WWE SD 11-1-13

This Naked Vegas zombie wedding is something else. Recap of Alberto-Cena opens the show - no basic intro. Cena came out, and then they recapped the Sandow deal. And now he's rapping. Cena is begging for a big pop. YAY, IT'S THE REAL AMERICANS. Viva la Cesaro WHC push! Swagger's flapping his damn arms around like a bird, and looks ridiculous with the flag. Love Zeb saying he's happy Cena beat Alberto because he's one step closer to sneaking back over the border - it's like Heenan ALWAYS hating Hogan. He's generously inviting Cena to join his crusade. AW SNAP - YOU CAN'T SEE HIM! I love him putting Cesaro over, could do without him burying Swagger and focusing on Cesaro's nipples. Dug him knocking Zeb, and going with a solid rhythm throughout the whole promo. Sandow's theme sounds a tad bit different, and he knocked Cena for being a hypocrite before they thought about ganging up on Cena. Rhodes Bros. made the save and Vickie made a six-man tag main event - holla holla CESARO IN A MAIN EVENT! Nice Ambrose promo on the Usos - both Seth and Reigns had disgusted looks when he brought up being the U.S. Champ. I like the slow burn with this - if they're out to make Reigns the Batista of the group, I can see it working out wonderfully.

The Shield combo is a bit different - it's Ambrose and Rollins, which I can see leading to Ambrose saying he was able to do something Reigns couldn't - lead the team to victory against the Usos. "HOW DOES A SEVEN FOOT BRONTOSAURUS KEEP SNEAKING INTO BUILDINGS!" from JBL ruled. Big E's out to even the odds since Reigns is out there. I loved JBL talking about Ambrose' elbow being Muta-esque. Nice flying schoolboy from an Uso onto Ambrose...FOR THE WIN!? Wow. Great flash finish there. Reigns saved Ambrose from a Big Ending. Reigns offered to fight the Usos and Big E - showing he's got some fighting spirit in him before getting talked out of it. He's going to make an awesome babyface. HBK will be on Miz TV - WHY NOT HYPE THAT ON RAW!?

They came back and recapped HBK-Bryan from Raw and the Wyatts' stuff with Punk and Bryan. PTPs out to face the Wyatts...after an ad break. I got a local ad for the Bellator show tomorrow, so they're clearly trying to do whatever they can to get the word out since Impact was really the A show to push it and no one watched that live. Outstanding super-creepy promo from Bray. JBL compared Harper and Rowan to Brody and Hansen - good fit, despite Rowan not exactly being as good as Hansen. Titus ran wild on them both, but fell to the spinning lariat. Really good stuff here for a short match. It's a shame the PTPs are back to being enhancement guys, but htis was fun. Cole recapped Kane coming back on the PPV and on Raw.

Facebook follower recap - Rey has more fans than HHH. Miz is back with THEMOSTMUSTSEESHOWINTALKSHOWHISTORYMIZTV. You fucker - ACT SERIOUS. HBK WAS the guest, but he left the building. Great callback. He said HBK was to blame for Orton being champ, so Orton came out to kick his ass. Orton said he is bet-ter than Bryan and that when he kicked Miz's ass, the fans cheered. THE AUTHORITY HAS BANNED BIG SHOW FROM WWE FOR LIFE. Again, I think. I'm sure it'll stick this time. Orton asked him a question, but before he could answer, he got RKOd. This poor fucker. Main event 6 man was hyped. Dolph's WWEShop ad was hilarious - especially when he was playing with the belts, and the skateboards. Nice pink streak in his hair too. Tthe 25% off discount is decent, but not as good as TNA's sale though. Bellas team with Alicia to face Nattie and the Bellas next.

Great clothesline from Tamina onto a Bella. Seated dropkick to the back of AJ caused her to flip backwards. Sharpshooter got the win. Raw recap focused on Show's re-re-re-return and KO of Orton. Main event is next at 9:20. Well, this should be long and awesome. WWE 2K14 hype vid. Recap of the latest Cole-HHH site vid. They talked about the Real Americans beating the tag champs on Raw, which I'd forgotten - clips of the win would've been nice. I love how serious Cesaro looks when he's sprinting down - Swagger comes off like a goof playing a part here. All heck broke lose - leading to an ad break. "IN TWO DAYS, CENA BEAT THE WORLD CHAMP AND THE WORLD CHAMP MITB CONTENDER WITH ONE ARM!" Yup. I loved his line later about the Conquistadors. GLORIOUS Stratusfaction bulldog springing off of Cesaro. Heels are dominating before a break. Goldust took a quick suplex after the break, but got a HUGE Goldust chant. Goldust has turned into Steamboat here - getting a shot in every now and then. Chinlock from Sandow to Goldust - one of many in the match. Goldust firing in some elbows to the gut and the crowd is going crazier with each one. SNAP POWERSLAM gives Goldust his opening to tag in Cody. Springboard dropkick from Cody. He's beating the daylights ou tof Sandow here - fitting given that Sandow referenced turning on him to get the case earlier tonight. Moonsault got 2. Holly gut shot set up Cross Rhodes, but Sandow snapmared out of it and made a tag before the move hit. CESARO SWING! About 24 revolutions on it - tough to tell because they cut to a Cena spear later in the move, but it looks like he only got one off-screen revolution. Cena got a tag and hit the shoulder blocks to Cesaro followed by the fist drop. AA COUNTERED INTO THE CESARO LIFT. Can't wait to see that in a PPV semi-main event. Cesaro swing turned into an STF that he countered and turned into a Very European Uppercut. Disaster kick to Cesaro. You're Welcome to Cody. Goldust bulldog takes out Sandow. Double arm side slam from Swagger. Ankle lock to Cena, who threw him into the ropes to bounce back into an AA. So so so so so glad Cesaro didn't job here - his stock was raised a lot here.

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TNA Impact 10-31-13

I'm not sure what to make of the music for the Angle-Roode hype. It's got a Western twang to it that doesn't fit anything. They recapped THE WORLD CHAMPION LEAVING THE COMPANY. Dixie's in like a Halloween-colored librarian's outfit. Loved the dude blowing kisses when Dixie said AJ took her title. Dixie just let AJ take the belt and the car. AJ'S GOING TRAILER TO TRAILER TRICK OR TREATING SAYING HE'S WORLD CHAMP. I demand a skit of this. Dixie said that it's not AJ's title, and she needs a REAL WORLD CHAMPION. Well, Flair's not around. I like her saying she wants to find a guy who can make the company even bigger, as opposed to saying just big. 8-man tourney to crown a new champ, made up of 7 former world champs. Everyone came out and got a little video package after Dixie said their name. This part was clunky due to the placement of the videos, but the packages were good. I'd forgotten that Aries got a big confetti celebration for his win. Bully and Brooke came out. She's got some fine fuck me boots. The 8th slot will be filled by the winner of a gauntlet for the gold. Dixie said Bully wasn't going to be in this since he lost to AJ twice. Anderson ran down in street clothes looking like a schmuck.

ShopTNA ad featured Gail and Velvet in MK cosplay and hyped up the Black November Blowout - aka, the one time of year to buy stuff from ShopTNA. You can get an 8x10 of Brook's ass for a buck. Speaking of which, Brooke's ass berated Anderson, and Bully jumped him. They blurred Bully whipping Anderson to make it seem more violent. Christy's dressed in the world's brightest mad hatter outfit. BroMans have a new theme. It's still terrible. Odd to have Storm in both the tag title match and the world title picture, although that could just be due to how low it makes Storm feel. Taz said the Modern-Day Viking should be in Vikings colors. Tenay said that was a stupid thing to ask of MISTER INTENSITY. This man badly needs better nicknames. Okay tag match. Dug the return of the Warrior-Rude ending with Robbie holding Storm's leg down after a suplex. Sting met with Dixie in her office, which is a hum going throughout it. Dixie told him she'd lift Sting's ban on the world title tonight because the fans want it, and since he's still got it, he can go out first! He said he never felt entitled, and she asked if that meant yes in the greatest way ever.

Recap of Abyss's return, and it led to Bad Influences as Holmes and Watson. They said they'd find Abyss and solve the mystery of the missing TV Title. They should just give it to EC3, who is out to kill a jobber. He's got new black and blue gear that looks a bit better than his purple stuff. This dude desperately needs some entrance gear - he comes off like the Pope sans the swank gear. NORV VERNUM returned. Big BFG rematch. Horribly-done VO work from Tenay to hype up the Bellator show after Impact. Love EC3 no-selling the TWO FLYING SHOULDER TACKLES. Headlock driver with a flip bump. This was a fun murderdeathkill squash. Roode met with the doctor to explain to him why Kurt shouldn't wrestle him tonight. Roode said that for Kurt's safety, he wants to make sure that he's cleared by this dude. Sting walked backstage for his gauntlet. It's next. LOL. WWE 2K14 ad with  Hogan.

ODB's giant boobs were on-screen and met by Bad Influence. EY said Joseph isn't there, BUT IT'S A GREAT NIGHT FOR MONSTERS! Kaz sure did change quickly, because he's out for the gauntlet. Sting hit a suplex and got a "you still got it" chant. Knux is out...break time! EY's out. Hell of a showcase for Knux there. Taz said that people in Utah were weird, had 90 wives, and the altitude was terrible! TREMENDOUS punches from Daniels in the corner. Love Tenay burying Taz for rambling. ANOTHER AD BREAK, at 9:55. Manik's out and finally gives this match something noteworthy - a springboard dive onto Daniels. Hot damn - the XStravaganza DVD is only $5! Also, you can buy Kurt's wacky flag glasses! LOL at Taz - "I gotta get out of this club. THIS CLUB SUCKS!" It's down to Bad Influence versus the Mafia. Magnus got rid of Sting and Kaz. This...should have felt like a big deal, but didn't. They weren't kidding about the DVD deal - EVERY DVD is only $5. They showed Taz and Tenay with maybe $5 in Halloween decorations on and around the table. Gail's in the back with Tapa - her match is next. Another WWE 2K14 ad. Also, a great one for the next season of Moonshiners.

Dixie hyped up the brackets and A LITTLE SUMTHIN SUMTHIN. Also, THE WHEEL OF DIXIE! Tapa's theme is awesome, but sadly not on sale on TNA's site. ODB's on fire, and now has a bionic vagina. Taz is on a different world here. More bad VO work hyping up Turning Point. Between these shows and the Bellator deal, it really makes Spike as a whole seem low-rent. Great headscissors from Gail, but it got countered into a half-crab. Pretty hot one too since Gail's no-ass was hanging out. Super-sloppy front suplex hit from ODB, but Tapa's distraction allowed Gail to get a rollup win. Bad Influence bragged about putting on their OFFICIAL detective clothing, they've solved the mystery, and the fans have permission to worship them!

They hyped up "Where Action Never Ends", sadly without the clip of Brooke twerking. Daniels grabbed a pumpkin from under the ring, which led to Taz slightly burying it. That hot Brooke ass 8x10 isn't on the ShopTNA site yet - BOO! EY's out dressed like Joseph Park. Taz said he smelled like wet mayo in the sun. Egads. Abyss came out to end this silliness. He hit the slam on both members of Bad Influence. This was not great. A fan held up a Bring Back the TV Title sign. Holy crap, I completely forgot about Angle-Roode. What a bizarre show to have that match on. Better Sex ad hyped up a discount code for toys and porno.

They showed the brackets for the TNA World title tourney. Dixie showed off THE WHEEL OF DIXIE for the Sabin-Hardy match. It came up with a ladder match to show that Dixie's nice or something. Sabin looks like a low-budget douchebag. Nice video for the Roode-Angle match. I noticed that they put some white curtains on the entrance area - looks super cheap. Fine match so far - I liked Angle's quick roll out of the crossface. Nice elbow-raking abdominal stretch from Roode. Taz said the triple Germans were "crippling.". So weird to sorta hear a Benoit reference on TV. Crossface from Roode turned into the ankle lock - nice. Crucifix into another cradle, back into the crossface. Turned into an Angle slam! This is better than their PPV match. DEATH VALLEY DRIVER from Roode. Don't recall him ever doing that before, and it was a nice variant of it too since it ended like a neckbreaker. Grapevined ankle lock, but Roode got the ropes. Pop-up belly to belly got 2 after Angle draped his arm, but he stopped moving afterwards. Then he started convulsing. Ref called it. Roode won via TKO and they replayed the suplex. This was an effective deal, but really makes Kurt seem beyond over the hill. 

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Raw 10-28-13

Before the show, they showed the HBK superkick and then Cole asked FIND OUT WHY HBK WILL BE HERE. Um...to talk about the superkick YOU JUST SHOWED!? Also, Cena will start the show and there's a fan with a Bryan beard pumpkin sign. Hilarious bit where Heyman is shown in pain while Cole says THIS MUST FEEL GOOD FOR PUNK! Ryback-Punk gets a rematch tonight, with a fan-approved stip. King said IT'S BEEN SO LONG SINCE WE'VE SAID THE CHAMP IS HERE. Yup. 2 whole months. "I'M BAAAAACCKKKK!" compete with a goofy facial expression. He's going off on JBL for saying he was coming back too soon. JBL mentioned it every now and then. Hardly enough to focus the promo around him. Also -  he was concerned for your safety, asshole. Oh, and Cena's apparently going to be working SD as well. John Cena looks a bit ridiculous cutting this intense promo in all-pink. Cena then laid out a challenge to Orton, and rapped. The Cenation runs the show. Sandow came out and said IT'S IMPOSSIBLE for Cena to be healthy. So yeah, he's losing. Sandow teased a cash-in, said he wouldn't, beat the arm to death with the case. Crowd's going crazy for Sandow here - well, relative to their usual reaction. He trapped the arm on the steps and smashed him with a chair. Ad break before the match began, but after the cash-in. Seems like poor timing.

AFTER the break, Cena's still in the ring and waiting for the cash-in to start while the ref asked him if he could fight.  Cole said Cena underwent surgery the day after Summerslam...so during Raw then?! Ad break after moves like elbows and a suplex. They came back with more arm work. He's got the Cenation pink armband underneath his protective gear. AA hits, but Sandow got to the floor. They're teasing a doctor stoppage. Doc asked him, and Cena just waved him off, and...the Doc just left. Terminoose got 2. You're Welcome countered for a 2. "You're Welcome" was a bad catchphrase and makes for a worse finisher name. Sandow debuted the crossface, which would make a far better finisher. Countered into an AA attempt, then the full nelson slam for a dramatic...2 count. "THIS IS AWESOME" was called the ultimate form of respect. Flying crossbody missed, giving Cena another obstacle to overcome and he did - after another AA. This started off iffy, but got really good. Shield promo in the back. Big E-Ambrose later. Love Ambrose putting him over by saying he'd buy stock in the guy - and that he's a human bulldozer. He said HE'S GOT THE ONLY TITLE IN THE SHIELD, leading to get a death stare from the other guys. DO NOT FUCKING BREAK THESE GUYS UP.

Punk-Ryback hype. What the fuck is the difference between a street fight and falls count anywhere match? Langston looks like a badass with the stitched-up wound under his eye. They went a few minutes before the other Shield guys cost him the match.  I'm astonished they didn't cost Ambrose the title. Maddox made this a holla holla six-man. Cole brought up Show by saying "Speaking of the Big Show...", which no one was doing. TREMENDOUS Terry Funk-esque selling of a kick from an Uso by Ambrose. He fell like a tree...slowly...onto his ass. Intense spinebuster from the Uso with double arm sleeves. DOUBLE SPEAR BY REIGNS gets the win. Holy crap. This was short but sweet. Reigns continued the death glare the win when they focused on Ambrose. HBK explains himself next.

Could Shawn have any more crap on his wrists right now? It looks like the back of a car with 1,000 bumper stickers. Loved the middle-aged Punk fan going crazy with a "you sold out" chant. HHH is his best friend AND THAT'S NEVER EVER GONNA CHANGE. Unless he sledgehammers him in the spine again. HBK made a great case for saving HHH because he was there for him in his darkest hour. You screwed Bryan chant broke out. Loved HBK getting pissed and calling him a little puke for refusing the handshake. He reached for it, teased it, THEN LOCKED IN THE YES LOCK! Then Coel blandly exposited everything. Cannot wait for the actual match though - should be awesome. Timing-wise, it feels like it should happen at Survivor Series, but seems like a waste until HBK's coming back as a semi-regular until WM. No more shots of the top of Shawn's head please. He'd better do that match before God takes his hair away. The Rock tops the top 5 superstars on Twitter.

Renee interviewed Bryan, but stopped when...the Wyatts video played. And then they beat him up. Goddamnnit. Now he's back to Team Hell No AND we're not getting HBK-Bryan at that show either. IT'S VEGA! TWO VEGAS! DOS VEGAS! They're out to face 3MB. Oh boy. At least Heath has a giant fish net with him. It's 2-on-3. Not like it'll matter. JBL kept going on about El Torito being kidnapped since they've got him in a different outfit. Heath's got some titties on him. Fire extinguisher to the face. Butt gore,  double something or other for the win. Heath got put in his own net, then hit with a TRIPLE SPRINGBOARD headbuttblock by the bull.  They showed the app tutorial - in case you have something with apps and don't know how to find or install them.

A silly Dolph-VOed ad about breast cancer awareness aired - I did like that it said to get screened, but the rest of this was too goofy for such a serious issue. Recreate WWE's most famous matches with Power Slammer figures...how? The figures just seem to spin around a ton. Brie's being forced to compete in a tag against AJ and Tamina by the Authority. TREMENDOUS bump by Brie off the top for Tamina. Brie's outfit is something out of Rumble Roses. Tamina struggling to get Nikki's tits overhead into a Samoan drop. Super-snug Black Widow for the win. Kane returns next against the Miz. Zero setup for this from the announcers.

It got a recap...after the break with stills from the PPV. FUCKING SERIOUS MIZ...in his pink shirt. Miz is either in pain or needs to take a shit."Miz is a former WWE Champion - HE'S NOT A WALK IN THE PARK!". Hilarious. Chokeslam after a couple of minutes of action. Well, that wound up being a walk in the park. Kane was blown up and demanded Steph come out. I can't wait for Dixie to get a knock-off of Steph's theme. Love Steph cutting a promo with Glenn Jacobs. "The Monster is Yours to Unleash.". That was hilarious. And then he just unmasked and she held it up like a severed head.

PTPs shilled merch. TO said that DY couldn't catch, then he held up a Divas title. Subtle. Free shipping with the promo code PTP. Otunga's site video aired - so I think he's a face now. Punk cut a promo on the Ryback match and didn't lead for any particular option. Results and the match after the break. Okay, there's no good reason Ryback's buckle bomb should look less damaging than Rollins' version. Flying elbow through the table into the vice. This was damn near a squash for Punk. Wyatts theme hits. YAY - team ROH vs. the Wyatts at the PPV! D'Arce choke by Harper. Punk got busted up, but had a brief comeback before eating Sister Abigail and the spinning lariat.

Real Americans came out to a nice pop and did their flag javelin routine. YES! They're facing the tag champs - hopefully this leads to a best of 9,000 series. Cole hyped up the VERY COMPELLING footage of...Goldust putting paint on his face. Massive Goldust chant to start the match. Goldust certainly...was a part of the Attitude era. Not sure opening the Rumble PPV in a nothing match in '98 counts as being an architect of the era. He was one BEFORE the era, but not much of one during it. This dark turquoise gear works well for Cody. Great joke from JBL about Zeb's hair growth getting black and white time lapse photography. I cannot wait for the inevitable Cesaro-Goldust match on Match Event/Superstars. These two have tremendous chemistry together. Flying...we'll be nice and call it a knee to Cesaro to set up a hot tag to Goldust. BLIND DIVE CROSS BODY OFF THE TOP FROM GOLDUST! TREMENDOUS close call with that, then the Patriot Lock, then a schoolboy. Knee clip led to the Lock again and a tapout! YES! VIVA LA REAL AMERICANS! Loved this match. A non-title win over the tag champs actually felt important.


175 MILLION pictures are viewed on WWE's site each month. Recap of the MITB cash-in match. Alberto came out and waved his flag before putting it back in its stand. Alberto demanded his rematch. He vowed to break the arm. He's not going to break the arm until he takes armbar lessons from Ronda Rousey. Great Goldberg-Undertaker clips from 2K14. His press slam>spinebuster is in! Summer Rae's out to face Nattie. On live TV. Hype vid for Cena on SD - good to see them hype something up for that show. Summer Rae's got a great act and is a perfect bitch character. Iffy-looking stuff, but I liked her stump puller even though it didn't look good. Nice to see that back. LOLed at the belly flop to the knee. Nice shot of her ass as Cole talked about her being a WW II buff. Lots and lots of yelling here. This may be the longest women's match on WWE TV all year. Distraction by the goofballs, and then Summer Rae re-did the "leave Khali and turn to Nattie" part of the finish before tapping to the Sharpshooter. I forgot about Orton's celebration - it's the main event! Total Divas ad. So...bitch and roleplay are fine on WWE TV, as long as they're clips from...another WWE TV show.

The whole roster is on the stage for the Orton celebration. Axel's out in his gear, so he can at least come out and second Ryback for a while. I would actually have Ryback defend the title as his surrogate to help rebuild him. HHH said a decade ago that Vince asked him who the future would be and he chose Orton. HHH took credit for Orton's success. TAKE THAT, FOLEY! Steph's tits are A+ tonight. They put him over and he spoke. His TIE-TLE defines him, and his voice is shot. Show's out. Roster's revolting against the Authority. We're fixing for Walkout 2.0. "And Cody Rhodes as well!". Poor fucker got "And Zoidberg"'d. Show grabbed a mic and said you can arrest him - he'll just have friends bail him out. And his lawsuit will cost them MILLIONS. HE'LL TAKE EVERY DAMN DIME! Show's got some really nice clothes for a dude with no money. Nice KO punch. God, it's a shame they're building up Show-HHH because that never winds up being good.Nice "Let's go Big Show" chant.

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FATALITY!

SD 10-25-13

Sweet - SD's actually recording! That means I can watch WSOF live tomorrow night. Basic Raw recap opens the show. Lots of stuff with Show, man did Raw ever come off as 3 hours of nothing here. Tonight's main event looks awesome. Cole in-ring interview with HHH starts the show...why not hype that on Raw? Love Cole saying "you saw the footage" for events HHH lived through on Raw. Steph fired some IT and tech people today. Big Show has been banished from the WWE Universe, oh, and he's irrelevant too. HHH, like EVERYONE IN THE WWE UNIVERSE, can't wait for Cena's return. WWE Title has been vacant for 6 weeks now. Sure doesn't feel like it, especially since this angle's only gone on since August. HHH and HBK have been friends for 20 years- even when they were rivals. Bryan's out to end this thank God. Great crazy face on Bryan at the end of this 13 minutes of nothing. Bryan teams with Miz and the Rhodes Bros. against the Shield and Orton - should be fun. OUTSTANDING image for the Usos' match next - wallpaper-worthy.

WWE HAS MORE FACEBOOK FANS THAN THE NFL AND MLB COMBINED! Miz is out on commentary, and active on Facebook apparently. JBL told Miz to run, and Miz asked if he ever did - JBL rightly said yup - a couple times! I forgot how terrible Miz was on commentary - he's been in WWE 8 years and haven't seen anything like what they offer come along. AWESOME over the top flip bump from Harper on a clothesline. Miz attacked Bray, then ran like a pussy. Usos win after a double superkick. Good stuff here. Love the Usos boogieing after the win. AJ and Tamina will be out next.

Nikki's giant boobs are out to face AJ. They hyped up the Bellas being on Kimmel. Stuff about Total Divas. JBL called them "The Bries". I'm not sure if Nikki's going for a flying clothesline or just falling forward. AJ won with the Black Widow. Raw's Cena vid re-airs next. This show is so by-the-numbers. Nice Cell vid though. 2K14 vid. They hyped up Hogan and Goldberg being in it. Cole hyped up Cena's history returning from horrible injuries. That's kind of odd. Bray revealed Miz being beaten up and covered in a sheep mask with "Liar" on his chest. The Wyatts left...and the camera guy didn't help him. What a dick.

Cole was so concerned with what he saw, he hyped up the Cell and talked about 3MB. Now they're talking about the Miz deal. JBL "understands zero" of this. He should try to make sense of Impact. Tremendous exchange with Cole and JBL after Cole said he's a bull in a costume. JBL didn't like the bull goring Zeb low, but still wants one for himself. Best of 9,000 series continues. Real Americans are out on the ramp. JBL said the bull's nose ring was cute. Oh boy. Cole isn't even bothering to try and say words here. Los Matadores won. The bull could have rabies. JBL is so amazing. They helped the bull do a leapfrog - so does that make it a bullfrog then? Zeb insulted "the border-hoppin ban-dee-tos!" Love the bull getting pissed off about being called a kidnapping victim. Real Americans-Matadores was made for the PPV. Zeb prepared by PUTTING UP HIS DUKES for battle. Ryback and Heyman compete in a handicap match next. For whatever reason, this local Ford ad has scanned actual money and is blurring it.

Heyman and his "big, beautiful" Ryback came down. Recap of Big E and Punk's deal with them on Raw, which I'd forgotten about - so the vid served its purpose. E pinning Axel makes me think that maybe they'll keep it on Axel, but really, just take it off the guy and give Big E's singles push a shot in the arm. He introduced CM Skunk, CLEARLY SAID AS SUCH, which Cole sold as him saying Punk. The guy's in a Punk cosplay getup with a white stripe in his hair. THIS is how you do a wacky jobber deal - take notes, TNA. Heyman got the kendo stick and an ECW chant. He's just beating the fuck out of this dude. RYBACK, FINISH HIM OFF! #heyman4mkvoiceovers. Love Heyman doing Sandman's pose with the stick. Great promo afterwards, and the touch of grey on his hair adds to the craziness perfectly.Vickie laughed maniacally at the Punk-Skunk joke, while Big E demanded to replace Miz in the main event and said he's young and hungry and deserves a shot. YES! She said that she'd run the idea by HHH, and he said he thought she was the GM of SD - and not Maddox. Fine smart babyface logic there.

Alberto's out to cut another promo. Awesome all-black suit. Alberto says Cena thinks he's Superman, but Alberto stands for truth, justice, and the Mexican way. In Mexico, THEY'RE NAMING CHILDS after him.  But he only speaks for the Mexicans of his stature. TREMENDOUS dick move there. How could they ever try to turn this man face? Alberto is carrying this feud marvelously - shame it's second-fiddle to the VINTAGE ATTITUDE ERA recreation deal. Then he told the fans to kiss his ass. This wasn't as great as last week's promo, but still good. Truth's shilling bit was interrupted by Santino. You can buy SHEEPFACES AND FAKE BEARDS. Also, basketballs - Punk's looks good. This is a brilliant way to add filler to the show and make WWEShop's numbers better. Fandango faces someone next.

It's Khali. Cole told JBL to watch their Youtube show. They showed people Fandangoing. And a kid trying it. Giant close-up of the Komen logo and more hype about them donating some of the money made from the campaign to the group. JBL said that Khali was out with "a Hornswoggle and a Nattie Neidhart.". Cole hyped up Otunga talking about the Show lawsuit - feels odd to have that added to the story in such a nothing way. Catfight broke out causing a DQ after Fandango clipped the knee and Khali took the safest bump in history - Hogan's in '11 was AJ at BFG compared to this. Main event is next.

Bryan's out, then Big E. Cody and Goldust did separate intros despite having a new mashup theme to sell. Guess they needed to kill more time on the show. Big E and Bryan in maroon is a great look. Cole reminded everyone that the Rhodes Bros. story began at the beginning of the month at Payback - their match will certainly be on the Best of the year PPV set, so yay for Goldust getting more royalties. TREMENDOUS chop series from Rollins to Big E. I demand more with these guys - so give Big E the IC Title and have he and Rollins feud over it. Tremendous stuff from Goldust here. TOP ROPE DIVE FROM CODY TO THE FLOOR. Nice. Draping DDT to Bryan. RKO countered by Big E into the flying knee - awesome finish that doesn't bode well for Bryan on the PPV. Perfect match for Big E though - easily his best overall match yet.

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TNA Impact Wrestling 10-24-13

It's a week before Halloween and yet TNA is already full of doom and gloom. BFG was the most underwhelming show bearing that name yet, while Eric Bischoff might be gone. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR THE FUTURE OF WRESTLING GARETT BISCHOFF!? Hopefully a WWE developmental deal so he can actually learn the craft before being thrown on national TV. Great recap of the PPV. Good lord did AJ's left pec get all bruised and welted up. Dixie Land's tron hit and her theme's been given a more two-bit country twang. She's got a giant WELCOME BACK AJ STYLES banner that might as well have been printed up on old '80s computer paper. They appeared to spend about $100 on this whole deal. AJ's out with the revamped TNA World title for the first time - looks great, as did his anti-cancer gear. They showed the red carpet for the ring not even reaching the corners. Crowd is hot for all this. Dixie offered him the second-best dressing room - next to hers. She offered him Hogan's old watch that she found on Craigslist. AND A CAR! Holy shit. That car needs a fish tank in the rims. AJ renounced her material goods. AJ's gotta get some cream for that double chin of his. Combined with the beard, he looks 40. Dixie said AJ didn't have to wrestle tonight - they could get on her private jet, get out of this God-forsaken town and GO SOMEWHERE FUN!

Bully's out, and angry at Dixie for threatening to take his shot away. AJ turned down the chance to go to Dixie Land - tremendous. AJ said he came here to defend this title contract-or-not...so he isn't holding her up for money for some reason. Bully hilariously called AJ a kid again, despite them being about five years apart in age. Bully blamed Earl. This is going on for ages. He cut the exact same promo as last week, minus the Dusty/Flair stuff. Oh, and Bully's now a wrestling God. AJ said the Aces won't help Bully tonight and vowed to beat Bully and go back with his fans...just like he did on the PPV. Loved AJ saying afterwards, that he'll tell Bully what his name is - THE WORLD CHAMPION AJ STYLES! Bully beat him down with the picture stands. Powerbomb through the table was teased, but Anderson returned...in a T-shirt, jeans, black hair, and very little tan. He got blown up doing the corner punches. Oh boy.

Anderson's destroyed the celebration set over the break. Oh thank Christ, more talking. It's 9:29 and he's just rambling. Everyone's sick of Bully, or something. Fans are sick of it. Dixie's back out to talk. GODDAMMIT. She said Anderson's fired, and he said it's weird that she's into handcuffs. He likes getting arrested, I guess so he can try to cosplay '97 Austin. He left while doing very little to resist. This ate up time and adds to the count of current WWE things they're recreating - shame he's not seven feet tall. Great recap of the KOs title match from the PPV. Tapa's out on live TV, thankfully with Gail, who will be handling the work in this tag match.

Brooke's out. Not sure who she'll be teaming with since there aren't any other heels. Velvet's out. Well, this is odd. Turns out, she'll be teaming with Gail - odd since Gail beat her and Tapa KOed her. Tapa's not working, although that might allow her to get better. Brooke's ass is glorious, and Hemme in Flex Mag was hyped. They hyped up THE TNA WHERE THE ACTION NEVER ENDS campaign. What really goes on...because what's on TV is fake, you see. Velvet's ass is on display a ton here. ODB speared Brooke...who held on to drag her to the floor so Tapa could kick ODB and cost her the match. EC3 is next, to continue the '90 AWA vibe.

BroMans are backstage being wacky. IT'S CELEBROTION TIME! "The following. The Following..." Christy's not having a great night here. EC3 really needs some dazzling pre-match gear. Dewey Barnes is his opposition. This guy's theme still isn't the worst in TNA history. I hope this is building to either a match against Spike Dudley or Colin Delaney. Tenay outright begged people to DVR the show next week since you'll either be drunk or trick or treating. TREMENDOUS bump for the headlock driver. Goddamn that's one hell of a scar on EC3's stomach. He looks a lot like Rick Martel facially, and has a bit of his pre-drug testing physique. Angle will be out next to cut a promo, because fuck wrestling.

Outstanding Sting-Magnus video made the match seem far more epic, and better, than it was. Sting said he wanted to give him the chance, but didn't expect it would be against him...so why'd he make the match then? Magnus apologized for being an asshole at BFG and they shook hands. Good stuff here - it doesn't quite make up for them rushing the angle, but it does give this thing a chance to breathe and seem important. Nice recap of Angle and the HOF deal. Goofy ref mugging for the camera is ruining this Angle-Roode recap. Angle hurt his knee on the moonsault in his first match back. Yikes. Angle said he isn't ready for the HOF yet and put Roode over. Roode said that Sunday made up for two years ago when he lost to Kurt at BFG. More talking. Angle made a challenge for a rematch tonight. Really now - why buy PPVs? Roode said yes, but no - because Kurt's hurt DUE TO HIM. Loved Kurt hitting him with a punch and Roode bumping for it. Roode should really be in WWE right now - he'd be perfect as a Heyman guy in Axel's spot. Bully cut a promo with the Aces, but with the Impact bumper music playing over it, so it was impossible to hear. Bully sent the guys down to make sure Anderson doesn't post bail.


Trojan ad and a Better Sex ad back-to-back. Well, at least they're related to some degree. Bro Mans came out to be wacky. They've got a DJ, and the fans chanting "you can't wrestle.". Idiots. Jesse rules. Gunner's THE MDV. Because Modern-Day Viking might not roll the tongue. Storm insulted DJ Salami and called him Anus, to Taz's chagrin. "We're gonna take yer beer and protein bars – but you can keep your sister's skinny jeans.". Storm rules. Kaz insulted Gunner for being a pretend viking. Well, that's accurate. Loving him showing the Bro Mans what three is. Daniels insulted their lack of appletinis. Then EY and Park came out to be silly. Bottle smash from Daniels to Park. Rut Roh. Chokeslam to Jesse. AJ and Bully are backstage. NOW AJ has taped ribs?!

Tenay hyped up Where Action Never Ends, with some terrible-sounding VO work. Roode-Angle was announced for next week. The orange and white graphics rule. Bully rushed out for his intro. Didn't give Brooke's ass nearly enough screentime. A fan held up a #realheel shirt. Beyond the tape, AJ's selling the ribs. Oh yeah, he got hit with the photo rig. They should've recapped that. EARL's the ref. Screwjob V900. They plugged the Tournament of Champions PPV for 11/1. Ain't no fucking way on Earth anyone's buying that not even 2 weeks after BFG. I just remembered that Anderson's in jail - so I guess we'll get a run-in by the Aces, and then he'll make the save to give AJ the win. AJ took a backdrop and landed right on his left shoulder hard as hell. Bearhug from Bully was SHADES OF TED ARCIDI. Rampage 4 Real continues. Maybe he'll actually look good this time around. Running bionic elbow to a downed AJ missed. Bully did the Hogan ear cup. Springboard elbow got 2. Springboard 450 missed and AJ killed his ribs. Fat chick in the front row texting is distracting. Earl got clipped accidentally before the calf killer on Bully. Bully tapped...well, that should count since Earl's awake. Chain lariat from Bully. So the calf killer sure didn't do shit. Bully got 2. Cameras missed Anderson coming down. He did a neck snap on Bully and AJ did a shitty crucifix to win. Everyone was all tied up in each other for this. Weird. Dixie's got a giant AJ STYLES CONTRACT to present next.

They hyped up the PPV with a really shitty video showing how out of date it will be when it airs. Dixie hyped up his new contract with a bunch of zeros. Those zeros must be his royalty percentage. Dixie threw the new car in for the wife. This is really missing a "Sign it, ALLEN!". Dixie's a little tea pot now. AJ shot on Steph for buying a new house on the backs of her talent roster through Dixie. AJ wiped his ass with the contract while Dixie protested with the mic way too far. Crowd chanted Yes. Well, at least Bryan's a top-star on TNA TV now. "You suck Dixie." Tremendous. AJ said he's leaving the company with the title FOR THE PEOPLE. So he took her belt, and the keys to the car too. PUT THE MIC WITHIN 20 FEET OF YOUR FACE, DIXIE! AJ got in the car, now facing the exit.



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Raw 10-21-13

Between last week's awesome main event and reconnecting with a high school friend via Facebook tonight, I'm in a great mood before Raw. So let's see if a 20 minute opening promo can kill that. THE AUTHORITY will cut a promo to start Raw...goddammit! Same awesome video from SD on the tag title match opens up Raw. Hunter, who doesn't sell, because he's HHH and Steph are out. Their intro is broken up with clips of Show (still fired, getting tons of airtime) KOing Maddox. Now Maddox has a concussion. Today anyway. Bryan faces Ambrose tonight. Should be fun. Steph's "yer just jealous" almost won me over. Steph is looking pretty young tonight. HHH saying that YOU ALL CHOSE SHAWN MICHAELS BECAUSE YOU TRUST HIM doesn't bode well, especially with him saying he trusts him too. Big Show is live via satellite in front of a brick wall for some fucking reason. I guess he has a friend in production crew. Steph had the power to cut him off in 5 seconds, but not to prevent him from getting on the show to begin with.

Bryan-Ambrose is the opener. JBL mocked Cole for getting his facts about HHH from the Onion. JBL then said that Show must have friends in Anonymous after King said he must have pals in the truck. King's hyping up HIAC as a guarantee about the stip meaning NO INTERFERENCE! Then he talked about HBK in one...like the first one...where he won via interference. Cole referenced the 15th anniversary of the Cell match between Mankind and Taker. Well, it sure will be the 15th anniversary, in June of next year. Bryan's main eventing the PPV and opening the free show, and God this crowd is dead. JBL mocked Cole for saying JBL is under contract to the Authority. JBL rightly busted his balls for that idiotic statement. Cole concluded that a loss tonight would be bad for Bryan before the PPV. Well, no shit. Ambrose and Bryan doing the double-crossbody smash perfectly. Buzzsaw kick ducked into a cradle, then the Yes lock for the win. Nothing wrong with this, but it was pretty by the numbers.

WWE HAS 20 MILLION FOLLOWERS ON TWITTER! Punk threatened to thrash Heyman inside the cell. Vickie met with The Authority next to a giant blue UPSTAIRS box. HBK met with HHH and Steph overpowered both of them on the phone. HBK sounds like Hunter's old, gay best friend. Steph talked about how NO ONE IS SURE how Big Show got on Raw. HBK said that he and Hunter did it all the time. Steph kept bringing up a fired man's name for some reason. HBK said they've grown up, but he hasn't, so he made a wacky noise and leapt around. Santino, Khali, and Hornswoggle came out dressed like the Kings of Wrestling - TNA version, not ROH.

HE'S NOTHING BUT A ROUND DOG! EATIN ALL THE TIME! JBL has earned his salary for a decade. It's Santino against Slater. Crowd gives zero shits about this. Cole said THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT as if Vince was yelling at him to say it. The cobra has an Elvis wig on. Kip up into the cobra for the win. This was really, really, really, really stupid and didn't amuse me anywhere near as much as it was meant to. Santino said there's only one King - Jerry. King danced with him on the table. Why King couldn't just work this match, I have no idea. The WWE Pruniverse chose to recreate Punk-Taker, with clips switching between his default gear and WM-colored stuff.

Recap of Show invading the Show via satellite. Dolph's out to face someone. Randy Orton, WWE Title contender...in an unannounced match... Cole read lines off a green sheet of paper to recap what happened on the app. Tremendous bump from Dolph off a ringpost shove from Orton. Jerry Lawler and the Elvis Cobra are trending worldwide. Exploder led to Dolph taking a crazy video game shoulder bump for it. VINTAGE NO MERCY T-BONE. Dolph, two-time world champ, winning would be a "big upset" RKO win for Randy. "John Cena's diary of persevernence." aired. AJ faces Brie at the PPV, and tonight, AJ and Tamina team up against the Bellas. Cole said THERE'S A GREAT READ ON WWE.COM about AJ, exactly like you'd hear in the games. Nikki's ass crack made its Raw debut. Brie's thong showed up a bunch, and she smacked Tamina with the big knee that actually hit and then got the X Factor on AJ for a win. So AJ retains. 30 Second Youtube Fury on the armbar. Sadly, they showed Alberto highlights and not Ronda Rousey ones. Usos face the Shield tonight for a shot at the tag titles - why would the Usos lose their shot through no fault of their own?  I was looking forward to the idea of a 3-way tag too.

Renee talked about Heyman, and showed the Big E turn from SD. He confronted Heyman on his promo. Mat Great vid on Bryan and HBK's history. Miz and Kofi face Rowan and Harper. Kofi hit the kick to Rowan on the apron, but ate the big lariat and lost. This was a match. The family tied Miz up and held his eyes open. Axel and Ryback came out and Cole pimped the anti-cancer campaign. Big E's out to face Axel. Match never got going as he got double-teamed. I sense a HOLLA HOLLA TAG. Big E did great and survived a cane shot, then Punk came out and bonked the heels with a cane. Vickie, who earlier was given the crap jobs of the night, made a holla holla tag. Sadly, she didn't offer to marry Heyman and Ryback after saying "with the power vested in me.". Punk's got his Bret homage gear on. Cole said the app was APP-solutely free. Loved JBL saying that King's just mad at Heyman because he shaved his head 20 years ago in Memphis. King said that mother nature shaved Heyman's. GLORIOUS! Ryback's legdrop needs a WEEEE GIF. Big E beat Axel with the Ending. Truth pimped merch and a promo code for the site.

Goldust faces Rollins on Main Event. I might actually watch the show! Fat guys face Real Americans. Recap of the bull attacking a war hero. THE BULL CUT AN INSET PROMO! Also, the bull fighters were there too. MONKEY FLIP FROM TENSAI! Finlay-esque seated senton from Cesaro. Zeb asked if WWE writes checks to Matador Uno or Dos. Cesaro swing on Brodus, ankle lock got the win. YES! Big E gets an IC Title shot on the pre-show. King pimped the Cena brawlin buddy. They aired a super-dramatic history of Cena video. Dude's been gone 2 months. They showed him beating Brock. This was the most rah-rah-rah Cena video ever. If there's ever a video package that can draw money, that was it. They replayed Alberto's great promo from SD on Cena. An AWESOME mashup of Goldust and Cody's themes hit. They'll do commentary for the Shield-Usos match.

Poor Cody has to follow Zeb. I hope he at least puts himself over here. Miz TV returns with Orton. I don't see that ending well for Miz. Crazy Taker dive STARTED the match. GLORIOUS flying elbow strike in the corner to Reigns on the top rope. JBL demanded that Cody start saying something with conviction. Cody said that he and Goldust were better than the Briscos. In neither case is that true. The Usos have the best pink gear of anyone on the roster. Earthquake powerslam from Reigns. Cody I think said something on commentary. Dude's super-quiet. Ambrose was disgusted by his commentary and attacked him. Mayhem broke lose and it's a double no contest. YAY 3-WAY! VINTAGE SHANE-O-MAC mounted punches from Cody. Contract signing is next.

HHH and Steph got a partial entrance while everyone else got full ones. HHH put over HBK gloriously. HBK adhered to the code of honor by shaking Bryan's hand. Bryan brought up Orton only being in the picture due to HHH. Oh yeah, the pedigree at Summerslam. It's impossible to believe this has only been going on for two months because it feels like it's gone on forever. Orton said words intensely. Bryan said words. HHH said that Jericho and RVD weren't THE GUY, and if they were, everyone would be working for Turner. They already started setting up Bryan-HHH in HHH's return. HHH said he'd only fight A+ guys. Sheamus is A+! HHH said that HBK wasted his time training Bryan, and HBK corrected him. Yup. As JBL said, he just took his money while Regal trained him. HBK misses the guy who played strip poker with him....Maybe he's jealous Hunter spends all of his time with Steph instead of with him. HBK backed up Bryan's goofy beard because he had one, and says that HHH's angry because Bryan keeps fighting and has proven HHH wrong. Bryan moved the table, then a big rig  driven by Show got into the building. Big Show is the one man able to rock a leather button-down shirt. Bryan got in a cheap shot. 


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WWE SD 10-18-13

Show-opening video was entirely dedicated to the Rhodes title win, and made that match seem like it was even better than it was. They also showed HHH throwing the Rhodes' out of the ring. Regular blah SD intro followed. Brad and Vickie are out. I hope she asks Brad to kiss her LIKE A MEXICAN! Big Show will NOT be here tonight. Maddox is a mad ox according to Heyman, and a "mad ducks" according to Vickie. There's security all over the place to make sure that the Big Show won't be here. Brad sucking up and saying he sure hopes that the fans all have a good time ruled. Daniel Bryan's out. Wow does his star feel like it's fallen. Sure, he's got a decent crowd reaction, but he feels pretty secondary now with Cena coming back. A sign proclaims him to be the Wrestling Jesus. Bryan said there's a rumor that a sasquatch-like creature is here. OH NO, IT'S THE YE-TAY! Or the Big Show. Well, that was a hell of a thing to build up for...seven minutes. Theme and tron cued up and...he's not there. Thank God. Show will be here later, and Goldust and Cody are here and out! YAY! The penny belt looks decent on Goldust. Team Babyface faces The Shield tonight - yay! This was an efficient use of 10 minutes. Punk faces Big E later. Wyatt Family faces Miz and Kofi, or as I'll deem them, Awesomely Racist next.

I love the little touch of Rowan's mask being slightly smashed up - makes him look even more sick. Kofi avoided the big boot, but ate a spinning lariat of death from Harper to lose. I love the little New Orleans twang in Bray's promos - it adds an unsettling element to everything he says. Brie's out WEARING PINK BECAUSE WWE SUPPORTS SUSAN G. KOMEN AND WILL DONATE A PORTION OF THE PROCEEDS OF ALL PINK MERCH SOLD. These kinds of pitches make Cole hard to take seriously at times since he has the same inflection for everything. I love JBL busting Cole's balls for AJ being at ringside and it not being fair despite AJ DOING NOTHING and Brie losing fairly. This isn't really just an issue with Cole, but how faces are booked - poorly. Cole recited part of the speech AJ cut a month or so ago - minus saying they gave head to get jobs. Nikki talked about Brie mode, so AJ kicked her ass more and skipped around. Brie's got a massive welt under her left breast, and she countered AJ with a...reach-behind jawjacker...ish thing. Running something resembling a knee from Brie. Brie won with the shittiest-looking X Factor in history after some shit outside and a terrible schoolgirl cradle as well. Everything in this that involved Brie moving was not good.

Big Show...just walked on through the crowd, over the barricade...and has THE WORLD'S BIGGEST HOODIE and biggest anti-cancer shirt too. Lilian gave him the mic, so having an autographed ticket from Bryan means you can walk through the crowd, get into the ring, and cut a promo. The Tweets have helped Big Show - I'm amazed he can afford a phone bill. Maybe he should be sponsored by Metro PCS. Maddox did his best Bischoff impression, was an asshole, and got KOed. He just fell down gloriously, like a tree, and Show did the yes bit. Love JBL saying that while KOing Brad is popular, IT'S STILL CRIMINAL! Punk-Langston is up next. BUT FIRST, an awesome video with a creepy song and Cena getting sewn up. The jokes write themselves about this video being filled with needles and syringes.

Punk's out for his match with Big E. Beat the Clock recap. Crazy plancha from Punk to Big E, who caught him and hit a backbreaker on the apron! Ouch. Big E did the best half crab in ages - take notes Brie. The move looks so deadly with him doing it. Punk avoided a shoulder charge, which Cole called NIFTY! Love the one guy in the crowd saying GO BIG E, C'MON KID! This is way beter than their Raw match. Punk's knees are fucked, so I wish he'd take the flying elbow out of his arsenal. Maybe if it looked good, it would be worth it. GTS countered into the body clap, then the giant running frog splash. Big Ending countered into the high kick and GTS for the win. Outstanding match for Big E. Heyman insulted Big E, and I just noticed that Ryback's singlet has his giant mouth logo on it. At the PPV, Punk faces MY RYBACK. Heyman is so great. Heyman quoted AC/DC. Tremendous. Ryback I think just fell right into the apron trying to attack Punk. Crowd popped big at the sight of E just being next to Punk - yes! TREMENDOUS sell for the body clap from Axel. Can't wait for him to be IC Champ. Wouldn't be surprised if they do that match at the PPV. If they'd done this on Raw, dude would've been made. As it is, all they need to do is replay/redo it and they're golden. Alberto's walking backstage to talk about Cena next.

Yosh is interviewing Alberto, and is shown the Cena vid from Raw. Alberto's reaction involved him carrying the Mexican flag because he's God's gift to humanity. Gringos have no passion - NO MEXICAN PASSION! As a result, he must face THE ULTIMATE GRINGO John Cena. Alberto said Cena needs to start from the bottom - not with THE CHAMPION. Alberto cut an awesome promo about Cena going soft and not being the man he used to be - outside of his ego, which is growing. It will be gone after Alberto defeats him. He said he'll snap his arm and demonstrated the armbar on Josh. This greatly exceeded my expectations. Alberto's clearly got a fire lit under him getting a main event slot again. Alberto then used the flag as an imaginary shotgun. Alberto ruled all here.

Real Americans are in the ring and JBL and Cole are hyping up the Youtube show. They'll face the Usos here. U-SO bit got over huge. Love seeing JBL and Zeb back together, and on commentary too! Nice sliding D by an Uso. Love Zeb saying that people didn't like what he had to say about Alberto, but boom, look at him now! LOS MATADORES AND THE BULL SHOWED UP TO THE GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN! Cesaro Swing got nine billion reps. Zeb wants him to swing a matador next. Also, THE LOS MATADORES ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR TEXAS ROBBERIES. Swagger is goddamned pale now. LOS MATADORES KIDNAPPED A MAN AND PUT A BULL COSTUME ON HIM! Zeb is amazing here. Loved JBL saying HERE COME THE KIDNAPPERS when the matadors came out. The match didn't end, by the way. Everyone just stopped so goofy bullshit could occur. Zeb got gored in the balls and the ass, then the Usos won. They really should've done the goofy stuff after the fall, because this undermined the Usos being top contenders. Swagger got hit with the Los Matadores/Torito finisher. So...why aren't they in the tag title picture officially?

THE DICTIONARY DEFINITION OF SMACKDOWN was shown. Recap of HBK on Raw. Contract signing for Orton-Bryan on Raw. Presumably, unlike Impact, they won't have Steph come out and say THE MAIN EVENT THAT'S BEEN HYPED FOR WEEKS MIGHT NOT HAPPEN. Orton cut a bad promo and flubbed some stuff on Bryan. They showed Bryan-Orton in 2K14 inside the cell - every single thing shown can be done in WWE '13, and if it wasn't for the redone title belt, it could've passed for footage from that. Cole talked about interviewing HHH on WWE.Com...and that's it - no clips. Cole brought up how Cody and Goldust were re-hired at Battleground, which means they're running two firing angles way way way too quickly, and too similarly. TREMENDOUS running boot to the side of the head from Goldust to Reigns. Have Reigns work with him for enough time and you'll have a guy you can throw into main events without any worry in a few months. Disaster kick sent Rollins from mid-ring to the floor! Crazy shove to the floor on Goldust, who avoided a spear into the steps. Knee to the gut from Ambrose was countered with one from Bryan, who then hit a front chancery suplex. Super double underhook suplex from Ambrose got 2. Buckle bomb to Cody onto Goldust onto the announce table. Yes Lock, suicide dive, YESaiku knee got the win. This was a tremendous show overall. Exactly what they needed to rebound from last week's show.

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