Greatest Royal Rumble 2018

WWE has hyped this show up more than anything outside of a 'Mania card in years - and the card itself is pretty stacked. The Greatest Royal Rumble itself has 50 people in it, including free agents like Rey, while Roman battles Brock in what should be an interesting match if only for what it meanst he future holds for Brock. With him not entering the USADA testing pool, I don't think he's going back to UFC until at least that happens - but Dana is so gung-ho that Brock is back in due time that it has to be a matter of when and not if he comes back unless Brock is playing him for a fool. With GRR, I'll be able to cover some of it live and some after I get back from work - so let's at least cover whatever can be covered live. The pre-show panel is outside, which  looks odd, but cool.

The pre-show has a ton of needless talking and a great Nakamura-AJ hype video. AJ is interviewed and Booker calls him "Shinsuke". Wow. An oustanding hype video for Brock vs. Roman sets up the main event before Heyman comes in and says Roman has no chance against Brock. Heyman hypes him up as the only man to survive five F5s and says that Brock is a former and future UFC Champion. JR hypes Brock as the best cage fighter ever - so while they didn't tell the UFC-side of the story before the show, they're selling it now. Weird. Booker does a terrible Macho Man impression while they show off the GRR trophy. NOW we get HHH vs. Cena hype, right on the pre-show. I like that now, on the Kickoff, we get the beginning, middle, and end of the build for HHH vs. Cena's final match.

 The show starts off with a singing of both the Saudia Arabian and US national anthems. REST IN MACHKA! These videos are almost identical to the WWE All-Stars game where they just copy and paste audio clips to make a feud. The commentary team talks about the nation's 2030 diversity plan  before HHH and Cena come out to work the opener. So beyond being the King of Kings, HHH is also The Creator - so he's Jesus and God. HHH slaps ahnds with fans while Cena comes out with kids dressed as him. HHH shoves down Cena while Cole rattles off WWE Facts - including HHH apparently now going in WM 22 as WWE Champion.

Cena wins a tie-up so they go for a slow knuckle lock. HHH slugs away and tosses Cena into the corner. HHH gets a sleeper! Cena escapes and get the tackle. HHH rolls out of the protobomb and lands a lariat. HHH hits the facebuster for 2. HHH gets the "you can't see me" fistdrop for 2. HHH gets a powerbomb for 2. Cena locks on the STF, but HHH gets close to the ropes and then HHH kicks him off and spinebusters him for 2. They treade finishers and HHH turns an AA into a sunset flip for 2. HHH is locked into the STF, but turns it into the crossface. Cena hoists him up for an AA and hits it! Corner slingshot into another AA for the win.

Cena talks about not missing GRR for anything. He thanks them for their unmatched hospitality and all of the people in the building to be a part of it. The terrible Best of Both Worlds video airs - which at least the Bar is good in. Cole gives us some tourism info about Jeddah. The Arabic announce team is shown before the cruiserweight title match. EVEN THE LU-CHA BIT GETS OVER. Well slightly. Cole puts over how great Cedric looked against Kota Ibushi in the CWC. Kalisto dives into Cedric on the floor. Cedric hits a flip dive. Basement rana by Kalisto leads to a tornado DDT for 2. A slingshot spanish fly hits for 2 for Kalisto. Things get crazy-sloppy at the end, with a Kalisto rana going all wonky and the SDS being countered into a kinda-lumbar check. 

"The Raw tag titles are vacant because Braun Strowman won the titles witn a ten year old boy, who had to go to school!" Raw Tag Title match is up. Matt gets zero reaction, but Bray's firefly deal is over. Cole buries the Woken stuff  Cesaro works Matt over on the mat. Cesaro boots Bray off the apron and gets cradled for 2. Bray tags in to greatly increase the pace of this and bodyblocks Cesaro for 2. Bray is so much more exciting than Matt Hardy, and this match is still struggling to get into first gear. Bray avoids the brogue with a spider walk. Sister Abigal hits! Wheelbarrow Twist ends it and the Deleters of Worlds win the titles. Cesaro darting backstage with Sheamus on his back in a fireman's carry was a great visual.

The US Title silliness is recapped before Jeff comes out in a new black and copper bodysuit. Jinder has a bit of a belly on him tonight. His week to week physique changes are something else. Jinder slugs away, but Jeff sends him outside with a dropkick. Jeff does sa barricade...sprinty walk lariat. YES! A LONG JINDER CHINLOCK! Whisper in the Wind misses completely, which flusters the commentators when Jinder sells it anyway. Twist and a swanton end it. Mid-show pre-show stuff airs and then we get a Jeddah hype video. A guy named Mike interviews Chris Jericho about possibly winning not only his first Royal Rumble, but THE GREATEST ROYAL RUMBLE. He mocks Mojo Rawley and KO. Jericho says that Tom is still trying to say he isn't Tom. Bryan Rumble interview.

SD Tag Title match is up with the Usos out first to no reaciton. Cole hypes up that the last time an SD-exclusive tag title changed hands outside of the US was when Deuce and Domino beat Londrick. Okay, the 205 guys at least had A chant. This match will get nothing. Rowan dominates with an atomic noogie while Cole says that Sarge is dead. Whoops. Apron PK to Rowan and a crossbody to Harper gets 2. Giant Uso splash gets 2. Rowan kicks one down on the floor before bowling another over on the floor. Double corner charge and the Blugeon bomb end it. BOO!

IC Title ladder match history is recapped. Seth's BURN IT DOWN is over huge, and he's back in his black and neon yellow Tron getup. SAUDI VISION 2030 HYPE TIME! Miz's movies could be screened on their theaters, which would then be coincidentally demolished. Miz gets above-arena pyro for some reason. No rainbow gear for Balor. Seth and Joe go at it to play off their feud last year. Joe hits the corner enzuiguri. Double blockbuster to Miz and Joe. Seth hits a dive into Finn and sends him into the Arabic table before he dives onto Miz on the other isde. Balor dives on the pile. Joe drop toeholds Seth onto the ladder.

Balor trips Joe up onto a ladder and double-stomps him! Seth and Baor fight on the ladder, but Miz and Joe knock them down onto the ropes. Joe goes to toss Balor into a ladder in the corner, but it falls - so he just slams him on it. Tower of Doom with Joe doing a powerbomb to Seth while he superplexes Balor. Finale on the ladder to Joe! Miz gets knocked onto a ladder DOUBLE STOMP OFF THE TOP ONTO THE MIZ ON A LADDER! Seth springboards to the ladder, runs runs up  and grabs the belt right while Balor is next to it.  Balor's eye is all split up. Fun match. WWE Performance Center in Saudi Arabia hype time. Four of them get mid-ring time before Shawn and Ariya Daivari come down waving the Iranian flag. The trainees get a slam in.

Nakamura is out grooving to his revamped theme. AJ's out in his Mania gear and we get a pretty clean match until Nakamura clips the knee. SHIN catches him with a knee to the jaw on the apron. AJ gets the ushiguroshi! AJ locks on the calf crusher, but SHIN gets the rope. New Japan forearm exchange and Nakamura hits a low blow for 2.9 - thanks to AJ making it to the rope. AJ and Nakamura brawl outside for a double countout. AJ dives onto him and leaves him laying.

Rusev is out to face Taker in what may be Taker's final casket match and final non-Mania match. Shoulder tackles and old school hit for Taker. Rusev is tossed onto the casket and he darts away. Taker hits the apron legdrop, but Rusev gets him down and he kicks away. Taker wins a slugfest, but Rusev takes Taker down with the Accolade. Chokeslam and Rusev is tossed into the casket. English eats a chokeslam and a tombstone. Both Rusev and English are in the casket and Taker wins it.

Roman vs. Brock isn't up last - which is quite a surprise. German! German! TWO MORE GERMANS! F5! Okay, this has to be either comedy or Brock has re-signed again. Two Superman punches! Three! This is literally a video game match. They fight up top and Brock elbows him down. Spear! Roman goes to leave, so Heyman smacks the cage into his face and an F5 gets 2. Brock gets a chair and takes his gloves off, but he eats another spear for 2.9. Roman spears Brock through the cage on the side, and the panel breaks. So Brock retains the title - but Roman truly beat him. Oh lordy. Roman is so doomed - he beat himself in this one!

Dolph and Bryan start off the Rumble. Sin Cara is out and eliminated quickly. Axel is 4. Mark Henry comes out of retirement for this. Henry takes Axel out and Bryan and Dolph team up against him. Mike comes out to no reaction and new trunks. Henry just eliminates him and it might be a new record. Hiroki Sumi waddles down and is going toe to toe with Henry. Henry tosses him out. Bryan and Dolph toss Henry out. Viktor is out and hits a flying knee off the top. Bryan eliminates Viktor with a pumphandle on the arm over the top.

Kofi, Tony Nese, and Dash do not a whole lot. Dash has good chemistry with Bryan. Swoggle returns and helps get rid of Dash. Swoggle hits a celtic cross on Kofi and goes for a tadpole splash - but Dolph superkicks him. Nese hits the knee strike and ends his run. Primo and Xavier are out with little happening. Kofi hangs onto Woods to avoid being eliminated. Kofi dives off of Woods and they do the NEW DAY ROCKS bit before Nese joins in and they're gobsmacked and toss him out.

Bo is out and Kurt comes in. GERMANS TO EVERYONE! Bo is gone, Primo is gone, but Dolph superkicks him. Dolph gets belly to bellied to the floor! Dawson comes down before Goldust - who is in this 13th Rumble. Corey puts over how ageless he is and how fast he is. Konnor is out to do nothing. ELIAS is out and gets a huge WALK WITH ELIAS chant. Gallows sluts it out with Dawson before Bryan and Kurt go at it. Yes kicks are met with an ankle lock! ANGLE SLAM TO BRYAN! This is so great. Elias takes out Kurt! Rhyno and Drew Gulak are out doing very little.

Tucker is out to no reaction, but he gets rid of Drew. Bobby Roode is 25, then Fandango and then Gable. Rey is out and Byron acts like he's a surprise...after saying he'd be in the Rumble earlier. Rey's green and white gear looks dreadful. Rey ranas Luke out. Mojo is out and gets rid of Dango and then Breeze. Big E is out and then Apollo. Gable is tossed out and hits hard head-first. Roderick Strong is out and introduced as an NXT Tag Champion. BACKBREAKERS FOR EVERYONE! He hits a nasty one to Rey and then lands a double knee gutbuster to E. Roddy gets rid of Rhyno with a knee.

BRYAN VS. RODDY! Orton's out. RKO OUTTA NOWHERE TO CREWS! Mojo jsut gets chucked out. Babatunde is out and gigantic. He hits early '80s giant offense. Bryan and Roddy's chop exchange took a massive toll on Bryan, who is all marked up. Big Bad Baron is out. Titus tried to slide into the ring, but he trips and slides under the ring to the amusement of the commentators. This will be on Vince's highlight reel for ages and Titus will get a job for life out of it. Cole says that could be the greatest moment in Rumble history.

Dan Matha comes running down all weirdly. Heath is out and beaten up. BRAUN IS HERE! Braun tosses Babatunde out and then Matha. Everyone eats boots and E is taken out. Heath has a chance. Nope - he tosses him over the top. Everyone gangs up on Braun, including Tye, who getts tossed around. Titus gets tossed out and then Tye. 619 to Braun! RKO! Baron tosses Rey, who sticks around only to get punched off the apron. Orton takes out Baron, but Elias gets rid of him! Hawkins is out and tries to run away to no avail. Lashley's out and Bryan darts around on both guys with dropkicks.

Khali comes down and may get in the ring by the end of the day. Poor guy can really barely move now. Khali chops Lashley, Bryan, and Braun! Lashley and Braun toss him out thankfully. KO comes out and powerbombs Bryan. Bryan makes history as the longest-running Rumble wrestler so far at an hour and five minutes. Shane and Bryan team up on Bryan with the yes kicks. SHANE KNOCKS BRAUN DOWN WITH A PUNCH COMBO AND SPINNING BACK ELBOW. Jesus.

Shelton's out, but he makes the mistake of messing with SHANE THE SHOOTER. Dragon whip to Shane. Step-up knee in the corner to Lashley. KO says they have to get rid of Braun and so they team up untl Big Cass returns. Jericho is out at 50. Bryan kicks away at KO in the corner and then hitting a hesitation dropkick. Shane goes for the Van Terminator, but Braun grabs him and chokeslams him from the top through the announce table. Cass tosses guys out and then gets rid of Bryan. Cass misses a boot and Braun tackles him out to win the Rumble. Vince presents him with the trophy and a big green belt. What a surreal night.