Raw 10-7-13

Main event was truncated to just the finish in the video package. Steph is now "one of the principal owners of the WWE", which I'm sure means something. Her graphic just says she is the principal owner. Steph called Show out. A fan yelled "SHUUUTTT THE HELLL UPPP!" Stephanie is an interesting shade of orange and her saying man up just sounds odd. The crowd told him to knock her out, and then she said THAT HE HAD NO FREEDOM. Well, she's not being a star. And she's accusing him of not having a heart or soul. They keep showing a Big baby Show sign with tissues. She slaps him, fires him, and he's happy. Okay then. Impossible to believe that only took 9 minutes. Shield faces Bryan and the Rhodes Bros.

They came back and replayed the Steph-Show stuff and Dolph came out to face someone. They talked about his match with Sandow, leading to...a rematch. Oh joy. Dolph is even more orange than usual. Sandow did a headscissors almost like a triangle choke variant - I like that. Sandow should really be wearing a small brace to sell the knee injury bit. Guess there's no point since King just said he's showing no ill effects of it tonight anyway. Dolph got thrown over the top and took three bumps for it. Dolph should not be taking three bumps for a toss over the top rope in a TV match that means nothing. Well, I guess it could in theory be a possible match we'll see for the world title...which is a tad depressing given how nothing these matches are. Dolph switched his ADHD fists in the corner to just ADD ones so fans could count along. Famouser got the win for the first time ever. Goddamn did Dolph's hair look ridiculous after the match. Steph blamed Maddox for the Rhodes win, the blackout, Armstrong being rehired, and Show's deal. It is IMPOSSIBLE to not want Steph to be KOed by Show at some point. Sadly, it would probably only take her off TV for a week.

HHH DVD ad aired. They showed Bruno coming out during the break on the app. King and the crowd sang happy birthday to him. Aksana, Alicia, and Rosa came out. So Rosa exists still.  Nattie, Eva Marie, and Jojo are out. Oh my. This is on live TV, while Bruno was on the app. Aksana and Eva were in and did...things. Eva tagged in to do a schoolgirl cradle. Eva moved around when Aksana did her slithering spot, so they just did a choke. Alicia got in, then Nattie. Please let these two end it. I call bullshit on Alicia's skinny ass being able to knock two people off the apron at once. Sharpshooter won. Maddox was out to say stuff. Orton-Bryan will have A REMATCH inside the cell. There will be a guest referee - a hall of famer to be chosen later. The vote will be on the app. Hopefully it's HBK and he raises Bryan's hand in the cell with the title. So Booker's job is officially to fly around the country in case he's an option for something on the app.  Booker sorta teased a heel turn and said "more importantlyier.". Cole pimped the app and they showed the fucking app tutorial. ANYONE WHO CAN DOWNLOAD THE APP WILL KNOW HOW TO DO IT! King thankfully pointed this out. JBL sang Ole to hype up Los Matadores.

They're out to face 3MB in their THIRD MATCH in 3 shows. Good lord. Just bring in the Young Bucks for one show to mix things up or something. Cole talked about HHH inviting Vickie to Raw. Why on Earth wouldn't HHH invite the SD GM to Raw? Cole talked about a tweet from Zeb about Los Matadores. They won, and El Torito shook his ass around. Five billion star bump from Heath off the super rana. The Heyman guys are backstage. Ryback's against cancer and Axel's fighting against crowd interest. I'm kinda surprised the IC Title strap isn't pink this month.

Recap of Steph-Show. Steph's voice during "you're fired" may have actually shattered the eardrums of folks in the building. Heyman and his big, beautiful man Ryback (and Axel) were out. Ryback's half-red/half-black and smoke-filled singlet rules. Heyman said that Punk could say that he pinned Ryback, BUT THAT'S NOT ENTIRELY ACCURATE. Ryback was bullied DUE TO CHEATING! Heyman shaking his head at the low blow ruled. Punk came out with double-taped knees. They muted "balls" from Punk's promo, which is a bit odd. Punk said he'd beat Ryback again, anytime, anywhere - EVEN AT HELL IN A CELL! Truth ran out, because he wants to prove he can be killed by the Heyman Guys twice in one week. God is bullying Axel's hairline, while Punk destroys his knee. After several minutes of nothing, Punk got the hot tag and the crowd cared. He's added a double Savage finger waggle to the flying elbow. GTS hit, and Truth begged for a tag so he could get a win. Well, nice of Punk to do that. Cole said TAKE THAT MR. BULLY! after a high kick to Ryback.

The next candidate came out - BOB BACKLUND. Who still looks 40. He also DOES NOT LIKE SQUIRRELY LANGUAGE! Oh good, follow up that with a Kofi match. Fool-proof. He's facing Orton in a match that wasn't hyped up at all despite it involving a former WWE Champion and THE FACE OF THE COMPANY. Four years ago, this was a major star-making program. They came back from a break to say that Orton was IN DESTROY MODE. I wonder if that's anything like Brie Mode. Flying crossbody got 2. No good reason to not have the RKO out of the high cross there. Springboard crossbody led to a sweet powerslam. Draping DDT on the floor led to an in-ring RKO for the win. Bryan came out and jumped Orton after a hard-fought match, and sent him over the table with the plancha. Agents separated them - I really want to see Finlay-Bryan. JBL's voice seems to be failing him now.

Vickie bullied some goober who looked like Crimson, but skinnier. Alberto asked if her announcement would be to name him as the face of WWE. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Alberto said she's sexy and intelligent. Well, they do have great chemistry together. Final candidate is hyped. It's a freshly-shaven HBK, who JBL already said you should vote for without saying his name. HBK got a great pop, a nice chant, and a guy in a flannel shirt with a white undershirt should've worn a bigger one because it rode up way too high. HBK's hunting shirt looks at least three sizes too big. HBK said he trained Bryan. HBK said that you should vote for HBShizzle, which got a chant. It's hard to believe it's been nearly four years since he's wrestled - more time has passed between then and now than passed between either his WM 14 match and his match with Paul Diamond, or between that match or the '02 run. They showed how to download the app on an Android device.

Show's actions from the PPV were recapped, and his firing was reshown. Like Cody, they sure are showing a fired guy A LOT on their TV show. Alberto's out for another match no one will care about. They talked about RVD leaving for a bit...after a return that lasted less than three months. Ricardo's the opponent. Then Vickie announced that Alberto will face Cena at HIAC for the title and Ricardo cradled him for a quick win. Alberto responded by beating Ricardo up. Pillmanizer to the arm. Armbar. I guess we'll get something like Austin-Owen at the '97 Survivor Series, because Cena would be even crazier than usual to return for the Cell PPV - and him not even be involved in the WWE Title mix seems odd. Cena to face the man that RICARDO RODRIGUEZ just beat in record time. At least the world title probably won't be in the opener.

They showed the Cell graphic for Cena-Alberto - they're using video game models for them. Ryder's out for a match with Fandango. Summer's dress is super-hot, and Fandango's belly shirt is hilarious. App poll winner is announced after this match. Fandango won with the flying legdrop. JBL mentioned that Summer Rae should be on a wrecking ball, which I agree with. Then Cole talked about Hogan doing it without saying his name. HBK won, while Backlund got 32% of the vote. Rhodes' six man was hyped up.

Great ad for Goldberg's DVD. Real Americans are out for a rematch with Khali and Santino. Crowd didn't give much of a shit about this until Cesaro came in. Nash's corner elbows are looking legit next to Khali's. They hyped up the Cesaro swing from the PPV. Cesaro swing got the win for the second night in a row. TURN THIS MAN NOW. Swagger threw him in to swing Hornswoggle, and he feigned a back injury at first before doing it and stopping due to Santino. Titus talked about losing his grandmother to breast cancer. These personal stories are easily the best part of WWE doing this campaign. Miz has...THE MIZ on Miz TV next. No thank you.

They recapped Orton's glorious beating of Miz from a few weeks ago. Wyatts prevented Miz from interviewing himself, which is good, because even Mick had trouble doing that on Impact. Miz's career has been following the buzzards for a while. Bray's face in the center of just a ton of hair ruled. Steph bitched at Maddox before HHH came in and hugged his wife. HHH told Maddox he'd be at ringside for the main event. I was hoping HHH would tell Maddox to get him his burying shovel. Shield came out for the main event. Reigns got more ink on his right arm - looks awesome.


Truth gets a rematch with Axel for the title. So there's really no reason to have bought the PPV. Some nice action before the break - Goldust got a "you've still got it" chant. Instead of Truth, they should give Goldust the IC title. Or given the Shield feud, either the tag or US Titles. Cody did stuff, and then the fans cared when Bryan was in. GOLDUST IS A CLUBBERIN! Reigns ate a Disaster kick for the second night in a row. German suplex got a backflip landing, then a buzzsaw kick before a Yes Lock. Ambrose's use of a chair brought about a DQ. HHH said he wouldn't allow another night to end without a finish - so he made it no DQ. Bryan came up short on a double dive to Ambrose and Reigns. Orton jumped Bryan, did a hilarious air hump, and then Bryan lost as a result. Shield attacked the faces. Show came down. So I guess we're getting HHH-Show at the Cell show.  Also, the tech guys just play the music of fired guys. The Shield is GLOMMING THE BIG SHOW! HHH IS LOOSENING HIS TIE! Show rid the ring of them, then KOed HHH. It got a nice pop, but not quite the pop you'd expect given all the airtime it's taken up. Bryan laughed at HHH - the best friend of the ref of his title match. That seems unwise. Bryan did at least leave the tie alone.

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WWE SD 10-4-13

The show-opening videos look really silly with the pink shirts all over them. The inclusion of Brie into the main event story make sense, but also causes things to be less compelling because she's a terrible actress. NOOO! STOPPPIT! All of the RKO through the table spots just made it seem odd because Orton seems to do as much damage to himself as Bryan with the bump. A BATTLEGROUND HAS BEEN GOING ON IN BIG SHOW'S HEAD! Shouldn't that be battle? Wouldn't a battleground just be the actual place a battle is taking place? Show set up a video...of himself crying and beating up people. Show lamented his size preventing him from having another job. Show being an uber mega-face here would work a lot better if he wasn't a heel before coming back and just being a face for no reason. This is going on for-freaking-ever.

He threatened the Shield with all of the rage he's built up over the past few weeks, which is quite awesome. HHH came out and said that he's ashamed of Show and that he dares to question HHH's authority. HHH said he considers Show a friend for the past 20 years, and he isn't sure why, but HE'S DECIDED TO BUY OUT HIS MORTGAGE! This reminds me of Homer getting a divorce from Marge without her knowing. I'm looking forward to the skit where HHH buys his giant bus too. Maybe they can put giant WWE logos on his special ladder, too. HHH added Orton to the Shield-Show match. HHH's "we're cool" at the end of this ruled. RVD has two kinds of black and pink shirts - they each look decent. He's out for a match next.

Cole had the balls to say that YOU MAY NOTICE the pink shirts, ropes, and ribbons. They showed about a dozen total people Fandangoing and just kept showing them over and over. I hope RVD wins, just because I'm tired of Alberto being world champ. He's been the main world champ all year and hasn't really had an amazing match as champ since the Rumble. GTA V ad aired. I'm so playing that once this show ends. They came back after a few minutes of nothing and Summer Rae crotched him and caused a DQ. Fandango beat him up afterwards. This spot would've made a lot more sense for Sandow, who is at least IN THE WORLD TITLE PICTURE...kinda sorta by being Mr. MITB. Nice outside-in springboard DDT from RVD. The world's safest Van Terminator hit Fandango. For some reason, Summer didn't just shove him off the top like she pretty much did before. Fandango had his hands covering his face, his arms covering his head as a whole, and a can was used instead of a chair. This was at least something to build up the title match.

Alberto faces Dolph...for some reason later. Ryback's out to kill someone - a bully no doubt. Truth. Ah, he's always bullying Little Jimmy. Raw was a BIG NIGHT FOR TRUTH. He won via fluke schoolboy and beat Axel. Truly an event on par with main eventing a PPV with Cena. He faces Axel for the title at the PPV. Truth got some offense in, so Heyman said HE'S BULLYING YOU! YER A BULLY! I HATE BULLIES! And I love Ryback. Missile dropkick back bump-style from Truth. They should really save that for Bryan. Meathook. Shellshock. Ryback demolished the #1 contender to the IC Title. This makes some degree of sense since he's beating up someone that's facing another Heyman Guy...but it's still pretty stupid. Axel showed up looking suave and hit a sliding rabbit lariat to Truth. Axel looks like a star in that getup and the white shirt looked perfect with the white-strapped belt. Alberto and his receding hairline met with Renee, who has a glorious blue and black dress on. RVD used a GARBAGE can, and Alberto will put him in THE GARBAGE CAN and send him to the GARBAGE DUMP. Then a goober showed up and gave him the garbage can. Alberto wasn't amused. Renee's dress ruled.

Alberto came out for his match with Dolph. Unlike on Raw, the Youtube clips of RVD were full-screen instead of in a postage stamp-sized window. That was saved for the very end. Sandow's out to do commentary. I guess Sandow-Dolph will make sense after this match...after it was announced for no reason. They're hyping up the kickoff airing on Xbox Live and on the PS3, but I've yet to be able to figure how where that area actually is. Sandow said he'd cash in the title shot the noble way - and nobility will be at his discretion. Cold told Sandow he should cash in the shot THE HONORABLE WAY...tonight out of nowhere. WHAT!? Super X Factor hit, and looks like garbage. Dolph should nix that ASAP. Every single thing they're proposing for the world title is more appealing than what's actually happening, and makes the kickoff match seem more important since it's being hyped as former Mr. MITB vs. the current one, and they're each in the mix. I loved Sandow saying that as a child, he threw up better catchphrases than "show off" with his alphabet soup. Dolph clung to Alberto's leg after the corner kick like Dixie did to Hogan. Sunset bomb from Dolph got 2. I guarantee he's going to bust out this kind of crazy shit on the pre-show. Loved Sandow saying that Dolph is willing to destroy himself for a match...but he isn't because he's smart. Double stomp off the second rope from Alberto to the back looked good, minus him slipping on his back a bit. Dolph missed the stinger splash, bonked off the post, then got hit with the basement superkick for a 2.9. This match is greatly exceeding expectations and is their best match together yet. Famouser got 2 after Dolph countered the armbar. Flapjack into the armbar got the win. This was easily the best match on SD in a while, and the best TV match all week. Los Matadores have their first match on SD next.

3MB demanded a rematch because they didn't know a bull was coming BUT NOW THEY DO! El Torito is hilarious, but this entrance goes on way too long. Heath's silly douche shades have the pink ribbon on them, AND THE BULL HAS A TWITTER ACCOUNT NOW! Los Matadores have a really wacky contrived double Irish whip spot. Gotta say, Primo and Epico do deserve a lot of credit for completely changing their style around with this gimmick. Ultimo's headstand sorta-returned, only the headstand wasn't done directly on the top rope - but next to it. Probably better for the neck and it still looks awesome. Ego Trip neckbreaker set up a flying brain chop off the top. Double torture rack backbreaker drop got the win again. Everything about this gimmick needs to be trimmed up a bit because the offense and act have a LOT of fat that can be trimmed but I can see this getting over reasonably well. DOUBLE SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY FROM EL TORITO. Tremendous. JBL called him a moo cow. Cole said he looked like a Mini Giant Gonzalez, and they went to the back with The (Big) Heyman Guys. Heyman said that Truth dreams of being champion, but it is mere fiction. CM PUNK WILL FIGHT WITH EVERY OUNCE OF FIBER IN HIS BEING against RYBACK! He will look up to Ryback, and Heyman - Punk's owner and savior - THE BEST IN THE WORLD. Heyman rules. WWE's cast of character's support the Komen Foundation.

WWE DOMINATES SOCIAL MEDIA! Aksana has the diva Komen shirt on, and IN CASE YOU FORGOT from the previous ad break, WWE is partnering with Komen. Brie's Battleground graphic makes her look skeletal. Brie won a nothing match, then AJ came out. AJ is the one heel on the show who isn't wearing a Komen shirt or ribbon. AJ's ass looks quite nice in jeans. And when Brie and Bryan have kids, the doc will spank Brie and not the baby. Okay then. Big E got a jobber intro. Cole has been on the WWE app ALL NIGHT LONG. Oh goody, it's app tutorial time. Just who is this tutorial meant for, because if you have a smartphone, you know how to download an app, and if you don't have one, or a tablet, you can't run the app anyway. Kofi's his opponent, and they recapped his win over Fandango (who RVD couldn't even beat tonight), and Wyatt attacking him. Big E is mauling Kofi with back clubs and a belly to belly. Big splash got 2. Big E is shining brightly here. Froggybodyblock got countered into a backbreaker attempt, then countered into a victory roll for a quick flash pin. This was just about perfect. Great shot of Kofi trapped between the Family and Bray. And then...Bray just said words and they cut away. Okay then.

Kofi-Bray was made for the PPV. Rhodes recap from Raw - Dusty's TALK TO THE HAND was great. Perfect really, since they can't really get back at him for it. According to Cole, Battleground is turning into a HUGE show. Shouldn't it have already been one before it was 48 hours away? Intros go until 10:48, so the main event match isn't getting much time. Cole said that Big Show doesn't really talk about his personal issues much. What!? That's all he does. Well, that and punch dudes. Nice bump from Show off of Rollins' flying knee off the top. I cannot believe that Tyler Black is not only in the main event mix on WWE TV, but has been for nearly a year and is dominating the Big Show. Everyone dogpiled on Show for 2 seconds, causing mayhem. A chair being brought in for a punch spot led to a DQ. Double chokeslam attempt led to a Reigns spear. Crowd chanted for Bryan, but Show got an RKO instead. Usos in all pink and white gear, that actually looked good, came out to try and save Show. Bryan made the save before Show's head could be Pillmanized. Alternating left and right kicks from Bryan in the corner got a huge reaction. Yes Lock got a bigger one before Ambros saved Orton. High kick sent Ambrose down for a bit, while the flying knee finished him off.

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TNA Impact 10-3-13

Cops features crazy bitch fighting. I love the cop playing peacemaker of sorts. There's a new VO guy for the show-opening video. He's nowhere near as good as the most recent dude. The look of shock on Hogan's face after the Dixie bit ruled. A fan is doing the RVD thumbs bit. I wonder if I'm a Chris Benoit Guy makes air again. AJ's character battles me. He's not happy AJ, cocky heel AJ, or emo tweener AJ. NWO Granny is rooting for AJ. AJ doesn't wanna bury Dixie with every shovel he has...how many does one man need? He's trying to do a decent job hyping up Bully Ray, but that match has been done a lot over the past two years. AJ needs to lose the beard now because he looks every bit of his 36 years with it. Brooke's ass is bouncing down to ringside with Bully. I love Bully saying that AJ ain't fighting Dixie at BFG, he's fighting him - the man who ruined Hogan and kicked his own brother out of the club. Bully wants to take AJ away from the people - he's tired of people chanting it. And so is Brooke, who is plugging her ears with the chant going on. Bully cut a goddamned great promo about how AJ had better pray to whatever God he believes in because he'll send AJ home after BFG without a contract to his wife and 3 kids. AJ made Joe-Bully via Hogan. Magnus faces EGO later in a gauntlet, and Hogan-Dixie is hyped up. She's meeting with AJ in the back, in a blue hankerchief dress.

I love Sabin being a dickhead who Velvet seemingly can't stand being around. Aries is on commentary and it's King and Sabin against Manik and Hardy. Hardy feels like he's slumming it here. Dude should just not be in the X division mix in any way unless they're trying to make the title mean something...around July when he can cash it in for the title that matters. A crazy Hardy fan kid is next to NWO Granny. I love the fakeout spot leading to Sabin going to the floor and Hardy getting tagged in. King's cut is re-opened. Aries said that the workout app should be inspired by him. Taz pitched a Joseph Park app. A couple of front row fans have TNA replica belts. They look really good, so there's a chance they spent about $1,000 each just to get belts on-air for a few seconds. Sabin did the yambag Yakuza kick...and then checked his knee brace at the same time. TREMENDOUS. Aries was impressed by Manik's missile dropkick to THE BRAIN STEM. I used to think that Velvet was just a bad wrestler, but she's not really good at being ringside either. Hardy hit the swanton to King to get the win for his team. Aries challenged Sabin to a match, which was changed into a 4-way with everyone in this match. Hardy demanded an Ultimate X. Oh goody. If there's one thing a mid-30s Jeff Hardy needs, it's a new way to kill his body. I like the idea of Hardy being X Division champion, although I'd like it more if I had any reason to believe it would actually give the division more than like four dudes.

Sting is dressed like a fucking boss in a slick blue shirt and black, blue, and white tie. Hogan met with Sting and they talked A TON about Bischoff. Someone gave Hogan a gift from Dixie - the same HoF watch Sting was given. I was hoping it was re-gifted, but nope. Sting looked so much better and younger than Hogan here. Taz and Tenay did a terribly-edited in VO where they talked about Dixie giving Hogan a retirement gift and Hogan having a history of changing things on the fly. Replay of Magnus being all pissy from last week. After Sting and Hogan were on-screen, Ageless Male was hyped up.

Daniels and his giant douche goggles are out to start the gauntlet. Magnus's theme sucks. This is Glory should do reasonably well since they're hyping it up nicely here. Tenay's commentary is what Commissioner Gordon from the '60s Batman would sound like if he was on a wrestling show. Daniels really seems like a guy who should win the title via the X Title clause. Magnus won with the Mag Driver. Kaz is out. Oddly, Kaz didn't just rush the ring against a weakened guy - he instead talked with Daniels, which led to a beating before a break. Magnus kicked ass during the break. The gorgeous flying elbow got 2. That's easily his best move and should be his finisher. Fade to Black countered into the cloverlead for the tapout.  Great finish. They showed an overhead shot of Magnus that exposed his poor hairline - that might be one reason why he looks older than he is. Kaz clipped the knee, which is nice and fits into last week's deal...but Roode doesn't do any knee submissions. Match is up after the break.

Roode's dominant, but gets hit by the driver for 2. Cloverleaf gets locked on. I dig the idea of this gauntlet, but the matches aren't doing a thing for me. Flying elbow misses and he hurts his knee in the process. Crossface is locked on. NOW Roode's got the ankle lock on - I'd be so fine with this move being used by him to set up an Angle series. Rock-solid storytelling here. Magnus flipped out after the loss. Sting came down. He does not approve of chair-flipping, or the God-awful VO work here from Tenay that is impossible to hear. Magnus is super-pissed. Sting got the mic and told him to chill. This all feels a bit rushed. On the upside, it does make this gauntlet that didn't seem very important before seem more important afterwards. Magnus said that Sting, Kurt, and Joe have faith in him. But he simply doesn't have it. Sting said that he just needs to focus on the good. Magnus replied by saying he's done with pep talks - it's a results-driven business and he's not getting the results. Sting said he was in Magnus's spot at one point and he grabbed the chance against Flair. Magnus said he knows the match - HE'S STUDIED IT. Magnus said that Sting was put on the map by Flair, but who would do it for him? Sting said he would. This was just about perfect - it's a battle for respect. Sting has it for Magnus, and he's going to do whatever it takes to make sure that Magnus realize that he's as good as Sting and everyone else believe him to be.

Aries met with Hogan after giving him some vegan vitamins and hoping that they and maybe some prayers would help him. He thanked Hogan for giving him Option C, even if they haven't always seen eye to eye. Hogan recap video was amazing, in large part because it being THREE YEARS since Immortal started and two years since Hogan's last match on TV/PPV. This spent a lot of time on Immortal, giving Dixie a good reason to WANT to be rid of Hogan. Sabin met with the interview dude, said Velvet didn't need him at ringside, and instead, he would drink his diet soda and meditate. COOL DUDE, COOL! Heel Sabin rules! And Brooke's ass is facing Velvet next!

A BetterSex ad for toys and porn DVDs aired. Rinky dink stuff here. Nice recap of the gauntlet. Kaz and Daniels sang Roode's theme. Roode's off the chain and sells propane. They hyped up that Roode's going into the HOF - the EGO HOF. This is so leading to Roode-Angle - YES! Roode's not going to be dressed to the 9s - he'll be in the 9 and a halves. Kaz will be to the 10s. Brooke's ass came down and did the booty shake on the ramp. Velvet's in pants, which should make her look less hot, but don't - she's got a shapely ass in them anyway. Tapa came down and destroyed Velvet. Remember how shitty Kamala's kicks to Taker looked at Summerslam? That's what her stomps were like here. Her theme is awesome though.

Someone who I guess is Ethan is being a mega douchebag. Yup. It's Ethan. I think it's just Evan Markopolis from Gut Check, but with an awesome gimmick. They showed Gun Storm winning the titles at Slammiversary, which just shows how they've done fuck-all since then. According to Storm, Gunner's a straight-forward Chrsitian guy, whereas he's a partying guy who loves to drink. They showed Gunner in war photos, which makes him seem really likeable. There's a strong idea behind this team, and some chemistry, but it's easily a step down for Storm and doesn't feel as good as use as Gunner as when he was getting a bit of a singles push. They ran down the BFG card, which really doesn't feel very special. Sting-Magnus kind of does because it's new and should be a fine storytelling match, but doesn't really have much build to it either time-wise or quality-wise. The great Angle HOF vid aired to kill more time. Angle comes off as such an icon with this video. Angle could about be a draw with these video packages. Joe's out for his match, which reminds me that he's doing jackshit at the biggest show of the year despite being in the MEM. Maybe he'll join the Aces or start a NEW HEEL FACTION - the Nation of Violence. Tenay basically just said that this match was filler until tonight's big Hogan-Dixie deal. Joe flashing gang signs is funny. Him working in a shirt is a bit sad, but it's a better look than him without one now. Bully called Joe a STUPID SAMOAN SON OF A...then just stopped so Joe could push him. That was odd. Bully grabbed the chain, but Hebner grabbed it, so Bully just hit Joe in the nuts. TO THE BREAK!

Joe kicked Bully's ass after the break - including using the Yakuza kick. Joe looks like a generic NM CAW with shorts and Big Show's Big Nasty Bastard shirt on. Double axe handle with the chain, which fell...DQ...this sucked. Piledriver tease on the floor from Bully. How in the hell would that piledriver have worked exactly? There was no room at all behind Bully. AJ saved Joe and celebrated with a few fans. Hogan pondered while wearing DIXIE'S WATCH! They hyped up a Frank Shamrock documentary next week. Well, that should be pretty awesome.

TNA WRESTLING PRESIDENT Dixie Carter's tron led her out while Tenay talked about this being THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION IN TNA HISTORY! #dixiesring should be trending worldwide. Dixie talking down to fans about not understanding business is tremendous. Dixie sounds like she's summoning Hogan to the start of a porn scene here. It's 10:57 and Hogan's just stepped into the ring. Dixie was flattered by his watch, that she gave him. Then she asked if he's ready to "take a ride on the Dixie train." Is that anything like a conga-line buttfuck? Hogan said it's been HIS DREAM IN HIS 35 YEARS IN WRESTLING to be in a power couple like this. BUT it's a great offer for someone else - he quits. Dixie's boobs bounced on the ramp. "We want Vince" chants and "get on your knees" chants making air alongside "Dixie sucks.". This is brilliant. Hogan has balls of steel to leave like this. Dixie and TNA came off as so low-rent here. Hogan got paid millions of dollars, STILL GOT TO MAKE OUTSIDE LICENSING DEALS (not just with WWE, but with Slingshot Shirts), and now gets to book his return to WM XXX while having the owner of TNA basically begging to fuck him to stay. It's impossible not to look up to this man. The crowd should've chanted "you've still got it." after all that.

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Raw 9-30-13

Punk came out and they started out with Cole shilling Komen and how they're going to raise awareness about breast cancer. Who on Earth isn't aware of it? Punk/Ryback from last week was recapped with some video freezing. Punk came out and talked about how unpredictable he is and how things being predictable can be good - when he gets his hand on Axel and Ryback. The story ends when he gets his hands on Heyman. Punk said the story could end at the PPV, next week on Raw, or even TONIGHT ON THE USA NETWORK! Maddox was mocked for not having a song, and is wearing a purple shirt, black vest, and bright blue pants. This monotony ended when Big E came out to no reaction because he doesn't anything in a month. Big E is the new GET ME _____ guy. Good role for him. Match between them is up.

Big E dominated ON THE APP. Punk got out of a half crab, which gave him a brief opening before Big E destroyed him again. Punk got the big elbow, which he should really stop doing if he wants to avoid killing his knees. GTS got the win. That wasn't bad, but wasn't very exciting either. Cole blatantly said this match was done to show that Punk can do the GTS to a guy about Ryback's size. Tremendous sell on the GTS by Big E though - going to his knees, then slowly falling into Punk. The men who go for the title that is IN ABEYANCE talk later. The Rhodes/Levesque summit is later.

SD was the most socially active show on TV's deadest night. JBL said Fandango was like a male Shakira. WWE is donating 20% of the cancer merch to Komen, so lord only knows what that breakdown means for actual cancer research. Fandango is somehow like not only Shakira, but also a mix of Randy Couture and Usher! Kofi's finisher got a 30 second highlight vid - at least they're pushing SOMEONE from Youtube on the main show. Nice corner jump up ala Booker T, but into a rana instead of a sunset flip. They rhymed tango, Fandango, and Papa Shango. Fandango did a suplex with an Eddie-like hip swivel. Like two dudes chanted Summer Rae, JBL, and King. Kofi hit his video game comeback. Trouble in Paradise came within about two feet of Fandango's head to win - well, that finisher was telegraphed with the highlight video, and I'm glad it missed given that a concussion ruined Fandango's career. Wyatts came down to kill Kofi. Or just to say stuff ominously. That was a good promo, but disappointing bit.

Dolph kicked to the pre-show in a match with no build. Poor fucker. HAH, and the event song even says "how the mighty fall". Orton talked about Brie and Bryan getting married. Orton's the lead heel and even he has anti-cancer merch. Renee talked with Heyman, who said that Punk will never intimidate or bully him again because he's a nobody. One who became WWE Champion thanks to him! Renee's face here ruled. Los Matadores video aired. They're coming next! FERNANDO AND DIEGO -LOS MATADORES! El Mantauro debuted as their sidekick. This is absolutely ridiculous for a regular entrance, but is...memorable I suppose. I will buy their theme. So they will have drawn at least $1. JBL said something looked familiar about this, and Cole asked if it was the bull. Boring chant broke out and they talked about Puerto Rican bull fighters. LOVE the flying flip headbutt. Double falling Angle slam won. Bull is named El Torito and JBL sang their theme.

WWE WILL HELP END BREAST CANCER! Goofy anti-cancer PSA featured the Wyatts...wow. PLEASE WELCOME THE OWNER OF, AND COO OF WWE, STEPHANIE AND HHH! According to Cole, MANY HAVE BEEN REFERRING TO HHH AND STEPHANIE AS THE AUTHORITY. No, no one has ever called them that. Ever. Get the Shovels sign made air. Cole's "Choose which one of your jobs gets your son back." was amusing. Goldust is in a white and grey suit with his paint. Cody and Dusty look solid. Loved HHH burying the territories since you know he loves them and is just reciting Vince's stuff mockingly. Dusty is a unique shade of orange tonight. Steph said they'd love to give the Rhodes' a job IF they can beat the tag champs at Battleground. If the Rhodes' lose, then they're gone FOR GOOD! And Dusty gets fired too. MASSIVE pop for Dusty getting the mic. The Rhodes family hates the Mcmahons, but is wearing anti-cancer ribbons too. The Shield jumped them all, and Dusty got to be physical by rolling in the ring and getting hit then. This was pretty good stuff - easily the best part of the show as far as being genuinely good. Great Captain America Believes in the Shield sign.

Outstanding Punk-Ryback vid without any logos on the footage hyped up that match. Truth rapped with headphones, which Cole questioned while JBL said it's what "we rappers do". JBL rules. Axel's out to destroy him. Cole shilled Modern Family on USA since it's being replayed there. Crowd gives no shits about this. Axel took the greatest bump for the suplex stunner ever. Axel's elbow pad has the ribbon on it, and Axel lost after Punk's theme hit and Truth got Paydirt for the win. So logically, he should be getting a title match at the PPV. According to WWE on Facebook, Trish gave birth earlier today. Kudos to her.

Awesome ad for Punk's shirts, which was already updated to tonight's show since it had his shirt and the Mute>Cole sign. and they showed WWE.com's piece on Trish's baby being born. JBL said with a name like Maximus, the boy'd better learn to fight. They hyped up the Brie-Bryan engagement with Total Divas clips. They aired these to the silliest song ever. AJ faces Brie at the PPV for the title. Cole called Alicia AJ. Lots of fuck-ups like that tonight. This show feels like a second taping Impact show. Crowd doesn't care a lick about this. Alicia's camo booty shorts rule. Brie won with the X factor. They showed a great BriE ModE sign with the E logo. Cena's stupid racing game app was hyped.

Axel clutched his title and Heyman yelled at CURTIS for being paranoid. Ryback's got a new anti-cancer shirt. Axel is about as bad an actor as Wes Brisco. Paul's man-crush on Ryback is amazing. He now wants to propose to him. This act rules. Just For Men presented a recap of Big Show punching Miz out. Renee asked Show the EXACT same question she did on SD. HHH mocking him there was shown. Show cited his situation being like having Damocles's sword over his head. #bigsophie Show said HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMORE! And then he got all crazy movie monster mode and made crazy faces before lurching off with his fist cocked like a movie monster. THIS RULED!

Truth demanded a shot from Maddox before Show came in and threatened Brad. Ryder had crazy orange and black gear that looked way better than his usual garbage. WHY IN GOD'S NAME ARE THEY SHOWING THE AGES FOR ALBERTO AND RVD in the Battleground graphic? Given that RVD actually looks way younger than his age, there's no benefit to it and Alberto seems like too new an act to only be seven years younger than him. They talked about the WHC match being a hardcore match, and JBL said that Alberto won it in an LMS match that was pretty hardcore. True - that match was probably crazier than this match will be. Broski Boot hit. Rough Ryder countered. So Ryder did exactly as well here as he does in every other TV match. Armbar got the win. Alberto played with his little flags, then kicked the fuck out of Ryder's head. Heyman proposes to Ryback next.

HHH summit was recapped. WWE thanked themselves for being amazing, and gave "breast cancer survivors and supporters" a few seconds of airtime. Heyman's promo about destroying Punk in front of his fans, friends, and those he calls his family that week ruled. Heyman showered praise on Ryback, THE BIG BAD BEAUTIFUL MAN OF WHOM HE SPEAKS! It pained Ryback to see Paul bullied. There's NOTHING he wouldn't do for Paul. This fakeout is so great.The crowd dared to chant "get a room." Heyman proposed that he become a Heyman Guy, which Punk rudely interrupted. He "slipped" over the barricade. Cue the "IT'S A TRAP" GIF. Punk's in a new SGK shirt. SHOCKINGLY, it was a trap and he beat them up (and Axel) with a kendo stick. Aim for the guy WITHOUT a giant shirt and vest on, dipshit. He did, and Axel ate a hell of a beating here. Heyman hiding behind Ryback and part of the lights rules. I hope Ryback wins the match, because Punk can afford more losses. Show is in HHH's office, which you can tell is his due to his DVD cover being on the wall.

Shield 6-man tag is up. Seems a bit like just another match. Cute spot with Ambrose and Rollins holding an Uso so the other could dropkick his back and knock them down. Not sure why they didn't just drop him to prevent that from happening. Nice Muta-esque elbow from Ambrose to Dolph. VINTAGE SHIELD! Amazing for a group that's only been around a year. Reigns spear got the win after a series of blind tags. Fun match, but it didn't seem very important. Looks like Dolph's winning on the pre-show to resume his Ambrose feud. The entire focus from the commentary was on the Rhodes match. OH NO, Big Show is stripping in HHH's office!

They came and he THREW FLOWERS. Cops called him Paul and asked him to leave for threatening an employee. Steph talked about him for a bit. It's important to tell the cops that he knocked out a WWE hall of famer. Show has A BIG MORTGAGE PAYMENT. She vouched for him, and then said his wife said he was shitty in bed. Maybe some of HHH's water will make his flag stand at attention. Show stood in front of the poster for HHH's DVD (available now at all retailers) and punched it. This looked way faker than it should've with them cutting out like a human head-sized shape instead of a fist-sized one. RVD cut a bad promo with Renee to show the Youtube clip WWE put up of him doing cool shit - including the throat crusher frog splash. Alberto "leaves no mercy...in the ring!" Goddamn that was horrible - and that was among the better bits of build for it thanks to the clips. Hornswoggle, Santino, and Khali walked backstage to do something.

Shield faces Big Show on SD. Real Americans now have pink shirts and a black and pink flag. They're going a bit overboard with the pink stuff, although I am for anything that gives Zeb and Cesaro merchandise checks. Cesaro Swing on Titus from SD was replayed. They recapped the snake charming bit from SD. JBL knowing the technical name for snake charming rules. "We're gonna hit our overrun on a Cesaro Swing!" JBL is the star of the show. Santino won via fluke rollup. Zeb made a great face afterwards and the faces did the trumpet. Khali moved forward at perhaps a millimeter an hour.

"The Mighty Fall" is the Battleground theme. The comedy of them hyping up "the mighty fall" and Dolph rules. King and his theme got in the ring to congratulate Brie and Bryan on their engagement. Bryan's pink YES shirt looks okay. They showed a kid in the Wyatt sheep mask in the crowd. It's 11 and the main event segment has just finished the intros. "We'll wait until Sunday for the physicality." Because wrestling shows are for TALKING! I like that Orton is basically saying he's no longer one kind of character - HE'S ANOTHER KIND OF CHARACTER! HE'S A VILE, HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. He's still against cancer though - which his shirt says. Bryan...repeated Orton's insults against him and said they're true. Orton told the crowd to shut up. Orton insulted Brie. I hope Bryan insults one of Orton's many wives. Bryan clotheslined him out of the ring at 11:05.

Orton atacked him, then Brie begged for him to stop. Oh lord - the PPV main event hype now involves Brie Bella's acting skills. RKO through the table. Crowd chanted RANDY and one guy wanted him to kiss her. This was fine in theory, but didn't do much to make me want to see them in another match, or watch the show itself.

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WWE SD 9-27-13

HHH came out being introduced like a face by Lilian, and Cole saying he's had tons on his plate. HHH hates the word favoritism. He and his wife are okay with people blaming them for their failures and know they can't make everybody happy. HHH said the fans should be happy with them since he put 11 of their favorites against 3 men. JBL buried the match saying the faces weren't going to be able to lose the match with the odds stacked in their favor. Miz interrupted HHH and got a big canned reaction. I see three people clapping for him. Miz beginning with REALLY, REALLY!? made me want HHH to destroy him with a hammer. Limb-by-limb or Misery-style would be fine. HHH then buried him for being given a chance, failing, and blaming someone else. HHH said that they should look at his match with Orton and NOW asked if they could get footage on short-notice. If Renee Young has the power to get footage instantly, I'm sure he does too. THE SADISTIC ONE WAS DRIVEN BY WORDS FROM STEPHANIE MCMAHON, the real top heel act. HHH said Miz failed, and Miz made a pouty face. HHH said he saved Miz from himself on Raw, and even gave him the chance to speak his mind on Miz TV. Miz blew that too.

Miz said it was nothing but a good cop/bad cop routine and Miz got buried for insulting Steph on Raw. Miz said he called her a castrating witch, BUT HE SHOULDA CHANGED THE W TO A B! This was about a sixth-grade insult. Miz was given a shot with Orton, and Miz wanted it. HHH offered to send Papa and Mama Miz to the building in his personal jet - if the Cleveland airport could hold it. That ruled. The rest of this just a bunch of words for 13 minutes. Oh, and Dolph faces Ambrose later. Alberto gets a random match against someone next. Hell of a world champ.

 Alberto beating up RVD in the back was recapped. They talked about RVD getting his ass kicked by Orton, then showed Alberto kicking his ass. I hope RVD re-signs because he deserves a better send-off in WWE than this feud. I loved Alberto's jumping claps after that footage was shown. Cole pondered that Truth COULD be in the World title picture if he wins. Yup, sure could. Shame that Truth's just a jobber now because he had some major momentum at two points in time and they've just destroyed him. Alberto's mouth got busted up on the suplex>stunner, but he won with the basement superkick. I love that being a finisher now. Post-match armbar. RVD made the save and got a huge pop. Chair skateboard returned. I'd really like RVD to win the title since he's at least got a character that's over - granted, it's the same one from 15 years ago more or less, but it's still better than Alberto. HHH made RVD-Alberto a hardcore match, or rather, THE BATTLEGROUND HARDCORE RULES MATCH! RVD did everything but put the belt around his waist properly here. PTPs met with guys and Titus gave them a penalty for doing the dance badly. Cole insulted the guys and called them nerds. This was amusing.

Zeb mocked folks who just say WE THE PEOPLE to try and prevent that from turning them faces, and then folks just did it anyway. PTPs are out against his duo. I was hoping JBL would say Zeb enjoyed climbing the smoky mountains when Cole mocked his climbing pants. Cesaro did the giant swing for 23 revolutions, leading to the wacky fan in the front row doing the Savage finger waggle for each one. JBL lost his shit here. Titus is a big motherfucker too. Gorgeous sambo suplex from Cesaro. Loved the blind tag allowing an ankle lock win out of a cover - great finish to a really fun match. Bray makes his SyFy match debut next - IT'S GOOD FOR BUSINESS! That just seems odd to apply to this gimmick.

Ryder came out to be victimized. His bright gear screams goober. Loved the crossbody missile getting a little touch with him tying himself to the ropes afterwards. One guy yelled HUSKY HARRIS at him. Wacky chinlock from Bray. Flying forearm in the corner led to the Broski Boot for...not even 1. Sister Abigail's Kiss took Ryder out. US Title match is up next, with no real hype on this show at all. Dolph brought RVD and...Kofi out to second him. Well, Kofi used to be a main eventer. Four years ago. Cole hyped up an exclusive response from the Rhodes family tonight, which sure is odd for folks who are fired. Match went a couple of minutes before shit broke down. AN ENTIRE BRAWL HAS ENSUED. As opposed to a partial brawl. HHH made a Holla Holla Holla six-man tag. Bell rang...and they went to a break.

They came back with RVD getting beaten up to set up the hot tag. Dolph hit the heartstopper elbows. Okay, so they bring up the move KILLING JERRY LAWLER and then have him still do it. Sure, the guys he's doing it to are younger, but it isn't like many of them aren't at risk for major heart problems later thanks to the wrestler diet. Big KOFI chant broke out in some form or fashion. Crowd actually seemed to be hot for this. Goofy fan in the front row did the Black Power fist after Reigns got 2. Kingston got the tag and fired up. Crowd went crazy for him - dude still manages to get over no matter how they've marginalized him. It's kind of amazing given how little mic time he's given. Spear to Dolph took him out. Moonsault off the apron from RVD wound up looking more like a Davey Boy powerslam from Reigns at the end. Springboard chop to Amnrose from Kofi before Reigns came in and got kicked. O Conner roll got countered into a flying curb stomp from Rollins to win. Crazy ending, but a fun match. Renee asked Show how he's doing. He said he can't sleep, he's a pariah, HE'S CALLED NAMES! HHH came in and he broke down. AS A FRIEND, HHH will help him find another job. But it's tough since he can only be a doorman, paperboy, or maybe airport baggage guy. That came off like a shot at Dr. Death - fitting HHH filling in for Vince getting in subtle digs at JR. HHH mocked Show for crying. This was emasculating for Show more than usual. Loved Show roaring at him. MACHETE KILLS. MACHETE DON'T TWEET!

Tamina's with AJ because she's her bodyguard now. She's dressed a bit like a feminine member of the Shield. AJ's got a giant arm brace on her right elbow. Cameron did about the world schoolgirl cradle ever. Split legdrop from her got 2. Tamina prevented Naomi from getting involved directly, and then Cameron got another schoolgirl for 2 before eating the Shining Wizard-ish thing for 3. Heyman walked with Axel backstage. Cole hyped up WWE 2K14. Goldberg's full intro with backstage stuff is included. That'll be fun - especially if they can manage to top VPW 2's entrances. Cole called Heyman the fattest manager ever. JBL rightly told him to stop it with the cheapshots. Ryback's massacring of Punk was shown after a glorious promo. Then he talked more after that and was great blaming the fans for what happened to Punk since their cheers led Punk into his trap. This was awesome and made Punk-Ryback feel like a fairly big deal...until I remembered Ryback's losing streak starting against Punk a year ago.

WWE is going to rise above cancer again, and Slater gets to face Santino. Mr. Monday Night is now MR. YOUTUBE as RVD is on the JBL and Cole show. JBL said this wasn't exactly Dick the Bruiser vs. The Crusher. Then he sang the Laverne and Shirley song before Cole talked about the Fonz. Jinder mimed the flute while they dubbed in a ton of music, so Khali countered it with more music. The Cobra was about to go after SSantino, but Hornswoggle saved him. JBL said things have jumped the shark. Cole called it rotten, and Cole said this was the home of Austin 3:16. Khali played music to bring the cobra back to life and give Santino a win. This was VINTAGE HORNSWOGGLE VS. LITTLE BOOGEYMAN in that the commentary saved it and made it glorious and well worth watching.

Los Matarores were hyped up. These things would've been a lot cooler without the stupid green screen shit. Their theme should get a massive pop. Rhodes recap. It's been nearly a month since the Cody firing angle. Wow. Sure doesn't feel like it. HHH site video played - the Rhodes family can go to Raw as his guests - he has a proposition for them. @CODYRHODESWWE Touted with Goldust about it. I liked Miz coming down and going for some ground and pound right away - it made perfect sense...until Miz started throwing punches. Miz bonked his shoulder into the corner when the clothesline missed. Doctor stopped the match, but Orton destroyed him anyway. Miz won via DQ. HHH said he wouldn't allow Orton to INTENTIONALLY LOSE LIKE THAT, so he made in No DQ. Miz made a brief comeback but got bonked with a chair and got all glazed over. Draping DDT to the floor. The close-up of Orton's face makes him look at least 40. It's a good thing Miz has 2 layers of gear on, because Orton gave him a mega-wedgie with the DDT and tossing him into the ring.

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TNA Impact 9-26-13

TNA posted on Facebook that there was a SECRET MEETING between the Aces and 8s 30 minutes before Impact. Credit vid for Impact focuses on the AJ/Dixie drama, and pimps the Rampage-Tito deal. The opening vid is focusing on the MEM and EGO. Bully thanking Brooke's ass was recapped. Dixie was shown in the truck looking angry as AJ cut his promo, and then Dixie was shown to be a raging bitch. Real Estate Steve met with Dixie, now dressed like a flamboyant table cloth. Dixie's now referring to herself in the third person. Bully and Brooke's ass in tiny booty shorts came down. Bully talked about strategizing for AJ and how he doesn't need to do it thanks to Dixie. A granny in an NWO shirt was unimpressed by Bully's promo. The Aces came out, with Knux now as the mouthpiece. Holy hell. Bully ordered Knux to never call her a ho again, leading to a chant and a chick waving her tits around in the crowd. Oh, and if the Aces lose to the Mafia, the loser of the fall gets booted. Sabin faces Manik for the X title because...I guess you get a pity shot at that after losing the world title. Goofy 6-person tag is next. Park sang "Sweet Caroline" and tried to shave, but EY told him to not shave since he'll bleed and become a monster! BroMans logo rules. Gail's got some patch on her side.

Loved Robbie running into Joseph and just bouncing off - leading to Park once again saying he did nothing. Park as a face in peril rules. Park got his ass kicked by Gail!  EY came in and was ungodly smooth in there after doing a crossbody onto the Bro Mans. ODB won with a splash after the guys did their finishes to Robbie. This was super-fun. Aries looks like a colossal douchebag backstage - he'll be cutting a promo next.

BUT FIRST, Hogan has to earn his $35,000 by saying he's read transcripts of Impact. Well, that could be more fun than watching it. Taz pondered if Tenay had little drummer boys with him. I doubt it. Maybe Patterson would. Aries said that even though he won't be headlining BFG, he's always the main event. Kenny King came out in the cheapest-looking MMA-style shirt ever - TNA's way late on that crazy. Kenny cut a decent cocky promo about destroying the X division last year, then saying that Sabin was frail...despite him being a heel now. King blamed Aries for taking HIS title, which I'd completely forgotten about with the Suicide ploy. Kenny said that Aries was Gen Next a decade ago...um, isn't King about his age? They started brawling and this is a huge step up for King.

They came back and showed a close-up of Kenny's head being split open. First time we get blood on national TV in ages legit and it's Aries-King. Stun Gun attempt from King sent Aries over the top. Kenny rubbed his hand over his head and rubbed blood on his chest. Nasty, but awesome. Kenny did a springboard...off the bottom rope for a legdrop. That just seems stupid. It's one thing to risk a blind dive off the top since you'll in theory do more damage, but you're not really going to do that off the bottom rope. Nice strike exchange between the two leads to King doing a jumping spin kick. Kenny is shining brightly here. Super head and arm Tazplex by King got 2. King missed a corner dropkick, but Aries hit his and nailed him with the brainbuster. This overdelivered big-time.

They came back and hyped up the live BFG pre-show. A Tapa vid aired. God, it just seems wrong for her to get a shot before Ivie. Also, this video came off like a low-budget indie version of a Memphis video - think about that for as sec. Sabin was a smug shit to Aries, and actually came off like a bigger asshole to set up I guess those two going at it for the X title at BFG. The Aces-Mafia logo showed off just how much...stuff is in the MEM logo. It's got gears, a sun and some other shit. Magnus spazzed out about EGO. Sting told Magnus to listen to Joe and calm down. Yes, listen to the man who wore PJs, carried a knife around, and murdered a dude. Hogan's out next.

 AJ-Dixie vid aired. Why is Dixie, who has the power to shut the show off, allowing the promo to re-air that she shut the show off for? A clip of Dixie going COME ON to that fan that popped her with his sign at BFG '11 was shown in the video too. This might've been funnier than the actual deal as it went on last week. Hogan came out and they showed more Danielson shirts than Hogan shirts.
NWO Granny loves Hogan. TNA is spending $35,000 an appearance and a quarter-million a week so Hulk Hogan can get vanity pops on a bi-weekly basis. Hogan needs to DIG UP SOME POWER. Better dial up Zahorian. Hogan's in the same shitty shirt that King was. Hogan's arms are looking really old now. Maybe that'll lead to him finally stop trying to keep his arms looking gigantic. These crowd shots are amazing. Lots of XXXXL shirts. And NWO Granny - the true star of the show. Taz said the Aces are about quantity...no, QUALITY over quantity and admitted he messed up. His continued paycheck is baffling. Angle hype vid aired - he'll return at BFG. X Title is on the line next. I guess Aries costs Sabin the win and they do a 3-way at BFG.

 A little hype vid for ETHAN, with diamond and silver blinged-out logo aired. I have no idea who that is, and they gave no hints beyond him probably having a generic theme. AJ was emo to the camera guy. Velvet came out with Sabin in her hottest dress ever. He prevented the pigeons from being let loose. Sabin's knee went out. Poor guy. Velvet walked Sabin to the back, who then tossed her into him so he could kick Manik's face off. Then he did one-legged squats. HEEL SABIN rules. Manik dragged Velvet in due to Sabin, then locked on a wacky Firepro cradle for the win. Velvet isn't a heel yet - she's against Sabin, but stuck in the middle because she loves him. Or something like that. Wes cut an awful promo about the how THE CLUB IS CRUM-BLING! Bisch was decent. Knux cut a passionate promo about fighting for the colors and fighting for the cuts. This is the most jobberiffic team ever - even worse than X-Factor.

They hyped up the Tag Team BOGO sale. AJ is meeting with Hogan later. Angle vid re-aired, so they're clearly hoping he can lead to some extra buys. EGO was upset about that, so hopefully he gets to German suplex them a ton at BFG. Daniels' douchey scarf rules. Kaz said that Magnus is a great loser - better than anyone else. Daniels and Kaz did a big bad guy laugh, but couldn't get Roode to join. This was awesome. I would so watch the EGO Choco-Bot Power Hour. Wiz Brisco is coming out! Christy is just awful sometimes. Taz called the Mafia the MAIN EVENT MATRYRS...how is that a burn? Sting came in and did his awesome backhand chop thingy a bunch. He can still do that really well - and no game has really replicated that move well. EGO jumped Magnus then left.

Taz of all human being had the nerve to call the Mafia complacent. Joe's awesome boxer shorts have now become basic small black trunks with a shiny...kinda olive-colored belt. Looks super-cheap. Stinger splash to the jobbers, and Knux. Wes got choked out and he's now out of the group. Bully and Brooke's ass came down. Bully asked for a mic and got it eons later. Even by wrestling standards, Wes is a bad actor and way too orange. Big NO chant here. Bryan is the biggest star on WWE and TNA TV. Bully told the other goons to take his cut. Bully attacked Wes and asked them where their balls were. AWESOME piledriver to Wes from Bully. Bully told them to take the cut now or he'll drill him again. This was great stuff. They took it, set him down gently, and set up a great turn. Knux and Bisch are now Show, only with a giant world champ bullying them around instead of a mother of 3. Hogan and AJ speak NEXT! Hopefully they make it quick because it's 10:47 and they still need to do intros for both guys.

Hogan's in the ring to talk about doing things TNA STYLES! AJ's in the team for TNA...or something at BFG. AJ half-emo intro just isn't working - this had better be leading to the return of the full proper intro for him at BFG. Hogan's been around the block a few times with Hulkamania brother, BUT HE CAN'T EVEN HEAR HIMSELF THINK due to AJ. And he said AJ was going to win the title at BFG and gave him a new contract because they can't have a guy fight for the belt without one. AJ...signed the contract without incident. Dixie came out. AND SHE'S GOT PINK PANTS ON TOO. Giant DIXIE SUCKS chant broke out. She thanked Hogan for opening doors and teaching her so much about the business. Oh boy. He's so getting another contract. She cracked me up turning AJ's "on your knees" line against him with DARLIN, IN YER DREAMS BABY! Then she tore up the Phenomenally Marginally One's contract. Dixie is so great. GO HONEY! She's the 1% and the people can't understand what her life is like. IT'S SO HARD, AND Y'ALL JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND! She told Hogan to get on TEAM DIXIE!

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"Bad Guy Laugh, c'mon!"

WWE Raw 9-23-13

Pre-Raw hype involves HHH addressing things and a fan holding up a CENA VS. POPE sign. That would be pimpin. In 2007. Angelo Savoldi got a very nice little Vince-narrated tribute to start the show. That was a pleasant surprise given that they didn't even do one for Thesz. The regular WWE Universe resumed with a nice recap of last week's attacks on Bryan. THE RANK AND FILE are on the ramp with a podium. According to Justin Roberts, STEPHANIE is now the owner of WWE. I can't wait for RVD to say dude. HHH and Steph are doing some weird almost-comedy act for their intro. They were all brought on stage for one reason...TO HEAR HHH TALK! Or for stepping up. RVD's mic didn't work, and he said C'MON DUDE! RVD said they stood up for Bryan, and HHH said it was odd since people fought to be WWE Champion. Dolph could be in the PPV main event, as could R-TRUTH or Ryder. THEY COULD BE THE FACE OF THE COMPANY. HHH blamed it all on the Shield taking them all out. HHH said he'd give the 10 guys a partner, in a wacky elimination handicap match...kinda like on SD, only I guess he likes this one. Bryan will be their partner. The WWE UNIVERSE gets to choose who faces Orton tonight. It could be Truth, Dolph, or RVD. None of these men is CM Punk, who the crowd is cheering for. They showed Punk bullying Paul at NoC. They're in Chicago so Punk can cut a promo.

Kofi's facing the world champ, in a match announced on the app. So the world champ really must be an important guy. They hyped up THE APP and showed you how to install the app. And we get to see features from the app. So the app is more important than the world title. Some guy with the Big Gold Belt came out. They brought up Kofi working double duty tonight, which really makes the roster seem thin. Nice rana out of a corner spring counter from Kofi. Cole said that HHH has turned on the Shield, who he relied on EARLY ON...like on SD. Nice flip dive from Kofi. Crowd gives no shits about this.  Kofi did his fakeout, which Alberto telegraphed a bit by diving INTO THE TIMEKEEPER'S PIT before Kofi's head even hit the rope. CBS is hyping up THE MOTHER OF ALL MONDAYS. None of these shows seem the least bit entertaining. 2 Broke Girls might be worth getting when Mill Creek releases it in budget sets due to Kat's boobs. ON THE APP, Alberto attacked the arm. A Randy Savage chant broke out. A Colt Cabana one did too. Cole said that the last time the WWE Title was held up was due to MITB in Chicago. OLE song was sung. They did stuff. Kofi hit Y and did his comeback. SOS got 2. Kick was countered into a big German suplex for 2. JBL hyped up the armbar as one of the best finishers in the sport. Yup. MMA. It got countered into a bulldog-ish thing called a DDT. Codebreaker on the arm and the armbar got the win. Alberto was a massive face here. They pondered how Kofi would be, then said he'd be completely fine since there are 10 other dudes out there. So they really took the wind out of the point of this. No one over the age of 14 is sharing their U CAN'T C ME rides with their friends.

They came back and Renee interviewed Miz, who is in a checkered-top grey suit. Renee made sure to roll footage of Miz being attacked. Miz should be quite mad at his dad. HHH got in the scene before Miz could talk - probably for the best. According to HHH, CHICAGO WANTS ITS MIZ TV! That might've turned him heel. Miz TV will happen with Show, and they showed the HHH-Rhodes deal. They showed a graphic for the handicap match, and somehow acted like it was unfair for the faces despite them having a major numbers edge. Super King, who faced mummies and confronted Batman on TV, is calling the Wyatts weird. PTPs got a jobber intro. JOHN CENA'S FAST LANE is trending worldwide. I call bullshit on the Fast Lane app trending. I demand a D-Bryan app where he shops for produce at a farmer's market. Fans chanted for Bryan. Harper's bald spot is amazing. Crowd is chanting WE WANT DRAGON/DANIEL BRYAN. JBL called his an old-fashioned Chicago mugging. That must be a codeword for boring. Titus went for the YOU THINK YOU FUCKIN TOUGH fallaway, but was prevented from doing it and fell to Harper's lariat. Abigail's kiss and dance took out D-Young. They cut Cole off mid-sentence to hype up THE APP choice against Orton.

Miz is out to kill the 9 PM rating. He said he'd normally be smiling, but HE'S PISSED OFF. And he's got a scowl like a kid making a serious face. PAYBACK WILL COME AND IT WILL BE AWESOME. But not at the PPV named Payback. They showed Show's KO punch again and again and JBL said it was the American Dream going to sleep. Miz clumsily said that he and Show were both partners and enemies. Miz asked why Show did what he did. Yes Miz, anger the large giant man with pent up rage. There's no way this could work out poorly for you. Then he just explained why Show did it...so why did he ask the question? Miz told Show to STAND UP and stop letting that castrating WITCH run things. Ruler of the queendom came out. Steph said that she'd let what Miz said slide, but that what he said was BORDERLINE SLANDER! Steph said that Miz peaked early, and that he was only kept around because he'll do any grunt work they ask - then they buried all grocery stores and lower-end stores that they have stars go to. Steph told Show to KO him, he did, and got YESed for it. Well, Miz did hog the interview and not let Show answer his one question. CBS ad for Hostages peaks with a woman showering.

Show's KO was replayed. Orton-Random Man is next. Tonight's app choice is the historic SECOND-MOST VOTED ON CHOICE YET. King called Orton the WWE Champion, and RVD won the vote. RVD came out and they showed a fan dressed like Crockett and in a Sin Cara mask. GO SIN CROCKETT! They did some stuff. Went to a break. RVD did a back suplex to him on the app. Draping DDT. Sadly, no crazy DDT sell from RVD. RVD got a kick and went for a five star, but Orton got up - shame too. I was hoping they'd do an RKO out of the five star ala the Bourne SSP. RVD gets tossed into the barricade. Double count out. Wow this sucked. Orton shoved him into the steps and then kicked the ass of the NUMBER 1 CONTENDER TO THE WORLD TITLE like he was nothing. More ass-kicking. More. More. This needs to end. This is like when Sting kicked RVD's ass for nine hours on Impact when he debuted. Draping DDT from...slightly higher than usual! Dear God, the show's only halfway over.

They killed time with a Los Matadores promo. They debut next week. Thank God. ON THE APP, Alberto attacked RVD. Orton talked to the Bellas, and Brie said that she was too busy not caring to notice what he did. They had a narrated clip of HHH's DVD out of absolutely nowhere with a strange echo over hte footage. Steph met with AJ and gave her a copy of the DVD - and not the Blu Ray. BURN! Between Battleground's poster with Ryback and the Call, WWE loves them some red backdrops. Steph threatened to take the title from AJ. Summer Rae's dress is a blinding shade of pink. And WWE is hyping up their second year of the Komen deal.

They hyped up Dominos Pizza, and Cole ordered King to buy one.  Fandango's facing Santino. Orton might not be 100% - he kicked too much ass. A Summer Rae chant broke out. The crowd sang Fandango's theme. Cole referenced TONY GAREA during an abdominal stretch. Air Fandnago legdrop got the win. Kofi tweeted he'd be in the match. Goody. The Ryback-Punk stuff was focused on because Punk is next. Show is 2/3 over. Excellent ad for Beyond: Two Souls. Can't believe it's only 2 weeks away.

Punk came out and got a huge pop in a Blackhawks jersey. They announced Ryback-Punk ON THE APP apparently, and showed a great graphic for it - the Battleground graphic setup is nice. His right knee is so fucked that he's got it taped up to walk out. Punk said that the fans ruined a perfectly good bad mood because he hasn't smiled since NoC. Punk pointed to someone, likely Colt, and said he tried to get the Stanley Cup tonight but it's in Toronto. Punk teased retirement. Punk thankfully called them a wrestling crowd and not a WWE Universe City. Loved the Grey's Sports Almanac reference. He then recapped hockey, because why not.  They've got tons and tons and tons of time to kill here. Punk said he's proud of these goddamn people, and that he may be down 3 games, but he'll come back! Heyman came out and sang "Start Spreading the News" on a scooter. And his mic died. Punk said that he'd have 18,000 to bail him out if need be. If he was in TNA, he wouldn't even be able to afford the free phone call.

Heyman damned Punk for CONFINING HIM TO A CONTRAPTION! Heyman said Punk was a second-city saint in a second-rate city, and that he was the second-best in the world. Heyman looked back on his photo of a pinfall over Punk with glee. They chanted walrus, and he said he is one - BUT HE BEAT THE BIGGEST SHARK IN CHICAGO. Punk asked if his goons could get to Heyman faster than he could. Given that his knees are all fucked, I'll say yes. Heyman said he would bit the city a FAIR ADEU, and then tried to escape before his scooter's battery died and Ryback and Axel saved him. Punk demolished Axel, then dove onto Ryback off the ramp and landed on his bad knee. Cro Cop kick took out Axel. Ryback attacked him because HE DOESN'T LIKE BULLIES. He tossed him through a table off a box on the stage. Heyman got up and a fan yelled IT'S A MIRACLE while Ryback said "this is what happens TO BULLIES!". This got great. It was really more like 10 minutes of great stuff spread over 20.

Tons of Losses were out for a match. BUT FIRST, a recap of the Punk deal. Actually, it's the Funkadactyls. Punk's refusing help, and it's an 8-diva tag. Bellas have Eva Marie with them. It's somehow an 8-diva match despite seemingly being a 10-diva tag unless Nikki isn't cleared. They finally had King said he mis-spoke saying that Orton was champ. Brie pinned AJ. So I guess the Bellas are buds with their enemies due to being on the show...where they're enemies. They showed a 30 second clip of RKOs from Youtube. Shield promo was good-ish, but Rollins wasn't very good. Orton's loss from NoC was shown. Then they recapped last week's stuff.

Main event is up at 10:30. Bryan got a full intro. If they give everyone intros, that'll kill tons of TV time. Nope. He's out to cut a promo. HUGE Daniel Bryan chant. Loved Bryan saying that the fast count accusations made no sense because Orton was knocked out...and didn't like him saying he didn't care about what happened at NoC. Bryan turned their nicknames of him against them, and that when the match is over, YES will haunt his days. Shield came out. So they should just kick his ass before the partners come out, which Cole brought up. Cody and Goldust, IN PAINT came down from the crowd and attacked. Goldust had blue jeans, a black hoodie, and BRIGHT SHINY GOLD PAINT ON HIS FACE. Maybe the security goons were too busy installing and watching THE WWE APP to notice.

On SD, Dolph faces Ambrose for the US Title. Cole said that Cody was fired and Goldust doesn't work there anymore...isn't that basically the same thing? All of that stuff ate up 11 minutes before this match could begin. They did stuff, then went to a break after RVD, THE NUMBER 1 CONTENDER TO THE WORLD TITLE was the first guy out in a match with Ryder and Kofi in it. Total nothing vibe from this, in part because THEY ALREADY DID THIS MATCH ON SD in some form. King put over THE KING OF KINGS, THE CEREBRAL ASSASSIN outsmarting everyone. Headlock driver took out Kofi. So far, the Shield is doing a fine job of taking out the much larger roster of opponents. Spear took out Titus with no trouble. Gabriel ate one even faster. Ryder got the double knees and Broski boot tease before eating the spear. Reigns is coming off like a badass motherfucker here. Bryan and the Usos ganged up on Reigns and he lost via an Uso dive. I'm shocked the chest guard didn't save him there. Cole said the match was made by HHH - THE VERY SAME HHH...in case you thought there were two, since he alternates between face and heel depending on the segment.

Northern lights from D-Young got 2. Flying knee from Rollins got 3. Dolph beat Ambrose, so he's retaining on SD. Now it's Rollins, the smallest member of the Shield, against four guys. VINTAGE AMERICAN MALES CLAP from Bryan and the Usos. Hat Rack Crack got 2. Rollins then pinned Truth with the flying curb stomp, because no faces felt like saving their friend. What assholes. The babyfaces surrounded Rollins...lowering themselves to the level of their enemies. Be stars, guys! Usos took out the Shield guys that ran back. Flying knee with a flip sell got the win for Bryan. I love seeing Bryan win, but this was really stupid.

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