UR Fight 3-20-16 Live Coverage

The pre-show video showcases some of Rey's cars, masks, and concludes with him posing and then riding away on a hoverboard. Pretty cool. Vyron's "Prepare for the worst, but expect the best!" seems fitting for this show. The paid livestream starts with the free stuff, and then JIM ROSS talks about us having four big main events here tonight. Ross, Rampage, and Sean Wheelock are at ringside!

They run down tonight's card and we get Justin Roberts saying PHOENIX ARIZONA over and over. God, they should've gotten someone named John on this show for Roberts. Someone named Laura Walsh is doing the national anthem in booty shorts and stockings. She's got a good voice though. MMA is the opener, and it looks like they'll be doing everything in a ring. We get a glimpse of Shannon Ritch's...wow are they shitty.

Jim Ross points out that Mavrick is north of 40 and should look good here. For the second time in 10 minutes, he talks about the importance of taking the money. Shannon Ritch's crew has a bunch of his belts with them. Sean says that Mavrick is 48 and worried about his conditioning. No shit.

 

They fight briefly and Mavrick rocks him in the ropes and Ritch goes out - so he gets wedgied back in! Ritch goes for an RNC and Mavrick taps. Wedgie was worth it! "That was a very exciting fight - we got a wedgie and a tapout!" Mavrick is a wacky promo. "I'VE BEEN IN A HOSPITAL FOR THREE DAYS AND THAT DOCTOR REHYDRATED ME!" Holy Jesus.

We see the URShow announcing closet, with a cheap lamp on the desk. Wheelock does a bit with Bisping and Chael talking about what they'll do tonight. Rey slowly exercises backstage while Jim talks about how he's still in his prime. Bisping vs. Sonnen is up next. NO WALKOUT FOR CHAEL P!? We hear a bit of his song, which seems to just be gong over the house mic with something less than the Marshall speakers we use at Best Buy to get music through the store.

 

I'd say "well, they're doing an awful job of showing parts of the building with no fans", but there is seemingly no good angle to use. How exactly would one go about calling "his hand slipped off his opponent's wrists in various ways for 5 minutes"? Bisping leads with his head for a bit to close the first round. Another shot of the ring after this shows just how low rent this looks.

Bisping gets distracted by someone and Chael gets a double-leg. If this was Raw, that would lead to a finish. Instead, he gets it in the rope. Bisping doing something like this shows just how fucked guys are with the loss of sponsors. JR says he'll channel Gordon Solie tonight and Sean says he had two favorite commentators - he's next to one, and Gordon was the other - so he'll try to work in "pier six brawl". We get another awful shot of the crowd.

 

 

JR says that if it was up to him, only the winner would get paid. Rampage says he likes that idea and JR says "nah, I like to keep my money". Gotta love taking money from the money marks and mocking them for it ON THE SHOW THEY'RE PAYING YOU FOR. Larry Zybisko is telling these guys to do something. That's how little has gone on. This closes with a draw after a kick. So we got a slap and a kick in this grappling contest. So after all that, it's a draw. Kinda odd to start with the MMA fight and then go to the lesser version of that in theory with the grappling match. Bisping apologizes for the match. LOL @ Sonnen using this show to promote UFC and then THE URSHOW ANNOUNCER talks about hyping up UFC too. Chael says that he's retired in MMA - so even though his suspension is up soon, he's done.

Off-mic, but not quite - Wheelock says he loves grappling and was sorry for that. Rampage marks out over doing a show with Jim Ross. Colby Ortiz vs. Brandon Tierney is up. Brandon Tierney GIF incoming! HE COMES DOWN TO "LEROY BROWN" DANCING! Ortiz gets a kick to the head when Brandon's down and shots to the spine and back of the head. So we've got at least THREE ILLEGAL BLOWS in this fight so far. Missed round 2 due to my mouse not working properly - so my window with the show in it couldn't be brought up. It got to round 3 though. Tierney gets kicked down and the ground and pound wins it. Colby sure looked like he whooped some ass - but this was fun. Rey promo about loving his matches with Kurt in the past.

 

 

  Good to see that Riff Raff shops at the same $200 suit shop as Rockstar Spud. Oh my fucking God was this awful, but hilarious. Angle comes out to "America the Beautiful" while Jim Ross buries that saying he isn't sure if the fans are cheering Kurt or booing Riff Raff's exit. Rey has new gear with the Lucha Underground font - which really freshens up his look. LOL at Rey having El Rey's logo on his gear to make El Rey Mysterio.

 

Angle pushes him to the corner to start. Hilarious what exchange between JR and Rampage. Angle is working as a heel here - punching Rey. Rey is grounded with a headlock takerover after Rey hit one of his own earlier. Tilt a whirl backbreaker to Rey! Kurt gets the overhead belly to belly perfectly. Wheelbarrow bulldog by Rey. "Looks like he hurt his own ass doing that!" "I wouldn't do something that would hurt my own ass - just sayin!" VIVA LA RAMPAGE! Crossbody misses and Angle hits an Angle slam to GET THE FIRST FALL WIN - and that's the first time one Angle Slam got a pin after only one attempt in years.

Angle gets a chinlock and Rampage calls it and everything done illegal. Rey gets a 619 and a splash off the top to score a pin and bring this to 1-1. Jim Ross teasing a DQ over punching fills me with great joy. Ankle lock, but it leads to a cradle for 2. Angle slam gets 2. 619 and a splash get 2. Round 3 - callbacks to rounds 1 and 2 get nearfalls now. Rolling Germans countered with a rollup for 2. Ref bump leads to Angle hitting a low blow. "THAT MOTHERFUCKER. HE'S GONNA HIT THE LITTLE GUY WITH A CHAIR!" Riff Raff distracts Angle. 619 and a splash gets 3. This was wacky. Cheap lamps are gone.

 

We get an awful shot of the crowd showing no fans there. More comedy from Rampage. "Brock Lesnar's tattoo is the opposite of this guy's tattoo - this one's looks like a vagina! THE WHOLE PACKAGE!" RJJ's promo buries critics. Vyron lands a few nice combos to the body. Roy Jones Jr. lands a big right hand to close the round - and if that went another minute, he'd have been done. Roy lands another huge shot after about a minute of round 2 and that's it - walkaway knockout. "Roy Jones Jr playing the role of Shawn Michaels with some Sweet Chin Music tonight!" Post-fight shows Roy comparing himself to Jordan. Vyron talks about Roy Jones Jr and says that he's one of the best ever, and hopes he just does coaching so he doesn't get hurt. We get a quick highlight reel of tonight's matches. JR's description of Riff Raff was amazing. "Riff Raff, the man in the large peach-colored outfit relieved Kurt of the chair". The show ends to another quick highlight reel - now with new angles of RIFF RAFF and some big-tittied chick in a bikini dancing in a lucha mask.

 

 

 

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NXT 3-16-16

Show starts with a recap of Joe vs. Zayn in their ungodly-long match that had a good final 10 minutes. I had a writeup for that show done, but didn't save it as it went and the web died...so yeah that kinda didn't go up. Great shots of Joe just kicking ass and landing hard shots. Sami talks about competing on the biggest stage of the year and Regal comes out. Regal says that he deserves a special match. SHINSUKE NAKAMURA APPEARS ON THE TRON...in a badly-placed bit on there in post-production, but hey, it was great anyway and he cut a fun promo in English.

 

Hype Bros. have new wacky gear - it's not too awful looking, and they face Dawkins and some other dude. Hype Ryder wins while Corey buries them for being goobers. I love Corey. NXT at the Arnold recap. The NXT roster got to show more personality here than anyone on the main roster has in ages - just with Sami and Finn dancing a jig and Finn posing as "Finn Schwarzanegger!" Emma and Dana chat backstage. They mock Deonna, and it's time for Deonna vs. Emma. Not sure if Deonna having DP on her gear is a good thing for her.

 

Dana looks like a bizarre created wrestler with her grey hair, orange skin, bright purple lips, and body-covering getup. Emma lands a nice lariat and reminds everyone that it's all about her. World's safest curb stomp hits before the Emma Lock wins. Ciampa is out to face Jesse Sorenson, who is now gigantic, tan, and has a hairy chest. Ciampa lands some knees in the corner before taking the kneepad off and hitting a running knee. Discus lariat hits for 2. Jesse lands some nice chops - he's gotten a lot better since his TNA days, and him getting a WWE gig is so great after his hardships. Floatover elbows lead to that wonky armbar for the win. Armbar is unique - but an example of unique not always being good.

 

Eva and Nia face Bayley and Asuka. Eva is so much better at playing Ric Flair than Charlotte. Love  Corey's "...yeah..." after Tom asked "can I talk now?" Corey says he's scared for Eva when Asuka comes down. We get some basic stuff before ASUKA TAGS IN AGAINST EVA! Asuka beats her down, and boy does she need to be Shane's striking coach - or just face Taker at WM. I'd buy her against him more than Shane. Bayley's in, but Nia tags in and Samoan drops Bayley. Nia accidentally hits Eva and a belly to Bayley wins it over Eva. Regal praises both of them for raising the bar for NXT, and says that in Dallas, it's time for the two best female wrestlers in NXT to face off.

 

 Austin Aries eating a beating is recapped, and he does an interview with Tom and Corey. He'll face Corbin at Takeover. Aries says that he earned his contract with NXT not by being tall, but by being the best for 1 and a half decades. Emma-Asuka is happening against next week! American Alpha against the Vaudevillains is the main event - shame, they seem to have had a billion matches by now.

Not much to the match itself. Faces run wild, get beaten up for a bit, but regain control for a break. Aiden gains controls with a chinlock. Jordan lands a huge overhead belly to belly to Gotch on the floor! Pop-up bridging back suplex hits for the win.


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TNA Impact Wrestling 3-15-16

Rundown of Angle's retirement match along with Maria's turn on Gail. Or at least some of it - show started a few minutes early. BRILLIANT. Impact is "live" tonight with Jeff vs. EC3 starting off. Jeff comes out and EY yells at Dixie. "DEAL WITH IT FOREVER. THIS IS ON YOU!" EY is giving Dixie a guilt trip for...some reason. Goddamn does EY have some disgusting nipples. Josh "THIS IS HOW YOU START A WRESTLING SHOW - WITH JEFF HARDY AGAINST ERIC YOUNG!" EY avoids an early Twist before Dixie comes out a minute in and rambles a bit. The winner here gets to go into the main event and make it a 3 way. Jeff dives over the top and eats a boot. EY punches him. Moves. Moves. Josh talks about how this is a HIGH STAKES match. EY locks on a dragon sleeper on the ropes. Jeff gets 2 via his wonky double leg cradle legdrop thing. Jeff lands the swanton to win. And then Matt and his crew just come out. Matt's wacky fake joy rules...and we go to a break.

Matt and Reby suck up to Jeff while the crowd chants "Uncle Jeff" and Matt says "YES, THAT HAS A GREAT RING TO IT!" Matt says that Jeff should leave the main event tonight, and they should just have BFG 2017 as Jeff vs. Matt Hardy. LOL at the production here. Despite the show being taped, we still got a technical difficulties graphic during the brawl. Jeff Twist of Fates Matt and hugs fans. Josh says that Eddie addressed the fans, but SOMETHING CRAZY HAPPENS. Eddie says that Davey got hurt, and then he's attacked by Decay. Bennett and Maria talk about facing Drew and Gail later. Or next, according to the graphic.

 

 Beer Money talks to Eddie and says they'll team with him against Decay tonight. Maria and her hot outfit welcome us to her place of worship. Women are in first, but Maria tags out and Drew boots Mike. Maria comes in with bad-looking offense before the guys come in. Drew says "up yours" to Bennet and Pope says "Drew just told him to go up Schitt's Creek!" - so he FINALLY says something funny! Guys do stuff and Drew chops Mike a ton. Maria comes in and pulls Drew's leg, leading to Mike coming in and taking Gail's finisher and eating the Claymore. Maria schoolgirls Gail for the win. WOW was this awful and Bennett came off as such a lesser star as a result of it.

Josh is out in his dad's suit that is at least 3 sizes too big. Bobby says he waited a long time to fight Angle again because IT'S A FIGHT and he's a FIGHTER. His job is to FIGHT and he's a FIGHTER. Josh says that Kurt was his friend and Bobby says he has no friends - especially not in wrestling. Lashley biels him before Pope comes in to save. Pope gets bieled and eats THE BEST SPEAR OF HIS CAREER. Decay rambles a bit and they'll face Beer Money and Eddie next. JB is out as a commentator and ring announcer, announcing Decay. I love Eddie having matching gear with Beer Money. Rosemary jumps Roode, but she hops to the corner and Roode doesn't attack. Josh says Decay is like TNA's Suicide Squad. Storm comes in and HITS A SLINGBLADE!? Josh brags about Storm being down 40 pounds. Mist and a schoolboy win for Decay. Grado meets with WILLIAM CORGAN and tells him that they'll make a decision in the ring tonight.

Matt Hardy's tits and Reby's tits chatted to Dixie about Dixie making illogical decisions. Feast or Fired recap. Eli and his greying beard came out. Josh shows us "Youtube footage" of Eli switching cases. Corgan makes a ladder match for a new contract for the winner. Josh yammers on a bit. "He's not ready for the bright lights!" WHERE ARE THE BRIGHT LIGHTS IN THE IMPACT ZONE!? After several minutes of fuck-all, Jessie comes down but SHERA COMES FOR A SAVE and gets a minor chant. GRADO DIVES OFF THE LADDER ONTO JESSIE AND SHERA! Awful match, but JB is fantastic on commentary. Grado elbows him and wins. 

 
Jeff comes out limping. EC3 comes out and Josh says "He's never been pinned or submitted - AND HE'S A TWO TIME WORLD CHAMPION!" One of what, five guys with that distinction in TNA? Matt is in blue PJs and punches EC3 in the corner setting up Poetry in Motion - Jeff punches him. EC3 is moving with the speed of Ted Arcidi here. His thigh is bandaged up though. EC3 powerslams Matt off the top. Matt gets a Side Effect on Jeff for 2. Jeff gets a swanton before EY and Bram come out. EY piledrivers Jeff on the floor. TKO on Tyrus by EC3. EC3 counters a Twist with a One Percenter. Bennett comes in and attacks EC3 with a chair, for 2. Twist for 2. Bennett runs EC3 out of town and it's a no contest or something. Matt cuts a promo on the fans - including one goofball making a silly face while telling Matt to suck it and doing crotch chops. Drew has CASHED IN HIS PIGGY IN THE BANK CASE! Claymore wins. Well, that was a thing and this was a shit show.




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New Day Rawks 3-14-16

New Day starts the show off to defend the tag titles against the two  LoN guys they didn't beat on Saturday. XAVIER WOODS USES KATAMARI DAMACY TO TALK ABOUT THE NEW DAY TRAIN! Big E hypes up Big E Butts - his new workout video, and...they're faces, right? They have to be. Amazing exposition dump by Cole here. Shocked he didn't run down each character in detail to further make this weird. Xavier worked this match, which is fairly rare for him nowadays. He takes an enzuiguri and we go to a break. After that break, Rusev bearhugs Xavier. Nice snake eyes by E into a high kick and then a slingshot tornado DDT by Woods. Woods retains by...cheating and using the tights...and yet they're faces. League beats up the lot of them. THE LADS attack more. BARRETT HITS THE ELBOW! BARRETT HITS THE ELBOW! Brogue kick ,wacky stomp, and the Accolade. This would've been a nice way to take the titles off of New Day and get a pop for a WM title win...so why not have the League WIN AND THEN DESTROY THE FACES?! This beating went on for decades, we came back , and got a replay of said beating.

Then Dean Ambrose just comes down. For the second time, they use this weird "WWE NETWORK-ONLY SPECIAL, WWE ROADBLOCK!" wording for that show. Dean said he beat HHH up a ton, and lived by his sword and died by it - so I guess he's okay with losing. Digging Brock's yellow and white Suplex City shirt. Heyman hypes up the Network's key lure being WM and ANY FIGHT THAT FEATURES BROCK LESNAR IS THE MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING. I love Heyman. They talk and talk and Brock walks and walks. Ambrose holds him off with a crowbar.

Ryback faces Sin Cara, in all-black. After a suplex, and long chinlock, Ryback Shellshocks after a slingshot and hits a second one to win. Steph walks backstage and comes out for the top of the hour talking segment. Steph's royal wave rules. Zero reaction to HHH. HHH tells a long, meandering tale about guys like Roman HOPING to beat their bosses, but they can't. So then SERIOUS DOLPH ZIGGLER came out in a suit with a pink shirt and Converse on... B-lee in D-zee He cuts a promo on HHH and gets slapped by Steph. Steph just...names Dolph vs. HHH tonight. Steph...I guess goaded into putting her husband into danger?

Owens comes out and does commentary and says on the Kevin Owens Show, Sami Zayn is nothing and he walked away from Sami because Sami is nothing. Sami-Miz is up. Nice pop-up move from Sami. MOONSAULT OFF THE BARRICADE TO MIZ. Sami hits the pop-up dropkick, but Miz lands the kneeling DDT for 2. Clotheslines sends Miz over the top for the dive, and Miz cradles Sami for 2. Helluva kick hits Miz because MIZ WAS LOOKING AT OWENS - so Sami gets a kinda-tainted win over Miz. LoN recap. The league of shirtless gentlemen yammer a bit. Brie and Foxy take on Team BAD. KILL THIS SHOW.

 

 
Lana is now dressed like a hooker with a bit of a budget to work with. Heels win thanks to a double team powerslam thanks to Lana appearing and kinda distracting Brie. Social Outcasts plug Burger King and steal Axel's food. Lana looks pretty hot...and then interacts with Paige looking both hot and yet a bit trashy. Ric Flair looks like he's getting ready to sell you a used car, which I guess is fitting since Ashley Schafer from Eastbound and Down was based on him. Nothing of note was said and the Usos came out.

Bo has a new, awful singlet that is somehow better than his first one, but fits worse. He flies over the top and lands on his feet - resulting in a group run in celebration. MICK FOLEY MEETS WITH DEAN AMBROSE. They may have never been able to have a match, but this rules. After a long buildup, Mick gives him Barbie. Looking forward to CZWM. Dolph vs. HHH is next. TAKE THAT ALL YOU UP-MARKET ADVERTISERS! WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN THE UFC AND KIM KARDASHIAN!

HHH vs. Dolph is up. HHH lands a suplex and gets a knee after some basic matwork. Dolph gets a couple of 2.5 counts off of a fluke cradle and a fameasser. Jumping DDT gets 2.9. 2.9 OFF A SUPERKICK! HHH sends him to the floor, goes for a pedigree when he comes in, but gets backdropped before hitting the Pedigree and winning. The nearfalls were pretty good at points here - this should've been a Fastlane match for HHH. BIG DOG'S THEME HITS. Roman stares, slowly walks down and...hits a thing that he wanted to be a double leg and some punches before tossing HHH into the barricade. JBL logically points out that Roman picked now, AFTER HHH HAD A MATCH, to attack a weakened man. Roman repeat with the face smash on the announce table. Roman attacks. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Roman punches away. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Roman attacks guards and "busts open" HHH. This is such a fucking clown show. Recap of Roman attacking HHH.

 

Jackie HOF video. THE ONLY FEMALE CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION WHILE IT WAS UNDER THE WWE BANNER. This is a bragging point on par with Gregory Shane Helms - greatest cruiserweight champion of all time. Truth dresses like a penguin for Goldust since they're in Pittsburgh. Goldust refused Truth's offer to be his partner.

Jericho's out to face Neville. Neville gets hurt legit and Jericho shoves the ref so we get a DQ. Great save there by Jericho. AJ comes out and lands the Phenomenal Forearm off the top - about time that get a name. They tell you to stop Dish from dropping USA networks. At 10:51, the main event segment is announced. Vince says that Taker is his most sadistic creation and comes out. Taker just coming out at WM every year until he can't walk is worth a million each year. God, this intro rules. Vince tells Taker to never touch him again. Taker takes off the jacket and hat, and gives him the bug-eyes and apologized to Taker for this and the events of a few weeks ago. Shane comes out in a denim jacket and HE STARES DOWN WITH TAKER. Boy is this gonna be ridiculous. "You're gonna hit me, AND I'M GONNA MISS...you're gonna miss..." So this promo is going well. Shane's going to use THE POWER OF HEART to win. YES! Shane is going to use the power of HEART to succeed. Captain Planet run-in confirmed! Shane and Taker stare down more and they tease a chokeslam. Okay, we've seen Shane get...I guess we'll call that physical with Taker. Nothing to see from the match beyond HD versions of shit we've seen before. Chokeslam ends it. Lordy is this build doomed.



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WWE Roadblock 2016

 

This Week in WWE is such a fun way to catch up on Raw without actually watching it. Very tempting. Ambrose-HHH hype video really puts Ambrose over nicely. Really basic house show set for the show here. NEW DAY ROCKS to start. Booty Os skit. More of WWE's comedy that doesn't make anyone laugh.If you don't eat your Booty Os, you'll be booty like ADR, a king without a kingdom like Barrett, and you'll look stupid like Sheamus. Are Sheamus and Barrett tossing loser dust on New Day? Sheamus, WHO WAS WWE CHAMPION TWO MONTHS AGO, is now in the opener of a WWE Tag Title match.

Strange audio issues throughout this. And also, some moves. Nothing really special here. Winds of Change gets 2. Thank God, a chinlock.Wacky facebuster on the floor from Kofi to Sheamus and the Big Ending wins. A new Microphone-Holding Human debuts and Heyman cuts a promo on Bray. AJ-Jericho recap leads to Jericho coming out. Jericho crushed BYRON SAXTON'S dreams. I thought he turned heel by attacking AJ? I LOVE HIM FOR THAT!

Jericho calls Canadians slow and says AJ STYLES, EH!?" He's also Canada's greatest icon - and he's upset about that, and glad he moved away! He says that Canada stinks and Toronto is the anus. Shouldn't that be eh'nus? He gets a big "asshole" chant here. He says that AJ's just a flavor of the month, while Jack Swagger was. Well, that sure sounds like a Roadblock match. Not much to this match. CM Punk chant breaks out. Swagger avoids the Walls, but eats it again and loses while JBL chants YOU STILL GOT IT!

NXT Tag Title match is up with The Revival's name FINALLY being explained - they're the cause of the revival in tag team wrestling in NXT.  E&C 2K16 got a nice pop instantly and the sing a long promo. Enzo's hair is a 25 on the Enzo's Hair scale. Enzo and Cass are fucking OVER. Jesus. Every single thing they do gets a pop. Crazy rocket launcher over the floor onto one...one of the champs. Cass's offense is over and Cole calling all of his wacky move names kinda worked. Carmella is used as a prop to post Cass, and then the double team codebreaker hits on the floor before they do it to Cass off the top to win.

Nattie cuts a promo on Charlotte - she dedicates the match to Bret, and we get the Flairs being all wacky and pissy. They have their usual really good technical match. Figure 4 is met with slaps by Nattie. Nattie reverses it. Natural Selection gets 2, as does a Liger bomb by Nattie. Nattie gets a sharpshooter, but Ric helps Charlotte and A DISTRACTION SCHOOLBOY WINS with kinda the ropes.

Brock-Bray recap. Bray promo about how destructive Brock is - he beat Rock, he beat Taker, BUT HE'S NEVER FACED BRAY WYATT! Bray comes out and we get Bray and Luke versus Brock now - so it's just their regular house show match now. So great to see Brodie Lee in big-ish matches against stars you never thought he'd have. Shoulders in the corner before a German. Discus lariat into a chinlock leads to A GERMAN FROM BROCK. German. F5. Win for Brock. WWE legit advertises Brock vs. Bray and delivers Brock vs. Harper. Well, it made for a better match more than likely. 

 

 

 

 
Sami is out to face STARDUST!? After several thousand years, Sami beats Stardust. TWO MONTHS INTO THE REIGN, we get to see HHH wearing the gold and it looks awesome on him. They got a big-time intro and this really felt like the main event of WM. Lots of headlocks and matwork to start - nice surprise here since the build would seem to indicate tons of brawling. Dean runs wild with punches and dives to the floor before slamming HHH's knee into the post. Batista Bite from HHH - not the Rings - that was a double armbar, the Bite had the crossface in there. Dean locks on a figure 4. Better sharpshooter than Rock by Ambrose. Dean GETS THE DIRTY DEEDS! 2.9...but DEAN'S FEET ARE UNDER THE ROPE! HHH goes for a schoolboy with the ropes - but the DIVAS TITLE FINISH ISN'T ENOUGH FOR DEAN AMBROSE. Dean dives to the floor onto HHH. Crazy diving standing elbow to the floor. Another one off the barricade through the table. KickWhamPedigree for the win. Well, that's what I expected - but I'm disappointed.

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