Raw 12-9-13 - Slammys

Show starts with wacky starring credits and an app tutorial! Bryan comes out and Cole says they'll get to the Slammys once they get this match out of the way. He faces Fandango, who now has a purple puffy silk shirt - AWESOME. Bryan is kicking the fuck out of Fandango here. Big kick combo got a big YES chant, but the buzzsaw missed terribly - but was still sold. Falcon arrow from Fandango gets 2! Running knee gets the win. Tremendous promo from Bray ending with him begging him to join, and the fans saying NO NO NO. Booker and King hosted the show with bad forced comedy. Outlaws showed up in Dumb and Dumber suits. How dare they steal Bad Influence's deal. LOL moments were stupid, and gave them an excuse to re-air the puking bit again. I hope they're paying Vickie well, because she was at the expense of two of these bits. Boy, this is weird. Match, ANNOUNCEMENT OF AN AWARD...and then another match to lead to the actual winner. They're dragging things out as long as possible.

They're back to the ring with Sandow...and the match will start once the LOL moment is done. Vickie accepts and...that was nothing. Big E's tremendous on commentary - stating that he's unbeaten since becoming champ and putting Sandow over. Sandow won with the full nelson slam and did a staredown with Big E. Sweet suits for the Shield. They've won 2 Slammys on the pre-show...which was apparently a thing. Ambrose interrupted Reigns. Kofi's out for a match. Kofi-Miz - why not just put this on the pre-show? HBK and his greying beard won - he was bitter about it taking this long to win double cross of the year. Miz got a jobber intro, and is dressed like a grape. They did moves, then Miz won with a schoolboy holding the tights. Kofi kicked Miz after the match - what a sore loser. Eve, ONE OF THE GREATEST DIVAS CHAMPIONS OF ALL-TIME, presented the diva of the year. All of the Total Divas chicks, and AJ, got nominations. Rey's tron was shown, setting up him coming out for an 8-man tag.

THE CHAMPIONSHIP ASCENSION CEREMONY will be tonight's main event angle, with 20 legends. "It's the last time you'll ever see both titles." Bellas won, and got booed. Bellas didn't play to it, but were sarcastic. So that was weird. Rey, Show, and the tag champs face Rybaxel and the Real Americans. Ryback's blue, black, and white singlet is great - but also similar to Show's. Goldust got the hot tag, did 2 moves...and they went to a break. Rey's Mexican flag gear rules - it's my favorite outfit of his yet with this top+bottom setup. JBL, after saying that Rybaxel was a great name because he came up with it, buried it. Real Americans teased a double spinebuster, but Goldust turned it into a double DDT. THE RUNNING BUS SPEAR hit Ryback, then the Real Americans on the floor. 619 and the big splash got the win. Another app tutorial. God, the King-Booker stuff is terrible. HBK's out to present the Superstar of the Year award. Instead of Superstar of the Year, IT SHOULD BE HB-SHIZZLE! Brock murdering dudes was showcased. Hunicara's out to face and lose to Alberto after the Slammy is awarded.

An in memoriam graphic for Nelson Mandela aired...that sure was random placement at 9:15. Cole exposited about the HBK and Bryan deal. "Sin Cara is the real deal." They did some moves before teasing a finish, and a dive, before Alberto just left the ring for an ad break. Eminem's CoD Ghosts song is awesome. They came back, did moves, and the double arm DT led to an Angle (Anglo) slam from Cara. JBL ASKED IF KING WAS EVEN HERE. King is hosting. Good lord. Alberto's neck was mangled off a powerbomb, and Sin Cara won again with the swanton. Well, they're definitely going all-in (relatively) with this - good. PTPs are out in suits. DYoung's white and black suit is great. Titus is struggling to recite this crap he's been given. Bryan won for chant of the year. New vid for the Champion of Champions match - BROUGHT TO US BY THE BRAWLING BUDDIES! Brodus is out to face Xavier, who gets no intro. Brodus hit a big splash off the second rope in no time to kill him. Poor Xavier. Brodus snapped and splashed him afterwards. Miz presented insult of the year - AJ's "sucked...up" line made it in. Punk's out for a match with Ambrose. Steph's insulting of Show won. Steph taking the fist pump away from Ryder.

An IT'S BURYING TIME made air when she left. Punk hit a springboard crossbody on Ambrose, but it was countered with a knee to the gut. They got over The Champion of Champions moniker again - so they've gone with something that wasn't even an option for the app vote last week. Reigns shook his head clearly when Ambrose missed a shoulder charge. Ambrose and Punk are having easily the match of the night so far. Floatover butterfly suplex got 2 from Ambrose. There's a mohawked fan in the front row on the corner dasher board side by the announcers losing his shit with Punk prone for a super butterfly suplex. He's slapping the barricade going NO NO NO! Rollins and Reigns teased an attack, but Ambrose told them no, so they left. Punk won with the GTS. It seems like the end of the Shield is coming very, very soon. Big spear from Reigns to set up him saving Ambrose here. An outstanding hype video for the the WWE and World titles with tons of clips that made the PPV match seem more important...and then it was BACK TO THE SLAMMYS. Y2J chant broke out due to him being left out of the video. Terrible audio for King here, and it cut in right when he talked about dying on-air. Foley's out for the extreme moment of the year. Foley put over Punk and Ambrose on the mic here. A fan held up a Get Well, Dynamite Kid sign. Usos are out for a tag match.

Punk won for beating Heyman up. Usos face Harper and Rowan. Harper's big spinning lariat won. Booker introduced BRET HUT! Great videos for Punk-Taker, the Battleground tag, and HHH-Brock. It took a sledgehammer, cage, and manager for Brock Lesnar to beat HHH! I'm astonished a tank wasn't used as well. Rock-Cena's video was okay. Nattie got to hug Bret out on the ramp - that was sweet. Rock and Cena won, drawing some boos. Nattie's facing Tamina in the death spot main event, which really makes the in-ring action seem even less important than it has so far. Nattie won with the sharpshooter. Up next, THE LAST TIME WE'LL SEE THE WWE AND WORLD TITLES IN THE RING AT THE SAME TIME. Yup - two whole hours of hype.

SD vid centered around Bryan and the Wyatts. Henry's pink suit returned. Swagger's in the ring here, and Christian's suit is something else. HHH being shut up by Daniel Bryan chants is amazing. Love HBK telling them to keep it down. Orton said stuff and the fans chanted boring at him. I love this crowd. Orton, the face of WWE, bragged about taking years off of Mick's life. That was ab it much. Cena wisely stood next to Bryan to cut his promo and put him over and avoid getting booed. Cena's ruling it here, saying that Orton had it easy, while Bryan earned everything. Cena put himself over for giving Dolph a shot, giving Punk a shot when he was going to leave, and giving Bryan the only fair shot at the title he had. Cena said if he won, Bryan would get a rematch. Loved the shot of Orton and Cena standing apart, with the titles behind them, and Bret and Shawn standing side by side behind them. Cheap shot from Orton as the belts were raised, so Punk attacked him only to be thrown down like a jobber by Hunter. Punk got Superkicked, then HBK got kneed, then Steph fell during an RKO leading to HHH pedigreeing him...what the fuck!? Cena helped Steph up and stood next to the Authority...well, that was odd.

Screens -

 

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/9p5ikuex6hsgl7crv4ew286nxlnvsjo1

WWE SD 12-6-13

Show starts off with Fandango in the ring to face Big E. Sandow's on commentary since he's now the number 1 contender. "We've been talking all night about the Slammy Awards." sure was a natural-sounding line a couple of minutes into the show. Basic match. Big E body block in the corner led to the Big Ending for the win. Sandow got in, but ran off. Orton cut a promo about what happened on Raw and perhaps not appreciating everything The Authority did for him. Daniel Bryan interrupted the bitching, HE'S ANOTHER SLAMMY NOMINEE FOR SUPERSTAR OF THE YEAR. Bryan threw himself right back into the main event mix here by saying he's just pre-occupied with the Wyatts - he still wants the WWE Title when he's done with them. Bryan wanted to face Orton tonight, and just might IF THE WWE UNIVERSE SWAYS VICKIE. Brothers Rhodes face Rybaxel, due to Main Event shenanigans. Love JBL saying things haven't gone well for Ryback lately, then Cole saying they're riding a wave of momentum after a win over Miz and Kofi. So yeah, they beat a team whose partners couldn't get along weeks before, or on Raw. Tremendous disaster kick off the announce table led to a cradle win for Axel - it was played off as a fluke, but really, NOTHING damaged Cody, he just lost to a cradle clean as a sheet.

Bad News Barrett and his goofy, fake-looking podium cut a promo about the people being cowardly sheep. He's got great delivery, fantastic facial expressions, and still has nothing to work with due to this presentation. I'm not sure if this is better or worse than being an IC Champ who jobs a lot, but it's not doing him any favors. Alberto demolished Kofi to make up for the Sin Cara loss. "Nobody deserves this" - I feel the same way about most Alberto pushes. The Shield cut a promo on Punk and Reigns said it would take the baddest man in the Shield to take him out...leading to Ambrose finishing his sentence and taking the match. Roman's face turn is going perfectly right now. Cole explained Punk not having his ribs taped because the Shield already knows they're hurt so why bother. "WE MENTIONED THE SHIELD WILL BE THE PRESENTERS OF THE DOUBLE CROSS OF THE YEAR AWARD!", no, you didn't - you're just delivering exposition badly. HHH pedigreeing Bryan at Summerslam is up, so it's either that or HBK to keep this in there with the Authority. Seems odd to have Henry's attack on Cena thrown in there since he's now a face, and just became one a month ago. Nice boomerang neck snap from Ambrose. Got 2. Nice crossface chickenwing from Ambrose. Giant flying elbow from Ambrose missed. Punk turns a sleeper into the vise, but Ambrose got to the rope. Nice Fujiwara armbar from Ambrose was escaped via the rope by Punk. O Connor roll got 2 from Punk. Headlock Driver was countered into a kick and GTS for the win. This match ruled!

Renee met with Rey to talk about the undisputed title since he's been both WHC and WWE Title. Rey's promo was fairly bad, but he got over the new Champion of Champions name for the unified title holder. YAY ZEB. Bigg Hoss and Toni's tracksuits are great. Zeb said that the title wins should be taken from Rey, IF THAT IS HIS REAL NAME! Rey insulted them, and Swagger...mouthed a promo but didn't actually say anything. That was bizarre. Rey and a partner face the Real Americans - YAY REY-CESARO! Nattie beat Tamina in a nothing match with a goofy finish. Tamina missed the splash and instead of that being enough, Nattie just kinda shoved her down for the win. Big Show's teaming with Rey, who is in the most unflattering outfit ever. It's UPS brown with bright pink and yellow on the side. With the singlet look, it's terrible. I'm finally used to Rey being in a top, and the singlet top just looks weird - even if it does show off more of his tattoos. COLE REFERENCED THE GODDAMN PUKING THING AGAIN. Cesaro tagged in and hit a bodyblock on the dasher boards on Rey. Rey made the tag to Show who hit THE RUNNING BUS spear on Cesaro. Giant chokeslam led to Rey and Show doing a shoulder-topped splash for the win. Zeb's facial expressions while he knew doom was coming were tremendous.

More Bad News Barrett stuff getting over the Champion of Champions name. Three years ago, he was in the WWE Title picture and was a strong candidate to actually win the thing...and now he's doing this. While the winner of the match will be the Champion of Champions, HE WILL BE HUNTED LIKE A RABID WOLF! Only SuperCena can overcome such odds! Orton and Bryan got going with some moves. Kicks to the leg against the ropes were a nice bit from Bryan. Basic Bryan comeback in-ring led to the plancha. This feels like a basic house show match on TV instead of a PPV main event rematch. Wyatts distract Bryan and Orton gets the RKO. This was underwhelming. Bray cut a creepy promo about recruiting Bryan into the family.

Screens -

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TNA Impact 12-5-13

Big, epic video package starts off. FOUR MEN HAVE SURVIVED THE HEAVYWEIGHT APOCALYPSE! Tenay started the broadcast off with an off-screen welcome, so that transition was pretty smooth. Kurt's cutting an okay promo. Dude looks so broken down with the knee brace. He wanted Magnus to come out, and they replayed the knee injury bit with Taz saying Magnus abandoned him - great setup to the turn there. Angle bitched him out for leaving him...um...HE WAS HURT. Dickhead. Magnus said he was beaten up before, but still did the tag match for Kurt. He had to decide in the heat of battle to leave, but Kurt said that he wouldn't have done that. Well, all that proves is Kurt's crazy and Magnus thinks logically. These closeups of Magnus make him look much older than he is given his receding hairline. Roode came out in his Terry Taylor robe. Okay, that looks ridiculous for a promo, and he should really have a new robe - he's had this one robe for seven years now. At least he's gotten his money's worth out of it. Roode said he's got killer instinct - I do too - it's a great little game on the Xbox One. The original's not worth $20 more though. Ah - Roode's match is up next, which explains the robe. The robe really does pop in HD in closeups. Hardy's new shitty theme needs to go - it has no rhythm to it at all. Nice silly promo from him just shouting his name over and over. This was basically 10 minutes of stuff, but not bad, just stuff.

The match starts off with a big HARDY chant, so at least the cheap heat worked. Taz said he was rooting for Roode, but he's also bias. Or biased. Tenay hyped up their Second Screen Experience - it's got a live Q and A with Bad Influence. Taz said that "Roode might win this if he puts Hardy through the table" - isn't that how you win a table match? They both went through it, leading to a photo finish for the ad break. The match continued after the break, and then after that, they showed why. Well, that's backwards. Swanton OVER THE TABLE...really just to mid-ring to Roode. Cool visual though. Superplex counter from Roode led to a Hardy straddling the rope. "That'll split some hairs." Thanks for the visual, Taz. Wacky spin kick from Hardy on the apron puts Roode through the table on the floor. Ouch. This did a better job to build up WWE's TLC PPV well. The Final Resolution graphics have some weird fake scanlines on them. Ugly. EC3 talked on Impact365 about facing another TNA legend. Tatanka? He is undefeated in TNA.

A super-hot KOs ad showed them all looking great in simpy angel outfits. Dixie showed up in a librarian outfit and was excited about getting an e-mail with a Fed-Ex tracking number with her belt. Why is AJ just conceding to the demands of the heel? Or did she just grab a perfect replica and that will be part of the story later? EC3's out saying he'lll be facing a man who faced Andre, Hogan, and Bret. Odd to mention Hogan since he's no longer there. His hand-picked foe is Earl Hebner. Okay, this is going to be a waste of time. EC3's gear looks outstanding - dude still needs a ring jacket or entrance outfit or something. Rockstar Spud and his blue suit ordered Earl's kid to referee it. This is taking up way too much time. Earl refused, then EC3 bullied him, put a finger on the chest and EC3 counted E-C-3 along with the count. I like that part of this. I also dug him having Brian roll his dad out so he could kick imaginary dirt on him.

Recap of the Park/Bad Influence saga - they're going to tell the truth about Park later. Shaw took Christy on a date and threatened TO MURDER the waiter for apparently looking at Christy. Of course no cops were called. Dixie was on the phone with Jason, and she got flowers - she was pissed since it wasn't her belt. GOOD LORD! GET SPUD ON THA PHONE! Sting walked to the building with his shirt on, and the Park thing is next. This was ten more minutes of stuff.

Dixie met with the Feast or Fired guys - it's next week. Bad Influence came out for the Park reveal. He ripped up their envelope, which led to video revealing that the law firm closed down 13 years ago, and Kaz closed the skit with the strip mall chick by saying "GO BACK TO MYSPACE!". They beat up Park after he said maybe they were right...he didn't belong in TNA. EY made the save and made a tag match after saying you shouldn't knock on the devil's door, because he just might answer. TREMENDOUS line there. Sting met with Magnus and gave him a pep talk until things got awkward with the whole "entitlement" deal. They talked about the Impact world tour and put himself over.

Spud bullied a PA and Ion did the DJ deal. "Remember their names ladies - YOU'LL BE SCREAMING THEM LATER!" This act is great. GunStorm vs. the Bro Mans. I think they're the only teams left. Loved Taz saying the BroMans act reminded him of Studio 54, complete with Tenay mocking him. Guys did moves until Gunner snapped and cost his team the match. Sting met with Spud, who introduced himself and defended his job while reminding Sting that he failed to get a title shot in the tourney. Sting responded by doing an uber-gay British voice. Sting's silly faces have been the show highlight thus far. Gail's 365 video showed her kissing her husband, who looks like Batista if he was 50, with greying hair. 

SABIN'S LOG delivered an emotional report in a Wal-Mart dress shirt and slacks combo. He said that YOU GAVE ME BELIEF IN MYSELF with Velvet there. He meant the belt. This was a thing. Sabin faces Aries for the belt next week. Christy's cleavagey dress introduced Gail. Laura Dennis faced Gail. She looked like any generic indy worker. "Timing's everything in Mike, life". Wisdom from Taz. There's a fan with a goofy rooster mohawk wig on in the front row. Sliding D cup from Dennis looked terrible. Eat Defeat gets the win. Tapa picked her up for a second ED. ODB came down to make a save. It's a shame ODB's older, because she's really good as a brawler type. It took ages for Tapa to take the over the top fall to the floor on a clothesline. ODB rules. Angle's last man standing match with Magnus is next.

Nice Final Resolution hype video - it's coming on 12/19. Dixie "talked with Spud". Um...shouldn't the phone be on a screen other than the home screen? They should've just had that over a video or something because this was stupid. Christy's cleavage brought out Magnus. I like Magnus and Angle having matching gear in this. Nice rebound lariat from Magnus to Kurt. A fan held up an Angle sucks sign. BOO! Double clothesline spot took them both down for an ad break. The show came back...with Spud meeting with Dixie. So fuck the main event match then. And then they cut away from that to show the match...awkward. Then Taz and Tenay read a prepared statement about the title being revealed after this match. I guess on this show. Maybe online - they didn't specify. A billion German Suplex took Magnus down for a 7 count. He got up and got hit with a shoulder tackle/spear through the ropes. Edge retired after doing a ton of spears, so this was a brilliant move. Magnus countered a German off the apron and they did the Foley elbow camera shot telegraphing the elbow from Magnus - which he hit EXACTLY like his top rope version, so it was beautiful. Snap suplex "THIS IS WHERE KURT GOES INTO THAT BERSERK TANK!" - I have no idea what that is , but it sounds bad. Moonsault missed. HOLY FUCK. Giant uranage from Magnus leads to the flying elbow. Ref bump, so the Angle slam didn't get a count. Roode came in and hit the rabbit lariat, his old finisher, while Magnus had his head turned. Spinebuster as well. Magnus turned around on the ground slightly, but never had a chance to see any of it. Magnus having plausible deniability for everything is so great. Magnus won thanks to Roode. This felt like the beginning and ending of a great match, but with very little middle. Hardy came down to save Angle. Hardy-Magnus is the Final Resolution main event in 2 weeks. Dixie met with Spud for the real ending of the show. AJ shipped her a paper Legends belt. The fucking acting in this. The Friends of AJ paid for a show-closing segment to talk about the paper champ she's crowning. This looked better than his usual cell phone shit but wow was this all eye-rolling.

Screens

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/gfx7l6uycayfk4t1quh6oafe8gcwu8mb

Raw 12-2-13

Pre-show hype for the UNDISPUTED/UNIFIED Title match at the PPV starts off 5 mins before the show. IN TWO WEEKS, ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT MATCHES IN WWE HISTORY will happen.  Punk looks like he's 180 pounds in this all-black getup. Punk said after a week, he realizes he knows he's in denial - and got a cheap pop in the process. Punk said he apparently made some comment about HHH on Raw last week, which I completely forgot. He also said he's ONE OF THE BIGGEST ANTI-AUTHORITY FIGURES IN WWE HISTORY! Hey, can I try on your blazer? Steph's out to welcome him to the queendom. Love Punk saying YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY THANKSGIVING! Steph saying words...I think this exchange will wind up peaking with YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT MY THANKSGIVING! Kane's reading a whole bunch of scripted stuff that would be far more entertaining if he took a breath with each word. Kane with his hair grown out looks a good 5 years younger now.

The Shield came down. Steph told them to back down. This has only been going on for ten minutes. Kane made Punk-Shield for the PPV. BOO! That match seems far worse than Punk and the BROTHERS RHODES against the Shield. Cole read a quote that ONE MAN WILL LEAVE TLC AS ONE CHAMPION. So there's their out for a fuck finish. On the app, you can pick which goofy name the unified champion is called. Also, after weeks of gimmick matches, Dolph and Sandow compete in a regular rules match to determine number 1 contender to the IC Title. Because now they're going after that title for some reason. Oh yeah, the Slammys are next week.

Sandow's promo got like three sentences due to this ad. Big E read off WWE Facts about the IC Title being held by Austin and the Rock before. Loved him saying he'd like to face Dolph since they played Skip It. I demand a skit of Big E and Dolph playing Skip It. Second rope moonsault from Sandow missed by 20 miles - Dolph didn't even have to try and move out of the way. Holy shit - Sandow won clean with the full nelson slam. Poor Dolph Rejobb. They showed a Cena-Orton face off title graphic. Orton really doesn't feel like an 11-time world champion.

It's Total Divas vs. The True Divas with Nattie and the Bellas against Summer, AJ, and Tamina.

You know what? Tamina would make for a fine reality show character. She's had a pretty fascinating life in some ways. Hilarious bit with them talking about Skip It while AJ skipped around. I guarantee Skip It trends worldwide tonight. Summer choked a Bella with a ballet pose, then bonked her with her ass. AJ's still skipping. Brie almost selling a foot choke there. DDT faceplant by Summer - nice move. Got 2. Summer begged for a tag, got it form AJ, who was nearly locked in the sharpshooter. Twin Magic is now the name for their double dropkick-ish looking thing. Nattie got a cradle to win. This fell apart at the end. A graphic with Bryan being kidnapped was shown - he faces Rowan tonight. Ad for Miz's Christmas movie aired because it'll be on DVD and Blu-Ray tomorrow. That Grudge Match ad made me sad. Very sad.

#BadNewsBarrett debuted with a podium. He just cut a cheap heat promo against OKC. That sure was a...gimmick debut. Orton told Brad to tell everyone that Orton is bigger THAN WWE ITSELF. They plugged a Daniel Bryan interview on the Steve Austin Show - a bit surprised to see them plug that show on WWE TV given that it's rarely PG, but good for them to do so. Bryan just came down and did his deal. Bryan should've at least cut a promo about BEING KIDNAPPED. Hype vid for Dolph, who just lost, being on SD. They replayed a bit of Bray's promo from SD. "He will be safe with us" - wasn't he found Monday night after the show in a parking lot? JBL said that Bryan looks like a Wyatt family member, or an Oklahoman, since he has a beard. I think the booking is driving JBL insane, because he's just rambling. Rowan did some clubbering and hit a knee drop that looked terrible. Ad break.

JBL lost his mind again with Edward R. Morrow calling him J. Morrow. GOD. FUCKING. DAMN. This commentary. Second "you can't coach size" mention so far. King rightfully burying JBL for is commentary tonight. Backbreaker from Rowan led to a big splash that missed. Daniel Bryan got a fluke win over Rowan via schoolboy. Fucking hell. Wyatt thing hit, then Wyatt appeared on the tron to tell the guys to stand down. Bray is legit the best creepy promo since Jake Roberts. He talked about seeing Bryan "chasing his little girly friend on TV with diamonds". Then he just said a bunch of stuff. Hype vid for the unified title match, which is a unified title match (and a TLC match for that matter) for some reason. Why? Logically, nothing either guy has done to each other (yet) warrants it, and Cena's just coming back from injury.

Bryan bumped into Kane backstage. I'm mildly disappointed that Kane doesn't have a red phone cover now. Kane made Bryan-Wyatts at the PPV. THEN HE DID THE YES BIT WITH HIS INDEX FINGERS. Highlight of the show so far. Replay of the Woods-Clay drama. Why not just used Xavier's NXT theme? It's pretty awesome. Cole said that Brodus looked like a VICTORIA'S SECRET MODEL GOING DOWN THE RUNWAY. What in the fuck? Are there illegal substances in the water tonight? Brodus's gear having scales on it looks so stupid. Truth's white and black getup is awesome. VINTAGE HEART PUNCH from Brodus. Honor Roll clothesline got 2 before Brodus head bonked him. Big splash off the second rope missed, and then Woods tried to hit a la majistral but Brodus wouldn't go over, so he wound up covering Woods briefly before just flipping for him. I honestly hope that was it for Brodus. There's no movement for him at all and they've killed him on commentary. Brothers Rhodes and Show face the Shield tonight in an unannounced match. So tonight's unannounced six-man is better than anything on the PPV.

The double cross of the year is now a category. SIN CARA'S BACK with a goofy arm tattoo. Okay, in close-up, it looks neat. And he's also appeared to gain a completely new skin color and gained about 20 pounds. ALBERTO-SIN CARA in another best of 9,000 series. Alberto said he'd send Sin Cara across the border via INS. So now he's Zeb or something. Vickie apparently made AJ-Nattie for the PPV based on Nattie's win tonight. So why can the SD GM make a divas tag title match based on a Raw victory? JBL referenced Boyd Pierce and Cole talked about Reiser Bowden. Sin Cara fucked up an Asai Moonsault. LOLed at King asking if Alberto would ever want to wear a mask. Flying headbutt done differently. Seems like it's Hunico under the mask again. Top rope enzuguri missed and the Swanton got the win. Wherever this leads to be will probably be more interesting than this was. They replayed the clip of Orton punting Cena's dad in '07 to make their current match seem important.

Korn's supplying the TLC theme. Am I in high school again? Cena cut a wacky promo about the world and WWE championships. Now the titles are a south-north war, and the world title's lineage is connected to the WCW and possibly the NWA Title again. PEOPLE ARE STILL DEBATING WHICH TITLE IS MORE IMPORTANT. One has opened tons of PPVs, the other hasn't - no one's debating it. Shield said they'd kick Punk's ass. Oh yeah, Show had a concussion last week. Totally forgot about that. And he's fine now for some reason. Awesome hype vid for the Raw 20th anniversary set. Ambrose sold Show's chop beautifully. Great bit with JBL saying he likes King since they've got a birthday together...and JBL was charged admission to King's free museum. IT'S REIGNS-SHOW! SWEET CHRIST the sound of that chop to Reigns. Cody's now got silver to his gear with a black base, so it at least looks better with Goldust - although it's still got winter green in it. They referenced Show helping the Brothers Rhodes win the titles, which they should've hyped up before since it wouldn't made this seem more important and less random.

Nakamura knee from Cody got 2. Cody played face in peril, which led to the crowd caring less. If only Goldust could play both the face in peril and the guy receiving the hot tag. Seth bonked his head on the buckle during a Stinger splash attempt. Show got the tag and ran wild. Show's run was amusing there, and a bit sad. The low bridge took forever too. Seth's flying knee took Show down and he took him down more with those "take a bump and get up" kicks. Muta elbow from Ambrose led to a sleeper attempt and a back suplex from Show. Ambrose and Rollins set up for the powerslam/neckbreaker combo that some other team did, but Show prevented it. Reigns speared Show, and Cody took him out. Superplex onto Ambrose was teased onto Rollins, but he moved and cradled Goldust for the win. THIS RULED! It was a half-hour of greatness. Oh, and what will Punk do at the PPV? I don't know - but he should watch this match again and again. Punk addresses the Shield next...why? Clips from Breaking Point aired. "Orton-Cena...absolute torture..." Yup. So if Orton wants to win, he should just tie Cena up again in cuffs, right?

Punk cut a wacky happy promo about FEELING PRETTY! Then he sang that he felt PRETTY, AND WITTY, AND GAYYYYY! Well, if you're going to be in a stupid angle, you might as well have fun with it. OH FUCKING HELL IT'S BARRETT AGAIN! Everyone's constipated. Well, that's a pleasant visual. Miz and Kofi are teaming again for some reason. And they re-showed the Orton-Cena graphic where Orton has multiple left arms. Goldust faces Ryback on Main Event, to in theory set up a match with the champs against the Ex-Heyman Guys. They're facing Miz and Truth. JBL talked about his buddy inventing THE YOUTUBE! JBL then rattled off history. His salary is dropping by the minute. Every wrestler before 1960 had the nickname of "the Great" according to Cole. Delayed No Burial Suplex got 2. Miz isn't working like a face or heel - he's working like a jobber. So Miz didn't take in BECAUSE IT'S NOT HIM. So now they're a team again. Shellshock got the win. Rybaxel/Axelback got the win. Miz re-turned heel two weeks after turning heel. The bull fighters sold merch. THE BULL ABSOLUTELY LOST HIS SHIT AT THE REY DOLL and the title belts. THE BULL HAS A PHONE! This is glorious. 

The LOL moment of the year can be voted on. Summer danced in a hot dress before Henry came down. JBL's like a dancing version of Frank Gotch...Henry danced. His black and yellow/gold gear is awesome. Kneeling DDT from Fandango got 2 - I'm so giving him that tomorrow when his 2K14 DLC hits. After saying Summer's stupid, JBL talked about her being a big WW II buff. Big Slam won. Henry gyrated. NOT EVERYTHING INVOLVING A GYRATION IS A TWERK! Goddammit, they're replaying the vomiting bit. Cole at least looks absolutely disgusted to the idea of seeing this again. Well, Vince just spent thousands to have that edited into a video package for his own amusement at a dinner party.

PTPs are in the ring for a tag match after that. Punk faces...A MEMBER OF THE SHIELD on SD. Swagger and Cesaro have an awesome new track jacket. I want this track jacket now! Titus is a babyface for puking in Zeb's hair - and PTPs now stand for Prime Time Pukers. Digging the new black/white/grey camo gear for Swagger. This whole look works for him - except for the iffy fake tan. Fairly big WE THE PEOPLE chant. Swagger bomb/WE THE PEOPLE double stomp led to a sick tease. In a week, Titus went from being on-screen with Strahan and getting some national TV coverage to being the guy who pukes. King, a 60+ year old man, didn't know that crackers and ginger ale can aid an upset stomach. Swing tease. So if DY doesn't want it to happen, why doesn't he just get in the ring and stop him? Very European uppercut counter to a diving whatever from DY got the win for Cesaro. THE APP RESULTS are next...like they really matter - they'll just call it whatever after a week. And this was the main event match because the signing is next. But first, an annoying Total Divas ad.

The TLC match is now going to be called THE GREATEST MATCH IN HISTORY, and the app vote of "The Unified Champion" will now be taken under consideration, so they don't have to adhere to it. HHH said there would be one champion after the PPV, and Steph said the same thing just to say words. It's 11 and the intros are just now done. I liked that they waited until now to fill the arena with a clusterfuck of props. Even in sentence fragment form, Steph's impossible to listen to. HHH put over the lineage of the WWE Title and had Steph put him over instead of himself - so he's humble you see. HHH said the WHC went back to O'Connor, Race, Flair, Dusty, Taker, HBK, and as Steph said, THE GAME HHH. HHH rambled on for seemingly ever about legacies. Cena put his title on the table proudly, while Orton just kinda threw his down onto it. The contract was signed, and Steph cut a promo letting both men know they could cut a promo. Thank God Steph gave THE WORLD CHAMPIONS OF THE COMPANY permission to speak. Orton said he's better than everyone - including HHH, and that's why he was chosen to be the face of the company. Cena said Orton was an underachiever, while Cena said that Orton was the most gifted superstar ever. They basically brought up him being dumped in the mid-card for a while off and on due to getting complacent. At 11:08, Cena said it was time to cut to the chase. HE ISN'T AN APEX PREDATOR, he's just John Cena - and he's referring to himself in the first person. Cena cut a promo about using tables, ladders, and chairs tonight - instead of just using them. After Orton tried to attack, Cena fought back with weapons - the usual one shot with each thing to set up a TLC match. Cena mugged before slamming Orton into the steps. Cena gave a kid his shirt. Cena got hit with a ladder. They're now using the props way too much for free TV. IT'LL BE A MATCH FOR THE UNDISPUTED UNITED CHAMPION! Toss through the table for Cena. I'm now numb to these things being used. AA through the table. This went on for-fucking-ever, but was decent at times.

Screens -

8 Title wins - 2 left arms

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/fgqnfgy40h9cy2khx1rwzpslmcw9yv8e

WWE SD 11-29-13

Show starts with Vickie cutting a promo from the Thanksgiving party set - UNLIKE ALL OTHER WW PARTIES, THERE WILL NOT BE CHAOS. There's going to be a food eating contest between Khali and Titus. And then that just ends so Axel gets a jobber intro with Ryback. At least he got a theme - Henry didn't even get that. Body block WSS get a quick win. Xavier and Truth were backstage - Xavier was in a Power Rangers shirt looking like a goober. Brodus was a complete dick here. Oh boy. Brodus as a heel after being this silly for so long can't work. Shield gets a tag title shot tonight...why not hype that on Raw? Orton cut a boring promo about the title match at the last PPV and the not-quite-a-unification match on the next one. Ricardo returned in the food fight while AJ and Tamina got thrown out. Titus looked sick, but won. The reward is a match with Cesaro. Wut woah!

THE PLYMOUTH ROCKERS DEBUTED! 3MB with the Rockers theme, and the alternating Al Snow European Champ gimmick is great. It's a shame they weren't in VINTAGE ROCKERS getup here. Any of their ridiculous outfits would've worked. Drew being so into this gimmick works. They're facing THE MATADORS! SHOCKING. But with Torito in the ring. The bull does an awesome tag me tag me tag me foot stomp. Drew was an awesome base for the bull. Double torture rack drop got the win. This was fun. Kofi, the Bellas, and Bryan put over how great the WWE Universe was in all of Europe during the tour. Tons of Funk came out with Brodus in a goofy angel spaceman top. They're facing Team Black Guys. Second rope splash takes out Woods. What in the fuck was this? And then the chicks danced with the fat guys anyway - reluctantly. Punk cut a decent promo about the Shield, the Wyatts, and Bryan kidnapping. Bray then cut a much better promo and Cole said that Bryan was found in a parking lot AFTER RAW, so he's apparently been a missing person for four days in the kayfabe timeline of this show.

TIME FOR THE FOOD EATING CONTEST MATCH! Titus did the dog bark and pretended to shit himself. Cesaro swing got the win...when Darren got in the ring to cause a DQ. Titus puked in JBL's hat with a wacky censor turkey over it. The hat got thrown onto Cole's head and it exposed his Muta bald spot. This was beyond stupid. Raw Rebound covered Alberto being a loser and WWE's medical staff being bad at their jobs. This was basically the last five whole minutes of the match. Big match intro for The Brothers Rhodes against the Shield. Ambrose mocked Cole with a VINTAGE GOLDUST call for the uppercut. Ambrose is great on commentary. Cody missed the moonsault and they showed a fairly unflattering shot of him with an ass stain. Cross Rhodes would've got the win, but Ambrose got involved...so I guess it got the win anyway. Punk came down and Vickie made a HOLLA HOLLA SIX MAN! AWESOME half-crab from Cody/Muta lock by Punk spot. Wyatts are out leading to a bigger brawl, and a super-gigantic tag with all of the heels against all of these faces and Rey. Harper and Rowan are so great in there with Rey. Punk and Rowan had decent chemistry too - Rowan's definitely getting better working with good guys for so long. It seems to have helped Reigns a ton over the past year, and it's amazing to think that in a about a year, he's gone from a guy who wasn't fit for TV to being protected in six-mans wisely, to now being poised for a main event singles push. 619 and a GTS to Rowan got the win. Everything involving the Shield was worth watching, but the rest was either nothing, disgusting, or with Brodus, confusing.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/dluvlhor9bhs2hrifgodawc1def1wmta

TNA Impact 11-28-13 - THANKSGIVING!

I doubt this show will have Angle praying to God that Pacman Jones isn't in TNA, but it should be entertaining. TNA can always be counted on to deliver some amusing stuff on a Thanksgiving Impact. Tonight's biggest battle will be booking vs. tryptophan. Nice show-opening recap of the end of the Aces and 8s. THE 18 MONTH REIGN OF TERROR IS OVER! They also hyped up the main event with clips of Roode-Angle from BFG. Anderson's going to do a mock funeral for the Aces - somehow, I doubt this will top the Team 3D funeral. Taz absolutely no-sold the end of the Aces saying that he was kinda growing tired of it anyway. Well, he did say it sucked three weeks ago. Dixie hired herself a chief of staff - so now she's JBL. Dixie's in a tiger-print table cloth - she picked a Brit because they know how to treat royalty. PLEASE WELCOME MY NEW CHIEF OF STAFF - ROCKSTAR SPUD! Everything about that sentence ruled. And his outfit is amazing. Love Taz referring to him as Mr. Spud. The state of the tan and hair on this fucker.

This dude is such a little turd - I'm going to love this gimmick. The Wheel of Dixie made Magnus-Angle in a last man standing match, and Hardy-Angle in a tables match next week. Dixie got something from one of her family's many companies - Winner Winner Turkey Dinner! So is the deal that TNA's roster is so poor that they need to fight to split a single turkey? She brought out HER KIN EC3! If he leaves, I wonder if Dixie will cut a promo like Fritz did on the fake Von Erich. EC3 faces another flown-in foe - THE GREATEST CHALLENGE TO DATE! This gimmick rules. Great 10 minutes.

HOLY SHIT! HE'S HOT, SPICY, AND TASTES GREAT - HE'S CURRY MAN! Goddamn this gimmick is so great. EC3 is bobbing his head to the theme. KOBASHI KENTA MISAWA MITSUHARU! Tenay said EC3 didn't approve of his knowledge of puro. I love Tenay then burying Taz for his lack of knowledge about curry. Kobashi machine gun chops from Curry Man! Love it. I wonder if this whole deal leads to them bringing back Red for a one-shot as either Red or Sangriento. Hot and spicy butt butt in the corner. RAINMAKER from EC3. That is a great setup for the 1%er and it got the win. Recap of Roode and Storm beating the shit out of each other for a nothing TV match. Angle was proud to have GunStorm on his team tonight. Storm was still a dick to a guy who saved him from a beating. Tapa makes her...sorta debut but not really against Velvet. Oh Christ.

YAY IT'S THE BRO-MANS! And Ion's their new DJ, who looks like a colossal douche - I love this. Jesse lamented having to wear the turkey suit before. IT'S TIME FOR TAG TEAM SQUABBLES WITH DOUBLE THE GOBBLES! EY recruited EC3's job squad to face the tag champs. Then everyone danced like goofs. This was amusing. Velvet came out with her ass hanging out to face Tapa. Tapa's theme is great and her gear is pretty high-end in an indy kinda way. Velvet got angry over being overpowered by Tapa, then made wacky faces. Velvet got mared off of Tapa's back and landed right on her ass. This poor girl can't bump for shit. Gail interfered, so she got kicked out and demanded that Tapa FINISH HER! Side-mounted head bash by Tapa. Velvet got choked, but countered with a shitty-looking jawbreaker and a series of awesome-looking round and high kicks. Stick with those. Kick of Fear and the TKO got the win for Tapa. Taz brought up Gail having her greatest threat to set up their eventual match. THE TURKEY BOWL MATCH IS NEXT!

The TNA World Cup is coming to PPV in a few weeks. A brief tease for the Aces burial skit aired. The turkey suit got a hype video - I LOLED at IT'S THE TITLE NO ONE WANTS. I thought Big E had that? Ion mixed for the tag champs - the men who are so godly they sweat holy water. Love them going down the whole ramp doing fist pumps. I demand this gimmick go on for ages. Barnes and Fernum came down. Ion's mixing board is being used for a laugh track. I love this. Tag champs won in no time with their finisher. Taz demanded the horn effect for his phone. Taz buried their outfits and said the turkey suits would be an improvement. ODB should've come out as Lady Gobble. Or maybe not.

Another AJ vid aired. They're spending way too much to air nothing about these matches, and I really could've done without Dixie saying she gave AJ the belt as a toy. She gave AJ a week to get the belt to her. Maybe he'll run it over a truck beforehand. It's EGO and Sabin as Team Roode. Kaz joked about being drug tested a few months ago HAHAHAHA, and Joseph Park testing positive for gravy. I loved Sabin making num num motions when they talked about the dinner. Spud talked about Thanksgiving dinner and demanded all the stuff after a PA told him what they should actually get. They're giving themselves one hour to make a whole dinner - hopefully no one gets violently ill. Magnus and Angle talked about how much they respected each other. A wacky country tune was used to recap Anderson killing the Aces.

A balding Mike Rotunda looking-motherfucker was the guy presiding over it. Joe ate a sandwich, while EY cried and Tenay asked WHY! Anderson got out of the coffin and resurrected his career by being hilarious. He buried the Aces for taking up many, many, many many many many many segments and the Hogans for sending the platter that Joe is currently consuming. Angle said he lost D'Lo to the group - you know, the guy who bobbed his head? He threw the bobblehead into the coffin. Joe put Skull and Crossbones Brand Beer in there...before remembering it's cold and keeping it - and not giving one to Angle. This is so awesome. Tenay laid Taz's cut and Brooke's booty shorts to rest...before pocketing the latter. EY buried a turkey suit - but don't worry - he has a million of them. Anderson was going to lay the hammer to rest, but wanted to keep it since it's a perfectly good hammer. Bully cut a great promo about Ken keeping an eye open at night in his best interest - and the interest of his wife too. Bully looks at death as the final awakening. Which he said while wearing a giant black hoodie. That was a billion percent better than I expected. Main event is up next.

Clips of Angle at One D Day - nice of them to make this seem like a big deal and make TNA seem somewhat mainstream. More bitching with Spud and the cook. She now has 20 minutes to finish the dinner. Great bit with Taz praising Daniels' welding shades, then Tenay saying Taz's family always does it before making a chainsaw sound effect that Tenay buries him for. IT'S CAPTAIN KURT! His team looks far less wacky than the heel group. The captains started the match - so much for building to that throughout the match, although it's no big deal since they've already had a couple of matches recently. Sabin got Storm out with a cradle. I love seeing him in the main event mix - even if him being X Champ is a complete afterthought. I'd rather that just be the case instead of them half-ass trying to make the title seem important and clearly not following through - at least there's no pretense here. Irish Curse into the Gun Rack tries to take Kaz out, but the high-low from Bad Influence took him out. Iffy landing on a flying clothesline to Kaz from Magnus took him out for the break.

Replay of the leg injury. Sabin dropped a knee Regal-style on Angle - nice and stiff when they came back. It's down to Angle versus everyone on his own. He had Daniels pinned, but the ref couldn't count because he was distracted by the other heels. Tenay called a move wrong so Taz buried him, then Tenay buried him for giving a shit this one night. Taz talked about Angle having "9,000 neck surgeries" which is somewhat true and kinda frightening. There's an over 9,000 joke in there somewhere. Chain of Germans to everyone. Taz – I don't think Kurt's even German – he's just German Suplex happy! This is such a fun show. DOUBLE GERMAN SUPLEX to both members of Bad Influence at once. DOUBLE ANKLE LOCK ON THEM. Roode went to hit him with a chair, but Angle hit them and got DQed. Well what the fuck - might as well beat the shit out of them. Roode wound up bloody due to all of this. Kurt's right pec looks fucked up now.

Sweet - Hardcore Gamer's plug was shown in the CoD: Ghosts ad. Hardy's stupid album was hyped. Recap of the main event - it's turkey time! Roode told his team to get ready for turkey. Storm was a dickhead to Gunner again. The interview guy asked if they had a goal as a team, and Storm has no answer. Hardy, Angle, Roode, and Magnus put over the world title - WHAT!? Shouldn't they be burying it to no end? Don't title shots come and go? EC3 showed up in a swank suit and buried Spud's food. He should've buried him for his suit. Spud took a photo of the spread and...that was an ad break. He could've at least put someone in a chinlock or something. 

Tenay ran down the taping and road schedule. He said a lot about each event to help hide the amount of dates being fairly few in number. ALL OF THE WINNERS came down - all heels, and Velvet's just fine out there with Tapa. They should've spent more than $2 on the tablecloth. It looks like a kid's table. Roode was a dick to Velvet because she lost - and Sabin agreed to kick her out. "Sorry toots, I'll bring you a doggy bag!" Tremendous. Daniels was glad to be happy and hung. Kaz was glad that Park wasn't here to drink the gravy and fornicate with the pumpkin pie. I can't get over the fucking paper plates they're using. At least they've got golden plastic cups. Sabin's thankful for his belt, his hair, oh and Velvet too. The Bro Mans are thankful for their DJ, Mr. Olympia, not having to wear the turkey suit, and being the best tag champs ever. HOOOORRRNNNNN! Loved Kaz and Daniels taking offense. Roode was thankful for the REAL Thanksgiving -  a month ago in Canada. Angle came out to be a jerk. He said everyone cheated, which I guess is true since Gail helped. Although I  don't recall the BroMans cheating to beat the goobers. All of tonight's faces came down, including Dewey and Barnes squawking in the suit. Ion's pants fell down. Velvet gave Gail a face full of pie. Pumpkin pie. ODB hit Tapa with a chair. Kaz bumped for the turkey. The flying nerds flapped their wings and splashed the tag champs. Crowd chanted TNA after this wackiness. The ring looked nasty, but this was pretty funny stuff - especially with a drink or two in you.

Screens -

Raw 11-25-13

The show opened with a short boring Orton promo, followed by the Authority saying words, then Cena coming out. AT TLC, IT WILL BE A TLC MATCH FOR BOTH BELTS. Or they'll both be hanging or something. Six man with the Shield against Rey and the Rhodes Bros is up. Super-quick match with Ambrose hitting the headlock driver on Cody for the win after Reigns took out the other two with the spear. Wacky street fight stips possible VIA THE APP for another Dolph-Sandow match.

MizTV with heel Miz and Titus coming out as a fake Strahan. So I guess the PTPs are heels. The real deal came out to put Show and Cena in a tag against Alberto and Orton, and seemingly challenged Miz to a match. They're going to give Strahan a hip toss, except he stiffed them both, so IT'S GONNA GET REAL with football. Miz bumped for him. And Titus did...AND NOW THEY'RE ALL BUDDIES. JBL talked about the death of Brian Griffin. This went on forever and didn't seem to serve much of a purpose beyond reminding everyone that wrestling is fake.

Big E recap of the title win. It's Axel and Ryback against Big E and MARK HENRY! Good lord, Big E looks tiny next to Henry. Big E's taking awesome bumps for Ryback's spinebuster and press slam. BIG E BELLY TO BELLY TO RYBACK. I love this match! World's strongest slam on Axel for a quick win. This was short and sweet! Oh lord, Survivor Series WOMENS REMATCH. Next. Something results in a bit of censoring with the feed cut. RNR Express-style double leg roll from the Bellas took out Rosa. Wheelbarrow...stunner-ish thing got botched from Naomi. Barbarian boot nailed her. Nattie took out Tamina so JoJo could get a pity win. Foxy backbreaker took her out. Nattie made Kaitlyn tap to the Sharpshooter. AJ beats her with a schoolgirl. X Factor from Brie takes out AJ. A dance off broke out. Fans demanded a twerk, but Summer Rae has no ass. Total Divas win with a VINTAGE CHAZ Burning Hammer from Nikki. Raw country wacky hardcore match recap. Slammy ad - they're two weeks away.

It's the Hamptons hardcore match, and the goofs brought out THE TOYS. Thankfully, they're just props and not Cameron's giant sex toy collection. Dolph's got an Islanders jersey on AND a Ryder shirt. NO DON'T HURT YOUR PUSH ANYMORE! Cole called this SHADES OF THE ATTITUDE ERA! JBL busted his balls for saying that and referencing Pete Gas. Silly trash can around the head dropkick led to an ad break. Ad for a wacky show on USA with EMTs called Sirens. It of course references anal sex on a PG show. Elbow of Disdain onto Dolph and the jersey. Terrible fameasser gets 2. Randy Savage chant for whatever reason. This match makes me want to watch some Randy Savage stuff on Youtube. Hogan chant. VINTAGE CORNETTE with the racket from Sandow. Or it would've been if he hit. Broom to the back of Dolph led to the full nelson slam and a win. Thank God it ended. "THAT WAS TRUE HARDCORE!" No King. Just no. VINTAGE EVEN STEVEN booking. Since it's the holiday season, it's HOLIDAY MOVIE TIME AND WWE HAS A NEW ONE STARRING THE MIZ. Oh this music just reeks of rejected Home Alone music. The girl's trying to yell over music and the crowd, and the announcing, with no mic. Rowan offered Strahan a sheep mask, which he accepted. Okay, that ruled.

Renee's out to interview Punk, who seems to have a Pepsi shirt underneath his hoodie. Oh yeah, he and Bryan face the whole Wyatt clan later. Bryan's goat shirt is such shit. Punk now just cuts promos so Bryan can yell yes. I did like Punk pointing out that Renee's an interviewer asking no questions. Bryan isn't Denzel here - he's Denzel's best friend. Punk then buried "creative" for doing a ton of handicap matches. Punk said you put the Dicks, the Rock N Rolls, the Midnights, the Ring Crew Exrpress, Colt Cabana, Matt Classic, and even Scott Colton against them and they'll come out on top. Outstanding! EUROPEAN UPPERCUT TRADING between Bryan and Harper. Nice standing headbutt from Bray, then a falling one ala Harley or JYD. Corner boot from Rowan missed. Suicide dive from Punk showed a fan with the shirt. Wow - it's not a Pepsi shirt - just BEST in the world in the Pepsi font. Nice. LAUNCHING OVER THE TOP FLAPJACK FROM ROWAN TO PUNK. Holy shit. LOL - WWE Shop has Christmas tree ornaments for the Shield.

Cole talked down to the fans, resulting in JBL being a moron for talking down to the fans because they're smart. Gigantic babyface comeback by Bryan. Harper powerbomb gets a rana counter into a Yes Lock attempt.  Back and forth corner dropkicks before the Michinoku driver gets 2 from Harper. Heels kicked too much ass IN A HANDICAP MATCH and it led to a DQ. Rowan carried Bryan to the back. Punk went to save but got hit by a blind spear from Reigns. Okay - that was great. Triple powerbomb to Punk. I like that Reigns has admirable traits, but isn't yet likeable. Great cocky smirk from Reigns at the end. This was all a win and made me wish the show was over here.

Abduction recap. Maybe it'll lead to an "I'M NOT A GOAT! I'M A MAN!" skit from Bryan. Miz met with the co-star of his movie and was an asshole. He's got a match or something. Kofi the Best Buy Worker came down for one. Good lord, it's a pre-show rematch. Why? MIZ IS CLEARLY BETTER THAN THIS MAN. Or they're going to split things for no good reason. Miz was a sportsman before the match and after, so he's not really much of a heel here. Odd to highlight Miz's heel turn by showing you what a sportsman he is. WOAAAHHH HIPTOSS!  by Kofi. They're going through the motions of the Malenko-Gurrero spots. VINTAGE CHINLOCK from Miz. Friday is King's birthday, and Zeb's, AND JBL'S. King and Zeb are the same age - amazing. SOS dropped Kofi right on his shoulder after he reversed the figure four. Springboard frog body got 2, but Miz won with a crucifix. Another clean win by the new heel. Foley did the best WWEShop bit yet as himself, Dude Love, and Mankind. He's still got an amazing presence on the mic and looked a decade younger with the big beard, no grey in it, and being slimmer.

King met with the guy who won a Hurricane Sandy auction, and a fan held up a Diva Dirt sign. Charlie called himself the Kosher Butcher - his finisher is the circumcision. And that ended that. Truth's in a sweet leather jacket talking about Brodus and Xavier. JBL outright said the guy could just bomb on live TV in a one on one match. Oh this poor fucker. He's dialed down to sub-Brodus and being buried by JBL. Cole talked about his over 9,000 mantra and didn't mention DBZ once. 3bird skit got a plug. Big Kosher Butcher chant here. Truth's all-black getup rules. Konnan lariat and Eat Defeat get the win. This guy's doomed in this spot, but God bless him - he's a great human being who deserves success. Michael Cole putting him over as the coolest, hippest cat in the land makes him seem so lame. Cole dancing hurts him even more. SNME clip from the WWE history DVD aired.

Goofy Total Divas ad. Bellas met with Strahan, while he hit on the Funkadactyls, Eva hit on him, and Goludst...bit at him... WWE 2K14 hype. LOOK AT THESE GRAPHICS! AMAZING GRAPHICS! Then they aired a Ryse/Orton mashup showing how shitty 2K14's graphics are. Heels came down for the main event. Then the faces...hard to believe it's been an hour since the awesome Bryan/Punk tag stuff. The TLC match is a match ELEVEN YEARS IN THE MAKING. So...maybe it's a unification match or something. Show kicked a ton of ass before a break. Cole said that the winner of the TLC match would be the first Undisputed champion since Brock Lesnar in 2002. Great kneeling YOU CAN'T SEE ME bit from Alberto. Kick to the head is leading to a concussion ending teaser for the finish. So on a show with a wacky weapons match and head shots, THIS is the serious thing. Show went to try and tag Orton. Ref isn't stopping this for some reason. Maybe the ref just has really high standards for a stoppage. Like with Vince needing to see a needle in a guy's ass to begin to suspect steroid usage. The concussion recap was brought to us by WWE BRAWLIN BUDDIES! Doctor stoppage is teased before Orton hits a jumping DDT to counter a chokeslam. Punt countered with a spear. Oh yeah - the Punt was the finish. They should've brought that up before. "John Cena's healthy." HAHAHAHAHA. Armbar countered into an STF tapout. So I guess Alberto's now in the IC Title hunt. Cheapshot attack led to Alberto being AA'd...so he really sucks. Orton hit Cena with the belt and then just threw the world title around onto his belt. Then he held up both belts and Cole said THIS IS SYMBOLIC OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN AT WWE TLC. Way to spell things out and not give people a chance to even use their heads to think of that for themselves.

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/2v3he6ymil3uouxjyymul7e4tvdsv1fy