TNA Impact 1-16-14 - Genesis of McGullicutty

A NEW ERA BEGINS ON GENESIS! Taz and Tenay did a verbal tribute to her. "She's raising hell right now in heaven!" Shame they didn't use a photo of her, but the little text tribute was sweet. There is NO ONE in the building as the crowd shot showed. Recap of last week's show didn't help it from looking like bullshit. Spud's out in one of his goofier outfits yet. He's also getting a ton of heat, or maybe it's just some and the lack of it seems like a ton of it. Dixie came out in skinny jeans and a shiny silver top. No. There's a redhead in the crowd who looks like he's from Slingblade. Dixie's getting even more heat than Spud - God that freshens the show up so much. Dixie said AJ's now back "to the beginning" of his career, leading to a WE WANT AJ chant. Magnus came out with both belts, and looks pretty awesome. Loved "Ladies and gentlemen, this is YOUR CHAMPION speaking" leading to Spud doing the wave. Magnus gave Dixie the second belt "because you're the champion of our hearts forever and a day!" Loved her giving Spud her belt "but don't get too used to it - it's mine!" Dixie referenced a giant bonus in all of her helpers' paychecks - they'll be good! Spud struggling to hold the belt is so great. This dude has been amazing since day one in this role. EC3's out. Robbie dancing to his theme is hilarious. Before he could talk, Sting showed up in the crowd and pointed his bat at him. Given that this show actually feels a bit special and it's getting heat, I am so fine with this being Sting's final match in TNA.

They came back and Sting cut a promo in the crowd. "There are a lot of guys in the back who can't be bought - BECAUSE THEY HAVE HONOR!" Hmm...much like AJ now. 20 minutes in and this has really accomplished nothing. Love Sting's passion with this A HOUSE DIVIDED CANNOT STAND speech. Sting's army is...a bunch of goobers, and Joe and Gunner Manchild. What a lean roster this is. Sting trapped EC3 in the ring and hit him in the gut with the bat. Well that's a bit mean - he didn't really do anything. And it was the payoff to something taking up nearly the entire first fourth of the show. OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE THIS SEGMENT REFUSES TO END! Joe's got a mic and is demanding a fight. Spud made a 12-man tag right now - so at least the show has a match. Gunner and Storm, instead of facing each other, are in this wacky thing as just dudes. DBZ-style Joe sign rules. Tenay said they were back at the site of the first-ever TNA show in 2002, which sure as shit had more people there than it does now. Tenay hyped up Dixie's twitter hype of the Wolves. Kaz got dumped to the floor with a press slam from Gunner, then EY came in. I have no idea if this is a tag match or a lucha rules tag. ODB hit the fallaway slam on the Ion. Tenay said that Genesis is so big, it'll be a two week thing - so that's how they'll do some of the matches they can't do due to time. Joe hit a dive, leading to Park teasing one before being taken out by Kaz. His mouth got bloody and he Abyss'd up on them. And GunStorm. Joe taps Daniels with the choke, while a fan holds up a Curry Man sign. Velvet being drowned out, and apparently talking in a very echoey basement. Aries thanked her for saying nice things about him on the new trading cards. Velvet DOESN'T WANT TO TALK IN FRONT OF ALL THESE PEOPLE in the back, so Sabin says they'll do it in the ring.


Angle in his thrift store getup demanded to know where Al and Dixie were. And then he was an asshole to some dude. Sabin came out and said Velvet's VERY SELFISH. Aries came out in purplish pants and said Sabin's the worst boyfriend who ever lived. Aries said he's a vegan, but he'll make an exception for some pigeon pie! I hope #pigeonpie trends. Aries challenged him for a match next week. Aries, AS THE BABYFACE, proposed that Velvet would be in a cage next week. Well, since she started her TNA career in one, this is VINTAGE VELVET. And she's fine with this...okay then. Aries yelled at another dude, now without his jacket on. Simon Diamond, looking enormous and old, in an untucked shirt, talked to Shaw about Christy. Shaw destroyed him.  Simon's got a fashion problem with these neon green shoes. Magnus talked to EC3 about how he beat Sting clean at BFG by submission. They're already teasing a match between these two ONE WEEK into Magnus being undisputed champ. HOLY SHIT, A SCHEDULED MATCH as the hour one main event! Bully-Anderson. Bully came out, Anderson jumped him, and did one move before a break. Goddamn, they're killing the pace of this show.

Anderson's mic tights are indy-riffic, but look decent. Anderson's got a hospital band on - so his wife must've just given birth. They did the back and forth chair bonk spot from ECW mid-card matches. Lockdown's on PPV, and tickets go on sale in a week. Chairshot to the head with a chair assist from Bully...and it only gets 2! Unreal. Guardrail is brought in by Anderson, but it's kicked into him, then he gets slammed onto it. Senton missed, then the Kenton missed. Mic Check on it got 2. This is like every 2000-era hardcore comedy match, but in fast forward. Rock bottom from Bully gets 2...this is just a bunch of stuff. Now it's a video game match. PRESS Y TO IGNITE, BULLY! Bully insulted his kids, hit the mic check, and opted to do stuff with the lighter fluid. Got low blowed and piledriven for a loss. This was nothing. I liked it ending with a piledriver given that it's been so crucial in this feud. Rayne-Gail is on tap for tonight's show. Sting-EC3 seems like it'll be the main event. Angle found Al, who ratted Dixie out, and slugged him.

Angle came down. YAY MORE TALKING! Angle said that Dixie's the reason he came to TNA seven years ago. Seven years...wow. Dixie said that she was looking out for Kurt's own safety. Well, she was protecting him from himself by having Al drive him around. Buncha words back and forth. I hope a SHOW SUCKS DIXIE chant breaks out. Angle's match was post-poned until next week. BOO! Roode jumped him and hit THE ROODE BOMB. Sounds like he's taking a shit. Madison got jumped by Gail and Tapa. Madison's looking hot. Shame this show's such a clusterfuck.

Dixie, WHO WE HAVEN'T SEEN ENOUGH TONIGHT, met with Earl and took him out of the Sting-EC3 match. They showed the Gail attack again, but you couldn't hear it due to poor audio mixing with her theme. Madison hit THE SCISSOR STOMP! At least that spot finally has a name. Rayne Drop hit out of nowhere and she won. This got a mild reaction. And she got no celebration, because it's time for MORE TALKING. Ugh. At least Sting was intense. A REAL NEW ERA HAS BEGUN! THE WOLVES met with Dixie - they signed their TNA contracts. They get a TRYOUT MATCH next week. AND THERE'S A NEW TNA INVESTOR! EC3 got his full intro here - it is pretty awesome. Spud came out as the ref with his wacky theme and silly tie. I demand ShopTNA sell Spud's bow ties. "YOU'RE A DOUCHEBAG!" Spud makes the crowd come alive! With SECONDS, they teased a DQ due to a hair pull from Sting. We're getting AJ-Magnus II here with the bullshit. SUPLEX ON THE FLOOR FROM STING. Dude can still go to some degree. Still though, he wasted in TNA. Ask Dixie for an immediate release if you can get Vince to follow her on Twitter or something. Deathlock showed off Sting's bald spot.  Sting spun Spud around into EC3. Deathdrop. No count. The. Fucking. State. of. This. Show. EC3 won with a schoolboy after Magnus made himself the ref and fast-counted. This was bullshit. Sting demanded a match with Magnus. Okay, Sting faces Magnus with his career on the line next week.

Sting said Magnus disgraced the title, "JJ Styles" and THE BUSINESS. He wanted one more shot and insulted Magnus's manhood to get it. Magnus and his receding hairline came down to confront him. Magnus gave him his shot - but if Magnus wins, Sting's contract is terminated. Sting's possible TNA retirement got no reaction. Well, they did give him a "no" chant upon hearing that his contract would be renewed. I hope he goes into the WWE HOF with Warrior.



Screens

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Raw 1-13-14

The wacky Wyatts recap from SD aired to start the show. Well, at least that means this is an important angle again. Usos get a jobber intro against Bryan and Bray. Bryan's garbage man getup now looks slightly more formal. Daniel Bryan chant's breaking out. Bray tagged in after some corner kicks and hit some explosive shots of his own.  Love King saying "the fans don't wanna see this!". Harper has a vest on! I should really make him in No Mercy, or FPR. Usos got the advantage with some kicks. This isn't bad, it just comes off as stuff going on. Double dive! Harper and Rowan cause a DQ. Cole talked about how THE USOS WOULD'VE WON if that hadn't happened. Well, it happened, and they still won... They circled Bryan, and he accepted his fate and took Sister Abigail. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?" VINTAGE KRUSTY from JBL. And then the Wyatt bit hit and it's Cena's first match next. WHEN THE WWE NETWORK DEBUTS, YOU'LL BE ABLE TO WATCH EVER ECW, WCW, AND WWE PPV!

Sandow was in the ring and they showed Cena beating him with one arm. CAN CENA BEAT THIS MAN HE BEAT BEFORE WITH ONE ARM!? Cena's neck appears to be broken in his itunes theme art. DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW WWE ON TWITTER AND TOUT! King talked about how Cena-Orton would now be a wrestling match after the TLC one - VINTAGE TNA! #sisterabigail is trending! I would love just one Bill Watts rant on all this Twitter stuff. Sandow countered the STF with the shittiest-looking version of the Edguctor ever. SUPER DDT tease from Sandow. That shockingly got countered and Cena hit a tornado DDT. Cena doing the tornado DDT seems a bit like Sandman doing a rana off the top. Sandow hit a thing they called a facebuster for 2. It was kind of like that '80s womens spot of two women just grabbing each other's hair and that somehow hurting one person more than the other. Crippler crossface from Sandow led to Cena making silly faces until he picked him up into the AA for the win. Cena Sr. and an ALL AMERICAN BOYS shirt are shown. A Sign Styles sign made air earlier. Outlaws team with Punk later in a rematch against the Shield, so they get their win back. WWE Network hype next.

@OfficialChili thinks the Network is brilliant! Chilli from TLC wants the Network, and so should you! (if you remember what TLC is). Tons and tons of Network stuff. Boy, they're really throwing the Chamber PPV under the bus. Maddox acted badly with Mr. Kane. Maddox made a rematch of tonight's opener, with a steel cage stip! Boy, that would stop the interference...as long as no one climbs it. Holy Jesus this whole thing was Taryn Terrell as GM-level bad. Big Show came out, oh, and he's got a match with Brock in 2 weeks. Show gets to kill Swagger. EGADS. Cesaro needs that designer stubble back - the darker hair just doesn't look good. It's camo singlet vs. camo singlet! Chokeslam. Show wins in like a minute. Raw is...stuff for the sake of stuff. Big Show then chased Cesaro, who left, leaving Zeb vulnerable. Show teased him, grabbed his ass, went for a big windmill punch, and then KOed him. Brock, please destroy this giant asshole. Goddamn that was terrible - what awful build for a Brock match. Shield match is next.

But first - BIG DAVE HYPE! Road Dogg came out and cut his promo - now about MAKING SOME NOISE IN THE DUNKIN DONUTS CENTER. I'm sure he's made some noise at Dunkin Donuts. JBL ribbed Billy for forgetting his promo. DO SEE DO from Punk and the Dogg! Rollins mixing it up with a full rash guard on. Lilian's odd saying MAKING THEIR WAY IN THE RING. Cole said tonight's cage match is the first on Raw in over a year. JBL said Billy Gunn needs to be reminded to age. Given that he's working in a shirt and dyed the grey, I think he got the reminder. EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT THE WWE NETWORK, THAT'S THE REVOLUTIONARY WWE NETWORK, ON TWITTER. AND WHEN THE WWE NETWORK LAUNCHES, YOU CAN REWATCH THE ATTITUDE ERA! Cole talked about a WWE site piece on Jake Roberts. Nothing really happening in the match. Punk hit the dive to Reigns on the floor. This Archer ad is a billion times funnier than Raw has been. FLASH FUNK IS TRENDING. Hot damn - maybe Scorpio will get a one shot. Cole tried to get THE FOX over as a nickname for Ambrose. Crazy super dropkick from Reigns on the floor to the apron-draped Punk. Rollins kept yelling to Ambrose to attack the eye of Punk. Reigns threw Ambrose in and let him tag Rollins. Punk went for a tag, but the Outlaws left - VIVA LA CORPORATE OUTLAWS! Reigns got the win with the spear. Reigns demanded a triple powerbomb.This at least takes the focus off the middle-aged part-time guys turning heel. Wyatts deal interrupted and Bray cut a promo about how the Usos should be scared to be locked in a cage with them.

Funkadactyls danced to face AJ and Tamina. AJ has yet another shirt. Kudos to her for becoming the biggest female act in the company over the past five years or so. EMMA was shown in the crowd, AND NXT WILL BE ON THE WWE NETWORK! They hyped up the live special - kudos to them for finally acknowledging NXT. JBL did the M. Bison OF COURSE! bit. Cole hyped up Steph inviting the Patriots to the building - so is she a heel or what? Shining wizard gets the win. Orton yelled at dudes while not wearing pants about wanting to know where the Authority was - Cole said it was due to Orton demanding to talk with them tonight. So he of course waited until the show was half over to do this. First HOFer will be announced next.

BUT FIRST, Orton has to exposit to Kane about Cena at the Rumble, Brock wanting a match, and Kane told him that he could beat up Kofi. That's FORMER MAIN EVENTER Kofi Kingston. BUT FIRST, more Network hype - complete with the countdown. First HOFer is WARRIOR! Complete with a new kickass HD graphic! Lots of block logo blurring on the video. Cole hyped him up as being outspoken and having OUTSTANDING CONTRIBUTIONS. Renee met with Heyman to talk about Show, complete with clips. Renee said that Show's path of destruction didn't end with a senior citizen - good to know. Heyman pointed this out. Heyman then said that Show's surgery to fix his agromegaly could lead to idiocy! Paul's doing his absolute best to put a good spin on the Zeb beating. Orton's out to face Kofi.

KOFI WILL BE IN THE RUMBLE, along with a bunch of other dudes. Ultimate Warrior's trending worldwide! Cole is just laughing and saying words now. There's a match going on here. Not that you'd know it from the commentary. Superplex, complete with Orton yelling KICK OUT OF THIS! I wouldn't even bother doing that move in such a nothing match. They talked about how great Warrior's HOF speech will be. DDP and Jessamyn Duke are tweeting each other about Raw. JBL wished death upon Kofi - that seems a bit harsh. Orton locked a chinlock on for nine hours. A super-shitty SOS hit and KOFI WON! WHAT!? Goddamn - think about how much more this will mean when Orton beats him on SD! Orton threw a temper tantrum. Orton attacked Cena Sr, kinda. He was shoved, and then "punched" with Orton's arm way too high up to do any damage. A woman screeched terribly. FINALLY. Build for the Rumble main event.

Replay furthered how goofy this is. This attack looked so terrible in every way. The shove looked bad, the punches looked worse, AND THE ACTING. Good lord. YAY GOLDUST! Tag champs are in the Rumble, and facing Rybaxel next. Ryback should face a breathalizer. They hyped up Ryback's Twitter rant. They buried Ryback for being all brawn and no brains, and explained the arm wrestling stuff last week being due to him backing out against Titus years ago. Cody won with the Cross Rhodes. Rey faces Alberto, because they're Mexicans. And maybe also because Rey's Batista's buddy. New Batista vid. These Batista vids are so awesome. Oh yeah, he's returning on Raw and not the Rumble. Rey did an inset promo talking about winning the Rumble eight years ago. It's impossible to think that was 8 years ago. Rey did the seated senton, which he should probably take out of his arsenal. Rey must've said a bad word after hurting his finger. Alberto missed a shoulder charge and hit the post, then went down back-first onto the steps too. Superkick to Rey while he was hung up in the top rope. Armbar gets the win. Then he said some words. Batista gets to destroy him next week.

WWE Network Twitter hype and a big-ass video package on the press conference. I picked a good time to make a sub. Or paint a house. Mr. Kane on a (Verizon) cell phone is weird. Punk's angry at the Authority due to DX attacking him. Kane said he's got news for Punk - he's in the Rumble match! And he has a problem with Mr. Kane. Main event's next. Outlaws face the tag champs on SD. Some NE Patriots were shown - one had a Winged Eagle replica. YAY ANOTHER RECAP OF THE ORTON-KOFI deal. This feels like a blah SD with all of the recaps and filler. I just noticed that the Usos have alternating wrist bands - one wears one on the left and the other wears one on the right. They got their full intro here. Bryan and Wyatt got the jobber intro - which made sense once they showed them while Kane was padlocking it. Crowd is so dead for this. They did stuff. Crowd didn't care. Break.They did something good with the match during the break, because they cared after the break. Whisper in the Wind gets 2. Crowd got alive for the kicking combo from Bryan leading to the tree of woe dropkick. Crowd began chanting THIS IS AWESOME with Bryan doing stuff, then taking a double superplex. Abigail's kiss led to a superkick. One Uso DOVE OFF THE SIDE OF THE CAGE ONTO ROWAN, and then the other escaped. And then it just meant nothing because they did a little attack bit after it. Bryan got ready for Sister Abigail again, then resisted. YOU DEFY MEEE!  Huge Daniel Bryan chant broke out here. The crowd got even hotter when he finally had Bray alone and just whooped his ass. He took off the garbage man getup and further kicked ass, then tossed Bray into the cage whenever the other Family members tried to get in. HYYYOOUUGGEEE Yes finger point from the crowd led to the knee on Bray. This ruled.

Screens

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SD 1-10-14

I mainly stayed in and tried to rest all day due to being ungodly cold out, and I wound up sleeping through SD - which is fine since I needed the rest more than I needed to see the show. The spoilers didn't seem all that amazing anyway. Wyatt vid opens the show, leading to the Usos vs. Wyatts as the first match immediately - I love that SD sometimes starts with a match. Rowan's offense being so unrefined and basic adds to his character, and he's gotten reasonably decent in six months on TV. I think you could hear the ref talking to someone from the back right before the Gator Roll - odd. The atomic noogie was credited to Slaughter. Whisper in the Wind from Jimmy is their new comeback spot - and it still works to pop a crowd. Jey is so damned explosive here - he looks awesome! Umaga hip attack hits Harper, but Harper's able to regain control thanks to the Michinoku driver. Taker dive onto Harper. Bryan and Wyatt came down to attack the Usos and the match just ends. Flying knee from Bryan - he's now added kneeling and tongue-hanging to the act. Orton cut a promo with Vickie asking himself questions and answering them in a hurried manner.

Miz TV with Show is up. Miz's set is back, after the nothing one the last time it was on TV. Beyond getting the figure four from Flair, I think he also got his checkerboard suit from him as well. Show's out for this - and JBL's hoping he KOs him. Show saying Brock "isn't the baddest man on the planet" isn't very smart, even if it does make some sense for the character. Show wants a fight with Brock, so here's Heyman. Brock WILL let Show fight him at the Rumble PPV - TREMENDOUS scowl from Heyman. Odd for a Brock match to be made after such a nothing build. BATISTA hype. CES recap. The Monday Night War show adds Austin to the Nitro intro, which just looks bizarre. Rybaxel and the Real Americans face the Matatores and Rey/Cara. This is officially a big waste of Rey. Rey's Flash gear is neat though. They do some stuff leading to the bull doing a flip dive off the top onto Cesaro ON THE FLOOR, which wasn't a DQ, before Rey hits the 619 and drops the dime for the win.  Cole said this was WHAT SD IS ALL ABOUT - a filler giant tag match? Raw recap. Big E-Orton, champ vs. champ, is just the semi main event - while the NAO is main eventing. That's just a bit stupid. A man with a gigantic beard danced along to E's theme! Basic headlock shoveoff led to a shoulderblock and Orton bailing to do some minor stretches to stall. More really basic stuff with backbreakers and back-focused attacks. Orton is controlling the pace and keeping it nice and slow. It's not a great match, but it's perfectly fine and E's not looking bad at any point. Orton stomp led to the VINTAGE chinlock. Cole and JBL had a math discussion. Crowd's dying with this match. It's just not very exciting. Eye poke led to the RKO.

Crazy Wyatt promo I love Bryan as the parrot for Bray's promo. LIEEEE! Woods beat Fandango in a nothing match. Usos challenged Wyatt and Bryan to a Raw match. This was simple, old-school and awesome. Legends part of Raw got recapped. Ambrose has had NIGHTMARES since the snake was put on him, and if it was here, he'd rip its skin off! Road Dogg and Billy "blown up" Gunn came down. Billy's working in a shirt, and finally looks about 45 now facially, maybe a bit older with the grey. Cole laughed about neither the APA or the NAO remembering much about the Attitude era. Road Dogg's head tattoo makes him look a bit older since it seems like he's got a ton of grey, even though it's just the ink going through not much hair. Cole referenced Jesse Jammes and ROCKABILLY being a team before the NAO. Wow. Road Dogg is a great babyface in peril. Punk got the hot tag and hit some stuff before being taken down. Billy got a tag from him and got the Jackhammer for 2. Fameasser to Ambrose prevented by a Reigns spear - NICE finish.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/zv2jagnybvj8wapsl8kjut36v3lnt9fs

TNA Impact 1-9-14

"IT'S A HISTORIC NIGHT!" Sure doesn't feel like it - for TNA anyway. Still, it's a unification match on free TV... a week before the "free PPV on TV show". Dixie's out in a giant pink sweater and leather skirt. This look is bizarre. Why the fuck did Dixie wait until the start of the show to get a contract signed for this show's main event? Even though Dixie's in a turtleneck, her neck looks really old. Dixie's saying way too much here and not giving AJ any time to speak. She wants a no DQ match, and AJ says that's fine - she can have her guys come down and he'll have his. So they're basically telling you that there's going to be a bunch of shit going on - oh, and the boys in the back were the Friends of AJ. A "you don't get it" chant broke out against Dixie. It's impossible to not love this angle revolving around Dixie being a bad owner of a wrestling company who's killing her company with crappy gimmick matches. Magnus came down and had her leave so he could talk to AJ. AJ said that he worked for 11 years to get the world title...so I guess his other reigns didn't matter, and he'll restore honor to the title and Magnus should get his lips off Dixie's ass. This was 12 minutes that felt like 30.

Dixie met with Tapa and Gail to discuss fuck-all. Tapa's ready for something. EY and Park are out for a tag match. Dixie met with the BroMans, who look ungodly oiled up with the lighting on them. YAY DJ ZEMA! Robbie and Jesse's physiques always test positive...I bet. Flair flip opened the match, but Robbie interrupted the strut. EY ran wild with suuplexes and punches - he is such a crisp worker. OH NO! ODB HAS BEEN ATTACKED WITH A HOLLOW ORANGE BOX! EY left, leaving Park alone. Tenay talked about "The ultimate test of endurance!" - getting through this show without caffeine? Robbie clipped the knee leading to the air horn bit from Zema. Bro Down got tons of horns. DJ Zema is so great. Ion's air-horn being in sync with their offense is great - I decree this gimmick to be the best overall thing in TNA since it's actually entertaining. ION'S PODIUM HAS ALTERNATING LIGHTS! It's official - Ion's podium looks more major league than Barrett's. Bro Down on a guard rail because why not. Joe's meeting with Dixie, and looking really old with the beard and giant shirt. Dixie made a match with him against EC3.

They came back and showed Park with a possible concussion, while EY took ODB out. He has NO IDEA what happened despite watching the attack. Storm called out Gunner Manchild. Storm was an asshole. Gunner was a bigger asshole, and Storm challenged Gunner to a fight. I think Storm's the more honorable guy here. Storm demanded a pole match because he doesn't think Gunner can do it again. You couldn't challenge him to a better gimmick match? EC3 jumped Joe. They returned from the break with the brawl continuing. Oh, and Kurt has issued a steel cage open challenge tonight...why is there a cage needed for this? Nice side-swinging DDT leg snap from EC3. Spud and his sweat stains prevented the muscle buster - I loved Joe just selling this as a minor annoyance. Wrench to the knee from EC3 to Joe. Angle told JB he's getting ready FOR THE BIGGEST MATCH OF HIS CAREER at Genesis. No. Just no. They might as well just run his Twitter crawl alongside this to further kill his credibility.

AJ brooded in the back with some artsy shots. They showed the ODB, Park, and Joe attacks. The trainer diagnosed a partial tear of his patella without an X ray. Gun Storm was KOed with movie blood next to them. Sting yelled at Dixie for setting this up - Dixie then talked about THE SPORT of wrestling. Dixie said Sting's like Dr. Phil. The acting here made me pine for the days of Tiffany in ECW. Angle's cage was set up for his match. Angle appeared to be fresh from a shower - just soaked in water before coming out. Roode came out after the break - so the valiant...bad guy...doesn't want to wait a week to kick his opponent's ass. Or not - MORE TALKING. He said it'd be stupid to face Angle tonight - so he put Bad Influence against him. They did some stuff before the 2-on-1 edge led to a ref distraction during a cradle. Chain of Germans led to some belly to bellies. Super German to Kaz onto Daniels. Angle slam on Kaz gets the win. Dixie yelled at someone to leave the cage up, then Roode said he didn't want to be in a cage match against Kurt tonight. He was even more pissed about facing Sting in it. Roode was great here. Roode's outrage is the best thing not involving Ion so far.

Kurt met with kids to take photos, but was whisked away by Al Snow due to an emergency. Roode came out for his...impromptu cage match. Really now - TWO STEEL CAGE MATCHES on one show, with no build for either, no reason for them, and not on Lockdown. At least this should be good-ish since Roode plays Flair perfectly and can get at least a decent match out of Sting no matter what. Why didn't Dixie make this match a 2-on-1 match against Sting since he's the only guy investigating her? I guess she's feeling generous or something. Roode climbed and they showed fans in the front row - not even bothering to look up. They're just sitting with their arms crossed not paying attention. Roode got slammed into the cage and bumped all the way to the other side. Stinger Splash led to the deathlock, but Roode countered with an eye rake. DVD was countered with the death drop and then the deathlock. EC3 and Spud ran down, with the latter hiding behind EC3.  Spud threw a telescopic baton in and Roode won by...escaping the cage. Odd to not pin him, but whatever. This was a fine five minute version of their usual match. Roode is officially the only guy who can get a good match out of Sting now. Anderson went to a funeral home at Bully's request for whatever reason.

Yup. They're at the Aces and 8s funeral home, with goofy music playing. Bully's new gimmick sucks. It's a good thing TNA's off PPV, because Bully's new gimmick is no buys. Bully left Anderson a gift in the coffin - something we didn't see. This gimmick absolutely sucks. Sting met with Dixie, and she threatened to not renew his new deal. I could do without school marm Dixie trying to seduce Real Estate Steve. Recap of the AJ-Magnus stuff. This really didn't even make for a good video package. A ShopTNA hyped up deals on some terrible One Night Only DVDs and God-awful MMA-style shirts. They ran down the Genesis card - everything but Bully-Anderson has been built up well. AJ came out for possibly his final match in TNA history - I should feel more excited about this. Highlights of his TNA run would've been nice, and would've made sense given that Dixie would do anything to sign him for the one night deal. Neither guy actually wore the world title around their waists - which just makes the belt seem like a prop. A fan held up a HE HATE ME jersey! Holy shit! I don't watch football, and only caught a bit of game 1 of the XFL, but I remember He Hate Me.

EC3 and Spud came out like two minutes in to interfere. Then Sting came out. Fuck this. Sting and AJ went back to back. This would be a fine story for a tag match since it's 3-on-2, but not THE WORLD TITLE UNIFICATION. Bro Mans and Ion helped out and got Magnus a 2. This looks so low rent, but makes sense given that Dixie tried to get them to help earlier. Bad Influence came down and hit the H-Bomb neckbreaker. EARL WOULDN'T SCREW AJ and make a count. Earl left, then Dixie came down with his son in tow. High-low from BI gets 2. Okay. This is becoming a video game. Sting took out the tag champs and EC3. Magnus was kicked off of the cloverleaf taking Spud out, and then AJ took out BI with Sting's help. Corner forearm to Kaz, Stinger splash on Daniels! Ion went flying and his pants went falling over the top. Calf killer on Magnus, but the ref was taken out by BI. Brian Hebner took a great bump on the railing - best part of the match by far. Clash on Magnus but there's no ref. Earl came down, but was taken out by BI at 2. Flip dive from AJ onto them. This is a waste of every talented person in this match. Roode hit the DVD on AJ to leave him open for a Magnus attack. He at least got heat for this since Kurt couldn't come out. THREE DVDs to AJ from Roode. That got the win. Odd to not even have Magnus's finishers get the win. Magnus and Dixie celebrated with both belts - AJ's belt was noticeably duller than Magnus's.

Screens -

OH GOD! THE BOOKING!

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Raw 1-6-14 - Old School Raw

With Lawler being hospitalized beforehand and Mae's issues coming to light due to it, the show feels a bit cursed. Starts off with the Nature Boy...in shades. Not the best look for him. Seeing Flair with the '96 Raw set behind him is odd. They showed Flair cutting a promo with the 49ers, although sadly, no audio or video was shown. Flair is in checkerboard pants too. Yikes. The red, white, and blue ropes look so much better than the current all-white ones. Orton interrupted Flair's promo. Flair looks a lot less fat than he did during that 2K14 presser before Summerslam. Orton just keeps talking and talking and talking. I thought for sure he was going to say "I'm not sure why this place has so many back and forth exchanges." He's talking a mile a minute. Flair then IMMEDIATELY schooled him without even trying. After watching the Slamboree '00 OSW Review, it's a bit like him doing the same to Shane Douglas, although far less spiteful. Orton then just said more and more words. Ric scolded Orton for not growing up. Okay, that's funny. Orton threatened a beating, but Cena made the save. And then he had jokes! Cena strutted, and it was terrible. JBL's amazing red blazer rules. GO TO THE WWE APP for health updates on Lawler. Come on now. Wyatt vid from SD re-aired spliced in with the show-ending video with Bray talking. Wyatts with Bryan team against the Usos and Rey next.

Roman Reigns was 7 when Raw debuted in '93. Good to know. Faces get a jobber intro. Bryan came out in his gas station gear. I'm amazed they didn't already make a little goat mask to go for the sheep mask Rowan wears. Bryan looking like Rowan really highlights how much shorter he is than him. They did some stuff before a break. Bryan's just looking stoic, and it works. Wow. We get clips of the Usos on the app, but nothing on Lawler. He's apparently fine though. Jewel and PeeWee Herman tweeting about Raw...how odd. Rey hit a rana on Rowan, which looked ridiculous, but awesome. Harper blind-tagged in to fuck with Bryan, but got cradled and lost. Usos got their theme played for half a second before the announcement of the win. Piper's Pit has the Shield later. Batista hype vid - goddamn his theme rules. And he'll be in the Rumble match. So...why is he coming back on Raw then? JBL's got snakeskin boots on tonight! Recap of Sandow winning due to the shoulder being up. Why this warrants any further coverage, I have no idea. Mr. Kane read paragraph 43 of the WWE HR handbook to Maddox. Big E walked down the Cameo Corridor and met Volkoff, Ted Sr, and IRS. WHAT COULD THIS ANNOUNCEMENT INVOLVING THE WWE NETWORK LOGO BE ABOUT!?

Ryback made a horse joke about Lilian. Axel's facing Big E - neither guy got an intro. This seems to be setting up Big E-Ryback. So much for a possible Big E-Brock match. Good lord the crowd is dead here. Love Snoop giving Brodus a shoutout. Big Ending exposed the Big Baldspot, and Big E won. Then Ryback took some shots at Big E saying he was doing stuff with 2 guys, and people wondered if E could do three, then he told him to get over. Piper came out and is rocking the salt and pepper hair marvelously - he looks so badass with it. Piper looks at least 30 years younger than Flair. Rollins said Piper's jealous because Ambrose is a better US Champion than Piper ever was. Well, certainly better than his WCW U.S. Title run. This is Piper's best work since that awesome promo on the first Old School Raw with Cena. Punk saved Piper, who at least tried to do something. NEW AGE OUTLAWS helped! They really should've given the Outlaws a tag title run when the belts meant nothing, or maybe had the Shield beat them for them. Brock-Henry vid. Rumble highlight vid. Oh yeah, that's coming soon. Batista hype vid for the Rumble - now doing that makes a bit of sense. It's almost like what they did with RVD, but less laser-guided.

Recap of the Hunicara-Alberto feud. Sin Cara's in his red and white cinnamon gum gear against Alberto in white, black, and gold. Hunicara is really bad at lucha. His running flying headscissors looks like it's from a video game with bad collision detection. Alberto wins with the grounded superkick. So that was a thing. Alberto cut a promo on Batista, so he gets to be his first victim. They said King was fine and backstage, and then talked about the Wyatts blaming Bryan for the loss? Why? It was Harper's fault. Bryan nutted up and said unlike these guys, he'd been a tag champion with Kane - which seems to be setting up him being involved with this down the line.

THE BEST DEFENSE IS A FENCE! Zeb's signs rule. The new Cody RhodesDust shirts are awesome. I love this endless series. JBL talking about APPLE PHONE is something else. Sliding running Bret elbow from Goldust. Goldust getting more limber as he ages is bizarre. Cesaro swing was saved FOR THE FUCKING APP! Hot tag to Goldust was teased with 2000 COULD BE HERE AGAIN. I sure hope not - that wasn't a good year for Dustin - I think he was in WCW then. Patriot Lock is on Cody for nine years. Cody looks so skinny in there with him. Goldust made the save. Blind crossbody block off the top from Goldust onto the Real Americans! Low bridge takes out Cesaro. Final Cut, Curtain, Curtain Call, or whatever the Suplex>Neckbreaker thing is called got the win. DDP and Booker T did a DDP Yoga plug, with Booker outright calling it a plug. DDP looked younger than he did before against Heath. Then Simmons showed up. So...old WCW guys age better than old WWF guys. APP RESULTS are next!

Sandow was shown, and Cole was shown clearly reading from his script. YAY RUNJIN SINGH CAME BACK! JBL read the winner. He should've said Voted on the WWE App on yer Apple Phones and Samsung Whatevers. It's Sarge - BOO! He looks ridiculous in the old school ref getup. This match sucked last week, and was worse with Sarge as ref.  Khali won with the chop, but Sandow's foot was on the ropes. GODDAMMIT, THIS MUST CONTINUE! Sarge danced and they said he was twerking. Brock debuted an EAT SLEEP CONQUER REPEAT shirt. NOW we get the old school Raw intro? Brock with '80s graphics and the '97 Raw set is weird - as is the weird mish-mash of eras they've used for the presentation. Brock smiling means doom is coming! Heyman, via Brock, said that Old School isn't about giving legends one last hurrah - IT'S ABOUT ONE MAN REIGNING SUPREME! Heyman said that Brock's line Bruno - everyone wanted a piece of him. Hogan reigned supreme and everyone wanted him. Heyman said more words and Brock did his jig. THERE'S NO ONE IN WWE, MMA, OR PRO SPORTS WHO CAN REIGN SUPREME LIKE BROCK LESNAR! Last week, HE TOOK ON AN OLYMPIAN AND LAID HIM OUT! Loved that spin. Heyman did the valley girl loser L bit. Then he repeated the T-Shirt slogan and Henry came down again, got some offense, but got taken down and had his arm broken with the Kimura. Brock's crazy eyes during this ruled. Surprised Big E didn't come down to make the save. Show came down instead. Shame this isn't fresh off of the Authority stuff, because Show has no momentum now. Brock took a great backwards bump off the ring from a beal.

Truth and Woods against the Real Americans was hyped up for Main Event...for God knows what reason. Bellas came out to face Aksana and Alicia. Brie seems unconcerned with her fiancee's life change. Alicia is dressed as a sailor, not a sailor scout, just a sailor. Nikki did a tweak the knee spot on the floor. Thankfully, this wasn't career-ending. JBL hyped up Aksana being the only Lithuanian on the JBL and Cole Show. Cole's got some nerve calling that the dumbest statistic he's ever heard. BRIE MODE missile dropkick missed, and Aksana got the win. WWE.com better not crash during the Network announcement. Scotty 2 Hotty being a firefighter is kinda funny.

3MB's out. Slater's got new black and gold gear. Shockingly, it's 3MB vs. Too Cool. I loved these guys in the '00 Rumble. Brian's looking better than he has in many years. Cole called them the Hip Hop Twins, which JBL knocked him for. Outright saying he's just making crap up. Well, he'd be the expert. THE WORM hit. YOU CAN'T MAKE STUFF UP. Like Mistico being AAA and CMLL champion. Scotty was a great face in peril. Rikishi always had a big ass, but seriously, he's got a big ass now. Vader butt drop off a sunset flip got the win for Rikishi. This was a lot of fun. I could see Too Cool getting a part-time run off of this, or at least be someone they call on for legend shows. Rikishi...probably not so much.

 Usos face Bryan and Wyatt next week. All the legends came out...to THE GODFATHER'S theme. Bob Backlund finally has some grey hair. Bad News Barrett appeared. Oh good. They changed the podium and logo. BECAUSE THOSE WERE THE PROBLEMS! Barrett has apparently joined the Wolfpac judging by the logo. Main event is next. Yet another awesome Big Dave vid! Orton faces Big E on SD. MEAN GENE! CALL THE HOTLINE! Only $6 a minute! He introduced the Outlaws. He should've pimped 1-900-DL-THE-APP.  "Billy's blowing up", and not rocking the deep-dyed blonde and grey hair well. Ribera Steakhouse jacket! And matching gear for Punk. They hyped up Punk having rib injuries caused by Reigns - would've been nice to hype that part of that up at some point over the past week, what with a ton of hours of TV time to do so. REVERSE bear hug after a blah elbow drop from Reigns. Crowd is still dead. They've been doing very little tonight. Superman Punch misses and leads to the Cro Cop high kick from Punk. RUNNING POLISH HAMMER by Punk! Sheamus won't be pleased. Flying elbow connected nicely, but the move still looks terrible. Kinda surprised he didn't bust out the Savage gear tonight, but it wouldn't have fit the jacket. Outlaws taken out by the Shield, and Reigns hit the Superman Punch as a counter to a springboard whatever for a 2.9! Crowd chanting this is awesome will be used for the eventual video package on this when they track Reigns's face turn. Reigns called for Ambrose, who got on the apron and gave him an opening to spear Punk for the win. JAKE ROBERTS CAME OUT! AIRPLANE SPIN GTS TO AMBROSE! I was hoping he'd just spin him into a DDT. I'm disappointed he didn't spin him right into the DDT, but damn that ruled! And then Jake ended the first Raw of 2014 by having the snake kiss him. This wasn't a great show, but it was damn sure a lot of fun at times.

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SD 1-3-14

IT'S THE FIRST SMACKDOWN OF 2014! Wyatts bit interrupts the "then, now forever bit" and leads to a Bryan/Wyatts vid from Raw. I'm digging the new black and gold Rhodes logo for the tag champs. Shield opens the show with a promo. Ambrose talking with his hands reminds me of Savage. He should never say WWE Universe though. LOVE him putting his arm around Reigns and leering up at him saying that "SOME EGOS HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF CONTROL!" Ditto the greatness of Reigns looking at Ambrose while saying "weak link". Rollins was pretty good for his few words. It's U-SO time. It's so odd for them to be one of the few acts in the company to get pyro, but it makes them stand out. Great shot of a granny in a Henry shirt when the Usos came out. Cole said they're taking on "Romans and Reigns". Ambrose just rolling in on a chair to do commentary was great, and he's better than every commentator they have. I love him saying that he and Reigns close down every bar they go too - leading to JBL asking about the bars in Singapore. I'm picturing Rollins being the designated driver between them.

 Usos get some momentum by tossing Rollins onto Reigns - this is a bunch of fun so far. Great bit with Ambrose saying he's got an ego the size of a watermelon, and he talked about the US/IC Title unification rumors saying he's against it since he doesn't want to carry more stuff. Love him saying that Cole should stop bullying him and Be a Star - treat him with respect! Ambrose saying Reigns isn't "just all beauty and hair" was something, and it led to him hyping him up at Georgia Tech, NXT, and WWE as a whole. Ambrose is killing it on commentary. Ambrose prevented the double dive and led to a DQ. The in-ring action was good, but secondary to Ambrose being amazing. Punk's out to make a save and I'm sensing a holla holla six man! It'll be a night of new years resolutions. Titus wants to make lives better, while D-Young wants to make over the rainbow macaroni. Vickie's out to make a mysterious announcement...after a break. Holla holla.

The WrestleMania DVD outsold both the Super Bowl and World Series DVDs. Yes - those exist. ON THE APP, Vickie made a 6-man tag match event of the Shield vs. the Usos and Punk. Why not just do that now WHEN THEY'RE ALL OUT THERE, I have no idea. Of course, then it wouldn't kill enough time. Summer Rae's black and red dress is something else. I guess Fandango gets a win over Truth here. A grandpa in a Macho Man shirt is textting instead of saying what's up. Summer Rae's plugging her ears - she should hear "Right Time". Xavier's on commentary. TIME FOR A SELFIE! Xavier says that he's going to be the only guy in WWE with a PhD, leading to JBL talking about Jerry Graham and Tom Prichard. Xavier and JBL have good chemistry together. Xavier said that Truth helped him with "his first professional match", which is about as much of a TNA reference as we're going to get for this. Woods got bored and summoned THE GIRLS. Truth won thanks to this goofy shit. Woods danced with JBL's hat, and JBL didn't mind it at all. JBL said the girls were "held prisoner by the funkasaurus." Cole played off a replay package of ALL OF THE TROOPS SHOWS as being what they did over the past year. Gail Kim got in this video. Bryan-Wyatts recap video is coming after the break.

Before they could do a video, it's time for Big E to be interviewed by Renee. Henry was apparently challenging Brock to a match on Raw. Axel giggled at Big E's buddy's misfortune, and he dared to say he'd win. Big E said he'd make sure Axel wasn't laughing. Raw was full of SURPRISES, TWISTS, TURNS, AND MYSTERY! Superbomb got recapped. As expected, the post-match stuff worked far better in recap form than it was live. Bray's singing being accompanied by a music box made it even creepier. Tag title match is up next, with no recap of the champs losing to the Wyatt clan. I love the tag champs being a main event-level act, and it involving Goldust makes it even sweeter. Sandow says that he has no new years resolutions because he just says he'll do something and does it instead of giving up by February. No Wyatt or Bryan, and yet the chair is still out there. According to Brie Bella, Bryan is OKAY. Well that's wonderful. They hyped up the moonsault off the cage from Cody at MSG. JBL said he did that, while Cole said that JBL was usually getting landed on and didn't go too high in cage matches. JBL brought up THE CAPITAL WRESTLING CORPORATION name since they were in DC. Harper and Goldust had some good stuff to start things off. Cody got a hot tag and hit the missile dropkick, then the high knee to the face of Harper, then the back ala Macho Man before hitting the disaster kick on Rowan on the apron. Great deal there. A Harper barricade slam led to an ad break.

Clawhold beal shocked JBL. Sitout Powerbomb gets 2 for Harper...I really hope they plan to change Batista's finisher, because it's purely a setup move now. Moonsault block saved Cody and allows him to tag Goldust in. Cody's gotten a lot better at being a face in peril. Goldust got a blind tag, then hit an O Conner roll into a schollboy while Rowan had his back turned after backdropping Cody. Nice to see the partner sacrifice spot return in some form. This was a fun match. Miz's new years resolution was to be a better person, and said that HATERS WERE GONNA HATE ALL OVER SOCIAL MEDIA! Aksana and her hot ass slinked around the ring in her tight gear. Aksana's win was recapped. Nikki's gear now has tassles on her tits...that doesn't seem too PG. AJ is three days away from being the #2 longest-reigning divas champ. JBL wonders if she'll skip to the days. JBL compared Aksana to Hannibal Lecter, resulting in Cole burying him for it. This was so great. Nikki won with the knee-first Shock Treatment. Cena-Orton at the Rumble was hyped.  Steph's Orton video was replayed. Big E-Axel is next.

Bad News Barrett should tell Axel what his win-loss record is, and then Axel can point out Barrett's. TREMENDOUS pounce counter to an Axel dive. Nice rabbit lariat from Axel - he's got a snap to it that Roode's lacks. According to Cole, Axel is THE GRANDFATHER of Larry Hennig. Or grandson. Great almost Backlund-like lift from a front chancery position by Big E. Ultimate splash by Big E, and it led to a Big Ending attempt that was countered. Sadly, it did reveal his bald spot. Straps are down, Big Ending for the win - with the crowd chanting along with his pins, they should bring back the five count deal soon. BROCK MASSACRE VIDEO IS NEXT!

But first, HHH is the #5 most popular WWE guy on Facebook. The video gave The Authority credit for stuff before they became a thing in the fall - including WM. The video hyped up the Brock-HHH issues by showing HHH prevailing over him at WM and leaving out the Extreme Rules match entirely. Wow. This video package ruled. A Cole-Heyman video said that Brock wanted to come back now since he can be THE MAN since there's only one world champion. They teased Brock-Batista a bit here. Brock will be on Raw as well to do something old school. I'm hoping for a mariachi band. And instead of that, we get BAD NEWS BARRETT! Barrett tries, but this gimmick is death. And he's got SOME BAD NEWS regarding new year's resolutions. Main event time. But first, the second Batista hype video aired. Punk made his intro before a break. Usos got no intro, while the Shield got a partial one - so they didn't have much filler there.

Punk's got new black, red, and yellow gear. Big Uso dive was teased, but prevented by Reigns. They came back with Reigns kicking ass. JBL said the word reporter and reporting about nine billion times, then got mocked for saying Warshington. Whisper in the Wind from an Uso on Reigns. Punk gets a tag and could've hit the flying elbow had it not been for an Ambrose distraction. Crossbody rollthrough into the Vise. GTS teased on Ambrose, but Reigns saves him - however Ambrose getting in his way leads to a high kick, then a double Uso dive and a GTS to Ambrose. Ambrose is doing a metric ton of jobs. Wyatts stuff breaks into the post-match celebration so Bray could cut a promo about Bryan. 


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TNA Impact 1-2-14

This is bizarre - they're showing clips from the Impact we're about to watch during the Cops credits. At least the coronation set looks okay. Angle came out and gave an AA speech about his life and career before Roode came out. Roode's intensity in his promos reminds me a lot of Shane Douglas, minus the needless swearing. Roode decline's Angle's request for a rematch unless Angle promises to leave TNA forever and never accept the HoF. Angle then demands a cage match with Roode. Roode, DESPITE HAVING THE POWER TO STOP THIS, just accepted it. Spud got knocked on his ass in an all-white getup. I'd be shocked if his pay per night is enough to cover his outfits. Loved Taz saying that Spud's dressed like ice cream. Dixie cut a promo talking next to a Nick Studios sign, then received AN UNSIGNED LETTER VIA COURIER! They came back and Dixie met with Spud, whose white watch matches his other gear. Gail's cutting a promo and God bless her, but Tapa just looks so nervous standing there. Gail's BEGGING Tapa to emote. Or move. Or do something. Madison and her awesome purple Batgirl gear came down for the match. Taz got angry at Madison jumping Gail, then someone equated that to worldwide anarchy and people throwing shit at at each other. Madison did a suplex then a swinging neckbreaker. Taz told Tenay to call him TC3. Taz talked football. Nasty reverse Alabama Slam by Gail. SOS out of nowhere got the win for Madison. Sabin cut a promo on Velvet not even looking at her, and saying if he didn't win, they were done. This required Velvet to emote, which firmly establishes Sabin as the heel here.

Angle met with Gunner, who readily accepted his offer immediately in an awkward manner. Storm was miffed about this. X Title time. God, the X Title looked so flimsy when the ref held it up. Crowd chanted "Shelley's better". Aries begged them to shut up while Taz and Tenay talked about relationships. Velvet yelled loudly that she wouldn't help Sabin. For some reason, the ref didn't just kick her out. Stump puller into a cradle got 2 from Aries. Love the Superman diving axehandle from Aries. Shame the match is a backdrop for the storyline. Velvet got on the apron...just stood there...Aries told her to get down, he got hit in the balls, and beat with a small package. There was a minute of good stuff in there. Sabin thanked himself for winning the title - he's great as a the colossal douche boyfriend. Samuel Shaw debuts next.

 Spud practiced his speech, then got a call - Dixie's theme is his ringtone, and the same number hung up on him numerous times. He noted the area code, then demanded tea! Shaw came down in white pants, a black shirt, and black gloves. He looks sleazy, and had Hemme leave the ring before announcing Norv Fernum. He's now got a chiptune theme song. Shaw's really good at playing this subdued guy who's got a screw loose somehow, but you can't quite pinpoint it. There's a bit of Waylon Mercy in this. Variant of the 3.0 backbreaker, with the pendulum backbreaker drop for it. Arm triangle choke got the win. This gimmick works for me. The crowd didn't dig it, but there's some life to this gimmick. And then Storm whined about Gunner, who he doesn't get along with, choosing to be Kurt's partner, and he met with a MYSTERY MAN. Dun dun dun!

Roode talked with Storm, who said he didn't trust him at all, but needed to send a message. He said Roode could either team with him, or he'd kick everyone's ass - including his. FINALLY. Storm grew balls again! Recap of the Magnus videos from last week. Angle came out for the tag match. His partner, MISTER INTENSITY THE MODERN-DAY VIKING MDV GUNNER came down and cut an awful promo with JB. This has been a great first hour - the best since it became a super-budget show. Hopefully the second hour will be about as good. Roode came out in his Terry Taylor robe, and they continued hyping up that it could be a Beer Money return. Storm came out. This being the hour 1 main event really hurts it since they should've had a couple more videos of explaining this deal. I do like the idea of them still hating each other, and only teaming up for a common good tonight. Gunner no-sold buckle shots by slamming his head into them, leading to Taz saying "there's the intensity of Mr. Intensity." - God that nickname... Storm and Gunner did stuff. No one cared, and why should they? They were a team for maybe six months, for no real reason, and didn't have much chemistry. Double suplex from Beer Money got the big chant again. This is about a perfect return because the crowd's going crazy for it, but they're not playing into it at all. Kurt got the tag and kicked some ass, and used the ankle lock on Storm. A save was chalked up to Roode just wanting to win. Gun Rack led to the Last Call on Gunner, and the death valley driver got the win for Roode. This was a lot of fun. STING IN A MARVELOUS PURPLE AND BLACK SHIRT snubbed Spud.

EC3 came down. This gimmick works perfectly for him. This intro led to a recap of the tag match main event that saw EC3 pin Sting and cause the retirement of Hardy - a match I forgot about. He cut a promo with a Hulkamania sign in the corner. EC3 mocked Hardy's terrible singing. He demanded that Hardy be his intro. HE DID HARDY'S ARM WAVING BIT! Sting and his shirt came out before EC3 could name himself the winner. He called him Dixie's lapdog, leading to a chant for that. The mere fact that the crowd cared about anything is a plus. EC3 made a match for himself against Sting at Genesis. This sorta-reboot of TNA has worked pretty well because they're building up to new acts facing older ones, instead of what Russo did, which was just throw guys into feuds with main eventers without a reason. Park talked with EY, and then Bully was all forboding and said he'd set Park on fire if he wrestled tonight. So yeah.

Bully, who lost his mind after losing the title, is just back. He's in his white and black shirt, which was his best one. Bully looks to be maybe 250 pounds now. Park's got a bald spot forming on the back of his head. Bully's Harley Davidson knock-off hoodie is rather shitty. Kick to the balls from Bully gave Park the win. So EY, in recreating a match from two years ago, didn't bother making it no DQ. Bully sprayed lighter fluid on him. Kennedy ran down like a goof to make a save, but got sprayed too. Bully kept him at bay with a 10 cent Bic lighter. And from attempted murder, it's time for the coronation!

Spud, as the spokesman FOR THE ENTIRE CARTER KINGDOM, stood mid-ring with EC3. This set at least looks pretty decent - far better than when Anderson celebrated a world title win with a pinball game. Spud is so great as a goofball. Dixie said she was on a flight to New York and read a magazine article on AJ, then she turned the page AND IT WAS A SIX-PAGE FEATURE ON MAGNUS! Dixie fawned over Magnus in a way that if I was Serge, I'd be pissed. Magnus told a great joke and the crowd needing to keep their women in their regular, upright positions when he comes out. Then he returned Dixie's praise...these two have to be fucking. Gunner's generic theme hit. It's so generic that it took the announcers time to figure out what was going on. He threatened a cash-in...and then it was break time.

Gunner cut an awful promo about cashing in the shot. Dixie didn't allow the shot to be cashed in...way to cut the balls off of Gunner and the stip. EC3 and his suspenders beat up Gunenr, while Spud attacked with an iPad. AJ ran down and made the save. They did a belt-to-belt staredown. "AJ, YOU ARE NOT WELCOME!". Dixie's hilarious. AJ's belt looks shitty - or at least the strap does. Dixie tried to get a yes chant going, but a no one broke out. AJ said that Dixie made the title a farce...well, that's true. AJ's cutting the best promo yet in this feud. AJ made a challenge to determine the true champion. AJ said if Magnus didn't accept, he could never be considered a true world champion in either the fans' or his own eyes. Magnus made the WORLD TITLE UNIFICATION MATCH for next week - not the "PPV on free TV" in two weeks, nope, next week. Then Magnus said he'd leave the company if he didn't get the match because he wanted to make sure no one ever doubted him as world champion. Then Dixie was an asshole to Magnus, who got AJ a one night contract for the title match. It's odd to have seeds sewn already for Magnus being a face down the line, but I guess it's smart to give him some sense of honor before sending him to England as world champion.

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http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/8wsvr7aiqnl9madfvpb1fgigtxuyk1ns