WWE Hell in a Cell 2018

 Paige is on the pre-show panel and we get a card rundown before a showcase of Becky's greatness over the past month. Otunga tries to interview Alexa, but gets a curt NO. She's so wonderful. New Day vs. Rusev Day is up. E hits the suicide spear in as safe a manner as ever - by just turning it into a back bump at the end. Swanton misses and a powerbomb/double stomp hits and gets 2 E- and thankfully doesn't snap Kofi's ankle. E launches Kofi over the top into a machka kick. English locks on an Accolade, but Kofi escapes and a trouble in paradise ends it. Mick and Baron meet backstage. Coach recaps a Roman is AMAZING video. CHEER ROMAN - here's his friends triple teaming Braun so he couldn't cash in his case for a legal title match on Roman.

A pretty great demon-centric video airs to start things off. The new red cell looks great on-camera. WWE opens a PPV with THE SAME OLD AWAITS. Tremendous. Orton vs. Hardy starts things off. Jeff's bringing back the sheer mesh shirt tonight and they talk about this being Jeff's first cell match ever. They have a cool staredown inside and outside the cell.

Jeff surfs a ladder into Randy and then uses a chair for poetry in motion against the cell. Jeff hits the mule kick and the Hardyac arrest. Jeff sets up a ladder upside down between the ring and the cell that he eats a gordbuster on. OUCH! Randy chairshots the back before whipping him with his own studded belt. He traps Jeff in the ladder and neckties him before stomping down. ORTON HITS A CHINLOCK IN THE CELL - WELCOME TO HELL!

Powerslam gets 2 for Orton. Randy gets a toolbox and grabs a screwdriver. Randy puts it through the ear gauge and twists - well, it's graphic without being too graphic. Jeff kicks him low and belts him for 2. He gets all sliced up, and this match has greatly exceeded any realistic expectation going into it. RKO countered into a Twist and puts the chair on him! SWANTON TO ORTON! IT ONLY GETS 2!

Randy's thigh is shown all sliced up too. Nasty. Jeff sets up a couple of ladders and a ladder for what should be a slingshot legdrop over the big ladder. Twisto! He goes for a monkey bars splash off the cell and misses! This hit in his TNA blowoff cage match with James Storm, and Orton gets the pin. This was easily Jeff's best singles match in at least four years - since the Lashley match at the TNA NYC tapings.

AJ cuts a promo on Joe talking about his WOUF and ripping his heart out of his chest. Charlotte vs. Becky is up. Green robe, purple gear, and a white and blue belt - yikes. Becky is of course hugely over while Charlotte gets booed. Gator rolls and takedowns start things off. Shoulders to the stomach from Charlotte follow up. Penta arm snap for 2 for Becky! They fight on the apron and an apron DDT hits on the apron. Rampage bomb out of a triangle gets 2.9 for Charlotte! DISARMHER! Becky wins it! Becky showcases her belt with pride and tells Charlotte she won't steal her thunder ever again!

Wacky New Day skit with Kofi's white man voice and E says they'll defend against The Bar at Super Showdown. Drew and Dolph are out for the parade of announcers montage. BURN IT DOWN is hugely over. Not much to the match, sadly. Dean runs wild on Dolph after a hot tag when Seth avoids a superplex. Things pick up big-time when Seth goes for a dive, gets caught and then Dean dives onto the pile to send it down. Seth and Dolph exchange things for 2 until a Zig Zag gets 2.9! Superkick to the jaw of Drew and a high fly flow to the back get 2.9! SUPERPLEX INTO THE FALCON ARROW, BUT DREW HITS THE CLAYMORE MID-MOVE AND DOLPH WINS! Great finish.

Drew carries Dolph out in a great visual that makes him look like the man. Mick warns Braun that the cell will change him. A stupid Mixed Match Challenge video airs hurting AJ's starpower. Joe vs. AJ is next, after that crap. Wow. Joe's entire video from SD is shown in full - only they nixed the cool video filters on some of the clips

AJ jumps him with punches in the corner. Joe beats his ass and then lands the face wash. ELBOW SUICIDA HITS FOR JOE! Joe pounces him down for 2. Rack bomb for 2! Springboard 450 for 2. Corner high kick gets 2 for Joe. Joe gets the choke, but AJ rolls through for the pin. Joe says AJ tapped before hte pin, and a replay shows it - so I guess we'll get a Super Showdown rematch - I'm down with that.

Maryse as a Miz cosplayer is fantastic. And whatever Miz is wearing is hilariously terrible. Miz saying they are the hardest-hitting couple in WWE rules. Maryse's theme is wonderful and she still has the it factor. I forgot how terrible Brie Mode was - can they please never use it again so I can continue to forget about it? This blue and neon green color scheme is just terrible for Bryan. I hope Brie gets a PLEASE DON'T DIE/PLEASE DON'T DIVE dueling chant.

Bryan hits his corner comeback early. Maryse's pose in a catsuit is a-okay. Match is rather shit tho. Brie attacks Miz and slides into Maryse. Dueling yes kicks, and of course the final kick misses. BRIE MODE knee. Maryse gets thrown into Miz before a clusterfuck of wacky cradles result in Maryse pinning Brie with something.

A Hardy vs. Orton recap makes that match seem so much more important. Alexa vs. Ronda is up, with my stream looking terrible. Ronda has new black and gold shorts - which look good. Ronda gets 2 off a Backlund bridge. Ronda tosses her around with the exploder. Alexa gets tossed into her goons. Ronda's ribs get kicked and she gets smashed with a tree of woe dropkick to the ribs.

Alexa locks on a grounded abdominal stretch before racking her against the post. Mickie gets posted before a double-down off a Ronda crossbody. Ronda hits a giant shoot-style gutwrench powerbomb and slaps her ribs to fire up. Corner punches lead to a corner charge, but Ronda gets booted in the ribs. Twirling judo throw hits! ARMBAR IS LOCKED ON AND RONDA WINS! Cole sends well-wishes to Florence victims.

Joe yelsl at Paige and gets his rematch - with no countouts or DQs. This is easily the best show of the year for WWE - there has been zero filler. Kudos! Braun vs. Roman is up. Mick comes out and really is the highest he's been in 30 years. Braun grabs the belt and a brawl erupts. Braun charges him off the apron and into the cell before shoulderblocking him on the floor. Braun counters a Superman punch with a chokeslam for 2.9! Flapjack into a Superman punch for 2.

Roman gently jogs around ringside only to get bonked with the steps. Now that was hilarious. Powerslam hits for 2.9! Giant spear through a corner table gets 2 for Roman! Drew and Dolph come down so Seth and Dean can brawl with them. They destroy Dolph and tease a Shield bomb, but Drew saves him. Dolph climbs up to the cell and Seth goes up with him. Ground and pound on Seth has the panel caving a bit. Dean kendo sticks them down. Frye-Takayama exchange leads to a double-down off a double lariat!

Dolph heads down to avoid Seth before they throw hands and heads before they each crash and burn through two announce tables. We get a ridiculously-contrived spot and they STILL MISS THE MONEY SHOT.

BROCK LESNAR COMES OUT IN WORKOUT GEAR! Heyman yells at the ref GIVE ME THE GODDAMN KEY! But Brock just kicks it in! Heyman maces Mick before Brock smashes a busted table over Braun. Brock and his mighty viking beard hit F5s on everyone. A new ref comes down and calls the match off due to both guys being knocked out. If you have to have a fuck finish for this, and you do, this was absolutely perfect.