WWE Main Event Live 3-18-14

Shock of shocks, but this Canadian Stampede crowd reaction has held up well. Shame they aren't re-doing all of these shows to nix the blurring period. Holy God, Flair has aged a billion years since this LoW was shot. They're at least plugging Ion's airing of ME now, so maybe they actually want that free money. Rhodes Bros. are out. Oh yeah, they didn't hype up any matches for this - just 'Taker, which is honestly more exciting. It's a rematch from SD against the Real Americans. There's gonna be a wacky 4-way to determine the top contenders to the tag titles...on SD I think. They talked about the DEBUT of Undertaker on ME. It's his first appearance, but unless it's a match, using debut seems a bit odd. A wacky acoustic version of "Voices" and "I Walk Alone" hyped up WM. Really nothing to this match so far. 3 point stance from Cesaro led to the clothesline, like Duggan, but good. Swing got 8 revs, leading to a tag to Swag. Cody tagged in and hit a springboard double dropkick to both dudes. Moonsault block got 2. Disaster kick countered into the ankle lock. You know, as silly as HBK surviving the ankle lock at WM 21 was, at least he was HBK and not CODY RHODES!  Cross Rhodes got the win after Goldust saved Cody from not being able to get to the ropes thanks to Cesaro. The generic announcers stood out because they were on-screen, and hyped up Slam City. Cena-Harper got hyped. That Cena shirt looks like it should be used for a WWE Pac-Man clone.

Funkadactyls are out. Layla and Alicia are out - so Foxsana might be done! Layla appeared to steal her gear from Lisa Tuttle. Naomi's cookie hit Alicia right in the face during the double legdrop. Awesome recap of the HHH-Bryan stuff from Raw. Oh thank God, it's Big Show. Boy has his stock dropped a ton in four months. Titus came out to job...BOY THANK GOD THEY BROKE UP THE PTPS. Show hits a chop on the floor and then one against the ropes. Titus goes for the knee and then did the kick>pop up bump repeat spot. BIG back suplex from Show to Titus to counter a headlock. Titus got up first, OF COURSE. SKY HIGH TO SHOW got 2. Chokeslam and KO punch get the win. Taker is up next. BUT FIRST, it's the awesome "Legacy" vid. And then, it's a recap of the Heyman stuff from Raw.

Heyman bullied Lilian to give him the mic. Heyman talked for a while and cut a basic promo. It was fine, but not the most exciting thing ever. Taker came down. Taker came down and Heyman went OH NO! Taker showed up behind him in his gear. Taker looks so old now. The jet black Amish beard is something else. He's at least got the mohawk grown in though. The close-ups were not kind to his many wrinkles. Taker will be at Raw, and just let Paul leave. I did like him scaring Paul with the pyro, but this wasn't much of a promo, or a show.

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NWA Starrcade 1987

Show starts with a 6-man tag. Garvin is "Gorgeous" here, but dressed like Hayes with a shiny red outfit and his white gear underneath. Sting is the masculine-looking one of the bunch. Rick Steiner's gear is even more absurd than his '93 stuff, Gilbert's is fine, and Larry's in the same gear he's had since the stone age.  Faces all hit dropkicks, with Hayes's being near-Renegade-level. Sting's white tights with a gold scorpion and the black line on the beltline looks great - he should've kept that beltline look. Basic stuff and a "LARRY SUCKS" chant breaks out. Hayes grabs his nose like Popeye and bops him before doing a moonwalk. Larry's showing more fire than anyone else with his kicking combo in the corner to Jimmy. SHOULDERMOUNT POWERSLAM BY LARRY. Wow. Moves. Moves. Abdominal stretch. Moves. There's no real flow or story to what's going on. There minutes remain in the time limit, so that should fire things up a bit. Hayes bulldog gets 2 with Larry's let over the ropes. 45 seconds left and Steiner's going for a win with a bearhug, turned into a suplex for 2. Time limit draw. BOO. What a crappy finish to a nothing match. The Starrcade announce desk looks good - very '80s, but still better than TNA's current one.

Missy Hyatt is looking hot backstage, and then she forgets to run down the card and throws it back to Jim and Tony's stache. UWF Title is the second match on the show, so yeah, it really was basically booked like the ECW Title when WWE brought it back. It's Williams-Windham, UWF Champ vs. WESTERN STATES HERITAGE CHAMP. Doc in his Sooners jersey looks cool. Doc basically has a stache and stubble, and looks weird. They shake hands and start with a criss cross. Nice O'Conner roll by Barry gets 1. It's funny hearing Jim talk about the Sooners here. Basic amateur stuff here. They do that to the floor and get a variety of boring chants. Now that's unfair - they're at least trying here, unlike the opener. Doc was only 27 here, and looks no less than 35. Standing chinlock gets a boring chant. I'll allow that one. They do a slow duck down exchange, peaking with Barry going for a crossbody and flying over the top and bonking his head on the table. Oklahoma Roll with a leg cradle from Doc wins this match. It was not exactly bad, but definitely not what you'd expect from these two. Doc's speed for the cradle was impressive - Brock should bust that out sometime.

MX comes out with Cornette, they'll be facing THE ROCK AND ROLL EXPRESS. This should be fun. Or not - it's a scaffold match. Robert's gut is something else here. Bubba takes out Ricky, leaving it 2-on-1 on the scaffold. They're moving the railing just by touching it. Thankfully, everyone's in black tights. Ricky takes out Bubba with the racquet, and he's bonking everyone! Powder in the eyes of Robert. They do a missed heel punch spot and Eaton's punch almost connected with the air near Stan, which is completely understandable here. OH GOD THEY'RE USING THE RAILING AGAIN. They break the railing, so it's a weapon now. Racquet's back in use and Robert's throwing some great shots here. Stan falls off the scaffold...and they miss the shot. Ricky hits Bobby with the racquet...right in the ass. Bobby takes a great bump off the scaffold to wacky kicks and racquet shots. Bubba's going up. He's got the shiny red racquet, and throws it away because he doesn't need it. Ricky tells him to look over there, he does, and gets punched in the balls before Ricky leaves. Well that part sure sucked. Ricky then tries on Bubba's jacket and hat.

Caudle interviews Garvin and MICHAEL HAYES IN A SUIT! Hayes cleans up nicely. I like them using cursive for the font. Garvin talks about how brave Dusty is for putting his career on the line, then he says he and Hayes will face whoever wins the tag title match and he's proud of his "brother" Ronnie. Hayes yells at him to TESTIFY. Garvin's double chin is aging him terribly. Garvin as a rah rah rah face is bizarre. Doc calls himself the world champ, and Barry had his chance, but UNLIKE THE SOONERS, Barry didn't take advantage of it. HE'S THE WRESTLING MACHINE OF THE YEAR, and is stumbling over his words. HE'S THE WRESTLING MACHINE OF THE WORLD. Tony's talking about the bunkhouse stampedes going all across the country. It's time for Nikita and Terry Taylor to unify the TV titles.

Terry Taylor comes out in the robe he sold to Roode later, only it's got "Terry" on it. The lighting and smoke for entrances is just blinding. Terry shows off his belt,  but they obscure it with his graphic. Big punches and arm wringers by Koloff. Reverse suplex leads to Nikita Koloffing up and hitting some corner mount punches. FANTASTIC inverted atomic drop out of the corner there. Gilbert did something to Koloff's knee that wasn't shown on-camera. Figure four to Nikita leads to him clinging to the ref for support - more facesH should do that. Russian sickle hits for the win! He's so happy...and drops the UWF belt which the ref quickly grabs. Time for Arn and Tully against the Road Warriors. Road Warriors don't have "Iron Men" yet, so their theme is replaced. Hawk and Arn start, and Arn takes the Flair slam off the top. Between that and the figure four, it's weird to do Flair spots BEFORE the Flair match. Tully makes a swift save to prevent a submission from a bearhug. Animal gets a kneeling bearhug to Tully, then hits an inverted atomic drop. Tully tags out, and Arn eats a spinning press slam. Tully comes in and takes out the knee of Hawk. Figure four from Tully to Hawk. Tommy Young gets bumped. Double clothesline sends Tully forward somehow. Road Warriors get the win! BUT WAIT! OH NO! TOMMY YOUNG IS DQING THEM FOR THE OVER THE TOP THROW! They at least had the Warriors leave with the belts, but this finish sucked.

Nikita cut a promo about Terry being his toughest foe. NIKITA IS PROUD TO BE ONLY TV CHAMPION. And he wants the world title too. JJ says they turned back the challenge of the hometown team, and while he's helping Flair train, HE SIMPLY CAN'T GET HIS MIND OFF OF DUSTY RHODES! Now, he needs to retire Dusty. DUSTY HAS TURNED BACK EVERY CHALLENGE IN HIS CAREER, CAN HE TURN BACK THE PERFECT ATHLETE LEX LUGER!? Lex has a black and silver lightning-bolt robe on. Dusty...didn't quite run down. He walked with some pep to the cage. DUSTY'S CAREER IS ON THE LINE for 90 days. I call bullshit on Dusty only weighing 270 since Lex is billed at 277 and looks at least 40 pounds leaner than Dusty. Tony puts over all of Dusty's amazing accomplishments. Winning titles. Parting the red sea. Supervising Noah's construction of the Ark. Turning water into moonshine. He's also the master of the steel cage match. Don't forget the bunkhouse match. Since Johnny Weaver's the holder of the key, Dusty goes for the Weaver Lock for a pop and it works. Dusty's left knee is wrapped up, and gets kicked after a variety of punches and poses from Dusty. Cage shot to Dusty turns up some blood. Armbar from Lex allows Dusty to rest some more. Dusty briefly stands, but is taken down again...ugh. This match is a slog to get through. Corner punches. More arm stuff. Dusty is not moving. Now he's firing back with a flurry of punches. 15 minutes gone by, 30 remain. If we only get one time limit draw, I'm glad it was the opener. MORE. PUNCHING. Weaver Lock, now in the center of the ring. JJ takes out Weaver, and since he can't get in, he threw a chair in instead. DDT from Dusty to the chair gives him the win. This either had glimpses of greatness, or it was boring. JJ worked harder than Dusty, and I think Johnny Weaver was more over than Dusty here. And Dusty's U.S. Champ now too.

Flair got a huge entrance with the crazy lighting working for him. Ron Garvin with the Big Gold NWA Belt looks so weird. Flair's white and silver robe looks great, although his subtle red, white, and blue color scheme is a tad odd. They start off with a sick corner chop exchange. A Garvin sucks chant breaks out. GARVIN STOMP. More stiff chops. Low blow from Flair saves him. Nice realistic-looking inverted atomic drop. Stiff punch and chop combo in the corner from Flair. Great selling of the bombs away on the knee from Flair - Garvin tried to stand and just fell on his ass. Chops to the chest and a kick to the knee led to a knee breaker and the figure four! Garvin gets out by reversing it. GARVIN BLOCKED A SHOT INTO THE CAGE, and does it again. Flair finally eats the steel off an irish whip counter. Cheese grater spot with the cage on Flair. Now they're fighting on the top rope and bonking heads on the top of the cage. Good God more hard chops to Flair in the corner. "We hit each other very hard in very safe places." comes to mind here. FLAIR GETS SLAMMED OFF THE TOP! Figure four from Garvin...which sure would mean more if it wasn't the third one of the night. Flair's begging to not get beaten up anymore by saying OH GOD a ton. More corner chops from Garvin. Now Flair counters with some of his own. Crossbody off the top from Garvin gets 2. High-arching backslide gets 2. Now Flair's between the cage and the ropes and getting chopped to death. Heatbutt>Chop exchange up ton leads to Flair crotching himself on the rope. Sunset off the top gets 2, with a tease of Flair winning via a counter and cheating. Flair pushes Garvin into the ref, and Garvin hits the punch. The MOMENTARY distraction allows Flair to kick out, hit a Stun Gun into the cage, and win. This was a fun war and the win got a huge pop. It's impossible to see this show and think that the WWF's production values were going on at the same time since everything is just so dim.

Raw 3-17-14

Tensai's on the panel with his wacky NXT name. Bryan-HHH recap. I think Miz is a face now since he's siding with Bryan. Tensai with glasses and a tiny headset and his GIGANTIC BEARD is weird. Nattie beat someone on Superstars. She beat Alicia. THE VICTORY FEELS AMAZING, AND IT'S ALSO TIME TO TALK ABOUT TOTAL DIVAS! Nattie then recited bad lines and catchphrases. They showed Bryan taking out both Batista and Orton with the knee on Raw. WM Rewind will focus on WM XX and of course...Cena-Show. Cena and Hogan recap. Tensai recited Bray's promo in a wacky way. Riley and Miz argued about Miz being destroyed at WM, and Miz pointed out that he won. 3MB's in a match on Superstars. Sandow apologized for not wrestling on Raw, and said he'd be in the Andre battle royal. And according to Brad, he'll get to be killed on Raw. Real Americans face the Usos tonight. The RA-Rhodes match from SD was recapped. Swagger and a new Real Americans shirt talked with Renee in a cute outfit. Cesaro told Dutch to solve this, calling him Dutch. Brock-Taker recap. JBL did his little dance coming down. Tensai talked about being taken out Brock and trying to end the streak. King's back in his Xzavier shirt. This was a nothing pre-show.

Occupy Raw recap opens Raw, leading to an HHH promo. HHH said the fans would be the cause of the Yes Movement's end, and the end of Daniel Bryan. He said he'd talk to him later, leading to BIG DAVE in grey skinny jeans, shades, a No Paparazzi shirt. Batista looks even skinnier in a skinny hipster shirt. A fan held up a Punk sign while Batista talked about not being cool with the triple threat. Then the parade of promos continued with Orton. "I'M SORRY, H!". Orton is winning me over with the first line. Orton demanded a no DQ match with Bryan tonight. I like the idea of Bryan-Orton in a no DQ match more than the triple threat match. Orton said that when Batista left, no one cared, and when he came back, they cared even less. Then Batista buried Orton for being a shitty champion. Batista now looks leaner than Orton. HHH is sick of them, he's sick of HOLLYWOOD MOVIE STARS thinking they know more than him, and he's sick of technically-gifted guys who can't win a match without him holding their hand. He's doing a great job burying everyone, and said that the HHH-Bryan was now completely for a shot at the title - so he can win it too. RKO to Batista turned his shirt into a belly shirt. Usos-Real Americans is next.

A weird Cole/King K-Mart ad aired. They recapped the HHH-Orton-Batista deal. Batista yelled at Renee that coming back to WWE was a big mistake. Oh, and the Real Americans-Usos match is up. A bit We the People chant started the match off. The Usos used Jeff Hardy's double legdrop to the gut - so now they're using Hardys and Dudley stuff. WISPHER IN THE WIND. Oh yeah, forgot about that being used before. Big boot gives Swag the edge for a break. They came back with a sleeper from Cesaro. Cole put over WWE winning the Cable FAX award for BEST SMARTPHONE APP, and they won another one for #riseabovecancer. Uso chops away and then Cesaro uppercuts his face off. Swagger caught the leg and ate an enzuiguri. Assalanche to Cesaro gets 2. Cesaro kicks out of the double Samoan drop at 2. One Uso hit a dive, the other ate an uppercut and the Neutralizer for the win! I liked this - they actually had the Americans as a united front here and it helped the match. King's shirt has green in it. HAVE YOU HAD A CHANCE TO SEE WWE SLAM CITY!? Sure haven't. Wow does this look bad.

They thanked everyone for joining the WWE Network and recapped the Kane-Shield stuff from SD. Mr. Kane talked to the Shield. They're united...but maybe not for him. HORNSWOGGLE HAS LONG HAIR NOW! YAY BAD NEWS BARRETT! Barrett buried St. Patrick's Day for leading to drunken activities that everyone would regret for the rest of their lives. Sheamus is out to face...Christian? No. BNB? Nope - TITUS O NEIL, in a St. Patty's day brawl or something for some reason. Titus is out with a Sheamus beard and a giant green hat. Slam City is trending - guaranteed WWE paid for that. JBL buried Cole for beating King since that means nothing, and Christian said only he would beat himself. Christian buried JBL for burying him, and said that King was David Spade in a fatsuit and that he was an overachiever. Christian said Hornswoggle outweighed both guys in the match. JBL said the clubbering would cave Christian's chest, and Christian said it would get caught in JBL's flab. Sheamus won with the kick and then got attacked by Christian...this was a thing.

ARNOLD RETURNS TO WWE on Raw. The Terminator is doing a Yes chant! Scooby and the Mystery Machine will also be on Raw. They're trying to get #cenaslegacy over. Cena talked about having 3,500 matches and being like an old married couple with the fans. He said he was afraid of Bray. I hope they do some new Cena gear for WM, because Neon Cena against Bray seems odd. Cena said he'd fight for every man, woman, and child who ever believed in him and fight for his legacy! This ruled. Bray cut a backstage promo IN CENA'S NEON GEAR! Bray buried him for having a plastic girlfriend and a castle. I demand a backstage bit with Bray and Jake. Bray doesn't care if he lives or dies at WM - he just wants the world to see John like he does. So yeah, this was all great. Orton-Bryan is next.

THIS IS RAW EPISODE NUMBER 1,086! Bryan hit the dive, then Orton hit him with a cane and said RING THE BELL...BUT THERE'S NO DOQ. THERE IS. NO BELL. TO RING! Table back suplex doesn't lead to a table breaking. Ouch. These WWE not LEGOs look awful. Orton did the wacky backbreaker on the floor...wouldn't that just hurt his knees more? Orton did some more mumbling before running Bryan's nuts into the post. Bryan SHAKES DEM ROPES to get some power. Bryan did the kick>cane combo. Big superplex from Orton. THE POSE before the DDT. Glorious! Cane shots and a running dropkick on the floor take Orton down for a bit. Chair to the gut and back from Orton. Batista hit a spear to Orton, then he got hit with the knee, and Bryan won. Batista bomb to Orton...who is sure not looking super-strong tonight. Crowd chanted "one more time" for that. They thanked everyone for joining the WWE Network, and they're keeping the free week thing alive until Saturday. They showed the Network sign up, and Mr. T going into the HOF...whoops. Heyman sez words next!

Paul talked to ladies, gentlemen, AND Texans. Greatness. Heyman talked about 'Taker's recent WM wins being against guys that 'Taker could barely beat - BUT BROCK LESNAR DEMOLISHED! I love the use of history to hype up Brock-Taker. Absolutely no Punk in this, which seemed really weird. "At WrestleMania, the Undertaker and his streak will REST IN PEACE!". This was all great stuff minus the lack of Punk. They must really want him back if they didn't even want to show him looking weak to hype up Taker-Bryan. HHH and Steph yammered on. Fandango faces Goldust for some reason next.

GOLDUST AND CODY DANCED ON THE RAMP. This rules. They had a fantastic comedy match and mistook Saturday Night Fever for SNL, and then Cole said SNL wasn't from the '70s. Lord. Goldy-rana looked more like a powerbomb than a rana. Goldust got busted open somehow, then they fucked up a facebuster suplex, and then Goldust won with the suplex>neckbreaker thing. Mr. Kane walked backstage. TAKER WILL BE ON MAIN EVENT TOMORROW. Kane said that occupy Raw violated many safety codes, and he's conducted an investigation and BRYAN DID NOT DO THIS ALONE! Kane blamed King, just like JBL did, and implied a match with the Shield. King has gained quite a bit of weight. So everyone isn't coming out to save the guy who died on Raw...why? OH SHIT YES FACE TURN! They turned to Kane! They took him out with a spear and the triple powerbomb. Roman's not ready for a semi-main event face role right now - this is excellent! Sure, it might not lead to a great WM match, but keeping them together is better than splitting them right now.

Bellas are on commentary and the Funkadactyls are out for a match with AJ and Tamina. Naomi's got a pretty swank eye patch on. The Bellas hyped up being zombies on Psych, and King said he was one for real - he died and came back to life! It is truly amazing that he not only did that, but could wrestle afterwards. Naomi hits the VINTAGE RVD SPLIT-LEGGED MOONSAULT for the win. Cole was rendered speechless by Naomi's ass. AJ yelled at Tamina for causing her to lose in tag matches, and then Tamina shoved her down. They teased the new HOFer, THEY SHOWED MR. T EARLIER, and yet they're acting like it's a mystery.

Great little video package for him. The goal was to make him seem like a huge deal, and since he was a bit before my time, it worked. Andre battle royal recap. Sheamus is now in the match. Show out for an 8-man tag so huge that it wasn't talked about until now. And he'll be in the battle royal too. It's Henry, Show, Dolph, and E against Rybaxel, Alberto, and Sandow. Sandow is barely visible on the apron. They did some stuff before a break. Oh yeah, Dolph won against Alberto. More moves. This is kinda boring. Axel ran into the chop, then Ryback hit the Meathook. Everyone threw each other over the top, with Dolph taking a crazy bump. Chokeslam to Sandow took him out. They recapped Bryan-Orton, which was far better than this. Batista talked with Renee and said he wasn't going to quit - HE WAS GOING TO TAKE WHAT HE CAME BACK FOR - THE WWE TITLE. And Bray gets to squash someone next.

This Godzilla Snickers ad is bizarre. IT'S GODZILLA, ON A JETSKI! Cena faces Harper on SD, and Kofi's on jobber duty against Bray. A cool Cena vid set to Eminem's "Legacy" aired. Kofi did a flip for the crossbody check. A spinning reverse sidewalk slam into the knee looked cool from Bray. Then Sister Abigail hits for the win. HHH chatted and fans held light-up YES signs. HHH talked about how he and Bryan will do what they do best. Gotta love Hunter putting himself on Bryan's level and making this about workrate. It does tell me he's got his working boots on, which should lead to a fantastic match. Hunter then admitted he's put a ton on Bryan, so I guess he's turning face soon-ish. HHH talked about a guy taking his ball and going home, getting a big CM Punk chant. Then Steph came out to yammer. The cops arrested Bryan. These are some indy geek-looking motherfuckers. Now he gets to beat up a handcuffed guy...this is gonna rule. He said they weren't real cops and then he attacked him. This ruled. Bryan fought back with kicks and headbutts. Steph as a crazed cheerleader rules. He tried to drown Bryan in a little Rubbermaid of water. Steph doing the sarcastic YES bit is amazing. Steph slapping him and Bryan saying she hits like a girl rules. They took him out with a chairshot and then HHH took his shirt off. He is jacked. PEDIGREE! This was probably the longest overrun since Rock's return, but it was amazing stuff. In two weeks of shows, WWE has managed to pretty much save WM. AND THEN THEY DANGLED THE CUFF KEYS ABOVE BRYAN. Glorious.

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WWE SD 3-14-14

Generic SD intro. Real Americans are facing the Rhodes Bros. Nice outside-in over the top double foot stomp from Cesaro. Zeb made wacky faces at ringside while his team had issues. Swagger pissed him off with a blind tag. Cody wins with the worst backslide ever. Cesaro acted like a full heel here and attacked Goldust after before they were run off by the tag champs. Recap of the Bryan stuff from Raw. HHH said stuff about ending everything at WM with Bryan, and he's happy that the people had their moment. #TRIPLEH is the thing they're trying to get trending for this segment. HHH brought Sandow out as "the first competitor tonight", so this will probably be the opening segment on the U.S. version. HHH made Sandow face Rollins. Okay little match here. Sandow's a face again this week. Blackout wins. Hogan announcement recap. Fandango's out to get killed by Big E. Both are in the battle royal. Bodyblock, Big Ending. Poor Mr. Dango.

#BNB went sky high to talk about 'Taker's streak ending and then everyone will get fired due to their kids keeping them up with crying. "THAT SLEEPING DURING A MEETING THING MUST BE GOING AROUND!" So Vince was pissed about someone doing that recently. Hogan/Cena/Wyatts recap. Bray's out to kill Kofi, who beat THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION recently by the way. Corner bodyblock leads to Sister Abigail for the win. Mr. Kane congratulated Dean on defending the title against Henry, and Dean told him to focus on Show, the guy who knocked him out. Kane wrestling as an executive is now him leading by example. Seth took offense to the Shield being used to pick up the scraps. Reigns stood up to Kane and said they don't take orders from him, and Dean said they'll always do what's best for business. Nikki's cleavage faced Tamina. Nikki got the rack attack and the win. Dolph's facing Alberto for some reason. These two were in the World Title match what six months ago and now it's just a nothing SD match. Cole talked about WM 25 and JBL said he didn't remember it.

Cole hyped up the 30TH ANNIVERSARY OF WRESTLEMANIA. Well, at least that's not the actual name of the event like it was for 25. Dolph and Alberto had every match they've ever had. Super reverse superplex by Alberto got 2.9. Dolph countered the armbar with the Zig Zag...wow. Dolph got a clean win over a theoretical major guy. I'm sure it'll do as much good for him as the Kofi win did for him or Alberto beating Batista did. Carlos Colon's HOF video aired. The PR footage was in some rough shape. Show and Kane came out for their match. They're just doing moves slowly. DOUBLE CHOKE SPOT was broken up quickly with a kickoff and clothesline. Flying bus takes Kane down. Super chokeslam from Kane gets 2. Kane ordered the Shield to help, they left and Kane got chokeslammed for the win. Roman speared Kane afterwards, so they're setting Kane up as his first face foe it would seem. I'm very glad I just watched the early version because I saved a ton of time in doing so.


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TNA Impact 3-13-14

A dedication graphic aired for Donovan Hill, who seems to be a TNA staffer's kid based on the wording. Team Roode blamed Roode, and he blamed Bully. A Bully Ray chant broke out and Spud was a great chickenshit here. Dixie was shown yelling goddammit a bunch in the video package recapping the Lethal Lockdown match. MVP came out in a swank dark blue jacket, slacks, and belt with a black shirt. Big MVP chant broke out - the crowd's hot tonight. MVP announced the MVP principle - motivate, validate, and participate. Magnus came out to talk, and MVP announced that Bully will talk later. I love Magnus throwing Dixie under the bus for fumbling the ball. Abyss came out in what can basically be described as a big spray-painted coat and a spray-painted Kane mask. I'm astonished Taz hasn't gone on about him stealing Taz's colors. Oh, and TNA just posted a photo of Angelina Love on Facebook, so she's the former KO champ returning tonight. MVP announced that Joe was still the number 1 contender because all Magnus did was pull a monster out of his ass to win. Joe gets hit with a nail-filled board, and he's on TV four days later. OF COURSE! MVP made Joe-Magnus for the title next week, DESPITE JOE JUST BEING HIT WITH A NAIL-FILLED BOARD. And now he's facing Abyss...boy MVP really doesn't care about the health of his roster. They came back from a break and Abyss hit some body shots, which makes a ton of sense. They hyped up the debut of Brittany. God, watching Joe now is like watching RVD in his last WWE run - he's just soooo slow compared to how he used to be. EY saves Joe from Janice, but Joe gets DQed for that. So, it's okay to bring a nail-filled board in a match, but a guy PREVENTING IT FROM BEING USED causes a DQ? JB, with a new haircut that makes him look much older, said stuff and Angelina's cleavage talked to him.

JB's still waiting on Bully, and then Willow cackled. Brittany cut a generic happy face promo in a video package. She's a second-generation wrestler, her dad is...someone, a promoter in the midwest, and she...wants to a wrestle... Gail was her opponent and ruled. Gail being the uber-bitch queen with or without the title is a fine role for her. Sanada and Uno face the BroMans tonight. Brittany won with an O'Connor role into Tapa. So interference in this match isn't a DQ, but it was in the opener. The Tapa-Kim powers exploded! The heel group of Spud, EC3, and the Bro-Mans destroyed Bully. They muted son of a bitch here, but goddamn was fine earlier. Roode beat him up with... a white board. What they're doing isn't really good, but the show feels a bit fresher with the new/returning talent, so that's a positive.

DJ ZEVO came out. THE BRO-MANS ARE THE LUCKY CHARMS OF TNA CUZ EVERYONE'S TRYIN TO STEAL THEIR GOLD! They showed a Muto promo to Sanada telling him to prove himself and the country proud. THIS RULED. Muto's Wrestle-1 shirt ruled. Team Lucharesu did flip dives. So yeah, these guys rule as a mid-card tandem. Lucharesu for the win! Moonsault wins for Sanada. I can see him catching some fire in TNA. Bully was shown picking up his chain and being mad. Okay then.

Velvet showed her ass off to Madison, who asked her about Angelina being back. And then it was to the other back for the Bro Mans being attacked by Bully. And for some reason, he needed to give Ion a wedgie and show his ass to the camera. Then Shaw talked to "Christy", stalked a camera guy goofily, and then Willow was...somewhere with a camera and song playing, and then EC3 and Spud had a meeting. This shit might've taken one minute total. Russo's either back, or everyone in TNA is off their ADHD meds. I'm guessing that "Christy" is just the mannequin from his apartment, or she'll turn heel, or both.

Joe yelled at EY because he cost him a match by DQ by SAVING HIS LIFE. And he's going to change into Abyss or be chained to him or something. EY made Joe-Magnus for the title...which was already announced, and then Spud came out with EC3. The crowd remembered the lapdog chant. I think the photo of Dixie is actually taller than Spud. "The more you chant boring, the more you make Spud cry!" EC3 rules. A wacky Dixie history video aired. MVP put an end to this foolishness. MVP commended Spud for being loyal to Dixie, and he needs people like him on the roster. Spud said he's smaller than the knockouts. So of course you find a perfect non-wrestling role for a guy, and then throw him back into the role he's least-suited for. MVP made Spud-Willow for tonight,  and EC3-Lashley for next week. On the upside, they're making matches. On the downside, they're making these matches. Spud manned up to Lashley...I now want to see this match. And then the photo wouldn't break over his head. Spud then stroked the photo...this sucked. JB talked to EC3 and EC3 said he'd tear Lashley's knee to shreds. Then Bully attacked him. YET ANOTHER VIOLENT SANDWICH BOARD ATTACK. Shaw-Anderson is a street fight, and is next. Shaw brought his mannequin out. Shaw wisely attacks Anderson during his pre-match bullshit. Shaw as a generic doofus with giant tats didn't do a thing for me. Creepy Shaw works, but to this degree...it's overkill. They did stuff and it didn't matter until Anderson started threatening the mannequin. Mic Check won. Shaw's selling of the move ruled. I eagerly await the OSW Review of this show someday. Angelina's face, in HD with the makeup gun set to whore, said words about being back for one special person.

They hyped up a pre-show party during the world tour. Then Willow walked backstage with his umbrella. Angelina came back. She's back for Winter, right? Jesus she's still way too thin. She then cut a boring promo about missing the fans. She talked about sisterhood and wanted Velvet to come out. Well, they did bring back the BPs name for Madison and Velvet, and took Angelina out of all of the videos - so this could have been all planned out then. Velvet came out to shake her ass for her "sister". I'm not sure who looks more ridiculous - Angelina, or the guy in a rainbow-colored mohawk wig. Angelina thanked Velvet for putting an end to "Angel Williams" and making Angelina Love work, and making a union that worked. She wanted to bring the BPs back, and a small yes chant broke out. The fucking. State of. The acting. Could these two shut up and start shooting a lesbian porno or something? Velvet's ass and Angelina's tits are on-screen at once and this is boring. Velvet then...left and we saw Bully Ray walking. Willow walked around with his umbrella some more. Oh yeah, he's facing EC3 tonight. Or Spud. Or someone.

Spud was in the ring to face Willow. He spun his umbrella, which looked cool, and they did a wacky video effect on the screen for his intro. Willow's velvet pants are something else. He's in a Hardy shirt and sadly not his Warlord shoulder pads. He kicked him, a lot, and smacked him with the umbrella in the balls for a DQ. He Pillmanized the leg with a chair. Cackled. Splashed him off the top of a ladder. They sold this as him destroying Spud's knee. So the splash damaged the leg...how? Bully's out for the real main event - MORE TALKING!

Bully said that before you die, you see your life flash before your eyes. Bully had that happen for his career when  Ken hit the mic check on him into the casket. He was going to cut a scathing promo, but THE GOONS MADE IT PHYSICAL. "The last thing the wrestling world needs is another Dixie Carter!". Bully was so angry he had to do his Dusty act to take out Roode. Roode hit the spinebuster after Bully got the table. BTW, Magnus is still the world champ. I know it's easy to forget with Roode being the top heel right now. Bully counters the FU with an RKO. Powerbomb through the table...so the feud's over right?

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/114v1mshlrttfrpkwbyarpiek4ahxecy

WWE Main Event LIVE 3-11-14

Before this, they're showing the Brian Christopher-TAKA Michinoku match from the DX PPV. Man was BC ever really good back then. He seemed like a perfect IC-level guy before he came in, and things never quite worked out like that for him. Garea, Brisco, and Patterson hand TAKA the belt, which never really looked right with the red strap or the yellow block WWF logo. They hype up being able to watch ME first and LIVE on the Network. Los Matadores are out. WHY DON'T PEOPLE ATTACK THEM DURING THEIR NINE HOUR ENTRANCE? Rybaxel gets to face them. Axel cut an inset promo and talked about being held by Andre as a baby. Christ, Axel looks at least 45 now. They did moves. More moves. One of the generic announcers talked about HOW AMAZING IT WAS TO SEE HOGAN PUT HIS STAMP OF APPROVAL ON CENA. Nice running kneelift from Axel. Big splash from Ryback misses. Springboard chop into a spinning crosschop by whichever Colon is Diego. GORGEOUS springboard crossbody doesn't get a count. Headstand in the corner gets messed up, but he turns it into a bridge and then goes back for the headscissors! Nice save. Axel gets beat with a schoolboy after kicking Torito onto Ryback. This got fun. Divas title match is up next.

Kane faces Show on SD as a result of the KO punch last week. I love how they've got all sorts of spider webs and stuff in her whole set design. They showed the SD tapout and AJ being beaten, so I see AJ winning here. And then she cut this weird promo about being bored and BEING CHAMP FOREVER, so...yeah she could be losing here. Chimel did the big match intro for this. I'm digging Nattie going for a Bret '95 look with the white and grey speckled gear. They're going for a ton of basic wrestling holds here. I like that - it helps this stand out immediately. VINTAGE RAZOR abdominal stretch holding the other leg. Dropkick from Nattie "grazes" AJ and sends her flipping to the floor. A WM XXX mag ad aired with a ton of cool images. Nice running flying forearm to the...chest region of Nattie. NICE running lariat from AJ. Foot choke in the corner from AJ. She's laying everything in nicely here. Nattie with an Ambrose-esque flurry of punches to the back. Nice guillotine choke from AJ! Nattie powers out, so AJ turns into the Coquina Clutch! Big Michinoku Driver from Nattie gets 2. BLACK WIDOW'S LOCKED ON, but it's powered out and they tease the SD finish. AJ Turns it into a cradle. AJ withstood the sharpshooter for ages - almost an Austin moment there. She got the ropes then hit the shining wizard. Black Widow is locked in tight. Nattie taps. YES! AJ'S REIGN CONTINUES! I would've been fine with any finish here, this was the best WWE main roster women's match since at least AJ-Katilyn at Payback, and this was way better.

Emma and Santino went on a date...in catering. They did bad slapstick. "I'LL NEVER ASK FOR PEPPER AGAIN!" and I'll hopefully never see that again. YES  Movement recap. Yup, it's great in video form. They kept all of Steph's yelling - she's going to sound 70 at 40. Oh God, Henry-Ambrose is the main event match. I hope it's at least 500 times better than their Raw match was. Monday night war hype vid. That'll be a fun watch. They did basic stuff and were fine. Henry sent Ambrose out for an ad break. They had an ad for the BEST WCW PPV MATCHES Blu-Ray. Watch them all on the Network. A Brock-Taker hype vid aired. "Maybe a man can't end the streak, MAYBE A BEAST CAN!" and then Brock is shown just killing dudes. This rules. FLYING KNEE CLIP from Ambrose. I've never seen that before - digging it. Half-crab by Ambrose is escaped by Henry using the ropes. The stream is alternating between looking perfect and looking like '99 Real Player. One of the generic commentators asked if Henry would induct Ambrose into the HALL OF FAME. Yowza. Nice British Bulldog-style powerslam from Henry and the JYD headbutts too. Henry as a face doesn't quite work. Henry as a heel with likeable traits is perfect. Henry gets taken down during a Vader bomb thanks to a distraction, and Ambrose wins with a kneeling headlock driver. This was better than their Raw match, but not quite good.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/6kl1jo33nlq38wk77r2p3c642oyxkeuq

Raw 3-10-14

The pre-show panel has Booker, JIMMY HART, and Riley. Well, they're in Memphis - good for Jimmy! Bryan teams with Show to face Batista and Orton. WM OPPONENTS, WHAT AN INTRIGUING TEAM. Sure would be Josh, if anyone wanted to see Orton-Batista. Renee is WAITING FOR HOGAN TO ARRIVE here at 7:33. The giant LED desk is pretty awesome. This Heyman video from SD seems almost muted. Sin Cara faces Alberto on Superstars. Alberto, the former WWE AND WORLD CHAMPION is in "preliminary action" according to Josh. What's up with Riley's Michael Scott hair? Sheamus showed off a busted up arm, and they made Christian-Sheamus a stip match here on Raw. No way this feud makes it through Mania. The crucific-heavy gear on Hunicara is a great way to signal a different era for the character and make it more personal for Hunico. Alberto won with something and they had a video package for Cena-Wyatt and broke into it for a second with a weird audio cue. Yet another weird little hiccup with the Network having a repeat soundbyte. Riley talked about Bryan possibly being able to slip on a banana peel and beat HHH, who would then have to explain to shareholders why he isn't giving Bryan a shot...wouldn't he have to answer for that now? Dolph's on Superstars. Shield issue recap. Jimmy said that Seth had no hope. Sheamus is delighted that the WWE Universe can vote on the app. Captain Weasel isn't going to get over for Christian. Dolph won on Superstars. Cole's tron shows him dancing and being a heel. JBL's out. YAY KING GETS HIS INTRO! He's got a big tan suit jacket shirt on.

Raw's up. HOGAN STARTS THE SHOW. I love the Hulkamania Hot Wheels-style sign. Hogan puts over the Network so you can watch him face Savage and Andre. This feels like they just grabbed some random Hogan catchphrases and threw them in random places in the script. ANDRE MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL! Awesome. Everyone gets a payday....and there will be 3 superstars, not 30! The winner gets a trophy. Hogan should win this, or Khali. EAT SLEEP RUN WILD REPEAT Greatness. It's cool to see Cena and Hogan mid-ring together. Cena entered to win the battle royal. Wyatt's on the tron. Brodie Lee is about to get in the ring with Hulk Hogan...is a sentence that seemed impossible to fathom a few years ago. Bray called himself a God, and Cena says he's not a God - just a homeless dude who spent too many years wasted away, and grabbed a couple of goons, a shirt, a torch, and a rocking chair from Cracker Barrel. I demand they kill Silly Cena right now. Cena apologized to "MR. HULKSTER!" The Family got near the ring with Hogan and Cena standing tall. Beastiality porn jokes in a promo on a PG show. Hogan's at ringside as Rowan-Cena begins after the break. Rowan's attacking with punches and noogies. Nice ragdoll bearhug from Rowan. Rowan dominates and Cena wins with a flash schoolboy. They came in and teased Hogan getting physical before leaving. Cena and Hogan did the posing off-sync. King begged for a Memphis street fight. Iffy first half hour.

Recap of the Bryan-Orton-Batista stuff from Raw. This video really sets up Bryan being added to the title match if he beats Bryan, which I thought would be Hogan's announcement. Stephanie talked about Bryan's actions being grounds for immediate termination, but they'll lead by example and offer up an apology to Bryan because it's best for business. The Daniel Bryan brand is only B+, and not an A+ like Batista, HHH, and Orton... Steph talked about Bryan being short. Outlaws are out to do commentary for an Usos match. A Juicy Drop Taffy ad with a lucha theme aired...Rybaxel's out to job, and they're in the WM battle royal. The Outlaws and JBL buried Jerry's shirt. Road Dogg flubbed some stuff. They hyped up Wal-Mart having exclusive DVD 2-packs. An Uso ducked the Meathook to assalanche Axel. Blind tag dive led to the splash finish. Usos gear matches the NAO shirt. Mr. Kane talked to the Shield, and Dogg was heard on commentary for a second. Kane made Reigns and Rollins against the Rhodes Bros. since that seems like when the cracks appeared, which led to Seth saying he's just deflecting since he lost to Bryan twice last week. Reigns set up destroying Kane because he's a demon. Very...not great show so far.

OH THANK THE LORD, ANOTHER BIG E-SWAGGER MATCH! A giant Dutch Mantel chant broke out. Big E will be in the Andre battle royal. Second schoolboy finish of the show so far. Cesaro's WM XXX track jacket rules. Zeb took the vest off and demanded a handshake. Cesaro squeezed his hand, then blew on it and holstered it like a gun - awesome. Taker returns next. More street fight begging. YAY TAKER INTRO! JBL put over that people think Brock has no chance, but they thought he had no chance to become the youngest WWE Champion, or would win the UFC World title in his third fight...valid points. Heyman came out before Taker could talk. Taker looks so much more terrifying as he ages in the HD era. Heyman gave Taker an option - please preserve the streak, the greatest streak in sports and entertainment, and retire. Heyman made an amazing point about WM streaks - Austin and Cena got to 4, but not even Hogan, HBK, or HHH could make it past three, while Taker has had 21 wins in a row. Heyman says he worships the streak, and Brock is the reality that will crash the fantasy of the streak. SIR, IF YOU STEP INTO THE RING, YOUR STREAK WILL BE CONQUERED BY BROCK LESNAR! Rhodes Bros. tag match is next.

Main Event gets 2 title matches - Ambrose-Henry and AJ-Nattie. Turnbuckle flatliner seemed to hurt Cody's eye as he immediately talked about it. Flip drive from Goldust and the crossbody to the floor from Cody leads to an ad break, after Ambrose chucks the belt at the steps. Roman's gear is covered in gold paint. A CM Punk chant broke out during a chinlock. CM Punk is a much bigger star off the show than he was on it. Roman hit the amazing sliding dropkick, which they had a nice slow-mo replay of. Moonsault off the top from Cody to Seth got 2. MUSCLE BUSTER FROM CODY got 2. Running buckle bomb and the Blackout take out Cody.

AJ losing to Nattie on SD was shown. AJ and Tamina faces the Bellas. #nikkisrackattack has already run wild without the match starting. AJ MAY be one of the greatest divas champs ever. Wow. Best for a title that's five years old. Nice superkick to Brie from Tamina. Nattie did the "enough is enough and it's time for a change" bit, and then said "she's gonna get hungry and forget her manners" on  Main Event...okay then. AJ goes for the Black Widow, but eats the Rack Attack for the loss. AJ's selling in that was perfect. Nikki held the belt and Nattie looked at her angrily, then they showed clips of NCIS LA. LL and Chris O Donnell were in the build. LL got old. UNDERTAKA DROPPING THUNDA ON FAKAS!

Bray-Cena-Hogan recap. Bryan said HHH can't have it both ways and be a wrestler and COO. Of course Hunter can have it both ways, as he's said before, he's more bi than lingual. Bryan said they were going to occupy Raw. Occupy is so 2012. HE'S GOING TO FILL THE WHOLE RING WITH A YES MOVEMENT!? That sounds disgusting. Then a bunch of people in Bryan's gear came in...this sucked. They came back and more people were around the ring. A THE GOAT VS. THE GAME sign was shown. This will work out fine for a video package, but live...yikes. HHH gave them 30 seconds to leave or else they'd call security. THIS IS UNHEARD OF. IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! "GIVE IT TO ME CHUBBY! Ya petered out, didn't ya!?" HHH ruled there. Two bald guys resembling the Bashams came down as security. Steph then said stuff and hurt this. This peaked with HHH burying the fat guy. Sandow came down for a match. It's Ryder's chance to win! Nope, he just left. Well, they say passion comes out when you believe what you say.  Steph buried him and said they were insulting her family. "When I was born, this place became mine! I OWN YOU!" Bryan said they'd leave if HHH-Bryan was made. HHH was sick of this shit and accepted the match. Bryan said it's not all that he wants...oh my God, they're gonna do the title stip! YAY! This works. Make Bryan-Hunter either the opener or a bookend match, and then do the title match either as the last match or the bookend one. Sheamus-Christian is next, and a Titanfall ad aired. Can't wait to get that tomorrow.

That Sheamus-Christian match announcement made me think the Occupy bit should've ended the show. If you watch one hour of content on the Network per day, it would take 3 1/2 years to watch all of it. Cole has no right to mock the King's outfit in that tie. They talked about King having a ton of Memphis street fights in his day. Remember all those matches King had with guitars and a drumset? Nice tornado DDT off the ramp to the floor from Christian. Christian beat him with a kendo stick and did the Sandman pose. They're having a good match, but it would be a lot better without the goofy props. JBL went on and on for eons about King being behind the Occupy Raw thing by being in cahoots with Bryan. Sheamus beat the everloving fuck out of him with the cane. White Noise got 2. Christian and Sheamus are beat to hell for a comedy match. Sheamus did an Irish Curse OFF THE STEPS...which seems like a bad plan. VINTAGE SHEAMUS-SANDOW DRUM SPOT! These guys are killing themselves and they're talking about the fucking Beatles. And Christian's being buried for being a skinny frog. Brogue kick through the drum took Christian out.

Lana looked hot and introduced Rusev! Bray Wyatt sang a creepy promo and accepted the challenge. I would love to see him get at least a single out there, he's got some talent. They had a basic tag match and went to a break off a Bryan dive. BOOTISTA, HAVE YA HEARD ABOUT BOOTISTA!? Also, Raw's 30 years old and had been on USA for 20 years. Orton hit a headbutt to the chin. Batista took a harder shot from Show's chop than he did in his MMA fight. Bryan beat the champ! Good story night for Bryan, iffy night of action.