led to King talking about Legends House. Swagger and Sheamus did stuff until Swagger did a very impressive belly to belly suplex off of an apron shouldercharge. Moves moves moves. RUNNING MOVES! Nice high knee in the corner from Sheamus. Swagger turned the outside-in shoulderblock into an ankle lock. Brogue kick won. Sheamus-Cesaro should be fun. A glorious Adam Rose vid aired.

Warrior documentary clips aired - it should be quite awesome. HE WILL NOT BE SILENCED...WELL IT'S A BIG SHOW! KO punch after a few eons. What a glorious sell from Sandow. Wyatts "we're next!" Show faces Swagger on ME. Bray cut every promo he's ever cut pre-Cena. He said Cena "just needed a little push", and then Cena came out and said he didn't need another push and had JOKEZ! Cena started talking about Birmingham honies... why is John Cena talking like Will Smith's teenage character from Fresh Prince? Cena talking about Myspace and _____ Machine is sub-Bully Ray. Then we got a "why so serious" reference in 2014 and a wacky Photoshop bit. Wyatt buried this bullshit as being due to Cena being scared. After several eons, Cena said he'd face Wyatt "if the two Santa wannabees" weren't there and that he wasn't "an eater of worlds, just the eater of the world's biggest Cinnabon". And he wants a cage match. Bray accepted and asked his brothers and sisters in the crowd for support. Bray tried to save this. They showed WM 30 clips to hype up the Network and the free trial.

Emma and Santino teamed up against Layla and Fandango to continue a feud no one wants to see. Layla pulled her off the top and won. Steph cut an intense promo on Kane, WHO GRABBED THE MASK! A BoLieve ad about eggs not being able to fly aired. They talked about Warrior Week and showed a bit of his Raw appearance. The Shield faces three question marks later. Dolph-Barrett...I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS for Dolph. Adam Rose played Hungry, Hungry Hippos with a bunny. A big Randy Savage chant started off Barrett-Dolph. Cole talked about Austin and Rock having classics for the IC Title. They had classics for the World title, but only had one memorable IC Title match - the one with the truck bumps. They did stuff until Barrett took control with a post shot and Dolph took a stupid bump. Barrett missed a shoulder charge and it led to a CM Punk chant. Barrett's in the best visual shape of his WWE career right now. After A YEAR OFF, it seems like they could rehab him to a World title-level guy if that was a separate thing. Super-sloppy super X factor got 2 for Dolph. Winds of Change got 2. The crowd's back to chanting about the actual match. Flapjack leads to the bull hammer for the win! Can't wait for Barrett-Sheamus, they always have excellent matches. An evil Kane vid aired because he faces Bryan next week. They showed him burning JR and throwing Ryder off a ramp.

Shield came down for the main event at 10:57. Loved Reigns doing the Austin pose in the corner and Rollins doing crazy Warrior movements in the corner. Alberto, Swagger, and FANDANGO came out. 3MB, Titus, Rybaxel, Rusev, and Barrett. Titus tossed around Rollins. Rusev did a chain of elbows. Spear to Ryback led to chaos and a no contest. Crazy Rollins dive on the pile. THE EVOLUTION THEME HIT! RKO to Reigns led to the theme hitting again for a second. Reigns taking a lot of finishers sets up three main events for him. Crowd chanted yes yes yes. Loved Reigns crawling to try and fight here. The post-show now has a giant red curtain behind the panel.

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SD 4-11-14

A nice Warrior graphic with a Cole narration aired talking about Raw being dedicated to him. Generic intro hit leading to Heyman talking out THE KING OF SWING for a match with Show. He used the Next Big Thing line for Cesaro. HEYMAN IS ON COMMENTARY! They teased an inside-out suplex to Show, leading to a SUNSET BOMB tease, which was countered by sitting on Cesaro's chest. Heyman told Cesaro to TAKE HIS AIR! A Heyman chant broke out. Cole talked about great managers, like The Grand Rizard. Heyman said that he's been scouting Cesaro for a while and it was his advice that led him to victory in the battle royal. Swagger prevented the Swing. BOO. NEUTRALIZER TO CESARO, who won via DQ. Cena ran down the week's events as the narrator for the WWE Universe. It was bizarre, but good to have him talk about the next gen guys that got going on Raw in Rusev, Paige, Adam Rose, and Bo Dallas. He said he's not the king of swing or the One - he is the standard-bearer and he is JOHN CENA! This was pretty good stuff. Harper said that time can heal all wounds, but for John, it just gives them more time to hurt him. Bray talked a bit to continue their feud and said he hopes he can one day feel pain...I bet he win at ER.

Rybaxel's facing the Matadores on the treadmill. Nice swinging neckbreaker setup led to the hangman's facebuster for the win. RVD talked with Renee, then had another nothing match with Sandow. Poor Sandow. Hulk Hogan came down to put over Bryan Danielson...which is just surreal still. In one week, he put over Claudio and Bryan - GO ROH! Then Bryan and Hogan stood in the ring together, leading to BRYAN CUTTING A HOGAN PROMO for one sentence thank God. He thanked Hogan and said he's been a Hulkamaniac for as long as he can remember. He asked that Hogan's theme be played so Hogan could play to the crowd - and then Bryan Danielson and Hulk Hogan posed to the crowd together. What a crazy week. This was a blast. Cole said it was like Muscle and Fitness meeting National Geographic. Then Hogan did the Yes bit. THIS is Hogan should always be used from now on.

Kofi came out with a new AJ circa '05 vest/hoodie combo. Barrett got the mic and cheapshotted Kofi and it led to I'M AFRAID I'VE GOT SOME BAD NEWS! Trouble in Paradise was countered by the Bull Hammer. VIVA LA BAD NEWS PUSH! Santino and Emma played wacky games while Fandango came out with Layla. Layla is quite the hot dancer. JBL compared Fandango to Randy Couture again. Nothing comedy match leads to Fandango winning via a distraction schoolboy. A Paige hype vid aired. Raw and ME clips aired to set up the main event. Kane in a wifebeater met with Orton and Batista. Not much happened until an ad break with Bryan cutting a promo with a giant mic and a crowd. Everyone just went through the motions here, although Orton busted out a body scissors sleeper at one point. Bryan and Kane brawled, leading to Evolution taking out the Usos and the Shield saving Bryan from a chokeslam through a table. Triple powerbomb to Kane - no DOUBLE TRIPLE POWWWWEERRBOOMMMBBBB tonight.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/gyobtlve7rzffp3xap230uujumj1uoua

TNA Impact 4-10-14

TNA...has a show this week. They're basically doomed with it, between everything happening over the past week and TNA just existing for eons now. At least they're having a bit of fun with wacky skits. Oh, and Dixie's back. #WrathofDixie. They had a nice graphic for Warrior to start, and then Dixie got out of a limo and said she had a lot to say...just not now. MVP said the TNA World title was ONE OF THE MOST important titles in wrestling. Well, as a former IWGP IC Champion, he's held something more important. MVP cut a promo to...I think the camera, maybe Magnus, I don't know, he kept talking about him in name only. A 10 man gauntlet for a shot at the gold starts. Storm, once the guy who seemed like he couldn't led to a TNA revolution where they finally broke though, came out with his dyed beard, gut, and long tights just looking bored. Gunner and Storm start things off. They just did stuff for a while until Roode came down. Beer Money attacked Gunner. I hope Murphy comes out to help Gunner here. Nope - it's Bully! Bully took a double suplex and no-sold it to help Gunner run wild. Tenay says "it only makes sense to help in this every man for himself match." No, it doesn't. EC3 came out. Odd that they get the War Games psychology right for a battle royal, but not really for the War Games match itself. Bully murdered EC3's chest with chops. Lashley's out to even the odds. "THINK OF THIS GUY'S CAREER." Overachieved in WWE. Underachieved everywhere else...might be best to not think about it, actually.

Mr. Abyss not in a suit came out. ANOTHER FORMER WORLD CHAMPION. Yup, and the only one who got it via DQ. Magnus's theme hit, and he came out in a fantastically-douchey outfit. They came back with him on commentary and Sanada in the ring. Then EY came out. More nothing happened until Willow came down. Spud came down in his greatest suit yet. Spud helped EC3 take out Hardy, then Roode eliminated Lashley, and then Bully got rid of Roode. Roode helped EC3 eliminate Bully. Storm got rid of Gunner, who peaked on the show by bonking his head on the buckle a bunch leading to Tenay saying "HE'S MR. INTENSITY - THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING!" Storm and Abyss are in there with EY, who logically has to win this as the last face. Loved Magnus losing his shit when EY did the flying elbow. Draping DDT to EY from Storm. EY took out Storm, so either EY is main eventing a PPV, or we're already getting Abyss-Magnus. They did a fakeout with EY going over the ropes. EY got the win with a clothesline over the top...wow. I didn't see EY winning, but why not? The show's going to die either way, might as well tell a fun story. Hemme interviewed EY, who told MVP that he had a request. Logically, this should involve guys being banned from ringside. TNA gives a match 30 minutes and it's the most nothing battle royal ever.

They came back with the arena cheering like crazy for EY. Well, they at least picked a crazy-over face to get the title match. EY thanked MVP for this chance and said his right arm is messed up. EY said he wanted the title shot tonight, and got a yes chant. Well, he's got a big beard. And now they're going to tell the Bryan story of a beloved bearded babyface fighting against the odds with an arm injury. Magnus talked about the Magnus Rules, and MVP nixed those. If Magnus tries to get DQed or counted out, he loses the title - he didn't say EY got it, Magnus just loses it. And Abyss and everyone else is banned from ringside. Good, a face has a brain. Spud surprised Dixie with a party, and his suit. Velvet groped Angelina to help her stretch...

BPs got an intro for Angelina being in the match. Velvet has the perfume again. ODB focused her attack on Angelina's ass with both a smack and a kick. ODB hit the fallaway slam and then shook the ropes. Tajiri's esque-handspring off the ropes into a moonsault by Brittany - nice! Angelina won thanks to the perfume and a pump kick. MVP and Dixie had a wacky meeting.

They came back...DAVEY HAS DYED BLONDE HAIR! Wolves can't get their shot due to Robbie's flight being cancelled. Jesse carried both belts, then did squats with them to prove he's healthy. And MVP gave Robbie until bell time to get here or DJ Z takes his spot. I can't get over Davey's hair. A quick recap of the EY shot aired, and then Magnus cut a badly-edited promo. Then Dixie came back at 10. She cut a small promo on Bully. Crowd chanted "we don't want you". Then a "we don't like you" chant was even bigger. Dixie had to yell to drown out the crowd. Dixie said Roode put him through a table, no two, NO THREE. AND ACCORDING TO HER VAST WRESTLING KNOWLEDGE, HE'S NEVER BEEN PUT THROUGH THREE TABLES IN ONE NIGHT. Bully said "This is THEIR COMPANY!". The fans in attendance will soon be getting bills in the mail. Dixie demanded her money back, but Bully said don't trust anyone, that he bought a car, and spent most of it at Rick's Cabaret. Dixie took the mic out of Bully's hand and said she could nix his pay, was his boss, and slapped him. So Bully's Stone Cold and Dixie's Vince. How long until Bully pours concrete into Dixie's reasonably-priced 1999 Corvette? Roode came out and attacked Bully. They teased a powerbomb through the table, but Roode countered, leaving her with Dixie. And then they just stared at each other and they went to a break.

Dixie and Magnus argued about petty shit. "Wrath of Dixie my ass" was pretty funny. The Wolves came out and got the champs's graphic. Jesse threw a nice dropkick - WWE should definitely sign him. Taz put over Davey's hair while burying it. Eddie hit a rana on both guys - neat. GIF-worthy selling by Jesse off the handspring kick from Davey. It hit and Jesse just flew high in the air. They hit the Alarm Clock, but Robbie caused a DQ and saved the title. I'm fine with that - they can save the change for the PPV. Christy's cleavage cut a promo to the camera about a meeting with Shaw later.

Christy's got a theme now, and the crowd chanted creepy bastard at Shaw. They talked about her SHOCKING announcement. Shocking? She's going to give him a handjob with a joy buzzer? "Guys, he's not a creepy bastard - okay?" Hilarious. She said she sees him for who he is - misunderstood. Christy took his glove off with her mouth in the least sexy way possible. She had him keep his eyes closed, then they showed a psych van backstage. Anderson was there, snuck around wackily, snuck out, made wacky faces AND HE'S GOT HIS HAIR DYE AGAIN. He's regained charisma, and took Shaw out with the Mic Check. A funny farm chant broke out. This was fantastic! They sang the goodbye song, then Christy did...wow this was so much better than expected. Anderson's great again! And then Shaw escaped the van and...Ken just stopped. 

Willow cut a wacky promo about wanting to face EC3 and Spud next week and then dropped that BE THERE OR BE TRIANGULAR line. EY and Magnus came out and didn't get a big-match intro. They just did some stuff before a break.IT DOESN'T GET ANY BIGGER THAN THIS - Magnus-EY for the title...I call bullshit on that. Magnus got a camel clutch and made him humble. EY's getting token offense, making me think he could actually win this. There's a dueling LET'S GO EY/EY SUCKS chant. Nice flying forearm from EY led to a discus lariat with the bad arm. Wheelbarrow neckbreaker leads to the elbow! Mag Driver gets 2. Magnus grabbed the belt, but it was just a ruse to distract him from a low blow with a 2.999 count. Great nearfall there. Crucifix got 2 for EY. PILEDRIVER FROM EY! 1-2-3! Well what the hell, he's been loyal, is a great hand, and gets a little short-term title run. It's a good week for a feel-good story and this was one.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/kpcgtcelfdn5lax6x4a5mhr5fc3nxazh

Journey to WrestleMania - Daniel Bryan

Cesaro starting off the Danielson special surreal. This thing already makes WM XXX seem epic with the filmic look. It's great to see this without any bugs except for the TV14 one in the corner. They showed a ton of TWA clips. Jesus Christ was he ever good in the TWA. They showed some ROH, lots in fact. Seth put over ROH and they showed clips of Bryan-Seth and Bryan-Claudio. They showed Bryan and Seth just shooting the shit in DC - Bryan bought a new house! Some NXT clips were shown. They showed Miz being a dick to Bryan RIGHT BEFORE WM saying that he's not a star. LOL. They showed clips of his Jericho match and his firing due to the tie choking. God, Bryan looks like he's a decade older since just 2010. I'll attribute 90% of that to the giant beard. This has the authentic feel of the Punk one, but they had to get it done in a matter of days. It's incredible. They showed some press conference clips and a bit with Bryan saying he'd have his first WM match with Sheamus...which was then bumped to the pre-show. Sheamus came off great here being pissed, and using that as fuel.

They showed the origins of the yes deal with the WHC reign. Then the 18 second deal was covered. Brie talked about that match making him, which is quite true. Cena talked about not being able to fight the "biggest superstar in WWE - the Universe" and they wanted Bryan. They showed footage of the post-WM dark match, and cell phone footage of the promo from Bryan. More WM XXX press conference clips. They showed him talking about and dealing with "being a superstar" stuff. They showed the MSU YES bit and the local Fairfax high school doing it too. Some nice workout footage aired and they covered the Occupy Raw deal. This...was hurt a bit by them having to kayfabe it. Bryan chalked it up as a representation of the fans taking over the show verbally, like they'd done at the Seattle Raw. Rey getting booed at the Rumble got a fair amount of coverage. Seth talked about Bryan being his friend, while a shot of Bryan's face being all intense in close-up ruled.

Bryan and Brie talked about their relationship, and how bad an idea it was to plan their wedding after WM since they had to plan stuff during the WM build. Bryan, the hard working everyman, has zero tolerance for wedding bullshit. Bryan's mother and SAMI ZAYN were together. The fans using YES YES YES against Warrior was fantastic. Bryan meeting with his mother and sister at the hotel before he travels to WM got some airtime. Pat said he'd cry whether or not Bryan won or lost. The positioning for historical context of everything in this documentary is just mind-blowing given that "history" was JUST TWO DAYS AGO. Bryan-HHH is up, followed by the main event intros, the main dramatic points, and the win! Bryan got a standing ovation backstage. Austin put the win over big since he's not a super big guy. I demand that Ryback call himself the Super Big Guy now. Holy crap this ruled, and ROH got a nice plug in the credits.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/upf3cnxjcnhtb0hbki56l57ihxvqgvsa