Tuesday, September 27, 2016

WWE SD 9-27-16

Orton cuts a promo on fear and how Bray is afraid of him. Dean chats about getting his belt back before the Usos come out with a new theme and camo gear. They always come off as Samoan versions of the Briscoes on Total Divas - and now they really do. 8 man tag with them and The Ascension against Beauty and the Manbeast and Alpha leads to them taking out Heath with the knee curb stomp and the Tequila Sunrise. Cena says that Dean has something AJ doesn't have - guts! Naomi and Nikki face Nattie and Carmella, who takes the corner rimjob to start. I love Mauro calling every part of that, from the headscissor to the moonwalk, BUT NOT THAT PART. Carmella beats her with a...sorta schoolboy? Okay.
Orton goes to spooky doors painted in paint/blood symbolism and walks through a door. Miz and Maryse come down so she can throw to a video package on him. This is an outstanding video and really makes him come off like a character babyface who has overcome every possible odd. Miz leads the hometown crowd in cheering for his parents, and his dad gets a Mr. Hero chant leading to Miz saying you can all get burgers later. Miz introduces "Mr. and Mrs. Ziggler", who created an elite-level loser! This brings out Dolph - finally, a WWE babyface who stands up for himself! Miz hiding behind Maryse is a great touch.

Maryse's boob window catsuit is amazing. Dolph tells him to say things to his face and Dolph tells him he cheated - while Miz points out that the record books just talk about wins. Miz says that Dolph was great, but he just loses - he needs to end his mediocre career and he was ALMOST main event-level, but now he's mid-card. "Your career makes me sick and it would make me sad if it was mine!" Miz tells him that Dolph can't get one more match from him - so Dolph puts his career on the line to get one last chance at the title at No Mercy. Now that's a stip and it actually feels important. They have made the IC Title seem so important once again, and it was so simple.

Bray sez words to Randy. Becky comes down for a match, but Bliss attacks her. Orton wears a sheep mask and finds Bray and beats him up. Cena comes down to do commentary, while AJ in his slick black and white gear are out for the main event. Dean and AJ have a far better match here than on the PPV. Dean's cloverleaf and apron forearm were fantastic. AJ gets crotched again and eats a big lariat, while the flying elbow gets 2. Ambrose hits Cena on the floor, and AJ cradles him for the win! Cena lands AAs and stands tall with the title.

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Sunday, September 25, 2016

WWE Clash of Champions 2016

Nia and Alicia have a sloppy match. Holy Jesus is this match just nothing. LONG CHINLOCK. Nia wins with the Samoan drop and Alicia's ass looks nice in her gear. God, even the recaps of the storylines are just boring now.
New Day vs. The Club is the opener. New Day says words. Jokes. I'm exhausted and the show has just begun. YES! New badass long vests for the good brothers! Running Ligerbomb gets 2 for Karl right away. Boy, way to kill that move dead. Luke runs wild with some nice shots in the corner and gets 2 off a chokeslam. Big Ending gets 2 when LG pulls E to the floor. FLYING TROMBONE SHOT hits Karl and the Big Ending/Flying DDT end it. Commentators hype up Ride Along.

Cruiserweight Title is up IN ITS DEBUT in the second match on the card. This division is so fucked. Generic Brunette Human talks to TJP about him being a WWE Superstar and WWE Cruiserweight Champion. Loving Kendrick and his wacky flag. The ropes are purple for CW matches, and then Mega Man music is used for TJP! Code of the Cruisers not being adhered to! Also, the apron LEDs and buckle logos are purple - because THAT fixes what was horrible about the cruisers on Raw.

Kendrick does the Finlay ring skirt beatdown. Pendulum by TJP. Triangle rana sends Kendrick to the floor for 9. Wrecking ball dropkick hits Kendrick, but the 450 misses. Kendrick goes for the bully choke, but it's countered into a kneebar. Sliced Bread hits and gets 2! Fireman's carry kick into the kneebar ends it. Pretty boring match, sadly. Kendrick kicks his ass after the match - so no one really gained anything here.

Speaking of which, Cesaro cut a promo in his prom tux. Cesaro hits an uppercut to counter the outside-in shoulderblock and he hits a flying Thesz press off the apron. Sheamus goes for the splash mountain, but Cesaro sunset flips him for 2. Sheamus clubs away in the corner, but Cesaro hits a 619! Tossing irish curse gets 2. Cesaro necks himself on a dive! Cesaro recovers and gets an Okada dropkick before Sheamus dives to the floor into a sloppy uppercut. Cactus Clothesline over the barricade by Cescaro. And that's a non-finish. Are you fucking kidding? RAW IS IN A FIGHT FOR SURVIVAL AGAINST SMACKDOWN LIVE, so here's an ad for the SD Live PPV. Bayley and Charlotte chat backstage and WWE still hates cancer.

Sami's out to face (the gift of) Jericho. Jericho working as a slower wrestler is so much better. Love his super-slow basement dropkick. These two just aren't gelling much here, and Jericho wins with the codebreaker. Goddamn Raw is hopeless. Women's match is up for the mid-card death slot. Sasha and Charlotte get all wacky with brawling. Sasha GETS HER HAIR PULLED for her "stay on the floor for five minutes" spot. Sasha gets shotgun knees to Charlotte in the gut. Sasha lands a double decker NO ONE MOVE kneedrop. Sasha dominates with...high school slapfight slaps. Bayley breaks up the bank statement/crossface. Wedgie for Sasha and a yakuza kick to Bayley wins it for Charlotte.

Hot Lana introduces Ru-Ru! Rusev grounds and pounds him. Long chinlock by Rusev. CM PUNK CHANTS. DELETE! RUSEV! CRUSH! Now the crowd is hyped! Spear gets 2 because Lana pulls the ref out. Spear.  ROMAN, WHO WON THE WWE WORLD TITLE AT MANIA, GETS HIS NEW BIGGEST WIN EVER...THE US TITLE!  Universal Title match is up. Seth gets a PK! Owens mocks him for the architect moniker. Seth gets his ribs worked over and they trade frog splashes. Jericho distracts Seth, who eats the package sideslam for 2. Pedigree gets 2 thanks to Jericho putting KO's foot on the rope. Another pedigree, but the ref is out. New ref is out, powerbomb hits and wins. Ugh. This show really got no one over.

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Friday, September 23, 2016

NXT 9-21-16

The show begins with a recap of Samoa Joe's path of destruction and stating that maybe he went too far before, before he kicked Nakamura's ass too. Joe brags about hurting Nakamura and runs down the medical report - stating he could be out of action for 6-12 weeks! He wants the title off of him, but Regal comes down and says the information is correct - but he hasn't spoken to him and he isn't a normal person. Oney Lorcan faces Aries. Asuka intimidates Liv by staring at her.
Lorcan looks good here with some impressive strikes, but lands tailbone-first on the apron for a break. Lorcan recovers and hip attacks him in the corner twice, but he avoids the third one and sends his tailbone into the apron again before Aries dives onto him. Lorgan uppercuts him twice and gets 2. Aries avoids a blockbuster and eats a rolling elbow, the corner dropkick and lands a GTS from a suplex position before the Last Chancery ends it. Aries has Lorcan's blood on his chest before Itami comes down and Aries leaves.

Dan Matha hype video - he debuts in two weeks. Ciampa and Gargano talk about the CWC and the NXT Tag champs, who then beat them down. Aliyah comes down to face Billie Kay. They have a technically fine match that falls apart when Aliyah is on offense. Her uppercuts in particular look awful, but a neckbreaker gets 2 for her. The boot ends it with a win for Kay. Sanity hype video. Asuka faces Liv Morgan next week. Cedric comes down to face Almas, who has a vest now instead of suspenders.

Cedric takes down Almas with fast action before they flip around a ton and a big Almas shot leads to a dive and a break. Cedric lands a nice uppercut and a tope con hilo! An Almas moonsault block gets 2. Lumbar Check wins for Cedric! Nothing show, sadly.


Tuesday, September 20, 2016

WWE SD 9-21-16

I'm on the road for the WWE 2K17 press event - so this is probably going to be a fairly short update compared to the usual ones. The show starts with a fantastic recap of the Ambrose-Cena feud that really feels like it's elevating Ambrose, while Miz-Dolph is hyped up too. Hot damn - TWO IMPORTANT SINGLES TITLES. Bryan says that the SD Live Women's Title will be on the line at No Mercy, and tonight, we will have THE FIRST-EVER SD LIVE WOMEN'S TITLE CONTRACT SIGNING. Boy howdy what history! Bryan says he knows contract signings can get crazy - but he's going to make sure that doesn't happen here, and doesn't very much like folks booing that.

Becky comes down and says she's got her thick skin on tonight - COME AT ME BRO. Becky is so great. Bliss comes out and we see her win last week. Bliss mocks Becky for not using creams, and Becky says she gets ready for fights - not beauty contests. Bliss tells her that her role is to win, then lose - the one who doesn't get it. This is easily Alexa's best promo work to date. Becky says she wasn't born to be a champion - she was born to work a job she didn't like to barely make ends meet. She watched too much TV and believed that when she was told she could be anything she wanted to be, she decided to do it! She wasn't born to be a champion - but fought to be one! Alexa says she was born to be a champion and she'll make Becky a one-hit wonder. Alexa shoves her down, signs it, and then tosses the table on her. Great stuff here. Becky chases her on the ramp and Bliss runs away. Becky signs and comes off as such a star here - outstanding!

Usos vs. American Alpha is next, but first, Bryan runs into the Miz. Miz says he has a problem and Daniel says it can't be about his new contract or the new title match tonight. Miz says that's the issue, so Bryan says okay - he'll just take the title from him since the new contract is dependent on him defending the title. Otunga says he talked to Rikishi about the Usos' new look on the set of a movie, but didn't elaborate on the point. Gable says he's back and JJ says they made it personal - so they're going to become SD Tag Team Champions! Chad jumps Jimmy, in pants, so Jey is in the shorts then. FINALLY - a way to tell them apart.

AA work on the knee for a bit while the SD champs look on from backstage. AA double dropkick sends the Usos down, so they work on the knee with a nice rope-based attack. During the break, Chad eats a suplex sending him knee-first into the rope - called a World of Sport suplex by Mauro. Chad gets a hot tag and JJ runs wild with Alphaplexes! JJ goes for an Angle-run up superplex, but gets tossed off and hit with a splash getting 2 thanks to a save by Gable. CAPTURE PLEX BY JJ! Chad wants to come in, but JJ won't tag him in for his own good. Chad gets chopblocked, JJ gets double superkicked and splashed - so the Usos win and go onto NM. Excellent story told here - this show is so much better than Raw. Otunga KEEPS TALKING ABOUT ASKING RIKISHI AND WON'T TELL THE STORY. DON'T BRING IT UP THEN!

Beauty and the Manbeast talk about this - they beat them before and they know they can beat them again. Slater wants to make RHY-NO a thing akin to U-SO, but Rhyno is no fan. Usos threaten to knock the crackers out of Rhyno's hand, which he is absolutely not down with. Orton faces Rowan tonight. Swagger does commentary for Crews vs. Corbin. Swagger says he's here to be WWE World Champion. Well that just ain't happening. Crews hits a nice jumping kick on the floor and gets 2 mid-ring. Baron traps Crews on the barricade and elbows his head - excellent spot that Brock should steal. Crews is trapped against the post and is dropkicked into the post, getting an "oh shit!" muted and the End of Days wins it.

Yet another Hawkins video. I think the return of Jesus got less hype. Generic Brunette Woman talks to Nikki and Naomi about facing Nattie and Carmella. Naomi talks about what feeling the glow means - it's confidence. Nikki says that she loves Trin, before Naomi says she's got a cure for Nattie's negativity. Nikki says she now fights every match like it's her last - it's her reboot, while Carmella's just a boot. Dolph says everything is different, but it's the same and he needs to win and they have their own Branjelna with Maryse and Miz. He says he wasn't supposed to be a World Champion, or a Kent State Hall of Famer - BUT NOW HE IS AND HE CAN DO ANYTHING. HIT HIS MUSIC. Finally - good stuff from Dolph. Maryse is showing off marvelously here.

Dolph gets a nice pop here. Dolph starts off strong and hits a series of lariats. Mauro talks about Dolph's history of winning the IC Title from Miz. Dolph takes a big bump off a barricade toss. Miz does Bryan's kicks, showing more intensity than he usually does. Running basement kick gets 2 for Miz. Dolph lands a back elbow and then a Stinger splash, but Dolph gets posted. Miz does a terrible impression of the corner dropkicks, but it leads to the running lariat anyway. Miz dives off with an axehandle and eats a dropkick. Fameasser is countered into an alley oop into the ropes. Finale turned into a jumping DDT for 2. Cactus clothesline sends both guys over the top.

SLINGSHOT LIGERBOMB BY THE MIZ gets 2. Dolph goes for the RNC, but Miz gets the rope. Miz lands a boot for 2. Dolph turns a Finale into a cradle for 2, and then a Fameasser gets 2. Maryse almost uses the hairspray in front of the ref, so he kicks her out! BACK AND FORTH CRADLES GET 2! ZIG ZAG GETS 2.5! Best IC Title nearfall in ages! Miz grabs the title to leave, but Dolph chases him. Miz uses the spray while the ref is removing the belt from the ring and wins with the Finale. Excellent match on a fantastic show.

Orton has a bad match with Rowan, but Orton tried his best and won with the RKO. Bray claps for him and says the people love him, but Orton is just a man while he is a god. Okay then. Nikki comes out for the tag match. Naomi has even more neon gear on, it's crazy. Sloppy nothing match here, but Carmella tosses Nikki into the barricade, giving her another wedgie. AJ says he has no rivalry with Cena or Dean - he beat them both! HE'S THE CHAMP THAT RUNS THE CAMP and he's superior in every way.  AJ says the only way the title is coming off of his shoulder is if someone else is pinned.

Cena comes out to a huge reaction, and still feels like THE MAN. Cena vs.Ambrose is up for the first time ever. Basic lockup to start things off leads to Cena getting a headlock. They teases finishes early before Cena just locks on a side headlock takeover. Cena misses a corner charge, giving Dean an edge for an ad break. Corner forearm and a bulldog hit for Dean, who has let his beard grow to super-sleazy levels.

STF is on! Dean gets the ropes and lands the tope! Dean goes for a crossbody, but CENA HITS AN AA FOR 2! Another AA is turned into Dirty Deeds for 2! Another AA is countered into a sunset flip by Dean for the win! This was a fine tease for a future PPV match, and made Dean look great going into the PPV. AJ jumps Cena and Ambrose, so Bryan comes out and says that Dean was promised a one on one rematch for the title - and it will happen next week on SD! Dean takes him out to close the show. OUTSTANDING show tonight - hot damn!

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

WWE Cruiserweight Classic Finale 9-14-16

CWC recap leads to Bryan saying that the CWC roster is doing what Tiger Mask and Dynamite Kid did in the '80s, and what the NJPW Juniors did in the '90s. TJP's rise in the tourney is chronicled and Gran Metalik comes out to face Zack Sabre Jr. This is going to be an interesting style matchup as it's basically lucha vs. British style. ZSJ is dropkicked to the floor and eats a flip dive! A springboard senton gets 2.5! Metalik goes up, but gets uppercutted and eats a punt on the rope.

Metalik counters ZSJ's wacky British submissions with a wacky lucha submission! ZSJ gets a dragon sleeper holding his hands together behind his back. ZSJ gets a series of quick submissions, but Metalik hops out before eating a leaping Yakuza kick. He runs in and eats a sick kick. I guess he doesn't really need a jaw - James Ellsworth seems to get by just fine without one. Slap/uppercut fight off the knees! ZSJ eats a lariat and a running superkick before a springboard elbow gets 2.

ZSJ hits a series of forearms and uppercuts in the corner. He locks on a top-rope cravate before ZSJ gets crotched and eats a ropewalk rana. A springboard splash is met with a triangle turned into an armbar by ZSJ. Metalik turns it into a cradle for 2. ZSJ runs in and eats a Metalik Driver - giving Metalik the win! Regal gives Metalik a CWC medal and he is interviewed after the match. DIY says they're ready to rock and roll.

Ibushi comes out to face TJ Perkins in the other semi-final. TJP impresses with fancy matwork, while Ibushi shines with a springboard dropkick. Golden Triangle moonsault is avoided with a kick. Ibushi comes in at 9 and eats a dragon screw legwhip. Ibushi ranas him to the floor and hits the Golden Triangle moonsault! Delayed missile dropkick hits for 2.5. In-ring Golden Triangle is met with a knees to the gut and a kneebar, but Ibushi gets the ropes. Deep bridging German gets 2 for Ibushi! TJ eats some nasty kicks on the apron while the fans chant "yes!"

Ibushi goes for the apron to ring German, but TJ fights out of it and lands a triangle wrecking ball dropkick. Ibushi hits a Pele! Ibushi goes for the last ride, but eats a DDT and the inverted lungblower gets 2.5! Ibushi goes for a Pele, but is locked into a kneebar! They slap one another hard and the Golden Star Bomb hits for 2.9! Phoenix Splash misses and they go back and forth with forearm shots. GTS hits for TJP, but the inverted Dudebuster by Ibushi hits and gets 2! Golden Star bomb is countered into the kneebar! He transitions into a necklock and taps him out!

Cedric and Dar are backstage to face DIY. Sasha Banks is in the crowd along with Kalisto and Rich Swann and Jack Gallagher and Bayley. DIY gets a huge pop before Bryan says that Johnny will actually be wrestling his fiancee soon. Crowd overshadows the match by chanting the Empire March at Dar. Dar eats a big knee by Johnny, who fires away with running forearms after Ciampa locks on a cravate. Spear gets 2 for Johnny. Ciampa lands some knees to the jaw, then Johnny eats a knee before Ciampa hits a roaring lariat. Ciampa chops Dar hard up top before Dar avoids an Air Raid Crash. Dar avoids it and lands a boot to Johnny before Cedric tags in and gets 2 off a brainbuster. A giant spinkick gets 2.9999, but the ref calls it 2. Superkick by Johnny leads to the lawndart and kneeling superkick/knee strike for the win!

Bryan, Mauro, and Regal chat about the CWC. Everything here is of course due to HHH. Corey chats for a bit before TJP comes out. HHH says that the winner here is the inaugural CWC winner and the first WWE Cruiserweight Champion. It's a large purple and silver belt with WWE logos and globes and it looks very create-a-belt ish.

TJP gets a headscissors, then a rocking horse and 2 off a cradle. TJ gets locked into a modified surfboard and makes it to the ropes. Triangle rana sends Metalik to the floor! TJ locks on a nasty body lock, but Metalik gets to the rope. TJ stands on the apron and METALIK SOARS AND HITS A RANA OFF THE APRON! That needs to be an OMG move in 2K18! Double-jump flip dive hits!

TJ lands some kicks, but Metalik hits a springboard dropkick. A standing SSP misses, so TJ locks on a kneebar! He gets to the ropes and we get more forearm exchanges, but a superkick takes TJP out! Big DDT hits and they're both worn out. A Metalik moonsault meets the knees and a do-dan leads to the kneebar! METALIK DRIVER, but he can't cover due to the kneebar. It gets 2! Metalik slaps the daylights out of TJ, who avoids the Driver and hits a rebound dropkick! Metalik kicks him up top and goes for a super Metalik Driver! TJ turns it into a flying kneebar! The legs are crossed and Metalik taps! TJ Perkins is now a former X Division and current Cruiserweight Champion who makes his Raw debut this Monday night. "TJ Perkins was living on the streets and now he is the first CWC winner and Cruiserweight Champion!" TJ's chest is beaten to death with welts.
After the match, TJ holds a key that he says is to the last place he was evicted from. He said he used to hold onto the key to remind him of where he was - and now he no longer needs it. This was an excellent show and so much better than Backlash. This CWC was star-making and I hope they go all the way with the cruiserweights now. I doubt they will, but I at least have some hope now.

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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

WWE SmackDown 9-13-16

Backlash recap starts things off. AJ is formally announced as "the face that runs the place" to huge cheers while just "AJ Styles" gets a sing-along. AJ's blue and gold sideplates are slick. AJ says he's the champ that runs the camp, leading to Cena coming out. Cena says he has only one more reign to go to tie Flair and AJ is the face that runs the place, and Cena has one goal left - to be the 16 time champ! Dean comes down because hey, he's the former champ! He says that a loss doesn't bother him, and hey titles come and go too. Well fuck off - he's only mad because he got hit in the balls. Cena spits fire with "I'm shocked that low blow hurt you - you got no balls!" Dean calls Cena a lazy part-timer. Damn - now I want Cena vs. Dean for the number one contender's shot. Dean and Cena have outstanding chemistry.
Shane comes out and says that Dean will get his one on one shot - but not now. Cena gets the shot at No Mercy, and Dean gets to be in it. "Since you guys have animosity, you've gonna team tonight." OF COURSE! It's Dean and Cena against AJ and a partner of his choice. A fatal 5-way women's match determine's Becky's next opponent. Usos vs. Hype Bros. rematch. Knee clip, eye rake, superkick and a splash win it for the Usos. Miz walks around backstage. Hawkins facts videos are now actually using him. Okay then. Miz is out with Maryse in regular garb. How disappointing.

Dolph lectures Former Wrestlemania Main Eventer Miz on how to be a top guy and Miz buries him and says Dolph's career is dead. Dolph agrees and says he just wants one more match - with no gimmicks. Bryan orders a rematch. SmackDown - the show where cheating ACTUALLY HAS CONSEQUENCES. Miz says he will not give Dolph a shot because he wants to renegotiate his contract, so he leaves. AJ asks Baron to be his partner, but Baron wants a shot at the title instead.

Baron von sad tummy is out to face Apollo in a Backlash pre-show rematch. Baron won that, and jumps Crews and hits his finish on the floor. Swagger's theme hits and his "contract has expired", so he's on SD Live now. Swagger says he's like a rolling stone and he's now on SD Live. He's got a stone-cold fox of a wife and he's going to be a BIG PROBLEM MAN! HE'S A MAN. SUCH A MAN! HE'S A BIG PROBLEM MAN!

Becky comes out to a great reaction and says Philly is the perfect place for Becky Balboa to be SD Women's Champion. Becky is so genuine - she comes off like a female version of Daniel Bryan in that regard. Nikki shaking her ass and pseudo-flashing the audience really misses the whole point of the #womensrevolution deal. Everyone's in this at one time - so it's going to be a cluster. Nattie hits a pair of snap suplexes and gets 2 off a Michinoku driver on Naomi.

Ridiculous spot where Naomi hits a corner kick on Alexa, then the Bubba bomb - but she hangs on and Nattie hits the run-up basement dropkick. Rear View gets 2. Carmella superkicks Nikki, but gets tossed out and Alexa steals the pin to win! AJ talks to Kane about being his partner tonight.

Shane is mid-ring for the Slater signing. Love Heath's Has 7 kids (that he knows of) graphic. Rhyno gets an ECW chant. Slater's new I Got Kids shirt is great and Heath is so likable. He thanks Shane, Bryan, and Rhyno, and hit kids. "Betty Lou - baby, I'M GONNA GET YOU A TONGUE!" Ascension comes down in new shitty warpaint to get a shot. Heath said he'd give a shot to anyone at any time - so Shane okays this. Dammit. Rhyno seemed pissed...I'm sensing an Ascension win here. Nope. Rhyno gores and wins it. AJ meets Bryan, who gives him THE JAWLESS WONDER James Ellsworth as his partner! "He isn't even a household name in his own household! Mauro rules.

Casual wear Randy is out and says that Bray is the face of fear because he's afraid of the RKO. Bray says scary words and teleports to the ring. Rowan jumps Orton in a new black jumpsuit. RKO TO ROWAN! ELLSWORTH GETS A GRAPHIC!
AJ comes out, but MAIN EVENT MIZ JUMPS HIM. "He'd break his jaw if he had one!". JBL gets a great one in. Miz is legit a main eventer again and has credibility again. Amazing.  During the break, AJ hits the over the knee AA and Miz does Bryan's "I have til 5" bit to Cena. Miz should bust out Bryan's cape and Mr. Small Package gimmick next. Dean and AJ go at it, but Miz eats an AA and loses. Step back for Miz there, but this show was a huge step forward for him as a whole. Dean hits Dirty Deeds on Cena to a chorus of boos. Yes! Dean has an edge to him again! This is so much better than him slinging hot dogs around.

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Sunday, September 11, 2016

WWE Backlash 2016

The show opens with a 9/11 tribute and a recap of the feuds. Bray vs. Orton is hyped even with that being off the card now. Shane and Bryan come out for the opening 20 minute promo here on this PPV with no card. Women's title match is up. Naomi's intro is great and Alexa's Harley Quinn pigtails are hot. Carmella vs. Nikki is the only thing actually hyped in the intros. The SD women's title looks so awful. Cluster to start.  Nikki gets the disaster kick on Bliss for 2. Bliss gets 2 off a Code Red. Nattie Germans Becky, and then eats a rana from Naomi. Full nelson bomb into a cattle mutilation by Naomi! Alexa breaks it up and eats a double Eat Defeat. Alabama slam counters the code of silence and gets 2.
Three person tower of doom with Nikki, Nattie, and Carmella. Bliss gets 2 on everyone. Bliss gets 2 off a spinning sunset flip out of the ropes akin to Booker. Nikki goes for a dive, but Carmella nixes it. Naomi tosses her out and hits a springboard plancha to the pile. Blockbuster powerbomb takes Bliss out! Nattie takes Naomi out with the sharpshooter. TKO takes out Nattie. Carmella schoolgirls Nikki to take her out - leaving Becky and Carmella. Disarmer gives Becky the win and the title! "A LIFELONG DREAM FINALLY REALIZED!" Yes, THIS is what she dreamed of when she was struggling. Still a good story though. Becky's post-match promo is outstanding and she tears up and says she's Becky Balboa. Well, there's her post-WWE indy name.

Miz is an asshole to a fan and Bray beats up Orton backstage. Usos are out in perfect heel gear - white hoodies and all-black slacks and shorts respectively. LONG chinlocks here. Chop block and the big kick lead to a Tequila Sunrise win for the Usos. RHYNO AND SLATER SKIT! Slater dominates the skit and a VOTE FOR RHYNO chant breaks out and Rhyno never gets a chance to speak. Connor video.

Miz vs. Dolph recap. Maryse's super-hot outfit is amazing and shown off gloriously after a slingshot. Dolph is messing with his shoulder a bit and it gives Miz a target to work on constantly. Miz gets 2 on a slingshot Ligerbomb! Miz avoids defeat via the RNC and the shortstop DDT hits before a figure four. Superkick gets 2 when Miz gets his foot on the rope. Hairspray to the eyes leads to the Finale and the win.

Pre-show panel leads to Bray coming out and an attack recap. Bray wins via countout because Orton can't compete, so he'll face...KANE!? Joy of joys. This is made a no holds barred match, and is still rather bad. Senton through the table by Bray. Chokeslam gets 2 for Kane, but Orton comes out and RKOs him and another chokeslam wins. What in the holy fuck. AJ talks to some "indy guys" about how they got to meet AJ on the night he won the WWE World Title.

No Mercy is hyped up and it's a month away. Rhyno and Slater come out to face the Usos. DOUBLE SUPLEX BY THE USOS TO THE POST ON SLATER! Greatness. Slater eats a ton of offense, but gets a leaping neckbreaker and leaping DDT for 2. GORE HITS AND SLATER WINS! WWE Title match is up and AJ's rise is chronicled. AJ debuts a slightly new style of gear - it's very much like his existing stuff, but with FPR-style designs on it. AJ avoids a dive by low-bridging Dean and moving his throat into the ropes. Dean stomps a mudhole in AJ to boos. Dean catches AJ off a crossbody and hits a spinning Irish Curse for 2. Dean hits the flying standing elbow on the floor! Calf crusher is on, but Dean escapes. and does so again with a head bash. Apron CATAPULT INTO THE POST TO AJ! AJ recovers with a KENTA combo, but Dean avoids the Clash, but a torture rack backbreaker bomb gets 2. Springboard 450 hits for 2! Pele leads to the lunatic lariat. Dirty Deeds is on, but he's backed into the ref and low blowed. The Clash wins it!

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Tuesday, September 6, 2016

WWE SmackDown Live 9-6-16

Bryan is mid-ring with the dreadful SD Women's Title. The red and blue clash horribly on this belt. Bryan hypes up the FIRST-EVER WOMEN'S SIX PACK CHALLENGE elimination match. Bryan puts them in a SIX-WOMAN TAG and NOW IT'S A SIX WOMAN FORUM. Becky comes out and says she's surprised that she wasn't brought out first - leading to Bryan saying he loves his sister and law, and plugs Total Bellas. All of the sacrifices will be worth it to be the first SMACKDOWN WOMEN'S CHAMPION. Yup. Why couldn't they come up with a better title name than that? Nattie tells her to settle her tea kettle and how Becky prevented SD from being her kingdom. Nattie buries Becky for having unnatural hair! Ha! Alexa comes down and asks if Becky will ever stop moaning about her past and then Carmella yammers a bit. All the heels intimidate Becky, but Naomi and Nikki come down. Nikki is shoved and angry - in a great moment, Naomi puts her wacky hat on her.
Dean appears with some guy and sugars up his coffee to an absurd degree, while also looking like he is back from a six day bender. Backstage, Miz and Bryan are passive aggressive again. Miz comes out to face Crews, with Dolph on commentary. Dolph vs. Miz is made for Sunday. Dolph is funny burying JBL in a billion small ways, and then Apollo impresses huge with a moonsault off the apron before the break. The old hand-slapping babyface bit works here. Dolph says that he's been a cheerleader and a caddy, and he said he'd be champion and has been one before. Miz uses Dolph as a distraction and wins. Maryse comes in and gets the belt. Goddamn is she hot.


Footage airs of AJ being hit with Dirty Deeds, pissing AJ off. AJ bullies a PA and tries to frame him to get fired by destroying headphones...on a TV show. Bad plan, AJ. Connor's Cure video leads to them hyping up the tag tourney, and a hype video airs for American Alpha. Usos are backstage and have bigger beards now. Usos vow to win tonight and we get a cool crowd shot before Bray says things. I think he wants to eat Orton, or a snake, or something. Nikki comes out and shakes her ass for the #womensrevolution. They go to a break to ensure that everyone gets a full intro here in this six-person tag.

Alexa pie-faces Naomi while Mauro puts over Alexa's love for country. Becky gets 2 off a backslide on Carmella. Nikki comes in and chases the heels away, leading to them all calling them chickens and we get an ad break. Because THIS MATCH needed two of them. Becky runs wild on Carmella Nattie pulls Becky off the apron before Nattie and Bliss make a wish on Becky. Becky elbows out of a chinlock and Nattie gets 2 off a Michinoku Driver. Becky is SUCH a good face in peril here. Bliss is in and misses an elbow, so Nikki gets a tag. Disaster kick hits for 2. Carmella comes in and mocks Nikki, only to eat a TKO. Heels break it up and the discus lariat hits before Alexa and Becky brawl and Carmella taps Nikki with the Code of Silence.

Usos vs. Alpha is up, with the Usos basically turning heel by attacking immediately - but then eating Grand Amplitude! They officially turn heel by attacking them after the match. They superkick Chad's left knee and Uso Crazy splash it as well. That was excellent. Casualwear Orton walks backstage and cuts a promo on Bray on how a snake never stops wanting its prey - and he just has to lie in wait to get what he wants. Fandango is mid-ring with new tattoos, and Breeze is in Dubai looking for new kinds of silk for their fashion. He meets a lady to tango with Fandango and likes her tattoos. She dances and dabs, leading to Fandango saying YOUR HIPS ARE FULL OF LIES! Kane comes down and Fandango says he loves THE BIG RED DANCING MACHINE and he gets chokeslammed. A "go big red" chant breaks out. That was fun. AJ is backstage being a dickhead. "That is a picture of your family - nice-looking family. SMASH!" Hype Bros face Rhyno and Slater next. But first, a second ad for Connor's Cure stuff.


Hype Bros remain hyped. "The Slater Family" is behind the announcers. Stinger splash is met with knees to the face. C'MON HEATH GET IT TOGETHER MAN! Mojo sends him to the floor with a lariat. GET IT ANOTHER KIND OF TOGETHER. HEATH TAGS IN RHYNO! YES! DO IT FOR HEATH AND DO IT FOR YOUR FUTURE VOTERS! RYDER GETS 2 OFF A SCHOOLBOY! Crowd is booing for the boot, but Rhyno prevents the boot! GORE WINS IT! YES! Give Rhyno and Slater the belts! Another recap of the Usos attack on Alpha.

Renee's super-echoy room leads to them saying that Alpha's status is unknown. Usos come out and butcher their lines a bit, but they're intense and say that they put their bodies on the line for the fans, but they get turned on when Alpha comes in. Okay then. Dean acts like a bit of an asshole to the hairdresser for his in-ring chat with AJ. The hairdresser looks nearly identical to the Fandango tangoer earlier, who was wearing a Dean shirt.
Dean kicks out Charley the interview girl and gives AJ a gift - a bowling trophy, before replaying the glorious crotching and handshake. Dean mocks AJ's soccer mom haircut. Soccer mom haircuts and bowling trophies are part of the go-home show build to the WWE World Title match at a PPV. He says he beat Cena and man are they doing an outstanding job of building up AJ vs. Cena for the WWE Title, possibly with it being Cena's last title shot or title win. Dean cuts a great promo about how you aren't given trophies for being the face that comes in second place. AJ kicks his balls and breaks the trophy before taking Bullet Club-style aim at the title. This was fun.

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