Monday, September 14, 2015

WWE Raw 9-14-15

Recap of Statuegate. I hope HHH talks about how Sting couldn't beat him and how Seth isn't half the man he is. HHH and Steph pose next to the Connor's Cure sign on the ramp. WHY ISN'T KING A COMMENTATOR IN MEMPHIS INSTEAD OF BYRO-BOT? Steph and HHH exposited with WWE buzzwords. Steph and HHH exposit using endless WWE Words for 20 minutes. Sting is wrestling on Raw with no hype. And ratings are down?! Sting vs. The Giant - vintage Nitro! HHH does the DX ntro to be both the top heel and face in one segment. New gear for New Day and NEW DANCE FOR XAVIER! Steph is doing the Elaine dance and HHH is clapping. Oh my.

Great start with Xavier distracting the ref with the trombone so Kofi could trip DY, and then going OH MY, DA-RREN WHAT HAPPENED TO DA-RREN! XAVIER PLAYED THE PINK PANTHER THEME WHILE E SNUCK UP! GREATNESS! Such a super-fun match here, and the right team wins with cheating. New Day dances gloriously after the win and Dudleys come out to cut a promo that can't be heard over the commentary. Well, there's also the trombone and New Day's theme too.

HHH and Steph congratulated themselves over their dancing and Seth said that Sheamus will take out Cena while Show takes out Sting. Paige is out wearing the This is My House shirt over her ass. There's a home invasion joke in there somewhere. Great little match here to start. Lots of arm work by Sasha. They yammer on about "the sports world" with women before Cole talks about the "sports entertainment world". Paige takes Sasha to suplex city with a German sending her to the floor. They cut this way short and only do one big spot after that - a somersault senton that missed via a huge telegraph and then Sasha gets the backstabber and the win. Good while it lasted, but too short.
 Connor video package is great for him, but really came off as WWE putting themselves over and of course, HHH and Steph were out of character for it. Cena's out, then Sheamus. This is a perfectly functional matches that is eliciting zero emotions from me. They mixed things up a tad by having Cena do the chest clubs to Sheamus. So one of Sheamus's signature moves...powered Cena up and allowed him to hit his finisher? Wow.

Owens-Ryback recap from SD. Ryback sings a bit and in the middle of his promo, JBL yells about Ryback singing because I guess Vince yelled to do it. Owens came out with The Secret, and he says he can read better than Ryback can - and he feels sorry for him. He misses a book kick, so he throws it in Ryback's face. Ryback says that Owens's story is inspirational - and it is, and they've never told it.
 Stardust is out with his new cape to team with his goons against Neville and the Lucha Dragons. Faces runs wild for a minute before the goon drag Stardust away for a countout. Wow. Nikki promo video makes it clear that Nikki is a heel...for at least this segment.


Charlotte comes out with her pals - ditto Nikki. So now Cole, the face, is backing up the heel argument. How odd. Nikki works over the arm for a bit before an ad break. After more arm work and some asscrack reveals from Nikki, Charlotte beats Brie to beat Nikki. VINTAGE UNCENSORED '95 - only instead of Hogan beating Flair to beat Vader, Charlotte beat Brie to beat Nikki. Well, that's out they got Cena to agree to the loss I guess. Steph talks about "The integrity of the divas division"
So will this now be made into a gravy bowl match? Steph gives Charlotte the DQ. This was crushing, and great as a story. Steph gives Charlotte her already-scheduled NoC match, but with a catch - a DQ will give Charlotte the title. So are Steph and HHH officially faces now or what? Charlotte's reactions worked for that finish. Legit didn't notice she had all that bling on her face until the post-match though.
Dolph vs. Rusev is announced for the PPV. They talk about MORE LAYERS OF EMOTIONS! There are like no layers in this thing at all. It's a bad high school drama with worse acting than High School Musical. Rusev's out to kill Cesaro. Cesaro wins after some chants in his direction, a Dolph distraction, and after some cool spots.

A new Connor's Cure video airs, and it's Team Bella heavy right after they were heels...I think. Wacky heel meeting in the back before Show-Sting. Amazing that we're seeing Sting's first match on Raw...and it got a whole 2 1/2 hours of build. Sting runs wild for a bit before Seth comes down to attack. Sting eats a beating, but Cena saves him. HHH turns it into a HOLLA HOLLA TAG MATCH PLAYA!

They do stuff for a while and tease IF CENA CAN SLAM SHOW. Sting got the hot tag and ran wild on Seth. He got the death drop, the deathlock and the win! So yeah, Seth's losing the US Title, but retaining the WWE Title at the PPV.

Screens -

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