Vamp is on commentary in prepartion for his FUCKIN MUSIC and in a ridiculous outfit.This is some wacky theme music. Really needs Super Porky coming out to Looney Tunes music. The mascots leave and we get a video with Cody. PENTA is in formal wear! Vamp says there are 11 people vying to become king here in this tourney with 9 people announced. Big show-starting Pena-centric celebration.
Vamp is doing commentary in English with the highest-pitched voice man ever. Lady Marievella and Villaino Jr face Nino Burger and Big Mami. "He's like a big, tiny marshmallow and I love him to death!" - go Vamp go. Lady Marievella shakes her ass a bit to fool Burger into loving her. Swanton gets 2 for the heels, and they miss the cover completely. Burger eats a double...something that misses and gets 2 from Villaino. YAY FAT PERSON DIVE! FAT PERSON TOWER OF DOOM! FALLING SOFA SPLASH FOR THE WIN!
Nino Burger takes the heel chick out because he's got a crush on her. Oh how sweet. I like Vamp saying that AAA is big instead of being like Impact and begging for every single fan to like them again. CODY! Cody says he wants to not only bring Mexican talent to AEW, but Omega and Jericho to AAA and Hugo will be their Spanish correspondent. Konnan in a Hawaiian shirt is out with a man dressed like a bull and some mafiosos. As ya do. Konnan says that if you want to formulate a plan, you clear it with him. Okay, Hugo translating KONNAN'S ENGLISH TO CODY is the best thing ever - followed by Cody rolling his eyes.
Konnan's goons attack Cody. I hope Cody isn't waiting for them to play Vamp's FUCKIN MUSIC before he makes a save. Thank God, actual babyfaces save him. Taya says some stuff and is back in her swimsuit gear. "THIS IS THE BIGGEST NEWS IN THE HISTORY OF THE INDUSTRY TO DATE. THIS IS NO LIE!" - Vampiro, 2019. Some of the wrestlers hand out subs to really make them feel like stars and then Vamp talks over the Spanish VO. Chik Tormenta is out looking awesome. Her first opponent Hiedra might as well be named Tits. Now Keyra's out.and then Lady Shani with I guess her daughter. Shani beats Tits for the title with a superbomb in a match with crazy chairshots, a spanish fly off the apron through a table, and other shit.
Faby is out to confront the evil heel ref. A fight has broken out! WHEELBARROW ARMDRAG AND A TILT A WHIRL BACKBREAKER! Taya runs down too.Vamp cuts a promo on GODDAMN EMOJIS! We get a crazy hardcore spot highlight video. YES! Non-union Mexican Shield is here! Taya in her swimsuit gear is so much better than her '91 wacky neon getup on Impact. Daga is back and Tessa is insulting random people on the Twitch chat.
Taya runs wild for a bit before getting hit with a spread eagle shotgun dropkick to the crotch. Well that was new. Taya recovers and stacks 2 up in the corner for rotating elbows and then a spear to the third guy. Daga runs wild with kicks and a flying neckbreaker. Taya hits a back suplex for 2. Air Raid Crash hits for 2. Daga lands an electric chair German for 2. Lider eats a chairshot from Daga and a DVD through a ladder. Wazzup dropkick with a chair to the balls ends it. Heels beat up Taya untiL Faby comes down and they wait a thousand years to block it. If this was truly AAA, they'd have had a staffer help the heels toss Lider off the stage. Taya and Faby shake hands.
The OGTs are out. Vamp pointing out that they could get sued ON THE SHOW WITH ALL THIS MUSIC NOT BEING CLEARED is great. Puma King is called the coolest cat and Drago out to the Halo 2 theme in 2019 is just the best. Pagano is here and now AG is going to sing. Fat Lucha Batman eats a ball shot. TRIPLE CRADLE SPOT. What a...thing this is. Pagano hits a running blockbuster to Fatman. A Puma King powerbomb gets 2. Crazy powerbomb on the EDGE OF A TABLE ON THE FLOOR! Insane powerbomb to the edge of a table and then somehow Pagano does a springboard cutter and lands on his ass like it's a bubba bomb. Pagano and Chessman do...something off the top through a table on the floor. Averno hits a super kneeling angel's wings to win in the safest move of the match. Everyone is either walking hurt or barely moving after being carted out.
PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. THEY ARE PROFESSIONAL LUCHADORS! Now that may be the biggest insult in all of this. "This is hard to watch, but THANK YOU!" Vamp talks about Super Porky being a hero of his but now his sons are doing battle in a cage. Vamp wants them to show Porky not walking anymore. Mamba comes out to face La Mascara. Maximo's out with the AAA flag. JEFF JARRETT IS HERE! YES ! He threatens Super Porky and his walker!
Jeff sells getting goosed and bumps for a near-kiss. Jeff Jarrett can work this style of match until he's 100 - thank God WWE's letting him still work AAA. It's gonna be great when this match ends and Porky kicks Jeff's ass as much as he physically can. He should run him over with a Hover-round. Guitar shots aplenty for Psycho. Jeff leaves and GETS CHOPPED BY PORKY I'm not sure how you win this. Or lose it. Doesn't really matter.
Faby announces her alliance with Taya and then Blue Demon Jr. comes down. Demon says that the world's hottest DILF Dr. Wager Jr. has been ducking him and he'll defend his mask with his life. Then some chicks with nice racks show off a sword that symbolizes greatness or something.
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