Kellogg's is repped by NUTRA-ROCKNY, a generic mulleted man in red who looks like a less-charismatic version of Erik Watts. So he's the Total of wrestling then and it's just Ricky Rice of the Top Guns. Wayne Bloom is out as Hondo the Haymaker. He gets Total thrown at him and then tosses a box full of Cheerio dust at the fans. Or maybe it's Larry Nelson's cocaine. Probably the former. Love the double bicep pose IN A ROBE. Derrick Dukes is out as the other Kellogg's rep - so we have seemingly the Top Guns vs. the Destruction Crew here. The Mills team is led by The General - Colonel DeBeers. DEBEERS ELBOW DROPS A BOX OF CORN FLAKES. By God, he took a bump!
And now a vicious FLURRY OF STOMPS. Hey now, someone has to clean that shit up. Wahoo McDaniel is out as Dr. K. Badd Company is out as the Mills Brothers throwing more cereal around before battle the S & M Team - sales and marketing of course.
An actual director of marketing for Kellogg's comes out for a speech and he's got stand-up comedy. They went to the Hyatt because the offices for General Mills were too cheap. How he grabs a box of Honey Nut Cheerios and throws them aside for the TRULY SUPERIOR HONEY NUT CRUNCH-Os. According to the shirt on one of the front row guys, this event happened on May 1,1989 and it's a Kellogg's sales meeting. So they're just outright using other brands without legal permission - pretty ballsy.
Now he calls out Total Raisin Bran and stomps on it before saying WE'RE GONNA FIGHT THE COMPETITION. WE'RE GONNA FIGHT EM AT THE GROCERY STORE, FIGHT EM AT THE LOADING DOCKS, FIGHT EM IN RESEARCH LABS, AND FIGHT EM TIL HELL FREEZES OVER. AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS, WE'LL FIGHT EM ON THE ICE. It's actually a darn fine promo. He did more to put over Kellogg's cereal than WWE has done to put over the Universal Title in months. Now he cuts a heel promo on Wheaties and Kix, saying it hasn't been good since before he started. Then he kicks the Kix and says they're mad as hell and not gonna take it anymore!
Okay, now it's time for the matches - so I think things have peaked with his heel promo on General Mills. It's Mike Enos against Ricky Rice. Larry Nelson is doing commentary over the house mic. Ricky hits a thump for 2. He hits an okay dropkick and a shitty splash to win. Some guy named Tim cuts a promo on General Mills being idiots for just burying their competition and not building up their own brand...um...yeah this isn't the best show to say that. IT'S TIME TO FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE AND THIS IS WAR! They don't appreciate dirty tactics! They have the GM attack plan and pieced it together with bits of info and other means. They'll be making knock-off with similar names mainly to chip away at competitors. Then he buries their own prior marketing strategies and says the outcome was as predictable as one of the joke wrestling matches. Well, that's fair - stupid as hell, but fair.
Wayne Bloom comes out and says Honey Nut Cheerios are more nutritious! Dukes is out as Mr. O-Ppurtunity. Wayne cheats and gets called out by Larry over the mic, so he says they're all a bunch of liars - look who they work for! DOUBLE AXE HANDLE WITH A BOX OF CHEERIOS, BUT IT DOES NO DAMAGE! Flying shoulderblock wins it.
Wahoo and his giant red singlet are out to face DeBeers. Giant chop takes DeBeers down. Tons of chops from Wahoo and punches from DeBeers. Ref bump and DeBeers hits Wahoo with some knucks. The Kellogg's babyfaces wake up the ref and throw him into the ring where Wahoo wins with a chop.
The EVP of sales Mike Simpson comes down and he adores the wacky nicknames - so I guess he came up with them. Now it's time for the In Your Space tag team trophy. The S&M Team is Greg Gagne and Tom Zenk. Now Greg does blend in far too well with this pack of regular people. Greg eats a boot rake, and the camera exposes no contact being made on anything. Zenk hits a crossbody off the top and wins. Larry Nelson puts over Kellogg's as coming to General Mills' backyard and reigning supreme.
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