F4W Board Watchalong - WWF In Your House 6 - Rage in the Cage

 

Sunny starts us off letting everyone know that the show may be too hot for some. The Bret-Diesel hype video showcases the fear Bret should have against Diesel before Razor comes out to face the Kid in a crybaby match. Kid brings a Razor bear down and tosses it in Razor's face - so Razor does the toothpick toss. Air Pillman gets 1 for Kid. MASSIVE Razor chant starts this off, and they've done little. Missed opportunity for Vince there as he brings up how physical the action is, but doesn't bring up that Razor retired Ted in the WWF - or his role in the Kid-Razor alliance forming in '93. King brings up Razor going grey already and he's locked in a sleeper. Razor lurches towards the ropes and atomic whips him on the rope crotch-first. Love Razor learning from the past and rolling through the...okay almost the same move that beat him in '93. 

SUPER FALLAWAY SLAM BY RAZOR! BABY POWDER TO THE EYES OF THE KID! Razor's Edge ends it! BUT NO, Razor pulls him up! Razor goes to powder the Kid, but hits Ted, who kind of bumps for it. This is the perfect kind of burial in the sense that everyone involved looks like a lesser star for participating in it - so if they're both leaving and you have to put one over, he only gains so much from it. Of course, it really just buries the promotion since just who is this supposed to appeal to? Ray and Sunny are at the Superstar line and we see Jake scare her with the snake earlier. Even in '96, Jake looked like shit. 

HHH is with Elizabeth Hilton with his do-do-de-do theme that has just now oomph to it. He's out to face THE TRASHMAN. Somehow, Duke's debut dark blue and black gear is better than his "newer" gear, which just makes him look like he's about to be in a mid-card battle royal in 2010 on an indy show. King interviews Hunter's girl, who says...things. Duke beats up HHH before HHH dumps him on a backdrop to the floor. This match sure took the crowd down. Jesus. I think a morgue has more life in it. Stop me if you've heard this one before, but this HHH match is plodding along with nothing happening for far too long. "Both Razor Ramon and the 1-2-3 Kid are loaded up..." - I bet! Sure, it's just for the hotline. According to King, the average age of garbage men in '96 is 40 - so about the median age for Rumble contenders here in 2021. Duke hits a falling slam and THE TRASH COMPACTOR, but he gets up! He goes for the can lid, but HHH blams him and wins. THIS WAS BORING - which is much worse than being bad. 

They shill the store and keep the number up a bit longer. Bulldog somehow accidentally legdrops Yoko and eats a superkick and loses on Raw, ending the heel run for him. Yoko cuts a promo in English. They really should've just called Yoko Kokina here since they're going so far away from him being Japanese and he looks like a giant Samoan with the beard. This is the "run into my offense" era of Yoko - and it's really sad to see given how few years he has left in him in hindsight. Yoko bumps Davey around before Davey hits a flying lariat and sends him down. Corner avalanche and a clubbing lariat by Yoko. Logically, why the hell did Yoko pull him from one buckle to the other to do the same thing beyond just getting him into position so Cornette could pull Davey out? Yoko tosses Davey into the post, but Davey avoids an avalanche. Davey hits an axehandle for 2. Samoan drop by Yoko. Belly to belly but Cornette hits him with the raquet for a DQ. 

VADER'S OUT IN STREETH CLOTHES and his gear, as ya do and whoops Yoko's ass. God, Yoko vs. Vader in '93 would've been so fun - and yet three years later, it can't mean anything due to Yoko being so far gone. They cuff Yoko and he slugs back, which is a solid reason to have to explain him being stationary to deal out offense before they take him out with the raquet. That beatdown did get Yoko over as a sympathetic figure and BABYFACE CLARENCE MASON!?

Goldust...fondles his simp for an AOL chat and cuts a silent promo about facing Razor on Raw. HBK concussion video package with the sappy song. Soma'd up HBK video package hypes up MISTER CHARISMA according to Todd as HBK puts his title shot on the line. Owen comes out to face HBK, who puts this over as the biggest match of his life because without he, he can't beat Bret and win the title.  MR. CHARISMA. MR. FLAMBOUYANT! Heck of a formula for the hyperbole. HBK swings down the house set on a swing and falls - and that is one hell of along drop for HBK there.

 

Vince puts HBK over as the most resilient star ever. HBK goes out and then slaps hands with the fans before kissing a middle-aged woman. Owen goes outside and does the HBK bit, only to eat an axehandle. Okay, that's great. I do love the heel trying to out-babyface the face only to get outsmarted because the face does what the heel SHOULD HAVE DONE and kicks his ass. HBK rides him like a surfboard on a dropdown. I wasn't exactly expecting a Toru Yano KOPW match in HBK vs. Owen in  '96, but here we are.

Owen belly to bellys him and stomps the stomach while Vince hypes up Owen in NBA Jam. HBK takes three bumps for a spinning wheel kick and they FINALLY BRING UP OWEN ATTACKING THE HEAD. I would like to see HBK vs. TOGAR THE VOLCANO MONSTER. It couldn't be any goofier than this has been. Powerslam on the floro and a missile dropkick gets 2 for Owen. Owen hits a nice European uppercut in the corner before HBK gets a leg-grabbing reverse rollup for 2. CHARGING LARIAT FROM OWEN. HBK eats the enzuiguri and goes outside and he's KOed.

Owen throws him in for a 2.9 and Vince puts over that he wanted the pinfall. Small character babyface moment there where Owen wants the credibility that comes from a pinfall win. Flying forearm and a BIG STOMP. Slams him for the elbow drop. That really should've been a finish for him given how great it always looked. Superkick ends it and HBK goes onto Mania! HBK dances with a kid who... God bless her, is trying to dance. WM XII hype video gives it movie-style credits. 

Piper shows up as acting President, which I've forgotten. Oh God I hope Piper doesn't forget his lines here. "I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO DAMN BOOKERMAN!" Tremendous. "I AIN'T STOPPING IT UNTIL THERE'S A WINNER!" - so why was Bret surprised at WM XII that the match had to continue? He says he doesn't feel bad for Yoko because he's 650 pounds, but he's too dumb. He calls Vader inbred and calls his mask a jock strap. He won't suspend Vader because that isn't good for his own health - and he says Vader shaves his head like Mr. T and he makes Yoko vs. Vader for WM. Cornette comes in and says he remembers when Piper was big and scary - BUT NOW VADER IS SCARY AND HE'S THE ONLY THING THAT SCARES PIPER. Piper was the Hot Rod, but Vader was hotter and he ran over everyone.

Nash comes out and Vince says he's looking for black gloves - because THOSE are the people he respects. This version of Diesel is the best character work Nash ever did. Diesel touches the top of the cage - which is a fantastic visual. NASH HITS A KNEE. They fight up top where, yes, NASH KNEES HIM! Nash goes to escape, but gets crotched. Bret works the knee over for a few hours. They plod and plod and boy is nothing happening. 

I love Bret in every era and this version of Diesel AS A CHARACTER is good, but this match absolutely sucks. Nash awkwardly does the rope-hung neck hump deal. Bret goes for a sharpshooter, but Nash, fittingly, puts a stop to Bret's attempt at a wrestling hold in this match with a thumb to the eye. Nash goes up to Bret but BRET DOES THE PRECISION ELBOW OFF THE TOP. Amazing how after years of doing that off the second rope, just going another strand up has extra meaning. SPIDER-BRET in the rope.

Diesel boots him on the mat and goes for the door, but Bret grabs him. TAKER COMES OUT UNDER THE RING AND GRABS HIS FOOT! He drags him to hell and Bret climbs out to win - so he sure comes out of this with his nuts cut off. Nash comes out with his pants ripped up showing his knee pad before scurrying out of the cage to escape Taker. Taker goes up top and we get a FLAIR FOR PRESIDENT sign. This match was abysmal, but Taker vs. Diesel was really put over huge.