We get the kickoff panel talking about how hyped the building is...as it appears to be dead. Rumble history hype vid showcases Edge's return two years ago. Roman vs. Seth starts off with Roman's goofy CG and then SETH COMES OUT IN SHIELD GARB TO THE SHIELD THEME! Triple dives to Roman. Diving knee meets an uppercut. Seth running powerbombs Roman through the announce table. Buckle bomb has been rebranded THE SHIELD BOMB and gets 2.
Roman "hits" some mounted strikes and a powerbomb for 2. Superman punch gets 2 because of course it does. Seth counters the spear with a pedigree for 2. Seth sets up the stomp but almost eats a uranage before landing Kawada kicks. Roman gets the guillotine and Seth laughs. He goes out and the ref lifts his hand up AND AS IT FALLS IT HITS THE ROPE. Roman better be careful or he'll get DQed for kicking too much ass. YUP, DQED! Unreal. A billion chairshots and Roman looks on orgasmically.
Zelina is out and gets Sasha out. Bel Air is out to carry the load. Dana is out and...hits...a basement dropkick. Michelle is out and hits a faith breaker and then chucks out Dana. Sonya has so much more presence now than she did in her HAIR UP AND SQUARE UP days. She's got the jacket on so she isn't wrestling now - and she's doing commentary instead. Nattie's out and tosses Tamina and almost gets Bianca out but she saves herself.
CAMERON IS OUT. Girl Bye incoming. Sonya destroys her since she's a "friend of Naomi". GIRL BYE and Naomi's out for a brawl. Carmella's out with Corey putting her over huge. WE. JUST. HAD. A HEEL. STALL. Jesus! RHEA'S OUT and does the stomp. Rhea takes out the tag champs with a dropkick before Charlotte comes out to AR stars.
Charlotte runs wild before we get a Scar-Mufasa spot with Naomi and Sonya. Sonya is the face for nixing the annual bullshit and IVORY IS OUT in her RTC getup. Ivory sees LOST GIRLS and she wants to see women. Brie's out and hits forearms. Shocked they didn't refer to Bryan Bella there with the Yes chant. Mickie's out to her Impact theme and with the belt and gets rid of Michelle with a rana to pay off the Piggy James deal. Rhea and Nikki battle and Rhea calls her a twat. FOXY out being amazing! Summer Rae is out to face Nattie. Nattie chucks her and tells her to kiss her ass.
Sarah Logan returns in viking garb and reunites briefly with Liv before getting tossed by the Bellas, who then take Liv out. Lita DDTs Mickie and Corey says now it's Lita's time to make an Impact. Mighty Molly is out. WWE HALL OF FAMER MIGHTY MOLLY! Nikki ASH beats her up on the floor. Molly's chucked out and NOW IT'S RONDA TIME!
Ronda takes out ASH and BRIE TAKES OUT NIKKI BELLA! Shotzi's out and Shayna's the last one out. Ronda takes out Shotzi and Nattie's gone. Nattie gets taken out twice for a NEW WORLD RECORD. The state of Ronda's stomps. Shame she didn't come around in the PRIDE days. Charlotte boots Rhea out. Charlotte takes out Bianca and Shayna - leaving it to Ronda and Charlotte to set up WM. RONDA POINTS!
Becky vs. DouDrop. Long chinlock. Long sleeper. DD avoids a longer sleeper. Another sleeper. Becky armbars her like Ronda before a Rampage bomb. Senton to death by DD. THIS MATCH. WILL NOT END. EVER. Becky eats headbutts. HOW DARE THEY DO A NEARFALL. END! Big Ending by DD gets 2. SUPER MANHANDLE SLAM ends it after 78,239 years!
Brock vs. Lashley is up! Jimmy Smith adds so much to Brock's matches with their MMA backgrounds. He says a lot of guys, like Herring and Carwin wanted to take him to the limit and couldn't. GERMAN BY LASHLEY SENDS LESNAR ON HIS NECK! Lashley is busted up and he eats two Germans. TWO SPEARS TO LESNAR! MORE GERMANS! F5, BUT LASHLEY GETS THE HURT LOCK! Brock chucks Lashley into the ref and then F5S LASHLEY INTO THE REF TOO! ROMAN SPEARS BROCK! Roman demands the belt from Heyman and he belt shots Brock! HEYMAN LEAVES WITH ROMAN AND LASHLEY WINS IT. Well that was a shitty way to win it.
Mixed tag is up. This match needs to be 99% intro, spear, glam slam - over. Maryse runs away and looks great doing it. Miz gets the yes kicks and looks bad doing it. Maryse's thong is by far the best thing about this match and her comedy with Miz. Loaded purse gets 2. WACKY faceoff with Miz and Beth. Beth powerbombs Miz into an Edge flying elbow that is...more Punk than Savage. MARYSE HITS A LITACANRANA TO EDGE and her DDT to Beth. Double spears, double glam slams,and the faces win.
FINALLY Rumble time! AJ comes out and does HBK's pose to tease this 2005 dream match in 2022. Bunch of not much between AJ and Nakamura before Theory comes out. Roode's out and gets a TNA chant with AJ before getting chucked out. RIDGE comes out and HOOKPLEXES AJ after taking out Nakamura. He's also got a modified version of Sheamus' OG theme. Montez is out and then Sami before Johnny Knoxville is around. Everyone beats up Johnny and Sami helluva kicks him out. Omos talks out the Profits and chops Ricochet down with an overhand Khali chop to the chest.
Everyone gangs up on Omos thanks to Gable and AJ's forearm takes out Omos. Corbin takes out Ricochet. Sheamus V triggers AJ. Boogz is out and runs wild with Gable. ONE-ARM PRESS BY BOOGZ TO TAKE OUT GABLE! Moss tosses out Styles. Corbin takes out Boogz. Drew beats up the Happy Folks. BAD BUNNY RUNS WILD and then takes folks out. Shane returns! Poetry in Motion RKO by Riddle. Brock's out and chucks dudes before it comes down to him and Drew. Brock tosses Drew out while Drew looks on sadly.
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