WWE Money in the Bank 2019

  Sam Roberts' beard makes him look even worse. Not Renee interviews Becky 2 Belts and she gets in a great line about having the weight of history on her shoulders. Then Lacey yammers on a bit and we hear a guy on a walkie talkie for a while. Nikki Cross cuts a selfie promo with her name plastered on the screen in gigantic text before rattling on for a bit. Sonya and Zelina need to not dress EXACTLY THE SAME WITH THE SAME HAIR and then they bicker for a bit.

Daniel Bryan needs to replace the title belts with eco-friendly paper plate versions. Bryan runs wild with chops and then the corner dropkicks after a temple squeeze by Rowan. Rowan hits a double superplex on the Usos. Bryan gets a long yes long before a save ends it. A double Uso dive ends it and gives the Usos - Raw wrestlers, the SD tag titles. IT'S NON-TITLE!? What's the point if you're just going to have the champs job anyway AND HAVE BRYAN JOB AT THAT!?

DOLPH ZIGGLER SIGHTING...in the opening hype video..Ashley gets an In Memory of graphic. Naomi's out as Bumblebee from Teen Titans before Carmella. Nikki Cross gets a Sanity intro despite that group being seemingly dead and her not being a part of it on the main roster. MANDY is out in red looking hot. Bayley's out and thank God they cut away from the guy in what became a belly shirt doing the Bayley buddy wave.

Nikki does the Finlay ring skirt trap and then Terry Funk's ladder twirl. Nattie slingshots Carmella, but Naomi hits a disaster kick off that spot. We get a stupid spot where Dana tries to climb a fully-standing ladder with two people holding it. WHY WOULD DANA KICK SOMEONE WHO IS HOLDING THE LADDER UP FOR HER!?

Naomi does some running over the ladders and then everyone clanks the ladders. Carmella blows her knee out. Dana hits a Muta elbow in the corner to Ember on a ladder. Bayley gets squashed between two ladders before Naomi lands a split-legged moonsault. Dana and Mandy fight up top and Dana hangs off the hanger thing before Mandy and everyone else gets knocked off the ladder. Eclipse off the ladder. Mandy slapjacks Ember onto the ladder. Mandy climbs with Sonya carrying her and then Bayley knocks them down.  Can Bayley cash in for the NXT Women's Title please?

Sami annoys Hunter, who tells him that Braun is banned from the building. HHH is going to punish Sami by making him watch all of HHH's matches for the last half-decade on a loop. Rey meets with Dominik and we see Dominik's ink before Rey comes out and Joe scowls.

Rey hits a jumping kick and then a super seated senton. MORE THAN A DOZEN WWE HALL OF FAMERS HAVE HELD THE US TITLE. Rey gets a off a rana cradle and wins it and somehow Joe got busted up. Well that was a match. Replay shows that Joe's shoulder was up. Great, so Rey gets a fluke win and didn't even deserve it. Joe bowls over Rey and then hits a uranage.

Braun yells a lot. Braun has returned from a vacation on the sun it appears. Sami should get a new Always Pounding Ass shirt soon just to further bury him. An incredible Shane vs. Miz video airs. Miz kicks the shit out of him, but eats some knees and punches and Shane goes to leave. He grabs a chair and Miz beats him with it  Finale on the chair, BUT SHANE GETS HIS FOOT ON THE ROPE. Cole buries the ref but Corey says the ref realizes that the only reason they have roofs over their heads is the McMahon family. Shane gets snapmared off the cage and eats a splash for of course 2.  SHANE GETS THE TRIANGLE! Miz teases a superplex off the cage, but Shane slips out of his jersey and wins.

Mick will be at Raw to announce a new title. Hyped for the United States SmackDown Tag Team Titles! Sami is shown hanging from his feet backstage. Daivari comes out in a fancy car as a budget Alberto. Daivari hits the goofy spinning Christian falling reverse DDT. High fly flow and rainmaker hit for 2.9 . Running Nese hits and Nese retains. HHH tells Braun that he isn't going to put Braun in the MITB match tonight and Braun tells him he didn't do anything to Sami. HHH asks him to leave and he does - GREAT WAY TO USE BRAUN. Hyped for 50 year old HHH vs. Braun in 60 minute iron man match at Greatest Super Showdown later in the year.

Lacey comes out with a wacky $10 money gun and gets some early offense, including a legsweep and then an outside-in elbow. Lacey needed to deliver in the ring, and so far, she has. Becky maybe lands a missile dropkick and then hits an apron forearm. Stunner variant of the Stratusfaction gets 2. Lacey gets a schoolgirl and then Becky gets a flash disarmher and a quick tapout. I like the super-fast tapout - it worked great with Regal and Benoit and it works fine here. Gets the move over as even more deadly.

And here comes Charlotte out looking like quite the jolly cunt since Becky just wrestled. Becky accepts and the match is on. Elevated crab by Charlotte. Becky avoids a natural selection on the apron. Lacey helps Charlotte and lays her out with a punch and then Charlotte wins it. Bayley comes down for a cash-in tease. BAYLEY IS OVER AGAIN! IT'S A MIRACLE! All it took was her saving Becky to get her over! Savage elbow wins it - so now Charlotte can become a 10-time champ!Bayley celebrates with the fans and for one night at least, they got Bayley right on the main roster. It took three years, but for one night, the main roster gets a taste of NXT Bayley.

Roman comes out and Elias sneaks up on him and then we get some singing. Elias goes to leave, but eats a Superman punch and a spear to end it. K. AJ vs. Seth is up with an aweome video package. AJ lands the snap rana off the mat. AJ lands the sliding knee on the apron. Seth sends him out with a lriat after a dive. Ushigoroshi hits for 2. Buckle bomb and frog splash gets 2. Rack bomb gets 2 for AJ. Inverted superplex gets 2 followed by the stomp leading to the calf slicer. The quebrada DDT gets 2. STOMP INTO THE CLASH GETS 2.9! That was a fantastic near-fall! Forearm is countered into the v trigger! Stomp hits and wins it - this was AJ's best match in a year,, easily. AJ leaves and comes back to have Seth puts the belt high above. Seth's kind of a dick here. AJ wants a Code of Honor handshake and gets it.

Lucha House Party comes out to have a six man tag and then they bury the pinata gimmick. Their theme playing over this promo somehow makes it even worse.Lars beats the shit out of all of them and splits his own head open via a headbutt to Kalisto - okay, that made this worth it.

Kofi dives onto KO to start. They do lots of stuff. None of means a thing. Kofi hits the trouble in paradise, but KO rolls to the floor. KO goes for a swanton, but eats knees. Trouble in Paradise lands again and gets the win. Thank God they've added goofy movie bullet ricochet sound effects to REALLY get Ricochet over! They set up some wacky bridges after Ali gets tossed into the announce table. Finn and Andrade do a sunset bomb off a ladder mid-ring through another. This zowie wowie chant can fuck right off.

Spanish fly off the ladder from Ali to Andrade! Corbin chokeslams Ali through the announce table and then battles with Drew. Andrade eats an inverted Alabama slam onto Balor on a ladder - so pretty safe bump overall. Drew biels Ricochet over the top onto a ladder bridge that snaps in half. Ali goes to get the case, but BROCK RETURNS AND TOSSES A LADDER AT A CAMERA GUY! BROCK WINS and makes many great faces!