WWE Money in the Bank 2019

  Sam Roberts' beard makes him look even worse. Not Renee interviews Becky 2 Belts and she gets in a great line about having the weight of history on her shoulders. Then Lacey yammers on a bit and we hear a guy on a walkie talkie for a while. Nikki Cross cuts a selfie promo with her name plastered on the screen in gigantic text before rattling on for a bit. Sonya and Zelina need to not dress EXACTLY THE SAME WITH THE SAME HAIR and then they bicker for a bit.

Daniel Bryan needs to replace the title belts with eco-friendly paper plate versions. Bryan runs wild with chops and then the corner dropkicks after a temple squeeze by Rowan. Rowan hits a double superplex on the Usos. Bryan gets a long yes long before a save ends it. A double Uso dive ends it and gives the Usos - Raw wrestlers, the SD tag titles. IT'S NON-TITLE!? What's the point if you're just going to have the champs job anyway AND HAVE BRYAN JOB AT THAT!?

DOLPH ZIGGLER SIGHTING...in the opening hype video..Ashley gets an In Memory of graphic. Naomi's out as Bumblebee from Teen Titans before Carmella. Nikki Cross gets a Sanity intro despite that group being seemingly dead and her not being a part of it on the main roster. MANDY is out in red looking hot. Bayley's out and thank God they cut away from the guy in what became a belly shirt doing the Bayley buddy wave.

Nikki does the Finlay ring skirt trap and then Terry Funk's ladder twirl. Nattie slingshots Carmella, but Naomi hits a disaster kick off that spot. We get a stupid spot where Dana tries to climb a fully-standing ladder with two people holding it. WHY WOULD DANA KICK SOMEONE WHO IS HOLDING THE LADDER UP FOR HER!?

Naomi does some running over the ladders and then everyone clanks the ladders. Carmella blows her knee out. Dana hits a Muta elbow in the corner to Ember on a ladder. Bayley gets squashed between two ladders before Naomi lands a split-legged moonsault. Dana and Mandy fight up top and Dana hangs off the hanger thing before Mandy and everyone else gets knocked off the ladder. Eclipse off the ladder. Mandy slapjacks Ember onto the ladder. Mandy climbs with Sonya carrying her and then Bayley knocks them down.  Can Bayley cash in for the NXT Women's Title please?

Sami annoys Hunter, who tells him that Braun is banned from the building. HHH is going to punish Sami by making him watch all of HHH's matches for the last half-decade on a loop. Rey meets with Dominik and we see Dominik's ink before Rey comes out and Joe scowls.

Rey hits a jumping kick and then a super seated senton. MORE THAN A DOZEN WWE HALL OF FAMERS HAVE HELD THE US TITLE. Rey gets a off a rana cradle and wins it and somehow Joe got busted up. Well that was a match. Replay shows that Joe's shoulder was up. Great, so Rey gets a fluke win and didn't even deserve it. Joe bowls over Rey and then hits a uranage.

Braun yells a lot. Braun has returned from a vacation on the sun it appears. Sami should get a new Always Pounding Ass shirt soon just to further bury him. An incredible Shane vs. Miz video airs. Miz kicks the shit out of him, but eats some knees and punches and Shane goes to leave. He grabs a chair and Miz beats him with it  Finale on the chair, BUT SHANE GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE. Cole buries the ref but Corey says the ref realizes that the only reason they have roofs over their heads is the McMahon family. Shane gets snapmared off the cage and eats a splash for of course 2.  SHANE GETS THE TRIANGLE! Miz teases a superplex off the cage, but Shane slips out of his jersey and wins.

Mick will be at Raw to announce a new title. Hyped for the United States SmackDown Tag Team Titles! Sami is shown hanging from his feet backstage. Daivari comes out in a fancy car as a budget Alberto. Daivari hits the goofy spinning Christian falling reverse DDT. High fly flow and rainmaker hit for 2.9 . Running Nese hits and Nese retains. HHH tells Braun that he isn't going to put Braun in the MITB match tonight and Braun tells him he didn't do anything to Sami. HHH asks him to leave and he does - GREAT WAY TO USE BRAUN. Hyped for 50 year old HHH vs. Braun in 60 minute iron man match at Greatest Super Showdown later in the year.

Lacey comes out with a wacky $10 money gun and gets some early offense, including a legsweep and then an outside-in elbow. Lacey needed to deliver in the ring, and so far, she has. Becky maybe lands a missile dropkick and then hits an apron forearm. Stunner variant of the Stratusfaction gets 2. Lacey gets a schoolgirl and then Becky gets a flash disarmher and a quick tapout. I like the super-fast tapout - it worked great with Regal and Benoit and it works fine here. Gets the move over as even more deadly.

And here comes Charlotte out looking like quite the jolly cunt since Becky just wrestled. Becky accepts and the match is on. Elevated crab by Charlotte. Becky avoids a natural selection on the apron. Lacey helps Charlotte and lays her out with a punch and then Charlotte wins it. Bayley comes down for a cash-in tease. BAYLEY IS OVER AGAIN! IT'S A MIRACLE! All it took was her saving Becky to get her over! Savage elbow wins it - so now Charlotte can become a 10-time champ!Bayley celebrates with the fans and for one night at least, they got Bayley right on the main roster. It took three years, but for one night, the main roster gets a taste of NXT Bayley.

Roman comes out and Elias sneaks up on him and then we get some singing. Elias goes to leave, but eats a Superman punch and a spear to end it. K. AJ vs. Seth is up with an aweome video package. AJ lands the snap rana off the mat. AJ lands the sliding knee on the apron. Seth sends him out with a lriat after a dive. Ushigoroshi hits for 2. Buckle bomb and frog splash gets 2. Rack bomb gets 2 for AJ. Inverted superplex gets 2 followed by the stomp leading to the calf slicer. The quebrada DDT gets 2. STOMP INTO THE CLASH GETS 2.9! That was a fantastic near-fall! Forearm is countered into the v trigger! Stomp hits and wins it - this was AJ's best match in a year,, easily. AJ leaves and comes back to have Seth puts the belt high above. Seth's kind of a dick here. AJ wants a Code of Honor handshake and gets it.

Lucha House Party comes out to have a six man tag and then they bury the pinata gimmick. Their theme playing over this promo somehow makes it even worse.Lars beats the shit out of all of them and splits his own head open via a headbutt to Kalisto - okay, that made this worth it.

Kofi dives onto KO to start. They do lots of stuff. None of means a thing. Kofi hits the trouble in paradise, but KO rolls to the floor. KO goes for a swanton, but eats knees. Trouble in Paradise lands again and gets the win. Thank God they've added goofy movie bullet ricochet sound effects to REALLY get Ricochet over! They set up some wacky bridges after Ali gets tossed into the announce table. Finn and Andrade do a sunset bomb off a ladder mid-ring through another. This zowie wowie chant can fuck right off.

Spanish fly off the ladder from Ali to Andrade! Corbin chokeslams Ali through the announce table and then battles with Drew. Andrade eats an inverted Alabama slam onto Balor on a ladder - so pretty safe bump overall. Drew biels Ricochet over the top onto a ladder bridge that snaps in half. Ali goes to get the case, but BROCK RETURNS AND TOSSES A LADDER AT A CAMERA GUY! BROCK WINS and makes many great faces!

Holy Grail - Bret Hart vs. Tom Magee

After 33 years, Tom Magee vs. Bret Hart is finally seeing the light of day. The doc starts off with Ohno in a Jumbo Tsuruta shirt talking about the history of this match being heard of, but never seen. A graphic shows that in '86, Vince was looking for a follow-up to Hogan and Bret talks about how impressed Stu was. Waltman shows up and says that he was strong and could do flips and dives. Sam Roberts says they didn't put Magee on TV to get him warmed up - and gave him a match with Bret. Bret says that he asked Tom to tell him his 3 best moves and told him to just follow what he says and he'll be fine.

The Arn and Ted matches are talked about with Waltman saying he had great potential. He says that he dreamed about being in the business, while Tom didn't - so he didn't take to it quickly. Tyson Kidd and Harry Smith as Former WWE Superstar are here to talk about seeing the match in '96. Harry does a dead-on Bret impression and TJ talks about it not being cataloged. Sam Roberts talks about being a big tape trader and having satellite tapes and Ohno says that people say they've seen it, but it was seemingly lost to time.

Mary-Kate Anthony talks about having the VHS and TJ says that it's due to Bret's secretary having all of his matches put on DVD. She's a third-gen wrestling fan and Ohno talks about knowing her for years. She got 50 tapes of his and converted them to DVD and was able to keep the tapes because there was no point in shipping them back to Calgary. Then she found the tape and it had a couple of typos - so people were iffy.

Waltman talks about Bret's precision making him so great and Sam says that Bret is still underrated. Ohno talks about Tom being kept under contract for years and doing some stuff in Japan before leaving wrestling. TJ says he hasn't heard about Tom in years while Harry says he saw in Gold's Gym. Ohno talks about wondering if Tom knows how cool this all is and hopes this can bring him some joy. AND THEN WE SEE TOM MAGEE NOW.

He looks shockingly good for a guy who was busted up terribly not too long ago. He's probably 70 pounds lighter now than he was then. Tom says that his experience in life is unique whether he's in front of 1000,000 at Mania or with a few people respecting him. Tom thanks Bret for giving him that match and appreciates being trained in the dungeon. Tom says he's never actually seen the match and we get a Magee photo package. I think they'll probably induct him into the HOF this year with Bret doing the speech. Might as well strike while the iron is hot.

Bret and Tom are interviewed and asked if they want to see it. Bret's foot gets caught and Tom sweeps the leg. A backflip into the armdrag and Bret sells like a champ for it. Tom leapfrogs him and gets another arm wringer. Backflip off the top into a dropkick and Bret bails.

Bret lands the inverted atomic drop and the elbow to the neck. Bret chokes him on the ropes while Bobby and Gorilla trade some quips about Orndorff with him being really stacked in the middle and a real package. Bret chokes him in the corner but Tom gets a perfect sunset flip for 2. Bret lands the side backbreaker and lands the second rope elbow - done more normally than it would be later on.

Bret takes his gorgeous buckle bump and Magee lands a back elbow. A Magee small package gets 2. Quick schoolboy gets 2. Bret holds onto the rope and a dropkick misses for Magee. Tom gets tossed out and Bret does his cocky pose. Magree reverses an outside-in suplex and gets an O'Connor roll to win!

It's incredible to see this and despite all of the hype, it really does live up to it. It is a perfect match? No - Tom's moves were very light when it came to kicks. However, every single move he did looked solid and Bret made everything he did look great. It was a tremendous showcase of what Magee could do in the right hands and a sign of what was to come with Bret being one of the best ever if not the best ever at carrying people.

Mid-South Wrestling 4-11-84

I like it go sequentially with MSW since it's so episodic, but one great thing about that is you're always given context for what's going on - so that shouldn't matter much. They've got tons of '84 MSW on the network and this show has some big acts for the company, including JYD and Magnum TA. The intro shows Magnum busted up and a woman pissed at someone while Terry Taylor does his "Freeze Frame" music video.

Boyd Pierce is in a subdued black and white getup. They run down tonight's card and we'll see Magnum do some training with Terry Taylor and Tommy Rogers. The scheduled main event is off due to a brawl, but the PYTs will face Buddy Landell and Butch Reed. Landell comes down to steal the thunder for the workout, but gets outworked by Magnum in an amateur-style affair. This is great because it shows that Magnum isn't just someone for the ladies to admire for his looks and the men to look up for being a badass - but HE CAN WORK DAMMIT.

A recap video shows the Midnight Express beating Duggan and JYD in a tag match with powder and a coal miner's glove. The comedy of JYD jobbing to white powder is something else - a bit sad too even with Duggan dropping the fall. JYD had to pretend to not be able to get in the ring, so luckily Eaton hitting a stomp to keep him out. Cornette calls Duggan a coward and runs a hype video for him saying all it does is show he can only beat people up with a 2X4. This is the infamous "The South's Gonna Do it Again!" video.

JYD makes short work of Krusher Kruschev AKA Barry Darsow and topples him with a thump quickly. Landell and Reed demolish the PYTs with a double stun gun. Dr. Death cuts a God-awful promo about Terry Taylor and the TV Title. God bless Doc, but he was one of the worst promos ever on national TV for as long as he was.

The show closes with an amazing Fantastics video showing them working out in a billion homoerotic ways.

WWE WrestleMania 35

Kickoff starts with Coach, pube hair guy, Paige, and JBL on the panel. Nese vs. Murphy opens the kickoff card with some exciting WWE-style chinlock action! Nese gets a double-jump moonsault for 2. Nese's constant rolling reminds me of RVD in '98 - only RVD had a personality, was a better promo, and his matches were exciting. Nese eats a kamigoye as a transition spot and he goes for the running knee. Nese counters and Germans in him in the buckle and hits the running Nese to win the belt. Okay then.

All of the women just come down as a group for the battle royal. God that looks so stupid. Naomi gets an intro as does Asuka. Hip attack takes out Nikki and Candace. Lana and Sarah hug...and then Lana gets tossed. Kairi hits the elbow to Sarah. Sarah and Liv team up for a pop-up diamond dust using Sarah as a base - I dig that. If you're Dana Brooke...WHY DO YOU RUN AT THE ROPES AFTER THEY'VE BEEN LOW-BRIDGED!? Sarah thinks she wins, but Carmella's still in and wins with a superkick.

Revival comes down to defend agaisnt Hawkins and Ryder, in a match that was built up months ago and then dropped. Hawkins and Ryder need matching gear and the Revival needs to get back to matching their ring jackets with their gear - everyone's stuff looks off tonight.

Demo decapitation on Ryder gets 2. Ryder gets a double neckbreaker and wants a tag, but Dawson takes Hawkins off the apron. Hawkins gets a small package on Dawson and WIN THE TITLES! WHAT A MOMENT let's cut immediately to the pre-show panel babbling as they then cut to MORE PEOPLE TALKING.

"Tonight is about tonight!" - professional speaker of words, Jonathan Coachman. Andre battle royal is up. Roster is a bunch of geeks, but of course the SNL guys get an intro. Hardys get one too, which is nice. Coach and the panel ramble on for 20 years. Gable and Roode wrestling in tidy whitey gear does them no favors. FINALLY Braun comes out.

Braun tosses a bunch of guys out before he slugs it out with Harper for a bit. Jose looks like a Facade cosplayer with that hair. Otis hits the worm and man does his bald spot do him no favors - and he needs favors. Braun takes out Heavy Machinery. Braun takes out Harper and Ali, with Harper getting kicked mid-suplex and Ali takes a nasty bump and slams his face into the announce table. Hardys get Braun over and the SNL guys help. Hardys are gone and it comes down to Braun and them.

They bring a therapist in and he gets beaten up. Che goes on the apron and gets punched out to the floor. Jost is alone and gets thrown onto a pile of guys on the floor. I like him raising the trophy up to make this seem important and he did get into Mania shape for this.

Yolanda sings America the Beautiful and some helicopters fly overhead. Goofy Miz gets put in the big show opening video. Alexa comes out looking hot and brings out Hogan, who brings out Hogan who continues his running gag now of messing stadium names. 

Heyman says if Brock isn't on last, then they're heading out first so Brock can go to Vegas and be appreciated. Brock is down to 265 and looks better than he has in a while. Seth gets a beast slayer tron and has new black and gold gear.

F5 on the floor! Brock slings him into some metal under the ring and then throws him around ringside. Brock takes off the announce table topper and makes a table out of it before throwing Seth through it. Seth's back was fucked up before this matcn and it's certainly re-fucked up now. Now after 5 minutes of a beating, the match actually starts.  Suplex City and Brock hurts the ref. Seth punches hte balls and superkicks him before a stomp. A second one! A third does it! Seth wins the Universal Title for the first time in a short, but good-ish little match. Corey says that xuples city has been burned down.

King's out to call AJ vs. Orton. AJ gets a slick P1 graphic and then a giant Phenomenal One text CG graphic too. Orton has shiny pleather gear and now has an RKO logo on his kneepads! King begins to respond to a point about being a journeyman before being interrupted so they can throw to all the other commentators and even they say Shadow of New York City.

Orton bullies him into the corner, but eats chops. AJ AEW-colored gear is great. King talks forever about Orton not being close to his father. AJ gets an ushigoroshi for 2. AJ springboard 450 gets 2.  Orton avoids a forearm and lands the 3.0. RKO is countered by a pop-up enzuguri. RKO HITS FOR 2! Orton sets up a super RKO, but AJ gets the Pele from the mat to avoid it. AJ lands an inside-out foerarm and then an outside-in one to win it. Solid match.

 

Lacey walks out. Usos are out look FAF. The Bar doesn't even get their usual camo kilt getup for WrestleMania!? WTF!? LOL @ Byron pointing out that Rusev and Nakamura have no chemistry and aren't friends. Ricochet comes out and after seeing his rise from PWG to Lucha Underground to this - good on him. Aleister gets a cool intro.

Nakamura and Rusev have some top-shelf gear now. Rusev lands a slick spinning uranage on Ricochet for 2. 630 hits Sheamus for when everyone dives in for a save. Jey dives into a European uppercut and it's a sea of finishers. Brogue to Ricochet and a superkick party to Sheamus. DOUBLE UCE DIVE WINS IT!

HOF roll out. Shane comes out in a black jersey and stops his theme so he can be introduced as the best in the world. Hyped for Shane to beat Miz with the Rainmaker after it's christened the Moneymaker. Actually, do that - it involves Shane not jumping and doing a move he can't fuck up. Shane lands a series of things called punches before pie-facing George Mizanin. OH MY GOD. MIZ HAS BEEN ATTACKED WITH A MONITOR FROM 1988! Shane goes to dive, but GEORGE PREVENTS IT!

I hope the Mean Street Posse comes out for Shane now to take out George. George comes in and gets slugged, so Miz attacks Shane. Miz knocks Shane off something. MIZ MUSCLES SHANE OVER A BARRICADE THROUGH A TABLE. This is a thing that happened! Miz hits the Finale on a wooden platform area in the crowd for 2. This is actually a darn fine arena brawl and something WWE hasn't done in ages.

Shane goes up to a giant camera platform. SUPERPLEX OFF THE PLATFORM into a crash pad area, but Shane's on top and wins it! That was Shane's best match ever and Miz's best Mania match ever. Miz should be put back in the WWE Title picture on SD - he felt like he was on an upward trajectory before the Cena/Nikka tag match and now he's back in that and a network darling with the reality show. It's pretty bizarre to see an ad for DAZN on WWE Network - so I guess DAZN isn't in the mix for AEW right now.

IT'S PAIGE HERE for guest commentary. Peyton looks fantastic in flaming gear. Bret comes out with Nattie and Beth, with Beth dressed up as Nattie. Best double suplxes the Iiconics. I love Sasha and Bayley in All In Ibushi gear. Goofy double sharpshooter hits. Sasha gets 2 off a frog splash. Tower of doom spot. Iiconics steal the pin and win it. If any team needs to work more matches and be on all three brands, it's definitely the team that works like they're in week 2 of training.

WWE Title match is already up - so at 9:15, both World Title matches are either done or ready to roll. Bryan works a glacial match doing some matwork and a takedown as a high spot. Bryan counters a mushroom stomp into a rolling crab. Kofi hits a splash to the back off the top for 2. SOS is on, but BRYAN GETS THE LEBELL LOCK! 12 to 6 elbows rock Kofi, but he still gets to the rope! Kofi gets a reverse suplex for 2. Rowan attacks, but he eats a tornado kick and the Midnight Hour! KNEE PLUS GETS 2!

Kofi does Bryan's arm-trapped PRIDE stomps! Trouble in Paradise hits and wins it! New Day unveils the revamped Kofi WWE Title belt that was just under the tarp. Xavier unveils the New Day Kofi belt shirts that JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE MADE. Okay, it's one thing for WWE Shop to sell these shirts after the win - it's another to actually have them ON THE SHOW. Xavier went from being exposed to the world thanks to Team Pacman to now being a part of the WWE Title match at WrestleMania - he's really overachieved.

Andre battle royal recap. Alexa meets with the SNL guys and apologizes. Christ almighty are these SNL guys terrible at acting - even by wrestling and skit acting standards. Outsiders come in to do prostate exam doctor jokes. Booker is out to do commentary for the US Title match. Rey's gear is both fucking ugly and incredibly beautiful due to its detail work as Mysterio.

Joe hits a running boot and then a headbutt flurry.  WCP into the ropes and the 619 hits. Wheelbarrow bulldog leads to a leg tweak and the choke is in but that's it. They booked that perfectly by bringing up the ankle injury, playing up the momentary tweak of the leg and having that play into the finish. WWE'S BATISTA is hyped up for his next movie.

 

Roman's return is recapped. Drew gets a big Scottish band intro. Drew feels like a guy who should feel like a bigger star with this kind of intro. Roman gets an ungodly long display of pyro. IF THE WWE UNIVERSE DIDN'T SUPPORT HIM, ROMAN DOESN'T THINK HE WOULD HAVE MADE IT. Oh fuck right off with that shit.

Headbutt to Roman before Drew locks on the Corbinlock. Thankfully, Roman escapes that and eats a suplex off the apron onto the floor. Thank God, a highspot of some sort. Drew wants the future shock, but Roman punches free. Roman overcomes the odds and hits a Superman punch and spear does it NOT ONLY FOR HIMSELF, BUT EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER STRUGGLED.

A goofy Lana/Rusev Snickers commercial airs. Elias has added playing drums to things he does poorly, which includes singing, playing guitar, and wrestling. AND NOW HE PLAYS PIANO TOO and sings with the drums and piano as a hologram. Babe Rube clips play.

 
WORD LIFE. Basic Thuganomics Cena comes down! He cuts a meta rap about Elias being as bad a singer as he is an actor. He says WWE doesn't stand for Walk With Elias, it stands for Wasted Wrestling Experiment and Elias is just a piece of shitzu. Cena gets in a deez nuts line and says that Elias's beard is bigger than his bush. There's no AA tonight, but he will get the FU. And he does. Batista and HHH get a custom Empire State Buildling lighting setup - well that's a pretty penny to pay for HHH to jack off.

Batista channels Chono at the Dome a bit with a couple of giant SUVs bringing him out. He's gotten more work done on his stomach and now has leg tats too. Batista trips over the ropes coming in the ring and is moving really awkwardly. HBK does commentary and I'm sure will bump around a bit here.

Can Dave pull some strings so HHH can get some actual movie roles so we stop getting embarrassing 50 year old cosplay every year? HHH is Mad Max now. Cole putting this over as cool sure does that. Batista htis a lariat to start and damn is HHH ever tan. HHH hits him with a toolbox. HHH rakes his face and eyes with a chain.

HHH then goes for a finger snap spot with a set of channel locks for some fingore. HHH grabs pliars and then pulls the nose ring out with them. This is some gruesome stuff for PG on WWE's biggest show of the year. This torture porn just doesn't work - it wouldn't have even worked in the Attitude era.

Batista hits a spinebuster on the announce table. I'm hoping that HBK, co-star of The Marine 6, joins Ray Bradstone in battling Batista here. Batista clubs away and HBK tells this weird story about the match being about Batista finally being able to beat HHH - after the whole buildup is the exact opposite. Batista sets up steps on an announce table. HBK dressing like latter-day Sonny Crockett is great.

Batista sets up a Batista bomb from the steps to the other table. Well that failed and the table didn't break either. HHH reaches under the ring and gets a pair of sledgehammers. Shocked HHH didn't find some lube so he can jack off some more in this match. Spear gets 2 for Batista. HHH charges in with the hammer and eats a boot and a spinebuster.

 Batista bomb hits and they kinda make it seem like HHH hit him with a hammer, but he didn't, for 2. Batista brings in the stair base - which has worked well for him before. IIRC, he won the cell match with a Batista bomb on the base. Poetically, HHH lands a Batista bomb on the steps and then hits a Pedigree for 2.5.

Batista lands a DDT on the steps. Ric gives HHH a sledgehammer. Batista grabs one but HHH hits a leaping hammer shot. ONE MORE KICK WHAM PEDIGREE ENDS IT. HHH and Ric have manly hugs for a while.

NOW IT'S TIME FOR TALKING! A Daniel Bryan T-Shirt ad airs to at least play into shirts being made for both guys. Ron Simmons says damn at B-Team modeling shirts and now JBL is out for guest commentary. JBL puts over HHH as always being great. It's Angle vs. Corbin and I love Corbin's accomplishments being rattled off. He's now WRESTLEMANIA'S FAVORITE SON.

Kurt comes down and JBL is asked about his many matches with Kurt. I remember zero of them. I do like Kurt getting a bit fireworks display. Kurt slugs him and gets an overhead belly to belly. Kurt's moving around better now than he was in his TV matches. Corbin chokes Kurt in front of his kids. Corbin misses an axehandle and he hits a trio of Germans for 2.

Corbin avoids the Angle slam and boots Kurt down. Deep Six gets 2 - so having it beat Rey was smart because it was a good nearfall here. Corner charge misses and the Angle slam gets 2.5. Kurt pulls the straps down and gets the ankle lock! Corbin rolls through it and sends him into the second rope. Corbin does the you can't see me bit and Kurt elbows him.

More Germans - I like Kurt sticking to what he can still do well. Hopefully Cena comes out to either play Kurt off or help him win. MOONSAULT MISSES! End of Days hits and Corbin wins it. Well, that's really the best long-term finish - but it's another deflating finish.

Kurt grabs the mic and says he's had the time of his life for 20 years. He wants to hear his music and hear "you suck" one more time. Kurt's wife cries and this was still a far better match than I expected it to be. Kurt comes out and kisses all 500 of his kids.

Lashley's out with revamped gear - having black, white, and red arm wraps works as a fresher look. Not sure why Lio Rush didn't just match that color scheme, but also go for an Elijah Burke Jr. look. The demon intros get goofier and goofier with each show. Now he's like part vampire with a cape.

Balor hits a spin kick and an axe kick to start. Flip dive! Lashley hits a bit one arm chokeslam. Balor hits a powerbomb and the double stomp ends it. This was booked perfectly. Nice and quick all-action affair. Alexa announces an all-new MetLife attendence figure of whateverthefuck. I love WWE being at least transparent with the self-congratulatory pyro.

Alexa brings out Truth and Carmella for some reason at 11:44 PM. They want the world's largest dance break. This isn't actually the worst idea to get the crowd active again. And THEN WE GET A MIZ AND MRS AD. AND THEN A WM AD FOR TAMPA. An epic video airs showcasing all three women - but mainly Ronda and Charlotte.

Charlotte descends to the stadium VIA HELICOPTER JUST LIKE RIC DID. WWE, just because you can note-for-note recreate Ric's biggest intros with Charlotte doesn't mean they'll be as great. Charlotte arrives and takes off her leather jacket to put on an epic robe and walks to the stadium.

Joan Jett plays Ronda to the ring - bringing a bit of a smile from Ronda. In a single year, Ronda has gone from having her first-ever match to main eventing Mania. Give it to her - she's done a ton and earned that spot. Corey talks about Charlotte growing from being his daughter to him being her father. Charlotte is put over as an 8-time champion and the first female PPV headliner with Sasha.

Becky and Charlotte slug it out and Charlotte goes for Becky's finish, so Becky goes for hers. Ronda gets a rope drape armbar and Becky dropkicks her and she lands lower back-first on the apron and right on her shoulder blades on the floor. Becky gets the disarmher, but Ronda knees the gut so Charlotte knees her jaw.

Charlotte chops the chest and Ronda says she chops like a bitch - so she chops her jaw and then Ronda hits a run-up knee twice since the first looked like shit. Less would've been more. Super bexploder gets 2. Ronda gets a double armbar, so they double powerbomb her twice. THREE TIMES.

Disarmher is on, but Ronda lifts her up and backs her into the buckle. Super disarmher is on, but Charlotte boots Becky. Spanish Fly from Charlotte to Becky gets 2. Ronda's knee is worked over and her legs are all sorts of bruised up. RINGPOST FIGURE FOUR BY CHARLOTTE!

Charlotte gets the figure 4 on Ronda, but Becky hits an Alabama jam to break it up! Becky brings a table in to hopefully force the crowd to do something. Corey talks about Charlotte being the best athlete.  IN A MATCH WITH RONDA ROUSEY, how the fuck is Charlotte the best athlete in WWE? Ronda puts the table away - I love it. Charlotte spears them both and gets 2 on Becky. 2 on Ronda before she says DANGIT!

Charlotte's taken out through a table and now it's Becky vs. Ronda AND THE CROWD IS ALIVE. Becky counters Piper's Pit and gets a crucifix and wins the belts. Well that sure was an odd finish. We got maybe 30 seconds of Ronda vs. Becky and that finish was way too wonky for 12:30.