Wednesday, January 27, 2016

NXT 1-27-16

Regular intro leads to American Alpha coming out to their generic theme. Jordan does Brock's ring hop and they're facing BAM. Corey says wins and losses matter more than ever before in the NXT tag team division - and that's coming from a former NXT Tag champ when the Wyatts were around. HUGE wrestling takedown by Jordan here gets 2. Gable comes in and gets a slick armbreaker. Blake somersaults over Gable, but eats a big armdrag and an old school flying headscissors takedown. Super-quick hiptoss into a cradle for 2. GA-BLE chant breaks out before he runs the ropes for eons and Murphy's knee goes out on a leapfrog. Great fakeout there as he uses it to clip the knee. HE'S A MODERN-DAY LAZARUS according to Graves. What a great line. Gable gets to play babyface in peril - which he's also fantastic at. "Chad Gable's in the wrong part of town - where a man in a man bun is trying to break your leg!" Hopping hot tag to Jordan leads to him running wild with dropkicks. Pop-up double German gets the win. They have now beaten their third set of former NXT Tag champs.


A human male interviews Emma and Dana, who looks like a grandmother trying to look younger. They mock Carmella for a bit before Dana mocks her catchphrase. "Bye Adam or Alex, or whatever it is." Sami Rumble recap. Asuka whooping ass recap. "Don't disrespect Asuka OR SHE WILL  KICK YOU IN THE SKULL!" More wisdom from Corey. Nia comes out with Eva to face Liv Morgan. A dropkick almost makes Nia sell for a sec. Sideslam and a legdrop end it. Carmella says angry words towards Emma. Baron hype video puts him over as a guy who dominates and looks cool on a motorcycle. Wacky old tyme video for the Vaudevillains almost seems like a tease to end the team.

Bull comes out and gets winded running for a second. SAY IT TO MY FACE comes out. A-Ry comes out with his worst look yet. He looks like a bad HHH impersonator. Holy Christ, the state of his look. Graves says he thought Phillips and Riley followed each other on Twitter, Instagram, and Tinder. Riley hits an HHH-esque  spinebuster and a jumping calf kick to win. The drifter sings a song and has another bad match against a jobber that the crowd gives no shits about. Wacky spinning neckbreaker wins. Mojo annoys Zack for bragging about his Zubaz. "BRO, STOP WATCHING ME SLEEP!" "...not happening" amused me. Samoa Joe ass-kicking video. Baron comes out first, followed by Joe, and then Sami.

Joe and Sami fight on the floor, leading to Joe taking both guys out with strikes. A big kick and headbutt wipe Baron out. Baron recovers and takes Sami out mid-ring. Joe runs wild with a big running boot to Baron, and he shoves Sami down for a cover - and sentons them. Powerslam gets 2 on Sami. Joe runs wild with chops and punches in the corner. Baron and Sami fight up top and they go the mat and Sami gets 2 off the Blue Thunder Bomb. Joe grabs him from the floor and gets the Coquina Clutch on the floor!

Joe punches away mid-ring and gets the big high knee in the corner. Joe eats End of Days! BUT SAMI SAVES! Sami locks a sloppy sharpshooter on Baron, now it's better mid-ring. Joe gets a crossface and Baron taps out - but to which move. Ah, the old Benoit/Jericho finish. Regal says he'll review the tape and we'll get a decision next week. Okay then.

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Lucha Underground 1-27-16 Rundown

S2 began with Vamp in a psych ward and then appearing to murder Dr. Dick Johnson. Instead, he just hallucinated and got some pills. Striker saved him and sadly wasn't brutally murdered - maybe that will be the S2 finale. Anyway, this was a fantastic show with some crazy stuff in the Fenix-Cuerno match. I loved the story told with Ivie earning the shot, kind of having hope against Mil, but still being destroyed. Pentagon's role as this show's Austin circa '97 is fantastic so far, and that arm-snapper is over like crazy.

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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

TNA Impact Wrestling 1-26-16

The theme plays while Jeff Hardy walks into the building. "I'm gonna go PAINT MY FACE AND THINK ABOUT WHAT I NEED TO SAY TO MY BROTHER". You go and do that, Nero. We get a long recap of last week's events - so they set this all up nicely so far. Jeff's theme NAMING ALL OF HIS OTHER TNA THEMES is something else. Jeff says he wasn't around last week because he was getting his knee checked - so he either hasn't figured out due to loyalty, or doesn't want to believe Matt set him up with the Tyrus deal. Matt's new I AM ICONIC theme setup is good. The theme itself is CAW Theme 5 from any video game. Matt comes out in a grey suit with a bright red shirt with Reby in a red dress and Tyrus carrying Maxil. Everything about this rules.
Jeff says he doesn't want them out here and it's a family matter, while Reby says she is family now and Jeff calls her his sister bitch in law. I love Matt IMMEDIATELY repeating what Reby says. Jeff actually got a Why Matt Why chant started here. Matt calls Jeff out on being basically out of action due to his own idiocy - so Jeff is now "the other Hardy". Matt says it's time for them to go their separate ways and that he'll become the greatest World champ in the history of the industry. An EC3 chant starts up here and Jeff says that he is the greatest wrestler on Earth because unlike Matt, EC3 won it fairly. This is perfectly logical storytelling and it's so fun. Jeff wants a match with Matt, and Matt says he is guilt-free of whatever happens tonight - so Jeff vs. Matt for the title is tonight. We see the announce table, with Josh dressed like a dime store Hugh Heffner.
We get an "in-depth look" at Feast or Fired. Grado loves feasts - especially ribs. Spud is excited over POSSIBLY BEING KOTM CHAMPION. Storm says Beer Money can either be tag champs or hold each singles title. Well, it's a stupid stip - but at least the rewards and consequences were put over as important...and it's the opener. Wow. Beer Money is out. Ad break. Knockouts ad with half the chicks gone. For some fucking reason, ERIC YOUNG IS IN THIS MATCH despite A - being a champion and B - a shot for HIS TITLE being on the line here. Melendez is in this, but now works in long camo pants - so you can't see he has one leg. Everyone's just doing moves. Aiden dominates a bit with brawling tactics that stand out a bit more. Grado pokes him in the eye up top and then stands on him to grab a case. It takes FOREVER, so O'Shea must've been cursing his name.

We come back to hear Josh talk about "a bevy of Superstars" in this match. Enough of the WWE Speak. Drew gets the second case - so Grade has case 2 and Drew has case 1, leaving 3 and 4 in play. Melendez is the bottom of the tower of doom, getting a USA spot. A tower of doom is now an opening match transitional spot. Eli grabs a case - hopefully it contains something for his ED. Bram bumps early for a Spud punch. Roode blocks off guys so Storm can grab the last case. Jeff meets with Kurt backstage in a horribly-acted segment. Kurt has his back.

Everyone is backstage with their cases. DJZ and Mandrews are mid-ring for an X Title flippy-do three way with Uno. I swear this division is just these three men and has been for months. Three people clap for Uno, resulting in what Josh calls a "thunderous ovation". . "Mandrews, as he likes to be called." "Mark Andrews - BETTER KNOWN AS MANDREWS!"  All of this Mandrews talk is EXACTLY like Frank Grimes being called Grimey. Pope hypes up the fast and furious, high-flying, high-octane action. DJZ does a wonky backslide on both Mandrews and Uno - haven't seen that before, and there's probably a good reason for it. Or maybe Nova invented it and let the trademark lapse.
DJZ gets the most convoluted setup possible just to dropkick Uno off the apron. Mandrews rides his skateboard down the ramp and lands a flying headscissors, or a rana as Pope calls it. More "high octane offense" as Pope calls it. DJZ gets 2 for a reverse rana on Mandrews. Josh calls this a human video game. Nah, that has more selling. This is more like a game that is a bit buggy and has some major clipping and collision detection issues. Uno wins with a kinda Spanish Fly off the top while green, white, and PURPLE streamers come down. Gregory Shane Helms comes down. Why not just call him Shane Helms?
 AND HOW IS HE THE GREATEST CRUISERWEIGHT OF ALL-TIME!? Also, he's gigantic next to Uno. Helms says the company was built on the back of the X Division, and its return to prominence is at hand. Helms gives Uno one week - and in one week, he wants to challenge Uno to his final title defense. Helms actually has one of the better themes in the company - it's fairly intense. Josh calls Helms the longest-reigning cruiserweight champion in wrestling. Well yeah, when it meant nothing and he never defended it. Kong tells the Dolls they'll help her get the belt. Kong says she needs to go one on one with Velvet. Oh Christ. Sky ever vs. Kong Now couldn't be good, but Velvet hasn't exactly gotten better with time. Rebel starts a "WHOSE HOUSE!? KONG'S HOUSE!" chant.Well, that was entertaining.

Eli and Jesse have a meeting, and boy does Eli look a decade older and 25 pounds heavier since his last push. Chest hair isn't a good look for him and the scraggly beard makes him look like a Ken Anderson cosplayer. Godderz has some weird speech full of wacky words for him. Kurt chants to Tyrus and Matt. "Curtis, can I help you!?" Ha! More awful acting here, and Kurt has actually starred in movies. Matt as a delusional heel out to...make TNA Great Again is odd. Shouldn't it great now?

Christy introduces Kong. Velvet, who a week ago was in her stripper gear, is back to being Stone Cold. We get rigorous...holding back and forth because no one knows what to do. Velvet gets a jawbreaker. Josh talks about Velvet being fired due to Feast or Fired - and boy is THIS THE SHOW to bring that up. Josh says that Velvet was brought back because TNA officials realized that she wasn't an actual competitor in the match. Velvet lands a kneeling DDT for 2. Running facebuster bulldog gets 2. Baba Kong "lands" a slam and a splash before hitting the Implant Buster and winning. Kong clubs her, but Madison makes the save before the Dolls attack. High/Low attack is called a Total Elimination. Jade's cradle piledriver takes Madison out. They hold Madison so Kong can hit the Awesome splash to take her out.

Wolves cut a promo in cool new shirts and we get a recap video of LAST WEEK'S BEATING to drown it out. Wolves are going to wait for a fight with Steve and his buddy. Okay then. JB meets in a very dark white room for the case skit. We get a new, reasonably well-made Beer Money Drunk and Rich Tour shirt ad. JB is in this now very echoey room. The Miracle and Maria interrupt. Mike is in jeans and a cheap-looking checkered suit. His hat isn't helping either. Drew is greatly offended by Mike - so I guess that's a program. Maria says they're doing TNA a favor by being here, while Mike is offended by anyone talking like that to his wife. Eli has the KOTM case and JB says the next case reveal will be in a few moments...after The Wolves match and not an ad break.

Steve's Marilyn Manson theme song is fantastic. Astonishing to see a licensing deal struck for CRAZZY STEVE.  His crazy Harley Quinn girl stands out nicely too. Steve comes in black, brown, and red - the colors of Abyss, who joins him on-stage for a...confrontation leading to an ad break. Well, this was poorly-timed. During the break, they brawled - so guys took bumps for nothing. Now it's a tag title match. Abyss lands the chugga chugga choo choo spot in the corner. Josh says he misses the old Crazzy Steve with the horn. Yes, VINTAGE CRAZZY STEVE. I bet Josh has been a fan of Steve since he only had one Z in his name. Steve bites out of the backpack stunner, but eats the Alarm Clock. Not Harley Quinn holds the tag titles, which look like replicas. Abyss hits the black hole slam after being misted by Steve, and then she mists Davey leading to a crossface chickenwing from Steve. She poses creepily with them and this whole act came off great - Rosemary's got a real presence to her and if this was on Spike, or on a network with major exposure, they could actually have something here.

But first, more fun with cases. Storm and Roode are just hilarious here, playing off their issues with Storm saying he'll give Roode the World title shot if he gets some beer. Drew gets the World Title case, leaving Grado to be fired. LOLing at Grado saying "WE'RE LIVE!" and JB gives him 10 minutes to leave. Grado is shocked over being "real fired". "THE DREAM IS OVER FOR TNA'S GRADO!" Now he can go draw big crowds in ICW. Josh is glad to have Grado gone - so he's just a prick. Now Pope doing that would be okay-ish because they've got an issue, but Josh should be the face here. Jeff comes down to face Matt, who has a glorious new outfit.

JB's introduction of "BIG MONEY MATT" MATT HARDY is glorious. EY rants and raves before the match can actually start. EY, who you will remember is the KING OF THE MOUNTAIN CHAMPION, says he is the rightful contender. And then Bram attacks Jeff. EY gets a table, but Beer Money makes the save. Abyss and Steve attack, and Beer Money awkwardly clotheslines Abyss to the floor. Kurt comes down, having seen JUST ABOUT ENOUGH with only half a dozen people attacking. Tyrus attacks Kurt. "Tyrus is elusive - he comes outta nowhere. LIKE BIGFOOT!" That's a Pope-ism, Daddy. EY piledrivers Jeff off the apron through a table because they've got a European tour - so this could take him out for what, 3-4 months of TNA TV? Dr. Pope is going to check on Jeff - thank God. This was a great show overall and if/when TNA is up for renewal next year, I hope they've gained a good portion of their lost viewers and can make a solid pitch to be back on Spike because this version of TNA could do quite well with that level of exposure.

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Monday, January 25, 2016

WWE Raw 1-25-16

The show starts with a quick recap of the Rumble - no AJ, but Roman vs. the world was covered along with HHH's win. Vince comes out in ugly brown pants and a grey and white checkered suit. He looks like a used car salesman. Vince tells everyone that they don't care about the fans, and the fans are on par with Roman - they tuck their tails and run. Vince and Steph spend ten minutes talking about HHH and Roman and the mere mention of AJ gets a large chant. MAYBE JUST MAYBE THERE'S A MESSAGE THERE. Steph fellates HHH...metaphorically of course and puts him over as a God among men.
So to recap this promo so far - HHH has no problem with Roman beating his ass to kingdom come a month ago, but insulting his father in law is going too far. Also, Vince is God and WWE is a religion - well, Bruce Mitchell has been saying that for years and it's pretty clear that WWE views themselves as such to some degree. According to HHH, OTHER HUMAN BEINGS have said HHH is second to none and the best of all time. Really now?! HHH will be champion because he WANTS to be. HHH can't stand these young goddamned millennials. Now get off his lawn! I'm glad HHH has the title now - he said in 2013 that everyone else is just holding it FOR HIM, so what the fuck? Just give him the title and at least get someone over by beating him on paper. Steph says at 8:15 that RAW WILL BE ACTION-PACKED. Anyway, they'll be evaluating the talent and the winner of Fastlane gets the WM main event. AJ faces Jericho tonight.
Dolph's out to face KO. Owens is all taped up and comes off like a tough motherfucker. Owens is such a character babyface - if he's hurt, it just doesn't matter - he's got to support his family and will sacrifice himself to do it.This is a pretty darn fun match - I'll remember nothing about it afterwards, but it's fun to watch. Pop-up powerbomb wins. Big Dag meets with JoJo and is serious. Heath cuts a promo on Flo Rida. YES! Heath still hates Flo Rida - continuity! Adam Rose, whose legs are so skinny, calls Heath the Red Dragon. You definitely don't want to piss off reDRagon! Bo Rida debuts and references Danny Tanner in a pretty amusing rap. Somehow, this leads to the Dudleys coming out.

Axel and Bo are the jobbers here. It's amazing how much fatter and out of shape Bo looks in this singlet, and it's still an improvement over his tidy whities. Flo and Heath get involved. How many people need to be physically involved in this match for a DQ to be called? 3D hits and they pin Axel. Renee interviews AJ and asks who is AJ Styles. AJ says he turned the WWE Universe upside down and then Jericho marks out over facing him. Their match is next.

They show some stuff about Nikki needing neck surgery and wanting to come back. So Nikki's a babyface, right? AJ gets pyro! JBL puts him over as a two-time former IWGP Champion. AJ armdrags him down .AJ gets a hesitation flying lariat, which looks great. Nice Bret-esque elbow to the neck on the mat too. Triangle dropkick hits AJ. Jericho lands a missile dropkick off the second rope. LOL at C'MON KID. AJ is a father of five and only seven years younger than Jericho. Post-break chinlock from Jericho. Double collision from a crossbody. Flying corner lariat by AJ. AJ lands the death valley neckbreaker for 2. They go through the motions of a Guerrero-Malenko exchange for 2s. Flying hesitation forearm hits - and that's one of his best-looking moves. Amazed AJ got to keep that since it's so similar to, and cooler looking than, Roman's Superman punch. Walls high on the shoulders - but not quite a Liontamer. Pele hits and he's going for the Spiral Tap. Nope. Splash misses. Jericho drops down on a sunset flip for 2.999999/3, but AJ sunsets him for a win. No Clash here. Wow. This was good-ish, but not amazing. Good to see the guy who did Kidman's WWE rap theme get some work for AJ's. AJ goes for a handshake and gets it - but Jericho pulls him close to let him know he's serious. Jericho has enough in the tank to be an occasional IC/US Champ you throw into the mix as a new guy's first World title challenger - but he clearly hit the bottle too hard last night.

SASHA COMES DOWN! Thank God - Sasha officially seems to be out of Team BAD. Becky's out and has a bigger-league intro than AJ. It really is visually-impressive and it's rare for divas to get special effects. They have a good-ish little match before Charlotte comes out and kicks ass. Well then, looks like a 3 way at Fastlane leading to Sasha-Charlotte at WM. Goldust is backstage grooving with new silver trim on his paint. Goldust tells Truth that he wants a new partner. Truth tells him that he's a married man - but there ain't nothing wrong with that! He wants Golden Truth! AND THEN FOR SOME GODDAMN REASON WE'RE GETTING BRAY VS. KANE IN A MATCH NO ONE WANTS!

Bray saunters down and we get a recap of them taking Brock out of the Rumble. They do nothing for a while and then com back from a break for more nothing. Bray beats him and I had a great chance to download Nakamura in 2K16. Rich goes backstage to interview the MYSTERY MEGASTAR...THE MIZ before the Rock nearly runs his ass over in a big-ass truck. Rock looks amazing in this muscle shirt. Rock talks to Show for a bit about the Rumble. I sure hope Rock watched the 2000 Rumble with the Wayback Playback commentary over it. Rock says Show could've been the Scorpion King...but such is life! Show crushes a laptop in sadness. Rock meets Lana's cleavage. Rock talks about mustache rides while Rusev stands behind him. For some reason, I worry about the Rock when he breathes heavily. And he's 280 pounds. For some reason.

ROCK AND BROCK LESNAR GUY! I'm so doing Rock vs. Nakamura in 2K16 tonight. If you take a drink every time Rock says Miami, you're Chris Jericho. "That other black dude I know know..." complete with BYRON WAVING TO HIM was amazing. Rock should name everyone in the crowd an honorary cousin and buy them a car. Or just buy New Day cars. That'd be cool too. YAY NEW DAY IS HERE! See guys, New Day are heels - they love Byron! New Day buries Rock for not having gold. Actually, you guys don't have gold - you have bronze-colored belts. Big E buries him for not eating his Booty Os. Can we just get Rock and Roman vs. New Day to win the tag titles at either Fastlane or WM? They've got something here.

Rock buries them for wearing Llama penises on their head. "Champions huddle, THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT A CHAMPION!" Usos and Rock whoop the asses of New Day. So to recap, in 2016, we've got AJ Styles winning on Raw while Consequences Creed is in a segment with The Rock. Nothing divas tag with Nattie and Paige against Team Bella. Miz is out to face Kalisto. Nothing match here too. Sloppy Del Sol wins it. Dean and Roman face Sheamus and Rusev next.

They do some moves for a while and the League dominates. Dean runs wildish with his predictable unpredictable offense. They did more moves. None of them were all that exciting. JBL talks about what's best for business. Roman gets a spear and a win to pin Sheamus and hopefully end this endless rivalry. Big double powerbomb to Rusev through the announce table. BUT BEFORE THEY COULD GET TOO MUCH OF A POP, we get Steph's theme. Steph announces Dean vs. Roman vs. Brock - well, that's big. So Bray takes Brock out and Roman has to pin his brother.

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Sunday, January 24, 2016

WWE Royal Rumble 2016

Everyone jibber jabbers for a bit on the pre-show. LEAGUE OF NATIONS MEETING! WWE spent a whole $200 on this League of Nations set. King buries Kalisto for being short and picks ADR - so Kalisto is probably winning that one. Classic Rumble clips. Pre-show billion person tag match is up. Sandow, even with the I'm better than you gimmick in theory, is super-over.
So it's a fatal four way tag - with no Titus as Sandow is teaming with D-Young. JBL talks about how NONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THIS MATCH ARE WORTHY OF BEING IN THE TITLE PICTURE even though two are former world champs. WWE Network ad. Ride Along looks absolutely dreadful. HEY HEY WE WANT SOME BAYLEY chant. Chinlock city is all over this match. Wazzup to D-Young. Henry pins an Ascension goof to win. THE SINGLET POWERS COULD EXPLODE TONIGHT. The Social Outcasts answer stupid questions in a mostly boring way - outside of Bo being hilarious. We get an NXT-level recap of Becky's career and her issues with Charlotte. WHY WOULDN'T THIS VIDEO PACKAGE AIR ON RAW!?

Vince and Steph come out of a black limo. Dean's out first, so the Last Man Standing match starts us off right. Frye-Takayama exchange to start. Big chopfest back and forth in the corner. Owens dives to the floor sending Owens into the SAT. Owens gets tossed into the steps for a 5 count. Cannonball into the barricade! Owens brings in a billion chairs - which you can sadly no longer do in the games since they've nixed getting more than two chairs in the ring at once. Nigel lariat hits and Owens' head hits a chair. A fan calls Owens fatty, and he responds with "THANKSGIVING IS IN NOVEMBER, MORON!" Owens sets up a double stack and goes for a superplex to the floor - so Dean fights out and chucks a chair at him. Dirty Deeds hits! Owens is up at 9, so Dean hits it on the chair for a win BUT OWENS ROLLS TO THE FLOOR. THANK GOD that wasn't the finish. Flying elbow off the top through a table gets 9 for Dean. Pretty much every single thing they've done in this could be done in 2K16 - only you can use fire and chairs to the head there. Super twisting fisherman buster through a table by Owens! It gets 9, so Owens tells him to say down and hits the powerbomb. Dean barely gets up and then falls right down. Dean is set on the in-ring chair bridge, and knocks Owens off the top through the table stack on the floor to win.
We get a Cricket wireless ad and a gigantic WWE Network ad. The art style for Camp WWE looks like a 2004 Flash show. New Day recap leads to THE NEW DAY. New Day has a revamped super-bright tron that actually fits this whole deal now. Franchesca gets a chant! Kofi and E have a moment of silence for her, but XAVIER HAS A NEW TROMBONE! Kofi and E twerk and then E hops around. FRANCHESCA II DEBUTS! Kofi bringing back Rude's hip swivel amuses me greatly. Woods cracked me up with "Stay golden, Ponyboy!" The crowd legit booed the Usos. Well, when you book your top heel tag team like they're the biggest babyfaces, that'll happen. "Play Franchesca!"
"I PLAY WHEN I WANT TO!" Okay, so I guess Woods is a heel for this moment. Beautiful splash by E to an Uso. Assalanches in the corner. NOW Umaga can be referenced for that spot!? Uso Crazy dive sets up the Big E spear to the floor. "FINISH HIM!" by Xavier. E catches an Uso dive and wins with the Big Ending.

Wyatts say SCARY WORDS! Alberto's out to face Kalisto. ADR - ONE OF THE GREATEST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONS OF ALL TIME according to JBL. Kalisto has slightly fancier gear and a slightly bigger intro. ADR bullies him around the whole match. Kalisto hops up on his back and goes for a Yoshi Tonic, but can't quite get it. Good save from Kalisto there turning the botched Yoshi Tonic into a crucifix for 2. Sliced Bread 2-style SDS gets 2 WHEN ADR GRABS THE ROPE. Great nearfall. Kalisto hops into...kind of a dropkick that they call a double knee shot for 2. Mid-ring SDS hits for the win! Kalisto wins! Maybe he can keep the streak alive and lose it on Raw. Kalisto won 2/3 - so if they end things with this, then yes, Kalisto was the better man. Amusing Heyman and Steph backstage bit. Edge and Christian show looks so so so so so bad. Becky/Charlotte video airs. They COULD make a star here with Becky. Could, off just that one video package and her winning here.
They have a really fast-paced match here and go on the floor. Flair steals a kiss on the floor and then Becky attacks! HA! Charlotte gets the figure four headscissors, but it's turned into an electric chair drop. This is easily Becky's best match on the main roster. Becky gets a nearfall eliciting a "GODDAMMIT!" from Flair. Armbar is on - but not the disarmer, so Charlotte escapes. Disarmer is on, but Flair throws his jacket on Becky. Becky leaves, gets eyepoked and speared for the loss. DAMN IT! Charlotte wins, and for the first time in months, I care about a divas match result. THE BOSS IS BACK...and there's NO REFERENCE TO TEAM BAD! Huge pop for her too! And then she...remains heel...and boy did they have a second chance for a big female babyface to be made here. Flair leaves and Charlotte follows...BUT SASHA ATTACKS TO A HUGE POP! Sasha Banks - more over than anyone in the Rumble.
We get a video of some fans getting a Chex Mix-sponsored fun time at the Performance Center. There is a legit Chex Mix chant on my TV. Byron's Raw video on the Rumble airs again. HERE COMES THE BOO DOG! So yeah, Roman's doomed. The black and gold vest matches the belt nicely though. Rusev is number 2. They put Rey over as going bell to bell and winning. Quite a few mentions of him tonight between this and the Kalisto match. Rusev is tossed over. Wow. AND THE BOOS RAIN DOWN! AJ STYLES IS NUMBER 3! He's put over huge, lands the Pele, but AJ can't land the Clash. He takes out Breeze. Axel runs down like a goober! Mr. Perfect backflip bump by Axel! And he's gone. Jericho is out. Jericho really should switch to more flattering gear. He doesn't look great in the tiny trunks. Not much goes on here. KANE IS OUT!
Ryback comes out and nearly gets eliminated by Goldust. Kofi comes out and teases tossing Roman out. Titus comes out and eliminates Goldust to a chorus of boos. Truth runs down and puts a ladder in the ring to win MITB. Kane tosses him out. KOFI LANDS ON E ON THE FLOOR! Harper comes down and Cole's voice is shot. The League and Vince come down and they attack Roman on the floor Rusev does the Umaga '07 spot of running from table to table and splashing the lead face through the last table. LOL at Rusev going "I'M TAKING THIS WITH ME!' and stealing a monitor. Kofi eliminated somehow. FOR SOME REASON, they just don't toss Roman in and then back out. Neville debuted new red and black gear - and it does look far better than his usual purple or maroon gear. Owens is an Austin-esque character babyface who won't allow injuries to get him down. OWENS AND AJ GO AT IT! SUNSET FLIP INTO A CLASS TO NEVILLE, but an Owens superkick nixes that. Owens tosses AJ OUT!

Yes - AJ vs. Owens at Fastlane and/or Mania! Yes - AJ vs. Owens at Fastlane and/or Mania! Shame Owens didn't win the IC Title, actually - as that would be a damn fine match. ZAYN VS. OWENS IN THE RUMBLE! Second Frye-Takayama fight here. DAMMIT D'LO! SAMI ELIMINATES OWENS! So now Owens has FOUR possible feuds going on. Well, it could set up a nice multi-man WM ladder match for the IC Title. Henry's in and tossed out by the Wyatts. They toss Sami out too. BROCK IS OUT as 23. He suplexes Rowan like it's nothing. Swagger is in, F5ed, and tossed out.

FLYING KNEE FROM BROCK TO BRAUN! YES! MIZ! WE GET MIZ-BROCK! LOL at him stalling  like Larry Zybisko. Miz does commentary and says he'll turn Suplex City into Mizney World. "I AM WHAT'S CALLED A VETERAN - I know what it takes to win a match!" Miz comes off like more of a star during this than he has since his title reign...nearly five years ago. Jesus, it's really been that long!? Brock tosses Harper out. ADR is in it now. Brock lariats Braun to the floor. Wyatts all stay around with Bray though, and since they can't be DQed, they attack. Brock and Bray square off. The whole family tosses out Brock - so we're getting Brock-Bray at WM. Dolph comes out to silence, so now Miz comes in. Finale to Dolph. Sheamus is 29. Reigns runs down and attacks Sheamus to a chorus of boos.

God, he's doomed. Dolph flies halfway across the ring for a Superman punch. The Game comes out as the conquering babyface to take out the hated...lead babyface. And here's Cole to tell you how great he is! Surprised to see HHH keeping the grey in his beard. HHH pedigrees Dolph, who takes a big bump for it. THIRD FRYE-TAKIYAMA EXCHANGE of the evening here. Sheamus kicks Dean's head off, and Bray uranages Sheamus. Jericho lionsaults Bray. Zig Zag to Jericho. Dolph superkicks HHH, but HHH stays in and he ducks a second one. HHH just casually tosses Dolph out. Bray...stands up to the evil heel owner. Or is he the babyface? I guess he's a babyface wrestler, but heel owner - except when he's the owner of NXT. Sheamus chucks Bray out. Jericho avoids a Pedigree and HHH avoids a Walls, but eats a Codebreaker. Dean tosses Jericho out. Superman punch to HHH. Brogue to Dean. HHH gets ride of Roman and crotch chops him to huge cheers! It's down to Dean or HHH. Dean with his tattered shirt and  look appears to be a junkie on the end of a giant binge. Well, they've got a chance to re-get Dean over as a main event-level guy here. And now the Nigel lariat is the "wacky-line" maybe not. HHH backdrops him over the top to win! Well, his new black, gold, and red gear perfectly matching the title was a good clue.

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