TripleMania XXVI

We start off with a rundown of random people who aren't identified because Striker is in the lineup being introduced - and he bows in appreciation. Vamp comes down while Striker does his own mic check on-air. An ad for an AAA-sponsored movie is shown. MORE MIC CHECKS ON AIR! Striker hypes up the future of lucha libre match here. Dragon Bane faces Astrolux, Freelance, who looks 45 and "This guy right here!" - I expect Vamp to use this a lot. And another guy comes out looking like Rey while Vamp says he's leaving the desk.  Striker's attempted Spanish accent is Peggy Hill-esque.

Striker plugs a GoPro video later that will BLOW THE DOORS OFF THE BUSINESS. And Vamp returns. We have two people speaking what is apparently English and we only have three names announced for this billion person opener. "Me? SAY SOMETHING INTERESTING!? COME ON!" - Striker "You say you want to win people over? You ain't immortal homie!" - Vamp Invereted airplane spin into a blue thunder bomb! Spanish fly off the apron. Freelance hits a goofy super reverse rana. and wins.

Villaino III video package showing him old and past his prime. AAA, there's no wrong way to do a tribute video, but you're doing it wrong! His family is on the ramp. Okay, they've mixed the audio so well that the English commentators can barely be heard over the live talking they're trying to talk over - good stuff. ACH, Shane Strickland, Sammy Guevera, and Australian Suicide are out for the cruiserweight title. Striker and Vamp bury and put over wrestling journalism. Maybe. AS is out in a black dress shirt and a tie for this title match.

 Vamp begs for someone backstage to confirm they can hear him. Hurricane leaf from ACH, who Vamp buries with "ACH, GBH, THC!" "Dude, stop fucking with my stuff!" - Vamp Striker talks about how we could hear them warming up the mics because WE WANT TO BRING YOU INTO OUR WORLD. Sammy wins and Killer Kross comes down. Kross is playing the role of Scott Steiner burying an entire division. AS takes the shirt while Vamp buries MAD but puts over his physique. "Stop breathing down the mic, please. DUDE I CAN'T THE MIC SUCKS!" - Vampiro

The stream goes to shit during a tribute to someone. Show-opening video is great. The flames go on for too long and a guy has to put the flames out manually. Tribute pieces are brought out for Antonio Pena. Striker talks about the boom in wrestling right now and how AAA brings the world together.

Vanilla is out and looks hot with someone before a chick in green with a giant rick is out. BIG MAMI AND SMALL HAMBURGER ARE THE CHAMPIONS! The champions and challengers take a photo with the belts before the match.Tornado rules - so yeah, PBP ain't happening. MAMI AND BURGER BUMP OFF DROPKICKS! Big Titties lands a stunner and one girl takes a double dropkick to the crotch. Vanilla is hurt and Vamp sends for the doctor, but Vanilla keeps working. Vanilla's partner botches his dive so he just repeats it with everyone standing around like an idiot.

BIG BURGER DIVE. IT'S A TRIPLEMANIA MOMENT. Oh fuck off Striker. BIG BURGER HITS A BIG SPLASH OFF THE TOP AND WINS IT. Mami is Porky's daughter is has his weight and charisma. Striker apologizes for making an earthquake reference and says he isn't making fun of their weight. Vamp tells him to stop being so goddamn PC.

Wacky tag ladder match is coming up. DJZ and Andrew Everett, Loredo Kid and Golden Magic, Flamita and Bandito, and Drago and Aerostar are out. Striker talks about his Spanish being bad and his accent being worse. Aerostar does his fire bit with a lighter and a can - wozers. Suicide dive DDT off the top through a ladder to start. RANA OFF THE LADDER. JESUS FUCK!

 SUPER BOMB INTO A LADDER BRIDGE! God, this match is something I would love to do in 2K18 if it didn't have that damn texture limit. SUNSET BOMB BY AEROSTAR TO FLAMITA! Flamita and Bandito win during an ad, so I get to miss the finish. Konnan comes out to "Eye of the Tiger" with MAD. Juice looks shockingly great for a middle-aged recovering drug addict. They call out Vamp, who calls them all assholes before Pagano and the clowns are out. Vamp demands his music now because he's supposed to be in the ring now.

"VAMP, A TRUE PROFESSIONAL WAITING FOR HIS CUE TO LET THE FANS KNOW HE'S HAD ENOUGH!" Also Striker - THIS IS AS REAL AS IT GETS! Vamp calls them putas before a puta chant breaks out. Konnan has a contract that he signs and if Vamp loses this match, Vamp has to leave Mexico. Konnan moves like he's 60 and yet he still puts everything he physically has in him on the day. Striker asks Hugo what the stip is and Striker says that's the case. Now, 30 minutes after the match, we get highlights for the ladder match.

 
Not much to the trios tag title match beyond Pimpi getting his hair done. Power of the North wins it. Averno hits a ranage to Juvi while Vamp talks about knowing Jack Evans for 20 years. We've got a random lumberjack match. We have moves going on, a GoPro logo on the tron, and other stuff happening. Stack powerbomb ends it. This was a thing. Teddy ate a nutty press slam over the top to the floor.

Time for a hardcore match. Pagano takes wooden spikes to the head! Light tubes! TACKS ON THE HEAD FOR MURDER CLOWN! CHOPFEST! Air raid crash from Pagano onto a trash can! Rey Escorpion's arm gashes are nasty. SUPERBOMB OFF THE TOP TO A SHOPPING CART! PAGANO EATS A LIGHT TUBE! Lighter fluid on a table! C4 OFF THE RAMP THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE! Texano wins with a fire-assisted rope shot. I can't wait for a Texano ROM hack of a Castlevania with a flaming rope instead of a whip.

Joe Lider gets taken out on a stretcher as does Pagano. Vamp explains the main event - with the cage match only being stage one and then the first two who escape get to keep their masks. Mask vs. Hair is up with Faby Apachi vs Lady Shani. Striker sings Shani's theme.

Chair to the head to START the match. Taurus and Faby attack Shani in the corner. La Parka comes out for Shani and beats up Taurus. Faby is gashed and eats a backstabber for 2. Faby hits a shining wizard for a fast counted 2. Shani gets the crossface and Faby taps, but Taurus hits a Falcon Arrow to her! Parka sends him out and dives. REFEREE WARFARE! SHANI HITS A LUNG BLOWER AND WINS IT!

 

"Come over here you fucking goof!" - Oh Vamp Faby takes some of the head shaving in the ring and then does some of it herself. Everyone comes out for the title match. Jeff gets a drink thrown at him and he badly needs to be in a singlet. Swann jumps off of Cage's back and hits a rana. Jeff was taken out to start with an apron bump. Jeff busts Fenix open with a guitar.

Swann and Jeff do the strut before Rich and Cage hit a punch on him and then a Hart Attack from them to Jeff.Jeff hypes up a big dive before runninig into the ropes and then doing the strut again. Mrs. Pena tosses a drink at Jeff and then Fenix accidentally hits her on a dive! SHIT! Fenix driver to Swann gets 2. A repeat of last time with La Parka coming out, with them now saying it's Konnan, BUT IT'S DR. WAGNER JR! Cutter to JJ and Fenix wins it - and he's apparently still doing CMLL's show too. So Fenix wipes out Mrs. Pena, wins the AAA Mega Title and is still wrestling at CMLL's biggest show of the year. 2018 is weird.

Pentagon comes out in samurai gear to the Perros Del Mal theme.Pentagon and Psycho Clown escape. Park's mask gets taken off. Fantasma eats a tope and Park smashes him with a monitor while his gear falls apart at the gut. Park and Fantasma brawl at ringside before Park gets a slow 2 off a powerslam. Fantasma counters a reverse suplex for 2. Fantasma and Park take their masks off and fake ballshots and the heel ref asks who wins and gives no one the win. Fantasma is down for 2.9! PARK HITS A SPEAR TO WIN.

Park flips the ref off and Fantasma embraces his father and son. He shakes Park's hand. He's wrestled for 18 years and Vamp doesn't say his name, but I heart Luis. Park says he hate the commissioner before Dr. Wagner Jr comes out in a badass coat and face paint sounding like he's just finished gargling glass. He challenges him to a mask vs. hair match because he's in his house. He'll protect him for one year because he wants him at next year's Triplemania.

 

The post-show GoPro doc features Vamp talking about pro wrestling - the realities of it. He talks about riding on buses, not eating, getting paid late and not being able to pay his bills. Fantasma talks about being a family man in real life, while Fantasma is cocky. Faby says she's 37. Fantasma talks about being educated and Vamp says that he's got a government job in addition to wrestling. Vamp talks about Faby being bitter over the younger generation being spoiled. Vamp talks about the importance of not glorifying man on woman violence. Vamp talks about being scared because his daughter got a concussion and is in the ER, but he's in another country.

Fantasma talks about his mother getting a new tattoo with every title or cup win - and not being able to look at photos of his children. Faby talks about missing her father and wishing she could wrestle with him again and then we see her with her son. Fantamsa tells them to shoot the top of his head and not his face. Faby and Fantasma talk about wrestling giving them the lives they have now.

WWE Summerslam 2018

JBL is here for the pre-show. New Day promo features Xavier getting...very excited. Rusev and Lana vs. Vega and Almas is up. Rusev tosses Almas off the top to the floor. Lana runs wild and breakdances up. Lana gives her a wedige on the floor, but gets schoolgirled and Vega barely uses the ropes to win.

Spud, Paige, and Angle meet and talk about stuff for a bit. Kurt talks about the WWE Title match being a surefire classic because he was in the ring with both guys. Baron buries Kurt, before Kurt tells Baron to go cut Brock's steak and get him the most up to date magazines. Baron looks 20 feet tall next to Spud. Drew is out in red, white and blue gear that looks ridiculous. Flip dive to Drew. Cedric gets 2 off the back elbow. Cedric gets a cradle for the win and no reaction.

Revival faces the B Team in a match that could be in any death slot on any Raw of the year. B Team wins to a mild reaction. Dean walks backstage in a Shield vest, while Seth is in a dark blue and gold vest. An epic Terry Crews video airs before the WM CG returns!

IC title match starts things off. Seth's full gear looks ridiculous and Dolph is back in black with the IC belt designed on it ala Rude. I'm disappointed Dolph doesn't have CALL ME UP PAUL on his gear. Dolph in NXT might actually be interesting. They start off hot before chinlocks. Seth avoids a Zig Zag and hits a superkick. A frog splash is met with knees and a cradle for 2.9. Seth switches up the superplex>falcon arrow with an inverted superplex/Saving Grade - so D-Von's finisher actually gets a pop! Drew attacks Dean, leading to a Zig Zag for 2.9.Chain of cradles leads to a buckle bomb. Dean attacks Drew with Dirty Deeds. Superkick and a Curb Stomp hit and wins it!

Renee chats with the Bellas about Evolution before they chat about everything they're doing as the Bella Brand. Sweet Jesus I'd forgotten how bad they were as promos. SD Tag Titles are up. "You know what the Bludgeon Brothers need to take them to the next level? A red key card? No GODDAMMIT! THEY NEED ANTLERS!"Woods eats a beating on the floor before tagging in E. BELLY TO BELLY ON THE FLOOR! Harper gets a Michinoku driver for 2. Rowan eats the post with his shoulder - a bad thing for ex-Wyatts. Suicide spear from E. Rowan's crossbody off the apron was no worse than EC3's off the top rope. Double crucifix bomb gets 2 when Woods saves. Big Ending on the floor to Rowan. Harper teases an apron suplex for 20 years before E hits it and gets a backstabber too and then hits the flying elbow off the top to the floor 3/4 of the way across the ring. These guys are killing themselves to overachieve - but they got a chance and are making the most of it. ROWAN ATTACKS WITH THE HANDLE OF THE MALLET!

KO vs Braun is up. KO's out in gred and gold and KO just gets mangled. Giant chokeslam on the ramp before the powerslam ends it. Evil heel Dolph Ziggler does an anti-bullying charity event. Carmella is wrestling in PJs now. Does that make her a Samoa Joe cosplayer? Charlotte's rack looks crazy and we get 5,000 cradles. Yakuza kick misses Mella and also misses Becky, who sells it anyway. Becky hits a double dropkick on Mella, but not Charlotte. Charlotte hits a spear and it leads to Mella flatlining Becky for 2. Trish top rope rana hits once for Mella, but Charlotte turns it into a Boston crab the second time. Figure 4 to Mella leads to Becky hitting an Alabama jam for 2. Low-pe to Becky from Carmella. Skytwister press from Charlotte to the floor, but only Mella catches her. Disarmarmher, but Mella breaks it up. Disarmher to Mella, who gets the ropes. Natural Selection breaks up a second one and Charlotte wins the title! A huge Becky chant breaks out and they hug before Becky snaps! YES! Becky gets even more cheers now! God this was so great and Chrlotte gets booed for getting up after the beating.

Wendy is shown in the crowd and Joe cuts a promo on her before they start and a TNA chant breaks out. Legsweep on the apron hits hard. Inside-out P1 forearm hits. Joe hits a second rope rough Ryder for 2. Joe hits the snap slap for 2.5. Joe hits the Clash sorta for 2.5! Pele kick hits and sends Joe into the buckle, where he gets the ST-Joe! Joe gets the choke, but AJ gets a foot on the rope! Joe teases the muscle buster and sets it up, but AJ slugs him, so Joe hits a jumping kick sending AJ to the floor! Joe gets on the table and tells Wendy daddy's coming home - and AJ won't, but he'll be the new daddy. AJ beats up a crew guy and gets DQed for using a chair. Ugh. A who's your daddy chant breaks out. Wendy looks on disgusted at AJ. His daughter says he's bleeding and this could easily be something that hurts her.

A goofy ra ra WWE video airs. Nakamura hits a bunch of kicks and knee strikes, including a slick sliding knee to the hamstring. Nakamura avoids the Twist and goes for the low blow, but Jeff evades. Twisto stunner hits! SWANTON! It hits for 2 and another Twist hits and Nakamura goes to the apron. JEFF GOES TO THE POST AND DOES A SWANTON TO THE APRON. Okay, that's a crazy move – especially with a bad back, but if you're going to have one last big stunt bump, that was a good one. Kinshasa hits for the win – this exceeded expectations.

Nattie comes out in her dad's Summerslam 1990 jacket. Alexa is out in black and purple gear while Ronda has a black top and black eyeliner that doesn't look good. She has new shorts with all sorts of accents that look awesome. Alexa stalls while Ronda stalks her, but Alexa evades until eating a shot and going to the floor. Ronda goes for schoolyard tactics and sits Indian style so Alexa can attack. Alexa gets a sleeper and Ronda powers out. Spiral Samoan drop hits. Ronda tosses her around a ton before doing the Samoan drop again and asking the fans if she should break her arm. Alexa does the double joint spot and then Ronda wins with the armbar. This was perfect. She celebrates with Nattie before the Bellas come in and celebrate and then she jumps into Travis's arms and kisses him. We see the Brooklyn bridge with WWE graphics all over it and an Instagram ad.

Roman comes out to a sea of boos while they have a goofy-looking CG version of his logo WITH A BIG DOG ON IT. Oh sweet Jesus. Cole asks IF ROMAN CAN GET ANOTHER SHOT IF HE DOESN'T WIN TONIGHT. What's one more shot when he's already fairly lost two out of two this year? Brock comes down looking lighter in the arms and jigglier in the torso...for some reason. He's ripped in the abs though, but feeling the effects of age visibly more than usual. Heyman gives Brock a huge intro before Braun comes out. Oh my God, after ALL OF THIS, Roman still can't beat Brock one on one.

Braun says he won't be a coward and cash in out of nowhere – he's the monster and he'll do things face to face! He calls Brock beatie boy and gets a huge beastie boy chant and says that he'll cash in on the winner...so he's still kind of a coward then. He's not cashing in for a triple threat – he's doing. Three Superman punches AND THEN THREE SPEARS HIT, but Brock gets the front choke! Roman spinebusters his way free – okay, this has been perfect. Front choke is on once again and another spinebuster hits. Brock takes the gloves off and a Superman punch is countered into Suplex City. A “you both suck” chant breaks out – so this is getting to be like the first Brock-Goldberg match. Roman avoids an F5 and a spear leads to him hitting a makeshift suicide dive onto Braun. F5 TO BRAUN! Brock beats up Braun with the case and then tosses it before destroying Braun with a chair.

Okay, this is all working out wonderfully – Braun has the post-title match match, but he's hurt too. SPEAR TO BROCK MID-RING ENDS IT OUT OF NOWHERE. Roman finally does it and gets a good amount of cheers here too. Roman FINALLY wins it – and in only their second-best match and the best match they've had this year. Braun's out so he can't cash in and Roman gets to celebrate – but there's no big pyro display or anything. Well, this was still a triumph because Roman came off like a big star, won, and did so in a very good match.