WWE TLC 2019

I wasn't planning on watching this live, but Spud's sleeping - so I might as well do that and then I won't miss anymore time with her after the event to skim through it. BARON CORBIN'S GONNA PAINT A PICASSO TONIGHT! Oh Booker... A TLC Edition of the Funhouse airs. New Day vs. Revival is up for the SD tag titles. I'm amazed the WWE-logoed belt holder has been given a wacky name like the WWE Belt Buddy. E misses the apron splash on a ladder, while Kofi eats an atomic whip into the ladder on the apron off a trust fall onto FTR.

E eats a ladder dropkick to the balls in the corner. Cole hypes INNOVATION!...as Kofi does the spot that destroyed Joey Mercury's face. E gets a stretch muffler to Dawson while Kofi bonks the knee with a ladder. Kofi lands on the rope after getting knocked off the ladder and hits a sorta-tornado DDT and then a tornado kick! SHATTER MACHINE OFF THE LADDER! E sets up some ladder bullshit all over the place. E puts Dawson on a ladder and goes up and then eats a superplex that sends Dawson through the ladder and not E. Dash splashes E and we see the internals of the collapsing ladder. They trap Kofi in a ladder away from the belts. BIG ENDING OFF A LADDER TO WILDER! Kofi bonks Dawson with a belt and sends him into the fallen ladder. Kofi grabs the belts and they win. THIS RULED!

King Corbin says stuff backstage AND DAMN IS HE TALL! Andrade is shown lowing to Humberto  on the pre-show with Zelina's help backfiring. Great - a setup where no one gets over. Murphy gets a new Generic CAW theme. Murphy does Black's sit mid-ring. They have a sit-off. Stiff stuff here as Black gets busted up and King eats a shot in the melee. Apron battle leads to Murphy getting shoved into the post and then a teep into a giant V trigger from Black for 2! RUN-UP TEEP TO THE JAW BY BLACK! Tons of buckle head trap superkicks in the post lead to a powerbomb for 2. Kamigoye leads to a Black Judas Effect and another strike exchange leads to a Black Mass outta nowhere. This was a lot of fun - make them a team though, they're going to kill each other as rivals.

Viking Raiders come down and THIS MATCH IS PRESENTED BY KFC AND A FAMILY GETS TO EAT AT A RINGSIDE TABLE. Now time for wacky family fun! The OC answers the challenge and yammer on about their trophy. Rowe plants Karl after Karl trips over him. Karl locks in an ASRAWROLLSON Chinlock. Floor brawl and a double countout. Now that's shit. They Shield-bomb The OC through the KFC table. Okay then. Professional Actor Mike Mizanin emotes about THE FIEND INVADING HIS HOME! THIS. THIS MATCH WITH TWO WEEKS BUILD. IS MIZ'S MOST PERSONAL MATCH IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER! HE IS FIGHTING AS A MAN PROTECTING HIS FAMILY!

A long Corbin-Reigns video airs that takes up about 50 years. Roman beats up the goons for a bit. Corbin rains down kneeling elbows to the chest - just like LG did before. Corbin is the most boring okay-ish worker I've ever seen. Hulk Hogan in 2011 was able to have a better match than this. AND HE COULDN'T MOVE AND COULD BARELY BUMP. Cole hypes up HARD-NOSED SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT! Dolph takes Roman out with a "SUPERMAN KICK" to save Corbin from a drive by. More goons run down. Then The Revival. It's like Taker vs. Yoko at the '94 Rumble, only a lot more boring. Dawson's plan of stand around and do nothing somehow backfired. BIG DOG SOARS! Chair and a zig zag hits. End of Days into chair ends it right around New Years 2021.

Bray vs. Miz is up and recapped thoroughly. THIS IS ABOUT DANIEL - WHO'S LIKE FAMILY TO THE WWE UNIVERSE! Why can't WWE be taken seriously again? Crazy Mr. Rogers is a more over babyface than anyone else. Bray stands on the table for a while. WHY ISN'T MIZ JUST RUNNING AFTER THIS MAN AND KICKING HIS ASS!? Miz puts Bray in the rope and nearly gets DQed. Bray eats a pair of shotgun knees and an awesome lariat before the Finale hits. Bray laughs it off. Miz going for...shades of Shayna and Penta here and failing. Shoulder snap leads to Bray smashing his shoulder into the barricade to pop it back. NO! NOT THE GERMAN DESK! THAT'S THE HARDEST OF ALL FOREIGN-LANGUAGE DESKS! Sister Abigail on the floor for Bray. Miz beats the count at 9. Mid-ring Abigail wins for Bray...so then why wasn't the title on the line?

THE FIEND appears on the tron! Bray grabs the giant hammer from before that Cole has apparently never seen before. Bray yells HE'S HERE before a MYSTERIOUS MAN IN A MAROON HOODIE HITS A KNEE PLUS! Bryan's got his 2012 look back with short hair and stubble - good, he looks way younger. CORNER DROPKICKS AND ANOTHER KNEE PLUS! Bryan lands the stomps to the chest and TEASES THE MALLET! BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT AND Bray disappears. He slams the mallet near the belt and not on it, despite the camera shot making you think he would do that. This was weird, but still better than the match.

IT'S TIME TO GET PERSONAL!? We just saw a match with Miz defending the honor of his wife and daughter! A TMZ TV show-style parody in 2019. Really now? A billion teases are done for table breakage and to their credit, they avoid it. Rusev grabs a barricade and bonks him before eating a chokeslam through it. King rattles off a few terrible wedding jokes. Lashley doesn't get him through a table on a spear, but does on a suplex on the other side in a great save and ends it.

Montez tells Lashley to get a vastectomy before a brawl between King Corbin and his goons and Roman and SD's faces. Becky and Charlotte's tag title match is up. Kairi gets tossed around a ton on various announce tables. Facebuster into the ladder from Becky to Asuka. Kairi goes under the ring and they pull her out and she blasts them with a fire extinguisher. Asuka gets a rope and goes all Texano Jr. on them. They trap Charlotte in an office chair and try to keep her in with a kendo stick, but she fights free. They tie a rope to the ladder and use that to trap Becky. I hope a train doesn't suddenly appear. Joe compliments Kairi's sailor knot and Charlotte exploders Kairi into the barricade.

Charlotte takes a nasty elbow bump on the ladder with Becky on it and gets muted. Insane elbow off the announce table leads to Becky getting her knees up. Becky frees herself and we get a lot of shrieking. Charlotte and Becky put the Warriors in chairs and land stereo things - and make sure to hold off running until they're in-sync. How nice of them.

Legdrop off the second rope to the floor through a table from Becky to Asuka. They double-team Kairi and toss her into the post. They try to double suplex her, but she gets a double DDT counter. Charlotte cusses some more and sloppily powerbombs Kairi through a table. The Warriors get beaten up with chairs to boos. Vic talks about fatigue setting in...sadly only for the women here and not viewers. Asuka powerbombs Charlotte off the apron to the floor through a table - that'll teach her to not go for goofy moonsaults and flips. Becky climbs up, but Asuka uses the rope and pulls Becky down! Asuka grabs the belts and wins. THANK GOD THIS IS OVER!

Or not! The wacky brawl from earlier is back! Corbin eats and a spear in the crowd and that's it. All righty then. That sure was an ending to a show that would never end at far too many points in time.