WWE Raw 7-14-14

No video package starts. Instead, we get Cena saying THE CHAMP. IS HERE! And on Sunday, he's in a match where he doesn't have to be pinned to lose. Cue Roman coming through the crowd. Cena is so gosh-darned happy that Roman helped him out on Raw. Cena talked a bit and a fan sign said NO STING NO CARE! Ambrose interrupted this crap to say it's time to knock off the ballet class and kick some ass! They've got a six-man against Orton, Seth, and Kane and Dean gets jumped by everyone backstage. They punched and punched and stomped and stomped. Roman and Cena just did nothing. More stuff. FLYING CURB STOMP TO A BOX. STILL. NO. HELP! Did Cena and Roman accompany each other to the men's room using the buddy system or something?

A slick RUNNING WILD ad aired for the Network with a lot of white and red in it. Then they recapped the beating to Dean. Sheamus came out to face Miz, who is now in the IC Title battle royal. Kinda surprised to see TBS logos on the Miz's entrance video. Miz's face is now on the tron for the "dreation" of his match. They did nothing for a while before Miz rolled out and they went to a break. They came back and Cole said "Miz tried to protect his moneymaker EXCLUSIVELY on the WWE APP!". Lord. This match is so important that we get a full graphic rundown for the entire battle royal roster. They did more moves while JBL said THE A-LIST MOVIE STAR COULD WIN THE IC TITLE! They said "money maker" about nine billion times. Sheamus missed the kick in the corner and Miz won with a schoolboy. God, the heels are doing the Treasure of Sierra Madre bit over WWE Title match. HHH told them to get along because he trusts them. This was terribly-acted. HHH and Steph did a wacky kiss and flirty bit. The commentators desperately plugged the network and the free preview. So you can sign up until midnight...and I guess you'd get the PPV free since they didn't say an 11:59 sign up would end at midnight. Dolph's out for a match.

Of all the things we get a recap of from SD, it's not Rusev-Reigns, IT'S THE FANDANGO SAGA! Cole recapped the entire Fandango>Summer>Layla deal in great detail. Guys did moves before Summer Lay got on the table and JBL outright buried the match. Dolph won with a Fameasser to gain momentum going into the IC Title battle royal! Cole said "they want to rub it into Fandango" which doesn't sound too bad, while JBL called Dolph THE DOLPH MAN!

Sandow is now a Sonic worker - must pay better. Sandow was a meanie, leading to Adam Rose saying he was mean to the carhop and more bad product placement and acting. Jesus fuck that was terribawful. Usos came out in orange gear and shirts that match the belts. UCE-OH LOOK OUT! Greatness. Lana and Zeb cut promos next. Oh goodie - RAW IS TALKING! And you COULD BE WATCHING THE COUNTDOWN ON THE WWE NETWORK. You tell people to switch and hype THAT!? Wasn't WM XXX supposed to be playing tonight during Raw?

Rusev got a jobber intro for the detente, which JBL misspelled after King said he couldn't spell it. Zeb and Swagger came out. Zeb is really having trouble moving around. Cole basically saying that we're just going to revive the Cold War here. Lana cut a promo in Russian, THE SUPERIOR LANGUAGE. A fan held up a WWE FAMILY TRIP sign. Those poor fuckers. AMERICA IS STUPID! SHUT UP, AMERICA! Lana is basically going with yo mama jokes now. This is something else. Zeb cut a promo about going to 'nam and taking a vow to protect the country from ALL ENEMIES - like them! Lana hyped up Putin. THERE'S A PUTIN 3:16 SIGN. Okay, this turned the corner. Zeb said "We always respect the presidency." Not the President, but his title. Amazing. A minor brawl broke out and Swagger countered the running superkick with the ankle lock. Boy that would've been an awesome PPV spot - they'd damn sure better repeat it as it was great and it got a huge pop. I'm more hyped for Rusev-Swagger than the WWE Title match. Speaking of which, we got a recap of the show-opening deal here. The debate was super-heated, but not something you'll want to watch again - still super-fun though. Cena and Roman exchanged words about how THE ODDS ARE AGAINST THEM! DAMMIT ROMAN, THE ODDS ARE AGAINST CENA HERE. BE SERIOUS!

RVD-Alberto is up. I have no desire to ever see this match again - but they're at least making the IC Title match and the championship itself seem important. They're having every RVD-ADR match ever. RVD is so much better on NXT than the main shows. Love RVD leaning back to avoid the kneeling superkick - more people should probably do that. ADR countered the splash into the armbar. I love that knees>armbar finish - makes the armbar seem so much fresher as a finisher than his usual standing pomp and circumstance bullshit he does. Cole hyped up AN EXCLUSIVE ON THE WWE NETWORK! THE BEST IN THE WORLD DOC! Well, I wasn't expecting to see a hype video for this on Raw. I guess with AJ back in the fold, they want to get on his good side every way - so he really did a great service for his career and life by leaving. Flair and Jericho will be on the show later.

Nikki came out leading to a recap of the Brie saga. Christ, Nikki has aged a decade. JBL said Steph was back from vacation. OF COURSE SHE'S BACK FROM VACATION - SHE WAS WITH HUNTER EARLIER! It's Nikk vs. Fox/Cameron. Steph's doing a shitty job stacking the deck against Nikki by allowing tags in this. Cameron-Naomi is on the pre-game show. They did moves. More moves. A Nikki chant broke out to my surprise. Alicia won with her stupid headscissor facebuster. Alicia's finisher is so shitty. It's like a needlessly-complicated Rocker Dropper. They recapped the main event. OH NO. TONIGHT'S MAIN EVENT COULD BE A HANDICAP MATCH!...like the one we just saw. Cole hyped up a PLAYER IN WWE 2K15! IT'S STING - in presumably Surfer and Crow Sting variants. This was amazing, with a live orchestra playing his Crow theme and then him turning around leading to them showing their paint.

HHH and Orton talked, and how Kane is just a pawn. So he's turning face again! Goldust and Stardust cut another bizarre promo. Cody doesn't quite seem to understand this character beyond "do weird and goofy shit." Cesaro's out and they've...ended the Heyman association with no real hype or reason. Sheamus-Miz happens on Main Event - 50/50 BOOKING IS A NETWORK EXCLUSIVE! They came back for Cesaro-Big E and still didn't elaborate on things. Cesaro and Big E had every match they've ever had before Cesaro grabbed a chair and Kofi ran interference leading to a Big Ending win. Fuck. Cesaro's not only jobbing a ton, but he's going to win the IC Title too. IC Title thing actually comes off as more important than the WWE Title match due to how much time they've spent on it. Cole talked about THE FORMER WWE CHAMPION THE MIZ getting an upset over Sheamus. Jericho's out to get his questions answered. Why not send Bray a DM?

Jericho losing to Orton thanks to the lights going out is recapped. TWO SMACKDOWN EVENTS RECAPPED! None involving Roman-Rusev. Jericho says he's seen it all - Naked Mideon, Yurple,  Big Poppa Pump, Big Show, Lord Hayes, Michael Hayes, LORD TENSAI. He gave Bob Barker a shoutout and hyped up beating Rock and Austin in one-night. He's a six-time world champ, also a 9-time IC Champ, AND A FORMER MUSICAL CHAIRS CHAMPION. HE'S SEEN IT ALL...except for Bray Wyatt. Bray cut a fantastic promo about how Chris was supposed to save us - but he didn't, and hasn't forgotten. Wyatts came out and attacked him, but he escaped...so Bray could attack him on the ramp from behind. Ambrose beating recap.

Paige is on commentary for AJ-Eva, not sitting near King. Eva got her intro theme before the match, but the last verbal intro. Paige said AJ's her freinemy, and got drowned out by CM Punk chants. Eva smiling while doing a move. SO INTENSE. Black Widow won. AJ is so adorkable. She hopped on the table and sat in Indian style pointing the belt at Paige. HHH and Steph hyped up Flo-Rida - Steph sounded EXACTLY like a mom saying his name, while Kane came in to act poorly and had an issue with their plan A involving him being a goon.

THE INSPIRATIONAL BO DALLAS IS IN THE RING! Bo said Torito's small, but he's got a big heart! King said on WWE TV that enlarged hearts are a medical condition. Khali's legs look so skinny even in the giant pants. And he can barely move. Bo fought back after a corner chop barrage with little sissy chops and said BAD GIANT! Bo-dog on the floor led to Bo yelling COUNTCOUNTCOUNTCOUNT! Everything JBL and Bo said was great there. That segment over-delivered. Heyman talked to Steph and HHH about their Plan B and if it fails, HE HAS PLAN C. See, if he had both Brock and Cesaro, he'd have logical picks for Plans B and C.

RIC FLAIR WALKED BACKSTAGE looking better than he did on NXT Takeover. Wow. Ric looks better than he has in a decade! #flairisraw sounds so awful. Ric hit on Renee. Renee is what a third of Ric's age, about? Yuck. I couldn't care less about Flair's thoughts on the Battleground main event. Or the Battleground main event for that matter. Roman came out, then Flair just left...oh yeah, there's a match. Loved Cena giving Flair the World title. Boy, Flair holding up Big Gold one last time would've been cooler if he'd had time to hoist it properly - and since Cena said keep it - HE'S GOT SOMETHING NEW TO PAWN! And they might've just nixed the WHC too. A crazy-long ad for Let's Be Cops aired. So this is the entire Let's Be Cops movie, right? Jericho faces Harper on SD - that'll be fun to watch. Cole talked about a possible cash in. Yes. Rollins COULD CASH IN TONIGHT...so he could defend in 6 days in a match against 3 other men and then lose it without being pinned. Everyone did moves - none were notable. Reigns was in the Ricky Morton role - he's no Goldust in it that's for sure. After Reigns was in a chinlock, he tagged out so Cena could get locked in one. Reigns came back in after a hot tag to run wild. They should at least be acting like Rollins-Reigns going at it is significant. Reigns got double teamed. #dqedforkickingtoomuchass is trending worldwide while the commentators make no mention of the main event match ending. Loved Reigns standing tall at the end.

Screens -

Boy do Cena and Kane ever look similar facially.

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WWE SD 7-11-14

Raw recap video opens the show. Rusev is out with Lana talking for him against Roman, who has a sign in the background saying 'Roman Reigns - BELIVE THAT!" Nothing really amounted from this. Cameron's out to face AJ. Paige-AJ was announced for the PPV. Cameron was just awful here and took a spin kick terrible. Naomi threw Cameron in when she tried to flee, but AJ did a distraction schoolgirl into a shining wizard for the win. Fandango's out to face Adam Rose, with Summer there. A catfight broke out and Fandango got counted out and hit with a Party Foul. Bray-Jericho recap led to a generic Jericho promo about Bray, leading to a generic Orton promo. USO CRAZY NEXT!

They said the illegal Uso was pinned on Raw, and Heath and Titus are a team - SLATER AND THE GATOR. They've dropped their "inferior" partners. Big splash to Slater finishes a nothing match. An Uso did a wacky announcer parody - he's actually really good at this! These two are basically just doing the Briscoes' wacky gimmick, and that fits them coming off like Samoan rednecks on Total Divas. They're gonna beat the Wyatts...which means they won't.

Jericho-Orton is the hour 1 main event. This was once a PPV main event, and now it's just a nothing TV match happening for no particular reason. Jericho got 2 off a distraction schoolboy when Orton did his pose. Jericho tosses him off the RKO into the Lionsault, but the lights went out leading to an RKO and a win. Okay little match. Layla and Summer had a match with Fandango as ref, and now the girls are a team against him. So for some reason, they're friends and Layla isn't just a catty litlte twat anymore. Rusev-Roman is the main event.

Goldust faced Axel in a short match and won with the Final Cut suplex. Ryback attacked, but Stardust blew stardust into his face Bo faced Diego and Torito, who never got in. Bo-dog on the bovine! They had a short match that led to the Superman punch, a huge chant for the spear, but Orton did a neck snap for a DQ. After a kick where you'd expect RUSEV CRUSH, she told him to leave. Orton checked out her ass as they left and RKO'd Roman. This was a nothing show. MAYBE the RKO gets a recap on Raw.

Screens -

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TNA Impact 7-10-14

The pre-Impact Cops has prescription pill selling - OF COURSE IT WOULD! There's also a bad motorcycle wreck with a woman fleeing the scene. They apparently found her and she's in the back of the car - although she says she's not the driver. She's got a few different stories about all this, and her arm's cut up with blood on the driver's-side door. She's drunk, hit a guy, and he might lose a leg. NEW COPS RETURN ON SATURDAY! They started with an awesome epic video hyping up tonight's night of champions - two titles are on the line in the KOs, X, and Tag titles, and a 20 man battle royal will determine who faces Lashley. Kurt's out to hype up the X title match as the match he's looking forward to the most - and instead of just showing him, they're showing highlights of everyone involved. This is an awesome little touch that I love. Kurt called out Willow, who didn't get his wacky druggie intro until he was halfway down the ramp. Angle said he wanted Jeff Hardy to return since Dixie is gone - oh yeah, THAT'S WHY WILLOW WAS BORN. Angle's explanation of just what this character is was glorious, and after a Hardy chant, he's back. Aries cut a backstage promo about how he only has to beat one guy to get a world title shot, while the battle royal guys have to outlast 19 - sound logic. Bram and Magnus are out to get their tag title shot earned by beating Willow and Abyss - ever the top-tier team. I'm going to call them British Home Invasion since they've got this wacky criminal vibe to them. 

Wolves came out being all intense. A ShopTNA ad aired - they've got 40% off random crap, and now sell a blue and yellow EY beard shirt that's so bad, it's good. Corner shots from Magnus lead to a chop/round kick combo from the Wolves. Magnus ate a drop toehold into Bram's crotch. Instead of a "bonk his head into my boot" bit, Davey did a headbutt. MORON. Magnus trapped him in the ring skirt and nailed some body shots. Bram missed a big elbow that looked funky. Nice European uppercut from Bram. Taz said that Europe is Bram's hometown to Tenay's amusement. Davey landed a wacky back spin kick thing to Magnus after getting his foot caught. Eddie's landing some machine gun chops to Bram. Missile dropkick from Eddie - it's so weird to see that back-bump dropkick become the norm. Super rana from Eddie gets 2.9. Davey saves Eddie from a double suplex and they land a double suicide dive! The Wolves' howling is a bit stupid. Davey and Bram do stuff, but Eddie slides in for a quick win since he's legal - that was a bit heelish there. The Brits attack with the belts anyway, so the win really didn't matter much. Bobby Roode was backstage looking a bit old with all the lighting beamed right on his face. Roode said he was going to call MVP out.

Roode came out and they showed clips of the King-Roode deal. I love how they're maximizing their airtime with that setup - if there's just basic stuff going on, they show clips to further the storyline. He cut a promo on MVP, saying he has until a 10 count to come out here to get his ass kicked or he'll go backstage, find him, and kick his ass there! MVP wheel himself out there with his "3,2,1" theme going off a second early before they got to 4. Bobby shoved MVP out of the wheelchair and broke it before King came down to defend his crippled friend. Then EY came out to brawl with EY before Lashley speared him. EY's selling of the spear is some of the best out there. Everything but the spear was just stuff though. Storm talked to Sanada and basically acted as the devil in his ear about him disgracing his culture and Muta if he loses the title tonight. He said that Sanada is controlled by Muta, and he's coming to NY just to see him defend it. Storm likes him though, and wishes him luck. Storm as a demented mentor is amusing. Aries-Sanada is next.

 They plugged the Global Impact 2 PPV and basically just told you to WATCH THIS PAY-PER-VIEW EVENT via DVR and not worry about watching it live since it opposes SD. They recapped the Hardy deal. Kurt says he hopes he got to Jeff Hardy tonight - Willow brings the violence, BUT HE NEEDS THE MOST COMPETITIVE MAN ON THE ROSTER. In what way is Jeff's character the most competitive in TNA? Sanada and Aries started off with fantastic matwork and a perfect dropkick from Sanada. ARIES MOVES FROM A BACKSLIDE INTO THE LAST CHANCERY! AWESOME. Sanada was next to the ropes though. Sanada locks on the ab stretch before the rolling cradle for 2. A running lariat sent Aries to the floor, but Aries runs in and avoids the springboard chop. Aries sends him to the floor with that before nailing him with the double sledge. Big elbow drop from Aries gets 2. Sanada kinda missed a dropkick to counter Aries's dive, but Taz covered by saying he grazed him. Snap rana sets up apron wackiness to set up a Sanada flipping senton off the apron to the floor. SPRINGBOARD CHOP GETS 1! Aries counters a dragon suplex into the knee breaker>back suplex, but Sanada counters the back suplex into a crossbody for 2! Overhead chop from Aries! Sanada hits a straight up boot to counter the corner dropkick. Backbreaker>moonsault is countered into a sick head bonk into the buckle, then the corner dropkick. Aries goes for the brainbuster, but it's countered into the Tiger suplex for 2! Moonsault gets 2! A second one misses, leading to the roaring elbow, the dropkick, AND A BRAIBUSTER! 2.9! 450 barely hits, but gets the win! This was a must-watch match - first one on TNA since probably the Wolves' ladder match, and it was far better than that. Bully cuts a staircase promo about Rhino...until they cut away 10 seconds in. Well, that served no purpose.

Willow was...looked up to for a while. After that stupid Bully bit, they just replay the pre-ad part, and then the full part. Bully yelled about Rhino - who he'll talk about next. Bully talked about being young and getting advice from Bam Bam Bigelow about how he'd only need one hand to represent all of his friends in wrestling. RHINO WAS ONE OF THEM, but he's not now! Tenay and Taz made a joke about EC3 getting head or something. Bully talks about the HISTORY RHINO AND HE HAD. I can't fathom a single thing they ever did together. Rhino calls Bully a conman - he conned Devon, PAUL E HEYMAN, AND DIXIE CARTER. RESPECT HER NAME WHEN HE MENTIONS HER NAME! Rhino buried Team 3D for being in the hall of fame, while Bully says that Rhino's the reason he was fired from WWE and TNA. EC3 put over how Rhino's family needs money and how A CARTER WITH INFINITE RESOURCES paid him. Bully threatened EC3, but Rhino gored him. Dreamer came down and hit them with a cane, leading to a huge ECW chant. Velvet and Angelina's boobs said things backstage. I think Velvet's breasts grew since the last taping - minutes before this one. Oh, and the KOs title match is a 4-way with Rayne, Brittany, Gail, and Angelina.

WILLOW IS IN THE RAFTERS, BUT WILL HE BE WILLOW OR JEFF HARDY!? Knux talked about getting a battle royal gig so they can't be DQed and they'll have money then. Please no. BPs came out without the silhouette shaking their asses. Brittany jumped Rayne and they rang the bell despite Gail not being out there...for a few seconds. Madison and Gail toppled the heels and did some fun cradles and suplexes amidst themselves. FANTASTIC flapjack from Gail to Madison. Wheelbarrow facebuster to the floor from Angelina to Gail! Nice camel toe on Madison after the DDT from Brittany. Angelina talks Brittany out of trying to win and to focus on helping her. Angelina tells Brittany to look away, so she...does and Angelina gets 2. WHAT A STUPID HEEL - aren't you supposed to be smarter as a heel? Madison hits a yakuza kick to Angelina. Madison hits the Voodoo Drop on Brittany before Angelina kicks her down and Gail makes her Eat Defeat for the win. WILLOW'S MASK IS SPINNING IN THE RAFTERS - IS JEFF HARDY BACK FOR THE BATTLE ROYAL!?

Aries talked about having THE POWER now and it's become a year thing for having the title how everyone thinks he'll cash in for a title shot - BUT HE'S NOT PREDICTABLE. The X DIVISION IS ONCE AGAIN RELEVANT. So I think he's a heel again. A video hyped up how the champion has cashed in and won the World title - WILL IT HAPPEN AGAIN ON JULY 31!? This Lashley hype video is fantastic - MVP as his mouthpiece is so much better than MVP winning and being world champ when he really can't go anymore. Just showing Lashley working out and being physically-impressive with MVP hyping him up works. EY, EC3, and Spud came out to start the battle royal. Roode got a full intro, and the rest are going to be during the break.WWE needs to copy this EXACTLY when Brock wins the title. TNA is basically booking Lashley the way WWE should've booked Brock from minute 1 until now - it's amazing how good a job they're doing with him. Him being seen with the title in every shot further puts over both the title and him being the champion, and was a great little touch.

They came back with Storm getting a partial intro and Bully getting a full one. Well, I was wondering how they were going to fill time with the match being "next" at 10:25. JEFF HARDY RETURNED with wackier arm sleeves and a new, shittier theme. This looks like a clusterfuck with so many guys in the ring. Jesse dropkicks Crazzy Steve to the floor. Freak tosses Jesse out with one hand. Gunner through DJZ into Knux and Freak to toss him out. Freak gets taken out by Bram and Magnus. Taz talked about his battle royal plan being to always attack from behind...but he never won, so it sucked - and he's sure the internet will correct him if he's wrong. Magnus takes Sanada out, but Magnus is tossed out into chops from Sanada. Storm takes out Anderson. There's really nothing going on here beyond eliminations, but I love how much they're all tying into the storylines - they're not just random. Abyss comes out to attack Bram. MVP saves King, who takes out Manik by just throwing him over in a silly-looking spot. Oh, and Roode has new long gear that looks terrible.

A rushed JB ad hyped up the next NY tapings, then Roode eliminated Storm. Spud chops Bully, who responds by...grabbing Spud's balls in as Taz calls it "the 5 on 2!" Bully tosses him over the top and hits a rabbit lariat version of the Cactus clothesline to the floor to eliminate EC3 and himself. MVP hits Roode to allow King to toss him, but King's arrogance allows EY to toss him. Now it's down to EY and Hardy. They did some awesome HBK-style teases of eliminations before Hardy won with a triangle dropkick and EY took an amazing bump for it. I want a one on one match between them. Hardy cut a promo about "BEING EXTREMELY MORE DANGEROUS THAN MOST!" Whoa boy. This was a good show overall, but not amazing beyond the X Title match, Tag Title match to a lesser extent, and the fantastic Lashley hype vid.


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Raw 7-7-14 - Raw is Math in Montreal

I spent some time with Evoland today, and it's perfect for someone like me who enjoys RPG gameplay, but doesn't like how long they take to play. This gives you a bite-sized, but satisfying experience. Judging by how much WWE is pushing the Network trial on Facebook, I predict that will take up at least an hour of the show tonight. I didn't wind up submitting anything to Bleacher Report on the WSOF show, but I did send my thoughts in to Dave Meltzer, so maybe they'll wind up on the Observer site.

Historic Raw episode # 1,102 is LIVE from Montreal, Canada. It starts off with a fatal 4-way hype video, the Rollins-Ambrose deal, and Reigns-THEMONSTERKANE. Nothing from SD was covered, in case you thought that show mattered. Roman came down and Cole begged everyone to tweet #romanisraw and the Authority is on vacation. King's not only wearing Xtreme Couture in 2014, but he's wearing the most generic XC shirt in human history. Roman says he's been put in the match by HHH because maybe he thinks he can take Cena out, WHICH HE CAN, or Kane can take him out - BUT HE CAN'T. Orton could walk out as champ, BUT HE WON'T! A Cena sucks chant broke out and led to him saying "WHEN ROMAN REIGNS IS IN THE HOUSE, YA DAMN RIGHT CENA SUCKS! THEDEMONKANE came down to...be talked to, insulted, and then they brawled. Roman's slightly revamped gear is fantastic and I hope Big E nixes the apron spear so Roman can do it. They did some generic brawling and a bunch of refs ran down with one getting chokeslammed. REIGNS SHOVED NOBLE AND SPEARED FINLAY! Loved seeing Finlay back in the ring doing anything. Mercury and IRS got Kane out of there. Cole hyped up the fatal 4 way by nodding his head a lot. Jericho faces Miz and Cena faces Rollins tonight, and they hyped up the free WWE Network preview.

Harper and Rowan did their hillbilly teleport. THEIR THEME IS SHIT. This is like the Dolph-Kofi best of 9,000 series - every match is good, BUT I'M SICK AND TIRED OF SEEING IT! Nice pumphandle suplex from Harper to set up a Rowan splash for 2. Rowan put the SLEDGHAMMER HEAD-LIKE FISTS into an Uso's head. A CM Punk chant broke out. King's enthusiasm for the hot tag was akin to someone in dire need of a bathroom. Whisper in the Wind got 2. USO CRAZY dive. A Harper dive was countered into a throat thrust on the floor and a mid-ring superkick for 2.9! AWESOME NEARFALL! An Uso got crotched leading to a Liger bomb for a 2.9 before a save. DOUBLE SUPERKICK TO HARPER ON THE APRON!  Discus lariat to an Uso for the win! Justin Roberts couldn't even prevent to be excited for that. They tried to act like the wrong Uso might've been pinned. Cole shilled the free trial. King said it had a 90% satisfaction rate - HIGHER THAN NETFLIX, HULU, OR HBO! Ambrose has a new crazy face graphic, and he faces Orton in A REMATCH! Kane and Orton talked in a blue curtained room about how IF THEY DID ONE MORE THING, he'd have been there to help him out. One more thing. Rollins came in and Orton said he's starting to hate him, while Kane said he hates Orton.

Total Divas - a show about orgasms, dildos, and fucking - nominated for a Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award. One-arm tied behind the back match made for...some reason. Well, they made it seem like both would have it, but it's only Nikki so now it makes sense. Nope, it's both. THIS IS TAKING FOREVER! The stip really makes no sense then other than to be a setup for Alicia to attack. Boring chant is at least A sign of life. This went on and on and on before Alicia clacked some beers, or energy drinks together and poured them on Nikki before yelling about Brie. This is among the worst things on Raw all year.

 Rusev got a jobber intro and Lana buried Canada, while RVD GOT A FULL INTRO. Odd. Can't wait to see RVD bend for the Accolade - this is easily the biggest star Rusev has faced - they probably should've done SOMETHING to hype this actually since he is facing a former WWE Champion. SUPER ATHLETE WITH A SUPER BEALE! Fans chanted for Sami Zayn with Ole, and Rusev kicked more ass while Zeb cut a promo about Swagger wanting Rusev at Battleground. Running superkick hits and he locks on the Accolade for the win. Now they're going a bit overboard with the network hype - saying you can watch MITB now FOR FREE. Boy, if you paid for that show on PPV at $60, you'd be rightfully pissed right now.

Cole recapped the show opening deal with Roman and Kane. Finlay and Noble got name-dropped now at least. Dean came out in a cutoff hoodie and torn up jeans to kick some ass. Nice mat wrestling to start off with. Ambrose got a straightjacket choke, but Orton countered into a lariat. ON THE APP, Orton threw the wrong shoulder into the steps. Orton hits a dropkick and locks on a Fujiwara armbar. Ambrose escapes and stomps a mudhole in Orton in the corner! FIGURE FOUR FROM DEAN! Diving...something or other there from Dean. I think Orton was supposed to be turned around since Orton immediately did a dropkick. NIGEL LARIAT! Orton counters Dirty Deeds, but Dean low bridges him to the floor. Orton gets chucked in the barricade and Dean tosses chairs into the ring. Crowd chanted ECW. DRAPING DDT OFF THE BARRICADE! It got a 9 count on the floor. RKO countered into a backslide for 2, but he hits it for 3 later. Fantastic match. Cena cut a promo with Renee until Roman interrupted and Cena talked about his STRONG WORDS and said "holmes".

Fandango's on commentary while ADR's in the ring to announce that he's in the IC battle royal. Alberto-Dolph bout 9000 is up. Fandango is impossible to hear on commentary. Alberto does the Finlay ring skirt bit, but hits an enzuiguri. The winner of this faces Sheamus for the U.S. Title on Main Event. Reverse superplex got 2 for ADR. Fandango called himself the Fonz of WWE, leading to HAPPY DAYS JOKES! Fameasser gets 2. Fandango and his velvet black and red pants dance. Del Rio hits the kneeling superkick for the win. That was indeed a match with a finish. The wacky red contacts add a lot to Stardust's look. He played with Goldust's wig before they exchanged words and Goldust took his wig back. They're now Rhodedust.

Bret's out next. BUT FIRST, we get bad acting with Layla and Fandango. Fandango looked lustfully at Summer in a doorway. King talked about having his life saved the last time he was in Montreal. King apologized for his near-death taking away from Bret and Pat Patterson appreciation night. Bret came out looking like an unmade bed. Bret looks a bit younger facially. Bret said if he could have one more match, it would be in Montreal and he's got THE RUSH now like he had when he was champion. SANDOW! YAY! WE GET A SHARPSHOOTER! He cut a promo about Montreal and tapping to HBK. The singlet look is a massive improvement for Sandow. BRET PUNCHED HIM! Odd to let him get somewhat physical and not do a sharpshooter. Sheamus came down to fist bump Bret. Sheamus faces Sandow - which explains the lack of the sharpshooter I guess.

The match started on the app. Sandow's Bret getup looks odd without the trunks over the long tights. Sheamus is in the IC Title battle royal to unify the secondary titles. Brogue Kick won after the clubbering. JBL got off a BRET SCREWED BRET deal in 2014. Renee met with Miz the movie star, AND HE HAS FAN MAIL! Miz reading fan mail has potential as a mid-card bit. Cole put over how thankful you should be for the free preview week of the WWE Network. A MARATHON OF LEGENDS HOUSE! THIS IS WHAT THEY WANT TO USE TO GET PEOPLE TO BUY THE NETWORK! Main Event gets  Jericho-Bret Highlight Reel. Jericho and his new 2014 gear came out. Jericho's theme truly is one of the best of all time. JBL immediately buried Miz's new gimmick. Great - SO NOT EVEN THE HEEL COMMENTATOR PUTS THE HEEL OVER! Miz's jacket is amazing. Jericho hit the bulldog, leading to Miz holding his face. Miz's hand is orange. Double sledge off the top from Jericho. Jericho is so much faster than RVD right now, it's amazing. Big boot from Miz got 2. Miz hit the kneeling DDT for a 2.9. Miz got the figure four, which would've been a better move if Dean hadn't done it before. Jericho punches Miz, who immediately holds his face and taps to the Walls. So Miz is basically Sandow now since he'd have done the same thing if Bret had locked on the sharpshooter after the punch. Wyatt teleporting promo time. Bray will NEVER, EEEVVEERRR let Jericho forget. Bray said he's turned his own fans against him, and Jericho did the shut the hell up bit. They shut the lights off so the goons could show up next to Bray and...do a generic standoff. More Network hype.

Funkadactyls are out to face Paige in her cute booty shorts and AJ. Paige did an over the top nice intro for AJ. Flying cookie from Naomi missed. Cameron refused a tag. Cameron did her nails to avoid a tag. Cameron tagged herself in, ate a Paige Turner and lost. Paige and AJ are team LesYay. Bootydactcyls brawled.

Kofi's win on the app last week was recapped, as was the big beating afterwards. Heyman said he's the 1 behind the 1 in 21-1. Cesaro told him to stop speaking to them in English - they're French-Canadians - BUT DON'T EVEN SPEAK FRENCH! Kofi came out in shitty new gear and rib tape. A military press gutbuster got 2. Kofi got a fluke rollup for another pinfall win. DAFUQ!? Big E came down to prevent more of a beating because he's Kofi's friend...because they're black. Cena and Rollins exchanged generic words backstage. Network hype. SHOCKED STREAK FAN IS NOW A WWE TV MEME. Reigns faces Rusev on SD. Despite it being 10:42, we're getting Bo-Torito. Bo says he'll take on anyone at any time. Cole says Torito BULL-IEVES! Bo attacked Diego, forearmed the bull and delivered the bo-dog! This wasn't nearly as funny as it could've been. BO KNOCKS HIM OVER ON THE VICTORY LAP! Segment saved! Bo doesn't allow any obstacle to get in his way.

They did another hard sell on the network preview and King put over the Monday Night War - THE RIVETING DOCUMENTARY! It's 10:50 and we're getting a preview of it. So instead of showing anything...riveting, we get the generic WWE Network Announcement night trailer. IT'S FREE. FREE. NO STRINGS ATTACHED. FREE! Cole said YOU CAN TWEET HIM, BECAUSE IN HIS OPINION, CENA IS THE GREATEST CHAMPION IN WWE HISTORY! They did nothing until an ad break at 10:57. They came back and Seth talked shit. He missed a kick and Cena tried to turn it into an STF. Fistdrop, STF, but THEDEMONKANE comes out. Roman came out to save Cena from an attack by Kane, Orton, and Rollins. Dean prevented another cash-in. Orton ate an AA. They did a Cena hand-raising bit with Roman, but Roman would have none of it..and then Roman did it. WHAT!?
 
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WSOF 11

Guillard-Cavalcante starts the show off, and after a relatively nameless WSOF 10 show, this one starts off with two known guys. Given that it's the company's debut on NBC, it's a wise move. Kenny Rice talks about how these guys were underachievers years ago. WAY TO PUT THEM OVER! Other than a low blow leading to a slight delay, it was all punching, all the time with some nice flurries from both guys to close out the round. They came back and showed photos of Melvin and his wife's car crash a month ago. The car was absolutely mangled and it's amazing he's fighting so soon after it. Guillard wins after a TKO with punches against the cage in a clinch. Green screen promo with Newell didn't do much for me, and there's an echo in whatever room he's recording this in.

Bollinger-Alfonso is the second main card fight. Nice slam into a choke attempt from Bollinger. Bollinger wins with a rear naked choke in next to no time flat in the first round. SPORTS RECAPS!? WTF!? WSOF doesn't look out of place on NBC. Now this AMERICAN NINJA WARRIOR show on the other hand... Fitch and Hallman are up. Thankfully, they've now got graphics up showing shorts and names. Rice hypes up each guys being UFC veterans. Hallman's got a giant bandage going from his right shoulder down to his elbow. Not much action in the first round beyond Fitch grinding him on the ground. Fitch starts off standing, then takes him down with a slam for more grinding. Fitch keeps fitching. Fitch has hit 82 ground strikes versus Hallman's 2. Fitch's corner is begging him to do something. Bunch of nothing here beyond a near sub attempt by Hallman and then more fitching. Round 3 is all fitching and Kenny Rice talking about Fitch's 100-ish ground strike stat not being impressive due to them not doing damage. Fitch had 82 power strikes. If you thought the power strike stat was impressive...well here's Kenny Rice to tell you why it's not! It's the company's NBC debut and they couldn't have picked a worse guy to pimp their product.

Excellent hype vid for the main event. ULTIMATE WARRIOR CAGE RUN from Gaethje! SOMEBODY MAKE SOME NOISE is...among the worst hype phrases used in this one fight's intro. LET'S GET READDDDDYYYYY TOOO GOOOO DOOOWWWWNNNN is possibly worse. Newell tries a nice right hook, but it misses. Right-left combo hits. IT'S CLOBBERING TIME FOR NICK NEWELL! Blatant grounded knee to the head there - terrible reffing. SHOOT SHARPSHOOTER FROM GAETHJE!  Newell got cut up from elbows and has nothing left for round 2. He's covered in blood and they might stop it. He's gassed and has nothing left for his right hands, and can't defend on his left side. They're not stopping it. Big right hook stops it and Gaethje does a brief run around the cage before consoling Newell and putting him over huge for providing the war he wanted.This was an amazing fight that must be watched by anyone who enjoys MMA, or even if you don't - it's just great drama from start to finish. Since they've got 20 minutes left, they're showing the prelim with Neiman Gracie against Dustin Holyko. Good all-action fight for round one. Gracie wins with an RNC in round 2. This was an impressive show from start to finish, and part of me wants to do a writeup on the Newell fight as a Bleacher Report tryout.

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WWE SD 7-4-14

Raw recap vid from Main Event starts the show. Seth cackles and says his will be the face of WWE. BUT AMBROSE IS OUT! Ambrose as a sleazy version of Ryo Hazuki in a shirt, jeans, belt, and grey jacket instead of brown rules. Dean is shining so brightly in this role. Dean says that Seth views the case as a blessing, but it's really a curse that gives him an excuse to ruin his life and his face. They brawled before Orton came out - I can't wait for Seth-Dean at whatever PPV they do it on. Roman made the save here, re-establishing some kind of friendship between he and Dean. It's only been a few weeks, but man was it fun to see Dean and Roman together again. HHH came out and made Dean-Orton. Sheamus and Alberto are out. Alberto's got nice white and gold gear - the design on black looks odd, but on white, it looks slick. Cole puts both guys over as former WWE and World Champions AND FORMER ROYAL RUMBLE WINNERS. And now they're fighting for the U.S. Title and no one cares about them or the title. They have every match they ever had and Sheamus won after a brogue kick after ADR missed a moonsault.

Stardust did a wacky promo about the children of dust. Roman cut a nothing promo. BO CAME OUT AND WAS AMAZING! Daniel Bryan has some shortcomings, BUT HE'S STILL A SPECIAL LITTLE FELLA, AND BO IS GOING TO WIN FOR LITTLE DANIEL! Bo faced whichever one is Diego. RUNNING BO-DOG WINS! The bull dared to annoy him, BUT HE STILL TOLD HIM TO BO-LIEVE HE COULD BE TALLER. Then poor Bo got gored and he hit a bo-rilla press slam on him. Would bull-rilla or bo-rilla work better for that?

Miz-Jericho recap sets up Jericho coming out to talk about Miz and the Wyatts. Bray said he's red in a world of black and white, that he has many names. Miz came out and ate a codebreaker. Movie Star Miz is amusing. Cesaro and Big E brawled, used chairs, AND DID A BELLY TO BELLY OVERHEAD ON THE FLOOR! Paige sat ringside while AJ beat Eva in a two minute match with the Black Widow. Bruce Springdown came out and got mangled by RUSEV CRUSH! Zeb and Swagger came out and Zeb said the only good thing Russia invented was vodka. How dare he minimize the importance of Tetris! Swagger stared Rusev down and the Russians just left.

Dean with the constant shoulder injury is fantastic - they're actually treating an injury in a match like it matters! Cole asked Seth if he'd turn his back on the Authority like he did the Shield. Seth put Dean over as uber-talented. BACKDROP ON THE BARRICADE FROM ORTON! Elbow suicida from Dean! Draping DDT countered into a backdrop to the floor from Dean. Seth "hits the shoulder" with the case during another dive. More of a gut shot, sadly. RKO hits, but Roman comes out to Superman punch Orton before more damage could be done.

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TNA Impact Wrestling 7-3-14

The pre-show Cops has a guy kicking in a window. Turns out it's his ex-wife's boyfriend's car and the guy is just going nuts. He gets tased and screams and bellows. Then a guy gets stopped for his car falling apart and it turns out he's got an out of state license, driving a car that isn't his because a guy gave it to him for free, and he's got meds that aren't prescribed for him. He thinks they're for anti-anxiety, but he's not entirely sure what they are. Oh, and he's gotten three or four cars for free too! A guy goes on a date with a girl he met online and she's got a warrant and some drugs - luckily, the guy wasn't arrested with that since she was honest. However, his car's still going to be impounded and he could lose his license and his job over this.

Angle getting the GM job is recapped, along with Roode's reinstatement and EY getting a shot tonight. A ginger with a giant Jim Neidhart beard is shown on-screen, and they've got a nice red, white, and blue color scheme for the graphics for the 4th. It really makes the company stand out and the red and white look alone works as something new even with red being used a ton on Raw. Shame they didn't go with a red, white, and blue rope setup here too. Angle calls out Earl and Taz mocks him for wearing stripes even in his street clothes. Angle grabs the script and blatantly admits it's a cheat sheet. Kurt is struggling to say "themanwhotoremyacl" and "The Menagerie". I think Joe was angry over Kurt being fair to people. Joe pissed and moaned because Kurt was given the key to the kingdom eight years ago. Kurt says Joe either goes all-out or goes half-assed, BUT KURT NEVER DID. Oh no. Joe said that while Kurt was being a big deal getting pampered, he was HERE IN PHILLY fighting for $40. THEY CALLED HIM THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE AND HE IS PRO WRESTLING! Angle says that's the Joe he and everyone wants to see. MVP goads Roode into a fight, so Kenny King jumps him. WHY DID ROBERT ROODE'S IQ DROP!? Just because he's a face doesn't mean he needs to be a moron. MVP talking shit while choking him with his crutch is a nice touch though.

It's the red, white, and bruised sale throughout the month of July on ShopTNA. Angle tells Roode he's sorry about this, and Kurt says he respects him despite their issues. I dig this - they're logically getting along, but not white-washing the past. THE MENAGERIE HAS UNCLE SAM STILT-WALKERS! The Wolves' red, white, and black gear suits these graphics nicely. This 3-way has DJZ and Jesse, and somehow, Knux and The Freak A - had money for the Uncle Sam outfits, but also B - got a title shot despite not wrestling, let alone winning, any tag matches. Taz says that Robbie's not here due to the clown disorder - which WOULD HAVE MADE SENSE HAD HE NEVER APPEARED AFTER THEY INTRODUCED THAT. Oh well. Love Jesse hitting a Simmons spinebuster on Eddie right onto DJZ's knees - great spot! The Freak somehow accidentally clotheslined Knux over the top since Davey dodged an eon before. Davey pins Jesse. Dammit - Rebel's got a hot red, white, and blue bikini outfit and they're not showing it! Angle's title is now Executive Director instead of Director of Wrestling Operations. Kurt tells Bobby and Kenny to not fight here - THEY'RE GONNA FIGHT TONIGHT! Kenny didn't want to change, so Kurt made it a street fight. And it's next.

Tenay brought up EY being 0-3 against Lashley - COULD TONIGHT BE HIS NIGHT!? Roode looks so badadd in his jeans, busted up shirt, and belt. Roode may be the only man on Earth who preps for a street fight by cutting a promo. Kenny calls himself THE KING OF THE FIGHT. Okay, that's great. Shame he's dressed like a K-Mart shopper. MVP's out, and Kurt comes out to get him to go to the back. Roode jumped the heel from behind and they brawled in the red, white, and blue banner staging. They brawled into the crowd and Bobby chucked him over the bleachers to the floor with about a five foot drop. King took a great bump for a backdrop over the guardrail to the ringside area. Roode grabbed a chair but ate a Khali spin kick-Daminator or whatever into it. NOW THAT THEY'RE IN THE RING, the street fight begins with a bell. The fuck? Is this under WCW Hardcore rules where it starts in the back until they got to the ring where it began? Kenny set Roode up for his stupid Royal Flush finisher, but Roode countered into the Roode Bomb onto the chair - awesome. There's a WWE 2K14 Death Valley Driver that is just perfect for that given how perfectly Roode does it. EC3 asks the camera guy how many times he has to beat Bully and/or his fossils before it's over. EC3's TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE TROUBLE shirt rules. Brittany with completely new hair looking like a different person, and in a red, white, and blue bikini top is walking backstage.

The One Night Only PPV ad doesn't do much to make you want it. Roode yells about his past with Angle, getting jumped tonight, and Kurt making things right. Bobby said he was DESTINED to be world champion, so he'd be good for BFG. Angle and Aries met and Aries said he's the common denominator of greatness not due to arrogance, but due to his supreme confidence. Aries said MVP never gave him an X Title rematch, so he wants Kurt to do it - and Kurt says since he made Option C, he wants the title just for the World Title and he's he's got the match. Kurt says that he and Aries really need to have a one-on-one match, which hopefully we get at BFG. Brittany's out getting catcalls. Tenay recaps the awkwardness between she and Madison, kind of. Madison's got red hair, white skin, and...purple gear...at least go with blue for the whole July 4th deal. Brittany. Admits to. Being wrong. And says. That Madison. Was Right. The acting here. Was terrible. She looked up. To Madison. She wanted. To be just. Like her. Madison says if she's learned, she'll be there for her. They hugged and Brittany clotheslined her. They brawled and Brittany hit a scorpion death drop on the floor before just posing like a psycho draping her body over the ropes. She's got some poise as a heel, which is more than she had as a face - so this is working well so far. Bully said EC3 was tough, and lucky - tonight he'd put EC3 through a table and HE'LL PUT HIS AUNT DIXIE THROUGH ONE LATAH! Fun promo.

MVP cut Lashley's promo for him - basically coming off as a comic book supervillain. Lashley looked cool just standing there with lights on him. MVP says that whatever happens tonight is on Kurt since he's the one who made the match. Tenay hyped this up as a Slammiversary rematch, which is good since I forgot that. Taz hyped up Bully as a hall of famer. Bully gets the offense early on, but EC3 avoids an avalanche and hits a nice flying forearm. Bully hits the bionic elbow and does the 1,2,3 TABLES bit. EC3 hits a Meathook-style lariat to get the lead and drives Bully's face into the canvas. Tenay begged folks to get the Global Japan show to see Minoru Tanaka, who hasn't been referred to before or shown in clips. EC3 wears Bully down with the chain. EC3 goes for corner punches. Oh no. Bully goes for a powerbomb, but SPUD IN A RED AND WHITE HEARTED SUIT comes out and makes the save. RHINO returned with a Gore Tour shirt and teased a Gore on Spud, but he hit Bully instead and got MASSIVE you sold out chants. EC3 won with a chokeslam through the table, which he should never do again - it's worse than his leg lock. Roode and EY talked. EY said taht Lashley beat him three times AND HE STILL COMPETES IN MMA. Roode says to give him the EY facts - that he won the title, won at the PPV, and was a fighting champion! EY says he has more heart than Lashley...I doubt that.

Rhino's heel turn was recapped. Rhino says he does things just because he wants to. BFG vid. THE SAMUEL SHAW SAGA IS RECAPPED! Gunner meets with Shaw backstage about apologizing to people. NOW Shaw has stubble. Anderson whistled and acted like an asshole. Gunner told Anderson he'll never leave a man behind! Anderson continued to be an asshole, but relented to have Shaw meet Christy...without asking her. SO HE'S STILL AN ASSHOLE. "I'VE BEEN GETTING HELP FROM GUNNER!" Shame that's not just a nickname, because as an actual name, it sounds absurd. Shaw apologized and left while Christy and Anderson just...did nothing. Velvet and Angelina rubbed their tits all over "Stiffy". He's being given the match by Earl for...some reason. Isn't Earl a face? DIDN'T HE JUST GET REHIRED!?SHOULDN'T HE WANT TO MAKE GOOD CALLS!?

Destination X was hyped up on July 31, with Sabin clips. Angle tells Stiffler that he's not going to be the ref - IT MAKES TNA LOOK FOOLISH. Knux tells the Menagerie HE NEEDS HIS MONEY AND THE FREAK POSING ISN'T GOING TO BE MAKE HIM HAPPY. So clearly HHH isn't a creditor. BPs just walked out and didn't get the silhouette deal. Angelina's skin is getting really saggy.
Velvet posted Gail on the floor, leading to Angelina giving her a wedgie - Gail still has no ass. Tree of woe kicks from Love leading to a dropkick. Velvet hotshotted Gail and the ref kicked her out. Gail got 2 off a flash cradle and hit the corner crossbody to set up a missile dropkick for 2. Gail countered a kick with a leg drop. Gail goes back up, but gets hit with the Botox Injection. Angelina stops the count to pin her. Gets 2! Gail counters a whip into Eat Defeat before a nice ass-showcasing pin. EY-Lashley is next.

Angle says that next week, ALL THE TITLE WILL BE ON THE LINE! Except for the world title - a shot for that will be up for grabs in a battle royal! Roode and MVP acted as seconds. EY was tripped by MVP, so Roode ripped Lashley, so Earl got rid of them both. Same deal in two straight matches. I do like Kurt being given some credibility as a GM though. Lashley punched EY off the top, resulting in EY rolling his ankle by selling way too much. Lashley hit a superkick to the gut and a leg sweep! Lashley's got a standing heel hook on. I like this fast offense. EY got a missile dropkick and teased the flying elbow. He goes up, but can't move quickly, so Lashley sets up a superplex and is countered. EY bit him and Lashley took a great flying back bump to set up the elbow hitting. EY couldn't get the piledriver, so Lashley did a snapping version of the powerslam. Big spear hits for the win. This was short, but really fun - a perfect Showcase for Lashley as an MMA-styled asskicker. VINTAGE 3MB-BROCK there. They put Lashley over on commentary and thankfully didn't do the NEXT WEEK ON IMPACT BIT. Pretty good show overall here. The flow was fantastic and it had a couple of pretty good matches.

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