So minutes before the show, we know it has a Zero Hour thanks to the stream launching on Youtube. This is very much Test Pattern Wrestling even by ROH standards but Mina could leave as an interim TV champ! Blake Christian vs. Jay Lethal starts off Zero Hour and boy is Old Man Jay Lethal weird to see - let alone Guy on an ROH Card Jay Lethal. Blake does a Fargo strut old school rana! Blake misses a 450 and Jay kicks the leg out for a figure 4 but Blake gets lucky off a distraction and a superplex into a Muta lock into a VANILLA CHOKE ZERO WINS IT!
Dark Order vs. THE FRAT HOUSE and I bet Jacked Jameson's dad totally owns a dealership. Uno runs wild from corner to corner and forces the ref to grab WHOTHEFUCKISGRIFFGARRISON'S foot and hits a neckbreaker before JOHNNY HUNGEE TAGS IN! BIG BOOT BY SILVER! Jacked gets tossed by the ref BUT PRESTON ATTACKS THEM WITH HIS PADDLE! NEGATIVE ONE IS GROWN UP! EVIL UNO LARIAT WINS IT! Johnny, Taya and MXM are out and Mansoor talks about their jackets and when they jacket, they jacket together! They debut SEED - the perfume for all these stinky people. Diamante vs. Lady Frost is up. Diamante eats an armdrag and a few knees to the stomach. Cartwheel air raid crash hits for Frost but a draping twist and shout wins it for Diamante. Von Erichs win with a claw and moonsault. STP is backstage to show that they are THEM!
Hechicero is out to face Michael Oku, who gets Evanessence while Hechecero grooves in a way that reminds me of Homer imitating sperm. Oku gets worked into a crossface chickenwing before a backslide gets him 2. High fly flow crossboy gets 2 for Oku and a springboard gets an inverted crossarmbar for Hechicero! HALF CRAB BY OKU! Slingshot into sunset flip ankle bar! HEADSPIKE HITS FOR THE WIN FOR HECHICERO! Adam Priest, Lee Johnson, AR Fox, and Atlantis Jr are up for a 50K four way and Fox wins with a corner snap destroyer!
Pure title is up with Lee Moriarty vs. Blue Panther and we get a hype video with Panther beating him in Mexico. Panther dominates with WACKY LUCHA SUBMISSIONS! Lee uses up TWO ROPE BREAKS! Border City Stretch WINS IT IN THE ROPES BECAUSE BLUE PANTHER IS OUT OF ROPE BREAKS. THIS RULED! BLUE PANTHER PUTS THE BELT ON LEE. Wow! Tag title time with the sons against the infantry.
Wacky Superman intro for Sammy and he has an outfit for Dustin and he's in winter green as the Green Natural. Dustin gets a cannonball and a ball kick and TAYLOR BELTSHOTS HIM! Sammy dives onto Shane! 2 count off the belt! DESTROYER BY DUSTIN! GAMENGURI AND A SPRINGBOARD CUTTER BY SAMMY! Reckoning and the swanton wins it! Dustin's had enough of their shit and wants a Zero Hour match with Shane Taylor! 8MAN TAG IS SET FOR ZERO HOUR! Titan vs. Nick Wayne is up for the TV Title. Kip Sabian crotches Titan after a STRAIGHTJACKET MUTA LOCK nearly wins it and Wayne's World GETS IT. Cage hugs him! Women's 4 way is up!
Velvet's "life had other plans" line is so true and she's coming out for commentary. MINA DIVE but THE MAGICAL GIRL DIVES! EVIL YUKA DOES A CORNER ROPE CHOKE! DDT KNEEBREAKER COMBO ON MIYU AND YUKA! Figure 4 to Miyu leads to a magical girl splash to break it up! DRAGON SCREW BY MINA AND THE FIGURE FOUR into a figure 8 WINS IT! Rosa vs. Athena is up. Athena works the hurt back with a back suplex on the apron and a uranage on the barricade. Shoulder breaker, eat defeat and double stomp to Athena gets 2! Athena yells at the ref that she's leaving and doesn't give a fuck and Billie jumps Rosa. CHOKESLAM OFF THE RAMP THROUGH A TABLE! AVALANCHE LIGERBOMB GETS 2 FOR ATHENA OFF A RANA! Side surfboard gets the tap for Athena!
Bandido vs. Takeshita is up! Takeshita and the DCF are cheating like hell and Bandido is all bloodied up and he almost gets counted out at 18! Poison rana by Bandido! Angels wings gets 2 for Bandido! Pumpking knee and a spinning backfist knocks out Takeshita! 21 PLEX IS FLIPPED OUT OF! 21 PLEX GETS 2.9! Flash sunset gets 2.9! 21 PLEX TURNED INTO THE CRUNCHY TOMBSTONE AND THE WHEELBARROW SUPLEX. RAGING FIRE GETS 1! Forearm of death is met with a cradle after the raging fire and the win for Bandido. THIS WAS INCREDIBLE! Hechicero is up next for Bandido!
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