Miz cuts a great promo on Kurt Angle, and that really should be a singles match they do and give Kurt one last IC Title run. Kurt meets with Elias, who wants a performance tonight. JJ stands up for Kurt, so we're getting that later. Drew Gulak comes in to hype up his Powerpoint Presentation, BUT HE HAS BEEN CUT FOR TIME. He then cuts an entertainingly dull promo about it. SURVIVOR SERIES IS THE ONLY NIGHT OF THE YEAR WHERE RAW TALENT FACES SMACKDOWN TALENT... Well, expect for tonight. Sasha and Fox have a sloppy match. Sasha gets some terrible soft style mounted punches. This is incredibly bad on every level, and the commentators are making it even worse. Backstabber into the Bank Statement ends it and Booker calls it a great match. Seth and Dean cut a great promo on the main event.
The show-opener is incredible. Goddamn this video is great - imagine if they could just...put guys over and make them feel important all the time. Angle, Mickie, and Asuka came off as the best in the world here. Emma's red booty shorts are great, but ASUKA IS THE MAN. Emma gets a surprising amount of offense here, and it's her first WWE PPV match ever. Emma's tree of woe kick combo is great - good to see some new stuff from her. Emma eats the ankle lock and German before the chikenwing ends it. Great little match.
And now we get a parade of This is My Character promos with the main event's heels. I was more excited about the main event before that WWE Words promo. Elias is singing and Jason Jordan is mean to him and throws produce on him. Kendrick comes out for his tag match. Gallagher gets a new evil theme. The cruiserweight tag, as it does on Raw, kills the crowd absolutely dead. Small guys doing WWE Style in a WWE-style tag match. THAT'S WHAT EVERYONE WANTED WHEN THEY WANTED A SHOW FOR THE CRUISERWEIGHTS, RIGHT!? Cedric Lumbar Checks Kendrick and ends it to a mild friendly applause. Bliss has some of the best modern-looking nerd culture merch out there.
Cole says that Mickie is approaching legendary status already. Wow. Alexa should've dedicated the match to Larry Steve in her pre-match promo. A slapfight leads to a double kick double-down. Sunset bomb gets 2 for Alexa. Mickie gets crotched up top and lands on the shoulder before "hitting" a dropkick off the top for 2. Mickie gets posted and Alexa wins with the snap DDT - this was quite good. Dean and Seth give Kurt some Shield vest cosplay. Great!
Cruiserweight title recap leads to Enzo coming out. There are pimps watching Enzo and going "damn bro, tone that shit down!" He has also lost his voice and is still the best talker on the show. Enzo eats a beating, pokes him in the eye, and wins with the Jawdunzo. AJ using the hood pop on an actual hoodie is a great way to market the merch. Love them showing ONE GUY holding his phone in landscape mode for the Demon intro.What's up with the demon having a wacky belt on like he's the fucking Voodoo Queen in TNA?"The NOTORIOUS CLUB that he started in Japan".
These two just have the best match possible given the circumstances. AJ had to be super jet-lagged, but didn't lose a step and had his best match in months. AJ HITS THE USHIGOROSHI! Balor avoids the Clash, but AJ sends him down face-first with a facebuster anyway and gets 2. Calf slicer is on! Balor escapes and avoids a forearm before landing an apron PK. SHOTGUN DROPKICK AGAINST THE BARRICADE! AJ picks him up and hoists him INTO THE GERMAN ANNOUNCE TABLE! Double down off a crossbody crossup. AJ eats a Pele kick! Inverted 1916 gets 2.5. Balor goes up, BUT AJ HITS THE PELE! Super rana gets 2.5! JESUS that bump off the shotgun dropkick was perfect! Coup de grace ends it! This was easily better than anything at Mania and then we get a TOO SWEET!
Elias sings again. He faces Jordan and stiffs him on a knee before a cradle ends it. A replay shows the right shoulder up at 2.5 and Cole agrees with Booker. DAMMIT, NOW WE NEED A REMATCH ON RAW. The hype video for the main event is incredible - one of the best of the year. Cesaro has an actual chance to breakthrough here in a legit PPV main event. Kurt in this getup is as hilarious as it seemed in theory.
Chairs aplenty to start things off, and Kurt is definitely rusty. SHIELD DOUBLE DIVE TO THE FLOOR ON THE BAR! Sheamus clubs them off the steps, and then gets chucked into them while Cesaro gets crotched. Booker is actively destroying Kurt here by pointing out all of his flaws. Thanks, Book! They set up the heels on the announce tables and they set up ladders and DIVE THROUGH THEM!
The Bar beats up Kurt in the corner and Seth's knee is seemingly out because he landed badly on the table. They tease a Shield powerbomb to Kurt, but the Shield saves him. ROLLING GERMANS TO MIZ! SHEAMUS AND CESARO EAT IT TOO! ANKLE LOCK TO KANE! BRAUN POWERSLAMS KURT THROUGH THE TABLE ON THE FLOOR. This is a riot. The heels run wild with chairs.
Things get glacial and the faces kind of fight back. Kane accidentally hits Braun, and that will definitely play into things later. Double crucifix is horrible-looking and couldn't even break a table. Miz gets a trash truck backed into the ramp and they go to through the faces into it. They recover and dive onto the heels. Braun saves Kane from a double suplex through a table on the ramp. Then KANE AND BRAUN BRAWL. KANE CHOKESLAMS HIM OFF THE STAGE THROUGH A PART OF THE STAGE! Kane pulls a column of chairs down ONTO BRAUN...or you know, around him in the pit. CHAIRS TO THE SURFACE AREA AROUND BRAUN. OH THE HUMANITY!
Kane double chokeslams Seth and Dean and poor Dean once again doesn't have a table break on him. Braun gets up and scares Kane to death. BRAUN DESTROYS MIZ AND SHEAMUS AND CESARO! BELTY THE STROWMAN! They beat up Braun and toss him in the truck! AND THEN THEY CRUSH BRAUN. The heels beat down Seth, but DEAN MAKES A SAVE! KURT COMES BACK AND ANGLE SLAMS EVERYONE! YES! Shield spears the Bar through the barricade and Miz hits the finale, BUT KURT KICKS OUT! KURT LOCKS ON THE ANKLE LOCK AND MIZ SENDS HIM OUT. MIZ GETS SURROUNDED! RIPCORD KNEE, DIRTY DEEDS AND THE ANGLE SLAM HIT! TRIPLE POWERBOMB ENDS IT! This was an awesome clusterfuck.
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