Friday, June 28, 2013

SD 6-28-13

I missed the first few minutes due to shitty weather causing the cable to go out. It came back with the Sheamus-Sandow recap and Sandow DEMANDING THAT SC SECEDE FROM THE UNION AGAIN! Tremendous. Sandow's in black and purple gear, and the the ring is decked out in stuff that "reminds Sheamus of the street he grew up on", which apparently had a lot of green kendo sticks. Clubbering forearms on the beer tap ruled. Dropkick on the floor from Sandow had a nasty landing for him. Sheamus attacked with a keg while JBL talked about the history of Guinness. A sack of potatoes was used which Sandow, God bless him, took a bump for. They came back from a break with Sandow smashing him with a back elbow. I'm astonished that the chairs aren't painted green. Cole is making sure to alert us that EVERYTHING IS GREEN BECAUSE OF IRELAND! JBL called Cole out on being a sycophant for mentioning the McMahons being from Ireland. Sandow went for a pencil trick droptoe hold and actually hit it. Sick. Sandow then beat the fuck out of him with a kendo stick. Chair toss from Sheamus to Sandow, which I'm sure will result in some sort of fine after the Bryan-Orton deal. Sheamus then beat the EVERLOVING FUCK out of him with a kendo stick. Two chairs were used to set up...a seated Brogue kick. Well, that was a bit different. Great little match that would've meant more if Bryan-Orton hadn't happened on Raw, and main evented, while this was just a goofy opener. Recap of Bryan-Orton sets up Orton-Kane later. Bryan whistled with Kane and was silly again. Their hug was great though. Sweet lord, MizTV is next.

The same Brock-Punk vid from ME aired. The reveal of Heyman turning on Punk is going to be glorious. WELCOMETOTHEMOSTMUSTSEETVSHOWINWWEHISTORYMIZTV! Miz wondered who a team of Brock and Punk would about the tag champs, dipshit? Loved Heyman saying he can't bully Miz, but he knows a man who can THE INTERCONTINENTAL HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, CURTIS AXEL! Miz said Heyman was lying on Raw and made the silliest face in history to prove the seriousness of this point. And then he said Heyman was as tall as Yoda and smelled like Chewbacca before calling Axel the Luke Skywalker of WWE and proceeded to insult him and by extension, his deceased father. Axel cut a great promo about taking these insults personally. Heck of a babyface here. Heyman once again said his clients don't fight for free, which makes no real sense since HE'S ALWAYS IN MATCHES ON TV. But I did love him saying he won't defend it in an impromptu match. Loved Heyman mocking him for his stupid catchphrase and Axel hitting some weird version of the Axe Cutter. 6-man tag main event was hyped up, as was the second stereotype-heavy bit on the show - FIESTA DEL RIO. It's a celebration of his Mexicanity. AJ is skipping backstage for her match next.

SD was ALMOST ten times more socially active than 20/20! I like AJ going underneath the rope to enter the ring because she's so tiny. Nattie's AJ's opponent, and is apparently a freind of Kaitlyn now. Kaitlyn's out in AJ's getup looking pretty hot in the shorts. Cable goes out right after the timekeeper reveal. Show came back with Vince and Teddy together, and Vince is in a glorious yellow suit. According to Teddy, Vickie got ALL OF THE TOP SUPERSTARS for her MITB, so he's thinking of the future instead. He made sure to take a knock at Booker and give shots to "future playas". Barrett, Swagger, Cesaro, Fandango, Ambrose, Cody, and Sandow will be in SD's MITB match. And to ensure that you don't think they aren't on the level of the Raw guys, they didn't even get graphics. And then they did Fan-dan-go stuff. The MITB match for the world title came off as a total afterthoght here. YAY BRYAN IS OUT and gets a huge YES chant. Kane-Orton is up next. LOL. The All-Star lineup gets individual graphics and hype right after the WHC one gets nothing. Bryan's giant smile rules.

I love Bryan saying that Kane hasn't sent him either a text or a cake about his victory, and JBL wondering if Kane texts led to some great interplay. And Bryan is proud of being an all-star now thanks to MITB. Running DDT led to an ad break after some moves. This is about as "it's a match" as their WM one last year. Bryan getting a YES chant going is easily the best part of this, and him constantly telling Kane to just do what he did when he won. Bryan shoving him into the ring for an RKO was pretty awesome. Cable going out right after, not so much. FIESTA DEL RIO is up later and Mr. Back is up next.

WWE'S TWITTER NETWORK HAS 50 MILLION FOLLOWERS, and the Rock has five million of them. Gabriel is Ryback's victim. Rback-Jericho was hyped up a bit, which should be very good and give Ryback the win he's needed on PPV SINCE 2012! Justin freaking Gabriel is getting offense against Ryback. JUST. LET. HIM. KILL. SOMEONE. He hit the Shellshock, but got his leg attacked throughout so he was weakened. Ryback should never be weakened by Justin Gabriel. Jericho put Ryback over as a killer and destroyer, and a whiner, bitcher, moaner, complained and giant-excuse maker. Instead of Ryback, HE SHOULD BE CRYBACK. Then he attacked the injured man. Jericho was a right cock here and holy crap did Ryback come off as weak in this whole deal. The 2K14 reveal was recapped...why? So they could recap the art contest. They didn't even show the wacky covers. 6-man tag is next. Sweet. I hope the power doesn't go out during that. NOW SOCIAL MEDIA IS CALLING THE WYATT FAMILY CREEPY. They've really watered this group down having Cole blather on about social media with them for weeks.

I love the Usos and Christian having sorta-matching gear with purple in it. It seemed odd to have Christian go for a spear in the Shield's own corner, so I'm glad he got tripped up. Nice flying bodyblock from an Uso onto Reigns off the apron. Sick flip dive from Rollins after that. Spear finally hit and got a win. This was pretty good, but didn't feel like as big a deal as the Bryan win on SD. I loved the Shield being really pissed about that - made the loss seem more important. Alberto's has about as many parties as Terry Funk has had retirements. This might've been the first one with tortilla chips and salsa though, because HE'S MEXICAN. I liked him speaking just Spanish for heat. The Dolph pinata was a nice touch. Nice attack from Dolph. Seemed exactly like all the other ones, only with more Mexican stuff. And wacky guitar strumming. Maybe Wealthy American Businessman Nick Nemeth can come to Ring Ka King, because his thwack of Ricardo was JJ-worthy. This felt like the final stage in Dolph's face turn.

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Thursday, June 27, 2013

TNA Impact 6-27-13

The final Impact of June has a fairly unique hook to it - TNA spoiling some of its own original content to get you to watch the Suicide imposter saga play out. In doing so, they revealed a title change, a future title match setup, and seemingly gave away too much before the show. Pre-show hype after Tattoo Nightmares involves someone new joining the MEM tonight, because it just wouldn't be Impact without new dudes joining factions. Okay recap of AJ-Joe, and I didn't notice this until now, but Brooke's bright green phone cover looks ridiculous.

Sting's out with a dark grey jacket/pants and light grey shirt combo that looks awesome. This getup takes years off of his looks, although he is helped quite a bit by keeping most of his hair. I enjoyed the new MEM theme last week, but hearing it back to back with Sting and Angle coming out made it seem really generic. Angle's pinstripe suit is awesome. He's talking about the former world champ rule, so it seems like they'll keep that going here. I guess Roode could join up, which wouldn't be a bad move since he's also against the Aces and his heel act has worn a bit thin. Okay, these close-ups of Sting aren't doing him any favors. There's a really silly skinny dude behind Tenay and Taz in a white MMA-style shirt making wacky faces. Joe-Anderson is up later and the X Division 3 way is next. They recapped Sabin's win with an excellent showcase of the Ultimate X match and brought up cashing in the gold for a world title shot. Then the Aces jumped him and Bully buried "the little X Division guys" and they threatened him. Anderson stroked his hair, which was weird.

Taryn's ass was highlighted nicely in the KO ad. Adam Ohrider, the Big O, is in Gut Check tonight. Nothing about his story seems particularly compelling, but he's a giant jacked up dude with tattoos, looking like a pale Batista. Taz, a member of the Aces, DOESN'T TRUST GUYS IN MASKS! Kenny King's Twitter handle still has ANX in it. Sabin came out and they talked about the cash-in deal that worked out perfectly for Aries a year ago. Nice atomic drop into a Trouble in Paradise from Kenny. DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW DIXIE ON TWITTER! Kenny King did Suicide's hang onto the ropes bit to mock him and was dropkicked for his trouble. Plancha onto both guys got an ad break for Sabin.

Nice basement dropkick to both guys from Sabin in the corner. VINTAGE Tower of Doom from King. Hail Sabin got 2, and was interrupted by Suicide. Pumphandle Codebreaker was avoided by King. Royal Flush was countered into a cradle and wonky pin with...sort of a 3 count. And then held the rope right at 3...that was odd. Hogan's out with TJ Perkins, who I never thought would be on-screen with Hogan. TJ has apparently been Suicide forever, was beaten up, and now Suicide has to unmask. Way too much stuff going on with this. They went from Sabin's journey, to Suicide's identity being revealed as someone who hasn't really been on TNA TV as TJ in ages, to a mystery beating.

I'm all for TJ getting a regular role on TV, but I think the Suicide character is the best way to do that unless they bring back the Puma gimmick. As just TJ, he looks really plain and after Bully's burial of the division earlier, the division doesn't need more plain-looking dudes in it. They recapped the deal with Suicide, which is good because it at least makes this seem important. Hogan's giving Newicide a chance to unmask tonight or...else...something bad will happen. Ryan Howe, the second Gut Check dude is a musician and looks like a trimmer Van Hammer. He's at least able to play the guitar on his way to the ring and has a star look to him. Taz mentioned that same thing and wondered if he got better. How comes off like a star. Big O's baby blue and yellow gear looks terrible. Howe looks like how York should look, fairly slim but still jacked. Sadly, he looks 200 pounds lighter than Big O. Big O won an okay match that was treated like death from the crowd. There's nothing with him that they don't already have with Big Rob. Kurt and Sting met with someone in the club room, and the KOs title match is next.

Roode-Magnus gets hyped up a bit with a graphic. Bully met with TJ and said he's a good little wrestler and he's curious about if Kurt or Sting put him up to this. Bully is awesome here at playing the paranoid heel champ. They recapped the saga of Velvet's knee injury, where her knee felt like it, like exploded. This had too much of Velvet acting, but I never noticed her new back/shoulder tat. Christy's hard nipples introduced Velvet. Mickie came out while Taz SANG HER THEME! Mickie apologized to Velvet for being vicious, but she's just sorry that they were friends when Velvet was champ, but now that she's champ, they just aren't bestest buddies anymore and that's just too goshdarned sad for her. ODB counted 2 for Mickie, then grabbed her tits for whatever reason. Mickie stomped Velvet in the corner, leading to a revealing ass-shaking camera angle. Tenay hyped up THE TNA WORKOUT APP!  Mickie did some leg work that was no-sold so Velvet could do things resembling clotheslines thrown by 10 year olds. Then Mickie went to the floor for a breather but got hit with a terrifying multiple revolution spinning headscissor where Velvet covered her head at all costs. Then she sold her knee. Mickie got a 2 for the DDT, then hit her wacky STF for the win. Outstanding closeup of Mickie's tits and ass after the win, and I loved her pointing to the gold. Christy's tits interviewed Velvet, who got you tapped out chants and acted poorly. Another recap of the Suicide deal. Also, the MEM deal. They were backstage and Roode walked by, teasing him later.

Hogan met with the wacky-shoes ref and told him to find Suicide and tell him if he didn't unmask, he would strip him of the title. Magnus and Roode are out and Taz is thankfully not singing, but instead talking about the Super Mario logo on Magnus's gear. They're exchanging some chinlocks and other stuff. Giant swank flying elbow from Magnus gets two. Fisherman suplex countered into the Mag Driver for what should be a big win since it's over a former world champ, but didn't feel like one even with Tenay hyping it up. It would've been better if it was built up before with some issue between the guys. GunStorm is out next.

Chavo, Robbie, and Jesse were nearly jumped by the Aces. What a random grouping of people together. This was goofy, especially with Howe's theme playing in the background because that's when they taped it and didn't bother to edit the music out. Storm talked about his chemistry experience involving booze and women before Jesse, Tara, and Robbie came out. James Storm, former world champ, is involved with this. Team Goofball's name is BroMans, which led to nine billion Bromance references. Then Storm called Tara a butterface. And then Gunner cheapshotted Jesse. The faces were dicks here. Sting and Kurt discussed Suicide and how many they need to talk with him. Joe-Anderson is up next.

They hyped up Hardcore Justice 2, which is certainly an odd numbering scheme since it isn't an ECW-only reunion show. They basically showed a bunch of the cameos in the preview, and it's not like many of these guys work well in full matches, so I don't see this doing too well. Anderson came out in his silly-looking getup. The match began as all Joe matches should - TONS AND TONS OF ASS-KICKING, mostly in the corner. They teased a Mic Check on the announce table, but instead, Ken threw him back-first into the apron. Loved a fan yelling YOU SUCK at Taz and getting a response from him. Knux and Doc came down and distracted Joe for a DDT that got 2. STING AND ANGLE RAN down and took Doc and Knux out. Sting actually had some pep in his step here. Joe got the choke and the 10 points. Then he celebrated with Kurt and Sting and joined the MEM while making the MEM hand sign in the silliest ways possible. Suicide's reveal is next because it involves Hulk Hogan.

Joe accepted their suit, and then Sting and Angle did the Men's Wearhouse slogan. Hogan said that Impact was going to be ALL ABOUT THE NEW X DIVISION CHAMPION, so apparently, it revolved around Sabin losing the title. Hogan talked about slamming giants and chopping mountains with the edge of his hands, and being Sheiky Baby for the world title. Somehow, this all ties into the X title deal. Then he made a Who Wants to be a Millionaire joke. Amazing. Bully's out to demand the mask, just like in the pre-show spoiler vid. Bully took credit for the title win since he scared Sabin, and then basically said he's scarier than God. Then they had Suicide use Bully's do you know line against him, and reveal that HE'S THE MAN WHO BEAT BULLY A YEAR AGO! The Aries reveal was outstanding.

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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

WWE Main Event 6-26-13

Given the spoilers for the show, I just had to watch this week since it's fairly star-studded. Jericho is on MAIN EVENT! Miz is yammering about Cody on commentary last week, so I guess they'll be doing a match on this show. Miz called this WWE'S HOT SPOT. So that's why it's never covered on Raw or SD - it's too hot to handle. According to him, eye pokes also obscure your vision. Shoulder toss into the corner leads to an ad break. Cody is getting a ton of offense in, and it's largely due to that eye poke - I like them getting a lot out of a spot that would normally just be brushed off. Morrison gets a mention as Miz talks about their old Marty/Shawn arguments. Top rope moonsault block got a 2 for Cody. Nice to see him hit that. Single-armed camel clutch by Cody looks solid. Disaster Kick RIGHT TO THAT EYE according to Miz. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO YELL ABOUT EVERYTHING ON COMMENTARY. 

Miz talked about saying something once, and saying it  thousand times...which is quite true, but bringing up something as a problem and fixing the problem are two different things. Alabama Slam got 2. "It only takes one thing to start a momentum the other way". Sure thing. Cross Rhodes got a 2.999. Jericho must really like Cody, because he's stealing the show here. Codebreaker gets a very delayed cover since it was in desperation, and Cody got his foot on the rope. He then kicked out after being dragged to the center of the ring. Punch to the eye leads to a schoolboy for another 2.9 count. JERICHO GETS THE WALLS OF JERICHO AND MIZ IS YELLING ABOUT IT A LOT. Cody tapped. This was Cody's best singles match in ages. Call plug from last night/months ago aired. Christian-Ambrose was hyped, and really should've been plugged on Raw since it's got two name guys in it. Maybe this show would actually have a bit of momentum and importance to it if they actually plugged it.

RVD's hype vid from Raw aired. I can really see him popping MITB's buyrate, assuming they don't do something stupid and actually have him wrestle for free before the big PPV return like they did with HHH in '02. Zeb and Cesaro are out, and I'm not entirely sure what Cesaro's jacket color is. Zeb's talking about the SC gamecocks, and while he doesn't know what one is - Google does - IT'S A FIGHTIN CHICKEN! COCK A DOODLE DOO - WAKE UP, AMERICA! That's what Zeb wants to do. And he's against a Dublin street fight and the Fiesta Del Rio. I like him being against Del Rio still even though he's a heel. Zeb also hates annoying customer service lines who talk in Great Khalise. This is dragging on for nine hours, so thank God Cesaro is speaking. Instead of having a sense of entitlement, Cesaro has a sense of pride and did things the right way to get to the country. He works hard and stops at nothing to get to the he's a face, right? Good promo here from Cesaro. Christian-Ambrose is up next. Rock's app has an update. I wonder if it involves Jeff Hardy doing bicep curls like TNA's. 

The WWE Title MITB match is being called the All-Stars match. Ambrose is out and they replayed Christian getting his ass kicked by the Shield 12 days ago - nice for it to mean something now as opposed to...any show before this. Christian's tron shows off his silhouette shirt from a while ago and it's way better than his current one. Miz is rambling about Facebook, Twitter, Youtube, and the MITB case somehow involving these things. Triple gut stomp leads to Ambrose talking trash and locking on a modified Regal stretch. Hooking clothesline from Christian led to the blind super sunset flip. This barely got going before a maybe it's a good thing they didn't hype this up. Usos are out to back up Christian. The Shield was sent packing by the Usos...well, as long as they get more than a token push for two weeks, that's not a bad thing. Punk-Heyman vid is up next, and should truncate things quite a bit. Brodus ran into the corner and DY did...something...and this somehow injured Brodus to the point where Titus could pin him. I don't know what the idea behind that was, but it sure didn't pan out like it should've. DY's fro pick matches his gear - I love little touches like that.

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Monday, June 24, 2013

Raw 6-24-13

The show opened with a glorious video package recapping Brock demolishing Punk and smiling as a result, and Henry massacring Cena with death. Then Bryan came out to a sea of YES chants and a great GOAT FACED THRILLAH sign. Bryan made sure to set the record straight that he is in fact A WRESTLER and not an extra in the Hobbit. Also, anyone calling him the weak link is a moron. His match with Orton is the opener, and Orton strolled down after Bryan's promo got the crowd pumped. This match has led to a shockingly high amounts of talking, but now the match is underway after a standing flying knee strike from Bryan. They started with corner shots and then went to the floor, basically skipping the first few minutes of their SD match. A flying knee from Bryan accidentally sent him into the ref and resulted in a DQ. Bryan continued to kick a bunch of ass while Orton was glad that all the refs prevented more ass-kicking. THIS RULED!

Brickie is backstage, and Bryan said that their match was apparently a double DQ. Bryan ordered a rematch or he wanted Maddox, he got Orton and YESd. Rhodes Scholars are out for a tag match with Sheamus. I'm astonished this isn't a handicap match where it's legal for Sheamus to use a bazooka. Instead, he teams with Christian. ON THE APP, Sandow said he'd face Sheamus in a Dublin street fight on SD, assuming plans don't change. King gave a small tribute to Jackie Fargo after a weird segue from Cole, saying that he was a father figure who he sold-out the Mid-South Coliseum with 39 years ago today. It's a shame that was done during the match instead of after it, or at least given its own time since they have three hours to work with. Neither JBL or Cole really said anything about him, which just added to the awkwardness. Christian worked really well with Cody, who eventually lost to a Brogue kick. Jericho faces Alberto again, because Raw really needs more rematches. Oh, and Christian is apparently fine after his Shield beatdown - I guess because they only really triple powerbombed him and didn't put him through part of the set.
Punk was backstage with his Gracie hoodie, giant Beats headphones texting, or playing Angry Birds or something. Kaitlyn's facing Aksana in a rematch from ME because that match needs to happen again for God knows what reason. Sure, they did a deal on SD, but that hardly warrants another match. Turns out it's just window dressing so AJ could come out with her theme, dressed as her, with bigger, faker boobs. Big E recreating his deal with her was great, but the rest of this just seemed mean spirited and unfunny. Then Cole talked about how SOCIAL MEDIA IS TALKING ABOUT THE WYATT FAMILY WITH TERMS LIKE DISTURBING. Enough of that shit. And then he said that Henry deceived the WWE Universe...ugh.

The Henry recap vid was amazing, with clips of him winning the world title, ECW Title, lifting weights and then finally kicking ass after the "one more match" deal. Henry-Cena was hyped for the PPV, without a graphic. I wonder if they'll add some kind of retirement stip to that, or just keep it as-is since no one would believe the retirement after it was already teased. ON THE APP, you could watch Jericho smile. They came back and Ricardo did a wacky Southern accent with a great hyuck yuk bit and mocked the folks in SC. Dolph-Alberto was made for the PPV. Thank Christ he wasn't put in the MITB match. Hopefully they add Jericho to this since they've got him in the TV mix and nothing else on tap for him at the PPV. Jericho missed his springboard dive to the floor, leading to a knee injury for Alberto to exploit after the break.

During it, there was an ad for Despicable Me 2. I wonder how long it will take Vince to name a character "Ramsbottom." THE ALL-AMERICAN WWE MAGAZINE comes out tomorrow. Loved the enzuiguri to Jericho while Jericho was on the top rope. I love that now that Alberto isn't MR. MEXICO THE MOST MEXICAN MAN IN THE HISTORY OF MEXICO, he gets to wear the black and gold gear that matches the world title perfectly. Nice Northern lights suplex by Jericho - haven't seen him bust that out in a long time. Walls got countered and led to the swank basement superkick. Lionsault was countered with knees and led to an Omaplata into the armbar. He got to the ropes and then locked on the Walls. Bucket to the back saved Alberto. Then Dolph attacked Alberto while Jericho hit Ricardo...this felt like the exact same thing they've done before. Dolph then zig-zagged him, which they explained as being due to him being Codebreakered on SD. They really shouldn't showed that before this.

Brad talked about having a 2K setup in the ring, while Vickie talked about...stuff, then Hunter showed up talking about the Bryan-Orton deal. She's apparently cancelled the match, but HHH WANTS THE WWE UNIVERSE TO HAVE THE CHOICE OF WHAT KIND OF MATCH IT WILL last week. Oh, and HHH mocked Maddox for wearing a girly shirt. WWE 2K14's cover is going to be shown next, and despite NOTHING AT ALL BEING SHOWN ON THE GAME, it's apparently already being called the greatest sports game in history. And Sheamus's 1-800-Fella saved a kitty in a tree via Brogue Kick, then Benny Hill-style music played when the old lady wanted Sheamus.

AJ played with wrestling buddies to hype WWEShop, and King's out to talk about the 2K14 cover contest for the game. That cover will be on the reverse side - a first for the series. King fucked up the name as WDoubleOE, and then Vickie got nuclear heat announcing Bryan-Orton's stips. Vickie has also designed her own cover for THE 2K14. Hers was just the McMahons, while Brad's was himself, Cena, and Punk. This led to Cole rattling off Wikipedia facts about the Rock. This was amusing with Brickie, and then got generic with the Rock reveal. Ryback walked backstage and he'll be out next.

They made sure to remind you that he lost at the PPV. Ryback's opponent will be IT'S THE HISTORIC 1,048'S EPISODE OF RAW! And Khali is dominating the match to start...why? JUST HAVE RYBACK HIT A CLOTHESLINE ON HIM. BOOM, THAT'S IT! I watched Goldberg squash Glacier recently on 24/7 and they didn't give Glacier, a one-time name guy jack shit. He got speared and jackhammered, that was it. Instead, they had Khali do stuff while Ryback just got him up for the Shellshock and marched for the win. Cena talks about Henry's attack NEXT!

WWE bragged about SD being more socially active than 20/20. I'm astonished that's still a show. I stopped watching when Stossel left. Cena talked about THE MEMBERS OF THE WWE UNIVERSE WHO KNOW THE WWE AND KNOW THAT HE HOLDS THE WWE CHAMPIONSHIP! Cena rambled on about guys being WWE Champion and how even if you've held it for 8 years like Bruno, or 1 night like Rey...who he beat for the title after Rey WON A TOURNAMENT to get it, it means something. Also, MEN HAVE CRUMBLED UNDER THE PRESSURE OF THE WWE UNIVERSE. Especially the ones in XXXL Cena shirts. He just keeps talking. Words. Something about Henry not having a legacy without holding the WWE what? They showed a video earlier tonight showing he has a legacy without it. AWW DIZAMN, HE DONE SAID IT'S THE MIDDLE OF WHOOP-ASS SEASON! Henry killing him during this would've made him the biggest face on Earth. They showed a great new RVD vid showing him destroying guys who were either dead, retired, or TNA.

Triple threat tag deal is up with a Hurricane Sandy auction winner dancing with Tons of Funk. Scotty's an EMT, a former member of the Texas House of Reps. and has more charisma than most guys on the roster, and better-looking gear than the Gut Check guys. It's TOF vs. 3MB vs. THE USOS. US-O! What are the odds the Usos win and then one of them gets another wellness failure? Brodus plumetted off the apron onto 3MB. For once, JBL's flying sofa bit was true. Samoan drop>splash combo got the win for the Usos. The Shield came out for an awesome staredown and then they pimped the Call's DVD. This really helped the Usos come across as stars. They just replayed the Otunga-Halle-Kane bit for the DVD. It's still great.

Heyman's out and they replayed the Brock attack while talking about how Brock left the company again...when did they make that part of his post-ER story? They did it after Summerslam, but not then except for last week. For the first time, Heyman has ignored calls from Punk. He came out and some fat people bowed to him. Punk's growing a mustache to go with his mutton chops. They talked about Brock being there a lot, which makes me think they'll tease him, deliver Brock and do Axel-Punk at this month's PPV and Brock-Punk at Summerslam. He ran through the history of Punk and Heyman from OVW, which they really should've done at the start of this.

Punk said he's coming for Brock and while Brock is bigger and strong, HE ISN'T BETTER! Punk had great passion throughout this, but just kept talking and talking. Loved Heyman staring at the heavens after being told to tell the truth. Heyman was so great here saying he swore on his children that he didn't know Brock was there, as a fact, and also that Brock was done after ER, in fact, and that everyone wanted Punk gone. Now, the fans want Heyman gone JUST LIKE VINCE WANTED PUNK GONE, but Heyman wouldn't do it - HE LOVED HIM! Then they hugged and Cole talked about THE WWE.COM POLL! This went on for-fucking ever, but told a great story that will become a lot clearer in video packages with clips. D-Young is out for a match with...someone.

Wow, it's Punk-D-Young. They had the announcers sorta buy everything, with JBL citing the man swearing on his children and Cole saying that everything Heyman said was true and documented. JBL talked about frisbees, tennis, and rugby. Nice belly to belly from DY. DY got a lot of offense until Punk's healing factor activated and he hit the corning Shining Wizard. They had Punk tweak his knee, not do the GTS due to it, but DY hit the double-knee gutbuster for a nearfall. If they had that ever win a match on TV, it could've been a good moment for him. Vise won, but Punk got attacked by the PTPs before Axel A HEYMAN GUY came out. Heyman said there was no other way to save him - it was 2 on 1. I love them not showing all of their cards for this and making it predictable without it being predictable in a bad way.

Steph said the show "kept going on" and talked with Vickie about her not announcing the WWE Title MITB match participants. I was thinking about that when they showed the card was only 3 weeks away. They've yet to name ANYONE for any of the two MITB matches. War Games DVD hype, with not even 20 years = "nearly three decades." Bellas brought the ALL AMERICAN WWE MAGAZINE, with them in it. The one Bella's boobs are comparably massive. STEPH, THE RULER OF THE QUEENDOM came out. Steph knocked Vickie, and exposited about. The. Money. In. The. Bank. Punk, Bryan, Sheamus, Or-ton, Christian, Kane, and RVD will be in it. She did the RVD thumbs and then Vickie did wacky pre-taped comedy with Maddox while Ryback talked about BEATING CENA at the PPV and only losing due to a cheap ambulance roof. RYBACK DESERVES BETTER! Then Jericho talked about why he should be in the MITB match and not Mr. Back. At MITB, it'll be Mr. Back vs. Jericho. Vickie made this so incredibly annoying with her shrieking. Jericho was glorious though.

Punk bitched to Paul about him sending someone to help him from kicking his ass. Punk's a bit of a prick. Next week, it will be Heyman and Axel against the PTPs, which angered Punk for some reason. They talked about the Bryan-Orton deal from before, which is good because I've forgotten about it due to the sheer amount of stuff on the show. Henry came out to talk about the ruse from last week and recapped Cena's promo about how Henry insulted guys who made REAL retirement speeches like Flair. HE SAW YA CRY, and cuz of it, he's been nominated for an Academy Award. Tarantino and Spielberg want him, as does...Tyler Perry!? That's great, BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT! THAT'S NOT WHAT I DESERVE! He certainly deserved better than to be in a Tyler Perry movie, can't argue with that. EVERYONE WANTS AN APOLOGY, but he isn't gonna give ya one. Henry's Whitey McWhiterson voice rules. He got whatted and was glorious throughout this. Loved him shaking his hand to show the fans as puppets, and he did indeed tell his wife he's coming home...AS WWE CHAMPION! And he knows he looks good - it ain't no Men's Wearhouse suit. Then Cole talked about the Wyatt Family in more generic terms that are coming dangerously close to taking the edge off the group before it hits TV.

Alberto's going to celebrate his title win on SD, and they showed an awesome graphic for the Dublin street fight. Bryan-Orton will be....a street fight. King talked about this being "deja vu all over again", isn't that what deja vu is? Bryan's plancha was met with a chairshot to lead to a break. Cool-looking spot, but it felt like a waste of a chair to the head spot. ON THE APP, Orton backdropped Bryan on the ramp from the floor. I love doing that spot in DoR 2...when it's not a real person taking a dangerous bump on steel. Bryan killed him with death on the corner dropkick. Seated version was countered with a chair throw to anything that would possibly stop him.

Bryan tried to send Orton through a table with dropkicks on the apron, but two of them didn't do it, so he slid out and POWERBOMBED HIM OFF THE APRON THROUGH A TABLE! For some reason, IN A STREET FIGHT, Bryan needed to get Orton in the ring for the win. Bryan got a kendo stick and alternated between a right-hand shot with that and left kicks to the arm. Bryan was sent through the...very bottom of the table with an exploder in an underwhelming spot. Back and forth punch exchange got a yes/no reaction. Missile dropkick was countered with a sick powerbomb from Orton. Huge thud there. Orton busted out MOUNTED PUNCHES after that couldn't get the job done, but it opened him up to the No Lock. Orton got the stick and got out of the move. Then he beat the shit out of him with it in any position he could. Draping DDT hit. More kicks led to another No Lock and the stick got involved again, but Bryan grabbed it and used it to hold the No lock in place AND WIN VIA SUBMISSION! THIS RULED. This might've been even better than their SD match. And I liked the handshake at the end. There's no reason to turn Orton heel right now since they've got something special with their chemistry as opponents in a friendly rivalry.


Friday, June 21, 2013

SD 6-21-13

The same Payback vid from Raw opened SD. Bryan's out with his YES shirt, doing the whole YES bit again. I'm glad, because the no stuff seemed forced for the past few months. His acting offended for the match stoppage was great and tied nicely into the weak link bit. Loved him being offended by the head pat thing, and doing the yes bit even more with the Orton match announcement. Digging the RKOver It sign. "YOU GOT IT ALL WRONG, DAN!" was hilarious...and then he said "you just kept coming and coming!" And then he spoke in a way no one ever would with "You, Daniel Bryan, are way out of line.". Barrett, fresh off his loss on Raw, gets his title rematch tonight. That poor fucker. Sheamus faces 'ONE OF THE MEMBERS OF TEAM RHODES SCHOLARS" next. Why the hell they couldn't specify it for that team, I have no idea.

SD WAS 7 TIMES MORE ACTIVE THAN ANY SHOW, and Cody's the opponent because he drew a short straw ON THE APP. Cole rattled off Sheamus being a former WWE Champion, World champion, KOTR, and Rumble winner...and wow does he not seem like someone who deserves those many high accolades so early. Cody and Sheamus are just exchanging moves. More moves. Random arm work to kill some time. There's a fan in the crowd with a Wu Tang shirt on in 2013. SOMETHING EXCITING OCCURRED when Cody countered the outside-in shoulder block into a Fujiwara armbar. Well now the random arm work makes sense - good stuff. Cole called the Finlay roll a senton, which it isn't at all. White Noise was countered into a sunset flip, then into a cloverleaf for the win. Then Sandow just attacked Sheamus afterwards. I'm all for this feud continuing - it's been great for Sandow. JBL called him a future world champ, and Cole said that SOCIAL MEDIA IS CALLING THE WYATT FAMILY DISTURBING. Just play the videos and stop having Cole talk about them right now. Shockingly, that didn't lead to an ad break as they went to Axel's intro. There's no good reason he shouldn't at least be a top of the hour guy on SD given the push they've giving him. Love Heyman's "after you, my champion". This led to an ad break.

Barrett got a jobber intro, but did get a formal intro by Lilian mid-ring since it's a title match, which at least makes these seem important. Seeing Axel hold the belt up reminded me that his gear actually looks more like his dad's AWA gear than just working the singlet design into trunks. Miz has somehow watched the finish of the PPV match over and over and still has no idea what happened. Crisp clubbing elbows and punches from Axel, including the flying second rope elbow. He seems way more comfortable as IC champ than he did as sort-of-a-main-eventer. According to Miz, Vickie gave Barrett more time for the IC Title match "here on SmackBown". Please end this match so Miz will stop saying words. Barrett missed the flying elbow, and has some sort of bone visible through his skin under his arm. Ouch. Wacky neckbreaker won. They should just call it the Axe Cutter so it will have SOMETHING of a name beyond "the swinging neckbreaker.". After talking shit, Miz got in the ring to fight the guy who just had a title defense. Barrett came off as just a dude here. Recap of Henry's whooping of Cena is up next.

Sadly, they didn't do a dramatic highlight vid and instead just showed the last few minutes or so of it, which was still pretty great stuff. And then they aired two replays of it right from Raw too. I guess they figured there was no way to improve on perfection so why bother, but the replays made it seem like they shot nothing for SD and needed to fill time. AJ's booty shorts skipped down the aisle with the belt, which looks way too big for her to prepare for a match against someone. I like that AJ's shirt and the color scheme of the title kind of match. JBL likened the Kaitlyn deal to Teo in a recap vid, which also had Kaitlyn acting badly. According to JBL, Kaitlyn lost the title "because she did something very very dumb.". Well, that's true. Nattie's WHATAMANEUVER submission ruled. Kaitlyn and Layla, in a Mickie James starter kit, watched this backstage. Sleeper led to an ad breaker - second one total for the divas match segment. I loved AJ sticking her tongue out crazily throughout the sleeper.

They came back and Nattie went for an airplane spin version of Bulldog's powerslam, but got bitten, locked in the Black Widow, and sadly lost via shoe tap instead of ass tap. Aksana met with Kaitlyn and Layla in a wacky red, green, and purple dress. Aksana called her trash, a brawl broke out and then trash spilled all over. That was something. Jericho's out for his match with Alberto as the hour 1 main event. Jericho vs. THE WORLD CHAMPION should not only feel like a big deal, but also be built up in some way before it happens. Instead of that, we get a recap of Bryan-Orton from earlier tonight. Lilian still did the big intro for Ricardo, who is still in his Mexico-heavy gear with the tie and the bucket. Alberto's still got his made in America shirt on, but no car. Scarf's back. JBL made great points for why Alberto was right to do what he did on the PPV, he a face or a heel? Jericho's on a roll early on, and here is where they set up the match - with Cole saying a win could get Jericho in the world title mix. Alberto is a four-time world champion and doesn't feel anywhere near good or over enough to deserve that accolade. JBL implied that Jericho and Alberto had a bunch of matches in Mexico when both guys were down there. Nice superkick from Alberto when Jericho stepped between the ropes after a brief distraction from Ricardo. TO THE BREAK!

They came back and Jericho took an awesome over the top bump to the floor. It's amaizng to see Jericho take such needless risks on a TV match at his age.Double axe handle off the top. Jericho is largely dominating this match, which is surprising since it isn't likely he'll be in the world title mix. I like them trying to kill the Si chants by having Ricardo do it to gain support for the armbar. Armbar got countered into the walls. Liontamer on Ricardo, called that by Cole and then Dolph unloaded on Alberto. Alberto got busted up a bit over his right eye, but got a win. And then Jericho hit Dolph with the Codebreaker for costing him a possible win OVER THE WORLD CHAMP. I wouldn't mind a 3 way at the PPV. Ricardo held up the prone Dolph for the basement superkick, which had damn well better be in WWE's next game. And then Cole that Dolph lost the world title without defending it. Yup, Dolph's best five weeks were definitely the ones where he was out with an injury.

Nice recap of the pre-break happenings between the world title guys. Drew got a jobber intro, but Christian thankfully didn't. Christian still has that shitty element shirt. He's been cursed with bad shirts for years - his first one back in WWE with the shattered web look was tremendous. Drew's swinging uranage ruled, and I'm pretty sure a fan did the SU-PER DRA-GON bit after it. Jinder tried to hinder Christian, but couldn't and he won with the Killswitch. I liked Christian's promo because it was meant to draw upon his time as world champ and it seems like they'll have him in the MITB match and maybe even win it. He had pretty good chemistry with Alberto two years ago, so I don't really see a reason to not do that. Nice Shield beating on him too. Maybe they'll do Christian-Ambrose on TV or at the PPV - should be a pretty good match, and they can tell the story that Christian could add a new title to his collection.

RVD's "One of a Kind" theme is outstanding. So is the commercial for the Last of Us, which I loved a lot. A really epic Jericho-Punk video set up Punk-Jericho as a classic and Punk as a megastar. And then Brock unleashed DOOM on Raw. Heyman talked about the girls in the mani-pedi circuit gossiping about Punk, which was hilarious. Heyman scolded her for talking about private issues, and then talked about her prom date being dragged out of a limo and her breaking up with a fiance two montsh ago which was tremendous. His delivery here was gold, and Heyman came off as a psycho ex-lover talking about Punk saying "we're just best friends...". Orton came out for his match with Bryan.

Bryan started with a RUNNING FLYING KNEE and then elbows to the face and body shots in the corner, which ruled. Orton countered with mounted punches in the corner and a sick European uppercut. This may be the best Orton has looked all year. Flying knee from Orton missed and led to the kick combo and a kneebar. Headlock countered into a kneebreaker, then into a Yes lock attempt. This is the most realistic, logical match on WWE TV all year. Nice zero-fucks-given gut-first suplex on the ropes from Orton - he just flung him on the ropes. Missed dive gets an ad break. They came back with Bryan laying in some punches, so Orton just dropkicked him in the face and looked insulted that Bryan would dare punch him. This match is incredible. Superplex is avoided by Bryan, who hits a missile dropkick. I love how everything is logically leading into something else. Bryan doesn't usually do a knee breaker, but did one here because the opening was given to him, so he locked in a knee bar. Corner kick combo led to the delayed basement dropkick in the corner. Bryan's backflip combo was countered into the super-fast snap powerslam. Euro uppercut hits, but a second attempt leads to a backslide, a 2 count, and then a buzzsaw kick combo out of that. This is so much better than their Raw match was even looking like it was going to be before it ended early. Bryan went up top but got crotched, which should lead to a superplex now since he's weakened. Nice measured punch from Orton to ensure it and it hits perfectly. Draping DDT hits after that. Orton slinked into the RKO, but Bryan left. Backdrop on the railing again, but Bryan comes back and hits the flying knee off the apron. SUICIDE DIVE HITS! And it directly led to a countout win for Bryan. I'm fine with that since it's still a definitive move that won the match. Bryan, however, isn't happy with that. He won't take a count and demands a restart. Ref says no, Bryan and the crowd say yes. And then it just ended. YAY FOR RAW REMATCH! Everything about this deal was awesome.

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Thursday, June 20, 2013

TNA Impact Wrestling 6-20-13

The cutting for Spike's hype for Impact is terrible. "I'M GONNA CREATE MY OWN...MAIN EVENT MAFIA!" The show starts with Real Estate Steve walking into the building in a swank suit. It's infinitely preferable to wacky paint+t-shirt. Nice BFG Series vid, even though it seems absurd to go from the dramatic ex world champs to...Jay Bradley and Joseph Park. Oh, and it's OFN. 10 of the 12 BFG series guys - everyone but Hardy and Roode, are in the ring so Hulk Hogan, the company's real top star in 2013, can get a big pop. The tie-dye fade blue-to-white Impact Wrestling shirt makes Hogan look fat. Roode's got a new IT FACTOR shirt that looks really low-rent since the font is just the TUF font and there's nothing on the shirt but that. Hardy's now got neck paint, which Taz points out, looks ridiculous. They hyped up last week that the show would START WITH A CALL-OUT, not Hogan blathering on about shit. Why does the callout matter if they're in the ring at the same time now? Hardy won the poll.

Okay, apparently the deal is that the guy who won the poll gets to pick who they call out, I just figured they'd make a stip for Roode-Hardy since they hyped a match between them at some point. Hardy decided to pick Roode, and then a brawl broke out. I'm glad because it ended the nothing speeches, although Daniels had a great few lines, and Hardy's promo made it seem like he had some too.

They replayed everyone fighting for whatever reason. They ran down the BFG series - a DQ loss costs you 10 points while a win gets you 2...that seems unfair. Shockingly, a 50+ year old guy is in the front row in a XXXL Velvet Sky shirt. Anderson began talking, so a fat chick in a Cena shirt started texting instead. Anderson let him do a headlock on him, which was great since Park's the one guy you can do that deal with. Loved Taz saying Ken's almost in slow motion. Nice dropkick to the knee from Anderson. Park got a nearfall for his finisher - the fluke schoolboy. Park hit some nice punches, then did two little shoves and celebrated. Thanks to Doc's help, Anderson was able to pin Park. Rest of the BFG guys are in the back and AJ is literally in the shadows sulking. 

Anderson and DOC argued over being the VP. Jay Bradley's in the ring dressed like a gas station attendant, and called out Aries. I love Bradley's fire and he's good on the mic, but that look makes him look like a bit of a jobber. Aries accepted the challenge and each guy fought like it was a mad dash. Bradley wanted to win quick to guarantee a lead, while Aries wanted to just kick his ass for demanding this. Nice running corner dropkick to the knee from Aries. Boomstick countered into the crucifix driver. Corner dropkick leads to a struggling brainbuster. This was a shockingly good match. Nice MEM vid. Sting's backstage with...grey in his soul patch...yargh.

Sting met with...someone backstage, who shook his hand to accept instead of saying anything. Chavo said something about BRING IT ON, POINTS. COME ON! There's one asshole in the BFG series who pisses him off - Daniels. Tenay tied this into Daniels hitting him with the tag title belt and costing the team the gold - I love that. I also like Daniels's new blue arrow-trim gear. Shoulder tackle to the gut on the apron led to Air Mexico. Hernandez looked so badass doing that, then doing his pose with his mouth all bloody. Low blow led to the BME and a win for Daniels. Why is Brooke Hogan dressed like a chick in Vegas who hangs around high rollers?

Kaz is out to insult the turd burglar and challenge Magnus, who Dixie thinks is cute, teehee giggle. Slick Windhim-style flying lariat from Magnus. Missile dropkick from Kaz led to an iffy transition into the cloverleaf for the win - I'm all for getting new finishers over. Hogan talked on the phone, but decided to CHOKE BULLY RAY, then challenge him to a fight tonight. Bully reminded Hogan of the terrible Impact ending from a couple weeks ago with Brooke stopping Hogan from de-braining Bully. So...yay more of that shit later. Or next, as Brooke is out to address the KOs. I hope she tells them to never interrupt her.

They found a couple of people cheering for her in the crowd. Brooke cannot be heard. EMOVE THE MIC UPWARDS OR TALK LOU-DER! Even the 50 year old guy in Velvet's shirt seems bored by Brooke's cleavage. EY and OBD are out with their belts and the music here is amazingly generic. Everyone but Mickie was out. I have no problem with Mickie demanding to not come out to that shitty generic song. And wow this getup is awesome. Mickie talked about getting a national commercial and how it's not as hard for her to carry the division as it is for Velvet, whose knee is hurt but is not sold or being protected in anyway. ODB was pissed because Brooke talked to EY once...a year and a half ago. EY talked about technically not being a woman. I'm astonished TNA hasn't tried to bring Fallon Fox in to be KO tag champ. EY made use of it being national kissing day...and then his thong slipped out of his pants. Egads. Loved Taz talking about them needing to rent a port-a-john or a hotel. Brooke made Taryn-Gail in a ladder match for Vegas at some unknown time. Also, Mickie-Velvet happens next week. Recap of Sting's stuff earlier. AJ-Joe is up next. YAY! Hulk argued with Brooke and sent her to her hotel with a driver.

They ran down the show tapings, and the Vegas show is next week - so both big KOs matches are then. Then they plugged their TNA ALWAYS EVOLVE app with a PS1 Jeff Hardy character model lifting weights. The close-up shot of him on it is terrifying. Then AJ came out, summoned the emodactyl with the P1 pose, and said he's doing his own thing in a Dark Knight Batman voice while doing stilted '60s Batman speaking patterns. That was unintentionally hilarious. Taz reminded us that he was in the MEM before, and that he's on the e-mail list so he knows there isn't one. Joe kicking AJ's feet out from under him leading to an apron face plant ruled for an ad break.

They came back with Joe doing a sweet head-holding headbutt flurry, and had Christy remind everyone of the time limit. Five minutes left in the 15 minute limit. So we're either getting a draw or a last-second win. Superplex from Joe led to a bodypress counter that looked sick. Punches and high knee combo in the corner for Joe, but AJ locks on the calf killer into the crossface, then the kokina. They've already turned AJ's new finisher into a transitional move. They did...stuff to kill time at the end. Each guy got 2 points for the draw, and led to a LET THEM FIGHT chant. AJ's nose is all busted up, probably from the hook. Bully talked to Brooke on the phone, he was upset that she left. He wants to talk to her TONIGHT. New MEM logo looks cool and the Hardy-Roode match is next.

But first, we got an awesome vid for the Hardcore Justice ONO PPV. Then Hogan talked to the X division jobbers and reminded Sabin that he could cash in his prop for a shot at Bully at D-X on my birthday. Christy called Roode something that sorta sounded like the It Factor. They brawled on the ramp and Taz said that Roode was beating him up LIKE A POSSUM. Tenay's unbelievable WHAT!? ruled here. More hype for the wacky TNA workout app. Hardy gets the Twist, but misses the swanton. This feels like a PPV match on fast forward. Crossface was countered into a crossface for a cradle. Snap Twist gets the win. That was a video game version of their matches with specials maxed out. It's 10:47 and they've still got to fit Bully's deal with Brooke and the MEM reveal in.

Bully came out and talked about 12 guys in the BFG series, and the three X division guys fighting for a shot at his title. It's 10:55 and we're just to him teasing Brooke coming out. This led to Sting coming out with a new, more epic MEM theme. Sting took his suit off to prep for a fight while Bully talked about his family being ready at a  snap of his fingers. Can't wait for the reveal of them KOed in the back. Sting should be the new spokesman for the Men's Wearhouse. Kurt double-legged Bully and made him tap immediately after the Aces that were left were shown out cold. That was pretty cool.

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Monday, June 17, 2013

Raw 6-17-13

TONS of Punk signs in the crowd tonight judging by the cut-in clips during NCIS. They changed up the PPV hype vid and are now doing a flipbook style for it. It's really epic and made the PPV seem like an all-time classic. Some great shots in it too, including a silly one at the end with Cena mugging. Ricardo and Alberto start the show, which actually makes the world title seem important. Great shots of the Alberto-Dolph match in the graphic. Alberto's back to speaking English poorly and being a prick, which is far better than him being MR MEXICO, THE MOST MEXICAN MAN IN THE HISTORY OF MEXICO. And he's angry at the fans for cheering Dolph instead of him on the post-WM Raw. He's also mad at folks not cheering him, but cheering for some point as well. The angle of Punk and Paul separating has been changed up, as Heyman's out with Punk - who did get a huge pop. Punk looks at least five years younger now. 
Punk wants Alberto tonight, but Heyman insists that his clients don't fight for free...other than when Axel wrestles ALL THE TIME ON FREE TV. This is a fine way to have them break up on TV though, and get Punk into a main event program and make the world title seem like a huge deal again. And the crowd is using the Si chants against Alberto now - this rules. Vickie came out and made the match official - so I guess we'll have Axel cost Punk in some way. Also, Vickie has a surprise for the McMahons - hopefully it's a meeting with Dr. Shelby. And Orton faces Bryan tonight - if it's given time, that should rule. Axel faces Barrett next.

A Did You Know graphic hyped up Classics on Demand for the first time in ages, and lied about it having MSW now. Punk talked to Heyman about how he nearly lost the match due to him, and that he doesn't want him at ringside again. So they basically re-shot the angle on the site. Barrett got a jobber intro. They showed a graphic of Axel's win, complete with Miz making a wacky face. Vickie just came out and cancelled that match to have Christian return. So is Vickie's surprise for Vince that he gets to talk about Christian's stack of dimes neck? Cole talked about Christian's title wins for a second, but spent more time running down all of the networks Raw is on. Tornado DDT hit by Christian, but Cole wasn't sure if it was classic or vintage. Christian won with the Killswitch. So much for Barrett losing the title being a good thing. King called Christian young...despite him pushing 40. Also, you can pick the stip for Bryan-Orton.

Sandow-Sheamus got a recap vid and came off like an awesome little match, with Sandow busting out a baseball slide underneath the bottom buckle and Sheamus hitting THREE IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKERS IN A ROW. So now Sheamus gets to kill BOTH of the Rhodes Scholars in one match - boo. Sheamus busted out the White Noise after a fallaway slam catch - I always love finding new ways to do existing moves. Sheamus basically killed them, but lost via fluke schoolboy while setting up the Brogue Kick. Cody still got kicked though. Cole said it was okay since it made Sheamus feel better. Remember, it's okay to attack people as long as it makes you feel better afterwards. They teased Henry's retirement and hyped A GREAT WWE.COM ARTICLE ON IT. Re-airing of RVD vid from last night. It's amazing to think that he's been gone from WWE since before the HD era began. Really made him seem like an older star of the past than he is.
Brickie met with HHH, who asked why Christian was a surprise when he's been cleared for a month, and which one of them signed RVD when he did. He also buried 3MB. Well, he was a bit of a prick here, but I was amused by him asking what main event Vickie would've made if Punk hadn't come out when Alberto was out there. They showed a tag title match graphic recapping that match, and the pose Orton is in makes him look like Emma. Bryan and Kane argued, and Bryan broke up the team so he could be WWE Champion, and Kane called him a DB after talking about Team DB. This ruled. Orton-Bryan is up next, TYPE TO TAP ON THE APP!

They recapped Bryan making the Shield lose for the first time in 6-man tag action, which is great since Bryan came off like a huge deal there. They showed Orton saying words boringly ON THE APP. Now you can watch him not emote on two screens instead of one. Bryan is back to being all YES, which is great, and they showed a fan with a giant fake beard and his shirt on in the crowd. THE UNIVERSE voted no DQ. Cole thanked THE UNIVERSE and THE WWE APP for allowing a no DQ match. They picked great stip possibilities here. Orton kicked the shit out of Bryan in the corner with some mudhole stomps. HOLY SHIT, THE WAR GAMES DVD IS OUT NEXT WEEK! Calgary Crab from Bryan. Orton did a clothesline on the floor and favored his knee afterwards. I hope he didn't step wrong or something. They hyped up RVD, and how HHH IS RESPONSIBLE FOR BRINGING RVD BACK. That is quite hilarious. Suicide dive got side-stepped by Orton, but not in that cool Samoa Joe don't-give-a-fuck way. Bryan took a hell of a bump on the barricade there. And JBL called weapons toys again. Despite the Axel-Cena rematch ending via count out in a no DQ match, the ref never bothered counting when they were on the floor. They went to a break with Orton throwing him in the ring.

Superplex attempt by Orton was countered with some forearms and a headbutt before the missile dropkick. No DQ is trending worldwide. YES kicks got countered into the exploder, which didn't come off perfectly as Bryan landed on his right arm badly. Orton did a low blow, leading to Cole asking if that could be a a no DQ match. The arm injury ended this for Bryan, so Orton won after they did a mini-version of the Alberto-Dolph story last night. This was definitely underwhelming, but understandable if it's a legit injury. Orton consoling Bryan after the loss looked hilarious.

According to Diddy, bullying is bad. Unless you're Sheamus, Vince, or HHH. Actually, since this is a cyber-bullying ad, maybe it doesn't apply to them. Great recap of Alberto being an asshole to start the show. They showed AJ-Kaitlyn stuff from last night, and oddly focused on Kaitlyn's acting. There's no diva as strong and smart as AJ according to her, so I guess Beth is coming back. Or Steph, because there's no one smarter or stronger than her. Loved AJ going "HI BOSS LADY!" to Steph. Steph is against women being degraded on TV...cue the Trish-Vince bit. And in case you forgot, STEPH IS A MCMAHON, as her tron indicated. She's also the ruler of the queendom. Steph then bullied AJ for saying she's younger than Steph. Kaitlyn came out to confront AJ, but was instead leered at by Steph and Steph buried all the woman saying they shouldn't dare interrupt her. Kaitlyn looks like she's losing her balance in a ball pit or something trying to attack AJ. Kane gets a rematch against Ambrose...I guess because he only lost via countout or something.
Bryan update is that he's still being evaluated, and could have nerve some body part or another. Cole wasn't specific. Shield came out to cost Kane the match. I'm fine with this - Ambrose was wronged having to defend the title against Kane again. Cole talked about HHH demanding SOMEONE do something about them. That had damn well better not lead to him coming out to kill all three guys. Mark met with the PTPs and Tamina in an amazing pink suit jacket that could cover a small car. The Shield met with Brickie backstage, which should never happen again because the Shield comes off as a bit of joke near these guys. Vince met with them in a glorious purple suit. He loves them...but HHH hates them...YAY MORE MCDRAMA! SOCIAL MEDIA IS TALKING ABOUT THE WYATT FAMILY, and they need to stop talking about the group like that because it makes them seem like just another cookie-cutter group with a different coat of paint to the presentation.

Zeb's out. WE ARE AT WAR! And war causes unusual alliances, like Zeb and Swagger's alliance with Cesaro - a man who speaks FIVE LANGUAGES, including the most important one - English. Cesaro's out to face Regal - YAY! JBL talked about Zeb liking "Ree-nee" Young. Cesaro's all-white getup looks a bit ridiculous. They never actually talked about the match, which was a shame since Cesaro did some swank stuff, including a delayed butterfly suplex counter, A SWINGING SLEEPER, and the Neutralizer for the win. Commentary sucked, but the match was very good.

Cena's out to cut a top of the hour promo. He FEELS GOOD ONE DAY AWAY FROM TUESDAY. I guess because he won't be on SD. Hashtag RVD is trending worldwide. Tremendous. Cena is happy because EVERYONE IN THE BUILDING IS HERE BECAUSE THEY LOVE THE WWE! HE EVEN LOVES THE FOLKS WHO DON'T LIKE HIM, God bless 'em! But instead, he wants to talk to the people who love him. He's saying a bunch of words. None of them seem to serve much of a purpose. Now he's talking about MITB and how whoever cashes in won't have an edge CUZ HE'LL ALWAYS BE READY. Henry came out with his boots in hand. He's soaking in the cheers, telling Cena he can let his guard down and there's something he wants to tell him - all the boys, and girls in the back. AND ALL Y'ALL IN THE AUDIENCE! Even the fat guy in the tie dye shirt. This was the best fake retirement speech ever, playing it to the hilt fully - talking about his family for the first time on-air, saying he'd be home...and then whooping that ass with a world's strongest slam. Everything about this after Henry came out ruled.
Henry called everyone fools for believing him and said he had two boots with him CUZ ONE WAS FOR CENA'S REAR END. Then Jericho came out to face Slater, while Cole recapped the networks Raw is on for the second time tonight. Henry and the world's strongest slam are trending worldwide on Twitter. JBL called the Codebreaker by Storm's name for it, and then Jericho hit Drew with it. It was sold gloriously, and Drew's black and hot pink pleather pants rule. Heyman is fine with being THE BEST FRIEND OF THE BEST IN THE WORLD! And his client is a man who was born to be better than perfect. 

Sheamus interrupted man-humping in a restuarant to Brogue kick a guy and date a his gear. This was to hype up 1-800 FELLA. Miz was out to be annoying and observe Axel beating Sin Cara for the third time. Miz, like a babyface, just whined a lot after losing fairly. JBL hyped up Axel and Curt Hennig as the first father-son combo to win the IC Title. Axel won with a DDT, and Miz slow-clapped. I can't wait to see Axel beat this douche.

Ambrose-Bryan is SCHEDULED for Friday, which led to them bringing up the injury from earlier. Vince hyped up Brickie, leading to Henry-Cena being announced at the PPV and HHH, Steph, and Vince bickering. Steph sounds like she's got a bigger dick than either of them. Heyman met with Punk and told him he loved him and that he is THE BEST IN THE WORLD! Cole talked about "Which McMahon or HHH would you listen to?" There's more than one HHH!?

They came back with Ricardo endlessly clapping for Alberto - awesome. JBL knocked Punk for telling Heyman to stay backstage when he guided him to his 434 day reign...or at least over half of it. Buzzsaw death kick got 1. The commentators bickered amongst themselves for eons. Nice running kick to the arm while Punk was in the ropes. Not sure it should really lead to an ad break, but whatever. It did lead to a Last of Us ad, and that game is amazing. I'm surprised at how much later-game footage is in the ad, but none of it prevents the story from sucking you in while you're playing. Bryan apparently suffered a stinger, but it won't prevent him from facing Ambrose on SD. And Bryan apparently got pissed at HHH backstage, which could've been fun to see thanks to the dueling beards.

Forearm>backstabber combo THAT NEVER WINS MATCHES "could have been enough" according to Cole. Since when? This match is really by the numbers stuff. GTS led to a countout win for Punk when Alberto chose to leave. Dolph came out in a Sonny Crockett season getup of a black pants/suit jacket combo with mango shirt. This led to Punk standing in the ring while BROCK LESNAR sauntered down the aisle. Brock came in, grabbed the mic and instead of saying anything, just threw it down and F5ed the hell out of Punk. Well, they seem to be doing SOMETHING to tease a three-way for the world title at MITB, so Brock-Punk could still work out perfectly for Summerslam.

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Friday, June 14, 2013

WWE SD 6-14-13

Jericho-Big E came off like a big deal thanks to the opening vid. Holy crap, the PPV is only in two days. Tag title match feels important, while the U.S. Title match feels like something on the card. I loved how Bryan worked both YES and NO logically into the promo and putting over his title wins over the past year or so. I loved them having a wacky breakup and Bryan calling Kane the weak link. Orton being fine with Kane chokeslamming Bryan...except for it hurting his match on Sunday ruled too. The Shield taking pride in causing this disarray was good too. This didn't set up anything new, but was an awesome use of 12 minutes anyway. Sheamus is walking around backstage, preparing to come out and be an asshole.

Or to face Cesaro, who sadly got no intro and even did the generic jobber hand raise. I love Sandow-Sheamus getting more and more build now that it's a pre-show match. Also dug Sandow putting Cesaro over as a man who knows five languages. At least someone's trying to put him over. Cesaro and Sheamus done hit each other hard. Twas great. Zeb cut a promo ON THE APP...and they just showed him pointing. I sure hope the app has him saying words aloud. Sheamus's style is now "catch as catch can". Maybe that's Texas for clubberin. Cesaro was taken out with a nice shot into the barricade leading to an ad break. They came back with some body blows and Cole called a basic Bret Hart backbreaker was now the Irish Curse. Zeb feels that both Cesaro and Renee are the "good kind" of immigrants. So he's now basically a slave-owner who approves of his negros as long as they don't cause problems. JBL suggested they have this match in a phone booth. I've seen a shark cage match, and it was awful. Then again, it also involves Strongbow.

Sheamus's shoulder is covered in blood, which explains why the ref had gloves on when they came back. OUTSIDE-IN IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKER got two. I love that spot and demand it be featured in the games from now on. Modified version of Sean O'Haire's WWE finisher slam got two, but seemed really impressive due to how big Sheamus is. Brogue kick got the win. This vastly exceeded my expectations since I figured Cesaro would just be squashed. Somehow, Sheamus OVERCAME THE ODDS. How that happened in a straight-up one on one match with no interference I have no idea. Sheamus paid too much attention to the ring and not enough to his surroundings, as Sandow was able to sneak up and attack him from behind on the ramp. Gorgeous shots of Punk are building up a return hype vid, and would look way cooler without the giant NEXT graphic on them.

Bray Wyatt is going to be something else when he hits TV. According to Cole, TWO OF THE WORDS THE WWE UNIVERSE IS USING TO DESCRIBE THE WYATT FAMILY ARE UNSETTLING AND INTRIGUED. Less bullshit like that and more vids. Punk video ruled. THE BEST IN THE WORLD RETURNS on Sunday. Shame it's a day after a UFC show. Teddy got a call in the HARDEES BACON CHEESE THICKBURGER control center, but was interrupted by Dolph's posse. Big E ate his burger and he was sad. Not sure why he didn't just eat the other burger on the table, or why he acted surprised seeing A COMPLETELY PREPARED MEAL in the room he was in. Maybe the burger fairies made it appear out of thin air or something. Khali wrestles next. Also, there's a Last of Us ad, which is far better than any Khali match not involving Finlay or Cena.

Slater's facing Khali, and Drew's new wacky baseball shirt rules. Slater being in designer jeans is a nice change, and Cole talking about how hard things are for Khali was sad. He has to buy himself three seats to fly. At least Vince is helping him make as much money as possible before he has to retire. Kane and Bryan are having a muted argument ON THE APP. I'm not sure what's worse - muting the audio so it doesn't detract from TV, or not muting it and making it so you can't hear what's supposed to make you want to watch the app. Thanks to some help and a reverse DDT, Slater won. Holy shit. Alberto/Jericho vs. Big E/Dolph is up next.

Dolph's concussion was brought to us in replay form by Hardee's. It's great that WWE has this money rolling in, but good lord they come off like TNA did during the BROUGHT TO YOU BY MORPHOPLEX era. Lilian's now introing Ricardo introing Alberto, which is getting the ALBERTTOOOO part over to a variety of balding middle-aged men. They added in some terrible ADR hyping up Nikki Bella being a judge on some pageant on NBC this weekend. Dolph is also on the JBL and Cole show on WWE's Youtube show. I liked JBL bringing back the idea of Big E wanting the gold, and saying he didn't become one of the top power-lifters without having a big ego. Jericho going for chops on Big E seems like it should be sold like a headbutt on a Samoan. Nice bodyblows by Big E. Heels bailed from the faces to lead to a break.

Wedge E. was taken out with a baseball slide from dropkick. Terrible ADR job plugging some article. Massive leaping bodyblock from Langston took Jericho down. Rude Awakening, complete with hip swivel, got 2 for Dolph. Alberto's stolen Orton's clothesline>clothesline spot, but with a tilt a whirl backbraker instead of a powerslam. Dolph took about three bumps for the backbreaker. Alberto cradled Dolph to win the tag match, so he's not winning on Sunday. Chicago is ONE OF THE BEST WWE UNIVERSE TOWNS according to JBL. Good lord. I hated that phrase when Punk said it on Austin's last DVD, and it's still terrible. Kaitlyn's cleavage is ready for action next.

But first, THE WWE APP HAS BEEN DOWNLOADED SIX MILLION TIMES. And Jericho needs to talk with Renee Young about Punk. He talked about his WWF debut in Chicago, so it won't be as pro-Punk as some may think. Heyman offered a handshake, which was declined. Loved him saying good luck, and saying that Jericho will in fact need it...before SHOUTING THAT CM PUNK IS THE WINNER OF THE MATCH AND THE BEST IN THE WORLD! Aksana's sax music showed her as the opponent, while Big E's humilation of Kaitlyn was replayed. Kaitlyn girl-slapped the ref, who was terrified and then she got DQed for a hard slap. This was hilarious, and the close-ups of Kaitlyn's lips were terrifying. Five millionth recap of the Ryback-Cena deal. I cannot wait for this feud to end so it will just be over. Ryback calling himself Satan just reminds me of South Park's version, since he's impossible to take seriously. His promo are hilarious, and he gets title shots by either losing or not winning major matches.

Curtis Axel's match is sponsored by Hardee's. This product placement deal has to go. "The Undefeated" Curtis Axel faces a mystery man next. Him using Lashley's intro pose doesn't seem to fit him at all. The SUPER BACON SLAM presents a video showing Miz beating Cody and Axel being brought in to build up the IC Title match. Holy shit, WADE BARRETT, THE IC CHAMPION got a jobber intro. DID YOU KNOW THAT THE HARDEE'S BACON THICK BURGER HAS SIX STRIPS OF BACON, THAT'S BACON IN EVERY BITE! This is truly ridiculous. I liked Barrett appealing to Heyman's business side to avoid facing Axel tonight. Goddammit, Miz is out with a mic. Miz took this Hardee's-presented match as a chance to plug Starbucks and make jokes with a lisp before breaking into a Homer-esque FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT. It is absolutely impossible to like Miz's character. They talked about how great it would for Axel to win the IC Title on father's day. AWESOME story there. Shame they're telling it when he's a heel. Axel won with the not-McGullicutter, before getting hit with the Finale from behind. Barrett came off as such a jobber there. DID YOU KNOW THE WWE UNIVERSE REFERRED TO THE WYATT FAMILY AS UNSETTLING!? Another great Wyatt vid aired. They're coming - time to run from the eater of worlds. The videos rule, but having Cole do his forced bullshit hurts the build. YAY SHIELD IS OUT TO BE AWESOME! A very cute brunette jumped up and down when Ambrose was in front of her. GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY, THIS MATCH IS BROUGHT TO US BY HARDEE'S. Fucking hell.

Babyfaces got no intro beyond the crowd yelling YES constantly. I'm fine with that. Cole oddly talked about the "storyline of this match" and JBL pointed out how it's the exact same each and every time. Nice dragon sleeper from Ambrose led to knees to the face as a counter. Babyfaces in peril lead to an a break. An outstanding Punk-Jericho video aired that made it seem truly epic - it was aided quite a bit by lacking any logos on it. JBL oddly talked about the Shield breaking Team Hell No they were in a match with them. Cole hyped up the Shield taking out the Rock, while JBL brought up Taker not being seen since they destroyed him.

Sideslam from Kane got a 2 - as noted by a fan with a giant 2 sign. Bryan got the tag and beat the fuck out of everyone. Double dive onto the champs, then he dropkicked Rollins TWICE in the corner - once standing and the other with him against the middle ropes. MMA elbows prevented Ambrose from knocking Bryan off the top, where his diving headbutt missed. Bryan appears to have a scar on his chest now. RKO countered into the Reigns spear. Spear to Kane on the floor led to him getting chucked into the timekeeper's area where Ambrose was chokeslammed into. Then Rollins dove into an RKO>No Lock. This wasn't the Shield's best match, but holy crap did it ever come off like a big deal that the Shield lost. Every secondary title match that they're involved in feels like a main event level match with major importance, which is more than I can really say for the WWE Title match right now. Bryan is easily the hottest act in the company and the best in-ring babyface they've had since HBK retired.

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Thursday, June 13, 2013

TNA Impact 6-13-13

I love catching the last few minutes of World's Wildest Police Chases just for the INCREDIBLE INDIGNATION the narrator has towards criminals. Last week, MOVIE STAR AND MMA ICON made his debut. Well, given what Spike's paying him, I can't blame them for treating him like the Rock. Also, it's the BFG series selection show and Bully's balls and Hardy's back got destroyed in last week's ladder match. Brooke also saved her hubby from being de-brained by Hogan. Speaking of which, Hulk Hogan is once again out to start the show instead of say, the MMA ICON AND MOVIE STAR. Hogan is really moving around well all things considered. Must be all the painkillers he's on for his hand. An act of God prevented Hogan from DROPPING THE HAMMER DOWN AND CHOPPING BULLY DOWN WITH THE EDGE OF HIS HAND. Tremendous. Superman is also in the BFG series, or Hernandez. Something about the last two winners of the series getting a bye, and Hardy also winning BFG...what? Taz is confused too, but yeah, he's giving Hardy a break here. Hogan's promo was far better than Hardy's. I like Hogan wearing red and yellow while Hardy's in neon yellow and red - good color combos on-screen. Hardy's earrings and shoes also match his shirt. Next week is OFN, and Hogan said FANS CAN TWITTER TO DO THE FIRST CALL-OUT between Hardy and Roode. Roode threatened to kick Hardy's ass, and Hardy wanted that now...that was meant to be intense but was just funny.

Thank the lord above, Bully is out to make some sense of things. I love Bully calling Hogan daddio. Not sure why Bully is confused about an Ace not being in the series - HOGAN HATES YOU FUCKERS, perfectly willing to give them a shot as long as they fight amongst themselves in a battle royal. Well, at least it wasn't a reverse battle royal and makes some sense since it will cause dissension in the group. Oh yeah, AJ-Angle is happening tonight - sweet. Storm and Gunenr face Bad Influence for TWO SPOTS in the series next. Gunner's beard frightens the elderly, BUT NOT BAD INFLUENCE! Daniels is playing piano and being awesome. It is impossible to not boogie to their theme, or enjoy the DANIELS IS MY HERO - SO IS KAZ signs behind them. Tenay brought back MISTER INTENSITY for Gunner. Needs to not do that again. Love Storm spinning the bottle in the air and still grabbing it rightside-up. Taz is discussing protein shakes here before a BFG series qualifier. At least he's not singing. TREMENDOUS snap fallaway slam from Gunner. Almost reminded me of Scott Steiner's backflipping version, only not quite that cool. That move really should be in a video game at some point. Super-fast 2 count from the wacky shoe ref against Gunner. Nice flying neckbreaker from Storm, and even with him in the ring, the fans are chanting for Gunner, who hit a headbutt that dazed him. I love that little touch. Loved the back stabber after shoving Daniels into Kaz. Tag belt shot from Kaz led to Storm being small packaged and pinned. Really good match with a finish that leads to a logical shot at the tag titles...which were then buried by Taz as meaning less THAN HAVING A CHANCE to get a guaranteed world title shot. Crimson was a dick to a cameraman who asked what he was doing here. It's been an entire year since he's been on TV. Wow.

Velvet Sky's cleavage has an envelope for Mickie. Crimson is out in what can only be described as cammo booty shorts for his gear in a BFG series match. Why is a guy who hasn't been on TV in a year able to vie for a title shot? And he's facing Joseph Park...WHY IS HE ABLE TO GET A POSSIBLE TITLE SHOT!? This should be wacky and fun even if the logistics of it make no sense. Crimson looks like a jacked-up version of Big Pete. Crimson kicked his ass, but got impatient waiting for him to get into position for a spear and hit the buckles and lost via schoolboy. Mickie talked to herself in the mirror and in the third-person. This gimmick rules.

Velvet came out, sadly in pants instead of her regular gear to make an announcement. Velvet's acting. Was terrible. Maybe she graduated from the Stephanie McMahon school of acting. Taz theorized that there could be a watch or bracelet inside this shapeless manilla envelope. Dr. Fabian Kaylin cleared her, but Mickie didn't believe it and said it looked like her knee was still hurt...due to her attacking it. Glorious attack, and it led to a slew of upskirts as Mickie wore panties underneath a see-through dress. Matt Morgan talked to the camera guy in his shiny gold undies. Sting couldn't pin him or make him submit, or make people care about Matt Morgan.

Morgan came out for a 4-way with Magnus, King, and Big Rob. Sad to see Magnus just be a dude in this unhyped match after being called a big deal not too long ago. Matt Morgan is about as red as an apple. Morgan and Terry did '80s big guy spots, leading to a WE WANT MAGNUS chant. King thew himself into orbit for a Rob Terry flapjack. Magnus' new long tights look great. Outstanding powerslam catch into a brainbuster on King from Magnus. Flying elbow would've gotten the win if Morgan hadn't broken it up. Parade of finishers led to Morgan being low-bridged and Magnus winning with a Michinoku driver - so glad he won this. Sting talks next in the big top of the hour segment.

EY shilled his show, and he's going to try to get into the BFG series against Aries. And then they hyped up Rampage with an amazing video. He came off like the icon they portrayed him as at the start of the show. The same Sting-Bully recap vid from after the PPV aired. Sting sauntered out in black and blue gear with his black and red shirt. Loved Sting using the word DECEPTION in his promo since it reminded me of his RVD promo with that written on the belt...on tape. Sting is pissed at there being no one else to help him, BUT HE DOESN'T MIND! And he needs his own family...A NEW MAIN EVENT MAFIA. Sting cut yet another great promo here and really made the MEM seem like a big deal. The Main Event Mafia name is also pretty damned awesome too. Naturally, after a Sting promo, Spike runs an Enzyte ad.

Replay of Sting's promo promising the end of the Aces at the hands of the MEM. ODB came out with EY, who was constantly having his ass smacked. They also plugged his show a ton and showed clips including one with EY being star-struck at ODB, FROM SPIKE TV'S IMPACT WRESTLING. This was cute. She referred to them being KOs champs, them not defending them, and her still wanting some damned fried chicken. EY's blue and yellow gear looks good and I like him impersonating Aries' wacky mannerisms. TNA will be in Louisville on 7-18, which means there's an Impact show on my birthday - sweet. They broke up wrestling with EY taking ODB down after an ass-slap and riding her. In theory, Aries being in a comedy match shouldn't work since he's a semi-main event act, but he's silly enough at times to make this work just fine. Tenay was baffled by Taz's comparison of EY's beard to Cheez Whiz. EY is working his ass off here, while Aries did a Flair flip over the ropes, got knocked off the apron and planchad by EY. This is greatly exceeding my expectations. Aries crotched EY to ODB's displeasure, knocked his beard off with the corner dropkick and dropped him with the brainbuster. This was outstanding stuff.  The Aces met in their arena lair, and Doc is resistant to just throwing it. And then he belched at Devon. Well, that was different.

Sabin cut a decent promo about how he might've been able to be X champ last year and cash in the title for a world title shot, and now, he isn't so sure if he'd do that. Garett's designer stubble really adds to his douchey look. DOC and Morgan appear to tan at the same part of the sun. Anderson Hogan YOU'D Wes and Garett out of the ring. Deadly fingerpoke took Knux out with a really impressive backflip bump to the floor. Anderson asked Devon to get the tables, AND BY GOLLY, IT SENT HIM OVER THE TOP. This is both ridiculous, and yet awesome since everything largely ties into the gimmicks of guys whenever possible. Seems a bit like a farce with the fans chanting this is awesome, and it kills the idea of them being badass bikers. Doc refused to just step over, so at least they're FINALLY doing something to set him apart from the pack. He hit a big flurry, and got a decent pop for it, so of course a simple knee to the gut was enough. Other than it just taking one fluke move to eliminate him, I dug the idea of this. Rampage and Angle met and cleared the air - Angle didn't mean any disrespect saying "when he's ready", and he wants him to do well in his Bellator debut, much like how Rampage wants him to do well against AJ. Good simple stuff here.

Turns out the Aces drew cards to determine that deal, and while Bully isn't happy with what happened, he understands Doc wanting to step up. Doc offered to make up for tonight's deal by taking out AJ tonight. They re-replayed the Sting deal - really putting that over as a huge deal without taking up much time. Take notes, WWE. Next week, THE FANS GET TO DETERMINE THE FIRST CALL-OUT, and I guess that means they get to grab a mic and talk. That seems like a really stupid thing to vote on, but at least it ensures a show-opening promo that doesn't involve Hulk Hogan. AJ's new theme is outstanding. I really liked Taz saying that while he's upset about AJ turning down the club, as a wrestling fan, he's still excited to see this match.

The traditional post-break chinlock brought the match back to AJ's advantage. Angle got dropkicked into the announce table, which looks terrible. Overhead belly to belly on the floor from Angle. AJ's look of agony from that ruled. Loved Taz talking about Angle winning an Olympic gold medal in Atlanta in '96. Dug the fans chanting during the triple German suplexes. Angle slam countered into a sick DDT. I'm enjoying this way more than the PPV match, and that could just be due to me digging the build for this (largely Angle-Rampage) more than the AJ-Angle stuff before, and Angle feeling like a bigger deal after the HOF and with the Rampage thing going on. Calf killer was countered into the ankle lock, which could've killed that move if it wasn't Angle countering it. Big TNA chant broke out. The run-up superplex was changed up into a run-up belly to back WITH AJ LANDING ON HIS FEET PERFECTLY. And then he did a DDT into the corner, sold as into the buckle but really just in the mat. Doc and Knux came out and tried to cost AJ the match, but it wound up giving him the win via fluke schoolboy. Other than that being done earlier by JOSEPH FREAKING PARK, this is fine. Rampage made the save for Angle by walking around and swinging the chain wildly. This was quite great and built to the future really well.

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Monday, June 10, 2013

Raw 6-10-13

Good lord, it's now 10:55 and they've doing a Ryback Rampage video as well. This show will just never end. Bunch of geeks came out to further the Ryback-Cena deal while Cole talked about Vince and HHH still being in the building. It's 11 and there are still two angles to go. On the upside, they involve Ryback and Steph talking, so they should at least be amusing. Vince and HHH had their wacky meeting - VINCE WAS ALL UP IN HIS STUFF! And Christ can Steph yell. She must break glass during an orgasm. Vince wants more out of HHH than a match with Axel - kid's good, BUT NOT THAT GOOD. So he then gives him a match with Axel, and HHH doesn't want it, but now Vince wants it. Now that Axel's in the IC Title picture, HHH doesn't want to face him. Steph wants a hug, they did an angry group hug and this was basically a longer version of that "I LOVE YOU, POPS!" deal. They've done a marvelous job of cutting HHH's balls off over the past couple of years and this kept that trend going.

Cena came out for the deal, and then Ryback came out IN HIS PERSONAL AMBULANCE that he needs for kicking ass. I really wish they'd just have had Ryback win a straight-up ambulance match since it's a great gimmick for him and separates him from Goldberg. They should've kept going with it after the Maddox deal where it started. Cena then insulted Ryback for being a moron while Ryback said he deserved to be WWE Champion, which was hilarious. Then Cena had "jokes". He also said that Ryback was just making excuses for his failures - which is true. He's failed a lot. Cena went way too far with him leaving as WWE Champion, so I think they may actually do a title change. EIGHT MONTHS AGO, CENA GAVE HIM HIS SPOT, BUT IN 6 DAYS, RYBACK TAKES HIS SPOT. It's 11:12 and all of this wackiness was done to just set up that line. Oh, and Payback will be a bitch too. Also, Ryback charged Cena but got low-bridged - looking like an idiot before a big wacky brawl broke out.

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Friday, June 7, 2013

SD 6-7-13

"Jackass" is now something that needs to be muted in video packages. Wow. Nice emphasis on the Shield match from Raw, although once again, things from last week's SD aren't played up as important even on SD. Miz's ALWAYS CONTROVERSIAL TALK SHOW starts the show. Miz looks like he should play the Grinch. They had Miz say the Shield has never been beaten in a 6-man tag, so despite them bringing up the loss to Cena on Raw by DQ, it now no longer exists. Orton, THE STAR OF THE ACTION-PACKED 12 ROUNDS RELOADED, AVAILABLE NOW, came out. Sadly, he didn't just start things by RKOing Miz. Bryan cut a nice heartfelt promo and then Miz talked about Bryan's beatdown of the Shield on SD. And then he called him a goatfaced vegan troll. KICK HIM PLEASE! Then Orton talked about them being in crazy town and Miz played dimestore shrink for a little while. Kane as the voice of reason and Bryan as the crazy guy ruled, everything else was just tiresome. Especially Miz, whose REALLY, REALLY!? bit sucks. Teddy came out after this to (hopefully) make some sort of holla holla tag match. He'll team with Orton against the tag champs, and Teddy is in a boss vertically-striped white suit. Axel-Jericho is up next instead of a top of the hour main event match. Ouch.

WWE DVDs are sports again since they've got 7 of the top 10 spots. Heyman came out and talked about Axel getting two victories in a row over Cena, which begs the question of why isn't he getting a PPV title shot instead of Ryback, who did NOT beat Cena during their last match and lost his prior PPV match. And the one before that. And the one before that. And the one before that. HEYMAN IS ON COMMENTARY! YAY! Heyman brought up Axel's method of victory not mattering because when Mayweather wins, it doesn't matter if it's by KO or decision. It does matter if you're Jon Fitch though. Draping neckbreaker is something new from Axel. Chinlock led to the break. Nice back and forth match - easily the best showcase for Axel yet since it was against a major guy and he was the focal point. Walls made Heyman panic. Axel won with a fluke cradle after a Punk fakeout from Heyman. So why even have Axel win then? The replay showed Axel winning via distraction he got a Hurricane-level win over Rock here.

Alberto's out to face Heath for some ungodly reason, but he taps him without a match happening. Ricardo did a wacky dive onto 3MB leading to JBL saying he never saw Bruce Buffer do that. I'm sure Bruce Buffer invented that move. Probably saved Jon Jones' life with it a few times too. Kane and Ryback had a meeting of two big dudes in black and red acting badly. Kane's wacky reaction to "Ryback rules" was great.

Ryback-Kane was a match. Ryback lost via powerbomb through a table, which was impressive and a video on his rampage is up next. Recap of last week's glorious Sandow-Sheamus deal - HE'S A MAGICIAN, THERE IS NO END TO HIS TALENTS! Mr. Sandow has bested Sheamus for weeks due to his brilliance AND NO MAN CAN EQUAL HIS BRILLIANCE! Also, the Nassau Community College grads here are merely checker minds in a chess world! Mr. Sandow will take on Deep Blue. Damned computer is entirely too talkative, resulting it it needing to be silenced by Mr. Sandow. Sheamus, the hooligan, prevented him from even playing with the computer. Sheamus, wearing a giant BROGUE KICK shirt, feels he can beat the computer with one move. I love this kind of predictability. JBL's mind was boggled by Sheamus bringing up Atari. After he kicked the computer, Sandow was forced to use his mic on him to prevent further damage to technology. He also bonked his back against the table a bunch. Sandow came off like a threat here for the first time in ages. Orton met with Bryan to exposit about Kane being injured by Ryback. I find it impossible to believe that this man is a lead in an action movie.

OH SWEET JESUS THE MIZ IS ON COMMENTARY. And he instantly makes the Wyatt Family seem slightly less amazing. Fandango's out with Summer Rae - the new pink and black attack. Looking forward to seeing Fandango win some gold at the PPV. Miz got on Lilian for not saying Fandango's name correctly, then screwed it up himself. Ryder's out to get killed by the dancer in his hometown. Poor fucker. And Miz is rattling off my DID YOU KNOW FACTS about the IC Title. I did love his line about making Fandango taste the rainbow. Powerbomb counter to the Rough Ryder looked vicious, and legdrop got the win. It feels like a step back to have him emphasize the name bit again - he should be past that now and they should just say it properly. Apparently the Ryback rampage deal is up next, instead of before - should be fun. Total Divas trailer is amazing with all the silly sound effects added to moves.

They gave Meredith Whitney's book a full graphic plug - that's a bit surprising. The Ryback beatdown vid had some cool video filters on it. Cena's neon green/yellow shoes on Raw really made the video seem a bit ridiculous given that Ryback's yelling about being Satan. Only pins and submissions in the lumberjack match - so I guess this won't end on a countout like an Abrams-booked one. Nattie met with Kaitlyn's enormous tits backstage to discuss her stalker next to a Joker-colored box. Kaitlyn was offended by Nattie implying that the guy could be a creep, which of course naturally led to the Shield coming out to kick ass. Good God were Kaitlyn's tits on display. Very un-PG getup. Orton and Bryan are coming out after the break.

Nice hype vid for Dolph - they're basically building the show around his return after his promo earlier. Orton did his pose and Bryan got a huge pop coming out.  I loved JBL as the only sane man talking about how obvious it was MizTV would fall apart with a guy who hears voices, a guy with an inferiority complex, and a monster out there. JBL talking about Bryan already being nutty for being a vegan with a dog named Asparagus was fairly valid. Reigns' Superman punch and Rollins enzuigiri were shown ON THE APP. Reigns nearly got hurt doing that weeks ago, it's a major part of his offense, and it's relegated to the app. I love the hot tag cam that is just used for Bryan's tags. Rollins got taken out with a clothesline, but he still did all he could to hold onto Orton. Hot tag led to the flying dropkick a new spot - double chest kicks, a duck under for a buzzsaw on one side, so he did it on the other. EXCELLENT addition to things. Tremendous plancha - Bryan's comebacks are easily the hottest parts of WWE TV now. Diving headbutt got a two. Accidental giant corner dropkick was ducked leading to Orton getting hit, while Ambrose's interference prevented a tap for the No Lock. Wild ground and pound from Ambrose there. Orton RKO'd Bryan and it felt less like a heel turn and more like him being a dick - about a .5 on the Sheamus scale.

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