Swagger's murdering of everyone from Raw, and AJ's ass, were highlights of the show-opening video. Jericho doing a Highlight Reel with Ryback seems odd, largely because Ryback really shouldn't be in talk show segments. I think his shirt and jeans were two sizes too big for him, and they should take out "Feed Me More" from his theme if they want to stop it from being chanted. Jericho's leather jacket looks ridiculous, but not quite as nutty as HHH's leather shirt - Ryback definitely wins the leather jacket war, although all of these jackets remind me of the early 2010 TNA shows where everyone was covering up as much as possible. Ryback's responses to Jericho sounded silly. Then they just talked and talked and said words for a while before they got into a minor interruption, leading to Teddy coming out to make a NOT HOLLA HOLLA TAG!? Instead, he made a one on one match. I'm shocked. I liked Ryback's punch to Jericho - looked solid. Mark Henry BREAKING A WORLD RECORD gets no hype beyond a little graphic. Well, that all ate up 12 minutes of airtime.
I loved them talking about Cody trying to not only win the US Title at some point, but improve its status like he did the IC Title...which wound up doing no real good - much like when Wade held it the first time and had the same goal. Disaster Kick was countered in the TIP for a quick win. This was like a fast forwarded version of a good 10-15 minute match. The terrifying music playing over such actions as BROCK LESNAR PRESSING AN ELEVATOR BUTTON ruled. Cole using the phrase IT HAS BEEN DUBBED A WORKPLACE INVASION a billion times before and after the video sucked, but that skit was amazing - one of Brock's funniest things ever. Brock-HHH III seems really downplayed compared to WM, perhaps due to HHH seemingly losing it. Brock and HHH WILL BE FACE TO FACE on Raw...why? Anything they'll do there could probably be re-played with clips from their WM match. They nixed Zeb's affirmative action line, but kept in everything else he said that ruled, and added to the comedy of Swagger just saying one thing. AJ's pink and black getup rules. Big E needs his old theme back - his current one sucks.
WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FRIENDS THAN EVERY TEAM IN THE NFL. I sure hope SD trends worldwide in some way - that'll make the show seem more important! Alberto is on commentary, and sounds bored. Bunch of stuff happened, and Dolph bonked heads with Swagger hard. ZEB TOOK A SHOT FROM A LADDER. Granted, via a baseball slide, but still - wow. Then Dolph took the basement superkick. Alberto laid dudes out with the ladder and stood on top with the belt. This was a disaster given that Dolph got hurt, and wasn't even entertaining. Ambrose-Bryan is up, and feels like it should be later in the show since they've done nothing with either guy talking about the match.
Replay of the Shield's win from Raw was shown. I so love Ambrose's mannerisms in his intro. Love Ambrose starting things out by raking the eyes on the ropes - don't see that much anymore. Tremendous chain of kicks to Ambrose when he was seated - easy way to mix things up a bit. Haven't seen Ambrose's elbow/forearm face rake in the corner before. Nice sliding lariat from Ambrose after the straightjacket chinlock. Loved Bryan using Hogan-esque punching holding Ambrose's head in place before throwing them. Great closeup of the corner dropkick before the tree of woe kicks to the gut/basement dropkick combo! Wheelbarrow facebuster from Ambrose looked slick. I liked that they teased a finish with Bryan winning, teased another one with Ambrose, and then ended with Kofi making a save - shame they did this after making him look like a jobber on Raw, but hopefully this leads to a higher spot on the card for him on a more regular basis. Ryback-Jericho replay was hilariously truncated to just Teddy's announcement and the punch.
The wacky visual of Sandow in full getup with the PTPs "outside earlier today on WWE.com" during the first Henry truck pull was amusing. WM Blu-Ray ad was great - shame some of the dazzling visuals shown in the ad aren't actually on the set. Barrett-Sheamus was recapped to show Sheamus looking strong before Henry massacred him with a belt. Sheamus's skin is perfect to show off the effects of anything to his body. Striker interviewed Henry about IMPRESSING THE WWE UNIVERSE. Sadly, Henry didn't threaten to pull the trailers onto Striker for saying stupid things to him. GET OUTTA MY WAY WHILE I MAKE HISTORY. Yes sir, Mr. Henry. Henry's death glare when Striker asked if he thought he could do it was amazing. Henry pulled the tractor trailers, broke the record, and broke down in agony upon doing so and the crowd popped for him. HOW IS THIS MAN A HEEL IN THIS FEUD!?
Ryback-Cena recap is up next. It had some wacky epic music, but was otherwise nothing special. Orton's in the back with Renee Young recapping what happened on Raw with Show. Renee's cute, but is super-generic vocally. Orton at least had some conviction in his promo talking about being wronged by Show and him sticking his neck out to help Show just got him KOed - twice. This led to a Show match, which should logically be interrupted by Orton since he's clearly backstage and kind of pissed at this guy. Hype for Jericho and Fandango's dance off on Raw. Love the DO THE WORM sign in the background while the fat guys danced. Tensai looked huge in there with Show - clearly not as big, but still really big even with Show against him side by side. Nice fast action too before the KO punch out of nowhere. Show's spear to Clay looked like shit though. RKO out of nowhere saved Clay from more. This was fun stuff, especially with the guy in the Cena shirt doing the Orton pose. Loved AJ calling Nattie and Kaitlyn men. BOODIEKA BOODIEKA 619! Khali Mysterio, and Nattie's cleavage, ruled. This was a bizarre leadin to THE MAIN EVENT MATCH ON THE SHOW.
More Fandango-Jericho hype. THE WWE APP apparently talked about Fandango winning the dance off because he won at WM, so he's probably losing then. Jericho's new shiny, glittery purple and dark grey gear looks pretty awesome. Cena CAN'T USE THE POWER at ER. Well, maybe he can do his wacky rana/powerbomb of himself to try and win instead. The crawl has a distracting Koman Foundation graphic hyping up the charity work WWE, THE MOST LOVING, CHARITABLE COMPANY IN HISTORY does with its roster. Moves were exchanged for a few minutes before Ryback went to the floor to create an ad break. Well, that was fairly blatant. They told a story of Ryback trying to prove he can keep a guy down for 10 seconds - which was great if he was refusing a pin and instead demanded a count or instead won via KO, and not with a reverse bearhug being done afterwards. Ryback doing the Hogan ear cup was weird. Ryback selling a shoulder tackle from Jericho not only once, but twice looked odd given the size difference between them. Nice snap shouldermount poweslam from Ryback led to a surprising running splash from the big man that missed. Codebreaker led to a spinebuster-esque counter. Best counter like that was either Batista countering it into a Batista Bomb or Taker turning it into a Last Ride - this was still quite good though and reminded me of Rampage's powerbomb. Josh mocked Cole for hanging onto Cena like J.R. did to Austin, leading to a mocking STONE COLD, STONE COLD, STONE COLD bit out of nowhere. That was bizarre, as was him saying Ryback's got legs the size of people. Walls out of the Shellshock got people on their feet going crazy. Codebreaker sent Ryback to the floor. For some reason, Ryback's atomic whip crotch-first into the ringpost was a DQ. SINCE WHEN ARE LOW BLOWS A DQ IN WWE!? This was like a bad AWA show finish in '86, minus Greg Gagne being passionate about it, or hearing Blears try to stumble over a logical reason for it. Ryback's Meathook on the announce table ruled, as did the wacky monkey chest beating. Good lord does that man have some veins on him. Most of this show felt like filler, but there was about 30 or so minutes of great stuff.
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Friday, May 10, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
TNA Impact Wrestling 5-9-13
It seems fitting that the lead-in for Impact this week involves a ton of cocaine. Opening vid focuses on the young guns of 2013 - Matt Morgan, Sting, and Hulk Hogan. Love the shot of D'Lo in the vid with dust and what not swirling around behind him. I'm digging Sting's black and red tie-dye shirt. Shame he isn't wearing gear that matches it other than his gloves. The design would be perfect for a Brock shirt too. Sting doesn't want to wait until the PPV to take Bully's title...so why didn't he ask for a title match before then? AJ's tron is entirely too active for Darth AJ. First YES chant of the evening thanks to Angle asking AJ if he'll join then. Angle gave AJ maybe a second before he got pissed. Sting said "he was in AJ's shoes" before - tremendous. Angle's yelling more, while Sting's being kind. Angle's about a 9 on the Sheamus level of dickheadishness. Aces jumped Sting in the ring with a 3D. After taking ONE MOVE, Todd asked if the number 1 contender to the world title would be able to compete in the main event.
TNA is celebrating their 11th year of being alive through a series of miracles with a sale on ShopTNA. AJ was pissed at the interview guy and Christy's tits introed the KOs tag. Mickie's album has been CHARTIN HIGH...on ShopTNA. Velvet's outfit features a skirt that may be about a centimeter long. Mickie was in for 99% of it, Velvet won, and then Gail attacked Tara afterwards for losing. Match wasn't too bad. Aces talked about stuff, and D'Lo came in but wasn't told about stuff before. D'Lo looked sad. And really out of shape facially.
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TNA is celebrating their 11th year of being alive through a series of miracles with a sale on ShopTNA. AJ was pissed at the interview guy and Christy's tits introed the KOs tag. Mickie's album has been CHARTIN HIGH...on ShopTNA. Velvet's outfit features a skirt that may be about a centimeter long. Mickie was in for 99% of it, Velvet won, and then Gail attacked Tara afterwards for losing. Match wasn't too bad. Aces talked about stuff, and D'Lo came in but wasn't told about stuff before. D'Lo looked sad. And really out of shape facially.
Kaz and Daniels met with Storm, who's got a giant tat on his leg. Loved Kaz's "We got your brand – skull with a cowboy hat beer" line. The Aces came out, Bully cut a promo on the tag match later, and another one on D'Lo. Anderson yelled at him to give it up after D'Lo said it was his life. D'Lo, just give it up to prevent Anderson from talking. DOC is facing Magnus now, and hopefully he does well since he appeared to just return from a vacation to the sun. They came back after the break with a side headlock mid-move - it's at least a bit different than WWE returning from one with a chinlock. They did some moves, and Magnus countered a superplex to hit the swank flying elbow. D'Lo accidentally cost the Aces this match. Or as Todd put it, A PIVITOL BATTLE IN THE WAR!
Bully threatened to MURDER D'LO BROWN ON LIVE TV, but Anderson talked him out of this and Bully told him that his new job is to wash all of their asses - he's a prospect. Sting and Angle met with Hogan, who apparently can't wrestle now, or something, due to Sting talking about his doctor. Hogan says he's got A WILD CARD to take out the Aces. So he'd better be there tonight. Angle and Sting talked about using Magnus tonight, so he'll probably be taken out before then. Dirty Heels met with Storm in a very Miami Vice-esque shot of them all bathed in blue. Storm came out in his ref outfit and looked pretty slim in it.
Christy introduced Bad Influence...while the Dirty Heels came out. Aries' look of disgust ruled. Then he forced her to do it again, and shoved his crotch in her face while doing it. They mixed some tremendous comedy spots in here. Suicide dive from Aries was done at about 2000 mph. Smashed his ribs into the barricade. Fucking ouch, but also awesome. Loved Todd referencing Metallica with Kaz's finisher - it reminded me of Kaz's old logo font just being theirs. Storm and Aries did beer comedy spots, then Daniels got kicked, but Aries was a bigger dickhead than Daniels was, so he kicked him too. And then Storm just left. Well, that kinda sucked. Aces beat up Magnus, so I guess we'll see D'Lo replace him. They did this wacky attack with stuff that was supposed to seem deadly, but didn't shoot it in a realistic way, so it was goofy.
Suicide got a return vid - his outfit looks tremendous in HD. Nice highlight reel of Sabin's return - he should definitely get the X Title at the PPV, then they should just bring back the X Title cash in stip so he can go for the world title. Kenny King came out, with his tron showing his name as Kenny K.I.N.G. so I guess they can trademark it. He was super-cocky, then dared to steal a line from Mark Henry. Kenny brought out Sabin with a shockingly high amount of reverence, so yeah, they're setting up the title match tonight. He's getting a shot next week. He came out dressed like Gambit, and King was again all wacky with him. There's a fan with oranger skin than DOC with bright green ecto cooler hair behind Sabin. I love the radio station guys putting up a sign on the hard camera to get a free plug nationwide. Kenny King was tremendous at the end here letting him hold the belt, and then saying it's the closest he'd come to it. GIMME MY BELT! Tremendous. This is the best Kenny's come off in TNA yet, minus the gold shower line. Shaky cam took ages to reveal that Storm was laid out backstage.
The BFG Series AND GUT CHECK COLLIDE next week when four guys face off in a mini-tourney to get a shot in the series. York's the only one that really makes sense since he's been on TV. They recapped the Aces' many beatings tonight. Bully talked with the Aces and instructed D'Lo to keep the beers cold and the bikes clean CUZ THEY'RE CHASING GIRLS LATER. Also, Knux is the brains of the operation - loved his cerebra gimmick a few years ago. Hogan was on the phone with the mystery man, AND THERE WAS NO TIME FOR HIM TO COME OUT. DUN DUN DUN! Hogan was wonderfully wacky here.
Between all of the intros and stuff, there was far more than a minute for the guy to come out. Loved Taz calling Devon a TV Tampion and blaming it on Christy. Bully and Angle started this, and man did it ever make me want to see Angle-Bully instead of Sting-Bully at the PPV. Anderson came in and acted so broadly for a damn hand clasp spot that Cena could tell him to tone it down a tad with the wacky stuff. Taz name-dropped Avalanche AND Tugboat in 2013. They cut TO THE BACK and the Aces were laid out. Bully busted out a dropkick, and he's now down to 260. Loved Taz's delivery of Bully's dropkick being like Mil Mascaras! Taz, somewhat amusingly, said that Angle's neck was shot from either six to TEN HUNDRED neck surgeries. Devon did Hogan's posing. I like Todd, but he's bugging the shit out of me tonight by saying "reverse neckbreaker" a billion times. Sting got the splash, the deathdrop, and even the VINTAGE facebuster with a shockingly high amount of fire in it. Deathlock was interrupted by Anderson, some punches, and the mic check. Abyss was the big return - fitting since he disappeared after a match with Bully. Black Hole Slam got the pin. It's a shame they used the bell ringing theme and not his more iconic theme, because this didn't get much of a pop.
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Monday, May 6, 2013
Raw 5-6-13
Pre-show hype involves Brock INVADING WWE...HQ...via Twitter alert. Yeah. So we get security cam footage and MORE FOOTAGE later in the show. Somehow, destroying office equipment = cage match build now. I will enjoy having "Damn it feels good to be a gangsta" going through my mind when they show it. Cena's quoting the master of the iron arts, Daniel Bryan - this is good, him being all wacky isn't. He's way too goofy here. HE'S THE FUCKING WWE CHAMPION and he's just joking around. Something about Betty White, another bit about jerking off. Oh thank the lord, Vickie's out to shut him up. She's talking about Extreme Rules being EXTREME. Thanks, couldn't tell that with the name and all. This had better be leading to a Ryback's Rules match. Now Cena's mocking Ryback, who for some reason, isn't killing him with death right now. Ryback wants a last man standing match. Well, they only killed that stip to death with Alberto and Show, so that's logical. Brock and Heyman INVADED WWE HQ! You know. Their workplace.
Orton's out to face Sandow, who he destroyed on SD. Sandow saved the show by singing Orton's theme. They did some stuff and cutaway before Orton finished his dropkick. They really mixed things up by having SANDOW lock on a chinlock when they came back instead of Orton. According to Cole, he's all about MAKING IT EXTREME. So he won with every RKO ever, except this one appeared to arouse Sandow. Cole talked about Orton being A DIFFERENT CHARACTER since WM. Nope. Same guy - he just said he was feeling extreme. They missed Orton being KO punched. VINTAGE TNA! Fandango's facing Truth next. Wow.
Jericho's out to watch Fandango-Truth. Good God he's annoying with this Fandango name-mangling stuff. So instead of just a match, it's also going to be a dance-off, or a dance-judging thing, or something. Fandango's out and I THINK they've changed it to a dance-off. Okay, Truth's out and I think it's a match because Justin Roberts gave him a formal intro. It took about 15 minutes for Fandango vs. R-Truth to BEGIN. Match went like a minute before Fandango just left. WORKPLACE INVASION. THEY HAD NO APPOINTMENT!
They came back with HHH plugging Komen for the Cure with the most pussifying shot ever of him and Steph with pink highlights. YAY, Bryan's talking about THE Ryback - bout time since he's the one who came up with it. He wants a match with Ryback, who doesn't want it, but Kane wants to face him...so maybe that'll happen. I could dig a Kane/Ryback red and black attack team. Alberto came out for his match with Dolph that I completely forgot about. I love the guy in the reflective vest checking his phone instead of watching Alberto. Kane-Ryback is official for later. Match began with a huge LET'S GO ZIGGLER chant. Poor Alberto. King made a pregnancy joke and Cole made sure to note that AJ was not "with child", like Raw is now I Love Lucy. They did moves until Swagger and Zeb, WITH A NEW VEST, came out and got a fairly big USA chant. Alberto's push is just doing wonderfully. Zeb's doing commentary - yay! They did some moves, Alberto went for the corner kick, it was avoided...and Alberto landed right on the back of Dolph's head. Ouch. Zeb said that Swagger weighs 285 pounds. Good lord. More moves. This feels like every match they've ever had, including that really good one on Main Event, which was better than this. Swagger killed them with a ladder after Big E got involved for a DQ. Swagger's reign of terror ruled. They went away from this to recap SOMETHING TRENDING ON TWITTER and the Ryback-Cena deal.
King CAN'T WAIT TO SEE BROCK DESTROY HHH. Big Show, a heel, hyped up WWE's Yahoo deal. Also, Steph loves how entertaining and inspirational the programming will be. Kaitlyn met with the wacky face divas - his crush knows about her love of the Simpsons. Nattie wants Khali to go undercover. The Bellas' cleavage reacted. The Shield's out to kill some folks. I love Ambrose's body language during their intro. Kofi's teaming with the Usos in this random wacky 6-man. Big drop for him. They did a bunch of stuff leading to a decent close call thanks to Kofi, before Rollins pushed him off into a bulldog driver. A guy with terrible tattoos held his kid up and booed the Shield while mugging for the camera.
Cesaro faces Orton on ME for some reason - should be quite good, and he's got a new jacket! They actually showed clips of ME this week, and made both guys look great. Cesaro's got a ton of pep in his step here - and isn't yodeling! One guy, however, is chanting LET'S GO RYDER - WOO WOO WOO! Neutralizer win for Cesaro - so good to see him back on track. He cut a promo afterwards saying he wants more competition, and puts the W in WWE! Good stuff, but it would be better to time the "is that all you've got" deal if HE HADN'T JUST LOST.
Heyman showed the footage. And man was it weird to see Brock in a place humans visit. Heyman hummed Fandango's theme! Heyman was beyond amazing here. Loved Brock wearing the world title replica, and then tearing a laptop apart like it was paper. Then he grabbed the sledgehammer, destroyed the belt, the desk, AND BROKE THE HAMMER! This whole deal was amazing and worth Brock's annual salary for a decade. This had some iffy editing, but was tremendous as a whole. Loved Heyman holding up the smashed replica world title - made that replica seem more important than the actual belt. HHH interrupted his promo with his theme, and then he walked out with his jacket sleeves rolled up for some reason. HHH said that HE KNEW ABOUT EXTREME because of DX. What was extreme about them? Homoerotic overtones? Then he had some jokes about Heyman's hair and rambled about stuff. He managed to kill the most fun segment in ages. Replay of the Ryback/Kane deal. Lordy.
AJ and the Bellas are out for a match and plug TOTAL DIVAS. COMING TO E! They did stuff, and AJ lost via spear. So she's winning the title at the PPV. Henry's coming out to say words. But first, Diddy is against bullying. Fitting time for that given how much of a bully Sheamus has been. Loved Henry mocking Sheamus, telling the camera guy to move back cuz HE'S TOO CLOSE, and saying that folks would remember their match at ER forever. Sheamus came out and either has a black eye that's nearly healed or he's got terrible makeup on. Sheamus showed clips of him attacking Henry, which JBL rightly pointed out was unfair since he cheap-shotted him on Friday. Instead of a brawl, they delivered an unannounced Sheamus-Barrett match that was apparently made before, but never mentioned once.
Wonderful - it began post-break with a chinlock! Henry was bullied again while attempting to do commentary when Sheamus teased tossing Barrett into him, and then got cheap-shotted with a Brogue kick. Tremendous gut superkick>kneeling superkick from Barrett. Brogue kick to an area within a foot from Barrett's head got the win, leading to Henry whooping the shit out of him with a belt. Whooped his ass so so so much. Loved this. Tremendous WM DVD/BD ad - gorgeous shots of intros.
Jericho-Fandango DANCE OFF on Raw next week. Oh, and FANDANGO CREATED A DANCE REVOLUTION. I call bullshit on that. YAY BROCK REPLAY! Ryback will be on the Highlight Reel on SD. It's 11 and they've had maybe two minutes of the main event. They came back with A BODYSLAM - one of many in the bout so far. Maybe it'll set a world record for them. Boring chant is breaking out. Kane got Shellshocked due to getting crotched for a flying clothesline spot. Shield came out, resulting in Ryback leaving and Bryan coming out. AND CENA, who tore his shirt off and flexed to let you know that shit was really on. Ryback laid Cena out with a chair and stood over him. This was a show.
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Orton's out to face Sandow, who he destroyed on SD. Sandow saved the show by singing Orton's theme. They did some stuff and cutaway before Orton finished his dropkick. They really mixed things up by having SANDOW lock on a chinlock when they came back instead of Orton. According to Cole, he's all about MAKING IT EXTREME. So he won with every RKO ever, except this one appeared to arouse Sandow. Cole talked about Orton being A DIFFERENT CHARACTER since WM. Nope. Same guy - he just said he was feeling extreme. They missed Orton being KO punched. VINTAGE TNA! Fandango's facing Truth next. Wow.
Jericho's out to watch Fandango-Truth. Good God he's annoying with this Fandango name-mangling stuff. So instead of just a match, it's also going to be a dance-off, or a dance-judging thing, or something. Fandango's out and I THINK they've changed it to a dance-off. Okay, Truth's out and I think it's a match because Justin Roberts gave him a formal intro. It took about 15 minutes for Fandango vs. R-Truth to BEGIN. Match went like a minute before Fandango just left. WORKPLACE INVASION. THEY HAD NO APPOINTMENT!
They came back with HHH plugging Komen for the Cure with the most pussifying shot ever of him and Steph with pink highlights. YAY, Bryan's talking about THE Ryback - bout time since he's the one who came up with it. He wants a match with Ryback, who doesn't want it, but Kane wants to face him...so maybe that'll happen. I could dig a Kane/Ryback red and black attack team. Alberto came out for his match with Dolph that I completely forgot about. I love the guy in the reflective vest checking his phone instead of watching Alberto. Kane-Ryback is official for later. Match began with a huge LET'S GO ZIGGLER chant. Poor Alberto. King made a pregnancy joke and Cole made sure to note that AJ was not "with child", like Raw is now I Love Lucy. They did moves until Swagger and Zeb, WITH A NEW VEST, came out and got a fairly big USA chant. Alberto's push is just doing wonderfully. Zeb's doing commentary - yay! They did some moves, Alberto went for the corner kick, it was avoided...and Alberto landed right on the back of Dolph's head. Ouch. Zeb said that Swagger weighs 285 pounds. Good lord. More moves. This feels like every match they've ever had, including that really good one on Main Event, which was better than this. Swagger killed them with a ladder after Big E got involved for a DQ. Swagger's reign of terror ruled. They went away from this to recap SOMETHING TRENDING ON TWITTER and the Ryback-Cena deal.
King CAN'T WAIT TO SEE BROCK DESTROY HHH. Big Show, a heel, hyped up WWE's Yahoo deal. Also, Steph loves how entertaining and inspirational the programming will be. Kaitlyn met with the wacky face divas - his crush knows about her love of the Simpsons. Nattie wants Khali to go undercover. The Bellas' cleavage reacted. The Shield's out to kill some folks. I love Ambrose's body language during their intro. Kofi's teaming with the Usos in this random wacky 6-man. Big drop for him. They did a bunch of stuff leading to a decent close call thanks to Kofi, before Rollins pushed him off into a bulldog driver. A guy with terrible tattoos held his kid up and booed the Shield while mugging for the camera.
Cesaro faces Orton on ME for some reason - should be quite good, and he's got a new jacket! They actually showed clips of ME this week, and made both guys look great. Cesaro's got a ton of pep in his step here - and isn't yodeling! One guy, however, is chanting LET'S GO RYDER - WOO WOO WOO! Neutralizer win for Cesaro - so good to see him back on track. He cut a promo afterwards saying he wants more competition, and puts the W in WWE! Good stuff, but it would be better to time the "is that all you've got" deal if HE HADN'T JUST LOST.
Heyman showed the footage. And man was it weird to see Brock in a place humans visit. Heyman hummed Fandango's theme! Heyman was beyond amazing here. Loved Brock wearing the world title replica, and then tearing a laptop apart like it was paper. Then he grabbed the sledgehammer, destroyed the belt, the desk, AND BROKE THE HAMMER! This whole deal was amazing and worth Brock's annual salary for a decade. This had some iffy editing, but was tremendous as a whole. Loved Heyman holding up the smashed replica world title - made that replica seem more important than the actual belt. HHH interrupted his promo with his theme, and then he walked out with his jacket sleeves rolled up for some reason. HHH said that HE KNEW ABOUT EXTREME because of DX. What was extreme about them? Homoerotic overtones? Then he had some jokes about Heyman's hair and rambled about stuff. He managed to kill the most fun segment in ages. Replay of the Ryback/Kane deal. Lordy.
AJ and the Bellas are out for a match and plug TOTAL DIVAS. COMING TO E! They did stuff, and AJ lost via spear. So she's winning the title at the PPV. Henry's coming out to say words. But first, Diddy is against bullying. Fitting time for that given how much of a bully Sheamus has been. Loved Henry mocking Sheamus, telling the camera guy to move back cuz HE'S TOO CLOSE, and saying that folks would remember their match at ER forever. Sheamus came out and either has a black eye that's nearly healed or he's got terrible makeup on. Sheamus showed clips of him attacking Henry, which JBL rightly pointed out was unfair since he cheap-shotted him on Friday. Instead of a brawl, they delivered an unannounced Sheamus-Barrett match that was apparently made before, but never mentioned once.
Wonderful - it began post-break with a chinlock! Henry was bullied again while attempting to do commentary when Sheamus teased tossing Barrett into him, and then got cheap-shotted with a Brogue kick. Tremendous gut superkick>kneeling superkick from Barrett. Brogue kick to an area within a foot from Barrett's head got the win, leading to Henry whooping the shit out of him with a belt. Whooped his ass so so so much. Loved this. Tremendous WM DVD/BD ad - gorgeous shots of intros.
Jericho-Fandango DANCE OFF on Raw next week. Oh, and FANDANGO CREATED A DANCE REVOLUTION. I call bullshit on that. YAY BROCK REPLAY! Ryback will be on the Highlight Reel on SD. It's 11 and they've had maybe two minutes of the main event. They came back with A BODYSLAM - one of many in the bout so far. Maybe it'll set a world record for them. Boring chant is breaking out. Kane got Shellshocked due to getting crotched for a flying clothesline spot. Shield came out, resulting in Ryback leaving and Bryan coming out. AND CENA, who tore his shirt off and flexed to let you know that shit was really on. Ryback laid Cena out with a chair and stood over him. This was a show.
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Friday, May 3, 2013
SD 5-3-13
I love the opening video recapping three hours of Raw into a concise 20 seconds of stuff that mattered. Ryback's jacket makes him look even bigger...and that's all that matters on SD, apparently. I'm guessing Ryback flubbed a line early because they awkwardly cut away to an extended crowd shot right when the promo began. The stronger eat the weak, and Ryback rules...okay then. LOLing at the kid in a Sheamus outfit, complete with fake beard. Ryback's mannerisms annoy me - they're largely the same during his intro, and during matches, he just says Ryback rules. Ryback should just be in matches with his friends, or at least a best of 90 series with Bryan, because these two had shockingly good chemistry together in the ring. Cole saying that Bryan's a former world champ and a current tag champ helped the tag titles seem important.
Tremendous sideway spinning bump from Bryan for the press slam over the top. Loved the fan when they came back begging for Ryback to throw him over there. Nice dive catch into a spinebuster position into an over-the-shoulder powerlsam. Kind of wasteful, but impressive. Thesz press being turned into the Calgary Crab ruled. Nasty collisions between the two on the flying Hart attack and corner dropkicks. Rough bump for the rana powerbomb counter to the floor. Deadlift powerbomb from Ryback was good, but not as slick as what Cesaro usually does. I liked the Rampage powerbomb. Then they switched to talking about the comedy triple threat from Raw, with Cole again calling Zeb "Swagger's Founding Father", WHICH STILL MAKES NO SENSE. Ricardo was all wacky and excited about facing Zeb tonight and kissed Renee. They made Fandango seem like a huge deal by saying his match is next, showing some of his WM intro, and then folks Fandangoing.
The Khali-Fandango dancing deal was recapped in fine highlight form. Loved Cole stating that "THEY DON'T TEACH SPORTSMANSHIP IN BALLROOM DANCING CLASS!". Summer Rae's baby blue dress is beyond amazing. JBL burying PETA when Cole put over them Fandangoing was amazing. Ryder got the uber-jobber intro here. HE HAS MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS THAN RG3! Now Fandango's got his own caught in the rope spot - elbows to the back of the head. Only instead of Misawa, they're more like Velvet Sky. Josh saying that Ryder wants to be more aggressive, right before he did the WOO WOO WOO deal was amusing. As was JBL asking if he got the aggressive cut from his barber. Mr. Dango won with the flying legdrop. Kaitlyn's cleavage got roses and a text that she luckily had ready the second Nattie was nearby. Khali said some things, and I got a set top box error from Comcast. GLORIOUS. When it came back, they had a graphic up for Cena's deal on Raw with the kids.
Raw was the #1 show on all of TV - okay. They recap of everything with Wish Day came off far better than watching it live, where they talked way too much about how great the company was amid all of the stuff that Cena should be commended for. I loved Zeb not only starting things off by twirling his stache and calling Renee Ronda, but mocking the lamestream media, and talking about how ill he was, BUT BY GOD, HE'S A REAL AMERICAN AND HE WORKS SICK! Loved JBL calling bullshit on the idea on Ricardo being on a high for beating a grandfather, and getting on Cole for saying Zeb's in a fishing vest while Ricardo's in Zubaz.
Loved Big E holding the belt, and moving it around to stare at it. Ditto Zeb punching Jack's hands to get ready. Ricardo riding him like a horsey reminded me of what JJ said on the Horsemen DVD - how it was hard for him to transition from wrestling like a wrestler to wrestling like a manager instead and having his best matches as a result. Teddy making a HOLLA HOLLA TAG MATCH, PLAYA ruled. They've got an extra thick layer of bullshit in the ads for the IYH DVD set. It's glorious though. IT'S A SERIES THAT DEFINED A GENERATION. Yes, of some of their lowest buyrates ever. Good event for a comp set though since they'll come off like a big deal, even if the idea of THE BEST OF IN YOUR HOUSE getting equal treatment to the BEST OF STARRCADE is absurd.
Booker, WHO HAS BEEN ANGRY WITH TEDDY FOR WEEKS, isn't here for some reason - so he of course put Teddy in charge instead of someone he trusts. I'd have loved Stevie Ray as the guest GM. This lasted maybe two minutes before the DQ by Big E and Dolph. So now it's a 3-way holla holla tag. It really hit me here that other than the night after WM, Dolph hasn't really felt like the world champion and feels more like just a guy with the belt. It's a bit worse than with Swagger in the sense that they at least gave Swagger a ton of airtime to get over - but no credible wins. Alberto had some terrible rope burn under his arm during one of the corner charges from Big E. MASSIVE bodyblock from Big E on Ricardo. Glorious spot...shame they took it out of the WWE games since his finisher can be made in the game. Dolph continues his roll by losing via tapout. Good lord. The Shield attacked Bryan. Oh yeah, Ambrose faces Kane later. They really should've recapped that in the opening video too.
Black Ref, another ref, and TRAINER TRAINER acted badly while attending to Bryan. Denny's shilling amused me. They're always open...unless you're Big E. Orton's out and based on the crowd's signs, comes off like a big star. Him being in random matches against mid-carders doesn't help him much though. Orton seemed annoyed by the fans cheering him before the ad break. Nice DDT from Sandow - don't recall seeing him do that before. Loved Orton's wacky face before hitting the draping DDT. RKO got the win. This was indeed a match. Nice closeup on the RKO IT'S FINISH sign. And this wasn't a kid's sign - the guy looked to be in his 20s. Show distracted Orton so Sandow could hit his finish and then do a giant cackle. Show challenged Orton to a match at ER. Kane met with Striker, who sadly left this segment not being either attacked or set on fire. Great promo from Kane saying he know he was going into a war he couldn't win, but he'd take as many of the Shield down with him as he could. Nice Brock-HHH hype vid - I'd completely forgotten about that match coming up.
Out of nowhere, and with zero mention on the show, it was time for a Henry-Sheamus arm wrestling contest. They recapped Raw's wacky bit with the tug of war, where Sheamus was a dick and attacked Henry after he'd done nothing wrong that evening. JBL going over proper arm wrestling rules was something else. The table is shockingly beat up for something on WWE TV. Loved him talking about Rude's arm wrestling skills back in the day. Shocked he didn't mention Scott Norton too. Henry won fairly, and tehn Sheamus was a dick again and mocked his weight and challenged him to a left-armed arm wrestling match. Henry rightly said that he won, but couldn't resist when Sheamus said he was scared. Loved JBL saying that Henry's the world's strongest man - not the strongest left-handed man. Then Sheamus fucked around with the table, punched him, and Brogue Kicked him. What an asshole. Loved JBL calling Sheamus out on being a jerk for this. Great recap of the Shield-Taker stuff from last week. Kane-Ambrose is next.
WWE MAGAZINE HAS MORE READERS PER COPY THAN ESPN OR ROLLING STONE! That must be why it's converting to a digital format - it's doing far too well. Reigns came down with Bryan's tag belt. According to Cole, Kane is coming to REVENGE BRYAN. Maybe he's been watching a lot of the Office on Netflix instant streaming. Shocked they didn't ADR that. I loved Kane starting with a draping elbow while Ambrose's head was over the apron, then doing a kick, then he rolled into a headbutt. Great bump from Reigns over the announce table. Nice knee jam using the shoulder during the break from Ambrose. Nice wacky leg hold on the ringpost from Ambrose. Love the other members of the Shield yelling stuff to Ambrose whenever Kane was on offense. Love the throat slash leading to a tombstone tease and Rollins being kicked off right onto the announce table like a super ball. Bulldog driver looked sick - and can be replicated quite nicely thanks to the snapmare driver being in WWE '13. The Reigns spear saved the day for the Shield in the post-match beating. They're doing a great job getting that over. JBL putting them over as THE best team in WWE history was great. This ruled. Show as a whole was fine, but not as exciting as last week.
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Tremendous sideway spinning bump from Bryan for the press slam over the top. Loved the fan when they came back begging for Ryback to throw him over there. Nice dive catch into a spinebuster position into an over-the-shoulder powerlsam. Kind of wasteful, but impressive. Thesz press being turned into the Calgary Crab ruled. Nasty collisions between the two on the flying Hart attack and corner dropkicks. Rough bump for the rana powerbomb counter to the floor. Deadlift powerbomb from Ryback was good, but not as slick as what Cesaro usually does. I liked the Rampage powerbomb. Then they switched to talking about the comedy triple threat from Raw, with Cole again calling Zeb "Swagger's Founding Father", WHICH STILL MAKES NO SENSE. Ricardo was all wacky and excited about facing Zeb tonight and kissed Renee. They made Fandango seem like a huge deal by saying his match is next, showing some of his WM intro, and then folks Fandangoing.
The Khali-Fandango dancing deal was recapped in fine highlight form. Loved Cole stating that "THEY DON'T TEACH SPORTSMANSHIP IN BALLROOM DANCING CLASS!". Summer Rae's baby blue dress is beyond amazing. JBL burying PETA when Cole put over them Fandangoing was amazing. Ryder got the uber-jobber intro here. HE HAS MORE TWITTER FOLLOWERS THAN RG3! Now Fandango's got his own caught in the rope spot - elbows to the back of the head. Only instead of Misawa, they're more like Velvet Sky. Josh saying that Ryder wants to be more aggressive, right before he did the WOO WOO WOO deal was amusing. As was JBL asking if he got the aggressive cut from his barber. Mr. Dango won with the flying legdrop. Kaitlyn's cleavage got roses and a text that she luckily had ready the second Nattie was nearby. Khali said some things, and I got a set top box error from Comcast. GLORIOUS. When it came back, they had a graphic up for Cena's deal on Raw with the kids.
Raw was the #1 show on all of TV - okay. They recap of everything with Wish Day came off far better than watching it live, where they talked way too much about how great the company was amid all of the stuff that Cena should be commended for. I loved Zeb not only starting things off by twirling his stache and calling Renee Ronda, but mocking the lamestream media, and talking about how ill he was, BUT BY GOD, HE'S A REAL AMERICAN AND HE WORKS SICK! Loved JBL calling bullshit on the idea on Ricardo being on a high for beating a grandfather, and getting on Cole for saying Zeb's in a fishing vest while Ricardo's in Zubaz.
Loved Big E holding the belt, and moving it around to stare at it. Ditto Zeb punching Jack's hands to get ready. Ricardo riding him like a horsey reminded me of what JJ said on the Horsemen DVD - how it was hard for him to transition from wrestling like a wrestler to wrestling like a manager instead and having his best matches as a result. Teddy making a HOLLA HOLLA TAG MATCH, PLAYA ruled. They've got an extra thick layer of bullshit in the ads for the IYH DVD set. It's glorious though. IT'S A SERIES THAT DEFINED A GENERATION. Yes, of some of their lowest buyrates ever. Good event for a comp set though since they'll come off like a big deal, even if the idea of THE BEST OF IN YOUR HOUSE getting equal treatment to the BEST OF STARRCADE is absurd.
Booker, WHO HAS BEEN ANGRY WITH TEDDY FOR WEEKS, isn't here for some reason - so he of course put Teddy in charge instead of someone he trusts. I'd have loved Stevie Ray as the guest GM. This lasted maybe two minutes before the DQ by Big E and Dolph. So now it's a 3-way holla holla tag. It really hit me here that other than the night after WM, Dolph hasn't really felt like the world champion and feels more like just a guy with the belt. It's a bit worse than with Swagger in the sense that they at least gave Swagger a ton of airtime to get over - but no credible wins. Alberto had some terrible rope burn under his arm during one of the corner charges from Big E. MASSIVE bodyblock from Big E on Ricardo. Glorious spot...shame they took it out of the WWE games since his finisher can be made in the game. Dolph continues his roll by losing via tapout. Good lord. The Shield attacked Bryan. Oh yeah, Ambrose faces Kane later. They really should've recapped that in the opening video too.
Black Ref, another ref, and TRAINER TRAINER acted badly while attending to Bryan. Denny's shilling amused me. They're always open...unless you're Big E. Orton's out and based on the crowd's signs, comes off like a big star. Him being in random matches against mid-carders doesn't help him much though. Orton seemed annoyed by the fans cheering him before the ad break. Nice DDT from Sandow - don't recall seeing him do that before. Loved Orton's wacky face before hitting the draping DDT. RKO got the win. This was indeed a match. Nice closeup on the RKO IT'S FINISH sign. And this wasn't a kid's sign - the guy looked to be in his 20s. Show distracted Orton so Sandow could hit his finish and then do a giant cackle. Show challenged Orton to a match at ER. Kane met with Striker, who sadly left this segment not being either attacked or set on fire. Great promo from Kane saying he know he was going into a war he couldn't win, but he'd take as many of the Shield down with him as he could. Nice Brock-HHH hype vid - I'd completely forgotten about that match coming up.
Out of nowhere, and with zero mention on the show, it was time for a Henry-Sheamus arm wrestling contest. They recapped Raw's wacky bit with the tug of war, where Sheamus was a dick and attacked Henry after he'd done nothing wrong that evening. JBL going over proper arm wrestling rules was something else. The table is shockingly beat up for something on WWE TV. Loved him talking about Rude's arm wrestling skills back in the day. Shocked he didn't mention Scott Norton too. Henry won fairly, and tehn Sheamus was a dick again and mocked his weight and challenged him to a left-armed arm wrestling match. Henry rightly said that he won, but couldn't resist when Sheamus said he was scared. Loved JBL saying that Henry's the world's strongest man - not the strongest left-handed man. Then Sheamus fucked around with the table, punched him, and Brogue Kicked him. What an asshole. Loved JBL calling Sheamus out on being a jerk for this. Great recap of the Shield-Taker stuff from last week. Kane-Ambrose is next.
WWE MAGAZINE HAS MORE READERS PER COPY THAN ESPN OR ROLLING STONE! That must be why it's converting to a digital format - it's doing far too well. Reigns came down with Bryan's tag belt. According to Cole, Kane is coming to REVENGE BRYAN. Maybe he's been watching a lot of the Office on Netflix instant streaming. Shocked they didn't ADR that. I loved Kane starting with a draping elbow while Ambrose's head was over the apron, then doing a kick, then he rolled into a headbutt. Great bump from Reigns over the announce table. Nice knee jam using the shoulder during the break from Ambrose. Nice wacky leg hold on the ringpost from Ambrose. Love the other members of the Shield yelling stuff to Ambrose whenever Kane was on offense. Love the throat slash leading to a tombstone tease and Rollins being kicked off right onto the announce table like a super ball. Bulldog driver looked sick - and can be replicated quite nicely thanks to the snapmare driver being in WWE '13. The Reigns spear saved the day for the Shield in the post-match beating. They're doing a great job getting that over. JBL putting them over as THE best team in WWE history was great. This ruled. Show as a whole was fine, but not as exciting as last week.
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Thursday, May 2, 2013
TNA Impact Wrestling 5-2-13
Pre-show vid during the credits highlights Sting...REMOVING BULLY'S HAT WITH HIS BAT. Oh my. Of course, the Aces killing all of the faces was the first thing seen in the show-opener vid. CAN STING AND HOGAN TAKE OUT THE ACES AND EIGHTS!? Holy hell, the company's either being run by bikers for two guys with a combined ages of about 115. Great - Hogan's starting the show too! HULK HOGAN, THE IMMORTAL ONE, WAS SO BRAVE, AND STOOD HIS GROUND WITH BULLY RAY. Does Hogan have dentures? Because his teeth are super-white. Hogan saying OKAY, YOU ALL LIKE THE DRAMA to the fans was deconstructing things a bit too much. Sting and Hogan are only about five years apart in age, but Sting looks at least 20 years younger. Hogan's neck in particular, looks really old. Eyes too. Hogan apologizing to Sting feels a bit rushed, as does Sting shaking his hand already. Sting is super-forgiving, again. Sting wants to take out the Aces NOW...so of course he gets a tag match made for next week. Morgan came out to suggest that he face Bully at the PPV. Please, Hulk - do not pick this man. Hogan saying that he wouldn't hand a shot to either Morgan or Sting, but he would make a top contender's match between the two of them. Way to make the world title scene seem fresh, and just what has Morgan done to even be in the discussion?
I liked the new Sabin vid, but having him essentially bury the X Title by saying he isn't "just" going to get that BEFORE PUTTING HIM IN AN X DIVISION MATCH was stupid. I've also got to question the wisdom of coming back when doctors told him to retire just to work TNA for relative peanuts. It's less of a risk for him than say Sorrenson, but still doesn't seem too wise. ShopTNA now has KO playing cards. Well, might as well merchandise the chicks in some way. Angle's ranting about the Aces, and looks a lot younger without the beard. Ion came out, then Dutt got a jobber intro while he still walked out. A really fat woman in a peach shirt and a guy looking a bit like Matt Groening were happy to see him back. Sabin's got a giant brace on his left knee. SUICIDE will return in the next X division qualifier. Ion, instead of being happy with a shitty backslide, went for a shitty backslide>leg-using cradle on both guys. Well that sure made no sense on a practical level. Them using the ref cam DURING COUNTS is the most annoying thing to try and watch. I liked the DVD onto Dutt onto the gut of Ion. Modified Cradle Shock won for Sabin. Okay match. Sabin gets a title shot next time. Jesse and Robbie are back to being wacky friends, with Jesse now being a delusional movie star, and he wants Joey Ryan to join their clown show. That could be quite fun. Sad to see the end of Jesse/Tara though.
Bully cut a promo, but was pissed by them talking and Devon using his phone. Bully wants Angle taken out. Wes looks hilarious with a beard. D'Lo Brown, D'LO BROWN - a man whose peak was in '98, IS GOING TO TAKE ANGLE OUT. Jesus lord. He's swearing his colors on it, so I guess he's out of the club when he loses. Wacky comedy midcarders came out for a handicap match against Rob Terry. Well, it seems a tad soon to do this, but could be fun. Apparently, Terry's beaten all of these guys - thus the match against them. That makes sense. A video package recapping the matches would've been a nice reminder too. FOLLOW DIXIE CARTER ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK TO GET BIG NEWS ALL THE TIME! I'm amazed they haven't created a 1-900 line to hear Dixie's wisdom whenever you want. Nice double back suplex from Terry onto Jesse and Robbie. Beef Bomb/Freakbuster wins. Robbie scooting away on his ass was quite funny.
Aries and Roode are walking backstage, and coming to the ring. Roode looks like a mid-carder in a T-shirt and jeans. They'll face Bad Influence next week to get a title shot. Loved Kaz explaining Daniels' jokes. All the talk of Bad Influence Lite amused me with Chavo and Hernandez, bland LAX amalgamation #393939 came out and Chavo was tired of their blah, blah, blah! My God is he ever annoying when speaking. I like the idea of Storm being a guest ref for the tag match - although I'd prefer him being TV champ to get him in the mix with the most important program in the company. So we got to hear Chavo speak but not James Storm. BOO! Sting and Kurt talked in the workout room in secret.
Tara and Gail had a wacky argument over Taryn, while they each kind of annoyed each other, but didn't show it much except for Tara. Tara looked a bit old here, but I dug this, and loved her JAN JAN JAN bitching. Sabin did a little interview and also looked way older with their lighting for the film-style stuff. Tenay talked about Angle-D'Lo's history - including Kurt unmasking D'Lo, which I'd forgotten. Their match is the hour 1 main event. The crowd is going batshit for Kurt - which is amazing because it makes a D'Lo match in 2013 seem like a big deal. Also, it's now an I Quit match out of nowhere because why not. They showed the TNA announce table, which you never really see now, and it's basically just WWE's, but with brown and black trim. The ref was distracting here by throwing the mic in front of guys whenever there's a moment's chance to do so. Taz said D'Lo's on auto-pilot as if it was a good thing. D'Lo did the cross armbar, but it was turned into a very slow-mo ankle lock. D'Lo seems to be moving around great for everything except for the mat - it's taking him a long time to move around for moves. Taz hilarious said that D'Lo's in the best shape of his life while 99% of his body is covered up. Triple German spot became four, then five, then six when he wouldn't quit. Ankle lock was escaped from and D'Lo hit a nice Samoan drop. Ref hilariously asked D'Lo if he'd quit AFTER DOING A MOVE TO KURT! Scissored ankle led to both a tap and him crying that he quit. Well, that was pretty damn good - fine way to cap off D'Lo's in-ring career on a national stage. Christy asked Kurt if this felt good - well no shit. Angle wanted AJ out.
It's a shame they didn't remix AJ's theme with Darth Vader's for this heel-ish act. Angle's hometown is now an entire part of PA, rather than just Pittsburgh. Wacky, but it's getting a huge reaction. AJ has a week to give him an answer as to WHAT SIDE HE'S ON.Taz saying Angle's waving the Sting flag during this angle was amusing. Recap of Hogan's promo earlier. Morgan yelled a bunch about not getting his shot...after THIRTEEN YEARS OF NOT GETTING HIS SHOT. I liked them showing Taryn's win over Gail - made wins and losses seem important. According to Christy, Gail must be multiple people with her "their partner" intro. Yet another win was shown, over Tara. Taz saying Taryn had a horseshoe up her ass was amusing. Loved Taryn running wild against both chicks, to the point where Mickie stopped coming in to help her. They hyped buying Mickie's album on ShopTNA, then Taz talked about Mickie getting kicked in the yambag, but maybe having a cup. Loved Tenay being amazed that Taz did prepwork at all after he said he did most of his on the KO site. Taryn won with a fairly hot cradle on Tara, but got hit with Eat Defeat afterwards. LOVED the return of the ringpost figure four from Gail - definitely unexpected. Would've made more sense to make that move part of the Velvet storyline though.
They recapped Brown-Angle, and Bully was pissed - everyone turned on D'Lo here. Team 3D and Anderson will be in next week's 6-Man tag. Morgan-Sting is up. Morgan coming out in small, bright gold trunks, complete with the wacky gold and purple robe was like a homoerotic version of Oz. They started with a tieup, leading to an early chokeslam from Morgan. Todd compared Morgan to Jason Voorhies or Michael Myers with his plodding pace. How dare he imply they're underachievers. Apron legdrop ala Taker worked once, but not twice. Tenay saying that Sting is a 15-time world champ was astonishing to me. I wonder if they're counting the WWA title win in that. Morgan's double elbows in the corner just get dumber and dumber - he's got each at such a distance that he can't really hit a guy with any of them flush. Sting kicked out of the Carbon Footprint, which is a cooler name than Brogue Kick, although I don't recall Sheamus ever falling on his ass doing the move. Sting did a really loose-looking Scorpion deathlock that looked terrible for about nine hours. Instead of moving directly to his left, Morgan decided to crawl to the ramp-side ropes halfway across the ring. Sting sat down on the Scorpion after he barely touched the ropes. Then he just sat on his ass and kind of held his legs together. They did a pass out finish here - ala Austin, right down to the camera angle, but minus any of the drama or a character that fans were clamoring for. Aces came out after this and stared him down. This was not bad, but not really good either. It should work out fine in the longer-term though since they're at least doing something that could be compelling for Morgan.
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I liked the new Sabin vid, but having him essentially bury the X Title by saying he isn't "just" going to get that BEFORE PUTTING HIM IN AN X DIVISION MATCH was stupid. I've also got to question the wisdom of coming back when doctors told him to retire just to work TNA for relative peanuts. It's less of a risk for him than say Sorrenson, but still doesn't seem too wise. ShopTNA now has KO playing cards. Well, might as well merchandise the chicks in some way. Angle's ranting about the Aces, and looks a lot younger without the beard. Ion came out, then Dutt got a jobber intro while he still walked out. A really fat woman in a peach shirt and a guy looking a bit like Matt Groening were happy to see him back. Sabin's got a giant brace on his left knee. SUICIDE will return in the next X division qualifier. Ion, instead of being happy with a shitty backslide, went for a shitty backslide>leg-using cradle on both guys. Well that sure made no sense on a practical level. Them using the ref cam DURING COUNTS is the most annoying thing to try and watch. I liked the DVD onto Dutt onto the gut of Ion. Modified Cradle Shock won for Sabin. Okay match. Sabin gets a title shot next time. Jesse and Robbie are back to being wacky friends, with Jesse now being a delusional movie star, and he wants Joey Ryan to join their clown show. That could be quite fun. Sad to see the end of Jesse/Tara though.
Bully cut a promo, but was pissed by them talking and Devon using his phone. Bully wants Angle taken out. Wes looks hilarious with a beard. D'Lo Brown, D'LO BROWN - a man whose peak was in '98, IS GOING TO TAKE ANGLE OUT. Jesus lord. He's swearing his colors on it, so I guess he's out of the club when he loses. Wacky comedy midcarders came out for a handicap match against Rob Terry. Well, it seems a tad soon to do this, but could be fun. Apparently, Terry's beaten all of these guys - thus the match against them. That makes sense. A video package recapping the matches would've been a nice reminder too. FOLLOW DIXIE CARTER ON TWITTER AND FACEBOOK TO GET BIG NEWS ALL THE TIME! I'm amazed they haven't created a 1-900 line to hear Dixie's wisdom whenever you want. Nice double back suplex from Terry onto Jesse and Robbie. Beef Bomb/Freakbuster wins. Robbie scooting away on his ass was quite funny.
Aries and Roode are walking backstage, and coming to the ring. Roode looks like a mid-carder in a T-shirt and jeans. They'll face Bad Influence next week to get a title shot. Loved Kaz explaining Daniels' jokes. All the talk of Bad Influence Lite amused me with Chavo and Hernandez, bland LAX amalgamation #393939 came out and Chavo was tired of their blah, blah, blah! My God is he ever annoying when speaking. I like the idea of Storm being a guest ref for the tag match - although I'd prefer him being TV champ to get him in the mix with the most important program in the company. So we got to hear Chavo speak but not James Storm. BOO! Sting and Kurt talked in the workout room in secret.
Tara and Gail had a wacky argument over Taryn, while they each kind of annoyed each other, but didn't show it much except for Tara. Tara looked a bit old here, but I dug this, and loved her JAN JAN JAN bitching. Sabin did a little interview and also looked way older with their lighting for the film-style stuff. Tenay talked about Angle-D'Lo's history - including Kurt unmasking D'Lo, which I'd forgotten. Their match is the hour 1 main event. The crowd is going batshit for Kurt - which is amazing because it makes a D'Lo match in 2013 seem like a big deal. Also, it's now an I Quit match out of nowhere because why not. They showed the TNA announce table, which you never really see now, and it's basically just WWE's, but with brown and black trim. The ref was distracting here by throwing the mic in front of guys whenever there's a moment's chance to do so. Taz said D'Lo's on auto-pilot as if it was a good thing. D'Lo did the cross armbar, but it was turned into a very slow-mo ankle lock. D'Lo seems to be moving around great for everything except for the mat - it's taking him a long time to move around for moves. Taz hilarious said that D'Lo's in the best shape of his life while 99% of his body is covered up. Triple German spot became four, then five, then six when he wouldn't quit. Ankle lock was escaped from and D'Lo hit a nice Samoan drop. Ref hilariously asked D'Lo if he'd quit AFTER DOING A MOVE TO KURT! Scissored ankle led to both a tap and him crying that he quit. Well, that was pretty damn good - fine way to cap off D'Lo's in-ring career on a national stage. Christy asked Kurt if this felt good - well no shit. Angle wanted AJ out.
It's a shame they didn't remix AJ's theme with Darth Vader's for this heel-ish act. Angle's hometown is now an entire part of PA, rather than just Pittsburgh. Wacky, but it's getting a huge reaction. AJ has a week to give him an answer as to WHAT SIDE HE'S ON.Taz saying Angle's waving the Sting flag during this angle was amusing. Recap of Hogan's promo earlier. Morgan yelled a bunch about not getting his shot...after THIRTEEN YEARS OF NOT GETTING HIS SHOT. I liked them showing Taryn's win over Gail - made wins and losses seem important. According to Christy, Gail must be multiple people with her "their partner" intro. Yet another win was shown, over Tara. Taz saying Taryn had a horseshoe up her ass was amusing. Loved Taryn running wild against both chicks, to the point where Mickie stopped coming in to help her. They hyped buying Mickie's album on ShopTNA, then Taz talked about Mickie getting kicked in the yambag, but maybe having a cup. Loved Tenay being amazed that Taz did prepwork at all after he said he did most of his on the KO site. Taryn won with a fairly hot cradle on Tara, but got hit with Eat Defeat afterwards. LOVED the return of the ringpost figure four from Gail - definitely unexpected. Would've made more sense to make that move part of the Velvet storyline though.
They recapped Brown-Angle, and Bully was pissed - everyone turned on D'Lo here. Team 3D and Anderson will be in next week's 6-Man tag. Morgan-Sting is up. Morgan coming out in small, bright gold trunks, complete with the wacky gold and purple robe was like a homoerotic version of Oz. They started with a tieup, leading to an early chokeslam from Morgan. Todd compared Morgan to Jason Voorhies or Michael Myers with his plodding pace. How dare he imply they're underachievers. Apron legdrop ala Taker worked once, but not twice. Tenay saying that Sting is a 15-time world champ was astonishing to me. I wonder if they're counting the WWA title win in that. Morgan's double elbows in the corner just get dumber and dumber - he's got each at such a distance that he can't really hit a guy with any of them flush. Sting kicked out of the Carbon Footprint, which is a cooler name than Brogue Kick, although I don't recall Sheamus ever falling on his ass doing the move. Sting did a really loose-looking Scorpion deathlock that looked terrible for about nine hours. Instead of moving directly to his left, Morgan decided to crawl to the ramp-side ropes halfway across the ring. Sting sat down on the Scorpion after he barely touched the ropes. Then he just sat on his ass and kind of held his legs together. They did a pass out finish here - ala Austin, right down to the camera angle, but minus any of the drama or a character that fans were clamoring for. Aces came out after this and stared him down. This was not bad, but not really good either. It should work out fine in the longer-term though since they're at least doing something that could be compelling for Morgan.
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Monday, April 29, 2013
Raw 4-29-13
Raw, yes, RAW is opening with a Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Big E vs. Zeb match. Ricardo's dressed in Rico's gear. Winner's guy gets to pick the sticks for the title match at ER. Zeb's clapping and looks of glee as Big E mangles Ricardo are amazing. Could do without Cole burying Zeb for wearing a fishing vest. YAY, ZEB GOT IN SOME SHOTS. Looked good too. And then things got wacky with Zeb feigning an injury to prevent being murdered by Big E before Ricardo used the bucket on him. And then everyone ran in because triple threats are always no DQ when they need to do wacky bullshit. AJ in a hot black and pink outfit came in to prevent Zeb from winning, and Ricardo won with a schoolboy. This reminded me of Lil Boogey vs. Hornswoggle, minus JBL being super-hilarious on commentary here. Cena and Ryback are being FORCED to team tonight against the Shield and his injury was BIG-TIME NEWS ON WWE.COM, so in other words, it wasn't a bit deal anywhere, and Cena's going to celebrate world wish day, because WWE LOVES MAKE A WISH!
John Cena's WORLD WISH DAY, which sounds like either the made-up Love Day from the Simpsons, or that thing from the Star Wars Holiday Special. Also, WWE HAD 1.5 BILLION VIEWS ON YOUTUBE! They showed heart-wrenching footage of a kid born with half a heart, who WWE is devoting global time to so they can exploit. They showed Cena being nice - that's great, then showed a bunch of shots of the NEW WWE TITLE, AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE NOW ON WWE.COM. Also, John Cena has granted more wishes than anyone else. Wonderful thing for the kids, but it comes off as a bit sickening because how overboard they're going it. The kids get to be honorary WWE superstars, so I guess they get to play Wii all night. This feels like filler, and it's only 8:20. Then they made sure to talk about ALL OF THE GREAT THINGS WWE does. Lordy.
Orton's facing Cody. Good lord that was once a big deal. MORE WORLD WISH DAY stuff. WWE loves Make a Wish. WWE is privileged to be part of World Wish Day. Cody got a jobber intro. They did some moves. More moves. The crowd chanted for an RKO, so he did a dropkick. Loved JBL referencing the Garvin stomp by name. Then JBL talked about Dusty in polka dots and Cole said he was handcuffed by Saphire. HIS CAREER, he made sure to note. HOT DAMN - SOMETHING EXCITING - Disaster kick on the apron. JBL comparing Cody now to Orton as a rookie is hilarious. JBL had several orgasms over a superplex from Orton. This got great with an RKO Fever sign, the RKO being gone for, and Cody countering it into his finish. AMAZING spot there. Tremendous finish with an RKO off the Disaster kick. Striker asked Orton if he's haunted by what happened at WM. Please punt this man. And Orton's NEVER FELT MORE EXTREME, which means he RKOs Cody again. Nikki reminded Brie of their reality show on E...wouldn't she know it's on E and what it's called? One of them, or maybe both, are facing some form of Funkadactyl next.
It's Brie, the one without tats, facing someone. Nikki's tat is showing. They re-aired last week's promo on the show. YAY, Naomi's in the match! The Funkadactyls do the splits now to show off their asses. Twin Magic won, and Naomi didn't bother objecting. Instead, Cameron did, and Naomi got the win. Then they had a fight, according to Cole. The term fight being used here is an insult to pillow fights. YAY, Shield promo next about Taker's beating. They came out and had a great take no shit look on their faces. Someone wearing a BWO shirt in 2013. They fucked up a slideshow by not showing the Rock. It did lead to a great recap of the Taker-Ambrose match's post-match beating. 3MB is out. I guess they didn't get their hand-written apology. It seems so wrong for The Shield to be involved with a geek squad, even if it's to kill them. Tag champs stopped the beating on 3MB...and then kicked their asses. Weird to see Bryan in NO gear and doing the YES bit. Ryback looked at Cena's taped up foot, which Cena noted was just hurt, not injured. And he's better on one foot than Ryback is on two. Why Ryback didn't do SOMETHING here, I have no idea.
Now they're shilling Domino's - in 20-30 minutes, the heart attack victim gets pizza delivered. BOY, I BET IT TAKES LESS TIME. Dolph is out for an unannounced champ vs. champ match. They showed Kofi winning to remind everyone that he's a champ. According to JBL, Kofi just became a dad - good for him. Cesaro faces Kofi to get his rematch, and ensure it'll be good, and watched by no one. They replayed a super-stiff kick from Kofi. They talked about AJ possibly being the divas title. Another guy would buy a Norelco razor and go fuck himself. I loved JBL being amazed that Cole was checking tweets instead of using the WWE APP. They talked about the triple threat earlier being an example of how risky the match is for Dolph...THAT COMEDY BULLSHIT WAS SERIOUSLY SUPPOSED TO BUILD A WORLD TITLE MATCH?! The damned Twitter crawl blocked AJ's ass. Kofi hit his kick and would've won if it wasn't for AJ putting his foot on the ropes. He then dove on Dolph and Big E, who tried to revive him. Finish got fucked up a bit, as Kofi missed a splash, but he dove too far out for the "Dolph rolled out of the way" story to be told properly. Big Ending to Kofi sets up Big E-Kofi for the title, and AJ being divas champ then was set up nicely too. Dolph used Henry's THAT'S WHAT WE DO bit. Oh, and Alberto might pick his match stip.
WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN EVERY MLB AND NBA PLAYER! They did a wacky skit with AJ, Kaitlyn, and Nattie. Cody, or perhaps A MYSTERY MAN, gave her a gold-studded hat. Brock killing 3MB was shown, as was the HHH-Heyman deal. Ryback met with Brickie, who wanted to change the main event to a 6-man tag. He turned it down because Ryback rules. Raw has made Cole hungry, and the fans got the pizza. So Domino's will take forever to get your pizza to you, and may deliver it to the wrong people. Ryder's out to face Swagger, and remind people of Zeb's loss. LOLed at JBL calling Ryder a Belieber. Swagger killed Ryder, but not before JBL called him the seven figure Broski. Unless that refers to his bank account, it's a pretty stupid nickname. Tremendous spinning headscissors into the powerbomb, leading to the Patriot lock. Zeb has more of a tan than Swagger. Love him cheap-shotting Ryder afterwards. GO ZEB! Henry's walking backstage with a rope. Maybe he wants a match with Sheamus in a PRIDE rules match.
They showed an awkward shot of Striker for eons, oh, and Ryback left. Henry got cheered, and told the fans he didn't need their approval. Also, he's going to face two people in a tug of war - one being Tensai. JBL used this to talk about having a bullrope match with his pal, Eddie Guerrero. Henry won - I wonder how many points he got in the Team Challenge Series for this. Brodus is his next foe. Henry won, and Cole made sure to note PROPER TUG OF WAR RULES. If someone's arm goes below the knee, it's a DQ. I'm astonished that they didn't have a DQ just to fuck with things a bit. Sheamus came out, and after HENRY BEAT TWO MEN, he wanted to face him. Between this wacky shit reminding me of the TCS and JBL referencing Battle of the Network Stars, this felt like an ESPN Classic homage. Oh, and Sheamus won by letting go and kicking Henry. Brave babyface. IT'S WORLD WISH DAY, EVERYONE. Brickie and the tag champs had a wacky meeting. Kane wants revenge for Taker's beating. Vickie gave Brad a secret whisper. Yay, wacky intrigue!
Rock's tweet from last week was shown, and they hyped up Pain and Gain. Very un-PG film. Cena met with Brad and called him Braden Walker. That was amusing. Cena, SUPERCENA in fact, will be teaming with the tag champs tonight. Ricardo's out and they're showing Cesaro, #1 contender to the US Title, in the background as a jobber here against Alberto. Kinda surprised they haven't put Alberto's new logo on his gear instead of the falcon. Cesaro YODELED on the app, and now wears a beret and shades. Oh lordy. Cole is reading Webster's description of yodeling. The commentary tonight has been something. Alberto's ass was exposed during an armbar takedown. A BACKBREAKER ON THE RING APRON was a fucking app spot. He also yodeled on it during the break. Loved Cesaro's close-up left and right mounted punches. Then he did the same thing with standing Euro uppercuts.
By making the yodeling deal off-air, they've helped him seem like a bigger deal tonight. Sick snap German suplex with a bridge from Alberto. Big OLE OLE OLE chant. Loved the dive into the uppercut spot, and them bringing back Cesaro being super-disciplined. Kneeling superkick of megadeath hit perfectly for 2. Armbar was countered into a cradle, then back into the armbar for the win. Really awesome match, and much fresher than the other two good matches on the show. After talking about Alberto winning in ladder matches, Alberto made his triple threat match one. 6-Man tag is official.
Khali and Fandango are out for a dance-off. Summer Rae's back and a guy in a Harley shirt is Fandangoing. Khali was asked questions and answered them in Khalese. Then he danced and JBL plugged DDP Yoga. Summer Rae was named officially, and showed off her ass nicely. Fandango hit the Russian legsweep and legdrop combo. Shield's beating was shown from SD, and the face team came out. Kane faces Ambrose on SD, so I guess Ambrose gets a make-up win.
Ambrose's selling of a suplex was incredible - moreso since it led to an uppercut/slap combo. I loved Rollins running wild with gut shots in the corner ala Brock. Bryan did the best-looking surfboard in ages, leading to some VINTAGE KAIENTAI with a basement dropkick from Kane. I love everything involving Ambrose and Bryan in the match together, and also that Bryan is fairly seamlessly back in a main event role. LOLed at Cena's C'MON DANIEL BRYAN! Tremendous effortless Samoan drop to Bryan from Reigns. Cena keeps saying C'MON DANIEL BRYAN, and it gets better every time. Snap DDT ala Tiger Mask from Ambrose on the floor to Kane. In an odd move, neither Reigns or Rollins, who were right near him, tried to stop him. Reigns beat Cena after his ankle, or achilles, or whatever it is for that minute, went out on him. Having Ryback wear a wacky big leather jacket ala Goldberg in WWE doesn't do him many favors for that comparison, but is a cool look. Good match and a fine show if you skip all the filler. Except Khali/Fandango - that was at least amusing filler.
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John Cena's WORLD WISH DAY, which sounds like either the made-up Love Day from the Simpsons, or that thing from the Star Wars Holiday Special. Also, WWE HAD 1.5 BILLION VIEWS ON YOUTUBE! They showed heart-wrenching footage of a kid born with half a heart, who WWE is devoting global time to so they can exploit. They showed Cena being nice - that's great, then showed a bunch of shots of the NEW WWE TITLE, AVAILABLE FOR PURCHASE NOW ON WWE.COM. Also, John Cena has granted more wishes than anyone else. Wonderful thing for the kids, but it comes off as a bit sickening because how overboard they're going it. The kids get to be honorary WWE superstars, so I guess they get to play Wii all night. This feels like filler, and it's only 8:20. Then they made sure to talk about ALL OF THE GREAT THINGS WWE does. Lordy.
Orton's facing Cody. Good lord that was once a big deal. MORE WORLD WISH DAY stuff. WWE loves Make a Wish. WWE is privileged to be part of World Wish Day. Cody got a jobber intro. They did some moves. More moves. The crowd chanted for an RKO, so he did a dropkick. Loved JBL referencing the Garvin stomp by name. Then JBL talked about Dusty in polka dots and Cole said he was handcuffed by Saphire. HIS CAREER, he made sure to note. HOT DAMN - SOMETHING EXCITING - Disaster kick on the apron. JBL comparing Cody now to Orton as a rookie is hilarious. JBL had several orgasms over a superplex from Orton. This got great with an RKO Fever sign, the RKO being gone for, and Cody countering it into his finish. AMAZING spot there. Tremendous finish with an RKO off the Disaster kick. Striker asked Orton if he's haunted by what happened at WM. Please punt this man. And Orton's NEVER FELT MORE EXTREME, which means he RKOs Cody again. Nikki reminded Brie of their reality show on E...wouldn't she know it's on E and what it's called? One of them, or maybe both, are facing some form of Funkadactyl next.
It's Brie, the one without tats, facing someone. Nikki's tat is showing. They re-aired last week's promo on the show. YAY, Naomi's in the match! The Funkadactyls do the splits now to show off their asses. Twin Magic won, and Naomi didn't bother objecting. Instead, Cameron did, and Naomi got the win. Then they had a fight, according to Cole. The term fight being used here is an insult to pillow fights. YAY, Shield promo next about Taker's beating. They came out and had a great take no shit look on their faces. Someone wearing a BWO shirt in 2013. They fucked up a slideshow by not showing the Rock. It did lead to a great recap of the Taker-Ambrose match's post-match beating. 3MB is out. I guess they didn't get their hand-written apology. It seems so wrong for The Shield to be involved with a geek squad, even if it's to kill them. Tag champs stopped the beating on 3MB...and then kicked their asses. Weird to see Bryan in NO gear and doing the YES bit. Ryback looked at Cena's taped up foot, which Cena noted was just hurt, not injured. And he's better on one foot than Ryback is on two. Why Ryback didn't do SOMETHING here, I have no idea.
Now they're shilling Domino's - in 20-30 minutes, the heart attack victim gets pizza delivered. BOY, I BET IT TAKES LESS TIME. Dolph is out for an unannounced champ vs. champ match. They showed Kofi winning to remind everyone that he's a champ. According to JBL, Kofi just became a dad - good for him. Cesaro faces Kofi to get his rematch, and ensure it'll be good, and watched by no one. They replayed a super-stiff kick from Kofi. They talked about AJ possibly being the divas title. Another guy would buy a Norelco razor and go fuck himself. I loved JBL being amazed that Cole was checking tweets instead of using the WWE APP. They talked about the triple threat earlier being an example of how risky the match is for Dolph...THAT COMEDY BULLSHIT WAS SERIOUSLY SUPPOSED TO BUILD A WORLD TITLE MATCH?! The damned Twitter crawl blocked AJ's ass. Kofi hit his kick and would've won if it wasn't for AJ putting his foot on the ropes. He then dove on Dolph and Big E, who tried to revive him. Finish got fucked up a bit, as Kofi missed a splash, but he dove too far out for the "Dolph rolled out of the way" story to be told properly. Big Ending to Kofi sets up Big E-Kofi for the title, and AJ being divas champ then was set up nicely too. Dolph used Henry's THAT'S WHAT WE DO bit. Oh, and Alberto might pick his match stip.
WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN EVERY MLB AND NBA PLAYER! They did a wacky skit with AJ, Kaitlyn, and Nattie. Cody, or perhaps A MYSTERY MAN, gave her a gold-studded hat. Brock killing 3MB was shown, as was the HHH-Heyman deal. Ryback met with Brickie, who wanted to change the main event to a 6-man tag. He turned it down because Ryback rules. Raw has made Cole hungry, and the fans got the pizza. So Domino's will take forever to get your pizza to you, and may deliver it to the wrong people. Ryder's out to face Swagger, and remind people of Zeb's loss. LOLed at JBL calling Ryder a Belieber. Swagger killed Ryder, but not before JBL called him the seven figure Broski. Unless that refers to his bank account, it's a pretty stupid nickname. Tremendous spinning headscissors into the powerbomb, leading to the Patriot lock. Zeb has more of a tan than Swagger. Love him cheap-shotting Ryder afterwards. GO ZEB! Henry's walking backstage with a rope. Maybe he wants a match with Sheamus in a PRIDE rules match.
They showed an awkward shot of Striker for eons, oh, and Ryback left. Henry got cheered, and told the fans he didn't need their approval. Also, he's going to face two people in a tug of war - one being Tensai. JBL used this to talk about having a bullrope match with his pal, Eddie Guerrero. Henry won - I wonder how many points he got in the Team Challenge Series for this. Brodus is his next foe. Henry won, and Cole made sure to note PROPER TUG OF WAR RULES. If someone's arm goes below the knee, it's a DQ. I'm astonished that they didn't have a DQ just to fuck with things a bit. Sheamus came out, and after HENRY BEAT TWO MEN, he wanted to face him. Between this wacky shit reminding me of the TCS and JBL referencing Battle of the Network Stars, this felt like an ESPN Classic homage. Oh, and Sheamus won by letting go and kicking Henry. Brave babyface. IT'S WORLD WISH DAY, EVERYONE. Brickie and the tag champs had a wacky meeting. Kane wants revenge for Taker's beating. Vickie gave Brad a secret whisper. Yay, wacky intrigue!
Rock's tweet from last week was shown, and they hyped up Pain and Gain. Very un-PG film. Cena met with Brad and called him Braden Walker. That was amusing. Cena, SUPERCENA in fact, will be teaming with the tag champs tonight. Ricardo's out and they're showing Cesaro, #1 contender to the US Title, in the background as a jobber here against Alberto. Kinda surprised they haven't put Alberto's new logo on his gear instead of the falcon. Cesaro YODELED on the app, and now wears a beret and shades. Oh lordy. Cole is reading Webster's description of yodeling. The commentary tonight has been something. Alberto's ass was exposed during an armbar takedown. A BACKBREAKER ON THE RING APRON was a fucking app spot. He also yodeled on it during the break. Loved Cesaro's close-up left and right mounted punches. Then he did the same thing with standing Euro uppercuts.
By making the yodeling deal off-air, they've helped him seem like a bigger deal tonight. Sick snap German suplex with a bridge from Alberto. Big OLE OLE OLE chant. Loved the dive into the uppercut spot, and them bringing back Cesaro being super-disciplined. Kneeling superkick of megadeath hit perfectly for 2. Armbar was countered into a cradle, then back into the armbar for the win. Really awesome match, and much fresher than the other two good matches on the show. After talking about Alberto winning in ladder matches, Alberto made his triple threat match one. 6-Man tag is official.
Khali and Fandango are out for a dance-off. Summer Rae's back and a guy in a Harley shirt is Fandangoing. Khali was asked questions and answered them in Khalese. Then he danced and JBL plugged DDP Yoga. Summer Rae was named officially, and showed off her ass nicely. Fandango hit the Russian legsweep and legdrop combo. Shield's beating was shown from SD, and the face team came out. Kane faces Ambrose on SD, so I guess Ambrose gets a make-up win.
Ambrose's selling of a suplex was incredible - moreso since it led to an uppercut/slap combo. I loved Rollins running wild with gut shots in the corner ala Brock. Bryan did the best-looking surfboard in ages, leading to some VINTAGE KAIENTAI with a basement dropkick from Kane. I love everything involving Ambrose and Bryan in the match together, and also that Bryan is fairly seamlessly back in a main event role. LOLed at Cena's C'MON DANIEL BRYAN! Tremendous effortless Samoan drop to Bryan from Reigns. Cena keeps saying C'MON DANIEL BRYAN, and it gets better every time. Snap DDT ala Tiger Mask from Ambrose on the floor to Kane. In an odd move, neither Reigns or Rollins, who were right near him, tried to stop him. Reigns beat Cena after his ankle, or achilles, or whatever it is for that minute, went out on him. Having Ryback wear a wacky big leather jacket ala Goldberg in WWE doesn't do him many favors for that comparison, but is a cool look. Good match and a fine show if you skip all the filler. Except Khali/Fandango - that was at least amusing filler.
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Friday, April 26, 2013
SD 4-26-13
OUTSTANDING opening video focusing on Taker-Ambrose, oh and Alberto faces Swagger in a no DQ match. Zeb's now got a long red shirt on underneath his vest, making him look like a militant Santa. I loved Josh interrupting Cole's paper-thin analysis with more paper-thin talking of his own. Nice landing on his feet from the suicide dive from Alberto - great opening spot. JBL saying "HERE COME THE TOYS!" when weapons were brought in really killed them seeming like a big deal. Swagger said something other than We the People while talking smack - he's going to break Del Rio. No word on if he'll make him humble too. A freaking ladder is being used in the opener on SD. JBL is referring to EVERY SINGLE WEAPON as a toy. Good lord. He said that it might be tough for these guys to be ready in a month for the PPV match. Why? They've just been hitting each other with toys.
I loved Alberto using a cane instead of forearms for the rope backstabber spot. Seesaw spot with the ladder busted up Swagger's mouth. Great counter for the Swagger bomb locking in the armbar. Now JBL is laughing throughout match. Jesus, they're beating each other bloody with weapons and he's laughing. gutwrench powerbomb won, and it was a fine match hurt a lot by JBL. They hyped up that Swagger has beaten both the champ and Alberto before ER...so he's not winning. Nice of them to at least make him seem like a credible threat though. Show-Sheamus is on for tonight too - should be good, ditto Orton-Henry.
Sheamus hyping Bret's DVD seems a tad bit odd. WWE Magazine is now an app, and has DEEP, ENGAGING CONTENT! Aksana's slither on the apron is hot - I dug it being used against her with a dropkick to the ribs at one point. Also love JBL mocking Cole for not realizing that Layla's outfit was a union jack on Raw. Aksana is now trying to snap her fingers ala Raven. Now JBL is burying Josh after repeating what he said since he has no credibility. Ya know, I can't really blame Josh for just phoning it in. Layla won with a modified version of her wacky nine million flip cradle thing. It's called Infinity for some reason. They hyped the E! diva show. I'm already annoyed by this program, although I think they showed Cesaro kissing one of the Funkadactyls. YAY, the Shield 6-man tag gets recapped next!
SMS ad, which led to Josh hyping up his commentary...which Cole then buried. BOO. The highlights are just the ending. Goddamn is the Shield amazing on the mic. Ambrose is one of the most unique mic guys they've had in years. Josh tried to put over Fandangoing at a wedding, but INSTEAD OF PUTTING OVER FANDANGO, JBL made sure to bury Josh. Then JBL got a taste of his own medicine when Cole knocked him for calling the chick Mrs. Fandango, although JBL defended himself by saying that no one knew her name, and it's better than calling her Dancing Hot Chick. His compromise was Ms. Fandango. Oh, and some fans Fandangoed, while some kids were confused as to what to do, so they just danced with each other. That was wackily adorable. Gabriel, THE CAPETOWN WEREWOLF, was dumbfounded by Fandango. JBL buried Josh again, then Cole buried him for not being on Raw. Just quit dude. Josh talked about Gabriel going coastering, I'm astonished JBL didn't bury Josh for that. Loved the jumping kick on the ropes, and the kick to the ribs in mid-air. He did basically Sandow's Russian legsweep with a backflip instead of the dipping Knox Out. Won with the legdrop off the top after Fandangoing. He's going to be a highlight in WWE 2K14 - he's already fun to play in created form in WWE '13 and Fire Pro Wrestling Returns (NOW ON PS3 AS A PS2 CLASSIC DOWNLOAD!). Loved him spinning the mic like a top, and JBL calling Cole a derp. Sheamus-Show is next, yay! This has been the most enjoyable first hour of SD in ages, so of course my DVD recorder won't let me record the show.
They recapped the Xeroxing in the Henry-Sheamus feud. Love Show using fella against Sheamus, and YAY CLUBBERIN! Running flying elbow from Show - tremendous. It's a real shame they didn't build up ANYTHING from SD on Raw, because this show has ruled, and it's got some big-name matches. JBL implying that the step across the gut will make you shit yourself was a bit much. Tremendous Jones-Sonnen hype vid. TREMENDOUS bump from Sheamus after a shoulder to the buckle spot since he soared to the floor from it. Weird bump into the steps though - he went to his knees and put his hands up in front of his chest and fest before hitting them kinda sorta. LOLed at JBL calling Show's gameplan "perfect! ALMOST FLAWLESS!". Show doing a top wristlock looks tremendous - he could really make a basic armbar into a credible finisher given his size. I wouldn't mind seeing him turn the armringer>behind the back flipping armbar spot into one. Love the fans in the front row going Brogue and doing the arm beating deal too. He went for White Noise instead. NOW it's time for the kick. Love how Henry's distraction led to a KO punch while Sheamus was up top - nice way to mix that up. Outstanding slow-mo of it too - Show laid the punch in perfectly.
Rock looked shockingly gigantic after surgery for muscle tears. Not quite sure how those could've happened. Maybe he should go back to being a kids movie guy so he doesn't feel any further pressure to get gigantic. Yay, Regal-Barrett is up...ensuring that at least one 'hometown" guy loses. Barrett called Regal a dead man...that's a bit much given that he did nearly die. And then they had a minute-long match with them teasing fnishers 40 seconds in...wow. Probably should've put that on ME so it could be given time. Barrett didn't lose - he just beat a corpse as he called him, quickly. Heyman-HHH recap is up, as is Orton-Henry. According to Cole, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE WATCHING ORTON POSE...in front of a huge crowd. Fine recap of Show KOing Sheamus thanks to Henry. Nice punch combo from Orton - actually took Henry off his feet with it too. JBL put Henry over as the largest Olympian ever. Loved Cole agreeing with Henry's THAT'S WHAT I DO! Tremendous silly face from Orton during the draping DDT attempt. Brogue kick gave Henry a win via DQ, which Orton didn't seem to mind since he hit the RKO. Ad for No One Lives, a film that No One Watches. Ryback-Cena-Foley recap vid is next.
Raw hype vid is talking about Ryback being the number 1 contender, which he must've earned by LOSING AT WRESTLEMANIA since he hasn't won a match since. It's a real shame that Ryback's probably not winning the title, because now he'll not just be a choke artist as a face, but as a heel. Maybe he can win it a few years too late like Luger, and turn on a bi-monthly basis too. Ryback's promo was way better in highlight form. Loved the dramatic God of War music playing while Ryack and Cena faced off - maybe Ryback can dress as Kratos for a Halloween edition of Raw. SuperCena not only saves Foley, but The Ryback too. Maybe he can save some firefighters and rescue kittens from trees, too.
It's unreal to see Taker on SD, in his second TV match in a week, and on back to back days in real-time. Whatever he had done over the past years clearly did some good. Taker's SARA tat removal just made that skin pale white, so it's still quite readable. I love Ambrose coming out and being annoyed by people touching him, and how he's got his hands in front of him at all times - almost like he's cuffed. Great dueling LET'S GO PHENOM/LET'S GO TAKER chant. Baseball slide on the apron forced Taker to the floor - a bump that honestly surprised me. He's bumping around really well for Ambrose's offense. Terribly-ADRed line from Cole about Team Hell No not being there due to being on the Raw tour fit the match nicely, but should've been mixed in better. Nice super-slow neckbreaker from Ambrose, it really made every single part of the move seem important because of how he did it. Throat slash from Ambrose into a choke was great. Lots of nice punches and a knee to the gut for good measure. Chokeslam to Ambrose led to a shot to Rollins, and a low blow>snap DDT from Ambrose. That led to him hovering over Taker and getting locked in the Hell's Gate for a quick tapout and a beating to Taker.
Ambrose lost the battle, but won the war. HOT DAMN, a spear through the barricade. Thankfully, unlike Spike a few weeks back, they let the HOLY SHIT chant go through. Then Ambrose talked some shit to him. Chair to the back. Wow. Taker's determined to do as much as possible to put guys over while he still can. Ambrose freaking out like Orton to the "you tapped out" chant was great. Triple powerbomb through the table led to Taker smacking his head on the wheels of the chair. Ambrose screaming WE ARE THE NEW GUARD! was unsettling. Outstanding show - best SD in ages.
Screens -
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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/tpke2v5nr26wwq4l3f2bdviegojr2vhw
I loved Alberto using a cane instead of forearms for the rope backstabber spot. Seesaw spot with the ladder busted up Swagger's mouth. Great counter for the Swagger bomb locking in the armbar. Now JBL is laughing throughout match. Jesus, they're beating each other bloody with weapons and he's laughing. gutwrench powerbomb won, and it was a fine match hurt a lot by JBL. They hyped up that Swagger has beaten both the champ and Alberto before ER...so he's not winning. Nice of them to at least make him seem like a credible threat though. Show-Sheamus is on for tonight too - should be good, ditto Orton-Henry.
Sheamus hyping Bret's DVD seems a tad bit odd. WWE Magazine is now an app, and has DEEP, ENGAGING CONTENT! Aksana's slither on the apron is hot - I dug it being used against her with a dropkick to the ribs at one point. Also love JBL mocking Cole for not realizing that Layla's outfit was a union jack on Raw. Aksana is now trying to snap her fingers ala Raven. Now JBL is burying Josh after repeating what he said since he has no credibility. Ya know, I can't really blame Josh for just phoning it in. Layla won with a modified version of her wacky nine million flip cradle thing. It's called Infinity for some reason. They hyped the E! diva show. I'm already annoyed by this program, although I think they showed Cesaro kissing one of the Funkadactyls. YAY, the Shield 6-man tag gets recapped next!
SMS ad, which led to Josh hyping up his commentary...which Cole then buried. BOO. The highlights are just the ending. Goddamn is the Shield amazing on the mic. Ambrose is one of the most unique mic guys they've had in years. Josh tried to put over Fandangoing at a wedding, but INSTEAD OF PUTTING OVER FANDANGO, JBL made sure to bury Josh. Then JBL got a taste of his own medicine when Cole knocked him for calling the chick Mrs. Fandango, although JBL defended himself by saying that no one knew her name, and it's better than calling her Dancing Hot Chick. His compromise was Ms. Fandango. Oh, and some fans Fandangoed, while some kids were confused as to what to do, so they just danced with each other. That was wackily adorable. Gabriel, THE CAPETOWN WEREWOLF, was dumbfounded by Fandango. JBL buried Josh again, then Cole buried him for not being on Raw. Just quit dude. Josh talked about Gabriel going coastering, I'm astonished JBL didn't bury Josh for that. Loved the jumping kick on the ropes, and the kick to the ribs in mid-air. He did basically Sandow's Russian legsweep with a backflip instead of the dipping Knox Out. Won with the legdrop off the top after Fandangoing. He's going to be a highlight in WWE 2K14 - he's already fun to play in created form in WWE '13 and Fire Pro Wrestling Returns (NOW ON PS3 AS A PS2 CLASSIC DOWNLOAD!). Loved him spinning the mic like a top, and JBL calling Cole a derp. Sheamus-Show is next, yay! This has been the most enjoyable first hour of SD in ages, so of course my DVD recorder won't let me record the show.
They recapped the Xeroxing in the Henry-Sheamus feud. Love Show using fella against Sheamus, and YAY CLUBBERIN! Running flying elbow from Show - tremendous. It's a real shame they didn't build up ANYTHING from SD on Raw, because this show has ruled, and it's got some big-name matches. JBL implying that the step across the gut will make you shit yourself was a bit much. Tremendous Jones-Sonnen hype vid. TREMENDOUS bump from Sheamus after a shoulder to the buckle spot since he soared to the floor from it. Weird bump into the steps though - he went to his knees and put his hands up in front of his chest and fest before hitting them kinda sorta. LOLed at JBL calling Show's gameplan "perfect! ALMOST FLAWLESS!". Show doing a top wristlock looks tremendous - he could really make a basic armbar into a credible finisher given his size. I wouldn't mind seeing him turn the armringer>behind the back flipping armbar spot into one. Love the fans in the front row going Brogue and doing the arm beating deal too. He went for White Noise instead. NOW it's time for the kick. Love how Henry's distraction led to a KO punch while Sheamus was up top - nice way to mix that up. Outstanding slow-mo of it too - Show laid the punch in perfectly.
Rock looked shockingly gigantic after surgery for muscle tears. Not quite sure how those could've happened. Maybe he should go back to being a kids movie guy so he doesn't feel any further pressure to get gigantic. Yay, Regal-Barrett is up...ensuring that at least one 'hometown" guy loses. Barrett called Regal a dead man...that's a bit much given that he did nearly die. And then they had a minute-long match with them teasing fnishers 40 seconds in...wow. Probably should've put that on ME so it could be given time. Barrett didn't lose - he just beat a corpse as he called him, quickly. Heyman-HHH recap is up, as is Orton-Henry. According to Cole, THERE'S NOTHING LIKE WATCHING ORTON POSE...in front of a huge crowd. Fine recap of Show KOing Sheamus thanks to Henry. Nice punch combo from Orton - actually took Henry off his feet with it too. JBL put Henry over as the largest Olympian ever. Loved Cole agreeing with Henry's THAT'S WHAT I DO! Tremendous silly face from Orton during the draping DDT attempt. Brogue kick gave Henry a win via DQ, which Orton didn't seem to mind since he hit the RKO. Ad for No One Lives, a film that No One Watches. Ryback-Cena-Foley recap vid is next.
Raw hype vid is talking about Ryback being the number 1 contender, which he must've earned by LOSING AT WRESTLEMANIA since he hasn't won a match since. It's a real shame that Ryback's probably not winning the title, because now he'll not just be a choke artist as a face, but as a heel. Maybe he can win it a few years too late like Luger, and turn on a bi-monthly basis too. Ryback's promo was way better in highlight form. Loved the dramatic God of War music playing while Ryack and Cena faced off - maybe Ryback can dress as Kratos for a Halloween edition of Raw. SuperCena not only saves Foley, but The Ryback too. Maybe he can save some firefighters and rescue kittens from trees, too.
It's unreal to see Taker on SD, in his second TV match in a week, and on back to back days in real-time. Whatever he had done over the past years clearly did some good. Taker's SARA tat removal just made that skin pale white, so it's still quite readable. I love Ambrose coming out and being annoyed by people touching him, and how he's got his hands in front of him at all times - almost like he's cuffed. Great dueling LET'S GO PHENOM/LET'S GO TAKER chant. Baseball slide on the apron forced Taker to the floor - a bump that honestly surprised me. He's bumping around really well for Ambrose's offense. Terribly-ADRed line from Cole about Team Hell No not being there due to being on the Raw tour fit the match nicely, but should've been mixed in better. Nice super-slow neckbreaker from Ambrose, it really made every single part of the move seem important because of how he did it. Throat slash from Ambrose into a choke was great. Lots of nice punches and a knee to the gut for good measure. Chokeslam to Ambrose led to a shot to Rollins, and a low blow>snap DDT from Ambrose. That led to him hovering over Taker and getting locked in the Hell's Gate for a quick tapout and a beating to Taker.
Ambrose lost the battle, but won the war. HOT DAMN, a spear through the barricade. Thankfully, unlike Spike a few weeks back, they let the HOLY SHIT chant go through. Then Ambrose talked some shit to him. Chair to the back. Wow. Taker's determined to do as much as possible to put guys over while he still can. Ambrose freaking out like Orton to the "you tapped out" chant was great. Triple powerbomb through the table led to Taker smacking his head on the wheels of the chair. Ambrose screaming WE ARE THE NEW GUARD! was unsettling. Outstanding show - best SD in ages.
Screens -
[URL=http://www.imagebam.com/image/221c55251115791][IMG]http://thumbnails106.imagebam.com/25112/221c55251115791.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://www.imagebam.com/image/4b5a44251115801][IMG]http://thumbnails106.imagebam.com/25112/4b5a44251115801.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://www.imagebam.com/image/1edd61251116554][IMG]http://thumbnails106.imagebam.com/25112/1edd61251116554.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/tpke2v5nr26wwq4l3f2bdviegojr2vhw
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