After Walking Tall, it's time for Brooke to WALK DOWN THE AISLE. The show-opening vid re-re-aired Tenay calling the big guy Mike Knox, so hopefully they've figured out the name for him or not. It also brought up Hogan suspending Bully. I guess he rescinded that so he could just walk into the building at Genesis. This video also seemed to recap two months of stuff even though it was just the last week for the most part. They should've said the wedding was a match made in Hell's Kitchen. The wacky invite graphic calls him Mr. Bully Ray. Spike came in with his glasses, gave them to Bubba, and then TOMMY DREAMER SHOWED UP. He got Spike a double-small tie-dye tux. AWWW. Brooke's got the face KOs as her bridesmaids, so I guess she has no friends. Tess has a sweet mostly backless dress. Jeff Hardy, who wasn't brought up at all in the opening vid, came out. The crowd chanted that he still had it. Well, since he's only 35, that's good. Daniels and Kaz, WITH A NEW KAZAMANIA SHIRT, came out. They insulted Jeff, it led to a fight, and Storm came out to make a holla holla tag match. He can make matches now, so he should name himself the number 2 contender to the world title.
Pretty fun tag match, but nothing too special. Storm busted out a plancha. Quick Twisto won for Hardy over Kaz. Daniels hit the Angel's Wings on the belt then posed with the gold. The belt looks awesome on Daniels' shoulder. They ripped off 24 with a billion PIP windows on-screen for the Gut Check deal. Al's got a black velvet sportscoat on. Bully met with Dreamer and Spike, then Joseph Park came in and gave him some "not exactly street legal" cubans. Kay-fab. Tenay shilled the Gut Check Challenge as a way for the fans to pick a previous winner to get a shot at stardom...WASN'T THE GUT CHECK THING SUPPOSED TO BE THEIR SHOT AT STARDOM!? Brian Cage didn't get a contract, but Bradley still needs to win. Taz said no, so he had to kick out - he said he's humped so many highways, he owes some child support. That ruled. Also, the Boomstick trended worldwide and Al's wearing a purple jacket with a red shirt and black trim. Amazing. Bradley won the contract.
York came out with new silver, black, and neon green gear. Maybe he's trying out for DX. They recapped King's attack on York, which allowed this rematch to make perfect sense. Taz, who I think is a face, had no problem with King's attack on York at the PPV. York busted out a few nice clotheslines and the kneeling kicks to the face that Kawada did. They had a nice series of counters for moves, but it came off clunky due to York being so slow. King won via schoolboy with the tights. This is like the third match with that finish in a week in TNA.
Bully met with Sting to ask him to get Hogan there, "Because of what you mean to me, I'll do it". Wow. That was hilarious. Taz left to help Bully. Aries stripped his shirt off before Roode came in and they chatted about the wedding and fashion. There's a distinct homoerotic tone to this segment that is adding to the comedy. Also, Hogan was a dick to a camera guy.
Got a huge chuckle out of Taz's PAUL SAID HE'D COME BACK IN FIVE MINUTES bit. Spike would look eons younger with some hair dye. It just seems wrong for Spike Dudley to have grey hair - facially, he looks about the same, but the grey hair ages him a lot. Bully's glad to "have his brothers here tonight". Well, if they want the Aces to look like badasses, Spike and Dreamer are great guys to beat up. Brooke/Bully recap. Sting came out to beg Hogan to come to the wedding. Hogan came out - loved the shot of him pointing to the cake in disbelief. Hogan came out and posed...for some reason. Director missed most of it. Sting laid out a perfectly logical reason for Hogan to let Brooke get married. Loved the crowd chanting DO IT when Sting said he should trust Bully. Then he said he always does the right thing. That might've been the funniest line all year. Gail met with Taryn, who pled her case about a rematch due to Gail's foot being under the rope. SO THE PPV MATCH MEANT NOTHING. Oh well.
They aired about 30 seconds of the bachelor party. Velvet's got more holes in her catsuit - I approve. They hyped up King Mo's special after Bellator since he's a two-sport star...I guess. Bob Holly came off as more of a two-sport star than what they've done with Mo. Gail's ass-centric headscissors spot rules. Gail hit Eat Defeat, but Taryn noticed Velvet's foot under the rope this time and Velvet hit the shittiest bulldog since early Trish then a reverse DDT into the In Yo Face, before hitting...another IYF. Not sure why it took two to win, but it doesn't really matter - they kept things going towards Velvet-Tara and seem to be setting up Gail-Taryn for her first TNA match. Dixie met with Brooke and cried as if Brooke was her own child. They cried and hugged, this was adorably hilarious. WEDDING-A-MANIA IS NEXT!
They recapped the Daniels attack on Hardy from earlier, which is good because I forgot about that world title match. They've really underplayed everything but the wedding here. Roode and Aries came out to invite themselves to the wedding. They were great...so WHY ARE CHAVO AND HERNANDEZ TAG CHAMPS? Loved Aries saying that the company's ten years in the past due to its champions, and then listing every last one of them. Well, he's right. Chavo came out to object. Aries and Roode did some race-baiting, Chavo messed up a line, and Aries saved it by demanding a vegan burrito. Looks like Roode and Aries are the next tag champs - sweet. I liked Roode saving Aries from certain death via Hernandez powerbomb.
Hogan and Sting had a heart-to-heart about Brooke, and Hogan said that the issue wasn't about Bully, it's just that he knows how the movie ends. Sting convinced him, reluctantly. Dreamer came out with Tessmacher - VINTAGE WWE ECW! Runt came out with Mickie's cleavage. Those bridesmaids dresses rule. Taz appears to be gigantic. Bully's giant Joker grin here rules. Kenely called Bully's friends the EXTREME GROOMSMEN! Brooke's dress is quite cleavagey. The Bellator countdown clock is really killing my enjoyment of this. Loved one guy going GET ON WITH IT! Of course, the vows led to a huge YES chant. Bully's I do was the creepiest thing in human history. TAZ unveiled his vest. YES, HE'S OFF COMMENTARY. Also, he's a biker now. Doc and Knox grabbed Brooke while she struggled to keep her top on. This greatly exceeded expectations.
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Sunday, May 11, 2014
TNA Impact 1-10-13
Okay, this Joe Schmo reboot seems awesome based on the last 5 minutes of it. Loved the intro vid showing Hardy's WTF IS THIS SHIT look at the wrestler of the year trophy. Also, THEY UNVEILED A FAMILIAR FACE KNOWN AS MIKE KNO...for some reason, the X was nixed from the audio. Sting started the show coming out with Angle and Joe, whose new shirt has green and yellow in it for some reason. Loved Taz calling them a group in bad moods with bad attitudes made me LOL. Loved Sting cordially inviting the Aces to COME GET SOME! Angle was gravely offended at Anderson, LAST SEEN WITH THE ACES, not helping Sting and Joe. Anderson's shirt looks cheap and ill-fitting. Anderson referenced something from eons ago where he was beaten up by the Aces and Anderson acted like this was new, and they didn't show footage, so I have no idea what he's talking about. Anderson bravely talked shit despite having the odds against him before Angle attacked him. Angle-Anderson is happening. Well, that should be a good - it's impossible for those two to have a bad match. Great hype for Jay Bradley - guy looks rugged. BROOKE IS BEING TAKEN TO THE BUILDING IN A GOLF CART! Holy shit, tremendous!
Ion gets no intro, while King gets a full one. X Tourney will involve the winner having two matches...so they can fill the card out. They hyped up DIXIE CARTER'S TWITTER and the PPV schedule change. King beat Ion after a bunch of flippy-dos and the Royal Flush were done. Dos Robbies dressed up like meterosexual lumberjacks and begged Tessmacher, who will team with Robbie E is she can team with Big Rob...so I guess she's back to being a whore. Joseph Park is back and thankful for his partners at Park, Park, and Park for allowing him to do this...and struggle with opening a door. Tara's ass is looking better than usual, and it's mixed tag time. YAY. Turns out, she meant actually just to team with the winner of the bro-off, so she may not be a whore again. Two minutes in and we've got the pussy-pop facebuster and wedgie stinkface. Quick tag into Big Rob for a powerbomb win. Wow. That was quick. This led to an impromptu bro-off and booty-pop with Tess. That ruled. Brian Cage video was...okay. Gut Check match is next.
Both guys got jobber intros...not helping them out any there. Brian Cage has better gear, but Bradley's black trunks gear fits his working class gimmick. Loved Kenely name-dropping the NWA Heritage title. Bradley's Boomstick lariat won - good finish and I enjoyed the match. Both guys looked good and I loved Bradley dusting off his boot after kicking Cage's face off. Aces had a deal, Devon let the chicks leave. I guess they were drugged beforehand to prevent them from knowing the location of the clubhouse. VP is angry at Knox, who has to prove himself tonight like Doc did. I hope he takes out Anderson. JOE PARK MEETS WITH HOGAN, YAY! They should've had him come in on one of those golf carts.
He requested that Hogan come down. LOVED Joseph saying he has no idea what's going on in TNA. Hogan gave Park his match with THOSE ACES AND 8S HOOLIGANS! Yes. Other than Hogan looking a billion giving Park a post-promo look of approval, this was fun. Brooke Hogan is dressed like a blueberry to confront her dad. Oh boy. Brooke...waited for her theme to hit before coming out. I guess this wasn't all that urgent then. She asked if he'd reinstate Mark, he said no, so she acted sad. Aries and Roode argued over clothing and mentioned how much more durable their shirts are since Hogan's since his shirts were so easy to rip. These two have AWESOME chemistry as a team. B4B for Genesis package was pretty good and built on the skit nicely by adding a serious edge to things. A Double-R came out for the tag match. I guess the Aces deal is the real main event.
Digging Aries' new white, blue, and black camo gear and him finding a way to plug his merch in a way that actually fits his character. Same with Roode - they're just trying to outdo each other in every way...including merch sales. LOLed at the camera guy walking into the set before Storm's intro. Tenay talking about Hardy's history of over 20 titles, including world titles in WWE in '08 and TNA's in 2010 was great. Aries bouncing around for everything rules. This match is a ton of fun - and Aries being hung upside down on the ropes is just the right kind of funny. This was a really good match that focused on beating up Hardy, leading to a tag for Storm, before Bad Influence came out and Aries hit Hardy with the title. Loved Roode and Aries snatching Hardy's belts from one another. Brooke talked to Mark and told him to just pick her up outside the office. I guess the one she got golf carted to earlier. Angle-Anderson is next, so now, I guess the Brooke stuff ends the show.
The Organ and Morgan cut a super-oily promo together...um...yeah. They also got beat up from behind by the face tag champs. PPV now has a KOs gauntlet along with the X deal, and Park-Devon. Wow. Just no build for that specific match at all. Another good Hardy-Aries hype vid. It really sucks to see Hardy say he's willing to hurt himself and then realize how shit the buyrate's gonna be. Anderson came sauntering out like a bad-ass. Couldn't even intimdate a kid dressed as Spider-Man. Despite Anderson seemingly joining a group out to destroy the company, TNA was still nice enough to set his mic drop up for him. Loved one guy doing the KENNEDY bit here. He weighs in tongiht at an ASTONISHING 225 POUNDS...covered by a T-Shirt. It is so depressing to see Anderson in his mid-indy show battle royal getup in a TV main event. LOLed at a guy warning Kurt about cursing during his promo. Mike Kno(maybe x) attacked Angle's neck with a hammer before Wes, Garett, and Joe came down.
FKA Knox was called THAT GUY WITH THE BEARD! Sting's apparently seen JUST ABOUT ENOUGH as Angle's wheeled out. Sting demanded KNOX. Okay, so I guess his name is Knox. Now they're back to calling him THAT BIG MAN. Sting basically squashed Knox in a fine little match. The Aces' win-loss record is not looking good. Sting hit Knox with the hammer, which led to the Aces and 8s KIDNAPPING BROOKE HOGAN! Holy shit, that came out of nowhere. This feels like a book going from chapter 1 to 5. Bully made the save with a chain, so I guess this'll be what's used to get him back in. Okay - fine. THIS STILL CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. Hogan, instead of being thankful to Bully for saving HIS ONLY DAUGHTER, was a complete dickhead and blamed Bully for Brooke being kidnapped. Shouldn't Hogan, as GM, be responsible in that situation? Bully said he never loved anything as much as wrestling...until Brooke came into his life. Boy, that kidnapping thing sure seemed like it didn't even happen. THEN BULLY RAY PROPOSED TO BROOKE. Holy shit this is awesome. This is like the best comedy on a wrestling show in ages. Brooke started the night in a golf cart, got kidnapped, got engaged, and is getting married in a week. This is just hilarious stuff. Go Brooky Ray! This angle is like something out of Final Fight, but with Haggar being played by Hogan as THE grumpiest human being ever. I cannot wait for the wedding - Hogan's reaction shots are gonna be gold.
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Ion gets no intro, while King gets a full one. X Tourney will involve the winner having two matches...so they can fill the card out. They hyped up DIXIE CARTER'S TWITTER and the PPV schedule change. King beat Ion after a bunch of flippy-dos and the Royal Flush were done. Dos Robbies dressed up like meterosexual lumberjacks and begged Tessmacher, who will team with Robbie E is she can team with Big Rob...so I guess she's back to being a whore. Joseph Park is back and thankful for his partners at Park, Park, and Park for allowing him to do this...and struggle with opening a door. Tara's ass is looking better than usual, and it's mixed tag time. YAY. Turns out, she meant actually just to team with the winner of the bro-off, so she may not be a whore again. Two minutes in and we've got the pussy-pop facebuster and wedgie stinkface. Quick tag into Big Rob for a powerbomb win. Wow. That was quick. This led to an impromptu bro-off and booty-pop with Tess. That ruled. Brian Cage video was...okay. Gut Check match is next.
Both guys got jobber intros...not helping them out any there. Brian Cage has better gear, but Bradley's black trunks gear fits his working class gimmick. Loved Kenely name-dropping the NWA Heritage title. Bradley's Boomstick lariat won - good finish and I enjoyed the match. Both guys looked good and I loved Bradley dusting off his boot after kicking Cage's face off. Aces had a deal, Devon let the chicks leave. I guess they were drugged beforehand to prevent them from knowing the location of the clubhouse. VP is angry at Knox, who has to prove himself tonight like Doc did. I hope he takes out Anderson. JOE PARK MEETS WITH HOGAN, YAY! They should've had him come in on one of those golf carts.
He requested that Hogan come down. LOVED Joseph saying he has no idea what's going on in TNA. Hogan gave Park his match with THOSE ACES AND 8S HOOLIGANS! Yes. Other than Hogan looking a billion giving Park a post-promo look of approval, this was fun. Brooke Hogan is dressed like a blueberry to confront her dad. Oh boy. Brooke...waited for her theme to hit before coming out. I guess this wasn't all that urgent then. She asked if he'd reinstate Mark, he said no, so she acted sad. Aries and Roode argued over clothing and mentioned how much more durable their shirts are since Hogan's since his shirts were so easy to rip. These two have AWESOME chemistry as a team. B4B for Genesis package was pretty good and built on the skit nicely by adding a serious edge to things. A Double-R came out for the tag match. I guess the Aces deal is the real main event.
Digging Aries' new white, blue, and black camo gear and him finding a way to plug his merch in a way that actually fits his character. Same with Roode - they're just trying to outdo each other in every way...including merch sales. LOLed at the camera guy walking into the set before Storm's intro. Tenay talking about Hardy's history of over 20 titles, including world titles in WWE in '08 and TNA's in 2010 was great. Aries bouncing around for everything rules. This match is a ton of fun - and Aries being hung upside down on the ropes is just the right kind of funny. This was a really good match that focused on beating up Hardy, leading to a tag for Storm, before Bad Influence came out and Aries hit Hardy with the title. Loved Roode and Aries snatching Hardy's belts from one another. Brooke talked to Mark and told him to just pick her up outside the office. I guess the one she got golf carted to earlier. Angle-Anderson is next, so now, I guess the Brooke stuff ends the show.
The Organ and Morgan cut a super-oily promo together...um...yeah. They also got beat up from behind by the face tag champs. PPV now has a KOs gauntlet along with the X deal, and Park-Devon. Wow. Just no build for that specific match at all. Another good Hardy-Aries hype vid. It really sucks to see Hardy say he's willing to hurt himself and then realize how shit the buyrate's gonna be. Anderson came sauntering out like a bad-ass. Couldn't even intimdate a kid dressed as Spider-Man. Despite Anderson seemingly joining a group out to destroy the company, TNA was still nice enough to set his mic drop up for him. Loved one guy doing the KENNEDY bit here. He weighs in tongiht at an ASTONISHING 225 POUNDS...covered by a T-Shirt. It is so depressing to see Anderson in his mid-indy show battle royal getup in a TV main event. LOLed at a guy warning Kurt about cursing during his promo. Mike Kno(maybe x) attacked Angle's neck with a hammer before Wes, Garett, and Joe came down.
FKA Knox was called THAT GUY WITH THE BEARD! Sting's apparently seen JUST ABOUT ENOUGH as Angle's wheeled out. Sting demanded KNOX. Okay, so I guess his name is Knox. Now they're back to calling him THAT BIG MAN. Sting basically squashed Knox in a fine little match. The Aces' win-loss record is not looking good. Sting hit Knox with the hammer, which led to the Aces and 8s KIDNAPPING BROOKE HOGAN! Holy shit, that came out of nowhere. This feels like a book going from chapter 1 to 5. Bully made the save with a chain, so I guess this'll be what's used to get him back in. Okay - fine. THIS STILL CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. Hogan, instead of being thankful to Bully for saving HIS ONLY DAUGHTER, was a complete dickhead and blamed Bully for Brooke being kidnapped. Shouldn't Hogan, as GM, be responsible in that situation? Bully said he never loved anything as much as wrestling...until Brooke came into his life. Boy, that kidnapping thing sure seemed like it didn't even happen. THEN BULLY RAY PROPOSED TO BROOKE. Holy shit this is awesome. This is like the best comedy on a wrestling show in ages. Brooke started the night in a golf cart, got kidnapped, got engaged, and is getting married in a week. This is just hilarious stuff. Go Brooky Ray! This angle is like something out of Final Fight, but with Haggar being played by Hogan as THE grumpiest human being ever. I cannot wait for the wedding - Hogan's reaction shots are gonna be gold.
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TNA Impact 1-3-13
IT'S THE NEW BIGGEST IMPACT IN THE HISTORY OF BIG IMPACTS! Sting returns to once again not pop a rating and Joe and Angle face the Aces and 8s in a cage, presumably with a turn on Kurt by someone. I'm predicting Joe since Garett and Wes would make sense and NO ONE WOULD SEE IT COMING. Or maybe Anderson turns on the Aces because he may be an asshole, but he's TNA's asshole just took the Aces up on their slut/whore/bitch offer last week to get laid. Oh, and someone's going to be TNA Wrestler of the Year and the X division contender's mini-tourney begins with a whole four guys vying for a title shot. At least doing this prevents Hogan from pointing out everyone's flaws on-air.
HOLY SHIT, THE JOE SCHMO SHOW IS BACK! Show-opening vid really made the Aries-Roode match seem wackier than it should've. They showed Bully and Brooke being caught two weeks ago, so hopefully Bully was watching this show. The wrestler of the year trophy looks like a tiny bowling trophy on top of part of the set. Bully came out with Taz putting over how much he changed his body and style, then Storm did and talked about his impressive resume. Yup. Lost, returned, lost some more. Hell of a year. A Dub's the third guy and got no hype, while Roode was hyped up due to his long title reign. Roode looks so great in a suit - glad he ditched wearing jeans and a shirt again. Hardy's the last guy and got a huge HARDY chant. For some reason, there's this thing called TNA Genesis behind all of them being shown on the video wall. Hardy won after Roode and Aries bitched at each other. They'd make awesome wacky angry tag champs. I wonder if Russo's bought Hardy's hoodie given all the shades of grey in it. Loved Jeff's double thumbs down to Bobby bitching at him. Then he was prevented from saying bullshit by Aries, who said his PPV matches averaged 4 stars, while Hardy made Aries-Roode-Hardy for Genesis. Turns out that's a PPV. Aries tried to use the trophy on Hardy, who moved, and the thrift store prop broke on Roode.
Loved Daniels saying sorry for my damn luck to Storm, who threatened to punch him in the twitter, kick Kaz in his Facebook and leave SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK on their walls. That was tremendous. And then Kaz topped it off with a Myspace mention. Great Genesis ad focuses on Bully not being out for redemption. Storm faces one member of Bad Influence next. Daniels teased it so Kaz could jump him. Match was fine, but had a great finish with Kaz doing a blind dive into a superkick sorta-Shelton style. Aces had a deal backstage showing their Clubhouse and a scantily-clad, but not topless bikini babe poster - I guess so the kids of some members won't be offended. Doc needed to know WHAT THE FUCK Ken's answer was. He joined...I think. Devon asked a prospect where his bat was...I bet Sting knows, and is dressed as an Ace, and now Anderson can call himself an acehole.
Kenny King was a dick to Kid Kash, who he ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY WANTS TO FACE. These two have good chemistry together. Doc came out and sang for Sting to come out. He's got a good singing voice. Doc called him out angrily and a bat...was thrown into the ring clumsily by a guy at ringside. Doc got scared and said c'mon a billion times. This dragged on way too long and only took about 5 minutes. That was pretty terrible - only thing that could've been worse was the crowd chanting Festus. Camera guy asked Brooke if she's talked to her dad since kissing Bully. They ran through the X tourney to make it at least seem slightly important...and gave Kash a jobber intro. Kash-York seems like something 3PW would put on a decade ago. Taz called a half-nelson suplex a half-nelson back throw. Weird to not hear Taz call something a suplex. Tenay said that RVD, who's over 40, called York, mid-to-late 30s, the future of the X division. York hit the world's slowest handspring off the ropes into a Trouble in Paradise in history, then hit a slow kneeling flatliner, and got a win with the Mood Swing, which Taz called long after Kenely did. Chavo cut a promo on Ryan that had more cuts in it than Abby's head.
NO NO Hair remover was plugged. It's impossible to believe how low rent the ads are on this show. Hernandez faces Morgan to renew their terrible rivalry from years ago. THANK THE LORD ABOVE, Matt Morgan appears to be injured, so Ryan will take his place. Morgan's arm healed enough to trip Supermex up and hit him with a discus clothesline. Nothing match, but that's better than a bad one. Hogan's coming out next to start off hour two. Hour one hasn't been too hot. Angle met with Garett and Wes and told them to hang back, but they wanted to come out, Joe said no, and Angle...sorta listened to him. Tess got ready for her match tonight by bending over a lot. I'm fine with that. Aries-Bully-Brooke vid recapped things. Hogan aplogized for missing last week's show and called out Bully and Brooke, then rambled on with a bunch of bullshit about bro codes, man codes, and suspended Bully then insulted Brooke after Bully took the blame for everything. What. an. asshole. This took 10 minutes for some reason.
Joseph Park watched tapes of Angle, Hardy, and his brother Chris YaKnow Abyss to win Danny Davis over. KOs tag is up and Taz made a reference to Tara having a lot of mileage, while Kenely talked about Mickie having "plenty of traction". TnT exploded with the pussy-popper from Brooke on Tara and threatened a wedgie-fied stinkface. Tess hit a crossbody off the top to the floor on Tara and Jesse, while Mickie won with the Mickie-T on Gail. Fun match. LOLed at Kenely saying we'd see stuff like this on Bellator. I sure hope there aren't any stinkfaces there. The Aces had a meeting with KNIVES. Wonderful.
ODB cut a promo saying that EY wasn't coming back..,then said he was. Aries and Roode bitched at Hogan for a while due to the 3-way title match, and Hogan made them team up against Hardy and a mystery guy next week. Joe waited for Angle before going into the ring, did, but Angle was outside and got bonked with the door by Doc making it a 2-on-1 deal. I like this because it sets up Garett and Wes coming to save him, not doing it because he was a dick to them, and then Sting saving. Kurt couldn't get the door open and didn't try to get over the top of the cage. Maybe he really is a cyborg like Doc said and he's only programmed to moonsault off of cages, not climb over them. Nope - he was able to try to climb, but was stopped by Doc and then got the cage door key. Angle's black quad tape looks better than being wrapped like a mummy. For some reason, he did a missile dropkick. Angle got hit with the cage so he could blade on camera. Angle won after a single Angle Slam. Aces came in, Anderson was outside looking like a fan in a long shirt. Sting...casually walked out in his gear and beat dudes down with the bat. BOO. I was hoping he'd be revealed in an Ace disguise. They seemed to be setting up Sting-Doc at the PPV. Mike Knox was unmasked. Dude looks totally different with short hair. Good to have him unmasked now though.
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HOLY SHIT, THE JOE SCHMO SHOW IS BACK! Show-opening vid really made the Aries-Roode match seem wackier than it should've. They showed Bully and Brooke being caught two weeks ago, so hopefully Bully was watching this show. The wrestler of the year trophy looks like a tiny bowling trophy on top of part of the set. Bully came out with Taz putting over how much he changed his body and style, then Storm did and talked about his impressive resume. Yup. Lost, returned, lost some more. Hell of a year. A Dub's the third guy and got no hype, while Roode was hyped up due to his long title reign. Roode looks so great in a suit - glad he ditched wearing jeans and a shirt again. Hardy's the last guy and got a huge HARDY chant. For some reason, there's this thing called TNA Genesis behind all of them being shown on the video wall. Hardy won after Roode and Aries bitched at each other. They'd make awesome wacky angry tag champs. I wonder if Russo's bought Hardy's hoodie given all the shades of grey in it. Loved Jeff's double thumbs down to Bobby bitching at him. Then he was prevented from saying bullshit by Aries, who said his PPV matches averaged 4 stars, while Hardy made Aries-Roode-Hardy for Genesis. Turns out that's a PPV. Aries tried to use the trophy on Hardy, who moved, and the thrift store prop broke on Roode.
Loved Daniels saying sorry for my damn luck to Storm, who threatened to punch him in the twitter, kick Kaz in his Facebook and leave SORRY ABOUT YOUR DAMN LUCK on their walls. That was tremendous. And then Kaz topped it off with a Myspace mention. Great Genesis ad focuses on Bully not being out for redemption. Storm faces one member of Bad Influence next. Daniels teased it so Kaz could jump him. Match was fine, but had a great finish with Kaz doing a blind dive into a superkick sorta-Shelton style. Aces had a deal backstage showing their Clubhouse and a scantily-clad, but not topless bikini babe poster - I guess so the kids of some members won't be offended. Doc needed to know WHAT THE FUCK Ken's answer was. He joined...I think. Devon asked a prospect where his bat was...I bet Sting knows, and is dressed as an Ace, and now Anderson can call himself an acehole.
Kenny King was a dick to Kid Kash, who he ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY WANTS TO FACE. These two have good chemistry together. Doc came out and sang for Sting to come out. He's got a good singing voice. Doc called him out angrily and a bat...was thrown into the ring clumsily by a guy at ringside. Doc got scared and said c'mon a billion times. This dragged on way too long and only took about 5 minutes. That was pretty terrible - only thing that could've been worse was the crowd chanting Festus. Camera guy asked Brooke if she's talked to her dad since kissing Bully. They ran through the X tourney to make it at least seem slightly important...and gave Kash a jobber intro. Kash-York seems like something 3PW would put on a decade ago. Taz called a half-nelson suplex a half-nelson back throw. Weird to not hear Taz call something a suplex. Tenay said that RVD, who's over 40, called York, mid-to-late 30s, the future of the X division. York hit the world's slowest handspring off the ropes into a Trouble in Paradise in history, then hit a slow kneeling flatliner, and got a win with the Mood Swing, which Taz called long after Kenely did. Chavo cut a promo on Ryan that had more cuts in it than Abby's head.
NO NO Hair remover was plugged. It's impossible to believe how low rent the ads are on this show. Hernandez faces Morgan to renew their terrible rivalry from years ago. THANK THE LORD ABOVE, Matt Morgan appears to be injured, so Ryan will take his place. Morgan's arm healed enough to trip Supermex up and hit him with a discus clothesline. Nothing match, but that's better than a bad one. Hogan's coming out next to start off hour two. Hour one hasn't been too hot. Angle met with Garett and Wes and told them to hang back, but they wanted to come out, Joe said no, and Angle...sorta listened to him. Tess got ready for her match tonight by bending over a lot. I'm fine with that. Aries-Bully-Brooke vid recapped things. Hogan aplogized for missing last week's show and called out Bully and Brooke, then rambled on with a bunch of bullshit about bro codes, man codes, and suspended Bully then insulted Brooke after Bully took the blame for everything. What. an. asshole. This took 10 minutes for some reason.
Joseph Park watched tapes of Angle, Hardy, and his brother Chris YaKnow Abyss to win Danny Davis over. KOs tag is up and Taz made a reference to Tara having a lot of mileage, while Kenely talked about Mickie having "plenty of traction". TnT exploded with the pussy-popper from Brooke on Tara and threatened a wedgie-fied stinkface. Tess hit a crossbody off the top to the floor on Tara and Jesse, while Mickie won with the Mickie-T on Gail. Fun match. LOLed at Kenely saying we'd see stuff like this on Bellator. I sure hope there aren't any stinkfaces there. The Aces had a meeting with KNIVES. Wonderful.
ODB cut a promo saying that EY wasn't coming back..,then said he was. Aries and Roode bitched at Hogan for a while due to the 3-way title match, and Hogan made them team up against Hardy and a mystery guy next week. Joe waited for Angle before going into the ring, did, but Angle was outside and got bonked with the door by Doc making it a 2-on-1 deal. I like this because it sets up Garett and Wes coming to save him, not doing it because he was a dick to them, and then Sting saving. Kurt couldn't get the door open and didn't try to get over the top of the cage. Maybe he really is a cyborg like Doc said and he's only programmed to moonsault off of cages, not climb over them. Nope - he was able to try to climb, but was stopped by Doc and then got the cage door key. Angle's black quad tape looks better than being wrapped like a mummy. For some reason, he did a missile dropkick. Angle got hit with the cage so he could blade on camera. Angle won after a single Angle Slam. Aces came in, Anderson was outside looking like a fan in a long shirt. Sting...casually walked out in his gear and beat dudes down with the bat. BOO. I was hoping he'd be revealed in an Ace disguise. They seemed to be setting up Sting-Doc at the PPV. Mike Knox was unmasked. Dude looks totally different with short hair. Good to have him unmasked now though.
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Friday, May 9, 2014
WWE SD 5-9-14
Shield's night from Raw was recapped. SD begins with Sheamus-Ambrose for the U.S. Title. This gets the big match intros, which is nice. These two mesh really well together, and are having a great little technical match here. Sheamus pulled up his shirt for the clubbering, and beyond rib tape, Ambrose has abs! I like Sheamus hitting a ducking kick, then Dean getting knocked back for Nigel's rebound lariat. Dean went for the spring-legged dropkick, but was Brogue kicked and sent to the floor. Dean struggles to get in and eats another kick! On one hand, Sheamus came off as the better man here - which is good because the battle royal win didn't help his credibility. On the other, man did Ambrose come off as not a main event-level guy with this loss. Heyman is out for commentary, and BARRETT HAS SOME BAD NEWS! A fan has a "Randy Sits When He Pees" sign right behind Barrett's head. It's Cesaro and Barrett against RVD and Big E. This is one of those "bunch of moves" match. Everyone's hitting their signature stuff, but there's no real story being told. Big E thankfully didn't kill Cesaro with the ST-Joe. RVD "hit" a kick to Big E that missed by a mile and cost E the match.
Kofi's out to get crushed by Rusev. Lana praised Russia for banning foul language, and then Rusev smashed Kofi. The only thing different here was Rusev adding a bit of spin to his musou slam. Bray cut a promo on Cena about fear and limits. GOOD GOD JUST END THIS FEUD. Fandango and Layla, with her ass being shown off nicely, faced Santino and Emma. Emma breaks the Dilemma up after like 2, so why bother even doing it? Distraction schoolgirl got the win for Layla. Henry cut an inset promo on how the Shield took him out, so now he wants Reigns - I'm all for this. It pounds out their vile past, and shows that there are consequences for their past actions. Reigns hit a Samoan drop to counter the Vader bomb. This set up the spear and a quick win. This was fun.
Slater and Drew of 3MB with Hornswoggle against the Matadores and Torito. Loved Hornswoggle going for the sunset flip counter butt bomb, THE BULL GIVING HIM A THUMBS UP, and then moving. This kind of wackiness works, and reminds me of Steamboat doing something similar in a jobber match in like '93 where he got up while his opponent was galavanting, asked the crowd to play along, so they did and he won. Heath and the bull were fantastic together and Heath got beat. Standing Lionsault won for the bull! Recap of the Bryan-Brie idiocy from Raw.
BIG DAVE came out to face Seth. Seth was so great at making Batista look powerful and a bit like the Batista of old. Poor JTG - Seth busted out the Slingblade, so hey, at least it'll be in WWE's games without the JTG wackiness after it. Spinebuster hits, but Seth counters the powerbomb and kicks Batista to the floor. Seth went to dive to the floor, but Dave side-stepped him and he hit the announce table. That looked great! Seth lost via countout, giving the Shield only one win tonight after three singles matches. Mid-ring Batista bomb hits. No Shield here for whatever reason.
Wyatts are out to face Cena and the Usos. Bray works well with both Usos, who can match his intensity. Usos are also great with Harper, and can make Rowan look good too. I like the Usos' neon green gear matching Cena's stuff. An Uso dive saved Cena, but left the other open to a spinning clothesline and a win for the Wyatts. Bray doing his pose ended a theoretically eventful SD that really didn't feel all that important.
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Kofi's out to get crushed by Rusev. Lana praised Russia for banning foul language, and then Rusev smashed Kofi. The only thing different here was Rusev adding a bit of spin to his musou slam. Bray cut a promo on Cena about fear and limits. GOOD GOD JUST END THIS FEUD. Fandango and Layla, with her ass being shown off nicely, faced Santino and Emma. Emma breaks the Dilemma up after like 2, so why bother even doing it? Distraction schoolgirl got the win for Layla. Henry cut an inset promo on how the Shield took him out, so now he wants Reigns - I'm all for this. It pounds out their vile past, and shows that there are consequences for their past actions. Reigns hit a Samoan drop to counter the Vader bomb. This set up the spear and a quick win. This was fun.
Slater and Drew of 3MB with Hornswoggle against the Matadores and Torito. Loved Hornswoggle going for the sunset flip counter butt bomb, THE BULL GIVING HIM A THUMBS UP, and then moving. This kind of wackiness works, and reminds me of Steamboat doing something similar in a jobber match in like '93 where he got up while his opponent was galavanting, asked the crowd to play along, so they did and he won. Heath and the bull were fantastic together and Heath got beat. Standing Lionsault won for the bull! Recap of the Bryan-Brie idiocy from Raw.
BIG DAVE came out to face Seth. Seth was so great at making Batista look powerful and a bit like the Batista of old. Poor JTG - Seth busted out the Slingblade, so hey, at least it'll be in WWE's games without the JTG wackiness after it. Spinebuster hits, but Seth counters the powerbomb and kicks Batista to the floor. Seth went to dive to the floor, but Dave side-stepped him and he hit the announce table. That looked great! Seth lost via countout, giving the Shield only one win tonight after three singles matches. Mid-ring Batista bomb hits. No Shield here for whatever reason.
Wyatts are out to face Cena and the Usos. Bray works well with both Usos, who can match his intensity. Usos are also great with Harper, and can make Rowan look good too. I like the Usos' neon green gear matching Cena's stuff. An Uso dive saved Cena, but left the other open to a spinning clothesline and a win for the Wyatts. Bray doing his pose ended a theoretically eventful SD that really didn't feel all that important.
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Thursday, May 8, 2014
TNA Impact 5-8-14
At 9 AM, Bully traveled through Nashville with a rock station blaring. They ran an EY hype video for his reign so far - which at least makes it seem like a big deal and gives him some credibility. EY said that MVP debuted in TNA as an extra, and EY took time out for him when no one else one...well that sure would've been a nice thing to see in full instead of just in clip form. BPs are in an evening gown match...so it's like 1999! Also, "a rematch of Sacrifice"with the Bro-Mans against the Wolves in a ladder match - so not a rematch then. EY came out in a denim shirt and jeans, looking like he just got done with a thrift store haul. EY said since MVP hasn't booked him in a match, he'll make one. EY called his outfit a Canadian tuxedo. EY issued an open challenge, answered by Roode. Roode's out in his gear and a tight T-shirt. Did everyone hit up Wal-Mart before the show or something? Roode said that EY has chosen to be a fighting champion, so he should face him again.
Roode called himself Mr. Consistency. Mr. Consistency should feud with Mr. Intensity in a match reffed by Mister Mister. Face-to-Face, EY looks at least a decade older than Roode. Roode pointed out that he had to face Gunner before facing EY, so EY should give him another shot. I like that - it's logical and is a great way to get the face to agree. Roode said that 17 years ago, they started off...wow does that make them seem old. They signed with TNA on the same day and made history as tag champs. Roode says they're two of the few TNA originals left...what does that term mean anyway? With ECW, it made sense since there was an original ECW and WWE's version - maybe three counter Eastern turning to Extreme, but there's only been one TNA. Lots of words. More words. Roode's just talking for the sake of talking. Oh hey, if Roode loses tonight, he'll never ask for a shot. Well now there's a compelling reason to do the match on each side. Roode gets a shot, and EY gets a top-level challenger off his table. This would honestly be a great setup for a Roode face turn. The KOs were shown - faces in white, heels in black.
EY and MVP met backstage, with MVP saying he respects having a fighting champion - but MVP had a big announcement for him tonight and now, he can't do it. EY just can't go making his own matches. MVP basically called him a damned fool for not taking a break as champion, and that he guarantees the guy he faces at Slammiversary will be someone he's never faced before. EY takes the night off. BPs silhouette bit is so awesome. Loved Tenay and Taz talking about the elimination rule and its place in the rule book. Brittany's generic theme and more generic white tron with flowers came out. The brunette faces look really striking in white. Madison did drop toeholds and they already showed off the BPs' asses...so why keep doing the match then? Tenay speculated that maybe EY's opponent would be Taz since they never had a match. Great bit with a seated dropkick leading to Taz saying some folks like that, and then Tenay saying it's not about Taz's life. Brittany was stripped to...about as much clothing as her gear. They went to a break, and came back with Taz scolding Tenay for not explaining everything bit-by-bit for the story of the match. These two are so great together. Velvet ate a spear and was stripped. They got zero good shots of her ass. HOW DO YOU DO A FANSERVICE MATCH AND FAIL AT FANSERVICE. Taz talked about being a gentleman and simply not looking. Taz pondered if it would be a shorter match if it was a cocktail dress match, leading to more wacky banter. I love these two! Velvet came down in a towel and "flashed" the ref, leading to Angelina blinding Madison with the spray and losing. Dixie and Spud were in Nashville. He was in among his more silly suit jackets ever - a leopard print deal with matching bowtie. EC3-Angle recap. Angle-EC3 is up next - not even the hour 1 main event...in theory.
A Slammiversary ad aired. I'm pretty sure I've heard this epic music elsewhere, but can't place it. Magnus met with Bram again. MVP gave him a contract...so now Bram's history is of a wrestler as well. Bram booked him against Willow tonight, so he would be the old him again. So the old him was a wasp with a thing for umbrellas? EC3's out in his red, white, and blue gear. Kurt's out looking shockingly good. They recapped the injury angle from March - wow, he's really been a non-factor since then. Or really before, since he's done very little over the past year of note. After this, we get the Slammiversary main event announcement. It's only 9:45 and the shows runs through 11, so...lots more filler. "Spud's your boyfriend" chant breaks out, leading to a "break his ankle" one. I like how EC3's dropping the elbows on the knee - he's doing it more like Bret's elbow than a traditional one. It's a little thing, but reminds me of how you can make a move your own just by doing it differently - something Booker T was a master of. Angle rattled off the Germans, but fell. Ditto after the Angle slam, leading to a knee clip and a win. This was different, but not quite definitive enough for me if this was the end of the feud.
An Overstock ad on finding a pet the same way you find products on their site aired. Great cause. Shame Overstock is...just Overstock now and not Amazon. Big Rob met with Kurt as the refs walked him down. Good God is he a bad actor. MVP came out and they showed a couple of girls bouncing to it. MVP talked about taking the job as director of wrestling operations and it being really stressful - in part due to the fans. MVP made a Dude Abides reference, which I approve of completely. Roode came out before MVP could announce EY's opponent. Roode came out and was offended by...something and acted like MVP's stuff backstage never happened - which makes sense since the crowd wouldn't have seen it, but it was odd. Roode ranted about MVP getting a handout and called him a son of a bitch. MVP and Roode brawled a bit. Simon Diamond is in jeans and a shirt - so...looking a bit like the world champ. Bully came to the building, with a cute receptionist in a Bully Fears Dixie shirt - and that message written on the TV. OH MY GOD, SPUD HAS MATCHING PANTS and a blinged out belt. Bully proceeded to just carry him around like a child. Tremendous. Spud scolded him for not taking his shoes off - IT'S A HOLY PLACE! Bully buried his green socks, then realized how stupid that was to say given his suit. Bully took control of the desk and called a BIG MEETING. And ordered the receptionist to get him a sandwich. This was fantastic! Then the fine-assed fire babe was with Knux doing fire stuff and THE FREAK WAS IN A BOX. Or maybe it's Crazy Steve. HE'S CRAZY ya know.
Al Snow threw Roode out. Al is yet another road agent dressed like the world champ. Bro Mans got jobber intros. This began with a ramp brawl thanks to DJZ distracting the Wolves. The BroMans attacked them with the ladder a few times and then MARCHED TO THE RING BRAVELY with the ladder. They did a lot of wacky double team stuff, including a ladder bonk from a double dive. Tenay said that MVP will still name EY's opponent later, and THE MENAGERIE debuts later too. BroMand did a double knee lift into the ladder with Eddie's head trapped...that was really stupid-looking. Everyone did stuff on top of the ladder, leading to headbutts taking everyone out. Zima's getting a chant now. Eddie suplexed Jesse OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR and kept the form. Wow. This match is really quite good. Davey did the double stomp to Robbie on a ladder bridge! So far, this is coming off like the match we either should've gotten at the last PPV or the next one. DJZ comes in and gets headbutted and then DOUBLE BEALED OFF THE LADDER ONTO THE BRO MANS! Wolves get the win! THIS RULED! Knux and Rebel had a chat, and then THE FREAK AND CRAZY STEVE came out after honking a horn. They're next...this will be something. Knux is being delightfully wacky here, which is better than him being a biker. Plus, he gets to keep the shirt and jeans look, which works better for him than gear.
More with Bully - SPUD ACTUALLY BROUGHT HIM TEA! Kaz in his X-Men gear came out to face THE NEW FACTION KNOWN AS THE MENAGERIE, and Knux. They've got stilt walkers, Rebel being crazy-flexible on the ramp...then hotter and more flexible on the apron. The Freak TOSSES CRAZY STEVE INTO THE RING and...this is bizarre, but a lot of fun. I can actually see this getting over to some degree - not just with TNA, this is just a lot of fun to watch. Sky High gets the win for Knux. This is a high-energy wacky act, and Knux is working with that. Spud met with the staff and knocked Bully, and then said "he's behind me, isn't he!?". Glorious. Bully forgave him and ordered him to get them a case of beer. Spud protested since it's 11 AM, so Bully agreed - GET TWO! Then Bully led the crowd in a chant of the company's "Bully fears Dixie" chant. This was fun. I love how forgiving Bully is of Spud. He's perfectly willing to accept that he's just Dixie's goober, and won't hold it against him as long he as either gets him tea or beer.
Recap of Storm costing Anderson a match last week, leading to them having a match next week. Gunner and Anderson talked about that, and Gunner said he doesn't wanna win like that. Gunner and Anderson pondered what messed up Shaw's life. Everyone drank taped-over beer while listening to Bully's theme and looking at the TNA site and cute chicks took selfies. Bully said he'd leave if Spud had a beer, so he did...and then HE GOT POWERBOMBED THROUGH A TABLE! Bully got her address through Spud's phone. Willow cut a promo on getting screwed over in the Dixieland match. HE DOES NOT FEAR MAGNUS'S REIGN, BECAUSE HE HAS AN UMBRELLA! Willow the drug addict explaining TNA's angles seem sensical.
Magnus came out with Bram for a match I've forgotten about. Oh yeah, it's Willow. I completely forgot about Willow-Magnus despite Willow just being on the show cutting a promo on Magnus. Willow came out with the ShopTNA umbrella and struggled with it. Then he THREW AN UMBRELLA INTO THE CROWD. That seems dangerous. Bram laid Willow out quickly and caused a DQ. He got cuffs out and beat him down more with Mr. Turnbuckle. Willow screeched or something. MVP met with EY to talk to him about the announcement next. A trainer met with Kurt THEY ALREADY GOT X-RAYS BACK. He's got an ACL tear and will need MORE SURGERY. MVP came out with a really loud Tenay voiceover. They pimped a Just Crazy Enough shirt for EY being on sale...not a good shirt. MVP cut a generic promo about how great EY is and then introduced the opponent! But no theme played, so he just punched him while terrible canned booing aired. Tenay's voiceover was about as bad as the canned booing.This was not good.
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Roode called himself Mr. Consistency. Mr. Consistency should feud with Mr. Intensity in a match reffed by Mister Mister. Face-to-Face, EY looks at least a decade older than Roode. Roode pointed out that he had to face Gunner before facing EY, so EY should give him another shot. I like that - it's logical and is a great way to get the face to agree. Roode said that 17 years ago, they started off...wow does that make them seem old. They signed with TNA on the same day and made history as tag champs. Roode says they're two of the few TNA originals left...what does that term mean anyway? With ECW, it made sense since there was an original ECW and WWE's version - maybe three counter Eastern turning to Extreme, but there's only been one TNA. Lots of words. More words. Roode's just talking for the sake of talking. Oh hey, if Roode loses tonight, he'll never ask for a shot. Well now there's a compelling reason to do the match on each side. Roode gets a shot, and EY gets a top-level challenger off his table. This would honestly be a great setup for a Roode face turn. The KOs were shown - faces in white, heels in black.
EY and MVP met backstage, with MVP saying he respects having a fighting champion - but MVP had a big announcement for him tonight and now, he can't do it. EY just can't go making his own matches. MVP basically called him a damned fool for not taking a break as champion, and that he guarantees the guy he faces at Slammiversary will be someone he's never faced before. EY takes the night off. BPs silhouette bit is so awesome. Loved Tenay and Taz talking about the elimination rule and its place in the rule book. Brittany's generic theme and more generic white tron with flowers came out. The brunette faces look really striking in white. Madison did drop toeholds and they already showed off the BPs' asses...so why keep doing the match then? Tenay speculated that maybe EY's opponent would be Taz since they never had a match. Great bit with a seated dropkick leading to Taz saying some folks like that, and then Tenay saying it's not about Taz's life. Brittany was stripped to...about as much clothing as her gear. They went to a break, and came back with Taz scolding Tenay for not explaining everything bit-by-bit for the story of the match. These two are so great together. Velvet ate a spear and was stripped. They got zero good shots of her ass. HOW DO YOU DO A FANSERVICE MATCH AND FAIL AT FANSERVICE. Taz talked about being a gentleman and simply not looking. Taz pondered if it would be a shorter match if it was a cocktail dress match, leading to more wacky banter. I love these two! Velvet came down in a towel and "flashed" the ref, leading to Angelina blinding Madison with the spray and losing. Dixie and Spud were in Nashville. He was in among his more silly suit jackets ever - a leopard print deal with matching bowtie. EC3-Angle recap. Angle-EC3 is up next - not even the hour 1 main event...in theory.
A Slammiversary ad aired. I'm pretty sure I've heard this epic music elsewhere, but can't place it. Magnus met with Bram again. MVP gave him a contract...so now Bram's history is of a wrestler as well. Bram booked him against Willow tonight, so he would be the old him again. So the old him was a wasp with a thing for umbrellas? EC3's out in his red, white, and blue gear. Kurt's out looking shockingly good. They recapped the injury angle from March - wow, he's really been a non-factor since then. Or really before, since he's done very little over the past year of note. After this, we get the Slammiversary main event announcement. It's only 9:45 and the shows runs through 11, so...lots more filler. "Spud's your boyfriend" chant breaks out, leading to a "break his ankle" one. I like how EC3's dropping the elbows on the knee - he's doing it more like Bret's elbow than a traditional one. It's a little thing, but reminds me of how you can make a move your own just by doing it differently - something Booker T was a master of. Angle rattled off the Germans, but fell. Ditto after the Angle slam, leading to a knee clip and a win. This was different, but not quite definitive enough for me if this was the end of the feud.
An Overstock ad on finding a pet the same way you find products on their site aired. Great cause. Shame Overstock is...just Overstock now and not Amazon. Big Rob met with Kurt as the refs walked him down. Good God is he a bad actor. MVP came out and they showed a couple of girls bouncing to it. MVP talked about taking the job as director of wrestling operations and it being really stressful - in part due to the fans. MVP made a Dude Abides reference, which I approve of completely. Roode came out before MVP could announce EY's opponent. Roode came out and was offended by...something and acted like MVP's stuff backstage never happened - which makes sense since the crowd wouldn't have seen it, but it was odd. Roode ranted about MVP getting a handout and called him a son of a bitch. MVP and Roode brawled a bit. Simon Diamond is in jeans and a shirt - so...looking a bit like the world champ. Bully came to the building, with a cute receptionist in a Bully Fears Dixie shirt - and that message written on the TV. OH MY GOD, SPUD HAS MATCHING PANTS and a blinged out belt. Bully proceeded to just carry him around like a child. Tremendous. Spud scolded him for not taking his shoes off - IT'S A HOLY PLACE! Bully buried his green socks, then realized how stupid that was to say given his suit. Bully took control of the desk and called a BIG MEETING. And ordered the receptionist to get him a sandwich. This was fantastic! Then the fine-assed fire babe was with Knux doing fire stuff and THE FREAK WAS IN A BOX. Or maybe it's Crazy Steve. HE'S CRAZY ya know.
Al Snow threw Roode out. Al is yet another road agent dressed like the world champ. Bro Mans got jobber intros. This began with a ramp brawl thanks to DJZ distracting the Wolves. The BroMans attacked them with the ladder a few times and then MARCHED TO THE RING BRAVELY with the ladder. They did a lot of wacky double team stuff, including a ladder bonk from a double dive. Tenay said that MVP will still name EY's opponent later, and THE MENAGERIE debuts later too. BroMand did a double knee lift into the ladder with Eddie's head trapped...that was really stupid-looking. Everyone did stuff on top of the ladder, leading to headbutts taking everyone out. Zima's getting a chant now. Eddie suplexed Jesse OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR and kept the form. Wow. This match is really quite good. Davey did the double stomp to Robbie on a ladder bridge! So far, this is coming off like the match we either should've gotten at the last PPV or the next one. DJZ comes in and gets headbutted and then DOUBLE BEALED OFF THE LADDER ONTO THE BRO MANS! Wolves get the win! THIS RULED! Knux and Rebel had a chat, and then THE FREAK AND CRAZY STEVE came out after honking a horn. They're next...this will be something. Knux is being delightfully wacky here, which is better than him being a biker. Plus, he gets to keep the shirt and jeans look, which works better for him than gear.
More with Bully - SPUD ACTUALLY BROUGHT HIM TEA! Kaz in his X-Men gear came out to face THE NEW FACTION KNOWN AS THE MENAGERIE, and Knux. They've got stilt walkers, Rebel being crazy-flexible on the ramp...then hotter and more flexible on the apron. The Freak TOSSES CRAZY STEVE INTO THE RING and...this is bizarre, but a lot of fun. I can actually see this getting over to some degree - not just with TNA, this is just a lot of fun to watch. Sky High gets the win for Knux. This is a high-energy wacky act, and Knux is working with that. Spud met with the staff and knocked Bully, and then said "he's behind me, isn't he!?". Glorious. Bully forgave him and ordered him to get them a case of beer. Spud protested since it's 11 AM, so Bully agreed - GET TWO! Then Bully led the crowd in a chant of the company's "Bully fears Dixie" chant. This was fun. I love how forgiving Bully is of Spud. He's perfectly willing to accept that he's just Dixie's goober, and won't hold it against him as long he as either gets him tea or beer.
Recap of Storm costing Anderson a match last week, leading to them having a match next week. Gunner and Anderson talked about that, and Gunner said he doesn't wanna win like that. Gunner and Anderson pondered what messed up Shaw's life. Everyone drank taped-over beer while listening to Bully's theme and looking at the TNA site and cute chicks took selfies. Bully said he'd leave if Spud had a beer, so he did...and then HE GOT POWERBOMBED THROUGH A TABLE! Bully got her address through Spud's phone. Willow cut a promo on getting screwed over in the Dixieland match. HE DOES NOT FEAR MAGNUS'S REIGN, BECAUSE HE HAS AN UMBRELLA! Willow the drug addict explaining TNA's angles seem sensical.
Magnus came out with Bram for a match I've forgotten about. Oh yeah, it's Willow. I completely forgot about Willow-Magnus despite Willow just being on the show cutting a promo on Magnus. Willow came out with the ShopTNA umbrella and struggled with it. Then he THREW AN UMBRELLA INTO THE CROWD. That seems dangerous. Bram laid Willow out quickly and caused a DQ. He got cuffs out and beat him down more with Mr. Turnbuckle. Willow screeched or something. MVP met with EY to talk to him about the announcement next. A trainer met with Kurt THEY ALREADY GOT X-RAYS BACK. He's got an ACL tear and will need MORE SURGERY. MVP came out with a really loud Tenay voiceover. They pimped a Just Crazy Enough shirt for EY being on sale...not a good shirt. MVP cut a generic promo about how great EY is and then introduced the opponent! But no theme played, so he just punched him while terrible canned booing aired. Tenay's voiceover was about as bad as the canned booing.This was not good.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/p6rpa9xxwfkdhtdaz1s38049oi0b0kqp
Tuesday, May 6, 2014
WWE Main Event 5-6-14
Dolph's starting the show off and I've already had three massive bits of rewinding just during his intro. Adam Rose recap. Zeb's on commentary and rants about THE YOUTH OF AMERICA like Adam Rose interrupting he and Swagger. I think Rose is at least a few years older than Swagger. Swagger chucked him over the top onto the post head-first, and then he hits the steps. Dolph is taking batshit crazy bumps ON THE NETWORK. Good God, he then took a crazy hiptoss over the top to the floor. STOP! VINTAGE COMMERCIAL BREAK CHINLOCK brings the match back. Rose it out. #clappinggranny! Rose offered Dolph three women to be a rosebud...okay then! So if you're a rosebud, you get orgies! Not too bad there. Just dance around like a goober for a second. Worth it. They hyped up the refer-a-friend thing.
FOXSANA teams with Tamina against the Dactyls and Nattie. "This past Sunday" on Total Divas...nine days ago had the cat drama. Nice leapfrog from Fox - great flexibility too. Aksana's offense revolved around a lot of those rug pulling moves. Boring chant broke out. FEMALE CLUBBERING from the heels! Naomi hit a wacky sorta-piledriver thing on the ropes to Aksana. Rear View leads to the split-legged moonsault win for Naomi. Nattie and Cameron had issues for...reasons I guess due to the cat. Mr. T deal again. Oh God, a Kane-Bryan recap. Time to listen to Adam Rose's theme! Goldust is out. I guess we get Goldust-Axel tonight. Yup.That was a really fun little match. It's amazing how much better Goldust's matches are when he's in there with someone who can keep up with him. Goldust wins with the Final Cut. Cena sez wordz next!
Cena came out all happy, which sure makes no goddamned sense. Then they replayed the finish of the PPV match. Cena basically told the crowd to go follow the family if they wanted. He just kept responding to clips with wacky face stuff. John says he's not a god - HE'S A MAN. A superman...and he's got HIS SLOGAN ON HIS SHIRT. Available now on WWESHOP! YOU NEVA GIVE UP! YOU NEVA GIVE UP! I love that all he believes in can be summed up with a rally towel.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/yjnrp72e7rss3v69eykb65laa2ay7l66
FOXSANA teams with Tamina against the Dactyls and Nattie. "This past Sunday" on Total Divas...nine days ago had the cat drama. Nice leapfrog from Fox - great flexibility too. Aksana's offense revolved around a lot of those rug pulling moves. Boring chant broke out. FEMALE CLUBBERING from the heels! Naomi hit a wacky sorta-piledriver thing on the ropes to Aksana. Rear View leads to the split-legged moonsault win for Naomi. Nattie and Cameron had issues for...reasons I guess due to the cat. Mr. T deal again. Oh God, a Kane-Bryan recap. Time to listen to Adam Rose's theme! Goldust is out. I guess we get Goldust-Axel tonight. Yup.That was a really fun little match. It's amazing how much better Goldust's matches are when he's in there with someone who can keep up with him. Goldust wins with the Final Cut. Cena sez wordz next!
Cena came out all happy, which sure makes no goddamned sense. Then they replayed the finish of the PPV match. Cena basically told the crowd to go follow the family if they wanted. He just kept responding to clips with wacky face stuff. John says he's not a god - HE'S A MAN. A superman...and he's got HIS SLOGAN ON HIS SHIRT. Available now on WWESHOP! YOU NEVA GIVE UP! YOU NEVA GIVE UP! I love that all he believes in can be summed up with a rally towel.
Screens -
Monday, May 5, 2014
Raw 5-5-14
Pre-show filler is Trish's home and RAZOR RAMON'S WISHING WELL VIGNETTE! Razor's vest is amazing. WM Rewind is Ted-Savage...wow is dubstep out of place for this. Riley says that the PPV was ONE OF THE BEST OF ALL-TIME. It wasn't even one of the best Extreme Rules PPVs. They showed the PPV finish and some clips of Bryan at the presser. Booker calls Brie a gold digger! Glorious! "SHARMELL, RIDE OR DIE!" Lot of nothing happening. Ambrose cuts a promo saying HE'S BEEN U.S. CHAMPION FOR A YEAR and he didn't get into the business cuz it was easy. He said he'd throw punches until his arm fell off, and he wouldn't wanna be one of the 19 guys trying to steal from him!
Raw starts off with the battle royal. A fan held up a sign for Freight Train, and another one had "when it Reigns, it pours!". That's a fine little slogan. Battle royal guys got jobber intros. I love Sin Cara's red, white, and black gear. OH MY GOD, KOFI'S IN YET ANOTHER BATTLE ROYAL. YES! Guys did stuff. More stuff. Show chokeslams Henry and then Sheamus kicks him and EVERYONE throws him out. AND THEN GET RID OF HENRY TOO! Santino got rid of Dolph with the cobra. Rybaxel were not amused! Ryback turns the Brogue into a powerbomb! Nice! BROGUE KICK! Wow. Didn't see Sheamus winning this. I hope this leads to a heel turn because he won't be cheered with another cheap title win for him. HHH came out. YAY WYATTS-SHIELD IV!
Sheamus talked with Renee about spinning his wheels since returning, and how it's all about timing. Renee looks super-cute tonight. No real heel tease from Sheamus here. Steph knocked on Bryan and Brie's door and apologized for being so heavy-handed when she knocks. She told them to stay here and be safe...and then they panned to a cheap replica Kane mask. RVD came out in an orange and blue singlet with grafitti on it. He'll face Cesaro next. Cesaro's getting something out of RVD here, who is at least trying pretty hard to do stuff. Big double stomp gets 2 for Cesaro. SPRINGBOARD DIVE INTO THE UPPERCUT. Nice! ROLLING KARELIN LIFT FROM CESARO. Straight out of FPR and No Mercy. Cole called Cesaro "this kid". One, he's in his '30s. Two, HE'S BALD! Cesaro tied him into the tree of woe and elbowed him on the floor. DQed for kicking too much ass. BOO! Heyman told him to not get suspended and just walk up the aisle. I like this - it's building to something more at the PPV, even if it's not a great finish for right now. The announcers pimped the referral program for the WWEShop stuff. "I never got a gift card from Netflix!" I really want WWE to get a legal letter for all this shit. Wyatts are here.
A blind tag is now a Total Divas storyline! Bray talked about Sister Abigail. She's a nun now. Bray's promo led to a recap video...ugh. John Cena really shouldn't be scared of an Xbox Live voice filter. Bray says he does what he does for the homeless man who can't eat, for the teenage girl who looks in the mirror and cries because she's not the prom queen. He called himself a god...who has the whole wide world in his hands. Rybaxel's out for double duty, with Ryback facing Cody. Cole buried JBL's cabinet, and JBL agreed. You can hear every person's smartass comment in this. Ryback really works the chinlock. A kid yelled at Axel to stay away. Goldust caused Cody to lose his balance accidentally and Ryback hits Shellshock for the win. Brie said she was creeped out. And acted badly with some other stuff. The lights went out and they ran from a Kane lamp. WWE Champ and his wife are running from a Kane lamp. AVAILABLE NOW ON WWESHOP FOR ONLY $25, WHICH YOU CAN GET BY REFERRING A FRIEND TO THE WWE NETWORK! Steph offered to get their car brought to them in the building. Oh lord.
WeeLC clips. Torito's out for a... pinata match or something. Time to celebrate his Mexicanity! They made jokes about Universe/Jewniverse. TRES MB came down. Torito offered him candy, but Hornswoggle spit it out and he punched him. Then Cole make jokes and explained them. Kofi's in the ring. RISE FOR LANA'S ASS! Rusev gets to beat a former 10 time champion! OH GOD MORE WITH THE WEELC MATCH! Nearly a week after it hit the Xbox One, they announced it officially. Bryan and Brie went to a car. I hope they run from a decorative Kane Christmas tree ornament next. Steph's heavy hand hit the window, and she said she'd strip Bryan of the title if he didn't wrestle tonight because he'd breach his contract. He had a match!?
Bryan had a match out of nowhere and it's against ALBERTO!? They did stuff. Went to a break. More stuff. It's impossible to care about this window dressing of a nothing match when there's an angle afoot. Alberto busted out a DDT! They had a leg kick exchange where ADR got his right thigh bruised instantly. LA MISTICA YES LOCK! Bryan wins! Kane's pyro hit. GET HER OUT OUT OF THERE. SHE COULD BE TRAPPED IN THE RING AGAIN! They ran to the car, Bryan went to the hood because the car wouldn't start, and Kane was in the backseat with Brie... God, she just won't shut up. Bryan shook him off the car and she just still kept shrieking. Kane got up and they left.
OH THANK GOD A RECAP! Big E's shirt would really look so much better if they sold them sleeveless like he wears them - the design is perfect for it. THE BRAND NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! AND HIS CAPE came down. They did a bunch of stuff on the floor while pointing out how stupid it was of Big E to focus on the floor when he can't win the title there. They flew with the apron spear again. I don't like that being a TV spot. Barrett rakes the eyes and hits the bull hammer for the win. JOHN CENA WILL BE ON MAIN EVENT..to talk about what Bray said tonight. Why he isn't saying that tonight, who knows. They ran a mother's day video for Mr. T...Now this is a bit much. There's no need to mock the guy like this.
Zeb and Swagger had ZEB'S DEPORTATION LIST. Adam Rose came out and Zeb was just gobsmacked. Zeb is so great here. Cole sang Rose's theme, so you know it's cool! They used this to plug the Network stuff since the gimmick debuted on NXT. Sheamus defends his title on SD against...someone they don't want to name. So Sandow. Crowd chanted this is awesome seconds into the Shield-Wyatts match, which is a bit much. They did stuff to fill time until a staredown for an ad break. OH GOD MORE FUCKING APP PLUGS. If you download the app, you get to see Harper hit a big boot. Ambrose being such a great babyface is amazing. Loved Rollins' flip dive with the slick landing. MOONSAULT FOOT STOMP MISSED. STANDING SSP HITS! So...with Seth doing all the flipz so well, and being over, and better, why bother bringing Bourne back? SUICICAL SWAMP DIVE FROM HARPER! SWAMP CHIN MUSIC! I demand a best of 9,000 Harper-Rollins series. These two work so great together. Reigns hit the sliding kick to Bray! SUPERMAN PUNCH after a clusterfuck brawl. Evolution came out, the flyers dove onto them, then Reigns hit the Superman punch on HHH which they missed and Bray bodyblocked Reigns and hit him with Abigail to win. Draping DDT off the top rope to Seth. World's gentlest spinebuster to Dean on the steps. Reigns escaped the Pedigree, but ate an RKO. Then HHH hit the Pedigree. Triple powerbomb to Roman. Roman's mouth's busted open.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/txai12wtppaas0r6gczghx85orbkgnk9
Raw starts off with the battle royal. A fan held up a sign for Freight Train, and another one had "when it Reigns, it pours!". That's a fine little slogan. Battle royal guys got jobber intros. I love Sin Cara's red, white, and black gear. OH MY GOD, KOFI'S IN YET ANOTHER BATTLE ROYAL. YES! Guys did stuff. More stuff. Show chokeslams Henry and then Sheamus kicks him and EVERYONE throws him out. AND THEN GET RID OF HENRY TOO! Santino got rid of Dolph with the cobra. Rybaxel were not amused! Ryback turns the Brogue into a powerbomb! Nice! BROGUE KICK! Wow. Didn't see Sheamus winning this. I hope this leads to a heel turn because he won't be cheered with another cheap title win for him. HHH came out. YAY WYATTS-SHIELD IV!
Sheamus talked with Renee about spinning his wheels since returning, and how it's all about timing. Renee looks super-cute tonight. No real heel tease from Sheamus here. Steph knocked on Bryan and Brie's door and apologized for being so heavy-handed when she knocks. She told them to stay here and be safe...and then they panned to a cheap replica Kane mask. RVD came out in an orange and blue singlet with grafitti on it. He'll face Cesaro next. Cesaro's getting something out of RVD here, who is at least trying pretty hard to do stuff. Big double stomp gets 2 for Cesaro. SPRINGBOARD DIVE INTO THE UPPERCUT. Nice! ROLLING KARELIN LIFT FROM CESARO. Straight out of FPR and No Mercy. Cole called Cesaro "this kid". One, he's in his '30s. Two, HE'S BALD! Cesaro tied him into the tree of woe and elbowed him on the floor. DQed for kicking too much ass. BOO! Heyman told him to not get suspended and just walk up the aisle. I like this - it's building to something more at the PPV, even if it's not a great finish for right now. The announcers pimped the referral program for the WWEShop stuff. "I never got a gift card from Netflix!" I really want WWE to get a legal letter for all this shit. Wyatts are here.
A blind tag is now a Total Divas storyline! Bray talked about Sister Abigail. She's a nun now. Bray's promo led to a recap video...ugh. John Cena really shouldn't be scared of an Xbox Live voice filter. Bray says he does what he does for the homeless man who can't eat, for the teenage girl who looks in the mirror and cries because she's not the prom queen. He called himself a god...who has the whole wide world in his hands. Rybaxel's out for double duty, with Ryback facing Cody. Cole buried JBL's cabinet, and JBL agreed. You can hear every person's smartass comment in this. Ryback really works the chinlock. A kid yelled at Axel to stay away. Goldust caused Cody to lose his balance accidentally and Ryback hits Shellshock for the win. Brie said she was creeped out. And acted badly with some other stuff. The lights went out and they ran from a Kane lamp. WWE Champ and his wife are running from a Kane lamp. AVAILABLE NOW ON WWESHOP FOR ONLY $25, WHICH YOU CAN GET BY REFERRING A FRIEND TO THE WWE NETWORK! Steph offered to get their car brought to them in the building. Oh lord.
WeeLC clips. Torito's out for a... pinata match or something. Time to celebrate his Mexicanity! They made jokes about Universe/Jewniverse. TRES MB came down. Torito offered him candy, but Hornswoggle spit it out and he punched him. Then Cole make jokes and explained them. Kofi's in the ring. RISE FOR LANA'S ASS! Rusev gets to beat a former 10 time champion! OH GOD MORE WITH THE WEELC MATCH! Nearly a week after it hit the Xbox One, they announced it officially. Bryan and Brie went to a car. I hope they run from a decorative Kane Christmas tree ornament next. Steph's heavy hand hit the window, and she said she'd strip Bryan of the title if he didn't wrestle tonight because he'd breach his contract. He had a match!?
Bryan had a match out of nowhere and it's against ALBERTO!? They did stuff. Went to a break. More stuff. It's impossible to care about this window dressing of a nothing match when there's an angle afoot. Alberto busted out a DDT! They had a leg kick exchange where ADR got his right thigh bruised instantly. LA MISTICA YES LOCK! Bryan wins! Kane's pyro hit. GET HER OUT OUT OF THERE. SHE COULD BE TRAPPED IN THE RING AGAIN! They ran to the car, Bryan went to the hood because the car wouldn't start, and Kane was in the backseat with Brie... God, she just won't shut up. Bryan shook him off the car and she just still kept shrieking. Kane got up and they left.
OH THANK GOD A RECAP! Big E's shirt would really look so much better if they sold them sleeveless like he wears them - the design is perfect for it. THE BRAND NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION! AND HIS CAPE came down. They did a bunch of stuff on the floor while pointing out how stupid it was of Big E to focus on the floor when he can't win the title there. They flew with the apron spear again. I don't like that being a TV spot. Barrett rakes the eyes and hits the bull hammer for the win. JOHN CENA WILL BE ON MAIN EVENT..to talk about what Bray said tonight. Why he isn't saying that tonight, who knows. They ran a mother's day video for Mr. T...Now this is a bit much. There's no need to mock the guy like this.
Zeb and Swagger had ZEB'S DEPORTATION LIST. Adam Rose came out and Zeb was just gobsmacked. Zeb is so great here. Cole sang Rose's theme, so you know it's cool! They used this to plug the Network stuff since the gimmick debuted on NXT. Sheamus defends his title on SD against...someone they don't want to name. So Sandow. Crowd chanted this is awesome seconds into the Shield-Wyatts match, which is a bit much. They did stuff to fill time until a staredown for an ad break. OH GOD MORE FUCKING APP PLUGS. If you download the app, you get to see Harper hit a big boot. Ambrose being such a great babyface is amazing. Loved Rollins' flip dive with the slick landing. MOONSAULT FOOT STOMP MISSED. STANDING SSP HITS! So...with Seth doing all the flipz so well, and being over, and better, why bother bringing Bourne back? SUICICAL SWAMP DIVE FROM HARPER! SWAMP CHIN MUSIC! I demand a best of 9,000 Harper-Rollins series. These two work so great together. Reigns hit the sliding kick to Bray! SUPERMAN PUNCH after a clusterfuck brawl. Evolution came out, the flyers dove onto them, then Reigns hit the Superman punch on HHH which they missed and Bray bodyblocked Reigns and hit him with Abigail to win. Draping DDT off the top rope to Seth. World's gentlest spinebuster to Dean on the steps. Reigns escaped the Pedigree, but ate an RKO. Then HHH hit the Pedigree. Triple powerbomb to Roman. Roman's mouth's busted open.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/txai12wtppaas0r6gczghx85orbkgnk9
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