Wednesday, July 29, 2015

TNA Impact 7-29-15 Rundown

TNA did fuck-all with this show, but did really build up Jeff Jarrett as this top-level wrestling icon. It was like we traveled back in time to Planet Jarrett, only with Ninja Gail Kim.

Screens -

In Jeff We Trust






Monday, July 27, 2015

WWE Raw 7-27-15

 Brock-Taker recap video from SD airs, and it's still great. HHH is out with Steph and Seth for a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. Likely Summerslam being a four hour show. Yup. Steph's hyping of Brock vs. Taker kills this match for me. She just sounds so annoying. They run down tonight's card and even get "in this very ring" in there for an Owens-Orton match while Steph hypes up the divas revolution. So to recap, for this segment, HHH and Steph are babyfaces. Cena came out and called Seth a jerk, but was fine with HHH and Steph. Doesn't Cena hate The Authority? Isn't he the US Champion because they won't allow people to have shots at the WWE Title? Why is he cool with them now?

Cena talks about tonight being a night of firsts and he wants Cena-Seth tonight. Steph shuts down the promo exchange between the two stars and then of course asks the fans if they want Seth vs. Cena for the WWE Title tongiht. and then she says NOOOOOOO, Cena needs to earn it. HHH makes Seth vs. Cena for the US Title. Okay then. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, BIG SHOW FACES DEAN...and it feels like every other match - so whatever. Stone Cold Podcast returns next Monday with Paige. Okay then.


Dean-Show recap from SD two weeks ago. They punch around for a bit, Dean's shirt gets torn up, he dives once and it works, but gets a gut shot for an ad break.  Show dominates, but Dean hits the wacky punch/chop combo. Rebound lariat is met with a chokeslam for 2. A second one sends Dean to the floor for an 8 count. Spear on the floor hits for 9, and Dean eats a KO punch doing a dive for the loss by countout. "We'll protect him with a countout loss"...where he gets his ass kicked for minutes on end and would've clearly lost by pinfall three different times. Show preps for a timekeeper area spear.  PRESS Y BIG SHOW! He pressed Y, but DEAN HIT RT AND COUNTERED! Neville's out for a match next.

Against Fandango. I'll predict a win via Red Arrow and/or Stardust talking about arrows after the match. Cole says that THIS IS A FIRST-EVER MATCH, and kills that whole idea. Gory special is locked on by Fandnago, but Neville counters. Red Arrow wins. God, Stardust has found a new thing to do to be annoying. Fuck off. Stardust quotes Dusty and talks about green-hooded heroes. Sweet mother of fuck can Stardust just fly to his own planet forever or something? Byron says that Stardust's thermostat is set to kooky, which got a laugh out of me.Matadores vs. Dragons is another first-time match tonight. If they were going to go with a theme to the show, shouldn't they have hyped it up before hand? What good are all of these "first-time ever matches" if 1 - matches themselves mean nothing 2 - you don't hype it up in advance to make people care?

Paige talks about how the WWE Universe on Facebook loves Charlotte and "old Becky Lynch". And they made sure to have Sasha thank Steph for making all of this possible. And now we get Cole talking about how Steph made this all happen because it was time for a revolution. Paige comes out and... Becky's main roster character is...what exactly? She's got green, gold, goggles on, and is stalking Paige while kneeling behind her. Sasha came out and man is her body language and movement on point - she is just IT! Sasha gets a hype video showing her kicking ass and being cocky...and of course Steph bringing her in. Long tie-up sends them both to the floor. We get some great arm work from Paige, including a rolling hammerlock. Loving this match so far - it's building up like a great match that happens to have women instead of "just a women's match". They talk about Total Divas, the BELLA DYNASTY, and hey there's a match going on. Paige dives onto Team Bad for an ad break.

During the break, everyone argued and was kicked out. Love Sasha stealing her THIS IS MY HOUSE bit. Sasha is treating this like she has exactly one match to get over on the main roster, so damn it, she's determined to do that - and she's doing her part in that. Double knees to the gut and face get 2. REGAL STRETCH BY PAIGE! SASHA GETS THE BACKSTABBER>BANK STATEMENT! YES! A STAR IS BORN...hopefully. Seth uses Cena Nuff in 2015 and we get the Terminator ad for 2K16.

Rusev is backstage with Summer, who looks like a MILF pornstar with this horrendous getup. Rusev gets her a puppy - hopefully named Puppy Rae. Nope - because he's neutered and has skinny legs, he's DOG ZIGGLER! He gave her a fish and said it was Lana, she came down, they argued, she shoved Summer's face in the fish and Summer made annoying noises.
The show-opening Taker-Brock video re-airs. Lucha Dragons are out to face the fake Mexicans. Guys do moves while Titus buries JBL and they all bury commentary tropes, Byron's commentary, Byron not doing commentary, Darren's commentary, and Darren's lines. New Day comes down with a sign calling Kofi the real dad of the year, which distracts a Matador for some reason and they lose via distraction.

The with a custom font that looks like fireflies. Goddammit, he's back to ranting about paradise, mommies, and daddies. Young Grandpa Simpson came out and talked about how things were back in his day, while not wearing an onion on his belt. He blathered on for a few more centuries before Harper talked about Bray showing him his path. Becky and Charlotte came out to face Alicia and a Bella. Becky's weird look down deal is odd. A long Network ad aired.

Becky's gear is bizarre, and she's a life enthusiast. Why that involves wearing wacky goggles, I have no idea. Charlotte is really bad at chops. After a lot of things to Charlotte, she tags in Becky, who gets a slick pumphandle suplex and wins with the armbar! Tough Enough elimination is shown, and even in clips, it drags on. Team Paige should just be called the Lass Kickers.

Not a whole lot to Owens-Orton, and Sheamus isn't adding much on commentary. Sheamus interfered, but Cesaro made the save in workout gear looking badass. Powerbomb to Cesaro, so maybe we'll get a tag match or a 4 way. Cena cuts a promo on Seth and tonight's match being his biggest US Title match yet. Becky-Nikki is made for SD and Cena comes out positioned as the underdog. Not much going on here before a break. After a post-break chinlock, things get good with Cena hitting the tornado DDT. Flying knee fucks up Cena's nose. Corner to corner buckle bomb hits for 2. SUPERPLEX INTO A FALCON ARROW gets 2 for Seth. JBL calls John a tough son of a bitch and he is. After that craziness, Cena avoids the Phoenix Splash from the Rumble, GETS THE STF AND WINS. The Summerslam WWE Title match gained a lot of steam tonight with the nose busting open.

Screens -

WWE SD 7-23-15

Show starts off quickly with the announcement of Rusev vs. Owens and Dean coming out for a promo, but being interrupted by Sheamus. They have a fun brawl going on here - I like it. DEAN GETS THE SCHOOLBOY! It only gets 2, and we get a floor dive. Jey is hilarious on commentary. Bray and Harper appear on the ramp and table respectively, and Shemus hits the kick for the win. Comic style Stardust-Neville recap leads to a Neville promo and Stardust hissing. Adam Rose is out in wacky new gear to face Neville. Red Arrow wins. Stardust cuts a promo on arrows - both red and green. Joy. Owens comes out and talks about Cena's "moto" of never give up. Loved him saying he fights another day and tapped to avoid an injury and allow himself to provide for his two kids. Rusev came out literally like a babyface out of nowhere ready for war. They had a short, but really fun match - they should've put the US Title on Owens for this feud. Loved Owens telling Rusev to lose weight.

Cesaro says he hasn't spent Christmas with his family in over 11 years, and tonight he faces Seth Rollins - the WWE Champion. Owens mocks him and Cesaro asks if he came from catering, but he actually left his match - Owens says he'll look forward to watching him lose. I'm digging this feud. Team Bad is out for a match with the Bellas. Bellas are now acting like babyfaces, so it's now the female version of the New Blood vs. Millionaire's Club. Rack Attack wins. Taker-Brock recap. Seth is out in really generic-looking gear - off-black on black. Cesaro's got slick red and white gear with black trim and the arm band. Sharpshooter is turned into the crossface! A thumb to the eye gives Seth an opening for the Pedigree and the win. This was a pretty darn fine show - every single thing was either done well or outright good, with several things being both. Shame Raw isn't booked more like this show, because they made several acts seem like big deals.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

TNA Impact 7-22-15 Rundown

This show was almost 100% completely devoid of good.

Screens -
TNA, where you get the word of the Bible and Jeff Jarrett on equal footing.






Monday, July 20, 2015

WWE Raw 7-20-15

Before Raw, they had Cole say that Taker DEMANDED to start Raw. The PPV recap really put Taker over as THE MAN. They got some epic shots in there and Taker came out to start the show. Byron talks about loving JBL's wars with Taker, and him having more matches against Taker than anyone. Boy was that ever a great use of him in hindsight. Cole talked about The Streak ending on that night - March. Taker got the mic and growled and said he's a vengeful grim reaper - I like it. Taker with the salt and pepper beard is so badass. Then he kept talking. He says that he'll conquered what hasn't been conquered and he'll make Brock rest in peace. WOOHOO, thank God we get HHH and Steph in this quarter hour to talk about how great this is! It's just outright a marketing deal - not a personal grudge then. Cole talked about how STEPHANIE REVOLUTIONIZED THE DIVAS, and we'll get Charlotte vs. Brie next...with the Total Divas theme readying the match.

Divas recap from Raw...LOL @ the Superstars bordering for this recap. What a sweet moment between Ric and Charlotte...why couldn't we see that on the PPV instead of hearing from the Pre-Show panel? Nice of them tell us that Brie ducked because the camera angle made it appear that Charlotte just decided to hop over the top rope onto the floor and do a belly flop like a moron. Between the awful camera work, BAD commentary, and this whole presentation being a failure, I have no faith in this.

I don't know what's worse - LET'S GO NIK-KI! or the clapping Brie Mode chant. Brie does Bryan's kicks poorly and a dropkick. Everything involving Team BAD that isn't Sasha is awful. They show the Taker-Brock graphic and we find out that Roman faces Harper tonight. Goddamn, the more we get of HHH and Steph being involved in this Brock-Taker stuff, the less I care. We get HHH verbally berating and cutting Heyman's balls off, which is quite hilarious. Miz comes in and gets avoided, and then buried by HHH for looking like Obi Wan and saying he doesn't care about Miz.

PTPs came out for a match against Matador. Well, I don't care about this.  Heels run wild with slick-looking offense on Darren. Love Titus coming in and DOING THE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS DANCE DURING A BACKBREAKER! KOFI AND HIS SILLY WALKING DANCE came out with his buddies. PTPs taste defeat thanks to the distraction and a back stabber. Time for Miz vs. Show, which HHH doesn't care about despite it having someone who is/was in the Authority. Cole talks about how wrong Miz was to interrupt HHH...isn't Cole a face and HHH a heel? Why is Cole siding with the heel? Show wins with the flying elbow. At least if Show's going to do a flying elbow at this age and his size, it's a finisher. WHY this is a finisher for him or even a thing he's doing, I have no idea. I love Show talking shit to Miz while he literally kicks his ass. Show said he'll kick Ryback's ass and beat up a bunch of folks on Tough Enough too. HHH and Steph met with Rob about his painting on Cena. Kudos to Rob for making it on Raw. They said they'd need half the roster.

And then instantly after the break, HHH and Steph told the roster to shut up and listen to them. Just what Raw needed - more of the roster being made to look weak against HHH and Steph. Heyman talked about Seth. Oh yeah, there's this Seth Rollins guy around too. Heyman cuts a great promo with one big flaw - he talked about Taker selling his soul to get revenge, but we don't know how that line is true just yet. Taker appeared and then Lesnar saved him for a good brawl. Goons couldn't prevent much, but THE ROSTER came down - including Rusev, who should be above this. This is doing a great job of making me excited for Summerslam this Sunday...oh wait.

This greatness continues in the back. Brock's all like "FUCK YOU, TABLE!" and turns that over while diving onto the pile of guys. King Toilet Plunger is holding Brock down. Finally, cops arrive to zip tie Brock. I hope we get a promo of Brock in jail swearing vengeance on Taker - not "we hear that we'll be joined by Brock Lesnar from a local law enforcement facility", but Brock with a bit of a five 'o clock shadow swearing bloody vengeance on Taker. We get an awesome recap of all this while HHH says he didn't have Brock arrested - he wanted to cool Brock off. Seth says that dammit, it's a shame they're gone - he wanted to talk to them. Recap of Bray and Harper leads to a Wyatt promo where he and Harper said little of note.

After a break, it's time for Harper vs. Roman. We get the stat that Roman hasn't won since pinfall or submission (he has submissions?) since this Bray deal. JBL points out that the odds aren't even and then ROMAN'S LITTLE BUDDY DEAN comes down. Back and forth stuff leads to Roman being sent to the floor for a break. POST-BREAK CHINLOCK! Crotch-lift suplex is back - so it's a new regular move from Roman. Roman gets the drive-by, but Bray attacks. Dean helps Roman. Dean's new Dirty Deeds shirt looks like a Word doc printed onto a shirt. Seth sez words next. FANTASTIC Taker-Brock hype vid. Recap of the title match from last night.

Seth talked for a while. Jesus can lightning just strike Seth now. Words words words. He wants Lilian to announce who WOULD have won, and it's Brock by DQ, and then Cena comes out. I'm legit excited for a return to Cena in the WWE Title picture since he's been used so well as the U.S. Champ. Seth had a chance to man up and didn't - so that's the crux of this whole deal. Recap of Mama Steph giving the baby chicks a chance, but with some NXT clips thrown in. Sasha and Naomi face off against Paige and Becky.


Bella commentary is awful, and then JBL talks about this being like the WCW invasion being booked by WWE and that being a huge failure. WHAT IS THIS COMMENTARY!? They're trying to get the Bellas over as both faces and heels. Banks Statement and the crossface get the win. Fun-ish match in-ring wise, horrid on commentary. They put over the training needed to do well in Southpaw and kinda plug TE. Recap of tonight's Taker-Brock stuff.

Recap of the Rusev-Lana story. Oh God - Rusev is now piss break material. Lana says that Dolph is finally talking and Summer show up cosplaying her and Rusev makes out with her while looking at STUPID WITCH WHO CALLS HERSELF LANA. Cesaro has been "absolutely lights out"...what does this mean!? Loved Cesaro running wild with uppercuts. Owens and Sheamus argue due to an apron knockoff. Owens is pissed at him and Rusev too. Rusev is now stuck in a 1-on-3 situation. Rusev's babyface turn continues. Swing into a slingshot RKO gets the win - so now three people have pinned Rusev since Orton did it here.

Screens -

Sunday, July 19, 2015

WWE Battleground 2015

The kickoff starts off with a fantastic video package that only takes 30 seconds to get you hyped up. Byron is more excited than if he was a dog with Kibbles n Bits. Well, he is just ONE of the voices of Raw. According to Ryback's Twitter, he suffered a "severe staff infection". Why not bother fixing this in post-production? Okay, they made a joke out of it - so then still fix it. AWESOME Owens-Cena hype video told the story in reverse order, which is strange. We got MITB stuff followed by EC. Roman-Bray recap. King What's Up interview. Tons of buffering. King Barrett vs. King Truth is nothing. Stupid Swerved ad looks so immature - nothing but toilet humor. If you're facing Barrett and hear him yelling "C'MON!" just stay down. Bullhammer is avoided once, but it hits the second time for the win. Divas revolution stuff. Brock-Seth stuff is really car-centric, and not the car destruction as much as the post-destruction stuff.

AWESOME gladiator-themed hype video for the show. Boy is wrestling sure ever fun when it's presented in a serious manner. Oh hey, here's a show sponsored by Mountain Dew and the WWE UNIVERSE IS PUMPED AND READY. Sheamus is out to face Orton in the opener, which is a slight surprise. LOLed at King's "IT'S SPILLED OVER TO SOCIAL MEDIA, WHERE ELSE CAN IT GO!?" Somewhere good, perhaps? They keep showing these clips and I have no recollection of any of it. Sheamus stalls for a while. They have every match they've had together, but with a flying knee off the second rope by Sheamus.

Nice back and forth punch exchange on the floor leads to a back suplex through the announce table to Sheamus. Ref keeps counting...shouldn't Orton be DQed? Orton and Sheamus do a back and forth boo/yay punch exchange with two people chanting. Orton gets a superplex while JBL name-drops Scott Irwin. That gets 2, as does THE DREADEDSCHOOLBOY to Orton. Sheamus gets the pump kick and the cloverleaf while the commentators go nuts. Yup, Orton could tap here to this move that hasn't even beaten jobbers in years. "That was o-kay!" needs to become a chant. Recap of Stephanie McMahon saving women's wrestling and being the only person who these people can thank for any and all success they have - all due to her being a McMahon and of course being so giving.
OH THANK GOD MORE STEPHANIE! Stephanie appears to be 900 feet tall next to JoJo.

NEW! DAY ROCKS! is out being amazing. Kofi gets his chest caved in while JBL mocks him for already having a sunken chest. Lots of offense here, including a great ab stretch with the clap and Xavier saying HE'S GETTING HIM WITH THAT TRICEP MEAT. PTPs retain with Clash of the Titus. Paige meets with her new best friends, who she never had a friendship with before Raw on-air. Oh, and the Rebellion is all about using wacky WWE terms. Cole talks about "WWE Background" - well, they at least know their place. In six days, they've killed this women's rebellion deal. WWE conversations remind me of Kang and Kodos impersonating Dole and Clinton. Becky's got those goofy goggles on, what part of her character or look exactly? Bray-Roman is up next.

Bray came down and the announcers talked about how he has followers, while Roman came down and women came. They proceed to have every TV match they've ever had, but with an apron DDT. "WHAT SAY OF YOU!? Ye Olde Wyatt can be amusing. Bray locked on possibly the longest single hold since 1928. Bray eats worlds and back suplexes. Roman gets a big crotch lift exploder on Bray. A second one. Apron dropkick is countered by a slick lariat. Superman punch! They're shocked that Roman's move that always gets 2 gets 2. Ugh. Bray boots his head off the lariat and hits the shotgun lariat for 2. Bray gets some chairs to a huge pop, but Roman prevents the attack to boos. Something is very wrong about every part of that. Roman throws some chairs in - and some guy in a hoodie attacks Roman. Abigail hits and Bray wins. The hoodie guy was LUKE HARPER - thank God. Summerslam hype vid. 
 JoJo met. With Team BAD. Who said. Words. In a very. Organic manner. BAD is now Beautiful and Dangerous, and they all came down to Naomi's theme - so she's the star here apparently. The women come out and take 80 years to pick people. They talked about Charlotte being such a big deal at a young age...what? She's nearing 30 and is on her second marriage. JBL gets the line of the night with "This is almost like when we had WCW invading us!" very true. Cole calls Sasha "Sasha Bray" and then says she's a he after a dive. Sasha gets the Bank Statement revealing Charlotte's bra, but Brie attacks. Figure 8 wins. Figure 8 looks horrible - there doesn't appear to be any pressure on the knees because they're so high up. The recap of the Brie accidental back suplex bit had a new angle - and that could've gone much worse. Recap of the kickoff show.

Owens-Cena recap leads to Owens getting a huge pop coming out. Love Owens telling Cena to drop the act and just come out here - we've seen it for 10 years and he has his title. Love Owens countering Cena's theatrics with a simple punch. Love King busting out the Rosa defense of "he's a nice guy". Torture rack neckbreaker gets 2 while they act like it's a new move. Yup. I never saw that in WWF No Mercy in 2000 or anything. They each hit dropkicks that JBL mocks for not being very high. Wacky spinning X factor gets for Cena. I legit miss Cena as a main eventer - at least the title and its champion were presented as a serious threat instead of as a joke. Owens gets a DDT for 2. Director misses Kevin doing the You Can't See Me bit - good to see TNA's production crew get some paying work. FIVE KNUCKLE SHUFFLE BY OWENS! @restinpeace316 loved the divas match - so the revolution in strong. Owens catches the stunner and gets a German leading to the cannonball for 2.

Boo/yay punches lead to some bad kicks from Cena. WHATTAMOVEBYCENA gets 2. AA gets 2. Super Steenerizer gets 2! AA AND STF BY OWENS! Cole hypes up "This kid" - he has a wife and two kids. Owens eats the Springboard Stunner, but gets a lariat - so that move is dead. Powerbomb is avoided and Cena gets the AA for 2. Pop up powerbomb gets 2. SUPER AA GETS 2's really not much of a big deal. Should be, but it's not. Cena has split his jorts. OWENS TAPS. The NXT Revolution continues!

So instead of Rusev vs. Cesaro II, we get a Miz skit. Fucking hell. Miz tells Show to do what the fans want and retire. He wants the Authority to give him the title. So are the Authority faces for this segment? How about Show? Show KOs him. Brock-Seth recap leads to Seth, the champ, coming out first. Brock comes out and we get Cole talking about stats - at least they're about Brock not being beaten in 2 1/2 years. If King could just stop talking throughout this match, that'd be great. Brock goes for suplexes, but Seth avoids it for a while. GERMANS! Brock's matches need a suplex-a-meter. FOUR GERMANS! Love Seth going into the crowd only for Brock to JUMP THE BARRICADE at 37 and attack. Haven't seen that kind of leap over a barricade since Savage did that over the ringside ropes in Memphis to get to Jimmy Hart - awesome.

Seth backflips out of a German, thus showing the weakness of having one-dimensional offense and lands tons of kicks - including a few superkicks. Big catching belly to belly from Brock! ROLLING GERMANS! SUZUKI-LEVEL SLAP TO THE FUCKING FACE! F5 AND THE DONG HITS! Pissed off granddaddy dead man goes for a chokeslam and avoids an F5, but lands a chokeslam and a tombstone! Brock took his streak, and Taker took away his chance at the WWE Title. Crowd gets a TOMBSTONE CITY chant going and chants one more time. And then he left. Wow. No finish, just a really good run-in - but not even a chickenshit pinfall?I loved the underlying story of this Brock-Taker thing. Brock took away Taker's streak - the thing that grew to define him. Brock had a career-defining WWE Title reign and chose to ensure that Brock could never recapture that glory like he can't regain the streak. But fuck the non-finish.

Kickoff Screens -

Battleground Screens -

WWE SD 7-16-15

Raw recap. Roman starts with words, and then Bray talks about monuments crumbling on the ground. Great line about Roman asking Bray if he's gonna bring his hammer down, or just keep talking on TV. Lucha Dragons face off with New Day and WE GET TITUS ON COMMENTARY talking about how much more exciting the Battleground match would be with the Dragons in it too. New Day wins with the Big Ending/DDT out of a quebrada catch. Roman and Dean have a nice, friendly chat about the main event tonight. Swagger gets squashed by Barrett.

Cesaro has a fantastic match with Rusev, which has a ton of fun exchanges. Cesaro catches him with an uppercut...sorta and getting the Neutralizer for the win! MORE OF THIS, and better yet, make it for the IC Title. They put over Cesaro as being only the second man in WWE to beat Rusev, and it was just in this random match on a random SD. Neville beats Fuck Off Stardust with a cradle. Raw is Divas thing airs and Sasha's team is Team BAD. Show and Sheamus vs. 2/3 Shield is up as the main event. Dean DDTs Show through the announce table out of a chokeslam. Roman beats Sheamus with the spear.

Thursday, July 16, 2015

WWE SmackDown 7-9-15

I didn't expect to watch this, but then figured I might as well just to get it done with. Car mangling is recapped for ages. Seth and Heyman have a chat and Seth says he's the champ. Dean beats Bo and Show and Seth talk. Rusev beats Fandango. Show, in a shirt under his singlet for whatever reason, faces Reigns. Bray interferes for a DQ. Titus beats Big E with the Sky High. Seth's car is shown being crushed for some reason. Orton beats up The Ascension. Team Bellas beats Naomi and Tamina. Ryback talks about Seth and they have a pretty fun little match. Ryback wins after Seth leaves voluntarily, and Show attacks before Roman saves. This was a show.

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

ROH 7-15-15

King Corino hypes up next week's show - it's episode 200 of ROH! Wow, hard to believe that much time has passed. Adam Page is out to face Matt Sydal and his goofy theme. Matt Sydal is a 15 year veteran...holy hell. Also, Corino is awful at even faking outrage in this feud with his soon. Heels cheat for an ad break. Sydal gets 2 off a schoolboy. Page, while seated, moves into position for a chest punt - but he gets up for the double knees for some reason. SSP wins and BJ attacks, so why even bother really doing a finish here? ACH comes out and gets beaten up. The Decade hits the Rite of Passage on a chair pile to Sydal. They run down the card after showing the attack again and Veda is out being called an ambulance chaser by Kevin.

Silas Young came out looking about three weeks younger than Bruno does now, but with a new tattoo. He's out to face Will Ferrara, which I'm not watching with a UFC going on too. The guys do some moves that are really overshadowed by how loud the ring is. Good UFC fight. Mark's out to face Lethal for the TV Title. I like Lethal wearing whichever title he's defending around his waist, while the other is on his shoulder. In a weird bit, they blur a pair of fans on the stage. Jay's white, black, and red gear looks fantastic.

ODB prevents Martini's interference, resulting in wacky goofy mid-card comedy in this match involving the World champ. Scary sloppy Foley elbow from Mark. Shot TO THE DING DING according to Corino leads to the also-annoying flippy-do cutter for the win. I wanted to like this match more than I idd.

Monday, July 13, 2015

WWE Raw 7-13-15

Literally just got in right before the intro video. It's a fabulous deal with Brock destroying a great many things and people. Cole says that Caddy is a metaphor for Seth - so instead of buying a watermelon like the Road Warriors did, WWE bought a Caddy. Smart use of funds there. THE WORLD IS USING HASHTAGBATTLEGROUND - no it's not. Heyman and Brock are out, and Brock is now THE BADASS AVENGER!

Cole talks about Seth's SD promo being about the worst thing being that the car was a gift for his family - so now I don't need to watch that show. Kane makes a contract signing after Seth screws up some of his lines and Heyman points out how that will certainly all go well. RANDY ORTON AND RYBACK VS BIG SHOW AND SHEAMUS IS WWE'S VERSION OF THE ALL STAR GAME!? Ryback's out in a black and white getup that looks pretty okay. Just what Raw needed - Miz on commentary and long recaps of Sheamus and Ryback feuds.

Sheamus clubs Ryback for a bit, but he fights back with a shockingly good tope for a break. I don't care. Miz just keeps talking. "I'm a fighty! FIGHTER!" Loved it. Post-break chinlock. Ryback survives a KO punch. Somehow, the match ends - I had to look away for Prototype launching on Xbox One. Dean's out for his match.

Recap of the Bray-Roman stuff from Raw last week. Roman-Bray recap from MITB. Byron talked about Bray mesmerizing the mind or some shit. Roman attacks Bray and then Bray hits Roman with the lantern.  Ronda Rousey OR THE BELLA TWINS - who is the superior female athlete!? BEING DIVAS CHAMPION GIVES YOU ALL THE POWER. So then being TNA World Champion is on par with this, then? Steph comes down. Why is Steph cosplaying as Ludwig Borga? I hope they gave Nikki some balls before the break so Steph could cut them off. Paige comes down and Steph tells her that she needs partners - so here comes Becky Lynch, I guess due to Conor winning. Steph brings out Charlotte too. So we're getting a six-divas tag at the PPV, right? So does Naomi get an NXT partner too to make this a three vs. three vs. three deal? Sasha Banks is on Raw! Raw is Boss! Bellas are trapped between all the faces and then a brawl broke out. Charlotte gets some bad offense and the crowd chants "this is awesome" for some reason. Charlotte has no ass - why is she in booty shorts? Figure 8 is called the figure four, while Sasha gets the Banks Statement with no name and Becky gets the armbar. Another this is awesome chant.


PTPs and Henry against New Day. Whatever. JBL calls New Day THE GLEEBIRDS. I dig that. They go over and over about us just seeing A REVOLUTION for the divas. Henry runs wild, and he is perfect as a guy to tag in for quick offense. Henry slams Woods for the win - so maybe New Day wins at the PPV. Henry is really good at leaning in while other guys dance apparently. Brock-Car recap again. OH THANK GOD A BARRETT-TRUTH RECAP. Cole said that Barrett called Truth a bag of rubbage...rubbish? Whatever. Truth beats Barrett with the Lie Detector, which is the flying Complete Shot and not the forearm. Truth's scepter appears to be a large silver dildo with a plunger on the end of it. Recap of Rusev-Dolph. Dolph is out indefinitely - WHO WILL LANA READ WITH NOW!?

Cena's out for the challenge, and it's accepted by Rusev! Rusev looks a lot stockier with the boots on. Rusev hates STUPID WITCH LANA and Dolph. Owens objects to this match and then Owens and Rusev have a glorious argument. LISTEN YOU STUPID FRENCH AMERICAN WHATEVER YOU ARE, I WAS HERE FIRST! Greatness. Looks like we'll get Cesaro and Cena vs. Owens and Rusev. Cena's a prick - leaving Cesaro mid-ring to be beaten up here. Maybe it's a 3-way now. 3-Way with the winner facing Cena tonight. Well that's unfair for the winner. Cena hypes up "The divas segment" because it's just a show. Not an organic event that occurred, just part of the show. Cesaro launches a tower of doom for back to back 2 counts. LEAPING TORNADO DDT FROM OWENS gets 2. Cesaro Germans Owens, who Germans Rusev for 2. TORNADO DIVE BY CESARO! Rusev Alabama slams Owens, and Cesaro gets a big delayed suplex on Rusev. Owens flees after being attacked by both guys.


Cena's commentary is largely awful and generic. Crazy suplex from Rusev to Cesaro ON THE APRON. FLYING HEADBUTT MISSES AND CESARO GETS THE CROSSFACE! Cesaro eats the big uranage for 2. Big superkick hits and he goes for the Accolade. Headbutts counter that INTO THE SWING! SHARPSHOOTER! Crowd is barricade-slapping for a tap! Cesaro vs. Rusev vs. Owens was excellent. We need a whole Rusev vs. Cesaro series - these two have great chemistry. Superkick wins for Rusev. Cena wants the match NOW? What a cock. It's like when he beat Rey after he won the WWE Title earlier in the night.

So Rusev, the brave man fighting for his lost love and trying to regain his past glory after a hard-fought fair win is the face, right? Rusev's lip looks busted up and he's exhausted, which JBL points out. Long headlocks here. Cena runs wild amid some boos. Rusev counters the AA WITH THE ACCOLADE! Owens boots Rusev and powerbombs him. Kane says some sentences to a redhead, so he's either hitting on her or planning the contract signing.


Tough Enough segment with A REAL STAR, SOMEONE FROM THE PAST Lita. THE LEGENDARY BILLY GUNN! Lita introduced everyone to no response, because no one watches the show. Cole called Tough Enough "hard-hitting reality". Nope.  Roman-Wyatt recap. Goofy Stardust thing in the back - he now has forehead jewelry. Okay. If nothing else, we at least got the comic graphics out of this. He's facing Neville next. Barrett vs. Truth will be for the crown on the Battleground kickoff show. Side Effect gets 2 for Stardust and a Cody chant. They talked about this being his first match since Dusty's passing, he's a heel, and he won with cheating. And then they played Neville's theme. What on Earth. Seth and Brock are mid-ring next - this show has flown by.

Recap of Brock stuff. I look forward to a "PLEASE JUST END" chant for Raw one day. Heyman talks for a while about Seth getting his ass kicked. Seth says the wrong thing and pisses off Brock, leading to him manhandling the table. Brock beats up Seth and Kane. Great bit with him countering a starcase pedigree with A CHARGING SPEAR INTO THE BARRICADE. He dives onto Kane, but nearly eats a chokeslam before getting an F5 on the floor and smashing his foot with the steps between the other steps. Unlike usual, they didn't use the giant V side for that. He grabs the title and holds it high. Brock looks even scarier and more badass as he gets older. Seth cut a promo about slaying the beast and tearing Brock's stupid sword tattoo off his chest. Ha! Seth buries Kane for his plan backfiring. What a great prick. Seth stomps the bad leg, so they at least tried to get him over as kind of a badass here and once again, Seth has no allies.

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