ALL OF YOUR BIGGEST FEARS! (like the buyrate of this show) YOUR BIGGEST NIGHTMARES! (THE ATTENDANCE!) hyped up the show. A guy in a Jay Lethal Macho-style shirt was in the crowd, ditto someone in an Aces and 8s mask. Bad Influence came out in blue and yellow gis with Muta paint masks. Chris "gives no fucks" Sabin came out being all wacky. This match is part of TNA'S GLOBAL EXPANSION! A giant Japanese flag was the video for Sanada, with the title. IT WAS ONE WEEK AGO TONIGHT when he became X Champ...even though Aries had the belt on the show. They should've just done a line where Tenay said Aries stole the title from him or something. Sanada and Yasu got generic themes. Muta came out getting a chant and wearing a massive outfit that made him look like a star. Muta's theme is absolutely terrible. They talked about Muta being a bucket list match for Kaz. Snapmare into the power drive elbow! STF gets broken up. Roll into the dropkick and the mist! Taz talked about Muta debuting in the U.S. in Florida and here he is again - nice! Kaz and Daniels '90s Cyclops gear with Not-The-X-Men logo is great. Sanada's got some super-bright gear, but it stands out. Nice TKO from him. Everyone fed into Muta's dragon screw legwhips. Sanada hits a snap cutter, then got a tag. SHINING WIZARD FROM MUTA led to the Sanada moonsault for the win. This was super-fun.
Spud and Dixie said shit. She's blocking Hardy from the building. Shaw-Anderson vid from Impact aired here. Shaw's got a new entrance video, so instead of the black and green DX one, he's got a creepy black and grey one. And if Christy doesn't come out, he'll jump off the cage. This got a creepy bastard chant. Anderson offered to kick his ass instead of letting him kill himself. Christy for whatever reason is just staying out there. A guy held up a Bob Ryder 4 TNA HOF sign, and then they chanted for Punk. Mic Check into the buckle from Anderson. Shaw pulled Christy into the cage through the camera hole. Shaw slithered around awesomely. Shaw choked him out and he left the cage.
Team Roode said stuff. EC3 countering "you can't wrestle" with "I disagree - I'm very good. I TOOK KURT ANGLE WITH A WRESTLING MOVE!" was great. A fan held up a Cena U.S. belt replica behind EC3. EC3 issued a challenge to ANYONE ON THE TNA ROSTER. Instead of that, Lashley came out. Just having watched ONS '07, I remembered his mega-push. EC3 referenced HIJACKING the show, ala Raw. Lashley looks the exact same as he did back in his day. Explosive spear from Lashley sent EC3 out of the match, but it wasn't a match...so I guess he's back in TNA. Well, at least he's got a great theme and is still explosive. Magnus said stuff. Tenay hyped up Tigre Uno as ONE OF THE MOST EXTREME wrestlers in Mexico. His mask has silly little fangs on it. He's got a ton of tats on him. Chop to the chest to the guy with a full bodysuit...don't do that too much. Moonsault off the top with the cage next to him led to a nice flatfooted landing - very impressive. Triangle dropkick to Uno knocks the door open. Uno hit a head and arm tie cradle suplex to murder him, and hit the Phoenix splash for the win.
Storm came out with a more badass country song and a super-dark beard and long tights. Tenay insulted Storm for having a flag jacket while insulting the military. Gunner's shiny silver and white gear looks good. Storm did the door slam spot, sorta. Really it was just to the whole body and not just the head to START the match after a ton of brawling on the floor. I like the Not Sorry cross on Storm's gear. Storm tried to choke Gunner out. Gunner hit a uranage NEXT TO THE CHAIR. Why not onto it...I have no idea. Gunner went for a diving headbutt because...I guess he knew the other move would fail, and then Storm chucked the chair at his head. Superplex off the top through two chairs gets the win. Good finish, good match, and the right guy won. Storm winning doesn't work right now and him losing adds to his bitterness. These two definitely make better opponents than partners.
Gail and Madison did some nice stuff to start, and then they did this kneeling bow and arrow spot with knees to escape and they just looked so fake. Crazy super neckbreaker off the top from Gail only got 2. Madison knocked both Gail and Tapa off the cage and Madison hit a spear off the top rope to win. Given how terribly that spot has gone before, I'm glad it went perfectly there. Joe in a shirt came out to have a match with THE CHAMP, whose gear matches the belt perfectly. Joe and Magnus got double juice and Joe busted out a nice Saito suplex. Cross armbar by Joe, but Magnus gets a foot on the rope to escape. This is apparently okay in Joe's Rules matches. Muscle buster hits. Choke's on. Then Abyss's hand got through the mat and he blindly reached for Joe. Joe apparently killed him, and he got back into the match. Joe choked Magnus on the top rope...so Magnus can't even get an upper hand here. Abyss and a bad goatee hit Joe's padded belly with Janice, hit the Black Hole Slam, and Magnus did Joe's choke to win. This was good-ish, and then got shitty. EY was thrown out by Leif Cassidy and Simon Diamond. OH THANK GOD DIXIE IS SPEAKING. It's to her mystery man. She's going to send Spud, in his blue and white checkered suit, theoretically in public to greet this man. WHAT A GREAT SURPRISE.
MVP started for the faces. Aries, no longer the X champ, who apparently doesn't care, came out to start for the heels. MVP looked so fat in a jersey. A really busty brunette was on camera and even Taz was taken aback by her. They did some stuff and had what you'd expect a by the numbers match between them to be. Robbie came down. They didn't do much outside of some minor double team stuff. Eddie came down to save MVP and took DJ Z out. MVP choked out Aries on the ropes. Guys did stuff. The teams all got together before the final entrant - WILLOW! They really should've done the whole "Hardy's banned" thing on Impact to make this Willow reveal a bit more...logical. Willow, with Hardy's armbands, tattoos, and face shockingly enough, dove off the top of the cage onto the heels and no one caught him. Great. Miss the cage dive from the recovering painkiller addict. Dixie's big New York secret was Bully Ray, which actually makes some sense. You'd figure "New York, WWE guy" - nope. Bully had his white, black and red jersey on. Crowd chanted for AJ. Ballin elbow got a polite response. Kind of like the meatloaf that was home-cooked, but not good, but effort went into it, so you have to be grateful. Taz did a fake cough for Willow's offense because he knows it's Jeff, but they can't say it. Hart Attack with the hockey stick got 2. Do these War Games things always have pins? Aries chucked a trash can at Willow's head. 450 ON THE TRASH CAN from Aries. Woah. WILLOW GOES TWIST OF FATE, and yells. Well, he'll be easy to make in FPR. Swanton City gets 2. Bully and MVP made eye contact and MVP won. So Bully, who fake turned face and turned heel, is back to being a face. I hope Bully is back to being as good as he was then, because ever since he re-turned heel, he's really suffered - especially with the doom-bringer character. Bully put Roode through a table with a powerbomb and that was that. Well, this wasn't as back as Lockdown '07, but it was depressing to watch a bunch of talented people work in a company that at one point could, but now not only can't, but doesn't care to, get any bigger and help any of them make more money.
Sunday, March 9, 2014
NWA/WCW Halloween Havoc 1989
The show begins with Jim Ross and Bob Caudle running down the card, then cutting to Gordon, whose audio isn't working until a few sentence in. The mere sight of Gordon next to all of this Party City crap is sad. The opener is Captain Mike Rotunda against the Z-Man. Captain Mike is a wrestler, not a boat captain here. Mike Rotunda's putting more effort into selling his headlock than he did at anything after about '90 or so. I'm not exactly sure when he stopped caring, but it should become readily apparent at some point thanks to this network. MORE HEADLOCKS. MORE ARM RINGERS. I think that hot young star Bo-Ring is going to be getting a huge ovation during this. A HEADSCISSORS USING THE ROPES FOR LEVERAGE is the big highspot here. I've actually never seen that before - usually it's just an abdominal stretch. They're putting over Mike's ELEMENTARY SCHOOL WRESTLING. For. Fuck's. Sake. Neck snap by Rotunda. I'm astonished he did a move that required a bump. Outside-in suplex by Rotunda leads to him taking nine years to make a cover and only getting 2. ABDOMINAL STRETCH WITH THE ROPE! Nick Patrick and his mullet catch him. Chinlock, oh thank God, things were actually happening for a second there. Flying clothesline hits, but a dropkick misses. Zenk hits the bell-ringer Piledriver-position jumping thing and a crossbody for the win. YAY IT'S OVER!
BRUNO AND CHRIS CRUISE are backstage cutting a promo. Chris Cruise looks relatively young here, although his hairline still hated him at this point. Dr. Death and the Midnight Express are out. They teamed in the War Games at the Bash, and man should Cornette have just been Dr. Death's manager everywhere because he'd have helped him a ton. Dr. Death was such a perfect nickname. THE SAMOAN SWAT TEAM HAVE FIRE AND ARE THROWING IT AROUND, and they're teaming with the Samoan Savage. I already love this match. The Savage's reddish/blonde streak in his braided hair stands out massively in '89 and he's got what would be Headshrinker gear on, but instead of the basic green, it's a nice dark yellow with some shading to it. Cornette is advising the Dudes right now, so hopefully that Clash goes up soon. They put over Stan Lane being discovered by Ric Flair at a beach party...that sounds like the opening to several kinds of porno. Samu jumps into the buckle but misses, and does a giant flip bump halfway across the ring.
Dr. Death bowls him over...goddamn, he really should've been given a Goldberg push in the U.S. He has so much intensity, but was overall safer, less careless, and so much better in the ring. He's also the only guy to make this basic singlet look work for him - it's so small in the chest that it makes him look even bigger. Jim Ross put over driving Dr. Death to the hospital to get 108 stitches over the eye, and the scar being visible. Ross puts over Eaton starting in the ring at 16 and Cornette starting selling concessions just to get in the matches, and then becoming a photographer before turning pro. It's amazing how you could take an established part of his heel act in the photographer, expand on it with reality, and turn the whole rich thing on its ear a bit if you want to by saying without saying that he wanted to prove that there was more to a man than money. Very odd legdrop by Doctor Death. he just stood and fell right down, it's not pretty, but it looks rough, dangerous, and realistic. Samu is so much skinnier than Fatu here. The SSTs crotch Bobby on the railing. "The Samoans don't have the amateur background! They don't know about grapevining the leg or the finer amateur holds." YEAH NO SHIT!? Stan gets bonked into Cornette on the apron, and they lose, setting up more dissension between them and the Dudes.
Gary Hurt cut a promo with a crazy-jacked Terry Funk. TERRY FUNK HAD ABS! The Cuban Assassin is up to face Tommy Rich in a match with a 20 minute time limit. The state of the offense on Fidel, and my God the outside-in sunset flip from Tommy was awful. They show a fine shot of an armbar and a few empty seats in the front row. A group of friends must've gone to the bathroom to snort some coke to stay awake for the rest of this match. Bo-Ring got put over huge by the crowd. You know the big elbow drop you'd try to throw when you were 10? Yeah well, Sierra missed it. This is so much worse than even Rich in the AWA in '87, and at least then, he had a bit of fire to him and a memorable dress angle. And that swank Ribiera Steakhouse jacket. Tommy Rich "the youngster" looks no less than 45 here. Headbutt to the something or other by Sierra, followed by a knee lift close to the air near Rich's head for 2. Thesz Press got the win, or at least a thing resembling it. The Freebirds are the Hayes/Jimmy version and they're in white, black, and blue. Jimmy Jam looks so ungodly bad as a Freebird. Johnny and Shane get a world tag title shot!
Cornette begged the fans to give them a warm round of applause, so they got booed something fierce. Garvin and Hayes get pyro! Hayes is actually still jumping over the top rope at this point. That beer belly is something else though. Garvin just looks like a middle-aged man playing rockstar, although he's at least in decent shape. Ross said that while purists may not like Garvin in the group compared to the past version, Hayes is a world tag champion for the first time ever. Ross put over Shane's degree in education, while Johnny has a degree in marketing! Ross puts over getting an education and being in their chosen sport, and having a degree to fall back on. The Dudes have neon orange gear with neon green caution tape with DUDES on the ass. Good God. ACE IS ACTUALLY CALLED BIG JOHNNY HERE. Oh my God, that's amazing. Nice flip using the ropes from Shane. Dudes hit some nice offense, and get booed massively. This thing reminds me now of Batista's push not getting over, and WWE just pushing him anyway. MASSIVE Freebirds chant breaks out. Running Scotty 2 Hotty facebuster from Johnny gets boos. One guy with a mustache holds up a Dudes #1 sign, then quickly puts it down. Johnny's using VINTAGE NOVA CONTRIVED BULLSHIT, going with a headlock on Garvin and a headscissors on Hayes. MASSIVE you suck chant for the Dudes. Hayes gets a cheapshot on Johnny and a huge pop for it. Running knee from Garvin gets a huge pop. Cheapshot on the floor gets a huge pop. CHEAPSHOT FROM GARVIN ON THE APRON GETS A POP. This match rules. Massive Freebirds chant is breaking out. They're booing every strike from Johnny and cheering everything the Birds do. Now they're chanting DDT. The DDT was avoided, and they booed. Shane backdrops "Gorgeous" Jimmy Garvin...which is another reason this gimmick doesn't quite work. Jimmy as an affiliate works, but him as a full-blown member just changing his outfit doesn't work. Garvin wins via cradle reversal. This was fascinating to watch.
Steiners are out to face Doom. Rick has a black singlet with neon purple, green, and white trim...and it's still not the worst singlet they've ever had. Woman and THE TAG TEAM COMBINATION OF DOOM came out. This is the masked era for them. No "Strut", but they've got a nice menacing theme that fits them anyway. STEREO GERMAN SUPLEXES BY THE STEINERS. Fantastic opening spot. Bob says "their strength is deceiving" - how? THEY LOOK LIKE GIANT STRONG MEN. Ross plugs the hotline with a post-game show. I'm shocked a "Woman is about to burn" line made it through. Rick Steiner, fresh off the LD gimmick, apparently got a dog tattoo because he wanted a dog wherever he wanted. Scott Steiner was going to be a teacher before Rick turned him to wrestling...boy is that ever like a Homer getting Barney drunk moment there. Scott's singlet is a yellow zebra stripe design with white on the left side, because why not. Fairly basic tag match here. They're just doing a bunch of moves. Nothing wrong with it, but it's not very exciting. Simmons hits a powerslam for no count due to Rick breaking it up. Spike piledriver on Scott gets 2. Woman loads up the mask and a headbutt gets the win. Well, at least they got a good finish out of it. WOMAN'S TEAM OF DOOM wins.
Lex is backstage flexing next to Gordon. Lex says he's the champion of the '90s and Gordon asks if he's been champ before, because if that's so, he can be beat. Some generic-looking cheerleaders came in the most conservative cheerleading outfits ever to give Brian a big league entrance. Luger got a big light show against his muscles. Ross put him over as being the youngest starter in pro football history at 19, and a man who would rule the wrestling world. Luger was a three-time U.S. Champion by this point - a rarity! They talked about how wrestlers reach their prime later and Bob hoped that was the case for announcers too. In Ross's case, that's definitely true. MASSIVE tackle and punches by Pillman! I loved Brian doing something a bit different after a leapfrog. Instead of running on the opposite side, he went to the left instead. It's a small change, but memorable. Ross brought up Pillman being a high-impact football player, and in 2014, I can't help but wonder what his brain would've looked like now. Desperation toss of Pillman to the floor from Luger. Outside-in sunset flip gets 2. Pillman goes for the corner mount punches, but is hit with an inverted atomic drop. Superplex countered and turned into a sunset flip off the top for 2. Air Pillman springboard clothesline gets 2 due to Luger being in the ropes. Pillman goes for a dropkick off the top and...misses and Luger bumps...whoops. Hot shot from Luger gets the win.
WHO BUILDS BUILDINGS, WHO TEARS 'EM DOWN!? PEOPLE! AND THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE GONNA TEAR DOWN SKYSCRAPERS! The Skyscrapers' theme sounds way too much like Eugene's at the beginning. The Skyscrapers in leather chaps and leather vests is something. "WE ARE IRON MEN" is kept in, which is honestly a big shocking. They're rising like Rey and/or Angle, and it's awesome. Brawling big man moves. Nice bit with Hawk kicking Spivey out of a backdrop setup and then that getting no-sold for a lariat. Teddy's outfit is amazing. It's a silver suit jacket of some sort with tux pants. Animal gets a hot tag AND HE HITS A DROPKICK! Teddy has a giant gold key, because why not, and the Scrapers get DQed due to it. "THIS IS LIKE A STREET FIGHT! A MUGGING!" only with a giant gold key. Now Hawk has the key and...doesn't really do much. The faces win by DQ. That was a goddamned ridiculous finish due to the object used.
Ole, Flair, and Sting w/ rat tail are talking with Cruise. OLE WANTS TO SEE STING AND FLAIR KNOCK THE CRAP OUT OF MUTA AND FUNK! THIS IS THE THUNDERDOME, IT'S THE BIG-TIME. IT'S THE NATIONAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE! Flair is putting this electrified cage over gloriously. Bruno ran down to be the ref and got a huge ovation. It's amazing to see him on an NWA/WCW show. YAY MUTA'S THEME! There's some goon-looking guy walking backwards behind Muta, which I'm sure makes sense in context. None is given here. Funk doesn't have "Man With a Harmonica", but this theme is damn near just as good. I think it's from a production music library, because I'm sure I've heard it on Adventures of Pete and Pete. "Fanfare for the Common Man" plays for Flair before leading to the regular theme. This match can only end when either Ole or Gary throw the towel in. They put over Bruno as having a world title reign longer than possibly anyone else in history will ever have. Terry's messing with the cage and is now damn near doing the splits between the ring and the cage. Muta puts out a small fire with the mist. They've upgraded the props on the cage to a high school play instead of the middle-school ones backstage.
Flair starts by CHOPPING THE MOTHERLOVING HELL out of Funk. Ross says that Sting started with the Blade Runners, and his FORMER PARTNER hasn't progressed as well. That's about as perfect a burial as you'll find, since he didn't name names, and anyone who got the reference would likely agree. Wacky clownshow spots on the cage by the photographers. Muta went under the ring and Sting's got a rope. They've got a great top on the cage where it's tilted so it would be much harder to actually climb out. It's also so big and the shape means you can't do the spot where a guy climbs up to get into the cage. Figure four on Muta. Tarzan kick with the rope to Funk...so there were no people who thought it was real by this point, right? Funk's tying the rope around Sting's legs and the cage. MUTA LOCK! Ole's untying Sting. Second spike piledriver on the show, to Flair though, which plays into Funk doing one to him through a table to start this feud. Flair and Funk's gear are covered in Flair's blood. Tarzan crossbody by Sting. Jim Ross talked about Muta attempting suicide by climbing to the top of the cage and then saying he'd be a fried wanton...wow. Walking kneebreaker by Flair. Bruno just looks perplexed at this goofiness. Backbreaker sets up the moonsault, but he gets kicked in the balls. Figure four and a Sting splash off the top to Funk. Yet again. Muta tries to attack Bruno, who KOs Muta. Hart somehow accidentally threw the towel in. No one's quite sure why. Ross and Caudle run down the show's events and what is coming in the future. LIKE THE POST-GAME SHOW - ONLY ON THE HOTLINE!
BRUNO AND CHRIS CRUISE are backstage cutting a promo. Chris Cruise looks relatively young here, although his hairline still hated him at this point. Dr. Death and the Midnight Express are out. They teamed in the War Games at the Bash, and man should Cornette have just been Dr. Death's manager everywhere because he'd have helped him a ton. Dr. Death was such a perfect nickname. THE SAMOAN SWAT TEAM HAVE FIRE AND ARE THROWING IT AROUND, and they're teaming with the Samoan Savage. I already love this match. The Savage's reddish/blonde streak in his braided hair stands out massively in '89 and he's got what would be Headshrinker gear on, but instead of the basic green, it's a nice dark yellow with some shading to it. Cornette is advising the Dudes right now, so hopefully that Clash goes up soon. They put over Stan Lane being discovered by Ric Flair at a beach party...that sounds like the opening to several kinds of porno. Samu jumps into the buckle but misses, and does a giant flip bump halfway across the ring.
Dr. Death bowls him over...goddamn, he really should've been given a Goldberg push in the U.S. He has so much intensity, but was overall safer, less careless, and so much better in the ring. He's also the only guy to make this basic singlet look work for him - it's so small in the chest that it makes him look even bigger. Jim Ross put over driving Dr. Death to the hospital to get 108 stitches over the eye, and the scar being visible. Ross puts over Eaton starting in the ring at 16 and Cornette starting selling concessions just to get in the matches, and then becoming a photographer before turning pro. It's amazing how you could take an established part of his heel act in the photographer, expand on it with reality, and turn the whole rich thing on its ear a bit if you want to by saying without saying that he wanted to prove that there was more to a man than money. Very odd legdrop by Doctor Death. he just stood and fell right down, it's not pretty, but it looks rough, dangerous, and realistic. Samu is so much skinnier than Fatu here. The SSTs crotch Bobby on the railing. "The Samoans don't have the amateur background! They don't know about grapevining the leg or the finer amateur holds." YEAH NO SHIT!? Stan gets bonked into Cornette on the apron, and they lose, setting up more dissension between them and the Dudes.
Gary Hurt cut a promo with a crazy-jacked Terry Funk. TERRY FUNK HAD ABS! The Cuban Assassin is up to face Tommy Rich in a match with a 20 minute time limit. The state of the offense on Fidel, and my God the outside-in sunset flip from Tommy was awful. They show a fine shot of an armbar and a few empty seats in the front row. A group of friends must've gone to the bathroom to snort some coke to stay awake for the rest of this match. Bo-Ring got put over huge by the crowd. You know the big elbow drop you'd try to throw when you were 10? Yeah well, Sierra missed it. This is so much worse than even Rich in the AWA in '87, and at least then, he had a bit of fire to him and a memorable dress angle. And that swank Ribiera Steakhouse jacket. Tommy Rich "the youngster" looks no less than 45 here. Headbutt to the something or other by Sierra, followed by a knee lift close to the air near Rich's head for 2. Thesz Press got the win, or at least a thing resembling it. The Freebirds are the Hayes/Jimmy version and they're in white, black, and blue. Jimmy Jam looks so ungodly bad as a Freebird. Johnny and Shane get a world tag title shot!
Cornette begged the fans to give them a warm round of applause, so they got booed something fierce. Garvin and Hayes get pyro! Hayes is actually still jumping over the top rope at this point. That beer belly is something else though. Garvin just looks like a middle-aged man playing rockstar, although he's at least in decent shape. Ross said that while purists may not like Garvin in the group compared to the past version, Hayes is a world tag champion for the first time ever. Ross put over Shane's degree in education, while Johnny has a degree in marketing! Ross puts over getting an education and being in their chosen sport, and having a degree to fall back on. The Dudes have neon orange gear with neon green caution tape with DUDES on the ass. Good God. ACE IS ACTUALLY CALLED BIG JOHNNY HERE. Oh my God, that's amazing. Nice flip using the ropes from Shane. Dudes hit some nice offense, and get booed massively. This thing reminds me now of Batista's push not getting over, and WWE just pushing him anyway. MASSIVE Freebirds chant breaks out. Running Scotty 2 Hotty facebuster from Johnny gets boos. One guy with a mustache holds up a Dudes #1 sign, then quickly puts it down. Johnny's using VINTAGE NOVA CONTRIVED BULLSHIT, going with a headlock on Garvin and a headscissors on Hayes. MASSIVE you suck chant for the Dudes. Hayes gets a cheapshot on Johnny and a huge pop for it. Running knee from Garvin gets a huge pop. Cheapshot on the floor gets a huge pop. CHEAPSHOT FROM GARVIN ON THE APRON GETS A POP. This match rules. Massive Freebirds chant is breaking out. They're booing every strike from Johnny and cheering everything the Birds do. Now they're chanting DDT. The DDT was avoided, and they booed. Shane backdrops "Gorgeous" Jimmy Garvin...which is another reason this gimmick doesn't quite work. Jimmy as an affiliate works, but him as a full-blown member just changing his outfit doesn't work. Garvin wins via cradle reversal. This was fascinating to watch.
Steiners are out to face Doom. Rick has a black singlet with neon purple, green, and white trim...and it's still not the worst singlet they've ever had. Woman and THE TAG TEAM COMBINATION OF DOOM came out. This is the masked era for them. No "Strut", but they've got a nice menacing theme that fits them anyway. STEREO GERMAN SUPLEXES BY THE STEINERS. Fantastic opening spot. Bob says "their strength is deceiving" - how? THEY LOOK LIKE GIANT STRONG MEN. Ross plugs the hotline with a post-game show. I'm shocked a "Woman is about to burn" line made it through. Rick Steiner, fresh off the LD gimmick, apparently got a dog tattoo because he wanted a dog wherever he wanted. Scott Steiner was going to be a teacher before Rick turned him to wrestling...boy is that ever like a Homer getting Barney drunk moment there. Scott's singlet is a yellow zebra stripe design with white on the left side, because why not. Fairly basic tag match here. They're just doing a bunch of moves. Nothing wrong with it, but it's not very exciting. Simmons hits a powerslam for no count due to Rick breaking it up. Spike piledriver on Scott gets 2. Woman loads up the mask and a headbutt gets the win. Well, at least they got a good finish out of it. WOMAN'S TEAM OF DOOM wins.
Lex is backstage flexing next to Gordon. Lex says he's the champion of the '90s and Gordon asks if he's been champ before, because if that's so, he can be beat. Some generic-looking cheerleaders came in the most conservative cheerleading outfits ever to give Brian a big league entrance. Luger got a big light show against his muscles. Ross put him over as being the youngest starter in pro football history at 19, and a man who would rule the wrestling world. Luger was a three-time U.S. Champion by this point - a rarity! They talked about how wrestlers reach their prime later and Bob hoped that was the case for announcers too. In Ross's case, that's definitely true. MASSIVE tackle and punches by Pillman! I loved Brian doing something a bit different after a leapfrog. Instead of running on the opposite side, he went to the left instead. It's a small change, but memorable. Ross brought up Pillman being a high-impact football player, and in 2014, I can't help but wonder what his brain would've looked like now. Desperation toss of Pillman to the floor from Luger. Outside-in sunset flip gets 2. Pillman goes for the corner mount punches, but is hit with an inverted atomic drop. Superplex countered and turned into a sunset flip off the top for 2. Air Pillman springboard clothesline gets 2 due to Luger being in the ropes. Pillman goes for a dropkick off the top and...misses and Luger bumps...whoops. Hot shot from Luger gets the win.
WHO BUILDS BUILDINGS, WHO TEARS 'EM DOWN!? PEOPLE! AND THESE TWO PEOPLE ARE GONNA TEAR DOWN SKYSCRAPERS! The Skyscrapers' theme sounds way too much like Eugene's at the beginning. The Skyscrapers in leather chaps and leather vests is something. "WE ARE IRON MEN" is kept in, which is honestly a big shocking. They're rising like Rey and/or Angle, and it's awesome. Brawling big man moves. Nice bit with Hawk kicking Spivey out of a backdrop setup and then that getting no-sold for a lariat. Teddy's outfit is amazing. It's a silver suit jacket of some sort with tux pants. Animal gets a hot tag AND HE HITS A DROPKICK! Teddy has a giant gold key, because why not, and the Scrapers get DQed due to it. "THIS IS LIKE A STREET FIGHT! A MUGGING!" only with a giant gold key. Now Hawk has the key and...doesn't really do much. The faces win by DQ. That was a goddamned ridiculous finish due to the object used.
Ole, Flair, and Sting w/ rat tail are talking with Cruise. OLE WANTS TO SEE STING AND FLAIR KNOCK THE CRAP OUT OF MUTA AND FUNK! THIS IS THE THUNDERDOME, IT'S THE BIG-TIME. IT'S THE NATIONAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE! Flair is putting this electrified cage over gloriously. Bruno ran down to be the ref and got a huge ovation. It's amazing to see him on an NWA/WCW show. YAY MUTA'S THEME! There's some goon-looking guy walking backwards behind Muta, which I'm sure makes sense in context. None is given here. Funk doesn't have "Man With a Harmonica", but this theme is damn near just as good. I think it's from a production music library, because I'm sure I've heard it on Adventures of Pete and Pete. "Fanfare for the Common Man" plays for Flair before leading to the regular theme. This match can only end when either Ole or Gary throw the towel in. They put over Bruno as having a world title reign longer than possibly anyone else in history will ever have. Terry's messing with the cage and is now damn near doing the splits between the ring and the cage. Muta puts out a small fire with the mist. They've upgraded the props on the cage to a high school play instead of the middle-school ones backstage.
Flair starts by CHOPPING THE MOTHERLOVING HELL out of Funk. Ross says that Sting started with the Blade Runners, and his FORMER PARTNER hasn't progressed as well. That's about as perfect a burial as you'll find, since he didn't name names, and anyone who got the reference would likely agree. Wacky clownshow spots on the cage by the photographers. Muta went under the ring and Sting's got a rope. They've got a great top on the cage where it's tilted so it would be much harder to actually climb out. It's also so big and the shape means you can't do the spot where a guy climbs up to get into the cage. Figure four on Muta. Tarzan kick with the rope to Funk...so there were no people who thought it was real by this point, right? Funk's tying the rope around Sting's legs and the cage. MUTA LOCK! Ole's untying Sting. Second spike piledriver on the show, to Flair though, which plays into Funk doing one to him through a table to start this feud. Flair and Funk's gear are covered in Flair's blood. Tarzan crossbody by Sting. Jim Ross talked about Muta attempting suicide by climbing to the top of the cage and then saying he'd be a fried wanton...wow. Walking kneebreaker by Flair. Bruno just looks perplexed at this goofiness. Backbreaker sets up the moonsault, but he gets kicked in the balls. Figure four and a Sting splash off the top to Funk. Yet again. Muta tries to attack Bruno, who KOs Muta. Hart somehow accidentally threw the towel in. No one's quite sure why. Ross and Caudle run down the show's events and what is coming in the future. LIKE THE POST-GAME SHOW - ONLY ON THE HOTLINE!
Friday, March 7, 2014
SD 3-7-14
The Bryan-Authority video package on Main Event opened this show. I hadn't noticed the "you wouldn't have your underdog persona" line from Steph, that is...an odd thing there. It's basically just saying " you wouldn't have that character without us as your antagonists". This video was still four minutes long, and it's only the first bit of filler on the show. Bootista came out in a black leather vest, shades, and grey-ish/black skinny jeans with a black belt. "What the WWE fans wants is Daniel Bryan!" - so now they're having Cole hype up that Bryan could be taking a spot in the title match. According to Batista, Dolph's "looking to make a name for himself". Heck of a burial for a former world champ. "I'm YOUR SUPERHERO! I'M THE MAN YOU PAID TO SEE. But I'm humble - I don't need you to cheer me!" Bootista rules! Bryan buried the skinny jeans and said they're cutting off his circulation, and then Bryan said something wrong because they did some terrible ADR and a crowd shot for an "on Monday" mention. Heel prick Batista is so great. THE MOMENT I STEPPED INTO THE WWE UNIVERSE AGAIN, IT BECAME MINE! I'M ALLOWING YOU TO EXIST IN MY UNIVERSE! Bryan said he didn't want to be in a vest wearing, belly button tattoo-having universe and then shit was on! Mr Kane walked down and undressed...shouldn't HR hear about that? He and Batista attacked Bryan until Show came down to help him. This could've been a cool way to have him return from the Brock beating, but instead, they just had him on Raw with Betty White and on a panel. Vickie made a holla holla tag. The Shield Summit is tonight.
The Raw hype vid talked about Bryan-HHH and Hogan's big announcement, which will hopefully be that if Bryan beats HHH, he gets a spot in the title match. Christian's out for a match and Alberto's on commentary. Match is against Dolph. SLINGSHOT INTO THE STEPS FROM CHRISTIAN. Well that was great. A safe bump for Dolph to take craziily and it was fine for an ad break. Cole put over Alberto being an MITB winner and world and WWE Champion...boy does he not feel like a guy who in theory has reached the peak of main eventing. Dolph got a comeback with a jaw jacker. Hard to believe Christian's been back for five years and...JBL's back to burying his face. Evan Bourne had better hope he doesn't get called up - they'll do nothing but insult him. Christian's at least been someone worthy of being in the WWE HOF. Christian went for the shittiest double leg with the ropes takedown ever - not even hooking the legs and getting caught immediately. Super X Factor led to 2 while Alberto got on the table and the Killswitch. Cole called this "a slight distraction", so yeah, Dolph's an idiot. They said this was revenge for Raw, which I'd forgotten about until they mentioned it. Christian had a yelling '80s mid-card heel promo with Renee and then rightfully pointed out that Sheamus is an angry guy. They talked about Heyman dropping a pipe bomb in Chicago to hype up the Henry attack recap...Punk has to be back.
Recap of the Usos title win led to them having a match with Rybaxel. They had Cole do a VO about the Main Event deal with Dogg being hurt and them facing the Matadores. They hyped up Main Event as just airing on the Network and didn't mention Ion at all...I get that the deal's about over, but why go out of your way to piss them off and give them reasons to not WANT to renew it? If you're going to just shoot the show anyway, it's free money. Nice arm work by Axel. Shame about his balding spot though - very Muta-esque. Ryback did a splash and missed, leading to the Usos gaining steam. JBL said that soon, Rikishi would be known as their dad, which was...odd, and JBL then said it was due to them being a bigger star than him - nice and logical reasoning there instead of him trying to talk his way out of bullshit. Superfly dive got the win on Ryback. Poor Ryback. Cole put over their winning streak, winning the titles on Monday, and defending them on Tuesday before taking out Rybaxel tonight. Hopefully this bodes well for them and it doesn't lead to them being booked like the IC Champ. They showed Heyman's promo, but just the parts about him wanting the streak over - while in Indian style. THE UNDERTAKER RETURNS ON RAW. WHY ON PLANET EARTH WOULD YOU NOT SAY THAT ON RAW INSTEAD OF SD!? Bearer HOF vid is up after the break.
WWE WAS SOCIALLY NUMBER 1 VIA RAW. God bless Punk. Kane and his hairy chest were interviewed by Byron and brought up Bryan's history of anger problems and an inferiority complex...quite true. Nattie and Eva, who I guess is a face now, faced AJ and Tamina. Holy God the headlock takeover by Tamina and Eva. THAT STARTED THE MATCH. JBL immediately questioned the wisdom of this. JBL buried Cole for the blonde tips in his hair, when he was skinny, so Cole buried him for being fat too. Be stars, guys. After what seemed like centuries, Nattie got a tag and snap suplexed AJ a ton. Her heart-shaped mesh in the gear is nice. Great shouldermount Michinoku driver as well. Nattie countered a sunset flip into the Sharpshooter. This was an entertaining match, that's for sure. NOW they're getting to Bearer.
Shield Summit is the hour 1 main event, with no Seth... They recapped him leaving the team on Raw. Dean cut a promo about Seth leaving his brothers in the middle of a war, and since Seth called the summit, he should be out here. I liked them having Dean and Roman as a united front here since they were the two you'd think would have the first major issues. No barricade hopping from Seth. Seth said he had to leave to prove a point - the war wasn't with the Wyatts, it was amongst themselves and said he said he sacrificed himself so they could get on the same page. Dean said what he did was get fought off, while Seth just walked off. Seth said that hey, now Roman and Dean are united again - his mission is halfway accomplished. They teased THE END OF THE SHIELD here on SD with no hype. Seth cut an awesome promo about kicking down walls and if they're united again, no one can take them out! The crowd popped huge for the heel group taking over the company. Dean was a dick to Seth, so he shoved him down and then Roman shoved Dean down. Then Seth slapped the shit out of Dean. Seth said that's out of his system, so he's willing to take a shot...and did. This was great. It was like a group of friends who know they need to fight a bit to save the friendship. Roman and Seth showed solidarity and then Dean joined in. HUGE pop for this. THIS GROUP RULES. Sheamus faces Alberto for some reason. Didn't they already have a match recently?
They came back and Sheamus came out - Alberto got no intro. Finlay roll by Sheamus. Arm stuff from ADR...ad break... Alberto kicked Sheamus's arm after they came back. They talked about Sheamus also being a former WWE and World Champion, and then Sheamus hit the 10 Beats of the Drum spot before getting hit with the grounded superkick on the apron. Double arm Codebreaker led to the armbar. Even in a mid-card SD match, it's not a finish. Backlund lift WITH THE BAD ARM... Sheamus got locked into it again and got to the ropes. Brogue kick got the win. Sheamus was all bruised up and had his mouth busted up. Harper cut a nice promo before Bray began his rap. AFTER ALL KIDS, WHAT WOULD JOHN CENA BE WITHOUT HIS LEGACY! THE WORLD IS MY TEACHER AND I AM WHAT YOU MADE ME...Yeah, Bray rules. Big Dave and his greying beard cut a solemn promo about cutting through Bryan and being able to focus on Orton, who isn't A REAL MAN!
They hyped up Main Event on Tuesday. They're hyping the show up more now that the TV deal is ending than they have since it began. They ran down the WWE Network panel, with Booker, Hacksaw, and Riley. Rusev came out and did nothing, just like Raw and SD last week. They talked about him debuting at the Rumble, which was kinda stupid, even with them saying it took four guys to get rid of him. OH MY GOD MORE TALKING. It's 9:40 and we don't even have intros. On the upside, we get a shot of Bryan's maroon yes hoodie, which rules. Big Show yucked it up and said he should get some skinny jeans like Dave and tried to get "Respect the Beard, Fear the Giant" over as... a thing. Nope. At 9:45, they hyped up Taker on Raw and even Kane and Dave got jobber intros. JBL hyped up the WWE Network so you could watch Brock demolish people to possibly see the streak end. I should watch Brock-HHH at ER and his match against Punk later. Cole in his interview said that EVERYONE thinks HHH is afraid of Bryan. Cole tried to get the goofy Bryan/Show team name over. JBL buried that and said they're the Donkey and Shrek. That's stupid, and still better than the one they came up with. Show hit the clunkiest suplex to Batista and Kane, dropping Batista on his head. Bryan dove onto both heels. Match went two minutes before an ad break. I'm beginning to think they had no faith in this match. They came back and Show chopped Batista, then ate Bryan's kicks before hitting the spinebuster for 2. A big "you can't wrestle" chant broke out for a second. JBL said that HHH has faced SOME OF THE BEST EVER, while Cole put him over as one of the best ever in the ring. And Cole said HHH would NEVER GET OVER LOSING AT WM. JBL put him over for facing the Warrior. Shocked they didn't bring up Taker. Spear to Bryan. Cro Cop kick gives Bryan an opening for a tag. Flying shoulder block from Show. Air Goat hits for 2. Show ran over Batista to take him out. They teased a recreation of the Bryan-Kane finish, but the KO punch changed things up for a win with a different move.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/k27p0a2jwjz68fv457koc2ecccujol79
The Raw hype vid talked about Bryan-HHH and Hogan's big announcement, which will hopefully be that if Bryan beats HHH, he gets a spot in the title match. Christian's out for a match and Alberto's on commentary. Match is against Dolph. SLINGSHOT INTO THE STEPS FROM CHRISTIAN. Well that was great. A safe bump for Dolph to take craziily and it was fine for an ad break. Cole put over Alberto being an MITB winner and world and WWE Champion...boy does he not feel like a guy who in theory has reached the peak of main eventing. Dolph got a comeback with a jaw jacker. Hard to believe Christian's been back for five years and...JBL's back to burying his face. Evan Bourne had better hope he doesn't get called up - they'll do nothing but insult him. Christian's at least been someone worthy of being in the WWE HOF. Christian went for the shittiest double leg with the ropes takedown ever - not even hooking the legs and getting caught immediately. Super X Factor led to 2 while Alberto got on the table and the Killswitch. Cole called this "a slight distraction", so yeah, Dolph's an idiot. They said this was revenge for Raw, which I'd forgotten about until they mentioned it. Christian had a yelling '80s mid-card heel promo with Renee and then rightfully pointed out that Sheamus is an angry guy. They talked about Heyman dropping a pipe bomb in Chicago to hype up the Henry attack recap...Punk has to be back.
Recap of the Usos title win led to them having a match with Rybaxel. They had Cole do a VO about the Main Event deal with Dogg being hurt and them facing the Matadores. They hyped up Main Event as just airing on the Network and didn't mention Ion at all...I get that the deal's about over, but why go out of your way to piss them off and give them reasons to not WANT to renew it? If you're going to just shoot the show anyway, it's free money. Nice arm work by Axel. Shame about his balding spot though - very Muta-esque. Ryback did a splash and missed, leading to the Usos gaining steam. JBL said that soon, Rikishi would be known as their dad, which was...odd, and JBL then said it was due to them being a bigger star than him - nice and logical reasoning there instead of him trying to talk his way out of bullshit. Superfly dive got the win on Ryback. Poor Ryback. Cole put over their winning streak, winning the titles on Monday, and defending them on Tuesday before taking out Rybaxel tonight. Hopefully this bodes well for them and it doesn't lead to them being booked like the IC Champ. They showed Heyman's promo, but just the parts about him wanting the streak over - while in Indian style. THE UNDERTAKER RETURNS ON RAW. WHY ON PLANET EARTH WOULD YOU NOT SAY THAT ON RAW INSTEAD OF SD!? Bearer HOF vid is up after the break.
WWE WAS SOCIALLY NUMBER 1 VIA RAW. God bless Punk. Kane and his hairy chest were interviewed by Byron and brought up Bryan's history of anger problems and an inferiority complex...quite true. Nattie and Eva, who I guess is a face now, faced AJ and Tamina. Holy God the headlock takeover by Tamina and Eva. THAT STARTED THE MATCH. JBL immediately questioned the wisdom of this. JBL buried Cole for the blonde tips in his hair, when he was skinny, so Cole buried him for being fat too. Be stars, guys. After what seemed like centuries, Nattie got a tag and snap suplexed AJ a ton. Her heart-shaped mesh in the gear is nice. Great shouldermount Michinoku driver as well. Nattie countered a sunset flip into the Sharpshooter. This was an entertaining match, that's for sure. NOW they're getting to Bearer.
Shield Summit is the hour 1 main event, with no Seth... They recapped him leaving the team on Raw. Dean cut a promo about Seth leaving his brothers in the middle of a war, and since Seth called the summit, he should be out here. I liked them having Dean and Roman as a united front here since they were the two you'd think would have the first major issues. No barricade hopping from Seth. Seth said he had to leave to prove a point - the war wasn't with the Wyatts, it was amongst themselves and said he said he sacrificed himself so they could get on the same page. Dean said what he did was get fought off, while Seth just walked off. Seth said that hey, now Roman and Dean are united again - his mission is halfway accomplished. They teased THE END OF THE SHIELD here on SD with no hype. Seth cut an awesome promo about kicking down walls and if they're united again, no one can take them out! The crowd popped huge for the heel group taking over the company. Dean was a dick to Seth, so he shoved him down and then Roman shoved Dean down. Then Seth slapped the shit out of Dean. Seth said that's out of his system, so he's willing to take a shot...and did. This was great. It was like a group of friends who know they need to fight a bit to save the friendship. Roman and Seth showed solidarity and then Dean joined in. HUGE pop for this. THIS GROUP RULES. Sheamus faces Alberto for some reason. Didn't they already have a match recently?
They came back and Sheamus came out - Alberto got no intro. Finlay roll by Sheamus. Arm stuff from ADR...ad break... Alberto kicked Sheamus's arm after they came back. They talked about Sheamus also being a former WWE and World Champion, and then Sheamus hit the 10 Beats of the Drum spot before getting hit with the grounded superkick on the apron. Double arm Codebreaker led to the armbar. Even in a mid-card SD match, it's not a finish. Backlund lift WITH THE BAD ARM... Sheamus got locked into it again and got to the ropes. Brogue kick got the win. Sheamus was all bruised up and had his mouth busted up. Harper cut a nice promo before Bray began his rap. AFTER ALL KIDS, WHAT WOULD JOHN CENA BE WITHOUT HIS LEGACY! THE WORLD IS MY TEACHER AND I AM WHAT YOU MADE ME...Yeah, Bray rules. Big Dave and his greying beard cut a solemn promo about cutting through Bryan and being able to focus on Orton, who isn't A REAL MAN!
They hyped up Main Event on Tuesday. They're hyping the show up more now that the TV deal is ending than they have since it began. They ran down the WWE Network panel, with Booker, Hacksaw, and Riley. Rusev came out and did nothing, just like Raw and SD last week. They talked about him debuting at the Rumble, which was kinda stupid, even with them saying it took four guys to get rid of him. OH MY GOD MORE TALKING. It's 9:40 and we don't even have intros. On the upside, we get a shot of Bryan's maroon yes hoodie, which rules. Big Show yucked it up and said he should get some skinny jeans like Dave and tried to get "Respect the Beard, Fear the Giant" over as... a thing. Nope. At 9:45, they hyped up Taker on Raw and even Kane and Dave got jobber intros. JBL hyped up the WWE Network so you could watch Brock demolish people to possibly see the streak end. I should watch Brock-HHH at ER and his match against Punk later. Cole in his interview said that EVERYONE thinks HHH is afraid of Bryan. Cole tried to get the goofy Bryan/Show team name over. JBL buried that and said they're the Donkey and Shrek. That's stupid, and still better than the one they came up with. Show hit the clunkiest suplex to Batista and Kane, dropping Batista on his head. Bryan dove onto both heels. Match went two minutes before an ad break. I'm beginning to think they had no faith in this match. They came back and Show chopped Batista, then ate Bryan's kicks before hitting the spinebuster for 2. A big "you can't wrestle" chant broke out for a second. JBL said that HHH has faced SOME OF THE BEST EVER, while Cole put him over as one of the best ever in the ring. And Cole said HHH would NEVER GET OVER LOSING AT WM. JBL put him over for facing the Warrior. Shocked they didn't bring up Taker. Spear to Bryan. Cro Cop kick gives Bryan an opening for a tag. Flying shoulder block from Show. Air Goat hits for 2. Show ran over Batista to take him out. They teased a recreation of the Bryan-Kane finish, but the KO punch changed things up for a win with a different move.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/k27p0a2jwjz68fv457koc2ecccujol79
Thursday, March 6, 2014
TNA Impact 3-6-14
Finally - a Cops rerun before Impact that doesn't involve the 17 year old kid arguing with his mother. This one has drunken possible car theft! Impact's got a 3-on-3 elimination match to not only fill time, but determine the man advantage for Lethal Lockdown. God, this MVP-Dixie thing has seemingly gone on for nine million years. This video package has SO MUCH STUFF in it and just refuses to end. Oh yeah, Aries turned heel last week. Roode came down with the Bro Mans and DJ Z...wow does this look bizarre. They showed the Bro Mans regaining the titles - I guess they had to regain them since they were taped here with the belts. At least the Wolves weren't pinned to lose them. Aries came down and said his thought was WELL THOUGHT OUT. Oh yeah, and he's X Champ too. Aries wants PART of Roode's 10%. Why? Oh thank the lord above, NOW THEY'RE ARGUING ABOUT OWNING 10% OF TNA! Aries wants to split the 10% in half - each guy gets 5%...so what's the point then? The Bro Mans all want 1%. This is so goddamn ridiculous for TEN FUCKING PERCENT of TNA. MVP and the Wolves came down. They pimped MVP's theme being on iTunes...all of this without him having a contract. MVP is by far the best talker in the company.
This got a boring chant...and then Dixie came out in a black, blue, and gold dress - looks like Simon Diamond's old gear. Dixie then cut an angry promo about loving TNA more than anything and doing ANYTHING to keep complete control. Dixie said she didn't care who MVP's new guy was unless he could part the red sea. MVP said it was a former world champ...PACMAN JONES!? Nope - it's Jeffrey Nero Hardy! Dixie said his contract wasn't valid, but MVP said he'd be in there. Then MVP did a wacky Southern accent. More talking. Christ, this has only gone on for 10 minutes. Then a brawl broke out to setup the main event next. So within a half hour, we're getting Hardy's return announcement and the main event...why is this show two hours?
An ad for a knee brace aired during Impact. Main event started. THIS SHOULD KILL TIME (clap clap clap clap) Oh, and Dixie "went to New York" to secure a victory for Team Dixie. MVP hit the shitty Shining Wizard to eliminate Robbie, which Christy announced in the most bored manner possible. Aries and Davey had a great forearm exchange. Big shining wizard from Davey led to the rolling elbow from Aries taking him down. MVP and Roode impersonated fighting spirit. MVP got beat with a schoolboy thanks to Aries.Now it's down to Davey against both Aries and Roode. Back elbow in the corner from Aries led to a bulldog and got 2. Double sledge off the top from Aries to the floor allowed Roode to get 2. Davey kicked Aries into Roode, then dropkicked Roode so he DDT'd Aries. Really crappy rolling half-crab by Davey. Aries came in and hit Davey with a chair, so Aries got DQ'd. Roode's still legal...despite being the legal man during the chairshot. Now they're teasing an injury to Davey. The heels are all leaving while the faces are tending to him...okay then.
During the break, they took Davey away. IS THE MATCH OVER!? WILL IT CONTINUE!? Earl said he'd give them one hour to get ready for the match again. Eddie wanted to know if there was nerve damage...really dude? Magnus and Joe have a face to face meeting later. Shaw-Anderson was made for the PPV. They recapped Shaw being a creep. Samuel Shaw said Christy's passionate slap was a thing of beauty...and he's drinking some tea. And now it's a break. Nice of them to spend nine seconds in Movie Maker to craft Shaw's entrance video. JB's doing the announcing instead of Christy, and he's come out with his teabag. Shaw's theme went from the wacky "watching you" one to a creepy song. Anderson came out and said that Christy's not around due to THAT FREAKIN GUY, but playing the part of Christy is a man from GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - MR. ANDERSON! Shaw looked annoyed. INTRODUCING FIRST...CREEEPPPYY BASSSTTAARRRRDDD! Anderson's ruling it. EY's getting a massive reaction, and very prolonged too. EY did the mounted punches, but faked them out for the 10th punch with a bolo punch. A big creepy bastard chant broke out, and they hyped up CRO COP on the Countdown to Glory special tonight. Flair flip by EY. OH NO. EY got...some lukewarm tea in the face and thrown into some part of a chair. Anderson's in the choke and Shaw's still getting a creepy bastard chant. And then Shaw said he's going back to claim "what's rightfully mine". Tenay kindly told her to get out. Davey wanted to go to the hospital, but MVP told him he needed heart. MVP's doing great at playing wrestling promoter so far.
They hyped up Cro Cop on GLORY on Saturday. MVP ran into dressing rooms yelling about Aries. Al didn't wear a jacket! Pat Kenny's greying beard is something else. EC3-Angle was recapped. Dixie cut a promo about going to New York, before EC3 came in and interrupted her. "MVP is going to rue the day that he invested one dime in this company!". Hilarious. Then Shaw said "Christy" a bunch and they went to a break. Then they came back with him doing it still. Velvet was caught without her top on, but with a bra - so about what she's usually got on. She said that Christy was in the makeup room. EC3 walked out angrily. He cut a promo about how you shouldn't meet your heroes because THEY SUCKERPUNCH YOU. And the cage match will be a war over submissions - the ankle lock versus A LEGLOCK! He said he beat Sting become the new icon of wrestling, and he'll beat Kurt and become the new face of American wrestling. LIGHTBULB! He'll be the AMERICAN ICON - PRINTING MONEY! Angle said EC3 wasn't an American icon - HE WAS AN AMERICAN ASSHOLE! Kurt's HOF shirt is terrible. Kurt walked down and then EC3...just left. He then jumped Angle on the ramp. They're building up the old vs. new stuff well, but seem to be setting up results that the veterans win instead of the new guys. Davey was apparently told by MVP in Japan that you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything...and he said this in a really boring way. KOs 6-chick tag is up next.
Come to Lockdown early for the PRE-SHOW PARTY, FREE WITH YOUR TICKETS! Kenny King got a hype vid! Kenny King gets a limo and MVP got a mini-van. Sabin came out on the Alpha Female's shoulders - he rules. Gail-Madison was announced for the PPV. Train wreck by Tapa. Velvet prepped for a hot tag by shaking her ass. Tenay and Taz did a wacky Gene bit leading to Snitsky getting a mention. Sabin THREATENED VELVET WITH THE CHAIN! Sabin called her a stupid skank, so she slapped him and then low-bridged him. Velvet hit whatever her finisher is called on the Alpha Female to win. Sabin let out a big WHYYYY when he was over the Alpha Female. Sabin is embracing mid-card hell, I'll give him that much. It took Shaw a long time to find a guy to tell him where the makeup room is.
They thanked the UK fans in a graphic for making TNA the top wrestling show in the UK. Despite Hardy being announced as back, WE GOT A WILLOW VIDEO! He said something about seven days. Samuel Shaw saw a red wig in the makeup room. It was Anderson in a dimestore wig and they brawled. Then Anderson put lipstick on Shaw...I thought "well, this feud couldn't get more stupid." Then Anderson put lipstick on Shaw. Shaw sniffed the wig, so I guess he's going to go masturbate with it or something. A really epic Gunner-Storm video aired. Gunner's dad said his father didn't get to see him accomplish anything, but he'll see his son accomplish something. Rick Lail cut the best promo on the show so far. Gunner's out...I'm pretty sure we're well past an hour for the deadline on Davey. Gunner came out in a nice workshirt and said HE LIVES WITH A CODE. He worked for everything, and ya know, jealousy got into things. Gunner talked about PTSD hitting inside the cage. Storm came out in an awesomely-tacky suit jacket. Storm told him to pack a lunch for an all-day ass-whooping! Gunner made their match a last man standing match, because there weren't enough stips on the all-cage PPV. Storm told him to pray to God on Sunday, cuz he'll cut him down. Storm rules. Nice kneeling superkick too. Roode talked to Earl's kid about the hour. He's tired of waiting so he's coming down - it's Roode-Davey one on one...this would've been an awesome match during the Roode era of the world title.
Roode came out to say more words. And after the match, there's still Joe-Magnus, and it's 10:40. So that means the main event match will have no real time. Oh good, a 10 count fakeout. Davey's got the shoulder all taped up. Magnus, the world champ, hasn't been on the go-home show at all. They talked about Roode wanting to leave TNA, but staying due to Dixie giving him 10% if they win...so he's not really all that good a businessman because a 10% stake is like nothing. They did a mid-match VO for Billy Robinson, and tied that into Bellator. Davey hit a suicide dive on Roode. Davey got a missile dropkick and then did Bryan's round kick combo. Roode bomb countered into a sunset flip. Roode bomb and the crossface on the shoulder got the win! Nice way to get two finishers in one match. Three counting the post-match Fujiwara armbar. Tiger Uno did a low-budget version of the Sin Cara hype vid by doing moves to Zema. Magnus and Dixie argues over the importance of the title versus the ENTIRE COMPANY. This was awful.
They ran down the PPV card. I expect some Card Subject to Change for the Angle-EC3 match. Joe came down and they showed him kicking a bunch of ass since then. The Joehawk hairstyle is something else. Magnus came out in a nice sports coat and slacks...and his T-shirt. Magnus talked about he and Joe being in the ring together in Wembley, winning titles in TNA and Japan, and the BFG Series being all about Magnus. They talked, and talked, and talked and talked and talked! It's the Itchy and Scratchy (and Talky) Show! Oh yeah, ZERO hype for the Great Muta on the PPV! Joe's talking about the rules of wrestling not being conducive for his madness, but JOE'S RULES work for him. And he wants to drink his pain and shed his blood. Then they brawled for a bit. Chokeout from Joe and a tap, so Magnus is retaining.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/2dg1z4xu2kczglgwyir9zkcqb74i85sb
This got a boring chant...and then Dixie came out in a black, blue, and gold dress - looks like Simon Diamond's old gear. Dixie then cut an angry promo about loving TNA more than anything and doing ANYTHING to keep complete control. Dixie said she didn't care who MVP's new guy was unless he could part the red sea. MVP said it was a former world champ...PACMAN JONES!? Nope - it's Jeffrey Nero Hardy! Dixie said his contract wasn't valid, but MVP said he'd be in there. Then MVP did a wacky Southern accent. More talking. Christ, this has only gone on for 10 minutes. Then a brawl broke out to setup the main event next. So within a half hour, we're getting Hardy's return announcement and the main event...why is this show two hours?
An ad for a knee brace aired during Impact. Main event started. THIS SHOULD KILL TIME (clap clap clap clap) Oh, and Dixie "went to New York" to secure a victory for Team Dixie. MVP hit the shitty Shining Wizard to eliminate Robbie, which Christy announced in the most bored manner possible. Aries and Davey had a great forearm exchange. Big shining wizard from Davey led to the rolling elbow from Aries taking him down. MVP and Roode impersonated fighting spirit. MVP got beat with a schoolboy thanks to Aries.Now it's down to Davey against both Aries and Roode. Back elbow in the corner from Aries led to a bulldog and got 2. Double sledge off the top from Aries to the floor allowed Roode to get 2. Davey kicked Aries into Roode, then dropkicked Roode so he DDT'd Aries. Really crappy rolling half-crab by Davey. Aries came in and hit Davey with a chair, so Aries got DQ'd. Roode's still legal...despite being the legal man during the chairshot. Now they're teasing an injury to Davey. The heels are all leaving while the faces are tending to him...okay then.
During the break, they took Davey away. IS THE MATCH OVER!? WILL IT CONTINUE!? Earl said he'd give them one hour to get ready for the match again. Eddie wanted to know if there was nerve damage...really dude? Magnus and Joe have a face to face meeting later. Shaw-Anderson was made for the PPV. They recapped Shaw being a creep. Samuel Shaw said Christy's passionate slap was a thing of beauty...and he's drinking some tea. And now it's a break. Nice of them to spend nine seconds in Movie Maker to craft Shaw's entrance video. JB's doing the announcing instead of Christy, and he's come out with his teabag. Shaw's theme went from the wacky "watching you" one to a creepy song. Anderson came out and said that Christy's not around due to THAT FREAKIN GUY, but playing the part of Christy is a man from GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN - MR. ANDERSON! Shaw looked annoyed. INTRODUCING FIRST...CREEEPPPYY BASSSTTAARRRRDDD! Anderson's ruling it. EY's getting a massive reaction, and very prolonged too. EY did the mounted punches, but faked them out for the 10th punch with a bolo punch. A big creepy bastard chant broke out, and they hyped up CRO COP on the Countdown to Glory special tonight. Flair flip by EY. OH NO. EY got...some lukewarm tea in the face and thrown into some part of a chair. Anderson's in the choke and Shaw's still getting a creepy bastard chant. And then Shaw said he's going back to claim "what's rightfully mine". Tenay kindly told her to get out. Davey wanted to go to the hospital, but MVP told him he needed heart. MVP's doing great at playing wrestling promoter so far.
They hyped up Cro Cop on GLORY on Saturday. MVP ran into dressing rooms yelling about Aries. Al didn't wear a jacket! Pat Kenny's greying beard is something else. EC3-Angle was recapped. Dixie cut a promo about going to New York, before EC3 came in and interrupted her. "MVP is going to rue the day that he invested one dime in this company!". Hilarious. Then Shaw said "Christy" a bunch and they went to a break. Then they came back with him doing it still. Velvet was caught without her top on, but with a bra - so about what she's usually got on. She said that Christy was in the makeup room. EC3 walked out angrily. He cut a promo about how you shouldn't meet your heroes because THEY SUCKERPUNCH YOU. And the cage match will be a war over submissions - the ankle lock versus A LEGLOCK! He said he beat Sting become the new icon of wrestling, and he'll beat Kurt and become the new face of American wrestling. LIGHTBULB! He'll be the AMERICAN ICON - PRINTING MONEY! Angle said EC3 wasn't an American icon - HE WAS AN AMERICAN ASSHOLE! Kurt's HOF shirt is terrible. Kurt walked down and then EC3...just left. He then jumped Angle on the ramp. They're building up the old vs. new stuff well, but seem to be setting up results that the veterans win instead of the new guys. Davey was apparently told by MVP in Japan that you've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything...and he said this in a really boring way. KOs 6-chick tag is up next.
Come to Lockdown early for the PRE-SHOW PARTY, FREE WITH YOUR TICKETS! Kenny King got a hype vid! Kenny King gets a limo and MVP got a mini-van. Sabin came out on the Alpha Female's shoulders - he rules. Gail-Madison was announced for the PPV. Train wreck by Tapa. Velvet prepped for a hot tag by shaking her ass. Tenay and Taz did a wacky Gene bit leading to Snitsky getting a mention. Sabin THREATENED VELVET WITH THE CHAIN! Sabin called her a stupid skank, so she slapped him and then low-bridged him. Velvet hit whatever her finisher is called on the Alpha Female to win. Sabin let out a big WHYYYY when he was over the Alpha Female. Sabin is embracing mid-card hell, I'll give him that much. It took Shaw a long time to find a guy to tell him where the makeup room is.
They thanked the UK fans in a graphic for making TNA the top wrestling show in the UK. Despite Hardy being announced as back, WE GOT A WILLOW VIDEO! He said something about seven days. Samuel Shaw saw a red wig in the makeup room. It was Anderson in a dimestore wig and they brawled. Then Anderson put lipstick on Shaw...I thought "well, this feud couldn't get more stupid." Then Anderson put lipstick on Shaw. Shaw sniffed the wig, so I guess he's going to go masturbate with it or something. A really epic Gunner-Storm video aired. Gunner's dad said his father didn't get to see him accomplish anything, but he'll see his son accomplish something. Rick Lail cut the best promo on the show so far. Gunner's out...I'm pretty sure we're well past an hour for the deadline on Davey. Gunner came out in a nice workshirt and said HE LIVES WITH A CODE. He worked for everything, and ya know, jealousy got into things. Gunner talked about PTSD hitting inside the cage. Storm came out in an awesomely-tacky suit jacket. Storm told him to pack a lunch for an all-day ass-whooping! Gunner made their match a last man standing match, because there weren't enough stips on the all-cage PPV. Storm told him to pray to God on Sunday, cuz he'll cut him down. Storm rules. Nice kneeling superkick too. Roode talked to Earl's kid about the hour. He's tired of waiting so he's coming down - it's Roode-Davey one on one...this would've been an awesome match during the Roode era of the world title.
Roode came out to say more words. And after the match, there's still Joe-Magnus, and it's 10:40. So that means the main event match will have no real time. Oh good, a 10 count fakeout. Davey's got the shoulder all taped up. Magnus, the world champ, hasn't been on the go-home show at all. They talked about Roode wanting to leave TNA, but staying due to Dixie giving him 10% if they win...so he's not really all that good a businessman because a 10% stake is like nothing. They did a mid-match VO for Billy Robinson, and tied that into Bellator. Davey hit a suicide dive on Roode. Davey got a missile dropkick and then did Bryan's round kick combo. Roode bomb countered into a sunset flip. Roode bomb and the crossface on the shoulder got the win! Nice way to get two finishers in one match. Three counting the post-match Fujiwara armbar. Tiger Uno did a low-budget version of the Sin Cara hype vid by doing moves to Zema. Magnus and Dixie argues over the importance of the title versus the ENTIRE COMPANY. This was awful.
They ran down the PPV card. I expect some Card Subject to Change for the Angle-EC3 match. Joe came down and they showed him kicking a bunch of ass since then. The Joehawk hairstyle is something else. Magnus came out in a nice sports coat and slacks...and his T-shirt. Magnus talked about he and Joe being in the ring together in Wembley, winning titles in TNA and Japan, and the BFG Series being all about Magnus. They talked, and talked, and talked and talked and talked! It's the Itchy and Scratchy (and Talky) Show! Oh yeah, ZERO hype for the Great Muta on the PPV! Joe's talking about the rules of wrestling not being conducive for his madness, but JOE'S RULES work for him. And he wants to drink his pain and shed his blood. Then they brawled for a bit. Chokeout from Joe and a tap, so Magnus is retaining.
Screens -
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
WWE Main Event Live 3-4-14
The show opened with a recap of Steph and HHH telling Bryan all that they do for him and demanding he get out of the ring. At least Bryan-HHH will be really good. Mr. Kane vs. Bryan starts off the show. Damn, that video package was 4 minutes long. Nice kick off the apron from Bryan, but Kane caught him off of the flying knee and threw him into the barrier. Bow and arrow from Kane using the ring post - nice! Corner kick and elbow combo from Bryan. Bryan wraps Kane's knee around the post - I hope he busts out a ringpost figure four at 'Mania. Running Strong kick to the knee on the floor! Dragon screw by Bryan. Snapping reverse dragon screw-ish thing from Bryan! Running dropkick to the knee - this match is so much better than a regular Kane match due to this laser focus. MR. WRESTLEMANIA. I should watch some HBK later on the Network. What a goofy set to hype up on this show - everything on it AND MORE can be watched at no additional cost. They come back with Kane doing some bodyshots and regaining control. Bow and arrow backbreaker by Kane. Bryan saves himself with a tornado DDT. FLYIN BRYAN WITH A DROPKICK! Barricade dive by Bryan! Kick combo gets countered with a sideslam. Flying clothesline off the top by Kane. Big Misawa forearm by Kane leads to a corner choke. Super rana avoided by Kane. RUNNING DDT by Kane. Bryan counters the chokeslam into a cradle for a win. After 20 minutes, it's over. This wasn't awful, but wasn't exactly as good as Bryan's usual matches. They recapped the Usos winning the tag titles. Wacky Scooby ad aired. They officially announced ME airing live every Tuesday at 8 PM.
Mr. Kane was interviewed by Josh. ZEB HAS A PHOTO ON A TRUCK! Nikki's out for a match. I'll predict Nikki with a win using the Nikki Rack Attack. Alicia's hip swivel rules. So Nikki's socks say SUPERHERO because I guess implants give you superpowers. COME ON NIKKI! COME ON NIKKi! COME ON NIKKI! Shut. Up. Brie. Now it's a NIK-KI chant. Nice clothesline from Nikki. Ouch. Alicia landed right on her ass on a backdrop. Rack Attack wins. Tag Title match is up. LEGENDS HOUSE AD. No. Belts look good on the Usos. Great mid-ring interview with Renee. Road Dogg's coming out nursing his left knee. Billy has aged 20 years in 24 hours. Maddox came out, so he apparently has power on this show. Dogg's injury is legit, and since a tag title match was promised, it will be delivered against LOS MATADORES! WM ad. Road Dogg is great on commentary. These teams don't mesh very well and the crowd is dead. Dive from an Uso to Diego. Jimmy with the deadman dive over the top. WCW's biggest PPV matches on Blu-Ray...or all of them on the Network for less than the cost of the Blu-Ray. Double monkey flip by the Matadores looked awful. Poor Dogg got hurt doing a triple flip on the ice after Raw. Damn shame. Bubba Bomb! Then they did a tombstone tease counter over and over leading to a mid-ring tornado DDT for 2. Headstand led to a gut superkick. Double superkick led to the dive and the win. Billy ate a rana on the floor from the bull! Giant clusterfuck of a diving double something or other hit Billy.
Mr. Kane was interviewed by Josh. ZEB HAS A PHOTO ON A TRUCK! Nikki's out for a match. I'll predict Nikki with a win using the Nikki Rack Attack. Alicia's hip swivel rules. So Nikki's socks say SUPERHERO because I guess implants give you superpowers. COME ON NIKKI! COME ON NIKKi! COME ON NIKKI! Shut. Up. Brie. Now it's a NIK-KI chant. Nice clothesline from Nikki. Ouch. Alicia landed right on her ass on a backdrop. Rack Attack wins. Tag Title match is up. LEGENDS HOUSE AD. No. Belts look good on the Usos. Great mid-ring interview with Renee. Road Dogg's coming out nursing his left knee. Billy has aged 20 years in 24 hours. Maddox came out, so he apparently has power on this show. Dogg's injury is legit, and since a tag title match was promised, it will be delivered against LOS MATADORES! WM ad. Road Dogg is great on commentary. These teams don't mesh very well and the crowd is dead. Dive from an Uso to Diego. Jimmy with the deadman dive over the top. WCW's biggest PPV matches on Blu-Ray...or all of them on the Network for less than the cost of the Blu-Ray. Double monkey flip by the Matadores looked awful. Poor Dogg got hurt doing a triple flip on the ice after Raw. Damn shame. Bubba Bomb! Then they did a tombstone tease counter over and over leading to a mid-ring tornado DDT for 2. Headstand led to a gut superkick. Double superkick led to the dive and the win. Billy ate a rana on the floor from the bull! Giant clusterfuck of a diving double something or other hit Billy.
WCW Slamboree 1993
Eric and his dark black hair dye are with Missy and her dark red lipstick. Missy's still looking hot here. Eric and Missy get blacked out as they talk about Sting facing THE PRISONER later, instead of Scott Norton. Zero fucks were given by the crowd. A kid with a giant dirty blonde mullet and a Batman shirt seemed happy. Missy is stumbling horribly over trying to put over Vader. Missy bounced around and offered her services as a Hollywood Babe. Eric talking about the NWA vs. AWA match with Dory vs. Bockwinkel was fun - the only time he's ever seemed remotely genuine is talking about the AWA on that WWE DVD. He clearly has a lot of respect for Verne. Eaton and Benoit are out, so they're actually using the master for the full event here and not just the home video. Bagwell and Scorpio are out. I love them hyping up Bagwell as WCW Magazine's rookie of the year since they always did it and made it a point for him for a long time.
Benoit's zebra print tights are not the prettiest things ever. Benoit and Scorpio are starting out. Benoit in '93 compared to Benoit in '95 looks so different - he gained a ton of weight and looks much older facially just two years later. These two have fantastic chemistry, and I should really watch their SuperBrawl III match since I've only seen it clipped via New Blood on the Block. Scorp with an iffy flip dive over Bobby to get to Benoit - seemed like Bobby was blocking him a bit there. Double dropkicks from the faces send the heels out. Bobby's gear can best be described as a bright yellow birthday party hat. It's yellow with blue and red...things all over it. Bagwell with a backdrop to Benoit OVER THE TOP. Not a DQ. Larry says it could be due to him possibly just trying to get away and the backdrop being accidental. I like Larry putting over the young guys asking the legends for advice - it makes the plucky faces seem like they want to get better. It's an admirable trait and faces should have one. They talked about Greg Gagne and Brunzell being backstage, as are Snuka and Blackjack Mulligan. Benoit's nasty snap lariat hits Bagwell perfectly. Flying legdrop off the second rope from Benoit gets 2. Odd to have that be a transitional move when his partner's finisher is a flying legdrop off the top. Tony puts Eaton over as a WCW legend for being in the Midnight Express and being in a team with Arn as well. Snapmare into a figure four headscissors by Benoit. Everything is just so crisp. Heels cheat by holding hands! How dare the ref oppose them exchanging protein strands. Larry's talking about this event becoming a collector's item. Well, a version of it with all the matches might've been. Bagwell gets the knees up for the diving headbutt. Scorp bonks Eaton on the buckle on the outside, then kicks him in the cut while he's up on the ropes - nice spot there. Twisted splash gets 1. Tumbleweed legdrop hits Benoit and the faces win. He just smushed his face with his ass on that one.
Tony talked about Col. Robert Parker debuting, and Van Hammer turning him down. Larry said that Van Hammer was RUDE for grabbing Parker and Tony agreed. VAN HAMMER'S THEME MAKES THE CUT! It is pretty awesome. His generic singlet, however, is not. He went from looking like a star in '92 with the leather getup to looking like a scrub here. You've got a guy who's all body and hide the body. Like with Ryback, it makes very little sense. Parker's off fresh from the KFC box. Parker's bringing out Van Hammer's new ride - a stretcher! Sid's back acting like a face. Maybe Hammer got his singlet from Sid. Hammer threw some bad punches before Sid hit him with one of his super-high kicks. Powerbomb. Hammer's RIP. This was beneath the Kronus squash, but perfectly fine for what it needed to be. Sid should've come in and killed someone. Of course, this does just make the face look like an idiot, but if you're going to make a face look weak, it might as well be Hammer.
Eric's with Red Bastein and Bugsy McGraw. Red's stache is amazing. Bugsy looks like a more dignified version of modern day Bill Watts. Bugsy's cutting a fine promo here putting himself, his look, and Sid over! He's also burying Eric for wearing too much makeup! Bugsy McGraw rules! The first legends match is up. It's a 6-man tag with Murdoch, Snuka, and Muraco as a team! They're up against Wahoo, Mulligan, and Jim Brunzell...it really should've been Greg Gagne as his partner in this. Snuka and Brunzell start this so it isn't glacial. Wow - Brunzell and Gagne were tag champs in '75 - about 18 years before this event. Shame that Killer Bees run turned him into a joke. Murdoch's busting out the elbows to the forehead on the apron. Mulligan hits a hiptoss! Murdoch's busy punched and/or elbowing the hell out of him. "If Wahoo wrote a book, you'd have to label it science fiction.". Apparently, you could say the same about Larry's book. Muraco was apparently an underwater photographer and they hyped up Lord James Blears getting him started. I love that they're giving the AWA so much love. The company's dead, so you might as well get whatever money you can out of making it seem like a big deal. Mulligan coming in with his big Frankenstein arms out pose to do a double choke is hilarious. Dropkick from Brunzell. That tie-dyed gear is simple terrible. The yellow and white gear would've been better. FLYING HEADSCISSORS from Murdoch! I remember that spot well. Still impressive. Snuka working heel in the corner seems weird. Thump-style powerslam from Muraco AND A LEGDROP! I'm shocked he left his feet. Muraco accidentally hits Snuka on the apron! Swinging neckbreaker by Murdoch to Brunzell gets 2. Murdoch slips going up for the Calf Branding, so he just goes up and does it again. Snuka distracted the ref and led to the flying bodypress from Brunzell only getting 2. Snuka's in and they're talking about him mainly being a face and also teaming with Stevens at one point. Snuka hits a running back elbow to Muraco accidentally. Now they're brawling and they do a double schoolboy spot. Now it's just a brawl. Wahoo's chopping the hell out of Snuka and it's a no contest. Wahoo's mid-ring chop sends Snuka kneeling down, THEN FLYING OVER THE TOP ROPE. Hilarious.
Missy's with the Assassin and Mad Dog Vachon. Mad Dog's voice is so gravely and awesome. Love him telling her HE'S NOT DONE-A TALKING! Jody's mask is way too ill-fitting for his face. He's got a giant double chin and the mask barely fits one of them. And now he's challenging Dusty. Oh thank God that never happened. Ivan Koloff and Baron Von Raschke are out as a team to face Thunderbolt Patterson and Bullet Bob. Bullet Bob was supposed to be his partner. Larry told a story about Mad Dog pulling a guy's eye out and stomping on it while Thunderbolt said he'd kick BOTH OF THEIR ASSES! Bob's out with a knee injury, leading to Brad coming out in street clothes. Thunderbolt's throwing some fine punches here. Nice and wacky. Bolt's in a shirt, which is best for all. Ivan's moving pretty well in there. Baron's selling is hilarious. It's hard to believe he's only 50 here - he always looked 50 no matter what. Bolt took the shirt off and Larry put over Bolt's wacky antics as beneficial for him since it makes it hard to lock up with him. Baron has absolutely no chest definition whatsoever. Love his wacky selling of being angry over a headlock failing. Larry's talking about Ivan dethroning Bruno in the Garden. Tony refers to the WWF Title as "that belt". Tony then talked about Baron being the first World TV Champion of the NWA due to all of the NWA promoters putting their TV champs in a tourney. Giant wacky punches from Bolt leads to Larry comparing him to Shemp. Big double throat thrust to Baron gets the win for Bolt. This was fun.
Tony hypes up THE ORIGINAL FOUR HORSEMEN reuniting tonight. The Flair For the Gold logo is pretty awesome. Flair's got a fairly gaudy bowtie and cummerbund combo. Fifi was quite the looker. Larry's saying HI JOHN for some reason. Flair's putting over Arn being NWA Champion tonight. Arn puts over his shot, HIS ONE SHOT and he'll make it good tonight. Flair said Blanchard wouldn't show up tonight, but the show's only getting better! Flair's putting over Ole nicely. They're blaming Barry for Tully not being there saying he got in his ear - that's about as perfect a way to bring that up and tie it into the night's event as you're gonna get. Flair's putting over THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE HORSEMEN, using his jet-flying bit for him. PRETTY PAUL ROMA...more like Polite Applause Paul Roma. Roma's mullet is something else.
Tony and Larry are being joined by Johnny Valentine, who can barely be heard. It's time for Bockwinkel vs. Dory after a Beach Blast hype vid. I'll always remember that show because it was on my 10th birthday. I should really watch it. Dory's out with Gene Kiniski. DORY JR HAD A BEARD AT ONE POINT. Makes him look like an older version of Terry. They're hyping up Nick with limited AWA footage, and Nick's got Verne by his side. Now that just seems wrong. Visually, Nick looks about the same as he did in the clips aside from wearing the long black tights under the maroon gear. Uppercut forearms from Dory. Lots of basic holds here. Dory's got him in a neck crank, resulting in Verne getting on the apron to cause a distraction. Gene just about comes in the ring for...whatever reason. Nick tries to fight out of the cravate but get hit with a snapmare instead. Nice long headscissors here from Bockwinkel. The crowd is not reacting to this at all. It's a slow-paced match, but everything in it is being made to seem important. Tony's talking about Johnny Valentine bringing a fish bowl full of silver dollars to TV and offering them up to anyone who could pin him - no one ever could. Back elbow by Dory lead to the uppercuts again. A boring chant's breaking out now. Nice forearms from Bockwinkel. Larry talked about asking Nick what time it was and being told how to make a watch. Gene pulled Bock out. Bock's going for a slow build to a Boston Crab, but Dory spins out of it. Back suplex gets 1 from Dory. Armbar from Dory and then a surfboard. They've got five minutes left in the time limit. Nick manages to reverse the surfboard and butterflies the arms. This is being paced nicely because it's the longest legends match by far and they don't have the crutch of it being a tag - they've got to carry the load and make sure they can go as long as possible and look good. Snapmare gets 2 for Bockwinkel. Sleeper with about three minutes left. Headlock by Bock leads to Dory teasing a knee breaker, but Bock avoids that by cranking on the headlock. Uppercut sends Bock to the ramp. Outside-in suplex from Dory after Gene grabbed Nick's leg. Piledriver from Dory doesn't get a count due to a rope break. Butterfly suplex from Dory leads to a Bock backslide for 2. Single leg takedown leads to the spinning toehold, then a cradle from Bock for 2. Figure four from Bock and Gene runs in...no DQ there. Dory's in the ropes. Forearm exchanges. Cradle into the ropes. Dammit, Gene hurts yet another match without actually being a main guy in it. They went 15 minutes and didn't look bad, but a draw for the lone legends singles match sucked. For goodness sake, you've got an NWA Title match on here, have the NWA guy win it.
Eric's with Lou Thesz, who cuts a fine promo. He always seemed so dignified. Bob Giegel's there too. Rude and Orndorff are out to face Dustin and Sasake. Sadly, no "Simply Ravishing" theme here. Matching robes for Rude and Orndorff. Rude wearing the belt over the robe rules - but Paul just holding it in front of the robe looks a bit less ridiculous. Rude's still got the small U.S. belt. Dustin's replacement theme is terrible, and a kid doing the Rude hip swivel with his shirt over his head is disturbing. Sasaki and Orndorff have pretty good chemistry. Rude-Dustin time! Dustin's in his early 20s but looks at least 30 facially. Definitely the curse of looking like his dad. To be fair though, Rude looks much older than him. Both guys run into one another's knee in the corner. Paul SLAMMING DUSTIN'S FACE IN THE GUARDRAIL would be a DQ. My how times have changed. Dustin's got little bolos on the side of his tights - looks ridiculous. A Rude piledriver is countered and leads to Rude going for a tombstone, and then Dustin countered it into one for 2. Sasaki is larating the hell out of Rude. Sasaki presses Rude up and just chucks him down. Orndorff shoves him off the top, then Rude hits the Rude Awakening and holds him down desperately to win. The cover looks wonky, but I liked it - he appeared to be struggling to hold him down, which makes sense since so little was done to hurt him outside of the neckbreaker. Hall of fame is up.
Tony's putting Gordon over for helping him out with his career, and he'll be doing the inductions. Gordon's getting a solid crowd reaction and is asking for it to stop so he may resume - how quaint. His listing of legends who have passed on was classy and they even had a moment of silence for them. The first inductee is Lou Thesz - there's no better person for it. Gordon put over the HOF being in the CNN complex, which I would assume would have just had replica plaques up. Gordon talking about Thesz wrestling just two years before this is kind of crazy to think about. Verne's next up and he's about as perfect a second choice as you'll get. Gordon says he was AWA World Champion 14 times, while Verne says it was 9. Verne has thankfully changed into a nice suit and not one that appears ripped from an old car. Mr. Wrestling II is up and they're showing a photo with him and Jimmy Carter. He declined the inauguration in order to avoid having to be seen without his mask. Eddie Graham's going in and will be inducted by his son. Boy is this much sadder to watch given how everything turned out with him. Mike Graham has a puffy mullet and an earring. Yikes.
Missy is with John Tolos and Lord James Blears. WCW IS THE ONLY WAY TO SPELL WRESTLING. John's angling for another payday. Blears' suit is blinding. Sting-Prisoner is up next. Oh GOD! Kevin Kelly had something in the AWA, and man did he ever lose it at some point. He went from looking 20-something to looking at least 45. Prisoner's getting a giant Bossman chant. Frankenstein choke by Nailz on the ropes. Choke in the corner. Single-armed choke in the corner... BOOT CHOKE IN THE CORNER! GROUNDED CHOKE ON THE ROPE. For. Fuck's. Sake. DO SOMETHING ELSE. AN IRISH WHIP AND A BACK ELBOW! And then a choke. Okay. This is ridiculous. He finally throws some punches to...some part of Sting's face. Could've cracked an egg with one of them. Backbreaker and a 2! Kicks and back hand shots from Sting. Eye rake from Nailz. Cable choke from Nailz. His offense should in theory look credible if it's going to be so...lean in variety. Nope. It looks like shit. He's trying to hang him with the cable...well that's just a bad idea. It's impossible to think that Sting's the de facto top face and is in this nothing match. This would be a waste of a match on Worldwide, let alone a PPV. Sting hits a terrible clothesline for 2. Backdrop from Sting opens him up for a Stinger splash and...Nailz won't go down for a scorpion deathlock so he just covers for 2. Throat thrust from Naiz. MORE CHOKING. Nailz starts choking the ref, then gets hit with a flying clothesline off the top and pinned. Thank the lord above, this is over. The crowd pops and it has to just be due to it being over. Cage is going up for the tag title match.
It's DA CRUSHER and Ox Baker. Crusher calls Ox a bum, and well, his suit doesn't exactly refute that claim. I love Ox taking such visible offense to that claim. Crusher's rambling about his grandkids. Ox's giant eyebrows rule. I-AAA LOVE TA HURT PEOPLE! "Ya know Crusher, yer better lookin than me - JUST NOTICED THAT!" Ox Baker is amazing. Steamboat and "Shane Douglas" are out as the Dos Hombres in the most jobberiffic gear possible. YAY THE HOLLYWOOD BLONDS THEME IS INTACT! Brian's hair is far too dark for this moniker. Some agents right out of Saved by the Bell are watching the Blondes. Steamboat chops start things off. Armbar. Tony is having so much fun with Larry out there. It's so sad that the shitty product killed his love for wrestling, because he's great here. Larry talks about having the same laces in his boots since he debuted - they're parachute cords and don't wear down. MASSIVE toss into the cage to Austin. Goddamn the smack of that. ATOMIC DROP INTO THE CAGE. Now that's a spot that needs to come back. Crazy flip bump into the cage from Austin. Larry says he retired Bruno in Shea...yeah nah. Really iffy gut shot from Zenk to Pillman. Had to be Zenk since it didn't look good and Steamboat would make sure it was solid. PRESS SLAM FROM STEAMBOAT TO PILLMAN INTO THE CAGE! Big E should be doing that at some point. Nice left arm clothesline from Steamboat. Suplex into a tree of woe on the cage. STINGER SPLASH AGAINST THE CAGE! SWEET CHRIST DID THAT NOT GO WELL. The second splash was a crossbody and Steamboat landed right on Steve's head on the way down. Nice snap on the chops and back elbow from Austin. Elbow off the second rope from Austin gets 2. Nice bit with Austin holding onto the gear to pin whoever is in there with them in their corner. Pillman uses the towel to choke the guy out, then dab his head. Just perfect. Big splash off the second rope from Pillman is met with a big boot. Big rights by Zenk. Spinebuster from Austin leads to Larry saying he'll be in the hall of fame one day. Pillman splash gets knees to the gut. Steamboat comes in and hits the double chops. Moon spot by Austin leads to an electric chair drop. Pillman gets crotched on the ropes. Ouch. Double noggin knocker. "Double coconut time" from Tony led to "yeah, that's about the size of 'em after that..." which works for either of the last spots. Alternating team cage tosses. Steamboat goes up top and takes the mask off for a crossbody block. The cage was moving way too much for my liking there. False 3 count there. Double dropkicks from the faces get a 2. Stun Gun to Zenk gets the win. Easily the best match on the show so far. Love Larry on the replay saying the crossbody was a PERFECT IMITATION OF CAPTAIN PLANET.
Eric's with Stu Hart, Mr. Wrestling II, and Dusty. Dusty's answering the Assassin's challenge. HIS BIG ASS IS STANDING OUT HERE, SO COME AND GET IT BAYBEE! Mr. Wrestling II paid very little attention to the promo, and just said that whoever Dusty's after, he'll get. Stu's talking about his sons being wrestlers and his daughters all being married to wrestlers...it's amazing he lived as long as he did. He's here to support his son in law Davey for the world title tonight. Davey really felt like he should've won the title during this run since it was his first true main event run and he had some momentum. Arn's out in the thinnest Horsemen jacket in history. Barry and his gut are out with the big gold. Barry's no longer a Horseman, he's The Lone Wolf - that is an awesome moniker. Side belly to belly from Arn - I never remember him busting that out before. Nice shot from Barry to Arn. Chop from Arn leads to an iffy-looking snap DDT for 2. Love Barry yanking Arn out to the ramp to attack him. Barry's already breathing heavy and it's not even five minutes in. Double axehandle off the second rope from Arn led to him eating a nice clothesline. A guy is yelling at Arn to smack his face. Toss over the top and once again, it's not a DQ. Now it's due to him being on the apron. Just nix the rule if you're not going to enforce it. Head to the railing isn't a DQ because it's under NWA rules. Barry's busted open so his head matches his gear. Small package from Arn gets 2. Arn was not good at that move - it looks way too loose here and it had the same issue at Slamboree '95 against Alex Wright. Sleeper from Arn. Tons of blood on Barry. This match is perfectly fine, but not as good as it could've been. Arn is just not "on" here. DROPKICK FROM BARRY to Arn on the top. Nice spot there. Barry's '93 run was really iffy. He was fantastic in the '80s and early '90s, and then amazing again in '99, but the periods between that were underwhelming. Barry's head is just coated in blood. Flying lariat off the top from Barry was smooth and Arn bumped like a champ for it. Arn kicks out at 2. Nice grounded uppercut from Arn. Arn couldn't get the gorbuster, but Barry got the floatover suplex. No one ever done that as smoothly as Barry did. SPINEBUSTER FROM ARN but he can't cover - Barry rolls to the floor. They're talking about a possible blood stoppage again - I do love them referencing history to get you to think things could end one way. Barry tries to leave with the belt but Arn tosses him back. Arn threw the ref down and then got bonked with the belt and beat. Well, the finish played into the bit with Barry before and Arn costing himself the title, but man did that not get the revamped Horsemen off to a good start.
They're talking about Davey getting involved in Vader's public training session and now it's world title time. They never did call the NWA Title a world title. Davey's in his Union Jack BRITISH BULLDOG gear, so I guess this is before they got legal letters. Davey is jacked to the gills here. Vader's theme rules. VHOP - Vader's House of Pain - NOW SERVING PUNISHMENT wins for the best sign. Davey has tons and tons of fringe on every part of his gear. Between that and the corn rows though, it actually kind of works as a look for him. Davey no-sells a shortarm clothesline, which works visually because damn is he ever thick. Bodyshot and the bodyblock ALSO GET NO-SOLD. Wow. During the collar and elbow tie-up, Davey looks nearly as big as Vader here. Vader's wider, but thickness is about even. Vader is resorting to just beating the fuck out of Davey's body, head, and neck. Nice choke from Vader. It's got some intensity, unlike everything from Nailz. Bodyblock on the guardrail misses and Vader flips over into the crowd. Walking slam from Davey to Vader. DELAYED VERTICAL SUPLEX TO VADER gets a huge pop. They are hyped up for Davey tonight. Bodycheck off the top is met with a powerslam! Clothesline over the top. They are rabid for Davey. Larry's talking about being super-huge making you less limber, quick, and making it harder to have stamina...yup that's definitely all hurting Davey. A whoop there it is chant breaks out. Davey goes for a crucifix, but Vader drops into a Samoan drop. Giant leaping elbow to the thigh area. Yet another one. Vader's making everything he does count. Big Vader bomb gets 2. Vader's grabbing the hair to hit some nice hooks. Vader's going up for a splash now. Nope, Davey gets up and then Vader hits the body block. Davey's nose is busted up, and now Vader's smacking him around. Vader's superplex gets countered into a super gordbuster and then takes himself out by headbutting Vader. Davey covers and only gets 2 because he didn't hook the legs. There's another little touch they need to talk more about. Sunset flip>ass splash miss spot gets 2 for Davey. Nice right cross from Vader takes Davey down in one shot. Giant splash from Vader hits oddly, leading to him just yelling SHIT! and holding his chest. Vader hits a stiff kick from a downed position to Davey. He tosses Davey out so Harley can do some damage. Big clubs from Vader take Davey down in the corner. Ass splash from Vader hits with ease. Camel clutch from Vader leads to an electric chair drop that has Harley frozen with shock. Davey's attacking with punches and clotheslines and FINALLY gets him down. Vader went for a crossbody in the corner and Davey caught him for the powerslam and got 2 thanks to Harley getting involved. Vader grabs Larry's chair and hits Davey for a DQ. Wow. A DQ for the main event world title match finish. Bagwell gets demolished by Vader. As does Scorp. Sting comes down to make a save and hits the clothesline off the top. Davey gets the win but not the belt. Logically, this should've set up Davey getting a shot with a DQ for Vader giving Davey the title.
Eric's with Magnum TA. Magnum looks basically the same here facially as he did in his wrestling days. Verne's hyping up how WCW has THE REAL WRESTLING TALENT. Yet another guy angling for a regular paycheck here - can't blame him. Larry and Verne sending the show off was something else. It was strange to see the AWA get so much love on a WCW show, but good to see. It also made perfect sense with Greg being in the company along with Eric, but the show as a whole wasn't very good. The cage match and WCW Title matches were great, but the NWA Title match underperformed and the rest of the card was nothing special. The hall of fame inductions were too low key and didn't feel very important. It was an interesting time capsule show because they just got Flair back, but he couldn't work and they were trying to bridge the past with the present and future by having the Horsemen reunite and that just didn't work out. Had Roma been say an IC-level guy in the WWF, he could've come in and worked as Tully's replacement. But as a guy in a C-level WWF tag team...yeah he was just doomed to fail.
Monday, March 3, 2014
WWE Raw 3-3-14
I might as well write about the post-show this week as well, since it should at least be a noteworthy thing through WM. Raw's got Batista-Bryan set up presumably from the Batista turn on SD where he mocked the fans chanting for a 190 pound weakling instead of him. It would be nice to reference that tonight and then build up the match for next week, but whatever - WWE doesn't really do much advance planning for TV matches and at least they hyped up Shield-Wyatts on SD. Duggan's gotta give a big HOOOO! Usos-Outlaws battle for the tag titles tonight. Should be fun. Riley's talking about WM being the biggest payday of the year. CM Punk's chants already started. And then they immediately go to a video package! Brie and Bryan came in and talked about the Batista promo. Renee's dress is beautiful. Bryan's "gonna show Batista what a real man is!" Graphic should've been Boo-tista vs. The Yes Movement. Alex Riley as Batista's stooge could be really fun. Love him saying BATISTA'S BEEN REAL SINCE DAY ONE. They had a graphic for most surprising recent "attitude change". How was Orton's turn in August a recent attitude change?
Shield-Wyatts has A WRESTLEMANIA-TYPE FEEL! This is a glorious video package recapping their whole deal. Los Matadores are out for a Superstars match. Duggan hyped up "the Bryan family". Cena-Wyatts recap from Raw. "I had a chance to read the injury report, and it's still undecided!" Not because of poor planning, nope - he didn't want an MRI. Matadores vs. Rybaxel. CM PUNK BROUGHT UP! NXT Arrival hype video. They should've put this on SD. HHH, lead heel, is a proud dad of the NXT crew. They hyped up the next Countdown show on entrances - totally forgot about Kane's welding mask. Great promo from Road Dogg, with Billy being his parrot. Love Billy giving Road Dogg a finger wag for being old. Then they yelled STILL CHAMPS at Renee. THIS RULED! Matadores won and did a Superstars promo and got bood. MASSIVE CM Punk chant. King and Torito are alike - TORITO IS HORNY! Matadores are being a bit heelish here. BOOM! Riley's a 2 on the Konnan scale. Heyman and Renee are amazing together. "Renee...what have you heard and why are you here..." There's a Legends House promo on the tron that is just terrible. Raw is now! CM Punk chant is drowning out Cole's voiceover.
PUNK'S THEME HITS! A massive CM Punk chant hits. And it's Heyman! Well, Heyman coming out makes little sense since they blew their feud off months ago, but whatever. Heyman's putting the mic out to the crowd - " I BELIEVE HE DESERVES LOUDER THAN THAT!". So is Heyman a face now or what? He's out to tell the story of a Paul Heyman guy who was never wanted in WWE. A Heyman guy that THEY thought was too small to main event WrestleMania. Heyman doing this in Indian style rules. He's talking about tattoos, and them not wanting in WWE from day one or right now. This is either Punk, or Brock, which makes no sense with the small hype, but works with the tattoos. Jessamyn Duke and Sami Zayn are loving this on Twitter. "Why won't anyone talk about CM Punk anymore?". "There is a finger to point around here. There's someone to blame for why CM Punk wouldn't put up with it anymore. THERE'S A TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO RISK YOUR JOB SECURITY AND POINT THE BLAME FOR THE FACT THAT CM PUNK ISN'T HERE TONIGHT. I POINT THAT FINGER AT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!" Heyman is amazing. This is all THE UNDERTAKER'S FAULT, and since CM Punk couldn't do it, BROCK LESNAR, THE MAN WHO BEAT CM PUNK, CAN! Brock beating Punk at Summerslam didn't make a ton of sense at Summerslam, but now makes perfect sense. Brock's got his right hand all taped up. Recap of the Brock-Taker deal from last week.
Brock grabbed the mic and said that the Dead Man is afraid of him. EVERYONE HAS FAILED to end the streak. Shawn, HHH, and "your own baby boy" CM Punk are FAILURES! Sarcastic Brock rules. AT WRESTLEMANIA, THE STREAK IS GONNA GET CONQUERED BY BAAARRROOOCK LESNAARRRR! JBL referencing Lesnar-Couture...wow. YAY IT'S HENRY! And he's getting destroyed by Brock! F5 through the table never stops being awesome! It's so good to see WWE book Lesnar as a world-conquering badass. That WM 30 jersey is pretty awesome. Road Dogg FINALLY acting like a heel rules. Time for the Usos to win them some non-gold. Fun match - these teams have great chemistry. Super-smooth punches and chops from Jimmy to Billy. Double Assalanche is setup, but only one hits before the Whispher in the Wind hits. Fameasser countered into a blind tag dive, then THE SUPERFLY DIVE! THE USOS WIN AND THE CROWD GOES CRAZY! Usos win while a Terra Ryzing sign is in the background. And a fan held up a Colt Cabana fathead.
The divas are talking about the guest star...The fucking. State of. This ac-ting. Here. Big E's out for another match with Cesaro for whatever reason. Cesaro STARTS this by just throwing Big E around, not exactly with ease, but fucking hell this dude is strong. Swing, and then Swagger comes in for a DQ. Goddamn that was short but a ton of fun. Big Ending out of nowhere. Big E was a dick there...why? HOLY SHIELD! Shield-Wyatts is up next. This is the best first hour of Raw in ages. ROLLINS IS RUNNING WILD TO START! HE EVEN COUNTERS HARPER'S DIVE WITH A SIN CARA KICK FROM THE FLOOR! I demand a best of five million series from now until the end of time. It's a damn shame they won't do this as a 3-on-3 War Games-style chamber. It's already great in 2K14, and it would be even better in real life. I love Dean just shoving Bray over Harper. Rollins-mania runs wild again with the flatliner into the buckle to Rowan! Dean gets in and just hits Thesz press with some wacky crazy punches! Then he hits the snap running dropkick to Rowan's knee. FIGURE FOUR! VINTAGE MOXLEY! Bray and Ambrose did some Frye-Takayama for a second there. Neck twist from Rowan leads to the double noogie. JBL just repeating his Cody-Goldust commentary here saying Harper and Rowan are brothers. VINTAGE TERRY FUNK rople-caught swingset selling from Ambrose. AMBROSE GOES FOR A TAG BUT SETH LEFT! SETH ABANDONS THE SHIELD. Didn't see that coming. Ambrose and Reigns now have to fight together after weeks of drama! SUPERMAN PUNCHES FROM REIGNS! Rope draping dropkick to Rowan! CRAZY SPEAR OVER THE TABLE FROM ROMAN! HARPER DIVES ONTO ROMAN! Sister Abigail hits Ambrose and the Wyatts win. This might've even better better than the PPV match. Renee met with BOOTISTA! Batista stole Punk's Gracie hoodie. The fans are reading too many comics, watching too many comics, and are in a fantasy world if they think Bryan's a superstar. I heart Bootista saying that while starring in a comic book movie.
They recapped the Usos winning the titles, since that's been the least-noteworthy thing on this massive show so far. Main Event Live has the Outlaws-Usos. YES! Emma and Santino face Summer and Fandango. They better show some damned clips from the NXT special here. Love Summer saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING during the skin the cat spot. JBL said that Santino and Emma would have the cutest 18 year old kid in third grade. JBL BURYING the dance. Cole is begging JBL to put it over as the GM of NXT. CM Punk and WE WANT ZIGGLER chants. A WE WANT ZIGGLER chant!? Holy time warp! Emma did a rolling elbow while doing the goofy dance...yeah that was no Misawa. King had no idea what to call the Tarantula. Emma Lock gets the win. She's doomed. She's winning, but this act just isn't over, and has no chance of getting over with both JBL and King burying everything about it. SD GETS A RECAP for Sheamus-Alberto. Sheamus-Christian gets back on the treadmill tonight!
A corny Steph WWE Network promo aired about being so proud of being a wrestling fan. They had a commentary discussion with Vince. JBL said that JR's commentary was horse shit, and then did a terrible BY GAWD impression. I figured this was just Vince in JBL's ear when he said Vince was the best commentator ever, but this was a bit much - good for JR to get a free plug for the Ross Report though. JBL buried Christian's physique. Sheamus and Christian are having a perfectly fine match, but it's hard to care with the crowd's poorly-muted CM Punk chant getting through. They ran around the announce table like goofs while a CM PUNK chant drowned everything out.
They came back and Christian tossed Sheamus over the barricade, which looked ridiculous. Then JBL said it's a good thing Sheamus is so pale - he won't get skin cancer...um no. There was "no gimmicks needed" Chris Candido, and now there's "no fucks given" Christian. They're trying but, this match is as thrilling as drinking a lukewarm glass of water. They did some moves and Christian worked himself into the clubbering position before avoiding it. OUTSIDE-IN CLUBBERING worked. MORE BURIAL OF Christian's chest. It's a sunken chest...How do they bury Christian's chest but not Kofi's? A THIS IS AWFUL chant broke out. THIS IS AW-FUL! "Here comes the skinny frog!" Sheamus barely kicked out of the skinny frog splash, so he must suck too then. White Noise got 2. "BORING" chant broke out. Brogue kick on the apron mercifully ended this. God I hope Cena vows to never give up or surrender tonight! Scooby ad. They somehow failed to make Vince McMahon look like a cartoon character. HOW DO YOU DO THAT!?
Sheamus talked with Renee, and got booed IMMEDIATELY! And then Sheamus got jumped by Christian. Bellas are facing Aksana and Alicia. Brie Mode knee leads to nothing. Cole called everyone in this FOUR TREMENDOUS ATHLETES! Brie trying to make a tag...by not moving forward at all, and while on her knees. Some effort. Nikki's vibing up! Shock Treatment wins for Nikki. Cole awkwardly read copy about Batista-Bryan. Sirens gets plugged, which gives me time to get a drink. THE STATE of the sweater on the black guy on Sirens in the crowd. Cole begged everyone to tweet #yesmovement. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT#YESMOVEMENT - subtle. Bryan came down to cut a promo. "WE ARE GOING TO HIJACK RAW!" LOLed hard. Bryan's not going to leave until one of two things happens, leading to a giant CM Punk chant and him grinning. HHH's and Steph's rack came down. Steph entered the ring in Bryan's colors while a huge CM Punk chant broke out. Thank God it's nearly impossible to hear Steph over this crowd. Bryan talked about being beaten down and screwed over, BUT HE'S STILL HERE, UNBROKEN WITH THE FANS BEHIND HIM! HHH called this the Excuses or Blame era - which just rolls off the tongue. "THEY BURIED ME!" - HHH rules. HHH is having to yell in order to talk over these CM Punk chants. So to keep track, HHH is a heel in this segment. Steph might be too. Loved the crowd chanting asshole and HHH saying that they're saying it's Bryan's turn. I love that this feud revolves around the title and yet it's not for it. DIGITAL AND SOCIAL MEDIA BLOWS UP with Daniel Bryan.
Steph put over how her family did everything to make Bryan look good. 21 trucks rolled into the building FOR HIM! Bryan said that she should put on HHH's trunks and he should wear her skirt - I approve of Bryan's idea becoming a wacky photoshop. HHH then said that Steph would kick Bryan's ass. HHH then talked to Bryan like he was a child, and said it's a showcase of the immortals! And Bryan just does not measure up. HHH demanded that Bryan leave his ring. I'm just glad HHH is a solid B+ heel throughout this, as opposed to being both a heel and face in one segment. Steph called out Mr. Kane, who got demolished by Bryan. She demanded security come down, but they didn't. Security finally came down and she yelled at him to STAY OUT. Steph's going to sound 90 in 5 years with all this screaming. Cole said he'll be IN WHAT HE CALLS THE PEOPLE'S RING. He never once called it that. Bryan-Batista is still on, BTW. GET OUT OF MY BUILDING. Until the main event match. In 30 minutes.
A REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING SUITS AD aired trying to get over #litup. Recap of the Brock-Heyman stuff from earlier. AND IF YOU HAVE THE WWE NETWORK, YOU COULD WATCH BROCK LESNAR DESTROYING DUDES ALL THE TIME! Alberto got a jobber intro. Something revved up. It was Aaron Paul with Dolph - Dolph might actually get a win here. NO CGI, JUST LIKE WWE. So WWE is just as real as Need For Speed! Paul's on commentary. JBL put over NEED FOR SPEED AS THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME! They further put over there being no CGI for the movie. It's so weird for them to bury the Fast series while putting them over huge when Rock's around. Aaron Paul got on the table and they warned him about Alberto. Zig Zag - Dolph won! New HOFer gets announced next!
They hyped up that the HOF ceremony will air live on the Network...in theory. IT'S PAUL BEARER, although they teased it like it was Taker. Loving the wacky smoky graphics for the talking heads. "DEATH, OH WHAT A WORD!" probably didn't need to be in this. Oh thank the lord, we get Big E pulling double duty now against Swagger. Big E got hit with the Neutralizer out of nowhere. Swagger slapped Cesaro... YAY SWING TIME! YAY ZEB PROMO TIME! Zeb begged him to not swing Swagger. FOR THE SAKE OF THE PEOPLE, don't swing him! I'm so glad to see Zeb get a year-long run in WWE. He deserved some good after losing his grand-daughter and this is a reminder that good can happen after turmoil. Zeb demanded that they hug it out! Cesaro gave him a big wacky slappy hug.
According to Nikki's twitter, her finisher is the Nikki Rack Attack. Well, there is no better name for that move for her. Main Event gets Bryan-Kane as well. Good to see them going all-out with that show again. Cena came out with a knee wrap, so they've nixed the groin pull part of the storyline. A guy dressed as a clown in a Punk shirt gave Cena's handsign. CM Punk chant got going before Cena could utter a word. It's 10:45, so this shouldn't be taking up too much time. Normally, the main event would get going around now. Cena said that HE WILL NOT HAVE A MATCH. Shocking, given that he wasn't announced for one and the show's nearly over. He's mixing it up with grey shorts now. A CM Punk chant hit and he said he came out to hear THAT - the passion of a city. He hyped up Brock beating him up in this arena, and at MITB, he lost to Punk here. THE WWE UNIVERSE WANTS CHANGE and he respects it! BUT YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT CHANGE WILL COME AND GO THROUGH HIM! He tied that into the Wyatt feud, which is good because with the prior stuff, it sounded like he was hyping up a Punk match. "I'm at the same place now when I began my career in 2002!" - only with a lot more money, merch, and a giant house with an elevator. Bray cut an awesome promo about feeling the energy and Cena being a thoroughbred horse. He races and wins! AND THE PEOPLE JUST CHEER FOR HIM. But one day, this championship horse slows down and that is when reality sets in! AND NOW HE FINDS HIMSELF LOOKING FOR THE FINISH LINE, and is in the back of a barn laid out on a slab. Mercy is calling you by name! Bray is the reaper and he's going to put Cena down. This rules. Bray called Cena the loneliest man on Earth because he sits on top of his lonely castle, and there will be nothing left when Bray takes it all away. Bray Wyatt rules!
Lona came out to put over Rusev in a re-enactment of the SD bit with the Olympic podium. Bryan-Batista is the Itchy and Scratchy fireworks factory. AND A RECAP OF HOGAN! Hogan's got a WM XXX announcement next week. AND NOW ORTON'S OUT! Batista's FINALLY out at 11 PM and didn't blow up doing his intro. LOL @ the put some pants on sign. Cole talked about Bryan being a "superharo", so I guess he's a bunny now. There are also SKINNY JEANS and BORE-TISTA signs. Batista's gear looks so ridiculous. He's got giant grey and black knee braces, black, blue and orange trunks with matching shoes and Flair-esque kneepads around his ankles. Dropkick to the knee from Bryan leads to Batista getting a YOU CAN'T WRESTLE sign. 11:05 THE FINAL COMMERCIAL BREAK! Good lord. Great exchange from King and Cole after the break. "We're not over. NOT AT ALL!" Missile dropkick>kip up takes down Batista. Batista's giant wacky leg tattoo was visible because of his left knee brace slipping down. The Authority came down, leading to a giant CM Punk chant! Batista threw Bryan into Orton, leading to Batista doing the yes bit! Orton attacks Bryan. RKO to Batista led to the Knee+, then Batista got dropkicked leading to Kane getting...knocked somewhere near HHH resulting in him falling down. Bryan got speared by Batista, and Bryan kicked HHH, and then ate a Batista bomb. HHH is up. IT'S SHOVELIN TIME! Pedigree! Steph did the yes bit and they stood over Bryan. Steph kicking Bryan's legs away from her is something else.
The post-show deal started with Bryan being helped up, and then Show came down to whoop some ass with Cena and Bryan. Steph did the Yes bit with Renee. Renee has HHH, who...just leaves. Axel says he'd be happy to do the light work for the Authority. YAY TITUS. SPELL HUNGRY! They're not showing anything on the tron, but there's a giant YES chant in the background.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/vc1nvgn1wkz6jznqqgz7n6o81wg7aik5
Shield-Wyatts has A WRESTLEMANIA-TYPE FEEL! This is a glorious video package recapping their whole deal. Los Matadores are out for a Superstars match. Duggan hyped up "the Bryan family". Cena-Wyatts recap from Raw. "I had a chance to read the injury report, and it's still undecided!" Not because of poor planning, nope - he didn't want an MRI. Matadores vs. Rybaxel. CM PUNK BROUGHT UP! NXT Arrival hype video. They should've put this on SD. HHH, lead heel, is a proud dad of the NXT crew. They hyped up the next Countdown show on entrances - totally forgot about Kane's welding mask. Great promo from Road Dogg, with Billy being his parrot. Love Billy giving Road Dogg a finger wag for being old. Then they yelled STILL CHAMPS at Renee. THIS RULED! Matadores won and did a Superstars promo and got bood. MASSIVE CM Punk chant. King and Torito are alike - TORITO IS HORNY! Matadores are being a bit heelish here. BOOM! Riley's a 2 on the Konnan scale. Heyman and Renee are amazing together. "Renee...what have you heard and why are you here..." There's a Legends House promo on the tron that is just terrible. Raw is now! CM Punk chant is drowning out Cole's voiceover.
PUNK'S THEME HITS! A massive CM Punk chant hits. And it's Heyman! Well, Heyman coming out makes little sense since they blew their feud off months ago, but whatever. Heyman's putting the mic out to the crowd - " I BELIEVE HE DESERVES LOUDER THAN THAT!". So is Heyman a face now or what? He's out to tell the story of a Paul Heyman guy who was never wanted in WWE. A Heyman guy that THEY thought was too small to main event WrestleMania. Heyman doing this in Indian style rules. He's talking about tattoos, and them not wanting in WWE from day one or right now. This is either Punk, or Brock, which makes no sense with the small hype, but works with the tattoos. Jessamyn Duke and Sami Zayn are loving this on Twitter. "Why won't anyone talk about CM Punk anymore?". "There is a finger to point around here. There's someone to blame for why CM Punk wouldn't put up with it anymore. THERE'S A TIME WHEN YOU HAVE TO RISK YOUR JOB SECURITY AND POINT THE BLAME FOR THE FACT THAT CM PUNK ISN'T HERE TONIGHT. I POINT THAT FINGER AT EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU!" Heyman is amazing. This is all THE UNDERTAKER'S FAULT, and since CM Punk couldn't do it, BROCK LESNAR, THE MAN WHO BEAT CM PUNK, CAN! Brock beating Punk at Summerslam didn't make a ton of sense at Summerslam, but now makes perfect sense. Brock's got his right hand all taped up. Recap of the Brock-Taker deal from last week.
Brock grabbed the mic and said that the Dead Man is afraid of him. EVERYONE HAS FAILED to end the streak. Shawn, HHH, and "your own baby boy" CM Punk are FAILURES! Sarcastic Brock rules. AT WRESTLEMANIA, THE STREAK IS GONNA GET CONQUERED BY BAAARRROOOCK LESNAARRRR! JBL referencing Lesnar-Couture...wow. YAY IT'S HENRY! And he's getting destroyed by Brock! F5 through the table never stops being awesome! It's so good to see WWE book Lesnar as a world-conquering badass. That WM 30 jersey is pretty awesome. Road Dogg FINALLY acting like a heel rules. Time for the Usos to win them some non-gold. Fun match - these teams have great chemistry. Super-smooth punches and chops from Jimmy to Billy. Double Assalanche is setup, but only one hits before the Whispher in the Wind hits. Fameasser countered into a blind tag dive, then THE SUPERFLY DIVE! THE USOS WIN AND THE CROWD GOES CRAZY! Usos win while a Terra Ryzing sign is in the background. And a fan held up a Colt Cabana fathead.
The divas are talking about the guest star...The fucking. State of. This ac-ting. Here. Big E's out for another match with Cesaro for whatever reason. Cesaro STARTS this by just throwing Big E around, not exactly with ease, but fucking hell this dude is strong. Swing, and then Swagger comes in for a DQ. Goddamn that was short but a ton of fun. Big Ending out of nowhere. Big E was a dick there...why? HOLY SHIELD! Shield-Wyatts is up next. This is the best first hour of Raw in ages. ROLLINS IS RUNNING WILD TO START! HE EVEN COUNTERS HARPER'S DIVE WITH A SIN CARA KICK FROM THE FLOOR! I demand a best of five million series from now until the end of time. It's a damn shame they won't do this as a 3-on-3 War Games-style chamber. It's already great in 2K14, and it would be even better in real life. I love Dean just shoving Bray over Harper. Rollins-mania runs wild again with the flatliner into the buckle to Rowan! Dean gets in and just hits Thesz press with some wacky crazy punches! Then he hits the snap running dropkick to Rowan's knee. FIGURE FOUR! VINTAGE MOXLEY! Bray and Ambrose did some Frye-Takayama for a second there. Neck twist from Rowan leads to the double noogie. JBL just repeating his Cody-Goldust commentary here saying Harper and Rowan are brothers. VINTAGE TERRY FUNK rople-caught swingset selling from Ambrose. AMBROSE GOES FOR A TAG BUT SETH LEFT! SETH ABANDONS THE SHIELD. Didn't see that coming. Ambrose and Reigns now have to fight together after weeks of drama! SUPERMAN PUNCHES FROM REIGNS! Rope draping dropkick to Rowan! CRAZY SPEAR OVER THE TABLE FROM ROMAN! HARPER DIVES ONTO ROMAN! Sister Abigail hits Ambrose and the Wyatts win. This might've even better better than the PPV match. Renee met with BOOTISTA! Batista stole Punk's Gracie hoodie. The fans are reading too many comics, watching too many comics, and are in a fantasy world if they think Bryan's a superstar. I heart Bootista saying that while starring in a comic book movie.
They recapped the Usos winning the titles, since that's been the least-noteworthy thing on this massive show so far. Main Event Live has the Outlaws-Usos. YES! Emma and Santino face Summer and Fandango. They better show some damned clips from the NXT special here. Love Summer saying WHAT ARE YOU DOING during the skin the cat spot. JBL said that Santino and Emma would have the cutest 18 year old kid in third grade. JBL BURYING the dance. Cole is begging JBL to put it over as the GM of NXT. CM Punk and WE WANT ZIGGLER chants. A WE WANT ZIGGLER chant!? Holy time warp! Emma did a rolling elbow while doing the goofy dance...yeah that was no Misawa. King had no idea what to call the Tarantula. Emma Lock gets the win. She's doomed. She's winning, but this act just isn't over, and has no chance of getting over with both JBL and King burying everything about it. SD GETS A RECAP for Sheamus-Alberto. Sheamus-Christian gets back on the treadmill tonight!
A corny Steph WWE Network promo aired about being so proud of being a wrestling fan. They had a commentary discussion with Vince. JBL said that JR's commentary was horse shit, and then did a terrible BY GAWD impression. I figured this was just Vince in JBL's ear when he said Vince was the best commentator ever, but this was a bit much - good for JR to get a free plug for the Ross Report though. JBL buried Christian's physique. Sheamus and Christian are having a perfectly fine match, but it's hard to care with the crowd's poorly-muted CM Punk chant getting through. They ran around the announce table like goofs while a CM PUNK chant drowned everything out.
They came back and Christian tossed Sheamus over the barricade, which looked ridiculous. Then JBL said it's a good thing Sheamus is so pale - he won't get skin cancer...um no. There was "no gimmicks needed" Chris Candido, and now there's "no fucks given" Christian. They're trying but, this match is as thrilling as drinking a lukewarm glass of water. They did some moves and Christian worked himself into the clubbering position before avoiding it. OUTSIDE-IN CLUBBERING worked. MORE BURIAL OF Christian's chest. It's a sunken chest...How do they bury Christian's chest but not Kofi's? A THIS IS AWFUL chant broke out. THIS IS AW-FUL! "Here comes the skinny frog!" Sheamus barely kicked out of the skinny frog splash, so he must suck too then. White Noise got 2. "BORING" chant broke out. Brogue kick on the apron mercifully ended this. God I hope Cena vows to never give up or surrender tonight! Scooby ad. They somehow failed to make Vince McMahon look like a cartoon character. HOW DO YOU DO THAT!?
Sheamus talked with Renee, and got booed IMMEDIATELY! And then Sheamus got jumped by Christian. Bellas are facing Aksana and Alicia. Brie Mode knee leads to nothing. Cole called everyone in this FOUR TREMENDOUS ATHLETES! Brie trying to make a tag...by not moving forward at all, and while on her knees. Some effort. Nikki's vibing up! Shock Treatment wins for Nikki. Cole awkwardly read copy about Batista-Bryan. Sirens gets plugged, which gives me time to get a drink. THE STATE of the sweater on the black guy on Sirens in the crowd. Cole begged everyone to tweet #yesmovement. THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT
Steph put over how her family did everything to make Bryan look good. 21 trucks rolled into the building FOR HIM! Bryan said that she should put on HHH's trunks and he should wear her skirt - I approve of Bryan's idea becoming a wacky photoshop. HHH then said that Steph would kick Bryan's ass. HHH then talked to Bryan like he was a child, and said it's a showcase of the immortals! And Bryan just does not measure up. HHH demanded that Bryan leave his ring. I'm just glad HHH is a solid B+ heel throughout this, as opposed to being both a heel and face in one segment. Steph called out Mr. Kane, who got demolished by Bryan. She demanded security come down, but they didn't. Security finally came down and she yelled at him to STAY OUT. Steph's going to sound 90 in 5 years with all this screaming. Cole said he'll be IN WHAT HE CALLS THE PEOPLE'S RING. He never once called it that. Bryan-Batista is still on, BTW. GET OUT OF MY BUILDING. Until the main event match. In 30 minutes.
A REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING SUITS AD aired trying to get over #litup. Recap of the Brock-Heyman stuff from earlier. AND IF YOU HAVE THE WWE NETWORK, YOU COULD WATCH BROCK LESNAR DESTROYING DUDES ALL THE TIME! Alberto got a jobber intro. Something revved up. It was Aaron Paul with Dolph - Dolph might actually get a win here. NO CGI, JUST LIKE WWE. So WWE is just as real as Need For Speed! Paul's on commentary. JBL put over NEED FOR SPEED AS THE GREATEST VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME! They further put over there being no CGI for the movie. It's so weird for them to bury the Fast series while putting them over huge when Rock's around. Aaron Paul got on the table and they warned him about Alberto. Zig Zag - Dolph won! New HOFer gets announced next!
They hyped up that the HOF ceremony will air live on the Network...in theory. IT'S PAUL BEARER, although they teased it like it was Taker. Loving the wacky smoky graphics for the talking heads. "DEATH, OH WHAT A WORD!" probably didn't need to be in this. Oh thank the lord, we get Big E pulling double duty now against Swagger. Big E got hit with the Neutralizer out of nowhere. Swagger slapped Cesaro... YAY SWING TIME! YAY ZEB PROMO TIME! Zeb begged him to not swing Swagger. FOR THE SAKE OF THE PEOPLE, don't swing him! I'm so glad to see Zeb get a year-long run in WWE. He deserved some good after losing his grand-daughter and this is a reminder that good can happen after turmoil. Zeb demanded that they hug it out! Cesaro gave him a big wacky slappy hug.
According to Nikki's twitter, her finisher is the Nikki Rack Attack. Well, there is no better name for that move for her. Main Event gets Bryan-Kane as well. Good to see them going all-out with that show again. Cena came out with a knee wrap, so they've nixed the groin pull part of the storyline. A guy dressed as a clown in a Punk shirt gave Cena's handsign. CM Punk chant got going before Cena could utter a word. It's 10:45, so this shouldn't be taking up too much time. Normally, the main event would get going around now. Cena said that HE WILL NOT HAVE A MATCH. Shocking, given that he wasn't announced for one and the show's nearly over. He's mixing it up with grey shorts now. A CM Punk chant hit and he said he came out to hear THAT - the passion of a city. He hyped up Brock beating him up in this arena, and at MITB, he lost to Punk here. THE WWE UNIVERSE WANTS CHANGE and he respects it! BUT YOU GOTTA RESPECT THAT CHANGE WILL COME AND GO THROUGH HIM! He tied that into the Wyatt feud, which is good because with the prior stuff, it sounded like he was hyping up a Punk match. "I'm at the same place now when I began my career in 2002!" - only with a lot more money, merch, and a giant house with an elevator. Bray cut an awesome promo about feeling the energy and Cena being a thoroughbred horse. He races and wins! AND THE PEOPLE JUST CHEER FOR HIM. But one day, this championship horse slows down and that is when reality sets in! AND NOW HE FINDS HIMSELF LOOKING FOR THE FINISH LINE, and is in the back of a barn laid out on a slab. Mercy is calling you by name! Bray is the reaper and he's going to put Cena down. This rules. Bray called Cena the loneliest man on Earth because he sits on top of his lonely castle, and there will be nothing left when Bray takes it all away. Bray Wyatt rules!
Lona came out to put over Rusev in a re-enactment of the SD bit with the Olympic podium. Bryan-Batista is the Itchy and Scratchy fireworks factory. AND A RECAP OF HOGAN! Hogan's got a WM XXX announcement next week. AND NOW ORTON'S OUT! Batista's FINALLY out at 11 PM and didn't blow up doing his intro. LOL @ the put some pants on sign. Cole talked about Bryan being a "superharo", so I guess he's a bunny now. There are also SKINNY JEANS and BORE-TISTA signs. Batista's gear looks so ridiculous. He's got giant grey and black knee braces, black, blue and orange trunks with matching shoes and Flair-esque kneepads around his ankles. Dropkick to the knee from Bryan leads to Batista getting a YOU CAN'T WRESTLE sign. 11:05 THE FINAL COMMERCIAL BREAK! Good lord. Great exchange from King and Cole after the break. "We're not over. NOT AT ALL!" Missile dropkick>kip up takes down Batista. Batista's giant wacky leg tattoo was visible because of his left knee brace slipping down. The Authority came down, leading to a giant CM Punk chant! Batista threw Bryan into Orton, leading to Batista doing the yes bit! Orton attacks Bryan. RKO to Batista led to the Knee+, then Batista got dropkicked leading to Kane getting...knocked somewhere near HHH resulting in him falling down. Bryan got speared by Batista, and Bryan kicked HHH, and then ate a Batista bomb. HHH is up. IT'S SHOVELIN TIME! Pedigree! Steph did the yes bit and they stood over Bryan. Steph kicking Bryan's legs away from her is something else.
The post-show deal started with Bryan being helped up, and then Show came down to whoop some ass with Cena and Bryan. Steph did the Yes bit with Renee. Renee has HHH, who...just leaves. Axel says he'd be happy to do the light work for the Authority. YAY TITUS. SPELL HUNGRY! They're not showing anything on the tron, but there's a giant YES chant in the background.
Screens -
http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/vc1nvgn1wkz6jznqqgz7n6o81wg7aik5
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)