SummerSlam 1989

 

Tony Schiavone and Jesse start the show off and just Tony being in the WWF feels like a mind trip. We get a quick montage of guys doing their finish and summer activities. God, what an efficient way to get your stars over. Hart Foundation is out first to face the Brain Busters. They're in their mostly-pink getup while the Busters are out with no music just jogging to the ring. This is basically an NWA vs. WWF tag match given that their act is similar enough to what it was before. Tony asks why the tag titles aren't on the line and Jesse logically says that is signed before the Busters won the titles - I dig it. 

Bret works great with Arn and Arn moves well around Jim. Corner punches to the arm and stomach by Bret. Heels go to cheat for a tag by being on the bottom rope BUT THE REF DOESN'T ALLOW IT. By God, a smart ref! Bret and Tully work a hammerlock for a while and Bret brings Jim in with a tackle. BRET'S WORKING PUNCHES ARE UNREAL! Arn's selling Bret's punches bit bit bit is great. Tully ducks down and Bret grabs the leg and boots the belly! Arn facelock into a Tully elbow to the back gets 2. Arn takes Jim down and gets pressed out leading to Arn looking shocked. Do-see-do bit but Bret Hart attack lariats Tully on the way down! Slingshot by Jim to Tully and Jim slams Bret onto Tully, but ARN DOUBLE AXEHANDLES BRET ON THE GROUND AND THE BUSTERS WIN IT! 

Dusty cuts a promo on Honky saying he can't sing, he can't dance and Dusty's a better dancer. Dusty milking AN ELBOW TO THE ARM to mess with Honky's hair and then finally getting the elbow. This is basically a Memphis match on WWF TV. Dusty dominates in the corner but eats a megaphone shot for 2. Dusty escapes a headlock with elbows, but drops to a knee to the gut. Long chinlock by Honky. DUSTY COMESBACK WITH CLUBBERIN' but HTM tosses Dusty into the ref. Jimmy goes to hit Dusty with the guitar, but bonks Honky and Dusty elbows him to win. This was tremendous!

HTM cuts a wacky concussed promo as Elvis saying he needs to find a stage. Perfect is out with NO INTRO to face THE FUCKING RED ROOSTER. Bit of brawling to no reaction. Dropkick by Hennig to no reaction. Perfect plex wins to nothing. That's how you take two three and a half/four-star guys a year before here in the case of Taylor and a year after in Hennig and  present them in a one and a half-MAYBE two star way. 

Rude and his perm cut a promo on Warrior. Rockers and Tito are out to face Martel and the Rougeaus, 

with Martel being on ALL THE STEROIDS HERE. Faces send the heels packing on the floor after tossing them around for a bit. Marty gets double-teamed in the corner before Martel does some hopping and is grateful to not tear every muscle in his leg. Martel chokes Tito and we get some amazing heel work on Marty.  I love HBK coming in to tattle on hand-holding only for Ray to slug Marty a few times for good measure just to be a dick. HBK gets the hot tag and runs wild! Martel ducks for a backdrop, but eats a suplex! Martel slugs Marty off a rolling reverse cradle to Jacques and the heels win! This was fun!

Rude vs. Warrior hype video shows off their extensive history before Rude's out in gear with Warrior's face on it. Warrior is shot like SUCH A MEGASTAR. Goddamn - when they wanted to and just tried, guys could get over so easily. Rude works his ass off and bumps to the floor for a press slam IN THE EARLY GOING. GONSO BOMB BY RUDE! Rude eats a piledriver and then gets one but Piper moons him and he eats a German off the rope. Warrior hits his press/splash combo and wins the IC Title for the second time.

PIPER IS ON ALL THE COCAINE!Garvin is here as an announcer for something.

Rude is pissed and says Piper just showed off his ASS-K Bobby! Duggan and the Demos face off with Andre and the Twin Towers and Andre. Andre can't do much and we get a legit Twin Towers sign pre-match. Yikes. Not much to this, but the visual of Duggan with the mask, the board painted up AND THE BOARD HAVING ITS OWN FLAG was great. 

Greg's out and gets insulted by Ron Garvin to face Herc. Greg cheats to win with the rope and then Ronnie announces Herc as the winner in his book then says he won by DQ and...maybe he did? Whatever. He eats a shot. Garvin gets the same payday and only has to take one bump - and gets to show how entertaining a promo he could be. This was a big win of an act for him. Savage, Zeus, and Sherri cut a wacky coked-up promo with Gene and a CAULDRON. I guess they stole that from Gargamel as he was plotting the doom of the Smurfs. Tony says that what they've got in there can clear out sinuses - I bet a lot of things backstage can clear out sinuses. 

Ted is out to face Snuka, who is in zebra-print gear and misses a leapfrog a bit - but not by a lot given that he's about 47 here. Ted misses the elbow. They brawl. Brawl more. Brawl on the floor, and Snuka gets counted out on the floor. WHAT THE FUCK!? Snuka gets his heat back beating up Virgil. Gorgeous dive - awful person and all. CRAZY coked-up cauldron promo by the heel team. Then another from the faces. 

ASTOUNDING amounts of filler here - but it's a Zeus match, so that's probably for the best. Hogan slugs Zeus, who no-sells and clubs before a big bearhug. Savage and Brutus go at it and the high knee gets 2. SLEEPER TO SAVAGE! Hogan suplexes Savage outside-in, BUT AS WE SAW WITH WARRIOR-RUDE, THAT COULD END IT - but it doesn't here. SAVAGE HITS THE ELBOW AND HOGAN JUST GETS UP. Oh fucking hell. Loaded purse hits Zeus, slam, big leg faces win and enjoy the coke. This was not good - but delivered what it needed to.