TripleMania XXVI

We start off with a rundown of random people who aren't identified because Striker is in the lineup being introduced - and he bows in appreciation. Vamp comes down while Striker does his own mic check on-air. An ad for an AAA-sponsored movie is shown. MORE MIC CHECKS ON AIR! Striker hypes up the future of lucha libre match here. Dragon Bane faces Astrolux, Freelance, who looks 45 and "This guy right here!" - I expect Vamp to use this a lot. And another guy comes out looking like Rey while Vamp says he's leaving the desk.  Striker's attempted Spanish accent is Peggy Hill-esque.

Striker plugs a GoPro video later that will BLOW THE DOORS OFF THE BUSINESS. And Vamp returns. We have two people speaking what is apparently English and we only have three names announced for this billion person opener. "Me? SAY SOMETHING INTERESTING!? COME ON!" - Striker "You say you want to win people over? You ain't immortal homie!" - Vamp Invereted airplane spin into a blue thunder bomb! Spanish fly off the apron. Freelance hits a goofy super reverse rana. and wins.

Villaino III video package showing him old and past his prime. AAA, there's no wrong way to do a tribute video, but you're doing it wrong! His family is on the ramp. Okay, they've mixed the audio so well that the English commentators can barely be heard over the live talking they're trying to talk over - good stuff. ACH, Shane Strickland, Sammy Guevera, and Australian Suicide are out for the cruiserweight title. Striker and Vamp bury and put over wrestling journalism. Maybe. AS is out in a black dress shirt and a tie for this title match.

 Vamp begs for someone backstage to confirm they can hear him. Hurricane leaf from ACH, who Vamp buries with "ACH, GBH, THC!" "Dude, stop fucking with my stuff!" - Vamp Striker talks about how we could hear them warming up the mics because WE WANT TO BRING YOU INTO OUR WORLD. Sammy wins and Killer Kross comes down. Kross is playing the role of Scott Steiner burying an entire division. AS takes the shirt while Vamp buries MAD but puts over his physique. "Stop breathing down the mic, please. DUDE I CAN'T THE MIC SUCKS!" - Vampiro

The stream goes to shit during a tribute to someone. Show-opening video is great. The flames go on for too long and a guy has to put the flames out manually. Tribute pieces are brought out for Antonio Pena. Striker talks about the boom in wrestling right now and how AAA brings the world together.

Vanilla is out and looks hot with someone before a chick in green with a giant rick is out. BIG MAMI AND SMALL HAMBURGER ARE THE CHAMPIONS! The champions and challengers take a photo with the belts before the match.Tornado rules - so yeah, PBP ain't happening. MAMI AND BURGER BUMP OFF DROPKICKS! Big Titties lands a stunner and one girl takes a double dropkick to the crotch. Vanilla is hurt and Vamp sends for the doctor, but Vanilla keeps working. Vanilla's partner botches his dive so he just repeats it with everyone standing around like an idiot.

BIG BURGER DIVE. IT'S A TRIPLEMANIA MOMENT. Oh fuck off Striker. BIG BURGER HITS A BIG SPLASH OFF THE TOP AND WINS IT. Mami is Porky's daughter is has his weight and charisma. Striker apologizes for making an earthquake reference and says he isn't making fun of their weight. Vamp tells him to stop being so goddamn PC.

Wacky tag ladder match is coming up. DJZ and Andrew Everett, Loredo Kid and Golden Magic, Flamita and Bandito, and Drago and Aerostar are out. Striker talks about his Spanish being bad and his accent being worse. Aerostar does his fire bit with a lighter and a can - wozers. Suicide dive DDT off the top through a ladder to start. RANA OFF THE LADDER. JESUS FUCK!

 SUPER BOMB INTO A LADDER BRIDGE! God, this match is something I would love to do in 2K18 if it didn't have that damn texture limit. SUNSET BOMB BY AEROSTAR TO FLAMITA! Flamita and Bandito win during an ad, so I get to miss the finish. Konnan comes out to "Eye of the Tiger" with MAD. Juice looks shockingly great for a middle-aged recovering drug addict. They call out Vamp, who calls them all assholes before Pagano and the clowns are out. Vamp demands his music now because he's supposed to be in the ring now.

"VAMP, A TRUE PROFESSIONAL WAITING FOR HIS CUE TO LET THE FANS KNOW HE'S HAD ENOUGH!" Also Striker - THIS IS AS REAL AS IT GETS! Vamp calls them putas before a puta chant breaks out. Konnan has a contract that he signs and if Vamp loses this match, Vamp has to leave Mexico. Konnan moves like he's 60 and yet he still puts everything he physically has in him on the day. Striker asks Hugo what the stip is and Striker says that's the case. Now, 30 minutes after the match, we get highlights for the ladder match.

 
Not much to the trios tag title match beyond Pimpi getting his hair done. Power of the North wins it. Averno hits a ranage to Juvi while Vamp talks about knowing Jack Evans for 20 years. We've got a random lumberjack match. We have moves going on, a GoPro logo on the tron, and other stuff happening. Stack powerbomb ends it. This was a thing. Teddy ate a nutty press slam over the top to the floor.

Time for a hardcore match. Pagano takes wooden spikes to the head! Light tubes! TACKS ON THE HEAD FOR MURDER CLOWN! CHOPFEST! Air raid crash from Pagano onto a trash can! Rey Escorpion's arm gashes are nasty. SUPERBOMB OFF THE TOP TO A SHOPPING CART! PAGANO EATS A LIGHT TUBE! Lighter fluid on a table! C4 OFF THE RAMP THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE! Texano wins with a fire-assisted rope shot. I can't wait for a Texano ROM hack of a Castlevania with a flaming rope instead of a whip.

Joe Lider gets taken out on a stretcher as does Pagano. Vamp explains the main event - with the cage match only being stage one and then the first two who escape get to keep their masks. Mask vs. Hair is up with Faby Apachi vs Lady Shani. Striker sings Shani's theme.

Chair to the head to START the match. Taurus and Faby attack Shani in the corner. La Parka comes out for Shani and beats up Taurus. Faby is gashed and eats a backstabber for 2. Faby hits a shining wizard for a fast counted 2. Shani gets the crossface and Faby taps, but Taurus hits a Falcon Arrow to her! Parka sends him out and dives. REFEREE WARFARE! SHANI HITS A LUNG BLOWER AND WINS IT!

 

"Come over here you fucking goof!" - Oh Vamp Faby takes some of the head shaving in the ring and then does some of it herself. Everyone comes out for the title match. Jeff gets a drink thrown at him and he badly needs to be in a singlet. Swann jumps off of Cage's back and hits a rana. Jeff was taken out to start with an apron bump. Jeff busts Fenix open with a guitar.

Swann and Jeff do the strut before Rich and Cage hit a punch on him and then a Hart Attack from them to Jeff.Jeff hypes up a big dive before runninig into the ropes and then doing the strut again. Mrs. Pena tosses a drink at Jeff and then Fenix accidentally hits her on a dive! SHIT! Fenix driver to Swann gets 2. A repeat of last time with La Parka coming out, with them now saying it's Konnan, BUT IT'S DR. WAGNER JR! Cutter to JJ and Fenix wins it - and he's apparently still doing CMLL's show too. So Fenix wipes out Mrs. Pena, wins the AAA Mega Title and is still wrestling at CMLL's biggest show of the year. 2018 is weird.

Pentagon comes out in samurai gear to the Perros Del Mal theme.Pentagon and Psycho Clown escape. Park's mask gets taken off. Fantasma eats a tope and Park smashes him with a monitor while his gear falls apart at the gut. Park and Fantasma brawl at ringside before Park gets a slow 2 off a powerslam. Fantasma counters a reverse suplex for 2. Fantasma and Park take their masks off and fake ballshots and the heel ref asks who wins and gives no one the win. Fantasma is down for 2.9! PARK HITS A SPEAR TO WIN.

Park flips the ref off and Fantasma embraces his father and son. He shakes Park's hand. He's wrestled for 18 years and Vamp doesn't say his name, but I heart Luis. Park says he hate the commissioner before Dr. Wagner Jr comes out in a badass coat and face paint sounding like he's just finished gargling glass. He challenges him to a mask vs. hair match because he's in his house. He'll protect him for one year because he wants him at next year's Triplemania.

 

The post-show GoPro doc features Vamp talking about pro wrestling - the realities of it. He talks about riding on buses, not eating, getting paid late and not being able to pay his bills. Fantasma talks about being a family man in real life, while Fantasma is cocky. Faby says she's 37. Fantasma talks about being educated and Vamp says that he's got a government job in addition to wrestling. Vamp talks about Faby being bitter over the younger generation being spoiled. Vamp talks about the importance of not glorifying man on woman violence. Vamp talks about being scared because his daughter got a concussion and is in the ER, but he's in another country.

Fantasma talks about his mother getting a new tattoo with every title or cup win - and not being able to look at photos of his children. Faby talks about missing her father and wishing she could wrestle with him again and then we see her with her son. Fantamsa tells them to shoot the top of his head and not his face. Faby and Fantasma talk about wrestling giving them the lives they have now.