Tuesday, July 26, 2016

WWE SmackDown 7-26-16

Shane and Bryan walk through the building to hype up giving folks chances. Bryan's theme and YES bit are a great way to start a show off - they get you hyped for the show, especially if you're in the building. Shane talks about how Backlash will be the first SD-only PPV on 9/11 and how they need to find Dean an opponent for Summerslam. The roster is on the apron, including Eva. Bryan announces a 6 pack challenge for the title shot...I have no off-hand recollection of what that match is.

Cena is first, then Bray, then Dolph, then Baron, then AJ, with the sixth person being open to the winner of a battle royal. Goddamn what a clusterfuck this is. Bray's new leather-heavy look is something. Buncha goofs beat up Kane in the corner, leading to "THIS IS HOW YOU START OUT SMACKDOWN LIVE!" Poor Otunga. Goddamn, the state of this roster just STARTING in the battle royal is astonishingly low. Mauro still going with "on Uso!" because he can't tell them apart. Not much going on here. Kalisto hits a spike rana to Zack and gets tossed by Kane. Kane tosses out Kalisto and Crews low-bridges Kane to win. Crews gets a chance to get a chance at the title! He cuts a generic happy promo with Renee. 30 minutes in and they've yet to really remind us of what a six pack challenge is. Becky vs. Nattie is next.

SHELTON HYPE VIDEO! Dolph with another "NOW it is MY TIME" promo. Nice basic wrestling to start the match off. Dropkick by Becky sends her to the floor. Otunga says a billion generic phrases while JBL rambles. THIS COMMENTARY IS AWFUL. Mauro has 550 pounds of weight holding him down now. Abdominal stretch by Nattie. Hiptoss by Becky and then a flying legdrop gets 2. Release German by Nattie gets 2. Sharpshooter turned into the armbar, countered into the discus lariat for 2. Disarmor wins it! Really fun match - good one, but it couldn't hold a candle to last night's match. Love the post-match interviews. She says she's Becky Balboa and then Alexa comes down! She says a few things before Naomi comes down and then Carmella says her deal. It's not over because SHE'S A NEW ACT and then Eva gets a giant star intro. THE ETERNALLY-BEGUILING EVA MARIE! Eva shows off her body and that's it...wow.

Maryse walks backstage with Miz. Baron says he isn't winning the match for mom, dad, or anyone else but him. After the break, Maryse introduces him...for MizTV. Jesus. And he's going to interview himself. Mick did that in 2009 and it was awful - and Miz is no Mick Foley. Orton comes down and JBL lets out one of his funniest lines in ages. "I have a feeling Brock is watching SmackDown Live now!" Orton says that Miz was great out here and is clearly an expert at playing with himself. Miz talks about Orton being "You're like the Blair Witch Project! A relic from 1999? Orton says he kills legends, and Brock is a legend. Orton says his first match back doesn't need to be Brock - it could be here... Miz says Orton just can't come in and get an IC Title shot and Orton says he doesn't need the title to be on the line. Night one of the new era and the IC Title is already something main eventers would like to avoid.  Orton asks Miz who does the pitching and catching in their relationship, and Maryse accepts the match.

Orton is downright pale and his tattoos look much darker than before. Miz dominates the arm and boots him. So is Miz a geek or a serious threat? Because booking him as both in a single show doesn't work. RKO hits. After a billion years of setup, a second RKO wins it.
American Alpha hype video. Heath runs down and beats up a guy who is just standing in the ring for a match. He cuts a promo and wants a "sign Heath Slater" chant, and gets one. Shane tells him to give him his resume and Heath plugs the Network and says he was the brains behind Nexus, the Corre, 3MB, and the Social Outcasts and all he wants is a chance. Shane...is against this despite saying SD is about doing just that and then Rhyno gores him. Well, good for Rhyno for getting back onto the main roster. MAURO BRINGS UP RHYNO BEING NWA CHAMPION! AJ cuts an inset promo pissed about The Club being gone and having to earn his chance at the title.
Bray cuts a promo saying he is still the eater of worlds and he'll have the whole world in his hands. It's 9:35 and everyone gets an intro. This match is going like 15 minutes if they don't give SD an overrun. The six-pack challenge is...I think elimination? Maybe one fall ends it. Not sure, and they've never bothered explaining it or showing clips of past ones. After several exciting seconds of action, we go to a break. Bray and AJ bully Crews for a bit. AJ hits a springboard 450 to Bray. Crew hits a giant flip bump German to AJ! Double tower of doom...well, that's stupid. AA to AJ gets 2. AA to Baron, and AJ hits the forearm to send Cena out but Dolph pins AJ with a superkick. Well, that was unexpected. Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler, in a match with no personal grudge is why SD is the A show according to Otunga. Fuck off. Everyone stares down and kills time. 

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