WWE Summerslam 2019

I come back home in time to see Rowan destroy Murphy and Elias singing. He insults Toronto, so Edge comes out and spears him! Kinda shocked to see them let him get physical, but it's cool to see that happen. Alexa and Nikki get wacky CG graphics with Alexa dressed in Buzz Lightyear gear.

.Corey talks about the IIconics spending the night in the same bed melding. Peyton humps Nikki's arm on an arm lock. Just what the womens tag division needs - more ALTERNATING long, pointless chin and arm locks. It's like a Baron Corbin match, but with better ass shots - so far better than any Corbin match. Gori crusher to Alexa by Peyton gets 2 - and it's the best-looking IIconic move of the night. KO right from Alexa and Peyton sells it perfectly. Twisted Bliss ends it. Terrible match, but at least it's over. A terrible video airs of Seth overselling and being a goofball in selling the injuries. He says "I guarantee it" in the most bland way possible. Booker puts this match over huge saying that BROCK DON'T WANT WATER OR BREAD - JUST MEAT. And then BROCK LESNAR'S NOT THE GUY WHO PHONES IT IN! BWAHAHAHAHA

Hype video airs. ALL THE SACRIFICE...cuts to Shane-O-Mac. Corey's shaved head and...suit jacket he stole from Rockstar Spud are incredible. Becky vs. Nattie opens the show with a monotone video package. Becky goes for Ronda's armbar to start, but Nattie counters. Becky gets a triangle and absorbs a Rampage bomb. They do a goofy, shitty sharpshooter in the ropes.

 

Becky blocks the basement dropkick by...Nattie just stopping her feet fhort and grabbing them a second late and then getting a sharpshooter and then Nattie locks her in a disarmher. Nattie gets her in one and then Becky gets to the rope, so Nattie just sits on her ass. Becky gets the disarmher and wins after a while.

Trish's massive rack talks about being insulted by Charlotte. Great historical re-enactment of the HBK-Jericho WM XIX hype video here for...Dolph vs. Goldberg. Dolph says that Goldberg doesn't show up to matches and fears him. UNDEFEATED FROM 1997 TO 1998! Way to put over the streak there Cole.

Dolph superkicks him for 1 right away. A second gets another 1 count! Goldberg spears him and Dolph sells it like a champ. Jackhammer htis and ends it in about 2 minutes. Perfect for what it needed to be. Goldberg's doing more than he did in his first return run outside of the Mania match, and it's good to see.

Goldberg leaves and Dolph calls him a coward, so Goldberg spears him to death. Perfect. Just make a legends title and give it to Goldberg so he can have matches like this forever. WWE needs to make a legends title and give it to Goldberg to provide some sense of importance. Dolph says that Goldberg just got lucky twice and wants ANOTHER ASS-WHOOPING. This is the best usage of Dolph possible in 2019. Dude's making himself a star tonight. Goldberg hugs him, slaps his shoulder...and then runs off the ropes twice to spear him to triple-death! This was a billion stars.

Woods and his wacky dreadlocks with E hype up Kofi. Xavier's hair is unreal. Spud comes in and wants to find Truth. Ricochet's Sub-Zero cosplay bodysuit is pretty cool - although it instantly reminds me of Nakamura being in check-cashing mode. Cole yammers on about Summerslam being in 27 languages. Spud misses Truth.

Now that I see it in full, I approve of Ricochet's Nightwing cosplay. OC's black and red stuff finally all matching as gear works, and Gallows looks great with paint...WHY THE FUCK DID IT TAKE UNTIL LATE 2019 TO GET THIS GROUP'S PRESENTATION RIGHT?  AJ works the knee over for a while. Ricochet does the deadlift suplex spot, because of course. Ricochet does a wacky corkscrew dive and gets caught and hit with a Clash to end it. All right - that was just a match. Ricochet eats a magic killer

So I sure wasn't expecting Ric Flair to be in with the Street Profits - but damned if that didn't make them seem like bigger stars than anyone on the main roster. Ember vs. Bayley is up. Wacky basement uppercut and elbow stuff missed by a mile way too often.  Super rana hits for 2 for Ember before a stormbreaker-ish codebreaker-ish thing sorta hits for 2. Bayley goes for a corner counter rana and eats a nasty powerbomb for 2. RIP Bayley's left shoulder, but she wins with the super belly to Bayley to no reaction.

 Elias is out as a goon for Shane. KO's goofy giant WWE logo on his shirt doesn't help him and Elias has caused two near countouts already. Let the record show that Hulk Hogan vs. Sting at Bound for Glory 2011 will be worlds better than Shane vs. KO with fewer smoke and mirrors and both guys being a combined age of 120. Shane works him over with punches and kicks in the corner because fuck you.

Shane runs wild with slow-moving punches. KO wants to use a chair, but the ref, DESPITE ELIAS GETTING INVOLVED, is against this. KO sends Shane into Elias and gets 2 off a swanton and a frog splash. KO destroys Elias with a chair for a while. KO uses the chair as a distraction for a nut shot and a stunner. SO THANK GOD, the former Universal Champion was able to beat the boss's son.

Trish gets a new graphic with a giant maple leaf and a big WWE logo. Ugh. Good staredown to start things off. Trish lands an awkward armdrag to the floor. Trish hits Air Canada off the apron to the floor. Charlotte chucks her into the barricade. Yakuza kick sends Trish off the apron and right onto her ass. So Charlotte broke the count once by getting on the ropes...but not the second time? Trish gets 2 off a super rana. Charlote gets the figure four AND THEN THE FIGURE 8! Trish hits her finish for 2. They exchange basement chops for a while.

Then they go into a big standing chop exchange. Trish avoids a yakuza kick and lands the Trish kick for 2.9. Charlotte gets a long figure 8 and gets the win. Trish goes corner to corner for her retirement and this was the kind of match she should've gone out on. It was as good as it was going to be and far better than I could've expected going in - especially with her doing nothing in the tag match.

Seth meets with Bret who says he'll be watching and thankfully doesn't say that some called him the Canadian Alberto Del Rio and ADR the Mexican Bret Hart like the last time he got a line on the show. Long, boring video hypes up Orton vs Kofi. A long boring video for an Orton title match in 2019 seems rather fitting. They do a lot of nothing until a floor brawl. More nothing. Flying spinning DDT by Kofi off the top. Orton mocks the New Day clap. Kofi counters the draping DDT with a backdrop over the top.

Froggy crossbody gets 2 for Kofi. They fight on the floor in front of Kofi's family and we go to... a countout? FOR A SUMMERSLAM WWE TITLE MATCH!? Kofi grabs a kendo stick and beats Orton with it. LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG recap of the Firefly Funhouse skits.

A giant goofy mask is visible and Bray still has the lantern with said giant wacky head and a rock remix of his old theme. Bray runs wild with a headbutt Bray does the wacky '70s movie neck snap spot, lands a uranage. Bray goes for Abigail, but Bray counters with a slingblade and a double stomp. He goes for the coup de grace, but Bray catches him in the mandible claw and that ends it.

Seth's big show gear is...black on a different shade of black. Wow. Brock attacks the ribs and gets a corner to corner slam. Pair of superkicks lead to a stomp attempt, which Brock turns into a quick F5 for 2. Brock is PISSED that Seth has the nerve to not die at that move. Love Brock tossing Seth around by his tape. Rolling Germans to Seth lead to a big one on the floor. Brock goes for an F5 into the post, but Seth posts him twice. Brock just casually avoding this flying insect coming at his general direction to German him was tremendous.

Brock gets a long reverse bearhug, but Seth gets a bit of hope off of Brock missing a corner charge. Seth hits a bunch of dives before getting caught in a bearhug and tossed into the post. Seth puts Brock though an announce table with a high fly flow through the table. High fly flow hits and gets 2 before an F5 is teased and Seth avoids it and superkicks him, then hits the Stomp to win the title. This was fine-ish, but Brock was the star.

AAA Triplemania XXVII - 2019

TripleMania is upon us and it should be a big night, with the debut of Cain Velasquez in pro wrestling. A bizarre image acts as a pre-show hype piece. The commentators are shown and Hugo is in the greatest outfit since Boyd Pierce's prime. We get some great shots of the arena too.

Pre-show match has "Clint Eastwood" playing Astrolux, Arkangel Divino, and Dragon Bane to the ring to face Aramis, Toxin, and Arez. Dragon Bane and Aramis have some wacky flipping exchanges and near-ranas. Aramis gets a modified backstabber into a neck lock that's pretty cool. Dragon Bane dives and focuses on his man bun. Aramis takes out Astrolux with a rainmaker. Aramis hits a double blue thunder bomb for 2! SUPER RANA OFF THE TOP TO THE FLOOR ONTO THE PILE! In the pre-show match! Well, that's more guys bumping than we'll see combined in the main event, but still. Dragon Bane wns with a 630.

A tremendous hype video airs in the style of an old Hammer horror movie, with wacky cuts to the wrestlers and of course, high-flying phone-branded lucahdores. THEN KAIJU MONSTERS ATTACK and thanks to lucha, the world is saved! Now it's time for a long Une Fon ad. GO BACK TO THE BLUE DEMON MOVIE PARODY! Now the emcee is taking selfies with a hot chick. Then the lucha garbagemen got their own video.

 

Well, at least they're replaying some of Aerostar's life and career-shortening dives to hype up the biggest show of the year. Great video package showing the saga of Hamburuesa and Big Mami.The flag ceremony and its awesome music begins. It's goofy, bizarre, and yet strangely beautiful.

 

 

Australian Suicidie is out with Vanilla to face Sammy G with Scarlett, Villano III Jr. AAA needs to release Nino's entrance video of him dabbing around CGI burgers now! Mixed tag belts are on the line. Scarlett eats a powerbomb onto Marvella for 2. Mami lands a Gori special bomb.Villano III Jr hits a walking AA to Nino! Scarlett and Mami have a hilarious faceoff. CANNONBALL BY NINO! Ropewalk flipping whateverthefuckthatwas to the floor by Australian Suicide!

Scarlett hits an assalanche and stinkfaces Mami, so then Nino bumps her and Mami stinkfaces her. Scarlett hits a flip dive off the top to the floor! MAMI GOES UP! BUT NINO HITS A FLIP DIVE! And both Scarlett and Sammy G bump for the hell of it. MAMISAULT OFF THE TOP KILLS EVERYONE!

Goofiness with a missed moonsault by Sammy having less than 0% chance of hitting, then everyone just misses random shit. Falling sofa splash by Mami, but A FOUL from Lady Marvilla BREAKS NINO'S HEART AND ENDS THE MATCH! Villano III Jr. also now gets a belt. Konnan walks out carefully with his giant belly button and tries to avoid falling off the tiny ramp.
He cuts a promo on Trump and then leaves.

A beautiful Perro video airs with Rey praising him in new footage. I guess Rey either got clearance to send that in or just doesn't give a shit since they're not going to fire him, or push him no matter what. Dorian Roldan and Silver King get tributes as well. His family comes out while "Smells Like Teen Spirit" plays - and without DDP, it just seems weird in a pro wrestling context.

Pimpy, Mambo, and Maximo are out to face the non-union Mexican Shield and Vikingo, Golden Magic, and Myztezis Jr. Caristico is so influential even in 2019 that he has two tribute acts wrestling in different companies while he still just fucks around in CMLL.Dropkick to the balls sends one of the non-Shield guys to the floor. Myzteziz Jr. does a shitload of cool stuff for a while and then corkscrew dives onto a pile. Maximo eats a dive through a table. Whatever the fuck that was to the floor before the quick cutaway was great. Kevin Dunn would jerk off at all of these camera cuts.

Golden Magic hits a spanish fly and a 450 for 2. Exotico kissing spot gets the biggest reaction so far. Maximo bonks the bad guys with a chair going for as uplex. Corner DVD by Vikingo! Imploding 450 wins it! Now this is an epic theme song - I half expect Kratos to come out and either start killing people or hand out sandwiches. This match is so insane that it actually gets replays.

Eclipse Jr. comes out to face Daga in some kind of a rumble match. The insanely loud countdown can fuck right off. Drago's out to the Halo 2 theme. Drago hits the blockbuster on Eclipse and then Superfly comes out to an even more generic tron than Daga's. Murder Clown is ready to join the Mad Gear gang.

Aerostar does a crazy dive off a lighting platform above the ring, because of course he does. Puma King flips Eclipse out before Konnan comes out with a Turmp paint smock and sits in the corner while other folks do moves. VAMP COMES OUT AND THEY PLAY HIS FUCKING MUSIC!

Vamp chokeslams everyone and sends Konnan out. Pagano and Chessman brawl before Averno comes out with his mask for his intro and an old luchador singlet. Vamp just leaves throughout all htis because fuck it. Rey Escorpion's out and then La Parka does what we'll call dancing to the ring. La Parka being a walking skeleton almost makes his stilted walking work - akin to Taker's gimmick getter kinda better as he ages. Minus any sense of presence or charisma. DAVE THE CLOWN DISTRTACTS LA PARKA AND CAUSES HIM TO LOSE! Pagano wins this insanity.

The lights go out and PARK AND HIS KIDS RETURN! They beat up Pagano and destroy his shitty trophy. They beat the shit out of him before he cuts an intense, scary promo and fucks him up more while "Bad to the Bone" plays.

Women's title is up and maybe Shani shouldn't get matching gear for her young daughter. Taya looks like a star and Keyra is out in a wheelchair. Tormenta attacks her before AYAKO HAMADA acts as her replacement. Taya stapleguns a photo to Tormenta! Taya and Ayako fight on a ladder before Hamada lands a moonsault off the top onto, but not through a table. Tormenta gets bumped through a ladder in theory, but largely misses the ladder. Everyone kills each other and Tessa climbs up and grabs the belt.

A tremendous Wagner meat ad airs before Kross is out with Scarlett in a new, hotter outfit. Taurus, and Texano Jr to face Cody, Cain, and Psycho Clown. Cain's somewhat over. Cain gets...a  nice, polite applause-style pop. Yowza. Cain gets tagged in against Kross, so Kross tags in Texano. Cain throws Taurus around. Cody comes in and gets wishboned. Psycho manages to break a table with a frog splash off the top through a table on Kross on the floor. Cain gets a death valley driver and a Kimura for the win. Heels jump in and takes Psycho's mask..

Elite is out to face the Lucha Bros and Laredo Kid. Elite gets a triple sharpshooter, but Matt eats a destroyer on the apron! Ref gets bumped and the Elite only gets 2 for the triple powerbomb. DOUBLE INDY TAKER FOR 2.9! Omega unmasks Fenix and wears it before a V Trigger. He picks him up for a One Winged Angel, but eats a poison rana and the faces hit stereo destroyers for the greatest 2.9 count ever! Double dive and a cradle piledriver ends it - Lucha Bros and Laredo win it! Kenny thanks everyone for letting AEW sell the place out. He challenges Fenix for his title - and Fenix accepts, SO THE TITLE WILL FINALLY BE DEFENDED!

Blue Demon Jr. comes out in a cherry picker to Red Hot Chili Peppers while Wagner gets his own and a slick white outfit. A recap video plays as each man gets closer to one another on the cherry pickers with each passing clip. Blue Demon gets a ton of boos here and Tirantes is ref. Wagner starts in a mask, but it gets ripped up quickly and of course, Wagner's in all-white and bleeding after a bottle shot from Demon. 

They brawl! And Demon's son attacks Wagner, so Wagner bonks his dad with a cookie sheet. Fujiwara armbar by Demon! MORE ARMBARS! WAGNER DRIVER GETS 2.9! A SECOND AND THIRD LEAD TO A REF PULLOUT! The sons attack one another with sheets and rocks. Demon hits him with a cement block and beats him!

Fantasma comes down and Wagner gets his head shaved before handing him the remnants. He cuts an intense promo about something to massive cheers.

AAA Conquista Total 7-18-19

Missed the first match, but the second has Golden Magic and Lady Shani facing La Hiedra and Villano III Jr. Villano uses Batista's theme and Shani and Hiedra chop the daylights out of each other. Magic lands a wacky double-leap up rana off the rope to Villano Jr before Shani gets tossed into the front row. After what happened to Scarlett, maybe don't throw a woman right into the front row. Shani throws Hiedra into the crowd and her foot smacks a woman in the face. Villano lands a spinebuster Villano goes for a destroyer on the ramp, but gets backdropped by Magic. Magic lands a springboard tornillo to the floor and Hiedra gets 2 off a wacky submission before Magic stomps her and knocks her down with a piledriver before Magic dives onto her accidentally with a legdrop to break it up.

Magic lands a neckbreaker variant on the stormbreaker to get 2.9! Villano lands a powerbomb off the apron ON THE APRON. Jesus. Slingshot DDT by Shani to Jr and a German suplex cradle gets the win, but Villano is under the rope and grabbing the rope. But fuck the rules, that ends it. Dave the Clown's portable smoke machine is cool, but that shit looks like it would suck in a closed-air building.

Dave the Clown, Chika Tormenta, and Tessa Blanchard face Nino Harmburuesa, Faby Apache, and Taya. Hijo del Tirantes is the ref, so his will be fantastic. Dave and the heels work over Taya before Tirantes prevents Faby from diving. God I wish a ref would just do that on Raw to stop Seth from diving 3 times in a row. Heels get stacked in the corner for a Nino cannonball. Faby leads the crowd in a chant for Tirantes, and I'm sure it's just full of language that is pro-Tirantes. Nino works iwth Hiedra and takes her down before Dave dropkicks him down.

Dave tosses Faby down, but she gets him in an armbar until Tormenta kicks her. Nino counters a Dave sunset flip with a crossbody. A falling sofa splash hits and only gets 2 due to a slow count and Tormenta. Faby works spots with Tirantes Road to Valhala by Taya, but a slow count gets 2. Tessa's hammerlock DDT hits and gets a fast count win.

Eterno, Chessman, and Averno face Aerostar, Laredo Kid, and Puma King. Laredo lands a giant wacky DDT off the ropes onto Chessman. 619 on the post from Aerostar to Averno. Run-up kick from Aero to Averno and the faces get 2 off a triple cradle. Heels get 2 off a triple pin. Puma King wins, but due to the Amazon ad break, I missed the finish. And then Monster Clown jumps them all anyway and then he suplexes Aerostar on the ramp.

"WE GOT OUR TIME GUYS IN ENGLISH HERE!" Goddamn, I'd hate to see the B-team. TripleMania is hyped up with Cain Velasquez's debut hyping him up as the man who beat Brock and won the UFC title. Daga and Taurus face Cody and MJF. Daga has never worked for me, but him as El Jeffe and in red leather actually makes him look like a star. MJF heels it up until Cody lifts a kid up and then he's a big fan of the kid. MJF as a fake babyface around Cody is the best thing since Luger doing that with Sting in '96. MJF politely asks that the fans suck his dick.

Cody works with Daga to start and there's a gulf of quality between them - and Daga's good. Taurus and MJF is a goofy style mismatch, but sorta works. MJF asks for Taurus to charge before just pulling him down by the hair. MJF rides him and goes to the floor only to eat a dive from Daga. Cody hits a flying plancha on them - which isn't normally seen from him. Daga hits Cody's back with a chair and Van Daminatres MJF. Cody gets crotched.

MJF pokes the eye and fouls Daga. Draping dakr matter from Cody leads to the rope-assisted piledriver from MJF. Cody hits Daga on the back with the chair on the ramp. Taurus throw Cody into the crowd before Daga lands a butterfly codebreaker and Taurus pins MJF! Cody fouls Taurus and lands Cross Rhodes on Daga. Mercenarios jump Cody. They all attack Cody and Taurus grinds his knee into his face - good stuff! Cody shields MJF's body from more attacks. Oh how cute!

Wagner Jr, Pentagon Jr, and Psycho Clown face off with Blue Demon Jr, Rey Escorpion,a nd Texano Jr with the first man of each team allowing for another preview of TripleMania's main event in two weeks.Wagner's out as a leather granddaddy. SHOCKINGLY, the match begins with a brawl and Wagner's bleeding a minute in. He gets beaten down in a 3-on-1 and the beard shows bloodshed perfectly.

A guy in a red shirt gets in the way of Wagner and Demon doing spots on the ramp, which to be fair IS RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CROWD. Wagner splits open Demon while Fenix and Psycho Clown do shit in the crowd. Kneeling superkick from Pentagon to Escorpion. Psycho lands a big rana to Escorpion before Penta dives on everyone. Wagner beats Demon with a Wagner Driver! So he's getting a haircut in two weeks.

Heel beatdown leads to Cody coming down and I miss what he does due to an ad break. Cody and Wagner shake hands as the ring is littered in soda. Demon stares down Wagner and then Wagner basks in his victory. He cuts a promo and despite not knowing Spanish, his loud, gravely voice induces pants-shitting fear.