WWE SD 9-5-14

The triple threat of shows tonight between SD, UFC, and Bellator made it a no-brainer to get a high-quality version before it airs on SyFy. Cena-Brock hype vid airs. Cena's out to talk, leading to Seth and Kane coming out. Cena tells Seth to kiss his plan A and that THE GROWNUPS ARE TALKING. Roman's out, Jericho and Team Show are out, and we're getting a big 10 man tag thanks to HHH breaking the fourth wall, saying we know how it goes, holla holla and he goes off to Teddy's theme. Good God this took ages - 14 minutes to be exact, but the ending ruled. Cesaro and Dolph are up next, with Sheamus on commentary. Cesaro takes Dolph down and rides him for a bit. Cesaro dominates, but winds up losing with Dolph counters the Alpamare Waterslide into a schoolboy for a win. Cesaro jumps him leading to Sheamus making a save with a Brogue kick - so the treadmill push continues for them all. Gold and Stardust were annoying backstage. Well, Goldust was good - Stardust was annoying. Jimmy beats Heath with the Uso Crazy splash. Steph in a giant WWE logo room, announced that LIVE ON THE WWE NETWORK, you can watch a three-way for the divas title. Nikki said words.

Lana and Rusev are out getting cut off by Mark Henry. Lana and Rusev will take great pride in taking out the American Olympian. BROCK LESNAR KILLING DUDES AND TALKING ABOUT KILLING DUDES is recapped. Brie had a match with Paige. Poor Paige. I loved her giant scream. Paige hit the grounded headbutts about a mile away from Brie's head. Brie Mode dropkick off the top. AJ attacks Nikki, leading to Brie of course coming out to help the sister that hates her. She's distracted, eats a Rampaige, and lost because she's a moron. Bo killed Ryder. Swagger came down to attack Bo and sent him packing. 10 man tag is up. Kane takes out Show's knee with a basement dropkick, which is just bizarre. Harper works Show over. Reigns comes in and takes Harper down. Reigns and Rollins brawl for a bit before Roman hits the barricade. They go to a break.

A really awesome Rusev video aired with him against neat-looking graphics. Guys are just in doing stuff for a little bit. Roman showed a lot of fire brawling with guys and reversing a suplex on Harper. Reigns gets a flying clothesline off the top, which is a new wrinkle to his arsenal. Jericho tags in and gets beaten down by the heels. During the break Reign's fancy top comes off leaving just his tanktop. Seth's dominating Jericho, but he sends Seth out leading to Cena holding his hands together and begging for a tag. Bray dominates Jericho, who tags Cena in and takes out he and Seth. The Family comes in and beats down guys leading to a no-contest. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE. You've got 10 guys in there - beat one of them. Faces hit finishers and stood tall after a brawl. This was 30 minutes that amounted to jack shit.

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WWE NXT 9-4-14

Sin Cara and Kalisto face the Vaudevillains in the main event to set up Takeover 2, while Kidd, Zayn, Neville, and Breeze are in singles action. Alexa did some flippy stuff, like an armdrag and one involving the top rope, but went for a spinning headscissors and it got turned into a gutbuster. Cutter wins and she does the curtsey. IT'S BAYLEY came out and got a "Bayley's gonna hug you chant" immediately. Charlotte's teeth are just crazy white. I love Bayley's line about Charlotte needing to take her seriously, because she'll seriously take her title next week. They had a little brawl and Bayley got a Belly to Bayley, so she's losing. Tyler cut a really wimpy promo full of buzzwords and trademarked phrases. Takeover hype vid showcases KENTA! Tyler's out to face Tye Dillinger. Tye gets some chops, an inverted atomic drop, they do more moves, and he eats a Beauty Shot. Nothing really to this, but Tye looked really good. Kidd's interview puts over a guy who is the best flyer in the world, one honed his talent in Japan, another is cocky because he looks like a million bucks, and one is hungry, determined, and ruthless! And then there's the other guys too. This was great. Kidd faces Rose next.

Nope - we get an Enzo and Cass skit at Hair. They go to some big-boobed chick and get hair removal cream, which they accidentally spill on a guy's dog, and leave her in the lurch. These pricks are the babyfaces!? Rose is A THORN IN KIDD'S SIDE! BWAHAHAHA! Rose got in his corner kicks and hit one of the worst elbow drops ever. I liked Renee saying Rose fell down and might've been trying to give the floor a hug. Rose did a really wacky spinning spinebuster. Kidd works on the knee, gets a sharpshooter and wins. Thank God the sharpshooter actually won a match! Zayn cut an okay promo about the title match.

A wacky black and white Vaude Villains backstage promo aired. Some men climb mountains, but SIMON GOTCH IS THE ONLY MAN WHO CAN MOVE THEM! This ruled. Zayn's out to face Marcus Louis, who is a generic-looking dude. They talked about great hair vs. hair matches of the past. Trump-Vince was now apparently a match with them, while Brutus Beefcake got a plug, and of course, one of the WWE robots knew that Torito-Hornswoggle was at Payback. Koji Clutch gets the win for Zayn - I love that move and I'm glad to see it as his finish. Enzo and Cass, like assholes, attacked their enemies from behind and tried to dunk his head in a bucket of shaving cream. Neville faces CJ Parker next.

CJ Parker's tron now has signs in it. This gimmick still sucks. Renee said that she saw him FILLING HIS CAR WITH REGULAR FUEL AT SHEETZ. What a superstar. Parker gets 2 off a big spin kick. CJ misses a big splash off the top. Red Arrow wins, and the next match is going to be the main event - Luchadores vs. the Vaude Villains - hopefully, it can save this show. They plug the Ascension being champs for nearly a year, leading to Renee calling them the nation of domination. Heels are grounding the faces, which isn't making this show go by any faster. Kalisto hit the worst-looking kneeling rana in human history He stopped, jumped, and did a thing resembling a rana. Salida Del Sol hits setting up the swanton for the win. Ascension came out and held the belts up. THIS SHOW SUCKED. It was just boring. The only worthwhile thing was the KENTA announcement.

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TNA Impact 9-3-14

Roode-EY clips are the highlight of the pre-show credits bit. The actual show-opening video highlights the tag series and shows a quick clip of the cage match from a couple of weeks ago. MVP's out with a Crockett egg white jacket and pants combo, along with a season 5 Tubbs shirt. Lashley looks like a gigantic athlete with a fair budget for his clothing since he's got some Calvin Klein on, while Kenny King got a deal on some Wal-Mart clearance clothes. MVP talks about Lashley being TNA Champion now and eventually the Bellator Heavyweight Champion as well. A fan on the hard camera has a WWF panda shirt on! Joe's out to talk shit to MVP and his crew, so they brawl and we'll get Joe-Lashley later non-title. HAVOK is coming tonight, and a nice Taryn-Gail video recap aired with a surprisingly good little pop-style song to accompany it. Taryan and Gail are out next for the title!

Gail is looking crazy hot in this black and blue getup. Taz and Tenay spend no time talking about the match and instead talking about how Taz just talks about himself. Crowd goes for another WE WANT PUPPIES chant. Gail lands a super rana! Gail hits a divorce court for some reason, and then misses her corner press and takes a nasty bump on her left shoulder. They fight on the apron leading to a neckbreaker from Gail ON THE STEPS! Gail landed on her ass, while Taryn hit the small of her back on the steps. They zoom in on Gail's ass numerous times, Gail hits Eat Defeat and ONLY GETS 2!? She goes for a second but gets countered and eats a Cutter for 2! Taryn goes up for a crossbody, hits it, but gets countered for 3! More zoom-ins on Gail's ass. They hugged, and damn do they have the best chemistry since Gail and Kong. Havok debuted and the heat machine went crazy. She laid Taryn with the Schwein, then chokeslammed Gaiil before hitting Gail with the move she used to first win the KOs title in 2007. MVP tried to turn EY to his side, and we'll hear from EC3 next.

The Bro Mans did a skit where HUNDREDS OF TINDERELLANS had the chance, but only one KO could do it. Robbie's got self-tanner on the rooftop and fire engines are blaring. DJZ says he can't hear Robbie's phone vibrate, so he put it his mouth. This was pretty damned amusing. EC3's out looking awesome, while Spud's suit looks like money. EC3 said instead of handing Rhino, he's handing out beating after beating. Loved him having a list of demands, but not knowing it, and Spud having no idea where it is. EC3 demanded that Bully be gone, that hardcore and extreme be stricken from the vocabulary because they're not living in the past, and he wants respect too. Then things got even better with him begging for a you can't wrestle chant, getting it, him saying they're not creative and getting a CM Punk chant - HE'D LOVE TO BEAT HIM TOO! This was great. Then Rhino came down and yelled. Rhino wants a fight and he'll get it - WITH SPUD! Brittany, I think was backstage in the background with Shaw apologizing to Gunner. Brittany and her giant boobs leered at one of the two.

Gunner's got some new ink on his right ankle, and he set up a nice standing legdrop from Shaw who's got an impressive vertical leap. Tenay talked about THE INTENSITY OF MR. INTENSITY, and Shaw tagged himself in and ate a pounce and some punches from Bram. Taz talked about Magnus being a former World Champion, and boy does he not feel like a guy who either held the title, or really benefits from being a former champion. Even EY got a longer post-title main event-ish run than Magnus did. Gunner comes in and gets a slingshot suplex. Gunner lands on the knee, eats a knee clip, and loses. Bram wore a shirt to either sell the Janice match, or make sure you can tell he and Gunner apart. Shaw went nuts talking about Gunner being hurt and yanked the ref around. MVP tried to turn Roode on EY like he did with EY earlier. Roode-EY is next. The pacing for this show is just perfect.

They had another wacky Bro Mans skit with Robbie moving his pecs around and the BPs coming in as their dates. This wasn't quite as funny as the first skit, but was still good. EY runs out like a goof for the match. Bobby and his pleather vest/robe combo came out. Roode would be so perfect as an IC/US Title gatekeeper, or in the Tyson Kidd role as an NXT workhorse to teach guys right now. EY looks so incredibly stupid in his Dr. Seuss hat socks. EY busts out a nice firemarn's carry and armdrag to set up an armbar. Flying forearm sets up a discus lariat from EY, who is working his ass off here. Back-bump missile dropkick from EY gets 2. EY counters a perfectplex, but eats a spinebuster for 2. EY counters a Roode Bomb, which is his own finisher too, but hits a loosey-goosey wheelbarrow neckbreaker for 2. Piledriver gets 2, and Roode gets a crossface, and EY gets 2 turning it into a cradle. These guys are having the great match they always wanted to have. EY gets a DDT for 2. EY's flying elbow also gets 2. Might've gone overboard on 2s - the DDT should've maybe been a 1, or something should've been - the cradle would've been the best overall thing. They do a Dean-Eddie cradle sequence which Roode turns into the Roode Bomb for the win! This was well worth going out of your way to see - it was exactly what a number 1 contender's match should be.

Roode talked to an interview guy about FINALLY being back in the world title picture, being exhausted, and needing some water. Lashley just stared a hole through him. I love the world title being presented as something really important. 3D talked with JB about making the next match a tables match. DJZ faces Uno, Steve, and Homicide for a shot at Joe. Nope, it's a 6-way with Low-Ki and Manik too. Guys did moves and Taz and Tenay entertained themselves by making inside jokes about Uncle Pat being a carnival barker. Tenay referenced the Love Connection, and Taz kept calling Uno TIGER ONE. Manik dove into a cutter from Homicide and then ate a Gringo Killer, so 'Cide gets a shot - great, he and Joe ruled at the end of the match that Joe won to became champ, and now they can have an extended match. Storm and Sanada are out. Sanada superkicks Manik, which is now played up as a tribute to Storm, and they dragged Manik to the back. Okay the - so he's joining the Not Wyatt Family. Hopefully he gets some new, darker gear - the Suicide getup without the text never really worked for me. Tenay hyped up the champion vs. champion match later.

Aries came out and got a huge ovation. He's now got a greying beard, and said he may have a green tint to his skin due to Sanada's mist. I forgot about that, so CLIPS WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE! Storm came out with Sanada and cut a great promo. Gotta say, if he's not going to work many matches now, he might as well be a manager - and he's one of the few guys who can do the role and not make you wonder about missing him in the ring. Of course, I do think about his wasted potential - he truly felt like he could be THE GUY for wrestling as a whole nearly three years ago, and now he's just a pushed guy in TNA. Aries said that Storm is a legend - a legendary asshole, which gets muted, but Aries saying Storm's pissed guys out a billion times is just fine. Aries brought out Tajiri, who got no reaction, looks old in the body, and needs to regrow the beard ASAP.  EC3 and Spud had a hilarious meeting where they made sure to park the guys near an exit sign so EC3 could tell him there's the exit if he didn't want to keep his job and fight Rhino. I like the detail work there.

An epic-feeling Chris Melendez video aired using Bush clips to show you the context of the times, since it was a lifetime ago, and Tenay puts over that they'll celebrate 9/11 with Melendez's debut. Well, that will be pretty special. I forgot how great Spud's theme was - you could honestly take this EC3/Spud act to WWE immediately. Spud's white and bronze gear looks awesome. Rhino did presses with Spud. Spud attacks when Rhino stares at EC3. Rhino no-sells, and Spud is the best little goober ever. Team him with Slater! SPUD AVOIDS THE GORE and wisely scoots out. The crowd chants EC3 when Spud gets a can, so he tells them NO - EC3 and eats a gore. THIS RULED. EC3 abandons Spud. Joe-Lashley is next.

Joe's out first, followed by the World champ Lashley. Lashley ate a nasty ST-Joe on the floor. He really didn't land nicely on it. Joe locks on a nice front choke. Tenay hyped up Melendez's debut and the 3-way tag tables match. Tenay hypes up Lashley's Bellator fight while Lashley LOCKS ON A NERVE HOLD! Snap powerslam gets 2 for Joe.  Lashley avoids a superplex and hits the running powerslam. Joe gets a round kick to the gut to prevent the spear, but Kenny King comes down during the choke. THIS ISN'T A DQ FOR SOME REASON. Full nelson slam gets 2.9. Spear gets 3. This was by-the-numbers fine, but not exciting. The show as a whole was fantastic though, and so much better than the bad Raw and anemic Main Event show last night.

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WWE Main Event 9-2-14

The pre-show filler is the "JYD" Piper's Pit with Sal Belomo."YOU'RE HIS FRIEND!? You ain't the same color as him!" "C'mon you dumb wop!" So yeah, these Piper's Pits are something else. Summer Rae tweeted about being on the show tonight, so I guess we'll get something to hype up the Total Divas S3 premiere. Mizdow is out to start off MizTV. Oh thank God - a wrestling show starting with talking. What a change of pace. Also - complaining about a wrestling show starting with talking. Sandow's here because Miz is apparently in LA shooting a movie. Mizdow has a prepared a monologue INSPIRED BY CHRISTMAS BOUNTY! Mizdow blowing a raspberry with a thumbs down is amazing. They had a really-off, which can fuck off. Mizdow wants an IC Title shot, because his career isn't dead enough. Dolph told him to go back to another persona - Bret, Magneto, or his best one - the ballerina. Dolph dropkicked him. What a prick.

We get Dolph-Mizdow to start the show, per THE AUTHORITY. Because of course they'd be involved in this goofy bullshit in any way. Byron talks about dog parks for a bit before Sandow locks on a chinlock. They do nothing of note for a while until Dolph gets a jumping jawbreaker and hits a Hart Attack chain. Fameasser gets 2. Mizdow gets the backbreaker>neckbreaker chain into a figure four, which gets countered and leads to a Zig Zag for the win. This was in fact a match. Miz-Dolph was made for the IC Title at Night of Champions. Bella-Steph recap means it's time for Mighty Gunvolt. They plugged Total Divas being viewed by 6 million each week. Nattie and Rosa face Summer Lay, leading to a sneak peak. Nattie is going to be used to help Rosa "get back in the fold" by sharing a room with her. Nattie says she'd rather scrub her toilets - which Rosa blows off mid-ring. Nice cleavage from Nattie. Rosa for some ungodly reason is working THE ENTIRE MATCH. This has to be a rib on Dave Meltzer. THANK GOD NATTIE IS IN attacking Summer. Summer slaps her way out of a sharpshooter leading to a Layla tag and a double crossbody in the middle of the ring. Time for a short-arm from Rosa. Nope, she tags herself in and eats a Cro Cop kick from Layla and takes THE WIMPIEST BUMP EVER. Hogan took better bumps in his match with Sting.

Total Divas preview clip re-aired. Raw Rebound focuses on the highlight reel and brings back the possibility of the NOC match not being 1 on 1. Why not make it a 3-way with Rollins to mix things up? They played some ridiculously epic music for the main event recap. JOHN CENA RETURNS ON SMACKDOWN! Shouldn't that be returns to SmackDown? Gold and Stardust are out, with Stardust now attempting to twerk for the intro. Goldust's got some of the most major league gear outside of New Japan. They show clips from Raw, and it's funny watching Eden make googly eyes at her husband in the ring. Stardust acted like the Frank Gorshin Riddler after the beating clips aired. They're facing Los Matadores. Adding to the Riddler motif, Stardust is now tweeting Stardust Stumpers. Goldust tells an Uso "Hard camera, hard camera." during an armbar. They do more moves for a bit until the Dust Bros. are taken out on the floor. Raw is called "the season premiere". Byron says "real talk" a billion times. Stardust nails a nice gordbuster. One guy yells MICHAEL COLE over and over. Stardust responds to the crowd's lack of interest by doing a wacky necklock. Goldust comes in and does the same thing. Crowd chants the Ole song to amuse themselves. Goldust takes a smooth bump over the top off a head bonk spot. The other matador tags in for a flying back elbow and a flying back headbutt on Stardust. Cradle to Stardust gets 2. He puts Stardust in a 619 position for Alberto's body avalanche AND IT HITS! Stardust hits his shitty DDT/Flatliner thing called Dark Matter for the win. Just use a Flatliner - this looks awful. Faces get beaten up afterwards.


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WWE 2K14 - Brock Lesnar vs. Sami Zayn - The Ladder Match Series

This is a bit random, but not entirely. I've been thinking about great Davis vs. Goliath matches in pro wrestling, with Kid-Razor and Hardy-Taker coming to mind and I wanted to do something similar in 2K14. I figure I've got Brock as a killer in the game, but haven't used my Zayn CAW yet at all, so this would be a good time to do so. I figure Brock being cocky could work for a win without hurting Zayn, and instead, things got all crazy at the last second with a last-ditch move and a glitch that made for a fun story for a rematch.

So Brock has lost his gold and it's TIME FOR BROCK TO SMASH THE GINGER WHO TOOK HIS TITLE. Beatings ensue, weapons are used, blood is shed, and Zayn eats a superplex off the top TO THE FLOOR ONTO THREE LADDERS. Zayn should be dead to rights, eats more ladder superplexes, and winds up winning the big one with a move that Brock has used to try and take him out. I loved it and will be having these two in other match types down the line once I tweak Zayn's moveset a bit.

WCW Nitro 9-4-95

I'll never forget the first episode of Nitro, but not just for wrestling reasons. My mother and I went on vacation with another family that turned into total chaos right before this, so I only saw the show in bits in pieces between the yelling and cops arriving. Eric starts the show off with Mongo, who joybuzzes Heenan. Liger-Pillman starts the show off, and man is it ever weird to see Liger come out in a mall. Pillman's out with his California Brian theme and red, black and silver gear - it's a good look for him. Mongo makes jokes about Liger's ginzu knives being illegal. AND THIS COMPANY HAD A RACISM LAWSUIT AGAINST IT!? Liger hits a koppou kick to start. Liger struggles to do a moonsault block off the top to Pillman. They whiff a flying rana off the top to Liger - Pillman's just in the worst spot possible for that move. LIGER'S GOT THE SURFBOARD! Pillman gets out and eats a dive to the floor from Liger. Pillman dives onto him from the floor to counter. He goes back up, but Liger crotches him. SUPER FISHERMAN BUSTER gets 2. Pillman counters a dive with a dropkick to the gut for 2 - no one was better than that than him. They've got some weird coloring with a camera - these red outfits are almost orange-ish with it. Brainbuster gets 2.9. Pillman hits a tornado DDT gets 2, while a cradle reversal gets 3. This would've been a truncated version of their classic at best, but it didn't have a patch on it. Liger and Pillman shook hands later.

Bischoff pitched to a video with Hogan and Pastamania, saying that Jordan's got his restaurant and now HOGAN HAS HIS! It's amazing how they were able to do Pastamania, a takeoff of Hulkamania, but not Hulkamania. The font is similar enough, but it just doesn't look quite right. Flair-Sting in the second match is just surreal. Mongo says IF YOU AIN'T WATCHING THIS, YOU MIGHT AS WELL BE WATCHIN...and then Bischoff begs him to not say it. Mongo says that Heenan couldn't get guys over while Sting comes down as U.S. Champ - that remains my favorite design of the belt. LUGER SHOWS UP to start the match, leading to Bischoff asking what the hell he's doing here. Sting has the ability to lift Ric EIGHT OR NINE FEET ABOVE HIS HEAD. So he can turn into Mr. Fantastic too. LUGER IS HERE LUGER IS HERE. Press slam. LUGER IS HERE LUGER IS HERE. Nice outside-in press slam to Flair. Arn's out in a black, blue, and tan outfit. Mongo ponders where Luger is - he could be eating at Pastamania. Or getting stuff from whatever CVS was called in '95.  Big superplex off the top from Sting, leading to Eric saying the ring moved TWO FEET somehow. Flair tries to cheat to win, but Arn isn't having any of this shit and causes a DQ by entering the ring. Arn and Flair brawl! Scott Norton's out yelling at Mongo. Now Savage is talking shit to Norton. Eric tells Norton he can't face Savage now or he'll never wrestle in WCW, leading to an audible "bullshit!" from Norton. They have highlights of Sabu coming to WCW...by showing him beating guys on WCW TV. This video was ungodly distracting with all the effects.

Gene's checkered suit is something else. The blue and grey canvas looked nasty at the show's start, and looks worse now. Bischoff runs down Saturday Night's loaded card, which really should be on the Network too. Mr. Wallstreet buries the New Generation and says he's sure the IRS will be watching him really closely. Big Bubba-Hogan is up. Bischoff talks about how beloved Hogan is while a Hogan sucks chant breaks out. Brain puts Mongo over as an Emmy winner. Heenan put over Bubba as someone who knows martial arts AND HE WAS A FORMER PRISON GUARD too. Bubba eats the buckle and punches away. Heenan calls Shark a FLESH-EATING SAVAGE and rattles off the Dungeon of Doom's crew - which sounds ridiculous enough without actually seeing them. MENG HAS A GOLDEN SPIKE! Fans on the hard camera hold up HOGAN SUCKS and HOGAN IS A WIMP signs. Bubba turns his back on Hogan to attack Hart and it backfires with more punching. Hogan cheats using Jimmy's jacket to attack Bubba with MORE PUNCHES. Hogan drops a few elbows before doing a face rake with his boot. Bubba gets his slam for 2. Hulkin up time. Boot, leg, win. Dungeon runs out and Luger helps, but they go back to back and almost come to blows. A huge Luger chant breaks out. Gene's out talking to them. Luger says he's here because people say Hogan's the top guy, he wears the WCW World Title, which means HE'S THE ONLY WORLD CHAMPION, and he wants it. Luger says that he's beaten the same guys Hogan has AND HE'S TIRED OF PLAYING WITH KIDS, HE WANTS MEN. Luger says he wants the belt and Hogan says YOU DON'T HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL NEXT WEEK, HE'LL PUT THE TITLE ON THE LINE...NEXT WEEK. This was such a blast to watch - and a breeze to get through.

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WWE Raw 9-1-14

Jericho's out for the Highlight Reel and JBL buries this as being boring already and calls him out for being desperate. NINE NINETY-NINE MAGGLE, ONLY NINE NINETY-NINE! Authority comes out with Orton, and ORTON'S IN A SUIT. This is dragging - shocked that we're only 3 minutes into the show. Jericho makes a lawyer joke and HHH buries Jericho for being stuck in the past. They talked and talked and talked and shilled the network and talked and talked. Jericho, the face...playing into the heel's plans to plug the network. HHH said PLANS COULD CHANGE for the number 1 contender's match - or they just make it a 3-way to beat someone. Okay - make it a three way. Perfect, you can have Orton job. PLEASE GOD NO NOT KANE! Seth wants this too. Well, he got a huge pop for it. Jericho wants the shot now too. Jericho's face of shock when Cena's theme hit ruled. Cena makes sure to reference the #halloffameforum - good boy, and bringing up that he made HHH tap at WM 22, which you can see for only $9.99. Enough.

Cena said that he'd sue HHH for not getting the title shot and become COO and then fire HHH. Um, what? Everyone said more words. Holy Christ. Roman came down to hopefully talk some more. Yup - he did, and they showed the three faces against the four heels, so I guess we'll get a 6-man tag tonight. Good to see the Savage and Flair cosplayers spend a total of $20 total on their outfits. HHH went ahead and made the 6-man tag - yippee. So the winner gets added to the title match, I guess. Cole hyped up ONE OF THE LARGEST TAG MATCHES IN HISTORY! Just like last week, and the week before that! Dolph and Sheamus face Cesaro and Miz next. Dolph has replaced his hair with spaghetti noodles.

Sandow's back out as Miz's sidekick. Cesaro did the heartstopper elbows to Dolph, leading to Miz, in shades on the apron, pumping his fist and pointing. Miz also has a makeup artist - I love this gimmick so much. Miz got a big boot to Dolph, but he tagged out to Sheamus leading to the chest beats thing. King said he appreciated movie stars - over the past day, I bet he has. FALLAWAY SLAM WITH A BRIDGE! I'll have to give Cesaro that in FPR. Dolph and Ziggler tagged in and Dolph did speedy things to his face. Shouldn't Miz at least be selling the face since he's taking a ton of shots to it? Miz sent Sandow in, the ref told him to get out, he didn't, ate a Zig Zag, and then Dolph ate a Finale. So that wasn't a DQ why? Bella recap coming up - fuck this. That was honest-to-God sub porno-level acting. Nikki had a Growing Up Bella video package. Brie stole her high school prom date. Okay then.

Eva Marie is on Iron Man's cover, and in a 6-diva tag. I can't figure out who the heels and faces are on these teams. They did nothing for a while, then a brawl broke out and the heels...I think were taken out. It took two people eons to get Eva into position for a double dropkick. Eva Marie has no business being in a ring. Ambrose-Seth recap. Wyatts-Show/Henry are up next. Faces out first, heels out next. King said he wrestled the Tank Brothers - Sherman and Septic! The crowd did a Sexual Chocolate chant, leading to ANOTHER NETWORK PLUG. This match is usually good - it's not bad, but the crowd's dead. Lana and Rusev came out after a few minutes of action. Lana to start the Nyett Family? Show superkicked Harper to the floor, but ate a dropkick to the knee that was just barely visible sending him into the barricade - it looked like Show just decided to tackle himself into the barricade. LOL at the "I COULD BE WATCHING NITRO FOR ONLY $9.99" signs. They did more moves and got another Sexual Chocolate chant. Rowan slammed Show for 2. Cole sent LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT!LOOKIT! for Rusev coming in to kick Henry. This really sucked - the match didn't click at all. Cole informed us that we're going to hear more about Growing Up Bella - thank God for the Gunvolt games. Brie's always been "self-cenry". They got a car at 16 and stole Nikki's license - getting into an accident with it. Cena clips of him killing the Wyatts are coming next apparently.

They invited Michael Sam to Raw next week to give him an open mic. The way they presented this, it was almost done like it was a certainty, but not quite. Cena ass-whooping recap. Heyman's out and said that Brock will destroy Cena even more than he did at NoC. HE IS THE BEAST AND THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD! This was good, but uninspired. Zeb returned with Swagger, facing someone - I can only assume he'll job to the eagle. Nope - Axel's his opponent, and they recapped Swagger losing on SD thanks to Bo. After maybe a minute of action, Bo came out and he's on stage with stools. Crowd is giving no fucks. Axel tapped and Bo talked IMMEDIATELY. Bo brought out Americans who Jack let down at Summerslam, and bet double or nothing on the rematches - THE BANK IS TAKING HIS FAMILY'S FARM! Some other guy wants to be tailor and will now be deported, and the chicks kid now wants to be like Putin. Well, that got the show closer to the grave.

Rose is facing Titus for God knows what reason. Heath did the dog bark, so the bunny hopped.  Bunny shook his ass, but Heath shoved him down and then the bunny double-legged him. Rose wins via a distraction cradle. Cole and JBL quoted Looney Tunes. "We've got some serious stuff tonight with the Bella twins." Nikki did Brie's exams for her so Brie would graduate high school. Rusev faces someone next.  Lana mocked Labor Day as another day to celebrate a day off. She said America and labor day sucked, and then Rusev killed Ryder. Henry came down to save the show. He got a huge USA chant and cut a great promo on Rusev. Steph talked to HHH, who I think sucked up so she'd stop talking.

OH GOD MORE BELLA RECAPS! Steph and her lip gloss came out to talk. She declared herself ONE OF THE MOST POWERFUL FEMALE LEADERS IN THE WORLD! Nikki and her giant breasts came out in a dress. A boring chant started within seconds - a new record. Brie came down and Steph demanded a theme change...and speaking the truth about no one caring about Brie's opinion. Brie said NICOLE sold her out for a divas title match. Nikki said she sees through Brie - and while you can't see through Nikki, you can see her nipples through her top. Nikki said Brie would just be a memory. #somememory vs. #thosemammaries AJ said she's the contender, leading to Paige coming out. Paige's facial expressions were amazing just grabbing the mic. Then Nikki told Brie to quit and Paige just made faces. QUIT LEAVE GO DOITRIGHTNOW QUITLEAVEGODOITRIGHTNOW! Nikki and Paige were shoved down and AJ skipped with the belt. Steph and AJ did a staredown that was like Hogan and Andre size-wise.

Dolph appears on Miz TV on Main Event, and next week's Raw has Jericho-Wyatt in a cage. Bray cut a nothing promo about it. Usos are out. It's Jimmy against one of Gold and Stardust. Goldust. Jimmy gets an assalanche and superkick, but Stardust prevents the pin and eats a dive. Goldust wins with the Final Cut, hopefully setting up a Dust Bros. tag run again. Dust Bros killed the knee too, and the main event heels talked backstage. They plugged Total Divas. Henry and Show talked about Rusev - Henry's gotta take Rusev out before they can get the tag belts. HENRY IS A MAN AND DON'T NEED NO HELP! HHH and Steph came out for YET ANOTHER ENTRANCE to kill time. Cena's out, they go to a break. Christ, the face intros aren't even done yet. Brie faces Paige on SD, and Orton-Reigns II is on Raw as well. Seth wears black and silver, so of course his tron colors match Cena's shirt. According to King, Cena's dead-set on revenging what happened at Summerslam. Thanks Michael Scott. Reigns got an edge and the crowd changed for Rollins, which King tried to sell as the crowd wanting Rollins in there with Reigns. They had a new Michael Sam graphic. That graphic all but said Michael Sam would be there, but they said he still had to accept. Wow. Cole's acting like the NOC match is still Brock-Cena, while King and JBL are saying it's still about impressing HHH - so which is it? Orton made a save off the Walls, which Jericho didn't see on the tron. Superman punch to Orton. Flying knee from Seth hits Cena after an AA to Kane. Jericho got a Codebreaker before a break. They argued about whether Cena's got a shot or not. The main event storyline is now that you should buy the WWE Network to maybe or maybe not see plans change. Jericho was the face in peril while Cena made wacky faces until tagging in. AA to Kane, and then Roman gets in and hits a spear for the win. Cena jaw-jacked with HHH and then AA'd Seth on the announce table like it was nothing. Welcome to your hometown, Seth.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/yblrqi5tkhsjds2zhkq3jy0yfqevhb8f