It's cool to see the Rumble as a stadium show - the crowd looks massive. Pre-show has JBL and King, which is nice. JBL is 500 feet tall next to Charly. Drake Maverick puts Rezar with Dawson tonight and Booker says she's smart and he looks like he's six foot eight. Truth and Carmella come in and goddamn is Truth over, and they do a dance break. A giant What's Up chant completely drowns out Coach, which is just the best thing ever. A video recap of Brock murdering dudes for seven years is shown. Brock's first WWE run was only two years and this current is almost seven years long - damn.
It's the Glorious Cosplayers - who really should either color coordinate the robes and gear with the belts or be on SD. Rezar destroys Gable and Dawson bonks heads with him. Gable gets a draping armbar over the rope.What the hell was up with Dawson just evading the blockbuster and Rezar running into it? Dawson accidentally hits Rezar and Dawson eats a cradle for 2. Neckbreaker/moonsault ends it - so Dawson dropped the fall here to continue the Revival's descent. They throw to Coach only to show JBL and Charly silent. Lio's mic is silent too. This pre-show feels way too slapdash for WWE - even the ALL IN pre-show had fewer technical goofups. Shawn looks maybe 160 pounds right now. Goddamn are his arms tiny.
Nakamura's body suit look is something he always should've had - his body has never been great and this gives him a very distinct look. I love that this PPV's stage setup gives it a totally different look too. Not a whole lot to this match. Going through the motions special with the knee to the face on the floor over the apron. Superkick hits for Rusev and a uranage leads to Nakamura getting an armbar out of nowhere and then a triangle. Front choke escape into a suplex/jackhammer by Rusev. Landslide hits for 2. Nakamura takes the buckle off and Lana goes on the apron and calls him a cheater before Lana gets knocked down and the Kinshada to the back of the head ends it. BOO-URNS on that finish. Coach talks on the panel but is impossible to hear well due to all the noise going on.
HBK rambles and fills 30 seconds with a variety of words. Nikki Cross says some stuff backstage in her WWE shirt, which takes some shine off her act. Big Takeover video really shows off how great that event was and then we see the post-show brawl. Halftime Heat returns with the folks in that brawl next week.
Cruiserweight title match is up. Aiden calls Kalisto decorated whlie Nigel says he questions a man who finds inspiration in a cardboard donkey - which is a valid point. Four years ago, Itami was in the pre-show battle royal at Mania and was buried by Cole - thank God his luck has sure changed! Murphy is great, but he would be better as his own act instead of a K-Mart version of Kenny Omega. Itami just goes on the floor and lets everyone run themselves down. Itami comes in and beats the shit out of Murphy. We get a goofy spot with Murphy holding Kalisto for a powermb, only for Tozawa to dive into Kalisto, leading to him hitting a rana on Murphy on the floor.
Kalisto get lawndarted inito the gut of Itami. Flip dive on the pile for Murphy and he nearly completely overshoots them. Rewind rana to Murphy from Kalisto. SDS hits for 2.5. Kalisto and Tozawa hit a superkick party on Murphy before Aiden just says KICK KICK KICK KICK a ton. V Trigger to Tozawa! Murphy's Law to Itami hits and wins it. This was the best cruiserweight showcase match in ages. The card is recapped and they are drowned out by the PA. I hope they have a giant Golden Crisp logo to point at and use that instead of the WM sign.
Becky Lynch comes down and they have the CG graphics, which for her work out perfectly with her The Man graphic - which is iconic a visual as exists now. The announcement that is was for the SD Women's Title was so much louder than it should be given how stupid the name is - but Becky has made this title so important. A long tieup leads to Asuka yelling and then a loud ringing. Becky tackles her and tells her to fight her! Hip attack sends Becky off the apron. Apron yakuza kick sends Asuka down. Bexploder into the barricade gets 2.
Rope hip attack misses, so Becky elbows and uppercuts her. Asuka lock counters it, but since it's in the rope, she breaks at 4. Becky locks a disarmher on in the ropes too on the top rope. Hip attack hits and gets 2 as Becky falls out of her top. Pumphandle uranage gets 2 for Becky. Asuka gets the armbar and then the Asuka lock and then an apron headbutt. SPINNING FISHERMAN SUPLEX OFF THE APRON BY ASUKA. WOW! They beat the count and that gets 2.9! Slapfest for both leads to an Asuka spinkick for 2.
SUPER BEXPLODER GETS 2.9! This is the best women's singles match in WWE since the Evolution main event. They trade finishers and Becky gets the Asuka Lock! Buzzsaw kick, but Becky recovers and gets the disarmher! Asuka lock is on and then she does a cattle mutilation version of it to win! This was an easy WWE match of the year candidate.
Miz gets a CG graphic for his intro and he and Shane are in matching jerseys. MIZ'S DAD IS HERE! This is fantastic. Shane darts at Sheamus and slugs him a punch. Former World Champion, WWE Champion, and Royal Rumble winner Sheamus cowers in fears of Shane McMahon. Miz works with Cesaro for a bit before it's SHANE TO THE RESCUE! Shane hits a flying clothesline off the top to the floor. I'll call that Shane clothesline off the top to the floor the Daddy Love Me Lariat. This should've ended quickly if theyw ere going to do a quick start - it gets you into the mindset that everything in the match matters, which works against it when you're doing plodding bullshit like this. Chest clubs for Miz. Shane gets a hot tag and slugs Cesaro a couple of times before being swung. TRIANGLE CHOKE TO CESARO! Double team schwein is the dumest thing - Cesaro's light shove can't help in the slightest and only leads to him possibly bumping wrong. Miz shoves Shane out of the way of a brogue kick and it hits Cesaro. Finale to Sheamus and an SSP hits Cesaro and SHANE WINS THE TAG TITLE!
WWE announces over 48,000 for the attendance and we get a recap of the Ronda-Sasha stuff. Ronda comes down to mild boos in a black and white kilt - which looks far better on her. Ronda debuts new gorgeous black, white, and gold gear. Sasha armdrags her and mocks Ronda with the body smacking. Ronda eats an armdrag off the top and then Ronda gets one and Ronda does Sasha's pose. Ronda gets a you can't wrestle chant, so she mocks them and does the three amigos. Ronda is probably the best rookie overall ever - she's got more of a main event act right away than Kurt did.
Ronda slugs the post. Sasha hits a suicide dive and it almost gets turned into a suplex because of how Ronda sells it. Running elbow from Ronda lands hard and gets.2 Shotgun knees miss and Ronda goes for the spinning Samoan drop, but Sasha turns it into a sick back-mounted armbar. Ronda escapes and hits the Pit before getting a draping armbar. Superplex to Ronda gets 2 before Sasha locks on a Kimura. ARMBAR ON THE FLOOR FOR RONDA!
Sasha goes for a slugfest and loses that. Sasha gets the crossface and uses her gear as a choke method too. BRIDING FUJIWARA ARMBAR TO RONDA! Gutwrench counter and Piper's Pit ends it with an HBK sell. This was fantastic and Sasha's best match on the main roster - she was given a shot tonight and made the most of it. Ronda lets Sasha out of the ring and she teases crying before both Corey and Renee put both girls under. Sasha flashes four fingers to Ronda - so maybe we get the Horsewomen showdown at Summerslam.
Heyman bringing back a touch of Paul E with a pink shirt. Women's Rumble time features Lacey Evans in the first spot and she looks ridiculous. AND THEN SHE SPEAKS! Nattie is out and Lacey spins around. All right - she's got a nice ass. Double-down off stereo dropkicks. Nattie hits a sloppy rana and a discus lariat. Mandy comes in and eats a discus lariat and at some point, Lacey missed a BME. Nattie gets a stupid double sharpshooter. Liv comes down, runs in and gets thrown out right on her ass.
Lacey hits a double bronco buster and Corey wants the napkin that Mandy used to wipe her pits. Mickie's out in booty shorts. Ember Moon comes down and is hugely over. Billie comes down and says she's not going in until Peyton is here. I love Corey being called a pervert by Renee. Nikki runs down and charges at Billie and then dives on the pile of women mid-ring. Nikki gets beaten up by the Iiconics and Mickie gets the seated senton. Xia Lee is out and kicks Tamina and Lacey. Nikki gets taken out by the Iiconics, who then fight with Lacey. Charlotte's out at 13 and she takes out Lee and Tamina. Kairi's out for a chopfest with Charlotte. Insane elbow to Sarah, and Maria is out.
She is a goddamn terrible wrestler and hits a jawbreaker and a double bulldog. Charlotte spears her down. Naomi comes out and takes Mandy out with a big wedgieplex. Naomi jumps from the barricade to the steps and then gets tripped by Mandy to take her out of the match. Candice with dark roots is a true heel. Alicia comes out and boogies! Corey says she's dedicated her life to becoming a full-time Fortnite skin.
Maria stomps on the hat and it's largely fine. Maria's out and Kacy from Ninja Warrior is down. She does some slick stuff before Zelina Vega is out. Ruby is out with her goons. They allow an elimination for Kairi, who eats the mats on the floor hard. Kacy is out, but handstands her way into the ring! Rhea catches her and Kacy goes around the world on a DDT and Rhea tosses her out. Hornswoggle chases Zelina from under the ring. Rhea chucks Vega out and chases her to the back.
Alexa's out and hits a code red on Charlotte. Bayley's out and takes out Rhea. Lana is down and can't get in due to her ankle. Nia comes down and beats up Lana. Carmella hits a rana on Nia. Becky comes down and asks to replace Lana. Finlay OKs it and SHE'S IN! Apron STO from Alexa to Ember takes her out. Great closeups of Alexa before she's taken out.
Bayley almost takes out Charlotte, but Charlotte takes her and Mella out. Charlotte lifts Nia up, but can't hit anything but kinda of an AA on her. Becky takes Nia out from the floor and it's down to Becky and Charlotte! Charlotte looks like a total bitch laughing at Becky after Nia busts Becky's knee up. I do love Charlotte taking all the smack and then just front-clipping the knee. Charlotte is sent over
AJ comes out in DX green gear. Lots of matwork before they go into strikes. AJ hits the moonsault inverted DDT ON THE FLOOR, which is terrifying. Bryan gets the Lebell Lock on and rakes at the face. Buzzsaw kick gets 2 for Bryan. Super back suplex leads to AJ flipping out of it and turning a calf crusher into a banana split and then a calf crusher. They fight over a backslide with AJ landing some blind elbows to the back of the head that are also terrifying. Double down and Erick Rowan comes out with his first name restored and a Bryan-esque shirt. Clash hits but the ref is down and Rowan chokeslams AJ.
Balor is out in white, black, and white while Brock gets a goofy sword and beast tat graphic. Balor shotgun kicks him to start, gets tossed over and hits a high kick. Slingblade is met with an overhead belly to belly. They brawl on the floor and Brock just tosses him around. Brock eats the table with his gut and Corey talks about his illness. This is the first match with Brock since his return that he hasn't had any sponsors on his gear - I guess his deals ran out in 2018. Slingblade hits once, but Brock lariats him for trying it again.
Brock is sent outside and eats a flip dive. A SECOND TIME. NOW A THIRD! So it's like Seth's series, but with a flip. COUP DE GRACE HITS! IT GETS 2.9, SO BROCK GETS THE KIMURA ON DURING THE KICKOUT! That was a perfect ending and Brock takes him to Suplex City afterwards. Brock celebrates with the belt and then F5s Balor. Okay, so within the match, they got Balor over as a main event-level guy and with the post-match, he's just another dude.
King and JBL are introduced and this match is going until at least midnight, which seems insane. So when did Elias turn heel? Well, aside from doing a long-winded promo and song at nearly 11PM? Jeff Jarrett returns in Double J '93 gear Elias tells him he wants a duet and Jeff really does look good for his age. Jarrett is doing a better job of getting a crowd alive at 11 PM in a comedy role than he ever did as a main eventer in TNA. Elias attacks as Jeff spells his name. Guitar to the back and Jeff's G-O-N-E.
Nakamura is out at 3. JBL buries King on commentary. Elias does Old School with an armdrag. Angle is out and hits an Angle slam before Nakamura takes him out. E is out and does nothing, Johnny's out Jinder's out and taken out by Gargano. Samoa Joe is 9. Titus is out and doesn't slide, but does chase Hawkins under the ring. HAWKINS ELIMINATES TITUS! Seth and Ali have new gear. Ali takes out Nakamura - so I'm guessing he'll be the one to dethrone Nakamura.
Kofi avoids elimination again by rolling his feet alongside the apron. Dean takes out Johnny and No Way Jose is out. Jose is out in a second and does the conga line again and doesn't care. Well that's a great way to bury your titles. Drew comes out and beats up the conga line. Thank God. I was concerned about Drew not looking good, but he destroyed a conga line, so he's fine. New Day does more goofy bullshit to keep Kofi in, so Drew takes them out.
Dunne and Joe have some fun interactions. Black is out and impresses with strikes. Black Mass sends Ambrose out. Shelton is out in new Jax-esque gear. Paydirt to Dunne and Shelton hits a V trigger knee to Joe and Ali sends him out. Lashley's out and is quickly eliminated by Seth. He chokeslams Seth off the barricade through an announce table. Braun is 27. Hardy's out and Dolph takes out Drew with a superkick.
Truth is out and Nia takes him out. Nia destroys Rey and Andrade before Dolph superkicks her and a 619 hits. RKO TO NIA! Braun's out via the seocnd rope and Dolph goes at it with Andrade. Seth returns after being down for eons and high fly flows Braun. Andrade's out and Seth superkicks Braun, but Braun recovers. Seth does the Benoit-Show RR '04 finish, but he superkicks him on the apron and curb stomps him on the apron to win the Rumble!
