I come back home in time to see Rowan destroy Murphy and Elias singing. He insults Toronto, so Edge comes out and spears him! Kinda shocked to see them let him get physical, but it's cool to see that happen. Alexa and Nikki get wacky CG graphics with Alexa dressed in Buzz Lightyear gear.
.Corey talks about the IIconics spending the night in the same bed melding. Peyton humps Nikki's arm on an arm lock. Just what the womens tag division needs - more ALTERNATING long, pointless chin and arm locks. It's like a Baron Corbin match, but with better ass shots - so far better than any Corbin match. Gori crusher to Alexa by Peyton gets 2 - and it's the best-looking IIconic move of the night. KO right from Alexa and Peyton sells it perfectly. Twisted Bliss ends it. Terrible match, but at least it's over. A terrible video airs of Seth overselling and being a goofball in selling the injuries. He says "I guarantee it" in the most bland way possible. Booker puts this match over huge saying that BROCK DON'T WANT WATER OR BREAD - JUST MEAT. And then BROCK LESNAR'S NOT THE GUY WHO PHONES IT IN! BWAHAHAHAHA
Hype video airs. ALL THE SACRIFICE...cuts to Shane-O-Mac. Corey's shaved head and...suit jacket he stole from Rockstar Spud are incredible. Becky vs. Nattie opens the show with a monotone video package. Becky goes for Ronda's armbar to start, but Nattie counters. Becky gets a triangle and absorbs a Rampage bomb. They do a goofy, shitty sharpshooter in the ropes.
Becky blocks the basement dropkick by...Nattie just stopping her feet fhort and grabbing them a second late and then getting a sharpshooter and then Nattie locks her in a disarmher. Nattie gets her in one and then Becky gets to the rope, so Nattie just sits on her ass. Becky gets the disarmher and wins after a while.
Trish's massive rack talks about being insulted by Charlotte. Great historical re-enactment of the HBK-Jericho WM XIX hype video here for...Dolph vs. Goldberg. Dolph says that Goldberg doesn't show up to matches and fears him. UNDEFEATED FROM 1997 TO 1998! Way to put over the streak there Cole.
Dolph superkicks him for 1 right away. A second gets another 1 count! Goldberg spears him and Dolph sells it like a champ. Jackhammer htis and ends it in about 2 minutes. Perfect for what it needed to be. Goldberg's doing more than he did in his first return run outside of the Mania match, and it's good to see.
Goldberg leaves and Dolph calls him a coward, so Goldberg spears him to death. Perfect. Just make a legends title and give it to Goldberg so he can have matches like this forever. WWE needs to make a legends title and give it to Goldberg to provide some sense of importance. Dolph says that Goldberg just got lucky twice and wants ANOTHER ASS-WHOOPING. This is the best usage of Dolph possible in 2019. Dude's making himself a star tonight. Goldberg hugs him, slaps his shoulder...and then runs off the ropes twice to spear him to triple-death! This was a billion stars.
Woods and his wacky dreadlocks with E hype up Kofi. Xavier's hair is unreal. Spud comes in and wants to find Truth. Ricochet's Sub-Zero cosplay bodysuit is pretty cool - although it instantly reminds me of Nakamura being in check-cashing mode. Cole yammers on about Summerslam being in 27 languages. Spud misses Truth.
Now that I see it in full, I approve of Ricochet's Nightwing cosplay. OC's black and red stuff finally all matching as gear works, and Gallows looks great with paint...WHY THE FUCK DID IT TAKE UNTIL LATE 2019 TO GET THIS GROUP'S PRESENTATION RIGHT? AJ works the knee over for a while. Ricochet does the deadlift suplex spot, because of course. Ricochet does
a wacky corkscrew dive and gets caught and hit with a Clash to end it.
All right - that was just a match. Ricochet eats a magic killer
So I sure wasn't expecting Ric Flair to be in with the Street Profits - but damned if that didn't make them seem like bigger stars than anyone on the main roster. Ember vs. Bayley is up. Wacky basement uppercut and elbow stuff missed by a mile way too often. Super rana hits for 2 for Ember before a stormbreaker-ish codebreaker-ish thing sorta hits for 2. Bayley goes for a corner counter rana and eats a nasty powerbomb for 2. RIP Bayley's left shoulder, but she wins with the super belly to Bayley to no reaction.
Elias is out as a goon for Shane. KO's goofy giant WWE logo on his shirt doesn't help him and Elias has caused two near countouts already. Let the record show that Hulk Hogan vs. Sting at Bound for Glory 2011 will be worlds better than Shane vs. KO with fewer smoke and mirrors and both guys being a combined age of 120. Shane works him over with punches and kicks in the corner because fuck you.
Shane runs wild with slow-moving punches. KO wants to use a chair, but the ref, DESPITE ELIAS GETTING INVOLVED, is against this. KO sends Shane into Elias and gets 2 off a swanton and a frog splash. KO destroys Elias with a chair for a while. KO uses the chair as a distraction for a nut shot and a stunner. SO THANK GOD, the former Universal Champion was able to beat the boss's son.
Trish gets a new graphic with a giant maple leaf and a big WWE logo. Ugh. Good staredown to start things off. Trish lands an awkward armdrag to the floor. Trish hits Air Canada off the apron to the floor. Charlotte chucks her into the barricade. Yakuza kick sends Trish off the apron and right onto her ass. So Charlotte broke the count once by getting on the ropes...but not the second time? Trish gets 2 off a super rana. Charlote gets the figure four AND THEN THE FIGURE 8! Trish hits her finish for 2. They exchange basement chops for a while.
Then they go into a big standing chop exchange. Trish avoids a yakuza kick and lands the Trish kick for 2.9. Charlotte gets a long figure 8 and gets the win. Trish goes corner to corner for her retirement and this was the kind of match she should've gone out on. It was as good as it was going to be and far better than I could've expected going in - especially with her doing nothing in the tag match.
Seth meets with Bret who says he'll be watching and thankfully doesn't say that some called him the Canadian Alberto Del Rio and ADR the Mexican Bret Hart like the last time he got a line on the show. Long, boring video hypes up Orton vs Kofi. A long boring video for an Orton title match in 2019 seems rather fitting. They do a lot of nothing until a floor brawl. More nothing. Flying spinning DDT by Kofi off the top. Orton mocks the New Day clap. Kofi counters the draping DDT with a backdrop over the top.
Froggy crossbody gets 2 for Kofi. They fight on the floor in front of Kofi's family and we go to... a countout? FOR A SUMMERSLAM WWE TITLE MATCH!? Kofi grabs a kendo stick and beats Orton with it. LOOOOONNNNNGGGGG recap of the Firefly Funhouse skits.
A giant goofy mask is visible and Bray still has the lantern with said giant wacky head and a rock remix of his old theme. Bray runs wild with a headbutt Bray does the wacky '70s movie neck snap spot, lands a uranage. Bray goes for Abigail, but Bray counters with a slingblade and a double stomp. He goes for the coup de grace, but Bray catches him in the mandible claw and that ends it.
Seth's big show gear is...black on a different shade of black. Wow. Brock attacks the ribs and gets a corner to corner slam. Pair of superkicks lead to a stomp attempt, which Brock turns into a quick F5 for 2. Brock is PISSED that Seth has the nerve to not die at that move. Love Brock tossing Seth around by his tape. Rolling Germans to Seth lead to a big one on the floor. Brock goes for an F5 into the post, but Seth posts him twice. Brock just casually avoding this flying insect coming at his general direction to German him was tremendous.
Brock gets a long reverse bearhug, but Seth gets a bit of hope off of Brock missing a corner charge. Seth hits a bunch of dives before getting caught in a bearhug and tossed into the post. Seth puts Brock though an announce table with a high fly flow through the table. High fly flow hits and gets 2 before an F5 is teased and Seth avoids it and superkicks him, then hits the Stomp to win the title. This was fine-ish, but Brock was the star.
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