Well thanks to a flu bug this week, I wasn't able to go out to see this live - but I can at least watch it on TV. America the Beautiful is sung and it's Rumble time! KO arrives in a KO golf cart and we see Punk arrive with coffee. BUT FIRST STEPH! WWE GROWS BECAUSE OF THE FANS! THANK YOU! Women's Rumble starts off as is tradition and Iyo is the first entrant alongside Liv at 2. Liv is a legit top 10 star in WWE and that is massive for her. They brawl for a bit before Roxanne comes out and works with Iyo for a bit until Lyra comes out and has issues with her hair or top or something. Chelsea is out at 5. She goes to throw everyone out, fails and they beat her up.
B-Fab is out and then Nile hits a double German. Zoey is out and she hits some knees and kicks. Lash Legend is out and slugs Iyo with a bull hammer. Lash gets Ivy into a powerbomb giant swing and swingers her into folks. Chelsea chucks out B-Fab and Bianca is 10 and hits a ton of corner punches on half the folks at one time back to back to back. Shayna is out and Zoey slips off a springboard lariat and thankfully saves it and hits it well on Lyra. Ivy tosses Lyra out and wants the belt. Bayley is out in some cool blue and orange gear.
Sonya is out for PFC and now Maxine is out and the capture is getting really wonky. Maxine is chucked out and Ivy's gonna take her out. GLOW time at 15. PFC is now gone and Bayley took out Shayna. Jaida Parker is out and needs better music. Lordy - Generic Superstar 15 theme here. Not much until Jordynne comes out with her full TNA presentation - excellent. Big pop for her DVDing Piper. Alexa is back and looks fantastic - has the little doll with her. Vaquer makes her Rumble debut and TRISH IS HERE. Okay that would've been cool to see in person.
Trish double-sorta bulldogs Jordynne and Candice. Piper bowls Trish over. Raquel is out and an apron codebreaker ends Nattie's run. ANOTHER ONE ENDS ALEXA'S RUN! Charlotte is out at 27 and they just put her over as God herself on commentary. Wow. Charlotte and Jordynne go at it and she superkicks Michin out. Vaquer and JG go for a double suplex and she counters with a DDT to them. Charlotte sends Piper out. Giulia is here with her NXT title. Shockingly, no TNA involvement yet at all and it's late in the match. Giulia takes out JG and that seemingly sets up an NXT program. Nis is 29 and works with Trish. NIA TAKES OUT TRISH THANKS TO CANDICE! Nikki's the last one out. Everyone gangs up on Nia AND NIA ROAR SPOT! Nikki does pushupand Roxanne does her one better. Nia chucks out like six folks including the tag champs. No Jade in this. Roxanne works on Charlotte's bad knee. Charlotte chucks Nia and it's down to Charlotte and Roxanne and a big boot ends it for Roxanne.
Big E asks fans questions segment. Godfather and Mickie are shouted out with Mickie as a WWE Legend - so she's in the fold and Kurt is here WITH HIS SHOOT GOLD MEDAL and his daughter is an amateur star. We see the Guns backstage and Shelley is in a zebra print jacket! Sabin plancha on DIY through Shelley. I love Johnny hammer throwing Sabin into a Ciampa lariat for 2. Ciampa hits a knee for the first fall. Shelley gets a cover for 2. APRON PKS BY SABIN and a double-jump crossbody! Skull and Bones get the second fall. Fairytale ending and project Ciampa get 2. Johnny accidentally superkicks Ciampa in the corner and they hit the facial! The Profits use a crutch and DIY retains with meet in the middle. Wow that was a weird one. Okay so the Profits attack DIY too - so they gave them the win to get the belts...well still weird.
Long recap of KO-Cody before their match which starts off with some crowd brawling. Stepladder usage and a ladder bridge. Backdrop to KO on the opened ladder! Cody eats a powerbomb into a corner ladder! Avalanche fisherman buster by KO through a ladder! Aldis comes out to ensure they're okay with EMTs and Sami is out! They're up - so that was a nice way to get Sami out there in-canon. Cody turns an announce table package piledriver into a ladder bridge-snapping Alabama slam! And that's it. Wow weird finish.
Rey is no 1 for the men's Rumble. and then it's PENTA! Penta is the man with no fear and Cole is going to be the man with no voice by the end of this. They do a taunt-off for this lucha exchange and REY ELIMINATES PENTA MAYBE OH GOD WOW. Chad is 3 and the LUCHADOR EXPERT is here! Rey does a nestea plunge onto chad off of Penta's shoulders - okay that ruled. Melo is 4 and Santos hits a 619 on Rey PENTA GOES AT IT WITH KING CUERNO! Destroyer and 619! EVERYONE ATTACKS GABLE just like Chelsea in the women's Rumble. Otis is out and eats an ankle lock but gets Gable in a torture rack.
Bron is out and spears and tosses out Melo. BREAKENSTEINER TO GABLE! BACKDROP TO OTIS! Tozawa is out and Melo beats him up first. Melo established as...maybe above the level of Tozawa. BOY HOWDY WHAT A GREAT MAIN ROSTER CALLUP! Tozawa is replaced by iShowSpeed. Ugh. Breaker and Speed take out Otis and he eats a spear and gets pressed into Otis who fallaways him onto the announce table to eliminate him.
Sheamus is out and brogue knees Bron and Andrade is out. FATU IS HERE TO KILL DUDES! PENTA AND FATU CLUBBERING! Double stack Samoan drop to Penta and Rey! Rey and Gable are out at his hand. Ditto Andrade! BRAN VS FATU! Kaiser keeps the ROH Nude DVD cover tradition alive before Penta eliminates him. lucha Miz with Penta before Fatu gets him! Hendry is out and he hits the STANDING OVATION TO MIZ before Fatu takes him out in the corner. REIGNS IS HERE! Fatu rocks Jimmy and it's ROMAN AND FATU TIME!
Brawl and Drew is out. Balor is out and Nak knees Roman a few times. PENTA DESTROYER TO FATU! Penta is chucked out by Balor before MAIN EVENT JEY is here. He tosses out Nak - so maybe he's heading to SD. AJ IS BACK! It has now been NINE YEARS that he's been in WWE. Unreal. Bullet elbow by AJ to Drew! AJ gets a MASSIVE AJ chant. Wow. Braun is out and he's going right for Fatu. BRAUN ELMINATES HIM! Cena is out and he low-bridges Braun to take him out. AA TO FINN OFF THE APRON ONTO...amost Braun to take him out.
BRON SPEAR! Roman and Cena staredown before Punk. And they just do NOTHING until Seth. Dom hits a frog splash to CENA AND THREE AMIGOS TO ROMAN but nah. SAMOAN DROP TO DOM! Sami is out and now Priest. Priest chokeslam to Dom and he's out! LA Knight is 29 and hits the double jump elbow to Cena. Yeah/Yeet off and SAMI IS GONE. Well that was a waste of him across the board tonight. Logan Paul is 30 - okay, had it been Rock, I'd have regretted not being there live. Priest eliminates Drew and Paul eliminates AJ. Logan takes out Punk after he takes out Roman and Seth! Seth turns heel by stomping Punk on the floor and Roman on the steps!
It's down to Cena, Paul, and Jey and maybe Cena will win this one. Double AA teased but Jey hops off and Cena lariats Paul over the top! FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE BY CENA! Cena thinks he's won it and it's low-bridge time on the apron! AA OFF THE APRON BUT JEY THROWS HIM DOWN AND JEY USO WINS THE RUMBLE! Okay didn't see that one coming - I guess he's winning the World Title at Mania. Cena hugs him and Cole says GODDAMN RIGHT HE DID!
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